Original subtitles

I love this song as much as you do,

I just don't feel like it's an upper for a night out.

-Please! -No, I'm putting my foot down.

I'm glad we went for pastel pretty rather than shimmer sultry.

Me too.

No mascara. The foam could get in my eyes.

-It's waterproof. -It's not just that.

I might slip over. What if it aggravates my eczema?

You can't be scared of soapy water.

I don't get why everyone's acting like it's so normal

to go to the student union in a bikini in the dead of winter.

I thought we were meeting you at the club.

-What? -We heard something at the pub.

-I bet it was that rugby player. -The one on your Geography course?

...double fucking whopper

down his fucking gob until he fucking chokes.

-Nell, could you be less...? -What?

-Scottish? -No, she's right.

Maggie, don't worry. They won't get away with this.

If they've done this to you, they'll do it to others.

Let's report it to the student guild.

Maggs, I think... I think maybe you should stop looking at it.

Yeah, turn that off. We need to get you a drink.

We need to go out. Let's get covered in foam.

Exactly. Let's get covered in foam, then cut off some dicks.

Nell!

We don't have to go out, if you don't feel like it.

What do you wanna do?

Maggs, are you awake?

Yeah.

How are you feeling?

I feel like I don't wanna exist.

Not forever, I just...

don't wanna be

here

right now

being me.

Maggs, you didn't do anything they didn't do.

Why are you the one in trouble? You didn't do anything wrong.

But I feel... wrong.

I feel like... there's something wrong with me.

You'll only feel like this for a bit, I promise.

I'm sorry I'm such a mess.

-You're not. -I am.

I'm so loud

and clumsy, and I always get things wrong,

and I forget things, and I lose things,

and I know I'm this disaster, but I can't ever seem to change.

I don't wanna be this...

constant storm, causing chaos everywhere.

You're not a storm.

You're a hurricane. Hurricane Maggie.

It's like what Katy Perry said.

What did Katy Perry say?

"After a hurricane, comes a rainbow."

See, you're the hurricane and the rainbow.

You blow through a place,

leaving the most spectacular thing as you go.

No one ever forgets you once they've met you.

No one else sees me the way you see me.

We'd be lost without each other, wouldn't we?

We would.

Come in.

Hi.

-Hi. -I didn't realise you were in.

Yeah.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing. Why?

Do you wanna maybe hang out, just the two of us?

-We could bake cookies and do... -Do makeovers.

Yeah, cool.

Cool.

And the investors dropped out on Friday at 6:00, yeah.

All of yesterday on the phone.

Come on, you need more than that.

Dad, I'm okay. I've got enough.

That's why you need to hire me as your lawyer.

-But you can't afford me. -No business talk on the Lord's Day.

-Really? -I want leg!

Amara always has the leg. She's the baby.

She's not the baby anymore, Dad.

Sorry.

-Hey. -Couldn't get out of it.

The clients could only visit the property today.

-Happy birthday, Dad. -Thank you.

-Soften the lateness with a present. -I'll put it on the table.

-You missed a scandal at church -Oh, my gosh, yes.

Uncle Joseph came with his new fiancée.

-What? -Spicy.

Weren't you at his wife's funeral last month?

Don't judge. Uncle Joe's a man. He has needs.

-He's 89. -Thank you.

Will you stop it?

And I'm wearing this thick cardigan,

and everyone in the practice is freezing cold,

but she won't have the window shut.

And I know it's because she's menopausal.

But if she'd just take...

HRT, like I did, she'd be fine.

-Where are they? -I don't know.

You don't seem like yourself.

-Is everything okay? -Yeah, I'm fine.

-How are things in London? -They're good.

I had an appraisal with my line manager on Friday.

-She says that I'm doing well. -So you're enjoying it?

Yeah, I think so. It's work. You're not meant to enjoy it.

You enjoyed your dancing.

Actually, I have been dancing a bit again.

Just a couple of auditions.

I got a final call back for a really big job,

but I wouldn't take it if I got it,

and I'm probably not gonna get it anyway, so don't worry.

