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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Back in the '80s,
my mom hit the dating scene.
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- The lucky guy was Joe Perott.
- Wow.
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00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:10,497
And what started as a workplace
friendship quickly led to more.
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I made you a mix tape.
5
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At first, my mom had no idea
what was happening.
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- Joe, are we on a date?
- You didn't know?
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Before long, she realized
she liked him back.
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- You have a crush.
- I have a crush.
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And, soon, it was heating up.
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But that didn't mean
she was playing it cool.
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00:00:27,706 --> 00:00:31,231
Okay, I'm deciding which sweater
to wear on my date with Joe.
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Does this say romance to you?
13
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It says "Run, I'm a dork."
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Poo! Ben, what do you think?
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You got a brown sweater. I like brown.
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Well, I don't like brown.
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But I don't hate brown neither.
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Very helpful. Adam?
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Mr. Perott's great.
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He once pulled me aside
on the playground to explain
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I was confusing the words
"dunking" and "boinking."
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- There's a difference?
- A big one.
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And it's that very knowledge that
makes me want to have no part of this.
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Who in their right mind would?
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Okay, so, I sorted these
by color and word count.
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00:00:58,346 --> 00:00:59,476
But I'm still partial to this number
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with the fun little forest scene.
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The muskrats are holding hands.
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What the hell are you doing, dude?
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Oh, I'm the wardrobe consultant.
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I see that. Take it off.
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If you want it to go well, just...
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I know, just be myself.
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Sure, that. But also, be a less pushy,
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overbearing version of yourself.
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Like, for example, anybody else.
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Stop worrying. Joe is obsessed with me.
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Listen to this.
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Hi, Bev. I found
an old box in my office labeled
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"Adam Goldberg backup pants."
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Should I bring them by when I pick you up?
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God, I hope this relationship fails.
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You all hear the desire in his
voice when he said, "backup pants"?
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- I really don't.
- Well, listen again.
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..."Adam Goldberg backup pants."
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- Oh!
- Stop!
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Carmen's gonna be here any second!
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This is not the kind of thing
she needs to hear.
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- He wants a taste, - baby girl.
- "Backup pants."
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Enough!
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Anyway, I had to move up the reservation,
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so I'll see you at 6:00.
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Six? That's now!
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You didn't listen to the whole message?
55
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No, I just kept replaying the sexy part
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where he said "backup pants."
57
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Oh, great, he's here.
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You need to change. Geoff, find anything.
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Uh, okay.
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Oh, no! Carmen is here, too.
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And he has the pants!
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Geoff, sweaters! Go! Go! Go!
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There's a note pinned to them that says
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"In case Adam Goldberg has an emergency"!
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Okay, everybody stop panicking.
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The man has a hunger,
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a hunger for a steaming plate of Bev.
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Now Carmen's examining the pants!
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And he's explaining them!
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Just put anything on!
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Her face is a horror show of emotions!
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I need to do something!
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"Slam Boink." You did it.
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I don't hate brown anymore.
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It was April 12th, 1980-something,
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and like always, my brother was running hot.
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Hey, hon. How's it going?
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Good, if it was opposite day.
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I have two finals Friday.
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The landlord wants more rent,
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even though we just paid 30 days ago.
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And you know that hotshot pigeon?
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He's been on the windowsill
mocking me all day!
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So, happy anniversary!
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Anniversary. Right.
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- Barry, did you forget?
- No!
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My gift was hidden far away. I'll be back.
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Yeah, it turns out Barry's day
wasn't getting any easier.
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- Be back!
- Okay.
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Good thing he knew just
where to get a last-minute gift
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that would fix everything,
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our neighbor, Virginia Kremp.
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Stop what you're doing!
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I'll need a dozen roses
for my bedroom associate.
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Ah, Joanne.
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I remember that morning
years ago at the park
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when Lou looked away from the swing,
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how far she flew.
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And now she loves you.
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Anyhoo! Charles is away
at a hydrangea convention.
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And since I'm the only one
here, you're gonna have to wait.
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Fine, I'll do it myself.
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Argh! Thorns!
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- More thorns!
- Stop!
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Satan's hearth,
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why is your body giving off so much heat?
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I run hot when I'm stressed out.
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The doctor says it's because
I gestated for 50 weeks.
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We need to cool you off. Come with me.
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This is nice.
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00:04:04,009 --> 00:04:06,924
Yeah, I spent two days in
there during the heat wave of '73.
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I bet it'd be nice to be a flower.
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Hmm. Why is that?
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Well, flowers don't worry
about med school, rent,
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or forgetting to get a gift
for their Sweet Drawers.
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That's Joanne. I gathered.
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She also calls me Sweet Drawers.
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Well, you're not creative,
but you like each other.
