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1
00:01:32,594 --> 00:01:37,015
[bell tolling]
2
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- How do you do, Mr. Van Cleve?
- Good afternoon, Your Excellency.
3
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:31,903
- It's very kind of you to receive me.
- Not at all.
4
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,613
- Oh, please, sit down.
- Thank you.
5
00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:36,199
I hope you'll forgive me,
but we're so busy down here.
6
00:02:36,282 --> 00:02:39,702
Really, sometimes it looks
as if the whole world is coming to hell.
7
00:02:40,495 --> 00:02:45,833
Frankly, I haven't had an opportunity
to familiarize myself with your case.
8
00:02:45,917 --> 00:02:47,543
When did it happen, Mr. Van Cleve?
9
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Tuesday. To be exact,
I died at 9:36 in the evening.
10
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,675
I trust you didn't suffer much.
11
00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:57,345
Oh, no, no. Not in the least.
12
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,847
- I had finished my dinner -
- A good one, I hope.
13
00:02:59,931 --> 00:03:02,392
Oh, excellent, excellent.
14
00:03:02,475 --> 00:03:05,853
I ate everything the doctor forbade,
and then -
15
00:03:05,937 --> 00:03:09,273
Well, to make a long story short,
16
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,944
shall we say,
I fell asleep without realizing it.
17
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:17,407
And when I awakened, there were
all my relatives speaking in low tones
18
00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:20,451
and saying nothing
but the kindest things about me.
19
00:03:20,952 --> 00:03:22,453
Then I knew I was dead.
20
00:03:22,537 --> 00:03:25,081
I presume your funeral was satisfactory.
21
00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:28,042
Well, there was a lot of crying,
22
00:03:28,126 --> 00:03:30,962
so I believe everybody had a good time.
23
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:35,341
It would have been an ideal funeral
if Mrs. Cooper-Cooper, a friend of the family,
24
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:39,345
hadn't volunteered to sing
“The End of a Perfect Day.”
25
00:03:39,429 --> 00:03:44,058
You see, all my life I had succeeded
in avoiding Mrs. Cooper-Cooper's coloratura,
26
00:03:44,142 --> 00:03:46,060
and this undoubtedly was her revenge.
27
00:03:46,144 --> 00:03:51,065
Mr. Van Cleve, I can see
that you have a sensitive, cultivated ear.
28
00:03:51,149 --> 00:03:52,734
Oh, thank you.
29
00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:55,069
Then let me warn you.
30
00:03:55,153 --> 00:03:58,239
The music down here
is anything but pleasant.
31
00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:03,119
Beethoven, Bach, Mozart -
32
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,037
You hear them only...
33
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,999
above.
34
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,252
Yes. I know.
35
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,839
It won't be easy
not to hear the old masters again.
36
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:18,843
And there are several people up there
I would love to see.
37
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:21,971
Particularly one.
38
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:25,099
A very dear one.
39
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:29,228
- But I haven't a chance.
- Have you tried?
40
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,815
No, Your Excellency. I have no illusions.
41
00:04:32,899 --> 00:04:36,027
I know the life I lived.
I know where I belong.
42
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:38,237
I would like to get it over
as quickly as possible.
43
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:43,075
Very well. If you meet our requirements,
we'll be only too glad to accommodate you.
44
00:04:43,201 --> 00:04:47,038
Would you be good enough to mention, for instance,
some outstanding crime you've committed?
45
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,956
Crime? Crime?
46
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:52,752
I'm afraid I can't think of any.
47
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:56,214
But I can safely say my whole life
was one continuous misdemeanor.
48
00:04:56,297 --> 00:05:01,260
My dear Mr. Van Cleve, a passport to hell
is not issued on generalities.
49
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:04,597
No. I'm afraid you'll have to wait
until I have time to study your record.
50
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:08,768
Now look here. I have to see His Excellency,
and no office boy's going to stop me.
51
00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,484
- I beg your pardon, Your Excellency.
- Just a moment.
52
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,986
- I'm Edna Craig.
- Oh, yes. I have your record here.
53
00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:20,696
You'll be taken care of in just a moment.
54
00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:23,366
Really, I don't want to seem rude,
but I don't think I belong here.
55
00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:25,034
- In just a moment -
- Please don't misunderstand me.
56
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,537
I think it's a charming place, isn't it?
57
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,585
Henry Van Cleve.
58
00:05:34,669 --> 00:05:36,838
You know Edna Craig?
59
00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:39,340
I'm sorry, madam. I seem to be at a loss.
60
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:43,135
Oh, Henry. Think back many, many years.
61
00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:46,639
The little brownstone house
around the corner from the old Waldorf?
62
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,432
Oh.
63
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:51,602
Marmaduke Harrison's party.
64
00:05:51,686 --> 00:05:53,479
We were all dressed as children.
65
00:05:53,563 --> 00:05:56,357
And you came as, uh, Little Lord Fauntleroy.
66
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,943
And they wheeled you in in a baby carriage.
67
00:05:59,944 --> 00:06:02,446
Little Constantinople.
68
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:03,948
Oh, Henry.
69
00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:09,579
No girl in New York walked
on two more beautiful legs than you.
70
00:06:09,662 --> 00:06:11,706
Little Constantinople.
71
00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:16,460
Well, Henry, I still walk,
and on the same two legs.
72
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:20,047
-[9i99le$]
- And I'm sure they're still as beautiful.
73
00:06:20,131 --> 00:06:23,634
Well, Henry, I'll let you be the judge of that.
74
00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,473
[Edna giggling]
75
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,810
[screams]
76
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,569
Those things are better left to memory.
77
00:06:42,737 --> 00:06:46,407
But I must admit you're beginning
to interest me, Mr. Van Cleve.
78
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:49,410
I think I can spare the time
to listen to your story.
79
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:52,121
- Thank you, Your Excellency.
- Please sit down.
80
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,670
Perhaps the best way
to tell you the story of my life
81
00:06:59,754 --> 00:07:02,048
is to tell you about the women in my life.
82
00:07:03,049 --> 00:07:06,135
Well, let's start with the first woman.
83
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,887
My mother.
84
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:10,765
[Henry narrating]
A /0 very lady, but prejudiced.
85
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:13,392
She thought I was wonderful.
86
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:15,394
She was the first woman I ever fooled.
87
00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,439
Then there was my grandmother.
88
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,691
She was just as prejudiced as my mother.
89
00:07:20,775 --> 00:07:23,235
How is the little darling?
Let me hold him.
90
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:25,446
No. Please, Mother Van Cleve.
Let the baby rest.
91
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:28,741
- You're just jealous, Bertha.
- I can't stand this any longer.
92
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:31,410
- I'm going to speak to Randolph about this.
- Yes, Randolph.
93
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:35,873
First you take my son away,
and now you want to alienate my grandchild.
94
00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:40,878
[Henry narrating] My diapers needed changing,
and already Women were fighting for me.
95
00:07:40,962 --> 00:07:43,422
What a way t0 starf a man
on the road of life.
96
00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:48,344
I was not even two,
and I already got involved in a triangle.
97
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:53,099
A I home, in the presence of my family,
I was the only man in my nurse s life.
98
00:07:53,182 --> 00:07:56,143
I was her honeybunch, her “oogi-woogi-woo.”
99
00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:58,145
Bu! the minute we got to the park -
100
00:07:58,229 --> 00:08:00,147
Hello, Bedelia.
101
00:08:00,231 --> 00:08:02,316
Well, if it isn't Patrick himself.
102
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,318
'[9i9gling]
-[bawling]
103
00:08:04,402 --> 00:08:06,612
Ah, shut up, you nasty little brat.
104
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,330
[Henry narrating]
No wonder I became a cynic.
105
00:08:16,414 --> 00:08:18,541
My next lesson came from little Mary.
106
00:08:19,709 --> 00:08:22,503
- Hello, Mary.
- Don't speak to me, Henry Van Cleve.
107
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,464
You're a bad boy, and my mother says
I shouldn't talk to bad boys.
108
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:27,842
I bet you don't know
what I've got in this box.
109
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:29,844
And I'm not interested, Henry Van Cleve.
110
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,013
Then I won't tell you it's a beetle.
111
00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:34,390
A beetle?
112
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:37,226
- Do you like it?
- Oh, who doesn't like beetles?
113
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:39,729
- It's yours.
- Thank you.
114
00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,731
Oh, thank you, Henry.
115
00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:44,483
- I wonder if I should take it.
- If you don't want it -
116
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:47,653
Oh, I didn't mean it that way.
I was just wondering.
117
00:08:47,737 --> 00:08:49,905
Don't worry. I've got another one.
118
00:08:49,989 --> 00:08:52,700
- Another beetle?
- Uh-huh.
119
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:56,412
Oh, it's beautiful.
It looks rather lonely though.
120
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:59,498
You know what I think?
I think it wants to be together with mine.
121
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,542
You mean you want this one too?
122
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:05,755
Henry Van Cleve! Do you think I'm the kind
of girl that would take a boy's last beetle?
123
00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:08,674
Aw, that's all right. You can have it.
124
00:09:08,758 --> 00:09:13,721
Thank you, Henry. Now, if you want to,
you can walk with me to the corner.
125
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:17,183
[Henry narrating] From that moment on,
one thing was clear to me.
126
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:20,853
If you want to win a girl,
you have to have lots of beetles.
127
00:09:26,025 --> 00:09:29,070
I was growing rapidly,
and so was New York.
128
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:32,156
Yes. New York was becoming cosmopolitan,
129
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:36,535
and no household was considered
fashionable without a French maid.
130
00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:40,122
So, one day a Fifth A venue coach
stopped in front of our house,
131
00:09:40,206 --> 00:09:44,126
and out of the coach and into my life
came Mademoiselle.
132
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:54,303
Mrs. Van Cleve will be here shortly.
133
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:55,888
Merci.
134
00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:05,981
That's Mr. Van Cleve.
135
00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:09,110
Oh, Monsieur. Charmant, charmant.
136
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:12,446
This is Mr. Van Cleve's father.
He lives here too.
137
00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:16,408
Grandpapa. Sweet. Very sweet.
138
00:10:16,492 --> 00:10:19,411
And who is this darling little boy?
139
00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:23,124
That's the young master.
He's not so darling.
140
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:25,459
- Bad boy?
- Not good.
141
00:10:25,543 --> 00:10:27,628
- Good morning.
- B0nj0ur, madame.
142
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,964
How do you do, mademoiselle?
143
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:31,966
- Your name is, uh -
- Yvette Blanchard.
144
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:33,968
- Yvette Blanchard.
- Oui.
145
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:37,138
The agency tells me
that you've just arrived from France.
146
00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:39,348
-0u/'.
- And are seeking employment in this country.
147
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:42,268
-0u/} madame.
- Uh, you have references?
148
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,270
-0u/} madame.
- May I see them, please?
149
00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:46,272
Naturellement.
150
00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:48,232
- Voila'.
- Thank you.
151
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:53,654
Oh. [chuckles] Uh, they're in French.
152
00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:57,825
0w} madame. But believe me -
toutes /es references - excel/entes.
153
00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:00,619
Here, my last employer-
Baroness Lalotte -
154
00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:03,664
wishes me to be
such grand success in America
155
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:06,542
that I shall never have desire
to return to France.
156
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:11,589
Ah. The French have such a...
continental way of expressing their gratitude.
157
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:15,342
Um, and here a reference
from the duc de Polignac.
158
00:11:15,426 --> 00:11:18,846
He considers the two years
I spent in his house
159
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,307
the two most happy years of his life.
160
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:24,518
Oh, it sounds just like a duke.
161
00:11:24,602 --> 00:11:26,854
Um, what about your wages?
162
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:31,525
Uh, maybe in beginning $20 a month
would give satisfaction?
163
00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:33,611
Twenty dollars a month!
164
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:39,074
You see, I've never gone higher
than $14 a month for a personal maid.
165
00:11:39,158 --> 00:11:43,078
If I could only justify the difference.
Let me see.
166
00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:44,872
Oh, Mother?
167
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:46,498
Come here, dear.
168
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,962
- Mademoiselle, this is my little boy.
- B0nj0ur, mon pet/t.
169
00:11:52,046 --> 00:11:54,006
- Hello.
- He studies French.
170
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:58,052
Oh, mademoiselle, you must ask him
something in French. But not too difficult.
171
00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:01,847
Oui. Avez-vous bien travaille'
aujourd'hui, mon chéri?
172
00:12:01,931 --> 00:12:03,724
Huh?
173
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,726
That's what I was afraid of.
174
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:09,480
Now be a nice boy and go. I have an idea
that I want to discuss with Mademoiselle.
175
00:12:14,652 --> 00:12:18,906
[laughs] A brilliant child,
but a little backward in his French.
176
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:21,242
- And it just occurred to me that -
- Oh, madame.
177
00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:24,578
It will be pleasure talk only French
to little fellow.
178
00:12:24,662 --> 00:12:27,706
My whole vocabu/a/re
I make present to your baby.
179
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:31,835
With me in house, in one month I assure
Madame will not recognize own son.
180
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,338
And only for $20.
181
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,591
Of course, that's six dollars more
than I ever paid before.
182
00:12:37,675 --> 00:12:40,261
- But let's try it.
- Merc/} madame.
183
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:42,471
- Au re vo/r, madame.
- Good-bye, mademoiselle.
184
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,223
[door opens]
185
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:49,770
Psst! Hey.
186
00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:57,569
Oui?
187
00:12:57,653 --> 00:12:59,905
You're not gonna work here.
I'll see to that.
188
00:12:59,989 --> 00:13:03,284
What is the matter?
Did I make little boy angry?
189
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:06,620
Now see here. That's the last time
anybody's gonna call me “little boy.”
190
00:13:06,704 --> 00:13:09,623
Oh, so sorry if I hurt feelings,
but maman -
191
00:13:09,707 --> 00:13:11,625
Yes. Mama. That's the trouble.
192
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:14,378
Mama and Papa.
And Grandpapa and Grandmama.
193
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,964
It's a conspiracy to keep me in short pants.
194
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,716
They think they own me, body and soul.
195
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:22,970
Ah, je comprends.
My understanding for young man is perfect.
196
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:25,347
Your soul is bigger than your pants.
197
00:13:25,431 --> 00:13:28,809
Oh, you need very warm friend
with sympathy.
198
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:31,228
MOI. I Will be. Oui?
199
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:39,445
I bet you couldn't guess in a million years
what I have in my pocket.
200
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:43,449
No, I do not know, but I am sure
it is something very bad, oui?
201
00:13:46,285 --> 00:13:49,663
- Here.
- Oh, you smoke big black cigar?
202
00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,790
Sure, I'm gonna smoke it - any day now.
203
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:55,836
Now we have very bad secret together, oui?
204
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:58,130
That's nothing.
205
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:01,467
I can tell you things that would rock
Fifth Avenue to its foundations.
206
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,052
Oh?
207
00:14:11,602 --> 00:14:14,021
- I'm going to get married.
- You, married?
208
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,482
Mmm. I have to, darn it.
209
00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:18,859
Oh, this is much worse than cigar.
210
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,861
When did disaster take place?
211
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:23,322
Oh, it all happened pretty suddenly.
212
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,866
There's a girl around the corner.
Well, you know.
213
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,744
But I do not know. Tell me.
214
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:31,580
Well, we were walking in the park,
and it started to rain.
215
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:34,541
-0u/?
- We climbed into a policeman's shed.
216
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:37,294
- And the policeman?
- He wasn't there.
217
00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:40,547
Well, anyhow, before I knew it,
I lost my head.
218
00:14:40,631 --> 00:14:42,591
I don't know what got into me.
219
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:45,803
- I took her into my arms and then -
- And then?
220
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,472
I kissed her.
221
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,641
I may just as well face the consequences.
222
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,894
Excuse my asking question.
223
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:56,897
This might sound very childish
to grown-up young man,
224
00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:00,609
but did you ever consider idea
not marrying girl?
225
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,820
It's out of the question.
It would destroy me socially.
226
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,446
I could never go to Harvard.
227
00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:07,199
Why, when my father kissed my mother,
she knew what he meant,
228
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:09,660
and he knew she knew it.
229
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,703
Ecoute, mon chéri.
230
00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:15,833
In your papa's time,
Papa kiss Mama and then marry.
231
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,584
But this is 1887.
232
00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:22,589
Time of bicycle. The typewriter has arrive'.
Soon everybody speak over the telephone.
233
00:15:22,673 --> 00:15:25,926
And people have new idea of value of kiss.
234
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:29,346
What was bad yesterday
is lot of fun today.
235
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,890
There is a wonderful saying in France.
236
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,268
“L es ba/sers son! comme des bonbons
237
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:37,271
qu'0n mange parce qu 77s son! bans. ”
238
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,982
This mean kiss is like candy.
239
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,901
You eat candy only for the beautiful taste,
240
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,737
and this is enough reason to eat candy.
241
00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:48,574
Y-You mean I can kiss a girl once -
242
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:52,202
Ten times, 20 times. And no obligation.
243
00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:55,289
Listen, are you telling me the truth
or just trying to keep your job?
244
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:58,709
I'll swear by the extra six dollar
I get from Madame.
245
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,462
Gosh.
This is a wonderful age I'm living in.
246
00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:04,131
Oui. So you do not
have to worry about little girl.
247
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,341
Oh, I've forgotten about her already.
248
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:09,219
I guess I'm pretty blasé. [laughs]
249
00:16:09,303 --> 00:16:11,472
- Listen, Frenchy.
- What is it, my friend?
250
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:15,893
If that's the way things are in 1887,
what do you think's gonna happen in 1888?
251
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:20,105
Ah. We make that the subject
of our first French lesson.
252
00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:22,024
Au revoir, monsieur.
253
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,083
- Mother.
- Yes, my baby.
254
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,669
That girl is worth the extra six dollars.
255
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:52,554
[Henry narrating] The pride ofal/
the Van C/e ves was my cousin Albert.
256
00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:55,557
He was the fulfillment of a parent's dream.
257
00:16:55,641 --> 00:17:00,562
Always the highest in his class.
Never had he thrown a stone into a window.
258
00:17:00,646 --> 00:17:03,565
Nor did he e verput a mouse
in his teachers bustle.
259
00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:05,651
His ears were always clean.
260
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:09,279
This, I think,
will give you a rough idea of A lben'.
261
00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:12,741
And I'll never forget
the morning of my 15th birthday.
262
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,077
The presents were waiting for me
in the living room.
263
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:19,164
But suddenly Father came running
down the stairs, excited and breathless.
264
00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:20,749
Flogdell! Flogdell!
265
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:23,377
Yes, Mr. Van Cleve.
266
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,796
Tell Robinson to go immediately
and get Dr. Macintosh.
267
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,382
- Tell him our little Henry is ill.
- Yes, sir.
268
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:31,176
Oh, my poor baby.
269
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:35,138
The boy's acting so strangely, Randolph.
Randolph.
270
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,975
Now, Bertha, Bertha.
We must keep a stiff upper lip.
271
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,187
Randolph, he's talking all the time
as if he were in a delirium.
272
00:17:42,271 --> 00:17:45,566
- What does the boy seem to be saying?
- Well, if I only knew, Randolph.
273
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:48,110
- He's talking French. Nothing but French.
- French?
274
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:52,322
Oh, Randolph.
Our boy, delirious in a foreign language.
275
00:17:52,406 --> 00:17:55,033
-[sobbing]
- Now, Bertha, Bertha. This is an emergency.
276
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:58,954
We must do everything step-by-step.
The next move is to find out what the boy is saying.
277
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,498
- Uh - Uh, Flogdell.
- Yes, sir.
278
00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:04,042
Tell Mademoiselle to come
to Master Henry's room immediately.
279
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:05,502
Very good, sir.
280
00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:20,642
If only Grandpa would let me rub
just a bit of garlic on his little chest.
281
00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:23,645
Stay away from that boy with your garlic.
The boy's sick enough.
282
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:24,396
[hiccups]
283
00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:28,567
Randolph, did you hear that?
Did you hear that, Grandpa?
284
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,319
I'm not deaf.
285
00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:32,696
The child's poisoned. That's what it is.
286
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,282
Oh, Randolph. What shall we do?
Oh, what shall we do?
287
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,577
Now, now. There's only one thing to do,
Bertha - keep a stiff upper lip.
288
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,662
But that won't help that poor poisoned boy.
289
00:18:40,746 --> 00:18:43,332
If I had my way, I know what I'd do.
290
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:47,878
A big glass of cold water right in that boy's face,
and I think he'd start talking English.
291
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,339
- Hugo, you barbarian.
- Oh, no! Please, please!
292
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,215
- You'll give him pneumonia.
- You mustn't do that.
293
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,217
- Please, you mustn't -
- He might -
294
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,511
-[together] Oh, Mademoiselle.
- Did Madame send for me?
295
00:18:56,595 --> 00:18:58,555
Yes, Mademoiselle. Our little Henry.
296
00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:01,058
- He's sick?
- Yes, Mademoiselle.
297
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:04,102
Oh. Excuse, Madame. I'll be right back.
298
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,568
[hiccups]
299
00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,364
Oui, Madame?
300
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:17,658
Mademoiselle,
he's asking for something in French.
301
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:20,661
- You must help us find out what he wants.
