Original subtitles

Once upon a time...

there were three little pigs who all lived together in a forest.

Now, those three little pigs had nowhere to live

and they really wanted somewhere to live

because they didn't like sleeping under trees and in bushes

and it got very cold when it rained.

One day, their old aunt left them some money

so that they could build themselves a house.

She left them enough money

that they could build themselves a house each.

"I know what I'm going to do," said the first little pig.

"I'm going to build myself a house of straw.

That way I can get it done in a day

and go off and spend the rest of the money and have a good time."

So he went off to the farmer and he bought some straw

and he quickly made himself a straw house shaped like that.

Once he'd done that, he went off and played.

"Ha!" said the third little pig, "that's no good!

What'll you do if the Big Bad Wolf comes along?"

"I don't care," said the first little pig,

"I'm gonna go off and have a good time."

And he went off down the road, dancing and singing,

"Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf!

The Big Bad Wolf! The Big Bad Wolf!

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf! Not me, me, me, me, me."

Second little pig said,

"I'm going to build my house of wood,

that way it'll be safe but it'll also be cheap

then I can spend lots of money on good food."

So, he went to the woodsman and he bought lots of wood

and he built himself a little shack

that was one floor and shaped like that.

That only took him a couple of days to build

and then he went off to market

and he bought himself lots of good things to eat.

"Ha!" said the third little pig,

"You are a lazy bunch, aren't you?

I'm going to build a proper house

with bricks and mortar and a roof

and a chimney and windows with shutters

and a big strong door.

So that if the Big Bad Wolf comes,

he won't be able to get into my house."

And he set to work.

First of all he went to the brick makers

and he bought lots of bricks and lots of mortar

and then he spent the next month

building his big brick house.

It was a beautiful house.

The bricks were red and blue and the roof was green

and he had a lovely chimney and he painted the shutters red

and the door green to match the roof

and he put flower pots outside the windows

and it was a beautiful house

although it took him a long time to finish it.

First little pig and the second little pig

thought he was very stupid,

very stupid indeed because he took so long

and he was so careful.

"Ha!" said the first little pig,

"I don't know what you're bothering with,

doing all that and taking all that time.

Here you are still sleeping out in the rain having a...

"Ha!" said the second little pig,

"I think you're very very silly!"

"Why?" said the third little pig.

"I think you're silly because I'm perfectly safe

and all right in my wooden hut

and nobody will be able to get into it

and I've brought all that money left over

from great heart

and I've been able to go to the market

three times this week and buy lots of lovely food."

But the third little pig wasn't bothered one way or the other

and just went on very quietly building his house

and having a lovely time doing it.

It hadn't been long when he'd finished it

when the Big Bad Wolf arrived.

He sniffed, "I smell a little pig!"

And he strolled along very quietly indeed

until he saw the three little pigs sitting together

talking to each other.

"Aha!" said the Big Bad Wolf,

"If I creep up very quietly indeed

I'll be able to catch them."

So he crept up very quietly indeed

but just before he got up to the three little pigs,

third little pig said "Shhh! I hear something!"

And they all stopped and they all listened.

And then first little pig said,

"It's the Big Bad Wolf! Run everybody! Run!"

So they all ran to their homes as quickly as possible.

First little pig ran to his straw house and shut the door.

Second little pig ran to his wood house and closed the door.

The third little pig ran to his brick house,

slammed the door, pushed the bolt shut and felt safe.

The wolf very slowly walked up to the first little pig's house

and he knocked on the door.

"Let me in, little pig!" he said.

"No, no! Go away!

I don't want anything to do with you!"

said the first little pig.

"Let me in little pig or I'll huff and I'll puff

and I'll blow your house down."

The first little pig said,

"No, you're can't!

I've got my own home now, I'm perfectly safe!"

"Aha!" said the Big Bad Wolf,

"I'll blow your house down in no time at all!"

And he took a big breath and he went...

The straw house shook and it trembled

and it blew away, far far away,

leaving the first little pig shaking in his shoes

and he looked at the wolf and he went "Oh! Oh! Oh!"

And he ran as fast as he could

to the second little pig's wooden house

and he knocked on the door and said

"Let me in! Let me in, as quickly as you can!"

And the second little pig opened the door,

let him in and slammed it shut.

"Ha!" said the first little pig.

"I'll be all right here."

Then the wolf walked up to the second little pig's door.

