Original subtitles

In every love story, there are unavoidable junctions of change.

It could be the moment something begins.

-Hello again. -Hi.

It might be when everything's been on an even keel for years.

Something happens that takes the relationship in a new direction.

It may be exactly what you planned.

This change may be a surprise.

-Do we need a condom? -I'm on the pill.

-Since when? -Since last week.

Slow down.

And pass me that thing from under my pillow.

Fuck that's hot.

-That's the burritos. -It's fine.

They'll leave it outside.

-I didn't specify the safe space. -Safe place. Why not?

I forgot.

They'll leave it there.

-I'm worried that's all... -Fine, go get them.

Thank you.

-You're filthy girl. -Yeah, I am.

So desperate for my cock, you have to fuck me in a filthy toilet.

Yeah, I'm disgusting...

Sometimes only one person in the love story can see these crossroads.

Because sometimes, it just takes a handful of words.

All future drinks on the house.

They forgot the guacamole!

You dirty slut... You big posh cunt.

I'm so sorry.

Birdy.

-What? -I love you.

I love you too.

...was not unnoticed, that it was not...

Do you spell "come" with an "o" or a "u"?

Different schools of thought.

Personally, I always used "come" with an "o" as the verb,

-but "cum" with a "u" as the noun. -Thanks.

-Are you sexting that barman? -Yeah. Rege.

-Will you go on a date with him? -Nah, no dates.

-Just hookups. -But he's so fit.

Yeah, but you know my plan, I'm not falling in love until I'm 31.

He's gonna be a six-foot-four Libra.

Who owns a multi-million pound startup.

And we're having twin daughters.

Until then, I'm busy. I can't be losing my mind over men.

Amara, I think you should run like, weekend workshops in Cornwall

for desperate women. I've thought this before. I'd so go.

-I've never sexted Neil. -What?!

-I wouldn't even know what to say. -It's about finding your own voice.

You start with archetypes, then you build your own style from there.

-Oh, send a sext to Neil, please! -Alright. What do I say?

"I can't stop thinking about your big hard cock."

-Classic, an absolute classic. -Fine.

-Done. -Oh my God, I'm so excited.

-Birdy, you're doing this as well. -Um, no.

Why not? We're all sending them.

-What did he say? -"You flatter me."

-That's that, then. -Oh, it's so disappointing.

I was so hoping he'd take the bait.

I would just love for Neil to have a kink, you know?

Like, be into being gagged. I love that for him.

Totally. But you just know he's someone who thinks wild sex

is, like, a position no one enjoys, like reverse cowgirl.

Stop! We always do this. We turn my boyfriend into a joke.

And then I still have to have sex with him.

You never talk about sex with Nathan.

Look, I don't want to be disrespectful to him.

-Oh, mate! -What?

Didn't know you lost your virginity to each other in a teen rom-com.

Okay, fine. I'll tell you one thing.

-Last night when we were having sex. -Yeah?

He told me he loved me for the first time.

-Aw, Birdy! -Did you say it back?

Yeah.

-That is so great, Birdy. -Thanks. It was really special.

Hey. So how did Kyle's first date with the new girl go?

-What's her name again? -Bohemia.

Jesus. One of these days I'll make a TV show about

people called Sharon and Clare.

It went well! Lots of chemistry.

Jade found out they'd gone on a date.

-How? -We think Bella told her last night.

Oh fuck. So that's off camera now.

We need a crew in Jade's flat this afternoon for her reaction.

-I'll write it in the running order. -Good call.

We need to be in the edit. We can get lunch there.

Maggie, I'll see you later.

Hi.

-You had a tough one today. -Yeah.

Year nine?

I totally lost control of the class.

Yeah. Year nines are always the toughest.

Wait until halfway through the year when they choose their GCSEs.

The ones that are dropping your subject completely clock out.

Oh, don't say that.

You can handle it.

I know I shouldn't say this, but...

I don't wanna manage their behaviour, don't wanna inspire them.

I just want them to pass exams.

That's what all NQTs say.

But they'll get you in the end. They always do.

Pub? A few of us are clocking off.

Can't. Too much marking, Simon.

As your boss, I approve.

As a piss-head looking for another piss-head, I disapprove.

How did you know?

Permanent thirsty look in your eyes.

Trouble.

-Amara? -Hi!

Shoes. Where've you been?

-Drinks with the work lot. -Oh, nice! Do you want a tea?

Nah, I'm good. I'm gonna go to bed.

-Night. -Night.

