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Stop that, or else I'm pushing you in there later.

You know, I got a better idea.

Why don't we just throw Danny in instead?

- Oh, I'd love to see you try. - Yeah.

Yeah, well, I'll tell you what, you're going to have to stop this car.

And we'll see.

Oh, beautiful.

- Babe. - Okay, okay, I'm pregnant.

I'm not helpless. Go unpack the boot, yeah? I'll be out in a minute.

So tell me how you managed to scoop this place all to yourself again?

Well, from what Mary tells me, it's been unused for years.

Under new management.

And as long as we pay for the Skis and stick to our cabin,

we can have the whole place to ourselves for the weekend

- for the price of one night. - Oh, nice.

Huh. Right, let's make it interesting.

If you win, I will fork the bill out for the weekend, alright?

Alright, and if I win?

Finally make an honest woman out of my stepsister.

You know that's the whole reason we've come away.

Yeah, but you're a pussy.

Look, you're gonna lose your nerve, just like you will on that lake.

This way, if you don't man up and pop the question, I'll do it for you.

Right, are you gonna unpack or what?

Uh, Danny thinks we should head up the lake first.

Got all weekend to unpack.

Might as well enjoy the Jet Skis while the weather's nice.

Don't want Jamie wondering why he's trailing behind me.

Right, well, you boys go play with your toys, I'm off to find the cabin.

Aw, thanks, babe.

Um, we won't be long. I'll come find you in a bit, yeah?

It's fine, I could do with the fresh air.

Mm.

Oh. Alright, alright, put her down.

Starting to see third-wheeling with your stepsister and her boyfriend

- was a bad idea. - Why don't you shut your mouth?

Make yourself useful and go and get me a wetsuit.

Alright. Jesus.

Don't go too far. I won't be long.

Who has a bonfire in the middle of summer?

Country bumpkins having a spring clean, that's who.

Fucking weirdos.

That is the last time Jamie gets to pick the vacation spot.

I mean, he said it was a work in progress, but come on.

Home sweet home.

Oh.

Whoo!

Looks like you're gonna have to put the pedal to the metal

if you plan on beating me.

I'm just saving it, mate.

Yeah, if you say so.

You know, I, uh...

I'm gonna go check in on Roxie.

Leave her. She's probably in her element without us two annoying her.

I'll be two minutes.

Why don't you get another practice lap in?

You are so whipped, my friend.

Oh, am I?

I'll tell you what, why don't you go and practice? See you in a minute.

- Is that how it is, is it? - Yeah.

Whoo!

Hello?

Danny?

Ah, fuck.

Danny?

Shit. What the fuck?

Roxi!

What the fuck?

Roxi!

Roxi!

No, no! No! No!

- What the hell, man? - Sorry, man.

Okay, that's everything. Enough chilling, let's hit the road.

Chill out man, we've still got a whole day to get there.

And besides, Matt's gonna call Tommy

and make sure they keep us a good plot on the site.

Thanks, by the way.

Faye, right?

That's right.

For a minute I thought I was gonna have to keep calling you

"hot festival girl" in my head.

Ah...

Uh, Faye's-- Faye is a lovely name.

So, I hear you met Jen in the toilet.

Well, yeah, if you can call a bush behind the stage a toilet.

I-I call any bush a toilet.

You know...

that shit will mess up your brain.

What brain?

Uh, mate, can you smoke that shit away from us? Please.

Yeah, mum. I'll ask for permission to wipe my ass later too.

Yeah, but it's barely even the afternoon.

Do you really need to get your high this early?

- Yeah. - So, Faye, um,

won't your friends wonder where you got off to?

Well, I didn't really have anyone with me to wonder where I went.

You went to Reading Festival on your own?

Yeah, well, I mean, I didn't really meet a lot of people at uni.

And my family are a bunch of freaks,

so I tend to be kind of a lone wolf.

Well, uh, you're with us now. And from the sounds of it,

this festival is gonna be the best one to end the summer on.

Baby. I should get that.

- Mm. It can wait. - Carly, Carly, come on.

Carly, stop, stop, stop.

Ah, T-Dogg. How the travels going, buddy?

Don't T-Dogg me. You tell Dingo boy he owes me one.

Leaving me without so he can get his leg over some hippie.

- What's that about? - Tommy dear, stop moaning.

You love a sausage party, got your wish with that lot.

Coming from you, hon.

Ooh, ah,

Jonah was asking if you got your location deets okay?

Yes, mate, we're way ahead of you guys.

Come on, let's go, dopey cunt face.

- Don't forget to save us a plot, yeah? - What's that noise?

Oh. Oh, mate, we're going under a tunnel, oh--

Come on, you joker, hurry up.

- Uh, such a twat. - Such an asshole.

- Come on, come on, come on. Let's go. - Ugh.

Come on.

