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1
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,705
Jeannie?
Jeannie, you ready?
2
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,640
Hey, we're gonna be late
for the ballgame.
3
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,377
Okay, let's--
4
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,345
Is that how you dress
to go to a ballgame?
5
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,814
Oh, no, master. This is
how I dress to be married.
6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,316
Well...who are you
gonna marry, Sandy Koufax?
7
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,684
No, you, master.
8
00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:22,120
Oh, now, Jeannie. We've been
through all this before.
9
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,321
I can't marry you.
10
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,190
But you said
you care for me.
11
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,824
I do. I do.
12
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,594
I think you're the most
wonderful woman I've ever met.
13
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:30,895
You're adorable.
Well, then.
14
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,631
There's no problem.
15
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:38,237
We are gathered here today to
join this man and this woman--
16
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,505
Now hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.
17
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,673
We're gathered here today
to go to a baseball game.
18
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,142
Jeannie, would you
get rid of him.
19
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,409
I don't have
a ticket for him.
20
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,244
If you care for me
so much,
21
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,547
why is it so difficult
to say "I do"?
22
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,549
Well, it's not difficult.
It's impossible.
23
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,350
Well, Roger wishes
to marry me.
24
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,252
All right, fine.
Then marry Roger.
25
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,955
Now wait a minute--
Wait, Jeannie.
26
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:58,924
Jeannie, I'm sorry.
I di-- I didn't mean that.
27
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,458
Jeannie,
I was only joking.
28
00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:06,731
[♪♪♪]
29
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:58,750
WOMAN 1 [ON TV]:
There's only one man I love. John.
30
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,786
WOMAN 2 [ON TV]:
But you've told me that John doesn't want to marry you.
31
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:05,357
WOMAN 1:
That's why I've come to you. I need your advice, Mother.
32
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:08,126
WOMAN 2:
On the other hand, there is a man you do love,
33
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,561
but who doesn't want to marry you.
34
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,997
WOMAN 1:
What am I going to do, Mother, dear?
35
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:15,300
Oh, yes. What are we
going to do?
36
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:17,902
WOMAN 2:
Susan, you did the right thing to come to your mother.
37
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:21,339
There's only one way to get him to propose to you.
38
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,675
ANNOUNCER:
Tune in at the same time tomorrow,
39
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,778
and learn what Susan's mother advises her to do.
40
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,381
[SHUTS TV OFF]
41
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:34,386
Mother. Of course.
42
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,888
This is a time when
a girl needs her mother.
43
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:41,693
Mama!
44
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,562
Oh, little dove!
45
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,563
My darling,
darling child.
46
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,766
It's so good
to see you again.
47
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:50,769
Two thousand years,
and not one letter.
48
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,904
Oh, I-- I have
been busy.
49
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:54,906
Children.
50
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,809
Mama...I'm in love
with my master,
51
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,210
and I wish to
marry him.
52
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:01,980
Can he support thee?
What does he do for a living?
53
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:03,348
He is an astronaut.
54
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:04,950
An astronaut?
Mm-hm.
55
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,384
What is that?
56
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,053
Well, they strap him in
this giant bird
57
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,354
they call a missile,
58
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,556
and he goes up into the sky,
and around and around
59
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:13,291
the Earth for days
without stopping.
60
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,694
A-and sometimes
he walks in space.
61
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,763
Thou could not
marry a doctor?
62
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:22,167
Why, I am not in love
with a doctor, Mama.
63
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,571
Oh, I need your advice...
64
00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:28,973
My master does not
want to marry me.
65
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,842
But his friend
Roger does.
66
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,344
Then marry
his friend Roger.
67
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,112
You are not getting
any younger.
68
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:37,215
Well, I...
I like Roger, but...
69
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,117
You brought me back
for advice,
70
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:40,318
I will give it
to thee.
71
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:48,693
Tell this Roger you are
going to marry him.
72
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,395
Oh, but that
would be dishonest.
73
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,296
Show me a woman
who is honest,
74
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,198
and I will show you
an old maid.
75
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,301
Do not worry, dear one.
76
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,536
Thou wilt not marry Roger.
