All language subtitles for News Radio S05E03 Lucky Burger.NonHI.cc.en

Clear and sunny,
with temperatures

dipping into the
low 50s by evening.

This is Max Lewis,
WNYX news time:

9:45.

He's good.

It makes you wonder
why he was fired

from 37 different stations.

Don't ask, don't tell.

So you're saying he
was a gay Marine?

I know why he was
fired so many times.

Really? Why? Because I hate him.

No one expects you to love
him as much as you loved Bill,

but I had to hire someone.

I'm all for him
being hired, Dave.

I just wasn't aware

that you were gonna give
him the job that's rightfully mine.

What job is that?

On-air news-talker person.

You know, the job in the booth,

whatever that's
called. I don't know.

Why can't you just give
him another job? Like my job.

He could take over my job.

What is your job?

Look, I sit over there at
the... You know, at the desk,

doing, ahem, work-related stuff.

It's very complicated what
I do, okay? Oh, hi, you.

Hey, Max, nice job
in there. Thanks.

Hey, Dave? Mm-hm.

That guy who hates me
left this note on my desk.

No, Matthew doesn't hate
you. He's just confused.

"Dear newly-hired
on-air talker-person,

See? You're fried."

I assume he meant
fired, but I wasn't sure.

Well, Matthew doesn't have
the authority to fire anyone.

This is on-air
talker-person Matthew Brock

with a special
shout out to my cats,

Chew-Chew and Mitt-Mitt. Hi.

WNYX news time...

Uh... D-do...? Do you
have...? Do you have a watch?

Now, Lisa, look, we're
short-staffed as it is.

I need you on the air,
not off doing what...

Whatever the hell it is
you wanna do. What is it?

An undercover exposé.
Which could win us an award.

Or boost ratings.
Thus giving you a raise.

Me too. I didn't say that.

Lisa, you've never done
undercover work before.

It's too dangerous.

This place could use
a little bit of danger.

Fine, I'll get
Matthew to replace

the fluorescent
light bulbs again.

Yes, I am aware that it
involves risks, but I am a reporter

and it's part of my
job. Yeah, don't worry.

If need be, I'll pull her out,

get her to a safe
house for debriefing.

Mr. James, why are you
so gung ho about this?

Because investigative reporting

is the life's blood of
American journalism.

Besides, I lost my
golf date this afternoon,

so I'm kind of bored.

All right. Look, uh... Okay.

I'll get Max to cover,
but promise to be careful.

Thank you. All right? All right.

Sir, couldn't you have just gone
to a putting green or something?

Dave, I didn't get
a V-8 in my golf cart

for no damn puttin' green.

Dave? I'm afraid I have
some sad news to report.

Really. One of your cats
has a troubling cough?

No.

I mean, I don't think so.

Actually, can I use your
phone real quick? No.

You know what? Never
mind. That's not the sad news.

Uh-huh, then what
is the sad news?

Well, it seems your
precious little Max Lewis

is not the man that
we thought he was.

Oh, really? Then who is he?

Well, that we may
never know, David.

But I had my people
check up on his résumé

and it seems that the stations
he claims to have worked at

have no record of a Max
Lewis ever working there.

Y-y-your people checked
up on this, did they?

Yeah. Your people?

My... My crack team
of researchers, Dave.

Yeah. They're not exactly cheap.

Dude, this is
Monopoly money. Oh.

Joe.

Joe, don't you have better
things to do with your time?

Yeah, but he's paying me.
This is still Monopoly money.

Sorry, sorry, wrong pocket.

Besides, what the
freak said is true.

I checked my sources and
Max Lewis hasn't worked

at any of the radio
stations on his résumé.

Uh-huh, your sources,
I assume that means...

other electricians
working at those stations?

We're everywhere, Dave.

But don't worry, we like you.

Oh, that's a great comfort, Joe.

So you want me to get
Max, so you can fire him?

No. Why not?

Well, because I think this
is a ridiculous witch hunt,

motivated by your
own naked ambition.

Well, if you think
there's one iota

of ambition in my nakedness,

then you severely
underestimate me.

