Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Hi, there, Jeannie.

I, uh, thought you were still asleep.

I was gonna leave a note for you.

Here.

That'll explain everything, okay?

"Dear Jeannie,

I saw no reason to disturb you. I am going--"

Going away on a business trip?!

"Be a good genie. We'll see you in 10 day--"

[SCREAMS]

Oh, master, you must not go on this journey without me.

You do not know what trouble you will get into.

Oh, please, let me out of here, master.

Jeannie.

Now, come on. Come on, Jeannie.

Now, stop that.

Jeannie. Jeannie.

Jeannie. Jeannie.

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

I think you're trying to tell me something.

And I think I'd better listen.

Ooh!

You and I had better have a talk.

You are headed for disaster.

[♪♪♪]

You were leaving without me.

I explained everything in my note.

I was on my way to a--

[GRUNTS]

To a military mission.

Where?

To a city called Hollywood,

in a place called California,

where they make moving pictures.

Why must you go?

Because NASA has assigned me as a technical director

for an astronaut movie

that Mammoth Studios is going to make.

You mean astronauts are going to be in these moving pictures?

Mm-hm. Yeah. That's right.

Well, actually, it stars Rita Mitchell.

Rita Mitchell has had six husbands

and is looking for her seventh.

Oh, you are going to need all the help I can give you.

Say, that's a cute outfit.

Where do you think you're going?

I am going with thee.

I have never seen pictures that move or a Rita Mitchell.

Well, it's really nothing much to see.

Besides, you've got your studying to do, young lady.

And that's important.

You got 2000 years to catch up on.

Uh, by the way, have you done your homework?

But there are so many things in your newspapers and books

that I do not understand.

Well, just take, uh--

Take the red crayon,

and circle all the things

you don't understand, and I'll explain it all--

Explain everything to you...

[SIGHS]

Why can I not make red circles in Hollywood?

[SIGHS] [DOORBELL RINGS]

Come on.

Yes? The car is here, captain.

Huh? Can I get your bags?

Uh, no, no, I'll take care of my own bags.

And I'll see you in a moment, sergeant.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Now, Jeannie. Now--

Hey, hey, hey, I got a good idea.

A very, very good idea.

Look, I'm gonna--

I-I'm gonna put my name on this envelope.

And I'm gonna give you the address

of my hotel...

in Hollywood, California,

and anything you don't understand,

you just mail to me,

and I'll explain to you by return mail.

See?

As you wish, master.

I hope your journey gives you much pleasure.

There are no pleasures involved in this.

This is a military assignment direct from Washington D.C.

Now, you be a good girl.

Oh, I am going to be a very good girl.

Thank you, Jeannie.

Write often.

[♪♪♪]

Thank you.

Here you are.

Thanks.

Rita Mitchell, huh? [KNOCK]

Captain Nelson? Mm-hm?

A letter for you, sir. Oh, thanks.

Rita, or should I say, Ms. Mitchell,

as your technical advisor,

I want you to know

that no sacrifice is too great.

Master, what is Medicare?

Jeannie, what are you doing here?

Don't tell. Don't tell me. I know. I know.

You couldn't finish the article

until you knew what a "Medicare" was.

Thou art so clever.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, God,

if there's anything I can't stand,

it's a smart-aleck genie.

If I was so clever,

I'd never have opened your bottle on that beach.

Oh, art thou really sorry?

No, I guess not.

I've grown accustomed to your smoke.

Oh,

so that is Rita Mitchell?

She is beautiful.

"Rita Mitchell's six husbands. Who will be number seven?"

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes?

Yes, this is Captain Nelson here.

Oh, h-hello, Mr. Tracy.

Uh-huh.

St-stage 12-A?

Right, I-- I can leave right away.

Right. Thank you.

That's the producer.

He's waiting for me at the studio.

What am I gonna do with you?

Take me with you. As what? A harem dancer?

This is business.

Meet thy new secretary.

Jeannie, I'm going to put my foot down.

You are not gonna leave this room.

I can't have you-- We are late, master.

Pardon me, um, I'm Captain Nelson.

I have an appointment with Mr. Tracy.

Oh, yes, captain.

Mr. Tracy is waiting for you on stage 12-A.

You'll find it down this way. To the left.

Thank you.

Charlie,

I want you to make Rita Mitchell's spacesuit

look like a bikini.

Remember, the male eyes of America

expect to see her that way.

Well, Captain Nelson.

I see it didn't take you long to get here.

I-- I-- I can't tell you how glad I am to see you.

TONY: Thank you very much.

This is my secretary, Miss...Jeannie.

And what is your first name, my dear?

Uh, Jeannie.

Oh, Jeannie Jeannie.

We haven't had one of those around here

since Simone Simon.

