All language subtitles for 2_English_sw

Michael:
Kahlua sombrero, please.

All right. So just you tonight?

Actually, I'm meeting
somebody, but I'm a little bit early.

Leaving my company
after 19 years.

I'll drink to that.

I'm starting at
a company this week.

Oh, really?

To beginnings and endings.

And to middles. The
unsung heroes. And to moms.

The moms of the troops.

Mmm.

Do not tell my fiancee
I'm drinking on a Wednesday.

I won't.

I don't know her.

Moving out to the 'burbs.

Actually, I'm moving further than
the 'burbs. Moving to Colorado.

Colorado? Yeah.

Sunshine state. Yep.

Don't mess with Colorado.

No, don't.

Doing some skiing?

No, no. I don't want to
end up like Sonny bobo.

Well, that's just good
sense right there, yeah.

Everyone I know
who skis is dead.

You know what? I would
like to try the luge, though.

Try it once, you're hooked.

That's my guess.
That's what I've heard.

I'm an Olympics nut.

Oh, yeah? Me, too.
Summer or winter?

Summen summen

knuckle. Actually,

I've got to come around and
give you... yeah, come on.

You know, it's funny.
I actually tried

to get an animal Olympics going.

Really? What happened?

You know, life happened.

What are you gonna miss
most about Scranton?

Mmm-hmm. Oh. Wow. The
mountains, where things are.

That's the way it goes.

Man, he is late.

I'm gonna call him.
Do you mind? I'm sorry.

No, no.

Where is this guy?

Excuse me.

Hello? This is Michael Scott.

Yes, hi. Yes.

You running late?

No, I'm here. I'm at the bar.

I'm at the bar, too.

You are? What bar?

I'm at the bar, the bar that's
located in the lobby of the hotel.

I do not see you.

How long have you...

I've been here about, gosh,
over half an hour.

Okay, yeah, me, too.

Sorry. Sorry.

What are you wearing?

I'm wearing
a gray suit, red tie.

Are we both at the right place?

Which place would...

I hear your voice.

Ihearyoun_
I see your lips moving.

I hear your voice

in the phone. And that's...
Man! And... oh, brother.

Michael Scott.

Deangelo vickers.

Wow.

That is insane.

"That is insane" is right.
That's the right term.

Bartender, let's get some
vodka up in this cranberry

and one for my friend.

I have heard that it is impossible
to become addicted to vodka.

That is true. That is true.
Vodka is non-addictive.

Most of the higher
spirits are undetectable.

It's because of the potato.

One, two, three... two, three.

To new friends.

Wow.

Wow. Wow.

This is gonna take hours.

Are her breasts different?

No panties on this one.

Okay, good. Good.

And I think the sail
was folded differently.

Oh! No. No, it's good.
That's okay. That's okay.

It's all good.

On this one, I think
she's like, "get lost,"

but on this one,
I think I have a chance.

Okay. No.

Now, I still think
the sail is different.

Come on.

Hey, I think this is broken.

Wanna play again? Definitely!

That right there...

You want to try this. Trust me.

Really? Trust me.

You want to try this.

Mmm-hmm! Are you kidding me?

Because one day, they say
that blueberries prevent cancer,

and then the next day, they
say that blueberries cause cancer.

That's totally true.

You know what would be a great onion
headline? "Cancer prevents cancer."

That's so onion. I know!

It's so you,
but it's also so onion.

Here we go. Ready?

I am ready.

All right, here we go.

Well, this is it.
What do you think?

She'll do.
Oh, she'll do just fine.

I am very much looking
forward to tomorrow. It is...

It feels like the
culmination of a lot of hard work,

a lot of good fortune and...

Hey, come on.
Did that... did that just happen?

We should write a movie
or something. I'm serious.

Rise and shine. Coffee time.

There you go.

Do not talk to me
until I have had my coffee.

Until I've had my coffee,
do not talk to me.

Mmm.

Oh, I feel better.

I feel awesome.

It does not agree with me,

coffee...

And yet, I have to have it.

You know what?
Coffee keeps me regular.

Yeah.

Thatsthe best time of
the day. That's... that's...

In that regard.
Right, right, right.

