Original subtitles

Previously, on "Below Deck Sailing Yacht"...

Charter number two.

Oh, no!

It"s ****ing Erica.

Tatas for Trump.

These people are disrespectful, they"re emotionally draining.

This is the worst news ever.

Oh, here they go.

Hello.

How are you?

Who are you gonna hook up with?

You, Dais. Come here.

Get the hell away from me!

Mwah, mwah, mwah!

Looks like the transom hasn"t been done at all.

- Yes, it has. - **** me.

Tom, keep an eye out for stuff like that.

Putting things away, tidying the bar,

that was just not important at all?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa... - Am I being bitchy?

Gabriela is not my boss. Sit down.

This whole title of second stew, third stew

is a little obsolete right now.

She wants to be second stew,

and I think she"s trying to make me look bad at this point.

- I just wanna double-check... - Yeah.

The dinner menu for this evening.

Watermelon gazpachio.

Okay. Um... okay.

Sounds like we"re just eating a bunch of crap.

Just tell me what the **** you want.

We have grilled vegetable and a marinated steak.

I don"t like any pink in my steak.

Ah!

**** yeah, I don"t like this either.

I don"t like this either.

I"ve gotten better food at the ballpark.

Chuck, go **** yourself.

*BELOW DECK SAILING YACHT* Season 03 Episode 04

Episode Title: "OOopsie Daisy" Aired on: March 14, 2022.

My mom and Chuck have been disappointed...

don"t say you weren't, because I"ll be mad.

Don"t say you weren't.

Babe, you can come eat the omelette.

I just took a bite, I don"t want it.

- It"s not good, it's not good. - Babe, you eat McDonald"s.

But McDonald"s is better than this.

I still don"t understand what the problem is.

Okay, she did not like the food at all last night.

I"m being real about it.

You don"t put sweet sauce on a steak.

So, now I feel like I"m losing money

by just sitting here and looking at this disgusting food.

And that"s a bitchy thing to say,

because I would not call it disgusting.

I think that"s inedible.

Just to warn you, Charles,

he"s, like, "This is ****ing disgusting."

He"s like, "Dinner"s disgusting."

He doesn"t like his omelette, he didn"t like the steak.

Okay.

He wouldn"t know a ****ing good meal

if it smacked him in the face.

Don"t... he's being...

I mean, like, I"m, like, shaking.

Okay, whatever. He"s being so awful.

Whatever, whatever, whatever.

He"s being aggressive and mean.

- Whatever he"s saying... - Well, I just wanna warn you.

**** that guy.

If Chuck say that to my face,

I would not be sitting here right now.

I"m gonna be okay.

How was last night"s meal for you?

I mean, I think it was good for me,

but I have a different palate.

But I would be happy if I could eat quality food.

Well, I"m going to find a solution.

Tonight"s dinner is gonna be fantastic, I promise.

- Thank you, okay. - All right?

Thank you very much.

Quick question... me, Tom, and her are going now?

The beach picnic? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come back for the food.

- Mm-hmm, yeah. - Drop that off...

- Yeah. - Then swap me and her

with the guests, and then she"s on the boat

and I"m with the guests at the beach with everything there.

Okay, yeah, that sounds good.

- Yeah? - Okay, cool.

Were you all happy with the food last night?

Because my mom really wasn"t. Chuck didn"t like it, either.

Really.

He likes to bitch, like I told you.

How you doing?

All good, all good.

I just had a long chat with them about...

I think a couple of them weren"t happy last night.

Yeah.

And then one of them wasn"t happy with his eggs.

I guess you made him a couple different omelettes?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I think it was a misunderstanding

with the tomato.

I don"t really get it, but the omelette looked delicious,

so I don"t know.

But let"s, you humor them.

I"ll get Charles, Cindi, you, and I, Daisy, together.

Let you hear it from their ears...

- Yeah. - What they want.

That"ll be the trick.

If a guest has a legitimate complaint,

of course I wanna hear about it.

But who comes on a luxury yacht

and says it"s not as good as McDonald"s?

Show some class. Show some class.

- We"ll find a solution. - I"m okay.

Good.

He"s gonna complain because that doesn"t taste like a Happy Meal.

Come in.

- Come in. - I have your coffee.

Thank you.

So, like, so where"s my sunglasses,

and, like, where"s my hat,

and where"s all my important sh...

That I can"t find because it's ****ing damn dark in here.

How many trays? Seven trays and two tables,

we can bring a gazebo.

So, the plan is that you"re gonna go over

to the beach with Tom and Gary.

Mm-hmm.

Then you"re gonna swap out with me.

Okay.

All right, let"s keep going.

Ah.

****!

- Did you drop it? - Yeah, you did.

There it goes.

Why would you put it inside?

I told you, you"ve got rope in there.

Just put it on top of the bag.

- You set me up to fail there. - No, no, no.

What you shaking your head about, earlier?

Yeah.

I just wanna be able to eat something that"s edible.

Yeah, he came out pretty aggressive this morning.

Okay, we can start plating food.

Is that everything for now, Gabs?

Yes.

- You want to put it here? - Yeah.

What"s all this alcohol

that everybody"s drinking that I don"t have?

Yeah.

Can you turn this horizontally, please?

Ing hell, I don"t get paid enough for this.

Were you ready to go in a few minutes?

Should I get the tender to pick us up?

Yeah, okay.

You want a table here?

- Yeah. - Okie-dokie.

Is that everything?

Yeah, let"s rock and roll.

We"ve got some legs down here.