N-now our picture deals with an American astronaut

named Thompson,

who finds himself in a rather interesting predicament,

inasmuch as it has become necessary to reduce him

to the size of a pinhead.

The size of a pinhead?

You see, captain,

by reducing this little astronaut...

...it is now possible to inject him

into the body of a Russian astronaut.

Say, about the size of you.

Now, here, we have an enlargement

of the astronaut.

Oh, he's cute.

Once inside the Russian astronaut,

the tiny American works his way slowly but torturously

through bone and marrow into his very brain.

Oh, even I cannot do that.

I'll bet you could.

She's got a sense of humor, huh?

Oh, yes-- Yes, she's a million laughs.

What does he do--

The little astronaut.

--once he gets inside there?

I hope he does not sneeze.

Not a bad idea.

On second thought, negative.

It might scatter the information he's obtained.

Now--

Now we have the little astronaut

inside the big astronaut,

and he has obtained information vital and necessary

to the defense of our country.

Any questions?

Yes.

How does the little astronaut get out?

Good question.

How does he get out?

I'd better track down that writer of ours,

wherever he is.

I want you to know that we have put

the best story minds in Hollywood on this.

And we have spared no expense in casting.

We've done our part.

Now you must do your part.

And what's that, sir?

Keep this picture believable.

MAN: Ms. Mitchell, ready on the set, please.

I want you to meet our lovely astronaut, Ms. Rita Mitchell.

Ready, Ms. Mitchell.

Rita, darling, I want you to meet our technical advisor,

the famous Captain Tony Thompson.

Nelson.

Oh, well, I'm impressed.

Henry, I never thought

I'd get to meet a real-life astronaut.

We-- Well, I never thought I'd get to meet a real-life...

Rita Mitchell.

I'm giving a little cocktail party tonight in your honor

at my house.

Um, shall we say 7:00?

Oh, 7:00 will be fine.

Good.

O-oh, and of course, you're invited too.

Oh, thank you.

It will be a welcome change

from staying home alone with my bottle.

[COUGHS]

They're ready for you, Ms. Mitchell.

Oh, yes.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, there you are, darling. Come in.

I am sorry we are late,

but Captain Nelson had much dictating to do.

Oh, well, we're going to make him forget all of that.

I'm three olives ahead of you.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

This is Captain Nelson's secretary.

And I think maybe I'm in the wrong business.

[LAUGHS]

Maybe you're in the wrong business.

Isn't she scrumptious?

This is Jeannie Jeannie.

A name worth repeating.

This is Hubie, and this is Chris Daily.

How do you do?

TRACY: Tell me, how long have you been a secretary?

Uh, since noon.

Oh?

And where did you study stenography?

Uh, where did I study, uh, what?

I've always been fascinated by space.

I'm a scientist at heart. [CHUCKLES]

No kidding? You don't look like one.

Don't laugh.

I have a master's degree in physics.

Really?

Well, maybe you're in the wrong business.

Maybe you should think of becoming an astronaut.

Jeannie.

You don't mind if I call you Jeannie, do you?

You know, you really ought to think

about becoming a movie star like Rita Mitchell.

There aren't many girls like you around.

How did you know?

Well, I--

[CHUCKLES]

You know, honey,

you're my kind of people.

[CHUCKLES]

The, uh, neck ring fits onto the suit here,

and the helmet threads onto it.

And the unit is carried by hand.

Do you believe in fate?

Oh, yes.

I do too.

Oh,

you and I are gonna make

beautiful musicals together.

Let's have a drink on that.

Well, I can't offer you the excitement

I'm sure you're used to as an astronaut,

but I do hope you'll let me show you the real Hollywood.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

That sounds exciting.

Good, then we'll start with lunch tomorrow

in Beverly Hills.

Beverly Hills. About 1:00?

Oh!

Oh! Oh, boy!

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Jeannie, you cut this out!

Now, Jeannie, I'm not kidding,

this time you've gone too far!

Now, just knock it off!

[WITH STUFFY NOSE] You rained on me.

Go on, deny it.

Deny that you were that rainstorm.

I refuse to answer

on the grounds that you might get angry.

Get angry? I'd like to mail you home.

Your home, not mine.

You are going out again with the woman of many husbands?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

We're gonna have lunch and discuss the picture.

And I don't want you raining in my soup.

Master,

if I were a movie star, would you have lunch with me?

Sure. Sure. Any time.

I'll see you later. Goodbye.

Then I will have to become a movie star.

I do not know how, but if it will save him,

then I must do it.

[♪♪♪]

May I get down now, please?

Hold it. Don't move.

You could get hurt up there.

I'll let you down.

Ooh.

I wish you extras would quit playing around

with our equipment.

Hey, who are you? You're not one of our extras.

I am looking for Mr. Tracy.

Uh, is he here?

Oh, is he expecting you?

