Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Boy.

Master. Oh.

Hello, Jeannie. What are you doing here?

Well, it is almost midnight.

Oh, really? Is it that late?

I have your dinner waiting for you at home, master.

Oh, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to finish

all this paperwork before I can leave.

I, um-- I won't be able to make dinner at home tonight, Jeannie.

Sorry.

Ah! Then I shall bring it here.

[LAUGHS]

Dinner is served!

Well.

Well, this is really something, Jeannie.

You really are marvelous.

TONY: This banquet is fit for a king.

JEANNIE: Oh, but you are a king, O master.

TONY: This is absolutely wonderful.

JEANNIE: Oh, I am so glad.

Would you like a roast sheep?

No. No, not tonight.

I may even have a little difficulty eating this.

An orgy with a harem girl at NASA?

Yes, sir.

I don't believe it.

I wouldn't have believed it either, general,

if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

Major Nelson must've smuggled her onto the base somehow.

Why, there was enough food there for 50 people.

General, please.

The other guests are probably arriving right now.

If you woke me up in the middle of the night

for another one of your wild goose chases--

Sir, I saw this myself.

This time I've caught Major Nelson.

All right. Let's go.

Would you like some smoked breast of peacock?

Ah, all right, I'll give it a try.

Do you think I am a good cook, master?

Mmm, delightful, Jeannie. Absolutely delightful.

Ah, and you are not angry that I came here?

No, no.

I'm delighted you did. You don't have to worry.

In the daytime it's dangerous. Bellows never comes at night.

There's your orgy, sir.

[♪♪♪]

Ah, did you, uh--? Did you say "orgy," sir?

No, he said "orgy."

Didn't you, doctor?

I'll finish cleanin' in here, I'll get on to the next office.

Uh, just a moment.

How long have you been in this office?

Oh, about 45 minutes.

And you didn't see a lady in here with a...

scanty costume?

No, but I'll sure keep my eye open for her.

Ah, well, well, maybe it was one of the other offices, sir.

They all look alike, you know.

What are you eating there, major?

Oh, this is, uh, breast of pea- Cheese sandwich, sir.

Ah, it's hardly enough for 50 people, is it?

It was all so vivid!

I saw the girl, I-- I saw the food.

And you're going to see me

tomorrow morning at 8:00 in my office.

We're gonna talk about waking up generals

in the middle of the night. Yes, sir.

And I'll say one thing more, doctor.

The next time you think that Major Nelson

is guilty of anything wrong, you better have it in writing.

I'll remember that, sir.

Yeah, goodnight, gentlemen.

Good night, sir. Good night.

Jeannie.

Jeannie, you can come out now.

Jeannie, come on. I'm not angry at you.

You really are not angry with me, master?

No, no, of course not. As a matter of fact,

I-- I think maybe it's the best thing that ever happened.

Uh, I just come from the base,

and Dr. Bellows is gonna be apologizing to General Peterson

for the next six months.

Oh, I don't think we'll have to worry

about Dr. Bellows anymore.

Oh, that is wonderful.

I am so happy.

You have been terribly nervous lately.

Yeah, well, you'd be nervous too if you had a psychiatrist

watching your every move 24 hours a day.

Ah, well, now that the danger has passed, just relax.

Mmm? Relax?

With Dr. Bellows off my back,

I feel like I'm floating on a cloud.

[LAUGHS]

No, no. no, no.

Comfy, master?

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

[HUMMING LULLABY]

Ahh!

You know...

You know, after last night, I really need a nap.

Ah, Jeannie.

Jeannie, that's-- That's enough of the rocking, I think.

Oh, this is absolutely marvelous.

It-- It's the only way to rest.

Everybody should be able to do this.

Say, there's a lot of room.

Why don't you come up here with me?

I don't have a ladder.

Well, hello, Dr. Bellows.

What are you doing here?

You're asking me what I'm doing?

The question is, what are you doing, major?

Well, you see, I can explain.

Don't say a word.

Uh, sir-- Just write.

Just write, "I, Major Anthony Nelson..."

Yeah, but, sir-- Ah! Write.

Write.

"I, Major Anthony Nelson..."

TONY: Major...

Anthony Nelson...

"Do hereby admit that I was seen

"floating in the air of my living room

by Dr. Alfred Bellows."

