All language subtitles for Black Mirror (2011) - 06x01 - Joan Is Awful.ETHEL.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,800 [LOW, THRUMMING RUMBLING] 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,560 [HIGH-PITCHED TONE] 4 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,960 [ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS, FADES] 5 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,400 [PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING] 6 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,640 [PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING] 7 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,440 [PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING] 8 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,240 [PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING STOPS] 9 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,600 [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] 10 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:54,920 [SIGHS] 11 00:00:58,360 --> 00:00:59,360 [CHUCKLES] 12 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,880 [ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH BUZZING] 13 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,280 [PHONE BUZZES, CHIMES] 14 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,360 [SNIFFLES] 15 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,000 [WOMAN] Mmm. Yum. 16 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:31,960 - Mmm. Hmm. - Mmm. 17 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,440 - Ah. Hey, Joan. - Mike. 18 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,880 ♪ End up on the date line, uh, uh, uh ♪ 19 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,280 ♪ Rich with no day job ♪ ♪ Hit your wop, wop ♪ 20 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,560 ♪ Always on the courtside, uh-huh, huh ♪ 21 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,840 ♪ B-b-billionaire boys wanna eat me out ♪ 22 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,200 ♪ I'm from the west coast ♪ ♪ They wanna go down south ♪ 23 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,880 ♪ All these lame little rappers ♪ ♪ Tryna for clout ♪ 24 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,560 ♪ I won't let him hit ♪ ♪ But he can put it in his mouth ♪ 25 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,720 ♪ Lil' waist, fat fat, baby, tap in ♪ 26 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,200 ♪ Tap, tap, tap in ♪ 27 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,840 ♪ Diamonds dancin' on your neck ♪ ♪ Better tap in ♪ 28 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,080 ♪ Tap, tap, tap in ♪ 29 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,480 ♪ Gettin' money, get rich, baby, tap in ♪ 30 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,840 ["TAP IN" FADES] 31 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,120 How's the coffee? 32 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,240 If I'm honest... 33 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,720 - I'll tell 'em to look at the machine. - Thank you. 34 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,960 Oh, and Sandy's outside waiting for that 10:15. 35 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,680 Oh God. 36 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:26,800 I know. 37 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,840 Okay. Um, give me five. 38 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,400 I need to, like, psych up. 39 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,880 [EXHALES] I'm so sorry. So sorry. 40 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,520 [PHONE CHIMES] 41 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,960 [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] 42 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,160 You're letting me go? 43 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:09,520 Um... Okay, but I'm still working on my audio compression algorithm. 44 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,680 Unfortunately, the board feel your compression algo isn't 45 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,040 a thing that they wanna pursue. 46 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:20,920 Uh, okay. Well, without it, we'll need more data servers. 47 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,840 I know. I know. 48 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,080 Which means a bigger carbon footprint. 49 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,840 We'll breach all of our environmental pledges. 50 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,680 - I'm sorry. It's how the board feel. - [WOMAN SIGHS] 51 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,240 I just put a deposit down on a new apartment. 52 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,280 I'm sure this hasn't been an easy decision for them. 53 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:41,800 [WOMAN] Joan. 54 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,160 Please don't do this. 55 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,720 Please, not now. 56 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,640 I can't... I... I thought we were friends. 57 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,720 - Okay. - Joan! 58 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:58,000 I'm just gonna give you a minute to compose yourself. 59 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,080 I feel pretty composed. 60 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,720 I really... I am so sorry about this. 61 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,800 [SCOFFS] I invited you to the housewarming. Joan. 62 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,760 [WHISPERS] I've asked Brutus to escort her out. 63 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:10,880 Oh God. 64 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,600 [BRUTUS] I'll help you with your things, Sandy. 65 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,000 [SIGHS] 66 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:48,760 Oh! 67 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:53,640 - [GASPS] - Joan, is that you? I know you're there. 68 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,400 Coward. You're a coward, Joan! 69 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,560 All right, Sandy. We gotta go. 70 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:02,760 [QUIETLY] Fuck! 71 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,280 [DOOR OPENS] 72 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,600 Joan. Come on in. 73 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,760 [JOAN] Thank you. 74 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,080 [THERAPIST] So, where are we at? 75 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,400 - Not good? - Oh, no. 76 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,800 [GROANS, CHUCKLES] 77 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,040 It used to be my dream to run my own coffee shop. 78 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,680 That would not have gone out with our name on it. 79 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,600 Neither would the coffee at my job. [LAUGHS] 80 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,640 How is your job? 81 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,040 Um... 82 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,000 I mean, on paper, it's... it's fancy, I guess. 83 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:48,320 But I'm just kind of the middleman between the board up in the clouds 84 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,000 and the staff below me. 85 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,800 So I just kinda feel like I'm going through the motions every day. 86 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,080 How are things at home? 87 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,320 Um... 88 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,240 I mean, I'm engaged to Krish. 89 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,760 - Yes. - So, good. Good. It's good. 90 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,840 Like, Krish is a great guy, and he's smart, and he cares. 91 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,720 But maybe he's just a little bit, like... 92 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,320 vanilla. 93 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,400 You know? Like, even the food he cooks is bland. 94 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,800 And I'm continuously like... 95 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,600 Mmm. 96 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,280 Sorry, I feel like such an asshole saying that. [CHUCKLES] 97 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,640 When I was with my ex... 98 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,400 - Mac? - Mac, yeah. 99 00:06:34,401 --> 00:06:35,401 Um... 100 00:06:35,402 --> 00:06:39,800 I mean, it was just constant sex and craziness and... 101 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,320 I mean, the fights were... 102 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,240 [SIGHS] But I never got over him. 103 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,600 Mm-hmm. And then you met Krish. 104 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:50,840 And then I met Krish. 105 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,880 And he was sweet and safe. 106 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,440 And so I just kinda went with the flow. 107 00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,480 But 108 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,120 I just feel like I never, 109 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,200 like, actively chose this. 110 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:09,360 Like, I feel like I'm just on autopilot. 111 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,840 You know how you are always talking about, like, the life story? 112 00:07:12,841 --> 00:07:13,841 Mm-hmm. 113 00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:15,800 I was thinking about it, and I... 114 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:21,360 I feel like I'm not the main character in my own life story. 115 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,600 And would you like that to change? 116 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,240 Hmm. 117 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,360 [PHONE BUZZING] 118 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,080 [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 119 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:52,840 [EXHALES] 120 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,680 [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] 121 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,320 Hey. 122 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,200 Hey. 123 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,360 ♪ Tried to shame me ♪ 124 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,760 [MAC] It's so good to see you. 125 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,480 I love your hair like that. The streaks, yowza. 126 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,520 It's not too much? 127 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,080 Phyllis at the salon kind of, like, talked me into it. 128 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,640 Well, Phyllis at the salon deserves a raise 129 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,200 'cause you look hot as shit. 130 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,440 - Okay. Okay. - I mean it. 131 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,880 Okay. [CLEARS THROAT] 132 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,520 Um... 133 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,520 I mean, you... you came to see me. 134 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,800 To talk because you asked me to. 135 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,080 Oh, yeah. 136 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,400 Hey, how is... 137 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:50,800 Krish. 