Original subtitles

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

Who you texting?

Uh, a friend.

You don't have any friends.

Yeah, I do.

Is it Mahira?

I don't know.

You don't know who you were texting?

Why is it such a big deal?

It's not.

You can't stay here tonight.

What?

You gotta go.

- Why? - Why is it such a big deal?

Are you still mad at me?

Oh, get over yourself.

- Oh, you gotta go. - Um, who is that?

Uh, go through the back door. I'm serious.

- Who is that? - Like now.

- Uh… - Go, go, go, go, go.

Would you at least tell me who that is?

- Hi. - Hi.

What is it?

Don't laugh.

And she speaks Twi now.

Oh! Good morning to you too.

I Googled it while you were asleep.

No, this is just too cute.

Listen, now you must stay in bed with me all day.

- Mm-hmm. - But five minutes, though.

- Mm-hmm. - Mmm.

- I'm serious this time because I have… - Mmm.

…a early breakfast and a late breakfast and a lunch, and a coffee.

Sorry, that was the least sexiest thing ever.

- I totally ruined that. - No, no.

I just need to get used

to this appointment-book dirty talk you seem to love.

Oh, yeah? Well, what's on your schedule, big boy?

What?

I'm going to Grief Group. I'm going to tell them I'm leaving.

So, it's official?

It's always been official.

I just thought that…

with us…

Um, sorry. Let me just…

Shit.

Oh, my God.

Ooh.

- Morning. Wow, look at you. - Morning.

Oh, God. It's not too much for my first day?

Oh, I don't know. The machine shop is pretty styling.

- Good morning, Edward. - Morning.

Enchiladas for breakfast.

- Seriously? Gross. - Uh-huh. I know. It's crazy.

- Weird. - How did you sleep?

Uh…

Is there... Is there someone moving in next door at Shay's?

Uh, I don't think so.

Just ran into Xavier out there.

- Oh. Xavier's back? - Who's Xavier?

Uh, Shay's dad.

- Morning. You got a job interview? - What?

No. Lacey has hired me at the machine shop.

- Oh, nice. - Is he moving back or something?

- I hope not. - John.

Every once in a while, he comes and stays for a bit.

Like how long?

Like a couple weeks, or maybe a month or two.

- Modern. - Mm-hmm.

Could you save me a couple of those? This is my dinner too.

Oh, no, it's not. You have dinner with Edward tonight.

- That's tonight? - Yeah.

Shit.

I told Mark that I'd cover his shift for him,

'cause he's got family visiting from Ar... Arizona.

John, I go straight from work to group. It's in our shared calendar.

But I'm not synced to that anymore.

How long have you not been synced?

- I don't know. I was getting disconnected. - The purpose of our shared calendar

- is that we're both connected to it. - I can skip group. I can skip group.

- No. You're not gonna... - I can if it helps. I'm happy to.

Okay, how about this? I'll take Edward to work with me,

and we'll get pizza.

It'll be super fun. That sound good?

Uh, yeah. That works.

Good. Fine. Cool. Okay.

So, um, what's he like? Shay's dad?

Bit of a dick.

- Truffles Bakery of Bergen. - Mm-mm.

- Mm-mmm. Mmm. - Excuse my reach. Best in the state.

- No, thank you. - No?

Um, we really need to talk about your monthly expenses.

Um, I said I would quit the club.

What about the condo in Los Angeles?

You had three offers on it, but it never sold.

- Yeah. I took it off the market. - You what?

Okay, Dee Dee, you asked me to help make a financial plan.

Yeah. The club.

- Okay, what about Barnard? - Barnard is off the table.

There are other great options. There's City College,

- Hunter College, SUNY Binghamton... Mmm. - Zoe got into Barnard.

She's going to Barnard, and over my dead body,

she doesn't graduate from Barnard.

Trust me, you know what you don't want?

Is her taking this world trip she keeps talking about.

- Okay, we need to discuss the house. - What house?

This house.

