Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:10,665
On display this evening, a pastiche
of painting from oddball-land.
2
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:14,572
The poet Sir Max Beerbohm reflected
that no one ever died of laughter.
3
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:17,440
Object of brush and
palette: the rebuttal.
4
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:20,709
The clown is Jackie Slater.
His occupation, a comedian.
5
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:24,718
His aspiration is to collect funny bones
and hang them on the walls of his life...
6
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:27,254
to hide the cracked plaster
and yellowed wallpaper...
7
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:30,758
that is part of the interior
decoration of failure.
8
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:35,455
Poor Jackie Slater: A bad joke told
in a foreign language in an empty hall.
9
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,464
The comic unable
to coax laughter.
10
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,830
The painting is called
Make Me Laugh.
11
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,927
And this lightless limbo
is called the Night Gallery.
12
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:00,255
Hi, folks. I wanna tell
you you're a wonderful
13
00:02:00,279 --> 00:02:02,231
audience to work for. I
get a lot of love out of you.
14
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:05,384
That's what I dig about you. Hey, one
of the troops. Good to see you, marine.
15
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,826
I tell you, man, supporting
the country, it's beautiful.
16
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,473
I did one of those veterans hospitals
shows, you know, to help the boys.
17
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:12,625
Got hit with a crutch.
18
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:15,965
Hey, uh, folks, uh,
19
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,876
do you wanna hear the one about the
astronaut who got stuck up in space?
20
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,781
He says, "How long am I
gonna be up here?" 'Cause he
21
00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:22,852
called mission control. They
said, "A millennium or so."
22
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,888
He says, "Where am I gonna stay?" He says,
"There's a hotel." He goes to the hotel.
23
00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:27,452
The guy says, "How
long will you need the
24
00:02:27,476 --> 00:02:29,192
room?" And he says,
"Oh, about a millennium."
25
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,084
The guy says, "That'll cost
you eight cents." He says,
26
00:02:31,108 --> 00:02:32,929
"Eight cents for a
millennium? I'm a little hungry."
27
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,669
He says, "I'm gonna
have a sandwich." Then
28
00:02:34,693 --> 00:02:36,515
the guy says, "Okay,
that'll cost you $800."
29
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:41,028
He says, "Eight cents for a room for a
millennium and $800 for a sandwich?"
30
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:44,121
He says, "Yeah, in this hotel,
we get you by the sandwich."
31
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,631
Uh, do you know how
to make a venetian blind?
32
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,171
Poke your finger in his eye.
33
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,674
My wife went to the West Indies.
34
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,370
Jamaica? She went
of her own accord.
35
00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:01,973
Hey, how do you like this suit, huh?
Sort of a chopped liver gray, huh?
36
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,984
The wife, uh... Well,
it's a nice fit, you know.
37
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,646
But the wife says it looks
more like a convulsion, huh?
38
00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:10,404
Hey, uh, folks, uh, you
know, I was standing out
39
00:03:10,428 --> 00:03:12,622
in front of the Plaza
Hotel talking to my friends.
40
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,356
Uh, matter of fact,
that's where I was living...
41
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,762
In front of the
Plaza Hotel. Yeah.
42
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:21,359
Well, I know you're out there, folks.
Uh, yeah. Uh-huh. And I'm up here, folks.
43
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,034
Of course, if the
lighting is bad in here and
44
00:03:23,058 --> 00:03:24,818
you can't find me,
just listen for the sound.
45
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:31,521
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
I want to present to you...
46
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,863
four of the loveliest
girls you've ever seen
47
00:03:33,887 --> 00:03:36,176
in your life, The Rocky
Mountain Rockettes.
48
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:39,151
Yeah!
49
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:45,786
♪♪
50
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,469
How did it go, booby?
51
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,073
Not so bad for a first shot.
52
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:06,443
I'm gonna rework it a
little before the next show.
53
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,216
So say it!
54
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,295
Say what? What
do you wanna hear?
55
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,773
It would have been
nice to hear you out
56
00:04:31,797 --> 00:04:34,174
there, pushing a couple
of yocks over for me.
57
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:38,807
Beating your hands
together a couple of times.
58
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:43,179
I'm playing Forest Lawn.
59
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,428
I got the only agent who
makes it like it's a federal act...
60
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,047
that says he's got to be
horizontal after sunset.
61
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,922
Hmm. Didn't go over
so good, huh, booby?
62
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:55,258
The only tomb
with a stage in it.
63
00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:57,661
That's the only stage
with a corpse on it.
64
00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:00,064
He warms up slow, Mr. Mishkin.
65
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,262
It's 102 out there. The stiff
couldn't warm up in a boiler room.
66
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:06,101
Tough audience, Mr. Mishkin.
You'll give me that, won't you?
67
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:10,167
Tell you what I'll give you, papers
to walk. Do the next show, then cut.
68
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,712
But you said three weekends.
69
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:15,271
That was before I heard him.
70
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:18,011
Look. You are his
agent. Isn't that the idea?
71
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:20,144
Sixteen years, Mr. Mishkin.
72
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,156
Then book him in
the Air Force Museum.
73
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:26,887
This guy doesn't tell jokes.
He goes on bombing missions.
74
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,488
Hey, you can't ace me out
after one lousy show, Mr. Mishkin.
75
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,400
I can't? Read your contract.
76
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:39,599
Gimme a break. What
do you got to lose?
77
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,752
I mean, an act's gotta build. I-I mean, a
couple of weeks for the word of mouth.
78
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,439
Tell him, Julie.
Tell him, Julie.
79
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,812
Tell him about that gig in
Buffalo. Six weeks held over!
80
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,341
Capacity audience
in a tough room!
81
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:55,856
I mean, when I start
to grow, man, I-I zoom.
82
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,790
I can fill the Hollywood Bowl.
83
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:02,591
Unasked, the following opinion:
84
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:05,996
You couldn't fill a men's
room with free shoe shines.
85
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,022
Wanna know something?
86
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,070
I was a fat...
87
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:48,107
ugly little kid.
88
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,105
And when I used to
go to boy's camp...
89
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,483
all the kids used to...
90
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:00,486
push me off the dock.
91
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:06,756
And everybody used to laugh.
92
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,724
So I decided that's
what I'd do with my life.
93
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,995
I'd make people laugh.
