Original subtitles

MAN [ON TV]: Rame, Rame Manorame.

WOMAN: Rame, Rame Manorame.

MAN [ON TV]: Om Sri Sita-Ramah Sharanam Mama.

WOMAN: Om Sri Sita-Ramah Sharanam Mama.

MAN [ON TV]: Breathe from your pelvis,

and meditate on the movement of water.

Raise your Swadhisthana chakra.

This is the sexual center of your being.

Om Soham.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Tsk. Wayne.

WAYNE [ON TV]: What do you call a lawn without a pool?

Well, I call it a yawn.

Hi, I'm Wayne the Pool Guy,

and I've been installing swimming pools

in the Greater Cleveland area since 1976.

Our service is classy,

and the pools are definitely...

[SPLASH] ...splashy.

So take the yawn out of your lawn,

and call me today for a free estimate.

Oh, Wayne.

Come on in. The water's fine.

[BOING]

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

That water is fine.

[WATER FILLING SOUND EFFECT]

[♪♪♪]

[CLICKS]

"Dear Mr. Knudsen, I was delighted to hear

"of your company's interest in relocating to Cleveland.

"Over the last decade,

"our city has transformed itself

"from a decaying industrial town

"into a vibrant, world-class metropolis.

"What was the once 'the mistake by the lake'

is now 'the roar by the shore.'"

Do you know how many times I've typed this letter?

No, but you do.

One thousand four hundred and eighty-two times.

How sad is that?

[GIGGLES]

Oh, check this out.

It says here that 30 million American women

suffer from sexual dysfunction.

Hm. Can you believe that?

What do you mean by sexual dysfunction?

As in, no payoff.

Oh. I thought you meant something weird,

like a...

physical abnormality.

You don't think 30 million women is weird?

We're talking about a chronic failure

to achieve orgasm.

[SNEEZES]

Think they could write about something important. Ha, ha.

You don't think orgasms are important?

I'd shoot myself if I couldn't come.

[GASPS]

Thirty million women would shoot themselves

if they couldn't come.

WOMAN: Yeah, so I hear you tried that.

[CHATTERING]

[♪♪♪]

She's so hot.

Yeah, she is.

[BUZZING LOUDLY]

[GRUNTING]

[YELLS]

[BUZZES]

[SIGHS]

Hey, teacher.

You forgot your sandwich.

MAN: Nice performance, Jack.

Good impression on the kids.

Hey. Blow me.

You know, I'm worried about you, Jack.

You used to be the most popular teacher

in Carmen High.

And now look at you.

You're a shithead.

You think it might be depression?

Why would I be depressed?

I'm a biology teacher

in the Cleveland public school system.

Uh-huh.

Well...

beside being the football coach,

I'm also the school counselor this year.

So if you have any problems...

I'm here to hear.

Who taught you that?

I did. You like it?

Eh, it sucks.

I know it's hard to reach out, but, uh,

you need help, Jack.

[SCOFFS]

You wanna help me? Pass the steroids.

You know...

I don't really believe

in all this depression stuff.

I mean it's very simple.

There are men, and there are babies.

And you, you're a baby. Hm.

I mean, every night, you go to bed

with the most magnificent woman in Cleveland.

I mean...

that'd be enough to make any man happy.

Good talk, coach.

I mean...

sure would make me happy.

[CHUCKLING]

I mean, it would.

MAN: I'm sure you can guess why we're here.

No way. That's right.

Yamaguchi Industries decided on Cleveland.

And they're bringing 400 jobs.

Quite an achievement, considering the recession.

Congratulations, Miss Vice President.

Oh, my God, I can't believe it.

You can't really be surprised.

So...

how much is the raise?

[♪♪♪]

I've got a lot of really creative employees, Priscilla.

And you know what?

They're a dime a dozen.

But you're a rare breed.

You're creative, and you're predictable.

So awesomely, unbelievably predictable.

And that's the quality I prize most.

[BELL RINGS]

[♪♪♪]

[COUGHS]

[GURGLES]

[CLOSES DRAWER]

Uh...

BOY 1: Yo, why are we wasting time with this textbook?

I could write this textbook.

It's a college-level textbook.

GIRL: Yeah. Junior college.

You wanna learn something now?

I thought you knew everything.

All right.

BOY 2: Whoa. Where'd you get it?

The cafeteria.

GIRL 2: Ew.

I need a volunteer.

[GIRL 2 GASPS]

Uh, wow. You're all so eager.

All right. Who can name the subspecies it belongs to?

[MURMURING]

Mm-hm. Right.

G. pardalis babcocki.

That's absolutely right.

Well done, um...

Kristen. Kristen Taylor.

Right. Kristen. Come on up here, Kristen.

Hey, Garbin. Wake up.

Kill those lights for me, would you?

I want the rest of you to take some notes.

BOY 2: Garbin. Kill the lights.

[STUDENTS MURMUR]

All right, can you properly identify

each portion of the shield.

Sure.

Over here's the marginal. Mm-hm.

Then the pygal. Right.

The costal. Yeah.

The vertebral.

And, uh...

[CLEARS THROAT]

The nuchal. N-U-C-H-A-L.

Some people say, "new-chal,"

Other people say, "noo-chal."

I, uh...

I say, "nuh-chal,"

but that's because my-- My people are from Russia.

JACK: You need-- uh...

Uh-- Um, nuchal.

[♪♪♪]

[DOG BARKING]

I got a promotion.

I'm a vice president.

[POPS]

Really? Way to hustle.

Mm-mm. Mm.

Aw, come on, Jack. Be happy for me. [SIGHS]

Yeah. We could do stuff.

We could--

Could maybe even get a pool.

I don't want a pool anymore.

Why not?

I don't want my belly offending the neighbors.

Oh.

Here's to me.

Congratulations, Priscilla.

Here's to you.

Congratulations.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Do you have any idea

what your frigidity has done to me?

It's called sexual dysfunction.

I'm sorry. Do you have any idea

what your sexual dysfunction has done to me?

No? Let me tell you.

You marry the prettiest girl in Cleveland.

And then you think:

"All right.

"Everything's going my way.

"I mean, all right,

"we have this one little thing,

but we can deal with it."

I mean, you know that joke, right?

How do you make a woman come?

Who cares?

[SNICKERS]

Well... after 10 years

of failed fucking...