138 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,120 Yeah. Krish is good. 139 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,880 Wow. You sound like you're really crazy about him. 140 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,280 Okay. 141 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,400 We tried us for two years. 142 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,600 Remember how that... remember how that ended? 143 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,120 - Yep. - So, yeah, I am marrying Krish. 144 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,400 Oh God, you drive... 145 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,240 You broke us up, you broke my fucking heart, 146 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,000 and just when I'm picking up all of the pieces of my life, 147 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,120 you pop back up like a fucking... 148 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,600 Like an unflushed turd. 149 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:22,720 [JOAN LAUGHS] 150 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,560 Well, yeah. It's not what I was getting at, but yeah. 151 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,280 So, how can I trust you? 152 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,640 You're right. I get it. But 153 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,360 what you and I had was real. 154 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,440 You know it. 155 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,520 I wanna be with you. 156 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,480 I'm here for three days, and then I go back to San Jose. 157 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:47,680 Come with me. 158 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,400 I'm serious. 159 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,040 I ca... I can't. 160 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,120 Hey. 161 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,920 I have a great apartment, and your work has an office there. 162 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,560 I mean, you could get a transfer. 163 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,560 And there's an incredible sushi place around the corner, 164 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,480 and they have an unbelievable green dragon roll. 165 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,240 I can't leave Krish. 166 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,720 No, you can't leave Krish. 167 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:10,800 I can't, Mac. 168 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,840 Yeah, no. You can't leave Krish. 169 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,800 No. No, no, no, no. 170 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,960 - Well... Hey. - I shouldn't have come. 171 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,120 - I should not have come here. - Joan. 172 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,480 I'm in my usual suite, and I'll be here for three days. 173 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,440 [JOAN] Mm. 174 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:45,920 [DOOR OPENS] 175 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,880 [KRISH] That you, baby? 176 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,600 Yep. 177 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,680 Hi. 178 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,160 Whoa. Froggy's been a-drinking. 179 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,480 Yeah. It was a goodbye party. 180 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,920 Oh. Well, I hope you're hungry. 181 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,000 [CHUCKLES] 182 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,240 Mmm. 183 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:16,680 Amazing. 184 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:18,920 Is that salt? 185 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,200 All right. 186 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,600 Hey. 187 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,920 - What do you wanna watch? - Oh, I'm easy. 188 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,880 - Let's see what's on Streamberry. - All right. 189 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,040 Mmm. 190 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,600 [JOAN] Um... 191 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,640 - [KRISH] Oh, how about Sea of Tranquility? - Eh. 192 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,840 Eric said it blows. 193 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,720 Oh. Well, if Eric said it blows... 194 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,200 - Okay. - Okay. 195 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,080 Loch Henry, the Scottish murder thing? 196 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,600 I can't really do another true crime. 197 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:55,240 - I'm sorry, just after Gacy, I... - Okay. 198 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,320 What about... 199 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,520 What... 200 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,360 [BOTH LAUGH] 201 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,560 Uh... Oh my God. 202 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,520 Uh... What? 203 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,600 [JOAN] "New drama. Joan Is Awful." 204 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,920 Is that Salma Hayek? 205 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,640 Uh, she even has your hair. [CHUCKLES] 206 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:15,720 That's not my hair. 207 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:20,280 Well, it's a lot like your hair. And she's even called Joan. 208 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,240 [JOAN] Okay. What even is the show? 209 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,760 No clue, but... 210 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:27,040 - Well, we're watching it. - No, we're not watching Joan Is Awful. 211 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,400 Whatever the hell it is. 212 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,200 - Just hit play. - Mm. 213 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,600 - [SPLUTTERS] Come on. Hit play. - [SIGHS] 214 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,080 [TV CHIRPS] 215 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,360 [PHONE ALARM CHIMING] 216 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,080 [MOANS] 217 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,320 Well, it's a lot like our bedroom. 218 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,320 That's not my hair. 219 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,760 - She uses the same toothpaste as you. - Okay, just... 220 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,000 This is just weird. 221 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,560 Yeah, it's a little spooky. [LAUGHS] 222 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,360 This Joan is shady. 223 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,440 [CHUCKLES] 224 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,440 [TV JOAN] Mmm... 225 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,400 Babe. 226 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,760 - Babe? - [MAN 1] You should see this. 227 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:44,840 See what? 228 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,280 What is this? 229 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,840 It's called Joan Is Awful. 230 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,560 It's got Salma Hayek in it. 231 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,360 She looks like Joan. 232 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,880 That job sucked anyway. 233 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,880 [SIGHS] Yeah, I guess. 234 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,120 [PHONE BUZZING] 235 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Joan Is Awful? What the fuck? 236 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,560 Uh... 237 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,440 Oh my God. 238 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,600 [WOMAN] We're gonna watch a TV show in a bar? 239 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,480 Yeah, we're absolutely gonna watch a TV show in a bar. 240 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,560 [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] 241 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,360 [MAC] Huh. 242 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,000 [PHONE CHIMES] 243 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,040 Hmm. 244 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,440 What the hell? 245 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,400 ♪ Daddy on the Facetime ♪ ♪ You could never take mine ♪ 246 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,760 ♪ End up on the dateline, uh, uh, uh ♪ 247 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,200 ♪ Rich with no day job ♪ ♪ Hit your wop, wop ♪ 248 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,400 ♪ Always on the courtside, uh-huh, huh ♪ 249 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,960 ♪ B-b-billionaire boys wanna eat me out ♪ 250 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,040 [KRISH] Holy shit. That's where you work. 251 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,880 Okay, how did you do this? 252 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,920 - How did I do this? - This is a prank. How did you do this? 253 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,080 - Well, I didn't... - I don't find it fucking funny. 254 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,200 [LAUGHS] I didn't do anything. 255 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,320 How's the coffee? 256 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,240 Dog shit. 257 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,000 I'll get the machine replaced. 258 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,080 Please do that. 259 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,040 - Also, Sandy is waiting for that 10:15. - Joan? 260 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,240 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 261 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,320 - Yeah. - What? 262 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,040 Oh God. Oh... oh God. 263 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,560 Joan? Jo... Jo... Joan. 264 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,040 [PANTING] 265 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:23,960 Joan? 266 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,720 [PANTING] I'm having a panic attack. 267 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,680 - Uh... All right, um... - I'm having a panic attack. 