Original subtitles

( birds twittering )

( phone ringing )

( kids chattering, playing )

( car horn blares )

( phone ringing )

Man on phone: Anna! Anna, are you there?

Anna, don't you play this game with me.

I've had enough of this.

You are supposed to be there in half an hour.

Anna, this is your last chance.

Now, I am going to count to three.

Understand? - ( Anna groaning )

Man: One! Do you hear me, Anna?

Two! You better pick up, Anna!

- HELLO? - Man: Anna?! Wake up!

- HELLO? - MaHello?!

- ( Anna groans ) - You haven't left yet?!

- DON'T YELL AT ME, SAM. - Don't you know what day this is?!

- I KNOW. TODAY'S THURSDAY. What is happening to you?

I THOUGHT YESTERDAY WAS TUESDAY.

- Today is today. - NO, I MEAN, I THOUGHT TOMORROW WAS THURSDAY.

Today! Today! You're supposed to be there...

- I DIDN'T FORGET. - ...IN HALF AN HOUR!

- Will you hurry?! - I SAID I DIDN'T FORGET.

( phone dings )

NO, I-- I DIDN'T FORGET. I-- I JUST DIDN'T KNOW

- THAT TODAY WAS TODAY. - ( kids chattering, playing )

- Sam: Yes, today is today! - OF COURSE I'M COMING.

I COME RIGHT AWAY. I BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES.

- 20 MINUTES! - ( slams phone down )

AnnSHIT!

( water running )

( seagulls cawing )

( trinkets clatter )

( toilet flushes )

( all chatter )

HELLO.

( women chattering )

Anna: EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

SORRY SORRY.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

"SEVEN WOMEN OF DIFFERENT AGES"-- AM I AT THE RIGHT PLACE?

- ANNA RADKOVA. - LAST OF THE OLDER ONES IS HERE.

YOU MADE IT. COME ON IN. LET'S GO.

WON'T NEED THAT SCRIPT.

THE DIRECTOR CHANGED HIS MIND.

TODAY WE ARE IMPROVISING. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

SO WE WENT TO FLORIDA.

I DON'T REMEMBER WHY WE WENT TO FLORIDA.

OH YEAH, I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE SUN.

THAT WAS IT. YEAH, IT'S SUNNY IN FLORIDA.

ANYWAY, I WAS ALREADY UP TO MY THIRD DIVORCE,

SO I WASN'T EXPECTING ANYTHING LIKE THIS.

YOU KNOW, AS KIND OF A COUP DE FOUDRE

LIKE THE FRENCH SAY.

THAT MEANS "LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT."

ANYWAY, ON THE SECOND DATE, WE WENT SWIMMING.

AND I WAS SO NERVOUS THAT...

I RIPPED ALL THE BUTTONS ON MY CLOTHES.

I FELT LIKE MY BODY WAS WHITE, YOU KNOW,

LIKE A FISH'S BELLY

BECAUSE HIS BODY

WAS SMOOTH AND TAN

AND YOUNG.

HE SAID HE ONLY LIKED COURAGEOUS WOMEN.

SO EVEN THOUGH

I CAN'T SWIM

AND EVEN THOUGH I'M TERRIFIED OF HEIGHTS,

I CLIMBED TO THE TOP

OF THE HIGH DIVE...

AND I LOOKED DOWN.

THE SWIMMING POOL WAS SO SMALL.

IT WAS UNBELIEVABLY FAR AWAY.

AND HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO IT, WAVING AT ME.

SO I-- I CLOSED MY EYES

AND I HELD MY NOSE

AND I-- I JUMPED.

( loud crash )

( woman whimpers )

- ( all chattering ) - ( woman laughs )

- LADIES, PLEASE-- - LADIES LADIES LADIES, PLEASE!

SHE'S OKAY. SHE'S OKAY.

BORIS, PLEASE TAKE THE LADIES UPSTAGE.

JUST TAKE IT EASY. - Boris: PLEASE, YOU'RE NOT GONNA HER DO ANY GOOD

BY STARING AT HER. WE HAVE PEOPLE THAT WILL HELP HER.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. PLEASE.

FRANKIE, GET HER OUT OF HERE QUICKLY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NOW WHO HAVEN'T WE USED IN THIS-- OH!

THE LADY IN THE PINK SWEATER. WOULD YOU COME FORWARD PLEASE?

- Woman: MMM. - MaYES, YOU DEAR.

THAT'S IT. AND THE OLDER WOMAN IN WHITE.

YES. RIGHT THERE, BORIS. PLEASE COME FORWARD.

LADY IN BLACK WITH THE BLOND HAIR.

UH, YOUNG GIRL WITH THE PIGTAILS,

- WILL YOU STEP FORWARD PLEASE? - Boris: HURRY UP.

- YES AND THE-- WHICH ONE? - LADY IN THE BLACK WITH--

THE LADY IN BLACK, THE OLDER--

OLDER LADY IN BLACK. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. NOW I'LL JUST STEP DOWN

AND WE'LL BEGIN.

UH, LADIES, ATTENTION PLEASE.

WHAT WE WANT TO DO IS IMPROVISE.

WE WANT THE MOST INTIMATE DETAIL OF YOUR LIFE.

THE MOST SEXUAL MOMENT YOU CAN YOU CAN EVER--

SENSUAL MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE.

THE, UH-- THE MOST SENSUAL MOMENT

OF YOUR LIFE.

NOW, WHEN I SAY "A," LADY IN PINK,

UH, WHEN I SAY "B"-- THE OLDER WOMAN IN WHITE, UH--

Man: WHEN I SAY "C," YOU GO.

RIGHT AND WHEN I SAY "D"-- YOUNG GIRL IN PIGTAILS, ALL RIGHT?

AND... "A"!

WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT MY ELEVATOR MAN WAS REALLY CUTE

AND I-- I KNOW HE LIKED ME TOO

'CAUSE HE ALWAYS USED TO WHISTLE AT ME

WELL, ONE TIME HE WAS PINCHING MY CHEEK, HIS HAND SLIPPED

AND HIS FINGER WENT IN MY MOUTH AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE--

( giggling ) YEAH! 'CAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW IF-- IF--

STOP IT! I DIDN'T KNOW IF I SHOULD-- IF I SHOULD SUCK IT OR, LIKE, LICK IT

OR WHATEVER. SO I BIT IT!

AND I THOUGHT HE'D BE REALLY ANGRY AT ME AND EVERYTHING,

- BUT HE WASN'T, HE TOLD ME-- - UH, "B"!

I WENT INTO THIS EXPENSIVE LINGERIE SHOP.

AND I BOUGHT MYSELF THIS BLACK LACE BRA

AND THIS BLACK LACE BIKINI

AND LITTLE HOLES CUT OUT HERE AND HERE AND OVER HERE, YOU SEE?

THERE WERE THESE TWO MEN WATCHING ME--

A TALL MAN WITH GRAY HAIR, VERY ELEGANT

AND HIS COMPANION, A SHORTER MAN, A DARK MAN.

AND THEY FOLLOWED ME OUT OF THE SHOP.

AND THEY WENT WITH ME TO THE SEX BOUTIQUE NEXT DOOR

WHERE I WAS BUYING LITTLE VIBRATORS OF ALL DIFFERENT KINDS

AND SHAPES AND SIZES

AND EDIBLE GELS AND THIS OIL, WHICH,

WHEN YOU RUB ON YOUR BODY AND YOU BLOW ON,

IT GETS HOT. AND THEY STOOD ON EITHER SIDE OF ME--

( laughing ) --LIKE KIND OF A SANDWICH.

"C," GO!

SIR, IF YOU DON'T MIND, WOULD YOU LET ME DO

IMPROVISATION ON THE TEXT?

I'M NOT VERY GOOD TALKING ABOUT MY SEX LIFE.

PLEASE.

GIVE ME SOME LINES. LET ME DO THE CHARACTER.

- "D." - I WAS 16

AND HE WAS 31,

HE TOOK ME BACK TO HIS APARTMENT

AND HE BEGAN TO PUT HIS HAND UNDER MY SHIRT

AND UNDER MY BRA.

AND THEN I ASKED HIM TO MAKE LOVE TO ME,

BUT HE SAID "NO," BECAUSE I WAS TOO YOUNG.

AND "A."

WELL, MY ELEVATOR MAN HAD PUSHED THE STOP BUTTON,

BUT WE LIVE IN A REALLY OLD BUILDING

WHERE THINGS LIKE THAT JUST DON'T WORK ANYMORE.

SO ANYWAY, HE PUSHED STOP, BUT THE DOOR OPENED.

AND THERE WAS MY FATHER STANDING IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.

NOW HE DIDN'T ASSUME ANYTHING WAS HAPPENING-- - "B."

AND UM, THEY SAID "COME WITH US INTO THE SCREENING ROOM.

WE HAVE A LITTLE SOFT PORNO TO SHOW YOU.

A LITTLE SAMPLE OF OUR WORK."

YOU KNOW, THEY TOOK ME DOWN TO THIS-- THIS ROOM

WHERE THEY WERE SHOWING THIS REALLY WILD FILM

AND ONE STARTED TO PUT HIS TONGUE RIGHT IN MY EAR

VERY DEEP-- THE DEEPEST I'VE EVER HAD ANYTHING IN MY EAR BEFORE.

- AND THE OTHER ONE-- - "C."

Man #2: WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING?

Man: NOTHING. SHE'S GREAT.

- Man #2: "C"? - Man: SHE'S FANTASTIC.

LOOK, SHE CAN PLAY OLD, SHE CAN PLAY YOUNG.

YEAH, BUT LOOK AT THE FACE ON "D," HUH?

UH, "D"!

HE PUT MY HAND-- HIS HAND

IN MY UNDERWEAR

AND I STARTED TO GET WET.

( gasps ) AND--

I ASKED HIM AGAIN, "PLEASE, MAKE LOVE TO ME.

AND HE SAID, "NO, YOU'RE ONLY 16."

AND I SAID,

"ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE LOST THEIR VIRGINITY."