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You know, whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed,
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I find it helps to
focus on one task at a time.
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Let's start with Joanne.
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How would you like to learn how to make
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your very own arrangement for her?
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Deal!
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With that, Ginzy quickly
saved my brother's anniversary.
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Meanwhile, my mom and Mr. Perott
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were on their first real date,
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which was off to a slow start.
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Big menu, huh?
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It is, yeah.
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Despite their history of flirtation,
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my mom and Mr. Perott
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had already run out of things to say.
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The bathroom stalls were,
like, super big, too.
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Oh.
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And the... The seats
were comfy, good height.
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Uh-huh.
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Yep, she was really
digging deep for anything.
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Were the men's room seats a good height?
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I haven't, uh, sat yet.
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Maybe before dessert.
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That's when my dead husband liked to... sit.
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Hmm.
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It was a total train wreck.
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So it was no surprise when she did this.
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Oh, the vegetarian options look tasty, huh?
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I am totally a vegetarian, too!
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Oh? 'Cause at the holiday party,
you made a gingerbread house
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out of ground duck and beef liver.
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That's because that's what
I was assigned for the potluck.
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You know, more like pot unlucky.
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I cried the whole time.
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No, but you ate the whole chimney.
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And then I secretly spit it
into Principal Ball's briefcase.
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- Really?
- Yeah.
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See, as a vegetarian,
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I know I'm better than the flesh eaters,
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but I never want to
make them feel bad about it.
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That's amazing.
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- Mmm-hmm.
- I had no idea.
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What do you think about television?
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'Cause I don't even own one.
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I got rid of ours a long time ago.
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Books are so much better.
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I love books.
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Books! With the, uh, words and pages
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and little numbers in the
corners that go up, up, up.
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So what's your favorite book
you've recently read?
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All the greats.
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The bigs ones and the thin ones
and the ones in between.
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I'm not gonna bore you with the details.
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What's your favorite?
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The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
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Mine, too!
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- Yeah?
- The lightness.
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- Sure.
- The being.
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- Phew!
- And how unbearable it all is.
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Wow, that's great.
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- So, so good.
- Do you like to go hiking?
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Yesterday...
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I was reading one of my many books,
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eating a vegetable on the top of a mountain.
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So, yeah, I love it.
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- Holy crap.
- Yeah.
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- We have so much in common.
- Well, you know what?
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I bet if you keep telling
me things that you like,
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I probably like 'em, too.
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Sure, it was fueled
by lies, but my mom could finally relax.
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Barry also found an unexpected
way to relieve some stress.
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Joanne loved the flowers!
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I finally understand why my mother says
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you're her number-three friend.
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What a fun thing to say to someone.
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Also, I was honest with Joanne,
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like you said I should be,
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and she was completely understanding.
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I knew it.
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00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:09,280
And the stress rash?
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Gone!
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Let me pop off these jeans
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00:07:12,284 --> 00:07:13,594
and show you in your place of business.
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00:07:13,596 --> 00:07:14,635
No, I'll take your word for it.
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How could I ever thank you
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in a way that doesn't
include money or effort?
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00:07:18,116 --> 00:07:19,464
I'll tell you what, Barry.
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00:07:19,465 --> 00:07:22,729
You can repay me by working
here until Charles gets back.
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00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:23,817
I can offer you minimum wage.
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00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,296
I'll counter with maximum wage.
209
00:07:25,297 --> 00:07:26,820
- No.
- I'll take it.
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00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,865
With that, Barry got to work.
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00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,650
And in addition to minimum wage,
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he also got valuable advice.
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00:07:32,914 --> 00:07:35,524
Schools, relationships, growing up.
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00:07:35,525 --> 00:07:37,265
Sometimes it's just too much.
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00:07:37,266 --> 00:07:39,746
Mmm! Well, here's one way to look at it.
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In every beautiful arrangement,
the flowers work in harmony.
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00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:44,707
It's all about balance, just like...
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00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:45,926
- A scale.
- No.
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00:07:45,927 --> 00:07:47,188
- A dreidel.
- Getting colder.
220
00:07:47,189 --> 00:07:48,624
A balance beam.
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00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:49,886
Think of what we were just talking about.
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- Life.
- That's it!
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00:07:51,933 --> 00:07:53,760
Yep, Mrs. Kremp was having
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a real positive effect on Barry.
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00:07:55,937 --> 00:07:57,765
And it showed in all sorts of ways.
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00:07:58,287 --> 00:07:59,896
You okay?
227
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,593
Just thinking about how lucky I am
228
00:08:01,594 --> 00:08:03,508
that you came into my life.
229
00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:05,686
Can I brush your hair tonight
instead of you brushing mine?
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00:08:05,687 --> 00:08:08,426
Aw! Of course, Bar-Bar.