268 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,520 Okay, okay. Okay. All right, hey, whoa. 269 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,240 Also, Sandy is waiting for that 10:15. 270 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,520 - Is he still there? - [CHUCKLES] He's still there. 271 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,680 - Just get it over with. - They made me the gayest man on earth. 272 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,320 Well, I like what he's wearing. 273 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,320 What the fuck is this? 274 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,720 - How the fuck is this? - Um... 275 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,760 - Give me five. - Oh. 276 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,400 [CHUCKLES] Yeah. Sure. Thanks. 277 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,800 - Oh my God. Is that what I sound like? - Sh. Will you be quiet, please? 278 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,320 You think he's better looking than me? 279 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,080 Okay. All right. All right, hey. Let's slow our breathing down, right? 280 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,280 - Uh, feel the carpet beneath your feet. - I don't wanna feel the carpet! 281 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,440 All right, hey, whoa. 282 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,440 - Well, just feel the floor. - Uh... Fuck the floor! 283 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,520 You're firing me? 284 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,760 [TV JOAN] Correct. Your audio algorithm's not happening. 285 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,960 The board thinks it's vaporware. 286 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,160 But, um, 287 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,480 our carbon footprint. 288 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,040 Not their concern. 289 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,560 Well, I just put a deposit down on an apartment. 290 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,280 - Also not their concern. - I mean, you see what she's like. 291 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,360 - Oh my God, she is cold. - Please. 292 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,360 Not... not now. 293 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,400 If not now, when? 294 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,280 - [LAUGHING] She did not say that. - [TV SANDY] Oh my God. 295 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,880 I did not say that like that. That is not what happened. 296 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,280 Baby, I believe you. 297 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,520 [TV SANDY CRYING] 298 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,160 [JOAN] Jesus Christ. 299 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000 Oh my God. 300 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,240 [TV SANDY] What am I gonna do with my dog? 301 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,320 - Oh my God. - She's making me so uncomfortable. 302 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,400 I'm so sorry... 303 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,000 - Get Brutus to escort her out. - Why are you consoling Joan? 304 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:07,040 - Why am I consoling Joan? - [TV SANDY] Please just give me a second. 305 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,600 She was upset. 306 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,120 She's being a bitch. 307 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,200 Oh my God. They're making me look like a monster. 308 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,560 No. Hey, no, look. 309 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,760 Look, it's... Baby, it's Salma Hayek. 310 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,080 Look, people love Salma Hayek. All right? So, maybe it's not so... 311 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,000 So, maybe it's not so fucking bad? 312 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,520 So fucking insane? 313 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,440 - This is bad. - Okay, all right. 314 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,200 - Fucking insane! - All right, okay. 315 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,160 Hey, look. I was just trying to make you feel... 316 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,480 - [JOAN] Oh God. - Hey, okay. All right. Hey, you're right. 317 00:17:35,481 --> 00:17:36,480 - Okay. - Yeah. 318 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,920 - [PHONE CHIMES] - Ooh. 319 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,160 What? 320 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,240 Oh my God, my mom's seen it. 321 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,280 What? 322 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,640 Everybody can see this? 323 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,200 Can everybody that has Streamberry watch this? 324 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:49,880 [PHONE CHIMES] 325 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,840 - [JOAN] My dad's seen it. - [PHONE CHIMES] 326 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,600 Marianne's seen it. 327 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,320 Jesus Christ. Oh fuck. 328 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,520 Oh God. 329 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,160 [JOAN BREATHES HEAVILY] 330 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,720 Oh my God. 331 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,480 Oh God. 332 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,000 - [KRISH] Honey. - What? 333 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,480 - Has Mac been texting you? - What? 334 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:08,720 No. No. 335 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,560 - [KRISH] All right. - You can come in now. 336 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,480 - Okay. I think we should turn this off. - What? 337 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,080 [KRISH] Well, actually, I wanna keep watching. No. No... 338 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,840 - Hey, whoa. - Krish, Krish, I want it off! 339 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,680 - No. - [TV THERAPIST] How's life at home? 340 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,200 - Joan! - [TV JOAN] With Krish? 341 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:31,280 - He's kind and smart and caring, but... - Where's this stupid fucking button? 342 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:34,960 Very vanilla. 343 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,320 Even his cooking is bland. 344 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,400 [TV THERAPIST] Hmm. 345 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,280 - I didn't say that. Krish, turn it off. - [TV JOAN] It's just that... 346 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,680 with my ex-boyfriend, Mac, 347 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:51,040 there was so much crazy, wild, imaginative, 348 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,200 constant sex. 349 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,560 Hey, hey, hey, hey. This isn't real. 350 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,440 Okay? This is the TV. I didn't say this. 351 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,960 - Fuck. - Krish? 352 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,120 - [TV JOAN] I haven't gotten over Mac. - Krish! 353 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,400 [TV JOAN] I think maybe 354 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,080 I don't want to. 355 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,080 Oh Christ. 356 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,840 Hey. What she said on the show, that's not what I think. 357 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,160 - Okay? - No. 358 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,240 Some of the details... 359 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,840 The whole thing, it's blown out of proportion, okay? 360 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,920 I didn't say that to my therapist. 361 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:33,880 So, what did you say? 362 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:36,840 I... 363 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,280 [KRISH] Mm-hmm. 364 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,640 - [KRISH GRUNTS] - Krish. 365 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,320 [KRISH GRUNTS] 366 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,000 Krish! Where are you going? 367 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,120 I don't know. 368 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,400 - I don't know. I gotta go. - Krish, come on. Please, please! 369 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,600 [TV MAC] I'm here three days... 370 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,920 - Hey! - ... then back to San Jose. 371 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,000 [JOAN] I said... 372 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,560 I can't leave Krish. 373 00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,120 Can't you? 374 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,280 [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] 375 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:14,720 [JOAN GASPS] 376 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,200 [TV JOAN] So, what do you wanna watch? 377 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,600 Sea of Tranquility. 378 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,320 Eh. 379 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,760 Eric says it blows. 380 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,560 Well, if Eric said... 381 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,600 I never liked Krish. 382 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,680 Babe, wait. Come on, sit down. Babe. 383 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,320 Joan Is Awful? 384 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,640 [TV JOAN] Is that Cate Blanchett? 385 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,400 - That's Cate Blanchett? - Oh no. 386 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,120 - That's Cate Blanchett! - That's good. 387 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,880 - [TV JOAN] That's not my hair. - She looks good! 388 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,000 Krish! It's a TV show. It's not real. 389 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,840 I don't know what's going on, but none of that happened. 390 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,840 Krish, hey! I haven't even seen Mac in so long. 391 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,080 Then show me your phone. 392 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,160 What? 393 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,160 In the TV show, Mac texted you, and you texted him back, so 394 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,680 show me your phone. 395 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:17,840 It's... 396 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:19,880 it's in the house. 397 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,920 That's convenient, Joan. 398 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,400 [PHONE CHIMES] 399 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,840 - Goodbye. - Krish. 