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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Back in the '80s,
my mom hit the dating scene.
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- The lucky guy was Joe Perott.
- Wow.
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00:00:05,986 --> 00:00:09,391
And what started as a workplace
friendship quickly led to more.
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I made you a mix tape.
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At first, my mom had no idea
what was happening.
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- Joe, are we on a date?
- You didn't know?
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Before long, she realized
she liked him back.
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- You have a crush.
- I have a crush.
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And, soon, it was heating up.
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But that didn't mean
she was playing it cool.
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Okay, I'm deciding which sweater
to wear on my date with Joe.
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Does this say romance to you?
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It says "Run, I'm a dork."
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Poo! Ben, what do you think?
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You got a brown sweater. I like brown.
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Well, I don't like brown.
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But I don't hate brown neither.
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Very helpful. Adam?
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Mr. Perott's great.
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He once pulled me aside
on the playground to explain
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I was confusing the words
"dunking" and "boinking."
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- There's a difference?
- A big one.
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And it's that very knowledge that
makes me want to have no part of this.
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Who in their right mind would?
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Okay, so, I sorted these
by color and word count.
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00:00:56,535 --> 00:00:57,648
But I'm still partial to this number
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with the fun little forest scene.
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The muskrats are holding hands.
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What the hell are you doing, dude?
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Oh, I'm the wardrobe consultant.
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I see that. Take it off.
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If you want it to go well, just...
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I know, just be myself.
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Sure, that. But also, be a less pushy,
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overbearing version of yourself.
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Like, for example, anybody else.
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Stop worrying. Joe is obsessed with me.
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Listen to this.
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Hi, Bev. I found
an old box in my office labeled
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"Adam Goldberg backup pants."
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Should I bring them by when I pick you up?
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God, I hope this relationship fails.
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You all hear the desire in his
voice when he said, "backup pants"?
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- I really don't.
- Well, listen again.
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..."Adam Goldberg backup pants."
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- Oh!
- Stop!
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Carmen's gonna be here any second!
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This is not the kind of thing
she needs to hear.
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- He wants a taste, - baby girl.
- "Backup pants."
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Enough!
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Anyway, I had to move up the reservation,
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so I'll see you at 6:00.
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Six? That's now!
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You didn't listen to the whole message?
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No, I just kept replaying the sexy part
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where he said "backup pants."
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Oh, great, he's here.
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You need to change. Geoff, find anything.
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Uh, okay.
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Oh, no! Carmen is here, too.
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And he has the pants!
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Geoff, sweaters! Go! Go! Go!
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There's a note pinned to them that says
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"In case Adam Goldberg has an emergency"!
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Okay, everybody stop panicking.
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The man has a hunger,
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a hunger for a steaming plate of Bev.
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Now Carmen's examining the pants!
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And he's explaining them!
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Just put anything on!
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Her face is a horror show of emotions!
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I need to do something!
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"Slam Boink." You did it.
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I don't hate brown anymore.
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It was April 12th, 1980-something,
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and like always, my brother was running hot.
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Hey, hon. How's it going?
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Good, if it was opposite day.
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I have two finals Friday.
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The landlord wants more rent,
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even though we just paid 30 days ago.
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And you know that hotshot pigeon?
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He's been on the windowsill
mocking me all day!
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So, happy anniversary!
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Anniversary. Right.
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- Barry, did you forget?
- No!
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My gift was hidden far away. I'll be back.
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Yeah, it turns out Barry's day
wasn't getting any easier.
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- Be back!
- Okay.
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Good thing he knew just
where to get a last-minute gift
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that would fix everything,
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our neighbor, Virginia Kremp.
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Stop what you're doing!
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I'll need a dozen roses
for my bedroom associate.
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Ah, Joanne.
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I remember that morning
years ago at the park
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when Lou looked away from the swing,
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how far she flew.
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And now she loves you.
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Anyhoo! Charles is away
at a hydrangea convention.
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And since I'm the only one
here, you're gonna have to wait.
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Fine, I'll do it myself.
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Argh! Thorns!
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- More thorns!
- Stop!
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Satan's hearth,
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why is your body giving off so much heat?
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I run hot when I'm stressed out.
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The doctor says it's because
I gestated for 50 weeks.
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We need to cool you off. Come with me.
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This is nice.
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Yeah, I spent two days in
there during the heat wave of '73.
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I bet it'd be nice to be a flower.
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Hmm. Why is that?
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Well, flowers don't worry
about med school, rent,
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or forgetting to get a gift
for their Sweet Drawers.
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That's Joanne. I gathered.
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She also calls me Sweet Drawers.
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Well, you're not creative,
but you like each other.
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You know, whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed,
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I find it helps to
focus on one task at a time.