94
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,777
You made some
people laugh, booby.
95
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:39,090
Jules, my loyal,
96
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:43,824
steadfast friend and
artist's representative.
97
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:49,028
I'm a second-rate
schlep going nowhere.
98
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:55,939
Sixteen years we
scratched each other's backs.
99
00:07:56,009 --> 00:08:00,640
I was still digging around in
garbage dumps for one-nighters.
100
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,043
Well, what does he know?
101
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:07,383
I-I mean, can you picture that
creep laughing at anything, huh?
102
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,854
I got a funny bit.
103
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:24,202
Now that's funny,
me thinking I'm funny.
104
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:27,840
That's funny.
105
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:33,636
I wish I could make
somebody laugh.
106
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:36,581
I'd give up everything I got.
107
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:39,380
Everything I got...
108
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:45,915
just to make somebody laugh.
109
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:50,061
Hey, barkeep, doesn't
this thing ever pay off?
110
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,041
- Jackie Slater?
- Hmm?
111
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:05,408
Your agent called, Jackie.
112
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:09,574
Loyal, steadfast and true.
113
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:14,849
Bankrupt, dispossessed and on his way
to Philadelphia with a steel guitar band.
114
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,015
Without me?
115
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,059
I gather you didn't kill
them in Perth Amboy.
116
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:22,027
They were dead
already in Perth Amboy.
117
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,798
I give you Perth Amboy.
118
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:28,562
I give you Michigan's Palladium.
119
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:31,901
Six tables with a pallbearer
at each one of them.
120
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,315
We have not met, yefendi.
121
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:53,588
Chatterje is the name.
Miracles by profession.
122
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,260
Miracles. Miracles.
123
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,132
That's just what I
need, Mr. Chatterje.
124
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:08,772
You are now face-to-face
with Mr. Unlucky.
125
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:11,835
Forgiveness, Mr. Slater,
but compared to me,
126
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,471
you are the winner of
the Irish Sweepstakes.
127
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:18,314
You are the owner of
the 1969 New York Mets.
128
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:22,822
And on the day they repealed prohibition,
you are the Little Old Winemaker.
129
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:27,020
Your indulgence, Mr. Chatterje,
but I am a-a ship maker in the desert.
130
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:29,790
I am a diamond
cutter with the palsy.
131
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:33,231
I am an opera
singer with laryngitis.
132
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:38,636
Reflect if you will, Mr. Slater, on this
undersized guru who sits beside you;
133
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:41,038
this child of adversity.
134
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:44,509
They booked me in a
Democratic dinner in New Rochelle.
135
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,638
They wanted to replace
me with William F. Buckley.
136
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,343
180,000 guys roaming
the streets, looking for a bar.
137
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,442
And what do I get?
The formaldehyde twins.
138
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:55,331
Now for laughs, why don't you two guys
go out in the park and get mugged, huh?
139
00:10:55,355 --> 00:11:00,350
Preferable. Decidedly preferable
to what is in store for me...
140
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,452
Death, certainly
before dishonor.
141
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:06,227
You, Mr. Slater, are yet a young
man with much ahead of you.
142
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:09,326
It need not always
be Perth Amboy.
143
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,497
You could yet make it on
The Andy Williams Show.
144
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:17,670
I, on the other hand, am fingering
the tassels at the far end of my rope.
145
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:20,646
By midnight tonight, if I
do not perform a miracle,
146
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:24,980
I am relieved of my powers and
I have dishonored my ancestors.
147
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:27,179
So work a miracle.
Who's stopping you?
148
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,652
There is no willing recipient.
149
00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:35,252
No soul trusting enough to allow
this poor guru to conjure up a blessing.
150
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,264
I am without hope.
151
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:41,768
I am a dispossessed
soul, tiptoeing in agony...
152
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:44,531
across the wasteland
of my shattered dreams.
153
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:49,565
Wait a minute. What's
with this miracle bit?
154
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:52,612
Ah, you are now diddling
with the essence, yefendi.
155
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:56,616
Every miracle-working guru must
work a wonder at least once a month.
156
00:11:56,683 --> 00:12:00,313
I am in arrears, hence disaster.
157
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,321
What kind of miracle?
158
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,323
Name it.
159
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,092
Could you get me on
The Dean Martin Show?
160
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,494
You should only ask.
161
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,863
Could you get me four weeks
at The Sands in Las Vegas?
162
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,868
With options.
163
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,530
Could... Could
you... Could you...
164
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,767
Speak, yefendi, speak!
165
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:26,743
Could you fix it so I
can make people laugh?
166
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:30,306
Hysterically. Uncontrollably.
167
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:33,046
Beyond your wildest dreams.
168
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:35,213
So do it.
169
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:39,553
Do it? Make a miracle.
170
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,562
Th-This moment?
171
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:45,758
You got until midnight to make
a miracle, so... so be my guest.
172
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,701
I-It shall be done, but...
173
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,670
But what? But what?
The payoff, huh? Huh?
174
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:54,173
What? The small print, huh?
175
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,733
Candor dictates certain
prior admissions, Mr. Slater.
176
00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:01,975
Before a miracle is wrought, it is
necessary that I leave no truth unspoken.
177
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:07,419
This is a cardinal rule amongst the
Order of Working Miracle-making Gurus.
178
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:10,889
In the hierarchy of
my art, how shall I say,
179
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,324
I am something
less than proficient.
180
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:18,991
That is to say I am given to small
imperfections in the miracles wrought.
181
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:21,899
Which is why I find
myself at this 11th hour...
182
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,837
so precariously in the
proximity of the proverbial creek.
183
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:27,840
What imperfections?
184
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:32,470
Insignificant imperfections.
Small, itsy-bitsy.
185
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,199
But it is necessary
that I acquaint you with
186
00:13:34,223 --> 00:13:35,824
the fact that in the
circle of my peers...
187
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:38,511
I am known as... as a klutz.
188
00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:44,087
So I'm obliged to tell you of
certain miracles wrought by me...
189
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,592
where small ironies intruded,
190
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,152
and the results were,
how shall I say, unfortunate.
191
00:13:50,229 --> 00:13:53,063
I don't care.
192
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:57,263
There was a wrestler in Vero Beach,
Florida, who wanted to visit Tibet.