400 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,000 Krish, please don't go. 401 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,295 Don't go. Please don't leave me by myself. 402 00:21:32,296 --> 00:21:34,680 This is fucking insane. Please don't... 403 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,000 Krish! Please! 404 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,200 Krish! 405 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,760 [TV JOAN] Krish, you're being childish. Come back, please. 406 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,760 You're being very melodramatic. It's uncalled for. 407 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,640 Oh my God. It's TV. It's not real! 408 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,680 My fidelity for you. My fidelity for you, that's real. 409 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,080 That's television. Fake, not real. 410 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,840 If you weren't texting Mac, show me your phone. 411 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,360 They're right about you, Joan. 412 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,600 You're awful. 413 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,720 Krish. I'm not that awful. It's not real. 414 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,000 [PHONE RINGING] 415 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,160 Come back. 416 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,680 Krish! Don't leave me. 417 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,600 You know I can't be on my own. 418 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,320 - You can't leave me! - Mac. 419 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,320 - [EXCLAIMS] - [TV JOAN] Krish! 420 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,200 [EXCLAIMS] 421 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,000 [CRYING] 422 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,880 [CRYING] 423 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,160 [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] 424 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,680 [PHONE ALARM CHIMES] 425 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,240 [SIGHS] 426 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,560 [PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES] 427 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:16,720 Shame on you. 428 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,600 Oh fuck. 429 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:23,840 Oh God. 430 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,320 - Sorry I'm late. - [ERIC] Uh-huh. 431 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,800 Did you see it? 432 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:49,520 Everybody saw it. 433 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,160 It's all anyone can talk about. 434 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,000 [EXHALES] How'd it come across? 435 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,760 Fair. Yeah. I just don't know what this is. 436 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,560 My lawyer's looking into it. 437 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,200 - Krish is so mad at me. - Joan. 438 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,960 - He walked out last night. - Hey, Joan. 439 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,080 Everyone's looking at me like I'm an actual monster. 440 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,480 Joan, just... just try and keep it together 441 00:24:07,481 --> 00:24:09,200 for, like, the next few minutes. 442 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,600 [SIGHS] Why is Brutus here? 443 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,650 You let slip about the whole algorithm, 444 00:24:15,651 --> 00:24:18,250 data server, carbon footprint thing 445 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,920 in the scene where you fired Sandy. 446 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,920 Technically, you broke your NDA. 447 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,360 What? That's not fair. That was... 448 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,640 That was Salma Hayek! 449 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,120 The board wants you out. 450 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,480 Now. 451 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,800 I'm here to help you pack. 452 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:45,760 Right on. 453 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:47,640 [JOAN SNIFFLES] 454 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,200 Sayonara, queen. 455 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,120 Mona. 456 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,400 "I'm in a pantsuit." 457 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,680 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 458 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,200 Well, I've checked it over, 459 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,560 and I have to say that actually, 460 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,600 legally, the Streamberry Corporation can do this. 461 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,600 What? 462 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:29,960 How? 463 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,040 Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are. 464 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,960 But the show is using my life. It's... it's my name. It's my career. 465 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,640 It's me. They're... they're using me, so... 466 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,200 And you assigned them the right to exploit all of that. 467 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,320 What? When? 468 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:47,520 Terms and conditions. 469 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,720 I have never seen this before. 470 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,800 [LAWYER] You have. You just haven't seen it printed out before. 471 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,560 All of that would have popped up on your phone or whatever 472 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,280 when you first signed up to Streamberry. 473 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,280 And you clicked "accept." 474 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,920 What? I mean, I had... 475 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,760 I had no... How was I supposed to know this? 476 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:11,080 I know. But you did accept it, and so they're in the clear. 477 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,680 No, no. No, no, no. They can't... they can't do this to me. 478 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,800 There are only so many ways for me to tell you they absolutely can. 479 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:20,880 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 480 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,800 Okay, well, Salma Hayek. 481 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,360 Yeah, pretty cool. 482 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,120 No. No, I'm gonna sue Salma Hayek. 483 00:27:30,121 --> 00:27:31,121 For what? 484 00:27:31,121 --> 00:27:34,241 [SPLUTTERING] For, like, passing herself off as me. 485 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,560 She has no right to do that. 486 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,920 It's not really Salma Hayek. 487 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,840 Yes, it is. 488 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:45,920 No. Technically, uh, the show deploys a digital likeness of Miss Hayek. 489 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,120 They don't film her. 490 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,360 She licensed her image to them. 491 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,120 The entire show is CGI. 492 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,520 It's generated by some kind of super-advanced, deepfake, 493 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,280 quantum computer mumbo jumbo. 494 00:27:58,360 --> 00:27:59,360 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 495 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,960 They could make Salma Hayek blow an orangutan if they wanted to. 496 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,320 [CHUCKLING] Oh, whoa. 497 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,760 I'm guessing Miss Hayek might object to that, but you get my point. 498 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,640 Right. So it's all... it's all computers? 499 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,120 That's how they get it on the service so fast. 500 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,520 But how do they... 501 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,181 how do they even know what I'm doing? 502 00:28:19,182 --> 00:28:21,800 It's the same... it's the same day. 503 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,680 Well, you know when you got your phone face down on the table, 504 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,440 and you're in your kitchen, and you're talking to your friend about, 505 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,400 I don't know, shoe deodorizers, 506 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,520 and then, you know, you go on your computer and what pops up? 507 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,520 A shoe deodorizing ad. 508 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,240 Then you get an email, and it's all about shoe deodorizing. 509 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,360 Then you're walking down the street, shoe deodorizing. 510 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,000 You can't escape it. And it's... 511 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:43,640 Yeah, so? 512 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,080 Uh, that's how they know. 513 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,040 Okay, but... 514 00:28:48,041 --> 00:28:49,041 [CHUCKLES] 515 00:28:49,042 --> 00:28:54,202 ... but the show makes stuff up about me. Right? 516 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:55,800 It embellishes things. 517 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,200 It makes me look worse than I really am. 518 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,640 So... [SMACKS TABLE] ... defamation. 519 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,400 Yeah, page 53, paragraph 12. 520 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,920 There's something about creating characters and dialogue 521 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,440 for dramatic purposes. 522 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:12,680 Fuck! 523 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,440 I agree. 524 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,920 Uh, I hate to say it, but this thing is... is watertight. 525 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:20,040 Oh my God. 526 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:21,800 They got you every which way and then some. 527 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,000 My advice is to try and ignore it. 528 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,800 What the fuck kind of advice is that? 529 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,640 It's the only kind I got. 530 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,240 Oh my God. 531 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,040 [JOAN LAUGHING] Okay. 532 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:40,880 Hi, guys! 533 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,000 Hey, how you doing out there? 