77
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,739
Your astronaut will
come to his senses
78
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,139
and marry you himself.
79
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,041
Do you really think
this will come to pass?
80
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,910
That is how
I got your father.
81
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,240
[SIGHS]
82
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,579
Good evening,
master.
83
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,414
Oh, hi,
Jeannie.
84
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,250
Oh, thanks.
85
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,086
You worked late
tonight, master.
86
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,654
Did you have
a hard day?
87
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:50,989
A bone-crusher.
88
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,458
Aw...
Poor master.
89
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,360
Here. Come over here
and be comfortable.
90
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,262
Lie down.
91
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,098
Put your feet up.
Uh-huh.
92
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,769
And, uh, here is
your newspaper.
93
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:07,372
And...here's the rest
of your martini.
94
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,876
Wow.
Thanks, Jeannie.
95
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,644
I've made a special dish
for your dinner.
96
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:13,945
And you will never guess
97
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,747
what I have waiting for you
in the kitchen.
98
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:16,848
Your mother.
99
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,850
Well, yes.
100
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,351
Your mother!
You can't be serious!
101
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,352
Yes--
102
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,654
What are you talking--?
No--
103
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:23,755
I can't even
explain you,
104
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:24,856
much less
your mother.
105
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,357
She will only be here
for a few days.
106
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,126
I don't care if she's
here for a few hours.
107
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,260
You send her back!
108
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:30,462
Well, she eats
very little,
109
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,830
and I will take
good care of her.
110
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,698
You-- You can't even
take care of yourself.
111
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:34,699
[SHEEP BLEATS]
112
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:35,700
Ahh!
Ahh!
113
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,536
Oh.
[BLEATS]
114
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,671
Oh, master,
I am so sorry.
115
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,942
I, uh-- I know you must
find this a little strange.
116
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,777
Strange? No. No.
117
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,512
It-- It's not strange
at all,
118
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,414
falling over a sheep
in your own living room.
119
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,149
No, I don't think it's strange.
Come on.
120
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,217
[GASPS]
121
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,086
Take your hands off
that sheep, infidel.
122
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:56,688
It is for
the wedding feast.
123
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,557
The wedding fe--?
No-- The wedding feast?
124
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,291
Did you tell her
we're getting married?
125
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,160
Certainly not, master.
That would be a lie.
126
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,194
That's right.
127
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,496
Because I'm not
marrying you.
128
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,563
That's right.
129
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:06,664
I'm going to
marry Roger.
130
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,833
She's gonna
marry Roger.
131
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,133
You're--
You're not serious.
132
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,134
Well, I--
133
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,235
Of course
she is serious.
134
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:12,304
Of course
I am serious.
135
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:13,738
Yeah, but you can't
marry Roger.
136
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:14,906
And why not?
He loves her.
137
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,040
Well, yes.
Why not?
138
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,375
He loves me.
139
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,444
Because-- Because I'd
miss you, that's why.
140
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:22,213
Oh. Oh, and I would
miss thee too.
141
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,183
Then you're not
gonna marry Roger?
142
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,884
The sheep
is already here.
143
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,721
Perhaps you can think
of another solution.
144
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,222
How about lamb chops
for dinner?
145
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:33,625
I will
marry him.
146
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,794
I-I wouldn't put that wedding
dress back on just yet
147
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:36,795
if I were you.
148
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,196
Roger's
pretty unpredictable.
149
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,697
As a matter of fact,
around the base
150
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,166
he's known as "Old Fickle."
151
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,200
Fickle!
152
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,003
[GIGGLES]
153
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:46,370
Oh, Mama,
I think it is working.
154
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,739
He is jealous.
[DOOR CLOSES]
155
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:48,907
What shall I do next?
156
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,675
That does not worry me,
little pigeon.
157
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:53,044
What worries me is
what he will do next.
158
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,212
Oh.
159
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,714
Hi, Roge.
What's the good word?
160
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:57,882
The good word
is yes.
161
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,650
I ran into Jeannie,
popped the question,
162
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,820
and she said she would
marry me. Me!
163
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,788
Did she really?
Well, congratulations.
164
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,389
From now on, it's
marriage-a-go-go.