I'm more worried about my daughter,

who's given up her greatest passion with no explanation

and now doesn't seem very happy.

Do you know what that would mean?

If I became a dancer, I wouldn't have a full-time job.

I wouldn't have a regular salary.

I'd have to do temp work. Would you be okay with that?

What would you regret more, not having money while you're young,

or not giving everything to the thing you love the most?

-Come on! Darling, it's started! -Amara, come on!

-Hurry up. It's gonna start. -Come on, quick.

Please, no false start. No false start.

Okay.

They're away and Gatlin's off to a fine start.

Blake is with him, but here comes Bolt.

Come on, run! Run, yes!

Here he comes, Usain Bolt.

Yes!

Blake takes the silver. What a win for Usain Bolt!

Absolutely brilliant.

Yeah!

Usain Bolt, what an athlete! What a race!

And the crowd here in the Olympic Stadium

are loving every second of this.

I could've done that, you know. I was so good at sprinting.

I was the fastest girl in my whole school.

The Olympic Park is the same size as 300 football pitches.

And it's riddled with insects, I was reading.

And they've planted 13,000 trees, which is, like, a bit excessive.

I mean, we all like trees, but you can sometimes have...

too many.

So, do you do this with all your NQTs?

No.

I, erm... should probably go home.

I think we probably both should.

Erm, I will see you in...

a couple of weeks.

-What? -Nothing.

Look, Nathan is a very literal man.

Clearly.

This is like when you once mentioned you liked space to your mum

when we were 11, and then every birthday,

all you got was solar system socks and books about Neil Armstrong.

-Did I? -Yeah.

Your memory is insane. I don't know how you remember all those details.

Sometimes I think you remember more about me than me.

Of course. That's the whole point of being best friends

with someone your whole life.

One day we'll be old, and we'll need each other

to remember everything that's happened.

-Makeovers? -Makeovers.

-Bagsy I go first! -Bagsy I go first!

-I like that one. -That is a lovely shade.

But it depends on what kind of look we're going for.

Are we going dewy and doe-eyed or smoky-eyed vixen?

I'm thinking smoky-eyed vixen.

Okay, love it.

Oh, actually... Can I have both?

-Yes, I can do both. -Wow.

Okay.

Hi, Nell. We're doing makeovers.

I'm going upstairs. I'll talk to you later.

Get your cock out.

-I love glitter. -Me too.

Will you French plait my hair after?

Of course!

Oh, my God. That was amaz...

Fuck.

-What have you been up to today? -Spin class.

Why do you look like a My Little Pony?

She looks dewy and doe-eyed.

Ugh, you two and your makeovers.

You've watched too many teen movies.

Impossible.

Oh, Nell, we should do you next!

You could totally be a smoky-eyed vixen.

100% smoky-eyed vixen.

Nah, you're all right.

Peace out, lil mamas.

"Peace out, lil mamas"?

Are you ready to see your new look?

I love it.

-You love it? -Yeah!

Okay.

What does that one look like? That's so nice.

Margaret and Belinda, this again?

He's so gonna ask you to prom.

Do you really think so?

-Okay, my go. -Okay.

Do you want tawny temptress or a bold red lip?

Bold red lip.

-That was fun. -Loved it.

Night-night.

Night.

I'm heading out. I'll be back in a bit.

What? Why? Don't leave. We're just about to start shooting.

Gagging for a fag, babe.

-I need to go to the shop. -First, the shop.

Then you'll walk past a Ferrari showroom,

you'll be in there signing paperwork.

None of us will be able to get hold of you,

and Roisin will lose her shit.

We have been here before, Kyle.

So... no.

Look, if I don't have a fag,

I won't be able to concentrate in the scene.

Wait here.

Anyone, cigarettes?

Do you smoke? No, you don't. Okay.

Cigarettes, anyone?

Sorry. Excuse me.

Okay, here you go.

You're welcome.

Thank you, everyone.

-You're definitely gonna get it. -Do you think so?

Yeah. Yeah, no, they were properly staring at you.

Trust me, it's yours.

Oh, I hope so.

Yeah, well, good luck.

Thank you, you too.