534 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,800 Cool! Fuck! 535 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,840 [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] 536 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,840 Sorry, do I know you? 537 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,920 [GROANING ANGRILY] 538 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,840 [TV JOAN] This show, it is using my life, my name, my career. 539 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,720 You assigned them the right to exploit all of that. 540 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,480 When? How? 541 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,120 Terms and conditions. 542 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,320 I've never even seen this. 543 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,640 - I would've known if I signed it. - This is brutal. 544 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,360 I would've known I'd signed something I didn't read. 545 00:30:16,361 --> 00:30:18,640 Who has time to read that? 546 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,560 [KNOCKING AT DOOR] 547 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,440 [TV LAWYER] You did accept it though. 548 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,880 - [TV JOAN] What? - Yeah, they're in the clear. 549 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,640 - [TV JOAN] They can't do this to me. - Oh, hey. 550 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,480 - Can I come in? - Yeah, yeah. 551 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,280 Hey, uh... 552 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:38,640 They cannot... 553 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,080 There. Sorry. 554 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:42,400 [CRYING] 555 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,800 Oh, baby. 556 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,600 Honey. 557 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,720 [JOAN CRYING] 558 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:53,320 [MAC] You're okay. 559 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:58,280 [JOAN SOBS] 560 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:01,520 No... 561 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,080 [SOBS] 562 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,120 [JOAN BREATHING HEAVILY] 563 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:24,520 What's wrong? 564 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:25,960 Um, 565 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,400 I can't get hard. 566 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,560 Sure you can. 567 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,280 Hey, you want me to do that horrible thing you love? 568 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:37,200 It's, um... 569 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,000 It's... This is so public. 570 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:41,960 What do you mean? 571 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,320 This is gonna be on the show. 572 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,720 Okay, but it's not us. It's... it's computer people. 573 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,080 - It's Salma Hayek and... - Well, yeah, I know. 574 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,600 So, I mean, like, I'm gonna be the guy 575 00:31:52,601 --> 00:31:54,840 who can't get it up for Salma Hayek? 576 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,520 I mean, it's like... 577 00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,720 You know, it's one thing to not be able to get it up for, like, you, 578 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:01,800 but Salma Hayek? 579 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,920 I mean, look, people are gonna laugh at me. 580 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,440 The show is called fucking Joan Is Awful. How do you think I feel? 581 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,680 Hey! Look, when I said I wanted to get back together with you... 582 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,360 When you basically begged me to get back together with you. 583 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,960 But I didn't agree to be a public figure. 584 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,000 Neither did I! 585 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,160 Except you did. 586 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,600 Page 58 of the terms and conditions. 587 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,840 They just said so on the show! 588 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,920 Joan, I always said you gotta read the terms and conditions. 589 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,120 I can sue Cate Blanchett. 590 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,240 [SCOFFS] Uh, for what? 591 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,600 For passing herself off as me. 592 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,520 That isn't the real Cate Blanchett. 593 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,880 The show just deploys a digital likeness of Miss Blanchett. 594 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,280 The whole show is CGI. 595 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,080 It's generated by a quantum computer. 596 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:10,000 They could... [CHUCKLES] ... make her blow an orangutan if they wanted. 597 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:14,440 Although I am guessing the real Miss Blanchett might object to that, 598 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:15,760 but you get my point. 599 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,920 [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] 600 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:23,840 Hmm. 601 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,360 [TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES] 602 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:53,880 Oh God. 603 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,680 [COUGHS] 604 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,240 [TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES] 605 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:17,840 [GASPS, GROANS] 606 00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,520 [STOMACH RUMBLING] 607 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:24,640 Okay. 608 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,720 [TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES] 609 00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:38,080 [PRIEST] Anyone knows a reason why these two may not be wed, 610 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,040 let him speak now. 611 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,320 [AIR HORN BLARING] 612 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,960 - Merry Christmas, one and all! - [GUESTS MURMURING] 613 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,040 [STOMACH RUMBLING] 614 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,680 [GROANS] 615 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:50,280 [MAN] Oh my God! 616 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,480 [GUESTS GROANING IN DISGUST] 617 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:54,800 What are you doing?! 618 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,400 [JOAN GROANING] 619 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,320 Stop! 620 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,280 [SCREAMING] 621 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,800 - Get the kids out of here! - Get out of here! 622 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:05,960 [GRUNTS] 623 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:07,080 [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 624 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,040 - [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] - [LAUGHS] 625 00:35:11,700 --> 00:35:12,720 What's so funny? 626 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:13,720 [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 627 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,200 Salma Hayek's gonna fucking hate this. 628 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,000 [PHOTOGRAPHER] Why? 629 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,520 Have you not seen Joan Is Awful? 630 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,000 No, but it's on my list. 631 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,920 Just wait till episode four. I hear it's gonna be a blast. 632 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,400 Her lawyer's here. Posted bail. 633 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,840 - Uh... - You're free to go. 634 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:34,960 Oh. 635 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,000 [FEMALE OFFICER] For now. 636 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,920 [LAUGHS] 637 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,400 You're disgusting. 638 00:35:43,401 --> 00:35:44,440 Thank you. 639 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,440 [TV PRIEST] ... these two should not be wed, let him speak now. 640 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:48,760 [AIR HORN BLARING ON TV] 641 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,600 [TV JOAN] Merry Christmas, one and all! 642 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,640 [GUESTS MURMURING] 643 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:57,520 [GUESTS GROANING IN DISGUST] 644 00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,160 [TV BRIDESMAID] What are you doing? 645 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,760 [LAUGHING] 646 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,960 [JOAN LAUGHING] 647 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,720 [WEDDING SCENE PLAYING ON LAPTOP] 648 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:14,960 [HAYEK] Never in my wildest nightmares 649 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,440 I thought I'd see myself defecating in a church. 650 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:25,080 Well, technically, that's the Joan character, not you. 651 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,840 So this character, whose face do they have? 652 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,680 Do they have your face or my face? 653 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,120 Your face. 654 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:34,960 Salma Hayek's face. 655 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,600 So, then, whose anus is doing the shitting? 656 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:39,680 Uh, 657 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,600 Salma Hayek's anus? 658 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:44,960 Bingo. 659 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,520 I am Roman Catholic. 660 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,360 My grandmother Rosa was going to be a nun. 661 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,280 She might die when she sees this. 662 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,760 What right do they have to kill my abuela 663 00:36:56,360 --> 00:37:00,760 with this deepfake heretic abomination? 