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www.titlovi.com
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VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS
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d O Mother, my mother
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d Cruel mother country
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00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:45,920
d How sweetly your siren-song sounds
o'er the sea
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00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:51,920
d If it weren't for your arms,
an orphan I'd be
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00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:56,280
d O Mother, my mother
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00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,680
d Cruel mother country d
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00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,960
I've a mind to smash the dead
fucker's headstone in,
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like they did with Savile's.
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00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,560
I could have been a lion tamer
if I took that scholarship.
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00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,120
And I a magician. He's still right,
you know, David Copperfield.
13
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,280
Weren't just careers we lost, Carm.
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We could have had any man
in this town.
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Or dog. Gave our whole lives
to that calf,
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and this is how he thanks us.
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We won't hand our legacy
over to some undeserving bastard
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00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:28,400
without a fight.
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I'll get psychic Sandra to get
hold of him, tear him a new one.
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He won't answer! The dead coward.
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If Faither thinks he's had the last
word by dying,
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he's got another think coming.
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00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,440
KNOCK AT DOOR Ooh.
24
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,960
Oh!
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00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:03,920
Ooh, God.
26
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,480
Ooh. Oh.
27
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:10,640
Oh! Oh.
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00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,440
Oh! Ooh!
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00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:13,560
Mm!
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00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,120
Thank you!
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00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,160
Lovely.
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00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,120
PHONE RINGS
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00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:25,960
OK!
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00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,000
Bye, then!
35
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,920
Pick up, Linda!
36
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:39,600
Steve's told me you've gone to find
a time capsule in a tree...
37
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,040
in a forest of 20 million trees!
38
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,080
Well, he might have fallen
for it, but I haven't.
39
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,880
And what's all this shit
about a chore ledger?
40
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,000
We're women, Linda.
This is what we do.
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00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,080
It's what we've always done.
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00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,160
What makes you so bloody special?
43
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,640
Nothing. That's what.
44
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:59,960
So stop whingeing and moaning
about being a woman, and come home!
45
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,400
The kids said Steve smells already.
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00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:19,800
Today's show is about men's
sense of entitlement
47
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,200
and where it comes from.
48
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,720
I was at a friend's daughter's
ninth birthday recently
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00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,520
and we were about to do the cake,
50
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,440
and her little brother came out
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00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:36,600
with a poo on a plate with
nine candles stuck in it.
52
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,720
And his mum, my friend, laughed.
53
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,240
And you know, it got me thinking
that we don't have the same levels
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00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,160
of tolerance for little girls'
behaviour.
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00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:49,200
If a little girl came out with a poo
on a plate with a candle stuck
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00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,280
in it at her brother's birthday,
we would have her psychologically
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00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,960
assessed, as little girls
were asked to smile,
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00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,480
be nice, put that pigeon down.
59
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,680
Is it our reluctance to call out
the bad behaviour of boys
60
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:05,360
what leads to their sense
of superiority and entitlement?
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00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:09,480
And is that the root cause
of everything that's wrong
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00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:14,000
in the world? Lines are open...
Chemically castrate all boys!
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00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,040
Yeah, you can't keep calling in
and saying that, Becky.
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00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,400
Right, line two, Agnes.
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00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,120
There ain't going to be no Eel King
at this year's Eel Festival.
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00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,240
We're having a woman instead.
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00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:28,840
Well!
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00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,760
That's going to ruffle some feathers.
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00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:36,960
CYNICAL LAUGH
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00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,280
Brian on line three.
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00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:44,800
I don't understand why you has to
have an Eel Queen
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00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,960
when tradition says it's always...
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00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,680
Sorry, Brian. The line seems to be
coming out. I can't really...
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00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:50,920
Shh!
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00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:54,640
And lastly, one final reminder
before I hand over to the Verderer,
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00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,960
Tony's tackle will be out again for
my life drawing class tonight.
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00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,800
Great news about the Eel Queen, Verderer.
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00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,000
Not today, Joy.
I'm not in the mood.
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00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,440
Joy. Can I?
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00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,800
Yes. All right. Thank you.
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00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:28,920
SIGHS HEAVILY
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00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:31,760
Hot flush?
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00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,440
Yeah. I'm on my seventh of the day.
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00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:35,640
CHUCKLES
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00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,520
Oh, I'm sorry about the bell,
by the way.
86
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,760
Shouldn't you just take it off or
maybe put a sign up warning people?
87
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,440
No, no. Everyone knows. It's simple.
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00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,120
If we're talking, no walking. Oh.
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00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,120
SIGHS
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00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,480
God. Phew!
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00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,640
Is that...? Tony.
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00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,000
Yeah, Tony. Yeah, I met him in the
pub last night.
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00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,600
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
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00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,480
Really captured the essence
of him, haven't they?
