All language subtitles for The.Brand.New.Testament.2015.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

In the beginning,
you don't know it's the beginning.

You don't know it starts.

And suddenly, here we go!

Things become different
from what you thought.

In the beginning,
the apostles were only 12.

That was before I found my 6 apostles.

Before the world became a better place.

I have to tell you the story
from the beginning,

when I still lived with my parents.

THE BRAND NEW TESTAMENT

God exists. He lives in Brussels.

He's a bastard, he's horrible
to his wife and daughter.

We've heard a lot about his son,

but little about his daughter.

His daughter,

that's me.

This is my father.

This is God.

Even before the world was created,
my father was bored.

First, he made Brussels.

GENESIS

He had made a few things,
a few creations,

but it didn't work.

Something's not right.

So he created man in his image.

With him, he could do whatever he wanted.

That's much better, much better!

Henoch begat Irad. Irad begat Mehuiael.

Mehuiael begat Methusael.

Methusael begat Lamech, etc, etc.

This is when it really started.

He set them against each other,
in his name.

For God!

For Allah!

For Baal!

So...

Now you know exactly how it happened.

This is me.

My name is Ea.

This is where I was born

and where I was locked up
for 10 years.

No door in,

no door out.

3-bedroom apartment,

with kitchen and laundry room.

And my father's office,

where we're not allowed.

On TV,
we can't watch anything but sports.

That's my mother,

a pathetic woman, 100% certified sloppy.

She never says a thing.

When she doesn't embroider,

she contemplates her baseball collection.

And that's 18.

Full set.

Ea! Here, we eat at the table
and as a family.

Do as you're told!

This is my house!

What? I'm your father.

No fourth plate, it won't get him back.

You never know...

Not at my right hand!
I told you it irritates me.

Stop it.

Just like your brother...

You can't even do that.

I don't need to.

My father lived in a stupid place

that he'd never left.

He had a stupid life.

He'd never loved his wife,
and he couldn't do anything practical.

Quiet!

I am working!

He needed something to relax

and forget all that.

So he came up with humanity.

All those little toys
he could watch as they struggled.

A lot of unhappiness,
a bit of happiness

to give false expectations.

It took him a while,

but surprisingly it worked pretty well.

My father had reached
a certain level of virtuosity.

Since then, he spent his days
inventing the new laws

of "Universal Annoyance".

Law No. 2127.

The required quantity of sleep

is 10 more minutes.

Law No. 2129.

When you immerse a body
into a bath,

the phone rings.

2125.

Toast with jam
always falls jam side down.

Otherwise, it's that the jam
was on the wrong side.

I like that...

Law No. 2126.

You only ever break dishes
after washing them.

Law No. 2128.

The other line always moves

faster.

Law No. 2231.

There's never
just one hassle at a time.

Why are you looking at me?

Lower your eyes.

It's disgusting, what you do.

What?

You enjoy hurting people
you don't even know.

You broke into my office.

Anybody would do better.

You can't go into my office.

- Leave me alone!
- Stay here!

Look at what you make me do...

Look at the state
you're getting me into.

That's wrong.

It was at exactly that moment
that I decided to act.

Maybe 10 years is the limit
of what you can tolerate. I don't know.

Anyway, I knew exactly what I wanted.

I wanted to do better than him.

But first,

I wanted to hurt him,

I wanted him to suffer.

I wanted to ruin his life
the way he'd ruined mine.

You can call that anger.

And then, once it was done...

I was going to have to leave.

EXODUS

Hey, JC!

- Hi, little sister.
- Hi, JC.

I've gotta get out of here.

I understand.
What does Mom say?

She never dares to say anything.

She's gonna have to wake up.

I want to do like you,

find a few apostles to give me some help.

Apostles are a good idea.

I had 12, but that was a bit rough...

12 seemed right.
Like in a hockey team...

But Mom says that you need 18 people
to play baseball.

How many apostles do I need, then?

Try with 6.

With mine that'll make 18,
like Mom's team.

How do you choose apostles?

Pretend like you know, no one will ask.

Pick 6 out of Dad's files,
work a miracle and that's it.

I can't accomplish miracles.

Just perform a tiny miracle,
like the ones you do.

Then, with your 6 apostles,
you write a brand new testament.

I don't want to be popular!

It'll be about them.