165
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,657
[BOTH LAUGH]
166
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,526
Couldn't-- Couldn't
happen to a finer guy.
167
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,627
We're meeting
for lunch.
168
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:10,862
We're going
over our plans.
169
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:12,931
Yeah. I'll bet
her parents were delirious
170
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,999
when they found out Jeannie
got a catch like you.
171
00:07:15,034 --> 00:07:18,102
Well, I, uh--
I haven't met her parents yet.
172
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:19,503
Oh, they're out of town, huh?
173
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:22,740
Well, I-- I don't know.
I-I suppose so. It's...
174
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,443
Well, where are they when you
pick Jeannie up at her house?
175
00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:28,012
Well, I-I've never been to
Jeannie's house before. It's...
176
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,014
Well, where do you meet?
177
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,249
In front of the public library.
178
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,851
Well, she must have a house.
179
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,253
Or your gonna be married
at the return book counter.
180
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,989
[LAUGHS]
181
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,657
You know, until
you mentioned it,
182
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,794
I never really gave her parents
or her home a thought.
183
00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:46,497
Well, parents...homes...
What's the difference?
184
00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:48,700
The important thing is,
you love her.
185
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,068
That's right.
That's the imp--
186
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:52,236
Right. And you'll have
plenty of opportunity
187
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:54,238
to get to know her parents
once you're married,
188
00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:55,339
and they move in
with you.
189
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,507
M-move in?
190
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,977
Oh, you know,
when they come to visit.
Oh.
191
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,245
Oh, boy,
all you have to do
192
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,646
is take a look
at that girl
193
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:03,281
and know that
her parents have to be
194
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,949
fine,
intelligent people.
195
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:08,153
No. She wasn't brought up
by-- By convicts
196
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,453
or counterfeiters,
you know.
197
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,622
I think fine, intelligent people
would like to meet
198
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,491
the man their daughter's
gonna marry.
199
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,359
Yeah.
200
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:18,163
Well-- Th-- There's
all kinds of good reasons
201
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,697
why they haven't
met you yet.
202
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:22,000
Uh. Well,
for instance, uh...
203
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,701
Uh...
204
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:24,836
No.
205
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:29,473
Or, uh, they might have,
uh, been, uh...
206
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,608
[SIGHS]
207
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:31,910
Well, no--
I'll tell you what.
208
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,312
It's possible.
It's just--
209
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,780
[SIGHS]
210
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:36,948
The important
thing is
211
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,549
you're marrying
a wonderful girl.
212
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,185
That's
the important thing.
213
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,552
Yes. I'll see you
later, Roge.
214
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,054
Maybe we'll get
a chance to
215
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,956
crack a bottle
of champagne tonight, huh?
216
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:46,224
[MUTTERING TO HIMSELF]
217
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,330
Well, there are many,
uh, good reasons
218
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,965
why I haven't met her parents.
219
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,500
You know, they could've
been out of--
220
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,602
Probably-- Well,
they are probably, uh...
221
00:08:58,638 --> 00:08:59,704
It's very easy to, uh...
222
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,676
Convicts and counterfeiters?
223
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,279
I do not
understand it.
224
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:11,082
All during lunch
Roger kept insisting.
225
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,383
How can I
invite him to my house
226
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:14,085
when I do not have one?
227
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,155
And worse yet, you do not
have parents either.
228
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,256
Oh.
I have you, Mama.
229
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,790
And I could send
for Papa.
230
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:22,393
I would be proud
to have Roger meet you.
231
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,694
No, no, little one.
232
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,197
We are peasants
from the old country.
233
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,599
One look at us, and there
goeth the ballgame.
234
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:29,868
[LAUGHS]
235
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,635
Where did you
learn that expression?
236
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,872
From watching that box
you call television.
237
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,273
[CHUCKLES]
238
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,540
[GASPS]
239
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,542
I know what you need.
240
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,713
The American mama
you see on television.
241
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:46,084
The one who keeps comparing
hands with her daughter.
242
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,385
You think so, Mama?
243
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,987
I'm certain of it.