193
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:02,275
That was his dream. He awoke to find
himself stranded atop Mount Everest,
194
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,039
in the midst of an
unmerciful blizzard.
195
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,356
They finally had to fetch him
down with a pair of ice tongs.
196
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:10,316
I wanna make people laugh!
197
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,818
I have in mind another
ill-starred venture,
198
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:16,788
having to do with a retired
schoolteacher in Spokane, Washington.
199
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,884
A Civil War buff. A passionate
admirer of the Great Emancipator.
200
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,455
Wanted only one thing:
to be in Lincoln's shoes.
201
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:29,195
Wound up in an insane asylum,
claiming he was a woolen sock.
202
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:33,706
Had to be restrained from sticking
darning needles into his head.
203
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:36,174
Am I getting through
to you, Mr. Slater?
204
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,406
There are miracles,
and there are risks.
205
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:43,382
But I don't care. I'll
take the risks. Just do it!
206
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:51,784
It is done. It is done! Done!
207
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:54,020
What? Done.
208
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:57,461
- What? Wh-What's done?
- "What's done?"
209
00:14:57,530 --> 00:15:00,398
What did you say? Did
you say, "What's done?"
210
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:04,198
What's done? What's
done? What's done?
211
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:07,069
What's done?
212
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:13,144
I can't believe you
said "What's done?"
213
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:16,444
Oh, I can't believe it.
He said, "What's done?"
214
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:21,057
Come here. Come
here. This guy has got the
215
00:15:21,081 --> 00:15:23,121
greatest routine. Say
it again. "What's done?"
216
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:26,853
What's done? Come here.
217
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,725
Do it. Do it. Give it
to them. What's done?
218
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,672
What's done?
219
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:53,617
Hey, guru, you done it.
220
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:56,417
You made a miracle.
221
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:02,818
Yes, yefendi. I'm
afraid you're right.
222
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,641
You know how to make a venetian
blind? Poke your finger in his eye.
223
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,088
♪♪
224
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,364
Hi, booby.
225
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:47,305
Aw, you killed 'em. You
were fantastic. I was listening.
226
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,933
I mean, all you had to do
was to open up your mouth.
227
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,376
Yeah.
228
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,607
I was, uh,
229
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,047
I was really proud
of you, Jackie.
230
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:02,420
You should be. I
done it all myself.
231
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:09,626
I thought steel guitar
bands was your current thing.
232
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:13,757
Was, is right. They
rusted out on me.
233
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:17,736
I got 'em a fair date in Columbus,
Ohio, and they got booed off the stage.
234
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:23,068
I had no choice, Jackie. I had to
take on somebody else or starve.
235
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,737
Forget it. I understand.
236
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:32,381
What I don't
understand though...
237
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:35,421
is how come I'm
not getting any kicks.
238
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,423
What do you mean?
239
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,618
I mean I'm boffo wherever I am.
240
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:44,426
I mean, every time I open up my
mouth, everything I say, they scream.
241
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:48,195
I mean, I tell old jokes, Julie. I don't
mean just old, I mean with cobwebs on them.
242
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,566
I mean antiques, and
they roll all over the floor.
243
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,730
Well, that's great.
244
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,933
It should be great.
245
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:59,536
But it isn't. It's... dull.
246
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,411
But isn't that what you
wanted, to make people laugh?
247
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,746
Well, isn't that
what you're doing?
248
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:09,880
Look. I-I read the Variety reviews
about the bit you did on the Skelton show,
249
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,891
and they said you
broke up the joint.
250
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:17,221
I broke up the joint. You
wanna know what I did?
251
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,435
I put on my hat,
walked on-camera.
252
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:27,029
I took off my hat.
253
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:30,270
They screamed
all over the place.
254
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:34,974
I finished my routine. I put back
on my hat. I walked off. That's it.
255
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:40,110
Big deal. I took off my hat.
256
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:43,122
It's a wonder Skelton didn't
fire his writers right on the spot.
257
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:46,785
I mean, he's the guy who works months
to work on a little piece of business...
258
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:49,454
in a hope that it'll pay
off in a couple of chuckles.
259
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:54,990
And I walk on, take off
my hat, and they scream.
260
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:58,003
I mean, I haven't heard such laughs
since they pushed me off the dock.
261
00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:02,073
- So?
- Jules.
262
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:08,036
Don't you understand? I'm bored.
263
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:15,079
I used to have to work
for it. No, fight for it.
264
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,591
And now it's all...
265
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,562
Dullsville, U.S.A.
266
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:25,393
What do you want?
267
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:28,059
I mean, you all the time
wanted to make people laugh.
268
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:31,502
Well, look. Now it's happening.
269
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:33,903
I mean, what else is there?
270
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,636
A comic wants to get laughs.
271
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:41,108
There's gotta be something more.
There's gotta be more to it than that.
272
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,115
Anybody can get laughs.
273
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:47,210
A dum-dum takes a pratfall. A
fat kid gets pushed off the dock.
274
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:51,018
Hardy-har-har. Big deal!
275
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:54,356
Look at this, man. I got... I got a
telegram. Look at these telegrams.
276
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:59,661
I got... I got offers. I got
deals. I got guarantees.
277
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:04,102
But to be what? A rum-dum
baggy pants schnook. Look here.
278
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,196
♪♪
279
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,976
Look at this.
280
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,142
Well, who's David Garrick?
281
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:22,951
Julie, get outta the tent
shows. Forget the carnivals.
282
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:26,959
You wanna manage donnickers
and ragbag operators all your life?
283
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,928
This is legit. This is Broadway.
284
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:33,107
"We'd like to discuss
with you the possibility
285
00:20:33,131 --> 00:20:35,127
of your playing a
straight dramatic role...
286
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:37,636
in play I have under option."
287
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:42,368
Julie, you dig it? A
straight dramatic role.
288
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:44,774
Jackie Slater, an actor.
289
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:47,905
Now look, booby. You
never did no acting.
290
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,882
You were never a straight
man. You are a comic.
291
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,045
Was a comic. Was a clown.
292
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,352
Was a dolt, was a
dunce, was a klutz.
293
00:20:57,423 --> 00:21:01,053
No more, understand?
An actor... Jackie Slater.
294
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,221
No, make that Jack Slater.
295
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:06,322
No, John Slater.
296
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:09,926
No... Jonathan Slater.
297
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:15,869
For the best actor
in a starring role...