-0u/} Madame.
302
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:27,000
- Look. He's smiling.
- He's far, far away.
303
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:30,295
- Why, he seems to be in another world.
- He's looking at Mademoiselle.
304
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:33,757
- I wonder what he sees.
- Yes. I wonder.
305
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,927
Oh, je suis si malade.
306
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:41,139
Mon estomac me fail si mal.
307
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:43,892
- Is he clear?
- Does it make any sense?
308
00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:47,521
Oh, his French is absolutely perfect.
309
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:49,314
Such beautiful grammar.
310
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:53,151
Mademoiselle, at the moment we're not concerned
with the young man's linguistic accomplishments.
311
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,319
Randolph, don't be harsh.
312
00:19:54,403 --> 00:19:57,531
I'm sorry if I seem to have lost my temper,
but the occasion is a trying one.
313
00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,575
If you could tell us what the child is saying,
it might help us to meet the situation.
314
00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:01,159
[hiccups]
315
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:04,996
[hiccups]
316
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:08,125
Must be contagious disease.
317
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,837
Son, step out with me a moment.
318
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,423
- Good morning!
- Morning, Albert.
319
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:16,466
-[Bertha] Shh! Hush.
- What's going on?
320
00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:22,389
Now, Son, you still don't know
what's the matter with that boy?
321
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,599
Father, I wouldn't presume
to make a diagnosis.
322
00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:27,728
- After all, I'm not a man of medicine.
- Randolph, how old are you?
323
00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:30,147
What an odd question, Father. I'm 43.
324
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:33,608
Well, I think you are definitely old enough
to be told the facts of life.
325
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:35,026
What are you driving at, Father?
326
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:38,238
Now, Son, don't look at me
with those big wandering eyes.
327
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:41,408
It breaks my heart, but I'll have to shatter
your childhood illusions.
328
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:44,453
Randolph, my son, there is no Santy Claus.
329
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,288
And that child of your -
330
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:49,040
Listen, don't you really know
what's the matter with him?
331
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:51,251
- You get out of here!
- Bertha, what is it?
332
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,712
- Randolph, call the police at once.
- Yes. Call the police.
333
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,756
Quiet! Quiet! We don't need the police.
334
00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:59,426
Bertha, Mother. I wish someone would take
the time to explain to me what this is all about.
335
00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,970
Believe me, Monsieur,
the excitement is greatly exagéré.
336
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,972
- How dare you speak.
- Have you no shame?
337
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:07,100
- Oh, please, Grandpapa.
- Don't you call him Grandpapa!
338
00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:10,020
- Don't you dare call him Grandpapa!
- Girls, girls - Shut up!
339
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,855
Go ahead. Call me Grandpapa.
340
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,816
Mere/I mons/eur. Merci beaucoup, mons/eur.
You are very kind.
341
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,778
Yes, I'm very kind, but you'd better go
and pack your things now.
342
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,946
And if you're not out of the house
in a very little while,
343
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:22,115
I'll come down to your room
and help you pack.
344
00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,117
I wish you would, Grandpapa.
345
00:21:24,201 --> 00:21:26,495
- Oh, shameless, shameless!
- Leave this house! Go!
346
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:31,917
There is old French saying: “lf you are
thrown out of house, you better resign.”
347
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,335
Au revo/r. [hiccups]
348
00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:39,090
I still would appreciate it if someone would tell me
what all this has to do with our little Henry.
349
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:42,219
Fortunately, Uncle Randolph,
French always being one of my favorite subjects,
350
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:46,306
I was able to understand the incredible
conversation between Henry and Mademoiselle.
351
00:21:46,389 --> 00:21:48,934
-L, uh, don't know how to begin.
- All right, all right.
352
00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,977
Henry had a glass of wine.
We all know that.
353
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:52,979
Henry? Intoxicated?
354
00:21:53,063 --> 00:21:56,149
From what I overheard,
at or about 10:00 last night,
355
00:21:56,233 --> 00:21:59,736
Henry and this - this foreign young woman
slipped out of the house.
356
00:21:59,820 --> 00:22:03,907
Before doing this, however, Henry wrongfully
took possession of his father's dress clothes,
357
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:07,994
including $20 which Uncle Randolph was
negligent enough to leave in his pocket.
358
00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:09,830
Imagine. They went to Delmonico's.
359
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:12,541
- Did they have a good time?
- They drank champagne.
360
00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:14,626
Our little baby drank champagne.
361
00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:17,128
- Well, thank you, Albert.
- But that's not all, Grandfather.
362
00:22:17,212 --> 00:22:20,924
It seems, from what I could gather,
that Mrs. Asterbrook, of the Asterbrooks,
363
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:22,717
who was sitting at an adjoining table,
364
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:26,137
resented bitterly the idea of Henry
dropping a nickel into her decolletage
365
00:22:26,221 --> 00:22:30,767
and complaining to the management because
no chocolate bar dropped out of Mrs. Asterbrook.
366
00:22:30,851 --> 00:22:33,687
Mrs. Asterbrook? How can I ever face her?
367
00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:35,105
What a disgrace!
368
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:37,023
[Randolph]
I'm going to teach that boy a lesson.
369
00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:40,694
Yes, that's what he deserves,
throwing nickels around like that.
370
00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:44,656
Knowing the Asterbrooks, I can tell you
right now we'll never see that nickel again.
371
00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:48,034
I have reached my decision.
That boy is going to be spanked, and severely.
372
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:50,537
Oh, Randolph, don't hurt him.
Please don't hurt him.
373
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:53,665
- No, no, Randolph.
- Please, please. He's such a baby.
374
00:22:54,291 --> 00:22:56,918
Well, I assume there will be
no further birthday celebration.
375
00:22:57,002 --> 00:22:58,044
I'm afraid not.
376
00:22:58,128 --> 00:23:01,548
I believe I can utilize this time
very beneficially, so I'll say good-bye.
377
00:23:01,631 --> 00:23:04,634
Good-bye, Albert.
You're a real credit to the family.
378
00:23:05,468 --> 00:23:07,470
Thank you, Grandfather.
379
00:23:33,038 --> 00:23:36,374
[Henry narrating] It was a Sunday morning,
the day of m y 26th b/nfhda y.
380
00:23:39,294 --> 00:23:41,630
Oh, that boy.
381
00:23:41,713 --> 00:23:46,676
Well, at least poor Grandmother, may her soul
rest in peace, was spared seeing a day like this.
382
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,096
Oh, Randolph. Randolph, where can he be?
Where can he be?
383
00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,891
Now, now, Bertha,
I'd like to give you some consolation,
384
00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:54,726
but all I can say is chins up.
385
00:23:54,809 --> 00:23:57,062
Oh, Randolph, where does he get it from?
386
00:23:57,145 --> 00:23:59,981
I give up, Bertha.
I never gambled in all my life.
387
00:24:00,065 --> 00:24:02,567
I never got entangled with any girl
until I met you.
388
00:24:02,651 --> 00:24:05,862
- Randolph, you call it entangled?
- I mean you entangled my heart.
389
00:24:05,946 --> 00:24:08,114
Oh, of course, Randolph.
We entangled each other's heart.
390
00:24:08,198 --> 00:24:11,952
Believe me, Bertha, I never knew
what a musical comedy girl looked like.
391
00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:14,120
What can he possibly derive
from their company?
392
00:24:14,204 --> 00:24:16,122
To me, they were creatures
from another planet.
393
00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:19,084
Where does he get it from?
Nobody in our family was musical.
394
00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:22,462
To this day I wouldn't know
how to find the stage entrance to a theater.
395
00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:25,590
It's always around in the back
up an alleyway.
396
00:24:25,674 --> 00:24:29,135
There's a sign over the door:
“Stage Entrance.” You can't miss it.
397
00:24:29,219 --> 00:24:31,137
But I'm not interested, Father. I never was.
398
00:24:31,221 --> 00:24:33,848
Where does the boy get it from?
Where does he get it from?
399
00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:36,393
Father built up the Van Cleve
Importing Company from nothing.
400
00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:37,727
When he stopped, I carried on.
401
00:24:37,811 --> 00:24:41,356
Dad, you must admit, from the day I left Harvard,
I earned every dollar I ever spent.
402
00:24:41,439 --> 00:24:43,984
Then why do you give him money
without making him work for it?
403
00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:47,737
I have to save the family name. What about you
handing him hundreds of dollars?
404
00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:49,948
If I'd come to you for money,
would you have given it to me?
405
00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:52,826
- No.
- But you give it to him. Why? Why? Why?
406
00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:54,536
Because I like him.
407
00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:57,122
Does that mean, by any chance, Father,
that you don't like me?
408
00:24:57,205 --> 00:25:00,667
Son, I love you.
Now shut up and leave me alone.
409
00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:02,669
[door opens]
410
00:25:02,752 --> 00:25:04,254
Good morning.
411
00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:09,259
- Good morning, Aunt Bertha.
- Good morning, Albert.
412
00:25:09,342 --> 00:25:11,261
- Good morning, Grandfather.
- Morning, Albert.
413
00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:13,513
- Good morning, Uncle Randolph.
- Good morning, Albert.
414
00:25:13,596 --> 00:25:17,183
I just came in to bring a little
birthday remembrance for Henry.
415
00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:18,977
Anything wrong? isn't he home?
416
00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:21,229
[chuckles] 11:00 Sunday morning.
417
00:25:21,312 --> 00:25:25,233
If I know my cousin Henry,
he's probably still in church. [laughing]
418
00:25:25,316 --> 00:25:26,735
I mean that humorously.
419
00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:30,363
Albert, I'm struggling successfully
against the gout.
420
00:25:30,447 --> 00:25:35,201
I'm waging a terrific battle with my liver,
and I'm holding my own against asthma.
421
00:25:35,285 --> 00:25:38,413
But I doubt if I have strength enough
to survive yourjokes.
422
00:25:38,496 --> 00:25:41,041
You're a successful lawyer.
Let it go at that.
423
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:42,625
I love you, Albert.
424
00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:50,175
Uh, it was sweet of you to drop in, Albert.
I hope he'll be here tonight to thank you.
425
00:25:50,258 --> 00:25:53,053
I hope so too, otherwise I'd be
in the most embarrassing position
426
00:25:53,136 --> 00:25:55,055
as far as my future in-laws are concerned.
427
00:25:55,138 --> 00:25:58,016
We're so eager to meet your fiancee.
How does she like New York?
428
00:25:58,099 --> 00:25:59,934
Yes. Is she enjoying herself?
429
00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:03,396
Well, she's only been here two days,
so naturally the impression is overwhelming.
430
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,649
I took her to the aquarium. We rode up and down
the elevator in the Flatiron Building.
431
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:09,402
And naturally,
we ended up in Grant's Tomb.
432
00:26:09,486 --> 00:26:11,362
Naturally.
433
00:26:11,446 --> 00:26:13,448
Uh, and her parents?
434
00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:16,576
Oh, yes. How does the big
Kansas City butcher like New York?
435
00:26:16,659 --> 00:26:18,161
Now, Father, please.
436
00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:20,580
I assume that you're referring
to my future father-in-law,
437
00:26:20,663 --> 00:26:23,166
who happens to be one
of the great meat packers of our time.
438
00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:27,087
Yes, Father Van Cleve. Don't you realize
that every piece of beef we eat
439
00:26:27,170 --> 00:26:29,756
comes from one of Mr. Strable's
many, many plants?
440
00:26:29,839 --> 00:26:32,926
Does that include the steak
I fought ten rounds with last night?
441
00:26:33,009 --> 00:26:36,179
Grandfather, you don't seem to have any idea
of the importance of Mr. Strable.
442
00:26:36,262 --> 00:26:39,849
He created the most famous character
in American advertising - Mabel, the cow.
443
00:26:39,933 --> 00:26:41,768
You've seen her, Father, on billboards.
444
00:26:41,851 --> 00:26:44,270
That big, happy cow
smiling at you over the fence
445
00:26:44,354 --> 00:26:46,940
and saying in big letters, um, uh -
How does it go?
446
00:26:47,023 --> 00:26:50,193
“To the world my name is Mabel,
which you'll find on every label.
447
00:26:50,276 --> 00:26:53,113
I am packed by E.F. Strable,
for the pleasure of your table.”
448
00:26:53,196 --> 00:26:56,658
No cow in its right mind
could have said anything like that.
449
00:26:56,741 --> 00:27:00,036
- Sounds more like Mr. Strable.
- Grandfather, please, I beg of you.
450
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,790
The family understands your humor,
but it's a typical kind of New York humor.
451
00:27:03,873 --> 00:27:06,626
- In other words, it's not for yokels, huh?
-[door opens]
452
00:27:06,709 --> 00:27:09,129
I beg your pardon, sir.
Mr. Henryjust came home.
453
00:27:09,212 --> 00:27:11,089
He went directly upstairs.
454
00:27:13,174 --> 00:27:14,676
[door closes]
455
00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:31,568
[door closes]
456
00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:34,821
Aunt Bertha, when you see Henry,
will you tell him that as a Van Cleve,
457
00:27:34,904 --> 00:27:38,283
I have the right to demand that he keep
the shadow of scandal off our name?
458
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:41,244
You see, my future in-laws are,
so to speak, pioneer people, and -
459
00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:43,830
[Hugo] “Packed by E.F. Strable
460
00:27:43,913 --> 00:27:46,166
for the pleasure of our table.”
461
00:27:46,249 --> 00:27:47,959
Holy smoke!
462
00:27:48,042 --> 00:27:51,254
- Good-bye, Aunt Bertha.
- Uh, good-bye, Albert.
463
00:27:54,424 --> 00:27:55,925
[clears throat]
464
00:27:57,427 --> 00:27:59,888
- Well, this time I was firm.
- Good, Randolph. What happened?
465
00:27:59,971 --> 00:28:03,308
He asked for a hundred dollars, but I told him.
I told him I'd let him have only 50.
466
00:28:03,391 --> 00:28:04,976
- Randolph -
- And not right away.
467
00:28:05,059 --> 00:28:08,521
For the first time in 27 years of marriage,
I feel like criticizing you.
468
00:28:08,605 --> 00:28:11,232
What do you want me to do?
Spank a 26-year-old boy?
469
00:28:11,316 --> 00:28:13,943
No, but at least I expected
a verbal lashing.
470
00:28:32,295 --> 00:28:35,882
- Are you all right, my boy?
- Yes, Mother.
471
00:28:35,965 --> 00:28:39,302
Many happy returns of the day. Oh.
472
00:28:41,471 --> 00:28:44,140
Mother, I'm sorry if I made you unhappy.
473
00:28:44,224 --> 00:28:47,518
Oh, Grandfather and Father and I
are worried to death about you.
474
00:28:47,602 --> 00:28:49,687
You don't give your family
a single thought.
475
00:28:49,771 --> 00:28:52,899
All you think about
is having what you call a good time.
476
00:28:52,982 --> 00:28:55,276
Mother, I went out last night to raise Cain.
477
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,279
- Son, you mustn't talk like that.
- Don't worry. I didn't.
478
00:28:58,363 --> 00:28:59,948
I couldn't.
479
00:29:00,031 --> 00:29:02,075
I couldn't get her out of my mind.
480
00:29:02,158 --> 00:29:04,953
Son, you worry me. Are you well?
481
00:29:05,787 --> 00:29:06,913
Mother.
482
00:29:06,996 --> 00:29:10,667
When you saw Father for the first time,
did you feel that unmistakable something?
483
00:29:10,750 --> 00:29:13,419
Did you feel an electric spark
from your head right down to your toes
484
00:29:13,503 --> 00:29:16,089
that swept over you like a hurricane
and threw you to the ground,
485
00:29:16,172 --> 00:29:18,216
but you bounced up again
and floated over the treetops?
486
00:29:18,299 --> 00:29:20,343
Spark? A hurricane?
487
00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:24,097
Heaven forbid. I never had such a feeling.
488
00:29:24,180 --> 00:29:26,266
Henry, where do you get it from?
489
00:29:26,349 --> 00:29:29,894
Not from me. And certainly
your father never had any spark.
490
00:29:29,978 --> 00:29:34,357
Mother, all I'm trying to say is
I met a girl yesterday.
491
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,110
Oh. I hope she comes from a good family.
492
00:29:37,193 --> 00:29:40,446
I don't know. And frankly, I don't care.
493
00:29:40,530 --> 00:29:42,949
Mother, when one sees a lovely rose -
494
00:29:43,032 --> 00:29:45,868
One can be certain she comes
from a fine rosebush.
495
00:29:45,952 --> 00:29:50,331
Mother, even if this girl's father turned out to be
something of a buttercup, I wouldn't care.
496
00:29:50,415 --> 00:29:53,459
What's her name? Where does she live?
497
00:29:53,543 --> 00:29:55,586
I wish I knew.
498
00:29:55,670 --> 00:29:58,256
She isn't one of those musical comedy girls?
499
00:29:58,339 --> 00:30:02,302
Oh, no, Mother.
It's an entirely different kind of music.
500
00:30:02,385 --> 00:30:04,762
It's not the hootchy-kootchy.
It's not the cancan.
501
00:30:05,722 --> 00:30:08,641
It's like a waltz by Strauss.
502
00:30:08,725 --> 00:30:10,810
Like a minuet by Mozart.
503
00:30:10,893 --> 00:30:13,104
Henry, where do you get it from?
504
00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:16,941
From you, Mother.
505
00:30:17,025 --> 00:30:18,526
Now, you must be just.
506
00:30:18,609 --> 00:30:21,487
When I was a little boy,
you wanted me to believe in fairy tales,
507
00:30:21,571 --> 00:30:23,573
and now that one has really happened -
508
00:30:23,656 --> 00:30:25,408
You remember that story
about the young man?
509
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:27,952
I think he was a shepherd
who was walking in the woods.
510
00:30:28,036 --> 00:30:29,996
Oh, you've been in the country.
511
00:30:30,079 --> 00:30:32,498
No, no, Mother.
It happened right on Broadway.
512
00:30:32,582 --> 00:30:34,792
Suddenly the young man saw a big castle,
513
00:30:34,876 --> 00:30:37,712
and leaning out of the window
was the most beautiful princess.
514
00:30:37,795 --> 00:30:40,381
Nothing could stop him.
He climbed up the parapet of the castle -
515
00:30:40,465 --> 00:30:43,843
Henry. You haven't broken
into the Waldorf again?
516
00:30:43,926 --> 00:30:47,138
Mother, darling, let's forget the fairy tale.
517
00:30:47,221 --> 00:30:49,140
Well, it's about time you grew up.
518
00:30:49,223 --> 00:30:51,559
I came here to scold you,
and I'm going to do it.
519
00:30:51,642 --> 00:30:53,519
Now, look at your cousin Albert.
520
00:30:53,603 --> 00:30:56,356
Not much older than you are
and already a corporation lawyer
521
00:30:56,439 --> 00:30:59,067
engaged to a lovely girl
of a well-known family.
522
00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:03,946
Henry, now, this may sound severe, but you've
got to pull yourself together and settle down.
523
00:31:04,030 --> 00:31:08,493
Mother, I don't think I'll ever find this girl,
but if I did, then all your troubles would be over.
524
00:31:08,576 --> 00:31:11,245
If she didn't want me to gamble,
I wouldn't look at another card.
525
00:31:11,329 --> 00:31:15,249
I'd stay home every night.
Mother, I might even go to work.
526
00:31:15,917 --> 00:31:18,628
Henry, that's wonderful.
527
00:31:18,711 --> 00:31:20,380
I don't know about the girl,
528
00:31:20,463 --> 00:31:23,841
but the fact that you have the desire
to settle down makes me so happy.
529
00:31:23,925 --> 00:31:26,761
For the first time you're beginning
to sound like your father.
530
00:31:27,762 --> 00:31:30,973
Uh, Mother, I don't know where this girl is,
so don't expect too much.
531
00:31:31,057 --> 00:31:34,102
Oh, now listen to your mother.
Don't worry about that girl.
532
00:31:34,185 --> 00:31:36,145
Another girl will come along. [giggles]
533
00:31:36,229 --> 00:31:39,273
- I'll look for one myself. How's that?
- Fine. Fine, Mother.
534
00:31:39,357 --> 00:31:42,110
And when I find a girl for you,
she'll be Miss Right.
535
00:31:42,193 --> 00:31:45,613
And do you know where we'll find her?
In the home of Mr. and Mrs. Right.
536
00:31:45,696 --> 00:31:49,242
Oh, Henry, you're making me so happy.
537
00:31:49,325 --> 00:31:53,371
Mother, I was riding around for hours and hours
trying to forget this girl.
538
00:31:53,454 --> 00:31:55,289
Oh, child, don't worry.
539
00:31:55,373 --> 00:31:57,291
Well, it was very expensive.
540
00:31:57,375 --> 00:31:59,293
The cab is still waiting out in front,
541
00:31:59,377 --> 00:32:02,088
and the driver was so nice to me
that I promised him if-
542
00:32:02,171 --> 00:32:05,716
I know. Your heart's always bigger
than your father's pocketbook.
543
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,051
[chuckles]
544
00:32:07,135 --> 00:32:10,138
Look under your pillow.
I put something there last night.
545
00:32:16,185 --> 00:32:17,687
Oh, Mother.
