Original subtitles

AT THE NETWORK MEETING WITH THE EDITOR

- Did you watch the trailer? - Yes, I did.

What does Leander Haußmann have to do with diversity?

And I don't want to watch it again. It's not good for my soul.

For my film soul, you know?

Your soul is very important to me. Leander was the wrong choice.

So how do I get you back on board?

You need a new director for your trailer.

PUBLIC BATHS NEUKÖLLN

Tom, be honest.

- I need your advice. - Huh?

Put your book down. Tom, please put it down.

You worked with all the directors. Who directed you best?

I need the best.

Kida, you can't ask that question.

You see, the problem is that nowadays

directors don't have time to really explore a character.

They're purely technocrats.

All they do is follow the shooting schedule

and make locations look cool on screen.

All they do is say "Please" and "Thank you".

But to capture the spirit, to really explore the depths,

that's the art of the matter.

- And that always came from me. - What are you trying to say?

What I'm saying, Kida,

is that I am the best director I ever had.

- You? - I don't let myself be directed.

- You are the best director? - Yes.

You never directed anything.

- Do you already have the money? - Yes.

I'll direct you.

What?

Don't believe me?

Trust me, I'll make you look better than all those amateurs.

Humor isn't easy, and it needs to be funny.

Tragedy plus time. And I know all about German geniuses.

- Guys! Hey! Sorry! Traffic! - Always late.

Kida! Hey, Tom.

- I would cast Olli right away. - You'd cast Olli?

- Shut up. Olli's not an actor. - Wait. One moment.

Do Colonel Trautman, please.

- Trautman? - Trautman.

"Rambo 1".

OLLI SCHULZ SINGER AND PRESENTER, NOT AN ACTOR

John Rambo is the best combat vet I've ever seen.

A fighting machine with only a desire,

to win a war that someone else lost.

And if winning means he has to die, he'll die.

No fear, no regrets.

One more thing.

What you choose to call hell...

- ...he calls home. - "...he calls home."

- Cool or what? - Pretty good.

Olli, which German legend...

Which German historical legend would you like to play?

- Me? - Yes.

Kaiser Wilhelm II.

- Oh, that's interesting. - Wait, wait, wait.

Why not the First?

The disaster started with Kaiser Wilhelm II.

He was chaotic and genius at the same time.

All torn up inside.

Combining hubris, tragedy, and complete insanity.

And then to be controlled by others.

I know a thing or two about that.

Sabine, listen. I've got great news.

Tom Schilling and Olli Schulz are on board.

They're in!

- Who does Tom want to play? - Tom?

Tom won't act. He'll direct. Olli Schulz will act.

But he's not an actor!

I mean, I can't sell the show internally if we're using a debutant.

But you don't want me to direct. And Tom Schilling is great publicity.

You can be the first woman to have Beethoven, Goethe,

Einstein, Ricky Gervais, I mean...

You can bag all the stars and Tom Schilling.

You can be a legend, like I promised.

And Ricky was happy with Tom Schilling. He thinks he's great.

Well, if Ricky really says that, I'll go along with it.

But don't make me look bad, okay?

No! Never.

Kida!

- Hey, Katrin. - Hi!

- What's up? - What's up?

- How are you? - Right. I heard you're doing "Extras".

Hey, promise me you'll give me a part.

- Where did you hear that? - People think I can't do drama.

But I can.

All the shows, the hosting, the comedy stuff, I'm done with it!

Look. I can cry on command.

Katrin, um...

I can do it thrice in a row. Without fake tears. Great, right?

- That's really great. - Here. Look.

Right.

Katrin, it's okay. I know.

But I'm not producing a drama, it's a comedy.

Well, that's fine too. A dramedy, so I can cry and laugh.

- No, no, no. Enough. - But why?

You already ate two.

Karo, I met Tom.

- I'll win the Grimme Award, I swear. - Which Tom? Tom Cruise?

No, Tom Schilling. Not Tom Cruise.

I see, Tom Schilling. I like him though.

- He's got time for that? - "That"?

- Well, I was at the set. - Could you please be quiet?

Hey, hey, Susanne. What's wrong with you?

Can't work faster? Why so slow?

Dad, you barely even finished school.

You don't even have a real job.

Hey, we agreed you'd stop being mean to your dad.

This is a work zone. Can you leave?

Can I stay if I work?

- Yes, but Dad can't. - Why not?

Dad, actor is not a real job. Tax advisor is.

What kind of pizza was that? I have to poop.

I'm not surprised, Sami.

- Have to poop, huh? - He ate two pizzas.

Two.

MEETING WITH PRODUCTION MANAGER

I looked at your teaser idea.

We'll get the location, not cheap, but alright.

Simple equipment, one scene, a limited number of extras.