298
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,876
The envelope, please.
299
00:21:20,412 --> 00:21:22,347
The winner...
300
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:28,680
Jonathan Slater.
301
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:32,213
All right, Mr. Slater. I'd
like your reading now.
302
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:35,056
Page one. Of act
two. From the top.
303
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:38,461
Oh. Now just keep in mind
that you're a circus clown.
304
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:40,319
You've just discovered
that your wife has
305
00:21:40,343 --> 00:21:42,332
left you. In fact, you've
just read the note.
306
00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:45,860
And at this moment, there isn't a single
thing in the world that you wanna live for.
307
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:47,873
Yeah, I got it. I got it. Right.
308
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:51,843
Oh, uh, Miss Wilson. Would
you read the girl acrobat, please?
309
00:22:03,389 --> 00:22:06,757
What's the matter,
Bimbo? You look odd.
310
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:10,729
Sure, odd. I'm a clown.
311
00:22:11,730 --> 00:22:13,892
A clown's supposed to look odd.
312
00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:16,868
A funny thing happened to
me on the way to the big top.
313
00:22:18,370 --> 00:22:20,464
My life just got dissolved.
314
00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:28,244
A clown isn't supposed to cry!
315
00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:32,046
He's supposed to laugh.
316
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:44,429
But the smiles...
are just painted on.
317
00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:58,775
I-I'm sorry, Mr. Garrick,
but the guy's a comic.
318
00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:01,575
No matter what he reads,
it comes out like a gag.
319
00:23:01,647 --> 00:23:05,482
I thought he had what we needed.
Something... Something in his face.
320
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:10,012
Face, gestures, everything.
He's strictly for laughs.
321
00:23:10,089 --> 00:23:12,024
Look at him.
322
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:14,560
Just look at him.
323
00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:19,031
Okay, I made a mistake. Shake his hand, pat
him on the back and get him out of here.
324
00:23:26,805 --> 00:23:29,036
You wanna know what you are?
325
00:23:29,108 --> 00:23:32,476
You're a bunch of dirty,
rotten, insensitive people.
326
00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:34,877
That's what you are.
327
00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:38,611
You're the kind... the kind
who pushed me off the dock.
328
00:23:38,684 --> 00:23:41,483
"Pushed him off the dock."
329
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:38,839
As must be obvious, yefendi,
miracles are not without risks.
330
00:24:38,911 --> 00:24:41,676
Unforeseen little addenda.
331
00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:43,773
"Unforeseen little addenda"?
332
00:24:43,849 --> 00:24:45,948
Thanks to you, I can't
say "How are you? Good
333
00:24:45,972 --> 00:24:48,048
morning. A glass of
orange juice, please"...
334
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:50,783
without people breaking
up in screaming convulsions.
335
00:24:50,856 --> 00:24:52,791
It was as you wished, yefendi.
336
00:24:52,858 --> 00:24:55,327
Well, I don't wish it
anymore. Understand?
337
00:24:55,394 --> 00:24:59,855
I want you to fix it so that I never
have anybody laugh at me again.
338
00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:02,800
Yefendi, there is
an unwritten law:
339
00:25:02,868 --> 00:25:04,837
One miracle to a customer.
340
00:25:04,903 --> 00:25:08,965
I don't care, you second-rate
swami. I want another miracle.
341
00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:14,036
I want you to fix it so that I
can touch people, move them.
342
00:25:14,113 --> 00:25:16,947
Make 'em cry, not laugh.
343
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:19,747
You get that? And
I want it done now.
344
00:25:19,818 --> 00:25:21,787
Because if you don't,
what's left of you...
345
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:23,750
will be able to
be stuffed in that
346
00:25:23,774 --> 00:25:26,315
moth-eaten turban and
dumped in a doggie bag.
347
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,465
It is done.
348
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:35,592
"Done." Done.
349
00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:39,604
You'll never again be
laughed at, yefendi. Never ever.
350
00:25:42,107 --> 00:25:44,667
Well, we'll just
see. We'll just see.
351
00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:52,779
Hey, lady! Hey! Hey, lady!
352
00:25:52,851 --> 00:25:56,618
Hey, lady, did you hear the
one about the two Arabs...
353
00:25:56,688 --> 00:25:58,531
who met on a streetcar,
while the first one...
354
00:26:03,629 --> 00:26:06,641
Now try to keep calm. I just told
you, we've already called the police.
355
00:26:06,665 --> 00:26:09,328
They're on their way here now.
356
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:12,337
♪♪
357
00:26:34,059 --> 00:26:36,995
I wonder if I'll ever
get the hang of this.
358
00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:48,368
♪♪
359
00:26:52,077 --> 00:26:56,242
Our second painting this evening
has to do with the stalker and the victim.
360
00:26:56,315 --> 00:26:58,250
The hunter and the hunted.
361
00:26:58,317 --> 00:27:00,954
That rare breed of Homo
sapien whose love of
362
00:27:00,978 --> 00:27:03,881
butchery is not a sport
but a consuming passion.
363
00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:07,916
Offered to you now, Clean
Kills and Other Trophies.
364
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:38,147
I call this my trophy
room, Mr. Pierce.
365
00:27:39,758 --> 00:27:42,785
Oh, I'll take care of
that, Tom. Very good, sir.
366
00:27:42,861 --> 00:27:45,262
Tom here is an Ibo.
367
00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:47,663
He's the son of a tribal chief.
368
00:27:47,733 --> 00:27:49,793
He's a highly
educated young man.
369
00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:52,497
His father sent him
to school in England.
370
00:27:52,571 --> 00:27:55,370
Will that be all, sir? That'll
be all. Thank you, Tom.
371
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,375
Excuse me, gentlemen.
372
00:28:00,546 --> 00:28:02,811
Quite a specimen, isn't he?
373
00:28:02,881 --> 00:28:05,248
Specimen?
374
00:28:05,317 --> 00:28:08,044
He's an African,
Mr. Pierce. Don't be misled
375
00:28:08,068 --> 00:28:10,881
by the Oxford accent
or the tailored clothes.
376
00:28:10,956 --> 00:28:14,324
For all the outward
accoutrements of civilization,
377
00:28:14,393 --> 00:28:16,328
he's never left the jungle.