- Okay, I know it's a lot of change… - Excuse me.

…coming at you quickly, but the only way to get you back to financial solvency…

- …is to dis... - Don't say "solvency," it, like,

literally, like, makes my eyes tear.

- Hi. - Dee Dee Cameron?

Yes. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Who's it from?

It's from Charles.

Your husband Charles?

Yeah.

He must've ordered it a while ago, huh?

Oh, nice.

He even got it engraved.

It's your anniversary?

Today, yeah.

Are you okay?

Happy fucking anniversary.

Where were we?

Oh, yeah.

I raised my daughter in this house.

It's my home.

We're gonna have to make another plan.

All right. And go.

All right. Good.

All right. And that's 24 seconds.

I wanna sub 20.

Come on. I mean, you're doing great,

and you've still got, like, two more days until tryouts.

- So… - Yeah, we've still gotta figure out

- my roller derby nickname. - Yeah.

I mean, everyone's gonna have one, like, "Annie the Annihilator,"

or "Teresa the Terminator."

- Right. - Yeah.

What about, like, "Shay the Slayer"?

That's really cool.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

So, um, that-that was your dad last night, right?

Yeah. Yep.

How-How is that?

- How is it? - Yeah.

I mean, is it-is it-is it weird or anything?

Why would it be weird?

Just that he's-he's not ever around, and now he's just here.

- It's not weird, okay? Yeah. - Okay. Okay, good.

So, he just-he just stays with you guys even though he and your mom are divorced?

Yep.

Okay. Cool.

How long is he staying with you guys for?

- I don't know. - Oh.

- And that's okay? - He travels a lot for work,

and now he's got some time, so he's spending it with us. Okay?

And I've already told you my dad's a cool guy.

- That's it. End of story. - Okay.

Oh, man, it's-it's so cool that he'll be here for your tryouts.

Yeah. I'm really lucky.

- Yeah. - All right.

Okay, cool. All right. Ready?

Hold on.

That from your friend?

Uh, yeah, sorry. I gotta go.

Um… …sorry. I-I'll see you later.

Imagine with me: Free college tuition,

affordable housing, health care for all.

And it's possible.

Let's make a law that 50% of all units

of any new residential construction must be low-cost.

You could've mentioned this earlier,

so I didn't have to learn about it from Tucker Carlson.

I told you I was the valedictorian.

Uh-uh, that's not a valedictory speech, that's a call to arms.

I was passionate.

Fifty percent of units to low-income renters is...

- Is exactly what I plan to do. - Socialism!

Natalie.

This speech has already gotten tons of traction.

We can't alienate our property-owning voter block and donor base.

I still think that's a hands-on solution

to the housing crisis.

And if there is confusion about my position,

then I should work to make voters understand

why affordable housing is a human right.

This isn't about changing people's minds, it's about getting elected.

The election is in two weeks,

and you need to do something about it. Immediately.

Dude, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Did you just crop me out of that picture?

No, I... It's none of your business.

That's my girlfriend, you creep.

I didn't... There's nothing going on.

- Put me back in the picture. - No.

Put me back in the...

You're not in the picture anymore!

- Hey, Miguel. - Welcome back, Mr. Chen.

Be back in a minute.

- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... - Walk.

What the hell are you doing here?

The thing I said at dinner about Brent falling...

- Falling off the wagon after he saw you... - Yeah, what about it?

I just wanted to say that... I mean, there's a million reasons why he fell off.

You're, like, a thousandth on the list.

I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

- You haven't been coming to group. - Yeah, work is busy.

Well, if you don't deal with your shit, it's not just gonna go away.

Well, I can't deal with it there.

I'm really starting to understand what Brent meant now.

He said when shit got real, you ran away.

- Bye, Steve. - Wait, Amanda.

You know, I, uh, I cleared out Ben's storage unit.

Oh.

Yeah, I-I-I took all of his stuff to Goodwill.

Mmm.

And, uh…

I-I couldn't leave a single thing there.