244
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:53,124
And for the father, get yourself
that nice fellow who--
245
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:56,294
Who seems to have so much
trouble with his sinuses.
246
00:09:56,329 --> 00:10:00,198
Mama. I'm so glad
I sent for you.
247
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,466
And I know
just where I'm going
248
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:03,902
to get the house too.
249
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,169
[GIGGLES]
250
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,346
Oh...
251
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,714
Oh, there is
my master.
252
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:26,858
Well, Mama, how's
every little thing?
253
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,760
You dare to show
your face here?
254
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,429
Look who's talking.
It's my house.
255
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,064
And I suppose it was not you
who persuaded Roger to insist
256
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,634
upon meeting my daughter's
parents and seeing her home.
257
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,102
Well, I, uh--
258
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,837
I suppose I did
drop a hint or two.
259
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,706
Is-- Is Jeannie
terribly disappointed
260
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,307
about her marriage
being called off?
261
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:44,742
Wait and see.
262
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:45,843
[DOORBELL RINGS]
263
00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:50,314
Yes?
264
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:51,382
Oh, hello, sir.
265
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,550
I can only
stay a moment.
266
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,385
I just want to say hello
to my new neighbor.
267
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,086
Uh-- Oh, you bought
a house around here?
268
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:57,422
Oh, not a house.
269
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,290
The vacant lot across
the street from you.
270
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,892
Uh, Mrs. Bellows and I
are gonna start
271
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,159
building very shortly.
272
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,328
Well, you can always borrow
a cup of sugar here.
273
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,564
May the vultures
descend
274
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,133
and pick your bones.
275
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:12,236
Uh...
276
00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:13,237
[STAMMERS]
277
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:14,539
...my housekeeper.
278
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,908
We had a little argument
this morning about her salary.
279
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:17,975
She, uh,
wanted a raise.
280
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,777
And I wouldn't give
it to her, you know.
281
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:29,219
"May the vultures descend
and pick your bones."
282
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,057
Well...she's
a poor loser.
283
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,191
[SHEEP BLEATS]
284
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,164
[BLEATS]
285
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,278
And I was worried about
moving in with a hamster.
286
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:04,855
[SIGHS]
287
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,091
Oh! Hi, Jeannie.
288
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,594
How-- How was
your lunch with Roger?
289
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,996
He's very anxious
to meet my parents.
290
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,864
Oh, well, that's--
That's too bad.
291
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,766
So he's going to
meet Mama.
292
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:16,801
Hm.
293
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,002
And Papa too.
294
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:19,170
Ah.
295
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,938
Your pa--
Your papa's here too?
296
00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:22,773
Oh, not yet.
297
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:25,643
Captain Healey is going to
meet them at my house.
298
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:26,711
[STAMMERS]
299
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,712
This is your house.
300
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,946
I mean,
this is your house.
301
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:30,948
Oh, not today,
master.
302
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:32,750
I have my own home.
303
00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:34,319
Huh?
Uh...
304
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,886
[PHONE RINGS]
305
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,593
Yes?
306
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:44,995
Oh, hi, Roge.
307
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:48,165
What do you mean, you're gonna
meet her parents at her home?
308
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,568
Oh, no. No. No, no.
309
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:51,669
I'm not upset.
310
00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:53,771
I'm not upset at all.
Heh.
311
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:56,608
Hey, l-listen. Where did
you say, uh, she lives?
312
00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,877
Across the street
from my house?
313
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,783
Well...
Well, that's impossible.
314
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,952
Well, there's a vacant lot
across the street.
315
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,604
Listen, Roger.
When I say there's a vacant lot
316
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,772
across the street,
I mean there's a house on it.
317
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,751
Jeannie.
318
00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:43,053
Jeannie.
Jeannie, where are you?
319
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,688
Jeannie?
Oh...
320
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:45,656
Jeannie!
Now, you--
321
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:47,258
You take that house
right out of here.
322
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,326
I'm not taking--
323
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,495
You're not gonna
get away with this!
324
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,596
Jeannie!
325
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,373
Jeannie.
Jeannie, open up.
326
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:04,375
Jeannie, come on.
327
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,310
Take this house
down this minute. Now--
328
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,546
Are you expected?