Well done, dickhead.

Maybe put the roof on the ****ing thing

before we start, eh?

Can you take a picture of me out there on the deck?

Gotta get my Instagram photos, girlfriend.

- How"s it going? - Not well.

Oh, my ****, really, eh?

Yeah.

Just tie it up there, I guess, maybe. You got it?

Do you wanna set up, like, the bar station?

- Yeah. - And I"ll finish this.

Please.

Okay, let"s go, let's go, let"s go.

I"ve never had this in my life, this kind of feedback.

By tomorrow, I"m gonna be drinking.

I know it"s difficult, but don"t let it get to you.

No, no, it"s... no.

Trust me, I was there, listening to the whole thing.

- Uh-huh? - The guy"s ****ing crazy.

Yeah?

The guy"s got the taste buds of a Billy goat.

He wants ****ing Big Macs and cheeseburgers.

How can we make that thing look less ugly?

I feel like I came into this season a little bit

too cocky and confident.

Don"t ever hang fenders over until we"re there.

But I know I can do better than this,

and I wanna show Gary that I"m not a complete ****ing idiot.

Few more of those.

Wow. Seriously?

Oh, what happened here?

Did you see this?

Oh, my God.

Accidents happen, but you know,

it was a kind of a dumb thing to do.

The couch is probably worth 50 grand.

So, that"s just stupid.

Are you guys ready to go to the beach?

I"ve been ready.

Is that alcohol?

I think there"s tons of alcohol on the beach,

but if you want, we can make you up one before you go.

Oh, I"m sure there'll be alcohol on the beach.

No, that"s fine.

Did you see the couch?

I literally walked in and was like...

Long legs coming.

That water"s cold, and I"m not getting in it.

Okay, I have to say the chef did a really good job with this.

Yes.

I haven"t eaten it yet,

so I"ll reserve that until I eat the food.

- That"s true. - Let"s wait until we eat it.

The whole reason he came on this trip was the food.

You either have talent, or you don"t.

You either...

It"s like you either know how to make an omelette

that"s not brown, or you don't.

This has been a sh... show of a morning,

and I really need this beach picnic to go to plan.

Can I get you anything, Charles?

Hopefully... I guess...

It"s right here, babe. You love lox.

My God, just eat the food and shut the **** up.

Dais?

This looks good.

It"s so good.

- It"s good. - Hey, Daisy?

- Yes. - Great food.

Oh, good, I"m happy you like it.

I think I was just up... I"m, like...

I think I"m just a grouch in the morning.

That"s okay.

Everyone has their things.

If I"m up too late, I get grouchy.

Are you ****ing kidding me?

I wanted one.

Oh, you did?

But I wanna see now what"s for dinner, which I don"t know now.

- I need to talk to them. - Yeah. Don"t lose it at them.

Me?

I"m not gonna punch him.

Oh, this is so good.

You want to? Okay, I"ll come with you.

The one thing I like is ice in water.

Yeah, New York, the same.

New York, they don"t put ice in water.

Mm-hmm.

They don"t even wanna give you water.

Mm-hmm.

You yell at people in New York, you"ll get hit in the face.

You get more bees with honey.

I"ve gotten pretty far in life thus far acting this way.

I think I"m gonna keep the way I act,

and if people don"t like the way I act, then that"s too bad,

and they don"t need to be around me.

If you can help me clear the table?

Wait, something happened?

- Wait, who said that? - Your friend.

- Jenelle? - Yeah.

You"ll get your ass kicked about what?

If I said...

if I yelled in New York about not getting ice in my water.

- Does she live in New York? - No.

So then... has she ever been to New York?

- I don"t know. - That"s ridiculous.

If she was not my hairdresser, I would let you be a bitch.

But I don"t wanna have to find a new hairstylist.

This is our last day. Relax.

I want my retribution. How do I get it?

That bitch over there talking sh...

to the person that"s paying for it...

What?

I"m not gonna fight with Jenelle

because she"s the only that gets my hair.

No, it"s all good, it"s all good.

Oh, no. Hey, Rhett, what"s up?

- No. - You sure?

Yeah.

Oh, dear God.

- Coming up... - Ow!

I cut my head.

Oh sh...

Oh sh..., bro.

Marcos has taken a big chunk out of his head.

What?

He"s taken the top of his ****ing scalp off.

Did you just call my wife a bitch?

- No. - You sure?

Yeah.

I will **** your world up.

- Oh, dear God. - Whatever.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Can we get anyone anything to drink?

- I"m fine. - You good?

Everyone"s good?

I don"t wanna get involved in that.

And I don"t either.

- Are you sure, you don"t? - No, I think...

I think I"ll stay out of this one.

Take me with you!

I don"t know what happened.

- We weren"t... - But hold on... hold on...

we didn"t say anything.

He starts telling her about if you"re in New York

and you don"t like the water,

you can just bitch and bitch and bitch

and they"ll give you what you want.

And I said, "No, if you" re in New York,

- they "ll hit you in the face." - Okay.

And he got pissed off and walked off.

I mean, your husband likes to have a lot of problems

- with people.. - He does.

But will you promise me

you won"t let it come between you and me?

I don"t want drama.

My friends were fighting last charter,

and it was, like, not fun for me.

I mean, I would much rather the guests

be arguing than complaining about the food.

I wouldn"t be surprised if Rhett kicked the sh... out of him.

It would be a favor to us all.

I"m my own person, and you know I can"t control him, I can't.

I feel sorry for you.

So, I hope you guys realize I do not control him.