God, 10 ye-- How--

How many times do you suppose that is?

We've had sex 1482 times, not including this morning.

[SIGHS] Well...

All my failure begins to take a toll.

[♪♪♪]

I mean, look at me.

Am I really the man you thought I'd become?

[DOG BARKING]

[ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

Mm-ah.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Mm-hm.

[ALARM BELL RINGS]

What the hell are you doing?

Jack left.

He moved to the garage.

He says it's because I have sexual dysfunction.

[GASPS]

He said that?

What an asshole.

No. It's true.

I'm one of 30 million nonexistent American women

with sexual dysfunction.

[ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

[ALARM BELL RINGS]

When was the last time you were functional?

Sexual dysfunction. As in, never in my life.

You've never had an orgasm?

No.

[ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

Wow, this is so weird.

What about masturbation?

No, I-- I don't do that.

But you have.

No.

You've never masturbated?

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Never.

UMPIRE: Strike three!

ANNOUNCER: Ooh. Caught looking.

Looks like it's gonna be a long season for the Buckeyes.

[GRUNTS]

WAYNE [ON TV]: What do you call a lawn without a pool?

Well, I call it a yawn.

Hi. I'm Wayne the Pool Guy.

[♪♪♪]

And the pools are definitely...

[SPLASH] ...splashy.

WOMAN: The water's fine.

[SPLASH]

WAYNE: That water is fine.

MAN: Ahem. Let me see if I understand this.

[SIGHS]

You think that you're unhappy...

because you feel that you can't

give your wife an orgasm, hm?

It's not my inability to give her an orgasm,

it's her inability to have one.

Well, if it's her fault,

then why are you letting it ruin your life?

Mm, I don't-- I don't care about the orgasms.

I j-- I gave Mary Slotnick six orgasms in one night.

Jenny Fitzgerald got the nickname

"Opera Girl," because one night I--

Okay, okay. We get it.

It's-- We get it.

I mean, I--

I have staying power.

My penis is above average.

Well above average.

Is that true?

I-- I-- I don't know. What's average?

Smaller than mine.

It's-- It's smaller than mine.

MAN: Now, Priscilla.

Do you feel that you...

fulfill Jack's needs?

We have sex whenever he wants.

Do you enjoy it?

I've never thought of it in those terms. Um...

Tsk.

But I suppose I don't not enjoy it.

So... it's a duty?

Yes. No. No.

It's not a duty. It's, um...

I'll be honest here. My wife is very good in bed.

She is?

I am? Yeah.

Well, you-- You've given me a lot of pleasure.

Aw. Thank you.

But how can I feel like a man

if I can't make you come?

PRISCILLA: Your inability to give me an orgasm

is not the measure of a man.

It's what you make of yourself

that determines your worth.

Not your performance in the bedroom.

Oh, wow. That-- That's horseshit.

So you're saying that if you were

in a car accident, became a paraplegic,

and your penis didn't work,

that you would just give up on life?

You got it. Yeah, pretty mu-- [SIGHS]

Hey. No dick, no life.

Can you believe this guy?

For many men, the center of the self

is the penis.

[MOUTHS] Thank you.

Ugh. Okay, well, let's, uh--

Let's say I'm willing to accept that.

What then?

There's a simple solution

to your problem.

There is?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I can't believe that guy.

What an idiot.

[LAUGHING]

"My name is Dr. Harry Lee."

"But you can call me Dr. Harry."

[THE INCREDIBLE MOSES LEROY'S "FUZZY" PLAYING]

Oh, God.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

JACK: You don't need a vibrator, do you?

PRISCILLA: No!

Vibrator.

I mean-- I mean, that's just silly, you know?

We need to be daring, without batteries.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[KISSING, PANTING]

[THUMPING]

[PRISCILLA GROANS]

[BANGING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[EXHALES] God. I don't get it.

You're so close, and then it just stop--

What did I do wrong?

You didn't do anything wrong.

[NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

WOMAN: Fifty million women

in the United States

suffer from orgasmic dysfunction.

Fifty million.

But tonight...

we are going to cut that number

by 10.

[LAUGHING, APPLAUSE]

Because tonight we are going to learn

about the healing power

of mastur...

bation.

[WOMEN GIGGLE]

The greatest source of energy

known to womankind.

[APPLAUSE]

WOMAN: Woo-hoo!

Yes. Yes. Yes!

Now, I want you

to write a name

for your vagina.

Anything you please.

Satin Doll,

Happy Hole, Betty.

Christen her. Own her.

It could be anything you choose, you know.

All right, does everybody have a name?

Let's see.

What have you got there?

Oh, that is splendid.

But that could be a boy's name.

Change it.

Is everybody finished?

Everybody? Every beautiful little body?

[LAUGHS]

All right.

Now...

I want you each

to draw a picture

of your vaginas.

I am looking for...

a metaphorical representation.

Yes. Yes.

It can be anything you want, but please,

let's make it artistic, yes?

You know what I mean, don't you?

Think Picasso. Think van Gogh.

Now...

each of you will notice...

that you have a small hand-mirror

on your easels.

I want you to

discover...

your vaginas.

[WOMAN GIGGLES]

Every glorious fold.

Every beautiful nook and cranny.

This is your power center!

Liberate your labia.

Value your vulva.

Claim...

your clitoris.

Claim it! Christen it!

I don't think I've ever looked at mine.

Come on.

Come on.

Down you go.

Hello, Fifi.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Hey, Mr. Chase.

Get down. Someone might see you. Oh.

Okay. Get up, get up.

Someone might see you.

What do you want? A ride.

To the Case Western University biophysics lab.

I work there.

Good for you.

[INDIE ROCK PLAYING]

♪ Hey, hey, hey I'm ready to play ♪

♪ I'm gonna do, do, do What I've wanted to do ♪

♪ All my life ♪

♪ And you won't Put me up ♪

♪ 'Cause you've never been In love ♪

I'm not in pain, you know.

Have you looked at yourself lately?

That's just the aging process doing its dirty work.

Come on. Fourty-five's not that old. I'm 36.

Look.

I don't want you, Mr. Chase. Okay?

I respect you.

Oh, respect.

Yeah, respect.

Teachers are some of the most important figures in society.

Kristen, nobody gives a shit about teachers.

Teachers don't even give a shit about teachers.

Let me tell you a story, okay?