ALL RIGHT. NOW ALL TOGETHER!

( "A," "B" and "D" chattering loudly )

I HAD NEVER FELT A GUY DOWN THERE BEFORE

AND HE WAS HARD.

AND I KNEW-- I KNEW HE WAS READY TO MAKE LOVE TO ME--

HE DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH SO WELL, YOU KNOW, HE HAS A LITTLE BIT OF AN ACCENT.

SO HE PROMISED ME HE'S GONNA TAKE CLASSES IN THE SPRING.

- HE PROMISED-- - ( all chattering loudly )

I HAD NEVER BEEN WITH A BLACK MAN BEFORE, BUT IT WAS SO EXCITING--

TOMORROW NIGHT, WE'LL MAKE LOVE--

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES.

BORIS, PLEASE-- PLEASE SHOW THEM OUT

AND BRING IN THE NEXT GROUP WHENEVER THEY'RE READY.

I REALLY LIKE HER WORK.

"C." "C"?!

EXCUSE ME, SIR. WOULD YOU LET ME DO SOMETHING ELSE FOR YOU?

I'VE BEEN ACTING 25 YEARS. I'M A PROFESSIONAL ACTRESS.

I TAKE DIRECTION, I JUST DON'T WANT TO USE MY OWN LIFE

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

UM-- JUST-- HOLD ON A SECOND.

UM-- UH--

CAN YOU STAND ON ONE LEG?

- SURE. - PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT, NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP ABOVE YOUR HEAD.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT. DO YOU KNOW A NURSERY RHYME?

- YES. - ALL RIGHT.

NOW USING THE NURSERY RHYME AS TEXT, I WANT YOU

TO, UH, TURN AROUND--

AND-- ARE-- HOW DO YOU FEEL?

- I FEEL A LITTLE BIT ANGRY. - GREAT.

OH, DON'T START WITH ME.

ALL RIGHT. NOW, WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TURN AROUND

AND-- AND SCREAM AT US WITH THAT ANGER.

SHOUT AT US. GO!

OKAY.

HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL!

- Man: SHOUT IT AT US! - HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL!

ALL THE KING'S HORSES! ALL THE KING'S MEN!

COULD NOT PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN!

THAT'S VERY VERY GOOD.

NOW, CAN WE DO THIS WITH A LITTLE MORE ENERGY?

HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL!

- HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT-- - MaTHAT'S VERY GOOD. STOP RIGHT THERE PLEASE.

THANK YOU. COULD YOU KNEEL DOWN?

UH-HUH. UH-HUH. NOW,

USING THE RHYME AS TEXT,

I WANT YOU TO SING IT AS A LULLABY.

ALL RIGHT?

NOW I WANT YOU TO IMAGINE AN INTIMATE SITUATION.

IT'S NIGHT IN THE COUNTRY, IT'S VERY DARK--

MMM, NOT TOO DARK.

IT'S-- IT'S A LITTLE DARK.

YOU'RE ALONE WITH A BABY.

( speaking mournfully ) HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

HAD A GREAT FALL.

AND ALL THE KING'S HORSES

AND ALL THE KING'S MEN

COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN.

( humming )

OH! THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU CAN GET UP.

- HOW OLD ARE YOU? - ( groans )

- 44. - Man #THANK YOU.

Man: I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S 44 YEARS OLD.

- SHE CAN PLAY YOUNG, SHE CAN PLAY OLD. - I DO SHAKESPEARE--

IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR THIS PLAY--

- TO GET SOMEBODY THAT CAN-- - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

- BORIS, WE'RE GOING FOR A LITTLE-- - COME OVER HERE.

- I WANT TALK TO YOU. COME OVER HERE. - I DON'T WANT

- TO TALK ABOUT THIS. - GET OVER HERE!

OKAY, LADIES. NEXT GROUP PLEASE.

( door slams )

- ( door opens ) - ( car horns blaring )

( girl speaking Czech )

( chattering in Czech )

( speaking Czech )

( muttering in Czech )

WHAT'S SHE SAYING? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HER?

SHE'LL BE OKAY.

YOU WANT ME TO BRING MY CAR AROUND?

THAT'S VERY NICE, THANK YOU.

- ARE YOU OKAY? - YEAH.

( speaks Czech )

KRYSTYNA.

( speaks Czech )

( lock clicks, door opens )

( door closes )

HI.

WHERE IS SHE?

LOOK WHAT I FOUND.

THIS IS ME BEFORE I WENT TO PRISON.

OH.

THIS IS ME WHEN I WAS STARTING.

NICE.

AT THE FESTIVAL.

- AND HERE. - WHO'S THAT?

- IT'S A FRIEND. ( phone ringing )

Anna: HELLO? SAM.

OF COURSE I HAVE TIME FOR YOU. I ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR YOU.

TOMORROW.

WHAT?!

I GOT THE JOB?

( gasps ) THAT'S FANTASTIC.

THAT'S GREAT.

WHICH PART?

OKAY. OKAY.

YOU TELL ME TOMORROW.

- ( phone clatters ) - THAT WAS MY AGENT. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I GOT THE JOB.

IT'S INCREDIBLE.

SHE BRINGS ME LUCK.

( speaks Czech )

AH.

( speaking Czech )

( sighs )

WHAT'S SHE SAYING?

HER MOTHER GAVE THEM TO HER

AND SHE TOOK HER TO ALL OF MY MOVIES.

ANNA, BE CAREFUL.

( speaking Czech )

( Anna speaking Czech )

( laughs )

( chuckles )

( speaking Czech )

AH.

DANIEL, GIVE HER SOME FOOD.

I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

( gasps, speaks Czech )

( whispers ) I'M GOING...

UH--

HMM.

DANIEL.

DANIEL?

( laughs ) NO.

ANNA...

DANIEL.

OH.

ANNA, DANIEL--

- KRYSTYNA? - ( chuckles )

RIGHT.

ANNA, DANIEL,

KRYSTYNA,

AMERICA.

- ( men laughing ) - MY NEIGHBORS!

( playing classical music )

- Daniel: VERY GOOD. BRAVO! - Anna: BRAVISSIMA!

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY.

YOU ASK FOR 6' ATHLETES, THAT'S WHAT I SEND.

NOW YOU WANT LITTLE PEOPLE.

YEAH. YEAH, OF COURSE I WANT THE JOB.

I'LL SEND THEM. WHAT TIME?

12:00. AND HOW MANY?

SIX? RIGHT. THEY WILL BE THERE.

THANK YOU. BYE.

- YOU GOT THE JOB! - Anna: YOU TOLD ME, SAM.

BUT WHICH ONE?

WAS IT THE BIRD WOMAN?

- OH, NO NO NO NO. - THE REDHEAD?

HELEN, WHAT DRAWER DID YOU PUT THE LITTLE PEOPLE IN?

THEY'RE IN THE TAP DANCERS.

NOT THE OLD ONE?

NO NO NO NO NO.

WELL, I'M TOO OLD FOR THE OTHER PART.

THEY COULDN'T GIVE ME THAT ONE.

SAM, THERE'S SEVEN WOMEN OF DIFFERENT AGES.

TELL ME WHICH ONE.

ALL SEVEN OF THEM.

- Anna: OH. - IT'S MRS. GOLDBERG, SAM.

HELLO, VIVIAN. YEAH.

UH, RAISINS AND MUSHROOMS IN THE STUFFING.

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE, DEAR.

SEE YOU LATER. BYE.

LISTEN, UH, I'M-- WHO ARE YOU?

I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?

- WHO IS SHE? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SEVEN?

LOOK, YOU GET $200 A WEEK.

- YOU MEMORIZE THE ENTIRE SCRIPT-- - YEAH.

--ALL SEVEN ROLES. YOU APPEAR AT THE THEATER EVERY NIGHT.

ANYBODY GETS SICK-- YOU'RE ON.

( car horn beeps )

Anna: WHAT IF NOBODY GETS SICK?

WELL, THEN YOU JUST COLLECT THE MONEY FOR SITTING THERE.

- YOU MEAN I'M THE UNDERSTUDY? - YEAH. IT'S GREAT, HUH?

DO YOU KNOW THAT SOMETIMES

I THINK THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY STUPID.

DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

- Sam: YES! - DO YOU REMEMBER NOTHING ABOUT ME AT ALL?!

YES. YEAH-- YEAH-- YES.

I REMEMBER YOU WERE A VERY BIG STAR ONCE.

BUT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

IF YOU THINK THAT I'M GONNA UNDERSTUDY FOR THAT SHOW--

ESPECIALLY FOR THAT SHOW--

DO YOU KNOW THAT THE YOUNGEST PERSON IS 18 YEARS OLD?

AND THERE'S ANOTHER ONE WHO'S BLACK

OR MAYBE SHE'S PUERTO RICAN.

WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF SHE'S 18 OR SHE'S 30

- OR SHE'S BLACK OR SHE'S PUERTO RICAN... - ( buzzer sounds )

...OR SHE'S WHITE? YOU'RE AN ACTRESS, RIGHT?

- HOW AM I GOING TO FIT INTO THE COSTUMES? - LOOK, ANNA--

( chattering )

'CAUSE IT'LL MAKE SAM FEEL GOOD.

- HELEN. - HI, HELEN.

- WE'RE HERE-- - WE'RE ON NEEDLES AND PINS.

YES. HELEN, I LOVE YOUR HAT. ( laughs )

ANNA, EITHER YOU TAKE THIS JOB

OR YOU PICK UP YOUR PICTURES ON THE WAY OUT OF MY OFFICE

AND WE ARE FINISHED!

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU 60 SECONDS TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

SHE'S WONDERFUL. REALLY.

NOW, LISTEN. IT CAN'T HURT BECAUSE, UH--

SAM IS GONNA LOVE YOUR BEING HERE.

CONSIDERING WHAT WE WERE GONNA ASK HIM TO DO

AND HOW MUCH MONEY WE'RE GONNA PAY HIM FOR IT.

