Original subtitles

Our first iCarly episode as a couple.

And since we are doing a Q and A with fans,

here's a practice question...

Who's my girlfriend?

Some gorgeous web star

who locked down the hottest guy on her floor.

- (gasps) - It's me. (chuckles)

Oh. (chuckles)

I have never been happier.

Well, except for maybe the time my phone was on one percent

and then lasted the whole day, like Hanukkah...

I'm kidding. Never happier.

Me, too. Can't wait to tell the world.

(giggles nervously)

Okay, frisky, down to business.

And we are live in five,

four, three, two...

Hey, and welcome to Tuesdays with Carly,

our juicy Q and A we do every Tuesday,

unless we forget like we did for the last five Tuesdays.

As always,

I'll take this opportunity to fold my laundry,

which I have also forgot to do for the last five weeks.

Okay, first question.

"Carly, are you single?"

I think I know the answer to this one.

Pass. But in a nice way.

O... kay.

"Want to iCarly and chill sometime?"

(scoffs) Prepare to be disappointed, Mr. Question Man.

You mean watch old episodes of my show

in a heavily air-conditioned room? (chuckles)

I mean, that gets a big old "yes, please."

Hey. Here's a question from...

a totally real viewer.

"Are there any recent, intimate developments

in your personal life that you would like to share?"

Yeah. Thanks for reminding me.

Mm-hmm.

I am completely,

totally head over heels for...

Aw, I'm already blushing.

My new Smart Towel!

(chuckling)

I used to have to rely on my dumb old eyeballs.

But when this baby vibrates, that means I am bone dry.

Finally, dryness I can trust.

For 15% off, use code DRYCARLY.

I'm hurt, but I also want that towel.

(giggling)

? I know ?

? You see ?

? Somehow the world will change for me ?

? And be so wonderful ?

? So wake up the members of my nation ?

? It's your time to be ?

? There's no chance unless you take one ?

? And the time to see the brighter side ?

? Of every situation ?

? Some things are meant to be ?

? So give your best and leave the rest to me ?

Carly. Carly.

Carly, I know you can hear me.

Can't talk. Too hungry. Must eat sandwich.

But sandwich.

First talk, then sandwich.

I'm sorry... (sighs)

but I don't want to just blurt out

that you and I are together on some Q and A

promoting the future of towels.

So, you're saying you want to plan a big announcement?

Ah! Of course you do! You're in the business of show.

Yeah. Totally.

That is exactly what I meant.

We just need a special idea.

The kind that takes a really long time to think of.

Well, if you want special, imagine the following...

A 40-slide PowerPoint presentation

of which I have already made 37.

We can do the last three... (quietly): together.

Fun. (chuckling nervously)

Oh, here's a little something for my favorite sweet tooth.

You know they can write on cupcakes now.

Now that we've talked, can I just focus on my sandwich?

- Yeah. - 'Kay.

? ?

Spencer, you okay?

Of course, why?

- You said it was a matter of life and death. - And it is.

'Cause I've been dying to show you something!

BOTH: Oh.

I could be home doing nothing.

Shay What?! has always been missing something.

- Blooming onions? - Soap? - ADA Compliance?

A bowl of pillow mints by the cashier?

Did somebody say "possum"? 'Cause the answer's possum.

Oh, good. I needed new nightmares.

Possum Secret Handshake? I know this game.

It put Raccoon Simon Says out of business.

My buddy Socko opened an arcade and it closed a week later

'cause he realized he hates loud noises and children.

He lost his life savings, but I got a free possum.

(game whirs)

Who wants to have some fun?

I do. I want to have some fun.

Totally poss-some.

Time to pay so we can start to play.

(cash register chime)

(playful techno music playing)

My name is Janine. What's yours?

Millicent.

So nice to meet you, Milli-cent.

I can tell that you are one strong, smart young lady.

(giggles) Go on...

Something really awkward happened with me and Freddie.

Oh, good, you two finally slept together.