So, Faye, how much longer left of this journey?

Mm, about four or five hours.

Great.

Oh, yes. Where have you guys been? I thought you were just taking a thrash.

What's the big rush for?

- My van, my rules. - Your mum's van.

- What? - He's got a point.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Hey, are you alright?

Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah.

Yeah. You're just a little bit more quiet than usual, so...

I just think it's the travelling, it's making me feel a bit sick.

Okay, well, if you want me to stop at any point, just let me know, yeah?

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay.

- Okay. - Yeah.

All the other seats were taken.

It's like a 16-seater bus.

I give them a week.

You know, they do have the right idea though.

When you think about how insignificant we all are.

I mean, the world's like 80 percent covered by arthropods.

- What is that? - They.

- Huh? - The "they," plural.

Um, no, not like one giant arthropod, that would be freaking scary.

- Okay? Okay. - Yeah. Happy?

I trust you, I think.

- Yeah. - Okay.

I-I don't know what that means.

Oh, ants, bugs, insect things. All of them.

They-- they, plural, build and mass-produce.

Makes you feel kind of insignificant, doesn't it?

Mm.

I can make you feel special again.

Ew. Put your little snake back in the cage.

That's a serpent, not an arthropod.

Wow. Tsk.

That's why you're not getting laid this weekend, mate.

You know?

Anyway, let's go.

Jesus. Jonah, what the fuck?

Stop the van.

I can't stop the van. I'm in the middle of the road, so...

Please, I'm gonna be sick.

Yeah, if she's gonna be sick, do that outside.

It's gonna smell like shit in here, otherwise.

Yeah, okay, but I'm in the middle of the road, I can't stop here.

Look around the corner, there'll be somewhere to pull in.

- Can you wait a minute? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, God.

Yeah, she almost did that in here.

Such a dick.

Do you think she drank too much last night?

I haven't seen her drink in days.

I mean, it's probably just all the travelling.

I mean, this summer has been fun, but I am so ready for my bed next week.

Jonah, give Tommy a call, see where he's at.

No signal. Just poppin' outside.

Fuck! Bloody hell?

- You fucking prick! - What the fuck is wrong with that twat?

Sorry, Jonah, that's my fault.

No, no, don't be. That stupid prick was going a hundred mile an hour.

Yeah, people around these places are crazy.

That's what happens when you're this far from civilization.

Well, if we catch up with him, he's gonna be sorry.

Oh, yeah, he really seemed like the kind of guy

that'd be bothered by what you think, mate.

- Oh, funny bugger today, ain't ya? - Good try.

Alright, Jonah, help me out with directions, yeah?

Nah, nah, nah, that's Jen's role.

Uh, no, it's not. She's not feeling great.

- Hey, you volunteered yourself, buddy. - When?

I didn't.

There. See?

We just passed that.

Which took us onto this road.

Looks like another five miles up when we come to a crossroad.

And the quickest route back to the main road is on the left.

Yeah, thank you.

Charge your bloody phone, T-Dog.

Living in the Stone Age, no internet.

Guys, we've got a problem.

- You said left, right? - Shit.

I mean, there's gotta be another way around.

Oh, yeah, well, it looks like this right lane

eventually leads back to the motorway,

but it looks like it's a good old journey around.

Well, we're not blessed with many other options, are we?

So, um, Faye have you been this way before?

No, that lane was usually a main reason I came by this way.

Cut off a third of the journey by missing traffic.

Did Tommy have this problem, Jonah?

Can't we just cut our losses and go back the same way we came?

I tried with my 30 seconds of signal, but his phone was off, classic Tommy.

Uh, we just spent two hours getting this far.

You're suggesting we go back two hours,

uh, head off probably in the middle of rush hour back where we started?

Mate, mate, mate, she was only offering a suggestion.

I hate to say this, but I think I agree with Jonah.

I think we need to crack on. I mean, I don't think I even have the petrol

to do Carly's option anyway.

This is perfect.

So we don't have enough petrol to do the sensible option,

but we have enough to go driving into the middle of nowhere?

It-it doesn't look like that big a detour.

I thought there wasn't that much of a detour.

I ain't Christopher fucking Columbus,

I just saw that the distance was like this much.

That could be any amount of distance on a map, you pleb.

Thought you came from the land of being good with directions.

Crocodile Dundee will be disappointed.

Come on, guys, I'm sure we'll find something soon.

Yeah, but, Faye, we've been on this road for literally ages. And this map is--

All the directions on this map aren't even showing up on the road.

Jonah, have you spoken to Tommy yet?

No signal to get in touch with Tommy,

and why are you blaming me now too?

Well, maybe if you didn't smoke so much weed,

you could actually read directions.

Uh, my mind is as clear as day.

It's this stupid map. It's broke or something.

You are such a dumb shit.

How can a map be broke?