Shall I mark one?

Go on then.

Listen to this guitar solo.

And the producer wants to get rid of it.

Did your parents ever worry about calling you Street?

No. Why?

It's such a risk. That kind of name only works if your kid ends up hot.

They're iconoclasts. They don't care about that stuff.

And I'm not an iconoclast?

If you make reality TV

and your family home's got a conservatory, then no.

How do you know anything about my family home?

Or my work? You barely ask me about my job.

Yeah because it's not what you really wanna do.

I don't know that yet. I've only been doing it a couple of months.

Sorry.

I just assumed you didn't wanna build a career from something that's

violently tearing apart the fabric of humanity at its seams.

Cheers.

Well unless you do, you evil, horrible goddess.

Is this Nick Drake?

You've been listening to the CD.

I like him. You'll have to make me a greatest hits compilation.

No. Greatest hits are for melts.

You need to listen to an album chronologically. Every song.

Even the weaker ones. Albums are like humans.

And those wonky bits are what make it...

weirdly perfect and completely beautiful.

Street...

Maggie?

I love you.

-No, you don't! -Shut up.

I'm sorry Maggie, but why would you say that?

-Shut up. -You really are so bored aren't you?

-Where you going? -I need to piss.

-Hey. -Nell?

-I'm having a nervy-b. -What's happened? Where are you?

-I just told Street I love him. -And what did he say?

-He laughed and told me I don't. -Right.

-I'm so upset. -You're not, you're embarrassed.

I can't believe he didn't say it back. I have to leave.

-I can't ever see him again. -Maggie, listen. You don't love him.

I think I do.

No. You thought you loved that creepy club promoter.

And the head of the Anarchist Society at uni with the Mohawk.

What do these men have in common?

You. You're the romance.

You make everything magic. Not them.

-Okay. -So just be chill.

And laugh it off.

Okay. I love you.

-Bye. Nell? -Yeah?

Please don't tell Amara and Birdy about this.

I won't.

-I love you. -Stop saying that.

-That's new. -Yeah.

-When did you get that? -Nathan bought it for me.

Oh, why didn't you tell me?

Did I have to tell you?

You hate it when I buy clothes and I don't show you them.

You act so betrayed when I come downstairs in a new vest top.

-What even is it? -It's a charm bracelet.

-It's funky. -It's not "funky."

-It's really special and personal. -What's that?

-An owl. -Why an owl?

Because I'm called Birdy.

Yeah, but not because you look like an owl,

you look like a little sparrow or a budgie.

He doesn't see me as a budgie, he sees me as an owl.

Anyway, it's woodland themed.

I think it's nice he buys you so many presents.

It's like you're on a gameshow. What will be next month's prize?

STREET CALLING

-Are you not gonna answer him? -No.

What's going on with you two?

Nothing.

-Hi, girls. -Hello, Mummy.

-How are things going at the salon? -Good thank you.

I have to tell you,

my clients are absolutely obsessed with that TV programme of yours,

-it's all they talk about. -Ahh, thank you.

I bet your Mum and Dad are proud.

And relieved that you know, you're all sorted.

Alright, Mum.

I thought the meaning of temping was that it was meant to be temporary.

-Birdy's got big news though. -Have you?

-No, I haven't. -Yes, you do!

-Birdy's got a boyfriend! -What?

Yeah! And his name's Nathan...

Nathan! Well, I cannot wait to meet him!

Smith.

Nathan Smith.

-Mum, I... -Smith... Nathan Smith.

I was gonna say something...

When?! When you send me the invite to your wedding,

where you roast a big pig on a lawn and I have to wear a pastel dress

-and matching hat? -This is why I didn't tell you.

-I knew you'd overreact like this... -Oh. I'm overreacting.

Well, I cannot wait to tell Grandma,

who was smuggled out of Austria as a baby,

with every piece of family jewellery in her nappy...

Every time you tell this story there's another item in the nappy.

It's like Mary Poppins' handbag. What else was in there?

The challah plate? The Kiddush cup?!

I don't want to talk about this now!

Thanks.

-Thanks, Joan. -Alright, see ya.

Thanks, Joan!

Hi!

-Darling girl. -Hello.

Oh, you look exhausted. Doesn't she look exhausted Graham?

-Burning both ends at the candle. -Been sleeping enough?

She can catch up on her sleep here.

It's so hot in this house. It's, like, hotter than Thailand.

No, I don't think that's true.

-It must be 30 degrees. -Wait...