231
00:08:08,427 --> 00:08:11,386
Working with flowers had made Barry bloom.
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00:08:11,387 --> 00:08:13,867
- Just because.
- Just because what?
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00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,433
Just because you're my brother
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00:08:15,434 --> 00:08:17,653
and as unique as this desert flower.
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00:08:17,654 --> 00:08:18,699
I don't say that enough.
236
00:08:21,092 --> 00:08:23,138
Thanks to Ginzy, Barry even got
less stressed about school.
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00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:26,706
Whoa, that's the first test
238
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,142
you didn't get an "A" on in a while.
239
00:08:28,143 --> 00:08:29,230
That's okay.
240
00:08:29,231 --> 00:08:31,145
Hopefully, I'll do better next time.
241
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It looked like Barry was a changed man.
242
00:08:33,452 --> 00:08:35,758
That is, until this happened.
243
00:08:35,759 --> 00:08:36,890
Your favorite person is here!
244
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:39,414
Oh, Barry, I have great news.
245
00:08:39,415 --> 00:08:42,460
- Charles is back.
- Hello, Barry!
246
00:08:42,461 --> 00:08:44,680
As Barry was crashing back down to earth,
247
00:08:44,681 --> 00:08:48,379
my sister realized my mom
had gotten a bit carried away.
248
00:08:48,380 --> 00:08:49,990
Hey, what are you guys doing?
249
00:08:49,991 --> 00:08:51,600
Studying up for my next date with Joe.
250
00:08:51,601 --> 00:08:54,342
- This is...
- A dove.
251
00:08:54,343 --> 00:08:56,171
- A pelican.
- Ah, yes! I'm getting closer.
252
00:08:56,998 --> 00:08:58,563
Um, why?
253
00:08:58,564 --> 00:09:00,957
Joe thinks I'm a book-reading,
bird-watching vegetarian,
254
00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,263
among other things.
255
00:09:02,264 --> 00:09:03,699
Geoff, go.
256
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:05,570
Animal Farm was written by...
257
00:09:05,571 --> 00:09:07,268
- A man.
- George Orwell.
258
00:09:07,269 --> 00:09:09,444
Oh. Well, I was half right.
259
00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:12,055
Why would anyone think that
you're an outdoorsy leaf-eater?
260
00:09:12,056 --> 00:09:14,928
Because I told a few fibs
to get our last date clicking.
261
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,104
You can't lie about who you are.
262
00:09:17,105 --> 00:09:19,410
You're the one that told me
I needed to be less me.
263
00:09:19,411 --> 00:09:21,630
Yeah, less you, but not more him!
264
00:09:21,631 --> 00:09:22,806
- This is...
- An emu.
265
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,634
A blue jay.
266
00:09:25,635 --> 00:09:26,809
And now I know.
267
00:09:26,810 --> 00:09:28,202
This is a terrible idea.
268
00:09:28,203 --> 00:09:29,725
Why are you two helping her?
269
00:09:29,726 --> 00:09:31,248
She's gonna tell Mr. Perott
to give us a ride
270
00:09:31,249 --> 00:09:32,946
on the back of his motorcycle.
271
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,862
I'm gonna feel the power of a
thousand horses between my legs.
272
00:09:35,863 --> 00:09:37,385
Please never say that again.
273
00:09:37,386 --> 00:09:38,821
I don't want to ride.
274
00:09:38,822 --> 00:09:40,823
But I'll climb on and have
Geoff take a picture.
275
00:09:40,824 --> 00:09:44,522
Then, I'll tell Carmen I took
the sled down to Sturgis.
276
00:09:44,523 --> 00:09:46,524
Lying's okay because
Mom does it all the time now.
277
00:09:46,525 --> 00:09:48,048
Bup! Oh! I'm gonna be late.
278
00:09:48,049 --> 00:09:49,876
Gotta meet Joe at the meditation studio.
279
00:09:49,877 --> 00:09:52,095
Meditation?
280
00:09:52,096 --> 00:09:54,228
You understand that does
require you to be silent?
281
00:09:54,229 --> 00:09:57,709
I like to find inner peace
before a long hike...
282
00:09:57,710 --> 00:10:00,321
Is something Joe said,
then I said it, then he smiled.
283
00:10:00,322 --> 00:10:03,019
Oh, dating is so easy.
284
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,239
But my mom soon found out
285
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,675
it wasn't as easy as she thought.
286
00:10:06,676 --> 00:10:09,634
Is this not glorious, or what?
287
00:10:09,635 --> 00:10:11,462
Yes.
288
00:10:11,463 --> 00:10:14,291
I, too, like to make myself
uncomfortable for fun.
289
00:10:14,292 --> 00:10:16,076
Turns out, pretending
to like stuff Joe liked
290
00:10:16,077 --> 00:10:17,904
was a tough pill to swallow.
