Original subtitles

I always thought the further you travel away from home,

the further you can get away from yourself.

So it came as a shock when I went to the most exciting place in the world

and I realised, you can't leave yourself behind.

Your reflection stays the same in every time zone.

Jade.

And your insides don't change either.

Jade? I know you had a bit of a big night last night after we wrapped,

but, as you know, it is the last day of filming today.

-Jade! -Fuck off!

Right. Fine.

We won't have you in the big finale party in the Chrysler Building.

Which is a shame, because you've been so central,

to the whole New York episode,

and we know how much the audience love you.

And that American guy you fancy, with the lovely yacht,

is definitely gonna be there.

Why are you so obsessed with me?

-Two vodka martinis. -Thank you.

Cheers to another great series.

Glad I didn't sack you.

Well, so am I.

-Don't cry, for fuck's sake. -I'm not.

So how do you think the New York episode went?

Good. I'm really happy with how we tracked those main love stories.

Although, I do wonder if, in the next series,

we could move away from all the romance stuff.

-And find some new things to follow. -Maggie.

This show is about romance.

If we weren't following their relationships,

we'd be filming them buying watches and getting their arseholes waxed.

Besides, all anyone wants to watch is romance.

Believe me, I've been doing these shows for enough years.

And all everyone cares about is love.

-Have you been to New York before? -No.

I really wish I had time to see it.

Well you should stay a few more days.

-Change your flight, it's easy. -I can't.

Why not? You haven't taken any holiday this year.

I don't have the money. I don't know anyone here.

What is this thing about money? Fucking hell, you lot are so prissy.

I was 22 when I first came to New York.

By the time I bought my plane ticket, I had 50 quid to my name.

Do you know how I got from JFK to Manhattan?

Walked it. Five and a half hours across the freeway.

-Wow. -People where like that back then.

-It was a different time. -I would have loved

to have been in my 20s in the '90s.

You couldn't have handled it.

Anyway, I go straight to the West Village, in to this dive bar,

and I meet this guy, this handsome actor guy.

Do you know, I shouldn't really be saying this. I can't say any more.

Alright, it was Ethan Hawke.

-No way! -Yeah. We spent the week together.

And I live off those memories, oh, honestly man.

Right, it's time for an adventure, young Maggie.

See you in the office in the new year.

Hi, it's Nell, leave me a message, unless you're my Mum,

in which case, yes Mum, I turned off my straighteners.

Change of plan. I'm staying in New York for a bit.

Found a really bohemian holiday apartment.

Don't talk me out of it. Love you.

I'm Maggie, what are your names?

-Helen. -I'm Mark.

Hello, Helen and Mark!

Yeah, it sounds ideal out there.

Wow, it's nice to have a taste of home.

I'm not Irish. I'm English. But, you know. Similar.

Sorry, just, I didn't mean that, it's not similar, at all.

It was very offensive. I mean, we're all a bit Irish aren't we?

Like, we've all got a slightly Celtic nan.

So, don't all American people think they're a bit Irish?

-Not me. -I don't.

Well then, what are ya doin' in here, ya heathens, get outta me pub!

So, whereabouts do you live?

Sorry, we're in the middle of something, do you mind if we...?

Hello?

Hi.

Hi.

I don't know if Amara and Nell told you, but I've extended my stay here.

Oh, okay.

So, I won't be there to say goodbye to you tomorrow.

Oh, that's alright.

Thanks for letting me know.

-How's packing? -Yeah, it's good.

-Yeah, how's New York? -It's great.

-You always wanted to go there. -Yeah.

Any plans for your last night in the house?

Oh, Nell and Amara are making me dinner.

That's nice.

-Well, good luck with the move. -Thanks.

-Bye, Birdy. -Bye, Maggs.

So, that's a six-pack of beer and a bottle of whisky.

I'm going to need some ID.

Oh. I don't think I have it.

I was born in 1988,

and I can quickly list all the things I remember to prove it.

Gameboys, smoking indoors, not recycling, Myspace,

parents who drink-drive, the er... wirele... Oh, yes!

Finally... I made a friend in New York.

-Hey! -Hey!

Can't believe you're staying out there!

Oh yeah, just for a few days. Fancied an adventure!

We didn't think you'd pickup, we thought you'd be out!

-What time is it there? -Uh, 11?