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Let's start with Joanne.
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How would you like to learn how to make
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your very own arrangement for her?
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Deal!
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With that, Ginzy quickly
saved my brother's anniversary.
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Meanwhile, my mom and Mr. Perott
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were on their first real date,
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which was off to a slow start.
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Big menu, huh?
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It is, yeah.
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Despite their history of flirtation,
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my mom and Mr. Perott
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had already run out of things to say.
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The bathroom stalls were,
like, super big, too.
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Oh.
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And the... The seats
were comfy, good height.
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Uh-huh.
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Yep, she was really
digging deep for anything.
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Were the men's room seats a good height?
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I haven't, uh, sat yet.
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Maybe before dessert.
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That's when my dead husband liked to... sit.
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Hmm.
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It was a total train wreck.
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So it was no surprise when she did this.
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Oh, the vegetarian options look tasty, huh?
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I am totally a vegetarian, too!
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Oh? 'Cause at the holiday party,
you made a gingerbread house
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out of ground duck and beef liver.
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That's because that's what
I was assigned for the potluck.
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You know, more like pot unlucky.
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I cried the whole time.
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No, but you ate the whole chimney.
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And then I secretly spit it
into Principal Ball's briefcase.
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- Really?
- Yeah.
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See, as a vegetarian,
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I know I'm better than the flesh eaters,
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but I never want to
make them feel bad about it.
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That's amazing.
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- Mmm-hmm.
- I had no idea.
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What do you think about television?
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'Cause I don't even own one.
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I got rid of ours a long time ago.
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Books are so much better.
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I love books.
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Books! With the, uh, words and pages
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and little numbers in the
corners that go up, up, up.
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So what's your favorite book
you've recently read?
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All the greats.
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The bigs ones and the thin ones
and the ones in between.
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I'm not gonna bore you with the details.
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What's your favorite?
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The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
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Mine, too!
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- Yeah?
- The lightness.
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- Sure.
- The being.
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- Phew!
- And how unbearable it all is.
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Wow, that's great.
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- So, so good.
- Do you like to go hiking?
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Yesterday...
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I was reading one of my many books,
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eating a vegetable on the top of a mountain.
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So, yeah, I love it.
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- Holy crap.
- Yeah.
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- We have so much in common.
- Well, you know what?
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I bet if you keep telling
me things that you like,
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I probably like 'em, too.
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Sure, it was fueled
by lies, but my mom could finally relax.
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Barry also found an unexpected
way to relieve some stress.
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Joanne loved the flowers!
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I finally understand why my mother says
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you're her number-three friend.
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What a fun thing to say to someone.
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Also, I was honest with Joanne,
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like you said I should be,
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and she was completely understanding.
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I knew it.
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And the stress rash?
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Gone!
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Let me pop off these jeans
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and show you in your place of business.
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No, I'll take your word for it.
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How could I ever thank you
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in a way that doesn't
include money or effort?
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00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,057
I'll tell you what, Barry.
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00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:17,296
You can repay me by working
here until Charles gets back.
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00:07:17,297 --> 00:07:18,375
I can offer you minimum wage.
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I'll counter with maximum wage.
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00:07:19,843 --> 00:07:21,353
- No.
- I'll take it.
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00:07:21,354 --> 00:07:23,382
With that, Barry got to work.
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00:07:23,383 --> 00:07:25,152
And in addition to minimum wage,
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he also got valuable advice.
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Schools, relationships, growing up.
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Sometimes it's just too much.
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Mmm! Well, here's one way to look at it.
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In every beautiful arrangement,
the flowers work in harmony.
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00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:39,095
It's all about balance, just like...
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00:07:39,096 --> 00:07:40,304
- A scale.
- No.
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00:07:40,305 --> 00:07:41,556
- A dreidel.
- Getting colder.
220
00:07:41,557 --> 00:07:42,980
A balance beam.
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Think of what we were just talking about.
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- Life.
- That's it!
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Yep, Mrs. Kremp was having
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a real positive effect on Barry.
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00:07:50,135 --> 00:07:51,918
And it showed in all sorts of ways.
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00:07:52,427 --> 00:07:53,997
You okay?
227
00:07:53,998 --> 00:07:55,652
Just thinking about how lucky I am
228
00:07:55,653 --> 00:07:57,520
that you came into my life.
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00:07:57,521 --> 00:07:59,645
Can I brush your hair tonight
instead of you brushing mine?
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00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,318
Aw! Of course, Bar-Bar.
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00:08:02,319 --> 00:08:05,205
Working with flowers had made Barry bloom.
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00:08:05,206 --> 00:08:07,625
- Just because.
- Just because what?
