All language subtitles for I Dream of Jeannie (1965) - S01E03 - Guess What Happened on the Way to the Moon (480p DVD x265 Silence)_track3_[eng]

NARRATOR:
Once upon a time,

in a mythical place
called Cape Kennedy,

an astronaut named Tony Nelson
went up on a space mission.

The missile went up,

but something went wrong,
and they had to bring it down.

Captain Nelson landed on
an island in the South Pacific

where he found a bottle.

At least,
it looked like a bottle.

But it didn't act
like a bottle.

[♪♪♪]

Because in it was a genie.

Oh, not your average
everyday genie,

but a beautiful genie...

...who could grant any wish.

[♪♪♪]

Captain Nelson was so grateful,
he set Jeannie free,

only she didn't want
to be free.

You know how it is

when you've been cooped up
in a bottle for 2000 years.

She wanted to have fun.

And she wanted to have it
with Captain Nelson.

So she followed him back
to Cocoa Beach,

a mythical town

in a mythical state
called Florida.

And there in this house,

the girl in the bottle
plays spin the astronaut.

[♪♪♪]

Where is that razor?

A razor just doesn't simply
get up and walk away by itself.

Can't go to a briefing
without a shave.

Well, now,
who put that in there?

Jeannie.

Jeannie?

Jeannie, you come out of there
right now.

[GIGGLES]

Good morning,
master darling.

How may I serve you?

Well, first of all, you can stop
calling me "master darling,"

and secondly, you can stop
being such a neatener.

What means this word
"neatener"?

Well, it's like
when you...

throw out my newspaper
before I've read it.

And, uh--
And you put her in the drawer.

Ah.

And now, my razor
is missing.

Oh, that.

I got rid of it.

Why?

In the land
from which I came,

it is the fashion for
all masters to wear beards.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, Jeannie, in this country,

the only people who wear beards
are folksingers and beatniks.

Oh, but my handsome master
would look like a king

with a warrior's beard.

[LAUGHS]

Behold!

Beautiful.

Now you look
a proper master.

Uh, Jeannie, if I walk around
Cape Kennedy like this,

they'll blast me off
without a capsule.

No! That must be
Dr. Bellows.

Now, uh, get me
out of this, quick.

Well... Well, thanks.

Oh, thanks for the shave.

Not very funny.

Oh.

No, it's not very funny.

But then how many doorbells are?

Good morning, Dr. Bellows.

Glad I'm, uh...
I'm ready, sir.

Shall we go?

We don't want to be late
for the briefing.

No, we don't, do we?

[GROANS]

Have a nice day.

[♪♪♪]

[KICKS DOOR]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Lights, please.

That's it, gentlemen.

We've looked at so many films
of the moon's surface,

when we finally land there,
it'll seem like homecoming.

Well, that's why
this survival mission

you're embarking on tomorrow

is of such vital importance.

When you get back,
we'll have a much better idea

of a man's ability
to survive a week

under really rugged
conditions.

Um...

Furnace Canyon, Nevada...

120 degrees during the day,
and 10 below zero at night.

Miles and miles of nothing
but miles and miles of nothing.

Furnace Canyon is
hazardous and miserable.

And too easy
for our purposes.

Therefore, tomorrow morning
at 0600 hours,

you will be deposited
on the floor

of Skull Flats, Utah.

Skull Flats.

You know, general,
I'm not complaining,

but for once I'd like
to go on one of these

survival missions to a place
called like, uh...

Oh, Happy Valley
or Merry Meadows, hm?

Yes.

Bellows.

BELLOWS:
Theoretically,

men of your age and
superlative physical condition

should be able
to cover the 75 miles

from the drop zone
to our evacuation strip

if nothing goes wrong.

You figure
something will?

Lots of things.

Well, that's the survival game
for you.

We're setting you down with one
quart of water per man. Period.

You mean...
You mean no food?

Only what you are able
to catch, kill

or scrape off
the underside of rocks.

[♪♪♪]

Well, the chocolate rocks
are mine.

But it-- It is
utterly ridiculous.

You cannot go out into
the desert without me.

Oh, yes, I can.

This is a do-it-yourself
survival mission.

And I am leaving you right here.

And just to make certain
you don't interfere

[GASPS]
back in the bottle you go.

Oh, please, master.

Over 2000 years I've spent
in that accursed bottle.

Well, then one more week can't
make that much difference.

Now be a good genie and,
phweet, back in the bottle.

You are the most difficult
master I have ever served.

