Original subtitles

Destiny.

The thing I believed predetermined all great love stories.

The idea that the romantic events of our lives

were scripted in stardust, long, long ago.

I just had to follow the signs to find them.

This particular tale of destiny begins on a train.

The year is 2012.

According to The Mayan Calendar, the world is about to end.

Which would have been a real bummer because I was 24,

and my adult life had just finally begun.

Please can I get a mini bottle of red wine,

and a mini bottle of white wine and a mini bottle of Jamesons.

Yeah, that card's been declined.

-Definitely not. -Definitely has.

I checked my account at the station, there was loads of money,

and by loads I mean 32 pounds and 74 p.

It's saying you have insufficient funds.

-I'll get it. -No, no. Don't worry.

So that same order for Shane MacGowan.

And just a beer for me, please.

I was doing market research,

and you sit in a room with, like, 30 other people

and you answer questions for the car company

about whether you'd drive the car.

-And where was today's? -Bristol.

-And would you drive the car? -Dunno. Can't drive.

This obviously isn't my long-term plan. I wanna write.

-So what do you want to write? -Really, really good stories.

-And comments. -Comments?

Yeah, I want to be amazing at comments and... witticisms.

I want my comments to be in a cheap book you get by the till.

Until then I'll basically do anything other than murder

for 40 quid, cash in hand.

Is that bad?

-How old are you? -Twenty-four.

I'd say you've got two more years left of getting away with it.

-How old are you? -Twenty-seven.

-Just out of the middle. -How was it?

Well, I think Larkin got it right.

What did he say?

I feared these present years.

The middle twenties.

When deftness disappears, and each event is freighted

with a source-encrusting doubt and turned to drought.

Fit.

What's your favourite band?

Come on. You're better than this.

What?

Asking me what my favourite things are.

Like you're a teenage girl filling out a MySpace profile.

That is incredibly patronising.

I think you like being patronised by men.

Gives you something to push against.

Like you're a shrew to be tamed or something.

I don't wanna be tamed.

You just want our attention.

Ladies and gentlemen, we'll shortly be arriving in London Paddington,

that's our final stop.

It was lovely to meet you...

-Street. -Street?

I know. It's where I was conceived.

-No way. -It's true.

God. I'm just trying to think what my parents would have called me

if I was named after where I was conceived.

Pocket sprung mattress.

I've always wondered with people who are named after places.

Like, whether they ever actually live in the...

I've been waiting to do that since Slough.

"Pocket sprung mattress?"

Are you getting the tube?

Nah. I'll walk home.

Really committed to this troubadour shit aren't you?

Fucking works, though, doesn't it?

-Let's not change numbers. -Why?

Because I think if we're meant to meet again, we'll meet again.

Leave it to kismet. Destiny.

You must be so, so bored.

I'm Maggie.

That boy, that kiss, that train journey,

would begin a series of events that would change my life.

I don't know what my 20s would've been like

if I hadn't got on that exact train and sat in that exact carriage.

I can only tell you everything that happened after I did.

This is a story of great love.

But it's not the one you think it is.

-Mags? -Yeah?

-You ready? -Yeah!

But first I need to ask you a really serious question.

What is it?

Is it hard, being the prettiest girl in the entire world?

Seriously we're leaving in five minutes.

That's exactly how long it takes me to get ready.

Don't even try that, I've known you your whole life.

Nell, Amara! Wine!

Why is no one ready?

Just sorted the Feng Shui in my room.

-Had a nap. -Wrote my will.

-Oh, what's it say? -Just "will" at the moment.

Okay, can we stop writing wills and having naps...

-it's meant to be ladies' night! -I didn't agree to that?

-Yeah. It's ladies' night. -Yes, mate!

I propose a toast.

Can I have your fake Prada sunglasses?

Nell? To the first Friday night in our first London house.

Yeah!

And to many more Friday nights.

Look at all those Friday nights piled up just for us.

How are we gonna get through them all?

Okay, I really do think we should leave by eight.

Oh Birdy, you need to relax.

You're just... You are so rushed off your feet...

I've told you before, I don't like it.

I've told you I don't like it!

I've told you a thousand times! I don't like it!

Well, then stop being the littlest one then!

Okay so I think if we start at the Choc Farm

and make our way to the Moons and Crescent End.