"Dr. Alfred Bellows." Um, sir, this is--

Sign it.

Mmm.

There, um, sorry.

Major Nelson,

I've waited a long time for this.

But I think I've finally got you.

Yes, sir, this time I think I finally got you.

Oh, you mean the old levitation trick.

The old levitation trick?

Yes, ah, well, I'm an amateur magician.

Well, you didn't think

that I could actually float in the air by myself.

Oh. You have a very suspicious mind, sir.

Well, that's what General Peterson told me

for two hours and 15 minutes.

I don't care what anyone says, major.

I saw a harem girl in your office last night,

and I saw you floating in the air just now.

Yeah, whoa, yes, but I said--

I know what you said.

So you're a magician.

Well, we're gonna find out

just how good a magician you really are.

And you better be good, major. You better be very good.

Well-- The thing-- This can all be explained...

Oh, he is up to something bad, master.

Yeah, you're telling me.

Would you like me to turn him into something?

No, no, Jeannie.

I just hope he doesn't turn me into something.

Like, maybe, a civilian.

You mean, Dr. Bellows caught you in the air?

Yeah. Jeannie couldn't get me down in time.

And before that, he caught you in the office.

Roger, he's driving me crazy.

Well, what do you think you're doing to him?

It's a question of which one cracks first.

Well, I'll tell you who's gonna crack first, I am.

Look, as long as he can't prove anything,

there's nothing to worry about.

Yeah, well, I don't know about that.

Dr. Bellows is no idiot, you know.

Dr. Bellows is-- Ah, we were just talking about you, sir.

I'll bet you were. And I was just talking about you.

We're putting on a little show

for the personnel at the base Saturday.

A show. I love shows, sir.

General Peterson

thought you might help to entertain.

Me? Well, I don't really do anything, sir.

Don't be so modest, major.

Modest? Tony?

You're the greatest magician in the whole world.

Uh, you can do a little magic act for us, major.

Oh, ah, no-- Well, I-- I just--

I'll tell General Peterson that you've accepted.

Well, uh, goodbye, gentlemen.

Roger--

Master. Yeah?

Be careful, it is a trap.

Look, why don't you get yourself sent to detached duty somewhere?

Listen, if I'm not careful,

I'm gonna be detached from the astronaut program.

Look, uh, what makes you think something's up?

Please do not appear in this show, master.

I haven't any choice, Jeannie.

I already told him I was an amateur magician.

You're gonna have to be a professional magician

to get outta this.

I can turn you into a wonderful magician.

No, no, that's just what I don't want, Jeannie.

Saturday night I'm gonna go up there as an amateur magician,

and Doctor Bellows won't be able to prove a thing.

[HUMMING]

Oh, operator, I'd like to place a call to Cincinnati, Ohio.

I want to talk to Nestor the Great.

N-E-S-T-O-R.

That's right.

At the Palace Theater.

Thank you.

Um, now, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to notice

I have absolutely nothing up my sleeves.

I take an ordinary walking cane,

which I turn, by the use of magic,

into a beautiful bunch of flowers.

You're a real amateur's amateur.

They don't make these things the way they used to. I...

Oh! That is lovely, master.

There you are, madam.

Eh, and now for my next trick,

I will-- Oh, yes.

Uh, for my next trick, with your kind attention,

I will make this, uh, er, everyday, ordinary, um, um--

Fish bowl? Fish bowl.

Fish bowl disappear into thin air before your very eyes.

Bravo!

Jeannie, I haven't done the trick yet.

Oh. Sorry.

Abracadabra, kalamazoo!

Um, uh...

[LAUGHS]

Jeannie, I would very much like to do my own magic.

Are you sure you're ready for show business?

Now, for my next trick, uh...

I will need my hat, please.

[SIGHS]

Sure.

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

You're not going to break an egg in your cap?

Well, believe it or not, this is the easiest trick in the book.

I will now, with the aid of my magic wand,

and, uh, a little bit of magic,

turn this egg into scrambled eggs.

Er, abracadabra, kalamazoo, presto!

And here we have...

Oh, that's the funniest thing I ever saw in my whole life.

That is lovely.

Did you see that, Jeannie? Oh!

Wait until I tell the guys in the base about this.

Oh, you scrambled an egg in my hat.

Oh, my-- Oh, my hat.

Flowers and the silk. Oh, yeah, the silk.