664 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,240 Uh, page 39, paragraph eight. 665 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,100 Paragraph eight can suck my dick. 666 00:37:05,101 --> 00:37:07,440 I don't even know what it says anyway. 667 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:11,120 Uh, your image rights agreement with Streamberry. 668 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,640 It's page 39, paragraph eight. 669 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:18,840 Specifically covers any acts or behaviors Joan may exhibit 670 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,320 up to, including, and beyond defecation. 671 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,160 Beyond defecation? 672 00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,760 Beyond. That's what it says. 673 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,840 You know I don't read this crap. 674 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,720 I am a dyslexic, talented actress with questionable English. 675 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:37,120 - That's why I overpay you to protect me. - Okay. 676 00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,400 I mean, doesn't my asshole have any rights? 677 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,680 - Okay. All right. - [EXHALES] Okay, okay. 678 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,360 Okay. 679 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:44,960 Okay. 680 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:48,320 Let's collect ourselves, and, uh... 681 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:49,400 Good. 682 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,840 ... brainstorm so we can do some damage control. 683 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,800 So, what can you do 684 00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,240 to erase this image from every machine in the world? 685 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:01,320 [CLEARS THROAT] 686 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:03,920 Nothing. 687 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,040 Okay. 688 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:08,500 Then I guess I'm just gonna have to settle 689 00:38:08,501 --> 00:38:10,760 for a huge lawsuit against them. 690 00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:15,040 Um, I've looked up and down and researched, 691 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,000 and there is no legal basis. 692 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,840 There's no way we can sue these guys. 693 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,680 Then I'm gonna sue you. 694 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,320 You sold me out. 695 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,440 You useless, overrated maggot. 696 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,560 You take your paragraph eight 697 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,440 and shove it up your ass! 698 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,920 And I hope that you get paper cuts in your hemorrhoids and die! 699 00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:42,960 You're fired! 700 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:06,320 - [DOORBELL RINGING] - [SNORTS] 701 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:07,400 [CONFUSED MOAN] 702 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:14,760 What the fuck? 703 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,680 I... 704 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,680 I didn't, uh, actually think that you would come to... 705 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,240 Welcome to my home. 706 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,680 - I understand that you're mad. - Oh, do you? 707 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,400 Please don't kill me, Salma Hayek. 708 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,560 You're lucky I'm a humanitarian. 709 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,000 Let's have a talk. 710 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:41,920 [INAUDIBLE] What the fuck? 711 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,080 - Come on! - Coming! 712 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,800 Oh my goodness me. 713 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,680 Oh my God. 714 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,920 Now it all makes sense. Look at all this shit! 715 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,280 What's wrong with you, girl? 716 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,640 I mean, must you be so disgusting? 717 00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:03,400 I mean, the last few days have been pretty rough, so... 718 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,200 Rough enough to take a dump in the house of God? 719 00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:09,280 If you don't have any self-respect, that's your thing. 720 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,120 But to disrespect the church, 721 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,640 and frankly, to disrespect my image... 722 00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:16,320 - Mm-hmm. - ... I don't wanna be associated with you. 723 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,600 Well, I don't wanna be associated with me either. 724 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:24,480 They took my life. They turned it into a CGI fucking drama. 725 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,040 I lose my fiancé. 726 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,360 I lose my job. 727 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,560 They put my entire existence out there for everyone to watch, 728 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,600 and you signed up to be the face of it. 729 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,920 You're a fucking enabler. I should be yelling at you. 730 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,240 - You are yelling at me. - Well, I need to yell at someone! 731 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,320 Well, it's not fair that you're taking it all out on me. 732 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:48,800 I am sorry that I shat in a church. 733 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,360 Okay? 734 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,680 But I was trying to get your attention 735 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,960 so that you'd get in touch with Streamberry 736 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,120 and have them pull the plug on the show. 737 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,560 I already made that call. 738 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,360 - And? - They told me to go fuck myself. 739 00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:04,520 They did? 740 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,000 Can you believe it? 741 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,840 So, you can't stop this? 742 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:12,520 I thought for once I was gonna have control over my own image. 743 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,920 But those fuckers lied about everything. 744 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,520 First, they told me this was gonna be a prestige show, right? 745 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,160 Look, I didn't think it was gonna be like my movie Frida, 746 00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,080 but I couldn't imagine that it was gonna be this. 747 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:31,000 And then they said that they were closing the pay gap. 748 00:41:31,420 --> 00:41:32,480 Bullshit! 749 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,400 They are paying me one-tenth of what they're paying George Clooney. 750 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:41,360 Sorry, George Clooney is gonna be in this show? 751 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,280 No, they're sticking his head on a Thomas the Tank Engine reboot. 752 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:46,960 Wait. 753 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:49,600 How much are they paying you? 754 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:50,680 Oh, 755 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:52,600 nothing. 756 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,080 - Nothing? - Nothing. 757 00:41:56,240 --> 00:42:00,280 - That is so fucked up. - Yeah. 758 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,720 Well, they're screwing us both. 759 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:03,800 Yeah. 760 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,720 I mean, how do you think Cate Blanchett feels about this? 761 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:07,920 Fuck her. 762 00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:10,480 This is the bad guy. 763 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,640 Mona Giovanni. 764 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,800 - [JOAN] Javadi. - Whatever. 765 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,000 And the whole Strawberry machine. 766 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,320 It's Streamberry. 767 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,320 They have taken 100 years of cinema 768 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,040 and diminished it to an app. 769 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:30,200 I wanna go and take that computer 770 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,400 and rip the cables out of it 771 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,520 and stick them up its ass. 772 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,280 Let's bring down the system. The quamputer thing. 773 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,480 Oh yeah, let's. 774 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,960 Are you a hacker? 775 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,280 No, no, no, no, no. I mean, like, physically. 776 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,760 So it says the server's outside of Mona Javadi's office. 777 00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,720 So we just get in there and fucking... 778 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,280 - You know? - Her office is all the way at the top. 779 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,200 We can't crawl on the side of the building like Spider-Mans. 780 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,120 No, no, no, we don't have to. 781 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,520 'Cause you can just walk in the front door. 782 00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,840 We can't just do that. 783 00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:11,440 You can because you're Salma fucking Hayek. 784 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,240 Thank you. 785 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:19,480 You're right. 786 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:21,920 Yeah. 787 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,840 I am Salma fucking Hayek. 788 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:27,520 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 789 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:45,360 [HAYEK] Good morning. 790 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,000 Hi. Hello. Miss Hayek. 791 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,600 I have an appointment with Mona Javadi. 