Let's not make a plan. The best nights happen following our noses.

Agreed!

Oh, have you heard from that guy on the train?

No. But I didn't think I would.

We didn't exchange surnames or numbers.

Thought it would be romantic.

Definitely your idea, not his.

If I met a man I fancied who fancied me,

I'd make him write his number on my face with permanent marker.

Don't be so dramatic, Birdy.

Anyway. There we are. Met the boy of my dreams,

probably the only boy I could see myself ever truly loving,

and now he's gone.

Oh, come on, babe. This isn't like you.

We've just arrived in London! City of possibilities!

-There will be others. -Not like this one.

I've put a winning lottery ticket in the wash.

Well done for not being dramatic about it though.

Thanks.

-Thank you! -And cheers!

-Let's play Never Have I Ever. -No!

It's only enjoyable for half the group.

Not the half who've had two sexual partners.

Or never taken drugs. So whatever you want to say, just say it.

Amara, you had a threesome in Malaga.

Maggie, you wanked at the back of the coach

on a school trip to Stonehenge. There, game done.

-Do you think that's enough? -Yeah.

-Oh God, the Feds! -Hide it in your pocket.

-No! I'm a teacher! -Guys?

Oh, for God's sake.

Birdie get in.

-Okay. If I took it... -Yes!

If I took it. Are you sure I won't die?

You are so suburban Birdy, you're not gonna die.

No one has ever died from taking cocaine.

-Not true. -It is completely harmless.

It's a very sort of 2.4 children, L-shaped sofa type of drug.

You just dip in and out of it, like...

-Hummus? -Genius girl. Hummus. Exactly.

-I don't think I will. -Why?

I don't want to get dizzy.

Do you want to die with some stories or sleepwalk into your own grave?

Feel like I'm in Trainspotting!

You're literally wearing a dress from Karen Millen.

Bottle of your cheapest white, please. And four glasses.

-Cheers mate. -Hey?

-Hey. -Do you recognise me?

Yeah! Were you on one of those early series of Big Brother?

No. No. I'm Maggie? We met on a train? A couple of weeks ago?

Oh yeah! Sorry. My brain's fried. How are you?

I'm good!

-Who're you here with? -My friends.

My housemates! We've just moved in together down the road.

-Interesting. -What?

Moving to Camden in 2012.

Whoever you're looking for's already left.

-What are you doing here then? -Gig.

-How'd it go? -Fine.

I mean everyone talked through the whole set,

the white people clapped on the on-beat.

Just another Friday night in a completely forgettable band.

We're actually heading off now.

Okay.

Really nice to see you again.

Yeah, you too.

I could give you my number this time?

Do I not have your number?

No we decided...

I don't think we exchanged numbers.

-What is this? -Oh yeah. I hate smart phones.

I read recently our brains are actually changing shape

from how much time we spend online.

Yeah soon we won't be able to concentrate on anything.

Reading a novel will be as niche an activity as, like, bell-ringing.

Dark.

You can't tell me how to live my life!

-I can! -You can't!

Who was that?

I'm literally gonna shit myself.

I'm hoping this is another example of your misuse of "literally".

That. Was the fucking. Train guy.

-No! -Yes!

See Nell! Destiny.

Oh my God he's even more beautiful than I remembered.

-What's his name? -Street.

He was named after where he was conceived.

-Oh, have a day off. -Sorry, Nell.

I'm here for it. I am backing our girl, this is fate.

It is too weird not to be.

And, and he uses an old Nokia

because he believes smart phones are bad for our brains.

It's like he's some kind of...

-Cunt? -...philosopher?

I can't believe I saw him!

Can you believe it? I cannot believe it. Where's Birdy?

Oh God knows. I now get why she doesn't take drugs.

It's been like watching Elmo get high.

Mags, come here I want you to meet these guys.

This is my best friend Maggie, she's literally amazing,

we've known each other since school.

The other two are great but this girl is my childhood sweetheart.

Do you ever have it where you want to invent a new version of marriage,

just two people promise to love each other forever,

they don't have sex, they just hang out loads.

Yes! But there's still a formal commitment.

I totally agree. Shouldn't there be a word for it?

Erm... friendship?

Yes!

Four beers, please!

Thank you, barman!

-I wanna roll down the hill! -Yes!