And it's the best
time of the day.

Right, right, right.

I give it about seven minutes.

Yup. Really.

Seven minutes from this.

Beehne.

So at 8:37...

Michael is leaving.

And apparently they
already hired a new manager.

And we're meeting him today.
It's a lot to process.

Paperwork-wise.

Nope, it's not Ashton kutcher.
It's Kevin Malone.

Equally handsome, equally smart.

Good morning.
Michael: Good morning.

Good morning.
Good morning, to you.

What's this?

Oh, nothing.
That is just a screenplay.

The adventure pals by Deangelo
vickers and Michael Scott.

Oh, my gosh,
it's 150 pages long.

Okay, everyone, as you know,

one of my favorite things
is fanfare for its own sake.

So without further ado,

let's all start clapping.

Presenting Deangelo vickers!

Hi. Hello.

Michael: Come on out!

Hello. Hey. How are you, sir?

I'm well, sir, how are you?

Uh, can I just say I am so
excited to be working here.

We couldn't be more excited
about having you here. Welcome.

Little bit about myself, I love the
American southwest, for starters.

You may call them Arizona,
new Mexico, Nevada, Utah.

I call them heaven.

I have a peanut allergy,
something I live with.

It's a part of me. I've
learned to cope with it.

I was a nationally ranked
high jumper in high school.

Really? Yeah.

I didn't know that.

Couldn't do it in college
for academic reasons,

and that's something
that still bugs me.

What else? I'm just as comfortable
at a ball game as I am at the opera.

I was a...

Did I want to be
made manager? Sure.

A great opportunity
squandered? Absolutely.

A crushing blow? Yes.

Will I get over it?

Mmm...

But life goes on. Not for me.

I think with a little hard work,

we can become the
greatest office in the world.

And I truly believe that, that's
not an understatement. Okay?

Right?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah? Okay.

That's about it.
That's about it?

Yeah. There's so much more.

This guy is being so modest, no.

There's a lot more to him
than what he just said.

We can't wait to learn it all,
right, guys? Again, welcome.

Fantastic. Thank you so much.

Sir? Yes.

Thank you very much.

So we talked for
like 20 minutes,

no clue it's Deangelo
the whole time.

It's kind of embarrassing.

No, no.

Yeah, that story
makes you sound stupid.

I happen to like the hilarious
high jinks that I get myself into.

There he is, there he is.

Deangelo, I was just telling
them about last night when we met.

Remember that?

That was crazy. That was crazy.

Let's see,
where's my replacement?

Where's the guy I'm
replacing? I don't know.

Why don't I look to my
left? I know.

He's sitting right there.
I know.

Well, that's what I was
just saying. That's...

That exact situation is why I always
carry around a couple of these.

Just in case, 'cause, you know,

sometimes you need
to ID yourself.

Office funny guy.

Always glad to have
an office funny guy around.

Andy: I wasn't even
trying to make a joke.

I guess I've always been sort
of quirky, offbeat, a little twisted.

This is Jim and Pam, a.K.A. Jap.

What started as an affair has
blossomed into a family before our eyes.

Well, it wasn't... it wasn't
an affair. Yes, it was.

But, no, but we are a family.

We made that.

Cecelia. Deangelo: Oh!

Congraunafions thank you.

I have four kids of my own.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, my gosh, well, we just have
the one, but she poops for four.

Uh-oh.

Someone started off on a
good foot with the new boss.

Yeah, they don't ever talk
about careers that were made

because of unplanned
pregnancies. So...

Meredith has shown me her
breasts on three separate occasions.

Really? There's Dwight. Dwight!

Best right-hand man in the
business, but you better buy a taser

to keep him from
wiping you butt.

Hey, Dwight. You had
something to say to Deangelo?

"Welcome, new manager
of dunder Mifflin.

"I am Dwight k. Schrute, I
am assistant regional manager.

"I will be at your Beck
and call, night and day.

"Consider me an extension of your
own hand. I serve at your pleasure.

"Congratulations on
joining the staff here.

"This truly is a great day."

The end.

Very nice. Thank you.

I brought you some cookies.

Oh, Dwight's home baked
cookies. Really, you didn't have to.