And the bag, right.

Please, master, let me turn him into a frog.

No. A bat?

Jeannie, Dr. Bellows is only doing his job.

And you are only doing your job, master.

Yeah-- Well, unfortunately, my job does not include

floating around in my own living room.

Can you not say that you had an accident?

Then you would not have to do your magic act.

They'd never believe me.

Oh!

Oh, really, that's too obvious.

Look, let's face it, I've got to go through with this.

And I want you to promise me something.

Oh, yes, master.

I want you to promise me that no matter what happens,

no matter what, you won't help me with my magic.

Oh, I cannot promise you that, master.

I have seen your magic, and you need all the help you can get.

Uh, that's beside the point, Jeannie.

I want you to promise me.

Oh, but-- Jeannie.

Very well, master.

I promise I will not help you with your magic.

Thank you.

Aren't you even gonna... wish me good luck?

Well, I'll be happy to wish you good luck,

but I have a terrible feeling it is not going to do any good.

Jeannie, please.

Hmm?

Thank you.

I'm afraid I don't understand, Dr. Bellows.

Oh, sit down, uh, Mr. Nestor.

Thank you.

You mean, you brought me all the way here

just to watch another magician perform?

Uh, well, this man is not a magician, Mr. Nestor.

He's an imposter.

Well, if you already know that, why do you need me?

Well, I need you to expose him.

You see, there's one trick that he does

that I can't explain.

Ah.

Um, he floats in the air.

Floats in the air!

Yes.

Um, he calls it the old levitation trick.

Oh, my dear doctor, that is child's play.

We use a mechanical device for that.

Well, I'm well aware of that.

But, uh, there was no mechanical device.

I checked.

No mechanical device?

That's right.

I want you to watch him tonight.

Uh, tell me how he does it.

Don't worry, doctor. There is not a trick in the world

Nestor the Great cannot explain.

Oh, you have no idea how I'm counting on that, Mr. Nestor.

Oh, the show is about to begin.

Shall we go?

Here we are.

Now, you've heard about babysitters.

Here's a monkey-sitter.

Ah, right around.

Right around. Come on, up and in.

[APPLAUSE]

Um, would you like to sit in front, Mr. Nestor,

where you can get a good view of his act?

Oh, it does not matter where I sit.

I can spot a phony a mile away.

Tony!

Tony, Nestor the Great is out in the audience.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I just heard him tell Dr. Bellows

that he can spot a phony a mile away.

You gotta get outta here.

Hey, you're on next, major.

Oh, uh, thanks, sarge.

You mean, you're really gonna go out there

and walk into their trap?

Well, I really don't have any other choice, do I?

You don't seem very worried about it.

No. No, I'm not.

What's up? I am.

Or, at least I will be when I get on this little beauty.

What is it? It looks like an erector set

that got carried away.

Roger, this is what we magicians use to levitate.

You're really going to float in the air on that?

Mm-hmm. And, uh, when Mr. Nestor examines it,

he won't have any choice but to tell Dr. Bellows

that it's an everyday, normal magician's trick.

And you'll be off the hook.

That's right.

Oh, you're a genius, Tony.

Come on, quick, buddy. Come on, turn around.

[APPLAUSE]

Good luck, major.

Oh, thank you.

You're on, major.

Oh, um, now, you remember what I told you.

I want you to wheel this contraption in back

of the curtains over there in the exact spot I showed you.

And when I say the lines...

BOTH: "I feel the spirits lifting me up."

Yeah, that's when you start the motor.

Okay. Uh, okay.

Well, I'm going to enjoy the show.

Ah, well, good luck.

[FABRIC RIPS]

Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I, uh...

I'm very pleased to be here tonight.

I have a calling card, somewhere.

Oh, yes.

[APPLAUSE]

Right, yes.

Uh, now, of course, no magic act is complete without the, uh...

The magic wand.

And, um, I'm going to produce one.

[APPLAUSE]

He is no magician.

Be patient, Mr. Nestor.

Uh, I'll be right back.

TONY: Uh, ladies and gentlemen...

Oh, well, you're not walking out on Tony's act, are you, sir?

Oh, no, major.

You might say that I'm walking in on it.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

I want you to notice a perfectly normal handkerchief

which I will stuff into my fist just to show you

that the hand is quicker than the eye.