"Let me in, or I'll huff and I'll puff

and I'll blow your house in!"

"Oh no, you won't" said the second little pig.

"No you won't.

This is a wood house, I'm perfectly safe."

"Oh, yes?" said the Big Bad Wolf

and he took a deep breath and he...

Blew as hard as he could

but because it was a wooden house

the house just shook very very hard

but it didn't go down.

"Aha!" said the second little pig,

"I told you!" "Ha!" said the wolf,

"Just you wait and see!"

And he took another big breath...

and this time the wood house fell in pieces.

Clunk!

Leaving the first and the second little pig

hanging onto each other absolutely terrified.

"Quick! Quick!" said the second little pig,

"Let's run as quickly to the third little pig's house

and maybe we'll be all right there."

So they ran and they ran as quickly

and they knocked on the door and said

"Let us in! Let us in!

We're being chased by the Big Bad Wolf."

"Hmm!" said the third little pig,

"All right!" And he opened the door

"but didn't I tell you so!

I told you those houses weren't safe!"

And then he slammed the door shut

and shut the bolt...

Isn't that more... I mean...

wouldn't you think that would be more exciting

than staying in the same place all the time

doing the same thing. I mean, that -

to me that would be a safe situation...

always in the same...

Oh sure I couldn't get into that.

I mean that's really like terrible.

Yeah, yeah.

Um I think because - I mean in a way I...

see it's...

I mean it's not that I objecti - In a way I do objectify.

I mean I'm more happy when I am with people

than I am with myself.

Well, I find concentration pretty hard.

Like if you're a kid and you're given homework

you um that develops -

I mean that may not be a very good thing

but it nevertheless...

Because I think people really turn me on.

I mean I really like people.

People are so highly conditioned...

to uh behave - you know, to...

be told what to do.

At least in public you're told where to walk and you know.

It was a bit like that, yeah. It was like showing off, you know.

It was - I liked that aspect to it...

and uh... and butterflies in the stomach, you know.

I mean I would have applied to be a samurai maybe,

a bit like that you know.

That, sort of, shadowboxing

where in a way you sort of access one another

and you sort of in a way you kind of get it out of the way.

I mean, the problem with that really is that it -

it's gotta be a person who's quite in tune with me.

I mean I really got sort of hung up

about my parents you know.

But that's the sort of the street thing, isn't it?

- Uh-huh. - You know?

Like going to the fun fair you sort of go -

I mean I could never make my mind up what to go on

if I only had a small amount of money to spend

and you just end up... looking uptight -

I can't go on that because maybe that's better you know.

So you're shooting all around.

Daydream and fantasise you know.

Which you're gay, I mean, that could bring us back

to what's happening here.

I just told some things...

I don't know what I did enjoy but...

I think it's the kind of thing that...

it's nice to have behind you, you know.

I think I've done a lot of things like that,

that I've never really enjoyed

but I sort of thought well get this one behind me.

I don't know, I just can't work in a vacuum.

I'll do another one.

Umm...

I'll do - uh...

Greensleeves...

Alas, my - that's wrong again...

Alas, my love, you do me wrong

To cast me off discourteously

No, that's wrong.

Alas, my love, you do me wrong

To cast me off discourteously

When I have loved you so long

Delighting in your company

Greensleeves was all my -

I can't do it.

Greensleeves was all my joys

And greensleeves my heart of gold

Greensleeves was my delight

And who but my lady greensleeves

Another one now...

How should I my true love know

From another one?

No, wait. I started it wrong. Fuck!

Well, that was right.

How should I my true love know

From another one?

By his cockle hat and staff

and his sandal shoon

I can't do it, it's wrong! Wait!

He is dead - I gotta start again.

Alright - um -

He is dead and gone, lady

He is dead and gone

At his head a grass-green turf

At his heels a stone

How should I my true love know

From another one?

By his cockle hat and staff

And his sandal shoon

He is dead and gone, lady

He is dead and gone

At his heels a grass-green turf

At his head a stone

White his shroud like the mountain snow

Larded with green flowers

Which bewept to the grave did go

With true love showers

I can't do that one anymore.

Um, I'll sing...

Should I sing one of my brother's songs?

He'll kill me for this.

And if you want me

You'll know where I'll be

Right here in the kitchen where you left me

I haven't stirred since I heard your last word

"Goodbye"

And I want you ever before me...

I can't sing that...

It's too hard.