-Wait 'till you see this. -Graham, not again.

What is the temperature in Thailand?

It's about 29 degrees in Bangkok, Thailand.

Isn't that amazing? And you can do it for anything.

What is the name of Billy Joel's wife?

It's May, and the piglets are starting to explore...

To expose a dodgy beauty salon that's got itself into hot water.

Or should that be... hot wax?

Because their customers have the third degree burns to prove it.

This is dodgy dealers and this...

I put four sugars in, to give you energy.

I do feel very weak.

Get that down you, then you can have a nice bath and get changed.

Do we have to go?

Why are we all paying for Nigel and Nikki to go on holiday?

They're not going on a holiday, they're doing charity work.

-We're raising money to build a dam. -Fine.

I'll go to your white saviour party.

Exactly, yes! We'll have fun.

-Do you really have to wear that? -You said smart casual.

You were stuffing yourself with ham from the fridge this afternoon.

Well, why is Dad allowed to wear that then?

No, he's not wearing it out.

Where did you even get it?

The online gift shop. Well, I thought it was quite smart.

Take it off. Everyone's already seen it.

Douglas and Lynn haven't seen it.

Great Britain might not host again in your lifetime, Maggie.

Why wouldn't you volunteer with all those other young people.

Look I know you're bored of me saying it,

but you'll miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportu...

Remember Graham, don't offer Mike a drink tonight.

-Why can't you offer him a drink? -He's been having a tough time.

Six months sober, on one of those programmes.

But of course, now they're saying that a glass of red wine a day

can halve your chances of cancer...

-Can we have three? -Ten Graham.

Oh, make that ten...

That's more like it...

That's it! Here we go! To the right!

And the left!

Here we go! Yes! I wanna hear ya!

-Come on, sweetheart! -Gangnam Style!

Gangnam style! Come on!

-Don't eat those. They're burnt. -So?

It's carcinogenic.

You and Dad are obsessed with cancer.

Like it's your favourite band.

Mike! Oh, have you met my brilliant daughter Maggie.

-Hello Maggie. -She's a TV producer.

For a hugely successful show.

It's really not that successful. And I'm barely a TV producer

I mostly just feel like a woman with a computer.

That's not true.

Well, your mum and dad are very proud of you and your brother.

-And your computer, of course. -Mike, sweetheart.

Have you bought your tickets for the raffle?

Darling! This is Cormac.

Cormac, this is my daughter Maggie.

-She's a TV producer. -Really?

She could have been anything she wanted to be.

Could have gone to Oxford, didn't want to.

Could have been Prime Minister, didn't want to.

-You've got the right idea. -Mike. You're not leaving are you?

No, just having a smoke.

-Double-parked. -Do you want one?

-Fuck, sorry. I forgot. -So, your parents told you, then?

They did.

-How are you doing? -Feel fine.

Like a debutante. Divorced man in suburbia.

Like flies around a big hot turd.

-Do you mind me drinking this? -Please. I live in the gin belt.

I'm used to it. No problem at all.

Mind you, it would be better if you had any gear.

I swear it's in here, I'm sure it's in this handbag.

Leftover from a party.

Are you an angel that was sent to me?

I love you.

-What the fuck, Mike?! -What?!

That was my only one! We could've split it!

Oh shit. I'm so sorry. I just got excited.

It reminds me of going to all those raves in fields off the M25.

You were in your 40s in the '90s, Mike.

Grow up.

Have you got any Malibu?

Raffle's on, ladies and gentlemen.

And the ear wax removal session goes to ticket number 521.

That's 521.

There you are. We've been looking for you.

We want you to talk to Alan,

he's writing a sitcom about his time as a dentist

and we've said you'd know someone at your production company...

No offence Alan, but I don't give a fuck about your sitcom

and I would hazard a guess that no else will either.

-Maggie! -Would you both

stop being so proud of me all the time?!

I don't know when you'll realise I'm not that great.

And your endless love for me has left me completely unprepared

for the world and the millions of people who think I'm ugly

and stupid and shit.

-She's overtired. -I'll probably need loads of therapy

to sort it all out because you two encouraged me

to follow my idiotic dreams instead of getting a proper job!

It's slow dance time. I present...

Sorry sweetheart, it's our song.

Fine. I'm going home.

Look, I'm sorry Alan.

If you want to be a writer, you'll have to toughen up.

Yeah.

Hi, it's Maggie! Leave a message.

You're ignoring me.

And I don't know why.

But I was just ringing to say...