Mm!
[CHUCKLES]

Thanks, Jeannie.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[♪♪♪]

ROGER:
And when I told Annabelle

we're going out of town
for a week,

you should hear
the way she cried.

Cried like a baby.
And when I told Louise,

she completely--
All right, all right.

If we hurry, we'll still have
time to say goodbye to Margie

and Dottie and Fay
on the way to the airstrip.

Here. They can wait.
Here, let me grab this.

Okay, thanks.

[♪♪♪]

Now, Jeannie, I-I want you
to be a good girl,

you understand?

Look, look. Here.

You can play with your marbles
while I'm gone.

I hope I--
I hope I didn't hit you.

There.
You'll be safe right here.

Yeah, but how safe am I going
to be on a desert

with a guy who talks
to bottles?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Well, is it everything
I promised?

Yes, sir, and more.

Boy, it must be 110 in the shade
out here, sir.

If there was any shade.

Well, cheer up.

It's only 7:00
in the morning.

I know I don't have to
remind you men

of the importance
of what you're about to do.

No, sir, we certainly appreciate
you choosing us

for this mission.
Don't we, Roge?

Right, right.
After this,

the moon mission will seem
like a weekend in Miami.

Any final orders, sir?

No.
Just stay alive,

and cover as much
ground as possible.

All right. Let's get cracking.
I'm anxious to try these

new synthetic boots.
See how they work.

You go ahead. I'm going to stick
with the old-fashioned kind.

[♪♪♪]

Boy, this survival business
is very thirsty work, huh?

I'll drink to that.

Well, here's to you.

[JEANNIE GIGGLES]

Oh, no.

Oh, no, what?

Uh, oh, no,
I don't think I'll drink yet.

Try and test
the old endurance, huh?

[CHUCKLING]
Yeah, yeah.

Something like that.

Listen, why don't we split
up for a while, huh?

I'll, uh...

I'll meet you on
the other side of that butte.

Okay, here we go. See ya.

[♪♪♪]

You come out of there.

Now, now, come on.

I'm in no mood to play games.

Jeannie, look, I-I...
Don't be afraid.

I-I just want to talk to you.

Talking to your canteen.

Aren't you afraid your bottle
will get jealous?

No, I wasn't talking to it.
I was, uh, well, you know--

[BLOWING NOTES]

Would you like me to play
a few choruses on my comb

of "Sugar Blues" or shall we get
on with the mission?

Yeah, yeah.
You're right, Roger.

I'll see you on the other side
of the butte. Okay?

I'll see you.

All right now, Jeannie.
Now you come out of there!

Oh, cleverest master
in all the world,

teach me the meaning
of this strange incantation:

[BLOWING NOTES]

Every drop is gone.

Do you realize what you've done?

Well, I'll die without water.

By this time tomorrow,
I'll look like a bag of raisins.

H-h-humans just can't
live without--

Whoa-oa. Hey!
Ha-ha-ha. Hey!

You're the most wonderful genie

I've ever seen in my life.

What am I being
so grateful for?

If it hadn't been for you
in the first place...

All right,
th-th-that's enough.

That's all I'll ask.

Mm.

[GAGGING]
It's a vodka martini.

Is that not my master's
favorite potion?

Yes, at cocktail time,
but this is life or death.

Just one quart plain, please.

Plain water.

Oh. Oh, that's better.

I mean under the circumstances
that's better.

If you are pleased,
I am content.

Now, what do we do?

Well, I get on with my mission,
and you get out of here.

Oh, but you need me.

No, no, I don't.
Now-- Now listen.

Can't you get it through
your head?

I don't need you.

Look, I'm especially trained
for this type of work.

I-I don't need your help.

I'm a-- I really, I-I--

[SCREAMS]

Jeannie. Let me go.

[CRASH]

Tony, I-I'm looking at a mirage
you wouldn't believe.

Tony. Tony. Hello, Ton.
Ton? Tony?

Where am I?

Where am I?

What's that?

Baktu malali.

An ancient Persian remedy.

Oh, boy.
What is it?

Hot chicken soup.

It's great.
Great.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Take that away.

I'm not allowed to eat.

You've had enough?

Enough what?

Well, this is my master's
third bowlful.

Oh, you didn't.
I didn't.

You did?
I did?

Oh, boy.

I've displeased you?

Oh, Jeannie, you meant well,

but you've just ruined
the whole mission.

No. No, no,
not the whole mission.

There's always Roger.

Yeah, good old Roger.

Uh, Roger. Roger,
are you there? Over.

