Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[RINGING]

Hello.

Hello.

Hello?

[CLEARS THROAT]

What?

Yes, sir.

Uh-- Yes, sir. Thanks for calling.

I'll get down-- I'll get down to the hospital right away.

Yeah.

Roger.

Roger!

Roger?

Roge!

Uh, Jeannie.

Jeannie.

Jeannie? Jeannie!

[YAWNS]

Yes, master? Good morning.

[STAMMERS]

I'm in kind of a hurry.

Could you, uh--? Would you mind?

Mm. Thanks.

Where are you going?

You've not had your breakfast yet.

Huh? Oh, uh-- Well, I'm in kind of a hurry.

I-- I just got a call from the hospital.

Roger's having an appendectomy.

What is an appendectomy?

Oh. The appendix is an organ, uh, right here,

and when you have it taken out,

that's called an appendectomy.

Oh, is it serious?

Well, no, not really.

Oh, then you have time for a cup of coffee.

Well, maybe a quick one.

[GIGGLES] Thanks.

Mmm. Oh. Do you know

that thou has the most beautiful hands

I've ever seen?

I-I beg your pardon?

They remind me of the hands of the great Rasha Houn.

Oh, really? Mm-hm.

Who was he?

He was a famous surgeon in ancient Carthage.

You know, it's funny you should say that.

Do you know what I wanted to be

ever since I was a kid

more than anything else in the world?

What? Well, you'll laugh.

A surgeon. Really?

Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Roger.

Hi, Tony. What are you doing here?

Scalpel, doctor.

Help.

Help!

Help!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Help! Shh!

Don't touch me.

Don't be ridiculous, Roger.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

Keep away from me!

Keep that away from me. Help!

Get back on the table.

What's going on here?

I changed my mind, doctor.

I don't need an operation.

I think I just had a touch of indigestion.

Captain Healey! Come back here!

I can't understand what got into him, doctor?

[ARABIC ACCENT] Uh, it's a very clear case

of, uh, preoperative shock.

Preoperative shock? I never heard of that.

Well, it's very common in the bush country.

Excuse me, please. Thank you.

The bush country?

Uh, doctor.

Oh, doctor.

Just a moment.

Um, I don't believe we've met.

I'm Dr. Bellows,

senior psychiatrist here at the base.

Oh, yes, of course. Pardon the glove.

Uh, I'm Dr. Rasha Houn.

Oh, you're new here? Yes, yes.

Uh, you might say that.

They just flew me in for the operation.

They flew you in to perform

a simple appendectomy?

Yes, that's correct.

Well, um...doctor, uh,

there aren't any complications

that I'm not aware of, are there?

Yes, there is one complication.

However, I expect to have it straightened out

in a moment or two.

Well, is it something that you'd like

to tell me about? No, I don't think so.

Well, then. If there's anything that you should need,

I'll be around.

I don't think I'll need your help,

thank you very much.

I'll have Captain Healey brought back

to the operating room for you.

Don't bother. Don't bother?

No, he needs his rest.

[CHUCKLES] Well, you're the doctor, doctor.

[BOTH CHUCKLING] Yes, I am.

I'll reschedule his surgery

for, uh, 2:00 this afternoon.

I'll see you then.

Uh...strange...

[LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY]

I could have sworn we've met before.

[SIGHS]

Oh, nurse.

Uh, could you tell me

where Captain Healey's room is, please?

Oh, that's 304. Right down the hall, doctor.

Oh. Thank you. Thank you.

Hi, Roge. How you feeling?

How do I feel? How would you feel

if a friend of yours started to operate on you

with a scalpel that big?

What do you think I am?

I know what you are. You're a quack.

Roge, I wasn't gonna operate on you.

Yeah? Well, what were you doing with that outfit on

and that king-sized scalpel in your hand?

That was Jeannie's idea. I casually mentioned

that I'd always wanted to be a surgeon,

and she blinked and...

well, there I was.

You mean, she turned you

into a do-it-yourself Dr. Kildare...

[SNAPS]

...like that?

Just like that:

Well, what about me, the poor patient?

I've heard of Medicare, but this is ridiculous.

I'm gonna have a long talk with her,

if I ever get my hands on her.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Yes, I think the patient needs massive doses of medication.

Nurse, are you listening?

Yes, master.

Jeannie, what are you doing here?

I always wanted to be a nurse. I don't mind you

being the nurse, but I'm not so crazy about him as the doctor.

Did the operation go well, master?

Uh, well, no.

As a matter of fact, there wasn't an operation.

Jeannie, do you realize the trouble

you could've gotten me into? Oh, what trouble, master?

What trouble?

