Original subtitles

原创翻译 双语字幕

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翻译 DirbyNinja 宇宙无敌特闲汀 钇而

翻译 军情七处ABC 余欢 Margaery

校对 阿p

后期 吉吉

总监 somehacker

伦敦

军情七处总部

糟了 Oh, bollocks.

我们有麻烦了 We've got a problem.

-网络攻击 -是的 首相 - A cyber attack? - Yes, Prime Minister.

我喝了两瓶红酒 Took me two bottles of wine

吞了半包安眠药才终于睡着 and half a packet of sleeping pills to finally nod off.

你却把我吵醒 And you wake me

就因为一个乌龙黑客偷了你的密码吗 because some fat-fingered hacker's pinched your PIN number?

其实事情比这个更严重一点 首相 Well, it's a little more serious than that, Prime Minister.

我们所有特工的身份 The identities of every one of our serving agents

全被曝光了 have been exposed.

什么 What?

-是谁干的 -还不确定 长官 - Who's doing this? - We're not sure, ma'am.

一周后我要首次主持十二国集团峰会 So one week before I host my first G12 Summit,

有人在这时搞垮了整个英国安全机构 Britain's entire security apparatus has been taken down

而你却毫不知情吗 and you know absolutely nothing?

差不多是这样 长官 没错 That does pretty much sums up the situation, ma'am, yes.

那你最好立刻派人去给我查出个究竟 Well, you better get someone on it and find me some answers!

是的 但问题就在这里 我们没有特工了 Yes, but that's the problem. We don't have any agents left.

全都被暴露了 They've all been outed.

那就召回以前的特工 So bring back an old one!

各单位注意 我是朱丽叶·厄科 All units, this is Juliet Echo.

等待目标位置坐标 Stand by for target coordinates.

目标已锁定 重复 目标已锁定 Target acquired. Repeat, target acquired.

来看看我们抓到了谁 Now then, what have we here?

对不起 长官 Sorry, sir.

没关系 巴格利 Never mind, Baggaley.

你的隐藏和伪装明显有进步了 Your concealment and camouflage work is definitely improving.

谢谢你 长官 Thank you, sir.

快点 Come on.

你也是 依巴杜拉 You, too, lbadulla.

干得漂亮 这可是一级陷阱 Excellent. That is a first-class man-trap.

-加六分学院分 -赞 - Six house points. - Yes!

好了 回学校吧 Right, let's get back to school

免得校监发现你们不见 before matron notices you're missing.

别担心 没有陷阱了 And don't worry, there aren't any more booby traps.

当然 除了这一个 Apart from this one, of course.

英格力士老师呢 Mr. English?

我们没看到他 长官 We haven't seen him, sir.

这就叫伪装 And that's camouflage.

上 And go.

上 And go.

上 And go.

保障孩子的健康是我们的第一要务 The welfare of your children is our paramount concern.

他们绝对不会接触到任何不必要的危险 They're never exposed to any unnecessary risk,

我向你们保证 I assure you.

看来你的炸弹处理课不及格 I think that's an "F" for your bomb disposal coursework,

哈特斯利 Hattersley.

你今晚特别美 "You're looking particularly beautiful tonight."

你今晚特别美 You're looking particularly beautiful tonight.

干杯 Ilching!"

干 Ching!

-祝你学期假愉快 老师 -谢谢 - Have a good half-term, sir! - Thank you.

谢谢老师 Thank you, sir.

英格力士阁下

你是认真的吗 我们只剩下他了 Are you seriously telling me this is all we've got?

其他人要么殉职 Most of them are either dead,

要么在做臀部手术 having hip operations

要么刚做完前列腺手术正在康复 or recovering from prostate surgery.

好吧 Okay.

在做简报之前 Before your briefing,

需要你们重新签《政府保密条例》 we'll need you to re-sign the Official Secrets Act.

谢谢 Thank you.

谢谢 Thank you.

谢谢 Thank you.

非常感谢 Thank you very much.

你们有谁记得这个吗 Any of you gentlemen remember this?

蒙特·布拉诺爆破笔 好几年都没看到过了 Ooh, the Mont Blano Blaster. Haven't seen one of those for years.

如果没记错的话 拔掉笔盖后 Take the cap off and, if memory serves,

只有20秒的时间盖上 you've 20 seconds to replace it

否则其爆炸威力犹如闪光弹 or it detonates with the force of a stun grenade.

谢谢 Thank you.

先生们 左边是茶 Teas on the left, gentlemen.

右边是咖啡 And coffees on the right.

很好 Excellent.

该死的 我忘记带药出门了 Oh, damn it, I forgot my pills.

给 吃一颗我的吧 Here, have some of mine.

单一麦芽苏格兰威士忌 Scotch whisky, single malt?

非常感谢 Thank you very much.

咖啡 Coffee.

来 我端给你 Here, let me help you with that.

喝茶吗 Tea?

这杯需要再加点热水 Ooh, this one just needs a little top-up of hot water.

我去去就回 I'll be right back.

他就是可有可无的怪人 Man's a divot of the first order.

谁来帮他解脱痛苦 Someone should put him out of his misery.

还有布置这间房的人 Along with whoever furnished this room.

早上好 抱歉让你久等 Ah, good morning. Sorry to keep you.

其他人到了吗 Are the others here?

他们...睡着了 They, um... They nodded off.

好吧 Right...

你是哪位 And who are you exactly?

我叫英格力士 Enghsh.

-约翰尼·英格力士 -那好 - Johnny English. - Well...

英格力士 English.

你要立刻动身 You'll leave immediately.

我的手下会在路上跟你解释详细情况 My people will give you the full briefing en route.

你需要些什么吗 Oh, is there anything you need?

神经毒气鼻喷雾剂 四号类型甲壳 Yes, nerve gas nasal spray, a type-four exoskeleton...

你也许应该列张清单 You should probably start a list.

扼杀绞丝手表 要橡胶表带 And a garroting watch, with a rubber strap,

不要钢表带 not the steel bracelet

因为带环会勾到我手腕的毛 because the links get caught in the little hairs on my wrist.

我还需要波夫 Oh, and I'll also need a Bough.

波夫是什么 What's a Bough?

长官 Sir!

真高兴见到你 Wonderful to see you!

够了 波夫 Yes, all right, Bough.

我们要去执行任务 不是去度蜜月 We're going on a mission, not a honeymoon.

当然了 长官 Yes, of course, sir.

好像是你皮带的扣栓 长官 I think it's the pin of your buckle, sir.

它勾住我的毛衣了 It's caught on my jumper.

我看到了 波夫 Yes, I can see what's wrong, Bough.

你往你的左边走 我往我的右边走 If you go to your left and I'll go to my right.

抱歉 不对 I'm sorry, no,

你往你的右边走 我往我的左边走 if you go to your right and I'll go to my left.

不对 我顺时针方向走 你逆时针方向走 No. If I go clockwise and you go anti-clockwise...

不对 好像勾得更紧了 长官 Er, no, I think that's making it worse, sir.

我很惊讶这样居然解不开 I'm surprised that didn't work.

早上好 长官 您的特工激活包准备好了 Good morning, sir. I have your agent activation pack here.

局里分配的智能手机 Department-issue smartphone.

580兆像素相机 580-megapixel camera,

4.7寸视网膜高清显示 4.7-inch retina HD display.

精密的装置 它会发射什么 毒飞镖吗 Ingenious. And what does it shoot? Poison darts?

它不会发射任何东西 这只是一部手机 It doesn't shoot anything. It's a phone.

有一个推特按键 照片分享传输 There's a Twitter handle, lnstagram feed

局里的滴滴账号安全登录 and secure login for the department Uber account.

他在说什么 波夫 What's he on about, Bough?

我需要的是武器 不是一堆装门面的废物 I need a weapon. Not a box of gobbledygook.

我认为英格力士特工想说的是 长官 I think, uh, wh-what Agent English is getting at, sir,

这些设备可追踪性极高 is all this is highly trackable.

但是因为我们要对付的是一个经验丰富 But since we're dealing with a very sophisticated,

精通数码的目标人物 digital target,

如果携带一些 we might be less visible

比较低科技的装备 也许会更加隐蔽 if we took a more analog, low-tech approach.