Are you trying to clean that sofa?

Yeah.

Get that carpet cleaner, just try it without any chemical.

Okay. All right, Glenn.

I"m gonna give this a whirl and see what happens.

Just do just that.

No, it"s not doing anything.

Never mind, never mind.

It"s not doing anything.

Not good.

One little patch with K2R and see if that does anything.

Okay.

The guests are ready to be picked up.

Copy, on my way.

Oh, God... oh, my God, Mom.

I hope you didn"t ruin my phone.

Sh...

I have to wait, I can"t prepare anything.

Yeah, you"ve gotta see what they ****ing want.

Because apparently, whatever you make

isn"t what they want right now.

Mm-hmm.

Let that dry and sit for a while,

and then later we"ll try to suck if off

with that and see what happens.

Will you take this off and then we"re giving it to Daisy.

Absolutely.

Because I actually brought it for her.

That was very kind of you.

- You wanna put it on me. - Put it on her, yeah.

- No problem. - Isn"t that cute?

It"ll be prettier on you than me.

Oh, gosh.

Oh my God...

Oh, thank you, it"s very sweet.

I"ve never seen anything like it.

Do you want it under your collar, and then that way...

Whatever looks best, I trust you.

Gary told me there"s been drama.

Oh, there"s been beef.

- Thank you. - Lovely.

To be honest with you, I don"t know. I miss all...

everything seems to happen and I just seem to miss all of it.

That makes two of us, Tom.

It"s probably best that way.

- Welcome back, everybody. - Thank you.

I"m going straight back to pick them up, yeah.

- How you doing, Dais? - Good.

- I love your necklace. - Thanks.

Ooh, what happened to the couch?

- Wasn"t me. - It wasn"t me.

No, don"t worry, it's okay.

No, no.

They said they were really happy with the food,

but do you think you could come up

and speak to Cindi and Charles?

Maybe, Daisy, you and I go too.

Yeah, coming.

It is hot out here, man.

Hola, hola.

- Hi... hola, como esta? - Bien, bien.

Hi, it"s just me.

I"m just wondering if Charles wants to come

and speak to the chef?

Yeah, of course. He"s up there talking to your mom.

So, if you wanna come up...

Let"s get Charles up here too,

so you"re speaking directly to him.

Yeah, yeah, that would be nice.

Yeah, is he... do you know if he"s around?

Sorry, excuse me...

Erica"s gonna come up and speak for Charles, and she"s...

Oh, okay, perfect.

His wife was telling us earlier,

she"s like, "I'm just so sorry, I can"t control him."

She goes, "His hobby on the weekends, he likes going

to hotels and ordering food,

and he bitches so he gets all his food for free."

He wants a big, fat, fillet, basically.

- I would go for that. - Yeah.

Dude, I swear to God, Charlie"s the biggest

ing douchebag you"ve ever met, dude.

My husband loves mashed potatoes,

or he loves creamed spinach.

I need to take notes.

Oh, my God.

This is the most nasty menu combination

I ever made in my life

- We"re happy? - We"re happy.

- We"re excited. - Okay, great.

She"s, like, making nonsense.

- Grazie here, gracias otherwise. - Prego.

Thank you.

- You"re welcome. All right. - You"re welcome, guys.

Mucho bueno.

Just a reminder that Gary and Glenn

are sitting at dinner with them.

- Oh, really? - Okay.

- Yeah. - That"d be great.

We love Gary.

They want me to join them for dinner tomorrow night.

Really? They said that to me, too.

Did they?

Yeah gonna make heaps of food, yeah.

Yeah, just wanted to remind you.

All right, let"s bounce outta this Popsicle stand.

Good work, team.

Just a reminder, it"s decades theme party.

For dinner they wanna celebrate each decade.

Don"t forget the other two extra people, Glenn and Gary.

Oh, wow, this is a lot of sh..., eh?

It"s a hell of a lot of sh...

Can you just help me with the bar first?

It"s just that they can see it, and it looks like a disaster.

Do you think I"m allowed lie down for 10 minutes?

I ****ing hope so.

My mom, Halhe, and Susan are being fun.

Oh, yeah...

She"s in a skanky-ass mood, being rude.

Thank you.

Oh, Jesus.

****

One of those days?

You don"t need me to help you unpack the bar,

and let me tackle this ****ing mountain of dishes.

Right now you don"t receiving help, or what?

I haven"t seen or touched the laundry once.

Well, you have to say something.

I know, I know, I will.

I just wanna not, like, make accusations

before I, like, make sure I"m right about things.

Are you guys all right?

I can hear you guys from the bar.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah.

Don"t you guys look glamorous?

- Do we? - Thank you.

Would you like us to go for a sail and then come back here?

Yeah, I think that would be nice.

- Does sailing sound good? - Yeah, that would be so cute.

- Taking a little nap? - Are you coming to join?

Stop!

Hand above the covers.

Hands above the covers, yeah.

Ashley is obviously not interested in me,

because she"s so interested in talking with Gary.

Stop touching me... ooh... back massage. Okay, you can touch me.

Some girls like this Tarzan thing, I don"t know.

Everyone"s looking at us and walking away.

- I"m not even doing anything. - No, no, not yet.

Show me your hands.

No, can"t help it, I can"t take my hand off my...

I"m just kidding.

All crew, all crew, let"s get everybody

up on the flybridge who"s free,

let"s start getting ready to get sails up.

Yeah, copy that.

We"re gonna go sideways, we"re gonna go sideways.