These are the best. Lemon
bars or the coconut ones?

I got these at the store.

Apparently it's one of the most
popular brands in the United States.

Enjoy. Chips ahoy!

Okay.

Maybe he ran out of yeast,
I don't know.

Maybe syrup? No, not...
Well, maybe syrup. I don't know.

But didn't... oh, sure,
sure. You can use syrup.

That apple looks delish.

I do a lot of portion control.

Try to keep my daily
caloric intake under 1,200.

Deangelo, you're
going to starve to death.

So you decided to have an orgy
and not invite me?

Come on. I call middle.

That's cool that you like
the southwest.

It's one of my favorite regions.

"It's one of my favorite regions."
Did I just sound totally lame?

I sounded good.

I love the desert. It's one
of my favorite ecosystems.

Here's the great thing
about the southwest,

there is so much
more than desert.

Along the north rim
of the Grand Canyon

is a forest as lush
as you've ever seen.

Burned. It's lush, dummy.

Hey, Deangelo, what do
you think about bald people?

I hate them.

Deangelo, I forget, did you
mention you liked politics?

I did not.

Because I was thinking,
you should meet my boyfriend.

He's a state senator.

I really think the two of you would
hit it off. He's a great person to know.

Sounds very interesting,
thank you.

Angela: Mmm-hmm.

Psst. Thanks for meeting me.

Are you kidding?

I would come anywhere
to see a turtle. Yeah.

Where'd you find him?

There's no turtle, Michael. I
just wanted to get you here.

You know me very well, Dwight.

That's because I'm your
right-hand man, Michael.

But I can't do it.
I can't do it again.

I can't be a right-hand man
to a whole new guy.

Now, I'm gonna have to
go online and look at turtles

or else I'm gonna
be off the whole day.

I want to be manager.

I have been Robin to
your Batman for 11 years,

11 glorious years, Michael.

But at a certain point,
Robin needs to become Batman.

Batman scares me, Dwight.
Let's not talk about Batman.

Yeah, well, you know what?
Bats scared Bruce Wayne, too.

That's why he became Batman. Ha!

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

Is there a turtle man?

No, Michael...

I just don't understand why I
wasn't even interviewed for the job.

I mean, what's wrong?

I'm totally qualified.
You were pushing for me.

I didn't know Dwight
wanted to be manager.

Deangelo. You'll get
a kick out of this.

Do you know those
old school blocks,

the wooden blocks for kids?
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, my gosh, yes. Oh, yeah.
The block story. This is great.

Right. Okay, go ahead.

So, the blocks with the
letters on... with the letters.

Yes, right, okay.
Yeah sure, sure, sure.

So we give a set
of those to Cece

and we turn around for,
like, a second...

A second. A second.

And we turn back, and she has
spelled out the word "ass" in the blocks.

So we're laughing,
she's grinning...

It was so funny.

Kids are a riot. They really
do say the darndest things.

Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin.
Okay, let me transfer you.

Why do you use your name
when you answer the phone?

Oh, that's how Pam does it.
I just copy her.

She's sort of a living legend.

Try it without using your name.

Dunder Mifflin. This is.

Oh, yeah, I like it.

Dunder Mifflin.
How may I assist you?

Oh. "Assist."

I sort of like the old way.

I just prefer it
without the name.

Andlthought_ okay. No, no, no.

I've got to start doing some
managing at some point, right?

I know, I know. I'm sorry.
But if it's not a big deal,

we should just do the
old way. And it really isn't.

Okay. That good?
Erin: Yeah, okay, good.

Well, I'd like to
change it, actually.

Michael: Well,
you know, whatever...

Yeah. Whatever
you think would work.

What do you... yeah.

I think a change would be nice.

You could do the old way or the, you
know... whichever one you want to do.

Mmm-hmm.

Deangelo: Change it.

I'm so sorry. Sorry.

Deangelo: Come on, you maggot.

Bye-bye, calories.

Don't stop, now.

No one's stopping me.

All right. Hey. Okay.

Wow! Look at you.

Don't hug me.

No! Get away, get away.

I see you've been introduced
to our conference room.

Multi-function room, yeah.