-Where are you? -In my apartment.

-I'm just heading out actually. -Where are you going?

-A club. In The West Village.

Oh, who with?

This really fun couple I met today in an Irish bar.

That's wild! Are they after a threesome?

Probably. I mean, they wouldn't leave me alone.

It's 4 AM in Camden, where've you guys been?

-Out! -Dancing?

-Whole hog. -I miss you guys.

-We miss you too. -Did Birdy come out?

-Nope. -But she came for dinner,

talked about Nathan then headed straight back to Nathan's.

-She's just checked out. -Was dinner nice?

Other than the digs she made about me and Simon, yes.

Who are you gonna hang with whilst you're there?

Dunno yet.

You should try that dating app, Tourism.

It's a good way to make friends in a new place, apparently.

As long as you don't use your passport photo again.

Like honestly Maggs. It's the worst picture I have ever seen.

It's like a mix between, a mugshot, of like an unrepentant woman

who's just chopped her husband's dick off and like a fraggly head...

Ah, have fun, you guys, gotta go!

-Bye. -Okay.

-Is she okay? -I don't think so.

Hi. I was in here earlier. I had my passport... I left my passport...

It was here, I left it just here.

-No one's handed anything in? -No, I'm sorry.

Would you mind keeping an eye out?

-In case someone hands something in? -Sure.

Thanks.

Hey, taxi. Fuck!

Fuck!

Sorry. Can I go to 323 Delaney Place. Greenpoint.

-Sure. -Thanks.

Can I get you a beer?

Mhm.

-Can I smoke? -Oh, yes.

So, is it Jean? Or would you prefer John?

I don't mind.

Nothing worse than an English person

doing an overly-enthusiastic French accent.

Then again, also nothing worse than an English person speaking French

with an English accent so... well, what to do?

-Where you from in France? -Montpellier. The south.

-And did you move here for work...? -You talk a lot.

I know. Sorry.

What was that?

-My roommate, next door. -Why's he knocking?

-It's a code we do. -Oh, sweet. Like boy scouts.

No, he wants to know if he can sleep with you.

-Why would I sleep with him? -So I can watch.

I don't want to do that.

I thought you said you were looking for fun.

Not that kind of fun. No, I don't want to. No.

Okay, fine.

It's fine.

-Fine. -Okay.

-I can't do it. -What?

Get hard. Unless someone watches me, I can't.

Jesus fucking Christ!

I don't know the address of where I'm staying. And my phone's broken.

-So... -It's fine, you can stay here.

I don't mind.

Shit!

Hey, sorry, could you help me for a second?

I'm lost and I need directions to the Lower East Side.

-I don't... -No, you...? Okay.

Hey excuse me, could...? No, okay.

Hi, how are you going? I need to get to Lower East side.

Do you know how I can... No... Okay.

-Hi, any luck? -No, I'm sorry.

Okay.

-Do you mind if I...? -Sure.

Hello.

Hey, good boy.

What's taking you so long?!

I'm trying to pay for my MetroCard, but the machine's not working.

-It's worked for everybody else. -I know, it's asking me for my zip.

-Just pay already! -I'm trying to pay!

but the stupid fucking cocking arse fuck, what the fuck...!

Can I help you?

I can't pay for the subway,

without putting my zip code into the card machine, right?

But I don't have a zip code, I have a postcode, cause I live in England.

And it won't let me put letters into the machine,

and I don't know how many numbers a zip code is,

and my phone's broken,

-so I can't find out. -1-1-2-2-2.

That's my zip code. You can use that any time you wanna ride the subway.

-1-1-2-2-2? -Perfect.

-I don't have to live there. -No, it just unlocks the machine

and lets you pay. There you go.

You got your key to New York now.

-It's not at all what I expected. -What do you mean?

I've been thinking about New York since I was a kid,

so I'd built up such an idea of it in my head.

-Really? -Yeah.

Every movie, every sitcom. I feel like I've studied America.

-How's it different? -It looks the same.

It's like I'm walking through a movie.

But the people are so rude.

C'mon, surely someone must have warned you New Yorkers were rude.

Yeah, but I thought they'd be rude in a fun way, like...

"Want that with cheese, it's an extra dollar, yes or no?"

But no, it's all the staff at the airport,

acting so suspicious of why you're here.