378
00:28:16,395 --> 00:28:21,959
He still carries amulets and
fervently believes in black magic.
379
00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:25,368
A pagan savage,
Mr. Pierce, like all his breed.
380
00:28:25,437 --> 00:28:29,465
About the trust fund, Colonel.
I'll only require your signature.
381
00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:34,605
I've made all the arrangements for
the money to go to the beneficiary.
382
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,911
Plenty of time, Mr. Pierce.
383
00:28:36,982 --> 00:28:40,043
Plenty of time for
Archie's inheritance.
384
00:28:41,587 --> 00:28:45,786
Do you know anything of
hunting, Mr. Pierce? Or guns?
385
00:28:45,857 --> 00:28:47,849
I'm afraid not, sir.
386
00:28:47,926 --> 00:28:52,227
- That's your hobby, my father said.
- Hobby?
387
00:28:52,297 --> 00:28:54,323
Hardly a hobby.
388
00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:56,698
It's what I do with my life.
389
00:28:56,768 --> 00:28:59,966
I don't think there's any game
in the world that I haven't stalked.
390
00:29:00,038 --> 00:29:02,200
Stalked and killed.
391
00:29:04,543 --> 00:29:09,345
This, uh, baby here is
a... a Thompson gazelle.
392
00:29:09,414 --> 00:29:11,349
I got him in the Nyeri Forest.
393
00:29:11,416 --> 00:29:14,318
Those horns are 16 and
three-quarter inches long.
394
00:29:14,386 --> 00:29:17,948
It's mentioned in Ward's
Records of Big Game.
395
00:29:19,191 --> 00:29:22,787
I understand you just
graduated college, Arch.
396
00:29:22,861 --> 00:29:25,797
Yes, his sole, remarkable
achievement to date.
397
00:29:25,864 --> 00:29:29,926
That is, if you don't give points
for excessive brandy consumption.
398
00:29:31,136 --> 00:29:34,129
This might interest you, Pierce.
399
00:29:34,206 --> 00:29:37,540
That chap gave me big trouble.
400
00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:40,670
I got him on a rainy night.
Lions are temperamental beasts.
401
00:29:40,746 --> 00:29:42,806
They're subject to moods.
402
00:29:42,881 --> 00:29:45,783
Rainy weather
makes them nervous.
403
00:29:45,851 --> 00:29:48,582
But darkness stimulates them.
404
00:29:48,654 --> 00:29:53,115
They hunt at night, and
I hunted him at night.
405
00:29:53,191 --> 00:29:56,992
One other trouble about lions
is that they can see in the dark.
406
00:29:57,062 --> 00:30:00,226
So, for openers, he
had all the advantage...
407
00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:03,133
Rain, night...
408
00:30:03,201 --> 00:30:05,136
and his uncanny sense of smell.
409
00:30:05,203 --> 00:30:09,538
All the advantages,
Colonel, except a gun.
410
00:30:09,608 --> 00:30:14,069
A lion on a charge can
run 40 miles an hour, Pierce.
411
00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:16,377
If you haven't got a gun
or a marksman's eye,
412
00:30:16,448 --> 00:30:18,974
he can spread you
over the map of Africa.
413
00:30:20,752 --> 00:30:23,517
Do you hunt, Arch?
414
00:30:23,588 --> 00:30:25,523
Archie hunt?
415
00:30:25,590 --> 00:30:28,116
Does that look like
a hunter, Pierce?
416
00:30:28,193 --> 00:30:32,528
Can you picture that dish of jellied
consommé squaring off to a wild animal?
417
00:30:32,597 --> 00:30:38,298
No, Archie does little
but occupy space.
418
00:30:38,370 --> 00:30:42,034
Hunting requires traits of
character that he fails to possess.
419
00:30:42,107 --> 00:30:45,305
Not the least being guts.
420
00:30:45,377 --> 00:30:48,142
But not everyone goes
in for hunting, Colonel.
421
00:30:48,213 --> 00:30:50,148
I am not concerned
with everyone.
422
00:30:50,215 --> 00:30:52,741
I'm concerned with that
pallid handwringer over there,
423
00:30:52,818 --> 00:30:57,586
who would take his inheritance and
give it to one of his myriad causes...
424
00:30:57,656 --> 00:30:59,818
Senegalese unwed mothers,
425
00:30:59,891 --> 00:31:02,451
pickaninny's free lunch program.
426
00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:05,725
Or perhaps something dearer
to his heart and character...
427
00:31:05,797 --> 00:31:08,961
The Women's Liberation Movement.
428
00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:13,062
My father would prefer that
I do a little random killing.
429
00:31:13,138 --> 00:31:17,041
Why not? Man has been
killing for a million years.
430
00:31:17,109 --> 00:31:19,442
And man is not the
only animal in the jungle.
431
00:31:19,511 --> 00:31:21,480
If we don't kill
others, they'll kill us.
432
00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:24,243
That's the equation of survival.
433
00:31:24,316 --> 00:31:27,081
What if you both survive?
Do you hear that, Archie?
434
00:31:27,152 --> 00:31:29,519
You have a colleague,
a kindred soul.
435
00:31:29,588 --> 00:31:34,219
And do you think that is
wrong to kill something like that?
436
00:31:34,292 --> 00:31:36,227
If it's done unnecessarily.
437
00:31:36,294 --> 00:31:39,025
"If it's done unnecessarily."
438
00:31:39,097 --> 00:31:44,058
So the criterion of cruelty
is not the act but the motive.
439
00:31:46,638 --> 00:31:51,269
There is a certain tribe in
Africa called the Masai, Pierce.
440
00:31:54,446 --> 00:31:56,381
Every now and then,
441
00:31:56,448 --> 00:31:59,782
they pick out some of their
less active senior citizens...
442
00:31:59,851 --> 00:32:04,585
and put them out in the bush
so the hyenas can eat them alive.
443
00:32:04,656 --> 00:32:09,424
Didn't Adam Smith have some
theory about overpopulation?
444
00:32:09,494 --> 00:32:11,486
The painted savages don't
need fancy economists...
445
00:32:11,563 --> 00:32:15,466
to tell them how to keep
the population down.
446
00:32:15,534 --> 00:32:19,471
They act upon instinct.
The instinct of survival.
447
00:32:19,538 --> 00:32:22,702
I suppose you would
call that cruel, would you?