没错 Exactly.

我懂了 I see.

还需要什么吗 Is there anything else I can get you?

一把枪 A gun.

其实我们不再配枪了 We don't really do guns anymore.

给他一把枪吧 Just get him a gun.

好吧 一把枪 Right, a gun.

以前从来没分配过枪支 Right. Haven't actually done one of these before.

根据《健康及安全指示》第14条 "It is my obligation under section 14

我有义务告诉你 of the Health and Safety Directive to inform you

即将分配给你的装备 that the equipment with which you are about to be issued

会造成损伤以及人身伤害 can cause injury and bodily harm.

此外 任何对坚果过敏的特工 Furthermore, any agents with nut allergies

应该小心腰果油... should be aware that traces of cashew oil..."

谢谢 Thank you.

轮到交通工具 Right, transport.

随便挑一辆车吧 So, take any hybrid you want.

我就要这辆了 I'll take this one.

别傻了 英格力士 这就是辆破老爷车 Oh, don't be ridiculous, English. This car is a relic.

烧油又漏油 没有被动能源 Drinks petrol, leaks oil and has no passive,

更别说能动全动性了 let alone active safety features.

你知道这辆车还有什么缺点吗 长官 Do you know what else it doesn't have, sir?

没有卫星导航 也没有任何电脑芯片 Satellite navigation or a single computer chip.

所以对于科技敌人来说完全看不到 Making it completely invisible to a digital enemy.

这是英格力士特工要求的装备 长官 The equipment Agent English requested, sir.

谢谢 Thank you.

-手机拿来 波夫 -嗯 - Phone, Bough? - Yeah.

高科技坏人绝对察觉不到我们的到来 That hi-tech villain of yours will never see us coming.

看看他们给我们准备了什么 Let's see what they've given us.

甲壳 爆炸棉签 老式充气鞋盒 Exoskeleton, exploding cotton buds, the old shoebox inflatable.

这是什么 Ooh, what are these?

即释超高能药物 Instant Release Super High Energy Pills.

犹如把你的手指放进电源插座里 Like sticking your fingers in an electric socket.

强烈推荐 Highly recommended.

那红色的 Right, so, the red ones

一定是"不省人事"安眠药了 must be the Total Knockout Sleeping Pills.

没错 Correct.

也许应该贴上标签 Probably worth labeling these.

长官你看 糖果 Look, sir. Sweeties.

等一下 Hang on a minute.

我以前一直很喜欢糖豆 I always did love a jelly baby.

我建议你不要吃 波夫 I wouldn't if I was you, Bough.

糖豆是烈性炸药的简称 "Jelly" is short for gelignite.

吃一颗就会把你的脑袋 One bite and it'll take the top of your head off

连带车顶一起炸上天 along with the roof of the car.

那这个是用来干什么的 So, what does this do?

这是混音带 波夫 It's a mixtape, Bough.

-目的地是哪里 -法国南部 长官 - So, destination? - South of France, sir.

网络攻击好像是通过 That cyber attack seems to have been launched

昂蒂布一家酒店的无线网络发出的 from the Wi-Fi signal of a hotel in Antibes.

昂蒂布海角 玛丽菲克大酒店

长官 我刚收到总部发来的传真 Sir? Sir, I've just had a fax through from HQ.

收集了所有 Background checks on all

使用过无线网络的客人资料 the guests that accessed the VVi-Fi network.

瞧 谁还需要电子邮件 You see? Who needs email?

需要来杯香槟吗 先生[法语]

谢谢[德语]

有个人嫌疑重大 长官 One name has raised a red flag, sir.

塞巴斯蒂安·林奇 前陆军情报局成员 Sebastian Lynch, ex-Army and Military Intelligence.

现在干私活 谁出价高替谁卖命 Now selling his services to the highest bidder.

-去哪儿能找到他 -就在正前方 长官 - Where do we find him? - Directly ahead, sir.

他在科德罗餐厅订了今晚八点的位子 He's got an 8:00 reservation at the Cote de Roe restaurant.

现在的问题是 The problem's going to be

如何对他实施近距离全方位监控 getting close enough for a full surveillance, sir.

不需要 Not necessarily.

亲爱的 我得接个电话 马上就好 Oh, darling, I've just gotta get this. Two seconds.

计划很简单 分头行动 Simple plan, two parts.

你分散他们注意力 我来偷手机 You provide the distraction, I'll get the phone.

-明白 -从现在起 - Yes, sir. - And from now on,

我们得学法国服务生说话 perhaps we should sound like French waiters.

法国服务生 French waiters?

没错 Yees.

行动 Go on.

打完了吗 Are you finished now?

面包卷需要吗 Bread roll?

好的 谢谢 Yes, thank you.

这非常美味 女士 Excellent choice, Madame.

晚上好 Good evening.

你好吗 How are you?

面包卷需要吗 先生 Bread roll, sir?

来一个 Yes.

等我一下 One second.

不好意思 能倒下酒吗 Excuse me, would you mind?

当然 晚上好 Oh, yes. Evening.

晚上好 Evening.

谢谢 Thank you.

我的手机呢 Where's my phone?

在他手里 That is your phone.

谢谢 Thank you.

先生 Monsieur.

可以帮我太太把虾壳去掉吗 The, uh, shell on my wife's lobster, could you remove it, please?

好的 Yees.

我用钳子弄开 Let me crack it for you.

你在干什么[法语]

你在干什么[法语]

把虾烧了 酒醉火焰虾[法语]

喂 Hello?

怎么回事 What is going on?

塞巴斯蒂安 别多管闲事 Sebastian, don't get involved.

好了 There we are.

您的虾 Voila'.

祝您用餐愉快 Hmm. Bon appetit.

我要跟经理投诉 I will talk to the manager.

干得漂亮 波夫 Textbook, Bough.

只是一些度假照片 长官 Just holiday snaps, sir.

等等 这张照片 Wait a minute, this photo.

拍摄日期 It was taken the same day

是敌人连接无线网络的同一天 你瞧 our villain accessed the VVi-Fi, and look.

离岸边大概五十英尺 Scarcely 50 feet from shore.

那艘游艇上的任何人 Whoever was on that yacht

都能轻易连上无线网络 could easily have used the hotel's Wi-Fi,

发射完信号后就可以离开 sent that signal and then just sailed away.

是时候去这艘平静域号上拜访一下了 I think it's time we paid the Dot Calm a visit.

伦敦

杰森·沃尔特 沃尔特科技创始人兼执行总裁

算法 Algorithms.

无处不在 We are surrounded by them.

算法主宰着我们的生活 Algorithms run our lives,

挑选电视节目 播放音乐 choose our TV shows, stream our music.

甚至可以帮我们找恋人 Even find us a date.

我好像见过这家伙 I know this chap, don't I?

对了 他就是那个硅谷亿万富豪 Yes, he's that Silicon Valley billionaire

和卡戴珊家的人约会过 who dated a Kardashian.

是两个卡戴珊姐妹还有一个黑眼豆豆成员 Two Kardashians and a Black-Eyed Pea.

接着看 Keep watching.

假设有一种算法可以为整个国家服务 But supposing there was an algorithm for an entire country.

仅凭一个算法 A single algorithm that

就能解决所有问题 could be applied to every one of its problems.

仅凭一个算法 A single algorithm that

就能让一个二流国家 could take a second-rate nation and make it

跻身世界强国 world class.

每个国家都是庞大数据的载体 Every nation is awash with data.

所以时至今日 So now, more than ever,

我们更加需要用数据造福人类 we need to put that data to work for the people.

这几行代码就能给人们带来 These few lines of code will deliver the kind of change

他们毕生追求的改变 they have been dreaming of their entire lives.

我是桑德 我爱数据 I am Xander. I love data.

他简直聪明绝顶 He's so clever.

既年轻又性感 而且事业有成 He's young, he's sexy, he's insanely successful.

这正是我希望在民众心里树立的形象 Just the qualities we need people to associate with me.

没错 首相 Yes, Prime Minister.

只要他与我们合作 这事儿就一定能成 And they will do when he starts working with us.