TONY [OVER WALKIE-TALKIE]:
Roger, come in.

Hello, Tony?

Where you been?
I've been trying to raise you.

I'm headed for the wildest
mirage you ever saw.

[GIGGLES]

Uh, mirage? Mirage?
What kind of a mirage?

ROGER:
Well, there's this oasis, see?

And one of those
silk Arab tents,

and a while back,
I saw the wildest blonde.

[LAUGHING]
Well...boy, I sure wish
I had your imagination.

[GIGGLING]

No fooling.
I can even smell the incense.

Look, I'll get back to you later
when I get a better look.

Maybe she's got a friend
for you. Out.

No, no, no, Roger.
Now don't do that.

Roger, there is no girl.
She's all in your mind.

Roger!
Roger?

Now look what you've done.

He's on his way over here.

If my master wishes, I can turn
that one into a pillar of salt.

No. No, no, please.

Just...

get rid of all this.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

It is done.

No, no. Not quite.
You too.

But--
And take your
chicken soup with you.

[WHINES]

[CRACK]

[ROARS]

[ROARS]

[ROARS]

[SCREAMS]

Ah! You may kill me, but you'll
have a fight on your hands.

Need any help?

Ooh.

What's the matter
with your ankle?

I just twisted it a little
it'll be all right. See?

Sure. You take it easy
and I'll go out and see

what I can go scrape
up for breakfast, okay?

Okay. I'll try to make
a snare for that rabbit.

Uh, if you're gonna wrestle
that thing again, uh,

take it easy.

If my master is hungry, I could
easily spread a six-course--

Of course I'm hungry.
But you know the rules.

ROGER [OVER WALKIE-TALKIE]:
What'd you say?

Ha-ha.
I said I was hungry.

Mm.

[STATIC CRACKLING]
Tony. Tony, what are you doing?

Uh... Oh, you're not going
to believe this, Roge,

but I got so hungry I took
a bite out of my walkie-talkie.

Aw, God - Hang on, will ya?

Look, I got some cactus here
that looks beautiful.

I'll try to get the needles off
and bring you some. Okay?

Well, if the meat is not
pleasing to you, I could...?

No. This is wonderful,
but...

I can't gorge myself
on roast lamb

while my buddy
is out eating needles.

ROGER:
Hey, I ran into a special down
at the supermarket.

Look what dad's
got for breakfast.

Looks delicious.
Ahhh.

Hey, you know something,
I must be cracking up.

I could swear I smell
roast lamb.

Huh?

Oh. Oh, that.

Yeah, well, I got so hungry
I cooked my shoe and I ate it.

Roast shoe?
How did it taste?

A lot like roast lamb.

Oh, boy.
No matter how hungry I get,

I can never eat
these fiberglass goodies.

Listen, Roge.

With this bum ankle, I'll never
be able to keep up with you.

You better...
You better go out on your own.

And leave you out in
this wilderness? Forget it.

Listen, the faster you get back
to civilization,

the faster you'll be able
to send help back for me.

I am not leaving--

Roger...

the mission comes first.

All right.

I'll come back
and pick you up myself.

Oh, a-and look,
don't burn yourself out.

Slow and easy does it.

Okay.

Uh...

Tony, uh...

I was just thinking.

You won't be doing
much walking.

Could you let me have
your other shoe?

My other shoe?

Yeah. It'd be kind
of a change of diet,

and it did smell like
roast lamb, and...

Oh. Okay.

But promise me you won't eat
it unless there's absolutely

nothing else around.

And don't overcook it.

I'll check with you
every three hours.

I'll be here.
You'll be here.
Okay.

Your friend is a good man.

Yeah.
None better.

It will be hot out there.

If you like,

I could make a cooling shower
of rain for him.

I'd like to put him
in an air-conditioned car.

Now stop that.

He's got to do this
on his own,

otherwise the whole mission
is for nothing.

You understand?

No.

But if you want your best friend
to suffer...

Hello, Tony?

Yeah, Roger.

I must be doing something wrong.

It tastes like shoe.

I'm sorry, Roge.

This cactus you gave me tastes
exactly like-- Like melon.

ROGER:
Boy, I wish
I had your imagination.

Jeannie, it's against
my principles,

but you better
get us out of here.

I won't have Roger risking
his life coming back for me.

Get me some fast transportation,
fast.

Well...

as you say, master.

This is not exactly
what I had in mind.

It is the only way to travel.