You literally sound like an idiot.

Do I look like the kind of person who can read a map?

I-I google everything.

And how do you think I did half of my work at uni?

And since we're in the lovely heart of fucking nowhere,

I don't have any signal to google how the fucking hell we get out of here.

Ugh, this is the last time I'm going on a trip with you, mate.

Oh, you say that like I actually give a flying fuck.

- Guys... - Don't get me started on you, ranger.

Oh, shut up, guys, look.

- Finally, I hope they have a bathroom. - And how is that gonna help us?

It won't, but for the first time in 48 hours,

I might be able to use a toilet rather than a bush and some leaves.

Guys, just literally for a second,

just quit getting at each other's throats, okay?

We'll stop here, we'll get some directions. Yeah?

Can't see much business for a pub in the middle of nowhere.

Yep.

But that's why we have to go in and ask

because it doesn't make sense there's a pub in the middle of nowhere.

So, there's gotta be a town nearby.

Yeah, I agree. I could kill for something to eat too.

Yeah, well, let's go in, ask for directions.

We can't be that far off.

Don't you think we should bring Jen in with us?

No, let her sleep, she hasn't been feeling too good.

Best to let her sleep it off.

Oh, damn, that's some funky-smelling countryside shit.

Hello?

Is anyone in?

- I guess no one's in. - Wipe your feet.

I like to keep a clean place.

Shitty feet, shitty place. Wipe your feet.

Um, s-sorry, sorry. Sorry. Um, sorry about that.

Um, I was just wondering if you can help us.

Um, we've been going on this road for hours

and we just need directions to the main road.

- Can you help us with that? - You out-of-towners,

you're always coming around here asking for directions.

I can help.

I'll just go and speak to my husband Corville.

He knows these roads well.

Thank you.

You think she'd mind if I use the bathroom?

Yeah. I'd go now.

I reckon we should get out of here as quick as possible.

Next year we're going abroad.

You still fancy some tucker?

You know what, I think I'll be okay.

What kind of freaks eat this shit?

That "shit" be the freshest meat you ever hope to buy.

You clumsy twat.

You best watch your mouth, boy, around my beautiful wife.

Sorry, sir. I didn't mean to cause any offense.

You city folk...

- City folk. - ...think you're so much better than us.

I tell you, that's the finest goddamn meat you'll put in your mouth in your life.

Too much of that old McDonald's blended beaks crap.

- Beak. - You don't know what good meat is.

Jonah, you're sorry. He's-- he's sorry.

Uh, sometimes he just-- He is--

He talks ten seconds faster than his brain thinks, he's--

Um, your wife, um...

- Marylin. - Marylin.

Named after Monroe.

Mummy said she's never seen such a beauty.

More like Manson.

Oh, shut it.

- Something funny, boys? - Nah, mate.

She was just helping us with directions.

Can you-- can you help us to the main road?

- Oh, you're in the valleys now. - Valleys.

They don't make maps of the valleys around these parts.

Roads your on will only lead you to a dead end.

Dead end.

That's us here.

You wanna carry on going in this direction

until you get to a steel gate fence.

And you wanna follow this red-dotted route.

Dotted route.

That will take us to the main road?

It's right there on the map, you can't get clearer than that.

What was that?

Why the hell is there blood on your bathroom towels?

Well, if you had the manners to ask in the first place,

I would've told you we've been slaughtering this week's produce.

And I like to keep my hands fresh on the towels.

Which I would always make sure were clean for opening hours.

We are closed, for your information,

Miss loudmouth, free-pissing in my toilets, out-of-towner.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, whoa, calm down. - You watch your language.

We're sorry, okay? We're sorry for the inconvenience.

Thank you for your help.

Can we have the map please?

- Sure, you can. - Thank you.

For a fair price.

How much?

That's my best map.

I'd say 30 quid ought to do it.

Thirty quid for a map?

Well, good luck finding your way back without it then.

No, no, it's-- That's-- that's fine, that's--

That's perfectly, perfectly fine.

Um, 30 quid.

Thank you.

Thank you.

What the fuck?

Okay, can everyone please stop scaring the bloody crap out of me?

- Where are we? - Big trouble if you ask me.

Don't listen to him.

We got a bit lost and stopped to ask for directions.

Some creepy couple pointed out the way back to the main road.

Oh, I thought we'd be there by now.

Oh, well, I don't think we're too far from the main road.

Maybe like, ugh, another hour or so?

Okay, so according to this, the turning is just further up this road.

Sweet.

Jen, how are you feeling?

We saw you were sleeping so we just left you to it.

It's okay, I just don't think I wanna spend another night on this bus.

Yeah, okay.

Well, once we get on the road, we'll stop at the first hotel,

you can get a proper night's sleep. How about that?

Yes, Chris is putting us up in a hotel for the night.