[LAUGHTER]

Sorry.

Uh, what's this, sergeant?

This is the gadget that Major Nelson uses

to help him float up in the air.

Is it?

Well, you underestimate him.

Major Nelson doesn't need anything

to help him float in the air.

Get rid of it.

Sir, but he told me

to wheel it out in back of the curtain.

And I'm telling you not to. He's a major and I'm a colonel.

Any questions?

No, sir.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to perform from you

a rather spectacular trick I've been working on for some time.

It's, uh, as we call it in the trade

the pièce de résistance.

Uh, it's rather difficult to do,

and you must feel that your spirits are lifting you up.

Yeah, uh.

Uh, you really have to be in the mood for this.

You must feel that your spirits are lifting you up.

Lifting you up!

Something's gone wrong.

I think he needs the machine, colonel.

TONY: Lifting you up!

You're wrong, sergeant.

Tonight, he is gonna float without it.

Excuse me for just one moment, please.

Hey, sergeant, where is my levi--? Oh, Dr. Bellows.

Good evening, Major Nelson.

I-I-- Now, I told you I wanted my levitation machine

right behind that curtain over there. You understand?

Major Nelson, I have a signed statement from you

saying that you were floating in the air.

There was no levitation device around.

Now, either you're going out on that stage

and float in the air without this device,

or you're coming with me to General Peterson's office

and explain a lot of things.

And explain a lot of things?

That's right, major.

How you float, why you talk to walls,

what made you fall in love with Major Healey's safe.

Oh, I have a list of 103 separate incidents.

Well, ah, um--

Now, either you get back out there on that stage

and do the old levitation trick,

or come with me to General Peterson's.

Now, which is it gonna be?

I'll come with you to General Peterson's office.

Good. Now, go back out there and say goodnight.

Er, but, I, ah--

Major.

Ladies and gentlemen,

my next trick is going to be, ahem, to make myself disappear.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to perform the trick

I prepared for you, but, uh--

I told you Tony was in trouble.

He is supposed to float in the air.

But, Jeannie, you gotta help him.

Oh, but I promised that I would not.

This is an emergency. If he doesn't float in the air,

Dr. Bellows is going to think something's wrong,

and Tony'll get in all kinds of trouble.

Do you really think so?

I know so.

Jeannie, you gotta help him this time.

I hope you are right.

Well, I-I hope you all enjoy-- Enjoyed the show tonight.

And if you did, please tell your friends

we'll be here next year.

Uh, well, it seems that I-- I'm in the mood after all.

[APPLAUSE]

Oh, boy, what a team you two make.

Is he not wonderful?

Mr. Nestor, I want you to come up on the stage

and examine this man.

I would be delighted.

Hello. I'm-- I'm Tony Nelson.

He is floating!

Oh, what do you mean he's floating?

I don't know what I mean, but what he is doing is impossible.

How could it be impossible? I mean, after all, I'm doing it.

General Peterson!

Oh, there's no need to call General--

Look, look! He's doing it!

He's floating!

That's what I told you, general.

Oh, hello, general. How are you?

What are you doing up there, Tony?

Well, it's just a-- A magician's trick, sir.

Mr. Nestor can explain.

NESTOR: Oh, he is lying.

It's been a long, long time.

There is no magician in the world

who can do what he is doing.

How come he's doing it?

Thank you, Jeannie.

I do not understand this!

So this is your expert witness!

Well, obviously anybody can do it.

PETERSON: Doctor.

Yes, sir.

He's done it to me again.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, poor Dr. Bellows. General Peterson was so angry.

Yeah, I know.

That-- That's really my fault, Jeannie.

We've got to be more careful with that door.

Oh, I was so proud of you.

Hmm?

You are a wonderful magician.

Oh. Well, I-- You're really being too kind.

You know, when I was a kid,

I used to watch the Great Nestor,

and he had a wonderful trick.

He used to take a seed and cover it over with a cloth,

and a tree would appear right in the middle of the stage.

I never did find out how he did that.

Oh, that is simple.

[DOOR OPENS] [GASPS]

Well, uh, hello, good mor-- Sir, hello.

Good morning, major.

Well, good morning, sir.

I thought I'd drop these papers off for you.

Oh. Thank you.

Uh...

this wasn't here yesterday, was it?

No.

[HUMMING]

[♪♪♪]