I'm gonna do it!

No, I don't wanna get dizzy!

Birdy, come on!

Oh, shit.

-Can I sit here? -Yeah.

-I like your keyrings. -Thanks.

-How many are on there? -Thirteen.

I like your braces.

-What colour are they? -Glitter magenta.

-I'm Maggie. -I'm Birdy.

You know, it shows how much I love you,

that I don't mind you doing this every morning.

I barely like doing this with someone I'm sleeping with.

I know.

I spent all my money again last night,

buying drinks for a load of people I'll never, ever see again.

Why did you buy them drinks?

To make them like me without having to talk.

I'll lend you.

You can't lend me any more money.

I'll go back to the bank and see if they'll let me extend my overdraft.

I thought you already went last week and they said no.

I'll try again.

I don't think it works like a tombola.

I'm such an idiot.

No you're not. You're so fun.

I'm the tragic drunk who buys all the rounds.

You think being fun is easy because it comes so naturally to you.

But being fun is not easy.

You're someone who actually likes skinny dipping and wearing bandannas

and playing snooker at the pub and putting hot sauce on everything.

That's special.

Maybe the cost of being that special is always being overdrawn.

I just don't think that's right at all.

It is. I've spent years trying to learn how to be fun from you.

You are fun!

Like when?

Like... when you bought those

pink neon flared combat trousers

with the strings hanging off?

Or... when you went on that Thorpe Park roller-coaster four times!

You'd come off, sip of water, straight back in the queue.

That's incredible.

Okay, fine. I've been fun like, twice in my life.

But that's okay. I'm much better at things like

judging how long a car journey is gonna take.

You are really good at that.

-I love you. -Oh, I love you.

Oh, I wish you'd wear pants.

-How you feeling? -Bad.

I cannot believe you guys did poppers last night.

We live in Camden now.

Poppers in Camden is like eating a croissant in Paris.

-I'll get it. -That'll be your boyfriend, Nell.

-Hi Neil. -Don't eat that from the jar!

-Hi guys. -Oh my gosh!

-Yes! We've got a telly! -Yes!

My sister had a spare one in her attic.

Thanks, babe.

There's gonna be zero tolerance policy

for taking those batteries out of the remote for personal devices.

Unless it's an emergency.

-Personal devices? -Vibrators and dillies.

Anyway, thanks man.

Yeah. No worries.

-How's finance going? -Law.

-And Man U? -Arsenal.

-We've got to go to work. -See you tonight.

-Bye! -Bye!

Thanks again for telly, Neil.

-Hello. -Hi.

I wonder if our degrees are ever gonna come good.

I don't think a 2-1 in English and Drama

says anything to an employer other than,

"I'm completely average. I've got a Breakfast At Tiffany's poster

and I can't think for myself."

I found my degree certificate when I was unpacking.

Used it as a coaster.

-Oh my God, it's Street. -What did he say?

"Hey sugar, come round mine tonight to listen to some albums."

Hmm. I wonder how many "albums" you're going to "listen to".

I shouldn't have sex with him, do you think?

I've never even had a boyfriend, don't look at me for advice.

That'll do pig, that'll do.

Kids eat for half-price today.

Look you have to get over this never having a boyfriend stuff.

You have to admit it's weird. I'm a quarter of a century old.

We're in this grubby, golden phase of life that is so short-lived.

We should just enjoy it for what it is. We need experiences.

Having a relationship is an experience. Isn't it?

What are you gonna wear?

I don't know, something quite understated I think.

He's so cool and I'm so not

and he needs to not know what a try-hard I am.

-That is a good Nico impression. -I told you.

You were really lame at school, weren't you?

You were, weren't you?

You were a loser who wore rockabilly dresses

and ate Toffee Crisps in the school toilets.

How insightful.

-Do the Nico voice again. -No.

Do it, Big Bird.

-Hello? -Oh, God.

That's my flatmate Nathan. He's not actually my mate.

He works in insurance. I found him on Gumtree.

-Alright? -Alright?

-Nathan this is Maggie. -Hi.

Hi.

I'll be out of your way soon, I'm just getting changed,

-and going to the gym. -Nathan's marathon training.

Wow, amazing. How's it going?

Er, pretty bad to be honest. Yeah painful and boring.

-Why are you doing it? -I don't know. Something to do.