可硅谷的亿万富豪有什么理由跟我们合作呢 But why would a Silicon Valley billionaire work with us?

把他请来唐宁街10号 我来说服他 Just get him into Number 10 and let me work on him.

-遵命 -快去 - Yes, ma'am. - Go on.

天哪 又怎么了 Oh, God, now what?

我们又遭到攻击了 首相 There's been another attack, Prime Minister.

这次的对象是航空管制系统 Oh! Air Traffic Control.

欧洲所有航班都被引向卢顿机场 Someone's rerouted every flight in Europe to Luton.

老天 请告诉我你派去的人 For God's sake, tell me the agent you've got in the field

至少找出了一点蛛丝马迹 is making some progress?

我们怎么才能找到那艘游艇的位置呢 So, how are we gonna find the location of that yacht, sir?

很简单 波夫 问军情七处 Very easily, Bough. We ring MI7.

喂 你好 我想知道一艘船的位置 叫... Hello, hello? Yes, I need the location of a boat called...

能听到吗 是一艘叫平静域号的船 Hello? Hello, yes. A boat called the Dot Calm.

是的 和域名谐音 Yes, it's a play on words. Yeah.

在哪儿 Where?

目测半英里远 长官 Looks about half a mile out, sir.

我们游过去还是 Do we wanna try and swim it or...

不 波夫 这就交给鞋盒式充气艇了 No,Bough. This is a job for the shoebox inflatable.

不 别在车里打开 长官 No, don't open it in the car, sir!

你能摸到你那边的门把手吗 Can you reach your door handle?

不行 长官 No, sir.

我试试我这边 I'll try my side.

平静域号

波夫 我们要悄悄潜入游艇 不被人发现 Right, Bough, our aim is to get on board without anyone noticing.

想知道怎么做到吗 And how are we gonna do it?

-穿磁力靴 -绝了 长官 - Magnetic boots. - Brilliant, sir.

操作很简单 Simple mechanism.

左边按钮控制左脚 右边按钮控制右脚 Left switch activates left boot. Right switch activates right.

好了 上去 Okay, let's go.

记住 这次任务的关键 Remember, the absolutely

就是出其不意 vital element of this mission is surprise.

要想打败英国特工 Now, you have to get up pretty early in the morning

睡懒觉可行不通 to outwit British Intelligence.

快 Quick!

晚上好 先生们 Good evening, gentlemen.

敢问二位尊姓大名 Shall we start with your names?

显然你不知道自己在跟什么人说话 Clearly you have no idea who you're dealing with.

所以我才问你们的名字 That's why I'm starting with your names.

你能不能下来 Actually, would you mind coming down here?

这样说话我们很累的 It's really hard to have a conversation like this.

我有更好的主意 I have a better idea.

不行 打不开 长官 It's no good, it won't move, sir.

那可不一定 We'll see about that.

低强度棉花棒炸弹 Low-intensity exploding cotton bud.

在这么小的空间里威力还是很大的 That's quite a powerful charge for such a small space, sir.

胡说 Oh, nonsense.

就跟一根小爆竹差不多 There will just be a slight pop.

我们要不要去船舱找出信号的源头 Shall we locate the hold and look for the source of that signal?

我们应该去船舱 I think we should locate the hold

找出信号的源头 and look for the source of that signal!

走 Come on!

我们找到敌人了 波夫 I'd say we have our villain, Bough!

你得小声点儿 长官 You need to keep your voice down, sir.

我们绝对不能放过他 And we're not going to lose him.

把果味糖粉棒给我 Hand me the sherbet fountain.

吹上三口就会激活定位传感器 Three sucks and the location transmitter is activated.

方圆三万英尺范围内 This gin palace will show up

这座海上宫殿将被识别为敌方设施 as a hostile from 30,000 feet.

这里现在已经是敌方目标了 This is now an enemy target.

给我茴香籽球 Aniseed balls.

如果真想杀我 你早就开枪了 If you'd wanted to kill me, you would have already done so.

后会有期 Till we meet again.

这可比我预想的快多了 Well, that was sooner than I expected.

你觉得她是什么人 长官 Who do you think she is, sir?

如果她不是那艘游艇的主人 Well, if she's not the owner of that yacht,

那她一定知道谁是 then she knows who is.

不管怎样 她都是关键人物 Either way, she's the key to this case.

在被重新召回之前 你真的在教书吗 Is it true you were teaching, sir? Before all this blew up?

如果你说的"教书" If by "Teaching" You mean

是指发掘有潜力的情报人员 scouting for potential intelligence operatives

那我的确在教书 then yes, I was.

其实我结婚了 不知道你听说了没有 I actually got married, sir. I don't know if you heard.

没有 No.

她叫莉迪亚 Yeah, Lydia.

人很好 Lovely girl.

你完全没想过结婚吗 长官 You never think about getting hitched yourself, sir?

结了婚可就干不了这个了 波夫 This is no life for a married man, Bough.

危机四伏 常年在外 The danger, the constant travel.

账单给您 先生 Here you go, sir.

这更像是莉迪亚的工作日常 More Lydia's life than mine, sir.

她在海军服役 She's in the Navy, you see.

做什么 厨子吗 What, as a cook?

或者随行秘书之类的 Or some kind of seagoing secretary or...

不 长官 她是一艘核潜艇的艇长 Oh, no, sir. She's the captain of a nuclear submarine.

是吗 Oh, right.

我们要不要给阿斯顿加点油 长官 Do you think we should get some petrol for the Aston, sir?

不 阿斯顿·马丁出人意料地省油 波夫 Nah. An Aston Martin is surprisingly economical, Bough.

而且 我们似乎该行动了 Besides, it looks like we're in business.

走吧 Come on.

看起来像辆电力车 长官 Looks like an electric car, sir.

是的 声音听起来像电动鼻毛器 Yes, and sounds like a nose hair trimmer.

一堆七号电池 A bunch of triple-A batteries

可比不上老牌英式大马力 is no match for old-fashioned British horsepower.

我在听

他们上钩了

有情况马上通知我

好的

瞧瞧她的转弯 毫不费力 长官 Look at her cornering. Seems so effortless, doesn't it, sir?

准备发射导弹 Arm the missile.

什么 The what?

导弹 波夫 那枚带催泪瓦斯弹头的 The missile, Bough, the one with the tear gas warhead.

但他们只是骑行者 长官 But they're just cyclists, sir.

我们很快就能过去 We'll get past in a minute.

他们是法国的骑行者 波夫 They're French cyclists, Bough,

他们妨碍了女王陛下特勤处执行公务 and they're obstructing Her Majesty's Secret Service.

催泪瓦斯

操控杆已准备好 长官 Wiper stalk is armed, sir.

抱歉 Sorry.

非常抱歉 我们致以歉意 Terribly sorry. We do apologize.

行了 波夫 这样他们会更生气 Stop it, Bough, you'll only encourage them.

我们现在怎么办 长官 What are we gonna do now, sir?

要有耐心 波夫 Patience, Bough.

这么开的话 她的电池随时都会耗尽 Driving like that, her battery will be dead any moment.

她就会很丢脸地停下 And she'll roll to a humiliating stop.

油量

波夫 注意油表是你的职责 Bough, it is your job to keep an eye on the fuel gauge.

你的驾驶技术很不错 你是... Very impressive driving, Mr...

戈莱特利 Golightly.

巴泽尔·戈莱特利 Basil Golightly.

你开得也很好 你是... And you're rather useful yourself, Miss...

布勒托娃 奥菲莉亚·布勒托娃 Bhuletova. Ophelia Bhuletova.

这位是 And this is...

科林 Colin.

我以为我们要用假名字 I thought we were using fake names.

这就是假名字 That is a fake name.

好 Oh, right.

是的 这是科林 Yes, this is Colin,

我是 and I'm...

"达泽尔" "Dasil".

达泽尔 Dasil.

巴泽尔 Basil.

巴泽尔 Well, Basil,

有更简便的方法可以解决问题 maybe there is a simpler way of doing this.

也许可以喝一杯 Over a drink perhaps?

那真是太好了 Well, that would be lovely.