- Do we block off the set? - One on each side, so two.

- Boss, I can do that. - See? Tarkan will do it.

- That already saves us money. - And Tom will agree?

Sure he will. He just wants to have free rein.

Okay, I'll do it for you.

But I won't be liable. I like Tom. He's a good guy.

But I'm skeptical when actors try to direct.

- Who do I inform of the costs? - He handles the money, I the art.

That's how we do it. Works for me.

- You can do that, right? - Sure I can.

SECOND TRAILER SHOOT: WILHELM II FOR REAL THIS TIME...

It looks like Hollywood. Mashallah .

I hope it's Tarantino's set, or I'm broke.

- Tarantino? - Marius?

Marius!

Marius!

Come here, Tarkan.

Go find Marius.

Marius?

Use the crane to shoot a sick extreme long shot.

Then we float towards the castle, Barry Lyndon-style.

We drop down here,

further towards the castle, past this nice seating area.

This is where Wilhelm and his friend enter the frame.

They have a dialogue here.

We follow them, but it's not a walk and talk, we float.

So it can't be shaky.

We'll end up... One moment please.

We end up here, at the cannons. Right. We need more of them.

- Kida? - Hey, Tom.

What's with all the equipment?

- When I direct, I go all in. - But it's just a test shoot.

- Who'll pay for all this? - The producers of course.

Kida!

I need someone from the prop department!

Kida, it sort of took on a life of its own.

But Tom is so full of energy, I couldn't hold him back.

Marius, I told you right from the start, I handle the art, you handle the money.

You ruined everything. I hope your mother's house is huge.

It's cool though, isn't it?

You're liable for this shit, okay?

Guys, look at that light!

I want to shoot now. Let's go!

I'll go get the saber. I need my saber!

- Do I look like a gardener? - Yes.

Tom, excuse me?

I appreciate the authenticity.

But I need to know what I'm playing. Give me anything.

You know everything you need to know.

You're Abdullah, the extra.

Here on the Wilhelm set, you play the gardener, that's it.

Forget the script and just react to what happens.

Okay, Abdullah is on set. But I do play the lead.

Am I supposed to just cut the grass?

Okay, Kida, I wouldn't overthink it.

Listen, your Abdullah character, he's pegged as an extra and wants more.

He wants to be discovered as a real actor.

Just like you were discovered once. That's enough.

Stop worrying. That's not like you.

Get on your mark. We're about to start.

Tina, Kida can't know that we cut out the fake director.

Instead, Olli and I will...

Okay, guys, last one before lunch! We can do this!

- Andi, go. - And, roll sound.

And... tail slate!

Crane go!

And... please!

Tell Schmidt to send 50,000 Ludo boards

to all the field hospitals and to the soldiers in the trenches.

- As a pastime. Got it? - Yes, sir!

- Do you know Ludo? - Yes.

It really is a great board game.

Everyone tries to make it home. Just like our soldiers do too.

And bam! You're out and start all over again.

You can't move backwards in this game.

What's going on here?

That's not cleaning.

What the fuck?

- Fuck! - Cut!

Tail slate!

We're starting over.

- Olli, that was a great version. - Good, wasn't it?

But it's 1916, okay?

I noticed I'm the only one really putting some effort into it right now.

I prepared my lines. I might have ad-libbed a little.

But somehow it's not panning out.

I love what you're doing, but it won't work.

It's 1916. Nobody said "fuck" back then.

- Sorry. - Are you a historian now, or what?

Honestly, how would you know people didn't say "fuck" in 1916?

Olli, you're playing the German Emperor in Germany.

- Nobody says "fuck"! - Tom! Wilhelm had English relatives!

He spoke English! He graduated from Oxford.

- It makes no sense, Olli! - Hey, Tom, what's wrong? Chill out.

- What? Excuse me? - Chill out. What's wrong?

Sorry, but who are you and what do you want from me?

Are you kidding? Am I supposed to let an extra tell me to calm down?

What the hell is this?

- Extra? Me? - It just keeps getting better.

We'll do another one. Would it help if we removed Abdullah from the scene?

- What? - Honestly? Yes.

I'll leave the "fuck" out too then.

You heard it, let's do one without him.

Thanks. You were great. Back to your marks!

- Let go of me, sir. - But you know me.

- Not on set. - We've known each other for years!

They want to kick me out. Did you hear that?

Just for one take.

- Tom, what the fuck? - Abdullah has to go!

You can't just kick me out!

Hey!

Tom, I'm the reason you're here!

Kida, let's go to catering.

- Boss? - Wait.

Martin, we're coming back.

Great! Next scene!

Wallah , like concrete.

- Press harder, dude. - Kida, coffee.

- What's gotten into Tom? - I think he's just a little nervous.