- FRED, ARE YOU WITH ME? - OH, YEAH. SORRY.

I MEAN, HE'S GOT A GREAT ROSTER

OF SUPPORTING PLAYERS AND--

FRED, DON'T START.

- NOT NOW. - HAVE WE MET?

MY NAME IS BASKIN.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

( speaks Czech )

YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

"MUSHROOMS AND RAISINS IN THE STUFFING, DEAR."

THREE, TWO, ONE-- - HAPPY THANKSGIVING, FRED.

SHE'S FANTASTIC.

- Sam: YOU HAVEN'T WORKED IN YEARS! - BUT HER TEETH ARE AWFUL.

- THEY ALL HAVE ROTTEN TEETH. - SaGET OUT OF MY OFFICE!

- GET OUT! - WELL, SAM SOUND CHARMING TODAY, DOESN'T HE?

- MMM. - Sam: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

FIND SOME OTHER AGENT WHO'S GOING TO

CODDLE YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU!

I'M BASKIN.

YEAH, HELEN, GET ANNA'S PICTURES READY.

SHE'LL PICK THEM UP ON THE WAY OUT OF THE OFFICE.

( laughs )

- WHEN YOU LEARN TO SPEAK ENGLISH BETTER... - Sam: YOU KNOW WHAT I MADE

- OFF YOU LAST YEAR? - ...YOU TELEPHONE ME.

- ...$43 EVEN. - THAT'S MY TELEPHONE.

AH, TELEPHONE. TELEPHONE.

- Sam: GET OUT OF HERE! - OKAY?

Sam: DON'T GIVE OUT MY PHONE, DON'T GIVE OUT MY NUMBER--

OKAY?

SHE'S VERY BRIGHT.

( all chattering ) HI! SAM!

- Sam: SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING. - Woman: SAM!

- Sam: SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. - OH MY GOD.

( all chattering )

- ( speaking Czech ) - UH-UH.

- WHAT'S THIS? - MR. GOLDBERG ASKED ME

TO RETURN ALL THE PICTURES.

OH, NO NO NO. TELL MR. GOLDBERG

THAT I TAKE THE JOB. OF COURSE, I TAKE THE JOB.

- ( sirens wailing ) - ( Krystyna stammers )

"THEY ALL-- THEY ALL HAVE ROTTEN TEETH"-- ( speaks Czech )

- ( speaks Czech ) - OH. HUH.

WHAT'S THIS? ( gasps )

( both speak Czech )

SO YOU DON'T GO "THOOSS."

JUST-- "TH"-- "TH."

OKAY? YOU SEE?

SO, TRY IT. IT'S LIKE WE SAY--

UH, "MOUTH," "SOUTH."

YOU WANT TO TRY IT?

ALL RIGHT. SO TRY "MOUTH."

"MOUTH."

( laughs ) NO.

KEEP YOUR TONGUE IN.

UH-- UH-- "SOUTH."

- SOU-- SOUTH. - EXCELLENT!

MUCH BETTER. GOOD.

SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY TODAY?

"SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY"--

NO, I'M-- I'M ASKING YOU.

HOW WYOUR DAY TODAY?

UH--

I SIT...

AND MAKE.

Anna: "I TOLD YOU 284 TIMES, I'M NOT UNHAPPY."

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? - ( Anna chattering )

OH, IS NICE TIME.

YOU MADLY WALK?

YES, UH, I'M IN A HURRY.

I'VE GOT TO PICK UP MY SON TONIGHT.

I HAVE HIM EVERY OTHER WEEKEND.

YOU HAVE A BABY?

YEAH. WELL, NOT REALLY-- JONATHON.

BABY. KRYSTYNA HAVE A--

19-- BABY.

OH, RIGHT. UH, JONATHON IS NINE.

NINE. NINE.

MAMA. MAMA.

Anna: "HAVE NO MONEY, NO WORK, NO PLACE"--

YEAH, WELL, PAPA-- MAMA--

WE'RE, UH...

SEPARATED.

YOU KNOW-- "BYE BYE, MAMA!"

( murmurs ) BYE BYE.

- YEAH. - NICE.

WELL-- ( laughs )

UH, EXCUSE ME. I GOTTA GO.

- BYE BYE. - BYE BYE.

"YOU LISTEN TO ME.

YOU CAN'T HAVE CANCER OF THE UTERUS

AND LOSE YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR CHILD IN A CAR ACCIDENT"--

- ( laughs ) - NO.

--"AND I HAVE A THIRD CHILD IN THE HOME

- FOR THE MENTALLY RETARDED AND I HAVE NO HOME," - I-- I--

- "NO MONEY, NO PLACE TO LIVE"-- - I-- I HAVE--

"AND I STILL SAY I'M NOT UNHAPPY."

I HAVE JONATHON THIS WEEKEND.

- I HAVE TO GO. - Anna: HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

AM I GONNA SEE YOU SUNDAY NIGHT?

"WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT FROM ME?

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE A LITTLE COMPASSION."

AM I GONNA SEE YOU SUNDAY NIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW YET. PLEASE DON'T STOP.

( both laugh )

OH! YOU GET MY SCRIPT WET!

GO AWAY. YOU'LL BE LATE.

"I TOLD YOU 284 TIMES, I'M NOT UNHAPPY.

THE ONLY THING I HAVE AN APPETITE FOR IS STRAWBERRIES."

- ( door opens, closes ) - KRYSTYNKO!

MOUTH!

Boy: GO! DON'T LET HER BEAT YOU!

- Daniel: YOU KNOW HIM? - JONATHOYEAH. GO!

GO! OH, COME ON!

Boy: I LET YOU WIN!

- HE LOST. - OH, NO.

- WHAT? - YOUR-- YOUR--

YOUR NOSE. PUT YOUR HEAD BACK.

HERE HERE. HERE HERE HERE.

- MOMMY SAYS TO KEEP IT FORWARD. - OH, YEAH?

- YOU ALL RIGHT? - YEAH, IT'S OKAY.

- IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. - YEAH?

- YOU SURE? - YEAH, I'M FINE.

- OKAY. - GO! GET OUT OF HERE.

- ( Daniel growls - JONATHON: GO!

- GO! - Daniel: GIVE ME A KISS.

Jonathon: NO. GO! I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

( sighs )

ANNA!

ANNA, WAIT!

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO YOUR WIFE. - ( groans )

YOU'RE 44 YEARS OLD,

YOUR PARENTS ARE STILL SUPPORTING YOU.

OKAY, SO YOU'RE WRITING A BOOK.

YOU CAN'T SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

WRITING A BOOK THAT'S NEVER GOING TO BE PUBLISHED.

I ONLY HAVE 300 PAGES TO GO.

WOULD YOU BUY A 1,000-PAGE BOOK

- ON CZECHOSLOVAKIAN FILM? - ( groans )

- I HATE CZECH FILM! - YOU SEE?

YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT CZECH FILM,

YOU'RE JUST LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE

- TO SPEND TIME WITH ME. - I'M GONNA SHORTEN IT.

- IT'S JUST A FIRST DRAFT. - YOU HAVE A CHILD!

- YOU'RE A FATHER-- - YES!

- HE NEEDS YOU! HE NEEDS A MAN! - I KNOW! I KNOW THAT!

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA WAKE UP? YOUR WIFE LOVES YOU!

OTHERWISE, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH SOMEONE ELSE

- A LONG TIME AGO! - SHE DOESN'T WANT A HUSBAND.

SHE JUST NEEDS HER PSYCHIATRIST AND HER RABBI.

AND IF I HADN'T MET YOU, I WOULD HAVE LEFT HER OUT OF BOREDOM ANYWAY!

IF YOU HADN'T MET ME, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN WHAT BOREDOM WAS.

YOU JUST LIKE IT 'CAUSE I CHASE YOU AWAY!

YOU WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE OR NOT?

GO BACK TO YOUR WIFE, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

COME ON, I'LL MAKE YOU SOME TEA. COME ON.

- OH, HERE. - LEAVE HIM ALONE.

- I HAVE WORK TO DO. - DO IT THEN! DO IT!

YOU LIKE CZECH FILM?

YOU GOT A QUARTER FOR ANOTHER BAG OF POTATO CHIPS?

( Krystyna speaking Czech )

Krystyna's voice: DEAR NOODLE,

I'M WRITING TO YOU, BUT PLEASE READ THIS

TO THE REST OF THE FAMILY.

AMERICA IS FANTASTIC.

I HAVE MET ANNA AND FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS,

I HAVE BEEN STAYING WITH HER.

TELL MAMA SHE'S AGED A LOT

AND NOBODY HERE KNOWS HER.

BUT I DON'T CARE, BECAUSE FOR ME,

SHE IS THE MOST MAGNIFICENT ACTRESS ON THE EARTH.

PEOPLE WALK SO FAST HERE

AND THERE IS SO MUCH FOOD HERE

AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO STAND IN LINE FOR IT.

HALF OF IT, I WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO EAT.

ANNA IS TEACHING ME TO DRESS AND MAKE-UP

AND DO HAIRDO.

I WANTED TO GET A JOB AS A WAITRESS,

BUT ANNA SAID THAT I COULD LEARN ENGLISH FIRST

AND THAT SHE WOULD HELP ME OUT

UNTIL I WAS READY FOR A BETTER JOB.

NEW YORK CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS

AND ANNA DOESN'T LIKE IT

WHEN I GO OUT BY MYSELF.

AS SOON AS I CAN MAKE SOME MONEY,

I WILL BUY YOU A PLANE TICKET.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO SEE EVERYTHING FOR YOURSELF.

ANNA WANTS ME TO GET MY TEETH FIXED,

BUT IT WILL COST A LOT OF MONEY.

TEETH ARE VERY IMPORTANT IN AMERICA.

EVERY FAMOUS PERSON HAS BIG WHITE TEETH.

SO PLEASE, DEAR NOODLE,

TAKE CARE OF YOUR TEETH.

A BIG HUG AND KISS TO EVERYBODY.

I MISS YOU VERY MUCH.