329
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,281
Oh, boy.
330
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,816
Jeannie!
Jeannie!
331
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,451
If you will
leave your card,
332
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,053
I will tell
my daughter you called.
333
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:18,189
Jeannie,
where are you?
334
00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:33,103
Ah, good afternoon,
Mr. Nelson.
335
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:34,905
Teresa, will you
please pour
336
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,441
Mr. Nelson a cup of tea.
337
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,910
Teresa?
338
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,712
Jeannie, I want you
to stop this nonsense,
339
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:42,746
and I mean--
I mean it.
340
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,148
I want you to
come home right now.
341
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,551
I cannot ask you to
stay very long, Mr. Nelson.
342
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,153
My fiancé is coming to meet
Mummy and Daddy.
343
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,788
Mummy and Da-- Daddy?
344
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,890
You mean, you whipped up
some phony parents too?
345
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:54,925
Uh-huh.
The kind you see on television.
346
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:56,560
It was Mama's suggestion.
347
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:57,928
What do you think
you're doing?
348
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,196
You won't get
away with this!
349
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,665
Oh, thanks.
I don't want any tea.
350
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:01,932
I don't want any tea.
351
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:04,135
You must calm yourself, master.
You are very upset.
352
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,502
You're darn right
I'm upset.
353
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,239
And I have every reason
in the world to be upset. Uh...
354
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:09,907
Well, it's quite
a large lot, general.
355
00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:12,109
Just across the street from
Captain Nelson's house.
356
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:13,110
Oh, really?
Mm.
357
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:14,979
[LAUGHING]
358
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,447
It--
359
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,716
It's Dr. Bellows,
and it's General Hadley.
360
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:21,285
They're coming down the street.
They're coming right here.
361
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,654
Oh, well, I will be
delighted to meet them.
362
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,056
Oh no, you--
No, you don't understand.
363
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,057
You see--
364
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,394
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
365
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,062
Dr. Bellows, he just
bought this lot.
366
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,531
And he knows.
He just--
367
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,032
He knows there's
no house on it.
368
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,166
[BOTH LAUGH]
369
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:37,668
And he's gonna
want me to explain.
370
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,137
And there is no explanation.
371
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:42,573
Jeannie, do you want me
to plead insanity?
372
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:45,777
Please, master.
Relax.
373
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,245
I would never do
anything to hurt you.
374
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,325
Good afternoon,
Captain Nelson.
375
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,395
Good afternoon, General Hadley.
376
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:07,164
Captain, do you
always drink tea
377
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,666
in the middle of
a vacant lot?
378
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:10,601
Well, sir,
it was such a lovely afternoon,
379
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,637
I thought I'd have
my tea out here...
380
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,372
among the wildflowers.
381
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:18,442
Do you do this often,
Captain Nelson?
382
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,779
When I want to commune with
nature, sir...
383
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:22,780
like Thoreau.
384
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,315
Thoreau.
385
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,750
Yes, yes. He used to
do it all the time.
386
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:33,023
Ah.
387
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:34,392
Well, I'd better
go home
388
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,793
and tend my sheep.
389
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,499
Sheep.
390
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,201
I'd keep an eye
on that man, doctor.
391
00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:46,404
Oh, I do, sir,
all the time.
392
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,105
He's done a number
of strange things,
393
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:50,808
but I've never caught him
weed-sitting before.
394
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,285
Oh. Good evening,
doctor.
395
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,953
Uh, general.
396
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:04,922
You're working late,
Captain Healey?
397
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,123
Uh, yes, I had
a few, uh,
398
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,291
data reports
to finish up.
399
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,592
I've got
a big night planned.
400
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,695
I may be a little late
coming in tomorrow morning.
401
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,963
Well, just see that Captain
Nelson is in before dawn.
402
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:14,632
He's been under
quite a strain lately.
403
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,233
Well, I'm not
seeing Captain Nelson.
404
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:17,868
I'm going to
my fiancée's for dinner.
405
00:17:17,903 --> 00:17:18,869
But I might
see him.
406
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,338
He lives right
across the street.
407
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,339
Across the street?