Okay, series finale, last scene. We all prepped?

-Yep. -Great. Okay.

Okay.

When Kyle finds out, it's gonna be electric.

Okay. Positions, everybody, please.

Right, and we are turning over.

And action.

So, how's your swimwear line going, babe?

It's good. We're about to launch a new range.

It's Saint-Tropez-themed, all turquoises and golds,

like, very chic, very 1980s Catherine Deneuve.

Wow, yeah, amazing.

We'll cut all this.

How are you? Are you still dating Bohemia?

Yeah, things are going great.

-I really like the girl. -How about Jade?

That breakup was pretty bad.

Here we go now. We're cooking with gas.

Yeah, we were both hurt at the time, but we're mates now.

Kyle, there's something I have to tell you.

What is it?

I hate to tell you this,

but someone's has to 'cause everyone is talking about it.

When you and Jade were together...

Yeah?

Say it!

...she slept with someone else.

Oh, well.

Cut!

What the fuck?

-What the fuck just happened? -I don't know.

Fuck.

We can't end an entire series on, "Oh, well."

I don't understand why he didn't react.

-I think I know why. -What?

I think Kyle read my notebook.

-Maggie. -I know.

Why the fuck was that notebook anywhere near a cast member?

He was hassling me about going out for a cigarette.

Everyone knows that the most important rule

is you do not leave documents lying around.

How could you be that stupid?

I'm so sorry.

Okay. Well, we need to have a serious discussion tomorrow.

I thought you could handle it, but you're out of your depth.

You guys were gonna make me the joke of the series.

Kyle, I don't know how many times I have to tell you this.

We are following your real life.

We only show what you do.

You make yourself the joke of the series.

I know how it works. This show only works if I'm being a tit.

That's how you get your footage.

If you really think that, then why are you even doing it?

Like, stop making both of our lives so difficult.

You can't have it both ways, okay?

You can't be the star of the show,

as well as wanting to be behind the scenes on the show.

You can't be angry about being a cog in the machine,

whilst being desperate to be the shiniest fucking biggest cog

in the whole fucking machine!

You know what? Fuck you for thinking you can use me like some little toy!

No, fuck you for choosing to put your life on camera to get famous

and then throwing a tantrum when it doesn't go exactly your way!

And fuck you for ruining my career.

Fuck you!

I only drink this when I'm miserable.

Or when I'm trying to impress men.

I know the bloke who just bought this distillery.

Met him in a hot tub at the San Diego Yacht Club.

That sounds like a Barry Manilow song.

Everyone's always thought I'm only good for three things.

Cars, clubs and fit birds.

Then this show comes along, wants to make me famous for it.

So, obviously, I'll go with it.

I'll pose naked with a bunch of roses over my Hampton

for a bingo advert.

I'll cut the ribbon at the opening of the world's first shisha gym.

And now I'm kind of stuck being that person.

Who were you before?

Well, that's the thing. I don't remember.

My dad bought me my first table at a nightclub

for my 13th birthday,

and people have been hanging out with me ever since.

Are they there 'cause they like me?

Or do they just like this... persona?

-I think everyone feels like that. -Do they?

I mean, I feel like that.

Quite a lot, actually. Feel like I'm giving a performance.

But we're different. I don't think anyone's watching me.

Grim.

Right, I'm off.

Right, mate.

Get her whatever she wants and stick it on my tab.

She'll need some Dutch courage before she goes to her boss

and begs for her job back.

-If you're sure? -I am.

But thank you so much, for everything.

Yes, I did it!

Hi.

-Hi. -What are you doing here?

I wanted to let you know that I'm going to be eating

tomorrow night, about 8:00.

I'll pick you up at 7:30.

-Good. -Good.

I want you to know I accept full responsibility...

I don't wanna see you right now, Maggie.

I understand, but I've had some ideas

of how we can save the finale.

I don't want your ideas!

Go home!

Why are you knitting now?

I need a few trial runs to get it right in time for winter.

What is it?

It's a pair of socks for Nathan.

Cosy.

You've been on your phone for an hour.

Who are you texting?

My sister.

Aw, how is she?