Why?

You know, they say that a lot of those donations

just end up getting thrown away. So, I just... I just...

- I just couldn't. - Hmm.

It's his shit, you know?

It's his stuff.

It's his... his things.

It just felt wrong.

My garage is still full of my sister's stuff.

What if we had a garage sale?

I'm opposed to garage sales on principle.

I mean, the last thing that I wanna do is make money off of his death.

Well, we could donate the proceeds.

Um, okay, I-I guess.

Wait.

Wouldn't that be, like, the most depressing thing ever?

I mean, "Come to our garage sale."

- "Buy our loved ones' things." - Ugh.

- No. - "They're dead, but yeah, sure. Okay."

Well, garage sales are depressing anyway, so why not?

- Well, sure. Okay. - Is this...

Is this a universal "yes"? 'Cause I was joking.

I...

I'll do it if Kojo stays.

No. No, no. I'm going to Ghana.

- I'm going to Ghana. - Oh, now, come on.

Mom?

Are you here, Mom?

What the fuck?

Mom?

Mom. Hi.

- Oh, my God! Ah! What a surprise. - Hi. Hi.

- Oh. - Are you okay?

- Thank you for coming today of all days. - Yeah, I didn't realize what day it was.

Yeah. Oh, you're so sweet.

I'm so happy to see you.

What are all Dad's clothes doing out?

Oh, uh, the Grief Group is having a-a garage sale in Whitestone.

You know, for charity.

- So, I'm just, you know... - So, you're just selling it?

Just a f... You know, like his ugly golf shirts.

- I don't like those. - Okay. Um, Mom?

Yeah?

Um, I'm going to Barcelona tomorrow.

- What? - Yeah.

Um, so I got the tickets through a ticket reseller,

and they were really cheap, um, but the thing with that is

that you have to go when they have a seat ready for you,

so I'm going tomorrow.

- Tomorrow? - Yeah.

- Mom, you knew I was gonna do this. - I just...

I was hoping maybe you'd wait a little bit, you know?

Like, be here for the summer or something.

Yeah, um, I wanted to tell you in person, and I told you, okay?

Zoe, I need you.

I mean, I know this is a hard time for both of us.

It's just, I... I feel like I really need you around right now.

- I know, Mom. - Please.

Please.

I have to go, Mom. I'm sorry, but I have to.

Oh, hey.

It's happy hour. Half off all drinks.

I, uh... I'm okay.

Um… I pulled Ben's things out of the storage unit,

and I noticed that your things are still there.

I'll clear them out by the end of the month, like I said.

Okay. Good.

You came a long way just to tell me something I already knew.

I just... I need to be done with this.

What are you gonna do with all of Ben's stuff?

Having a garage sale.

Yeah, I'm gonna donate all the proceeds

to this nonprofit called Operation Sanctuary.

They... They provide veterans with access to mental health resources.

That's really cool.

- I need to get rid of this stuff. - I need to… …get it...

Get it out of my life and-and get it to someone

who can actually do some good for it.

I need to get out of that storage unit, Vernon.

Yeah.

I get it.

To Ben.

Let's just put it out there. It's socialism.

It's also naive and incredibly tone-deaf to the needs of our community.

Frankly, I've been saying this all along. She has no track record.

No platform.

Just because her grandmother was a national treasure doesn't make her

a viable candidate.

This is moving through social media like wildfire.

I don't see how she pivots.

She needs to distance herself from those statements immediately.

Mmm.

Congresswoman Washington had a knack…

These newspeople in your country are very horrible.

- …don't see this with the granddaughter. - Yeah.

- I agree. There's no way back from this. - What are you going to do?

Run away.

Yeah. You're living. This feels right up your alley.

- Yes. - Look at that card table.

Aw.

I like that.

What are you doing here?

I just thought I'd come to help.

Don't you and Daphne have fun weekend plans?

All right. If you don't want me here, I mean...

No, it's fine. You can put those out.

What?