408
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,640
There--
409
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,608
There's no house there.
That's my vacant lot.
410
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,943
That can't be
a vacant lot.
411
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,045
Well, it is when people
aren't drinking tea on it.
412
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,947
The number
is 1140 Oak Road.
413
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:30,948
Well,
general...
414
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:32,383
Good--
Doctor.
415
00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:33,517
Have a nice evening.
416
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,085
1140.
417
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,688
That's the address
of my property.
418
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,891
He's having dinner
in a vacant lot.
419
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:43,327
Better keep
an eye on him too.
420
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,663
One weed-sitter in
a space program is enough.
421
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,168
There we are.
422
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:53,671
Now, after Roger has met
your parents...
Yes.
423
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,138
...and you have
had dinner,
424
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,608
then sit in the chair
by the window with him.
425
00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:59,977
W-why the chair
by the window, Mama?
426
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:02,380
Because across the street
your master will be watching,
427
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,147
and be sick
with jealousy.
428
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:05,549
Oh! Ha-ha!
429
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,617
[DOORBELL RINGS]
430
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:07,785
Oh. There's Roger.
431
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,720
Good. Bring out
your parents.
432
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,401
What do you think,
Mama?
433
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,336
There is
something missing.
434
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:26,537
But they look just like
435
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:29,073
the people on
television commercials.
436
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,908
She should have
blond hair.
437
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,244
Mm-hm.
438
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:37,748
That's better.
439
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,984
He should look
more like he has money.
440
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,592
What do you think?
441
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,860
I think you are
ready for Roger.
442
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,729
Oh. Yes.
443
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,802
Hi, Jeannie.
444
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:00,070
Good evening,
Roger.
445
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:01,905
I would like you
to meet my parents.
446
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:04,475
Mummy and Daddy,
this is Roger.
447
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,243
Hello. I've been
looking forward to, uh,
448
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,044
meeting you two
for quite some time.
449
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,481
When my daughter told me
she was engaged, I said,
450
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:13,751
"Darling, blonds
do have more fun."
451
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,420
My wife used to be
a ratty brunette.
452
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:21,258
WOMAN:
Is your hair streaked
with dingy, unattractive gray?
453
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,660
Mine was.
454
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:27,097
But then I learned
about...Streakaway.
455
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:30,133
MAN:
Now I can't resist
asking her to dance.
456
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,134
Would you?
457
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,803
Love to.
458
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:38,442
Do you like
my mummy and daddy?
459
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:39,443
Yeah, they're a...
460
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,677
very, very romantic couple.
461
00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:43,080
I was just telling
your daughter how much in love
462
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,481
you two
seem to be.
463
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:45,615
Why wouldn't
I be?
464
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:47,818
Her hands are
as soft now as they were
465
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,153
when we were
first married.
466
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,489
WOMAN:
I never use
any harsh detergents.
467
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,292
My daughter and I have used
the same soap to wash dishes
468
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:58,963
for years, and my hands
are as soft as hers.
469
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:01,665
Would you care to make
the comparison test?
470
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:05,202
They're lovely.
Both hands.
471
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,470
Have you noticed,
472
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,405
they both have
lovely smiles too?
473
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,140
WOMAN:
I'm not afraid
to smile anymore
474
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:13,076
since I started
using Grippo.
475
00:20:13,111 --> 00:20:16,680
Now, I don't have to be afraid
my dentures will fall out.
476
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,849
Let us all sit down
and get acquainted.
477
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,655
[CHUCKLES]
478
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:30,994
Why don't you sit here,
beside Jeannie?
479
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,863
Won't that, uh,
be a little,
480
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,030
ahem, crowded?
481
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,766
We're not afraid
of being in crowds.
482
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:37,468
We're protected
for 32 hours.
483
00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:38,669
I use
the roll-on.
484
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:39,736
I use
the spray.
485
00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:41,505
I could use a martini.
486
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,242
Here you are.
487
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:48,845
Hm.
488
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:01,158
[TIRES SCREECH]
489
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:26,850
[KNOCKS]
490
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,654
Dr. Bellows.
Great Scott.
491
00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:32,289
Captain Nelson,
it's you.