- Whoo! - Okay, yeah,

you're sleeping in the van.

Nah, it'd be more fun without you anyway.

And then what? In the morning we head home, the trip's over, right?

Huh? What, you're shitting me?

Yes, I am more than happy to go home.

Same here, I need a hot shower and be as far from Jonah as possible.

We come all the way out here for nothing?

- What a letdown. - I think it's for the best.

I can hitch a ride in the morning.

You're more than welcome to come with me.

I don't think the hitching life is for me.

I guess I'll be travelling back with this boring bunch then?

Okay, sorted. Let's go.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. I mean, there it is, just like he said.

Jonah, can you--

Matt, can you help me out, mate? With the gate.

- Sure thing. - Cheers.

Jonah this. I know.

You wanna see me?

Yeah, well, I wanna see why you can do it so much better than me.

Ha-ha, you wanna see? You wanna see?

I can be trusted.

Well done.

Good, good job.

Okay, so supposedly we just go down that dirt road for about five miles.

And then we get to the main road and the valleys.

If you say so. My experience of maps today is that they lie.

Well, the thing about maps is that they're not designed

for simple creatures like yourself, mate.

You got something to say, say it.

- Ladies first. - Tsk. Rude.

Hey, you okay?

Yeah, I'm just down for power.

Nearly a full moon tonight.

Oh, yeah?

You scared the werewolf will come get you?

Nah, I don't believe in the kid stuff.

But there is a Chinese myth about the full moon on the seventh lunar month.

Seventh lunar month? You're such a loser, just say July.

I didn't know we had an impressionist on our hands.

That's how the myth says it and it's actually in August, smart-ass.

Wait, I thought I heard it was a red moon.

Yeah, you heard wrong. You need more useful sources.

Oh, I'm sorry, is Ask Jeeves too out of date?

Yeah, yeah, it is.

Oh, my God. You guys are like an old married couple.

- Yeah, and he's my bitch. - Ha-ha! He wishes.

- Anyway, back to my myth. - Oh, so it's your myth?

Where did you come from?

I thought it was a Chinese myth.

The myth is of course Chinese

but being brought to you by me, Jonah.

- On the seventh lunar month-- - August.

- When there's a full moon-- - Oh, not red?

- The myth goes-- - Your myth?

The Chinese myth goes that the gates of hell will open up

and the spirits of the dead will be free to roam the Earth and feed.

You are full of so much crap.

It's true. They do festivals and all kinds of stuff for it.

Wait-wait, so it's in China that this stuff happens?

Yeah, Matt, it's a Chinese myth.

Well done for sleuthing that one out.

What I mean is, this only relates if we we're in China?

- Yes. - Which we're not.

I gathered.

So again, there's another five minutes of my life I'll never get back.

- Thanks, mate. - Your parents must be so proud.

You know what? You poms are gonna miss me when I leave.

- Shit! Ugh! - Ah, fuck!

- Ow. - Shit, Matt. Are you okay?

Does it look like I'm okay?

Guys, I'm so sorry, I-I have no idea what's going on with the van.

Something's-- something is going on.

- What? - I have no idea.

It's just happened. I mean, I'll get out. I assume it's the engine.

Here. This will sterilize the wound.

Um, who made you a doctor?

No one, but I do have first aid training from my time in the TA.

It's like someone's desperate

to make sure we never get to this festival.

You know what?

If we can't get to this festival,

then let's bring the party here.

Yeah!

- Party! - Whoo!

Jonah, have you not seen what's just happened?

Oh, you'll be 'right, bit of fresh air will do you some good.

- What the hell? - And you smell. Get out.

Come on, let's go.

- Ow, my head. My head. - Eh, you'll be alright.

Okay, okay, sit down, Matt. Relax.

Uh, Chris, what's happening with the engine?

I mean, I literally have no idea,

but I don't think there's anything I can do.

Um, from the looks of the map,

we shouldn't be too far away from where we need to be.

So, I think our best bet is to walk through and get some help.

Mm, no, Matt's not going anywhere.

His injury doesn't look too bad, but you can never be sure if he has a concussion.

Okay, so we go get help and come back?

No, you should stay because like Faye said, he might have a concussion

and if he falls asleep, he could go into a coma. Aww.

Well, if something were to happen, it's probably best if I'm around

because I'm the only one who would be able to help.

Shall I stay too?

Well, to be fair, um, it's probably best if you go with these guys.

Matt needs all the space he can have to relax.

And also, if someone does pass by, it would give us another option for help.

Right, I mean, I'm ready to go.

Okay, let's go then.

I'll see you later.

See you later.

We'll be fine, yeah.

Oh, it's so hot.

Here, this will help you with your head.

Thanks.

How's it looking?

Mm. It's really not that bad.

Yeah?

Can I tell you a little secret?

Sure.

I don't really have any medical training.