WRITE SOON.

I WISH WE WERE BORN HERE.

LOVE, KRYSTYNA.

( car horns blaring )

( reciting along with recording ) "YOU CAN'T REMAIN A VIRGIN

AND HAVE A CHILD TOO, MY DEAR.

ONLY MARY THE BLESSED VIRGIN DID THAT.

AND THERE'S DIVIDED OPINION ABOUT THAT TOO.

SO WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE COMPASSION FOR ME?"

LET ME GO ON. I DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT OLD HAM.

( chuckles )

OH, IS THAT YOUR FRIEND?

- MaON TOP OF EVERYTHING. - Woman: ON TOP OF EVERYTHING,

YOU WANT ME TO BE REASONABLE?

I DON'T NEED YOUR PREACHING.

RIGHT! SO WHAT DO YOU REALLY NEED FROM ME?

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

A LITTLE COMPASSION. I CAME TO ASK FOR YOUR HELP.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING?

Man: I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Woman: WELL, WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING? I'M ACTING.

- Woman: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - Man: CAN'T YOU ACT BETTER?

- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I MEAN-- - I WANT YOU TO ACT BETTER.

- WHAT IS THIS?! - Man: GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE!

- DAMN IT, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! - ( laughing )

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING? - COMPASSION!

- I'M GIVING YOU COMPASSION! - COMPASSION!

- ( cackling ) - OKAY, THAT'S NOT FUNNY, GLORIA.

- THAT'S REALLY-- - GLORIA, SHUT UP.

- Man: HAVE A LITTLE MORE COMPASSION. - Woman: OKAY OKAY OKAY.

- Man: A LITTLE MORE-- - Woman: FORGET IT, MAN.

( actors chattering )

Woman #2: DO YOU MIND IF I SIT?

( muttering )

"BUT YOU ARE A SOCIALIST.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.

A LITTLE COMPASSION."

LET'S SEE. HI.

- YES. - ( laughs )

OH, KRYSTYNA.

( speaks Czech ) IT'S INCREDIBLE.

YOU LIKE?

- I LIKE? YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. - ( speaks Czech )

YOU DID YOU DO THIS? HOW ARE WE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS?

- PAY? - PAY.

- UM, NO PAY. - NO PAY?

- HE SAY-- - WHO'S "HE"?

UH, HE-- THE--

- DENTIST? - YEAH, THE DENTIST.

HE SAY HE TAKE ME

TO BEST FRENCH RESTAURANT.

I NEVER BEEN TO A FRENCH BEST RESTAURANT.

OH, KRYSTYNA, DON'T BE NAIVE.

HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU.

YES. AND HE--

HAVE A...

FANTASTIC CHAIR.

AND YOU PUSH A-- ( speaks Czech )

- BUTTON. - A BUTTON.

YOU PUSH A BUTTON,

AND ALL THE CHAIR GO "BING!"

OPEN!

YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU'RE A CRAZY THING

EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT A SOCIALIST.

GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELF.

( laughs )

- ( both laugh ) - YOU'RE CRAZY.

YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU KNOW THAT. YOU'RE CRAZY.

- YOU'RE CRAZY. - YES. WHAT IS THAT?

- AGNIESZKA! - YEAH?

( speaks Czech )

- VERY NICE! - YOU LIKE?

WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

I GOT IT FROM YOUR FRIEND ROBBIE.

OH! HE HAS SUCH FANTASTIC CLOTHES.

AND HE'S REALLY NICE TOO.

AND HE SAY I COULD BE HIS MODEL.

LOOK.

OH, IT'S INCREDIBLE.

- I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU. - YEAH?

YEAH, WAIT!

( gasps ) OH, THANK YOU!

- YOU PUT IT ON? - IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

- FROM ROBBIE? - YEAH.

- KRYSTYNKO! - YEAH?

I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL BASKIN.

THINK HE WOULD WANT TO TALK TO ME?

HE GAVE YOU HIS TELEPHONE NUMBER, DIDN'T HE?

YOU KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN WOULD KILL FOR THAT NUMBER?

NO.

HUNDREDS!

OKAY.

( sighs ) OKAY.

( mutters )

( dialing rotary phone )

( rings )

- BaskiHello? - ( clears throat )

HELLO, THIS IS KRYSTYNA.

Who? Hello?

( whispers ) I MET YOU AT MR. GOLDBERG'S OFFICE.

I'm afraid you have the wrong number.

I MET YOU AT MR. GOLDBERG'S OFFICE.

- Mmm-hmm. - I HAVE LEARNED ENGLISH

AND I HAVE NEW TEETH.

I HAVE LEARNED ENGLISH AND I HAVE NO TEETH.

( Baskin laughs ) NEW TEETH.

NEW-- NEW TEETH!

Oh, Krystyna-- that's your name.

Of course I remember you.

I WOULD LIKE TO MEET WITH YOU.

Well, of course.

CAN WE MEET THIS WEEKEND?

CAN WE MEET THIS WEEKEND?

Uh, well, on Friday I'm going to the Hamptons.

- um, and I'll be there all weekend so-- - THAT'S AMAZING.

- THAT'S AMAZING! - Yes?

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO THE HAMPTONS ALSO.

Really? What a coincidence.

- TELL HIM, "MY UNCLE IS THERE." - Hello?

- TELL HIM, MY UNCLE-- - SHH!

- ( laughing ) - What's going on?

- MY UNCLE LIVES THERE. - Ah-ha.

AND I'M GOING TO VISIT HIM.

AND I'M GOING TO VISIT MY UNCLE, YES.

Well, that's fantastic, Krystyna.

Why-- why don't you give me a call?

I'll give you my number in the Hamptons.

OKEYDOKE. ( whispers )

- YES? - Okay, you got a pencil?

- YEAH. - Baskin: 5-1-6--

- 5-1-6-- - Baskin: 9-7-6--

- 9-7-6-- - Baskin: 3-7-2-5.

3-7-2-5.

OKAY. FANTASTIC.

UM... GOODBYE.

I'll see you tomorrow, Krystyna.

- OKAY, BYE. - ( screams )

( speaks Czech )

NO! YOU MUST LEARN TO SPEAK ENGLISH.

YOU HAVE TO TALK ENGLISH.

THAT'S HOW YOU LEARN.

NOW YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO THE BUS STATION,

YOU ARE GOING TO CALL BASKIN,

BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO NEED TO GET YOURSELF HOME.

HA HA HA HA! ( gasps )

Anna: JUST LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.

- Krystyna: HUH? - YOUR HANDS ARE JUST LIKE A LITTLE GIRL'S.

Krystyna: DO YOU LOVE DANIEL?

Anna: DANIEL?

DANIEL EXISTS PRECISELY NOT TO BE LOVED.

YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL SKIN.

Krystyna: AND YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY.

( Anna chuckles )

Anna: YES, I STILL DO.

I LOVE ONLY TONDA.

Krystyna: WHO'S TONDA?

Anna: MY HUSBAND--

MY EX-HUSBAND.

YOU NEVER HEARD OF HIM?

HMM.

HE WAS THE BEST CZECH FILM DIRECTOR.

ALL OF EUROPE WAS CRAZY ABOUT HIM.

AND I WAS HIS LEADING LADY.

THIS WAS YEARS AGO,

BUT I STARRED IN NEARLY EVERY OTHER FILM.

THEN WE GOT MARRIED.

WE WENT TO ALL THE FESTIVALS--

BERLIN, VENICE, CANNES.

AND THEN I GOT PREGNANT.

- PREGNANT? - MMM.

ONE DAY, TONDA WENT TO PARIS

AND I STAYED BEHIND.

TWO DAYS LATER, THE RUSSIAN TANKS ROLLED IN

AND OUR DREAM WAS OVER.

I TRIED TO JOIN THEM, BUT MY PASSPORT WAS REFUSED.

REFUSED?

I PROBABLY SAID SOMETHING I SHOULDN'T HAVE.

YOU KNOW WHERE MY BABY WAS BORN?

PRISON.

DON'T TELL DANIEL.

I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW THAT.

A COUPLE MONTHS LATER, THE BABY DIED.

SHE WAS IMPROPERLY IMMUNIZED.

IMMUNIZED?

DO YOU THINK ANYBODY STOOD UP IN MY DEFENSE?

ALL MY FRIENDS WERE SO BUSY BEING AFRAID.

NOBODY EVEN WANTED TO TALK TO ME.

WHEN I GOT OUT OF PRISON,

EVERYBODY PRETENDED NOT TO KNOW ME.

I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO ANYBODY

WHEN I LEFT THAT COUNTRY.

( sighs )

YOU SEE,

I NEARLY KILLED A MAN IN PRAGUE ONE DAY.

HE WAS BACKSTABBING TONDA.

AND HE WAS OFFENDING MY COUNTRY.

WE WERE IN A CLUB AND HE WAS DRUNK

AND HE STOOD UP ON A TABLE

AND HE LIFTED UP HIS CHAMPAGNE

AND HE SAID, "CZECHS ARE FINISHED!"

AND THEN HE PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS

AND HE PISSED ON THE CZECH FLAG

ON THE TABLE.

I PICKED UP THE NEAREST ASHTRAY.

I SMASHED IT ON HIS HEAD AND I BROKE HIS SKULL

AND NEARLY KILLED HIM.

AND HE WAS THE SON OF A RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR.

( laughs )

THEY THREW ME IN JAIL FOR TWO YEARS

AND THEY SAID I COULD ONLY GET OUT ON CONDITION

THAT I LEAVE THE COUNTRY IMMEDIATELY.

( sighs ) TONDA HAD BEEN IN NEW YORK

ALL THIS TIME, SO I AGREED.

NEW LIFE, GREAT LOVE,

BUT WHEN I GOT TO AMERICA,

IT WAS TOO LATE.

( sighs )

HE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO REMEMBER.

HE HAD BECOME MORE AMERICAN THAN ALL OF THE AMERICANS--

ELEGANT APARTMENT,

FAMOUS FRIENDS,

KING OF NEW YORK.