Uh, well, for one small thing,

it's against the law to operate on someone

without a medical certificate.

[GIGGLES]

"Medical Board of...Atlantis"?

They were fine doctors.

Yeah? I have a feeling you'd have a hard time

convincing the American Medical Association.

Hm. I was only trying to please you.

Well, what are you trying to do to me?

[SIGHS]

Roger-- Keep away from me.

I do not understand why you are so worried.

If you will let Captain Nelson operate on you,

I will give him the skill of a great surgeon.

Look, Jeannie, I don't mind going in outer space with him,

but I don't want him fooling around with inner space.

Especially when it's mine. He's absolutely right, Jeannie.

Just because you blinked me into a surgeon's outfit,

doesn't mean I'm a surgeon.

What if I'd said I wanted to be a violinist?

Do you know "Melancholy Baby"?

[STAMMERS]

Now, look, Jeannie, this proves my point.

I-I have a violin in my hands, but I don't know how to play it.

Ha-ha. Listen.

[PLAYS ELEGANTLY]

Hey! Hey, you're pretty good.

I've never done anything like that in my life.

I told you, master.

Now, will you let him operate on you?

Are you kidding?

I wouldn't even let him play the violin for me.

As you wish.

I must go take care of my other patients.

Say, could you--

Could you smuggle me out of here with the laundry?

No, no. I have a better idea. I don't like it.

Well, I haven't told you yet.

Now, he-here's the idea. What I'm gonna do--

Oh, doctor.

Oh, yes. Uh, Doctor Belos.

Bellows. Yes.

Oh, doctor, you still have your mask on.

Do I? Oh, yes, I do.

Well, I have a very bad cold.

I don't want to spread it around, you understand?

Oh, I see.

Well, Captain Healey...

I'm afraid this isn't gonna look very good

on your service record.

Getting up off the operating table

and racing out of the room, just because you're afraid

of a simple, little appendectomy.

What kind of an astronaut are you?

I guess I'm an astronaut

who's afraid of a simple, little appendectomy.

I'm sure he will get over this.

Hmm. Well, he better get over it by 2:00.

Dr. Rasha Houn has been kind enough to fly in here

to perform this operation.

And, uh...he's going to perform it.

Aren't you, doctor? Mm-hm, yes.

Well, of course, I don't want you to go to any trouble.

If Captain Healey is not ready, I--

Oh, he-- He's ready.

I'll go make the necessary arrangements.

Now you've done it.

Would you just take it easy. I got a plan.

Tony, I love you,

but I'm not going to let you operate on me.

Take it easy. I haven't told you my plan yet.

Now, here-- Oh, doctor,

I meant to ask you...

Where's Dr. Rasha Houn?

Mm. Oh, he-- He left, sir.

And I don't think he's coming back.

Oh, he'll be back.

I'm glad you're here, Captain Nelson.

Perhaps you could talk to Captain Healey.

He seems a little apprehensive about the operation.

Captain Healey? Why, uh, uh, that's hard to believe, sir.

He's one of the bravest men in the world.

Ask anyone.

Captain Healey has appendicitis.

An appendectomy is gonna be performed on him

at 2:00 this afternoon.

I-- I would like another doctor.

Captain...

the Air Force has gone to the trouble

to fly in a great surgeon.

Now, could you ask for anything more?

Yes, sir. Another doctor.

Captain Healey, the only one I'm authorizing

to perform this operation on you is Dr. Rasha Houn.

Is that clear?

That's clear, sir, but I'd--

Then let's not hear any more about it.

What's this?

Uh... Oh, that's, uh-- The doctor--

The doctor left that, uh, sir.

I see...

Yes. I think I see.

I wonder what he meant by that.

Who cares? I ca--! I care.

If he gets suspicious

and finds out that I'm Dr. Rasha Houn,

I'm dead. Yeah, and if you operate on me,

I'm dead. Yeah.

Hello. Hello.

You look lonely.

I'm not lonely, but my doll is.

[WHISPERS] Oh.

[SIGHS]

MAN: Hey, you, nurse!

Oh.

Now, look, I don't want no excuses.

Just tell them I want that money in by 6:00

tomorrow night or else.

You call this food? It's a bunch of garbage.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I will see what I can do.

Hey, now.

It's about time they send me a good-looking chick.

Yeah, you make all the other nurses look like men.

What's your name, honey?

No, Jeannie.

Yeah. This is your lucky day.

Come here.

Do you know who I am?

No. I'm afraid I do not.

I'm Big Charlie Lookey.

Oh, I am pleased to meet you.

And I'm pleased to meet you.

Oh! Please.

You-- You must not do this.