And now I have, like, a race against the sails.

Boy, this is gonna feel good.

Sriracha mayo.

- Anchor"s home. - Copy.

Okay, Tom, you wanna come up to the flybridge?

- We"re gonna do the mizzen. - Okie-doke.

Okay, I"m going up.

Two wraps.

Good, let"s go straight on to the main, Tom.

Look at me, ****ing sailor boy.

Oh, wow.

And the genoa.

Okay, that"s main engine off.

Ah!

- Ah! - Ah!

Jeez.

That"s ****ing cool, no.

****

How the **** does this thing lock?

Oh ****.

Man, this is a very overrated experience in front over here.

Last time it was very majestic.

Oh, Lord.

No, if you wanna know what majestic is,

majestic is our kitty.

Yeah, our cat is really cute.

Ow!

Ah sh..., I cut my head.

- Oh sh... - Wait, wait, sit...

Just sit there.

Okay. Oh, God.

Ah ****.

Marcos hit his head really bad,

and I don"t really know what to do.

He"s cut his head really bad.

Oh, sh..., bro.

Oh, my God.

Mm, ****.

Oh sh...

Oh, my God.

Ah sh...

I don"t even really know what to begin doing.

Just patch it up, patch it up.

Probably in shock...

do you need water, a glass of water?

Ah.

Marcos has taken a big chunk out of his head.

What?

It"s about a patch of skin, that much...

On what?

And he scalped himself inside the fridge.

I"ll watch up here.

How you doing, mate, you okay?

Good, yeah. I"m good.

Okay. Let"s put something...

- Gauze. - Does it hurt?

No, it"s not that bad.

Okay. Let me get your face here.

Just keep the pressure on it so it"ll help stop the bleeding.

Mm-hmm.

We"re gonna have to get you to see somebody,

because he"s taken the scalp off of it.

Yeah.

- So, it"s... - Yeah.

My first thought is that this is

the end of the season for Marcos.

It"s that serious.

Oh, man.

You know, I"m not sure exactly how to bandage that area,

but we"ll figure something out.

In the meantime, I"m gonna put the sails away,

we"re gonna start heading back.

Sh..., sorry that happened, dude.

Do you wanna ice the area?

Okay, let"s fire up.

Tom, can you keep an eye on the sail going away?

Okay.

- Thanks, girl. - Thank you, ma"am.

Oh, my ****...

Stop.

Okay, come on up here. We"re gonna do the mizzen now.

Now it start hurting.

- All right, hold. - Okay. That"s good enough.

Okay, I"m gonna go call the doctor.

I"m gonna go continue to pull for dinner.

Thank you.

Put some tape on the head, ****ing patch it up.

But I have to make that dinner happen.

No time to puss it out.

Hello?

Yeah, it"s Glenn calling from the boat Parsifal III.

I have one crewmember who was reaching into a refrigerator,

and he"s kind of scalped, like, a piece of scalp off his head.

I mean, we"ve got a bandage on it now,

and pressure on it, but I"m not really sure

how to deal with that type of wound.

Thank you very, very much.

- Stop... - Oh, my God.

- We smell good. - You have to sleep with him.

Where is the broccolis? Where are the damn broccolis?

Can you go hand over and tell her

to go get changed, please, thanks.

Is it even 6:30 yet?

We"re safe to drop, drop, drop, drop.

Not right now, I used Halhe"s deodorant.

Ugh!

Well, hey, the first thing I did when I met her,

I smelled her butt like a dog.

That was weird.

Are we dressing up for dinner, still?

- Yeah. - That"s two at the waterline.

That"s main engine off.

Dude, we have to have sex at least once on the boat.

Yeah, we"ll be back.

Yeah, we need 20 minutes, we"ll be back.

It should only take five, actually.

So, Ashley"s gonna do service with you tonight.

No, I do, I just thought we were gonna

switch every other charter.

But I want you both, like, so the guests

- can see you both during... - See both of us? Okay.

Yeah, but she"ll do lates.

Okay, cool.

- Hello. - Hi!

Glenn, Glenn, Tom.

The doctor is aboard to see Marcos.

- Hi, Glenn. - Hi, how are you?

Good, how about yourself?

I"ll give you one of those... very good.

You think my hair is gonna grow?

- I don"t know. - Don"t laugh.

Well, I don"t know, do I look like someone who knows?

Thanks for coming out on such short notice.

Always.

- She"s got... this is Dr. Tea. - How are you doing?

I improvised.

- I"m Tea, nice to meet you. - Tea.

Do you wanna take a seat here?

No, don"t move, don't move, don"t move.

Well, yeah, of course.

It is a big piece, but it"s very, very superficial.

You do not, but it would be good if you can do...

you can change it on your own.

How does it feel, is it hurting?

- Dinner"s gonna be on time. - Yeah.

My head ****ing hurts so much,

but these guests don"t care if I cut my head or not, whatever.

They want their food on the table, so, I can"t stop cooking.

See you later, keep in touch.

I will walk you out, thank you.

I"m not going in there yet.

I"m gonna give them five more minutes.

- I"ll wait for my drink. - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, okay. - ****

How do you feel?

Yeah, I feel good.

Erica, I"m not gonna wear a thousand dollar

Neiman Marcus shirt right now.

Mom, you look really cool.

Thank you.

- Who would have hairspray? - I don"t know, babe.

Don"t yell at me.

Get the **** out.

I need hairspray for my hair,

just like everybody else need stuff for theirs.

Then hop out and go look for it.