不如 Shall we say

滨海卡涅巴黎酒店的酒吧见吧 八点钟 the bar at the Hotel de Paris in Cagnes-sur-Mer? 8:00?

就这么说定了 Mmm. It's a date.

我觉得我的"没油了"计策 Well, I think my "Running out of fuel" ruse

相当奏效 worked pretty well.

伦敦

怎么了 What?

是实习医生 他们确认了要发起罢工 Er, junior doctors. They've confirmed they are going on strike

地铁司机也出面支持他们 and the tube drivers are coming out in support.

天哪 反对党领袖 Oh, God. Leader of the Opposition,

他从心脏手术中醒过来了吗 has he come round from his heart surgery?

是的 首相大人 Yes, Prime Minister.

老天爷 我什么时候 Oh, Jesus Christ, when will

能有件顺心的事 你有什么事 something go right for me? What do you want?

他们再次攻击了我们 首相大人 They've hit us again, Prime Minister.

黑进了中央交通管制系统 Hacked into the Central Traffic Control System.

是的 他们把伦敦所有交通灯都变成了红色 Yes, they've turned every traffic light in London to red.

我的饮料到底在哪里 Where's my bloody drink?

有没有搞错 You've got to be joking?

伏特加汤力 不要冰不要汤力 Vodka tonic, no ice, no tonic.

好的夫人 沃尔特先生已经到了 夫人 Yes, ma'am. Oh, and Mr. Volta has arrived, ma'am.

沃尔特先生 欢迎来到唐宁街 Mr. Volta, welcome to Downing Street.

我读了太多关于这座宏伟建筑的事 I have read so much about this wonderful building.

这个石制三重阶梯是威廉·肯特设计的吗 Is this the stone triple staircase designed by William Kent?

18世纪英国著名建筑设计师

可能是 我不敢肯定 Yes, it probably is. I can't swear to it.

-我不是非常... -能来一个快速... - I mean I'm not very-- - Can we do a quick...

-需要修图 -这... - Needs Photoshop. - That's very...

这边请 Oh! This way. Hmm.

我迟到了太久 非常抱歉 I am horribly late, I do apologize.

是因为交通 这是我不喜欢伦敦的一点 It's the traffic, it's the one thing I don't love about London.

是的 我得承认我们的交通灯 Yes, well, I must admit we are having a slight problem

目前有一些小问题 并不严重 with the lights at the moment. Nothing major.

如果你需要的话 我可以看一下 If you wanted, I could take a look?

这也算是我的专业领域 It is kind of what I do.

我想这件事要更复杂一点... I think it's actually a little bit more complex than...

桑德 找到伦敦交通管制中心的网址 Xander, get a web address for London's traffic control centre.

这是登录页面 杰森 你有密码吗 Here is the login page, Jason. Do you have a password?

交通管制中心 密码

-你不说我也不会说 -好的 - I won't tell if you won't. - Right you are.

绕过安全密码 安全密码已绕过 Bypassing security. Security bypassed.

真棒啊 Oh, that's terrific.

分布式拒绝服务攻击

-有人在入侵你们 -我不这么认为 - Someone is hacking you. - Oh, I don't think so.

拒绝服务攻击 原始但有效 Denied service attack. Yeah, primitive but effective.

我们可以试试把所有服务请求重新定向到 You know we could try, rerouting all service requests

我们在内华达的服务器农场 to our server farm in Nevada.

我... I...

重新定向 杰森 Rerouting, Jason.

重新定向已完成 Rerouting complete.

哎呀 Crikey.

你有什么事想和我谈 So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?

你 杰森 You, Jason.

出去 Get out.

我想谈的是你 I want to talk about you.

滨海卡涅 巴黎酒店

很好 波夫 快到了 Excellent, Bough. Nearly there.

快到了 Nearly there.

这真是个很棒的酒店 波夫 This is actually a really nice hotel, Bough.

我要向右转了 I'm turning to the right.

我们一个人去吸引布勒托娃小姐的注意 Shall one of us keep Miss Bhuletova busy

一个人去搜查她的房间好吗 长官 while the other searches her room, sir?

好主意 波夫 有什么发现通知我 Good idea, Bough. Alert me if you find anything.

戈莱特利先生 Mr. Golightly.

正是在下 Indeed.

我还想你可能不会来了 I thought perhaps you weren't coming.

恰恰相反 一言既出驷马难追 On the contrary, wild horses couldn't keep me away.

女士 先生 Madame? Monsieur?

晚上好 你想喝点什么 Evening. What would you like?

今晚有点想家 我要莫斯科骡子[鸡尾酒] I'm feeling a little homesick tonight. I'll have a Moscow Mule.

那我要伦敦... And I'll have a London...

旅鼠 Lemming, please.

我不太确定 什么是... I'm not sure, what...

就是杜松子酒和伏特加 It's, uh, gin, vodka,

雅文邑白兰地 armagnac,

雪利酒 sherry,

再来一点帕玛森干酪 with just a little bit of Parmesan.

什么风把你吹到南法来的 小姐... So, what brings you to the South of France, Miss...

比利...布利... Bhilli... Bhully...

布勒托娃 Bhuletova.

布勒托娃 Bhuletova.

我是来拜访一位朋友 I'm just visiting a friend of mine.

这位朋友不会就是平静域号的主人吧 And would this friend be the owner of the Dot Calm?

是的 他就是 Yes, he would.

你呢 巴泽尔 And what about you, Basil?

我是来工作的 Oh, I'm just here on business.

但正在迅速变成享乐 Although, it's rapidly turning into pleasure.

我很喜欢吃这个 Ooh! I love these.

很辣 They're really hot.

你还好吗 Are you all right?

没事 Yes, fine.

-是的 -非常感谢 - Yes. - Merci beaucoup.

干杯 Cheers.

我不确定我有没有遇见过 I'm not sure I've ever met a man

像你这样的人 巴泽尔 quite like you, Basil.

容我来为你扫除不确定 Let me clear up the uncertainty for you.

你没有遇见过 You haven't.

很抱歉 巴泽尔 我明天要起很早 I'm sorry, Basil. I have to get up really early tomorrow morning.

真遗憾 Oh, that's a shame.

晚安 巴泽尔 Dormez, Basil.

你怎么样 长官 How did you get on, sir?

天哪 多美妙的女人 波夫 太美妙 Oh, gosh, what a wonderful woman, Bough. Wonderful.

是的 Right.

又迷人 又聪明 Charming. Intelligent.

有可爱的幽默感 和十足的天真无辜 Lovely sense of humor. And obviously entirely innocent.

但是我进了她的房间 Although, I broke into her room

发现她有三本护照 长官 and she does have three passports, sir.

罗马尼亚 保加利亚 俄罗斯 Romanian, Bulgarian, Russian.

每本名字都不同 Different name in each.

所以她和三个人结过婚 So she's been married to three different people.

在这年头不算少见 波夫 Not unusual in this day and age, Bough.

我还发现一些绞喉线和两盒子弹 And I also found some garroting wire and two boxes of ammunition.

单身女性独自出行 小心点不为过 Well, single woman, traveling alone, you can't be too careful.

你不觉得她可能是间谍吗 长官 You don't think she might be a spy, sir?

间谍 A spy?

我知道间谍是什么样的 波夫 I think I know what a spy looks like, Bough.

没有任何踪迹

我们搜索了所有能获取的数据库

这个人仿佛根本不存在

所以他是个老手

给我的命令是什么

莫斯科想干掉他

我不应该先探明他都知道些什么吗

不用

干掉他

命令立即生效

女士 女士 Madame? Madame?

长官 Sir?

长官 Sir!

我刚和伦敦的P先生通完电话 I just got off the phone to P in London.

他查到了那艘游艇的主人 He's found out who the owner of that yacht is.

杰森·沃尔特 Jason Volta.

全球最有影响力的互联网亿万富翁 长官 The world's most powerful Internet billionaire, sir!

他现在正在伦敦 And he's in London, right now.

首相正和他私下商讨一项贸易协定 The Prime Minister is personally negotiating a trade deal with him.

那我们还等什么 Well, what are we waiting for?