So I was thinking that maybe I could
show you around a little bit more?

You could shadow me.
Still a lot to learn, so...

Yeah, you know, I'm feeling
like I'm ready to dive in.

Well, the water's pretty cold.
A lot of octopuses out there.

Well, I've been taught by the
best octopus hunter in the biz.

I haven't taught you
everything. There's...

Pretty good teacher. I feel
pretty prepared. Mmm...

You know what?
No teacher in the world

could teach this job in one day.

I think you just about did.

Well, I don't think I did,
so why...

Wanna go? You'll shadow me?

Let me finish getting
dressed. All right.

Oh, hey, Dwight.
Before I forget,

I would love to know of
any great restaurants in town

if you have any thoughts.

I've got a list here that has
pretty much every place in town.

Oh, great.

Just make sure
you get that back to me.

I'll get that,
you guys. Don't...

No, I'll help you. Here.

You know, it's just...

You know...

Hello. Hi. Hi.

Have we met before?

No, not officially. I saw you
coming out of the bathroom earlier.

Well, I guess I'm gonna
go back to my cave.

Okay. It was really
great meeting you.

And that is what
they call a meet cute.

Hey, funny guy. I have
a little midday lull here.

Make me laugh. Huh?
What do you got?

I can't even look at you.

Here we go.

Okay...

What do African
Americans cahthe_.

What?

Erin: Deangelo? Yeah?

Did you order a barber?

Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on back here.

Put a pin on that, okay? I
can't wait to hear the punch line.

Finish the joke, Andy.

What do African Americans call?

I don't know. Help me.

That is so bad-ass.

Just so hardcore.

Yeah, very cool.

Real power move. Yeah.

I saw a hawk today.

It was just sitting right there

on the overpass, looking at me.

Shave me.

Well, this is going to be funny.

Because it looks like we're
gonna be shaving buddies.

Okay, all right. I love
it. I love it.

Michael, this is Reggie. Hello.

He is the number one

yelp-reviewed shaver in
Scranton. It's not even close.

And this is Erin, and she's
going to shave my face.

Here we go.

All right.

This is how we do it.

Michael: Mmm.

Feels nice, doesn't it?

It really does.

This is luxury. Here we go.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, that is nice.

You wanted to
talk to us, Deangelo?

Oh, yes, yes, please.
Cozy up there.

I just thought we could have some
rap sessions with smaller groups.

You know, we don't really do
rap sessions, we kind of do... god!

We sort of do more of like
powwows and what-ups.

Okay, well, powwows, then. Fine.

Thats_.

Hey, Deangelo, my mom just
sent me this picture of Cece.

It is so adorable.

All right, wait, but a
little bit of back story.

She loves dogs,
she calls them dadas...

Dadas.

And what happens is...
You know what?

Enough about your baby, okay?

I'm sorry.

Well, we were just... I
think she was just trying to...

No, no, no, I know what
you're doing. Just quit it.

I want to hear from
the rank and file.

How can I be the best
manager for you all?

You know, what can I do better?

Okay, you know what, everybody?

There's... you have
to be honest here.

You can't say that everything
is perfect, right?

So, you know,
come up with something.

Oscar: Well, Deangelo, I'd say
communication could be improved.

People stopped reading memos.

So everyone marks them urgent.

Okay, you know what?
I Mark it urgent ","a

urgent "b,"
urgent "c," urgent "d."

Urgent "a" is
the most important,

urgent "d" you don't even
really have to worry about.

Okay, Michael, can you stop
talking now? I have to do your lips.

Don't shave my lips.

Deangelo: How about you, Dwight?

Uh, yeah, I'm just right
by your side, so... yeah.

Personally, Deangelo, I just want
to sit and see how you do things.

I'm really excited.

There must be something you'd
like to see, specifically, improved.

I do think that there is a
web of racism and/orjealousy

that is trying to keep me down.

Okay. Well,
this has been very helpful.

This is a great start.
Props to you.

Deangelo's great.
I love the guy.

But I'm not sure he's
a good fit for the office.

And also, I'm not sure
if I love the guy.

Did we just totally blow it?

I don't know. I mean, I get that
talking about your kid can be annoying.