Um… …I remember this.

Brent was always looking through this when we were kids.

We'd be driving to relatives in Jersey, but he and I were planning road trips

to Manitoba and Twin Falls.

It was like this handbook for wanderlust.

We were just kids.

Oh, my gosh! She made it. Look it...

I made it. Happy garage sale.

- You look gorgeous. Aw. - Oh, thank you for coming.

- Aw, it's so good to see you. - Good.

Oh, you.

You look more beautiful every time I see you.

- I know. - Oh, God. Please.

- It's true. - Every time.

- You do. You're glowing. - I'm a cow.

- Hi. Can we help you get set up? - Oh, whoa.

Who is this handsome drink of water?

Oh, this is my husband, John.

Uh, is... This is John?

- Nice to meet you, John. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'm sure you've heard great things.

Oh, you know, no secrets in Grief Group.

- We'll help you get unpacked. - Oh, thank you.

Yeah, that's my car. The Rover, right there.

- And it's unlocked, I think. - Dee Dee!

- Hi. Oh, hi. How are you? - Hey. You'll class this place right up.

- This is my wife, Sienna. - Hi, Si... Let me put this down.

- This beautiful... - Yeah. Yeah.

Are those your daughters price gouging the lemonade?

Uh, yeah. We can only take credit for Geena.

Very cute.

- I brought you a little hostess gift. - Hey, you didn't have to do that.

- No, please. - Thank you.

This is your anniversary gift?

- 'Cause I... We can't take this. - Yeah, yeah. No. No,

I want you to have it 'cause y... I don't know.

Have a romantic evening with it. I'm not gonna get any action from it.

- You might as well. - Oh.

- Um… - What are you...

Do you know how much this cost?

I do not.

$3,500.

- Can I see that for a sec? - Yeah.

- Mmm. Yeah. - Gosh.

You know, I should probably keep it.

- I-I hate to be that person. - Of course.

- No, it's really... - I'll get you something else.

- Don't worry. - I will.

- You don't have to do that. - I'm just gonna go stick this in the car.

- And I'll check on what they're... - Okay.

Yeah.

Mahira.

- Uh, thank you. Have a nice day. - Okay. You too.

Anything else?

No, thank you.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Thank you.

So you can kinda just scroll.

The space out there is just so empty.

There's the valley, you know, the mountains in the background.

And it's so quiet.

But there's this presence.

And I'm not a spiritual person, you know? But, like, I felt it.

You can feel it. I could feel something.

Sorry, I'm just... I can't.

- Thank you, though. - Yeah.

- Well, you could get my number from Lacey. - John, honey.

- Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. - Can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah.

Jesus.

I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to talk about Colorado.

Dee Dee's over there crying. Great story.

I'm sorry that you hate that I went.

I am sorry that you don't give a shit about my experience.

You should understand it meant a lot to me.

Exactly. It's about you.

John's experience.

Not mine. Not Dee Dee's. Not everyone here who's grieving

at a fucking group therapy garage sale.

It's about you.

Go ahead.

Come on!

Keep left!

Hey, Miracle Boy! I'm Shay's dad. Come sit.

That's okay! That's okay! Get up!

Come on! Come on!

I'm so sorry, man. I, uh, heard what happened.

You really are a miracle boy.

Uh, Edward. My n-name is Edward.

Go, Shay! Go!

Go get 'em, Shay!

All right! Come on! Flank me!

- Yeah! Whoo! - Yes!

Yeah!

She's been working on that move for a couple weeks.

The one where she turns out and does the side hop.

It's good to know there's some sort of technique involved

'cause just looks like a bunch of girls pushing each other to me.

You've never been to a roller derby bout before?

No. Shay's obsession with this happened while I was away.

Oh.

And there she goes again. Wow.

She is a terrific athlete,

but honestly I...

I'd rather see her spending her time on something more useful.

But she loves this. This is everything to her.

She needs to start thinking about the long-term trajectory of her decisions.