492
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:36,293
If it wasn't you,
that would mean...
493
00:21:36,329 --> 00:21:38,295
that I was
on the wrong street.
494
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:39,496
I beg your pardon,
sir.
495
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:40,897
Now, captain,
since both of us
496
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:42,099
are basically
scientists,
497
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,900
we know that
it's entirely possible,
498
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,936
with modern methods of
prefabrication,
499
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,838
to build a house
within twenty minutes.
500
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,873
You believe that,
don't you, captain?
501
00:21:49,908 --> 00:21:51,475
No, sir.
I don't either.
502
00:21:57,616 --> 00:21:58,882
If you look
across the street,
503
00:21:58,918 --> 00:22:01,652
you'll see a house
on my vacant lot.
504
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,687
What house
is that, sir?
505
00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:05,055
Don't humor me,
captain.
506
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:07,157
When I tell you there's
a house across the street,
507
00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:08,559
I mean there's a--
508
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:10,093
A vacant lot.
509
00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:16,099
With Captain Healey
sitting in the middle of it.
510
00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:18,335
Captain Healey, sir?
511
00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:24,274
Hm?
512
00:22:29,715 --> 00:22:32,683
I think I'll go home
and lie down.
513
00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:35,519
That might
be best, sir.
514
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:37,821
And everything you've
said tonight will, of course,
515
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,823
remain strictly
between us.
516
00:22:56,842 --> 00:22:57,908
[SIGHS]
517
00:22:57,943 --> 00:22:59,576
Thank you,
Jeannie.
518
00:23:01,614 --> 00:23:03,480
I knew you wouldn't
let me down.
519
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,148
You are pleased
with me, master.
520
00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:07,217
I certainly am
pleased with you.
521
00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:09,119
Well, then may I invite
a friend over?
522
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:10,420
[LAUGHS]
523
00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:12,355
Yeah, you can invite over
anybody you want to.
524
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:17,494
We are gathered here today
to join this man
525
00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:20,530
and this woman
in holy matrimony.
526
00:23:27,273 --> 00:23:30,440
Oh, good morning, Roge.
How are you feeling?
527
00:23:30,476 --> 00:23:32,243
Terrible.
528
00:23:32,278 --> 00:23:34,345
Oh, boy. Terrible.
529
00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:36,513
What a--
What a night. Phew.
530
00:23:36,548 --> 00:23:37,848
Yeah?
Well, what happened?
531
00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:39,649
Did you meet Jeannie's
mother and father?
532
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:40,817
Yeah, I met them
all right.
533
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:42,819
It was like tuning into
a commercial, you know.
534
00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:44,989
Now, don't get me wrong.
They were great, you know.
535
00:23:45,024 --> 00:23:47,091
Real backbone of America.
536
00:23:47,126 --> 00:23:48,658
What's so terrible
about that?
537
00:23:48,694 --> 00:23:50,494
Me.
538
00:23:50,529 --> 00:23:52,696
Boy, I must have been
on liquid oxygen.
539
00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:55,199
You know, I got so smashed,
I blacked out,
540
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:58,068
wandered outside of the house
and wound up in a vacant lot.
541
00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:00,670
No.
Yeah.
542
00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:02,139
Boy, she must really
be sore at me.
543
00:24:02,174 --> 00:24:05,642
I went back there to apologize
to her today, and she moved.
544
00:24:05,677 --> 00:24:07,644
I mean she moved.
The whole house was gone.
545
00:24:08,847 --> 00:24:11,982
Now I have to start looking
for her all over again.
546
00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:14,018
Well...good luck, Roge.
547
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,087
Good luck.
Yeah.
548
00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:19,189
[SIGHS]
549
00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:23,060
Look, uh, Tony, if you, uh,
run across her, uh,
550
00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:24,327
maybe you could let me know.
551
00:24:24,363 --> 00:24:25,328
Uh, if you, uh...
552
00:24:25,364 --> 00:24:26,463
Sure, Roge.
553
00:24:26,498 --> 00:24:27,765
Sure.
554
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:28,999
It's a--
555
00:24:41,513 --> 00:24:45,115
[♪♪♪]
46696
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