448
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:27,075
I'd call it savage, uncivilized.
449
00:32:27,145 --> 00:32:30,843
But at least it's death
with some purpose.
450
00:32:30,916 --> 00:32:33,408
I kill with a purpose.
451
00:32:33,485 --> 00:32:37,980
And my purpose is to prove
that I am superior to what I kill.
452
00:32:41,092 --> 00:32:43,027
Archie?
453
00:32:43,094 --> 00:32:45,290
A point of information.
454
00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:52,601
Mr. Pierce has a briefcase with
some papers in it for me to sign.
455
00:32:52,671 --> 00:32:55,573
There's a couple of million
dollars worth of securities,
456
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,974
stocks and bonds
waiting for you.
457
00:33:00,045 --> 00:33:02,640
Are you aware of that?
I'm quite aware of that.
458
00:33:02,714 --> 00:33:05,980
Oh, he's quite aware of that.
459
00:33:06,051 --> 00:33:08,452
And are you aware that
you will be a millionaire...
460
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,012
in a few weeks? Yes.
461
00:33:11,089 --> 00:33:15,026
And are you aware that it
only requires my signature?
462
00:33:15,093 --> 00:33:17,028
I'll, uh, just get my briefcase.
463
00:33:17,095 --> 00:33:20,725
That will not be necessary. I
know the contents of that briefcase.
464
00:33:20,799 --> 00:33:23,462
I know the nature
of those securities...
465
00:33:23,535 --> 00:33:27,233
Their number, their
names, their current values.
466
00:33:27,305 --> 00:33:29,638
I want to make a codicil.
467
00:33:29,708 --> 00:33:32,303
A codicil? Correct.
468
00:33:39,217 --> 00:33:44,679
If within 15 days, my son has
not killed himself an animal,
469
00:33:44,756 --> 00:33:47,851
I wish to dissolve the trust.
470
00:33:47,926 --> 00:33:51,829
Are you aware of the
condition I have just imposed?
471
00:33:51,897 --> 00:33:56,335
I wish you to kill an
animal... by yourself.
472
00:33:56,401 --> 00:33:59,269
With a gun.
473
00:33:59,337 --> 00:34:01,499
Exhibit "A," Mr. Pierce.
474
00:34:01,573 --> 00:34:04,737
The illustrious heir having
just been given due notice...
475
00:34:04,809 --> 00:34:09,577
that his father has arbitrarily
diddled him of what is his,
476
00:34:09,648 --> 00:34:12,914
does nothing but
stand there and suffer.
477
00:34:12,984 --> 00:34:14,919
Colonel...
478
00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:19,617
By rights, he should by now have
been rifle-butting me into oblivion.
479
00:34:19,691 --> 00:34:23,560
But that is not Archie's breed.
He has no aptitude for violence.
480
00:34:23,628 --> 00:34:26,291
He's been taken on
trips through the jungle,
481
00:34:26,364 --> 00:34:28,890
to hunting preserves,
the African velt...
482
00:34:28,967 --> 00:34:33,905
Places which most boys would
welcome as high adventure.
483
00:34:33,972 --> 00:34:37,568
But whenever a gun was fired, I
found him cowering under a bush.
484
00:34:37,642 --> 00:34:40,840
Sir, none of this
is my business.
485
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:43,541
I'm here for a specific reason,
486
00:34:43,615 --> 00:34:45,709
to handle the reversion
of the trust fund.
487
00:34:45,784 --> 00:34:47,912
That's all I'm supposed to do.
488
00:34:47,986 --> 00:34:50,148
As to any disagreement
you may have with your son...
489
00:34:50,221 --> 00:34:53,316
As to any disagreement
between me and my son,
490
00:34:53,391 --> 00:34:55,375
that is very much your business,
491
00:34:55,399 --> 00:34:58,159
Mr. Pierce, because
it relates to the trust.
492
00:34:58,229 --> 00:35:00,787
I am not going to hand
a gravy bowl over to
493
00:35:00,811 --> 00:35:03,634
this simpering vegetable
who has dishonored me.
494
00:35:03,702 --> 00:35:06,501
I'm afraid you don't have
any choice in that matter.
495
00:35:06,571 --> 00:35:08,665
I could refuse to sign.
496
00:35:08,740 --> 00:35:11,574
That would be most unwise, sir.
497
00:35:11,643 --> 00:35:14,238
You've been paying
fiduciary taxes on...
498
00:35:14,312 --> 00:35:16,781
Don't give me that
fiduciary nonsense.
499
00:35:16,848 --> 00:35:19,443
- What could he do to me?
- He could sue you.
500
00:35:19,517 --> 00:35:21,782
Sue me?
501
00:35:21,853 --> 00:35:25,415
This vegetable get a battery
of lawyers and sue me?
502
00:35:25,490 --> 00:35:29,257
He could start proceedings in
the morning in a court of law.
503
00:35:30,295 --> 00:35:32,628
That would be my advice to him.
504
00:35:32,697 --> 00:35:37,533
And my advice to you, Mr. Pierce,
is to go to bed and get some sleep.
505
00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:42,768
Because tomorrow, Archie
and I are hunting deer.
506
00:35:42,841 --> 00:35:46,403
And my son is
going to fire a gun...
507
00:35:46,478 --> 00:35:49,915
for the first time in
his miserable life.
508
00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:52,109
Because if he doesn't,
509
00:35:52,183 --> 00:35:55,915
I'll take every security
in that trust fund...
510
00:35:55,987 --> 00:36:00,550
and I will drivel it away
on every high-risk venture...
511
00:36:00,625 --> 00:36:04,187
that I can find
in either market.
512
00:36:04,262 --> 00:36:09,565
By Wednesday morning, I will turn
that two million dollars into wastepaper.
513
00:36:19,144 --> 00:36:23,878
Father! Is it really so
incomprehensible to you...
514
00:36:23,948 --> 00:36:26,383
that I can't kill anything?
515
00:36:27,452 --> 00:36:29,421
How about an animal?
516
00:36:29,487 --> 00:36:32,651
Come on. M-Maybe a child.
517
00:36:32,724 --> 00:36:35,751
How about any living thing?
518
00:36:38,263 --> 00:36:40,391
You answer me!
519
00:36:41,466 --> 00:36:44,664
It is incomprehensible to me
that I have managed to sire...