Thank you for coming to Lucky
Burger and have a lucky day.

Welcome to Lucky Burger.
May I take your order?

Yeah. Hey, Lisa. Lorna.

Sir, it's Lorna. Oh, Lorna.

I thought you were
going undercover at...

Would you like to try one
of our Lucky Meal specials?

It's half price with a
purchase of a large soft drink.

Yes, Lorna. That would
be good, thank you.

One LM special. Meet me
by the ketchup dispenser.

But I actually want
one of the Lucky Meals.

Shh! Excuse me, sir.

The condiment area
was a little bit dingy.

I thought I'd wipe it down.

That's good thinking,
Lorna. You go right ahead.

Just act natural, sir. Get
yourself some ketchup.

Perfectly natural.

You would not
believe what I've seen.

Yeah? Open garbage containers,

unwashed cutting
boards, spoiled meat.

Spoiled meat at a Lucky
Burger. What a scoop.

Nobody ever said
journalism was glamorous.

Yeah, I know. But wouldn't it
be a more newsworthy story

if you found
spoiled meat at, like,

a restaurant that John-John
Kennedy might eat at?

In my back pocket,
you will find an envelope

containing two micro-cassettes.

Take them to Dave.

Sir?

Can't touch you there.

Have a Lucky day,
sir. Okey-dokey.

Psst!

Hey, you wanted to see me?

Yeah, it's about your résumé.

Max? Max?!

Dave, what did you
do to Max? Nothing.

Max!

Well, well, well.

Looks like we flushed
out another rat, didn't we?

J-just go after him

before he runs into
traffic and hurts himself.

No need. I already got
my best man hot on his tail.

You're supposed to chase
him. Hot pursuit costs extra.

How much? A dollar.

Do you have a dollar?

I think Max does. Oh, good.

Hey, Joe. Any... Any luck?

No, I talked to the
guards in the lobby,

they said he hasn't passed,

so he's still in the
building. That is so odd.

No, Dave, it isn't
odd, it is reality.

And you better buckle your
seat belt because reality sucks.

Have you ever
been bitch-slapped?

Well, I think I figured out
what Max Lewis' secret is.

Oh, let me guess.
He's an alien? No.

Time traveler? No.

CIA operative? No.

Robot man?

You know, half-man,
half... Half-robot.

I know what a robot man is.

Of course.

You're overlooking the
obvious. Evil magician?

Serial bigamist.

Oh, yes. That... That is
obvious, now that you mention it.

Dude, 37 different jobs...

Yeah. Means 37 different cities,

37 different wives.

Ooh, la, la. I'd like to get
me some of that action.

I found him, Dave.

Men's room, second stall.

Oh, good. I didn't know
you were looking for him.

I wasn't.

Don't worry about it.
I'll have my best man

break him down Baretta style.

I'm so tired of you.

Baretta-style breakdown's
gonna cost you 15 bucks, bro.

What? Well, what
can you give me for 5?

Starsky interrogation.

What about Hutch?

I'll give you both for 7.50.

Too rich for my blood.

Lisa Miller, 10/18/98, 3:45.

Location: Lucky
Burger locker room.

I'm right now looking
at a case of beef patties

that's been left out
since 9 this morning.

And right now, sits in a
pool of its own bloody water.

Lori? Lorna. Lorna, sir.

Lorna, right. What are
you, uh, doing back here?

Oh, I saw a mess, and
I thought I'd clean it up.

Aren't you supposed
to be on break?

Yes, uh, that's right.

And you thought you'd
just come back here

and clean up this mess?

Yeah. I know that sounds
a little bit strange, but, uh...

Strange?

Confirms my suspicions.

Really?

That you are our new
assistant manager.

Excuse me? Yes.

I know, we've been
watching you for quite a while,

and frankly, we
like what we see.

In the short time
you've been here,

you've shown us the
kind of worker you are.

And that is a Grade A worker.

Assistant manager?

Congratulations. Thank you.

You deserve it.

No.

No what?

No to whatever
you were gonna say.

Okay. But before I leave, I
thought you should see this.