When I was 15,

I was a dedicated stoner.

But then I took your Intro to Bio class.

And it turned my head upside down.

I mean, the Golgi complex,

cytoplasm, the double helix.

I mean, you taught that stuff with such passion.

So I dumped my stoner pals, hit the books,

and now I'm a National Merit Scholar.

And it's all thanks to you.

No. Congratulations.

But it's got nothing to do with me.

Well, whatever.

I just want you to know that I'm here for you.

You're here.

Oh-- Th-- What do you know about real life?

Nothing.

But I know what I see.

[LAYTON'S "HOPE IS ALL THERE IS" PLAYING]

♪ Uh-huh, huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh, huh Huh, huh, huh... ♪

This is your top of the line, right?

Yeah, uh, that's our deluxe model.

Can you absolutely, positively guarantee

that it will give me an orgasm?

Yeah. We stand behind our products 100 percent.

Good. I'll take one.

Are you serious?

Yeah. How much?

I don't think I can sell that to you

in good conscience.

You're right.

It's dusty.

Look, uh, you're not

really here just for kicks, are you?

No.

You're here to solve a problem, right? Yes.

Sometimes, rarely or never?

Never.

Sweet Jesus.

So I came in here to get a thing

so I-- I wouldn't actually have to touch myself.

[GASPS]

You know, you don't have to, uh,

masturbate to have an orgasm.

You don't?

No, you just have to come in the backroom with me.

What?

Oh, my God, you're propositioning me.

[LAUGHS] But you're a girl.

I mean, you're pretty and everything,

but, um, I'm married...

and I'm not like that.

So, um, I think

I'll just stick with the masturbation,

if that's all right with you.

I'm sorry. Thank you.

Don't sweat it.

I took a shot.

Here's a starter kit.

Just get yourself in the mood.

Candles, a furry rug.

There you go. Oh, thanks.

I'll throw this banana lube in

for free.

Thank you.

[TIRES SCREECH]

MAN: Oh.

Whoa. [BRAKES SCREECH]

[HONKS] [CHUCKLES]

Move the van, Wayne. Hold on a second.

Ah. All right. Okay.

Just listen to me for one minute, okay?

Just a second.

I've decided to build you a pool

at half my regular cost.

Whatever kind of pool you want. Any kind of pool.

Italian marble,

Spanish tile, 24-karat gold, I don't give a crap.

Whatever you can dream up, at half price.

Why is this so important to you?

Why is it important? Well, o-okay, it's important

because I built a pool for everybody on your street.

Everybody on the next street.

Everybody on the street after that--

I built a pool for everybody except you.

Uh, so what, are you trying

to make Cleveland look like California?

Cl-- Cleveland like California.

That's-- That's pretty good.

Are you in advertising?

Yeah. Something like that.

Good, because then maybe you can relate to my problem.

All right.

See, for my next commercial,

I wanna do a helicopter shot

of your entire neighborhood,

pool after pool after pool,

each of them mine.

But because of a certain big patch of grass

in a certain somebody's backyard,

I'm stuck with the same commercial

I've been running for the past 20 years.

You can't take that commercial off.

It's been on since I was a kid.

Hmm.

Well, that-- But that's the point.

See, I-- It's not an accurate

representation of the current me.

Well, to be honest with you, Wayne,

I'm just not that big on water.

And besides,

I've had my heart set on a gazebo.

[LAUGHS] A gazebo?

What, are--? What, are you crazy?

You're not a-- You're not a gazebo girl.

Yes, I am. No-- No.

Bye-bye. [TIRES SCREECH]

You're not a gazebo girl. Heh.

[♪♪♪]

Takes a big man to come clean

with a story like that, man.

My heart goes out to you.

Mm, it felt good to tell you...

in a way.

You know, uh...

you can cry if you want to.

I'm not much of a crier.

Oh, man, crying is not pussy.

I know that.

Moving into the garage is pussy.

Crying is evolved.

Hey, baby.

Hi.

Sure do appreciate that.

Mm-mm-mm-mm.

Now, you see, I would never leave my wife.

I'd do anything in the world for that woman.

I'd do anything for Priscilla. Oh, not true.

All right, well, except have her replace my dick

with a piece of plastic.

A vibrator's not a dick replacement,

you fucking Neanderthal.

It's a dick teammate.

What do you know about vibrators?

I know a lot about them.

Uh-- How?

'Cause I use one.

Oh, gross.

Oh, come on, man.

Me and wifey...

we incorporate a lot of technology

in our marital relations.

And I ain't ashamed to say it.

Matter of fact...

it's a beautiful thing when you, uh,

use it together.

You use one together? Oh, yeah.

You don't think I let her use it alone?

So I guess Priscilla and I could--

Hadn't really thought about that.

And you know, in a way, it-- It would be like...

you know, we're doing it together.

I'm the-- I'm-- I'd be there.

You would be there.

Maybe you're right.

Only, uh...

always use it together.

'Cause a vibrator's a very powerful thing, man.

Very powerful.

[CHUCKLES]

Mm.

All right.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

[CHUCKLING] You think?

I'm uncomfortable now.

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

How am I gonna do this?

[MELLOW JAZZ PLAYING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[MELLOW JAZZ PLAYING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[MELLOW JAZZ PLAYING]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[GIGGLES]

[MELLOW JAZZ PLAYING]

Masturbation.

[GIGGLES]

Ooh, it's cold.

Woo.

[BLOWS]

[BUZZING] [CRIES OUT]

[GIGGLES]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[MOANING, BUZZING]

[PRISCILLA MOANING]

[PRISCILLA CRYING OUT]

Priscilla?

Priscilla!

Hah! Jack!

Are you okay?

[GASPING] I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

I-- I did, at first-- I-- I did a few--

Oh, God, I'm coming!

[MOANING] I'm coming!

[GASPING]

[♪♪♪]

That thing was off the scale.

It was at least a pH-17.

MAN: That's scientifically impossible.

You're such a science guy...

MAN 2: Hey, uh, Kristen, can I give you a ride?

KRISTEN: Oh, no, that's cool.

My dad's here.

Uh...

You were right.

I'm gonna fix you. Promise.

[PHONE BEEPS]

MAN: Binky Taylor.

Hey, Dad.

Yeah.

All right, so I'm sleeping

at Rachel's house tonight, okay?