520
00:36:44,736 --> 00:36:47,706
a muling, sniveling,
self-indulgent milksop,
521
00:36:47,772 --> 00:36:52,142
who is unable to grasp the
most elementary fact of life:
522
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:56,341
The whole world is a
bloody hunting jungle.
523
00:36:56,414 --> 00:37:00,408
You stalk with the hunter,
or you run with the quarry.
524
00:37:00,485 --> 00:37:04,183
You have no other choice.
The beasts have no choice.
525
00:37:04,255 --> 00:37:08,022
Only man. That is
why he is superior.
526
00:37:08,093 --> 00:37:12,963
Oh, no, no, no, no. Not
superior, j-just deadlier.
527
00:37:13,031 --> 00:37:15,591
You take away his
gun, and he's a beast.
528
00:37:17,335 --> 00:37:20,794
You are currently in
possession of a gun, Archie,
529
00:37:20,872 --> 00:37:25,901
a bolt-action .458, which could
make a hole in me the size of two fists.
530
00:37:25,977 --> 00:37:27,912
What are you waiting for?
531
00:37:29,814 --> 00:37:31,942
Nothing.
532
00:37:37,122 --> 00:37:40,149
Send him off to bed, Tom.
533
00:37:40,225 --> 00:37:42,160
Leave the door open
and a light in the hall.
534
00:37:42,227 --> 00:37:44,594
I imagine darkness
frightens him too.
535
00:37:52,871 --> 00:37:55,397
Archie, listen to me.
536
00:37:55,473 --> 00:37:57,499
You don't have to kill a deer...
537
00:37:57,575 --> 00:38:01,535
or swat a fly or step on
an ant if you don't want to.
538
00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:03,548
You don't have to do anything.
539
00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:06,517
All you have to do
is sign your name.
540
00:38:06,584 --> 00:38:09,296
Naturally, since we represent your
father, we couldn't take the case,
541
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:14,258
but I'll send you to
a first-rate law firm.
542
00:38:14,325 --> 00:38:16,385
By tomorrow lunchtime,
543
00:38:16,461 --> 00:38:19,124
they can get a court
order impounding the trust.
544
00:38:19,197 --> 00:38:21,132
Do you think he's different?
545
00:38:23,334 --> 00:38:25,929
Do you think he's
a special case?
546
00:38:28,173 --> 00:38:30,108
Mm-mm.
547
00:38:31,309 --> 00:38:33,676
He's 20th-century man.
548
00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:39,777
That's his big passion,
to... to commit murder...
549
00:38:39,851 --> 00:38:45,620
under the protection of a... of
a state-issued hunting license.
550
00:38:47,425 --> 00:38:51,260
Why, I know he's a whole lot
closer to the norm than I'll ever be.
551
00:38:52,864 --> 00:38:54,833
And tomorrow...
552
00:38:57,001 --> 00:39:03,832
Tomorrow... I will
try to shoot a deer.
553
00:39:06,144 --> 00:39:09,046
That's the only choice I've got.
554
00:39:09,113 --> 00:39:11,309
That's the only
choice he's given me.
555
00:39:15,286 --> 00:39:18,279
It is not the trust, Mr. Pierce.
556
00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:21,155
It has nothing to do with that.
557
00:39:22,227 --> 00:39:25,322
You know, a moment ago,
558
00:39:25,396 --> 00:39:27,592
I almost killed him.
559
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:33,137
And I would have,
because it was in my heart.
560
00:39:34,339 --> 00:39:36,274
But Tom...
561
00:39:39,410 --> 00:39:41,345
Well, thank God for Tom.
562
00:39:41,412 --> 00:39:47,352
Anyway, better a-a deer
than a... than a patricide.
563
00:39:47,418 --> 00:39:49,910
Wouldn't you say
that, Mr. Pierce?
564
00:39:52,557 --> 00:39:55,823
Judging by your expression,
I guess you wouldn't.
565
00:39:59,097 --> 00:40:04,866
I'm okay now, Tom.
I'm... I'm okay. Good night.
566
00:40:25,223 --> 00:40:28,591
Had you never met
Colonel Dittman before?
567
00:40:28,660 --> 00:40:33,689
No. My father's been his lawyer for
years, but I know very little about him.
568
00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:35,700
He has a strange
god, Mr. Pierce.
569
00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:40,467
He... He worships death,
and then he nails it to the wall.
570
00:40:40,538 --> 00:40:43,940
And yet you came here
with him and you've stayed.
571
00:40:44,008 --> 00:40:47,945
For the boy. That is why I came.
572
00:40:48,012 --> 00:40:51,107
And that is why I stay.
573
00:40:53,217 --> 00:40:55,812
A legacy of 50
years, Mr. Pierce.
574
00:40:55,887 --> 00:40:59,915
Bullet holes, punctured
bodies, chopped-off heads.
575
00:40:59,991 --> 00:41:03,553
A convocation of victims.
576
00:41:04,595 --> 00:41:07,565
And now he wants to add his son.
577
00:41:08,933 --> 00:41:12,370
Another trophy of the kill.
578
00:41:53,678 --> 00:41:57,308
This rain is a gift, Tom.
Excellent for tomorrow's hunting.
579
00:41:59,584 --> 00:42:02,144
I am speaking to you.
580
00:42:07,592 --> 00:42:10,494
Why will you make
him kill tomorrow?
581
00:42:10,561 --> 00:42:13,156
You have had 21 years
without it. Why tomorrow?
582
00:42:13,231 --> 00:42:15,257
It's my last chance.
583
00:42:17,101 --> 00:42:20,697
I want to give him his manhood.
Can't you understand that?
584
00:42:20,772 --> 00:42:24,072
That is what you will strip
him of if you give him a gun...
585
00:42:26,177 --> 00:42:28,043
and make him use it.
586
00:42:28,112 --> 00:42:31,446
If you had refused to hunt, what
would your father have done?
587
00:42:31,516 --> 00:42:34,850
We hunt for food.
588
00:42:34,919 --> 00:42:37,821
We hunt to stay alive.
589
00:42:38,990 --> 00:42:41,858
I was never taught
to kill for pleasure.
590
00:42:41,926 --> 00:42:44,486
The day I can kill
without pleasure,
591
00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:47,225
my son can have
everything I own.