546
00:32:19,689 --> 00:32:21,983
Sometimes I wonder
if you're not spoiling me.
547
00:32:22,066 --> 00:32:24,068
[Bertha giggles]
548
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,407
[chattering]
549
00:32:29,490 --> 00:32:31,075
- Here, dear.
- Oh, thank you.
550
00:32:31,159 --> 00:32:33,828
This is a great occasion.
You must be proud of your Albert.
551
00:32:33,911 --> 00:32:35,955
- Yes, I think we have a pretty good son.
- Oh.
552
00:32:36,038 --> 00:32:39,459
- I hear the Strable family -
- We couldn't ask anything better for our Albert.
553
00:32:39,542 --> 00:32:40,793
Oh, wonderful.
554
00:32:40,877 --> 00:32:44,755
Mr. and Mrs. Strable and Miss Strable.
555
00:32:44,839 --> 00:32:46,549
[chattering subsides]
556
00:32:53,014 --> 00:32:57,143
Good evening, Grandfather, Aunt Bertha,
Uncle Randolph, dear, dear family.
557
00:32:57,226 --> 00:33:00,813
It is my privilege and honor
to present Mr. and Mrs. E.F. Strable.
558
00:33:00,897 --> 00:33:03,691
And last but not least, well,
559
00:33:04,817 --> 00:33:06,527
here she is.
560
00:33:07,612 --> 00:33:09,822
[crowd murmuring]
561
00:33:15,286 --> 00:33:17,497
- How do you do, madam?
- How do you do?
562
00:33:17,622 --> 00:33:21,250
I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward
to the pleasure of meeting you.
563
00:33:21,334 --> 00:33:24,378
All my life I've wanted to see
the wide-open spaces.
564
00:33:24,462 --> 00:33:28,508
Well, if Muhammad can't go to the mountain,
the mountain must come to Muhammad.
565
00:33:28,591 --> 00:33:30,218
You're welcome, Mrs. Strable.
566
00:33:30,301 --> 00:33:33,262
- Yes, we're pretty proud of Kansas.
- Naturally.
567
00:33:33,346 --> 00:33:35,806
And you, Mr. Strable,
welcome to our family.
568
00:33:35,890 --> 00:33:39,018
Mr. Van Cleve, we people
from the West don't talk much,
569
00:33:39,101 --> 00:33:40,853
but when we say something, we mean it.
570
00:33:40,937 --> 00:33:41,771
Thank you.
571
00:33:41,854 --> 00:33:45,483
Thank you for giving me the chance
to meet the man who feeds the nation.
572
00:33:45,566 --> 00:33:48,402
I hope this will be the beginning
of a lifelong friendship.
573
00:33:48,486 --> 00:33:52,907
May you lie as solidly anchored
in our hearts as you do in our stomachs.
574
00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:56,327
And, uh, Grandfather, this is Martha.
575
00:33:56,410 --> 00:33:58,788
So, this is Martha, huh?
576
00:34:04,043 --> 00:34:06,045
Well, Martha.
577
00:34:06,128 --> 00:34:08,965
- Yes, Mr. Van Cleve?
- Grandpa.
578
00:34:09,048 --> 00:34:10,132
Yes, Grandpa.
579
00:34:10,216 --> 00:34:14,387
If I were about 50 years younger,
I'd take you right away from that s -
580
00:34:14,470 --> 00:34:16,556
splendid young man you're going to marry
581
00:34:16,639 --> 00:34:19,267
and who is going to make you
a wonderful husband.
582
00:34:19,350 --> 00:34:21,352
Kiss your grandpa.
583
00:34:21,435 --> 00:34:23,437
[chattering]
584
00:34:34,490 --> 00:34:37,785
- Well, I see the mob has assembled.
- Yes, sir.
585
00:34:37,868 --> 00:34:41,455
- Flogdell, is that -
- That's Mr. Strable.
586
00:34:41,539 --> 00:34:43,958
And that spreading chestnut tree
under which Grandfather is standing?
587
00:34:44,041 --> 00:34:45,793
That's Mrs. Shame.
588
00:34:45,876 --> 00:34:47,712
And, uh, where's the lucky girl?
589
00:34:47,795 --> 00:34:50,590
Standing beside your Aunt Minetta
with her back to us.
590
00:34:50,673 --> 00:34:52,675
She's just turning round.
591
00:34:57,054 --> 00:34:59,682
Charming young lady, if I may say so.
592
00:35:00,766 --> 00:35:03,227
Flogdell, I don't think I can stand this party.
593
00:35:03,311 --> 00:35:05,062
- Get my hat and coat.
- But, sir.
594
00:35:05,146 --> 00:35:07,106
My hat and coat.
595
00:35:08,274 --> 00:35:10,943
- Henry! There you are. Many happy returns.
- Thank you.
596
00:35:11,027 --> 00:35:13,613
And now it's about time for you
to come and meet the Strables.
597
00:35:13,696 --> 00:35:15,448
- Where are you going?
- Out.
598
00:35:15,531 --> 00:35:17,992
I beg you to stay and behave
like a Van Cleve just once.
599
00:35:18,075 --> 00:35:22,288
The Strables know it's your birthday, and they
want to congratulate you. Oh, Martha. Martha.
600
00:35:22,371 --> 00:35:24,915
- Yes, Albert?
- Dearest, I want you to meet Henry Van Cleve.
601
00:35:24,999 --> 00:35:27,376
This is the cousin whose birthday
we're celebrating today.
602
00:35:31,714 --> 00:35:34,300
Many happy returns, Mr. Van Cleve.
603
00:35:34,383 --> 00:35:37,053
- Cousin Henry.
- Cousin Henry.
604
00:35:37,136 --> 00:35:39,847
- Thank you, Cousin Martha.
- Well, here she is, Henry.
605
00:35:39,930 --> 00:35:43,976
Now I've done my duty bringing some
new blood into the family. It'll be your turn next.
606
00:35:44,060 --> 00:35:45,978
- That's most unlikely.
- Oh, nonsense.
607
00:35:46,062 --> 00:35:48,147
All you need to do is to meet the right girl.
608
00:35:48,230 --> 00:35:50,941
That's difficult, Albert.
I'm afraid I'll never have your luck.
609
00:35:51,025 --> 00:35:53,110
Yes. No question about it. I'm lucky.
610
00:35:53,194 --> 00:35:57,198
Well, shall we go in?
Father Strable. Father Strable.
611
00:35:57,281 --> 00:35:58,866
Don't be afraid.
612
00:35:58,949 --> 00:36:01,577
I should have told him.
It would have been the thing to do.
613
00:36:01,661 --> 00:36:03,663
It shall remain our secret. I promise.
614
00:36:03,746 --> 00:36:05,414
Thank you.
615
00:36:05,498 --> 00:36:07,500
[Henry narrating]
Yes, we had a secret.
616
00:36:07,583 --> 00:36:09,752
The most innocent secret I ever had.
617
00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:13,422
It happened Saturday morning
in Wannamaker's Department Store.
618
00:36:21,055 --> 00:36:24,517
[Martha]
Hello, Mother? I'm at the hairdresser's.
619
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,186
They're still doing my hair.
620
00:36:27,269 --> 00:36:29,772
Yes. Oh, yes.
621
00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:32,608
Just a moment,
and I'll ask them how long it'll be.
622
00:36:34,610 --> 00:36:37,279
[Henry narrating]
Here was a girl lying to her mother.
623
00:36:37,363 --> 00:36:39,907
Naturally, that girl interested me at once.
624
00:36:39,990 --> 00:36:42,451
They say it'll take about 15 more minutes.
625
00:36:42,535 --> 00:36:44,829
I'll be home at the most in half an hour.
626
00:36:44,912 --> 00:36:47,331
Don't worry, Mother. Good-bye.
627
00:36:51,293 --> 00:36:53,879
[Henry narrating]
Why was this angel lying t0 her mother?
628
00:36:53,963 --> 00:36:56,716
I had to find out, so I followed her.
629
00:36:56,799 --> 00:37:01,137
But even if she hadn't lied to her mother,
I would have followed her anyway.
630
00:37:17,319 --> 00:37:20,573
- May I help you, miss?
- Thank you.
631
00:37:20,656 --> 00:37:23,784
I would like to see a -
Are there no women clerks?
632
00:37:23,868 --> 00:37:25,453
Unfortunately not.
633
00:37:25,536 --> 00:37:27,830
But it might make you feel a little easier
if I tell you
634
00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:29,832
that I'm the one usually chosen
by the management
635
00:37:29,915 --> 00:37:32,877
to handle... the more delicate situations.
636
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,255
As a matter of fact, they call me
“the bookworms' little mother.”
637
00:37:36,338 --> 00:37:38,758
Well, it's, uh -
638
00:37:38,841 --> 00:37:41,343
- Maybe I better come back some other time.
- Please, miss.
639
00:37:41,427 --> 00:37:45,973
My employer is watching, and if he sees me
losing a customer, it might cost me my job.
640
00:37:46,056 --> 00:37:50,060
Oh, I'm so sorry. Naturally, I wouldn't
like to deprive you of your livelihood.
641
00:37:50,144 --> 00:37:52,646
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
642
00:37:53,522 --> 00:37:55,483
Thank you again and again.
643
00:37:55,566 --> 00:37:59,028
- Well, the title of the book is, uh -
- Yes?
644
00:38:00,029 --> 00:38:02,239
I saw it in the corner
of the second window
645
00:38:02,323 --> 00:38:05,493
between To Have and to Hold
and When Knighthood Was in Flower.
646
00:38:05,576 --> 00:38:07,077
Hmm.
647
00:38:21,884 --> 00:38:23,511
There you are.
648
00:38:26,013 --> 00:38:29,934
I probably should apologize.
I imagine I should have called you madam.
649
00:38:30,017 --> 00:38:31,936
No, it's still miss.
650
00:38:32,019 --> 00:38:34,271
- But not for long, I presume.
- That's quite right.
651
00:38:34,355 --> 00:38:36,774
- How much is the book?
- Oh.
652
00:38:36,857 --> 00:38:40,653
We'll be only too glad to charge it if you would be
kind enough to give me your name and address.
653
00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:42,655
Thank you, but I'd rather pay. How much?
654
00:38:42,738 --> 00:38:46,116
- Uh, it's very expensive.
- Oh, that's all right.
655
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,744
Now, this is against the interests
of Mr. Brentano,
656
00:38:48,828 --> 00:38:51,288
but since I am, so to speak,
your literary confessor,
657
00:38:51,372 --> 00:38:53,290
I must be honest with you.
658
00:38:53,374 --> 00:38:55,501
Don't buy this book. You don't need it.
659
00:38:55,584 --> 00:38:57,920
I'll tell you something
much more appropriate for you.
660
00:38:58,003 --> 00:38:59,547
Leave your nest and fly away with me.
661
00:38:59,630 --> 00:39:01,674
Well, I might buy that book too -
662
00:39:01,757 --> 00:39:04,093
Well, we don't have it in stock right now,
663
00:39:04,176 --> 00:39:06,846
but I'd love to discuss the idea with you,
and if you like it -
664
00:39:06,929 --> 00:39:10,307
I'm afraid I haven't much time.
So, please, will you tell me?
665
00:39:10,391 --> 00:39:13,519
How much is
How t0 Make Your Husband Happy?
666
00:39:13,602 --> 00:39:16,647
Look at her. Dr. Blossom Franklin.
667
00:39:17,648 --> 00:39:21,193
Now where could a woman like that have
found out how to make a husband happy?
668
00:39:21,277 --> 00:39:23,821
You certainly don't want
to learn anything from her.
669
00:39:23,904 --> 00:39:26,156
You're so charming, so young,
and so beautiful.
670
00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:28,367
I beg your pardon.
You shouldn't say such things.
671
00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:30,786
You see, miss, when selling literature,
one gets poetic.
672
00:39:30,870 --> 00:39:33,497
And you must forgive me
if I take poetic license once in a while.
673
00:39:33,581 --> 00:39:37,459
I'd rather not discuss it any further,
and if you don't mind, I'd like to buy this book.
674
00:39:37,543 --> 00:39:40,504
I do mind. Now, imagine
I'm the man you're going to marry.
675
00:39:40,588 --> 00:39:42,214
I couldn't imagine any such thing.
676
00:39:42,298 --> 00:39:44,967
Well, what's the matter with me?
You think I'm that terrible?
677
00:39:45,050 --> 00:39:48,137
Please. I just came in here to buy a book.
That's all.
678
00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:52,808
I understand. But for the sake of discussion,
let's say we are getting married.
679
00:39:52,892 --> 00:39:55,769
Believe me, I don't want anybody
to tell you how to make me happy.
680
00:39:55,853 --> 00:39:59,565
The greatest gift you could bring me
is to be just as you are - adorable.
681
00:39:59,648 --> 00:40:01,775
- All I want is a book.
- Stubborn, eh?
682
00:40:01,859 --> 00:40:04,153
- What?
- Pardon my poetic license.
683
00:40:04,236 --> 00:40:07,615
If you don't change your attitude,
I shall have to complain to your employer.
684
00:40:07,698 --> 00:40:10,409
I'm not employed here.
I'm not a book salesman.
685
00:40:10,492 --> 00:40:12,703
I took one look at you
and followed you into the store.
686
00:40:12,786 --> 00:40:15,122
If you'd walked into a restaurant,
I would have become a waiter.
687
00:40:15,205 --> 00:40:17,374
If you'd walked into a burning building,
I would have become a fireman.
688
00:40:17,458 --> 00:40:19,668
If you'd walked into an elevator,
I would have stopped it between two floors,
689
00:40:19,752 --> 00:40:22,129
and we'd have spent the rest of our lives there.
690
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,637
Please forgive me,
but you can't walk out of my life like that.
691
00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:31,972
I think your behavior's outrageous.
It's mad.
692
00:40:32,056 --> 00:40:34,183
- I must insist that you leave me at once.
- Never. Never.
693
00:40:34,266 --> 00:40:38,228
Is this man annoying you, miss?
If he is, just say so. I'll take care of him.
694
00:40:38,312 --> 00:40:40,981
Am I annoying you? Tell the officer.
695
00:40:41,690 --> 00:40:45,152
No. The gentleman
was just saying good-bye.
696
00:40:45,235 --> 00:40:47,821
- Well, good-bye.
- Good-bye.
697
00:40:50,115 --> 00:40:52,409
[Henry narrating]
This was our terrible secret.
698
00:40:53,369 --> 00:40:55,871
[woman singing opera]
699
00:41:01,418 --> 00:41:03,379
I'm terribly sorry, Albert.
700
00:41:03,462 --> 00:41:05,464
Dearest, you don't seem
to realize who's singing.
701
00:41:05,547 --> 00:41:07,466
I know. Young Mrs. Cooper-Cooper.
702
00:41:07,549 --> 00:41:10,177
If it were just a relative,
it wouldn't be half so embarrassing.
703
00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:13,472
But Mr. Cooper-Cooper is one of
your most important clients. I haven't forgotten.
704
00:41:13,555 --> 00:41:15,641
But what could I do? I had to sneeze.
705
00:41:15,724 --> 00:41:19,144
But you did it right in the middle
of her aria, and five times.
706
00:41:19,228 --> 00:41:21,438
Because I had to sneeze five times.
707
00:41:21,522 --> 00:41:24,149
Albert, suppose someday in the future
I had to sneeze.
708
00:41:24,233 --> 00:41:26,276
Then you sneeze. Naturally.
709
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,613
Don't you worry. After all,
I'm taking you for better or for worse.
710
00:41:29,697 --> 00:41:31,657
Do you think you may have to sneeze again?
711
00:41:31,740 --> 00:41:35,411
- I don't know. I can't guarantee it.
- Well, then let's not take any chances.
712
00:41:35,494 --> 00:41:38,872
Why don't you go in the library
and rest a while and see how things develop?
713
00:41:38,956 --> 00:41:40,666
Make yourself comfortable. Read a book.
714
00:41:40,749 --> 00:41:43,210
[whispers]
I think I'd better go back for the encore.
715
00:41:43,293 --> 00:41:45,587
- Yes, dear.
-[singing continues]
716
00:42:26,795 --> 00:42:28,338
[gasps]
717
00:42:31,842 --> 00:42:33,844
[singing continues]
718
00:42:36,096 --> 00:42:37,306
[sneezes]
719
00:42:41,101 --> 00:42:43,103
[singing continues]
720
00:42:56,158 --> 00:42:58,327
- Cousin Henry.
- Yes, Cousin Martha?
721
00:42:58,410 --> 00:43:00,662
You must never do anything like that again.
722
00:43:00,746 --> 00:43:02,498
Is that what you came back here to tell me?
723
00:43:02,581 --> 00:43:05,042
I think it's outrageous.
I hardly know you.
724
00:43:05,125 --> 00:43:07,294
Why, even Albert, my own fiance,
never dared to -
725
00:43:07,377 --> 00:43:10,255
- Kiss you?
- Of course he kissed me. Why not?
726
00:43:10,339 --> 00:43:12,341
After all, we're engaged.
727
00:43:12,424 --> 00:43:15,177
- But he never kissed me like that.
- Like what?
728
00:43:17,137 --> 00:43:19,848
Oh, I hate you. I hate you.
729
00:43:21,183 --> 00:43:24,144
I don't even know
why I stay in the same room with you.
730
00:43:25,854 --> 00:43:28,273
Please forgive me,
but can't we be friends?
731
00:43:28,357 --> 00:43:30,734
- Just friends?
- Never.
732
00:43:30,818 --> 00:43:34,988
Now, look, we're gonna be related, aren't we?
And we're gonna see each other.
733
00:43:35,072 --> 00:43:36,990
- How can we help it?
- I suppose we can't.
734
00:43:37,074 --> 00:43:41,328
And if we meet in the future we don't have to
talk about personal things about you and me.
735
00:43:41,411 --> 00:43:43,330
Let's talk about something neutral.
736
00:43:43,413 --> 00:43:45,457
- For instance, Albert.
- Why not?
737
00:43:45,541 --> 00:43:48,460
By the way, do you love Albert?
738
00:43:48,544 --> 00:43:50,462
I'm marrying him, am I not?
739
00:43:50,546 --> 00:43:52,506
- Are you?
- Yes, I am.
740
00:43:52,589 --> 00:43:55,551
No, you're not. You can't.
You haven't got the book.
741
00:43:55,634 --> 00:43:57,803
- Wh at book?
- How t0 Make Your Husband Happy.
742
00:43:57,886 --> 00:44:00,848
Well, it might interest you to know
that I went back and bought it.
743
00:44:00,931 --> 00:44:03,767
Does it tell you how to make a man happy
whom you don't love?
744
00:44:03,851 --> 00:44:05,769
Now, look here, Cousin Henry.
745
00:44:05,853 --> 00:44:08,772
Albert's a fine man. Yes, he is.
746
00:44:08,856 --> 00:44:11,984
He's good, and - and he has integrity.
747
00:44:12,067 --> 00:44:14,945
- And he's full of high ideals.
- Do you love him?
748
00:44:15,028 --> 00:44:18,949
Well, I'm gonna make him a very fine wife.
At least I'm gonna try my best.
749
00:44:19,032 --> 00:44:22,744
There'll never be a moment in his whole life
when he'll ever regret having married me.
750
00:44:22,828 --> 00:44:27,332
And if you ask me one more question, I'm gonna
leave this room, and I'll never come back again.
751
00:44:27,416 --> 00:44:29,918
Never! [sobbing]
752
00:44:34,798 --> 00:44:36,884
I still can't understand it.
753
00:44:36,967 --> 00:44:40,470
An angel like you and Albert.
It - It doesn't make sense.
754
00:44:40,554 --> 00:44:43,765
- Why do you want to marry him?
-[sobbing continues]
755
00:44:45,100 --> 00:44:48,020
Well, you see,
I always wanted to live in New York.
756
00:44:48,103 --> 00:44:50,564
I don't want to say anything against Kansas,
757
00:44:50,647 --> 00:44:52,858
but life on my father's estate -
758
00:44:52,941 --> 00:44:56,820
Don't misunderstand me. We have all
the modern conveniences and luxuries, but -
759
00:44:56,904 --> 00:44:59,156
Oh, and you don't know Father and Mother.
760
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,074
Well, I've - I've only just met them.
761
00:45:01,158 --> 00:45:04,536
- Don't you think they're sweet?
- Well, yes. Very sweet.
762
00:45:04,620 --> 00:45:08,332
Yes, they are.
But it's not very easy to live with them.
763
00:45:08,415 --> 00:45:11,376
You see, most of the time
they don't talk to one another.
764
00:45:11,460 --> 00:45:14,213
And whenever a young man -
and there were some very nice ones -
765
00:45:14,296 --> 00:45:16,215
Oh, I'm sure of it.
766
00:45:16,298 --> 00:45:20,594
If one of them asked for my hand
and my mother said yes, my father said no.
767
00:45:20,677 --> 00:45:23,972
And when my father said yes,
my mother said no.
768
00:45:24,056 --> 00:45:28,560
But Albert came at one of those rare moments
when they were both on speaking terms.
769
00:45:28,644 --> 00:45:30,729
And if I hadn't said yes,
770
00:45:30,812 --> 00:45:34,733
who knows when my parents might have been
talking to each other again?