- What's he doing? - Thinking about the next scene.

Where is he?

- In the tent. - In the tent?

Oh, I don't... Does anyone have a poo bag?

Anyone have a poo bag?

Or something similar? Tin foil? Plastic bag?

Good boy.

Olli.

Olli, come here.

Listen up.

What if, in the next scene...

He won't talk to us.

Hey, Olli. Oh, he can hear me. I'm really disappointed.

This was a mistake. That jerk does as he pleases.

- Kida! - Are you nuts, or what?

I won't let an extra drive my lead actor crazy.

If I see that again, I'll kick you off the set.

- Neck and crop. - I'm the lead.

- What? - I'm the lead actor.

Oh, really? Of course! We all know that!

Every extra is the lead actor in their own life, right?

Okay, let's shoot before the sun goes down.

- Marius, I'll kill him. - Tail slate, okay?

Everybody ready?

Let's go. And... please!

- Majesty, your turn. - Oh, a four.

Stay with me, whatever happens.

Explosion one!

Assassination attempt on the Kaiser!

Explosion two!

And...

Come on now! Do your acting thing.

More emotion! Fear!

Frag bomb!

More haze!

Fear! I want to see fear!

Fear!

Attack! War!

Okay. Cut!

Want to talk about it?

I believe in you, okay?

Okay?

RECORDING STUDIO

RECORDING FOR VIVA CON AGUA KIDA'S PHILANTHROPIC SIDE

Viva con Agua. Water is a human right.

Every human being has a right to water.

My name is Kida Khodr Ramadan. I am ambassador for Viva con Agua.

Kida Khodr Ramadan!

- My wife. - Hello.

Did you use our money for your shoot?

Can we talk about it later?

Can you turn it off for a second, please, bro?

Keep it running.

I did it for us.

It's 50,000 euros. That's your children's future.

You get what you pay for. Your words.

- Kida, let me tell you something. - Come here.

I'll give you one week to get the money back.

- Got that? One week. - You can't blackmail me.

I mean it, Kida.

36,000 euros for a day's shooting of a teaser.

- Plus garden damage. - Garden damage?

Another 52,000 euros.

The architect apparently told a story with his garden.

Special trees, stuff like that.

That's what insurance is for, right?

But we don't have one, because you said we don't need it to shoot a teaser.

Why do you listen to me?

Tom did that, with his explosions. The assassination attempt.

- Tom overdid it. - No, Tom does cinema.

You didn't stop him. You loved it all.

You said, "Great! Tom's here! Let me go get my saber!"

But it's fine. He's a good director. Sabine will push him through.

What's going on here? Two guys shaving a single man?

- I told him to put the towels away. - Put the towels away!

About the house, when can I expect the money?

No shit. You have to bring in your share.

Well...

Can you advance me some?

I still have a problem to work out before I can lend money on the house.

Are you kidding? I paid a 50,000 euros advance.

Karo wants her money. We're both liable.

I still need to get writers for the scripts. That's not cheap.

Yeah, well...

Maybe we can find young people who do it solely out of passion?

What the hell? Who'd do that for free?

We need professionals, people with skills.

I'm not producing cheap crap. Now give me the sum total.

Come on, out with it. The sum total. Tell me.

89,383 euros.

- 89,000? - Yes.

We need to set up a company that is liable,

or we'll go bankrupt.

Salam alaykum , Mr. Ramadan.

- Alaykum salam . - I'm Enver Veseli.

I'm a businessman, and a huge fan of "4 Blocks".

Thank you. What can I do for you?

My son's circumcision is next week. I would be honored if you came.

Sorry, we don't have time, but all the best to your son.

I'm willing to pay for it.

Pay for it?

25,000 euros, cash in hand.

- Why not? - 25,000?

One hour.

- I'll be on time. - Good. I'm counting on you.

Marius Jürgens.

- Salam Alaykum. - Salaman Dalaikum.

I'll let you know when and where. Bye.

What did you just say, "salaman dalaikum"?

- I'll take your word for it, Tom. - If you're in...

- Really? - That definitely helps.

Hey.

- Ah, Kida! - Hello, Sabine.

Nice of you to finally come. We didn't wait at all.

By the way, this is Leo, my niece.

Hello, Leo. You have the world's best aunt.

- Suck-up. - Tom, one second.

- Outside? - Just for a moment.

- But keep it short. - Yes, we will.

What's wrong?

What are you doing to me? What is this?

Why is the editor here?

I'm the producer. I haven't seen it yet.

- Are you doing things behind my back? - Kida, calm down.

Think about it, a cheerful, funny editor who is personally involved

is a lot more relaxed than one who constantly nags and is skeptical.

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer",

Julius Caesar.