291
00:10:17,905 --> 00:10:18,963
Can you believe this tofu isn't meat?
292
00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:22,604
Mmm, so mushy.
293
00:10:22,605 --> 00:10:24,562
Yep, my mom was in deep.
294
00:10:24,563 --> 00:10:26,347
The piping plover,
295
00:10:26,348 --> 00:10:28,001
gifting us with her presence.
296
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,437
Majestic.
297
00:10:29,438 --> 00:10:31,308
Yeah, birds.
298
00:10:31,309 --> 00:10:32,701
We don't eat 'em, we look at 'em.
299
00:10:32,702 --> 00:10:34,529
But when a few tiny lies
300
00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:36,748
turned into a dizzying web of deception,
301
00:10:36,749 --> 00:10:39,316
my mom lost all her momentum.
302
00:10:39,317 --> 00:10:40,927
Oh, Bev! You gotta see the view up here!
303
00:10:40,928 --> 00:10:43,494
Almost there! Here I come!
304
00:10:43,495 --> 00:10:45,845
I'm glad I put on makeup for this.
305
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:46,933
Oh!
306
00:10:46,934 --> 00:10:48,892
Ah! Oh!
307
00:10:51,634 --> 00:10:53,374
With Mr. Kremp back at the shop,
308
00:10:53,375 --> 00:10:55,028
things were suddenly a bit crowded.
309
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,638
At least to Barry, they were.
310
00:10:56,639 --> 00:10:57,813
Am I in your way?
311
00:10:57,814 --> 00:10:58,989
Yes, Charles, you are.
312
00:11:00,425 --> 00:11:01,862
Ah, thanks for understanding.
313
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,341
Um, hello, boys.
314
00:11:04,342 --> 00:11:05,690
Hi, Ginzerale!
315
00:11:05,691 --> 00:11:07,692
"Ginzerale" is one my nicknames
for your wife.
316
00:11:07,693 --> 00:11:09,346
It's adorable! Can I use it, too?
317
00:11:09,347 --> 00:11:10,695
- No.
- Okay.
318
00:11:10,696 --> 00:11:13,960
Ginzerale, can I talk to you
about a private matter?
319
00:11:13,961 --> 00:11:16,353
Over the last few days,
your wife and I have developed
320
00:11:16,354 --> 00:11:18,529
a mutual trust and understanding.
321
00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:20,009
- Super.
- Charles, why don't you
322
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,576
go take five in the floral fridge,
323
00:11:21,577 --> 00:11:22,620
or possibly Cincinnati?
324
00:11:22,621 --> 00:11:23,884
Barry! Come here!
325
00:11:26,147 --> 00:11:27,799
You're being rude!
326
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,064
I'm sorry. But I'm still stressed out,
327
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,849
and now Charles is here
getting in the way of my progress.
328
00:11:33,850 --> 00:11:35,851
I have given you all the tools you need
329
00:11:35,852 --> 00:11:37,722
to manage this on your own.
330
00:11:37,723 --> 00:11:39,550
You just don't know it yet.
331
00:11:39,551 --> 00:11:41,204
- But...
- Finger your pocket orchid.
332
00:11:41,205 --> 00:11:42,379
Mmm-hmm.
333
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:44,512
How's it feel?
334
00:11:44,513 --> 00:11:46,688
Like there's beauty all around me?
335
00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:47,907
You just...
336
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,125
Have to look for it.
337
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,953
And when you find it...
338
00:11:50,954 --> 00:11:53,521
My troubles become bubbles and float away.
339
00:11:53,522 --> 00:11:55,610
See? Much better.
340
00:11:55,611 --> 00:11:57,655
Now, I'm gonna need you
to deliver some flowers for me.
341
00:11:57,656 --> 00:12:00,310
But we can't have our one-on-one life talks
342
00:12:00,311 --> 00:12:01,398
if I'm out delivering.
343
00:12:01,399 --> 00:12:03,139
Why can't Charles do it?
344
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:05,228
Because Charles is my husband.
345
00:12:05,229 --> 00:12:08,101
And you are my friend's son
who once dug a 10-foot pit
346
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,191
in my yard to build a
"one-man pool." Now, scooch.
347
00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:15,238
While Barry didn't like
the new turn his job took,
348
00:12:15,239 --> 00:12:17,153
my mom's job of pretending to like stuff
349
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,373
had taken a serious toll.
350
00:12:19,461 --> 00:12:21,592
So, how's the dating life?
351
00:12:21,593 --> 00:12:23,203
Oh, so good.
352
00:12:23,204 --> 00:12:26,162
Joe and I are so connected.
353
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:27,772
Oh, my God, the pain!
354
00:12:27,773 --> 00:12:31,341
Hiking sucks.