Like, yeah of course we're here,

we've been watching Nickelodeon our whole lives!

You can't export your entire culture to us,

and then expect us to not wanna come see it for ourselves.

Everyone's so serious.

I was in the supermarket yesterday, buying an apple,

and I picked up the apple I was gonna buy and smelt it

and the security guard told me, I wasn't allowed to sniff the fruit.

Rules. That's what I wasn't expecting about New York.

The obsession with rules.

I don't know, I like rules.

Like my best friend Birdy.

She can't enjoy anything without knowing the rules first.

Rules just help people feel safe.

Means everyone knows where they stand.

So, what do you do?

-I work for the government. -No! Oh...

City and community planning.

I'm taking your notes onboard, by the way.

What are you doing with the rest of today?

Nothing, why?

Do you wanna corrupt this earnest American,

with some of that British punk spirit?

-Fuck yeah. -Yeah?

Yeah, let's go sniff some fruit and really fuck shit up.

-This Central Park? -This is Central Park, one and only.

-I've never heard of it. -Really, wow, you're in for a treat.

Whoa! You did it.

So, so beautiful.

-D'you see that gap? Right there. -Mhm.

Now sometimes, the sunrise and sunset, lines up perfectly,

with the east-west streets of Manhattan's main grid.

So these pink lights, shine right through the centre of the city.

It's one of my favourite days in New York.

Do you want me to walk you back to where you're staying?

I really, really don't.

Do you want to come back to my apartment?

I could cook us both dinner. But only if you'd like to.

You know my old roommate moved out a couple of months ago,

my new one isn't arriving until week after next.

And even if he were here,

you would not have to have sex with either or both of us.

So if you want to stay over, you can.

And I can sleep in the other room.

Thank you.

Why do you have a photo of Copenhagen on your wall?

Because I like Copenhagen.

I took that photo.

What?

Nothing, you're just so straightforward. In the best way.

I can't remember being in such a sincere flat.

Tell me, what does an insincere flat look like?

I used to date this musician.

And he lived in this house, that was dripping in this kind of...

knowing irony.

I couldn't work out what was a joke and what was real,

or what he actually liked or what he liked as a... subversion.

Well, never date musicians.

I know. But I couldn't help myself.

What's your apartment like in London?

It's a house in the middle of Camden,

which was the coolest place in London til the last couple of years.

When I moved in, basically.

Do you have roommates. Who do you live with?

Three friends. Amara and Nell, who I met at uni.

And Birdy, who I think I already mentioned?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

we've known each other since we were 11.

But she's moving out. Today, in fact.

Did you take this one too?

I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work.

-You could at least let me try. -I am heavier than I look...

I am heavier than I look!

No! Put me down! I will not be offended!

No, I think I can make it.

Okay, I am very tall and I have heavy bones!

-Is this hot? Is this so hot? -Kind of hot!

-Good morning. -Morning.

I'm gonna go, but can I work out how to get back to my apartment first?

-Because my phone is still broken. -Sure.

You know, you also don't have to go.

Probably should. I need to sort out this passport.

Right. You might be waiting awhile, so...

If you need company, I'm all yours.

-This tea is disgusting. -I'm sorry, what now?

You are, so fit and really lovely and really good at sex,

but you can't make tea for shit, this tastes like the water,

that was drained out of the washing up.

-What are you talking about? -I'll teach you

how to make a proper cup of tea.

This is rude, I hope you know.

I have been such a gracious host, and you are just...

Teabags in a mug. Hot water.

And milk, right?

-No. -No?

Wait two minutes before you put the milk in.

-You've gotta wait two minutes? -Yep.

-Keep an eye on the clock. -Gotta keep an eye on the time.

-Okay. -Let's do it.

-Oh, this is good. -Yeah.

Margaret Marshall?

It's got to be this one.

Look and it's nice and bushy at the bottom.

Who cares what it looks like at the bottom?

A Christmas tree needs girth.

-Why did you get the light end? -You wanted girth, for the bottom.

Yeah. And it is really...

Your roommate, who moved out.

Was she a girl?

She was.

And was she your roommate, or was she your...?

She was my...

-Is that okay? -Yeah, course it is.

It was right that we ended.

But it is weird though.

She knows me better than pretty much any person I've ever known,

so a world without her feels...

like a scary world.