771
00:45:34,816 --> 00:45:38,570
I might have spent
the rest of my life in Kansas.
772
00:45:38,654 --> 00:45:42,282
Don't misunderstand me. I love Kansas.
773
00:45:42,366 --> 00:45:44,785
It's just that I don't feel like living there.
774
00:45:45,786 --> 00:45:47,871
Besides that,
775
00:45:47,955 --> 00:45:50,707
I didn't want to be an old maid.
776
00:45:50,791 --> 00:45:53,377
Not in Kansas! [sobbing]
777
00:45:57,339 --> 00:46:00,425
You're going to live right here in New York,
and you don't have to marry Albert.
778
00:46:00,509 --> 00:46:02,511
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Yes, you do.
779
00:46:02,594 --> 00:46:04,471
You're gonna get married,
but not to Albert.
780
00:46:04,554 --> 00:46:07,224
And yet you won't even have to
change the initials on your linen.
781
00:46:07,307 --> 00:46:09,476
- You're going to marry me.
- Oh, we can't do that.
782
00:46:09,559 --> 00:46:11,937
How can I marry you?
I'm not even engaged to you.
783
00:46:12,020 --> 00:46:13,689
- Martha, do you love me?
- Why, I hardly know you.
784
00:46:13,772 --> 00:46:16,233
You don't need to know anything when you love.
Love needs no introduction.
785
00:46:16,316 --> 00:46:18,277
- You love or you don't love.
- You don't know what you're saying.
786
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,404
- You must be out of your mind.
- Do you love me or don't you?
787
00:46:20,487 --> 00:46:23,907
Trying to take away the fiancée of
your own cousin, causing a family scandal.
788
00:46:23,991 --> 00:46:26,493
- Do you love me?
- Yes.
789
00:46:29,705 --> 00:46:31,665
Oh.
790
00:46:31,748 --> 00:46:33,792
Oh, why did you ever come into my life?
791
00:46:33,875 --> 00:46:36,628
To make you happy.
To hold you in my arms forever.
792
00:46:36,712 --> 00:46:38,547
I'll never be able
to look my father in the face.
793
00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:42,175
- I'll never be able to go back to Kansas again.
-Isn't that wonderful?
794
00:46:46,054 --> 00:46:47,973
Oh, I wish I were dead.
795
00:46:48,098 --> 00:46:51,101
Look, let's get away. Let's get married immediately.
Right away. Tonight.
796
00:46:51,184 --> 00:46:52,602
- You mean elope?
- That's what I mean.
797
00:46:52,686 --> 00:46:56,523
But where would we go? Oh, I never did
such a thing before. I feel so helpless.
798
00:46:56,606 --> 00:46:58,942
I haven't got a thing with me.
Oh, I wish I were dead.
799
00:46:59,026 --> 00:47:01,486
When Romeo and Juliet ran away,
they didn't stop to say good-bye.
800
00:47:01,611 --> 00:47:04,698
When Leander swam the Hellespont to his beloved,
he didn't bother to take a suitcase along.
801
00:47:04,781 --> 00:47:07,451
When Tristan falls in love with Isolde,
they have to sing for three and a half hours.
802
00:47:07,534 --> 00:47:10,370
All I'm asking you to do is hop into a cab
and drive to the first justice of the peace.
803
00:47:10,454 --> 00:47:12,039
What are we waiting for?
804
00:47:13,123 --> 00:47:15,042
[Mrs. Cooper-Cooper singing aria]
805
00:47:15,125 --> 00:47:17,044
[sneezes]
806
00:47:17,127 --> 00:47:19,046
[murmuring]
807
00:47:23,675 --> 00:47:26,595
-[all chattering excitedly]
- Was that Henry and Martha?
808
00:47:26,678 --> 00:47:29,097
[man] Where did she go?
809
00:47:29,181 --> 00:47:32,184
- What happened?
- They left in a cab. They're going to get married.
810
00:47:32,851 --> 00:47:36,063
- Married?
- Married? Married?
811
00:47:36,146 --> 00:47:38,148
Oh, Randolph, where does he get it from?
812
00:47:38,231 --> 00:47:40,901
Now, now, Bertha. Keep a stiff upper lip.
813
00:47:40,984 --> 00:47:44,112
Sir, I am still too dazed
to express myself clearly,
814
00:47:44,196 --> 00:47:47,324
but I assure you that the sentiments
of our family are with you.
815
00:47:47,407 --> 00:47:51,370
If this happened at home, my husband
would jump on a horse and lasso them back.
816
00:47:51,453 --> 00:47:53,455
Don't you tell me what I would do.
817
00:47:53,538 --> 00:47:56,375
But there's one thing I am going to do -
disinherit her.
818
00:47:56,458 --> 00:47:58,377
She'll never see another nickel of mine.
819
00:47:58,460 --> 00:48:01,963
- We came here from Kansas a happy family.
- Well, anyway, a family.
820
00:48:02,047 --> 00:48:05,384
- We loved our Martha.
- Don't mention her name again.
821
00:48:05,467 --> 00:48:07,969
And if she comes crawling back to me
on her knees,
822
00:48:08,053 --> 00:48:09,888
she'll find the door closed.
823
00:48:09,971 --> 00:48:11,390
And don't you open it.
824
00:48:11,473 --> 00:48:13,183
Please, dear family,
825
00:48:13,266 --> 00:48:16,561
thank you, thank you for your efforts
to comfort me in my bereavement,
826
00:48:16,645 --> 00:48:20,690
but I feel there are others who need
even more consolation than I do.
827
00:48:20,774 --> 00:48:23,026
Uncle Randolph and Aunt Bertha,
828
00:48:23,110 --> 00:48:27,489
you will have to forget as the years pass by
that you are the parents of the guilty party.
829
00:48:27,572 --> 00:48:29,658
And you, Mr. and Mrs. Strable.
830
00:48:29,741 --> 00:48:32,744
Well, there's very little
I can say to sustain you.
831
00:48:32,828 --> 00:48:35,455
And to you, Mrs. Cooper-Cooper,
832
00:48:35,539 --> 00:48:40,585
I offer our deepest apology for the unfortunate
interruption of your beautiful aria.
833
00:48:40,669 --> 00:48:44,339
I would like to go on,
but the strain is too much.
834
00:48:55,225 --> 00:48:56,726
Flogdell.
835
00:49:00,188 --> 00:49:02,357
- Do you know where they were going?
- No, sir.
836
00:49:02,441 --> 00:49:05,235
Flogdell, we've been together for 3O years.
You've never lied to me.
837
00:49:05,318 --> 00:49:07,154
Now tell me.
Do you know where they were going?
838
00:49:07,237 --> 00:49:08,905
- Yes, sir.
- Get your hat and coat.
839
00:49:08,989 --> 00:49:11,491
- Very well, sir.
- Get a cab and tell the driver to go like lightning.
840
00:49:11,616 --> 00:49:14,244
- Very well, sir.
- I think they should have a honeymoon, don't you?
841
00:49:14,327 --> 00:49:16,621
- I think so, sir.
- Then hurry, hurry, hurry!
842
00:49:19,124 --> 00:49:21,918
“She was packed by E.F. Strable,
843
00:49:22,002 --> 00:49:24,212
to be served at Albert's table,
844
00:49:25,839 --> 00:49:28,300
but that Henry changed the label.”
845
00:49:28,383 --> 00:49:29,885
That's poetry.
846
00:49:31,470 --> 00:49:34,890
[Henry narrating] In the next ten years,
old houses were torn do wn.
847
00:49:34,973 --> 00:49:37,642
New houses rose taller and taller.
848
00:49:37,726 --> 00:49:40,437
New York was changing all over.
849
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:44,941
But our marriage had lasted
just like our two-story gray-stone house.
850
00:49:45,025 --> 00:49:47,235
[coughing]
851
00:49:53,450 --> 00:49:55,577
- Good morning, Flogdell.
- Good morning, sir.
852
00:49:55,660 --> 00:49:57,537
- Oh, you're a new man, aren't you?
- Yes, sir.
853
00:49:57,621 --> 00:50:00,248
- How long have you been here?
- I should say about a year, sir.
854
00:50:00,332 --> 00:50:04,252
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[clearing throat]
855
00:50:06,671 --> 00:50:09,716
[whistling “Yankee Doodle Dandy”]
856
00:50:13,637 --> 00:50:16,431
- Shh! Jackie.
- Good morning, Daddy.
857
00:50:16,515 --> 00:50:19,601
You know very well you're not supposed to
bounce that ball until your mother is up.
858
00:50:19,684 --> 00:50:21,770
- I'm sorry, Daddy.
- I've told you this many times.
859
00:50:21,853 --> 00:50:23,647
And I'm always sorry, Daddy.
860
00:50:23,730 --> 00:50:27,108
Daddy, I'll bet you'd like to know
what I'm gonna give you for your birthday.
861
00:50:27,192 --> 00:50:29,110
- I'm dying to know.
- It's something to wear.
862
00:50:29,194 --> 00:50:31,988
- Let's see now. Uh, is it a tie?
- I'm not telling.
863
00:50:32,072 --> 00:50:35,367
I'll give you a hint.
It has 22 colors in it.
864
00:50:35,450 --> 00:50:37,869
No tie can have that many colors,
so it can't be a tie.
865
00:50:37,953 --> 00:50:40,705
It can't be, huh?
Now, I'm not saying it is a tie,
866
00:50:40,789 --> 00:50:44,167
but if it were a tie, there wouldn't be
another one like it in the world.
867
00:50:44,251 --> 00:50:47,128
- I can believe that, Jackie.
- Daddy, how old are you going to be?
868
00:50:47,212 --> 00:50:49,130
- Thirty-six.
- That's pretty old, isn't it?
869
00:50:49,214 --> 00:50:53,260
Uh - Well, I never thought about it,
but I guess it is.
870
00:50:53,343 --> 00:50:57,138
Daddy, when you were as old as me,
what kind of a kid were you?
871
00:50:57,764 --> 00:50:59,558
Well, I was very obedient.
872
00:50:59,641 --> 00:51:02,394
When my parents told me to go to bed,
I went without arguing.
873
00:51:02,477 --> 00:51:04,437
I did my schoolwork,
brushed my teeth every morning.
874
00:51:04,521 --> 00:51:07,857
Gee, Daddy.
I guess you were a wonderful boy.
875
00:51:08,525 --> 00:51:09,943
Well, I suppose I was.
876
00:51:10,026 --> 00:51:12,612
Then old Grandpa must be a terrible liar.
877
00:51:12,696 --> 00:51:14,447
Well, good-bye, Daddy.
878
00:51:20,579 --> 00:51:22,581
Where does he get it from?
879
00:51:26,126 --> 00:51:27,961
Good morning, Grandfather.
How are you feeling?
880
00:51:28,044 --> 00:51:29,713
[coughing]
881
00:51:29,796 --> 00:51:32,382
- That's fine. Morning, Mother.
- Good morning, Henry.
882
00:51:33,174 --> 00:51:35,594
Mother, I want you to look at this.
883
00:51:36,595 --> 00:51:39,973
- Do you think Martha will like it?
- Oh, it's beautiful.
884
00:51:40,056 --> 00:51:42,183
After ten years of me,
she's entitled to it.
885
00:51:42,267 --> 00:51:44,185
Yes. Ten years next Tuesday.
886
00:51:44,269 --> 00:51:45,812
- And you'll be 36.
- Mm-hmm.
887
00:51:45,895 --> 00:51:49,649
Oh, if your dear father could be here
and share this happiness with us.
888
00:51:49,733 --> 00:51:53,820
I always thank heaven he lived long enough to
see you settle down, become a fine husband,
889
00:51:53,903 --> 00:51:57,157
a good father, and a wonderful son.
890
00:51:57,240 --> 00:51:59,159
Well, it's all Martha.
891
00:51:59,242 --> 00:52:01,161
And only Martha.
892
00:52:01,244 --> 00:52:03,455
You know, Mother,
I'm the luckiest man in the world.
893
00:52:03,538 --> 00:52:06,499
Yes. She's a fine wife,
and she has a good influence on you.
894
00:52:06,583 --> 00:52:09,419
- And she's pretty lucky herself.
-[clearing throat]
895
00:52:10,170 --> 00:52:12,255
Yes. Don't be a mother-in-law.
896
00:52:13,298 --> 00:52:16,468
By the way,
isn't she coming down to breakfast?
897
00:52:16,551 --> 00:52:21,222
I didn't go into her room. The opera lasted
till after midnight, so she's probably tired.
898
00:52:21,306 --> 00:52:22,807
Thank you.
899
00:52:36,613 --> 00:52:39,532
- Anything serious?
- No. No. Nothing.
900
00:52:40,533 --> 00:52:43,203
Uh, excuse me. I'll be right back.
901
00:53:12,148 --> 00:53:14,192
[Hugo clearing throat]
902
00:53:26,246 --> 00:53:27,956
Where is she?
903
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,084
Let me see that telegram.
904
00:53:31,167 --> 00:53:33,128
It's just something personal.
It has nothing to do -
905
00:53:33,211 --> 00:53:35,380
So, you don't trust me anymore, hmm?
906
00:53:35,463 --> 00:53:37,465
I'm getting too old.
907
00:54:00,321 --> 00:54:02,449
Henry.
908
00:54:02,532 --> 00:54:05,160
You mean we've lost Martha?
909
00:54:06,995 --> 00:54:09,664
It's impossible. It's incredible.
910
00:54:10,665 --> 00:54:13,376
It just doesn't make sense,
Martha leaving me.
911
00:54:13,460 --> 00:54:16,254
What did you do? What happened?
912
00:54:16,337 --> 00:54:19,132
I don't know how
I can go on living without her.
913
00:54:19,215 --> 00:54:22,427
Grandpa, I love Martha.
I love her more than anything in the world.
914
00:54:22,510 --> 00:54:25,388
I didn't ask you that.
I asked you what happened.
915
00:54:26,473 --> 00:54:28,099
I don't know.
916
00:54:29,684 --> 00:54:32,270
I always thought
she was very happy with me.
917
00:54:32,353 --> 00:54:35,148
I don't know what she's heard.
You know how people talk about anybody.
918
00:54:35,231 --> 00:54:37,525
No man is perfect.
919
00:54:37,609 --> 00:54:39,903
But her running away like this -
920
00:54:39,986 --> 00:54:42,697
Believe me,
I - I can't see any reason for it.
921
00:54:42,781 --> 00:54:46,701
If a woman like Martha runs away from
her husband, there must be a reason.
922
00:54:51,289 --> 00:54:53,208
Now look here, Henry.
923
00:54:53,291 --> 00:54:55,919
You were the only Van Cleve
I ever really cared about.
924
00:54:56,002 --> 00:54:57,128
I loved you.
925
00:54:57,212 --> 00:54:59,255
You were like me. At least I thought so.
926
00:54:59,339 --> 00:55:01,257
You were all the things I wanted to be.
927
00:55:01,341 --> 00:55:03,635
You did all the things
I wanted to do and didn't.
928
00:55:03,718 --> 00:55:07,472
- And now you've let me down.
- Grandpa, I can't live without her.
929
00:55:08,515 --> 00:55:10,850
- What - What am I gonna do?
- That's up to you.
930
00:55:10,934 --> 00:55:14,145
But let me tell you one thing.
I'm an old man.
931
00:55:14,229 --> 00:55:16,856
I might have to go any day now.
932
00:55:16,940 --> 00:55:19,234
And if you can't make Martha forgive you,
933
00:55:19,317 --> 00:55:22,070
I'll be waiting up there
right in the entrance.
934
00:55:22,153 --> 00:55:25,114
And if you ever dare
to climb up that ladder,
935
00:55:25,198 --> 00:55:28,076
I'll hit you on the head
with a baseball bat.
936
00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,412
[coughing]
937
00:56:06,739 --> 00:56:07,824
Jaspen
938
00:56:11,661 --> 00:56:13,997
- Jasper.
- Jasper!
939
00:56:14,455 --> 00:56:15,957
Jasper .
940
00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:18,501
Jasper .
941
00:56:19,460 --> 00:56:21,254
- Yes, sir?
- Where are the funny papers?
942
00:56:23,798 --> 00:56:25,717
Uh, boss, well, now, you see -
943
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,595
- Get 'em, and get 'em right now!
- Yes, sir.
944
00:56:32,932 --> 00:56:35,727
- Good morning, Mrs. Strable.
- Good morning, Jasper.
945
00:56:35,810 --> 00:56:39,606
Uh, it's terrible bad weather
we're having today.
946
00:56:39,689 --> 00:56:41,774
You know, when I see it pouring like this,
947
00:56:41,858 --> 00:56:45,278
I often wonder,
where does it all come from?
948
00:56:45,361 --> 00:56:48,573
You tell Mr. Strable he'll get
the funny papers when I'm through
949
00:56:48,656 --> 00:56:50,325
and not one second sooner.
950
00:56:50,408 --> 00:56:53,453
Yes, ma'am. I certainly will.
Excuse me, ma'am.
951
00:56:56,873 --> 00:56:58,458
Boss.
952
00:56:58,541 --> 00:57:01,794
I just had a very fine conversation
with the missus,
953
00:57:01,878 --> 00:57:06,299
and she says if you'd just be good enough
to give the matter a little patience,
954
00:57:06,382 --> 00:57:09,218
as soon as she finishes
The Katzenjammer Kids, I think -
955
00:57:09,302 --> 00:57:12,430
I came down especially early this morning
956
00:57:12,513 --> 00:57:15,433
to find out if the captain
got out of the barrel!
957
00:57:15,516 --> 00:57:19,312
This goes on every Sunday,
and I'm not gonna stand it anymore!
958
00:57:19,395 --> 00:57:22,565
- Jasper!
- Excuse me, Mr. Strable.
959
00:57:25,151 --> 00:57:26,152
Yes'm?
960
00:57:26,235 --> 00:57:29,155
You can tell Mr. Strable
the captain got out of the barrel.
961
00:57:29,238 --> 00:57:31,616
Boss! Boss!
962
00:57:31,699 --> 00:57:34,243
Got good news for ya. The captain is out.
963
00:57:34,327 --> 00:57:35,620
Ain't that fine?
964
00:57:35,703 --> 00:57:39,207
- Now you can have a few more cakes.
- Ah, just a couple.
965
00:57:40,667 --> 00:57:44,087
I can't see how he could
get out of that barrel.
966
00:57:45,588 --> 00:57:51,177
Why, that barrel had wooden slats
nailed down on the top and the bottom,
967
00:57:51,260 --> 00:57:55,515
and there were steel bands all around it
and they left it in the middle of the desert.
968
00:57:55,598 --> 00:57:57,600
Now, how could he ever get out of it?
969
00:57:57,684 --> 00:58:00,103
You eat your cakes
while they're nice and hot.
970
00:58:00,186 --> 00:58:02,814
In the meantime,
I'll see what I can find out.
971
00:58:06,150 --> 00:58:10,279
- Uh, another lamb chop, Mrs. Strable?
- I don't mind.
972
00:58:10,363 --> 00:58:15,326
About that barrel, the way he got out of it was,
a friendly snake came crawling -
973
00:58:15,410 --> 00:58:16,786
Don't tell me!
974
00:58:16,869 --> 00:58:19,747
You know it's no fun
unless I read it myself!
975
00:58:19,831 --> 00:58:22,500
What are you trying to do, ruin my Sunday?
976
00:58:22,583 --> 00:58:26,170
Will you tell Mr. Strable
I was talking to you?
977
00:58:26,963 --> 00:58:28,631
Jasper ,
978
00:58:28,715 --> 00:58:32,093
the snake came crawling along
in the desert,
979
00:58:32,176 --> 00:58:36,055
wound itself around the barrel,
and then crunch!
980
00:58:36,723 --> 00:58:39,183
I can't live in this house any longer!
981
00:58:40,101 --> 00:58:42,270
- Mr. Strable.
- What do you want, Daisy?
982
00:58:42,353 --> 00:58:44,689
There's a gentleman here to see you
say he's from New York.
983
00:58:44,772 --> 00:58:47,608
- His name is Van Cleve.
- Van Cleve?
984
00:58:47,692 --> 00:58:49,402
That's the gentleman's name, yes, sir.
985
00:58:49,485 --> 00:58:52,822
The nerve of him,
trying to walk into this house.
986
00:58:52,905 --> 00:58:54,866
- Tell him to go back where he came from.
- Yes, ma'am.
987
00:58:54,949 --> 00:58:56,409
- Wait a minute, Daisy.
- Yes, sir?
988
00:58:56,492 --> 00:59:00,580
Maybe I ought to see Mr. Van Cleve.
And if I wanna see him, he'll come in.
989
00:59:00,663 --> 00:59:04,167
And if I want him to stay here,
he'll stay right here!
990
00:59:06,335 --> 00:59:08,254
- Now, Daisy.
- Yes, sir?
991
00:59:08,337 --> 00:59:12,258
Go tell that man if he's not off these premises
in ten seconds, I'll wring his neck!
992
00:59:12,341 --> 00:59:14,260
Yes, sir. I'll most certainly tell him.
993
00:59:14,343 --> 00:59:16,971
- Jasper, get me some fresh hotcakes.
- Yes, sir.