You know, everybody thinks
their kid is the cutest in the world.

Cece really is. Right?

Yeah.

We just got to get her in here.

What's up?

I don't mean to go off
on a rant here, but...

I wrote the perfect joke.
Topical, edgy, funny.

I saw this thing in the news.
Democrats want electric cars.

Republicans don't. Right.

I'm thinking, how crazy is it

that we got a car debate going
on in a city known for gridlock.

Um... let's not talk politics
in the office, okay?

I like you better
as the funny guy.

I wasn't taking a position. It was
just sort of one of those things.

Now that's funny. That's funny.

You walk much?

Yeah, right? I mean...

Mmm-hmm. A little click.

Deangelo, this box came for you.

Great, thank you.

That's my stuff. Yeah.

Michael, take a look at this.

Need a hand? Oh,
that'd be great. Thank you.

Hey, you know what?
This office sort of

has a perfect
fung shooey to it, and...

You know, let's not go
overboard with the redecorating.

And I'm still here, so... wow.

Right? Ooh.

That's nice.

I still have to look
at this stuff, guys, so...

Oh, man. So this is
a 10-gallon hat?

Yeah, you like that?
10-gallon hat.

Technically, it only
holds about 3 quarts.

A little factoid. Interesting.

No! No, I've always
loved the southwest.

I got a lot of
this stuff at home.

You know, turquoise and rocks.

I need this job, man.

I love this. I love change.

Change is good,
and you know what?

I think right now, I'm going
to change this supermodel

back into Kevin Malone.

Oh! There he is.

Erin: Oh, my god!

All right, this was just...
It was just awful.

Thank you, Michael. You're
welcome. That's better.

Cool, cool.

All right, see you later, girl.

Hey, hey, hey.

No, I'm good. Keep that.

Hey, funny man. What you
got for me? Make me laugh.

Let's see if
my favorite tea is in...

Whoa! Jeez.

That's hot coffee.

Drink some soap.

Eat some hand soap.

I guess this is my life now.

Michael: Can you believe that?

They're all treating him
like he's some sort of god.

You know, they used to say
that I was the world's best boss.

Now you're a lame duck.

Yeah, well,
you're a retarded owl.

And Deangelo is a fat cow.

He has the same body type that
you have. You're like body twins.

I guess I mean just
from how he used to be.

What do you mean?

I have just come into
the possession of a photograph

that is very embarrassing,
and just may change the way

you perceive a certain
person in this office.

Pam: What is it?

It's a picture of
a super fat guy.

Michael: Yes.

Dwight: I'll say.

It's Deangelo.

Yes, it is.

This is a photograph taken
of Deangelo vickers.

I just... I can't get that
picture out of my head.

Dwight: This curly-haired
idiot used to be so fat.

It really is a shame that a person's
weight, or their former weight,

makes us think less of them.

How do you let
yourself go like that?

Michael: I don't know.

I know, Michael. Right? Justjog
in place 10 seconds a day.

That's all it takes.

I know. That's...

I didn't have 10 seconds a day.

I was too busy eating.

That's okay. Pass it around.

Let everyone take a look.
Creed, have you looked at it yet?

Yes, but I'll gladly look again.

I used to weigh 425 pounds.

I was unhappy and unhealthy.

Used to go to tapas restaurants

and gorge myself on
Spanish charcuterie.

I mean, let's be honest.

Tapas is a cuisine for groups.
Not with me.

Tapas party of one.

Looks like you went
over the tapas with food.

One day, I had
a long layover in Phoenix.

I thought I'd do some sightseeing
and my car broke down in sedona.

I found myselfjust wandering,
delirious with hunger.

And I swear to god,
I felt an energy.

I felt stronger than I'd ever felt
before, like I could do anything.

Keep in mind, I was naked.

But in that moment,
I felt like I could change,

and I made a promise that I
would lose 202 pounds within a year.

I just... I can't get that image out
of my head, of what you used to...

Michael, stop, please.
Look like. It just...

My friends, my new family,

I stand here today...
Guess how much weight I lost.

Two hundred and two pounds?

203. I beat it by one.
I beat it by one.

Beat it by one.