Tell me about your break up.

With Birdy? We don't really talk anymore.

-I meant the musician guy. -Oh... him.

-Yeah. -That was so long ago.

I think you could barely call it a break up,

it was more of an inevitable fizzle.

Tell me about her, then.

She met someone.

And fell in love for the first time.

I felt like I was being replaced, and she suddenly felt like I was...

a burden or something.

We never used to argue.

No one could believe how little we argued in 13 years.

But we didn't.

The thing that's always worked is that we're so different.

-I'm Maggie. -I'm Birdy.

Ever since we were kids.

We've just known how the other one works.

All of the things we don't like about ourselves,

and the things we loved about each other.

She made me feel safe and I think I made her feel more courageous.

We knew what would make each other laugh or cry.

That's how she always made me feel.

Like I'm the only one who can make things right.

She never, ever saw me as a problem.

I was only ever her solution.

And I don't want to go home tomorrow but...

I can't stay here.

I want to say something, but it makes no sense.

What?

I love you.

And I don't want you to think that I'm, like, dangerous or crazy

or anything like that, I know I can't really love you

because I've only known you for like 48 hours.

But I just feel like...

I could love you.

Fuck it, I already love you.

I know where I'm going. I've written it all down.

Great.

I mean you really should just stay.

Where would I live?

-With me. -Where would I work?

I don't know, you could get some bill-paying job,

you could write on weekends.

Alright, what about when your iron-clad immigration system

-tries to send me home? -Then I'll fucking marry you.

Is that what you want to hear? Because I'll do it.

I'll walk you to City Hall tomorrow morning,

I'll marry the hell out of you.

Then you can stay as long as you want.

If you'd told me, a week ago, that I'd meet...

Clark Kent in New York.

And he'd say he'd marry me to have me stay in America, I mean...

It's all I've ever wanted.

But I have to choose reality.

For once.

I'm gonna call you as soon as my phone's working.

Thank you.

-Bye. -Bye.

Mother's intuition.

Nell rang me. She was worried about you.

Let's grab a hot drink before we get in the car.

-Missed you. -Oh, I've missed you.

I always miss you.

How was New York? Was it fun, just like the movies?

-Not really. -What did you do? What did you see?

Well, I couldn't really do much

because I only had $80 for the whole week.

So, I just drank in my cockroach infested apartment.

Right...

I was bored and lonely so I went on a dating app to meet someone.

Apparently it's a thing, like, a good way of making friends

-in a new city. -Right...

Except I didn't make a friend,

because I ended up at this absolute creep's place,

who tried to make me have an orgy with his flatmate.

And my phone fell in a puddle and broke.

-Oh, you should've put it in a... -Bag of rice, I know.

But it doesn't always work, though, Mum.

No...

And then I met this man.

He was so lovely.

And he made me feel really safe, for some reason.

That's not a feeling I ever really have around boys.

Then he told me he loved me, even though he'd only known me two days.

So he's either the man I'm meant to end up with

and I'll probably never see again.

Or he is just completely deranged.

You take your time, I've got the new Hilary Mantel on audiobook.

Okay.

You're an extraordinary person, Maggie. I know you don't think so.

And you think I'm only saying that because I'm your mum.

And maybe, I am only saying that because I'm your mum. But...

-You don't have... -I know I'm embarrassing you,

but let me just say something and I won't say it again.

I think that you are looking for an extraordinary kind of love.

But I don't think, for what it's worth,

that you want to be loved in an extraordinary way.

I think what you want is to be loved plainly and quietly,

without spectacle or anxiety.

Like... Birdy loves you.

And I know it's fun, for now, to set off bombs in your own life.

But one day, as hard as it is to believe, you won't need to.

Because things will be dramatic enough.

There'll be sickness and breakdowns and bankruptcy.

And I know you think Dad and I are obsessed with cancer,

but honestly, there will be so much fucking cancer everywhere.

Every day it will be like a weather report for it, Monday, pancreatic,

Tuesday, testicular, Wednesday, ovarian.

The world will feel like a war zone.

And you'll want the person you love to feel like peace.

Someone who'll listen to you and make you laugh.

And do the crossword with you at breakfast.

Okay... I'm finished now.

Thank you.

Love you.

Love you.

Subtitles: Lily Ray plint.com