A brand new testament
where apostles talk about themselves.

That would be brand new!

I don't write so well...

Find someone who does.
Do you think I wrote mine myself?

To get out,
I hacked the washing machine.

Put it at synthetics, 40 degrees,

spin 1200 rpm.

In a few hours, you're out.

- Thanks, JC! You're so cool!
- Don't forget...

without his computer,
Daddy is nothing.

Do not open

Dates of death

Birth - Death

Send death dates?

Benoît, you have 14 years,
6 months and 4 days to live.

Robert, you have 0 days to live.

Willy, you have 54 days to live.

Jean-Claude, you have 12 years,
9 months and 5 days to live.

Aurélie, you have 11 years,
6 months and 27 days to live.

Marc, you have 83 days to live.

François, you have 25 years,
3 months and 8 days to live.

Martine, you have 5 years,
2 months and 17 days to live.

- Hey, JC!
- You got the files?

I gave away the death dates
for everybody!

The old man is going
to lose all credibility.

He's going to be mad.
Terrific idea!

To give mankind the awareness
of their own death...

Awesome!

It is still impossible
to know whether this is a trick

or if these dates will be true.

Who can know those death dates?
This is impossible.

I don't believe it.

There have been disturbing coincidences.

This refrigerator fell from a cargo plane

when the victim's counter ran out.

Andrée, you have 2 minutes to live.

This is a special day
for this maintenance man.

He suddenly became
the man who will live longest.

102 years to live, man! The record!

Also on social networks...

Hi, I'm Kevin. 62 years to live!

62! Testing!

Shit...

Sweetie!

Cell regeneration is foreseeable,

but the length of life depends
on such unpredictable,

random factors!

It will always be impossible
to determine.

12 years and 4 months.

And you?

64 days...

It's not fair!

I took care of you all these years,
and you'll outlive me!

Ea?

Following the announcement,
many people didn't go to work.

"What will we do with the rest of
our lives?"is the most common question.

What are you going to change?

I'm not going to change anything.

I'll do as before.

Rosalie: 10 months
and 12 days to live.

Georges: 16 years,
11 months and 21 days to live.

Mommy?

We're interrupting our program
for a news update.

Combat has ceased in most war zones

following "DeathLeak", the unidentified
disclosure of our death dates.

God damn it, what is this?

Also on social networks...

I'm Bart, I have 12 years to live.

And I want to make the "Titanic"

in matchsticks.

Shit!

Fucking hell, shit.

Henri, 6 years to live.

I'd like to learn to play the helicon.

The fucking God-damn-it disaster...

God damn it...

Ea!

Restart this computer now
and clean up your mess!

Open up!

Come back!

Daddy is not angry.

It's the fish burgers.

- What?
- The fish burgers.

They're made from bits
of beached whales.

When a whale beaches itself,
it doesn't get thrown out.

It gets sold,
and turned into fish burgers...

Do you know how to write?

A little.

So you'll do the writing.

Can you take me there?

I have no time.
No time.

Why are you following me?

Leave me alone now. Buzz off!

Anyway, I'm dyslexic.

I don't write well.
I can't read what I've written...

Learn to write!
Do you want to be a bum like me?

What do you want to write, anyway?

The Brand New Testament.

What for?

Can you change water into wine?

Can you walk on water?

You won't go far!

His name was Victor.

His perspiration smelled
like salt, garlic, and lemons.

His skin was like that of an old viper

waiting for a glass of blood
at a deserted bar.

I wish I had a father like him.

What's that?

An incinerator.

It's beautiful.
There should be more.

This isn't how I imagined heaven.

Heaven?

Well, here...

If this is heaven, it's so dumb
I could have made it myself!

Heaven's for after you die.

No, there's nothing after you die.

This is paradise.

This is where Adam came.
My brother also came.

But he got himself killed.

Whatever you say...
What's your brother's name?

JC.

JC?

Like JC Van Damme?

Who?

Jean-Claude Van Damme!
Dragon Eyes, Double Impact...

You didn't see Double Impact?

Universal Soldier?

You've seen nothing.

You're a strange girl.

- I have better things to do...
- You're going out?

Yes! I'll find her.

She's gonna be one unhappy girl!

You've never been down there.
It's dangerous.

Do you know what your daughter did?

She gave away the death dates!