592
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:53,995
If you're praying to your gods,
pray that the rain quits before dawn.
593
00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:57,702
Then the deer will come out
and enjoy the good weather.
594
00:43:08,052 --> 00:43:10,647
That is not what I pray for.
595
00:43:11,722 --> 00:43:13,850
Keep your eye on the
canyons over there.
596
00:43:13,925 --> 00:43:16,156
The whitetails
don't like the wind.
597
00:43:16,227 --> 00:43:18,560
We'll be out of
their scent up here.
598
00:43:20,031 --> 00:43:23,195
When you see the deer,
Archie, line up the forelegs.
599
00:43:23,267 --> 00:43:26,931
Place your shot so as to
kill or anchor him at one.
600
00:43:27,004 --> 00:43:31,499
Line up the upright part of
the "T" with the back crossbar.
601
00:43:33,744 --> 00:43:37,010
Aim to break the shoulder just
above the middle of the body.
602
00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:42,511
That way you'll
bring him down quick.
603
00:43:45,089 --> 00:43:48,526
If you aim high,
you'll break his back.
604
00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:58,832
A low shot can hit his heart. But if
you're high and in front, you get the neck.
605
00:43:58,903 --> 00:44:03,500
So make a clean kill, Archie.
606
00:44:03,574 --> 00:44:05,873
Look. He's yours.
607
00:44:08,045 --> 00:44:11,846
Take it slowly. Aim carefully.
608
00:44:11,916 --> 00:44:15,250
Just squeeze it off.
609
00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:17,447
Squeeze it, Archie.
610
00:44:17,522 --> 00:44:19,821
Squeeze it.
611
00:44:19,891 --> 00:44:22,486
Remember, just above
the middle of the body.
612
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,029
How you lined it up.
613
00:44:25,096 --> 00:44:27,565
What are you waiting for?
614
00:44:27,632 --> 00:44:31,535
He's not going to stay there
all day, damn it. Take your shot!
615
00:44:32,603 --> 00:44:36,301
Take your shot, damn
it. Take your shot!
616
00:44:40,444 --> 00:44:43,175
I told you a clean kill.
617
00:44:43,247 --> 00:44:45,307
Now we've got to
follow his tracks.
618
00:44:45,383 --> 00:44:47,318
We've got to check
the blood marks,
619
00:44:47,385 --> 00:44:49,581
find out where you did hit him.
620
00:45:08,539 --> 00:45:11,151
You want to butcher an
animal, I could have ordered one.
621
00:45:11,175 --> 00:45:14,737
I could have tied him down
and let you get at him with an ax.
622
00:45:14,812 --> 00:45:17,372
It's the same bloody thing.
623
00:45:18,950 --> 00:45:21,112
I could have predicted it.
624
00:45:21,185 --> 00:45:24,917
We tracked for three and a half
hours because the great white hunter,
625
00:45:24,989 --> 00:45:27,720
sneaking up the stairs,
hit him in the lungs.
626
00:45:27,792 --> 00:45:30,261
But he did get a deer.
627
00:45:30,328 --> 00:45:32,320
In the lungs.
628
00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:35,059
When I saw the blood, I
knew we had a long hunt.
629
00:45:35,132 --> 00:45:38,864
He tried. Heaven knows he tried.
630
00:45:38,936 --> 00:45:41,565
That's supposed
to make me proud?
631
00:45:42,607 --> 00:45:44,974
You've got nothing
to be proud of.
632
00:45:46,244 --> 00:45:48,236
Not a damn thing.
633
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,829
Open a window, will you, Tom?
634
00:46:11,902 --> 00:46:14,098
It's hot in here.
635
00:46:14,171 --> 00:46:17,266
Much too hot.
636
00:46:17,341 --> 00:46:22,112
My head... My
head is burning up.
637
00:46:27,151 --> 00:46:29,313
Didn't you hear me?
638
00:46:29,387 --> 00:46:31,322
Why do you stand there?
639
00:46:34,759 --> 00:46:38,787
My head. Something's happening.
640
00:46:40,197 --> 00:46:43,861
My dear God, my head.
641
00:46:52,743 --> 00:46:54,678
You're leaving, Mr. Pierce?
642
00:46:54,745 --> 00:46:56,680
Yes.
643
00:46:56,747 --> 00:46:58,841
Look after him, Tom.
644
00:46:58,916 --> 00:47:04,321
He shot himself a
deer a few hours ago.
645
00:47:04,388 --> 00:47:08,553
Just remind him that it
was a deer and only that.
646
00:47:08,626 --> 00:47:11,460
And make him understand
that he wasn't the executioner.
647
00:47:11,529 --> 00:47:14,158
It was his father.
648
00:47:14,231 --> 00:47:19,226
Why, his father has
been punished, Mr. Pierce.
649
00:47:19,303 --> 00:47:21,033
Punished?
650
00:47:21,105 --> 00:47:23,836
Properly and
befitting the crime.
651
00:47:24,975 --> 00:47:26,910
Where is he?
652
00:47:26,977 --> 00:47:29,674
The colonel? In there.
653
00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:34,645
Best not go in
there, Mr. Pierce.
654
00:47:36,087 --> 00:47:40,650
Why not? Sometimes the
punishment is as ugly as the crime.
655
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:46,158
Last night I prayed to
my gods, Mr. Pierce.
656
00:47:46,230 --> 00:47:49,894
It was the only
thing left to do.
657
00:47:49,967 --> 00:47:52,436
What did you pray for, Tom?
658
00:47:52,503 --> 00:47:57,908
That the hunter should know
what it is like to be the victim.
659
00:48:15,159 --> 00:48:19,654
Best go now, Mr. Pierce.
Take the boy with you.
660
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:22,495
How? How could...
661
00:48:22,566 --> 00:48:25,001
There are gods, Mr. Pierce.
662
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:29,165
Gods of the bush, of the
Congo, of the rain forests.
663
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:32,142
And with them,
vengeance is an art.
664
00:48:39,483 --> 00:48:42,851
Let's go. We're
getting out of here.
665
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,446
What about my father?
666
00:48:45,523 --> 00:48:49,619
Don't worry about him.
He's in good company.
667
00:49:43,247 --> 00:49:47,082
Now there is a trophy.
668
00:49:53,691 --> 00:49:56,525
The king of the jungle.
54362
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.