Mm-hm. I'll do it in the morning.

Take care now. All right. Good night.

[BEEPS] One second.

[BEEPS]

RACHEL: Hey, Kristen.

Hey, Rachel? Hey.

I'm at your house and fast asleep, okay?

You slut. All right. Thanks.

See you.

[BEEPS] All set.

Are you 18?

You're thinking of the age of consent,

which is 16.

Really? Yep.

[CAR DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR SHUTS]

[LIQUID POURING]

Down it.

[PUTS BOTTLE DOWN]

[SIGHS]

How come you never dress like that in school?

Because it's school.

How come you dress like that for work?

Because it's science.

[♪♪♪]

[EXHALES]

You like that?

[SMALL COUGH] P-- Yeah.

Good.

Now, lie down.

We're gonna figure out how you lost your way.

[GIGGLES]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

[BUZZING]

[MOANING, LAUGHING]

Jack?

Uh-- Uh, yeah?

Fuck the shit out of me.

[TCHAIKOVSKY'S "SUITE FROM SLEEPING BEAUTY" PLAYING]

[BUZZING, MOANING]

[BOTH MOANING]

[MOANS OVERLAPPING]

[BUZZING]

[PRISCILLA CRIES OUT] [HONKS]

[BOTH MOANING]

[MOANING]

When can I see you again?

Uh... two weeks.

Two weeks? How come?

It's spring break, Jack.

I'm going to the Galápagos Islands.

The Galápagos Islands?

Mm-hm.

Uh-- Who picks up and goes to the Galápagos Islands?

Oh. See, Jack?

You can't even imagine

life outside of your prison.

Escape.

By the way...

you have a magnificent penis.

[BELL TOLLS]

[BUZZING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

There's no lifeguard

on duty here, you know.

I don't need a lifeguard, I'm an animal.

Heh. Barely Homo sapien.

Yeah?

Well, I've got a mistress.

Liar.

[CHUCKLES]

Who?

She has young, pillowy breasts,

and I give her giant orgasms.

Young, pillowy breasts?

You're screwing a student? Hey.

You're screwing a student? She's 18.

That doesn't matter.

If word gets out, you'll be ruined.

Do you know I have a magnificent penis?

Oh, shut up!

No, no. I have a magnificent penis.

Ju-- Just shut up! It's true. It's true.

I'm not listening to you.

What? You're here to hear, coach.

[SINGSONGY] La, la, la. Well, hear this:

my cock's jammin'.

[REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING]

It's jammin'.

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

[WHISPERS] There you go.

[MOTOR HUMMING]

[VIBRATOR BUZZING, LAUGHING]

[BUZZING, LAUGHING]

[BUZZING]

That's it. Let's go.

[BUZZING]

God, please make it stop.

[BUZZING]

[TOOTHBRUSH BUZZING]

MAN [ON TV]: On the lighter side,

the Cleveland Philharmonic announced today

that they're turning the Browns' fight song

into a full-fledged symphony. [LAUGHTER]

WOMAN [ON TV]: Imagine yourself in a luxury penthouse

only minutes from downtown Cleveland.

The Manly Arms apartments feature hardwood floors,

a state-of-the-art gym and huge bedrooms.

Why settle for the mundane

when you can be king of your domain?

The Manly Arms.

Just can't do it anymore, baby.

It's not the way I roll.

I'm always moving. I'm a runner.

[DELIBES' "DOME EPAIS (LAKME FLOWER DUET)" PLAYING]

[ECHOEY CLICK]

[ORGAN PLAYING BASEBALL THEME]

MAN: And we're rolling.

Norwegian project,

sports segment, Jacobs Field.

Cue the music.

I am standing in Jacobs Field,

home of the Cleveland Indians

and the crown jewel in the renaissance

of Cleveland's urban landscape.

It is the perfect setting to entertain clients.

If Frikaschis--

Frikas-- Frik--

If Frikasa--

[GRIEG'S "IN THE HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING" PLAYING]

If Frikascha--

[LAUGHS]

If Frikaschasa-- If Frikasch--

Shit.

MAN: Keep rolling.

We got plenty of tape.

If Frikaschas--

Fuck!

Just give me a minute.

[SCREAMS]

They made this ditz a VP? SHERRI: You okay?

I'm just having trouble with these consonants.

All right, well, maybe if you heard it.

It's Frikasch-- Oh.

Uh-- Wait. Ahem.

It's...

Frika-- Yeah, you say it.

[LAUGHING]

It's Frika-- Fuck.

What's wrong with you?

I'm not frigid anymore. [GASPS]

And Jack left me for real.

[GIGGLING]

What--? What do you mean, he left?

PRISCILLA: He took a bunch of pots

and his graphic equalizer.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I think he's gonna take all the crap.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

♪ Hamburger ♪

♪ Cheeseburger ♪

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[INDIE ROCK PLAYING ON STEREO]

Holy shit. You look amazing.

Ah.

How was the Galápagos?

No, I mean it.

I'm impressed.

Such progress in two weeks.

And this place looks amazing.

Huh. It has none

of the desperation you normally associate

with a man whose marriage has just fallen apart.

Did I do this?

Do what?

This apartment.

You.

WAYNE [ON TV]: I'm Wayne the Pool Guy,

and I've been installing swimming pools

in the Greater Cleveland area since 1976.

Our service is classy

and the pools are definitely...

[SPLASH] ...splashy.

WOMAN: Oh, Wayne, come on in. The water's fine.

Now, why would you wanna change that?

[BOING] [GASPS]

That water is fine.

Yes. The water is fine.

[WATER FILLING SOUND EFFECT]

[DING]

[CHUCKLES]

So how do you make me feel so good down there?

Okay.

Where does the female orgasm occur?

The clitoris. No.

You and the rest of the world are wrong.

The female orgasm actually occurs

in the pubococcygeus muscle.

No way. Yeah, way.

P-U-B-O-C-

O-C-C-Y-G-E-U-S?

I don't know.

Yeah, something like that.

Um, where is it?

I wish I had a blackboard.

I would--

It-- It's the muscle that

surrounds the en-- The entire vagina.

I thought that there were

no nerve endings in the vagina.

There aren't. But the pubococcygeus

has millions of nerve endings,

and they're just outside the vaginal walls.

So it's easily stimulated.

Exactly.