I don"t know where it is, it"s here.

I said hop out of our room and go look for it.

- I"m trying to get ready. - I am, too.

- We"re eating with them tonight. - Yeah, we are.

- Stop eating. - I know.

Do we know what time dinner is?

- Eight. - You excited for dinner?

You and I should just sit at the little round table,

and they can sit at the back.

- We"ll talk golf. - Yeah.

These aren"t my first choice of people to have dinner with,

but, you know, I guess to eat Marcos" food,

and it keeps me out of the galley doing dishes...

score!

- I"m gonna go take a shower. - What are you wearing?

- Probably my birthday suit. - Sexy.

Wow!

Who are you?

We have a new guest on board.

Gorgeous.

Oh!

Oh, you look fab, Cindi, I love it.

Champagne in the bathtub.

Maybe we can put it in the hot tub.

Wow.

- What else have we got? - Thanks for your help, Tom.

Is that it?

Wear these wigs for dinner service.

Yeah.

Would you like to make your way to our lovely table?

Yeah.

Don"t you wish, when you do stuff like that,

like you"ve done with your head,

you just wanna go back in time, like ****ing one hour,

and just not do that?

I wish we can do that.

They"re all about to sit down.

Yours, too

- Wow! - Hey!

You guys look amazing.

Everyone is sitting, including the captain?

Everyone"s sitting, yeah.

You can start.

So, tuna tartare.

I think I"m the only single one of the group.

- You are. - Oh, really!

I"m single.

And here we have tuna tartare.

Oh, yes.

That looks so frigging good, you guys, I mean it.

- Cream of spinach. - Yum!

That"s for Chuck.

Oh, wow, is that what I think it is?

- Spaghetti marinara. - Mm!

Yummy!

It"s like all of our favorite stuff.

Peruvian salmon sashimi.

There"s none, restaurant.

- Miso broccoli ginger. - Miso broccoli.

These kind of crazy buffets,

they just throw out a bunch of food, you know,

like, all you can eat, until you ****ing die, you know?

Here we have rib eye steak with broccoli, miso, and ginger.

I eat pretty much everything.

That"s what I've heard.

Mm!

I"m glad we passed the test of not being mean girls this year.

- We are easygoing. - You guys make a nice couple.

Thank you, we appreciate it.

We"ve known each other since high school.

Really?

Erica came up with our nickname,

and I"m Charles and she's Erica, so she came with Cherica.

- Yes. - Oh, that"s a good one.

Want me to get out, or you"re gonna climb over?

No, I"ll just climb over.

- Sh...! - Ooh!

- Whoa, be careful. - Yes, I"m fine.

- Ow! - Oh, girl.

- You all right? - Yeah, I"m fine.

Everyone is eating everything?

- Yeah. - What about the salmon?

No, they"re definitely eating the salmon.

Their grandma didn"t say... heh, grandma.

She doesn"t know what ****ing planet she"s on.

I"m not sure they have too much of an issue with bitching.

- Babe? - Yeah?

- What are you doing? - Just taking a break.

What"s wrong?

I don"t have to deal with him, and I"m not going to.

You don"t have to ****ing talk to him again when we get home,

so who gives a sh...?

Cindi, you look fabulous.

When I look at you, I feel like I"m looking at Marilyn Monroe.

- Yeah. - Oh, yes.

She kinda looks like her, a little bit.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Woo!

Oh, now I"m in trouble.

****

So, I"m JFK and you're Marilyn, all right.

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday, Mr. Captain

♪ Happy birthday to you

Oh, my God.

Is Glenn the life of the party, or what?

May you live 100 years.

May you go on a hundred cruises.

May your dreams come true.

Wow. I"ve got to take notes.

- Happy birthday to you. - Woo!

Thank you, thank you so much.

- Yay! - Woo!

- That was amazing. - Wow.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Here"s to you guys. - L"chaim!

Salud.

Thank you for a fantastic meal.

Mission accomplished.

What a ****ing day, no?

Good night.

Thank you, everybody. Thanks for joining us on our...

She can have the room to herself.

Me and my wife, we did our thing

for 10 minutes earlier, we"re good.

Ten minutes?

Breakfast stuff is already pulled, pretty much.

- Yeah. - That"s pretty much it.

- Yeah. - I"ll see you in the morning.

- Good night. - See you in the morning.

Going to bed.

- How you doing? - Good, how was everything?

Dude, it was delicious.

Hi, I"m so tired.

- The food was good. - My head is killing me.

- Yeah, just take that off. - Yeah.

Good morning, sunshine.

Ah.

Mm!

...so it"s not one over the other.

You"re telling a stew how to do...

make pillows look nicely.

I am telling you how to make my pillows.

Time to get up.

Did you see any fresh-squeezed orange juice?

I don"t see any, I don"t think they did it.

- Oh. Okay. - They should.

No, there"s a little bit left over from yesterday.

I don"t wanna look like I'm...

- No, no. - Like, I really can"t...

I can"t. Like, I can"t.

I just can"t.

You guys should have a meeting after.

- We will. - Yeah.

Put this upstairs, please.

We have some Spanish sausage, assortment of cheeses.

Morning.

- Did it? - Yeah.

It was really hard to sleep last night.

My head is pounding. It"s painful.

I just don"t tell anybody.

You wanna see?

Gross.

Deck, deck, deck, Glenn.

Yeah, Glenn, go ahead.

Are you guys okay if we fire up?

Yeah, you"re welcome to fire up and start picking up.

Okay, we are ready to rock and roll.