NOW...

HE DOES COMMERCIALS--

MTV.

( sighs )

I WAS GETTING IN HIS WAY.

( laughs ) WITH ME AROUND...

HE WAS FORCED TO REMEMBER HIS PAST.

WHEN I CAME OVER HERE, ALL THE MEDIA WAS ALL OVER ME.

AND THEN THEY GOT BORED BECAUSE I REFUSED

TO TALK ABOUT CZECHOSLOVAKIA.

WHY?

BECAUSE.

DO YOU EVER WANT TO GO HOME?

( whispers ) I NEVER GO BACK THERE.

I NEVER GO BACK.

NEVER.

PUT THEM AWAY. I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

I THOUGHT CZECHOSLOVAKIA

WAS THE MOST BORING COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

ALL I EVER DID WAS GO TO SCHOOL

AND TAKE PIANO CLASSES

AND MILK THE COWS.

( stammers ) YOU HAD SUCH AN EXCITING LIFE.

- DRAMATIC. - DRAMATIC. HMM.

TAKE IT.

YOU CAN BORROW IT--

MY LIFE.

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH IT.

THANK YOU.

( car horn beeping )

- ( boys shouting ) - ( horn beeping )

Boy: HEY, KRYSTYNA!

All: KRYSTYNA!

- HI. - HI.

HI.

- ARE YOU LEAVING? - I'M GONNA GO HOME.

NO NO NO. I HAD SUCH A FANTASTIC TIME.

AND YOU KNOW, BASKIN SAY YOU LEARN ME ENGLISH SO GOOD--

"TAUGHT ME." "TAUGHT ME."

- AND I ALMOST HAVE NO ACCENT. - GOOD.

Krystyna: DANIEL, THIS IS BASKIN--

UH, MR. BASKIN-- UH, FREDDIE,

- THIS IS DANIEL. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

KRYSTYNA, WHERE DID YOU GET THE LIMO?

( blows raspberry )

IT'S NICE.

( smacks )

( laughs )

( boys holler )

Boy: NO, STOP IT!

OH, I FEEL SO GOOD.

CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE CHAMPAGNE, PLEASE?

- YEAH? PLEASE? YEAH? - ( boys chattering )

- Boys: NO! STAY! - ( Krystyna screams, laughs )

COME ON, KRYSTYNA! THESE GUYS ARE TOO OLD FOR YOU!

COME ON! JUST COME AND STAY WITH US!

YEAH, WHO IS THIS GUY ANYWAY?

( boys holler )

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SHE IS?

WAS SHE DRIVING?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, CHRIST. WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

- YOU TRIED THE FARM? - YES! THERE WASN'T ANYBODY AT HOME.

I LEFT A MESSAGE ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE.

I TALKED TO HER HUSBAND. HE WAS VERY UPSET.

( all shouting )

LADIES! LADIES! LET ME HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!

ANNA'S GOING ON! GO AHEAD, GET IN YOUR COSTUME.

- ( gasps, laughs ) - Man: ALL RIGHT!

OKAY, NOW WE'RE JUST GONNA TAKE ACT ONE.

- I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER. - OKAY? OKAY, DON'T FORGET

THE BEGINNING OF THE SECOND SCENE HAS BEEN CUT.

YOU COME IN AFTER RENE,

- YOU START THE DIALOGUE WITH ROSALIE-- - RIGHT.

YOU COME IN WITH YOUR BACK TO THE AUDIENCE.

- TAKE THIS THING OFF. - YOU DON'T TURN AROUND

UNTIL "I CAN DO WITHOUT THEM," OKAY?

- I CAN DO WITHOUT THEM. - LET'S GO.

"THEY CAN CUT OUT MY UTERUS"-- TAKE IT FROM THERE.

- THE CAN CUT OUT MY UTERUS, THEY CAN-- - LET GO!

--TAKE AWAY MY TITS, THEY CAN TAKE OUT MY LUNGS,

THEY CAN RADIATE MY HEAD, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS MY--

- MY LUNGS, MY LUNGS-- - YOUR LIVER.

- MY LIVER, MY LIVER. - THAT'S RIGHT.

- WHAT WHAT? - "VODKA, WHISKEY, GIN"--

- VODKA-- GIN-- GIN-- WHISKEY-- - Woman: COME ON! CONCENTRATE!

- ( all chattering ) - Man: OKAY. "NOW, STOP IT. I CAN'T TAKE IT.

CAN YOU SEE THAT SHE'S JOKING?

- SHE IS TEASING YOU." - SHE'S TEASING ME.

- "THEN I REALIZED"-- - I REALIZED, I REALIZED--

THAT I CAN HAVE A CHILD-- I HAVE TO HAVE A CHILD!

IT DOESN'T MATTER WITH THE MEN.

ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION-- I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF.

AND THAT'S WHEN YOU TURN.

- THAT'S WHEN I-- - THAT'S WHEN YOU TURN

AND THAT'S THE END OF SCENE TWO.

- LET'S DO SCENE THREE. - OKAY.

- WIG! WIG! WIG! WIG! - "MAY I GET YOU A DRINK?"

- I DON'T DRINK. - OKAY.

"I WOULDN'T GET YOU A DRINK"-- ( mutters )

"HEADACHE-- BECAUSE THE MAIN THING WITH MIGRAINES"--

- I DON'T HAVE MIGRAINES. - ABSOLUTELY. "PARDON ME..."

HEY, PEOPLE, LET'S GO. DON'T MOPE.

- HAVE A GOOD TIME. - Anna: I BELIEVE IN GOD.

- Man: ABSOLUTELY. - GO! GO! GO! GO!

- Anna: I'M NOT A SOCIALIST. - Man: ABSOLUTELY.

Man: CAN WE SIT DOWN? WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN?

- NOW, I FEEL FINE. - ABSOLUTELY.

- UM, "DO YOU LIKE PARTIES?" - NO-- YES, I LOVE PARTIES.

- PARTIES ARE GREAT. - "DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY THERE?"

YOU KNOW, I HAVE A GREAT TIME WHEREVER I GO.

THAT'S THE END OF ACT ONE.

OUT OF SIGHT. GO BACK TO THE UTERUS.

( orchestra tuning )

( muttering )

- "TAKE OUT MY LUNGS." - ( actress hisses )

"I DON'T NEED TO BLAME IT ON VODKA, WHISKEY."

- OKAY. - "OKAY, MAY I GET YOU A DRINK?"

- UH, I NEVER DRINK. - "BECAUSE THE MAIN THING ABOUT MIGRAINES"--

- I DON'T HAVE A MIGRAINE. - "WE DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE."

- ( actress hissing ) - I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD.

- "YOU'RE WELCOME IF YOU'RE A SOCIALIST." - I'M NOT A SOCIALIST.

- "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN?" - REALLY, I'M FINE THE WAY I AM.

- UH, "DO YOU LIKE PARTIES?" - I LOVE PARTIES.

( panting ) I'M SO SORRY.

REALLY, IT TOOK ME TWO HOURS TO GET ACROSS THAT BRIDGE!

BOY, THERE WAS SOME FISH TRUCK TURNED OVER.

- THE SMELL WAS-- - OKAY, GIVE HER BACK HER COSTUME FAST.

COME ON, BORIS. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THE MAKE-UP.

BESIDES, ANNA KNOWS HER LINES, SHE'S GONNA GO ON,

- SHE'S GONNA BE GREAT. - I'VE BEEN HERE FOR AN HOUR.

SHE COMES IN HERE AT THE LAST MINUTE. THAT'S NOT FAIR.

LISTEN, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO ARGUE. GLORIA'S HERE.

SHE'S THE ONE THAT HAS TO DO IT.

IT'S MY DECISION. - ONE TIME, PLEASE!

- ONE TIME. - Man: COME ON, DON'T BE A JERK.

- Boris: DO YOU WANT TO TURN IN YOUR KEYS? - FINE!

ANNA, GET OUT OF THE COSTUME.

MARIAN, LET'S GO. GLORIA--

RENE, GET READY FOR ACT ONE.

PLACES.

HELP.

( whispers ) SORRY.

SOMEONE WAITING FOR YOU UPSTAIRS.

( audience applauding )

( ominous orchestral music playing )

- CAN WE SIT DOWN? - I'M NOT A SOCIALIST.

( chuckles )

- ANNA. - PROFESSOR.

( chuckles ) ANNA, I HEARD YOU WERE IN THEATER.

I CAME TO SURPRISE YOU.

( speaks Czech )

MMMUAH! ( speaks Czech )

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. I SENT YOU A PARCEL.

THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE DEAD.

NO NO, I'M ALIVE. I AM ALIVE.

IN SPITE OF EVERYBODY, I AM ALIVE.

OH.

BUT WHY DO WE SPEAK ENGLISH?

( speaks Czech )

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - OH, I WAS INVITED HERE

TO ATTEND A THEATER CONFERENCE.

( laughs )

SO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH YOURSELF, HUH?

- WHAT? - WHAT-- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL

LONG BLOND HAIR?

REALLY, MY GIRL, IS INDECENT

WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WITH YOURSELF.

YOU WERE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN MY CLASS

AND-- AND NOW LOOK AT YOU.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW, HUH?

PLAYING BIG BEAUTIFUL PART IN THEATER, HUH?

NO, I'M THE UNDERSTUDY.

I HAD A DIFFICULT PERIOD, BUT NOW THINGS ARE STARTING TO HAPPEN.

YOU-- ANNA, UNDERSTUDY?

OH, THAT'S NONSENSE.

DON'T TRY TO PRETEND TO ME.

ANNA, DON'T BE SILLY.

COME BACK HOME. COME BACK TO PRAGUE.

SO WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT ME FOR?

I AM NOT TRAITOR.

YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY FIRED ME FROM THE THEATER,

I HAD TO SIT AT HOME FOR EIGHT YEARS

DOING NOTHING.

SO THEN, I, UH--

I HUMBLED MYSELF.