[SUCKS IN AIR, EXHALES]

That is so cool.

Yeah. Now, I'm not saying

that, you know, clitoral stimulation

can't produce an orgasm.

Absolutely it can.

But until you've had an involuntary contraction

of the pubococcygeus, uh, then you've--

You've never really had an orgasm.

You swear this is true?

Yes, absolutely true.

Do you know what this means?

No, what does it mean?

It means, an end to the tyranny

of the clitoral orgasm.

You have to teach this in class tomorrow.

Okay. If it means that much to you.

[CHUCKLES]

Charles Darwin went to the Galápagos in what year?

BOY: 1835.

That's right, 1835.

And he went on a boat called...?

[♪♪♪]

Um... Miss Overmyer.

OVERMYER: The HMS Beagle. Like Snoopy.

JACK: That's right. The HMS Beagle.

Not to be confused with the HMS Bagel.

That's a much lesser-known boat

that sunk because it had a hole in it.

Yeah. [STUDENTS CHUCKLING]

All right. Now get out of my classroom,

you jerks. [BELL RINGS]

You made a promise, and you broke it.

What?

You know what.

I'm sorry, I didn't think

the pubococcygeus was a suitable topic for--

Kids?

I don't--

W-- Why is this a big deal?

Because it is.

All right, I-I'll never mention it again.

You know what? I don't think there's any such thing

as the pubococcygeus.

I think you made it up

to be fascinating to your teenage girlfriend.

How could I make up "pubococcygeus"?

I want documented scientific proof.

And no "Playboy Advisor" bullshit.

[SIGHS]

All right.

[♪♪♪]

[PAGER BEEPING]

I heard about these panties

with a miniature vibrator

built right into them.

Do you carry those?

Yeah. Oh, good.

I want seven pairs, one for each day of the week.

And do they come in different colors

for organizational purposes?

Can I ask you a question? Shoot.

Roughly speaking, how many times

have you come in the past few weeks?

One-hundred and eighty-nine times, exactly speaking.

That's 13 and a half per day.

Uh, look--

Uh-- I've seen this before.

I know how this is gonna sound, but I'm not making it up.

I think that

you're addicted to your vibrator.

What?

You're clinically addicted to your vibrator or close.

I can't believe you're saying this.

You know, it happens to a lot of women

with a long history of sexual dysfunction.

One taste and they're gone.

But I've never felt so good in my life.

I bet.

"Vibanon. Tell your addiction to buzz off."

They meet, uh, Mondays and Wednesdays

at St. Mary's on 33rd Street.

[SIGHS] In a church?

[PAGER BUZZING]

Oh, I thought I turned this thing off.

[BEEPS] [CLEARS THROAT]

Ah. Wonder if this'll work.

[ZIPPER UNZIPS]

[ZIPPER ZIPS]

[DIALING CELL PHONE]

You have reached the voice mail of Priscilla Chase.

To page me, pr-- [BEEP]

[PAGER BUZZING] [GASPS]

[CAR HORN HONKS] Yes, it really works.

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

[WHISTLING]

[♪♪♪]

Ah, fuck.

SHERRI: You've been distracted lately.

Well, I'm not now.

I hope not.

Sherri? Yeah.

Frikaskjasalde.

[♪♪♪]

Come on.

Unbelievable.

[NUMBER DIALS]

Real cool, Priscilla.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

You have reached the voice mail of Priscilla Chase.

To page me, press 5.

To leave a message, simply do so after the beep.

Have a nice day. [BEEP]

Nice.

God!

Hey, hon. Yeah, it's me. Look, uh...

I'm gonna have to break into the house

because you changed the fucking locks.

So, uh...

I don't know, I might, uh...

I might just burn it down.

Uh...

Okay. Hugs.

Ow.

[GARBAGE DISPOSAL GRINDS]

[CLANG]

[GRUNTS]

[CHATTERING]

Ah. Here she is.

Fridtjof Knudsen,

this is Priscilla Chase.

It's so great to finally meet you.

The pleasure is entirely mine.

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

Good. So now we get down to business.

Persuade us to move

from one frigid city to another one.

If Frikaskjasalde should decide to relocate to Cleveland,

Trasker will provide the expertise necessary

to cut your current costs by one-third.

W-what about infrastructure grants?

You've reached the voice mail of Priscilla Chase.

State and local government

would go so far as to build you new

r-r-roads. [PAGER BUZZING]

[SCOFFS]

Trasker will provide the--

[PAGER BUZZING] Ooh.

[♪♪♪]

I'm gonna tell that bitch

I have a magnificent penis.

You have reached the voice mail of Priscilla Chase.

Call until you call me back.

And-- [PAGER BUZZING]

[EXHALES]

Pipes. What's wrong?

KNUDSEN: She doesn't look well.

Are you well?

[BREATHLESSLY] I'm fine.

[GASPS]

Oh, God.

I'm fine.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

[PANTING]

Uh-- And, of course, the roads and--

[PAGER BUZZING]

[GASPING] The land.

And, uh--

Oh!

[CRIES OUT]

The land... Gyah.

[CRIES OUT]

Yeah. God!

[LAUGHING]

Priscilla, what's wrong?

[CRIES OUT, PANTING]

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

She's been under a hell of a lot of stress lately.

Don't talk to me about stress.

PRISCILLA: Oh, no, it's not stress.

It's just, uh...

some bad Chinese food.

[CHUCKLES]

Sizzling garlic beef.

Hm.

Anyway...

let's get started.

[GASPS] Douglas.

They signed.

Oh, good. I a-- I am so sorry.

I-- I don't know what happened.

It wasn't sizzling garlic beef.

I don't know what it was.

But it won't happen again, I swear.

All right, just remember. You can only get away

with this kind of bullshit once.

[♪♪♪]

"You can only get away with that kind of bullshit once."

[SIGHS]

[BEEP]

Jack.

[BEEP] Jack.

[BEEP] Jack.

He finally did it.

Finally fucking did it.

[GARBAGE DISPOSAL GRINDING]

KRISTEN: Breaking and entering.

We are so cool. Oh, I know.

Wow. Eerie.

Totally.

KRISTEN: I feel like I could tell you anything.

JACK: You can tell me anything.

That's what's great about us.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[KRISTEN CHUCKLES]

You know this means we're a couple now. [CHUCKLES]

Awesome.