Nathan needs to have sex.

And then he'll stop...

what's that word you and your mates use at the gym?

-Grating. -Shredding.

-Have you got any single friends? -That isn't necessary.

Yeah, loads. Maybe I'll give you Birdy's number.

-Was she there the other night? -Yeah, little with dark hair.

She's the best person in the world.

-Who were those other two? -Nell and Amara.

We met them at uni.

Nell's got a boyfriend though, and Amara only ever seems to date

spoken word performers or Southern Europeans,

that doesn't seem to be your immediate vibe,

if you don't mind me saying.

Birdy it is!

-Thanks mate. -I'll give you her number.

Cheers. Well, you guys have a good evening.

-Yo, Tank... -Tank?

Yeah, I know mate, I'll be there shortly...

Well, just try to grab the dumbbells before anyone else does...

-Do you see what I mean? -Yeah. But he's nice though.

Yeah but just, the kind of guy who's too into barbecued food, you know?

Or who says, "Brazilian women are the sexiest women on earth".

Exactly.

I'm having people over on Friday night.

You know, play some music. Get fucked up.

Do you want to come? You can do your Nico.

Maybe.

We're out of wine. Whisky?

I think I'm actually gonna head off.

Yeah, just work and stuff tomorrow.

Bye, Street.

-One more time! -No! I can't rap.

-Stop calling it a "rap". -You're really good. Come on.

-Hi! -Thank God!

-Shoes off! -How'd it go?

Yeah. Good, I think? Playing the long game.

-Kiss? -Yeah.

Nothing else, though. I'm eking it out.

Don't wanna use up all his attention too quick, you know?

-When's his birthday? -Dunno.

-I can find out. What's his name? -Baxter. Street Baxter.

Wait what do you mean, "use up his attention"?

He's either into you or he isn't.

He probably has loads of girls on the go.

So there's an allotted amount of attention for each of us.

-That is so rank. -Gemini. I knew it.

I'm the one in control though. I left.

So I'm gonna go upstairs, watch videos of his band on YouTube,

and wank furiously. It's all very feministy, don't worry.

Okay we need to talk about that word again.

I've got your star sign compatibility trial here.

-Want me to email it to you? -Yeah, obviously.

-Done. -What if he thinks I'm frigid.

I wish someone thought I was frigid.

Things can only get batter at Amy Lou's Pancake House.

Oh, unknown number.

Oh, I got that one. Chicken dippers free with every large pizza.

Weird, it's from some guy called Nathan.

-No way! -What?

That's Street's flatmate.

He asked me if I had any single friends so I gave him your number.

That is so random he text you.

-Such a 30-year-old thing to do. -Well it's not random at all

if you gave him my number. What's he like?

Fine. I only chatted to him briefly,

but he seems completely average and normal.

-Surely that's good? -Not really.

You know when you need something practical

but not spend too much?

He's like that. Like a light bulb or plug adaptor.

So is he tall? Is he short? What does he do?

He is tall. Plain of face, sort of a potato smiley shaped face.

I think Street said he worked in recruitment.

Or energy. Some sort of boring abstract noun.

He sounds nice!

Yeah, but you could do loads better.

-I don't think I'm as fussy as you. -I'm not fussy.

-I might end up with a plug adaptor. -I hate when you say that stuff.

You won't, you'll end up with someone dazzling.

I don't want someone "dazzling", I feel tired even saying that word.

You make it sound like we all need Elton John.

Fine, go for it! Seems like a really unstressful shag.

Should I reply now? Or is that too soon?

I'm sweating.

-What will you say? -Erm, "Dinner sounds lovely".

He asked you for dinner? That's mental.

You're not going to agree to that, are you? What you saying!

-Stop being so nosy. -Let me see what you're gonna say!

Give it back. Give it back, Mags...

-No! -Give it back!

Oh, Birdy...

Can you help? Quickly. Grab both my arms! Please.

Can you grab both my arms?

-How long's she been getting ready? -Three and a half hours.

-Birdy? -I'm fine!

I'm coming in.

-I'm not fine, I'm freaking out. -Okay. Talk to me.

I'm nervous about what we're going to talk about

and whether I hug him hello and what do I wear?

-Okay, you need to chill out. -I know.

First thing's first. I know you're stressed.