994
00:59:20,266 --> 00:59:23,936
Excuse me, sir, but maybe somethin'
done happened to Miss Martha.
995
00:59:24,020 --> 00:59:26,898
- You talk too much.
- Yes, sir.
996
00:59:26,981 --> 00:59:29,567
- Jasper.
- Yes, ma'am?
997
00:59:29,650 --> 00:59:32,278
- Tell that man to come in.
- Yes, ma'am.
998
00:59:34,113 --> 00:59:36,115
- Hurry up.
- Yes, sir.
999
00:59:37,617 --> 00:59:39,285
Mr. Van Cleve, if you please.
1000
00:59:40,995 --> 00:59:42,246
How do you do?
1001
00:59:44,499 --> 00:59:45,875
Oh! It's the other one!
1002
00:59:45,958 --> 00:59:48,836
IFS Albert. Hello, Albert.
1003
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,422
- How do you do, Mrs. Strable?
- How do you do?
1004
00:59:51,506 --> 00:59:54,884
- How do you do, Mr. Strable?
- Well, we haven't seen each other since -
1005
00:59:54,967 --> 00:59:58,971
Not since that ill-fated occasion
ten years ago tomorrow.
1006
00:59:59,055 --> 01:00:00,890
- Mmm. Had breakfast?
- Yes, thank you.
1007
01:00:00,973 --> 01:00:02,892
- Well, sit down anyway.
- Thank you.
1008
01:00:02,975 --> 01:00:06,479
- Got some business in Kansas?
- No, I was on my way to California.
1009
01:00:06,562 --> 01:00:10,900
But I said to myself, why shouldn't I stop
and pay my respects to those charming Strables?
1010
01:00:10,983 --> 01:00:14,278
- Well, what do you want?
- Nothing. Nothing in particular.
1011
01:00:14,362 --> 01:00:15,905
- Good.
- Oh, yes!
1012
01:00:15,988 --> 01:00:17,907
There is one bit of news.
1013
01:00:17,990 --> 01:00:21,160
I'll bet you can't guess
whom I met accidentally on the train.
1014
01:00:21,244 --> 01:00:22,995
Probably not.
1015
01:00:23,079 --> 01:00:25,957
- How's business in New York?
- Very good.
1016
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:28,960
Well, I don't want to keep you
in suspense any longer.
1017
01:00:29,043 --> 01:00:31,796
I met your own daughter, Martha.
1018
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,216
Don't mention her name in this house!
1019
01:00:35,299 --> 01:00:37,218
We don't want to hear
anything more about her.
1020
01:00:37,301 --> 01:00:39,095
My dear friends,
1021
01:00:39,178 --> 01:00:42,056
speaking as a jurist,
may I say that even in our penal code,
1022
01:00:42,140 --> 01:00:44,559
we have wisely provided
a system of parole,
1023
01:00:44,642 --> 01:00:46,978
and I have excellent reason to believe
that the party -
1024
01:00:47,061 --> 01:00:49,438
whose name I, naturally,
will not mention in this house -
1025
01:00:49,522 --> 01:00:51,065
has amply paid for her mistake.
1026
01:00:51,149 --> 01:00:51,983
Good.
1027
01:00:52,066 --> 01:00:56,028
And I am sure there is nothing she'd like better
than to come back to the paternal nest.
1028
01:00:56,112 --> 01:00:58,948
So she wants to leave him,
and now she remembers us.
1029
01:00:59,031 --> 01:01:01,993
Not a chance, Albert. That's final.
1030
01:01:03,202 --> 01:01:07,957
Well, she's waiting in a carriage
in front of this very house.
1031
01:01:08,457 --> 01:01:09,959
Who?
1032
01:01:11,002 --> 01:01:12,253
Martha?
1033
01:01:12,336 --> 01:01:15,423
- Martha? Here?
- Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Strable.
1034
01:01:15,506 --> 01:01:17,133
Shall I bring her in?
1035
01:01:17,216 --> 01:01:19,343
- Well, I don't know what Mrs. Strable thinks.
- Well, I -
1036
01:01:19,427 --> 01:01:21,888
- And I don't care.
- I don't care what you think.
1037
01:01:21,971 --> 01:01:24,432
She might just as well come in
and stay till after the rain's over.
1038
01:01:24,515 --> 01:01:25,349
All right.
1039
01:01:31,522 --> 01:01:33,900
Oh, Martha! Martha!
1040
01:01:47,163 --> 01:01:48,247
Hello.
1041
01:01:58,049 --> 01:02:00,760
- Hello, Father.
- Hello.
1042
01:02:00,843 --> 01:02:03,137
- Hello, Mother.
- Hello, Martha.
1043
01:02:03,221 --> 01:02:05,806
- Welcome home, Miss Martha.
- Thank you, Jasper.
1044
01:02:05,890 --> 01:02:09,685
- We all missed you.
- Get outta here. You talk too much.
1045
01:02:09,769 --> 01:02:10,811
Yes, sir.
1046
01:02:10,895 --> 01:02:13,397
Well, I assume there are things
between daughter and parents
1047
01:02:13,481 --> 01:02:16,317
that are better left to the daughter
and to the parents.
1048
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:18,069
If you'll excuse me.
1049
01:02:18,152 --> 01:02:22,698
Well, I suppose it was a pretty muddy ride
from the station in all that rain.
1050
01:02:22,782 --> 01:02:24,700
Yes, I suppose it was.
1051
01:02:24,784 --> 01:02:26,702
Uh, do you want some breakfast?
1052
01:02:26,786 --> 01:02:28,746
It's Sunday morning. We got wheat cakes.
1053
01:02:28,829 --> 01:02:30,831
Thank you, Father, but I'm not hungry.
1054
01:02:32,291 --> 01:02:35,294
Well, the place hasn't
changed much, has it?
1055
01:02:36,128 --> 01:02:38,839
No, it looks exactly the same.
1056
01:02:38,923 --> 01:02:41,050
Maybe now you'll appreciate your home.
1057
01:02:41,133 --> 01:02:44,011
It took you ten years
to find out that we were right.
1058
01:02:44,136 --> 01:02:47,974
- If you'd listened to your mother -
- And your father, things might have been different.
1059
01:02:48,057 --> 01:02:51,185
- I think I'd better be going.
- Oh, you're getting touchy, huh?
1060
01:02:51,269 --> 01:02:53,562
Well, if anyone has a right
to be angry, it's us.
1061
01:02:53,646 --> 01:02:57,191
But we're willing to let bygones be bygones.
1062
01:02:57,275 --> 01:03:00,820
After all, we're not made of stone.
If a daughter comes home and is sorry -
1063
01:03:00,903 --> 01:03:03,364
I'm not sorry,
and I don't want your forgiveness.
1064
01:03:03,447 --> 01:03:05,366
Then what did you come home for?
1065
01:03:05,449 --> 01:03:07,994
I came here
because I felt I wanted to see you.
1066
01:03:08,077 --> 01:03:11,414
- If you expect me to get down on my knees -
- Now, now, now, now, forget it.
1067
01:03:11,497 --> 01:03:14,875
After all, you were young,
and it probably was all the fault of that -
1068
01:03:14,959 --> 01:03:16,294
Please, Father.
1069
01:03:16,377 --> 01:03:20,172
I don't want to hear a single unpleasant word
about the last ten years, or I'll have to go.
1070
01:03:25,011 --> 01:03:27,305
Martha.
1071
01:03:27,388 --> 01:03:29,223
You look so tired, dear.
1072
01:03:29,307 --> 01:03:32,351
- Well, no wonder. After all -
- Can't you keep still?
1073
01:03:32,435 --> 01:03:34,895
It's all dead and buried,
and let's forget it.
1074
01:03:34,979 --> 01:03:36,897
Come on. Let's go upstairs.
1075
01:03:36,981 --> 01:03:40,484
You're going to have a nice, hot bath,
and then you're going to lie down and rest.
1076
01:03:40,568 --> 01:03:42,570
Now, how's that? Huh?
1077
01:03:45,281 --> 01:03:48,284
[knowing]
1078
01:04:13,768 --> 01:04:16,228
So he really got out of that barrel.
1079
01:04:17,229 --> 01:04:19,231
Well, what do you think of that?
1080
01:04:42,838 --> 01:04:45,841
[no audible dialogue]
1081
01:05:04,610 --> 01:05:07,321
[dog snarling, barking]
1082
01:05:11,450 --> 01:05:14,286
-[barking continues]
- Jasper!
1083
01:05:15,121 --> 01:05:16,789
Jasper! What's all that noise about?
1084
01:05:18,457 --> 01:05:20,292
Just had a talk with Mr. Chuck.
1085
01:05:20,376 --> 01:05:23,462
He say somebody said they saw
a couple of prowlers on the grounds.
1086
01:05:23,546 --> 01:05:26,715
- Maybe some of them horse thieves.
- Well, tell Chuck to keep after 'em.
1087
01:05:26,799 --> 01:05:28,717
- Yes, sir.
- If necessary, shoot 'em.
1088
01:05:28,801 --> 01:05:30,302
Yes, sir.
1089
01:05:33,139 --> 01:05:36,058
Excuse me, Father, but if you don't mind,
I think I'll go upstairs.
1090
01:05:36,142 --> 01:05:38,060
I'm getting pretty tired. Good night.
1091
01:05:38,144 --> 01:05:40,062
- Good night, Martha.
- Good night, Mother.
1092
01:05:40,146 --> 01:05:42,898
Good night, dear.
Remember, breakfast at 7:30.
1093
01:05:42,982 --> 01:05:45,067
Yes, Mother. Good night, Albert.
1094
01:05:45,151 --> 01:05:46,986
Good night, Martha.
1095
01:05:52,992 --> 01:05:54,493
Martha?
1096
01:05:58,414 --> 01:06:01,208
Well, Martha, I want you
to have a restful night.
1097
01:06:01,292 --> 01:06:04,003
And why not?
Your troubles are actually over.
1098
01:06:04,086 --> 01:06:07,173
- I suppose you're right.
- I know I am.
1099
01:06:07,256 --> 01:06:09,258
You paid for your mistakes,
and paid dearly.
1100
01:06:09,842 --> 01:06:14,722
Albert, I don't want anybody to get the impression
that I've been the victim of ten years of misery.
1101
01:06:14,805 --> 01:06:16,474
Nothing of the kind.
1102
01:06:16,557 --> 01:06:19,101
On the contrary, I can say
there were moments in my marriage
1103
01:06:19,185 --> 01:06:21,604
which few women have been lucky enough
to have experienced.
1104
01:06:21,687 --> 01:06:23,898
There were times
when you were lifted way up to the sky.
1105
01:06:23,981 --> 01:06:27,026
- Yes, way up.
- Only to be dropped way down afterward.
1106
01:06:27,109 --> 01:06:30,863
That's not the purpose of marriage.
Marriage isn't a series of thrills.
1107
01:06:30,946 --> 01:06:35,117
Marriage is a peaceful, well-balanced
adjustment of two right-thinking people.
1108
01:06:35,201 --> 01:06:37,745
I'm afraid that's only too true.
1109
01:06:37,828 --> 01:06:39,580
Well, good night, Albert.
1110
01:06:39,663 --> 01:06:44,293
Uh, Martha, there's... one other thought
I want you to sleep with.
1111
01:06:45,294 --> 01:06:49,048
My feelings for you
have remained unchanged.
1112
01:06:49,131 --> 01:06:52,051
That's very kind of you, Albert,
and I'm touched.
1113
01:06:52,134 --> 01:06:54,553
Naturally, I'm not the flashy type,
like some people.
1114
01:06:54,637 --> 01:06:57,556
I'd say I was rather
on the conservative side.
1115
01:06:57,640 --> 01:07:01,310
If I were, for instance, a suit of clothes,
you wouldn't call me a stylish cut.
1116
01:07:01,393 --> 01:07:03,479
And I prefer it that way.
1117
01:07:03,562 --> 01:07:07,149
But I can safely say
I'm made of solid material.
1118
01:07:07,233 --> 01:07:10,819
I'm sewed together carefully
and my lining is good, Martha.
1119
01:07:10,903 --> 01:07:13,489
Frankly, I believe I wear well.
1120
01:07:13,572 --> 01:07:16,492
I'm... not too hot in the summer,
1121
01:07:16,575 --> 01:07:19,787
and I give protection in the winter.
1122
01:07:19,870 --> 01:07:22,540
- Need I say more?
- No, Albert.
1123
01:07:22,623 --> 01:07:26,085
You've given a complete
and accurate description of yourself.
1124
01:07:26,168 --> 01:07:28,837
- Good night.
- Thank you, Martha.
1125
01:07:36,095 --> 01:07:37,513
- Miss Martha?
- Yes?
1126
01:07:37,596 --> 01:07:39,848
Excuse me.
That horse thief we were looking for -
1127
01:07:39,932 --> 01:07:41,141
- Did you catch him?
- Yes, ma'am.
1128
01:07:41,225 --> 01:07:44,520
- He's in your room waiting for you.
- In my r -
1129
01:07:45,938 --> 01:07:48,357
- You mean -
- Yes, miss. That's him.
1130
01:07:59,076 --> 01:08:00,786
Martha, darling, sweetheart -
1131
01:08:02,913 --> 01:08:06,375
How could you do a thing like this to me?
Don't you realize what I went through?
1132
01:08:06,458 --> 01:08:08,460
- Oh, Henry.
- Running away like that without a word.
1133
01:08:08,544 --> 01:08:10,838
Can't you imagine how I suffered?
1134
01:08:10,921 --> 01:08:14,550
How could you do this to me?
Oh, Martha, Martha.
1135
01:08:14,633 --> 01:08:17,136
Henry, it won't work anymore.
1136
01:08:18,637 --> 01:08:21,557
- What's Albert doing here?
- I met him by accident on the train.
1137
01:08:21,640 --> 01:08:24,018
- He was very nice to me, and -
- Accident? You expect me to believe that?
1138
01:08:24,101 --> 01:08:27,563
Here I am, looking all over the world
for my wife, going insane with despair.
1139
01:08:27,646 --> 01:08:31,400
And where do I find her? 2,000 miles away
in a lonely country place with another man.
1140
01:08:31,483 --> 01:08:34,486
- I don't see how I can stand any more.
- Henry, it won't work.
1141
01:08:36,405 --> 01:08:37,906
Very well.
1142
01:08:37,990 --> 01:08:40,909
If it comes to the point where
a woman doubts her husband's sincerity,
1143
01:08:40,993 --> 01:08:42,578
there's nothing more to do.
1144
01:08:42,661 --> 01:08:45,331
Everything is over. Good-bye, Martha.
1145
01:08:45,414 --> 01:08:46,999
Good-bye, Henry.
1146
01:08:53,589 --> 01:08:56,258
Martha, I really mean this. I'm going.
1147
01:08:56,342 --> 01:08:58,052
I know you mean it, Henry.
1148
01:08:59,136 --> 01:09:00,638
All right.
1149
01:09:04,141 --> 01:09:08,020
Just give me five minutes to pull myself together,
and you'll never see me again. Never, never.
1150
01:09:08,103 --> 01:09:10,898
Oh, Henry, I know your every move.
1151
01:09:10,981 --> 01:09:12,983
I know your outraged indignation.
1152
01:09:13,067 --> 01:09:15,944
I know the poor, weeping little boy.
1153
01:09:16,028 --> 01:09:19,698
I know the misunderstood,
strong, silent man,
1154
01:09:19,782 --> 01:09:24,244
the wounded lion who's too proud to explain
what happened in the jungle last night.
1155
01:09:24,328 --> 01:09:26,246
So, I'm a fake.
1156
01:09:26,330 --> 01:09:27,790
- I'm false, I'm cheap.
- Oh, Henry, please.
1157
01:09:27,873 --> 01:09:30,668
- I know I've brought you nothing but unhappiness.
- You know that's not true.
1158
01:09:30,751 --> 01:09:33,253
- Oh! So we had some good times together.
- Some wonderful times.
1159
01:09:33,337 --> 01:09:36,131
Then what do you want? What did I do?
Even a murderer has a right to defend himself.
1160
01:09:36,215 --> 01:09:37,716
[together]
You can't hang a man without evidence.
1161
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:38,842
I know.
1162
01:09:38,926 --> 01:09:42,096
[sighs] If I only knew
what particular thing is in your mi -
1163
01:09:42,179 --> 01:09:43,931
- Have you seen Aunt Minetta recently?
- Yes, of course.
1164
01:09:44,014 --> 01:09:45,933
Oh, well, now everything is clear.
1165
01:09:46,016 --> 01:09:48,936
This is something I didn't even want to
mention to you, it's so unimportant.
1166
01:09:49,019 --> 01:09:51,271
When she saw me, yes,
I was at the Plaza having tea,
1167
01:09:51,355 --> 01:09:54,441
and at the table with me was a very handsome
young woman, but there was nothing to it.
1168
01:09:54,525 --> 01:09:57,444
- I would have explained to you myself-
- But you didn't want to make me uncomfortable.
1169
01:09:57,528 --> 01:10:00,447
- Even for one second.
- That's right, darling. That's exactly right.
1170
01:10:00,531 --> 01:10:04,118
Henry, it won't work. And besides,
Aunt Minetta didn't say one word about you.
1171
01:10:04,201 --> 01:10:07,204
- As for the beautiful, young lady at the Plaza -
- Darling, I can easily explain that.
1172
01:10:07,287 --> 01:10:09,456
Oh, I know you can.
You're a master at that.
1173
01:10:09,540 --> 01:10:11,959
All right, all right.
I'm fighting a losing battle.
1174
01:10:12,042 --> 01:10:14,962
I don't love you. I never loved you.
I love everybody in New York more than you.
1175
01:10:15,045 --> 01:10:18,048
- There you go again.
-[bell tolling]
1176
01:10:23,303 --> 01:10:25,889
It's the 25th of October.
1177
01:10:25,973 --> 01:10:27,975
Many happy returns.
1178
01:10:32,521 --> 01:10:34,440
Thank you, Martha,
1179
01:10:34,523 --> 01:10:37,443
but it's something much more important
than my birthday.
1180
01:10:37,526 --> 01:10:39,820
It's our anniversary.
1181
01:10:39,903 --> 01:10:45,075
Ten years ago today, I was almost
as much in love with you as I am right now.
1182
01:10:45,159 --> 01:10:49,872
It's very difficult for a woman to send
her husband away on their tenth anniversary,
1183
01:10:49,955 --> 01:10:52,958
especially when he speaks
as beautifully as you do.
1184
01:10:53,959 --> 01:10:55,878
But I must do it.
1185
01:10:55,961 --> 01:10:58,839
All right, darling. I know it's all over.
1186
01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:03,886
I'm sure you'll find someone else
who will be... really worthy of you.
1187
01:11:04,970 --> 01:11:08,098
But let's pretend just for a minute.
1188
01:11:09,975 --> 01:11:11,977
Happy anniversary.
1189
01:11:15,814 --> 01:11:17,733
Do you like it?
1190
01:11:17,816 --> 01:11:20,486
I'd say it cost at least $10,000.
1191
01:11:21,528 --> 01:11:24,782
For that money, it's a very good purchase.
1192
01:11:24,865 --> 01:11:27,576
Why, Martha, how can you talk like that?
1193
01:11:28,494 --> 01:11:30,621
If you'd only forgotten
to give me this bracelet,
1194
01:11:30,704 --> 01:11:34,583
I probably would have been foolish enough
to be in your arms right now.
1195
01:11:34,666 --> 01:11:37,878
You've no idea what a mistake you made.
1196
01:11:37,961 --> 01:11:40,756
The magician played one trick too many.
1197
01:11:42,758 --> 01:11:46,678
The other day I was having
a new photograph made of Jackie and me.
1198
01:11:46,762 --> 01:11:50,015
I wanted to have it the right size
to fit into your wallet.
1199
01:11:51,016 --> 01:11:53,060
So I slipped into your room.
1200
01:11:53,143 --> 01:11:55,437
This fell out of your wallet.
1201
01:12:07,658 --> 01:12:12,079
And I don't ever remember having received
any bracelet from you on or about May 2.
1202
01:12:12,162 --> 01:12:14,331
Oh, so that's what it's all about.
flaughs]
1203
01:12:14,414 --> 01:12:17,584
And to think that you went through all this
just because the jeweler made a mistake.
1204
01:12:17,668 --> 01:12:21,088
And that what the whole thing is, a mistake.
Naturally, I didn't buy a bracelet for $500.
1205
01:12:21,171 --> 01:12:23,966
Has Cartier ever made a mistake
in any of our bills before?
1206
01:12:24,049 --> 01:12:28,512
Darling, I love you. I think you're the most
beautiful, adorable thing in all the world.
1207
01:12:28,595 --> 01:12:31,265
Do you really believe there's any woman
good enough to take me away from you?
1208
01:12:31,348 --> 01:12:33,767
If there were such a woman, do you think
she'd be worth only a $500 bracelet?
1209
01:12:33,851 --> 01:12:35,227
- Henry, I -
- Darling, I'll make you a bet.
1210
01:12:35,310 --> 01:12:37,855
If Cartier doesn't admit that
this whole thing is a terrible mistake -
1211
01:12:37,938 --> 01:12:40,399
- Then you won't buy there anymore.
- Henry, it won't work.