95
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,920
I hear the caravans looking pukka.
Eh?
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00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:12,720
News travels fast around here, Linda.
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00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,880
Hey! Coffee?
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00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,320
Yes, please.
Yeah, that'd be lovely.
99
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,680
He's sweet.
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00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,080
They. Ryan's nonbinary.
101
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,920
He says it like it is, taking
on the wokerati one snowflake
102
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,440
at a time, giving it to you straight
and unfiltered...
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00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:28,720
It's the Verderer.
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00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,480
Good morning. Good morning.
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00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:35,400
I was going to speak to you about
immigration on the show today
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00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,000
and ask you, with the NHS in
crisis, isn't the taxpayers' money
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00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,160
better spent dealing
with an Englishman's cancer
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00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,280
than an African's aids?
109
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:46,840
But that will have to wait
till tomorrow because today
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00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,320
we are up against it with
the feminazis.
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00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,840
That's right. You'll have heard of
the Eel Sisters' ridiculous,
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00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:57,480
frankly, offensive idea of replacing
the Eel King with a queen
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00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,160
this Eel Festival. Well, not if I've
got anything to do with it,
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00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,760
they won't!
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00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,840
LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY
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00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,400
I'm all for equality
of the sexes, you know.
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00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,720
But not if that means
men missing out.
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00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,200
The men of this town have got nothing.
119
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,480
Nothing!
120
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,280
And you take away their Eel King,
121
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,760
well, that's the type of thing
that tip them over the edge.
122
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,840
And with male suicide rates
at an all-time high, today
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00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,160
I'm asking, is feminism
literally killing men?
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00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:26,480
Listen to this.
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00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,680
PLAYS SONG
126
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,280
Crikey!
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00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,400
He had a really hard lockdown. Oh.
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00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:36,360
First he lost a sister
and then he lost his job.
129
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,200
He actually went out to the forest
to end it all.
130
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,600
But then he saw some nesting
birds in an old oak tree
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00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,360
and he couldn't bear to do
it in front of them.
132
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,400
Oh.
133
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,000
We were just talking
about your uncle.
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00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,960
Every family has a problematic uncle
that they have to tolerate
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00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:56,160
over Christmas, but Ryan lives with
theirs all year round.
136
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:58,680
Is everything OK?
137
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,640
If you're still around Saturday,
you should come to our
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00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,000
cat speed-dating night.
Speed-dating for cats?
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00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,400
I set up a charity matching
homeless cats up with the elderly
140
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,560
and we have a date night in the pub.
141
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,200
Oh, that's nice!
Yeah, it gets pretty wild.
142
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,360
We had to pay for security.
Biting, scratching, spraying
143
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,360
all over the bars and furniture.
The cats are no trouble, though.
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Ryan! Ah! Ahh!
145
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Oh...
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You should tell those Eel Sisters
you don't like eels or they'll keep
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00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,760
leaving them on your step for you.
What...?
148
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,640
Don't worry. You'll get used to the
forest grapevine.
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00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:48,920
Oh, I need to go as well, actually.
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00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,400
I hope you find your tree.
151
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,720
I'm Joy, by the way.
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00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,440
Jesus! They'll be telling me
the colour of my pants next!
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Beige!
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00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,080
Please send Anthony, help me
to find my tree.
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INSECT BUZZES
Huh!
156
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,440
Huh!
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00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,720
PERSON HUMS A TUNE
158
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,120
Oh!
159
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,240
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
160
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:26,400
I didn't mean find it on the first
day, Saint Anthony!
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00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,440
Oh.
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00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,640
Oh, God.
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00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,680
Oh, mother of Jesus!
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00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,400
STRAINING
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00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:07,880
It's time, Lin!
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00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,800
SCREECHING
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00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,040
SCREECHING
168
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,800
Come, come, come, come, come!
169
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,400
Come on.
170
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,440
Whoa! Jesus!
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00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,120
You scared the shit out of me.
172
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,000
Wait, wait, wait, wait, woo!
173
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,600
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
174
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,840
I've got pepper spray up here
if you try anything.
175
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,480
Is it coarse or ground?
176
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:17,000
What, you think this is funny?
A lone woman trapped up a tree?
177
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,320
I'm sorry. It was just a little joke
to try and put you at ease.
178
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:21,720
What are you doing, anyway?
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00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:23,960
I was... I was given the all clear
for the boar.
180
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,880
This is where they come
for their breakfast.
181
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,160
The boar?
182
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,080
Yeah. The wild pigs.
183
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,480
There's wild pigs? Yes.
Here? Yeah.
184
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,160
Now? Yeah, and they're a little bit
confused now.
185
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,880
Oh. Oh, THEY'RE confused?
186
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,480
Yeah, because I told them
it was safe, and then I told them
187
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,880
to wait - because of you.