你觉得我们要不要慢一点 长官 Do you think we might slow down a little, sir?

什么 What?

算了 Never mind!

通勤者正面临铁路网络的大范围瘫痪

在发生又一起网络袭击后 With what appears to be another cyber attack,

首相身上的压力更重了 pressure is mounting on the Prime Minister.

-英格兰的所有火车 -是的 长官 - Every train in England? - Yes, sir.

终点都成了布里斯托圣堂草甸火车站 They're all trying to terminate at Bristol Temple Meads.

早上好 长官 Morning, sir!

-你看见这个了 英格力士 -是的 - You see this, English? - Yes!

拜托 Please.

告诉我你有可以让我呈给首相的消息 Tell me you've got something I can take to the Prime Minister.

幕后黑手的名字可以吗 长官 Would the name of the man responsible do, sir?

很好 英格力士 当然可以 Excellent, English, yes.

是杰森... It's Jason...

是沃尔特 长官 杰森·沃尔特 Volta, sir. Jason Volta.

什么 What?

你是在指控首相身边最得力的红人吗 You're accusing the PM's knight in shining armor?

我需要更有力的证据 I'd need hard evidence.

所以... Which...

英格力士特工提议 ...is why Agent English is proposing

对沃尔特在萨里郡的乡下庄园突破式侦查 a penetration of Volta's country estate in Surrey.

对 对 对 Yes, yes, yes, yes...

那就尽你所能吧 英格力士 Well, do what you have to do, English.

但做事一定谨慎小心点 But for God's sake, be discreet about it.

好的 Good.

"虚拟现实" "Virtual reality"?

是的 长官 That's right, sir.

P为沃尔特的豪宅建了一个电脑模型 P's built a computer model of the inside of Volta's mansion.

戴上这个头盔 When you put on this headset,

你就会感觉像真的在房子里一样 it will look and feel as if you are inside the house.

你可以开门关门 You'll be able to open and close doors,

可以上楼下楼 walk up and down staircases,

完完全全地去熟悉房子布局 completely familiarize yourself with its layout.

这块地板可以向所有方向移动 This floor moves in any direction. So you can walk...

所以你可以在虚拟世界里到处随便走 You can walk as far as you want in the virtual world

而实际上都不用走出这间房 without ever actually leaving this room.

长官 但有一件事 One thing though, sir.

这种体验可能会使你迷失方向 The experience can be very disorientating.

因为完全置身其中 It's completely immersive

有些人就会彻底忘记周围真实的环境 and some people lose all track of their actual surroundings.

我觉得那种情况是绝不可能发生的 I think we can pretty much guarantee that's not gonna happen.

你只需要签一下这份安全文件 I'll just need you to sign the health and safety releases.

我去找一下我的平板电脑 Would you excuse me while I find an iPad.

波夫 跟他一起去吧 Oh, go with him, Bough.

不催一下他 我们就要困在这一整天了 If we don't chivvy him along we'll be here all day.

小心 Watch out!

关门请注意 Door closing.

电梯下行 Going down.

不好意思 先生 请您离开 I'm sorry, sir, but you're going to have to leave.

我们马上就到海军大厦了 So, we'll shortly be arriving at Admiralty House.

实际上 And, er, that actually

这里曾是奥利弗·克伦威尔自己的房子 used to be Oliver Cromwell's own house. Um...

接下来我们要去的是皇家骑兵卫队阅兵场 And then we'll be going to Horse Guards Parade.

先生 要不您先坐下 Perhaps you'd like to sit down, sir?

抓到了 I've got them!

不过 执行这项任务的特工 However, the agent we have on

很有信心已取得巨大进展 this mission is confident he's making major progress.

所以 我们已经锁定了嫌犯 And, uh, yes, we have a potential suspect, he's been identified.

进一步的秘密调查正在进行中 And further covert investigations are now ongoing.

的确令人惊讶 Yes, quite.

我希望这方面会有更多进展 So I expect to have more to announce on this front

在不久之后吧 shortly.

长官 Sir?

怎么了 Mmm?

-还好吗 -我都试过了 波夫 - Is everything all right, sir? - Yes, I've done it, Bough.

小孩子的把戏 不明白这有什么大不了 Child's play. Don't know what all the fuss was about.

很荣幸又见到您了 首相 Pleasure to see you again, Prime Minister.

这是全息影像 照常讲话就行 It's a hologram. Apparently you just speak to it normally.

我的荣幸才是 The pleasure's all mine.

我不是想催您 Hate to rush you, but was

但您是有什么事要找我吗 there something in particular you needed?

我打来是想看看 Actually, I was just calling really to see

你有没有重新考虑过这件事 if you had had a chance to think things over.

我考虑过 I have.

事情是这样的 菲奥娜 But the thing is, Fiona,

我不太帮其他人做安保工作 I just don't really do other people's security.

不是我不想 但你的基础设备太老旧了 Not that I don't want to. But your infrastructure is old.

而且我能保障你安全的唯一方法 Plus the only way I could keep you secure in the meantime

就是把你的所有数据存储在我的服务器上 would be by storing all your data on my own servers.

-这显然是 -好的 杰森 - Obviously, that would be... - Yes. Jason,

我真正想要的 what I really want to do

是在十二国集团峰会上宣布我们的合作 is announce this tie-up at the G12 meeting.

我们说定了吗 Do we have a deal?

长官 祝你好运 Good luck, sir.

长官怎么了 Sir?

我说了把直升机准备好 就那儿的 I said to get the chopper ready. Right there.

是的 长官 马上 Sir. Right away, sir.

谢谢 Thank you.

-泰勒 你进来 -是 - Tyler, come in. - Copy.

泰勒 你现在可以把直升机准备好吗 Tyler, can you prepare the chopper now?

所有东西马上就能准备好了 We'll have everything ready for you in a couple of minutes.

不能每次都这样碰面 戈莱特利先生 We can't keep meeting like this, Mr. Golightly.

好吧 Oh, yes.

或者不必玩这个把戏 告诉我你的真名吧 Or do you want to end this charade and tell me your real name?

先走 Go.

对你身处的世界 There's so much you don't

你不了解的东西太多了 understand about this world you've got caught up in.

别装傻了 你是英国特勤处的 Spare me the idiot act. You're British Secret Service.

你在法国表现不错啊 Impressive work in France, by the way.

你什么时候意识到我也是间谍的 When did you realize I was a spy, too?

大概立马就知道了吧 Oh, pretty much straight away.

我已经卧底了两年 I've spent two years undercover.

你出现之前一切都挺简单 Simple operation until you showed up.

我不想把事情搞复杂 And I like to keep things simple.

我的中间名就叫"简单" "Simple" is my middle name.

看来你要做选择了 It would seem you've got a choice to make.

-暂停敌对吗 -短期合作吧 - Temporary suspension of hostilities? - A short-term partnership?

同意 Agreed.

政治家们比那些风险投资人们还容易骗 Politicians are even more gullible than venture capitalists.

说得没错 That is correct.

给我一份目标名单 Get me a copy of the target list.

保险起见 再攻击它们一次 We'll hit them once more just to be on the safe side.

-给我你的手机 -你连手机都没有吗 - Give me your phone. - You don't have a phone?

手机会暴露你的位置 A phone will give anyone your precise location.

但是打电话就很方便了啊 And yet they're so useful for making phone calls.

好的 我不是要打电话 Excellent. I'm not phoning anyone.

我要收集证据 I'm gathering evidence.

目标名单 伦敦市中心四个标志性建筑 The target list, Jason. Four iconic central London landmarks.

-请选择 -第三个 - Make your selection. - Number three.

伦敦眼 The London Eye.

这次网络攻击可能会 This cyber attack could potentially

影响到16000名游客 impact 16,000 visitors.

我发现他在楼上鬼鬼祟祟的 I found him snooping around upstairs.

你到底是谁 And who are you exactly?

我什么都不会说的 I'm not telling you anything.

启动面部识别 Face recognition software launched.

约翰尼·英格力士是林肯郡的地理老师 Johnny English is a geography teacher from Lincolnshire.

讲解欧洲各国首都 Rather heavily armed for

需要如此全副武装吗 英格力士老师 a lesson on European capitals, Mr. English.