How can I sort this out
without my computer?

Do you understand?

You see, before...

I had everybody by the balls,
they didn't know when they'd die.

They acted with caution.
You understand?

Now, they know.

They won't let themselves
be pushed around.

They'll decide on what they do
with their lives. See?

If she does like her brother,
meets a few cranks,

and behaves like she does
with the glasses of milk...

Do you realize the consequences?

If she teaches them
how to cope with their shit?

You don't understand...

Not a thing. You don't speak
because you don't understand.

Why don't you understand?
Because you don't think!

Except about embroidery
and your baseball team.

I hate baseball!

God damn it!

Let's go.

Help me!

Here.

Hello, it's about your arm
and the subway.

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO AURÉLIE

The first apostle was named Aurélie.

When she heard
how much time she had left,

she decided not to change anything,
to go on like before.

Aurélie is a really pretty girl.
It's bizarre, but she lives alone.

Aurélie, she's the darling,
the babe, the doll, the bombshell,

the nice bit of stuff,
the "too hot" of the whole building.

Her mother was Dutch.
Her father, no one really knows.

Maybe Burmese,

with the golden skin
and dark hair she's got.

Anyway, the results of the mix
are really good.

All the same, golden skin and dark hair

aren't enough to make you gorgeous.

You also need a laugh

like tiny mother-of-pearl beads
scattering down a marble staircase.

In her building, 7 men
are very sincerely in love with Aurélie.

Two of whom are over 84

and one is under 11.

218 men just want to "do her".

And for almost every last woman,
Aurélie is just a "slutty little tease".

And yet, Aurélie lives all by herself.

And her heart, her tender little heart,

is as sad as a lump of coal.

When I was 7, my arm got stuck
in an underground train.

Don't ask how such a thing is possible.

My arm on one side,
and me on the other.

And now, where it should be,

there are 600 grams of silicone.

Who are you?

My dad is God.

I ran away.

I must find 6 apostles.
You're the first.

And him?

He's Victor. He's the one writing
"The Brand New Testament".

You must speak about yourself.

About me?

I don't know...

One time,

I was here by myself,

and this guy came up to me.

One of those guys
who sleep on some cardboard boxes.

His eyes were big red balls
lost in a mass of flesh.

And the smell of alcohol,

decay, sweat, and urine.

Like a distillery
in which a camel had died.

When he came up to me, I thought

he was gonna ask me for money
or pull a knife

or show me his dick
like it sometimes happens.

But nothing like that happened.

He just came over to me.

I could tell

he wanted to tell me something.

My eyes were stinging from the smell,

but I smiled at him.

A reflex.

And then he spoke to me.

His voice sounded like

30 guys cracking walnuts.

He said...

My dear little girl,

life is like a skating rink...

Lots of people fall down!

Lots of people fall down...

How do you spell "skating rink"?

With a double "t"?

But his little cheap philosophy

stayed in my mind.

And often, in the morning,

when I look in the mirror,

I can't help thinking about it.

And yourself, are you young or old?

I'm still young...

I don't know.

And your mom? Is she young or old?

She's old.

Do you remember when your mom was little?

Why?

Because I wasn't born yet.

Will you get old, too?

I'll die first.

What are you doing?

I collect people's tears.

I can't cry.
There are many things I can't do.

But I can hear people's inner music.

Each of us has their own.

Do you want to know yours?

It's Handel. It's lovely.

Tonight, I'll make up a dream for you.

Do you know when you'll die?

I don't.

I never had a phone.

Fucking hell!

The second apostle wasn't home.

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JEAN-CLAUDE

For years, Jean-Claude was the greatest
adventurer the world had known.

And then one day, no one knows how,

it just stopped.

And his life became very small.

It's called reality.

It's pretty bad.

Jean-Claude started out

as assistant sub-director
of the shopping center, level -2.

Then Jean-Claude climbed the ranks

until he was named budget manager
for the "monitoring" service.

That means I encode numbers.

Jean-Claude. Age 58.

Single. No children.

Jean-Claude had a shitty little life.

He rented out
the hours of his life

for a shitty job with shitty hours.

When he heard
how much time he had left to live,

he sat on a bench.

He decided not to move anymore.

Basically, should there be no air,

would birds just fall?

I don't know.
How do fish manage to breathe?