What I should have said...

is that I'm really good with my hands.

And with my mouth.

- And with my whole body. Shh. - I... I think maybe we should--

Fuck it.

Sorry about your mum's van.

Yeah, she's gonna be pissed.

That cigarette burn I made on the back seat doesn't look so bad now.

What cigarette burn, huh?

Oh, the-the secret cigarette burn.

Whoops.

Ugh, you always know just what to say, don't you, Jonah?

- Chris, don't listen to him. - Ugh, no way.

- Oh, shit. - Shit, shit, shit!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, calm down. - No, I won't fucking calm down.

We followed that bogan's stupid directions and it led us to the middle of nowhere.

We've got no car, no food, no signal, we're fucked.

Carly is gonna kill me.

Mm. Yeah, but it was worth it.

Ugh.

Just gonna go for a leak.

Mm. Don't go too far. It's dark outside.

I said we should've turned back when we had the chance

when we got to the cross section.

Well, shoulda woulda coulda ain't gonna be of help right now, okay?

No, no, but telling us all to calm down is gonna magically transport us

back to civilization on a magic fucking carpet, is it?

You know what, I'm sick of your shit, okay?

All you do is moan and complain. You're supposed to be my mate.

- Chris. - Don't think this night could get any worse.

Well, we could all die I guess.

What? That would be worse.Right?

- Chris. - Yeah?

Have a look at this.

There's a light.

Well, if there's a light, there's people, right?

Yeah, most probably.

Let's go.

Matt?

Matt?

Matt?

Matt?

Fuck! You scared me.

I'm not that scary, am I?

Mm.

There it is.

That's weird, it doesn't look like the place has been used in years.

I get that, but we know someone's here, someone's definitely been here,

so surely if we go in and we find anyone,

they could give us directions to the nearest town.

Or at the very least, use their phone, right?

What was that?

We're by the woods, could have been anything.

You see, I grew up in the outback.

The most dangerous place on earth.

So I'm used to weird noises. Probably just a couple of animals mating.

- Okay, alright. - I know the difference between a scream

and the sound of a koala fucking a kangaroo.

Yeah, that's not even physically possible.

Unless it's a big-ass koala.

Okay, look, it's not a big-ass koala.

We're in the middle of nowhere, in the forest.

It-it's some random animal. I wouldn't worry about it.

Yeah, I'm hardly Chris' biggest fan today.

Whoa, why?

But if that was a scream,

then surely, we should be doing everything possible to get some help.

Yeah, I mean, I agree. Let's crack on, okay?

Come on.

Oh, here we go. This place has lights on.

- Yeah. - Yeah, so electricity,

phones, they got it. That's not-- This is what I said.

- Cool, cool. - Right?

We're sorted.

Right, let's go over here.

Come on.

Yeah, what now?

Would you rather be a wolf for a day or a sheep for a hundred?

- A sheep for 100 days? - Yeah.

- Or a wolf for one day? - Yeah.

I'd rather be a wolf for one day.

- Okay. - Wow. Why?

God, this place is a hot spot for dumping stuff. Look at this.

Yeah, some of these cars don't look in too bad condition though.

It doesn't make sense.

Do you reckon they're write-offs and they just leave 'em here?

What's that?

Uh, looks like a ranger's truck to me.

No, not that. This. This is the car Tommy was driving.

No way.

What would that car be doing here?

Jonah, I promise you. We FaceTimed him earlier,

it's the exact same one. I swear it.

Oh! There's a radio in there.

Whoa!

Hello, is anyone there? Can you hear me?

Huh. That's strange.

- Oh! - Jonah!

Oh, the ghost of Tommy is grabbing my arm.

You're such an idiot. Tommy could be in real danger and you're playing pranks.

You're just being paranoid, this isn't that car.

Hello, is anyone there? Me and my friends have broken down.

One of us has a serious head injury

and needs medical attention as soon as possible.

Tell them Tommy is missing.

We're hungry too, say that.

What? If they're sending medical supplies, they can send a sandwich too.

- Ugh. - You're unbelievable.

I'm just saying what we're all thinking.

Shh, shh, shh.

Nah, this is a waste of time, let's go.

Oh, look, a fuse box.

Oh, that means someone is definitely here then.

- Ugh. I've got a bad feeling about this. - Don't say that.

- If this was a horror film-- - It's not.

Yeah, but if it was, those will pretty much be your last words.

Anything is better than being out here with Jonah.

- Come on, let's go inside. - Rude.

I'm gonna stay here. If I see anyone, I can let you know.

Are you sure? I'd rather we all just stuck together.

It's fine. This place just really creeps me out.

- Okay, if you're sure. - Just be quick.

Okay.

Hello, is anyone in there?

Right, Jonah, can you just go in there, have a look around,

let us know if you see anything, okay?

We'll be in there in... two seconds.