- Meaning? - Golf.

Colleges are begging to give golf scholarships to girls.

Yeah, but she loves roller derby.

Eduardo, you've got no problem.

Your college essay will write itself with everything that you've been through.

I just wanna make sure Shay has the same chance at a future.

Shay is really smart. She can get into any college she wants.

- So you really like her, huh? - No. I... We're just friends.

Well, I don't know too many friends who crawl into each other's rooms at night.

Nice move, sweetie!

Oh, my God!

I was five years old when my grandma first took me here.

I finally understood what people meant when they talked about mountain air.

You can just breathe deeper here.

So I come up here when I need to think.

Everything just seems clearer up here.

That's very smart.

How did it go telling the group?

It was sad. Even Milo expressed an emotion.

- You cracked Milo? - Yeah.

And I missed it? Now I'm sad.

Oh, God. Guess I have cell reception now.

Do you need to deal with it?

No.

- You can't ignore them forever. - Not forever.

Just while I'm here.

That was the rule at Bear Mountain with my grandma.

Work does not exist up here.

Okay. Then let's stay here forever.

Okay.

We could run the popcorn stand

and start a theater company that only performs Jack and the Beanstalk.

Hmm.

We have mountains in Ghana, you know?

- Oh? - Mm-hmm.

Aburi. It's a beautiful mountain town just 45 minutes from Accra.

Imagine. Banana trees.

Songbirds. Your crystal-clear mountain air.

- That sounds perfect. - Yeah.

Just if you are going to run away to the mountains anyway,

might as well be my mountains.

Okay.

If I decide to run away to the mountains, they will absolutely be your mountains.

Oh, you will love it there. And everyone will love you.

You'll be the queen of Ghana.

Oh, and here I thought you had a constitutional democracy there.

Well, we'd instate a monarchy for you.

Wow.

No man has ever threatened to overthrow the government for me.

Oh, a coup is the least I could do for you.

That's cute.

Hey, man.

- Beautiful home. - What the hell are you doing here?

Oh, I just did a search for Operations Sanctuary garage sale,

and this place popped right up.

You can't be here.

Oka... Okay. I can go if you want.

You should.

Ah. Uh, yeah, fine, I'll go.

But, uh, here. Take these.

Ben gave them to me before he shipped out to Kabul.

They're, like, a hundred bucks, maybe more.

I was just thinking about what you were saying before

about Ben's stuff doing some good for someone else, so…

Hey, babe.

Hi. Welcome.

Uh, this is, uh, Sienna.

My-My wife.

Sam, you didn't mention how gorgeous your wife is.

- Uh, Vernon. - Oh.

How do you two know each other?

Ben. Uh, they used to share a storage unit.

- He's the guy with all the shit. - Mmm.

Guilty as charged.

It's hard, though, living in a studio. There's no room for all my stuff.

Unlike this place. I mean, am I literally in Versailles?

Oh, God no. I... You should have seen this place two years ago.

It's a total fixer-upper.

Oh, well, no wonder I love it. I am a sucker for a fixer-upper.

Just take a look at my dating history.

Well, uh, stay. Take a look around. Lots of good finds.

Uh, so lovely to meet you…

- Vernon. - Vernon. Right.

- Didn't mention you had a wife. - You need to go, man.

I didn't come here to fuck your shit up. I just wanted to do a nice thing.

And I also really do love a garage sale. So…

- Well, thanks for coming by. - Thanks.

So, can I come in?

What's that smell?

- Guess. - No, what is it?

Uh, it's Nai Nai's soup dumplings.

She, uh... She left me the recipe.

I'm the only one who has it.

Took me about 20 attempts, but I finally got a passable batch.

I thought maybe…

we could eat them together?

What's this, some kind of peace offering?

That is exactly what this is.

- Are you using? - No,

I have been sober for 18 months and 16 days.

Remember these? Your favorite.

You can't seduce me with our grandmother's cooking.

- That's not what this is about. - Congrats on being 18 months sober.