355
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,346
We might be soul mates.
356
00:12:36,347 --> 00:12:37,913
Adam, you want to help me with this?
357
00:12:37,914 --> 00:12:40,133
I'm a "slow down to watch
the car crash" kind of guy.
358
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,482
I like where this is headed.
359
00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,527
There will be no crash, Schmoo,
360
00:12:43,528 --> 00:12:45,486
- because I have a plan.
- Hmm. This should be good.
361
00:12:45,487 --> 00:12:47,357
See, after I fell down the mountain,
362
00:12:47,358 --> 00:12:49,142
we cut our hike short.
363
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:52,710
So all I need to do is
repeatedly fall down on purpose
364
00:12:52,711 --> 00:12:53,929
for the next few years,
365
00:12:53,930 --> 00:12:55,626
until he gives up being a boring person
366
00:12:55,627 --> 00:12:57,672
with boring hobbies and a boring face.
367
00:12:57,673 --> 00:13:00,153
Well, your relationship
certainly sounds healthy,
368
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,763
and it's totally gonna work out.
369
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,722
Check me out. I'm all geared up
370
00:13:04,723 --> 00:13:06,246
to ride Mr. Perott's hog.
371
00:13:06,247 --> 00:13:07,812
So much to process.
372
00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:10,815
Uh, I guess, first,
is that my leather jacket?
373
00:13:10,816 --> 00:13:13,035
Yeah, and the gloves
are my mom's pruning gloves.
374
00:13:13,036 --> 00:13:15,037
Bad boys borrow without asking.
375
00:13:15,038 --> 00:13:16,865
Wait. Joe's coming over now?
376
00:13:16,866 --> 00:13:19,737
Yeah, he called earlier to say he's
bringing his famous kelp casserole.
377
00:13:19,738 --> 00:13:21,565
He can't see how we live!
378
00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:24,481
He thinks we're adherents
to his freakish lifestyle.
379
00:13:24,482 --> 00:13:26,831
Wait, we have to play a part
in this charade?
380
00:13:26,832 --> 00:13:28,877
Of course! One of the
biggest lies I told is that
381
00:13:28,878 --> 00:13:31,967
I instilled in my children
a set of positive values.
382
00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:33,447
Now, hide all the meat!-
383
00:13:33,448 --> 00:13:35,840
And get rid of the six TVs!
384
00:13:35,841 --> 00:13:37,929
Come on! Move!
385
00:13:37,930 --> 00:13:40,497
You are good and decent vegetarians now!
386
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:45,633
So my mom had us pretend
we were something we weren't.
387
00:13:45,634 --> 00:13:48,505
And somehow, we were getting away with it.
388
00:13:48,506 --> 00:13:51,421
Joe, this kelp casserole was divine.
389
00:13:51,422 --> 00:13:53,249
What is your secret?
390
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:56,078
The secret is no salt or spices.
391
00:13:56,079 --> 00:13:57,733
Just kelp baked in its own juices.
392
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,126
- Huh.
- Very kelp-y.
393
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:02,302
You can really taste the ocean.
394
00:14:02,303 --> 00:14:04,782
The no salt is really coming through.
395
00:14:04,783 --> 00:14:06,001
Hey, Bev, can I ask you a question?
396
00:14:06,002 --> 00:14:07,568
Sure, Joe. What is it?
397
00:14:07,569 --> 00:14:08,598
Why do you have a TV in the bathtub?
398
00:14:10,659 --> 00:14:12,703
It's our neighbors'.
399
00:14:12,704 --> 00:14:14,444
Uh, we wash it for them.
400
00:14:14,445 --> 00:14:16,229
Also, when I hung my jacket in the closet,
401
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,927
I noticed a spiral ham in a rain boot.
402
00:14:18,362 --> 00:14:19,580
Huh.
403
00:14:19,581 --> 00:14:22,017
And, lastly, on the floor under the table,
404
00:14:22,018 --> 00:14:24,004
it's covered with kelp casserole.
405
00:14:24,977 --> 00:14:26,456
Am I to assume that no one ate it?
406
00:14:26,457 --> 00:14:28,458
In our defense...
407
00:14:28,459 --> 00:14:30,286
Ugh.
408
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:34,508
I may have exaggerated
a bit about, you know,
409
00:14:34,509 --> 00:14:36,597
who I am as a person.
410
00:14:36,598 --> 00:14:37,772
But why?
411
00:14:37,773 --> 00:14:39,382
I just wanted this to go well.
412
00:14:39,383 --> 00:14:43,517
Bev, I like you for you, I promise.
413
00:14:43,518 --> 00:14:45,258
So going forward,
you know, just be yourself.
414
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:48,261
- Okay?
- Okay. Thanks, Joe.
415
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:49,566
Now I should go.