Sure, nothing like safety in numbers.

Two seconds.

What's up?

The place is creeping me out.

Oh, fucking pig.

Haven't these guys heard of pizza?

I'd rather eat my own spew.

Let there be light.

I mean, there's gotta be a phone here somewhere.

What if there isn't?

What are we gonna do?

It's gonna be fine.

If there's not a phone here, then we go back to the car for the night.

First thing in the morning, Jonah and I will go back to the café.

If we leave early enough, we'll be back by nighttime, so...

How's that?

- Okay. - Yeah?

You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Shit.

Shit. Guys, guys, we've gotta go.

Chris, Jen!

Tommy's guitar, fucking bones on the floor-- The-the fridge--

What? Tommy's-- Jonah, what are you saying?

No, no, not Tommy, his guitar. His guitar.

It's a fucking the warehouse from hell over there, man.

What's Tommy's guitar be doing here? You're not making any sense.

I'm certain it's Tommy's, okay? We--

There's dead people all over the place, we need to leave now.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

- Hide now. - Shit.

Shit. Shit. You gotta be kidding me.

Shh.

Listen to me. Listen to me. We'll be fine, we'll be fine.

Okay they'll-- they'll leave soon,

or they'll get to see it, or they'll get distracted.

Then we've got to make our move, okay? Come on. Can you do that for me?

I'm pregnant.

- Okay? - Okay.

Let's go.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Shh, shh, shh.

Oh, no, no, no!

- Jonah! Jonah! - Oh, I'm glad to see you two.

Did you see what those sick fucks did to Matt?

- Yeah, we saw it. We saw. - What-- Why are they doing this?

- We've got to go. - They're fucking sick.

- I think they fucking found Carly. - Shit.

Buggy-- the buggy. The buggy. Come on.

- Go, go, go, go, go. - I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying.

- Chris. - What?

Please, please, please help me.

Sick fuck! Leave me alone!

- Fuck! Go, go, go, go! - Oh, please.

Yes, come on. Come on.

Fuck.

Jen, Jen, Jen! Jen! Jen!

What about Carly?

Chris. Chris, what about Carly?

If we stop this car, we die.

Please! No! Sick fucks! Leave me alone!

No, no!

Help! Help!

He's right, he's right. Jen, we can't go back.

You selfish pricks.

If we went back for her, we'd all die.

What the fuck were those things?

They're cutting each other open, eating each other, how can they do that?

God, one of the freaks slashed the wheels.

We're gonna stop.

No, no, no, fuck. No, no!

No! No! Fuck!

That pub, that pub shouldn't be too far away, let's fucking go.

Let's go there!

You reckon anyone's in?

I'm gonna check out the back, okay?

Just be careful.

Let's check out around here.

Excuse me?

Sorry for coming in like this. We just, um...

We did try and find you.

I was out feeding the pigs.

Are you two okay? Why are you covered in blood?

We followed the map you gave us,

and it led us to a warehouse filled with freaks.

Jonah, calm down.

Warehouse?

There's no warehouse around here.

They knew what they were doing.

That can't be right.

Darling, I've been living in this place for 20 years.

I think I'd know if there was a warehouse around here or not.

They killed at least two of our friends!

Who killed your friends?

There's these freak fucking cannibals is who!

I told you before, boy, you will watch your mouth around my goddamn wife.

You're not listening to me!

These people, they've fucking killed our friends.

Corville, I think we need to call the authority.

Already done it.

I ain't taking my eyes off of these two.

I just caught one of you trying to thieve from my office.

What have you done to Chris? He was just--

I didn't do nothing to that boy he didn't have coming to him.

If you've hurt him...

You'll what, skinny legs?

Stop your threats, he's fine.

You two be the ones in trouble soon.

Got yourselves a whole lot of explaining to do.

He was pissed as it was that I rung him this late at night.

When you two start giving him your Mickey Mouse story...

It's true.

Yeah, right, of course it is.

What is wrong with you people? How often do people tell you

that their friends have been killed by some sick freaks?

- Nothing surprises us. - Nothing.

- When it comes to you, city folk. - City folk.

Coming around here thinking you can do whatever the hell you want.

Whatever the hell you want.

Better get your story straight. He's here.

Marylin.

- Evening, Corville. - Evening.

Evening, Marylin.

Thanks for coming out so late. We didn't know what to do.

Well, I heard you were having some trouble.

Caught one of them trying to thieve from my office.

He wasn't gonna steal anything.

Shut your face unless I address you personally...

city tart.

Go on, Corville.

Well, he was rooting around but I managed to detain him.

Well, I'm sorry you had to go through that this late in the night.

Ah, you know what these city folk are like.

- City folk. - Take what they want when they want.

No, no, that's not true, all we came to do--

"All we were here to do." Wah, wah, wah.