188
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,040
Can you ask them to wait
a little bit longer?
189
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,600
Oh, they won't hurt you. Please!
190
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,480
OK. OK.
191
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:48,880
I'll warn them off.
192
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,240
Home, home, home! Home, home, home!
193
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,760
Come on, girls and boys!
Home, home! Home, home, home!
194
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,160
Come on, girls and boys! You
know, you men should be more
195
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,800
self-aware of how threatening
you can be to lone women.
196
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:06,520
You know, you've killed
more women than cancer...
197
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:13,880
...wars, malaria and traffic
accidents combined.
198
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,840
Well, I try and keep myself busy.
199
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,480
Oh, my God! Oh, shit.
200
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,040
What did I just say? I'm sorry.
201
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,200
It looks like you know your way
around a rope.
202
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,400
Yeah, well, it's been a while,
but it all came back.
203
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,600
The porkers wouldn't have harmed
you, by the way.
204
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,920
They're only young'uns.
They lost their mum.
205
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,000
This is where they come
for their morning truffles. Right.
206
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,120
So why...? Some people want to keep
their numbers down.
207
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,640
I don't really agree with that
so I try to keep an eye on them.
208
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,760
You keep an eye out for the pigs
when they're digging for truffles?
209
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,640
Yeah. Oh.
210
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,040
Tha... that's nice.
211
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,600
I've not seen you around here
before, have I?
212
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,520
What were you doing up there? Oh,
213
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,120
I was looking for something
but it's gone.
214
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,080
It was a really long shot.
215
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,080
Oh, sorry to hear that.
216
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,280
Maybe the starlings made
a nest of it.
217
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,680
Maybe they did.
218
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:10,800
Hmm!
219
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,880
Why don't I make you a nice
cup of coffee? Perk you up a bit?
220
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,720
Oh... Only if you...
221
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,920
Yeah, why not? Oh, good.
222
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:26,960
OK. I'll just, erm, text...
223
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,360
Yeah, I'm just around the corner.
224
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,880
...let them know. Of course. Yeah.
225
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,560
Where I...where I am.
226
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,840
Here we are. Ooh!
227
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,440
Lovely. My veranda.
228
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:48,480
Mm!
229
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,120
Come on in.
230
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:57,240
It's not Buckingham Palace,
but it's home. Come in.
231
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:01,520
Ooh, it's a cave!
232
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,280
I'll get the coffee on. Wow.
233
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,320
Oh, I'm Linda, by the way.
234
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,920
Oh, I'm sorry - William.
235
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,960
But my friends call me Pig Man.
236
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,720
Nice to meet you, William.
237
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,040
Nice to meet you, Linda.
238
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:20,040
How did you end up living
in here like this?
239
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,520
Fate, I guess. I followed my gut.
240
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,360
Were you in the military
or the SAS or something?
241
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,760
No, I was a numbers man. Hmm?
242
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,240
Big job in the city. But adding
up other people's money all day
243
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,960
didn't amount to much for me. I felt
like I was squandering my time.
244
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,680
I can relate to that.
What about you?
245
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,800
Numbers woman. Oh.
246
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,600
Is that your daughter?
247
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,680
Yeah.
248
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:49,720
Sweet.
249
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,520
What about you? You got any kids?
250
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,400
No. It's very clean in here.
251
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,600
Why wouldn't it be? I'm not
an animal.
252
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,160
Which is a silly thing to say,
because I am.
253
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,480
I mean, we are animals, aren't we?
Mm.
254
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:03,920
Animals? Humans?
255
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,520
Who's making the mess
in this world, I wonder.
256
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,280
Sorry. I went off on one, then.
257
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,400
No, it's good. Humans ARE messy.
258
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,560
I've always been very house-proud.
Cave-proud now.
259
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,520
GRUNTS
260
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,840
Okeydokey.
261
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,880
What's the matter? Never seen a man
frothing milk before?
262
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,040
Yes, I have, actually. Just
not in a cave surrounded by pigs.
263
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,600
HE CHUCKLES
You should get out more often.
264
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,200
There we go.
265
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,720
Oops. Should be nice and frothy now.
266
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,200
I hate it when there's no froth!
267
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,160
Oh, damn. I've only got one cup.
268
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,160
Oh, you don't make coffee
for every woman you find trapped
269
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,040
up a tree, then? I do, yeah.
270
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,880
But then I have to kill them afterwards
271
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,200
and bury the cup with them.
272
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,360
Sorry. It's OK. It's funny.
273
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:57,400
Sometimes I burn them.
274
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,680
Oh, no, that's enough now.
275
00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,720
OK. Yeah.
276
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,040
Oh, my God.
277
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,520
Nice and frothy, isn't it?
278
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,680
GULPS
279
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:12,920
You like it?
280
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,000
It's always better when someone
else makes it, isn't it?