宝贝 你怎么看 Any thoughts, sweetheart?

他是英国特工 He's British Intelligence.

这就对了 这两个词 And there you have it, two words that have

是不能同时出现在一个句子里的 no right being in the same sentence together.

你以为我是单枪匹马一个人吗 Do you really think I came here alone?

现在外面有一队精锐特工 I have a team of crack operatives out there, right now,

正等着攻入 just waiting to strike.

长官 Sir!

这个国家怎么了 What has happened to this country?

不到一个世纪以前 大英帝国 How is it possible that less than a century ago

还统治着全球四分之一的领土 the British Empire ruled a quarter of the globe

而今时今日却只能依靠 and now it's relying on someone

你这样的人 like you?

站住 Hey! Stop!

不拦下他吗 Stop him?

我们走 Go.

-关门 -是 - Close the gates. - Yes, sir.

救命啊 停下 Help! Stop!

前方有障碍物 特拉特纳女士 Obstacle directly ahead, Mrs. Trattner.

查看后视镜 然后停车 Check your mirrors and bring the car to a stop.

你要干什么 Er, excuse me. Hey.

谢谢 Thank you.

开车 Drive!

等一下 Excuse me.

你这是要做什么 What... What do you think you're doing?

开门 你没有教练证 Excuse me! You are not a qualified instructor.

-我的教练怎么办 -左转 - But what about my instructor? - Turn left.

右转 Turn right.

仅供参考 我在你的左手边 For future reference, I'm on your left.

可以停下吗 我受不了了 Please, stop. I can't do this anymore!

我什么都看不见了 I can't see anything now!

很好 Good.

我说"走"的时候 向右急转弯 When I say "Go," Turn sharp right.

三 二 一 Three, two, one.

走 Go!

打正方向盘 回正 回正 And straighten up, straighten up, straighten up.

走 And go!

我们快跟上 Let's go, let's go.

现在往左拐一点点 很好 Oh, now just bear left a little. Good.

回方向盘 快回 Straighten up, straighten up.

很好 Good!

刚刚表现很好 特拉特纳女士 Well, that was very good, Mrs. Trattner.

我认为你今天进步很大 I think you made some real progress today.

你没听懂我意思 英格力士 You're not hearing me, English.

由于首相和沃尔特 Given the Prime Minister's new

达成了新合作 现在局势有变 friendship with Volta, the situation has changed.

但事实还是这样啊 长官 But the facts haven't, sir.

是沃尔特发起的攻击 That attack is Volta's responsibility.

除了你没人这么说 According to you, but not according to anyone else.

他来了吗 Is he here yet?

下午好 首相 这位是 Good afternoon, Prime Minister. So, this is, uh...

英格力士 首相 约翰尼·英格力士 English, Prime Minister. Johnny English.

你想为自己辩解什么 Vvhat exactly do you have to say for yourself?

事实上 有很多 Rather a lot, actually.

然而 我这样的人从不闪烁其词 首相 However, men like me don't deal in prevarication, Prime Minister,

所以 我就有话直说了 so let me get straight to the point.

杰森·沃尔特是这些袭击的幕后凶手 Jason Volta is the man behind these attacks.

并且我有证据能够证明 And I have the evidence to prove it.

我在沃尔特的郊区私宅里录下来的 I managed to record this inside Volta's country lair.

但是我要提醒您 首相 But I should warn you, Prime Minister,

您将会看到恶魔的化身 that what you're about to see is evil incarnate.

这是菲菲的三周岁生日聚会 Here we are at Fifi's third birthday!

真是个令人兴奋的日子 And it's a very exciting day!

嘿嘿 万岁 嘿嘿 万岁 Hip hip, hooray! HiP hip, hooray!

祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you!

祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you!

谢谢 Thank you.

我想问一句 你是不是有病 Can I just ask, what is wrong with you?

全国上下一片混乱 The country is in a state of complete chaos.

媒体都吓坏了 The press is wetting itself,

而唯一能够拯救我们的人 and the only person capable of saving us

你却污蔑他有叛国罪 is the man you're accusing of high treason.

他发号施令时我就在那个房间里 首相 I was in the room myself when he gave the order, Prime Minister!

但是 出了点... But there was a...

你知道刚才我办公室里有什么吗 英格力士 Do you know what I was in the room with, English?

你的档案 我从头读到尾 Your file, which I've read, in its entirety,

我有几个问题 and I have a few questions.

你有没有 Did you or did you not burn

把昂蒂布海角的科德罗餐厅烧成灰烬 the Cote de Roe restaurant at Antibes to the ground'?

你有没有朝一群法国骑行者 And did you or did you not fire a guided missile

发射定向导弹 at a peloton of French cyclists?

这个... Well...

你还强行征用露天双层巴士 Before commandeering an open-top bus

并把导游从顶层扔下去 and tossing the tour guide off the top deck,

还在三明治店里攻击一位82岁高龄的老奶奶 and then assaulting an 82-year-old grandmother in a sandwich shop

并用两根有机酵母法棍 before battering the employee of said sandwich shop

连续猛击该三明治店的店员 with two organic sourdough baguettes?

我不记得这些... Uh, I don't remember the...

你知不知道身为首相我有多难 Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me?

你们有没有哪怕一丁点概念 Do you have even the foggiest notion

面对各种事件 事实 选举人 of how virtually impossible it is to get anything done

以及如洪水猛兽般的所谓"全国媒体" in the face of events and facts and voters

想把一件事做成有多艰难 and that tsunami of tosspots we call "The national press"?

我终于有机会为我的国家做些好事 Finally I get the chance to do something good for my country,

可结果呢 and what happens?

老天爷把你派来了 The universe sends me you.

你知道我想说什么吗 Well, do you know what I say?

我想说 去他妈的老天爷 I say, up the universe's arse!

你知道我还想说什么吗 你被解雇了 And do you know what else I say? You're fired.

立即执行 赶紧给我滚蛋 With immediate effect. Now get out!

不要再让我看到这个蠢货 And make sure I never clap eyes on that imbecile ever again!

你要干什么 长官 What are you doing, sir?

你觉得我要干什么 波夫 我要回家 What do you think I'm doing, Bough? I'm going home.

但是首相就要和沃尔特签订协议了 But the Prime Minister is finalizing her deal with Volta.

她要把他当作特邀嘉宾 She's taking him to the

带他去参加在苏格兰举行的十二国峰会 G12 Summit in Scotland as her special guest.

已经结束了 波夫 It's over, Bough.

我们也确实无能为力了 And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it.

但是 长官 我有个计划 But, sir, I have a plan.

记得我老婆吗 Remember my wife?

苏格兰 洛克尼维斯

避开挡板 Clear your baffles.

-什么 -小心头 长官 - What? - Mind your head, sir.

这里显示我们在下沉 This says we're sinking.

这艘潜艇年纪大了 有点生锈 She's old and a little rusty,

但是仍然能像放烟花一样开火 but she can put on a hell of a fireworks display.

干得漂亮 指挥官 Excellent work, Commander.

杰瑞米一直对你赞不绝口 英格力士特工 Jeremy has always spoken very highly of you, Agent English.

十二国峰会 加洛克城堡

谁 Who?

对 对 Oh, yes, yes.

我对文书工作毫无兴趣 I'm no fan of the pen pushers myself,

接到我们要驻守峰会的命令时 so when orders came through stationing us here for the Summit,

我觉得至少我能顺路带一程 well, I thought a lift was the least I could do.

是的 我们行动吧 波夫 Right, let's get a move on, Bough.

请注意在一切结束之前将你们的手机 Oh, if you wouldn't mind keeping your mobiles off

保持关机状态 先生们 until you're well clear, gentlemen.

导弹的发射系统有点失灵 The launch systems on the missiles are a bit 1980s.

受到微波辐射的话 会有点分路不良 Gets a tad twitchy around microwave radiation.

没问题 指挥官 我们会用老派方式完成任务 No problem there, Commander. We're doing this mission old-school.

这个位置很完美 This spot is perfect.

来 Come on.

对不起 长官 Sorry, sir.