Just listen to yourself.

You sound like a whining little bitch.

You, you--

Well, spit it out, boy.

You can't talk to us like that.

Oh, I can talk to you however the damn well I please.

You are in so much shit you don't even know it.

You trespass late at night on this man's property

and expect to be treated with some kind of respect.

I got more respect for the pig shit on my shoe than you.

Do I make myself clear, Kiwi?

- I'm Australian. - I said, "Do I make myself clear?"

Not nod your dopey head and give me a geography lesson.

So, tell me, do I make myself crystal fucking clear?

- Yes. - Yes what?

- Sir. - No, no, no, no.

You say, "Yes, Officer Grimes, I understand."

Yes, Officer Grimes, I understand.

There. Well, now we've got that all straightened out.

What in God's name is a Kiwi and a city tart doing,

wandering around this late at night?

Our friends, they were killed.

Killed?

- By who? - By these fucking freaks.

Bite it! Will thank you to mind your fucking language

in front of the lady.

We don't know what they are, but they killed two of our friends,

Matt and Tommy.

They started eating them.

Eat them?

Sounds like they've been on the drugs.

No, no, I swear we haven't.

How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?

Leave him alone, we haven't had any drugs.

Let us take you to the warehouse.

They reckon there's a warehouse around here.

Warehouse?

There ain't be no goddamn warehouses in these valleys in all my years.

- Let us take you there. - You do not tell me what to do next.

I am an officer of the law and I will do this my own way.

I've just told you that two of my friends have been killed.

More are in danger and none of you seemed concerned.

Oh, I am concerned.

You and your friend here are unstable.

So, I wanna know what's been going on from the start.

We broke down at the dead end near to the valleys.

Oh, then that sounds like the place to start.

Right. Come on, Kiwi.

This doesn't look like a police car.

Well, I never said I was a policeman,

but I am the authority around here.

Police will be on their way, don't you worry.

Now get in, both of you.

Ah, that friend of yours is a hefty bugger, isn't he?

What do you mean?

I had to get him into the boot.

You can't just leave him there.

This isn't the first time I had a scumbag like him in my boot.

Heh. He'll be fine. Now stop all your bellyaching.

You know, I got to ask 'cause it's bugging me,

but what brings a group of city folk like you out into the middle of nowhere

to a beautiful town like ours?

We-we were going to a festival.

Festival? Ain't no goddamn festivals around here.

Yeah, we-- we were trying to take a shortcut.

That sounds about right.

You don't do nothing the hard way, do you, city folk?

- Wish we had. - Mm.

So where was this festival then?

We met a girl called Faye and--

Oh, she one of your dead friends,

- is she? - Yes.

Jen met her at the last gig and--

and she told us about this festival in Weston-super-Mare.

Huh? Well, you ain't nowhere near that place, boy.

Yeah, I don't know where we are.

Oh, well, I can help you out there.

You see, you and your friends here...

Well, you're in a lovely little place called A-Lot-Of-Shit-Ville.

Population, three.

Why are you being like this?

Oh. You wake me up in the middle of the night, screaming about dead people

and expect me to sit here and wipe your fucking assholes?

No way. Now, I suggest you keep your mouth shut until we get to this van of yours

'cause you're both starting to piss me off.

Right.

Get over by the van.

That's far enough.

Ooh, yeah.

You really have made a mess of this vehicle.

You say no one was on drugs or under the influence?

I swear, officer, we weren't.

Well, on a normal day I suppose I might take your word for it.

Dear me, I think you both know this ain't no normal day.

Breaking and entering.

We were just looking for a phone.

- Abandoning a vehicle. - It was knackered.

And then to top off a humdinger of a night,

you go and drop a shit bomb.

Cannibals.

It's true.

Oh, don't worry.

I'll get to the truth of what happened here.

Now you just give me a minute.

- Let's run for it. - And go where?

Don't think I can't hear you two yakking out there.

Quiet your lips.

What have we got here?

So, no drugs and no one under the influence, aye?

- We can explain. - Oh, no.

You had your fucking chance to explain

and all you two have done is lie to me.

Now, I see you try to bring drugs into my community too.

Look, look, the pot is mine, it had nothing to do with anyone else.

Oh, I remember you being the most vocal about denying any drug uses.

There are more important things than a bag of weed right now, sir.

Tell me about it.

Mm.

Do you wanna know what I think?

You dumb pieces of pig piss

came out into the lovely old countryside for the weekend,

thinking you could do whatever the hell you wanted to do.

And things got a bit out of control.

You're wrong.

Yeah, you got all your drugs and your alcohol inside you

and you couldn't control yourselves, and--

And then when the shit hit the fan,

you two are so out of your heads...

You killed your friends.

No.

I bet you enjoyed it too, didn't you, skinny bollocks?

Yeah, I can see it in your eyes. You enjoyed it.