281
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,280
CUPBOARDS AND DRAWERS BANGING
282
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,560
Carm! Out of there!
283
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,160
You've got enough dildos now.
284
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,840
I'll never have enough!
285
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,040
That is the best coffee I've
ever had. Thank you.
286
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,800
Well, the porkers should be
having their siesta now,
287
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,600
so it's a good time to make
a dash for it.
288
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:51,800
Oh, right. Yeah.
289
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,000
Come on, I'll show you to the path.
Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, thanks.
290
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,520
Laptop cushions. 46.
291
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,640
Empty dishwasher. Two minutes, ten.
292
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,160
Talk to neighbour re dogshit.
293
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,120
15 minutes, seven seconds.
294
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,080
Cleaned up plates. Two minutes, 30.
295
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,800
Sex with Steve.
296
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,200
One minute 20.
297
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,240
No!
298
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,240
Lampshades get dusty?
299
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,040
PHONE RINGS
300
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,360
Hello, Siobhan!
Abandoning your own children.
301
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,200
You're worse than Magda Gobbles.
302
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,960
It's Goebbels, I think.
303
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,360
And I haven't abandoned them.
They're with their dad.
304
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,240
AND I'm sending them pictures
of the moon.
305
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,760
Well, they can't eat pictures
of the moon!
306
00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,680
People will judge you for this.
307
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,360
No, they won't. They won't know.
308
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,920
What do you mean, they won't know?
309
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,120
Well, I'm not telling anyone
I'm married with kids.
310
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:07,160
I don't want to be asked about them
all the time.
311
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,920
I don't know what the big
deal is, Siobhan.
312
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,840
I'm just having some time to myself.
313
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,480
Trying to find some time capsule
in a stupid tree.
314
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,880
Yeah, well, that didn't work out.
I've found it already.
315
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,360
The capsule wasn't there.
316
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,840
SIOBHAN LAUGHS
317
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,600
It's not funny, Siobhan.
318
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,040
LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY
319
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,000
It's really not that funny.
320
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,520
Saint Anthony!
321
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,600
Yes. Who else?
322
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,920
So you're coming home now, then?
323
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:40,040
Linda? I don't... I don't know. But
I shouldn't need a reason to stay.
324
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,480
Dads go away
on their own all the time.
325
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,840
Joe Wicks went off on his Triumph
and no-one batted an eyelid.
326
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,840
I've had enough of this
whingy women shit.
327
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,560
Just grow up and come home!
328
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,120
HORN BEEPS
329
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:53,600
And you can fuck off!
330
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,400
Nice to see a bit of old meat.
331
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,440
May I?
332
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:18,840
What's that? Death notices?
333
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:24,240
See, the problem with these
new-fangled gender neutral toilets,
334
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:30,520
Linda... Like many blokes, I enjoys
a big old fart when I urinate,
335
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,600
Not in front of the ladies.
336
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,640
No, because I am a gentleman.
337
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,080
That's how I've been brought up.
338
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,600
They don't call me Tony Bond
for nothing.
339
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,160
But what someone looks like ain't
always what they are.
340
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,080
Some people looks like gentlemen,
but are ladies.
341
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,520
And some people looks
like ladies, but are gentlemen.
342
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,640
Some of them are neither, and some
of them are both
343
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,640
ladies and gentlemen.
They move about, you know?
344
00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:01,520
But if I can't ask someone
what they is or what they isn't
345
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:06,680
for fear of causing offence, how do
I know who I'm allowed to fart
346
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:10,560
in front of when I'm at a urinal, urinating?
347
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:11,760
Hmm.
348
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,360
It's a nightmare.
349
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:17,720
Maybe just... don't fart.
350
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,600
What, don't fart...
351
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,400
...while I'm urinating? Don't fart
in front of anyone,
352
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:27,960
regardless of gender.
353
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,000
Yeah.
354
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,280
I suppose I could do that. Yeah.
355
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,560
Never really thought about it
before. There you go, then. Yeah.
356
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,440
I don't know what I'm doing here, Tony.
357
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,880
You're here to get laid, Linda,
like the rest of us.
358
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,320
I'm really not.
359
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,600
Drink? I'll get them.
360
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,840
You might break something
on the way.
361
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,520
Yeah. Every woman's heart, eh?
362
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,720
THEY CHUCKLE
363
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,200
d Oh, Sally, my dear, it's you
I'd be kissing.
364
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:17,000
d Oh, Sally, my dear,
it's you I'd be kissing.
365
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:22,120
d She smiled and replied, "You
don't know what you're missing."
366
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:34,560
d Oh, Sally, my dear, I wish
I could wed you
367
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:39,960
d Oh, Sally, my dear, I wish
I could bed you.
368
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,800
d She smiled and replied... d
369
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,800
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