- Come back in another 18. - Steve, please.

I don't wanna see your face.

And if you show up at Mom and Dad's, we will have a big problem.

Will you at least try one?

Get the fuck out.

- Hey, what's up? - Hey. Yeah, I-I-I made this for you.

Shay the Slayer.

Uh, it's a sticker for your roller derby helmet.

Do you not like it? Or did you decide on a-another nickname?

- 'Cause I can make another one. - No, no, no. It's just, um…

Uh, I'm not joining the team.

What? They didn't let you in?

No… …I mean, of course I made the team and everything.

I just... I mean, I realized that roller derby isn't that useful

in terms of my long-term trajectory.

Is this because of your dad?

I made the decision.

My dad just helped me identify my big-picture goals.

No, you worked on that tryout for months.

He's been gone all year, and he shows up and screws up everything.

- Bullshit, Edward! - Deep down, you know I'm right.

You put his jacket on the float so you could beat the crap out of him.

Right?

What?

You know, my dad was right. You do have a weird crush on me.

And it is weird that you sleep on my floor.

No, I don't. He's the one who made it weird.

It wasn't even weird before.

And I don't have feelings for you. I'm sort of in this other thing.

Who? Mahira? Your brother's girlfriend?

We connect over him. We both knew him. You didn't.

She's in love with him.

- She sent me a selfie. - No, she did not. Prove it.

Who's hand is that? Is that... Is that Jordan's hand?

- Did you crop your brother out of the pic? - No.

Okay. Um, whatever, Miracle Boy. Good luck with all of that.

- So what, you're gonna do golf now? - Bye.

You suck.

Maybe Xavier and Besa have the right idea.

I mean, my parents stayed together, and they just made each miserable.

- Hmm. - Not to mention everyone around them.

Are you okay, sweetie?

- Hmm? - Yeah.

I don't know. I personally... I can't imagine it.

I've never been able to stay friends with my exes.

She actually said that to me on our third date.

- Oh, my God. - She said...

- You said this is either gonna work out… - You always say that.

- I never said that. - …or we're never gonna speak again.

Yes, you did.

How did you guys meet actually?

Oh, just at a bar.

He was actually going after my sister.

I just happened to be the consolation prize.

Wh... Wait, my mom?

- No. No, I was not flirting with Jane. - John.

- Don't do that. - Oh, come on.

It's not flirting to say you like somebody's clogs?

- No. - What are clogs?

- No, I'm serious. Wh... - Wait, that was your pick-up line?

They looked cool, okay.

They were red corduroy. They had buckles on them. Yes.

- She wore that to the bar? - Oh, oh, oh.

Jane, she could wear a paper bag and look stylish.

Meanwhile, I had spent an hour getting ready.

I curled my hair.

I was wearing these five-inch heels that were killing my feet.

Right, exactly. You were sitting down. So I didn't see you at first.

But once I did...

Once you happened to see the ring on my sister's finger.

Once I caught a glimpse, I knew you were the one.

You mean the one for your trivia team. That was his line.

Did I happen to know anything about classical music?

I wanted to see you again.

- Seemed like a good excuse. - Oh, my God.

So then what ends up happening is

Bruce goes on this... this spiel about... Who... Who was it?

- Stravinsky. - Right, right.

And I'm sitting there shrugging like, "This is what you get.

This is what you get for not making a move sooner."

We're all stuck at this dive bar listening

to Bruce ramble on about the Russian ballet.

You conveniently left this part out of the story.

You mean the part where you-you weren't looking for anything serious?

Yeah. Just a one-night stand. Hmm.

A 17-year one-night stand.

And then Dee Dee with that champagne. I mean…

At least she didn't try to force-feed us pastries this time.

And then there was that Vernon guy.

What a character.

Uh, yeah, I guess.

So he was Ben's friend?

Yeah.

But do you think he and Ben were, like, together?

Nah.

Wha... What?

- I... - You mean... You-You think...