She's great. She's just bought a new car.

Another Peugeot or...?

Is it another Peugeot or a different make?

Oh, I don't know.

Hey!

-How'd it go? -Really well.

And I quit my job.

Oh, my God, Amara.

-That's amazing. -Do you have a plan?

No, but that's the point. I want to be open to anything.

I need to be free to go to all the auditions.

You only get, like, seven years to make it work,

so I've got to try.

-Well done, mate. -Thanks. I feel so fucking relieved.

Hiya.

-You all right? -Just a full-on day.

Amara's got amazing news.

I quit my job.

What? No way!

I'm so proud of you.

-That took so much guts. -Thanks, Maggs.

Have you heard back about the audition?

No, but they'll let us know by tonight.

Why was your day so full-on?

Was boring. Doesn't matter. Let's celebrate.

I am gonna make a cocktail called The Amara.

Stay here.

To Amara, the best fucking dancer in London.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Let's play Never Have I Ever.

We are not playing that stupid game.

We already know everything about each other.

I don't know. We might have some new secrets.

-Birdy, you go first. -All right.

Never have I ever

been to Peterborough.

-Oh, for fuck's sake. -Why?

Okay, let's play a different game.

-I Spy? -A drinking game.

Oh, there is...

-Actually, maybe not. -What?

I got given this game as a present from someone at work, but...

I don't know, it seems a bit dangerous.

-In what way? -Go on.

I haven't opened it yet. I don't know what's in it.

What's it called?

It's called Evil Friends.

-What was that? -I think James still hasn't fixed

the broken towel rail.

-We should play it. -Why do I get the feeling

someone's going to die tonight?

"Compete to be the most evil friend in a cut-throat game of revelations,

where kindness gets you nowhere and the truth wins you everything."

-Who's gonna go first? -I'll go.

"Who amongst you has the biggest cock?"

This is just silly.

Nell, I think you'd be hung like a horse,

but you wouldn't shout about it.

Whereas, Maggie, you'd be the opposite.

Everyone would think you're hung, but really you'd be teeny.

Are you taking the piss?

Wait, what would mine be?

Oh, erm... chode, maybe?

What's a chode?

Short and wide.

Now, that is a horrible thing to say.

What? Everyone knows width is better than length.

Short and wide!

-Cheers. -Cheers.

It's just two more, two more then you're done.

Don't put that on Facebook! Amara! Don't put that on Facebook!

"Who is most likely to eat their friend

if they were starving and without food?"

That one's really hard. None of us would do that.

We'd all rather starve.

-Birdy. -Birdy.

What? Have you guys discussed this? That I would eat you?

Yeah, we sit around and talk about whether you're a cannibal.

One, two, three.

Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.

"Who's most likely to get divorced?" Me, I think.

Definitely not you.

Your relationships never lasted more than three months.

You cannot get divorced from a dating app.

You've got a point.

I think it's Birdy, I'm afraid.

I'd never get divorced. I saw what it did to my family.

Birdy, don't take it so personally.

It's easy to think you've met the best person in the world,

then you get married and you realise there are other people

who may be better.

Look at me and Neil.

Me and Nathan are nothing like you and Neil.

Whoa! Everyone. Birdy, drink. Nell, take a card.

"Who in the group would you most like to fuck?"

Maggie, I don't think I could handle your sexual drama.

Birdy, I can't imagine what that even would be,

but I know you'd text me too much afterwards.

It's good to check in!

I mean, probably Amara? I know we could fuck

and you'd have no emotional attachment.

Cheers, I guess?

Right, you're just more disengaged and free.

Those are two completely different words, but okay.

"Who is most likely to be a murderer?"

-I think Nell. -Yeah, me too.

She's very good at keeping secrets,

and she's got that ruthless killer instinct.

Aw, thanks, guys.

I was briefly offended, but that's a great compliment.

Are you sure it's Nell?

Who else would it be?

I guess it would be Nell if it was one of those nerdy murders

that's all planned out with lots of maps and graphs.

But if it was a horny murder, I think it would be me.

What's a horny murder?

You know, like a crime of passion.