Oh. Baby, you and me are gonna get along great.

Just remember. Don't ever tell Big Charlie what to do.

Please stop!

No, I ain't even got started yet.

I will see what I can do about your dinner.

Bye-bye.

A-are you sure you can swing it?

Oh, there's nothing to it, Roge.

I'll, uh, simply tell Dr. Bellows that, uh,

[ARABIC ACCENT] I got a very important telephone communication

from a patient in London,

and I have to fly there immediately.

He'll have no choice but to get another doctor.

Ah. Tony, you're a genius.

All right. I'll go find Dr. Bellows.

You relax.

I'll be right back.

Thank you, doctor.

[♪♪♪]

[KNOCKING] MAN: Come in.

General Peterson. Yes, doctor?

I'm sorry to disturb you, sir. That's all right.

Um, it's about Captain Nelson.

Again? What's he done this time?

I think he's about to perform an appendectomy

on Captain Healey.

What?

Yes, sir.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Oh, I don't know, sir. I'm only a psychiatrist.

If my suspicions are correct, for some unknown reason,

Captain Nelson is posing as a...Dr. Rasha Houn.

He tried to operate this morning,

and Captain Healey... jumped off the operating table

and fled from the room.

I can't say that I blame him.

Can you prove any of this?

I think I can, general,

if you wouldn't mind coming over to the hospital.

You couldn't keep me away.

And if you're wrong, doctor...

Oh, uh, don't worry, general.

I promise you that this time,

we're gonna catch Captain Nelson red-handed.

I'll see you at the hospital, sir.

Mmm.

[♪♪♪]

Friend or foe?

Foe.

Find Dr. Bellows? No. No, he's gone.

Well, that makes two of us.

Would you just relax, huh?

What's to relax about?

At 2:00, look who's gonna operate on me.

[SIGHS]

I am exhausted. Being a nurse is very hard work.

Gee, that should be a cinch for you, Jeannie.

All you have to do--

Hey, wait a minute.

What's the matter with me?

I don't have to have that operation.

Roger, you have appendicitis.

I know I have.

But Jeannie could cure that with a blink, right?

I would be happy to.

Well, that's a wonderful idea.

It's great. It's impossible.

Why? Why?

Why, you-- You just heard her say she could do it.

Uh, that's not the point, Roger. We can't afford a miracle cure.

If your appendicitis disappears all by itself,

a lot of doctors are gonna be asking a lot of questions.

How are you gonna answer them?

I'll think of something. I'm sorry.

It's a very simple operation.

You're gonna have to go through with it.

Well, if you're so eager, why don't you have it?

Because I don't have appendicitis.

Oh, well, si-since you do not need me,

I will go back to work.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh... All right, men.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, guys. What's that?

We're taking you to the operating room, captain.

Wait a minute. I'm a sick man.

I don't want to go to the operating room.

All right. Just relax.

Oh.

Just relax. Everything's going to be fine.

Ah, put your head down, please. Thank you.

Uh, doctor. I'll take care of this, thank you.

Thank you, doctor.

Tony, would you do me a favor? What, what?

Before you operate,

could you read a medical pamphlet or something?

I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.

Of course not. I'm leaving you my chess set,

my little black book...

Would you stop talking like that?

You're making me nervous.

I'm making you nervous?

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Boy. You need four hands to work in this place.

Would you like four hands?

No, thank you. I'd have to buy too many gloves.

[LAUGHS] You're green, aren't you?

No.

Well, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

We all have to start someplace.

Is this your first hospital? Oh, no.

I worked at the Babylon Memorial Hospital.

In New York? No. In Babylon.

Would you give me one of those test tubes over there, honey?

Which one would you like?

The one on the-- Oh, thank you very much.

Of course, you haven't been here long enough to know,

but let me tell you something.

The equipment in this hospi--

Tal...

Ahh.

[SCREAMS]

Did I bring the wrong test tube?

Uh... [SCREAMING]

[WHISPERS] You stay right there.

Uh...you stay right here. I'll be right back.

I'll go with you. No. Stay here.

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[SCREAMING]

JEANNIE: Have I done something to offend thee?

No, but you've done something to offend me.

[SCREAMS]

Now-- Now-- Now, please, d-don't be frightened, miss.

She's an amateur magician.

She, uh-- She's just nursing as a hobby.

So you don't have to worry about this.

I think she's going to give it up.

What did I do wrong? I'll tell you what--

I'll tell you what you did wrong.

You got out of your bottle this morning.

What are you trying to do,

bring the whole hospital down around our ears?

Oh, I'm being helpful. There's a shortage of nurses.

Well, if you really want to be helpful,

you'll blink yourself out and go home.