- Morning. - Hi!

Never in a million years.

Me, too.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Forward running spring first?

Okay.

Help make sure the fenders land on those big bumpers.

Can I show you, so we"ll take up all the slack.

Okay, so we"ll go around one.

- All ready? - Yeah.

Beautiful.

I"ve thrown a line or two in my day.

Okay, guys, I"m gonna come out of here.

Okay, that"s main engine off, main engine off.

You need to sit down later with the girls.

Why?

What, they"re bitching about me, or they"re bitching...

- No. In between them. - Yeah.

There"s too many ****ing egos with those two girls.

Honestly, I have so much other ****ing bullsh... to deal with.

Ugh.

I just wanted to talk to you about one thing.

Did I do something wrong?

No, but one of the guests had bronzer on and sat down with it.

Okay. Yeah.

Tried to clean it; We weren"t able to clean it.

I wasn"t really sitting on the couch.

But it"s there, and a little bit there.

When a primary charters a boat,

they"re responsible for any significant damage

done to the boat.

Having that conversation before they leave is never fun.

It"s always a little bit awkward, but you have to do it.

- I"ll go through the broker... - Yeah.

But I just wanna make sure that you are aware of it.

- Cool. - Yeah.

You guys, we have a little problem here.

Somebody wore bronzer and it got on the couch.

Yeah, we all, I think, saw that.

So, we"re gonna all have to pay for it.

- No, because we didn"t do that. - I didn"t, either.

- So, Daisy and I on the end. - Yeah.

Bye, guys.

I wore my best dress.

- Yeah. - You get a hug.

Yay! Have a lovely trip back home.

- Thank you. - Marcos.

Hey, man, pleasure to meet you.

Good to meet you, bro.

- And I got you a rose. - That was a total...

Oh, really? Wow.

- Yes. - Bye, Cindi.

- You were fabulous as always. - Thank you.

- Pleasure to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

And this is for you. I"m looking for...

oh, thank you very much.

And I"m gonna take care of whatever the problem is.

We"ll figure it out.

I don"t care who did it, I"ll take care of it.

We"ll figure it out. All right, mate...

- Ah. - Thanks for everything.

I"ve never had so much fun in my life.

- Thank you very much. - Bye.

Bye, thank you.

What are... why are we waving?

I don"t know.

Oh, man.

Please, never come back

- Woo-hoo! - Charter number two!

- Yes! - We survived!

Was that two or five?

Okay. Deck team, cushions.

Then we can put the covers on.

Girls, you know what you"re doing, yeah?

Yeah.

I don"t think this is my T-shirt, what do you think?

All crew, all crew,

can we get everybody together for a tip meeting?

Copy.

I don"t want champagne, I want tequila.

Well, that was really interesting.

Daisy, your team did a really good job,

everything seemed to run smoothly.

I think it"s a testament to your leadership skills

and how you"ve brought your team together.

The girls did a great job.

I do want to remind everyone if there are issues,

anyone can come and talk to me, and to remember we"re a team.

Yes.

And to work with each other respectfully.

- Okay. - Just a reminder.

Marcos, I think you accommodated them very well,

especially the fact that you hurt your head really bad.

- Yeah. - But you...

And I pulled off the dinner, yeah.

You still pulled out the dinner, and I was there for the dinner.

It seemed like he enjoyed everything.

Good. Okay.

So, now to the tip.

I don"t personally feel that this tip

reflects the quality of service that we gave these guys.

You guys worked really hard,

and you pulled out all the stops

to make this the best charter for them.

For whatever reason, the tip comes to a total of...

$6,500.

**** my ****ing life.

I honestly think I"m about to burst into tears.

I"m... I'm not okay right now.

For whatever reason, the tip comes to a total of

$6,500,

which comes to 720 each.

It"s still better than a poke in the eye with a pointy stick.

They could have tipped us 30 grand, 40 grand, 50 grand.

No money in the world would make me happy

to work for people like that.

I just don"t think people like that deserve nice things.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

Thank you.

As far as I"m concerned,

they can take that tip and shove it up their hole.

I"d feel worse if I felt like it was a tip we deserved.

It"s a reflection on them, and you know,

regardless of this tip,

I think we had a great start to a season.

For tonight, you guys are gonna go out and just have fun.

Thanks, Dais. Okay, guys.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Cheers, good job, everyone. - Good job, exactly.

- I"m gonna drink tonight. - You deserve it.

Rawr!

Do you think we should just wash all these ****ing cushions?

That is yachting, literally... do it again, every day.

- Hey, ladies? - Yeah?

What?

Come, girls. Come, both of you.

This bed"s big enough for all three of us.

All right, let"s just get it outta the way.

- Come on, Ashley. - It"s a threesome.

- Oh, God. - This blanket"s too small.

It"s so small.

You"d rather me be in the middle?

No ****ing way.

Okay, no, seriously, this is very uncomfortable, wow.

- It is, that hurt. - This thing does hurt.

- I don"t like it. - Yeah. So...

And I"m talking about the bed.

So, we won"t be having sex on here.

- Oh, is that open? - Yeah.

- Is it... - Gummy bears.

Perfect.

What time to start tomorrow, 10:00?

I"m just gonna say 9:00 in my mind so I don"t drink too much.

- Starting at 9:00. - Okay.

Okay, well, I think that"s us done.

I guess we can chill now.

Okay. Oh, my legs are sore.

****

We"re out. We did our job.

Are you guys not getting along inside?

No, I"m... we"re getting along...

Huh.