Shut up.

He wants to announce publicly that we're a couple,

but I'm not ready.

What's wrong? It's the fedoras, isn't it?

No, those are growing on me.

Look, I just love being in our cozy bubble.

It's just me and Freddie

and not the whole Internet with their comments

that seem nice but are actually sarcastic.

Good thing you don't live for validation.

Come on, Carly,

you can't keep your relationship hidden forever.

Or can I?

Like those men with secret families.

You want to be like men with secret families?

Harper, I just want to stay in the bubble.

I know.

What if I show him how great it is in here?

With an incredibly romantic date.

In an incredibly romantic place.

Like a roof. And what does one do on a roof?

Get free cable?

Have a picnic.

I'm gonna have a super special picnic

on the roof of the Bushwell.

The place with the barbed wire and the sign saying

not to go up there or an alarm will sound?

That just makes it... forbidden.

Excellent job, Mill-i-cent.

With your coordination,

you could be a better pilot than Sully Sullenberger.

I know that, but it's nice to hear somebody else say it.

Totally poss-some!

Is that freaky possum talking to you?

You bet I am, Har-per.

How do you know my name?

I'm always listening.

Now, why don't you give me a try?

If you beat my final level, you'll earn a hug.

Bitch, I can get a hug anytime I want.

No problem.

Besides, you need rhythm to play this game.

Oh, you will be hugging me.

(cash register chime)

(playful techno music playing)

Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=-

I need your help.

Lose the fedoras.

They're growing on her.

Carly wants our couple announcement to be special.

How many slides is the PowerPoint presentation?

73 seven plus the three we're gonna do together.

I can help you. But we have to go now.

Now!

- Why? - Because I'm quickly losing interest.

Run, Freddie, run!

(shouts indistinctly)

? ?

Hey, I thought you were gonna tell me

what I need for my announcement.

Oh, right. I lost interest.

Drones!

I said, "Drones!"

I know, I'm waiting for you to say...

something else!

SPENCER: Picture it...

Tomorrow night, 100 of these bad boys

in the Seattle skyline, spelling out

"Creddie Forevvie" and forming a beating heart.

Just like the opening credits of Frasier,

but even more romantic.

That does sound romantic. (gasps)

It's like a PowerPoint presentation in the sky.

No, it isn't.

I'll handle the drones,

you handle my sister.

But with respect!

So you have 100 drones just sitting around?

No, but I do have a credit card and a Walmart+ membership.

Free delivery, baby. (chuckles)

- Ooh. - And you know what?

Yes, I will add a bath mat to my order

'cause I have slipped so many times.

Okay, drones. Yeah, let's do it.

Tomorrow night, I will bring Carly

up to the roof to surprise her,

and livestream the whole thing for the fans.

I mean, what could be more romantic than a roof?

Our roof?

With the haunted water tank, broken glass, and rat parade?

Oh, yeah.

The broken glass really catches the light at sunset.

? ?

(upbeat music playing)

I hope Tinsley doesn't mind me missing her improv show.

That sounds important.

Nah, rich people are bad at comedy.

I bet you're the funny one in your relationship.

You land a joke

like Sully Sullenberger lands a plane.

Go on...

Harper, it's my turn.

But I'm so close to getting that hug.

I want that hug. I need that hug.

Look over there. It's Tinsley's improv team.

And they're asking for suggestions from the audience.

What?! No!

Oh, no, you don't.

- Hey! - Ahh!

Okay, shoving a kid. Not my best look. (chuckles)

Please, sweet child, have a turn.

But make it fast.

- Mill-i-cent, you're up. - (cash register chimes)

I'm so glad you took my advice

and broke up with De-rek.

Now we have all day to play together.

Wait, you broke up with Derek?

Yeah.

Janine thinks I can bag that kid from Young Sheldon.

Wow, you're still playing this?

Is that why you didn't come home last night?

Yeah! Wait, what day is it?