792 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,400 Of course. Let me just... 793 00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:58,800 [SECRETARY] Uh, I can't, um... 794 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,059 It should be in the system. Please do... 795 00:44:01,060 --> 00:44:02,760 Excuse me, is there a restroom I can use? 796 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,800 Of course. Right over there. 797 00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,160 I'm afraid that's too public. 798 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,520 Thanks to your show, 799 00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,840 every time people see me go into one of those, 800 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,400 all they can think about is hot birria coming out of my bottom. 801 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,320 Of course. 802 00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,360 Can we swipe Miss Hayek through? 803 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,880 There is a private restroom down the corridor on the right. 804 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:25,520 Thank you. 805 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,720 And don't worry, I'm just gonna pee. 806 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,120 Okay. 807 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:32,880 Cool. 808 00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:35,360 Thank you. 809 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,160 All right, just one sec. Yeah. We're good. 810 00:44:46,161 --> 00:44:47,161 - You rolling? - Yeah. 811 00:44:47,162 --> 00:44:48,162 Great. 812 00:44:48,163 --> 00:44:49,760 - So, Miss Javadi. - Mm. 813 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:53,000 A lot going on here at Streamberry. Loads of heat around your new show. 814 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:54,600 - [CLEARS THROAT] - I know, right? 815 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,320 - Bet you've got a heap of questions. - Yeah. 816 00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:57,920 [CLEARS THROAT, COUGHS] 817 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,080 - Lucy, I'm in the middle of an interview. - I think it might be important. 818 00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:02,920 Sorry. 819 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,280 Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes? 820 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,800 Apparently, Salma Hayek's downstairs asking to see you. 821 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,200 - Didn't we tell her to go fuck herself? - Maybe that's why. 822 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,400 Just get security to chuck her out. 823 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:20,600 Sorry, sorry. She's new. 824 00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,480 - Yeah. - Don't know how long she'll last. 825 00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,240 Anyway, where were we? 826 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,560 - Joan Is Awful. - Joan Is Awful. 827 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:29,640 [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] 828 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,360 [DOOR LOCK BEEPS] 829 00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,160 - What are you wearing? - It's a disguise. 830 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,560 Take it off. They're gonna think you're kidnapping me. 831 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:42,640 Okay. 832 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:44,280 - Hurry up! - Okay! 833 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,320 [TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES] 834 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:49,920 Come on! 835 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,950 So, here at Streamberry, 836 00:45:54,951 --> 00:45:58,760 we are passionate about creating new forms of entertainment. 837 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,440 This whole floor is dedicated to content generation R&D. 838 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,280 Experimental entertainment, computer-generated material. 839 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:09,720 [INTERVIEWER] Like Joan Is Awful. 840 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:10,800 [MONA] Exactly. 841 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:12,800 Shut up, shut up. 842 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:16,480 [MONA] And that is made by this, the quamputer, 843 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,880 which is actually just down that corridor on the left. 844 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,800 [INTERVIEWER] A kind of quantum computer. 845 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,680 Yeah, hence the name. 846 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,240 An infinite content creator 847 00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:30,080 capable of willing entire multiverses into existence, right? 848 00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:32,320 And within those rendered worlds, 849 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,840 shooting, packaging, and editing fully-edited programs 850 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,680 that would normally take months to make, such as... 851 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:40,520 [INTERVIEWER] Joan Is Awful. 852 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,520 I wish they'd stop saying that. 853 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,560 - [MONA] Correct. - [WHISPERS] I like the picture. 854 00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:48,080 And the role Salma's depicting is based on a real Joan, right? 855 00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:49,800 Mm-hmm. Yep. 856 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,840 Why that particular woman? What's so special about her? 857 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:54,160 Absolutely nothing. 858 00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:58,320 We were looking for a totally average, nobody person, 859 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,040 just... just to test the system. 860 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,240 The point is, Joan Is Awful is just the beginning. 861 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:07,400 The aim here is to launch unique, tailored content 862 00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,080 to each individual in our database, all 800 million of them, 863 00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:12,855 created on the fly by our system. 864 00:47:12,856 --> 00:47:15,920 The most relatable content imaginable. 865 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,320 Actually, there's one for you. 866 00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:20,240 I couldn't resist. Yeah. 867 00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,800 This is actually real and will be available to stream from Friday. 868 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:26,520 [UNCOMFORTABLE CHUCKLE] 869 00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,160 Uh, why "awful"? 870 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,520 Why is it all so negative? 871 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,080 Yeah. No, that's a great question, Fatima. 872 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:39,000 Um, we did try more affirmative content in the test cell, 873 00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,120 but we found that, um, our subjects just didn't buy it. 874 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:45,360 It didn't chime with their neurotic view of themselves. 875 00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,520 What we found instead was when we focused on their more weak 876 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,440 or selfish or craven moments, 877 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,160 it confirmed their innermost fears 878 00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:57,120 and put them in a state of mesmerized horror. 879 00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,680 Which really drives engagement. 880 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,040 They literally can't look away. 881 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,480 Let's kill this quam-puta. 882 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,640 - [FATIMA] Wow. Great, thanks. - [MONA] Did you get everything you need? 883 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,320 Okay. Where is she? Hi, where is she? Where's Salma? 884 00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:11,760 I let her go to the toilet. 885 00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,000 How hard is it to find someone? Most walls are glass. 886 00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:15,240 Can you guys do something? 887 00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:17,320 [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] 888 00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,480 - [WHISPERS] Is that it? - It's locked. 889 00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:24,560 There. 890 00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:28,640 [DOOR OPENS] 891 00:48:30,300 --> 00:48:31,320 [HAYEK] There it is. 892 00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,920 Holy Christ! Hey, no one's allowed in here! 893 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,160 I'm calling security! 894 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:40,080 If you call security, I will break your arm. 895 00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,560 Don't think I won't, because I will, understood? 896 00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:44,760 Yes, Miss Hayek. 897 00:48:45,720 --> 00:48:47,080 [HAYEK] Okay. 898 00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:48,600 How do we get in here? 899 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:51,480 [JOAN] What's that? 900 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:53,080 Joan Is Awful. 901 00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:56,880 No, but that's me. That should be her, right? 902 00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:00,520 That's the variant of Joan Is Awful that the Joan below you sees 903 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,440 when she watches the show. 904 00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,800 What? The Joan below me? 905 00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:08,040 You're not the original Joan. That's Source Joan. 906 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:09,680 We need a code for this, Joan. 907 00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:10,800 Wait, sh. 908 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:12,720 "Source Joan"? 909 00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:14,680 Yeah, you're just a Joan. 910 00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:17,080 Who's Source Joan? 911 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,360 The real Joan. 912 00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:20,760 Look, there. Source Joan. 913 00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:22,600 [JOAN] Source Joan? 914 00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:26,040 I'm not the real Joan? 915 00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,080 You're a version of Joan 916 00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,720 played by a digital likeness of Annie Murphy. 917 00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:33,720 - Who's Annie Murphy? - The actress. 