You really do have the best tits I've ever seen.

They're like the kind you see when you go to your mate's house

as a teenager and you find photos of his hot mum sunbathing topless

on a Greek island in the '70s.

So, yeah...

That's what you are.

Absolutely timeless.

Call me back.

I don't know exactly what happened with you and Mike last night.

And for the sake of the book club we're both in, frankly,

I don't want to know.

The guy's lost everything.

And now he has to start at square one with his sobriety.

-He asked me for drugs! -I don't want to know the details.

You were drunk as well!

I just want you to know that your actions have repercussions.

Life can't be fun all the time.

You can't do whatever you want because you're bored

or because you find it funny or... whatever it is. What is it?

Maybe you're right. Maybe we haven't been hard enough on you.

I didn't say that, I said you over-loved me,

which is a totally different thing and arguably...

Stop making excuses.

Whatever you think of our parenting,

we certainly did not bring up a brat.

You are 24. You have to take some responsibility.

I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

And I won't do anything like that ever again.

Member of the cruciferous vegetable family. Eight letters.

Begins with a "k".

Kohlrabi.

You clever girl.

-He's logged on. -Shut up.

What do I say?

Say "I'm with my friend Maggie do you have any friends for her?"

-Where's he from again? -Milton Keynes.

He's with his friend Charlie.

Oh my God.

What does that mean?

Rub your noonie on this piece of paper.

-Hello? -Hi Joan, it's Maggie,

-I was just wondering... -Belinda!

-It's for you. -Thanks.

-Hello? -Hi.

Oh, hi.

-How are you? -Fine.

Sorry I told your mum about Nathan.

She's barely spoken to me all weekend.

Isn't it a relief, in a way, that it's not a secret anymore?

No. Don't pretend like you were trying to do me a favour.

You're right. I knew exactly what would happen and...

and I don't know why I did it.

It was your thing to tell in your own time.

How was your weekend?

Er, mixed. I sort of got off with my parents' friend

who's a recovering alcoholic and I sort of gave him a pinger.

What's up with you at the moment? You're not really talking to me.

Mum lost her lid at me. Gave me a proper telling off.

Good. Someone has to.

I think I'm jealous.

I'm finding it hard you're going ahead,

and doing something I've never done before, because...

we normally do everything together.

Nothing will change, Maggie.

That's only a thing people say when everything's changing.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to be more of an adult.

It's okay.

Do you remember when we used to sit on your mum's computer

together for hours,

having cybersex with random boys?

Yeah, unfortunately.

God... We were such randy little freaks.

Can you imagine telling your 14-year-old self

that one day a boy would tell you he loved you.

I still can't get over the fact we lost our virginities.

It's really, really great that you're in love.

It's a hard thing to find. When it's real.

Thank you.

-I love you. -I love you too.

Come in.

The thing is. The thing you have to understand.

We're survivors.

And you can't just...

skip over this huge part of who you are.

You can't just throw it all away.

He's my first boyfriend. We're only three months in.

I don't understand why there has to be so much drama

-just because he's not Jewish. -No I know.

And I am sorry that I reacted the way that I did.

And I really do look forward to meeting him.

-Thanks, Mum. -But not on a Friday.

And not with grandma.

And as you said, it probably won't last.

I didn't say that.

Hey.

-Where's Nathan? -Gym?

Convention for board short enthusiasts? God knows.

Where have you been? You disappeared.

I went to my mum and dad's.

Come here. I missed you.

I don't think we should see each other anymore.

Why?

Because I think we've got to the end of whatever this was.

But I really like you.

You're only saying that because I told you I loved you

then ignored you for 48 hours

and I really can't believe you have to act that mad

-to make a man obsessed with you. -It's not that...

I love... hanging out with you.

Do you? 'Cause you never come to my house.

I made a decision in 2008 to never go to Camden again.

And you've never listened to any of the songs I've sent you.

Or read any of the articles.

I don't think you care about my taste in things

or my thoughts on things.

You don't know anything about my work. Or my friends.

I didn't know you were so annoyed with me.

I'm not! Honestly, I'm not.

I thought I was having fun.

I think I just feel things in real time.

I'm not so in my head about us like you are.

I don't know what I'm tryna say.

I just don't wanna stop seeing you.

I left some things in your room.

Sometimes, the change in a love story happens

when you can no longer ignore reality.

So you say goodbye to the person,

accepting that they may have been the work of your imagination.

Bye.

Subtitles: Lily Ray plint.com