I don't care. Janine's the best.

She's like a therapy session and a cardio workout

all rolled into one.

You should try it.

But you got to get to the back of the line.

I'm busy.

And I refuse to make eye contact with that thing.

I'm making a picnic for Freddie. I just need a few supplies.

Like what?

Uh, you know, just utensils, plates, napkins.

And a blanket and food.

But I have this killer basket.

Where did you get that basket?

It's yours.

(fanfare plays)

Forget college. I'm going to Janine University.

Oh, we can be roommates!

Hey, I really don't think that a grown woman should be

this obsessed with a game recommended for nine-year-olds.

It's nine and up.

Harper, I think you should take a good hard look

at your actions. (exclaims)

Not my actions.

Huh. Does Carly have a point?

No, Har-per.

Ignore the girl with the weird elbows.

If you leave, I might get angry.

(deep voice): And you don't want to see me angry.

(normal voice): Now, who's ready for level 27?

Totally poss-some!

Hey, can I borrow a blanket?

What's going on in here?

Not sure what you mean.

Spencer, are you trying to build a woman?

Just watching the game.

Did you see what happened with the ball?

Kind of went wild... 'cause of the ball.

Why are you being so weird?

(Australian accent): Weird?

What are you talking about, mate?

I'm just here with my miscellaneous aluminium drones.

Why are you doing your

Australian-hiding-something accent?

Wait.

Don't tell me that Freddie is planning on announcing

our relationship with a drone.

No.

With 100 drones!

I spent all afternoon programming them.

No! Shut it down.

It's too late. Freddie's up on the roof right now

connecting the transmitter that sends the signal to...

Roof, transmitter... Good. Bye.

SPENCER: Carly... Come on.

You forgot your basket!

Say nothing if I can eat all the food.

Oh, I'm gonna Yogi Bear the crap out of you.

You can't have any.

? ?

Hey, there, Carly Nation.

We are livestreaming for an exclusive announcement.

And just to fend off disappointment,

it's not a PowerPoint.

There will be no slides.

Carly? Hey.

I was just about to bring you up here,

but you beat me to it.

What a beautiful gesture.

Where's the transmitter?

Over there.

Wait, how do you know about the transmitter?

(grunts)

I'm doing this for us.

- (screaming) - No!

(screaming)

Stay... down!

Stop! It's already dead!

(grunts)

Yeah, don't mess with these delts.

Right? These are delts?

I planned a sick drone display to announce us,

and you're up here acting like a dang roadrunner.

Did you have an extra Capri Sun today?

- No. - Mm...

Okay, fine. Yes.

But I just thought instead of a big, flashy announcement,

maybe we don't announce anything at all.

Wait, you don't want to tell people about us?

Hold on, let me get my surprise.

It'll explain everything.

Well, maybe not everything. It's just a picnic.

But it's a super cute one.

Hey, um... I can't tell.

Is this a "push" or "pull" situation?

You moved the chair?

Yes, it was in my way.

Now let me focus. I'm trying to get this open.

It locks automatically... from the inside.

- So you're saying we're... - Trapped?

Yes.

Okay, let me just try one more thing.

? ?

Spencer, you're finally here.

Our friend Janine just threatened us.

Which one's Janine?

The possum.

Oh, yeah. Ah!

Socko mentioned this game got recalled

due to threats of violence and an unsettling obsession

with hero pilot Sully Sullenberger.

Lower your voice. This is Janine country now.

I'll lower my voice... in hell!

(growls softly)

Look if you're so worried about it,

let's just go home.

Food sucks here anyway. (chuckles)

(quiet beeping)

I wouldn't leave if I were you. I know all your secrets.

And your credit card information.

She could steal my identity.

I wasn't ready to start over.

Maybe you should.

I never loved the name Millicent.

Or maybe I could call up Tinsley and tell her,

(Harper's voice): "I never want to see you again.

Also, I shop at stores with the word 'barn' in the name."