They have gills.

I take note.

- Could I have gills, too?
- No, you're a child.

What happens to children?

They become parents.
Sometimes.

- What happened to your mother?
- She died.

Why did she die?

Because she was old.

So what happens to old people?

They die.

Your music is "Le Rappel des Oiseaux"
by Rameau.

It says it likes you.

Why does it stay in the park
when it could fly anywhere?

It wonders the same about you.

He's gone.

An absent apostle, is that a problem?

I don't think so. We just had to meet.

Excuse me...

I'm looking for a restless little girl
with black hair...

It really hurts!
Why are you doing that?

Ea!

Hey you, bum!

What the fuck are ya doing?
Eating out of the garbage?

I'm looking for a little girl
with black hair.

That's bad manners.

It doesn't belong to you!
And you stink, too!

I'm bleeding...

Because I smashed your face, shithead!

No ID, found in the street...

Does it hurt?

Moron, of course it hurts!
It's sprained.

Do you know what it is?
I know, I invented sprains.

And headaches! That's me!

- Give me some morphine.
- We don't give out morphine like that...

Shut up!
You're breaking my balls, asshole!

- Give me that! I'm hungry.
- Are you crazy?

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE SEX MANIAC

The third apostle was named Marc.

He called himself
"the sex maniac".

Marc didn't think often
about his parents.

But when Marc did,

the same memories came to mind first.

I remember the "Countess" model caravan.

My parents took out
a ten-year loan for it.

A few cubic meters with the odor of soap,
sunscreen, and tomato sauce.

Through the anti-mildew curtain,

we can make out the rain pouring down
on the Manga Del Mar Menor campground...

I'm 9 years old.
My life changed just 3 hours ago.

Legs like long pulled taffies,

a turquoise swimsuit barely bigger
than 2 periods and a comma...

She looked at me
with a strange expression,

a mixture of interest and disgust.

I wanted to eat her up.

I smiled stupidly.

She was the Germans' daughter.

I have lots of other memories
of my childhood, of course...

What's strange is that,

in each of those memories,
there's a bit of sadness.

Have you seen my eyebrows?

As if I'm making an effort...

That's normal, I'm making an effort.

I'm trying to keep all those images
coming into my head

from getting out and splattering

on the walls
of my parents' neat living room.

Marc!

For two years,
the image of the Germans' daughter,

her caramel legs,
the scorn in her eyes

and the harsh turquoise
of her bathing suit, never left my mind.

Then other girls came and joined her.

The hairdresser's daughter...

With the funny nose and the tight pants.

The baker's daughter...

Who looks so sad you always think
she's just stopped crying.

Cathy, the neighbor's daughter...

So shy that when she talks
she sounds like a flat tire.

He touched it, Daddy!

What happens to the children?

They become adults.

And what happens to the adults?

Sometimes they have children.

Are you going to have children?

I don't have time, not in 83 days...

I'd need to meet a girl first.

Look at the girl and smile.

Unless she's telling you something sad.

Lesson No 2.

If she touches her hair, say,
I love your haircut, it's original.

You're different from other girls.

I love your haircut,

it's original.

When he heard
that he only had 83 days to live,

he thought time was too short.
He didn't have one day to lose.

I just decided, I'm emptying my account.

18,000 Euros.

83 days to live. 200 Euros a day.

And the rest for food.

It's all there...

At once so close,

within reach,

and so far.

I want them all, all, all...

Life would be like a miracle.

The days can pass now
and lead me towards death.

Nothing matters.

My life will have been
like I dreamed it.

I would never have imagined
such happiness.

Days perfumed with fresh berries.

Days flavored with distant,
mysterious journeys.

Days of savory exploration,
of infinite beauty...

Until I didn't have any more money.

200 Euros a day is a bit skimpy...

"Savory exploration"...
Is that with an "ou" or just an "o"?

Why isn't everything on earth free?

I don't know.

Your music is "O Solitude" by Purcell.

It was composed for a voice like yours.

You have a very nice voice.

You could earn a little money with it.

Testing...

Perfect. Hit it when you see "h"...

More, more!

Faster!

That's good.

OK, reel change...

Proust...

In Search of Lost Time.

For a long time, I went to bed early...

My favorite character is Elstir.

I can never tell
if he falls in love with Andrée

or if it's to make Albertine jealous...