416
00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:50,916
I'm already late for my origami class.
417
00:14:51,874 --> 00:14:53,614
- See you soon.
- Aw.
418
00:14:53,615 --> 00:14:55,616
Aw.
419
00:14:55,617 --> 00:14:58,009
See, you did all that lying for nothing.
420
00:14:58,010 --> 00:14:59,576
Mmm-hmm. Quick question.
421
00:14:59,577 --> 00:15:01,622
How do you break up with someone?
422
00:15:01,623 --> 00:15:03,711
While my mom was having a change of heart,
423
00:15:03,712 --> 00:15:06,192
Barry was about to let Mrs. Kremp know
424
00:15:06,193 --> 00:15:07,715
of a change in plans.
425
00:15:07,716 --> 00:15:08,803
Hi, Barry.
426
00:15:08,804 --> 00:15:10,544
- Where's Charles?
- Delaware.
427
00:15:10,545 --> 00:15:11,849
Now, pull up a stool, and let's open up
428
00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:13,677
to each other about things we fear.
429
00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:15,592
- Delaware?
- Yeah, I sent him out for a delivery.
430
00:15:15,593 --> 00:15:17,377
- What?
- Now, no one else knows this,
431
00:15:17,378 --> 00:15:20,249
but I am terrified of being too successful.
432
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,033
Will my future fame and riches
433
00:15:22,034 --> 00:15:23,774
intimidate my very average friends?
434
00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:25,124
Barry, I'm sorry.
435
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,777
- You're fired.
- What?
436
00:15:26,778 --> 00:15:29,954
I'll need your pruning shears
and bouquet tape.
437
00:15:29,955 --> 00:15:31,653
- But...
- This is just the way it has to be.
438
00:15:31,655 --> 00:15:33,088
Why is this so sticky?
439
00:15:33,089 --> 00:15:35,786
- I spilled three separate Slurpees.
- Ugh.
440
00:15:35,787 --> 00:15:37,571
Just like that, Barry was out of a job.
441
00:15:37,572 --> 00:15:39,138
Meanwhile, my mom was learning
442
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,052
how to get out of a relationship.
443
00:15:41,053 --> 00:15:43,838
Mom, this is exactly
what dating is all about.
444
00:15:43,839 --> 00:15:45,187
You get to know each other,
445
00:15:45,188 --> 00:15:46,928
and if you don't like
something you find out,
446
00:15:46,929 --> 00:15:48,582
boom, trash heap.
447
00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:50,366
I've just yo-yo'd him so many times.
448
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,802
I feel terrible.
449
00:15:51,803 --> 00:15:54,240
Why do I have to be so charming
and irresistible?
450
00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:56,459
How does all this affect my motorcycle ride?
451
00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:58,244
I may have already bought biker's insurance.
452
00:15:58,245 --> 00:16:00,115
If you don't want to hurt his
feelings, just lie to the guy.
453
00:16:00,116 --> 00:16:01,899
She's done enough lying.
454
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:03,379
Exactly. So would one more hurt?
455
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,207
Ben, share your wisdom.
456
00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:07,253
I once dated a girl in the Army.
457
00:16:07,254 --> 00:16:08,558
I told her my heart couldn't take it
458
00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:09,994
if she was called to war,
459
00:16:09,995 --> 00:16:11,344
so I had no choice but to end it.
460
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,780
That is brilliant.
461
00:16:12,781 --> 00:16:14,434
But in this case, it backfired.
462
00:16:14,435 --> 00:16:17,045
She wasn't in the U.S. Army.
She was in the Salvation Army.
463
00:16:17,046 --> 00:16:18,786
Great advice, Pop-Pop.
464
00:16:18,787 --> 00:16:21,571
Anyway, we got married, we
had Murray and some other kid,
465
00:16:21,572 --> 00:16:22,790
and 10 years later, she left me.
466
00:16:22,791 --> 00:16:25,140
Thank you, Ben.
467
00:16:25,141 --> 00:16:27,098
I know just what I need to do.
468
00:16:27,099 --> 00:16:30,014
And so, my mom pulled out this card.
469
00:16:30,015 --> 00:16:33,017
My faith is very important to me.
470
00:16:33,018 --> 00:16:34,802
So, since we have different religions,
471
00:16:34,803 --> 00:16:36,934
different cultures...
472
00:16:36,935 --> 00:16:38,066
we have to end it.
473
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:40,329
I'm sorry.
474
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:42,723
Beverly, I'm a member of the tribe, too.
475
00:16:42,724 --> 00:16:44,333
Shalom!
476
00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:46,857
- Hebrew-what-now?
- I observe all the high holy days.
477
00:16:46,858 --> 00:16:48,207
I go to temple regularly.
478
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,643
I play racquetball with my cantor.