918 00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,080 There. Look familiar? 919 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,480 Schitt's Creek. No? Great show. 920 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,120 - You're playing an adaptation of Joan. - No, no. 921 00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,760 Look. Source Joan lives in reality. 922 00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,259 When Source John watches the TV show Joan Is Awful, 923 00:49:47,260 --> 00:49:48,560 she sees you playing her. 924 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,320 That show is the fictive level we're on right now, here. 925 00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,120 - The fictive level? - Yes, fictive level one. 926 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,880 Like I said, this is an adaptation of Joan's life. 927 00:49:56,960 --> 00:50:00,240 - You're in a show right now. - I'm in a show right now? 928 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,120 Come on. Have you seen where you live? 929 00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,920 Uh, who could afford a place like that? It's a TV show house. 930 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,400 I mean, look at me. Michael Cera licensed his face, 931 00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:12,400 just like Annie Murphy licensed her face to play Joan on level one, 932 00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,360 and Salma Hayek licensed her face to play Joan on level two 933 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,120 and to play herself here on level one. 934 00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:18,560 [HAYEK] Whoa, whoa, whoa. 935 00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:21,440 I'm not playing myself. 936 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:23,720 I am myself. 937 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,400 Yeah, but it tracks that you believe that 938 00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,920 because you're coded to play yourself on this level. 939 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:29,520 - What? - What? 940 00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,200 We're not in reality right now. This is fictive level one. 941 00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,920 [HAYEK] If I'm not here, then where am I? 942 00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,280 I don't know where the real Miss Hayek is. I don't have eyes on her. 943 00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:40,760 She's probably in Zurich or on a beach somewhere. 944 00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,440 - I don't know where she is. - Zurich? 945 00:50:42,441 --> 00:50:43,441 This is not called 946 00:50:43,441 --> 00:50:45,320 Salma Hayek Gets Everything Explained To Her 947 00:50:45,321 --> 00:50:46,801 But Doesn't Understand It Still. 948 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,120 - It's called Joan Is Awful. Her story. - What the fuck? 949 00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:50,560 By which I mean the real her. 950 00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:54,520 Not Annie Murphy, Source Joan. The Joan that lives... 951 00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,280 Oh, thank God! 952 00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:58,120 He was so boring. 953 00:50:58,640 --> 00:50:59,800 Jesus! 954 00:51:02,240 --> 00:51:04,840 [EXHALES] Annie Murphy, you're my hero. 955 00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,440 You guard the door. 956 00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:11,320 I'm gonna kill that fucking computer. 957 00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,920 [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] 958 00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,480 - She wasn't in the schedule. - I know that. I was working... 959 00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:22,800 S3? Check S3. 960 00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,760 Come on! Come on! Just kill that quam-puta! 961 00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,560 Okay, just wait a second. Wait a second. 962 00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:36,920 So, inside this computer, there's a version of you playing me 963 00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:38,120 who thinks she's real? 964 00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:39,600 - Yeah. - [DOOR OPENS] 965 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:41,640 - They're coming! Do it! Do it! - [MONA] Stop! 966 00:51:41,720 --> 00:51:44,190 If you destroy that, you destroy everybody inside 967 00:51:44,191 --> 00:51:45,680 every fictive universe above this. 968 00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:47,880 - You! - Billions of simulated souls 969 00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,160 who consider themselves to be real will die. 970 00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:52,280 Do you really want all that blood on your hands? 971 00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,640 I mean, define "blood" for me here. 972 00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:57,960 Okay, this is a quantum computer, right? We barely know how it works. 973 00:51:58,040 --> 00:51:59,360 It's basically magic. 974 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,680 The reality we're in will cease to exist. 975 00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:05,040 - Would I die? - Instantly. 976 00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,720 Put the fucking axe down, Annie Murphy, now. 977 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,800 - [MONA] Listen to her. Do as you're told. - [HAYEK] Put it down! 978 00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:11,880 I can't. 979 00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,960 Because the fact that I'm standing here right now 980 00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,640 means that Source Joan already stood here in reality. 981 00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:20,480 - It doesn't matter what I want... - Get in. 982 00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,840 ... because the events that this is based on have already happened. 983 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,440 It's not my decision. 984 00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,080 - It's Joan's. - [MONA] Okay. 985 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,120 - It's happening. - All right, Joan. 986 00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,960 - She's doing it. Joan's doing it. - [MONA] Joan, put the axe down. 987 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,680 No! The quamputer! 988 00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,160 Joan! Fucking Jesus! 989 00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:40,320 [SCREAMS] 990 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,560 [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] 991 00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:49,760 [PANTING] 992 00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:53,840 [ALARM SOUNDING] 993 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:55,840 I think we're done. [LAUGHING] 994 00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:03,880 [GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING] 995 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,320 - [OFFICER] What's your name, please? - Annie Murphy. 996 00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:09,440 [OFFICER] Miss Murphy, what do you... 997 00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:27,680 [THERAPIST] So, where are we at? 998 00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:32,040 - Uh, I'm dating again. - Mm-hmm. 999 00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:34,680 Just taking it slow, you know. 1000 00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,920 And trying to make some time for myself. 1001 00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:40,320 Well, how does that make you feel? 1002 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,440 It feels good, you know? 1003 00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,880 It feels good to be okay on your own. 1004 00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:47,120 [THERAPIST] And work? 1005 00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:51,960 Yeah. I mean, my job is far less corporate. 1006 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,080 But I'm my own boss. 1007 00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,520 I... I treat my staff well. 1008 00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,200 Uh, and I'm actually... 1009 00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,840 I'm actually proud of what I do. So... 1010 00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,400 - [THERAPIST] It's good to hear. - Yeah, thanks. 1011 00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,120 So, maybe now, do you feel... 1012 00:54:07,720 --> 00:54:11,880 Yeah, uh, like the main character in my own life? 1013 00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:12,960 [THERAPIST] Mm-hmm. 1014 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,680 Yeah, I... I think I do. 1015 00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,400 [THERAPIST] And you don't feel too confined? 1016 00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:23,400 - Oh, the house arrest? - Mm-hmm. 1017 00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:27,040 You know, there's good days and bad days. 1018 00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:29,960 I guess that's to be expected. 1019 00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,480 [UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING] 1020 00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:50,360 You're supposed to encourage me. 1021 00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:52,680 - What is that? - Yeah, it's not good. I know. 1022 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,160 [ANNIE] Hi, Joan. 1023 00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,280 Hi, Annie! 1024 00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:05,480 - How you doing? - [JOAN] Good. 1025 00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,240 - The usual? - The usual, please. 1026 00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:08,320 Okay. 1027 00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,480 - [ANNIE] Missed you. - [JOAN] I missed you. How are you? 1028 00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:12,560 [ANNIE] I'm good. 1029 00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:14,920 [UPLIFTING MUSIC CONTINUES] 1030 00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:21,400 [AIR HORN BLARING] 1031 00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,840 Merry Christmas, one and all! 1032 00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:25,920 [GUESTS MURMURING] 1033 00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:27,520 [GROANING] 1034 00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:29,280 [GROANS] 1035 00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,520 Yeah, yeah. 1036 00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:33,720 [GUESTS GROANING IN DISGUST] 1037 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,360 Sorry. I know. I know. 1038 00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:39,040 Get out! Get out! 1039 00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:40,120 [GUESTS SCREAMING] 1040 00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,960 Yeah. I'm sorry. 1041 00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:50,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 73956

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