[CAMEL BRAYS]

[♪♪♪]

[CAMEL BRAYS]

[♪♪♪]

My pal Tony,

I left him behind that butte
about five days ago.

We gotta find him.
Take it easy, sir.

Captain Nelson's
already in.

He's already in?
Captain Nelson's already in?

Amazing. Unbelievable.

Couldn't the scale be wrong,
sir?

No, captain.
Let's face it.

You not only survived,
you gained five pounds.

I'm sorry, sir.

And one ounce.

That's not
the worst of it.

How am I going to explain
your condition?

Why, you're in
perfect health.

Uh, what about my elbow?

Yes.

What about that elbow?

Well, it hurts.
Isn't that something?

I know it hurts,
and I know why it hurts.

There's only one thing
that could be.

What?
Gout.

And you know what's going
to happen to me

when I write that
up in the test report?

They won't only throw me out
of the space program,

they'll laugh me out
of the medical profession.

Well, can we just forget
about the gout, sir?

No.

And I have
an even bigger problem.

What, sir?

Explaining how a man walks
across the desert

in his stockinged feet
and winds up with saddle sores.

Get your clothes on,
wait for me.

I'm not through with you.

Would you mind turning around?

Too rich food.

That doctor,
I do not think I like him.

Well, if he
caught you here,

I don't think
he'd be too happy either.

You better beat it.

I wish to help.
No.

There's no way for you to get
me out of this spot, Jeannie.

I've gotta tell the doctor
the whole truth.

It may mean my career.

Well, then why tell him?

Because, Jeannie,
the results of my survival test

are gonna be used
to train future astronauts.

Only they won't have
a genie.

I can't let them send those
poor kids out in that desert,

thinking they'll make out
as well as I did.

Oh. Is it any wonder
I love you?

Well, doc, he may be in better
physical shape than I am,

but I'll bet
I'm in better mental shape.

Oh, hello, doctor.
Roger! Your feet--

What happened?

Blisters this big.
That's what happened.

Boy, you try walking
on a desert,

you'll have blisters too.

Only come to think about it,
you couldn't have,

because you didn't
have any shoes

because I ate one of
them and...

Hey, wait a minute. Wait, wait,
what did happen out there?

Well, I've been trying to figure
out a way of telling you, doc.

But Roger chose the hard way,
and I chose the easy way.

Obviously.

Captain Healy lost 12 pounds
traveling 30 miles in seven days

while you turned up
three days early,

75 miles
from the drop zone

and looking like the guest of
honor at the gourmet's club.

Explain that, pal.

How come you didn't
let me in on the easy way?

I wanted to, Roge,
but I couldn't.

I-- Well, what I mean is...

What?
What?

Well, while you were out
collecting cactus

and bones and feathers,
I was...

I was having
a big meal of chicken soup

and roast lamb and melon,

and there, I was lying
in this beautiful silk tent.

No fair. No fair.
That's my mirage he's doing.

A beautiful tent
and beautiful food?

No beautiful girl?

There was in my mirage.

Well, after I ate the melon,
you see...

Doc, don't listen to him.

Aside from what was
out there on the ground,

the only thing he ate
was his left shoe.

It was my right shoe,
and I didn't eat it.

Remarkable.

And the 75 miles?

I rode most of the way.

On a camel?
Yes.

That was my mirage too.

I must have told him
on the walkie-talkie.

Of course you did.

You saw it, but he rode it.

Very interesting.

Wait a minute.
Wait, doc.

You don't believe him, do you?

Of course not.

But the important thing
is that he believes it.

A remarkable manifestation
of mind over matter.

You see, Captain Nelson was
so convinced the food was there,

he not only put on weight,
he got the gout.

And as for your camel,

he got the saddle sores.

Then you don't think I'm crazy,
sir.

You're not going to kick me out
of the space program.

Well, hardly.

We need men like you--

Men of imagination
and determination.

--if we're to survive
on the moon.

Thank you, sir.

You'll never regret this.

I'm recommending you
for the most difficult mission

we have yet devised:

Operation Extinction.

Look, Roge.

This is... Roger?

Then I'm really
going with you.

I wouldn't dream of tackling
Operation Extinction

without you.
Oh. I'm so pleased.

You will love the desert
of Saudi Arabia.

I know a pool there.

[CHUCKLING]
Oh, I bet you do.

All right.

In your bottle.

But...
In.

[♪♪♪]

I'm sorry, Jeannie.

I know this is a dirty trick
and I hate myself,

but I'm going to accomplish
this mission on my own.

With nothing going for me.

[♪♪♪]