Is she the love of his wife?

Pardon me?

Because it was love at first bite...

There's something sad about Proust.

I think the same.

Through his secondary characters,

Proust twists the knife in the ground,

he is like a cat on a hot tin wolf!

I like your way of speaking.

Pardon my French!
I can never put my feelings into birds!

I liked "the love of his wife".
It was pretty.

Why?
Is that not how you say it?

Manga Del Mar Menor?

Manga Del Mar Menor.

The campground. The beach.

The little boy, that's me!

It was a pleasure...

Shall we...?

Yes.

My heart beats like a crumb.

Mine too.

Good night.

...13, 14, 15.

Buzz off!
Stay in your line!

- This one is moving faster.
- Go back!

I am God!

Come on, clear off!

A beautiful face, don't you think?

It expresses something so peaceful.

God tells us,
love your neighbor as yourself.

I never said that.

- Pardon me?
- I never said that.

I hate myself.

I would never say that. I'd say...

Hate your neighbor

as you hate yourself.

The kid said lots of stuff
on the spur of the moment.

He was improvising.
Going with the flow, see?

But God, that's me!

I invented all the annoyances.

You're a nice guy.

- You have a big heart.
- I try.

You're as high as a kite.

Ludovic.

Your mother died when you were 5, right?

You were so sad.

Then you got polio.

Polio, poor Ludovic!

So one of your legs
is shorter than the other.

So sad...

And the little Cécile, remember?

She was so pretty, Cécile...

You were in love with her,
you loved Cécile.

You brought her flowers
and she laughed at you.

She was with the other moron
who had a moped.

You couldn't have a moped
because of your leg.

I'm the one who did all that!

You understand?

He is nothing.

All he managed to do

was to get himself nailed up
like an owl.

I am God!
Are you crazy or what?

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE KILLER

The fourth apostle was named François.

The day everybody heard
how long they had to live,

François bought a rifle.

Should he miss his target,

it was because that person
was not meant to die that day.

If someone died,

it wouldn't be his fault.

It was written.

François was just the hand of fate.

He had always loved death.

He loved funerals.

François never cried.

He was never sad.

He called himself "the killer".

The killer had already killed.

Partial list.

Ants, unknown number.

Flies, unknown number.

Butterflies, 6,

estimated by the killer.

His cousin's pet mice.

Two parakeets. His cousin's, again.

Poisoned with hydrochloric acid.

The killer had known he was a killer

ever since, as a child,

he had become aware of himself.

At the moment that he knew
that a world outside existed,

he also became aware

of the existence of the frontier

separating the world of life
from that of death.

I knew I'd be a ferryman.

I was made to take lives.

It was my real nature,
I couldn't help it.

Like the hair, the shape of the nose.
It's genetically programmed.

I'm a killer.

The focus of my reason for living
is to kill.

Now, the killer is 41.

At this stage, what is important
to know about the killer

is that his wife is named Catherine.

They had a child,

a boy they agreed to name Gregory.

Catherine

does not know
that the killer is a killer.

She calls him...

Darling...

throughout the day, with friends.
Sometimes...

Sweetheart...

some nights, or...

François...

when they're serious or they fight.

François was one of the many victims

of Law No. 1522 invented by my father...

If, one day,

you fall in love

with a woman,

it is very likely

you will not spend your life with her.

François used to sell life insurance

and he'd realized that his work
no longer served any purpose.

For your last day,
choose from among our 50 destinations.

Buy yourself an end
that's better than everything before!

Hi, it's Kevin again!

Why are you shooting at people?

If they die, I'm not to blame.

They are meant to die today.

If I miss them,

it was not their day.

- Is your rifle loaded?
- Not yet.

I've got to tell you.
It's not your fault.

I made that mess.

I dumped the dates
to get even with my dad.

I thought I was helping people.

Now I must find 6 apostles.

You are the fourth.

Your music is
"Death and the Maiden" by Schubert.

Sad, but beautiful.

It would go well with Handel.

You should try to shoot
a young woman with brown hair...

Go on.

She'll be passing in 6 seconds...

2 crocodiles, 3 crocodiles,
4 crocodiles...

5 crocodiles, 6 crocodiles.

- How did you do that?
- That's her. Shoot.

Shoot!

What happened?