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00:08:07,626 --> 00:08:09,153
Just because you're my brother
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00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:11,318
and as unique as this desert flower.
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00:08:11,319 --> 00:08:12,339
I don't say that enough.
236
00:08:14,673 --> 00:08:16,669
Thanks to Ginzy, Barry even got
less stressed about school.
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00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:20,150
Whoa, that's the first test
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00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,550
you didn't get an "A" on in a while.
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00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:22,612
That's okay.
240
00:08:22,613 --> 00:08:24,480
Hopefully, I'll do better next time.
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It looked like Barry was a changed man.
242
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That is, until this happened.
243
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Your favorite person is here!
244
00:08:30,085 --> 00:08:32,546
Oh, Barry, I have great news.
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00:08:32,547 --> 00:08:35,517
- Charles is back.
- Hello, Barry!
246
00:08:35,518 --> 00:08:37,683
As Barry was crashing back down to earth,
247
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:41,291
my sister realized my mom
had gotten a bit carried away.
248
00:08:41,292 --> 00:08:42,863
Hey, what are you guys doing?
249
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Studying up for my next date with Joe.
250
00:08:44,434 --> 00:08:47,108
- This is...
- A dove.
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00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,892
- A pelican.
- Ah, yes! I'm getting closer.
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00:08:49,699 --> 00:08:51,226
Um, why?
253
00:08:51,227 --> 00:08:53,561
Joe thinks I'm a book-reading,
bird-watching vegetarian,
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00:08:53,562 --> 00:08:54,835
among other things.
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00:08:54,836 --> 00:08:56,236
Geoff, go.
256
00:08:56,237 --> 00:08:58,061
Animal Farm was written by...
257
00:08:58,062 --> 00:08:59,717
- A man.
- George Orwell.
258
00:08:59,718 --> 00:09:01,840
Oh. Well, I was half right.
259
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:04,387
Why would anyone think that
you're an outdoorsy leaf-eater?
260
00:09:04,388 --> 00:09:07,190
Because I told a few fibs
to get our last date clicking.
261
00:09:07,191 --> 00:09:09,312
You can't lie about who you are.
262
00:09:09,313 --> 00:09:11,562
You're the one that told me
I needed to be less me.
263
00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:13,727
Yeah, less you, but not more him!
264
00:09:13,728 --> 00:09:14,875
- This is...
- An emu.
265
00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:17,633
A blue jay.
266
00:09:17,634 --> 00:09:18,780
And now I know.
267
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:20,138
This is a terrible idea.
268
00:09:20,139 --> 00:09:21,624
Why are you two helping her?
269
00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:23,110
She's gonna tell Mr. Perott
to give us a ride
270
00:09:23,111 --> 00:09:24,766
on the back of his motorcycle.
271
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:27,611
I'm gonna feel the power of a
thousand horses between my legs.
272
00:09:27,612 --> 00:09:29,096
Please never say that again.
273
00:09:29,097 --> 00:09:30,497
I don't want to ride.
274
00:09:30,498 --> 00:09:32,450
But I'll climb on and have
Geoff take a picture.
275
00:09:32,451 --> 00:09:36,058
Then, I'll tell Carmen I took
the sled down to Sturgis.
276
00:09:36,059 --> 00:09:38,011
Lying's okay because
Mom does it all the time now.
277
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,498
Bup! Oh! I'm gonna be late.
278
00:09:39,499 --> 00:09:41,281
Gotta meet Joe at the meditation studio.
279
00:09:41,282 --> 00:09:43,446
Meditation?
280
00:09:43,447 --> 00:09:45,526
You understand that does
require you to be silent?
281
00:09:45,527 --> 00:09:48,922
I like to find inner peace
before a long hike...
282
00:09:48,923 --> 00:09:51,470
Is something Joe said,
then I said it, then he smiled.
283
00:09:51,471 --> 00:09:54,102
Oh, dating is so easy.
284
00:09:54,103 --> 00:09:56,268
But my mom soon found out
285
00:09:56,269 --> 00:09:57,668
it wasn't as easy as she thought.
286
00:09:57,669 --> 00:10:00,555
Is this not glorious, or what?
287
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,338
Yes.
288
00:10:02,339 --> 00:10:05,098
I, too, like to make myself
uncomfortable for fun.
289
00:10:05,099 --> 00:10:06,839
Turns out, pretending
to like stuff Joe liked
290
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,622
was a tough pill to swallow.
291
00:10:08,623 --> 00:10:09,655
Can you believe this tofu isn't meat?
292
00:10:10,618 --> 00:10:13,207
Mmm, so mushy.
293
00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:15,117
Yep, my mom was in deep.
294
00:10:15,118 --> 00:10:16,858
The piping plover,
295
00:10:16,859 --> 00:10:18,472
gifting us with her presence.
296
00:10:18,473 --> 00:10:19,873
Majestic.
297
00:10:19,874 --> 00:10:21,698
Yeah, birds.
298
00:10:21,699 --> 00:10:23,057
We don't eat 'em, we look at 'em.
299
00:10:23,058 --> 00:10:24,840
But when a few tiny lies
300
00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:27,004
turned into a dizzying web of deception,
301
00:10:27,005 --> 00:10:29,509
my mom lost all her momentum.
302
00:10:29,510 --> 00:10:31,081
Oh, Bev! You gotta see the view up here!
303
00:10:31,082 --> 00:10:33,585
Almost there! Here I come!
304
00:10:33,586 --> 00:10:35,582
I'm glad I put on makeup for this.
305
00:10:35,582 --> 00:10:36,506
Oh!
306
00:10:36,506 --> 00:10:38,169
Ah! Oh!
307
00:10:40,498 --> 00:10:41,975
With Mr. Kremp back at the shop,
308
00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:43,586
things were suddenly a bit crowded.
309
00:10:43,587 --> 00:10:45,153
At least to Barry, they were.
310
00:10:45,154 --> 00:10:46,297
Am I in your way?
311
00:10:46,298 --> 00:10:47,442
Yes, Charles, you are.
312
00:10:48,841 --> 00:10:50,240
Ah, thanks for understanding.
313
00:10:51,214 --> 00:10:52,654
Um, hello, boys.
314
00:10:52,655 --> 00:10:53,967
Hi, Ginzerale!
315
00:10:53,968 --> 00:10:55,917
"Ginzerale" is one my nicknames
for your wife.
316
00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:57,527
It's adorable! Can I use it, too?
317
00:10:57,528 --> 00:10:58,841
- No.
- Okay.
318
00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:02,020
Ginzerale, can I talk to you
about a private matter?
319
00:11:02,021 --> 00:11:04,350
Over the last few days,
your wife and I have developed
320
00:11:04,351 --> 00:11:06,469
a mutual trust and understanding.
321
00:11:06,470 --> 00:11:07,910
- Super.
- Charles, why don't you
322
00:11:07,911 --> 00:11:09,435
go take five in the floral fridge,
323
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,452
or possibly Cincinnati?
324
00:11:10,453 --> 00:11:11,683
Barry! Come here!
325
00:11:13,886 --> 00:11:15,495
You're being rude!
326
00:11:15,496 --> 00:11:18,674
I'm sorry. But I'm still stressed out,
327
00:11:18,675 --> 00:11:21,386
and now Charles is here
getting in the way of my progress.
328
00:11:21,387 --> 00:11:23,335
I have given you all the tools you need
329
00:11:23,336 --> 00:11:25,157
to manage this on your own.
330
00:11:25,158 --> 00:11:26,937
You just don't know it yet.
331
00:11:26,938 --> 00:11:28,547
- But...
- Finger your pocket orchid.
332
00:11:28,548 --> 00:11:29,691
Mmm-hmm.
333
00:11:29,692 --> 00:11:31,768
How's it feel?
334
00:11:31,769 --> 00:11:33,887
Like there's beauty all around me?
335
00:11:33,888 --> 00:11:35,074
You just...
336
00:11:35,075 --> 00:11:36,260
Have to look for it.
337
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:38,040
And when you find it...
338
00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:40,540
My troubles become bubbles and float away.
339
00:11:40,541 --> 00:11:42,574
See? Much better.
340
00:11:42,575 --> 00:11:44,566
Now, I'm gonna need you
to deliver some flowers for me.
341
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:47,151
But we can't have our one-on-one life talks
342
00:11:47,152 --> 00:11:48,210
if I'm out delivering.
343
00:11:48,211 --> 00:11:49,905
Why can't Charles do it?
344
00:11:49,906 --> 00:11:51,939
Because Charles is my husband.
345
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:54,737
And you are my friend's son
who once dug a 10-foot pit
346
00:11:54,738 --> 00:11:56,772
in my yard to build a
"one-man pool." Now, scooch.
347
00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:01,686
While Barry didn't like
the new turn his job took,
348
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:03,551
my mom's job of pretending to like stuff
349
00:12:03,552 --> 00:12:04,739
had taken a serious toll.
350
00:12:05,798 --> 00:12:07,873
So, how's the dating life?
351
00:12:07,874 --> 00:12:09,442
Oh, so good.
352
00:12:09,443 --> 00:12:12,323
Joe and I are so connected.
353
00:12:12,324 --> 00:12:13,891
Oh, my God, the pain!
354
00:12:13,892 --> 00:12:17,366
Hiking sucks.
355
00:12:19,910 --> 00:12:22,239
We might be soul mates.
356
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,765
Adam, you want to help me with this?
357
00:12:23,766 --> 00:12:25,927
I'm a "slow down to watch
the car crash" kind of guy.
358
00:12:25,928 --> 00:12:27,240
I like where this is headed.
359
00:12:27,241 --> 00:12:29,231
There will be no crash, Schmoo,
360
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:31,139
- because I have a plan.
- Hmm. This should be good.
361
00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:32,961
See, after I fell down the mountain,
362
00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:34,699
we cut our hike short.
363
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:38,173
So all I need to do is
repeatedly fall down on purpose
364
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,360
for the next few years,
365
00:12:39,361 --> 00:12:41,012
until he gives up being a boring person
366
00:12:41,013 --> 00:12:43,004
with boring hobbies and a boring face.
367
00:12:43,005 --> 00:12:45,420
Well, your relationship
certainly sounds healthy,
368
00:12:45,421 --> 00:12:46,988
and it's totally gonna work out.
369
00:12:48,387 --> 00:12:49,869
Check me out. I'm all geared up
370
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,353
to ride Mr. Perott's hog.
371
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:52,878
So much to process.
372
00:12:52,879 --> 00:12:55,802
Uh, I guess, first,
is that my leather jacket?
373
00:12:55,803 --> 00:12:57,963
Yeah, and the gloves
are my mom's pruning gloves.
374
00:12:57,964 --> 00:12:59,913
Bad boys borrow without asking.
375
00:12:59,914 --> 00:13:01,693
Wait. Joe's coming over now?
376
00:13:01,694 --> 00:13:04,489
Yeah, he called earlier to say he's
bringing his famous kelp casserole.
377
00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:06,269
He can't see how we live!
378
00:13:06,270 --> 00:13:09,108
He thinks we're adherents
to his freakish lifestyle.
379
00:13:09,109 --> 00:13:11,397
Wait, we have to play a part
in this charade?
380
00:13:11,398 --> 00:13:13,389
Of course! One of the
biggest lies I told is that
381
00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:16,398
I instilled in my children
a set of positive values.
382
00:13:16,399 --> 00:13:17,839
Now, hide all the meat!-
383
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,169
And get rid of the six TVs!
384
00:13:20,170 --> 00:13:22,203
Come on! Move!
385
00:13:22,204 --> 00:13:24,703
You are good and decent vegetarians now!
386
00:13:26,358 --> 00:13:29,704
So my mom had us pretend
we were something we weren't.
387
00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:32,501
And somehow, we were getting away with it.
388
00:13:32,502 --> 00:13:35,340
Joe, this kelp casserole was divine.
389
00:13:35,341 --> 00:13:37,120
What is your secret?
390
00:13:37,121 --> 00:13:39,874
The secret is no salt or spices.
391
00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:41,486
Just kelp baked in its own juices.
392
00:13:42,758 --> 00:13:43,816
- Huh.
- Very kelp-y.
393
00:13:43,817 --> 00:13:45,935
You can really taste the ocean.
394
00:13:45,936 --> 00:13:48,350
The no salt is really coming through.
395
00:13:48,351 --> 00:13:49,537
Hey, Bev, can I ask you a question?
396
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,062
Sure, Joe. What is it?
397
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:52,065
Why do you have a TV in the bathtub?
398
00:13:54,072 --> 00:13:56,062
It's our neighbors'.
399
00:13:56,063 --> 00:13:57,758
Uh, we wash it for them.
400
00:13:57,759 --> 00:13:59,496
Also, when I hung my jacket in the closet,
401
00:13:59,497 --> 00:14:01,149
I noticed a spiral ham in a rain boot.
402
00:14:01,572 --> 00:14:02,758
Huh.
403
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,131
And, lastly, on the floor under the table,
404
00:14:05,132 --> 00:14:07,066
it's covered with kelp casserole.
405
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,454
Am I to assume that no one ate it?
406
00:14:09,455 --> 00:14:11,403
In our defense...
407
00:14:11,404 --> 00:14:13,183
Ugh.
408
00:14:13,184 --> 00:14:17,294
I may have exaggerated
a bit about, you know,
409
00:14:17,295 --> 00:14:19,328
who I am as a person.
410
00:14:19,329 --> 00:14:20,472
But why?
411
00:14:20,473 --> 00:14:22,040
I just wanted this to go well.
412
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:26,066
Bev, I like you for you, I promise.
413
00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:27,761
So going forward,
you know, just be yourself.
414
00:14:27,762 --> 00:14:30,685
- Okay?
- Okay. Thanks, Joe.
415
00:14:30,686 --> 00:14:31,956
Now I should go.
416
00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:33,270
I'm already late for my origami class.
417
00:14:34,203 --> 00:14:35,897
- See you soon.
- Aw.
418
00:14:35,898 --> 00:14:37,847
Aw.
419
00:14:37,848 --> 00:14:40,177
See, you did all that lying for nothing.
420
00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:41,703
Mmm-hmm. Quick question.
421
00:14:41,704 --> 00:14:43,695
How do you break up with someone?
422
00:14:43,696 --> 00:14:45,729
While my mom was having a change of heart,
423
00:14:45,730 --> 00:14:48,145
Barry was about to let Mrs. Kremp know
424
00:14:48,146 --> 00:14:49,628
of a change in plans.
425
00:14:49,629 --> 00:14:50,687
Hi, Barry.
426
00:14:50,688 --> 00:14:52,382
- Where's Charles?
- Delaware.
427
00:14:52,383 --> 00:14:53,653
Now, pull up a stool, and let's open up
428
00:14:53,654 --> 00:14:55,433
to each other about things we fear.
429
00:14:55,434 --> 00:14:57,298
- Delaware?
- Yeah, I sent him out for a delivery.
430
00:14:57,299 --> 00:14:59,036
- What?
- Now, no one else knows this,
431
00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:01,832
but I am terrified of being too successful.
432
00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:03,569
Will my future fame and riches
433
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,264
intimidate my very average friends?
434
00:15:05,265 --> 00:15:06,579
Barry, I'm sorry.
435
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:08,188
- You're fired.
- What?
436
00:15:08,189 --> 00:15:11,282
I'll need your pruning shears
and bouquet tape.
437
00:15:11,283 --> 00:15:12,936
- But...
- This is just the way it has to be.
438
00:15:12,938 --> 00:15:14,333
Why is this so sticky?
439
00:15:14,334 --> 00:15:16,960
- I spilled three separate Slurpees.
- Ugh.
440
00:15:16,961 --> 00:15:18,699
Just like that, Barry was out of a job.
441
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,224
Meanwhile, my mom was learning
442
00:15:20,225 --> 00:15:22,088
how to get out of a relationship.
443
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,801
Mom, this is exactly
what dating is all about.
444
00:15:24,802 --> 00:15:26,114
You get to know each other,
445
00:15:26,115 --> 00:15:27,809
and if you don't like
something you find out,
446
00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:29,420
boom, trash heap.
447
00:15:29,421 --> 00:15:31,157
I've just yo-yo'd him so many times.
448
00:15:31,158 --> 00:15:32,555
I feel terrible.
449
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,929
Why do I have to be so charming
and irresistible?
450
00:15:34,930 --> 00:15:37,090
How does all this affect my motorcycle ride?
451
00:15:37,091 --> 00:15:38,828
I may have already bought biker's insurance.
452
00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:40,650
If you don't want to hurt his
feelings, just lie to the guy.
453
00:15:40,651 --> 00:15:42,387
She's done enough lying.
454
00:15:42,388 --> 00:15:43,828
Exactly. So would one more hurt?
455
00:15:43,829 --> 00:15:45,608
Ben, share your wisdom.
456
00:15:45,609 --> 00:15:47,600
I once dated a girl in the Army.
457
00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:48,871
I told her my heart couldn't take it
458
00:15:48,872 --> 00:15:50,269
if she was called to war,
459
00:15:50,270 --> 00:15:51,583
so I had no choice but to end it.
460
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:52,982
That is brilliant.
461
00:15:52,983 --> 00:15:54,592
But in this case, it backfired.
462
00:15:54,593 --> 00:15:57,135
She wasn't in the U.S. Army.
She was in the Salvation Army.
463
00:15:57,135 --> 00:15:58,830
Great advice, Pop-Pop.
464
00:15:58,831 --> 00:16:01,541
Anyway, we got married, we
had Murray and some other kid,
465
00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:02,728
and 10 years later, she left me.
466
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,017
Thank you, Ben.
467
00:16:05,018 --> 00:16:06,923
I know just what I need to do.
468
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,762
And so, my mom pulled out this card.
469
00:16:09,763 --> 00:16:12,687
My faith is very important to me.
470
00:16:12,687 --> 00:16:14,425
So, since we have different religions,
471
00:16:14,426 --> 00:16:16,500
different cultures...
472
00:16:16,501 --> 00:16:17,603
we have to end it.
473
00:16:17,604 --> 00:16:19,806
I'm sorry.
474
00:16:19,807 --> 00:16:22,137
Beverly, I'm a member of the tribe, too.
475
00:16:22,138 --> 00:16:23,705
Shalom!
476
00:16:23,706 --> 00:16:26,163
- Hebrew-what-now?
- I observe all the high holy days.
477
00:16:26,164 --> 00:16:27,477
I go to temple regularly.
478
00:16:27,478 --> 00:16:28,875
I play racquetball with my cantor.
479
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:30,486
Right.
480
00:16:30,487 --> 00:16:31,884
Which is what I don't do.
481
00:16:31,885 --> 00:16:33,367
What?
482
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,977
See, it's very important for me
483
00:16:34,978 --> 00:16:37,053
to celebrate my faith
484
00:16:37,054 --> 00:16:39,003
in a very low-grade, noncommittal-type way.
485
00:16:39,004 --> 00:16:40,402
Hold on a second.
486
00:16:40,403 --> 00:16:45,021
I come from a long line of extremely breezy,
487
00:16:45,022 --> 00:16:46,758
unserious people.
488
00:16:46,759 --> 00:16:48,241
Okay.
489
00:16:48,242 --> 00:16:50,403
You obviously don't want to date me,
490
00:16:50,404 --> 00:16:51,632
but you're afraid to just say it.
491
00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:53,242
Huh?
492
00:16:53,243 --> 00:16:55,064
Fine.
493
00:16:55,065 --> 00:16:56,590
I don't think this is gonna work out.
494
00:16:56,591 --> 00:17:00,022
I'm sorry, Joe.
495
00:17:00,023 --> 00:17:02,395
Me, too.
496
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:03,287
I'll see you around, Bev.
497
00:17:10,661 --> 00:17:12,522
Barry had lost his job at the flower shop.
498
00:17:12,523 --> 00:17:14,871
But as far as Joanne and I knew,
everything was still rosy.
499
00:17:14,872 --> 00:17:16,365
Surprise!
500
00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:18,414
- What?
- Adam and I were talking
501
00:17:18,415 --> 00:17:20,165
about how sweet you've been lately.
502
00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:21,574
I didn't get it at first.
503
00:17:21,575 --> 00:17:23,452
I thought the cactus had a camera in it
504
00:17:23,453 --> 00:17:25,374
and you wanted to catch me
doing something weird,
505
00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:27,039
like giving my ALF doll a back massage.
506
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,577
No examples needed, Adam.
507
00:17:28,578 --> 00:17:29,942
It's just for practice.
508
00:17:29,943 --> 00:17:31,309
Carmen likes to have her shoulders rubbed,
509
00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:33,017
and with that responsibility comes pressure.
510
00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:35,067
Anyway, we just wanted to show you
511
00:17:35,068 --> 00:17:37,671
how much we appreciate
the kinder, gentler Barry,
512
00:17:37,672 --> 00:17:40,020
so we got you...
513
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:41,727
a new hockey stick!
514
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,417
- Wow, guys. This is amazing.
- Mmm-hmm.
515
00:17:44,418 --> 00:17:46,040
You know what I'm gonna do with it?
516
00:17:46,041 --> 00:17:47,919
I'd say play hockey,
but you never seem to do that.
517
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,712
I'm gonna slap-shot that cocky pigeon.
518
00:17:49,713 --> 00:17:52,103
Oh, no! He's regressing!
519
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:54,879
Barry, where's your special flower?
520
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,545
Fondle it the way Mrs. Kremp taught you.
521
00:17:56,546 --> 00:17:58,039
I'm just catching up to the fact
522
00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,875
that Mrs. Kremp asked you
to fondle something.
523
00:17:59,876 --> 00:18:01,156
But, yeah, do that.
524
00:18:02,266 --> 00:18:03,931
Oh! What is going on?
525
00:18:03,932 --> 00:18:05,852
She fired me.
526
00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:08,586
I screwed that up
the way I screw up everything.
527
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,165
After all Ginzerale did for me.
528
00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:11,532
Ginzerale?
529
00:18:11,533 --> 00:18:13,368
Barry, it's okay.
530
00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,929
Remember when she told you to
apologize to me and be honest?
531
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:17,637
That worked out, didn't it?
532
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,218
You think she'd really forgive me?
533
00:18:19,219 --> 00:18:21,010
I'm sure of it.
534
00:18:21,011 --> 00:18:23,146
I think I know just how I'm gonna say sorry.
535
00:18:23,147 --> 00:18:25,622
And I think I'm never coming back here.
536
00:18:25,623 --> 00:18:28,483
While Barry knew how
to fix things with Ginzy,
537
00:18:28,484 --> 00:18:30,660
Erica knew the only way
my mom would feel better
538
00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:31,642
was to fix her up.
539
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:33,479
What's all this?
540
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,767
Just a stack of eligible bachelors
interested in meeting you.
541
00:18:36,768 --> 00:18:38,945
You're not the only
matchmaking yenta in Jenkintown.
542
00:18:38,946 --> 00:18:40,652
Your daughter's pretty good at it, too.
543
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:43,726
Well, it's easy when the
product is such high quality.
544
00:18:43,727 --> 00:18:45,264
I don't know what to say.
545
00:18:45,265 --> 00:18:47,613
Just promise me that
you'll always be yourself
546
00:18:47,614 --> 00:18:48,637
and that you'll never settle.
547
00:18:48,638 --> 00:18:50,644
You're too good for that.
548
00:18:50,645 --> 00:18:51,754
Waiting is always worth it.
549
00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,505
Oh!
550
00:18:55,086 --> 00:18:56,323
That one.
551
00:18:56,324 --> 00:18:57,689
- Ooh!
- James?
552
00:18:57,690 --> 00:19:00,336
Erica reminded my mom
of how special she was.
553
00:19:00,337 --> 00:19:03,239
And Barry had someone he wanted
to say that to, as well.
554
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,887
Barry. What are you doing here?
555
00:19:05,888 --> 00:19:07,681
This past week, you really helped me,
556
00:19:07,682 --> 00:19:09,560
and I paid you back by being a jerk.
557
00:19:09,561 --> 00:19:11,268
Oh.
558
00:19:11,269 --> 00:19:12,762
Instead of just saying sorry,
559
00:19:12,763 --> 00:19:14,641
I wanted to do something extra special.
560
00:19:14,642 --> 00:19:15,879
So we made you something.
561
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,075
"We"?
562
00:19:17,076 --> 00:19:19,081
Hi, Ginzerale!
563
00:19:19,082 --> 00:19:20,705
It's okay. Barry said I could use it.
564
00:19:21,772 --> 00:19:23,565
Oh, my!
565
00:19:23,566 --> 00:19:25,529
It's you, kind of.
566
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:27,535
So many very expensive and rare flowers
567
00:19:27,536 --> 00:19:29,372
we can no longer sell.
568
00:19:29,373 --> 00:19:31,549
It didn't come out exactly
the way I had hoped.
569
00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:33,215
It's perfect.
570
00:19:33,216 --> 00:19:34,197
Thank you.
571
00:19:34,795 --> 00:19:36,246
And I was thinking,
572
00:19:36,247 --> 00:19:38,296
maybe sometime we can grab a cup of coffee?
573
00:19:38,297 --> 00:19:39,449
I would love that.
574
00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:40,730
Almost as much as I love
575
00:19:40,731 --> 00:19:43,036
this adorable and accurate replica of me.
576
00:19:43,037 --> 00:19:45,042
- Do you want to dismantle it?
- Could we?
577
00:19:48,886 --> 00:19:51,490
Life can be stressful.
578
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:54,479
But what helps us the most
is finding friends along the way
579
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,186
who prop us up during the hard times.
580
00:19:56,187 --> 00:19:58,620
I made you something.
581
00:19:58,621 --> 00:20:01,310
Kelp casserole with plenty of seasoning.
582
00:20:01,311 --> 00:20:02,677
Aw, you didn't have to do that.
583
00:20:02,678 --> 00:20:03,873
I wanted to.
584
00:20:05,966 --> 00:20:09,808
Listen, you've been nothing
but sweet and understanding,
585
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,156
and I really appreciate it.
586
00:20:12,157 --> 00:20:14,078
Hey, that's what friends are for.
587
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,720
And that especially includes new friends...
588
00:20:23,387 --> 00:20:26,039
...even when we've actually
known them for a long, long time.
589
00:20:29,385 --> 00:20:30,729
If we're gonna continue seeing each other,
590
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,633
I want to get everything
about me out in the open.
591
00:20:32,634 --> 00:20:35,731
I don't show affection
in public or in private.
592
00:20:35,732 --> 00:20:38,653
I sleep in the pajamas God gave me.
593
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,264
I have several minor procedures coming up
594
00:20:41,265 --> 00:20:43,212
for which I will need, uh, rides.
595
00:20:43,213 --> 00:20:44,584
The two sounds I can't stand
596
00:20:44,585 --> 00:20:47,328
are the laughter of children and music.
597
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,452
Ben, you know this isn't a date, right?
598
00:20:49,453 --> 00:20:50,736
But you agreed to lunch.
599
00:20:50,737 --> 00:20:53,304
Well, I was just being a courteous neighbor.
600
00:20:53,305 --> 00:20:55,561
Plus, my husband should've been a clue.
601
00:20:56,447 --> 00:20:57,862
Hello.
602
00:20:57,863 --> 00:20:59,076
I also sleep in the buff.
603
00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:04,412
sync and corrections by solfieri
www.MY-SUBS.com
43646
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