Oh, no, I do not think so.

But last night he said I should be a star like Rita Mitchell.

Oh.

Oh-ho, just like that, huh?

Yes.

I would like to be a star by tonight,

if it is not too much trouble for you.

Oh, no, no. No trouble at all, ha-ha-ha.

You know what she needs?

A screen test.

One screen test coming right up.

What can you do?

Do?

I can disappear.

She can disappear.

[CHUCKLES]

But not before I get your name

and phone number, sweetie.

Well, I can make myself into smoke.

Oh, no, no. Everybody does that.

Did you have a scene ready?

A scene?

A scene. Lines.

Some dialogue.

Do you know, uh, "The Face on the Barroom Floor"?

No.

But I can recite The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám.

He would not mind. He was a friend of mine.

A friend of yours, huh?

Oh, yes.

He used to try out all his material on me.

He wrote poetry.

Oh, look.

Oh, how lovely. It's just like home.

It is empty.

[LAUGHS]

Isn't she beautiful.

Isn't she beautiful.

Say, listen.

Why don't you recite some of your friend's poetry

for the test?

I-if you so desire.

Action.

[GONG]

The Moving Finger writes And, having writ, moves on

Nor all thy piety nor wit

Can lure it back To cancel half a line

Nor all thy tears wash out A word of it

And when like her O Sákí, you shall pass

Among the guests Star-scattered in the grass

And in your joyous errand Reach the spot

Where I made one

Turn down an empty glass

[APPLAUSE]

Who is she? I'm sorry, Mr. Huberts.

I didn't know you came back from lunch.

I'll get rid of her right away.

Get rid of her?

I wanna test her.

Oh.

Screen test?

Jeannie, they were putting you on.

Putting me on what?

I mean, they were teasing you.

You just can't walk into a film studio

and get a screen test.

I did it for you.

Now I can please you as much as Rita Mitchell does

because I'm going to be a big star.

Yeah, who said so?

Jason Huberts.

He is a very nice man.

He is going to help me.

He's gonna help you what?

Oh, master.

Is it that you are jealous of him?

No, don't be ridiculous.

Of course I'm not jealous of him.

I just-- Well, I hate to see a nice genie like you

make a fool of yourself.

That's all.

He makes a very handsome caliph.

Listen, the last time you got involved with a caliph,

it cost you the best 2000 years of your life.

I wish you would not speak to me as though I were a child.

After all, I'm-- I'm older than you are.

Yeah, on a mere technicality.

Jeannie, I'm just telling these things to you

for your own good.

Just stay away from that movie crowd, huh?

I've gotta go and meet Ms. Mitchell.

Oh, I was hoping that you would come see my screen test.

Well, I can't. The whole thing's ridiculous.

Where is it showing?

At the studio.

In Mr. Tracy's projection room.

Well, I have another engagement.

I can't.

This had better be good, Hubie.

You're taking me away from-- Oh, hello, Jeannie.

You're gonna love this kid, Henry.

I can't wait.

All right, roll it.

[PROJECTOR WHIRRING]

MAN: Action.

The rose is pale and lifeless

compared to thy ruby lips.

JEANNIE: Oh, mighty caliph,

thine arms have such might, they leave me weak.

The strength cometh from my love.

Hold me.

What is this? What's the gag?

HUBERTS: My desert siren,

When thou lookest at me this way,

it seemeth as though thou wert looking right through me.

All right, cut it. Cut it.

Who's the droll fellow

that thought this little stunt would be amusing?

You, Hubie?

Me?

I tell you, she was in that test.

She was brilliant.

It must have been the cameraman or special effects.

Dragging a busy man away for this nonsense...

when he's got little astronauts to worry about.

Jeannie, I--

I don't know what happened, but I'm terribly sorry.

[SNEEZES]

Sorry.

[SOBBING] Master, wha--? What are you doing here?

I came to see your screen test.

I did not know they could not make pictures of me.

Jeannie.

Here.

If there's anything I can't stand, it's a crying genie.

You are being kind.

Do-- Do not bother with me.

You will be late for Rita Mitchell.

I canceled that date.

I promise I-I will not rain on you anymore.

You what?

I canceled that date.

Why?

Well, I was a little worried about you.

Oh, master.

I cannot believe it.

You can't believe what?

I have taken thee away

from the biggest movie star in Hollywood.

[LAUGHING]

Well, that's show biz.

[♪♪♪]

Master, what is all this?

Hm? Oh, these are footprints of Hollywood movie stars.

Oh.

There's Clark Gable, Wallace Beery, Eddie Cantor.

Master. Hm?

Our visit here was unforgettable too.

Yes, it was.

Then why do we not put our footprints in the cement, huh?

Well, for one thing, you can't do it that way.

Uh, the cement would have to be soft.

[♪♪♪]