Come on in now. I rented the big screening room.

- Can we start? - Yes, here we go.

Great.

Alright.

Tell Schmidt to send 50,000 Ludo boards

to all the field hospitals and to the soldiers in the trenches.

As a pastime.

Do you know Ludo?

It really is a great board game.

Everyone tries to make it home. Just like our soldiers do too.

And bam! You're out and start all over again.

You can't move backwards in this game.

Hello? That's not cleaning. What the fuck?

Fuck!

Cut! Shit. Stop!

Olli! Great, Olli.

I really like the energy you put into Wilhelm. I really do.

But it's 1916, okay?

I noticed I'm the only one really putting some effort into it right now.

Olli, you're playing the German Emperor in Germany.

- Nobody says "fuck"! - Tom! Wilhelm had English relatives!

He spoke English! He graduated from Oxford.

- It makes no sense, Olli! - Hey, Tom, what's wrong? Chill out.

- What? Excuse me? - Chill out. What's wrong?

Sorry, but who are you and what do you want from me?

Are you kidding? Am I supposed to let an extra tell me to calm down?

What the hell is this? It just keeps getting better.

One without him. Thanks. You were great.

- Kida, let's go to catering. - Don't touch me, man.

Abdullah has to go!

Fantastic.

Tom Schilling, you're awesome! You're the best!

You fucking delivered. I knew it. I never doubted you.

I was very doubtful, but...

I think this is something very special.

Sometimes you need to give them free rein.

Remember that, Leo.

That... I can present internally and get a green light.

Sabine, I told you, I never doubted it.

My idea works. It just works. Tom!

I think it's great too,

but there were other takes, were I don't leave the frame.

Because I'm walking with the German Emperor and he talks to me.

- I think you leave a strong mark. - I agree, Jürgen. You gave it depth.

Tom Schilling is a badass! That motherfucker!

Leo, I think now is a good time.

Come on, go ahead.

Would it be okay if I watched along during the project?

Just to see how it all works?

She wants to be your intern.

Just to absorb everything. She's super interested in film.

- Of course. - You always were. Right, Leo?

You can do it.

- Tell him, Sami. - What's up?

- I want to be a goalkeeper. - What?

- I want to be a goalkeeper. - You're a striker!

- He wants to be a keeper. - Listen, Sami, I'll tell you something.

- Keepers concede goals and always lose. - I want to be a keeper, Dad.

- Let me finish. - No, let him finish.

He wants to be a keeper. Who is your favorite player?

Manuel Neuer.

Why did I buy you a Ronaldo jersey?

Because you like him.

See? He's only doing it for you.

That's over. It's his decision if he wants to be a keeper.

Stop projecting your desires onto him. Got that?

- Or do your own taxes. - Are you blackmailing me?

Yes. So...

- Are you a mama's boy? - Yes, I am.

Sami, if anyone asks, just tell them you're circumcised.

- Yes, but... - Just say yes.

- Salam alaykum . - Salam alaykum , habibi .

I'm glad you could make it. It's a great honor.

Thank you. Put that away.

Let me introduce you to the family.

Time to circumcise... with permission.

Don't look down, okay?

Hang in there, boy.

You're brave.

Bravo.

Yes! It's off!

Here.

Here.

This is Nedim's foreskin.

Brave and proud, he got through it all.

Now we get to the main part of the evening, my friends.

The meaning of life. Earning money and spending money.

So don't be stingy.

150 euros from the doctor.

Please.

300 euros? I like that!

Master Toni Hamady himself.

500.

The master gives 1,000 euros!

I said 500.

1,000 euros. Bravo!

That needs to come off. You'll be a man and you'll be one of us.

Have fun.

Great, I thought.

Perfect circumcision.

What?

Hamady's son is not circumcised?

Kida, is that true? You realize it's haram , brother?

My mom says circumcision is physical assault.

He's lying. Okay, we need to go now.

- Kida! - I'd like to thank everyone.

- We had a great time. - Kida, don't worry.

- We can take care of it. - Yes, but he needs to go to school.

- Let's talk about it. - We need to go home.

- This is a great opportunity. - I have to ask for his consent.

Do I get money for it?

- Yes! - All the money in the world.

- Come with us. - You'll be rich.

Come.

It's fine.

- Lean back and don't look. - With permission.

- Sami? - Yes.

- You want to be a man, don't you? - I want to be a man.

- You want to be what? - A man.

Very good. Kida?

You want him to have an anteater down there?

Police!

Hands up!

Keep your hands up!

Drop the knife! Drop the knife!

This is Sami's foreskin!

Yes!

Hands on the table and look down.

Mr. Ramadan, can we take a photo with you?

- Sure. - Kida, I'll see you.

Let's have a coffee sometime.