[KRISTEN LAUGHS]

Woo!

[LAUGHING]

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]

[WOMAN CRIES OUT]

[LAUGHING, CHATTERING]

SHERRI: Okay. New rules.

One, keep your options open

till the last second.

Two, get his number.

But that's flexible if he's a fox.

Three, look at your left hand.

What about it?

Check the ring finger.

You know the one with the wedding ring on it?

It comes off.

All the way.

[LAUGHS]

Feel lighter?

A little.

Good.

[GIGGLES]

Tonight I'm your designated dancer.

I will protect you. I will advise you.

And I will never leave your side.

[ADAM WILLIAMS' "WE'RE THE PARTY GIRLS" PLAYING]

♪ I'm hot ♪

[GIRLS WHOOPING]

♪ Hot ♪

♪ We're the party girls ♪

♪ Living in a party world ♪

♪ We're the party girls ♪

♪ Living in a party world ♪

♪ I'm hot ♪

♪ Hot ♪

♪ I'm hot ♪

♪ Hot ♪

Did you have your orgasm?

So, baby, how many times?

You okay with that, or...?

Were my techniques sufficient enough

to provide you with the orgasm you were seeking?

Orgasm. Of course, I fucking did.

Ah. I don't know what happened.

I try too hard. I just freeze up.

[GASPING]

Look, I know it's not the girl thing.

You were this close like five times.

You were this close. Six.

Really? It's a joke.

[SIGHING]

You know, I pride myself on my orgasm-inducing abilities.

I practice. I dedicated myself.

I can make an ice sculpture of Kathie Lee Gifford come.

I don't know how your husband

plugged away as long as he did.

[EXASPERATED SIGH]

Exhausted.

SHERRI: No way. Ha, ha.

Impossible.

I don't believe it.

You're lying. You have to be lying,

'cause there's no way you would ever do that, right?

Right?

Which part?

That last part.

That last part just happened.

So you just kind of slipped

and fell into her vagina.

Sherri.

Think she was a man or something?

No. She's a fox.

Oh, my God, I can't believe

I just said that.

So you actively and knowingly

pursued your lesbian moment.

Think you'll do it again?

I'm sorry.

But I feel like I really need

to speak my mind on this one.

Tsk. Not now, Sherri.

You are...

awesome.

What?

You are fucking awesome.

I mean, a month ago you were this--

This uptight, frigid married chick.

And then from clear out of the blue,

you dumped your loser husband

'cause he wasn't plowing the fields.

You're not listening. That's not how it happened.

And then you practically invent

a whole new category of addiction.

They should name a warning sticker after you.

And then you go on to bag

all of these hot guys,

one after the other--

[LAUGHS] - -after the other,

after the other.

Sherri.

And then when most would take a breather,

you run off and join the lesbian circus.

Sherri. No.

It's so incredibly rich.

Priscilla...

you are...

a goddess.

You are a raging

slut-goddess. [POUNDS FEET]

Sherri.

You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?

You know all those guys I slept with?

I wasn't even there when it happened.

I just disappeared into this ball of fear.

I just shut down.

And none of them wanna see me again.

And you know Justine, my girlfriend?

She says that I'm an ice queen.

An unmeltable ice queen.

I, just once in my life,

just for one minute,

I would like to let go...

just to feel different...

if only for a minute.

[♪♪♪]

[BEEP]

DOUGLAS: Hello, Priscilla. You were supposed to have those numbers

on my desk by 5. Oh, Christ.

It's now 6:30,

and I'm still waiting here at my desk.

I want them first thing in the morning.

Good night, Priscilla. [BEEP]

Hey, Priscilla, it's me, Wayne the Pool Guy.

[WATER GURGLING]

Hi. Hi.

How you doing? Good.

Um, I would like a piece of your chocolate cake--

Uh-huh. - -and a glass of red wine.

Okay. And I want some milk as well.

Okay.

[DOOR CLOSES]

MAN: Oh.

I finally caught you.

You're not gonna believe this,

but I think I'm finally ready for that pool.

Would you like to sit down and join me?

You're kidding me.

Oh.

Dinner's on me. Scotch, rocks.

Okay.

So... huh...

Priscilla.

Why do you want a pool?

Ugh. Now you wanna talk me out of it?

No, no. It's just that, you know,

even at half price, it's:

[CHOKING SOUND]

I'm paying full price.

Even at my special summer discount rate,

it's gonna put a deep dent in your pocketbook.

So I want you to be sure.

If you don't want a pool, don't get a pool.

But what about your commercial?

We already shot it.

Yeah. They put a pool in your backyard

with a computer.

Looks real.

Gonna premiere next week.

And what about the old one?

Well-- You know, I think--

I think it aired for the last time about an hour ago.

I missed it.

I'll send you a tape.

Thanks. But it won't be the same. Mm.

Yeah. Thank you.

Well, salud.

[CLINK]

[SLURPS] Mm.

Oh.

There are three reasons why people get a pool.

One, to keep up with the Joneses.

Two, if you can believe this,

to get people to come to their house.

[GIGGLES]

And the third reason...

I want you to tell me.

Come on, come on.

Swimming? Bingo.

That's it. Swimming.

Nobody ever gets that. It's the most obvious.

And it's the most meaningful.

What do you mean by that?

Well-- All right,

forget I'm a salesman for a second.

Yeah.

Just a second. All right.

Um...

emotionally and spiritually speaking,

swimming is the best thing you can do for yourself.

You wanna know why?

Metamorphosis.

Even in Cleveland, Ohio, you have a chance

at rebirth every time you dive in the water.

But what if you wanna stay who you are?

What kind of question is that?

Everybody wants to change.

Oh, really?

Of course.

Don't they?

I'm just giving you a hard time.

[GIGGLES]

You see that? You try to be sincere,

and all you get is grief.

K-- I was kidding.

I was kidding. I'm very pro-metamorphosis.

Sucker.

Ah! No. You meant every word.

There you go.

Mmm.

There you are.

Nice combo.

Anyway...

to be honest,

I think I should try someone else's pool first.

Hm.

I have a pool.

Is that an invitation?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

It's an invitation, yeah.

Heh.

When?

Pfoo.

[GIGGLES]

WAYNE: Watch your step here. Yes.

PRISCILLA: All this for building pools.

Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. You ready?

Check.

Voilà.