(gasps)

Okay, we got to kill this thing.

I brought her in and I'll take her out.

It's poss-o'clock somewhere.

JANINE: Hey, guys,

I think we all said things we didn't mean.

Let's just go back to having fun.

Totally poss-some!

Don't listen to her.

Spencer, you haven't played with me yet.

I have a special hug for you.

Special hug?

Maybe just a quick one.

(cash register chime)

(playful techno music playing)

(growling)

(screams)

Totally poss-some!

- (growling) - Oh! Okay.

(groans) Tell my ten kids I love them!

(grunts)

(voice fading): Not... totally poss-some.

Wow, I always thought teamwork was a crock, but...

She's alive!

- I've got this. - (screams)

- (Janine growling) - That possum was playing possum.

Oh, I guess that's where the phrase comes from.

(voice fading): I was your friend.

Millicent, you saved me Oh...!

If it looks like I peed myself in terror,

it's actually something that's not bad.

? ?

Help!

We're stuck on the roof with no picnic!

Not no picnic. I brought the napkins.

Never mind. We have the napkins.

Help!

Don't...

I didn't say anything.

No!

(quietly): I didn't say anything.

(quietly): You said it with your eyes.

We can still do the best part of a picnic...

sitting on the ground.

Carly, why don't you want people to know about us?

Are you embarrassed to be with me?

Oh, my God, no. Not at all.

I'm obsessed with you.

When that fedora flew off your head...

I was sad.

Look, I was in a public relationship with Beau

and then he dumped me during that live stream,

and the Internet piled on.

Guess I'm just worried that if we go public,

I'll be opening you up to that kind of pain.

Planning on dumping me anytime soon?

No, of course not.

I just really want to protect you.

I don't know if you know this,

but the Internet can be kind of mean.

You don't have to protect me, okay?

I can take whatever they throw at us.

Or we can keep it a secret forever.

It doesn't matter.

I just want to be with you.

You are everything I have ever wanted,

and there's nothing that anyone on the Internet could ever say

to make me feel differently.

Because I love you, Carly.

I'm in love with you.

Thank God I brought these napkins.

(phone chimes)

Someone's finally answering my texts.

It's my mom. "FYI, your camera is on.

And it's not a flattering angle for Carly's chin."

I started streaming to show the drones

and completely forgot.

Hey...

(camera beeps)

Wow, these comments are surprisingly nice.

(chuckles) Yeah.

"It's about time."

"I want what you have."

"This is blowing my mind.

I'm definitely not clicking away as fast as humanly possible."

- Aw... - I think they're being sarcastic.

Aw.

Screw the bubble.

I want the world to know.

(camera beeps)

I love you, Freddie Benson.

(buzzing)

The drones.

I guess destroying the transmitter didn't work.

But they're making some kind of picture.

Yeah, they're spelling out "Creddie Forevvie"

- with a beating heart. - Huh.

Doesn't really look like a heart.

It's kind of weird, it-it looks more like a microphone.

Yeah, or a horizontal lighthouse.

I think I know what it is.

- It's a... - Oh, no.

It's definitely not that.

Oh, yeah, I see it now.

The drones must have gone back to their default formation.

But why would it be that?

Well, because probably Spencer decided

to test the drones by making a huge...

Oh, damn!

My lighthouse is on its side.

Can we just go back to you telling me you love me?

Yeah, I thought you'd never ask. I love you.

- Is it... - Throbbing?

- Yep. - Okay, now I really see it.

? ?

Thanks for bringing champagne.

You didn't happen to see a sick fedora on the street, did you?

- We'll get you a new one. - (gasps)

And thanks for finally rescuing us.

Oh, yeah. Sorry I didn't hear my phone.

It was for totally normal reasons.

Unrelated, does anyone know where I can dump

a giant possum corpse?

Cheers to publicly declaring your love.

- ALL: Cheers. - Oh...

So that's where my chair is.

ALL: No!

? ?

Ooh!

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