1212
01:12:40,482 --> 01:12:43,527
- Grandpa!
- Martha, my darling.
1213
01:12:43,610 --> 01:12:45,988
Well, come on, come on.
Let's get started. Let's pack.
1214
01:12:46,071 --> 01:12:49,575
- Grandpa, what do you mean?
- Naturally, you're going back with us to New York.
1215
01:12:49,658 --> 01:12:52,578
What are you standing there for?
You're making a pretty bad job of it.
1216
01:12:52,661 --> 01:12:55,122
Come on, sweep her off her feet,
or we'll miss the next train.
1217
01:12:55,205 --> 01:12:57,249
If I can't make her happy,
then I don't want her to come back.
1218
01:12:57,332 --> 01:12:58,876
- Yeah, that's better.
- No, I mean this seriously.
1219
01:12:58,959 --> 01:13:00,127
That's why it's good.
1220
01:13:00,627 --> 01:13:02,796
Look, Martha, let's face it.
1221
01:13:02,880 --> 01:13:05,924
- You want a divorce.
- I see no other way.
1222
01:13:06,008 --> 01:13:08,302
- What about Jackie?
- Naturally, I want him.
1223
01:13:08,385 --> 01:13:10,804
I think you're right.
I think he should get away from me.
1224
01:13:10,888 --> 01:13:13,015
- I didn't mean it that way.
- But I did.
1225
01:13:13,098 --> 01:13:15,809
I adore the boy, and therefore
I think he shouldn't be with me.
1226
01:13:15,893 --> 01:13:18,812
Well, I don't think a child
should be deprived of his father.
1227
01:13:18,896 --> 01:13:21,315
Do you want him to grow up
to be another Henry Van Cleve
1228
01:13:21,398 --> 01:13:24,318
and on his 36th birthday make his wife
as unhappy as I've made you?
1229
01:13:24,401 --> 01:13:27,321
- Are the rest of your things in the closet?
- Yes.
1230
01:13:27,404 --> 01:13:30,240
For instance, do you know
what our little Jackie did the other day?
1231
01:13:30,324 --> 01:13:32,826
- What?
- He bought some ice cream for a little girl.
1232
01:13:32,910 --> 01:13:35,037
What's wrong about that?
I think it's charming.
1233
01:13:35,120 --> 01:13:38,123
But the girl he bought the ice cream for
was not the girl he should have bought it for.
1234
01:13:38,206 --> 01:13:40,000
- It wasn't?
- No.
1235
01:13:40,083 --> 01:13:41,543
Little devil.
1236
01:13:41,627 --> 01:13:44,546
And when the one little girl
found out that the other girl -
1237
01:13:44,630 --> 01:13:47,007
Well, that boy got himself
into such a mess.
1238
01:13:47,090 --> 01:13:48,967
Oh, if I only could have been there.
1239
01:13:49,051 --> 01:13:52,179
You should have seen our little Jackie
trying to get himself out of that situation.
1240
01:13:52,262 --> 01:13:54,389
- Did he?
- Yes.
1241
01:13:54,473 --> 01:13:56,391
Little girl likes him better than before.
1242
01:13:56,475 --> 01:13:59,144
Good. What a child.
1243
01:13:59,227 --> 01:14:02,481
- Believe me, he is a problem.
- I suppose so.
1244
01:14:02,564 --> 01:14:04,483
But when he makes up his little stories -
1245
01:14:04,566 --> 01:14:07,945
And you know they're just little stories,
but he wants you to believe them so badly
1246
01:14:08,028 --> 01:14:11,365
that you wish you could,
and finally what can you do but -
1247
01:14:20,749 --> 01:14:22,668
Happy anniversary.
1248
01:14:22,751 --> 01:14:25,253
I'm still too confused.
I've got to collect myself.
1249
01:14:25,337 --> 01:14:27,923
- Give her time to make up her mind.
- She can do that on the train.
1250
01:14:28,006 --> 01:14:30,342
- But what am I going to say to my parents?
- Send 'em a telegram.
1251
01:14:30,467 --> 01:14:32,511
- Sneak out of the house in the middle of the night?
- Exactly.
1252
01:14:32,594 --> 01:14:33,804
- Like burglars?
- Like thieves.
1253
01:14:33,887 --> 01:14:35,681
- We did it once before.
- Why shouldn't we do it again?
1254
01:14:35,764 --> 01:14:38,266
How many people are lucky enough to have
the thrill of eloping twice in one marriage?
1255
01:14:38,350 --> 01:14:39,184
That's it! That's it!
1256
01:14:39,267 --> 01:14:41,937
How many women love their husbands enough
to forgive them and start all over again?
1257
01:14:42,020 --> 01:14:42,854
Good! Good!
1258
01:14:42,938 --> 01:14:45,941
How many men love their wives enough to lie
and say they're guilty when they've done nothing?
1259
01:14:46,024 --> 01:14:48,694
- Careful, Henry, careful.
- At least nothing that amounts to very much.
1260
01:14:48,777 --> 01:14:51,196
I wouldn't go any further into that.
We'd better get started.
1261
01:14:51,279 --> 01:14:53,281
I'll see if the coast is clear.
1262
01:14:59,121 --> 01:15:01,039
'Iwhispermgl Jaspe
- Yes? r' Jasper?
1263
01:15:01,123 --> 01:15:03,041
- Everything ready?
- Yes, sir. Right out in front.
1264
01:15:03,125 --> 01:15:06,044
All my life I've wanted
to run away with a woman.
1265
01:15:06,128 --> 01:15:08,880
- Jasper, it's happening!
- Thank you, sir.
1266
01:15:10,799 --> 01:15:12,551
All right, come on.
1267
01:15:14,678 --> 01:15:17,806
-[Martha] Good-bye, Jasper.
- Good-bye, Miss Martha. Good-bye.
1268
01:15:20,225 --> 01:15:23,228
[Mr. Strable snoring]
1269
01:15:38,076 --> 01:15:41,663
[loud snort, snoring continues]
1270
01:15:45,167 --> 01:15:47,919
[murmurs]
1271
01:16:01,183 --> 01:16:02,517
Albert!
1272
01:16:04,102 --> 01:16:05,479
Come!
1273
01:16:11,359 --> 01:16:15,197
And so, farewell, dear E.F. Strable!
1274
01:16:15,280 --> 01:16:18,158
We'll take Martha! You keep Mabel!
1275
01:16:18,241 --> 01:16:20,494
Yippee! [laughs]
1276
01:16:20,577 --> 01:16:22,579
[coughing]
1277
01:16:27,876 --> 01:16:29,086
[blows]
1278
01:16:31,213 --> 01:16:32,672
[blows]
1279
01:16:33,590 --> 01:16:36,676
[Henry narrating]
Then one birthday began f0//0 wing another -
1280
01:16:36,760 --> 01:16:38,303
[blows]
1281
01:16:38,386 --> 01:16:40,347
Faster and faster.
1282
01:16:40,430 --> 01:16:43,100
Each year there were more and more candles
1283
01:16:43,183 --> 01:16:45,102
- and less and less -
-[short exhale]
1284
01:16:58,073 --> 01:17:00,617
Yes, I became 45.
1285
01:17:00,700 --> 01:17:02,619
Then came 46,
1286
01:17:03,161 --> 01:17:04,788
47,
1287
01:17:04,871 --> 01:17:06,790
and I stopped counting.
1288
01:17:06,873 --> 01:17:08,625
-[orchestra playing]
- On one of these birthdays,
1289
01:17:08,708 --> 01:17:12,212
Martha and I, just the two of us,
went to the Follies.
1290
01:17:12,295 --> 01:17:15,590
[male soloist] ♪ I'm the she/kh ♪
1291
01:17:15,674 --> 01:17:17,884
♪ >4' Of Araby 4'
1292
01:17:17,968 --> 01:17:20,387
[female chorus]
♪ Yes, indeed, he's the she/kh of Arab y ♪
1293
01:17:20,470 --> 01:17:24,349
[sheikh] ♪ Your love belongs to me ♪
1294
01:17:24,432 --> 01:17:26,685
[chorus] ♪ WeTe in love
We 're in love, as you can see ♪
1295
01:17:26,768 --> 01:17:30,772
[sheikh] ♪ Atn/ght, when y0u're asleep ♪
1296
01:17:30,856 --> 01:17:33,233
[chorus] ♪ Late at night
When the moon is shining bright ♪
1297
01:17:33,316 --> 01:17:37,028
[sheikh] ♪ Into your tent I'll creep ♪
1298
01:17:37,112 --> 01:17:39,406
[chorus]
♪ I'll be creep/n' when we are asleep ♪
1299
01:17:39,489 --> 01:17:43,410
[sheikh] ♪ The stars that shine above ♪
1300
01:17:43,493 --> 01:17:45,996
[chorus]
♪ Way up h/gh in the sky up above ♪
1301
01:17:46,079 --> 01:17:49,875
[sheikh] ♪ I/I/I// I/ght our way to love ♪
1302
01:17:49,958 --> 01:17:52,210
[chorus] ♪ I/I/I// I/ght our way to love ♪
1303
01:17:52,294 --> 01:17:56,256
[sheikh] ♪ You?! rule this land with me ♪
1304
01:17:56,339 --> 01:17:58,675
[chorus]
♪ Oh, how happy we will always be ♪
1305
01:17:58,758 --> 01:18:04,014
[sheikh] ♪ The she/kh ofA/"aby ♪
1306
01:18:05,807 --> 01:18:07,601
-[orchestra continues]
- Sudden/y / noticed
1307
01:18:07,684 --> 01:18:10,645
a very attractive girl
coming down the staircase.
1308
01:18:11,479 --> 01:18:13,648
To me she was just another attractive girl,
1309
01:18:13,732 --> 01:18:16,318
but, I must admit, attractive.
1310
01:18:17,319 --> 01:18:19,196
Anyway, a few weeks later,
1311
01:18:19,279 --> 01:18:22,282
I happened to find out
that her name was Peggy Nash,
1312
01:18:22,365 --> 01:18:27,495
and I happened to hear things about her
which made me very eager to meet Miss Nash.
1313
01:18:38,256 --> 01:18:40,675
-[woman] Yes?
- A Mr. Jones to see you.
1314
01:18:40,759 --> 01:18:42,761
I'll be out in a minute.
1315
01:18:48,975 --> 01:18:51,895
- Will you come in, please, Mr. Jones?
- Thank you.
1316
01:18:51,978 --> 01:18:54,981
- Miss Nash will be with you in just a minute.
- Thank you.
1317
01:19:09,704 --> 01:19:12,874
- How do you do, Mr. Jones?
- How do you do, Miss Nash?
1318
01:19:13,875 --> 01:19:16,544
- Won't you sit down?
- Thank you.
1319
01:19:18,171 --> 01:19:21,758
Thank you so much
for those beautiful, beautiful roses.
1320
01:19:21,841 --> 01:19:25,845
When I saw you the other evening at the Follies
coming down that stairway, I said to myself-
1321
01:19:25,929 --> 01:19:27,597
“That's the girl of my dreams”?
1322
01:19:27,681 --> 01:19:29,766
Uh, that's right.
1323
01:19:29,849 --> 01:19:31,434
- You see, Miss Nash -
- Call me Peggy.
1324
01:19:32,560 --> 01:19:34,729
Well, this is delightful.
1325
01:19:34,813 --> 01:19:36,773
- Hello, Peggy.
- Hello, Jonesy.
1326
01:19:36,856 --> 01:19:38,650
[both chuckling]
1327
01:19:39,401 --> 01:19:42,320
Well, Jonesy, let me tell you,
that note that came with your flowers -
1328
01:19:42,404 --> 01:19:43,989
- You liked it?
- Who wouldn't?
1329
01:19:44,072 --> 01:19:46,491
It was so full of charm. It was so sweet.
1330
01:19:46,574 --> 01:19:48,952
It had all the quaintness of bygone days.
1331
01:19:49,953 --> 01:19:51,329
[clears throat] Really?
1332
01:19:51,413 --> 01:19:53,957
Yes. You know, men don't
write that way anymore.
1333
01:19:54,040 --> 01:19:56,126
Oh, why are there so few of you left?
1334
01:19:56,751 --> 01:19:58,962
[clears throat]
Miss Nash, to tell you the truth,
1335
01:19:59,045 --> 01:20:01,548
I didn't exactly come up here
to be admired as a museum piece.
1336
01:20:01,631 --> 01:20:03,550
Now, Jonesy, don't be touchy.
1337
01:20:03,633 --> 01:20:05,552
- Yeah. Anyway, Miss Nash -
- Pe99Y-
1338
01:20:06,136 --> 01:20:07,554
Anyway, Peggy,
1339
01:20:07,637 --> 01:20:10,557
I'm sure it's a waste of time
to talk of the past
1340
01:20:10,640 --> 01:20:14,352
when the present can be so lovely
that one anticipates a most delightful future.
1341
01:20:14,436 --> 01:20:17,939
Oh, thank you, Jonesy. What a difference.
1342
01:20:18,023 --> 01:20:20,692
You know, the moment you meet
somebody of today, he says,
1343
01:20:20,775 --> 01:20:22,694
“How about it, babe?
Where do we have supper?”
1344
01:20:22,777 --> 01:20:25,196
The next moment,
he pulls out a diamond bracelet.
1345
01:20:25,280 --> 01:20:27,699
And before you know it,
there it is on your wrist.
1346
01:20:27,782 --> 01:20:30,285
How crude. How crude.
1347
01:20:30,368 --> 01:20:32,871
Yes, very crude.
1348
01:20:32,954 --> 01:20:36,708
And let me tell you,
a bracelet hastily presented
1349
01:20:36,791 --> 01:20:38,752
is usually selected hastily,
1350
01:20:38,835 --> 01:20:41,129
whereas a bracelet chosen with care -
1351
01:20:41,212 --> 01:20:44,299
- Has better stones?
- The very best.
1352
01:20:44,382 --> 01:20:47,719
Oh, Jonesy, Jonesy,
you make it all sound so wonderful.
1353
01:20:47,802 --> 01:20:50,972
- But how could I explain such a gift to -
- To whom?
1354
01:20:56,269 --> 01:20:58,188
Oh. Friend of yours?
1355
01:20:58,271 --> 01:21:00,106
Very much so.
1356
01:21:00,190 --> 01:21:02,942
- Serious?
- I'm afraid it is.
1357
01:21:03,026 --> 01:21:05,862
Is there anything I could do
to make you forget this young man?
1358
01:21:05,945 --> 01:21:08,073
Jonesy, you're asking a lot.
1359
01:21:08,156 --> 01:21:10,075
Just look at him.
1360
01:21:10,158 --> 01:21:13,411
- He seems very young.
- Not too young.
1361
01:21:13,495 --> 01:21:17,040
Would it be indiscreet of me
to ask who this young man is?
1362
01:21:19,042 --> 01:21:22,295
Come on, Mr. Van Cleve.
Don't you know your own son?
1363
01:21:23,380 --> 01:21:25,465
No, I didn't fall into your trap.
1364
01:21:25,548 --> 01:21:28,551
You know, Mr. Van Cleve,
girls are awfully smart these days.
1365
01:21:28,635 --> 01:21:31,554
It must be rather sad
for the great cavalier of the gay '90s
1366
01:21:31,638 --> 01:21:33,556
to find his technique is getting rusty.
1367
01:21:34,307 --> 01:21:37,352
Yes, I've heard all about the daring Henry.
1368
01:21:37,435 --> 01:21:39,729
I understand in my mother's day you were.
1369
01:21:39,813 --> 01:21:43,149
And I'm sure you had
a very dashing figure.
1370
01:21:43,233 --> 01:21:45,693
And now you're a kind of, um,
1371
01:21:45,777 --> 01:21:47,737
retired Casanova.
1372
01:21:47,821 --> 01:21:50,740
You know, it's always the same
with men when they retire.
1373
01:21:50,824 --> 01:21:55,245
Some grow flowers, and, uh,
some grow a tummy.
1374
01:22:00,291 --> 01:22:03,837
Miss Nash, my son means very much to me.
1375
01:22:03,920 --> 01:22:07,048
- He means very much to me too.
- How much?
1376
01:22:07,715 --> 01:22:10,385
Oh, yes, that's right. Of course.
1377
01:22:10,468 --> 01:22:12,095
In your day girls used to wait
1378
01:22:12,178 --> 01:22:16,057
for the old-fashioned father to come
with the big checkbook to pay off.
1379
01:22:16,141 --> 01:22:17,767
I'm sure that happened.
1380
01:22:17,851 --> 01:22:19,978
Well, that's one thing
that hasn't changed.
1381
01:22:21,062 --> 01:22:23,523
Shall we say... 5,000?
1382
01:22:23,606 --> 01:22:25,024
5,000?
1383
01:22:25,108 --> 01:22:27,527
Oh, Jonesy, you underestimate me.
1384
01:22:27,610 --> 01:22:29,529
I'm much worse than that.
1385
01:22:29,612 --> 01:22:32,949
To get rid of somebody
as terrible as me is worth -
1386
01:22:33,032 --> 01:22:36,244
Well, I'll make you a bargain. $25,000.
1387
01:22:39,706 --> 01:22:42,250
All right. I'll send you the money.
1388
01:22:42,333 --> 01:22:45,462
- Before lunch?
- Before lunch.
1389
01:22:46,171 --> 01:22:47,547
Good-bye, Miss Nash.
1390
01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:50,175
- You've been perfectly charming.
- And so have you.
1391
01:22:50,258 --> 01:22:53,803
- And you hope never to see me again.
-[chuckles] I wouldn't say that.
1392
01:22:55,805 --> 01:22:59,476
Miss Nash, now that our problem
has been solved,
1393
01:22:59,559 --> 01:23:01,811
I would like to ask one slight question.
1394
01:23:01,895 --> 01:23:06,566
Not that it matters, but I'm just curious,
and I would appreciate an honest answer.
1395
01:23:06,649 --> 01:23:08,318
I give you my word.
1396
01:23:08,401 --> 01:23:12,405
Suppose you didn't know I was Jack's father
and you happened to see me on the street
1397
01:23:12,489 --> 01:23:14,908
or in a restaurant.
1398
01:23:14,991 --> 01:23:17,577
This is just an academic question.
1399
01:23:17,660 --> 01:23:19,579
How old would you say I am?
1400
01:23:19,662 --> 01:23:22,290
Well, I'd say about 50.
1401
01:23:23,583 --> 01:23:25,502
- That old?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
1402
01:23:25,585 --> 01:23:28,546
- I didn't mean to hurt you.
- Oh, no, no. That's perfectly all right.
1403
01:23:28,630 --> 01:23:32,175
- Thanks very much.
- Excuse me, but how old are you?
1404
01:23:33,176 --> 01:23:34,677
Fifty.
1405
01:23:50,902 --> 01:23:53,154
No wonder you get those headaches.
1406
01:23:53,238 --> 01:23:54,906
Thank you, darling.
1407
01:24:09,128 --> 01:24:12,674
[clears throat]
Martha, this is going to be a bit unpleasant.
1408
01:24:12,757 --> 01:24:16,427
I've tried to keep it from you for some time,
but now I think I'd better tell you.
1409
01:24:16,511 --> 01:24:19,514
I know. You don't love me anymore.
1410
01:24:19,597 --> 01:24:21,683
Now, darling, don't try to be funny.
1411
01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:23,560
It's about Jack.
1412
01:24:23,643 --> 01:24:26,062
Will you please stop worrying about Jack?
1413
01:24:26,145 --> 01:24:28,565
If he wants to stay out late, what of it?
1414
01:24:28,648 --> 01:24:31,901
If he's ever going to have any fun,
now's the time. Don't spoil it.
1415
01:24:31,985 --> 01:24:35,780
Martha, this is serious.
Very, very serious.
1416
01:24:35,863 --> 01:24:39,617
I just happened to learn the boy
got into the clutches of a certain girl.
1417
01:24:39,701 --> 01:24:43,121
I went to a great deal of trouble.
Believe me, it wasn't easy.
1418
01:24:43,204 --> 01:24:45,498
But I managed to find out
who the girl was.
1419
01:24:45,582 --> 01:24:47,875
- You mean Peggy Nash?
_Ye _
1420
01:24:48,710 --> 01:24:51,379
Where did you - How did you know?
1421
01:24:51,462 --> 01:24:54,132
Oh, I forget. Someone told me.
1422
01:24:54,215 --> 01:24:56,968
You go to lunch, and you hear things.
1423
01:24:57,051 --> 01:25:01,264
Why didn't you tell me? How can you
be so placid about a thing like this?
1424
01:25:01,347 --> 01:25:03,850
Darling, why should I excite you?
1425
01:25:03,933 --> 01:25:08,396
I know you so well. Certain little things
get you all worked up, and then you don't sleep.
1426
01:25:08,479 --> 01:25:11,649
Then you have to take a pill,
and then you don't want to take a pill.
1427
01:25:11,733 --> 01:25:14,527
Believe me, Henry,
the less attention you pay to them -
1428
01:25:14,611 --> 01:25:16,446
Really, these things work themselves out.
1429
01:25:16,529 --> 01:25:18,656
Oh, Martha, Martha.
1430
01:25:18,740 --> 01:25:20,450
That is one of your greatest charms.