- Who"s the second? - Gabriela.

That"s still a thing?

It...

Yes, the titles are there, and I have to respect her.

Do you do different jobs?

No, we"re doing the same, we"re rotating.

We"re doing the same thing.

It"s, like, hashed out now, but I have to respect her,

because I"m third.

Do you think you both should have just been the same stews?

Yeah, I do.

I"m extremely competitive, and I...

You"ve got brothers and sisters?

I have an older sister, we"re not close.

I haven"t spoken to my sister in, like, a year.

Claws out.

Why haven"t you chatted to your sister?

Long story?

Like, she screwed every guy I ever liked in high school.

Really?

Yeah, and she knew I liked them.

You know, I think when it comes to girls,

sometimes it"s a me thing.

I do have a few girlfriends that are great,

but it"s a trust thing.

Just, like, she would, like **** people

- in my room, and, like... - In your room?

Yeah, like, and on my bed and, like, brag,

and like, rub it in, like, hee, hee, hee.

- Really? - Yeah.

Like, I... it"s just...

Like, I have been told so many times

that I come off as standoffish.

I know I"m doing it,

but it"s hard for me to not be the way I am.

- Did you do the same to her? - No.

Girls are a little tricky sometimes...

just a little.

It"s interesting, everyone's got a history, don"t they?

Yeah.

What time is it? I think I need to get dressed.

Okay, which are my lucky underwear?

Because Gary wants to get lucky.

I"m gonna get a beer. You need something?

I"m okay, thank you.

Ah! Ah!

- Ah! - Oh!

Ow!

Okay, papi!

Yeah.

You can have one cocktail.

No, Daisy, I can"t.

- Yes! - Woo!

You look amazing.

- Thank you, Daisy. - Yeah, I know. Beside that...

Ugh.

I had a question for you, Dais.

If your best friend"s life depended on it

and you wanted to try to make that stain a little bit better,

what chemical would you use?

Honestly, that Vanish has been working.

- It works miracles. - Yeah.

Can I see the Vanish? I wanna try something.

Yeah.

Colin sure kinda looks like he"s still at work.

I know, I was gonna say that earlier.

Hey, Dais, you look pretty.

There"s margarita in the glass jar.

Okay.

We"ve got two extra crewmembers in this photo, come on.

This stuff is amazing.

Where is that vacuum?

Oh, my God, y"all look gorgeous!

I"ve not stopped tapping, I"m tapping away.

This is how I teach people to take my photos.

I love Glenn, but **** me, do we really have to do this now?

I mean, it looks a thousand times better.

Yeah, but we do have that water stain.

I need a ****ing drink.

We"re really far ahead with the turnaround,

so we"ll look after it tomorrow.

Thank you for helping.

Yeah, my pleasure.

Oh, my God. Whoa.

Okay, kids, have fun.

Vamos.

Are you gonna get in the back?

I"ll go in the back.

Let"s go mix-mix. Let"s all go in the back.

We can squish.

Vamanos.

Marcos.. Don"t let them bring you down.

- **** - Your cooking"s fire.

And the thing is, they"re used to McDonald"s chicken nuggets.

Ah!

So, guys, should we just say something

that we"re grateful for, like how amazing that tip was?

Thank you for this guy ****ing left the boat tonight.

Yay!

You are an amazing ****ing chef.

Don"t listen to what some lame charter guests

think about your food, bruü.

I"m, like...

I wanna say that I never felt like

a family in a such short time.

And all you guys are so amazing.

- Aw! - Kudos!

Being a chef in this industry,

it gets lonely in the galley, definitely.

But this crew is different.

So... oh, wait, wait, we"ve got tequilas, guys, let"s go.

They don"t let you drown yourself.

We drown all togethers, or we help you.

I love it.

Cheers to Marcos!

I love you.

Coming up...

I know, I know.

I might wanna sleep with her,

but don"t really wanna be stuck with the consequences.

Are we ready to order?

I would love to order.

I"ll have the fish.

Oh, I wanted the burrata.

I"ll have the burrata and the strawberry cake.

What"d you order here?

I"m hammered... a margarita, of course.

Bottoms up!

You"re like, "This is not my first rodeo!"

And these bitches kinda know what they"re doing.

I"m gonna sleep in until...

All right...

You girls are great.

You girls just...

You two are a team.

I want it to be solid, especially our team.

Me, too.

I don"t give a sh... About everyone else.

Without the team, you break down, you fall apart.

Yeah.

It"s a hard lesson to learn,

it"s a lesson I had to learn over and over again.

Yeah.

I"m gonna go pee now.

Gabriela, come for a smoke.

Hey, you, what"s happening?

I don"t know what's happening.

What do you mean?

We were in our room earlier,

and Gabriela said Gary will **** anything.

Do you feel like Gary kind of shoots his shot with everyone,

and whoever bites is the one that is gonna end up with him?

Yeah.

Like, you"re the type of person, you flirt with everyone.

No, listen, just listen.

It"s occurred to me that Ashley wants two things...

my undivided attention, and to get in my pants.

Well, let"s see what happens.

I know, I know, and I know, and that was like, I...

I might wanna sleep with her,

but I don"t really wanna be stuck with the consequences.

We"ve got this season together, all right?

Yeah.

I love everyone"s personalities for everyone.

- I"m a bitch. - No, you are not.

Don"t take my title away from me.

Okay.

- Mwah. - Aw!

He loves Daisy.

Oh, another one, okay.

Ow! Oh! ****

Oi, it"s stuck, bro, holy sh...