I ADMITTED MY GUILT ON TELEVISION

AND THEN I COULD WORK AGAIN.

( laughs )

YOU SEE? THEY EVEN LET ME COME TO AMERICA.

YES. IS DIFFICULT AT HOME.

BUT AT LEAST THERE,

YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO ACT.

UNDERSTAND, ANNA? ACT.

YOU ARE AN ACTRESS AND YOU'RE GOING TO DIE

WITHOUT ACTING.

PROFESSOR, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

DON'T BE UPSET. DON'T CRY.

( speaks Czech )

ANNA, I HEARD THAT--

THAT YOU'RE NO LONGER WITH TONDA.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

PEOPLE HERE DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

BACK HOME, YOUR OLD PUBLIC, THEY STILL LOVE YOU.

THEY NEVER FORGOT YOU, YOU AND TONDA

AND HIS-- HIS WISE PUBLIC,

HIS FAITHFUL PUBLIC,

POOR PUBLIC-- YOU COULD STILL GIVE THEM SO MUCH.

YOU KNOW, ANNA...

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO WHEN YOU GET BACK HOME

IS GIVE ONE LITTLE INTERVIEW.

YES. YOU TELL THEM THAT YOU WERE DECEIVED.

TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE NOW READY AND WILLING

TO SPIT ON AMERICA A LITTLE BIT.

AND THEN YOU CAN GO BACK TO WORK AGAIN.

NO, I CAN'T DO IT.

WHAT HAPPENS-- I GO BACK?

I PLAY GORKY'S MOTHER.

I PLAY FARM MAID, MILKING COWS

IN EXTREME CLOSE-UP.

- NO NO. THERE ARE LOTS OF PARTS FOR YOU-- - ( audience applauding )

THOUSANDS OF PARTS.

PROFESSOR, COME WITH ME.

I WANT YOU TO MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW WILL YOU PUT ON SOME CLOTHES?

- ( laughs ) - FOR YOU, I WILL.

( chuckles ) YOU STAY RIGHT HERE, I GET DRESSED.

( chattering )

EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY!

MAY THE RUSSIANS DROWN IN VODKA!

( all cheer, shout )

- ( laughing, chattering ) - HEY!

( playing classical piano music )

Man: COME ON, EVERYBODY!

OH, I DON'T DIRECT THE PLAYS ANYMORE.

NO. I SWITCHED TO OPERA.

OH, IS MUCH LESS DANGEROUS, IS MUCH LESS POLITICAL.

MUSIC IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

( singing in Italian )

♪ YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU COME HOME? ♪

MY PROBLEMS IS I LOVE AMERICA.

HMM? ( laughs )

WHAT?

IT'S MY COUNTRY NOW.

OH, BUT MY POOR GOLDEN GIRL,

AMERICA DOES NOT LOVE YOU

AND NEVER WILL.

BUT IT LEAVES ME ALONE.

HEY, WHAT IS THAT?

- HUH? WHAT IS THAT? - ( laughs )

INSTEAD OF PRESENT.

OH. OH, BUT NOW YOU WILL EAT ONLY SOUP

AND YOUR FACE WILL EVEN-- WILL EVEN AGE MORE.

I TOLD YOU, I'VE GOT A JOB NOW.

( laughs ) WELL, OKAY OKAY.

THANK YOU.

AN OLD MAN CAN AFFORD TO BE VAIN.

YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA BUY MYSELF SILK SHIRT.

I-- I ALWAYS WANTED

A SILK SHIRT.

( singing in Czech )

( plays piano notes )

( plays piano notes )

( piano accompanying singing )

I WANT TO GO HOME.

OH, BY THE WAY, ANNA,

UH, YOUR FRIEND TONDA--

HE IS GIVING LITTLE PARTY FOR ME TOMORROW NIGHT.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME, HUH?

( chuckles) AND HER-- BRING HER TOO.

- HOW LONG AS SHE BEEN IN AMERICA? - SIX MONTHS.

AH. HA HA.

( speaks Czech )

DON'T GO TO THAT PARTY.

SEEING TONDA AGAIN, IT'LL UPSET YOU.

WHAT, ARE YOU JEALOUS?

AH, LITTLE CHAMELEON, YOU WANT TO COME

TO PARTY WITH ME TOMORROW NIGHT?

WITH YOU, I GO ANYWHERE. YES.

HA HA! GOOD!

- ( playing classical music ) - ( both speak Czech )

( Professor laughing )

( sighs )

Anna: DANIEL, DANIEL, STOP WORRYING SO MUCH.

YES, I TOLD YOU. WE'RE GOING TO GO TO THE PARTY.

BECAUSE...

I WANT KRYSTYNA TO MEET EVERYONE.

OH, DON'T BE SILLY.

YOU'RE BEING VERY VERY SILLY--

THERE'S A PICTURE OF ME.

YEAH. NO, DANIEL, I'VE GOTTA GO.

THAT'S THE ONE. YOU SEE THOSE CHEEKBONES?

I'M GOING TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK JUST LIKE THAT.

ANNYE, WHAT IS THIS?

THAT'S PRAGUE 1968, YOU WERE ONE YEARS OLD.

DON'T TALK ABOUT IT TONIGHT TO TONDA

BECAUSE HE GETS VERY UPSET.

NOW WATCH.

INSTANT...

24 YEARS OLD. ( laughs )

- WHAT DO YOU THINK? - MM-HMM.

OH, GOOD. YOU GIVE ME HAIRDO?

- YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. - GREAT.

WE'LL SEE.

- ( snickers ) - NICE.

I'M NOT SURE, KRYSTYNKO.

TONDA LIKES ME A LITTLE BIT MORE CONSERVATIVE.

- ( speaks Czech ) - ( laughs )

NO, IT MAKES ME LOOK 20 YEARS YOUNGER.

( both laugh )

WATCH OUT, TONDA.

( laughing )

OH, WELL.

( singing )

( chattering )

( squealing, laughing )

( thunder rumbling )

( giggles )

( blows )

( giggling )

( crowd chattering )

( speaking Czech )

( rock music playing )

- HI. - HELLO.

ANNA, HOW ARE YOU?

GEORGE, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND KRYSTYNA.

- HELLO. - I WOULD LIKE IT IF WE COULD COME IN TO--

ANNA, YOU KNOW THAT TONDA DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU.

LISTEN, JUST US IN.

I'LL TALK TO HIM.

Man: WHO IS IT, GEORGE?

( speaks Czech )

HOLD ON.

HEY, ANNA, WAIT HERE.

I'M GOING TO SCREAM.

HE ALWAYS DOES THIS IN THE BEGINNING.

ANNA.

LET ME TALK TO YOU FOR A FEW MINUTES.

ANNA, WHY DID YOU COME?

YOU KNOW I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

EVERY TIME YOU COME BACK IN MY LIFE, IT MESSES ME UP.

- ARE YOU GETTING MY CHECKS ALL RIGHT? - YES.

GO HOME, ANNA.

GO HOME.

IT'S OKAY.

( crowd chattering )

( chuckling )

I TOLD YOU IT WAS THE FIFTH FLOOR,

- NOT THE NINTH-- - HEY, IT'S KRYSTYNA.

- ( knocks at door ) - KRYSTYNA.

- Man: HEY! - WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.

- COME ON, BASKIN. - WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. NO.

- ARE YOU LEAVING? - YES.

NO NO NO NO NO. YOU CAN'T BE LEAVING.

- YOU'RE COMING WITH US. - NO! NO NO NO NO NO!

( both speaking Czech )

KRYSTYNA, ARE YOU COMING?

- SHE'S COMING. - NO NO NO!

( both shout in Czech )

( thunder rumbles )

( car horn blares )

WELL, THIS IS WHAT YOU EXPECTED, ISN'T IT?

- YES. - ( thunder rumbling )

YOU'RE ALWAYS FOLLOWING ME AROUND LIKE SOME STRAY DOG.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

I UNDERSTAND.

WOULD YOU GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES?

I SAID COULD YOU GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES?

COULD YOU GET DOWN ON ALL FOURS?

BARK!

- ANNA! - I TOLD YOU TO BARK!

ANNA. ( barks )

- ( barks ) GOOD DOG.

COME HERE!

( barking )

STOP IT!

STOP. STOP.

GET UP.

HOW COULD YOU?

HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?

OH PLEASE, DANIEL, GO AWAY.

PLEASE!

GO AWAY!

( thunder rumbles )

HELLO! HELLO! ( shouts in Czech )

COME BACK! COME BACK!

WAIT! I WANT YOU TO SEE BEAUTIFUL

SILK SHIRT I BOUGHT!

( laughs )

COME BACK! DON'T YOU WANT TO GO TO PARTY?

EH-- ( yells in Czech )

( blows raspberry, laughs )

MY FIRST MEMORY OF MY MOTHER

WAS OF HER STANDING OVER MY CRIB

AND GOING-- ( shrieks )

( laughing )

RIGHT THERE,

LITTLE BABY-- FUNNY FACE.

WAS IT HARD FOR YOU?

ARE YOU FEELING OLD AND SICK?

WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING?

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

YEAH.

I UNDERSTAND.

YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GOING OVER THE EDGE TOO, RIGHT?

THIS IS MY NEW ASSISTANT.

HI.

I'M DEIRDRE GAINOR.

I'M-- I'M SORT OF A FAN OF YOURS.

I SAW YOU IN THAT MOVIE, "DEVILS OF"--

SHIT-- "DEVIL"-- OH, GOD.

"DEVILS IN"-- "DEVILS IN PARADISE."

YOU WERE INCREDIBLE. YOU WERE SO FUNNY!

- ( laughs ) - ( chuckles )

THANK YOU.

YOU SHOULD BE ON THAT STAGE.

( laughing )

UH, WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

( chuckles )

- ( boy mimics car sounds ) - ( adults chatting )

Daniel: MAMA, I WANT TO FINISH MY STORY.

- Woman: GO AHEAD. - SO THERE I AM IN THE OFFICE

WITH KRYSTYNA AND I'M ACTING LIKE THE MANAGER.