快点 快点 Come on, come on...

好了 波夫 我们的任务很简单 Right, Bough. Our mission here is simple.

进入沃尔特的卧室 然后把他带出来 Gain access to Volta's bedroom and take him out.

你要怎么才能上去呢 长官 How are you going to get up there, though,sir?

用外骨骼来个公园漫步 A walk in the park for the exoskeleton.

远程操控橡胶紧身衣 Remotely operated neoprene bodysuit.

将穿戴者的力量增加100倍 Increases the wearer's strength 100 times.

好了 启动它 插入软盘 出发吧 Right, power it up. Stick in the floppy disk and let's go.

军情七处

稍等 Just...

启动

武器什么时候能准备好 When will the weapon be ready?

首相今晚签署协议即可 As soon as the Prime Minister signs the agreement, tonight.

我要怎么开火 How do I fire it?

按一下即可发起攻击 Press once and the attack is launched.

在这之后 十二国的所有数据 After which, the data of every G12 country

都会传输到平静域号的服务器上 will be transferred to the servers on board the Dot Calm.

完美 Perfect.

干杯 Cheers.

你从一开始 You're working for Russian

就是为俄罗斯情报局效力的 lntelligenoe and you have been from the start.

所以你藏在戒指里 Which is why I've taken an

刚才又倒在这杯酒里的毒药 antidote to the poison you keep in your ring,

我已经服下了解药 and which you've poured into this drink.

也拆掉了那把手枪里的撞针 And removed the firing pin from that pistol.

每个人都要为了自己的身家性命而奋斗 Everyone has to make a life for themselves.

只是可惜 你的生命 It's just sad that yours is

要结束了 over.

刚从我的3D打印机里打出来的 全塑料 Fresh from my 3D printer. Hundred percent plastic.

但绝对致命 And 100% deadly.

杀了我也不能救你自己 Killing me won't save you.

别这么肯定 Don't bet on it.

开什么玩笑 不带这么玩的 Seriously, this cannot be happening.

就要这么玩 Oh, but it is.

把枪放下 Drop the gun.

把手举起来 Get your hands in the air.

还有你 And you.

没时间了 约翰尼 There's no time for this, Johnny.

这不可能 Oh, it isn't possible.

你不会跟这个英国蠢货联手了吧 You cannot be working with this English idiot!

还是把枕边风留给监狱吧 沃尔特 Save the pillow talk for your prison cell, Volta.

你进去了吗 长官 Are you inside, sir?

是的 波夫 你可以关闭了 Yes, yes, Bough, you can power down.

一切尽在掌控 Everything is under control.

关机 Shut down.

这个地点和这场会有都具有历史意义 An historic venue for an historic meeting.

来自G12成员国的代表 The delegates from each G12

都将拥有优先权... member nation will have their own priorities...

我们现在怎么进去 长官 How do we get in now, sir?

有什么计划 What's the plan?

那个人 Hey, you!

感谢各位 希望大家都拍到了满意的照片 Thank you very much. I hope you have everything you need.

在此请允许我代表英国 On behalf of the United Kingdom,

欢迎各位今天来到这个古老的会议地点 may I welcome you here today to this ancient meeting chamber

苏格兰各大氏族 where the great Scottish clans

曾在这里解决纷争并缔结了新的联盟 once settled their differences and forged new alliances.

为了宣布一个非常特别的决定 A place I have specifically chosen

我特意将会议地点选在这里 in order to make a very special announcement.

长官 Sir?

你还好吧 长官 Are you all right, sir?

不 我不好 扶我起来 波夫 No, I'm not all right. Get me up, Bough.

-好重 长官 -我知道有多重 波夫 - It's very heavy, sir. - I know how heavy it is, Bough.

我们得赶紧到会议现场 We've got to get to the conference...

免得沃尔特发射... to the conference room before Volta...

发射他的武器 before Volta triggers his weapon.

如此 我在这份协议上签字 And so, with my signature on this agreement...

让我非常高兴 ...it gives me great pleasure, oh,

向各位介绍我的客人及朋友 杰森·沃尔特 to welcome to you my guest, my friend, Jason Volta.

准备发动攻击 杰森 Standing by to launch attack, Jason.

-见鬼 把我弄出来 -约翰尼 - Damn it, get me out of this stuff. - Johnny?

-我看不到连接处 长官 -是卡扣的 - I can't see the join, sir. - It's the clasp.

打开卡扣就能上下分离了 Release the clasp and the top and the bottom separate.

一定是你摔倒的时候卡住了 长官 Must have jammed when you fell over, sir.

-我的天 -等等 试试这个 - For goodness sake. - Wait. Try this.

这油太多了 长官 That is quite a lot of oil, sir.

快点 快开啊 Oh, come on! Come on, come on...

你们能想象全世界 Can you imagine what the world

都由苹果来管理会是什么样吗 would look like if it was run by Apple?

或者谷歌 或者 Or Google? Or...

我 Me?

你觉得自己会考不上学校吗 Do you think you'd have failing schools?

你觉得自己会在医院无尽地等待吗 Do you think you'd have endless waiting in your hospitals?

不 No.

会在机场里排长长的队吗 Think you'd have such long lines in your airports?

-不 -不 - No. - No.

不 因为这些都是简单的数据管理问题 No, because all of these are simple data management problems.

而我这样的人 就喜欢数据 And people like me, we love data.

我们为数据而生 We live for data.

我的 My...

你知道我为什么而生吗 沃尔特 Do you know what I live for, Volta?

天啊 God.

消除你这种恶棍 Eliminating the threat that

给这个国家带来的威胁 lying villains like you pose to this country.

有完没完了 Oh, for God's sake.

他是谁 Who is he?

把这个疯子抓起来 Arrest this whack job.

在这里只有我能下逮捕命令 The only person ordering an arrest around here will be me.

别担心 女士们先生们 There's no cause for concern, ladies and gentlemen,

你们正在女王特勤处的保护之下 you are now in the capable hands of Her Majesty's Secret Service.

而你 朋友 免不了要遭罪了 And you, my friend, are in for an uncomfortable ride.

我说到哪儿了 Where was I?

为数据而生 Living for data.

没错 Exactly.

我的算法能解决你们的任何问题 My algorithms can solve every

只要给我一样东西 one of your problems as long as I have one thing.

控制权 Control.

所以你们现在要给我控制权 And that is what you are about to give me now.

杰森 你能不能说清楚... Jason, I wonder if you could just clarify...

闭嘴 Shut up.

等一下 Now, hold on.

城堡已封锁 Castle now locked down

尽在你的掌控之中 杰森 and under your control, Jason.

这个傻瓜刚刚签署的协议 The agreement this ignoramus just signed

不仅授予了我英国所有数据的访问权限 didn't just give me access to all the UK's data.

还授予了我北艾尔郡一个接线盒的访问权限 It also gave me access to a junction box, in North Ayrshire

它连接了整个万维网 that connects the entire World Wide Web.

只要切断盒子里的光纤电缆 Disable the fiber-optic cables

整个因特网将不复存在 in that box and the Internet will cease to exist.

约翰尼 你还好吗 Johnny? Are you okay?

你带手机了吗 我们得打电话请求支援 Have you got a phone? We need to call for backup.

没时间请求支援了 我要去追沃尔特了 There's no time for backup. I'm going after Volta.

别把这部也搞丢了 And don't lose that one!

你们知道我把因特网关了意味着什么吗 Do you understand what it means if I turn the Internet off'?

城市陷入黑暗 飞机从空中坠落 Cities will go dark. Planes will fall out of the sky.

火车相撞 法律和秩序崩溃 Trains will collide. Law and order will break down

你们所了解的世界将彻底消亡 and the world as you know it will be over.

别光说不做啊 对吗 Show, don't tell, right?

正在启动攻击 杰森 Initiating attack, Jason.

正在控制接线盒 Taking control of junction box.

正在关闭英国和欧洲的 Suspending Internet and

因特网和电力供应 electricity supply across Britain and Europe.

第一阶段攻击已完成 Stage one of attack complete.