"Who is most likely to get put in the friend zone by a crush?"

Nell!

-Drink, Nell. -No, I'm not gonna drink.

It's because you're so funny and down-to-earth.

Yeah, and matey.

Exactly, yeah, you can be very matey.

Like a cabbie.

No, she's too rude to be a cabbie.

She's more like a sarcastic ticket inspector.

-Yeah. 100%. -Oh, my God.

I know what you're all trying to say with your "matey," "cabbie,"

"sarcastic ticket inspector" bullshit.

What you really mean is I'm unfuckable.

-Oh, mate, we were only joking. -No, you're not.

You've always put me in this sexless role.

Like, "Nell's the responsible one. Nell's the blokey one.

Let's take the piss out of her boyfriend.

Oh, my hair looks so good, Nell.

Take a picture of me, Nell. What's the football score, Nell?

Explain global warming to us, Nell."

Well, here's something you don't know about Nell.

Nell's about to start fucking her married boss.

She snogged him in the pub,

and then she wanked herself senseless online to him last night.

So, no, Nell's not in the friend zone.

Nell's in the sex zone.

Wanked herself off.

Nell, you're gonna have an affair with a married man?

Yep. It's my turn to be the leading lady for once.

He made a vow to his wife, Nell. That's really serious.

Oh, Birdy, chill out.

Stop being such a weird Mormon virgin.

I'm not being a Mormon vir...

When did you become so boring and judgemental?

I can't believe you're doing this to the sisterhood.

Oh, here we fucking go!

All these years, you have been a secret woman hater.

Okay, Birdy, you're not a prefect for monogamy

'cause you've had a boyfriend for less than a year.

Maggie, cool it with the fake feminism. You're jealous.

-And Amara... -Hey! I'm on your side.

Yeah, well, you're all fucking me off.

Do you know what, Nell? If this is the choice

that you want to make, then fine.

But you're not doing it under my roof.

I'll do whatever I want. We all pay rent to live here.

Yeah, it's not your roof. It's our roof.

Do you know what?

You can do whatever the fuck you want

because I'm moving out to live with Nathan!

Fuck this.

Birdy, what the fuck? You can't do this to us.

Who is gonna move into your room?

Not my responsibility.

You haven't given us any notice. I've just quit my job.

I didn't tell you to do that!

Can you not see how selfish you're being?

We are all meant to be in this together.

And now you're just walking away

like we haven't been planning this for years.

I'm moving in with my boyfriend. I'm not doing anything wrong.

Yeah.

I bet he told you to say that, didn't he?

Magg...

Maggie, please. This has been really hard for me.

This has been really hard for me too.

Watching you slowly disappear from my life.

Were you only ever friends with me

while you were waiting to find a boyfriend?

No! No, of course not.

You have always been my most important person.

I don't know if we should be that to each other anymore.

It's not healthy. We can't go on like we were.

We have to grow up and have our own lives.

But you don't want that. You just want Nathan's life.

You've just become a version of Nathan.

-What? -Yeah, you've lost yourself.

I don't recognise you anymore.

Every CD in your car is Nathan's favourite band.

Everything you wear is something Nathan bought for you.

You've handed over your entire personality

to the first man who asked you out.

I don't know where the real you has gone.

This is the real me!

Whoever you think I am isn't who I want to be!

And even if I am like Nathan, so what?

It's better than just being a version of you, Maggie!

I can't live with you and follow you around

and look up to you and copy you,

all so that you feel better about yourself.

I never wanted you to be like me.

No, but you have always just wanted me to be one step behind you.

I always wanted you to be your own person.

Why does it make you so insane that I'm doing something for me?

-Because I want you to live! -Oh, my God.

Do you think what you're doing is living?

Drinking and fucking anything for a story?

Maggie, are you even experiencing any of it?

Jesus, are you even alive?

Is that what you think about me?

Is this you telling me you're moving out...

or is this you telling me you don't wanna be friends anymore?

Birdy!

I don't know.

I don't know. I just... I think we just need some space.

I feel like you're breaking up with me.

What...?

Subtitles: Lea Espector plint.com