YOU UNDERSTAND? AND SHE'S STANDING THERE--

SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE A STAR.

- LIKE A STAR? - YES.

NO NO, I-- DANIEL WS THE ONE

WHO WAS REALLY FANTASTIC. I WAS JUST OKAY.

- WELL-- - WELL, TELL ME, DID YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

- WHAT THE PART WAS ABOUT? - NO. IT WAS THE MAIN PART,

THE BIGGEST-- THE BIGGEST PART.

- SHE'S GOING TO BE LIKE A MATA HARI TYPE PERSON-- - UH-HUH.

- YOU KNOW? - Man: YEAH.

Daniel: ANYWAY, SO, WE'RE STANDING

THERE AND THIS BIG FAT MAN COMES UP.

I THINK HE WAS THE PRODUCER.

AND HE SAYS, "YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO BE ABLE

TO SPEAK FIVE LANGUAGES.

AND ANOTHER MAN COMES UP AND SAYS

"CAN SHE SPEAK RUSSIAN?"

( sighs ) I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I-- I-- THANKS.

UH, SHE TURNS-- KRYSTYNA,

AND SHE LOOKS AT HIM AND SHE JUST STARTS SPEAKING.

- TELL THEM. DO WHAT YOU DID. - ( clears throat )

( sings in Russian )

JUST LIKE THAT.

YEAH, AND-- AND FRENCH.

( speaks French )

IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. IT WAS FANTASTIC.

AND THEN SHE DOES, UH-- ITALIAN.

- RIGHT? - ( speaks Italian )

YEAH. AND A LITTLE SWEDISH, I THINK.

( speaks Swedish )

YEAH AND THEN-- THEN, UH--

- SHE THROWS IN, UH-- - ( sighs )

YOU KNOW, A LITTLE, LIKE, NEW YORK THING.

( thick New York accent ) I CAN'T STAND IT.

- RIGHT. - ( all laughing )

Man: TELL ME, CAN YOU-- CAN YOU REALLY SPEAK

ALL THOSE LANGUAGES? - DanieOH, YES, SHE CAN.

- SHE CAN. - Man: EVERYBODY!

( laughing ) EVERYBODY, I--

I WANT TO MAKE A TOAST...

TO MY DEAR SON.

I WISH YOU HAPPINESS, GOOD HEALTH,

CONTENTMENT FOR YOURSELF, YOUR SON,

AND THE FULFILLMENT OF ALL YOUR DREAMS.

THANK YOU, PAPA. THAT'S VERY NICE.

WE WISH YOU A REALISTIC

AND WISE PLAN FOR YOUR FUTURE.

Daniel: THANK YOU, MAMA.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST, MYSELF.

OKAY?

( clears throat )

( sighs ) I'M 44 YEARS OLD...

AND, UH, I'VE REALLY NEVER

BEEN ABLE TO SUPPORT MYSELF,

UH-- REALLY.

PLEASE DON'T TALK THAT WAY, DANIEL.

NO. IT'S OKAY, MA.

IT'S THE TRUTH. IT'S OKAY.

UM, I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN ABLE TO SUPPORT

JONATHON'S EDUCATION

OR HIS LESSONS OR-- OR MY--

LIVING EXPENSES...

FOR-- TO WRITE MY BOOK.

WHENEVER I'VE ASKED YOU FOR ANYTHING,

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE TO SAY YES TO ME

WITH ALIMONY OR MY EX-WIFE,

- OR MY GIRLFRIENDS. - ( laughing )

SO, I'M-- I'M JUST TRYING TO SAY--

( snickering )

--THAT I APPRECIATE IT

AND I'M TRYING TO SAY THANK YOU.

- AND I KNOW-- ( Anna laughing )

I KNOW SOMETIMES HOW HARD IT'S BEEN, BUT--

( laughing hysterically )

( Anna chortling )

( slams ) WELL, I HAVE TO GO NOW.

( laughing hysterically )

I HAVE TO GO TO THE THEATER NOW.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DANIEL'S MOM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DANIEL'S FATHER.

DARLING.

ANNA, WE DIDN'T HAVE THE CAKE YET--

- ( Krystyna speaks Czech ) - YEAH.

YOU'RE FINE.

( kisses )

- BYE BYE, EVERYBODY. - ( Krystyna speaks Czech )

( door closes )

THE CAKE'S GOOD.

MY THERAPIST BOUGHT A FARM IN TEXAS.

( screeches ) CAW!

( laughing boisterously )

CAW!

Krystyna: IMPRISON--

IM-PR-I-SON.

- COUNTERREVOLUTION. - Anna: KRYSTNKA!

Krystyna: COUNTER... REVOLUTION.

KRYSTYNKO!

IMPROPERLY--

IMPROPERLY, IMMUNIZED.

IMPROPERLY IMMUNIZED.

IM-PROPERLY IMMUNIZED.

- IMPRISON. - YOU CRAZY THING.

IM-PRISON-MENT.

IMPRISONMENT.

COUNTER... REVOLUTION.

COUNTER-- COUNTER--

LAST WEEK, I AUDITIONED FOR A BIG HOLLYWOOD MOVIE.

A FAMOUS DIRECTOR REALLY LIKED ME

AND ASKED ME TO AUDITION FOR HIM,

SO WHY NOT?

DANIEL SAYS BECAUSE I'VE GOT A SLIGHT ACCENT,

I CAN ONLY PLAY EUROPEAN ROLES.

ANNA SAYS IT DOESN'T MATTER

BECAUSE THEY MAKE A LOT OF MOVIES

ABOUT RUSSIAN SPIES.

I THINK WITHOUT DANIEL'S HELP,

I WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE IT

HE WENT WITH ME AND HELD MY HAND THE WHOLE TIME.

IN AMERICA, EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

THEY ARE CRAZY ABOUT WHAT YOUR FATHER DOES,

HOW MUCH MONEY HE MAKES,

WHO YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS

AND HOW OLD YOUR MOTHER IS.

ANNA TOLD ME IF I GET THE PART,

I WILL HAVE TO INVENT MY LIFE STORY

AND STICK TO IT NO MATTER WHAT.

DANIEL TOLD ME THAT IT'S AMAZING HOW LUCKY I AM

AND AMERICA REALLY LOVES ME.

TELL GRANDPA THAT I'M MISSING HIM

AND I'M SORRY HE'S BEEN SICK.

NEXT WEEK I WILL SEND HIM A PARCEL

WITH FRUIT AND VITAMINS.

LOVE TO EVERYBODY, KRYSTYNA.

( TV chattering )

- ( cat wailing ) - WHERE'D YOU GET THIS KITTY?

OUT ON THE STREET. PLEASE HOLD HER LEG! PLEASE!

- OKAY, KITTY. YEAH. - DARLING, IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

- YOU FOUND THIS KITTY? - OH. YES.

( upbeat music plays on TV ) - IS THAT THE SHOW?

I DON'T KNOW. HOLD ME-- HELP ME, PLEASE!

CALM DOWN, SWEETHEART.

KRYSTYNA'S GONNA MISS HER OWN SHOW.

SHE'S NOT GONNA MISS HER SHOW.

DANIEL! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THE CAT!

- ( cat wailing ) - OH, DARLING, IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

- Interviewer: Let us welcome-- - COME ON, ANNA!

( studio audience applauding ) - YOU'RE MISSING IT.

- SHE'S ON. - ( audience whistles, cheers )

LOOK. IT'S HER.

- IT'S HER. - ( cat wails )

IT'S OUR GIRL-- MY GIRL.

Interviewer: ...being a model as well as an actress?

Well, actually, when I was little,

I looked more like a chicken.

- ( studio audience laughs ) - ( both laugh )

AND MY REAL WISH WAS ACTUALLY TO BE A SECRETARY.

( audience laughing )

So tell us, how did you get

the starring role in this movie?

Well, um, my friends,

they gave a big party for me,

and uh, this famous director walked in.

And he looked at me

and he opened a bottle of champagne

- this must be her." - IntervieweJust like that?

- Yeah. That's incredible.

How lucky for you. So tell me about your parents.

Tell me about your growing up.

Krystyna: Well, uh, my father--

he died in 1968.

He was crushed by a Russian tank

in the invasion.

And my mother, she was a big Czechoslovakian movie star,

and she was in America at the time

and she wasn't allowed to come back home.

So I grew up in an orphanage,

you know, and I was always

dreaming about the day I would see my mother again.

- Interviewer: You grew up in an orphanage? - Yeah.

You know, Czechoslovakian orphanage is like--

they want to make you into little Communists, you know.

And you have to recite Russian poems

and speak Russian all the time and everything.

And, uh, I met this young boy there--

uh-- Tonda and we fell in love...

Hey-- Anna--

Interviewer: Childhood sweetheart.

Krystyna: Sort of.

Interviewer: What do you mean?

Well, you see, um--

one day this Russian Ambassador

came to our orphanage.

And he was behaving very offensively

and he said, "Ladies and gentlemen,

the Czechs are finished."

And so Tonda hit him.

But he was outnumbered, so you know,

they started hitting him in the face

and the stomach and everything.

And so I grabbed a bottle

and I hit the Ambassador on the head with it.

Krystyna: Well, Tonda got sentenced to death.

And I had a baby in prison.

ANNA, I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS IN PRISON LIKE YOU.

Interviewer: You're a mother?

Krystyna: Yeah, I had a little boy,

but he wasn't properly immunized.

So, uh, he died

just a few days after the birth.

Interviewer: I'm so sorry.

- Well, you know-- - And then you decided to come to this country?

Well, yeah, you know,

I thought "I have nothing to lose."

There's nothing holding me back here,

so you know,

- They took away my parents and my husband and my child. - ( door opens )

So I just thought, "Well, I'll leave."

- ( door closes ) - So I did.

- HI. HOW WAS I? - HI.

- DID YOU SEE IT? - YEAH.

Krystyna on TV: I was destined to live in a free country.

I always knew it.