And that is why
I so firmly believe

that this extraordinary group
of people that I'm looking at

has a chance,
has an opportunity,

to become the greatest
office in the world.

Because we can change
anything we want. I'm living proof.

You know what? He's right.

If he can lose all that weight,
then I can wear fake hair.

Thank for sharing,
Deangelo. Amazing.

Thank you.

And thank me for bringing it up.

How do I become
a manager at sabre?

Well, first things first,

thank you for coming
to me directly, you know.

I know you could
have called Tallahassee,

but they would have
just looped back to me.

So it's cool you
recognized my role here.

I left a message at corporate.

There you go.

Get a recommendation
from Michael.

That'll put you
right on the short list

for next time
there's an opening.

Can't you just use the recommendation
you already have on file?

What recommendation?

From when he recommended
me to replace him.

I'm sorry.
I never know how to act

in these awkward
type situations.

Best whale watching?
Easily the west coast.

If you're gonna go whale
watching on the east coast,

you might want to bring a
magazine called west coast whales.

Because
you're not gonna see any.

Snack time! It's the
witching hour. It is the sandwiching hour.

Awesome.

Phyllis: Hmm. What you got?

Pb and j. My mom's recipe.

Michael, Deangelo
has a peanut allergy.

Okay, I need a wide berth. I
need a wide berth from those nuts.

Michael, what are you doing?
Have you lost your mind?

I think Kevin wants one.
Kevin, here you go.

Oscar: Michael, this is serious.

Do you know what happens
if Deangelo touches a peanut?

What?

Michael, the last time
I was exposed to a peanut,

I was itchy for
three days, okay?

I had to take baths constantly.
I missed the oj. Verdict.

Had to read about it in
the paper like an idiot.

Wait, so you don't go into,
like, shock or die or anything?

No, Jim. Not everything's life and
death. I want to feel comfortable.

Oscar, here you go.

Oh! Whoa!

You're getting nut
particles all in the air.

No one had a problem with the
air here until you came around.

Everyone, mandatory meeting.
Multi-purpose room, now.

No, that's good.
You just stay in there.

Except for Michael. Stay
in there by yourself, loser.

Nobody go in. Nobody
go in there. What?

Why? Just stay where you are.

Michael, this is insane.

No, it's not insane, Oscar.

I've been here for 19 years,

and just because someone
else is called the boss,

you're gonna throw
it all away? No, no.

Listen, you're the one
who decided to leave.

Come on, he's our new boss.
You know we have to do this.

Okay.

Well, who needs them?

Looks like it's just
you and me, Dwight.

Correction. Just you.

All right. Meeting,
multi-function room.

Deangelo: Apology accepted.

Hold on.

Hey, Michael. Michael,
wait up, hold up. Hold up.

So, for these meetings,

do you justjump into business

or do you start
with some chitchat or...

I start with some chitchat
and maybe a couple ofjokes.

And you might want to
develop a couple of characters.

You know what? You
just... you'll be fine.

Maybe, maybe not. 50-50.

You know, it is too bad for
this place that you're leaving.

Bring it in. Come on.

Bring it.

Okay. Okay.

Why did you have
to be so damn good?

I... I'm adequate.

I'm half as good as you.

No, no, no. Comeon

you are good. They
know it. Come on.

I just didn't expect you
to get there so fast.

Deangelo: Would you do me a favor and enjoy
this time, okay? You've worked so hard.

Get your senioritis on.
It's lake havasu time.

I guess I've been
working so hard

I forgot what it's like
to be hardly working.

Okay.

What is the native
American girl's name?

You'll figure it out.

Deangelo: Thank you, Dwight.

Dwight: Thank you, sir.

Deangelo: Listen up...

Hey, Deangelo.
Want to meet Cece?

That's a cute baby.

Very cute baby.
Adorable. Very cute.

Thank you very much.

I'm sorry, I should
get back to work, but...

Yeah, absolutely. Okay.
Absolutely, yeah.

Thank you so much.
Say, "bye-bye."

Say, "bye." Bye!

See? We knew it.

If he just met her,
he'd understand.

We're back in.

Ha.

Right?

I'm telling you, that baby
could be the star of a show

called babies I
don't care about.