女士们先生们 我可以停止攻击 Ladies and gentlemen. I can stop the attack

只要你们每个人 as long as each of you signs

都和首相大人签署相同的协议 the same agreement as the Prime Minister,

授予我全部控制权 giving me complete control.

由你们决定 Your call.

-欢迎致电英国情报局 -让帕加索斯接电话 - Welcome to British Intelligence. - Get me Pegasus!

军情五处 请按1 军情六处 请按2 For Ml5, press one. For MI6, press two.

军情七处 请按3 For MI7, press three.

八个G12国家已签署协议 Eight G12 signatures now acquired.

通知直升机 我们这儿差不多搞定了 Signal the chopper, we're almost done here.

账户查询 请按5 For accounts, press five.

-托儿服务 请按6 -有完没完 - For childcare services, press six. - Oh, some om!

其它选项 请按7 For more options, press seven.

什么 What?

还差两份签名 Only two further signatures

就能获得全部G12国家的数据 required to achieve control of G12 nations' data.

所有英国数据 All UK data

现已成功迁移至平静域号 now successfully transferred to the Dot Calm.

联系阿弗罗迪特 For Aphrodite,

请按1 联系帕加索斯 请按2 press one. For Pegasus, press two.

天呐 Oh, my God.

潜艇下潜 重复 潜艇下潜 Dive the submarine. Repeat, dive the submarine.

-这里是局长办公室 -我是约翰尼·英格力士 - Director's office? - This is Johnny English.

我需要立即跟帕加索斯通话 I need to speak to Pegasus immediately.

这是国家紧急情况 It's a national emergency.

请稍等 先生 One moment, please, sir.

这里是女王特勤处复仇号 This is HMS Vengeance.

我们收到了全面发射的代码 We have a full launch code.

重复 发射代码已被锁定 Repeat, launch code is locked.

请问是否批准开火 Do I have your permission to fire?

我的天啊 请稍等片刻 Oh, my God. Could you hold on one moment, please?

长官 长官 Sir? Sir!

喂 Hello?

喂 Hello?

长官 这里是女王特勤局复仇号 Sir! HMS Vengeance here.

是否批准发射 Do I have your permission to launch?

什么 听着 我们必须组织攻击 What? Listen, we have to call in an attack.

您是说攻击吗 长官 Did you say "Attack, " Sir?

是的 攻击 攻击 Yes, an attack. Attack.

战斗部署 准备发射 General quarters, we are go for launch.

目标位置已锁定 指挥官 Target coordinates locked, Commander.

喂 Hello?

喂 Hello?

指挥官 导弹在重新定位 Commander, the missile is being redirected.

好像锁定了一个新的敌方目标 It seems to be locking on to a new hostile target.

冰果露

"冰果露"是什么 What's a "Sherbet F"?

天呐 那是什么 Oh, no. What was that?

平静域号断开连接 杰森 Dot Calm appears to be offline, Jason.

网络攻击已中断 The cyber attack has been halted.

你是不是... Did you

在潜水艇旁边打电话了 长官 make a call quite close to the submarine, sir?

因为 Because?

你做到了 长官 You did it, sir!

任务完成 Mission accomplished!

没错 Weh,exactly!

我正在重新评估选项 杰森 I am re-evaluating our options, Jason.

约翰尼 约翰尼 Johnny! Johnny!

沃尔特要跑了 他正往他的直升机那儿去 Volta is getting away! He's heading for his helicopter!

不 波夫 No, Bough.

交给我 This one's mine.

小心点 长官 Careful, sir. Sir?

最后两步 长官 Last two steps, sir.

别跑得这么快 沃尔特 Not so fast, Volta!

这是想吓唬我吗 兰斯洛特骑士 Is this supposed to scare me, Sir Lancelot?

注意隐蔽 波夫 Take cover, Bough.

别怕 他那家伙里只有六颗子弹 Don't worry, he's only got six bullets in that thing.

当然 还有那家伙本身 And, of course, the thing itself.

你别无选择了 沃尔特 You've run out of options, Volta.

你觉得你赢了吗 Oh, you think you've won?

重新启动攻击至内华达服务器 杰森 Rerouting the attack to our Nevada servers, Jason.

世界要毁灭了 英格力士 The world's going down, English.

而我将是唯一幸存的人 And I'll be the last man standing.

再见 英格力士 再见 因特网 Goodbye, English! Goodbye, Internet.

找到了 那是小羚羊341轻型武装直升机 I've got it. That's a Gazelle 341 light attack helicopter.

如果我们能侵入它的操作系统 If we can hack into its operating system,

就可以破坏它的驱动功能 we can disable the drive function.

给我 Here.

瞧瞧你 就算你的命 Look at you! You couldn't

全靠那部平板电脑拯救 你也不会用 use that thing if your life depended on it!

我们走吧 Let's get outta here.

让这只钢鸟... Get this steel bird in the...

重启已完成 Rerouting complete.

准备攻击内华达服务器安装的数据 Attack data now installed at our Nevada servers.

是否开始 Should I initiate?

杰森 Jason?

是否开始新的攻击 Should I initiate the new attack?

你开始受死吧 Initiate this!

杰森 Jason.

女士们先生们 Well, uh, ladies and gentlemen.

相信我们都不会否认 I think we can all agree,

今晚绝不是我们想象中的夜晚 that wasn't quite the evening we were expecting.

本来我希望今晚给你们展示 I had hoped to present to you tonight...

-谢谢 -英国未来发展的景象 - Thank you. - ...A vision of what Britain might be.

但正如所发生的 今晚拯救我们的勇士 But, as it happens, the man who saved us all this evening,

他...我补充一句 是我亲自指派的特工 the man who, I might add, I personally assigned to this case,

给我们展现了另一幅景象 has presented us with a different kind of vision.

为我们树立了活生生的榜样 A living embodiment, if you like,

他是优良传统美德的真实写照 of those fundamental British qualities

这些美德使我们深爱的岛国经久不衰 that have ensured that our beloved island nation endures.

战火中的勇气 无尽的聪明才智 Courage under fire, endless ingenuity

最重要的是 and above all, a quiet

无法撼动的尊严 unassailable dignity.

谢谢 Thank you.

热烈欢迎

一起欢呼 All together.

我们的英雄

干得漂亮 老师

欢迎回来 英格力士老师 Welcome back, Mr. English.

谢谢 校长 Thank you, Headmaster.

感谢你愿意做我们的特邀讲师 Thank you for agreeing to be our guest speaker.

主管们和员工们 Now the governors and staff

正在玫瑰园等我们呢 are all waiting for us in the rose garden.

好的 我先失陪一下 校长 Yes, if you could just excuse me for a few minutes, Headmaster.

-早上好 老师 -嗨 老师 - Morning, sir! - Hello, sir!

欢迎回来 老师 Welcome back, sir!

惊喜 Surprise!

谢谢 Thank you.

斯特雷克在哪儿 Where's Straker?

-这儿呢 老师 -很好 - Here, sir. - Good.

当然还有 巴格利 And, of course, Baggaley.

你做得很好 非常好 That was very good. Very good.

好了 大家都过来吧 过来 All right, gather round, everyone. Gather round.

我给你们带了一些玩具 I've got some toys to show you.

让我们来瞧瞧 There we go.

这个 这个 There we are. There we are.

-面包棍吹气管 谁要 -我 - Breadstick blowpipe, anyone? - Me!

给你 There you go.

绿苹果手榴弹 Granny Smith hand grenade?

-绞绳手表呢 -我要 老师 - And what about a garroting watch? - Here, sir.

给你 There you go.

给我 这个我拿着吧 Here, let me take that.

别担心 只是药性不强的镇静剂 Don't worry, it's only a mild sedative.

这是只有五秒钟的引线 Oh! That's just a five-second fuse.

好了 我们都知道绞绳长什么样 Yes, all right, we all know what garroting looks like.

就等你了 英格力士老师 Whenever you're ready, Mr. English.

不好意思 校长 马上就来 Oh, I'm sorry, Headmaster, I'll just be one moment.

带上这些 谢谢 Just take those. Thank you. Ooh.

把东西放好 好吗 Put those away, shall we? There we...

我就喜欢吃软糖 I always did love a jelly baby.