Max left it on his desk. Ah.

I think it's supposed
to be you, Dave.

Yeah, I see that.

Well, I guess this is the
final straw for Max Lewis now.

Matthew, this is drawn on
the back of your time sheet,

with the same pen that you
used to fill out your time sheet.

And what am I supposed
to be riding there, anyway?

Pegasus, the winged
horse of ancient myth.

Uh-huh. And that is
insulting because...?

A mere mortal riding
a horse of the gods?

Come on, you can't get
more ridiculous than that.

Uh-huh.

Get out of here.

Max, it's about your résumé.

I lied on my résumé.
So I gathered.

Under special skills
I listed kickboxing.

I've never kicked
anyone in my life.

Uh...

Uh, M-Max, how do
you explain the fact

that of the 37 stations
you listed on your résumé,

not one of them has
ever heard of Max Lewis?

Oh. Well, of course not.

That's just a name I
made up for you guys.

Uh... come again?

"Max Lewis."

It's just my current
nom de radio.

See, I use a different
one in every city I work in.

Well, why?

Because it's show
business, Dave.

In Cleveland, I worked
at a rock station,

so I used the name Knute Rockly.

But in Dayton, it was classical.

Hence, the name
Alastair McCello.

In New Orleans, I was The
Jazzmanian Devil. You see?

Or in Madison, I was
Dr. Dan. In Seattle, I was...

Wait a minute, you were Dr. Dan?
Dr. Dan the Bull-Sesh Man?

Indeed, I was.

I used to listen to your show.

Thought the only people
that listened to that show

were confused adolescents

with serious questions
about their sexuality.

I never called in.

I think we ought to
wrap this up, Lorna.

Dave needs you at the office
and I'm sick of these fries.

Not now. Ryan, could you
get those fries under the lamp?

Dave listened to the tapes. He
said you got more than enough

for a full half-hour on
health code violations.

Health code violations?

What health code violations?

The ones you came
here to report about.

Yeah, well, those
don't exist anymore.

W-what happened to
'em? I cleaned them up.

Uh, Margie, we need
a mop-up by Bin 3.

You cleaned them
up?! Shh. Yes, we did.

Me and my team back there. I
can assure you that right now

that kitchen is as
clean as your table,

maybe even cleaner. Fries, Ryan.

In Boston, I was
Charlie Chowder.

And then in San Antonio, I
was Johnny Tumbleweed.

The High Desert DJ.

Hey, you listened
to me in San Antone?

No, it's just that you
mentioned that one already.

Yup. That one and
many, many, many others.

Thanks, Max. I'm glad
we could clear this up.

But we've cleared
up nothing, Dave.

You're still avoiding
the big question.

What big question?

Who is Max Lewis?

You are Max Lewis.

No, no, no, no.

Max Lewis can't just be me.

Oh, why not?

Because that's not
how radio works, Dave.

What's his persona? His hook?

What are his likes?
What are his dislikes?

Does he come to
life in the spring?

When did he start
losing his hair?

When did he...? Hey!

Lisa, is it possible
you've forgotten

why you're here
in the first place?

No. It's just that I'm
assistant manager now,

and there are
more responsibilities

that come with that position.

Like, what...? What
am I supposed to...?

What am I supposed to tell Dave?

Just tell Dave
that Lucky Burger's

the third fastest
growing restaurant

on the Eastern seaboard and...

And I'll be back
to work tomorrow.

Or, uh, next week at the latest.

Oh, buns are done. Gotta go.

You just need to be a
guy who reads the news.

Give me some
back story, all right?

Who are Max Lewis'
friends? What are his hobbies?

Where is he from?
Where do you come from?

I'd rather not say. Fine.

All right, Max, tell you what.

As long as you're on
the air reading the news,

I really don't care where
you claim to be from, all right?

Just pick a place. It
doesn't matter to me.

Clear and sunny,
with lows in the 50s.

This is Max Lewis.

WNYX news time:

11:35.

The West Side highway.

She was tres
jammed after a truck...

Oh, how you say?

Jackknifed at 66th street.