- Please. - How did he do it, eh?

He got a knife?

- What the fuck? - And stick it in their chests?

No. Stop, please, you're hurting him.

Oh, well, you better answer me pretty quick then,

'cause I see this boy all covered in blood.

What did he do? Slit their throats?

No, please. It was the freak that cut into him.

Well, that sounds like a pretty sick way to spend your night.

Seeing as you've seen such an expert, why don't you show me?

I can't visualize anything. Show me.

I won't.

Show me!

- Please! - You haven't even touched him.

You having me believe that would slit a boy open?

- Please... - Now show me!

Fuck you, psycho!

You're so dead, boy, you don't even know it.

You looking for these?

No!

Put the Kiwi in the log cabin and tie him up till I'm ready for him.

That boy has got a world of pain coming to him worse than death.

Put her in the chiller.

Hopefully when she wakes up, she'll join us for some supper.

Would you do the honors, son?

Not the face, you fool.

Resume.

You know the rules.

Well, this is some organic meat, what do you say, boys?

No...

Do you know what?

I think I'm gonna try myself a titty.

Well, well, well.

Looks like our little miss city tart has woken up. Bulk.

So nice of you to join us.

Leave me alone, you psycho!

Oh, I'm not a psycho, my dear.

What is wrong with you?

I'm sorry?

There's nothing wrong with us.

It's you city folk be what's wrong with this world.

Your kind treat my boys with hostility. They--

They point, they laugh, they poke fun

just because they don't fit in like the rest of you.

Bet you're wondering why this place don't pop up on no maps.

This place, my dear.

No longer exists.

Jonah, shit!

Oh, my God.

Jonah. Come on, Jonah.

- You alright, you alright? Yeah? - Thank you.

I thought I was fucking freak feast for sure.

It's okay, you're okay. Breathe, just breathe, okay?

My phone.

You're fucking shitting me?

Fuck! I've never been so happy to see a message for PPI claims.

- Yes! - Yes! Fuck!

- Is it ringing? Fuck. - Yeah.

999, what's your emergency?

The fucking police, please.

- Please speak. - Oh, yeah.

Oh, come on, come on. The battery's gonna die.

Police emergency services, what is the state of your emergency?

My dead-- my friends are all dead, they're all fucking dead.

Calm down, sir, who is dead?

My-my friends, we're in a derelict warehouse in the valleys--

Yeah. Just please send help.

We are currently tracking your location. It should--

- What? What? - No, no, no! The phone's dead.

- Fuck! - No!

No, give me your fucking phone.

Never mind, I fucking left it in the van.

- The fuck? - Oh, fuck.

We're dead. We're dead. We're dead.

Even if we get out of here, there's no way

we can fucking escape before they catch us.

There's one option.

Sorry?

I've got a plan, okay? But I need your help.

Yeah, yeah, this night can't get any fucking worse. Yes.

Jonah, listen to me, Jen's pregnant, okay?

I won't let anything happen to her. I won't let them kill her.

Okay?

For fuck's sake!

Fuck you! Ugly, fucking--

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

A dumb fuck!

Cunt!

You ready?

Yeah, let's fucking do it. Let's go.

Now, now, is this any way to treat our guest?

Don't rub it on her face, place it inside her mouth.

Like the gentlemen you are.

Oh!

Ow! She bit my finger.

Ah, sit down, you great Jessie.

There's a good boy.

Ohh.

You'll have to forgive him, he has a short fuse.

But then,

well, if you poke a bear, you will get mauled.

That's the fuse box. We're gonna cut the lights.

Wait, wait, wait, that was your plan? Just knock out the lights?

That's just step one, okay? We need every advantage we can.

- Okay? - I think it's locked. Shit.

Just try to remember that, little missy.

Wait, wait, stop. Hammer time.

Now what the hell?

Well, don't just stand there, you two go and see what's going on.

Make sure those two boys are still where we left them.

- Next step, next step, next-- - Look, look, look, Chris, Chris.

Look, I know I've been a pretty shitty friend

but just promise me you'll get Jen safe.

Why? Why? What? What are you doing?

- The right thing. - No, Jonah, Jonah!

Come on, boys. Come and get me. Come on, you ugly fucks!

Move to England they said.

It'll be much safer than Australia. Ha. My fucking ass.

Fuck.

Didn't anyone tell you that smoking kills?

What's going on, boy?

Is that you, Bulk?

Oh, it's you.

If you've hurt a hair on my pretty boy's head,

I will kill you.

Die!

Looks like you messed with the wrong city boy.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Chris.

You bit my finger.

Die, you son of a--

Faye. You're still alive--

Chris!

No!

No!

And my family are a bunch of freaks,

Please don't kill me.

No!

Kill you?

Now why would I wanna do that then?

Hm?

I want your baby.

No!

No!