But what is the one thing you and I have always sworn to each other?

Always. No matter what?

That we would never wear a waist belt with a dress.

-Why? -It doesn't nip in your waist,

that's a lie.

Okay. Already much better.

What's this?

A list of things to talk about in case there are awkward silences.

-"Council tax?" -Yeah.

-"Russell Brand?" -Maggie!

Okay. Listen to me.

You don't know this, and perhaps you'll never know,

and that is why you're so adorable.

You are the sweetest, funniest person in any room.

You on bad form is a level of charm most people don't ever get to.

Okay. Thanks.

Fine.

You look lush. Where's he taking you?

Italian restaurant. Can you believe this is the first date I've been on?

-Happy date-mitzvah! -Oh thanks, Nell.

I've got a belt that'd look great with that dress, want to borrow it?

I'm just going to go.

Don't overthink it. Have fun.

I've washed your whites, they're hanging on the rack with mine.

You still not know how to do your laundry?

Leave her. She does a loads for me. I like doing it.

-She likes doing it. -You two are so co-dependent.

Bye.

I'm sorry but I think it's creepy for him

to take her to a restaurant on their first date.

I don't think we should be having first dates

in the first month we move in together.

It's meant to be cordoned off as sacred housemate bonding time.

Erm, you went on a first date last week.

Oh, Nell's in one of her rational Scottish moods.

-What're your plans tonight? -Erm, don't know.

What are you doing, date night?

-Yeah. -Looking forward to it?

Looking forward to tomorrow morning when it's done.

When you don't have to think about it for a while.

-Where's Amara? -Out with some of her work lot.

-See you in the morning. -Have fun.

Nathan?

Birdy.

-Hello. -Hey.

Sorry I never know whether to do one or two.

No, neither do I. I think I messed that up so, anyway sit down.

-I'll get that for you. -Thank you.

Thank you!

Hi, it's Street, I'm not here. Leave a message.

Fuck it.

-Hey. -Hey. How are you?

-I'm good. What's up? -I just thought I'd drop in.

I'm on a night out in East London.

Oh yeah, don't worry about that.

-What do you mean? -I'm just kinda tied up.

So, don't worry about coming.

You could come when everyone's gone. I don't know when they'll be gone.

Like sometime after midnight maybe?

So I'm your dial-a-pussy, now.

Maggie, you called me.

I don't know what kind of girl you think I am, Street.

But I'm not going to feel grateful

that some musician wants to booty call me

once his cool friends have left.

Who, I can already tell, have some very dumb ideas about Neil Young.

-Who sings like an old feeble nan. -Maggie...

I'm not that kind of girl! So goodbye and fuck you.

'Kay, baby.

Oh, it's...

Oh no. Please, I'd love to. If you don't mind.

No, I don't mind. That's really nice of you, thank you.

You are welcome. It's my pleasure. Thank you.

We could go to a bar if you fancy it,

or we could go back to mine for a drink.

-If that's not too forward. -I've got leg day at 6AM tomorrow...

Yeah, but um...

-Fuck it! -Yeah! Fuck it! Who needs legs?

Yeah let's get legless!

Don't worry about that.

Leave me a message and I'll get back to you. Bye!

Hey, Bird. Terrible evening.

I got to that point where I'm telling a man what "kind of girl"

I may or may not be, which as we know, is a bad sign.

If on the off-chance your date isn't going well,

please come drink with me when you're done.

Don't care how late it is. Love you.

Hi, you're through to Birdy's phone...

Oh, fuck's sake!

-Birdy? Oh fuck. -Jesus Christ!

-Hi! -What are you doing?!

I came into say... came in to... Why do you have so many tiny towels?

They're not tiny towels, they're face cloths!

-I'm so sorry, I didn't realise. -It's okay.

-Date went well? -Yeah!

Sex?

-Finger bang? Blowie? -I'll tell you tomorrow.

Breakfast?

We're going for brunch tomorrow, I think.

Okay, wow.

Yeah. Yeah this place by the canal he wants to take me to.

Apparently they do a really good Bloody Mary...

No worries. Movie night tomorrow night?

Yeah. Sure. Are you okay?

Do you guys want a drink?

I think I should probably...

Of course.

-Night. -Night.

Yeah, I'm coming!

Subtitles: Lily Ray plint.com