1431
01:25:20,533 --> 01:25:24,621
After almost 25 years in New York,
you're still the innocent little girl from Kansas.
1432
01:25:24,704 --> 01:25:28,958
But, fortunately,
I have had experience with showgirls.
1433
01:25:29,042 --> 01:25:32,587
And it's a father's function
to save his son from the mistakes he made.
1434
01:25:32,670 --> 01:25:36,507
If we ignore matters like this,
how do you think our boy will end up?
1435
01:25:36,591 --> 01:25:39,510
Just like you - with a girl like me.
1436
01:25:39,594 --> 01:25:42,180
No, darling, never.
1437
01:25:42,263 --> 01:25:44,265
Where would he find anybody like you?
1438
01:25:44,349 --> 01:25:46,184
He couldn't. He won't be that lucky.
1439
01:25:46,267 --> 01:25:49,771
- Aren't you sweet.
- I have no illusions about myself.
1440
01:25:49,854 --> 01:25:53,149
Martha, if I hadn't met you,
I hate to think where I'd be right now.
1441
01:25:53,232 --> 01:25:57,403
Well, probably outside some stage door
or even inside the dressing room
1442
01:25:57,487 --> 01:25:59,072
and having a wonderful time.
1443
01:25:59,155 --> 01:26:01,324
-[chuckles] Oh, now, darling.
- Come on. Give me a kiss.
1444
01:26:01,407 --> 01:26:03,660
Don't let's worry about it anymore.
1445
01:26:10,833 --> 01:26:12,335
[clears throat]
1446
01:26:12,418 --> 01:26:15,963
Martha, I just want to get your viewpoint.
1447
01:26:16,047 --> 01:26:20,843
Do you think it would be a bad idea,
just to be safe, if I looked up this girl and, uh -
1448
01:26:20,927 --> 01:26:22,178
And what?
1449
01:26:22,261 --> 01:26:25,640
Well, maybe, just to avoid complications,
1450
01:26:25,723 --> 01:26:29,310
ask her to leave the boy alone
and, if necessary, buy her off.
1451
01:26:29,394 --> 01:26:32,146
Now, Henry, don't even consider
anything as foolish as that.
1452
01:26:32,230 --> 01:26:35,149
All right, all right, all right.
It was just a thought.
1453
01:26:35,233 --> 01:26:37,276
- If you want me to, I'll drop it.
- Good.
1454
01:26:38,236 --> 01:26:40,238
How much did you pay the girl?
1455
01:26:41,280 --> 01:26:42,907
Why, what do you mean?
1456
01:26:44,117 --> 01:26:46,494
Don't I know my Henry
and his innocent eyes?
1457
01:26:46,577 --> 01:26:49,872
I beg your pardon, sir, but you've told me
to let you know when Mr. Jack arrived, sir.
1458
01:26:49,956 --> 01:26:52,125
- He's just come in, sir.
- Thank you.
1459
01:26:52,208 --> 01:26:53,918
-[door closes]
- Mmm.
1460
01:26:54,001 --> 01:26:56,921
You see? He's home early for the first time
in weeks, and I'll tell you why.
1461
01:26:57,004 --> 01:26:59,549
He went to the theater as usual,
and she gave him his walking papers.
1462
01:26:59,632 --> 01:27:02,969
- And the poor boy is probably all upset.
- I hope he is.
1463
01:27:03,052 --> 01:27:05,680
And, Martha, don't you baby him.
Don't you spoil what I've done.
1464
01:27:06,472 --> 01:27:08,725
- Hello.
-[Martha] Hello, Jack.
1465
01:27:08,808 --> 01:27:10,309
Hello, Mother.
1466
01:27:13,521 --> 01:27:14,856
Hello, Father.
1467
01:27:14,939 --> 01:27:16,357
- How are you, Jack?
- Fine.
1468
01:27:16,441 --> 01:27:20,278
- You look a little depressed.
- Who, me? I never felt better in all my life.
1469
01:27:20,361 --> 01:27:22,280
Besides that, I could use $100.
1470
01:27:22,905 --> 01:27:24,490
A hundred dollars? What for?
1471
01:27:24,574 --> 01:27:28,286
Well, I wanna throw a little party tonight,
take someone out.
1472
01:27:28,369 --> 01:27:29,912
Oh. I see.
1473
01:27:29,996 --> 01:27:32,331
Tell me, whom are you
going around with these days, Jack?
1474
01:27:32,415 --> 01:27:35,710
Now, Martha, that's Jack's personal life
and we shouldn't pry into it.
1475
01:27:35,793 --> 01:27:38,129
Here you are, Jack.
There's your hundred dollars.
1476
01:27:38,212 --> 01:27:39,922
- Thanks, Father.
- Have a good time.
1477
01:27:40,006 --> 01:27:42,216
- Thanks.
- I'm not interested in whom you're taking out.
1478
01:27:42,300 --> 01:27:44,385
I'm sure she's all right.
1479
01:27:44,469 --> 01:27:47,555
Anyway, it's none of our business
whether you're taking out Mary Jones,
1480
01:27:47,638 --> 01:27:49,932
Helen Smith, Mitzi Glutz,
1481
01:27:50,016 --> 01:27:51,559
or Peggy Nash.
1482
01:27:51,642 --> 01:27:53,436
Peggy Nash?
1483
01:27:53,519 --> 01:27:56,355
Father, what is this? Are you trailing me?
Where'd you hear that name?
1484
01:27:56,439 --> 01:27:58,858
I don't know.
1485
01:27:58,941 --> 01:28:03,196
- Martha, where did we hear that name?
- I don't know. And don't ask me.
1486
01:28:03,279 --> 01:28:06,324
Well, uh, uh, one has friends,
1487
01:28:06,407 --> 01:28:10,161
and, yes, one goes to lunch a -
1488
01:28:10,244 --> 01:28:13,748
Tell me, isn't she a Follies girl
famous for coming down a staircase?
1489
01:28:13,831 --> 01:28:16,876
- Look, we're all grown up, aren't we?
- Why, certainly.
1490
01:28:16,959 --> 01:28:20,046
- Well, I had a crush on her.
- Ah, and why not?
1491
01:28:20,129 --> 01:28:23,508
- Why shouldn't he?
- I don't know. And don't ask me.
1492
01:28:23,591 --> 01:28:26,511
I, uh - I understand
she's a very attractive girl.
1493
01:28:26,594 --> 01:28:29,347
Oh, she is, and I took her pretty seriously.
1494
01:28:29,430 --> 01:28:32,558
- Oh, you did, huh?
- Yes, very.
1495
01:28:32,642 --> 01:28:35,269
- And then after a little time -
- Yes?
1496
01:28:35,353 --> 01:28:38,105
- I got tired of her.
- Y - Oh.
1497
01:28:38,189 --> 01:28:39,690
Oh, you did, huh?
1498
01:28:39,774 --> 01:28:42,235
So then I faced the problem
of how to get rid of her.
1499
01:28:42,318 --> 01:28:45,112
- You know, things like that aren't easy.
- I should say not.
1500
01:28:45,196 --> 01:28:48,699
- Don't ask me.
- I didn't ask you. I merely made a statement.
1501
01:28:48,783 --> 01:28:51,661
- Go on, Jack.
- After all, what could she do to me?
1502
01:28:51,744 --> 01:28:53,579
- I hadn't promised her anything.
- You hadn't?
1503
01:28:53,663 --> 01:28:55,206
I should say not.
1504
01:28:55,289 --> 01:28:57,750
I wasn't the first romance in her life.
1505
01:28:57,834 --> 01:28:59,293
You know, I'm no baby.
1506
01:28:59,377 --> 01:29:02,296
But nevertheless, you went there
expecting a lot of trouble, didn't you?
1507
01:29:02,380 --> 01:29:05,299
Yes, but to my surprise,
she was so big about the whole thing
1508
01:29:05,383 --> 01:29:06,801
and let me off so easily.
1509
01:29:06,884 --> 01:29:10,137
Oh, she did, eh?
Well, isn't that fortunate.
1510
01:29:10,221 --> 01:29:11,806
-[chuckling]
- Yes.
1511
01:29:11,889 --> 01:29:15,685
She was so wonderful about the whole thing
that I almost fell in love with her again.
1512
01:29:15,768 --> 01:29:18,229
Y-Oh.
1513
01:29:18,312 --> 01:29:20,815
Oh, but it's all over now,
and I'm glad of it.
1514
01:29:20,898 --> 01:29:22,984
- And so am l.
- And so am l.
1515
01:29:23,067 --> 01:29:25,528
As a matter of fact,
I never was happier in my life.
1516
01:29:25,611 --> 01:29:28,990
And while we're on the subject, Jack,
I think you're getting to the age
1517
01:29:29,073 --> 01:29:31,868
where you should start to look around
for a really nice girl.
1518
01:29:31,951 --> 01:29:34,745
Oh, I don't have to look around.
I've met her already.
1519
01:29:34,829 --> 01:29:36,873
- You have?
- A wonderful girl.
1520
01:29:36,956 --> 01:29:41,210
- The most wonderful girl I ever met in my life.
- Really! Well, isn't that nice.
1521
01:29:41,294 --> 01:29:44,839
Tell me, who is the young lady?
Is she someone I might know?
1522
01:29:44,922 --> 01:29:46,549
A New York girl, perhaps?
1523
01:29:46,632 --> 01:29:48,551
Oh, no. She comes from Philadelphia.
1524
01:29:48,634 --> 01:29:50,553
Oh! From Philadelphia.
1525
01:29:50,636 --> 01:29:53,389
Somehow Philadelphia always sounds right,
doesn't it, Martha?
1526
01:29:53,472 --> 01:29:56,434
- Yes, it does. Tell us who she is.
- Yes, tell us.
1527
01:29:56,517 --> 01:29:58,895
Well, have you been to
Earl Carroll's Vanities?
1528
01:30:01,272 --> 01:30:03,691
You mean this girl
comes down a staircase too?
1529
01:30:03,774 --> 01:30:05,651
I should say not. Not this girl.
1530
01:30:05,735 --> 01:30:08,029
This one slides down the bannister,
falls right in the orchestra,
1531
01:30:08,112 --> 01:30:09,906
and lands, bang, right on the big drum.
1532
01:30:09,989 --> 01:30:11,490
Oh, you'll be crazy about her.
1533
01:30:11,574 --> 01:30:13,701
See you tomorrow. I have to run along.
1534
01:30:19,123 --> 01:30:21,042
What's the matter with that boy?
1535
01:30:21,125 --> 01:30:24,003
He's young, Henry. That's all.
1536
01:30:24,086 --> 01:30:26,464
Come on, dear. It's time to go to bed.
1537
01:30:36,766 --> 01:30:38,893
Martha, I want to ask you something.
1538
01:30:38,976 --> 01:30:41,187
And don't spare my feelings.
Be absolutely frank.
1539
01:30:41,270 --> 01:30:43,105
I always am.
1540
01:30:43,189 --> 01:30:45,650
If you didn't know me
and you saw me for the first time
1541
01:30:45,733 --> 01:30:48,569
on the street or in a restaurant -
1542
01:30:49,946 --> 01:30:52,865
Martha, do you think
I'm getting a little heavy?
1543
01:30:52,949 --> 01:30:56,619
[laughs] Don't let that worry you.
1544
01:30:56,702 --> 01:30:58,746
As a matter of fact, I like it.
1545
01:30:58,829 --> 01:31:00,456
Let me tell you something.
1546
01:31:00,539 --> 01:31:04,585
Nearly 15 years ago, when you and Grandfather
brought me back from Kansas,
1547
01:31:04,669 --> 01:31:08,130
I still didn't feel that you really
belonged to me, and only to me.
1548
01:31:08,798 --> 01:31:10,841
I can't put my finger on anything definite,
1549
01:31:10,925 --> 01:31:14,845
but still, whenever I wasn't with you
I was always a little uncertain
1550
01:31:14,929 --> 01:31:18,474
and nervous about my little Casanova.
1551
01:31:18,557 --> 01:31:19,976
[clearing throat]
1552
01:31:20,059 --> 01:31:24,438
And then one day I noticed
that you began to have a little -
1553
01:31:24,522 --> 01:31:26,983
Well, just a little tummy.
1554
01:31:28,067 --> 01:31:30,486
Then I knew I was safe.
1555
01:31:30,569 --> 01:31:35,616
From that moment on I knew that you
were really mine, that you'd settle down.
1556
01:31:39,036 --> 01:31:41,872
Now go to bed, darling.
You've had a hard day.
1557
01:31:42,873 --> 01:31:44,875
- Good night.
- Good night, dear.
1558
01:31:46,877 --> 01:31:50,548
[Henry narrating]
Yes, we were married 25 years.
1559
01:31:50,631 --> 01:31:54,427
We were celebrating
our silver wedding anniversary.
1560
01:32:09,400 --> 01:32:12,570
- Have you seen Mrs. Van Cleve?
- No, sir. I've been in the kitchen.
1561
01:32:14,572 --> 01:32:17,074
- Jack, is your mother upstairs?
- No. I haven't seen her.
1562
01:32:23,706 --> 01:32:26,959
Darling.
What are you doing in here all alone?
1563
01:32:27,043 --> 01:32:29,462
Nothing. I just want to take a little rest.
1564
01:32:29,545 --> 01:32:32,465
- After all, it's been such an exciting evening.
- Nothing wrong, is there?
1565
01:32:32,548 --> 01:32:34,300
- No, nothing.
- Are you sure?
1566
01:32:34,383 --> 01:32:36,469
- Yes, dear.
- You're feeling all right, aren't you?
1567
01:32:36,552 --> 01:32:39,096
- Of course, darling. I'm just -
- Just what?
1568
01:32:39,180 --> 01:32:41,599
Well, to tell you the truth,
I was being a little sentimental,
1569
01:32:41,682 --> 01:32:43,934
so I came in here for a few minutes.
1570
01:32:45,186 --> 01:32:46,687
Ah.
1571
01:32:48,564 --> 01:32:50,316
Yes.
1572
01:32:50,399 --> 01:32:52,818
This is where it all started.
1573
01:32:52,902 --> 01:32:54,904
Twenty-five years ago.
1574
01:32:56,864 --> 01:32:58,574
I was-
1575
01:33:00,284 --> 01:33:02,703
Yes, I was standing
over there by that desk.
1576
01:33:02,787 --> 01:33:05,664
No, you were sitting in a chair.
1577
01:33:05,748 --> 01:33:07,500
Yes. You're right.
1578
01:33:07,583 --> 01:33:09,835
And then you came in
and you stood by the desk.
1579
01:33:09,919 --> 01:33:12,505
Then suddenly
you started walking toward me
1580
01:33:12,588 --> 01:33:14,715
very slowly, very slowly.
1581
01:33:14,799 --> 01:33:16,175
I could count every step.
1582
01:33:16,258 --> 01:33:20,054
Oh, you were such a frightened little girl.
The closer I came, the more frightened you were.
1583
01:33:20,137 --> 01:33:22,223
Darling, I want to make a confession.
1584
01:33:22,306 --> 01:33:25,142
- After all, we've been married 25 years.
- What is it?
1585
01:33:25,226 --> 01:33:26,852
I wasn't frightened at all.
1586
01:33:26,936 --> 01:33:28,521
- You weren't?
- Not at all.
1587
01:33:28,646 --> 01:33:31,607
And when you were walking toward me
so very slowly, do you know what was in my mind?
1588
01:33:31,690 --> 01:33:32,525
No.
1589
01:33:32,608 --> 01:33:35,236
I thought, what's the matter with him?
Can't he walk faster?
1590
01:33:35,319 --> 01:33:37,321
[both laughing]
1591
01:33:43,244 --> 01:33:45,913
- And then I ran out into the hall.
- But you came back.
1592
01:33:45,996 --> 01:33:48,457
- Only because I had to sneeze.
- Mm-hmm.
1593
01:33:48,541 --> 01:33:50,167
Naughs]
1594
01:33:52,461 --> 01:33:54,880
I beg your pardon, madam.
You are wanted on the telephone.
1595
01:33:54,964 --> 01:33:56,465
Oh.
1596
01:34:01,512 --> 01:34:03,305
Hello?
1597
01:34:03,389 --> 01:34:06,934
Yes, I called you.
Well, it's really not important.
1598
01:34:07,017 --> 01:34:09,061
Yes, everything is all right now.
1599
01:34:09,145 --> 01:34:11,063
I'll call you soon.
1600
01:34:11,147 --> 01:34:13,149
All right, tomorrow.
1601
01:34:14,817 --> 01:34:16,485
- Who was that?
- Oh, nothing special.
1602
01:34:16,569 --> 01:34:19,488
- Let's go back to our guests, shall we?
- Darling, who was that on the phone?
1603
01:34:19,572 --> 01:34:21,991
- I'll tell you all about it some other time.
- Why not now?
1604
01:34:22,074 --> 01:34:25,995
- Our guests will be wondering where we are.
- Now, Martha, who was that?
1605
01:34:26,078 --> 01:34:27,997
All right, I'll tell you.
1606
01:34:28,080 --> 01:34:29,999
It's another confession.
1607
01:34:30,082 --> 01:34:32,626
- My lover.
- I don't think that's funny at all.
1608
01:34:32,710 --> 01:34:35,254
- Are you jealous?
- Oh, don't be silly, Martha.
1609
01:34:35,337 --> 01:34:38,424
But why can't you tell your husband
whom you talk to over the telephone?
1610
01:34:38,507 --> 01:34:41,719
Besides, I wouldn't have brought it up
right now, but just the same,
1611
01:34:41,802 --> 01:34:44,180
for the past several weeks
you've been going out in the afternoons,
1612
01:34:44,263 --> 01:34:47,683
and you've always managed
to avoid telling me where you were.
1613
01:34:47,766 --> 01:34:49,852
You are jealous!
1614
01:34:49,935 --> 01:34:52,730
Henry, at last, after 25 years.
1615
01:34:52,813 --> 01:34:55,399
- Thank you, darling.
- Martha, whom did you talk to?
1616
01:34:55,482 --> 01:34:58,903
Darling, don't be a baby. What dashing
young cavalier would be pursuing me?
1617
01:34:58,986 --> 01:35:02,698
Plenty. You're still very attractive,
and - and you know it.
1618
01:35:03,699 --> 01:35:05,534
Henry.
1619
01:35:05,618 --> 01:35:09,580
I don't think you realize
how sweet you're being at this moment.
1620
01:35:09,663 --> 01:35:13,918
No husband could have said anything lovelier
to his wife on their 25th anniversary.
1621
01:35:15,002 --> 01:35:18,589
Imagine if, 25 years ago, I hadn't sneezed.
1622
01:35:18,672 --> 01:35:22,259
I wouldn't be the happiest woman
in the world right now.
1623
01:35:22,343 --> 01:35:24,678
- Are you?
- Yes, Henry.
1624
01:35:31,685 --> 01:35:34,355
- Now, who was it?
- I'll tell you tomorrow.
1625
01:35:34,438 --> 01:35:37,274
I am not going to leave this room
until you tell me.
1626
01:35:37,733 --> 01:35:40,110
Well, knowing my obstinate little boy -
1627
01:35:40,194 --> 01:35:42,905
You promise to be sensible
and not make a mountain out of a molehill?
1628
01:35:42,988 --> 01:35:45,741
- I promise. Now-
- Well, you know how women are.
1629
01:35:45,824 --> 01:35:49,954
We have too much time on our hands, and we
begin to imagine there are things wrong with us.
1630
01:35:50,037 --> 01:35:53,457
And I'm no exception,
so I've been going to a doctor, that's all.
1631
01:35:53,540 --> 01:35:55,542
[laughing]
1632
01:35:57,044 --> 01:35:58,963
Darling, I feel like a fool.
1633
01:35:59,046 --> 01:36:02,925
Now I have a confession I must make to you.
I really was jealous.
1634
01:36:03,008 --> 01:36:05,552
Martha. What did you go to the doctor for?
What's wrong?
1635
01:36:05,636 --> 01:36:08,055
- Nothing, really.
- So that's why you came in this room.
1636
01:36:08,138 --> 01:36:11,100
- You weren't feeling well. Darling, is it serious?
- I tell you, it's nothing at all.
1637
01:36:11,183 --> 01:36:12,935
- Just a little dizzy spell.
- Darling -
1638
01:36:13,018 --> 01:36:16,355
Now, you promised to be sensible.
Come on, let's dance.
1639
01:36:18,190 --> 01:36:21,735
Martha, what did the doctor say?
1640
01:36:21,819 --> 01:36:25,489
Listen, dear, if I take five drops
three times a day,
1641
01:36:25,572 --> 01:36:27,324
and if you don't worry about me too much,
1642
01:36:27,408 --> 01:36:30,452
we'll both live to celebrate
our golden anniversary.
1643
01:36:30,536 --> 01:36:33,539
- Now, come on. Let's dance.
-[orchestra continues]
1644
01:36:44,550 --> 01:36:46,468
[Henry narrating]
ld/dn? know it then,
1645
01:36:46,552 --> 01:36:48,637
but this was our last anniversary.
1646
01:36:49,722 --> 01:36:52,725
It was the last time we danced together.