You know, there you can't even think about it.

You can't even dream about it.

And I feel really terrible

- when I think about all my friends.. - ( clattering )

- ( Krystyna continues chattering on TV ) - ANNA?

- WHAT IS SHE DOING? - ( chuckles )

- Interviewer: But we're glad you're here. - ANNA?

Interviewer: And you'll be very happy here. Good luck with the movie.

And thank you so much, Krystyna.

Krystyna on TV: Thank you.

( studio audience applauding, cheering )

ANNYE-- ( speaks Czech )

( TV commercials chattering )

( speaks Czech )

ANNYE.

( crying, gasping )

ANNYE-- ( speaking Czech )

ANNYE! ANNYE!

- Anna: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! - ANNA! LEAVE HER ALONE!

- COME IN! - ( Anna screams )

COME IN!

( sobbing )

DAMN!

( water dripping )

Daniel: ANNA?

( knocking )

Daniel: ANNA!

PLEASE! OPEN THE DOOR!

WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOU!

OPEN THE DOOR! PLEASE!

ANNA, I'VE GOTTA TALK TO YOU!

- AnnGO AWAY. - Daniel: YOU WON'T TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE.

I HAVE TO COME HERE. PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!

- AnnI DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. - Daniel: ANNA, COME ON!

Krystyna: DEAR NOODLE,

I DON'T LIVE WITH ANNA ANYMORE.

I HAD TO MOVE OUT BECAUSE WE HAD A LITTLE ARGUMENT,

BUT I THINK EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

DANIEL DECIDED TO STOP WRITING HIS BOOK

AND WILL BE MY MANAGER FOR THE MOVIE.

THEY ARE MAKING ALL KINDS OF FANCY COSTUMES

ESPECIALLY FOR ME.

I HAVE A DANCE TEACHER AND SOMEBODY THAT TEACHES ME

TO SHOOT BOW AND ARROW.

FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, I WILL NOT HAVE TIME TO WRITE.

CROSS YOUR FINGERS, DEAR NOODLE.

FIRST SUCCESS IS MOST IMPORTANT.

LOVE FROM YOUR STAR, KRYSTYNA.

ANNA! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE AT HALF-HOUR.

- IT'S YOUR DUTY. ( car horn beeps )

- KRYSTYNA. - WHAT?

- AMERICA. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

LEAVE ME ALONE.

MARION'S SICK. YOU'RE GOING ON, HONEY.

- I'M GOING ON FOR THE BLACK ONE? - YEAH, COME ON.

COME ON. ( murmuring )

Actress: I LOVE IT WHEN IT'S FESTIVE.

DO YOU LIKE PARTIES?

ALL RIGHT? NOW YOU'RE GOING ON FOR MARIAN.

YOU'RE 20 YEARS OLD. YOU'RE THE BLACK GIRL, OKAY?

ARE YOU OKAY? HONEY? ANNA?

ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

ARE YOU ON SOMETHING?

ANNA, WHAT'S YOUR FIRST LINE?

- Actress: YOU KNOW VERY WELL-- - WHAT'S YOUR FIRST LINE?

- DO YOU KNOW IT? - I'VE COME TO ASK YOU FOR HELP.

EXACTLY, RIGHT.

"I'VE COME TO ASK YOU FOR HELP, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME."

UH-HUH. WHAT ELSE?

- "I NEED YOUR COMPASSION." - I NEED-- THAT'S NOT THE LINE.

- IS SHE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT? - SHE'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.

Actress: ON TOP OF EVERYTHING, YOU WANT ME TO BE REASONABLE?

- I DON'T NEED YOUR PREACHING. - GO. GO.

Woman: RIGHT. SO WHAT DO YOU REALLY NEED FROM ME?

Veiled woman: BRING HER BACK. GLORIA!

RIGHT! SO WHAT DO YOU REALLY NEED FROM ME?

RIGHT. SO WHAT DO YOU REALLY NEED FROM ME?

I'VE COME TO ASK FOR YOUR HELP.

HELP? WHY SHOULD I HELP YOU? ( giggling )

- YOU HAVE TO HELP ME. - Woman: GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES.

WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME? WHY?

IS IT BECAUSE I'M PRETTIER?

IS IT BECAUSE I'M YOUNGER?

( chortling )

IS IT BECAUSE THAT I HAVE MORE LUCK THAN YOU?

( shrieks )

GET HER OFF THE STAGE.

- GET HER OFF THE STAGE. - ( all gasping )

YOU IMBECILE MEN! YOU IDIOT WOMEN!

MORE LUCK! REALLY, I COULD CHOKE

ON THIS KIND OF LUCK!

WHY DO YOU HATE ME?

WHY?!

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU?

( whispering ) GET HER OFF THE STAGE!

WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE!

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT CULTURE?

ALL YOU KNOW IF MICKEY MOUSE AND DONALD FUCK!

YOU PAY ALL THIS MONEY TO SEE THESE HAMMY ACTRESSES!

"SEVEN WOMEN OF DIFFERENT AGES"! THEY CAN'T ACT!

- ( Anna shouting ) - CURTAIN, YOU IDIOT! CURTAIN!

- BRING IT DOWN! - Anna: I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN ACT!

( crowd booing, jeering ) - ALL I EVER WANTED

WAS FOR YOU TO LIKE ME A LITTLE BIT!

NOTHING MORE! NOTHING MORE!

- NOTHING MORE! - ( booing, whistling )

NOTHING MORE!

- NOTHING MORE! - SHIT!

( whistling, applauding, booing )

( screams )

NOTHING MORE!

WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED IN THERE?

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA WORK AGAIN, ANNA. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!

LOOK AT ME!

( shrieking )

STOP! STOP!

( sobbing ) IT HURTS.

IT HURTS!

( siren wailing )

( upbeat violin music playing )

( cat wails )

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING'S HAPPENED?

I JUST HAVE SOMETHING

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

UH, WHAT I WANT TO TELL YOU, UH--

I'M LEAVING.

SOUTH AFRICA? COLOMBIA.

A NEW ADVENTURE?

NO.

( chuckles ) LOS ANGELES...

WITH KRYSTYNA.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH HER?

DANIEL, IF YOU GO...

I DON'T WANT YOU TO COME BACK.

THIS TIME, IT'S OVER.

I KNOW.

PLEASE... HOLD ME.

ANNA...

TRY TO UNDERSTAND.

( chuckles ) I'M 44.

WHEN JONATHON'S GROWN UP, I'LL BE OLD.

HOW AM I GONNA EXPLAIN TO HIM

WHAT I DID WITH THESE YEARS--

THAT I--

I SPENT 'EM WITH SOME CRAZY CHICK ACTRESS.

( whispers ) NO.

DON'T DON'T DON'T.

SHE'S GOING TO HAVE AFFAIRS.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I LOVE ONLY YOU.

AND I LOVE YOU.

( voice whispering )

( both cackling )

( woman caws, squeals )

DANIEL?

( projector sputtering )

( triumphant film score playing )

( both laughing )

( actors speaking Czech )

( mutters )

( giggles )

( sound warbles )

( birds cawing )

( distant voices chattering )

Woman: ALL RIGHT, SO LET'S STAND BY HERE.

Woman: OKAY, CLEAR, EVERYBODY! LET'S STANDBY FOR PICTURE!

TAKE THE COAT OFF AND GO!

OKAY, LET'S PLAY IT! ROLL SOUND!

Woman: 29 SHORT! TAKE ONE! SOUND 744!

- Woman: MARK! - ( clapboard clicks )

Man: AND... ACTION!

CUT! CUT!

- ( woman shouts ) - Man: GET READY FOR ACTION AGAIN!

Woman: LET'S ROLL SOUND AGAIN!

TAKE TWO! SOUND 745!

( clapboard clicks )

Man: READY... ACTION!

CUT! THAT WAS GREAT!

THAT WAS GREAT! OKAY, WE'RE GONNA

DO ANOTHER ONE JUST FOR SAFETY. OKAY, GET READY!

Woman: JUST ONE MORE FOR SAFETY! JUST THE ONE!

KRYSTYNA WILL GO RIGHT AWAY.

( Anna panting )

- Woman: LET'S ROLL IT! - Woman #TAKE THREE!

SOUND 746!

Man: ACTION!

( gun blasts three times )

Anna: KRYSTYNKO! KRYSTYNKO!

( Anna screaming ) NO! NO! NO!

LET ME GO! KRYSTYNA!

KRYSTYNKO!

LET ME GO!

- Krystyna: ANNYKO! - Anna: KRYSTYNKO!

- ANNYKO! - KRYSTYNKO! KRYSTYNKO!

( both women wailing )

Krystyna's voice: DEAR NOODLE,

I HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT LAST WEEK

AND I WAS IN A HOSPITAL FOR THREE DAYS.

BUT EVERYTHING IS FINE NOW.

ANNA HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN,

BUT IT IS A COMMON THING WITH ACTORS IN AMERICA.

WITH THE MONEY I MADE FROM THE FILM,

I'M GOING TO TAKE ANNA AND MYSELF

TO HAWAII.

WOW, DEAR NOODLE,

BLUE OCEAN AND A LOT OF FLOWERS AND PALM TREES.

THEY DON'T HAVE THAT IN NEW YORK.

ANNA THINKS SHE MAY GET MORE WORK

IF SHE LOOKS YOUNGER,

SO I WANT TO PAY FOR HER FACE-LIFT.

THAT'S NORMAL HERE TOO.

I'M VERY SORRY I COULDN'T ATTEND GRANDPA'S FUNERAL,

BUT I WAS FILMING

AND I COULDN'T POSSIBLY MAKE IT.

I SENT FLOWERS THROUGH A SPECIAL AGENCY.

DID YOU GET THEM?

I HOPE YOU DID, BECAUSE THEY COST ME A FORTUNE.

PLEASE SEND ME MY CHILDHOOD PHOTOS

BECAUSE A MAN WANTS TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT ME.

BOY, I LOVE AMERICA.

YOURS, KRYSTYNA.