A miracle.

I don't love you.

I don't love you.

Yes...

Tired, that's all...

Pardon me...

I love you.

I've never loved anyone.

I'm married.
I don't love my wife.

I don't love my son.
I never loved my parents.

I've never loved anything.
Except you.

I love you

and I'll always love you.

If you don't love me, it's no big deal.

I'll wait for my death alone,
thinking of you every day.

My number's on the wrapping.

She'll call you.

13, 14, 15, 16...

Hi! It's Kevin again!

62 years to live!

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARTINE

The fifth apostle was named Martine.

When she still lived
in the land of childhood,

95% of Martine's heart still consisted

of that mushy and perfumed matter

that makes you feel amorous.

There are things
we are helpless to resist.

Martine, you have 5 years,
2 months and 17 days to live.

- I won't be home tonight.
- What?

We have a meeting in Düsseldorf
with the Germans...

Hello, Ma'am.

Fancy a cup of coffee?

My husband came by the house.

He'd gotten the message
that he had 39 years to live.

I told him I only had 5.

He seemed relieved.

Two hundred, OK?

You have beautiful hair, Ma'am.

Thank you, but don't call me Ma'am.

Your eyes are very pretty, too.

Thanks.

What's your name?

My name is Philippe.

Right...

Don't look.

When I see people,
I hear their inner music.

Each person has their own.

You,

it's circus music.

He says he likes you.

It's the first time something
so beautiful has happened to me.

Such a proof of love,
it makes me happy.

Don't worry, I was bored with it.

Make yourself at home.
Want a drink?

Are you sure
you don't want to sleep inside?

I can only fall asleep
if I can see the sky.

Victor had done 6 months in jail.

He'd been in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

When he got out,

he couldn't stand
sleeping under a roof anymore.

He was afraid
of waking up in a cell.

17...

How do you know you love me?

You don't even know me.

I shot at you. I hit you.

It didn't hurt you. Then I followed you.

I smelled your scent.

It's like watercress.

I fell in love.

OK. Come.

Shit.

- Who's that?
- My father.

God.

That's not how I imagined him.

Praise be to me!

Come back home and restart my computer.

I'm not afraid of you.

Can you see the mess I'm in?

Restart...

Restart this computer, please.

Let's stop fooling.

I'm never going home!

You like it here?

Yes, I'm happy. I have many friends.

With one last apostle, they will be 18.

Stop it!

Stop it with your 18... 18 apostles.

They are 12! Like in a hockey team.

It's always worked like that.
I told your brother.

You say 18
because your mother loves baseball.

We don't give a shit about baseball!

You've always loved her more than me.

Bai He Quan, or... The White Crane.

I've seen it. Way of the Dragon.

The Treacherous Elephant!

Drop it, Victor. Let's go.

Give me your hand.

Don't make me follow you!
Ea, come back!

He was found by the canal.

Let him dry on a mattress
with the Uzbeks.

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO WILLY

The sixth and last apostle
was named Willy.

When Willy heard
how much time he had left,

he decided to become a girl.

Willy was my own miracle.

Willy has always been sick.

Do you know about skin cancer?

I've told you about it.

Time for your injection.

Never anything serious.
Never cancer or anything like that.

But sick all the same.
Always.

When we were alone,
my mother looked at me.

A strange look, as if she were looking
at a box of thumbtacks left out

when she had just finished tidying.

Then, she told me I looked poorly.

You look poorly.

That I should just remain calm...

Just remain calm.

And she gave me that lousy shot.

Deep down,

I knew something was wrong
with her and her shots.

Could we increase the doses?

I know it's hard for you.
You do everything you can.

The doctor liked my mother.

He spoke to her the way you speak
to a work horse you take pity on.

It couldn't be easy
having a child with delicate health.

He looked at me with worried eyes,

as if he thought it odd
that I still had a fever,

and vomited green bile
morning and evening.

For my seventh birthday,
I had surgery on my pancreas,

which all the anti-diabetic drugs
my mother secretly injected me with

finally fried like a sausage.

Then what had to happen happened.

It's next Sunday. In one week.

I know. It's my fault.

I'm the one who released the dates.

I'm glad you did.
Everything changed for me.

For the better.

Your mother and I

decided we have to be honest with you.

You're going to die in...

We only have...