- Strawberry? - Yes, please.

That"s my ****ing girl.

There you go.

You!

No, **** no.

Okay. Come here... mwah!

Jesus, Gary!

Ugh!

That was the best kiss of my life.

Well, she"s taken bigger in her mouth ****ing give it to her.

Not you, clearly.

You don"t know what I"ve got down here.

We don"t, and we'd just tell you to sh...

It"s not so visible as some of us are.

I"m very drunk.

I"m outta here, my car's here.

Long night, my friend, long night.

- Oh! - What?

Oh!

What are we doing when we go back? I need a plan.

And then a drink.

Okay.

Watch this.

Stop touching it, just leave it.

Oh, why would you touch it?

Ah!

Come on... baby girls.

Can I get out?

Woo.

No, no.

You know what I don"t understand, Gary?

Tell me, Gary, what do you not understand?

So, these girls, they all work together

and they all speak together,

but then they all throw themselves at you.

- What is this? - Tequila.

Ah.

Don"t look at me like that.

It"s hard, because I know it"s not

just gonna be a few kisses with Ashley.

Sh..., that feels good.

Is that just from me... whoa, what"s going on here?

Oi, naughty, naughty.

Control yourself.

**** says you that"s dressed like that

that"s just like, mother... er.

I"m gonna go change.

You gonna go to beddy-beddy?

I"m gonna go up and have another drink.

****

Hey, stop, don"t touch it, don"t touch it.

Let me see it.

Because he keeps rubbing his hand through his hair.

Yay!

What are you doing?

I don"t know.

He cannot touch his wound.

Let"s just make sure he doesn"t look stupid, yeah?

- Oh, really. - Daisy, can you help me please?

Go... go sideways? Sideways.

I just... you just said wrap it.

That"s what I did.

I just really want a drink.

Do you need a drink?

- How do you think he feels? - Yeah.

I"m... that's why I asked you...

I asked him.

**** off, Colin.

Look at Kelsie.

What do you want?

Just hold the gauze there so he doesn"t keep...

No, not you, him.

Somebody pass me my drink, Kelsie.

****

Whew.

Ugh!

I"m traumatized.

****, you are fine.

You are gonna live.

Urgh! Ugh!

If I go to bed, I"m gonna wake up with no regrets.

If I stay up, maybe I"ll do something I"ll regret.

Ugh!

Why can"t little Gary behave?

Ugh!

**** Urgh.

**** Gary.

No, you"re not gonna touch it,

you"re not gonna **** around with it.

You"re gonna drink some sh...

Take it easy. Take it easy.

****.

No, I"m going to bed.

Just kidding.

What do you want, a beer?

- I feel bad. - No, I"m okay.

I don"t know, because I don"t know how to handle it.

- No, no, no, that"s a lie. - You"re so annoying.

Come here.

Oh, you"re so rosy-cheeked.

Ooh, Gary, behave yourself.

- You"re so annoying. - Let"s go have fun.

- Okay. - Let"s go.

Oh!

Can you take your own towels?

Should we not use the guest towels?

No, don"t take it off.

- You are so drunk. - Mm.

- Are you okay? - Mm-mmm.

Hey!

Colin, come around this side.

This is the king of the Jacuzzi being enabled.

Whoa!

Tom, Tom, Tom!

Oh!

If you wanna get me more margarita...

Yay! Yes!

Tongue, no tongue, Daisy.

- Me and her... - Tongue or no tongue?

Oh, my God.

That"s enough. That"s enough.

Come sit down.

You got a friend in me.

Mwah!

You"ve got muscles.

Gary"s signals are telling me that he"s not really interested.

- Oh! - It"s like, whatever.

I"m drunk and horny, so I"m gonna have a good time,

no matter what.

Gary, where are you going?

I"ll be back in, like, say, four and a half, five minutes.

- You got any beers? - Who spilled this?

Ooh!

I"m gonna have another drink.

This is disgraceful. This is disgraceful.

We"re gonna have to have a crew meeting tomorrow.

- Yes. - Ah!

Oh, yes.

Don"t drown the boy, down drown the boy, we need him alive.

For what?

- For... - Oh, sorry.

Please do.

Daisy, where"d you go?

Oh, is one of those for me?

- Dais... - Do not touch me!

Oi!

If you wanna **** a toad...

I didn"t say anyone.

Did you just call me a ****ing toad?

I don"t think this...

Did you... did you just call me a toad?

No.

Oh, right.

Oh, I"m... okay, yes.

A toad, I get it now.

Tom has beautiful eyes, a great body.

We all know what my face did when Tom walked in the door.

Tom is very attractive, and I know that I"ve written him off.

But I"m at the point where it"s not worth me

putting any more effort into Gary.

So, I think I"m warming up to the idea of somebody my age.

There, I said it.

Can I have a bottle opener?

Bar"s closed, baby.

You"ve had way too much.

Where will we lie this... there we go.

Dry it, dry it out, dry it out.

That"s better.

Open your legs.

Open my legs? Oh God, this is...

This is fun.

Why is there a strange man behind my bar?

Let me do my hair first.

No, wait, wait, wait... I"m not ready!

I squashed the idea of getting with Ashley.

Like, it wasn"t in my head whatsoever.

Have you ever heard of the tortoise and the hare?

Yeah, I am living proof that the tortoise won the race.

That looks funky.

- No! - Yes.

Tom"s about to get 'em.

Yes, queens!

You guys are so hot.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, Colin, it hurts.

Oh.

Ah!