The patient in 312 needs a back rub.

Let him do it himself.

The patient in 314 a-asked me to read to her?

No.

Oh, the patient in 316 says that if I would come down--

Out! [SIGHS]

Hello. Very nice seeing you this way.

Is Jeannie all right? Huh? Yeah-- Jeannie's fine.

The hospital's in trouble.

Here's my plan. Yeah.

I'm gonna take you to the operating room...

I'm gonna take you to the operating room,

and then I'm gonna sneak out of here.

When Dr. Bellows can't find me,

he'll have no choice

but to get another doctor to operate on you.

Gee, I-- I don't know how to thank you.

It's wonderful you're not to operate on me.

Well, maybe someday you won't operate on me.

Anytime.

Doctor. Thank you.

Oh.

Thank you for coming, general.

Don't thank me yet, doctor. You better be right.

[SIGHS]

I can't believe

that Tony Nelson's involved with anything like this.

You don't have to believe it, sir.

I'm gonna prove it to you.

In my book, Captain Nelson is one of the finest

astronauts we have.

Don't misunderstand me, general.

I'm not questioning his capabilities.

All I'm saying is that he does some very peculiar things.

What kind of peculiar things?

Well, um... today is Saturday.

While most of the other astronauts are out playing golf,

Captain Nelson is here operating on Captain Healey.

Now, uh...

doesn't that strike you as being a little peculiar?

It doesn't strike me as anything

until you've proved it.

It'll be a pleasure.

I'll go find Captain Nelson.

I think he's in Captain Healey's room.

Would you mind just staying out of sight

a few minutes, general?

I don't want to scare him off.

I canceled a meeting in Washington for this.

You better know what you're talking about.

Tsk.

Would you mind getting out of here now?

Oh, sure, sure. I'll come and visit you

when it's all over. Bring flowers.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, okay.

Doctor?

Going somewhere?

Oh, yes, Dr., uh...?

Bellows. Yes, Dr. Bellows.

I was just stepping out for a breath of fresh air.

I don't think you have time.

They're waiting for you in the operating room.

Oh, it was-- Something very important has come up.

I received a telephone communication

from a patient in London-- Shall we go, doctor?

Well, you don't understand.

You see, this patient in London is very important to my career.

I, uh... For one thing...

To think, a minute ago I was panicky. Ho.

Now I feel like a million dollars.

Bring in the scalpels. Ho.

I'll be right back.

Hello, doctor.

I'm Captain Healey, the happy patient.

Oh, no.

Help.

General Peterson.

I'll admit it's taken me a long time,

but it's been worth it.

Let's see you talk your way out of this one,

Captain Nelson.

Are you all through now, doctor?

Yes, sir. Um... I mean, no, sir.

Wait a minute.

There he is.

You can explain your behavior

at a general court-martial.

Who are you?

Who do you think I am?

I am Dr. Rasha Houn.

[GIGGLES]

[♪♪♪]

Wonderful, Roge, wonderful.

Yeah, I told you there would be nothing to it.

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna have my own appendix out

one of these days. [CHUCKLES]

Uh, I'll drop in to see you later on today.

Right. All right. Bye.

Jeannie. Jeannie.

Yes, master.

Oh, hi, Jeannie.

I-I just talked to Roger. He's feeling wonderful.

Oh, I am so pleased.

The operation was a complete success.

He's gonna be up and around in a couple of days.

I told you. Rasha Houn is a wonderful surgeon.

[STAMMERS]

Dr. Rasha Houn didn't perform the operation.

Why not?

His, uh--

His medical certificate expired about 2000 years ago.

They used a staff doctor. Oh.

Then I've caused you all this worry for nothing.

Hmm? Oh, no.

I wouldn't call it for nothing.

[LAUGHS]

When I--

When I remember the expression on Roger's face

when I came at him with a scalpel...

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, boy!

Oh, I am glad you are not angry, master.

Why should I be angry with you? You were just trying to help me,

when I said I wanted to be a surgeon.

[SIGHS]

We all have these childhood dreams, Jeannie.

Mm, we get over them.

Didn't you ever have a childhood dream

when you were a little girl? Oh, yes, master.

What was it?

Oh. It was nothing.

No, no. Tell me.

Well, you will think it's silly.

[LAUGHS] No. No, I wouldn't.

I-- I will go fix your breakfast.

Uh, Jeannie.

I really want to know.

Well...

If-- If that is what you really wish.

No, Jeannie. Really, wha-what is it?

Oh. Lie back and relax, master.

[GIGGLING]

Jeannie. No.

Jeannie, no. Don't operate. No!

[♪♪♪]