You have a few weeks...

We didn't tell you before
so you could...

Would anything make you happy?

Do you want to stop going to school?

Take a trip? Anything.

We'll agree.

Can boys become girls?

Sorry?

I'd like to be a girl.

Are you sure?

Parents are jerks.

I had a friend, when his parents learned
he was going to die,

they kept him locked up inside.

But he wanted to live like Alpha Arceus.

He's a metal Pokémon...

At first they said OK,

then they preferred that he listen
to Johann Sebastian Bach

for the last 10 days he had to live.

It just made me want to run away.

We live in a pathetic world.

I know. It's my father's fault.

- Your father?
- My dad is God.

I didn't get along with him,
so I ran away.

My mother is a goddess herself,
but she never dares to speak.

She does embroidery all day long.

My father forces her to shut up.

But sometimes I miss my mom.

18.

That changes everything.

Like in baseball...

Does your dad have powers?

Like a superhero?

Just a taste for power.

And do you have powers?

You know how
to multiply ham sandwiches?

It doesn't always work, but sometimes...

Sometimes there's no ham.

There's lots of stuff I can't do.
Like crying.

And many things I've never done.
I've seen nothing of the world.

I've never eaten an apple.
I've never seen the sea.

Your music is Charles Trenet's "La Mer".

It's pretty.

Tonight, I'll make up a dream for you.

Willy, eat your fish.

He wants to go back to the sea.

I can understand that.

It would be nice to take him to the sea.

If I have to die in a week,

why not die at the sea?

Your dress is really pretty.
It's awesome!

I think the kids need help.

I think so, too. The kids need help.

We've got a week to get it all together.

Monday,

Willy sold his parents' furniture.

Travel is expensive.

Tuesday,

Aurélie asked the killer

not to kill anymore.

I don't want you to shoot at people.

I don't want to anymore.

Wednesday,

Martine organized her life.

You're home already?

What the fuck is this?

Please leave and never come back.

What kind of...

You were... wonderful.

Thursday,

Marc and Xenia
made love for the first time.

And they enjoyed it.

And my mother decided
to take advantage of Thursday

to wash the windows.

Friday,

Willy and I decided that every day,

instead of calling it
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

we'd call it
January, February, March.

At the end of the week,
we'd been living together for 7 months.

Saturday,

Jean-Claude reached the Arctic circle.

Saturday,

God, who had no identity documents,

was deported to Uzbekistan.

I will rain frogs and locusts
down upon your face!

I'll give you impetigo
and psoriasis on your face!

Motherfucker!

You don't know who I am!

You'll become a stutterer
and a premature ejaculator!

THE SONG OF SONGS

Sunday, everyone made it to the sea.

I'm not the only one
who had the idea of dying at the sea...

If I may say so...

it looks like everybody
had the same idea.

All those who are dying today,

please wear a black armband.

Traveling companions,
please take a white armband.

What are they going to die of?

The only thing to do now is wait.

It should be soon.

Is there a way it could not happen?

My brother said that 6 more apostles
would make 18.

Like in baseball.

And that it would make a change
as it's Mom's favorite number.

He was wrong.

♪ He had just turned 18

♪ He was beautiful like a child

♪ Strong like a man

♪ It was summer, naturally

♪ And I counted, seeing him

♪ My autumn nights...

It was nice knowing you.

Shall we read
from our Brand New Testament?

Life is like a skating rink.

That one is from me.

If there was no air,

the birds would fall.

It looks like it's losing altitude...
It's heading straight at us.

Fucking hell, we're all going to die!

Only the black armbands.

Do you want to restart?

Enter your code

♪ He had just turned 18...

18?

Hello, Goddess.
I'm happy to see you again.

Restarting now.

Restarting

Am I not dead?

What happened?

The countdowns have disappeared.
Everything's like before.

Who did that?

Suggestions for skies.

It's my mother!

It's Mom!

Excellent choice, Goddess.

Today, like every day,
there is only good news...

Despite global warming,
ice fields stopped melting.

Gravity.

Sea bed.

Plants.

Cyclops.

The Brand New Testament

Did you feel it move?

Tell me, darling...

Would you...

Now that you're...

Wouldn't you like to wax your legs?

We'll see.

UZBEKISTAN

Fucking God-damn-it!

Hi, it's Kevin again.