More in 30 seconds.

Absolutely not.

You said it didn't matter where
Max Lewis was from, right?

So it's cool with
you if he's from Paris.

No. No, it's not cool with me.

Just read the news like
a normal person, all right?

No French accent.

Okay. All right?

In Washington, the Congress,

she debated a
mucho grande subsidy

for highway construction.

For Pete's sake. Ruth.

I'll let this slide this time, but
these condiments can spoil

within minutes if they're
not refrigerated properly.

Excuse me, miss. Yes?

Ron Jarek, New York
Health Department.

You weren't planning to
serve these condiments?

No. No, of course not.

We care just as
much about the health

of our customers as you do.

Yes, I'm sure you do.

W-what are you
writing? What is that?

It's a standard form.

Are you writing this up?

Oh, come on.

I told you I was just
about to put them away.

If you leave the mayonnaise
out, you've gotta pay the fine.

A fine? That's right.

I need you to
show me the freezer

and the waste disposal area.

Okay. Ron, if we're talking
about a fine, that's fair.

But I don't think either of us
needs to go through the hassle

of all that paperwork? Hm?

Looks like somebody dropped
a bit of lettuce on the floor.

Hey, what if Max
Lewis were from...? No.

May I finish? No.

What if Max Lewis
was from Hawaii? No.

Y-you know how
you're talking right now?

Yes. That's what
I want, all right?

Just be yourself. Nothing
more, nothing less, all right?

I can't just be myself.

Well, you're doing it
right now. No, I'm not.

This is just a character
I came up with

to help me deal with you.

Be yourself or you're fired.

I can't. Yes, you can.

No, I can't! You can.

No, I can't. Don't you get it?

No one wants to
know the real me.

Well, why not? Because I'm...

I'm... weird.

It's okay, Max.

You know, I work
very hard to conceal

my weirdness from the world.

And now you just want me
to unleash it on everyone.

Everyone is a little bit weird.

I collect buttons.

That sounds like a fun hobby.

And rubber bands.

I put peanut butter on
practically everything.

Even steak.

That's an acquired taste.
But it's hardly that weird.

I still have the sweater
that my mother knitted me

when I was a baby.
Well, that's sweet.

And I'm wearing it right now.

Welcome to WNYX.
May I take your order?

That's very funny.
Are you on a break?

Yeah, a permanent
break. She got fired.

Oh, my God.

Fired from Lucky Burger.

Oh, how humiliating.

I'm sorry. What'd you do?

Tell her.

I got arrested.

God. For what?

I tried to bribe the
health inspector.

Louder.

I tried to bribe the
health inspector, all right?

Yes, I got a little bit carried
away, but I swear to God

if I just had five more minutes,
I'd have been home free.

Furthermore, I
have all my windows

covered with aluminum foil.

To keep the light out?
No, to keep them clean.

But it doesn't work.

Max. I'll tell you what, Max.

Come with me,
all right? Come on.

Come on, come on.

Now, Max.

I-I-I think that your
fear stems from the fact

that you feel like
you're too weird

for your co-workers, right?

Yes.

All right, now, I want
you to look around.

Not over there, over here, Max.

Max, I want you to look. See?

Here's... Here we have Lisa.

Who, uh, today very nearly
gave up a career in journalism

for a life in the
fast-food industry.

Over here we have, uh, Beth,

who, uh, who dresses like
a barmaid from Bladerunner.

Mr. James, a billionaire
who has spent the entire day

eating food that he knows
for a fact to be spoiled.

Joe, who's earned upwards of $11

working as an amateur
surveillance expert.

Albeit, half of that
is Monopoly money.

And, of course, Matthew...

who appears to have
taken the surveillance

into his own hands.

I get it.

Everybody here is weird.

Exactly.

It's like you and your hair.

Yes. Good example, Max.

So I can really just be myself?

Yes.

Indulge in my
likes and dislikes?

Freely express my opinions?

Absolutely.

I can even use my own voice?

Max, I would like
nothing better.

Dave, I can't thank you enough.

You know, that... You know...

No... Ew.