479
00:16:49,644 --> 00:16:51,297
Right.
480
00:16:51,298 --> 00:16:52,733
Which is what I don't do.
481
00:16:52,734 --> 00:16:54,256
What?
482
00:16:54,257 --> 00:16:55,910
See, it's very important for me
483
00:16:55,911 --> 00:16:58,042
to celebrate my faith
484
00:16:58,043 --> 00:17:00,044
in a very low-grade, noncommittal-type way.
485
00:17:00,045 --> 00:17:01,481
Hold on a second.
486
00:17:01,482 --> 00:17:06,225
I come from a long line of extremely breezy,
487
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,009
unserious people.
488
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,532
Okay.
489
00:17:09,533 --> 00:17:11,752
You obviously don't want to date me,
490
00:17:11,753 --> 00:17:13,014
but you're afraid to just say it.
491
00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:14,668
Huh?
492
00:17:14,669 --> 00:17:16,539
Fine.
493
00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:18,106
I don't think this is gonna work out.
494
00:17:18,107 --> 00:17:21,631
I'm sorry, Joe.
495
00:17:21,632 --> 00:17:24,068
Me, too.
496
00:17:24,069 --> 00:17:25,069
I'll see you around, Bev.
497
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:35,428
Barry had lost his job at the flower shop.
498
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,822
But as far as Joanne and I knew,
everything was still rosy.
499
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,345
Surprise!
500
00:17:39,346 --> 00:17:41,434
- What?
- Adam and I were talking
501
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,218
about how sweet you've been lately.
502
00:17:43,219 --> 00:17:44,654
I didn't get it at first.
503
00:17:44,655 --> 00:17:46,569
I thought the cactus had a camera in it
504
00:17:46,570 --> 00:17:48,528
and you wanted to catch me
doing something weird,
505
00:17:48,529 --> 00:17:50,225
like giving my ALF doll a back massage.
506
00:17:50,226 --> 00:17:51,792
No examples needed, Adam.
507
00:17:51,793 --> 00:17:53,184
It's just for practice.
508
00:17:53,185 --> 00:17:54,577
Carmen likes to have her shoulders rubbed,
509
00:17:54,578 --> 00:17:56,318
and with that responsibility comes pressure.
510
00:17:56,319 --> 00:17:58,407
Anyway, we just wanted to show you
511
00:17:58,408 --> 00:18:01,062
how much we appreciate
the kinder, gentler Barry,
512
00:18:01,063 --> 00:18:03,456
so we got you...
513
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,196
a new hockey stick!
514
00:18:05,197 --> 00:18:07,938
- Wow, guys. This is amazing.
- Mmm-hmm.
515
00:18:07,939 --> 00:18:09,592
You know what I'm gonna do with it?
516
00:18:09,593 --> 00:18:11,507
I'd say play hockey,
but you never seem to do that.
517
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,335
I'm gonna slap-shot that cocky pigeon.
518
00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:15,772
Oh, no! He's regressing!
519
00:18:15,773 --> 00:18:18,601
Barry, where's your special flower?
520
00:18:18,602 --> 00:18:20,299
Fondle it the way Mrs. Kremp taught you.
521
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,822
I'm just catching up to the fact
522
00:18:21,823 --> 00:18:23,693
that Mrs. Kremp asked you
to fondle something.
523
00:18:23,694 --> 00:18:24,999
But, yeah, do that.
524
00:18:26,131 --> 00:18:27,828
Oh! What is going on?
525
00:18:27,829 --> 00:18:29,786
She fired me.
526
00:18:29,787 --> 00:18:32,572
I screwed that up
the way I screw up everything.
527
00:18:32,573 --> 00:18:34,182
After all Ginzerale did for me.
528
00:18:34,183 --> 00:18:35,575
Ginzerale?
529
00:18:35,576 --> 00:18:37,446
Barry, it's okay.
530
00:18:37,447 --> 00:18:40,057
Remember when she told you to
apologize to me and be honest?
531
00:18:40,058 --> 00:18:41,798
That worked out, didn't it?
532
00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:43,409
You think she'd really forgive me?
533
00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:45,236
I'm sure of it.
534
00:18:45,237 --> 00:18:47,413
I think I know just how I'm gonna say sorry.
535
00:18:47,414 --> 00:18:49,937
And I think I'm never coming back here.
536
00:18:49,938 --> 00:18:52,853
While Barry knew how
to fix things with Ginzy,
537
00:18:52,854 --> 00:18:55,072
Erica knew the only way
my mom would feel better
538
00:18:55,073 --> 00:18:56,073
was to fix her up.
539
00:18:56,074 --> 00:18:57,945
What's all this?
540
00:18:57,946 --> 00:19:01,296
Just a stack of eligible bachelors
interested in meeting you.