1647
01:36:53,767 --> 01:36:56,478
There were only a few more months
left for Martha,
1648
01:36:58,063 --> 01:37:01,233
and she made them the happiest
of our lives together.
1649
01:37:24,465 --> 01:37:28,010
Sixty. Yes, I was 60.
1650
01:37:28,093 --> 01:37:30,929
Jack insisted on celebrating.
1651
01:37:31,013 --> 01:37:33,682
And here are my relatives
who came to make this birthday
1652
01:37:33,766 --> 01:37:36,185
an occasion of riotous gaiety.
1653
01:37:37,019 --> 01:37:39,021
Cousin William, 73.
1654
01:37:39,104 --> 01:37:42,107
Aunt Minnie, who admitted to 81.
1655
01:37:42,191 --> 01:37:44,860
The total age
of this scintillating assemblage
1656
01:37:44,943 --> 01:37:46,987
was over 1,400 years.
1657
01:37:48,072 --> 01:37:50,908
I believe Jack gave this party on purpose
1658
01:37:50,991 --> 01:37:55,621
t0 remind me that I was contributing
60 years t0 that 7,400.
1659
01:38:01,335 --> 01:38:03,253
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Miss Ralston.
1660
01:38:03,337 --> 01:38:05,756
- Is Mr. Van Cleve down yet?
- He's having his breakfast.
1661
01:38:05,839 --> 01:38:07,341
Oh. Thank you.
1662
01:38:10,177 --> 01:38:12,721
- Good morning, Mr. Van Cleve.
- Good morning, Miss Ralston.
1663
01:38:12,805 --> 01:38:15,974
Sorry to get you up so early, but I want
these two letters to leave on the 9:30 plane.
1664
01:38:16,058 --> 01:38:17,601
Yes, Mr. Van Cleve.
1665
01:38:17,684 --> 01:38:20,771
When you get back to the office, please see
that I get a complete domestic report
1666
01:38:20,854 --> 01:38:23,023
from every department before noon
because I may go to Chicago.
1667
01:38:23,107 --> 01:38:24,650
Very well.
1668
01:38:24,733 --> 01:38:28,028
Now, uh, there's just one little thing.
1669
01:38:28,112 --> 01:38:33,158
It's, uh - Well, a letter came in from your father
addressed to the board of directors, and -
1670
01:38:33,242 --> 01:38:35,369
Is he trying to go over my head again?
1671
01:38:35,452 --> 01:38:38,038
- Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean it that way.
- What does he want?
1672
01:38:38,122 --> 01:38:41,667
We live together in the same house,
and then he writes letters to the board of directors.
1673
01:38:41,750 --> 01:38:44,044
What's the old gentleman
trying to put over this time?
1674
01:38:44,128 --> 01:38:46,422
He wants the board of directors
to vote him a bonus.
1675
01:38:46,505 --> 01:38:49,842
- A bonus?
- He talked to me yesterday, confidentially.
1676
01:38:49,925 --> 01:38:51,552
In case that bonus doesn't go through,
1677
01:38:51,635 --> 01:38:54,888
he wanted me to persuade you to give him
at least an advance on his monthly check.
1678
01:38:54,972 --> 01:38:58,392
He shouldn't go to you, Miss Ralston.
Well, I'm gonna give him a lesson.
1679
01:39:12,948 --> 01:39:15,492
And, Miss Ralston,
if my father ever talks to you again,
1680
01:39:15,576 --> 01:39:19,955
tell him he ought to be ashamed and that you
are in no position to deliver any messages.
1681
01:39:20,038 --> 01:39:21,790
Yes, Mr. Van Cleve.
1682
01:39:25,085 --> 01:39:26,753
- Why, Mr. Van Cleve -
- Shh!
1683
01:39:26,837 --> 01:39:28,755
- Is he in a bad mood?
- Terrible.
1684
01:39:28,839 --> 01:39:31,633
Now, look here, Miss Ralston,
would you do me a very great favor?
1685
01:39:31,717 --> 01:39:33,927
- Father?
- Oh.
1686
01:39:34,011 --> 01:39:36,346
- Good morning, Jack.
- Good morning.
1687
01:39:36,430 --> 01:39:38,098
I'd like to talk to you.
1688
01:39:41,185 --> 01:39:42,686
Father.
1689
01:39:51,778 --> 01:39:53,363
[Henry laughing]
1690
01:39:53,447 --> 01:39:57,117
I heard a very funny story. You'll love it.
It'll start your day off with a laugh.
1691
01:39:57,201 --> 01:39:59,203
[chuckles]
1692
01:40:03,081 --> 01:40:06,835
You ought to be ashamed, coming home
at all hours, making a wreck of yourself.
1693
01:40:06,919 --> 01:40:08,587
How much longer do you think
you can keep this up?
1694
01:40:08,670 --> 01:40:11,006
- Please, Jack, don't scold me.
- Someday you're gonna collapse.
1695
01:40:11,089 --> 01:40:13,383
- Do I look that bad?
- You look like a ghost.
1696
01:40:13,467 --> 01:40:16,803
I know you're right, Jack.
I know I should change my way of living.
1697
01:40:16,887 --> 01:40:19,097
But, my boy, put yourself in my position.
1698
01:40:19,181 --> 01:40:22,351
I'm lonesome.
You're always away somewhere on business.
1699
01:40:22,434 --> 01:40:25,812
Being alone in this big house night after night,
you don't know what it's like.
1700
01:40:25,896 --> 01:40:28,023
Neither do you,
because you're never at home.
1701
01:40:28,106 --> 01:40:31,527
But I can imagine what it's like,
and, Jack, it's horrible.
1702
01:40:31,610 --> 01:40:33,862
Now, my boy, I want to talk to you.
1703
01:40:33,946 --> 01:40:37,366
I'm not fooling myself.
I'm not getting any younger.
1704
01:40:37,449 --> 01:40:40,369
I think the time has come for me
to change my way of living.
1705
01:40:40,994 --> 01:40:45,832
You know, Jack, when a man
gets to be - gets to be 60,
1706
01:40:45,916 --> 01:40:48,460
the blood doesn't flow as fast anymore.
1707
01:40:48,544 --> 01:40:53,340
Instead of a wild mountain stream,
it becomes a quiet little brook.
1708
01:40:53,423 --> 01:40:57,719
The other day, when I was sitting here all alone,
you know what I felt like doing?
1709
01:40:57,803 --> 01:40:58,762
What?
1710
01:40:58,845 --> 01:41:02,516
I felt like I wanted to sit
in a nice, comfortable chair
1711
01:41:02,599 --> 01:41:04,601
and read and read and read.
1712
01:41:04,685 --> 01:41:09,064
Well, why didn't you? The library is full of books,
and I'm sure you haven't read one of them.
1713
01:41:09,147 --> 01:41:12,526
Jack, the eyes can't take it anymore.
1714
01:41:13,610 --> 01:41:16,238
Why don't you go to an oculist?
1715
01:41:16,321 --> 01:41:18,949
Uh, yes,
1716
01:41:19,032 --> 01:41:20,951
that might do.
1717
01:41:21,034 --> 01:41:23,787
Yes, that might do.
1718
01:41:23,870 --> 01:41:26,164
But, uh,
1719
01:41:26,248 --> 01:41:28,417
on the other hand,
what do you think of the idea
1720
01:41:28,500 --> 01:41:31,920
of having, well, some kind of reader?
1721
01:41:32,004 --> 01:41:35,048
You know, someone with
a pleasant voice, nice diction.
1722
01:41:35,132 --> 01:41:39,344
I know just what you want. You mean one of
those nice, quiet fellows from Yale or Harvard.
1723
01:41:39,428 --> 01:41:41,680
Oh, they're easy to get.
1724
01:41:41,763 --> 01:41:44,766
- Now, who is she?
- Jack, you have the most suspicious mind.
1725
01:41:44,850 --> 01:41:46,893
Come on. How old is she?
1726
01:41:46,977 --> 01:41:50,397
Well, uh, she's an unusually adult
young woman.
1727
01:41:50,480 --> 01:41:52,649
I met her at old Wilson Weatherby's.
She was his reader.
1728
01:41:52,733 --> 01:41:55,944
Hmm. The whole thing
sounds a little fishy to me.
1729
01:41:56,028 --> 01:42:00,490
Now, Jack, why do you want to deprive
your old father of a little cultural pleasure?
1730
01:42:00,574 --> 01:42:03,493
I can think of nothing
more dignified and homelike
1731
01:42:03,577 --> 01:42:07,122
than sitting in front of a fireplace
and having someone read a fine book to me.
1732
01:42:07,205 --> 01:42:08,457
Something worthwhile.
1733
01:42:09,541 --> 01:42:11,084
Something -
1734
01:42:57,464 --> 01:43:01,635
Father, her last thought
was that you should be happy.
1735
01:43:01,718 --> 01:43:04,304
I promised her I'd see to it.
1736
01:43:04,388 --> 01:43:09,059
So, if you want this young lady to read to you,
go ahead with my blessing.
1737
01:43:10,477 --> 01:43:12,562
No, I couldn't do it.
1738
01:43:12,646 --> 01:43:14,648
When a man gets to be 60, his life -
1739
01:43:14,731 --> 01:43:18,068
isn't over, Father.
Doesn't have to be over.
1740
01:43:18,151 --> 01:43:22,489
If a man is lonely
and he feels that he needs, well -
1741
01:43:22,572 --> 01:43:24,491
You mean, the feminine touch?
1742
01:43:24,574 --> 01:43:26,660
That's natural.
1743
01:43:26,743 --> 01:43:30,664
But I think he should find someone
closer to his own age.
1744
01:43:30,747 --> 01:43:31,998
Maybe.
1745
01:43:32,082 --> 01:43:33,834
Not a girl of, uh -
1746
01:43:35,127 --> 01:43:36,837
Twenty-four.
1747
01:43:36,920 --> 01:43:40,549
Well, that is a little out of proportion.
1748
01:43:40,632 --> 01:43:42,134
I'm afraid so.
1749
01:43:42,217 --> 01:43:44,636
But if, on the other hand,
he should meet a cultured woman of-
1750
01:43:44,720 --> 01:43:46,638
Right. Someone with real dignity.
1751
01:43:46,722 --> 01:43:48,682
A woman of about 5O or 51.
1752
01:43:48,765 --> 01:43:51,143
Or 52 or 53, or even 55.
1753
01:43:51,226 --> 01:43:53,395
That's more like it.
1754
01:43:53,478 --> 01:43:56,314
Jack, my future looks pretty depressing.
1755
01:43:57,858 --> 01:44:00,277
Mr. Van Cleve, you're wanted
on the telephone, sir.
1756
01:44:04,114 --> 01:44:06,032
Hello.
1757
01:44:06,116 --> 01:44:08,368
What?
1758
01:44:08,452 --> 01:44:10,620
Oh, uh, just a moment.
1759
01:44:15,292 --> 01:44:17,544
It's for you, “poochie.”
1760
01:44:25,177 --> 01:44:29,306
[Henry narrating] As a man grows older,
his med/cine cab/net grows bigger.
1761
01:44:29,389 --> 01:44:31,183
This is me at 70.
1762
01:44:39,900 --> 01:44:42,652
Now, really, there's nothing to worry about.
But, Mrs. Van Cleve, please -
1763
01:44:42,736 --> 01:44:45,614
I know,
but it was his 70th birthday yesterday,
1764
01:44:45,697 --> 01:44:48,325
and I didn't have the heart to keep him
from celebrating a little.
1765
01:44:48,408 --> 01:44:50,827
I hate to go to that banquet
and leave the old man alone.
1766
01:44:50,911 --> 01:44:54,331
- I'd just as soon stay home.
- No, it's perfectly all right for you to go.
1767
01:44:54,414 --> 01:44:57,417
In fact, the fewer people around him,
the better off he'll be.
1768
01:45:14,100 --> 01:45:17,854
Now, Mr. Van Cleve, I'm sorry to wake you up,
but it has to be done.
1769
01:45:17,938 --> 01:45:21,024
[muttering] Oh, if I could just -
1770
01:45:21,107 --> 01:45:23,568
[continues muttering]
1771
01:45:27,739 --> 01:45:29,574
[groans]
1772
01:45:29,658 --> 01:45:33,537
- Now, open your mouth, please.
- Oh, go away. Go away and leave me alone.
1773
01:45:33,620 --> 01:45:36,832
[groaning]
1774
01:45:37,666 --> 01:45:41,711
What was that dream all about?
Oh, I was having such a good time.
1775
01:45:41,795 --> 01:45:44,965
- Just open your mouth.
- What was that all about?
1776
01:45:46,049 --> 01:45:47,634
Oh, yes.
1777
01:45:48,718 --> 01:45:52,514
The door opened,
and a man stepped out of a rowboat.
1778
01:45:53,932 --> 01:45:56,059
He said, “Henry,
1779
01:45:56,142 --> 01:45:59,479
I've come to take you on a trip
from which you'll never come back.”
1780
01:45:59,563 --> 01:46:01,398
Now, please, don't get excited.
1781
01:46:01,481 --> 01:46:03,817
And I said, “My good fellow,
1782
01:46:03,900 --> 01:46:07,737
if I ever take a trip like that,
it'll be in a deluxe cabin
1783
01:46:07,821 --> 01:46:10,949
and not in a dinky little rowboat
that doesn't even have a bar.”
1784
01:46:11,032 --> 01:46:12,868
So I threw him out, rowboat and all.
1785
01:46:12,951 --> 01:46:14,160
Good. Good.
1786
01:46:14,244 --> 01:46:17,080
And what do you think he did?
1787
01:46:17,163 --> 01:46:21,418
He came back with a big luxury liner,
1788
01:46:22,419 --> 01:46:26,256
floating on an ocean of whiskey and soda.
1789
01:46:27,591 --> 01:46:29,593
And instead of funnels,
1790
01:46:29,676 --> 01:46:33,388
there were big, black cigars.
1791
01:46:33,471 --> 01:46:36,391
And on top of the bar,
sitting in a lifeboat,
1792
01:46:36,474 --> 01:46:40,103
was the most beautiful blonde
1793
01:46:40,186 --> 01:46:43,023
wearing a Merry Widow costume.
1794
01:46:43,106 --> 01:46:47,360
She dived into the whiskey
and swam right over to my bedside.
1795
01:46:47,444 --> 01:46:49,362
“Henry,” she said,
1796
01:46:49,446 --> 01:46:52,198
“how about a little dance?”
1797
01:46:52,282 --> 01:46:55,535
And the man from the boat
took an accordion out of his pocket
1798
01:46:55,619 --> 01:46:59,956
and he played “The Merry Widow Waltz.”
1799
01:47:01,207 --> 01:47:03,835
The girl held her arms out to me
1800
01:47:03,919 --> 01:47:06,004
and she started to dance.
1801
01:47:07,297 --> 01:47:09,215
Well,
1802
01:47:09,299 --> 01:47:12,218
with him playing and her dancing,
1803
01:47:12,302 --> 01:47:15,722
and me up to my neck in whiskey anyhow,
1804
01:47:15,805 --> 01:47:20,310
well, I put my arms
around that beautiful girl...
1805
01:47:21,311 --> 01:47:24,898
and was just about to dance with her
1806
01:47:24,981 --> 01:47:27,651
when, of all people, you cut in.
1807
01:47:27,734 --> 01:47:29,903
You. Yes, you.
1808
01:47:29,986 --> 01:47:34,407
- Just open your mouth.
- Go away, and take that thermometer with you.
1809
01:47:34,491 --> 01:47:36,451
[groans]
1810
01:47:36,534 --> 01:47:38,536
[knocking]
1811
01:47:49,339 --> 01:47:52,133
- The night nurse has just arrived.
- All right.
1812
01:48:14,155 --> 01:48:15,573
-[nurse] Good evening.
-[night nurse] Hello.
1813
01:48:15,657 --> 01:48:17,659
- First door to the right.
- Thank you.
1814
01:48:35,885 --> 01:48:39,514
[soundtrack: “Merry Widow Waltz”]
1815
01:49:06,833 --> 01:49:08,543
[Henry sighs]
1816
01:49:10,086 --> 01:49:11,921
I'd fallen asleep,
1817
01:49:12,005 --> 01:49:15,633
and suddenly I was awakened
by a caressing touch on my forehead.
1818
01:49:15,717 --> 01:49:21,139
I opened my eyes and there she was,
sitting right on the edge of the bed.
1819
01:49:21,222 --> 01:49:24,684
Nellie Brown, registered nurse.
1820
01:49:24,768 --> 01:49:26,936
Your Excellency,
1821
01:49:27,020 --> 01:49:30,690
one look at her and it didn't matter
whether she was registered or not.
1822
01:49:31,691 --> 01:49:35,361
Then she took out a thermometer
1823
01:49:35,445 --> 01:49:38,031
and she said, “Open your mouth.”
1824
01:49:39,199 --> 01:49:41,367
Who wouldn't for Nellie?
1825
01:49:41,451 --> 01:49:44,746
And then she put the thermometer in
1826
01:49:44,829 --> 01:49:49,000
and my temperature went up to 110.
1827
01:49:50,126 --> 01:49:53,338
Who could ask for a more beautiful death?
1828
01:49:56,466 --> 01:49:57,967
[sighs]
1829
01:49:58,051 --> 01:50:02,055
Your Excellency,
that's the story of my life,
1830
01:50:02,138 --> 01:50:06,309
and I'd be grateful if you'd push the button
and have it over with.
1831
01:50:06,392 --> 01:50:07,644
No.
1832
01:50:08,728 --> 01:50:10,396
Definitely no.
1833
01:50:11,481 --> 01:50:14,859
I hope you will not consider me
inhospitable if I say,
1834
01:50:14,943 --> 01:50:18,947
sorry, Mr. Van Cleve, but we don't cater
to your class of people here.
1835
01:50:19,948 --> 01:50:21,991
Please make your reservation
somewhere else.
1836
01:50:22,075 --> 01:50:23,993
Somewhere else?
1837
01:50:24,077 --> 01:50:28,164
But, Your Excellency, if I walk
into the lobby of the other place -
1838
01:50:28,248 --> 01:50:31,167
You mean, above?
1839
01:50:31,251 --> 01:50:33,753
Yes. I know what will happen.
1840
01:50:34,462 --> 01:50:36,589
They might not even let me register.
1841
01:50:36,673 --> 01:50:38,633
The doorman might not even let me in.
1842
01:50:38,716 --> 01:50:42,345
Well, you never can tell.
It's worth trying.
1843
01:50:43,513 --> 01:50:47,183
Sometimes they have
a small room vacant in the annex.
1844
01:50:47,267 --> 01:50:50,520
Not exactly on the sunny side,
1845
01:50:50,603 --> 01:50:53,273
and not so very comfortable.
1846
01:50:53,356 --> 01:50:55,567
The bed may be hard
1847
01:50:55,650 --> 01:50:59,571
and you might have to wait a few hundred years
until they move you into the main building.
1848
01:50:59,654 --> 01:51:02,073
Well, it doesn't hurt to try.
1849
01:51:02,157 --> 01:51:06,035
After all, they may inquire about you
among the residents in the main building.
1850
01:51:06,119 --> 01:51:09,706
I think you'll find a lot of people who will
give you a good reference, and that always helps.
1851
01:51:09,789 --> 01:51:14,043
For instance,
there were several young ladies.
1852
01:51:14,127 --> 01:51:17,839
- What about them?
- Well, some of them might be there.
1853
01:51:17,922 --> 01:51:21,092
And so far as I can see,
you've made them all very happy.
1854
01:51:21,759 --> 01:51:22,594
Oh.
1855
01:51:22,677 --> 01:51:25,638
I'm sure they'd like to see you happy too.
1856
01:51:25,722 --> 01:51:27,807
And your grandfather.
1857
01:51:29,142 --> 01:51:32,145
Oh, yes. Grandfather.
1858
01:51:32,228 --> 01:51:35,231
Don't you think he'll be waiting for you?
1859
01:51:35,315 --> 01:51:37,567
- He might.
- He will.
1860
01:51:37,650 --> 01:51:40,820
- And not with a baseball bat.
- Hmm.
1861
01:51:40,904 --> 01:51:44,991
And if they all should fail,
there's still someone else.
1862
01:51:47,202 --> 01:51:48,494
Yes.
1863
01:51:49,704 --> 01:51:51,497
She's up there.
1864
01:51:51,581 --> 01:51:53,708
And she will plead for you.
1865
01:51:55,084 --> 01:51:56,294
Do you think so?
1866
01:51:57,879 --> 01:51:59,380
You know she will.
1867
01:52:00,715 --> 01:52:02,842
Yes, Mr. Van Cleve,
1868
01:52:02,926 --> 01:52:06,888
I would say you have a chance -
a very good chance.
1869
01:52:06,971 --> 01:52:08,973
Anyway, it's worth trying.
1870
01:52:13,811 --> 01:52:17,065
- Good-bye.
- Good-bye, Your Excellency.
1871
01:52:17,148 --> 01:52:19,150
- And thank you.
- Good luck.
1872
01:52:20,276 --> 01:52:22,278
I'll need it.
1873
01:52:27,408 --> 01:52:28,993
Down?
1874
01:52:29,077 --> 01:52:30,578
No.
1875
01:52:31,913 --> 01:52:33,206
Up.
161874
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