Eh? Oh, my God.

Wow.

Yeah.

I built it for my wife. Hm.

She died 16 years ago.

Mm.

She must have loved it.

She...

She had her moods.

She would be crying at the top

and laughing by the time she hit the pool.

[LAUGHING] Yeah. Yeah.

So you like it?

Oh, yeah. I think it's a--

I think it's amazing.

You wanna try it?

Now? Yeah.

Will you come with me?

No. No?

No.

No. No, I don't-- I don't ever.

I never d-- Never do.

[♪♪♪]

Wayne, when was the last time

you went swimming in this pool?

It's been a while.

So all that talk about metamorphosis and renewal...

it was just talk.

Mm.

I have suits inside.

Okay. Let's go.

Come on.

I think I have one that fits you.

It's my favorite.

I wear it when-- When I'm all alone, I wear it.

No, I'm only kidding.

[LAUGHS]

WAYNE: It's, uh-- It's wood. Nice.

PRISCILLA: Oh. WAYNE: Sturdy.

It's like a tree house. Oh.

How high is it?

Uh...

The slide is 300 feet, so...

And then this is...

Okay. Mm.

You go first, and I'll--

Okay. I'll spot you, you know?

Mm-hm.

[♪♪♪]

[WATER FLOWING]

Wow.

Wow. Wow. This--

[CLEARS THROAT]

All right. Oh.

Yeah, I--

I forgot all about this.

Wow, the Terminal Tower.

It's where I work.

Hm.

What--? What do you actually do in advertising?

I-- I bring business to Cleveland.

Oh. That's a cool job. Yeah, it is.

Mm. I like it.

Mm.

Hm.

I'm really glad I came.

Me too.

[SIGHS]

We can't stay up here all night.

[GIGGLING]

[PLAYFULLY] Chute.

Anyway. Let me get...

All right.

Okay? Okay.

All right.

So you go-- Go on it.

Okay. Down.

And then, let's see.

I'm gonna get over here

like this.

Yeah.

Ready? Put your legs around me.

Uh, okay. All right.

And hold on to my waist.

Right?

Okay, yeah.

And, uh...

You can-- You can hold on. I won't break. Okay.

Ooh. Mm.

Ready? Yeah. I'm ready.

One... two...

[LAUGHS]

Heh.

...three!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

WAYNE: Oh.

Whoa. Ha, ha.

[PRISCILLA SCREAMING]

Whoop. Ooh.

[WAYNE LAUGHS]

Hee-hee. Yee-ha-ha!

Mm.

Uh. I'm sorry.

No.

[WHISPERS] More.

[♪♪♪]

Mm. Mm.

[PRISCILLA MOANING]

WAYNE: Mm. [WATER LAPPING SIDES OF POOL]

[PRISCILLA MOANING STRONGER]

[WAYNE MOANING QUIETLY]

[WAYNE GIGGLING]

Don't worry, I'm gonna be okay.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, what's so funny?

Well, you're not gonna believe this, but...

you're the first man who has ever...

you know, made me come.

Hm. You mean, you--?

Mm-mm. Wow.

Mm-hm. Not until Wayne.

Wayne the Pool Guy.

[LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY]

Yeah, that is funny.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Hysterical.

Well, you just took 15 years off my life.

Now, come here. Mm.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, Wayne. Hm. Oh. Oh.

Oh, Wayne. Wayne.

What a man.

You should keep your slide on all the time.

How come?

'Cause then I'd come over.

[SIGHS] [SIGHS]

Get your own pool.

[SPITS]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

[AFRO-CUBAN MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES]

[PHONE RINGING]

Good morning. Priscilla.

No sizzling garlic beef this weekend, I see.

[LAUGHING]

Uh...

I guess you already know.

Uh, know what?

We're taking a group of Chinese brewers

on a tour this morning.

Ugh. Can you handle it?

I don't think so.

Guess what they wanna see.

Uh, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

[CHUCKLES] You wish.

They wanna see the crown jewel

of Cleveland's public school system:

Carmen High.

Jack's back.

STUDENTS: Good morning.

You motherfuckers ready to learn?

'Cause I'm gonna teach the shit outta ya.

ALL: Yeah! All right.

You guys are gonna be cool, right?

You're not gonna tell the principal I swore?

Now, Miss Taylor's not here, I see. All right.

We had very high SAT scores last year.

SHERRI: Come on.

I know there's something you wanna tell me.

No, there isn't.

You have a big, juicy secret.

I can smell it.

Me and Wayne the Pool Guy.

[SCOFFS] Liar.

And another archaebacteria that can survive

in inhospitable environments is the halobacteria,

which is unique

because of its pigment.

Shh. They're educating.

And who can tell me what that is?

BOY: It's the color?

Holy shit. Look at him.

JACK: That's right, but maybe, uh...

one of our esteemed guests here would know.

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Tsk.

BOY 2: The color is orange.

That's right.

[WAYNE WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY, PRISCILLA LAUGHS]

WAYNE: Here goes the little bear.

One chop, two chops, tickle under.

[LAUGHING]

That felt so good. [LAUGHS]

Yeah. That's what I always try to tell myself.

Feel good.

Don't feel bad, feel good.

[LAUGHS]

Mm. Mm.

[GRUNTING]

Pizza and a six-pack.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, it's so late, though.

So...

[GIGGLES]

Okay. I'll have a plain.

Cool. Plain?

No, I'll have a, um,

sausage and, uh, onions.

Hmm.

Very brave.

[LAUGHS]

[DIAL TONE]

[NUMBERS DIALING]

[RINGING]

You worried that I'm falling in love with you?

If I were, I wouldn't be here.

MAN [ON PHONE]: Bertino's Pizzeria.

Gonna be open late? Yeah, we're open late.

[CHUCKLES] I'll be there in two hours.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, Jack.

Hey. I bet you can't catch me.

[WOMAN CHATTERS]

Hey. Excuse me. Sorry.

Hey. I know you.

Wait.

You're Jack Chase.

You're my daughter's teacher.

I'm Binky Taylor.

Kristen Taylor's father.

Kris-- Kristen Tay...

Oh, uh, K--

Krist-- Y-- Yeah. Oh, she's very bright.

The Taylor family...

will be eternally grateful to you.

It was your class that got Kristen off the cannabis

and onto the right track.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh. Here she is. Heh-heh.