You think Ben was gay?

Yeah, I don't know. Uh, maybe. I...

You know, I called it with my old boss, remember?

And...

I don't know. I just...

I sort of thought that maybe Ben was in love with you.

Sometimes just the way I saw him looking at you.

What?

I mean… …you just never said anything.

Wh... I didn't wanna make things weird.

It was just a feeling that I got sometimes.

Well, he never mentioned anything to me. So…

God, that is so sad.

I mean, he couldn't even tell you.

I just wonder if he ever found love.

I really hope he did.

Well, I, uh, kinda see why he never told me anything.

'Cause I just don't get it. Like, why would I wanna be

with a guy's rough, scratchy face…

…when I could have this soft, velvet neck?

Mmm.

This shoulder.

This curve right here.

Like silk.

How do you feel so good?

And once you have this evenly browned, you sandwich the marshmallow,

and that's your s'more.

- So you take perfectly good chocolate… - Yes.

…then you put it on a cracker with a hot blob of sugary gelatin?

Yes.

I thought that chili cheese dog was the worst American food you made me eat,

- but this one has to be it. - You have to try it, Uncle Kojo.

Yeah, be more culturally open-minded, Uncle Kojo.

- Fine. One bite. - Yeah.

Nice.

Thought so. Another one coming right up.

Hmm. Okay.

Aren't you supposed to tell stories around the fire too?

- Oh. Oh, of course. Of course. - Yeah.

Okay.

Once upon a time,

- there was a beautiful queen… - Hmm.

…who ruled over a tiny island called New York.

And this queen was kindhearted and fair.

And she wanted the best for her people,

who were in great need of food and shelter.

But the queen's closest advisers were threatened

by her new way of doing things.

And so they banished the queen to a far-off mountain.

And they bound her there with a very powerful spell.

And the queen was so sad and alone.

And she had to subsist on squishy sugar blobs

- that she roasted over the fire. - Tragedy.

But one day,

she met the most handsome man she'd ever seen before…

- Mm-hmm. - …who had an empire of his own.

- Oh, did he? - For he was the King

of Porta-Potties.

The King of Porta-Potties.

Wow.

And they fell instantly in love.

The deepest and truest love either of them had ever known.

In fact, this love far outpowered the mean-spirited magic

of her advisers.

Which meant that the spell which bound her to the mountain was broken.

She was free to leave.

So, the Queen of New York was left with a decision.

Yeah.

Should she return to her own life

and never see this exceptionally handsome king again?

Or should she follow her heart and go with him to his kingdom,

even if it meant leaving behind everything she's ever known?

She should follow her heart.

I agree.

Well, it's interesting that there's only one option.

Why can't this incredibly handsome king move to New York with her?

That is just the fairy tale.

I didn't write it.

- I just wanted to... - I think...

- Sorry, go ahead. - No, no, you go first.

I think that I should move out.

Oh.

Happy anniversary, honey.

Hi, Mom.

Zoe!

Yeah.

- Hi. - What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm drinking champagne by myself out of a juice glass.

What are you doing here?

I postponed my trip.

- Oh. - I'm still gonna travel the world.

I'm just not going quite yet.

Oh.

Yeah.

He asked me to pick this out for you.

- You picked this out? - Mm-hmm.

What? It was your 25th anniversary.

I wasn't gonna go cheap on it, and neither was he.

Zoe, this bottle of champagne…

This bottle of champagne is incredible.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you.

Jesus, Mom. At least use a flute.

Happy anniversary.

- Mmm. - Oh, wow.

What are you smiling for?

She wants to talk.

God, you're such an idiot.

No, I'm not.

I can't believe I'm not here to teach you this shit.

You're screwed.

- Why am I screwed? - Listen,

when a girl says, "We need to talk," that's not a good thing.

You're just jealous.

Yeah, okay. Sure. We'll see. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

- Can I just say... - No. Shut up.

I love her because of you.

Whatever, man.

Good night, stupid.