541
00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:03,516
You're not the only
matchmaking yenta in Jenkintown.
542
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,256
Your daughter's pretty good at it, too.
543
00:19:05,257 --> 00:19:08,390
Well, it's easy when the
product is such high quality.
544
00:19:08,391 --> 00:19:09,957
I don't know what to say.
545
00:19:09,958 --> 00:19:12,351
Just promise me that
you'll always be yourself
546
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:13,395
and that you'll never settle.
547
00:19:13,396 --> 00:19:15,441
You're too good for that.
548
00:19:15,442 --> 00:19:16,572
Waiting is always worth it.
549
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,357
Oh!
550
00:19:19,968 --> 00:19:21,229
That one.
551
00:19:21,230 --> 00:19:22,622
- Ooh!
- James?
552
00:19:22,623 --> 00:19:25,320
Erica reminded my mom
of how special she was.
553
00:19:25,321 --> 00:19:28,279
And Barry had someone he wanted
to say that to, as well.
554
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,978
Barry. What are you doing here?
555
00:19:30,979 --> 00:19:32,806
This past week, you really helped me,
556
00:19:32,807 --> 00:19:34,721
and I paid you back by being a jerk.
557
00:19:34,722 --> 00:19:36,462
Oh.
558
00:19:36,463 --> 00:19:37,985
Instead of just saying sorry,
559
00:19:37,986 --> 00:19:39,900
I wanted to do something extra special.
560
00:19:39,901 --> 00:19:41,162
So we made you something.
561
00:19:41,163 --> 00:19:42,381
"We"?
562
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,426
Hi, Ginzerale!
563
00:19:44,427 --> 00:19:46,081
It's okay. Barry said I could use it.
564
00:19:47,169 --> 00:19:48,996
Oh, my!
565
00:19:48,997 --> 00:19:50,998
It's you, kind of.
566
00:19:50,999 --> 00:19:53,043
So many very expensive and rare flowers
567
00:19:53,044 --> 00:19:54,915
we can no longer sell.
568
00:19:54,916 --> 00:19:57,134
It didn't come out exactly
the way I had hoped.
569
00:19:57,135 --> 00:19:58,832
It's perfect.
570
00:19:58,833 --> 00:19:59,833
Thank you.
571
00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:01,922
And I was thinking,
572
00:20:01,923 --> 00:20:04,011
maybe sometime we can grab a cup of coffee?
573
00:20:04,012 --> 00:20:05,186
I would love that.
574
00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:06,492
Almost as much as I love
575
00:20:06,493 --> 00:20:08,842
this adorable and accurate replica of me.
576
00:20:08,843 --> 00:20:10,887
- Do you want to dismantle it?
- Could we?
577
00:20:14,805 --> 00:20:17,459
Life can be stressful.
578
00:20:17,460 --> 00:20:20,506
But what helps us the most
is finding friends along the way
579
00:20:20,507 --> 00:20:22,246
who prop us up during the hard times.
580
00:20:22,247 --> 00:20:24,727
I made you something.
581
00:20:24,728 --> 00:20:27,469
Kelp casserole with plenty of seasoning.
582
00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:28,862
Aw, you didn't have to do that.
583
00:20:28,863 --> 00:20:30,081
I wanted to.
584
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:36,130
Listen, you've been nothing
but sweet and understanding,
585
00:20:36,131 --> 00:20:38,524
and I really appreciate it.
586
00:20:38,525 --> 00:20:40,483
Hey, that's what friends are for.
587
00:20:46,315 --> 00:20:48,272
And that especially includes new friends...
588
00:20:49,971 --> 00:20:52,973
...even when we've actually
known them for a long, long time.
589
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,282
If we're gonna continue seeing each other,
590
00:20:58,283 --> 00:21:00,154
I want to get everything
about me out in the open.
591
00:21:00,155 --> 00:21:03,200
I don't show affection
in public or in private.
592
00:21:03,201 --> 00:21:06,073
I sleep in the pajamas God gave me.
593
00:21:06,074 --> 00:21:08,641
I have several minor procedures coming up
594
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:10,556
for which I will need, uh, rides.
595
00:21:10,557 --> 00:21:11,905
The two sounds I can't stand
596
00:21:11,906 --> 00:21:14,603
are the laughter of children and music.
597
00:21:14,604 --> 00:21:16,692
Ben, you know this isn't a date, right?
598
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:17,954
But you agreed to lunch.
599
00:21:17,955 --> 00:21:20,479
Well, I was just being a courteous neighbor.
600
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,699
Plus, my husband should've been a clue.
601
00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:24,961
Hello.
602
00:21:24,962 --> 00:21:26,155
I also sleep in the buff.
603
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:31,401
sync and corrections by solfieri
www.MY-SUBS.com
43647
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