Hi, Dad. Hello, Mr. Chase.

Kristen.

Shouldn't you be doing your homework?

[LAUGHS]

Kristen's going to Harvard.

Harvard, the school?

She hasn't taken that Harvard T-shirt off

for three weeks, since she got the good news.

Congratulations, Kristen.

It takes a very special person to get into Harvard.

No, Mr. Chase. Congratulations to you.

If this country had more teachers like you--

Dedicated,

decent men.

--our kids would be in a lot better shape.

You, sir, are an everyday hero.

Thank you.

No. Thank you.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Say thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Chase.

You're a great teacher.

Alrighty. Well, take care.

Okay, now.

[BELL RINGS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS] JACK: Hey, it's me.

It was great seeing you the other day.

I was thinking that maybe we could, uh, hook up sometime

and grab some dinner.

Nothing serious or anything.

Just... you know, to catch up.

When-- Whenever you want. Just let me know.

[♪♪♪]

[WHISTLING]

[MACHINE SPUTTERS]

[LIQUID TRICKLING]

[WHISTLES]

Tsk.

That suit is ridiculous.

Oh, yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

[PRISCILLA SIGHS]

Damn, he looks good.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm starving.

[CHUCKLES]

So, what have--? What have you been up to?

Oh, I don't know.

Not much.

No?

You can tell me, you know.

It's me.

Well, um...

I've been broadening my horizons...

taking some seminars, and, um...

discovering parts of Cleveland I never knew existed.

Oh.

Neat.

Well, here's to you.

[WAYNE WHISTLING]

What the hell is that?

Ooh. Shit.

I'm involved in a love triangle

with a younger, fitter rival.

This is bullshit.

What about you? What have you been doing?

Oh, what have I been doing. Um...

Probably sounds pretentious, but, uh...

I've been, uh... trying to make myself

a better man.

Ah. Good for you.

Yeah, I've, uh...

been really focused on teaching...

Mm-hm. ...and, uh...

I don't know, I'm thinking about maybe going back to school.

[GASPS]

I'm so proud of you. That's wonderful.

Here's to you.

[CLINK]

Thank you.

It's great to see you. You too.

Oh, and also, e-every morning,

I've been, uh...

getting up and exercising.

[GRUNTS]

[GASPING] ...a lot of jogging and that kind of thing,

and I've lost, uh, 6 pounds already.

You know, you look like you lost more.

I-- I haven't weighed myself today, so I don't know.

Thank you.

It must be driving you crazy

wondering why I, uh, brought you here, huh?

[♪♪♪]

I've been thinking that maybe--

[CHUCKLES] A-are you listening to me? Because this is important.

I mean, this-- Yeah. I'm listening.

This is...

[CHUCKLING]

[SNICKERS]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS]

What's so funny?

[GIGGLING] Nothing.

[SNICKERS]

[SNIFFLES]

I've been thinking that maybe w--

We should get back together.

Tsk. Jack.

Well...

here's to you. Tsk.

Good to see you. You too.

[♪♪♪]

[CHUCKLES] A gazebo?

What are you, crazy?

You're not a-- You're not a gazebo girl.

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

[WAYNE SHRIEKS]

[PRISCILLA SCREAMS]

[POPS]

[SINGSONGY] Da-da-da.

Oh. Oh, a touch of the bubbly.

[LAUGHING]

Ha, I wanna go again.

Hey, just-- Hold on just a second. Here.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Listen, I was thinking...

Even though there's this big

age difference between us...

How old are you, anyway? I'm--

Old.

Uh, somehow, while I was worried about drains and chlorine,

I turned into the old guy, but--

Here. The thing is...

I don't have anybody to leave my business to.

I mean, when I kick--

When the ticker goes. - -that's it.

I can find you a buyer within a week, Wayne.

A reputable buyer.

Yeah, well, but--

I was thinking...

that, even with all our differences,

we make a good team.

Yeah.

You like to stay up late?

Nope. Early bird.

Okay.

All right, maybe it's not the sleep thing.

Well, there's the sex.

The sex. Yes, the sex.

[CHUCKLES] Jesus Christ.

Really... wonderful.

I mean, you gotta know,

I hadn't been in this pool since my wife died.

Anyway...

considering all these ingredients,

and the fact that you've got a great head for business,

and the fact

that I might be falling in love with you,

I was wondering-- Wayne. Are you gonna ask me

to marry you?

Actually...

I was gonna ask you if you would be my girlfriend.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I'll think about it.

Okay.

[MASON JENNINGS' "LEMON GROVE AVENEUE" PLAYING]

[HUMMING]

[GIGGLES] Yeah?

Whoo.

♪ If I have my way ♪

♪ I'm never gonna leave Lemon Grove Avenue ♪

♪ Where the summer breeze ♪

♪ Blows through the windows In the afternoon ♪

♪ And all the stars Come out at night ♪

♪ And there's a boat Out on the sea ♪

♪ And there's a bird Up in my tree ♪

♪ And there's a feeling In my heart ♪

♪ I can't explain I'm coming home ♪

♪ I'm coming home Yeah ♪

[HUMMING]

♪ If I have my way ♪

♪ I'm never gonna leave Lemon Grove Avenue ♪

♪ Where the summer breeze ♪

♪ Blows through the windows In the afternoon ♪

♪ And all the stars Come out at night ♪

♪ And there's a boat Out on the sea ♪

♪ And there's a bird Up in my tree ♪

♪ And there's a feeling In my heart ♪

♪ I can't explain I'm coming home ♪

♪ I'm coming home Yeah ♪

[HUMMING]

♪ Yeah I'm on my way ♪

♪ I'm on my way Yeah ♪

♪ I'm on my way I'm on my way ♪

♪ Yeah I'm on my way ♪

♪ I'm on my way Yeah ♪

♪ I'm on my way I'm on my way ♪

♪ If I have my way ♪

♪ I'm never gonna leave Lemon Grove Avenue ♪

♪ Where the summer breeze ♪

♪ Blows like heaven In the afternoon ♪

♪ And all the stars Come out at night ♪

♪ And there's a boat Out on the sea ♪

♪ And there's a bird Up in my tree ♪

♪ And there's a feeling In my heart ♪

♪ I can't explain I'm coming home ♪

♪ I'm coming home Yeah ♪

[REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING]