Original subtitles

the young person's guide to become a

rock star what you need and somebody

belief if you can live that to be mother

as well too

you also need talent charisma

and leaks

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commitment Payton speller and the well

to do the job profile who these elements

the guerilla management sympathetic to

your uninhibited approach story and the

correct artistic environment then you'll

be ready to leave the chilly hail nicob

down in Harmelin delivery and snog juice

in the field

hotties talks where he

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that's great you can widemouth yeah 29

if you come off the base

the music business can change you and

are always in a good way in our kiss

cycles

recent sexual initiation produced an

unforeseen result

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yeah that's lovely that white knight

might not and holy

alright guys kusas then welcome Joshua

hey - Saturday Wow

so we've got Fiona Jaz Big Willie Joe

and physio what I do know is that Martin

has been absolutely dying to meet you

all screaming he's bonkers

oh dear Oh Martin you haven't fallen in

love again avea she's beautiful look at

him he wants a cuddle Jackie Makoto

go on he's having so vogue a Oh

great judge our scary hairy tarantula

competition so come on bring money down

look at them they're whoppers also we

need someone who's gonna go out and

speak with uncle Christopher in the

agony corner I'll do that brilliant

right

okie dokie excellent

he nagging and yeah DEET is it f in RI

over there doing Q the jingle q the

crappy jingle

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Spyder single lassi we are back on the

heat stays interesting with just told

you they were shattered by it

okay so psycho isn't it nice a telephone

it's all about well it's about a friend

at jazzie's he had terrible trouble with

plux she's actually God just like but

one look at her face and say it's just

gives you the book what's he on about

Peterson that bono actually gone are you

ready Martin Johnny doing the spider to

uncle Christopher in the agony corner hi

hello welcome to agony corner this is

the part of the show where you ring in

with your problems so let's go to the

phone straight away and find out who's

first on this morning hi I'm Walter

hello Walter what's your problem

I've been bullied by my English teacher

and he won't leave me alone

just keep pecking on me Walter that's

terrible

let me tell you something bullying is

always wrong and when it's your English

teacher it's even worse I feel for you I

really do let's see if there's something

we can do to help you out today Willie

do you have some words of advice for

Walter from Kilmarnock here do you know

where this guy lives whoa whoa here yes

that's good

now I know a couple of guys in Paisley

right

would be more than happy to go in there

good a kneecap this bastard that is I

say excellent his legs day sorry about

that we're having some technical

difficulties will return to Saturday Wow

shortly what I ought to do what I ought

to do is make a few phone calls and

ensure that your clients never work

again

or this or any other television channel

ever mister definitely understand to be

a wee bit sip you have reduced Debbie

here to tears and jeopardize the public

image of one of the most dedicated and

professional children's broadcasters in

the field

surly Debbie I don't mean Debbie neither

am i speaking of the irreparable damage

to the reputation of Martin the marmoset

I'm speaking now of uncle Christopher

who has resigned from Saturday while

forth with okay see the guy asked my

opinion we have taken twenty seven

thousand one hundred and twenty-two

calls at our switchboard with a DC 2038

were from citizens outraged by the death

live on network children's television of

a rare South Bolivian fruit Spider 6388

were from children requesting

kneecapping for their teachers

interesting twelve thousand eight

hundred and twenty two four photographs

of Mister psycho MacPhail and the

address of his fan club she's cuter

happenin and the rest demanding for some

unaccountable reason which continues to

evade me your reappearance on the show

so so we're offering you a regular spot

for the next four weeks and if mr.

McBaine can moderate his language we'd

like him to take over in the agony

corner you mean at Bianca well II that

is correct

you just said that we ruined your

program you did but we got a shitload of

coverage over this day Bart should be

worth a couple of million in ratings mr.

davanon

will be happy

to help you out good hospitality anyone

matter that great well then I didn't

tell no dupe I did it go sad we'll have

to adjust happy

don't push it mr. Stilson no in what

wasn't so psycho do all the girls think

you're the best-looking one there I see

it not bother you though I mean you know

they're not interested in you as a

person they just want to get into your

pants no I mean what I'm saying is is

that I really feel truly comfortable

with people who is famous as I am you

know they're just unstart precious that

will endure and it's only then that

could truly open myself up Jonathan I'm

saying it says all your fault

I don't know what you're talking about

the artist formerly known as psycho what

just a shagging [ __ ] so pay on him okay

you're just jealous

no no what nothing

oh come on let's go get some babies and

go back to the flat

I you feel like you've claimed a

mountain you've got a deal

carved out an audience made your album

and being plunged into your whirlwind

lifestyle of promotion gigs personal

appearances celebrities just around the

corner but the pressures getting to you

just together day on day never out of

each other's sight little things start

to [ __ ] and somehow and we use your

county fully articulate oh you're not

happy I only can have a say in peace

the photoshoot yes exactly

sorry guys look at you baby I'm so good

at maths noggin needs you gorgeous

that's your long jet just talking food

I'll make it secret sent a nice face it

she's know you've seen enough let's go

it can t avoid a certain amount of

interpersonal tension within a band just

try to keep things normal respond in an

adult way keep your grip on reality

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Hey piece of messages baby needs an

all-over body massage reason my fiery

out you okay

i body fantastic

you've gotta be careful stock honestly

and say you're subject to constant

temptation and if you're feeling that

everything's getting on top year you'll

be susceptible to activities that you

make Leto come to regret

although mum yeah hi is Jeremy

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normal care

no you're gorgeous you um know just seen

Alexanian ma if dad loves you too I does

right put your hands on your hips and

check it to the right Jim

Oh feel the burn and pump it right but

separate

let's get them neck muscles working

that's it good woman

I'm just achieve encounter vascular a

problem Jesus it's about Xie na

is trouble mr. malroux you boy hey hey

hey hey pull yourself together

are you Gooden are ya beg pushy oh why

is that because it out lassie I well

forget all then well you just have to

face it you're just no good look none

off oh well I'll just tell it like a son

I buy you a nice I'm always nice

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tell me what you want for me to get into

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Manek

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we're making a video site ensure that

you have a visual concept that does

justice to your song eight nobility

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my eyes

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see

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amazing video consumer not be shut down

and objects

just what every penny sax music social

conscience

how - so - it having such tremendous

head

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cut cut cut reset cardboard city I want

some makeup for that front man please

finally after years of struggle and

study you're about to fulfill your

destiny

No at last you'll how to behave like a

rockstar

hey stop I'm the lead singer and a

songwriter I'm not sorry man you stupid

[ __ ]

I'm the star me me make sure they touch

up your arse acorn have only miss your

best side

fee

come on we're all feeling a wee bit

tense it's just everything seems wrong

Gus I don't think I want to be in this

and burned anymore I know I mean you

should need to be by affection take your

mind off things I do well tell you fee

you come with a rate man I've discovered

I've got talent in that unit

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you bastard what did you do that for

a Fraggle love you you stupid God as the

problem right cuz I'd certainly love him

jokey am I missing something you of him

and he loves you and that's the problem

I am trying to maintain a professional

relationship here that's a cool she's

trying to preserve a professional

relationship

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well I can see things have come to a

head between cycles Ord you're a I and

it's for that reason that the band have

come to the difficult position cut

rather the best thing would be still my

head and for you to leave the band sure

the bastard the door what I'm a little

bad

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me I'll leave you with you

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SOT it

okay don't

are you sure this is gonna work yes he's

got tea

otherwise what god it's all don't you've

elope sure I saw be as good as he senior

yeah there's a somebody to see didn't

find me

she says she's held what a stud yeah

really

hey it's not a read you won't take a

minute

first time I saw you was at your concert

and you were just beautiful

well I'm not surprised oh do you like

that yeah yeah that's really nice

feeling sleepy yeah

really really sleep listen carefully

psycho you are a virgin by if you never

done it with a lady beautiful women just

don't find you attractive at all

blue no

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what are you doing you're at the band

right alright so we're not involved

professionally I suppose not

you're back in tomorrow morning and it's

my turn to be fired next week so can we

do some shagging no please to me this

world is a wonderful place I'm the

luckiest human

I love that recycle

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hey cycle

how'd you call me for lunch L asked me

ha cycle so how you feel it boom

so way can you remember any in a bit yes

forty did something by down no no no I

don't skill we know Jess glad to hear it

listen I've just been doing the accounts

and I'm afraid we've got we both grown

to make up how much ground Jesus so

comrades are we ready for a smidgen of

marketing and promotion

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hello you're back with Jack Burke and

access beautiful area

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and in part three we'll be hearing from

new massive mixed record signings Jaques

wahey personally I think they load of

crap but then again I would just kidding

it's and there they are over there

looking very Chaka and provincial I'm

wicked wicked oh you are wicked yep I am

we're out the townhouse might work we

Bob we where we were and guess what

happened Bobby passed out and great joys

and what is having a stomach pumped I

shagged his bird she's here she's into

the building let's hear it for Sam

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Sammy Sammy Sammy check some folks

everyone

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you been do some acting I have indeed

yes

I just finished all my first two movies

so you get it sit so you know do you get

a kick I mean that's what we want to

know isn't it

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I mean you know sort of shower scene

maybe you know or sauna and bassanio or

bit hot in here sorry I think that's

what about my page three days and I'm

here to talk about my films okay it's a

bit late for that darling is it math at

work camera crew around or those people

you know get your kit off in front of me

meet Mosca embarrassing

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don't worry I'm Jack Burke this is

access beautiful area it's Sam stick

around you'll love the next step ladies

and gentleman

check out mad for might decide right now

attach the chain and pull don't try this

at home kids unless you know of a

plastic surgeon now here's a bit there

and just insert into me study originally

gets a bit frisky number the lights and

Wong and to wait me crazy you'd here's

fun my nose is bigger than my knob hurry

what you do you can't back home but k6r

we started here for us where are we

gonna CLE just do what you're told you

stupid cow oh darling you don't speak to

her last shot eight yeah yeah ready you

come down and tell them

absolutely sitting this - are there

absolutely disgusting do you like that

I'm Sam no anyway yeah we were gonna be

hearing from Jaques wahey but uh Mike -

too long to get that lizard a bazaar so

uh no time that's not a show for that

one on next week's show

we'll be having a stared up to play late

late baby

no it's thanks time guess I'm at the Fox

so you didn't get your tits out better

excuse me you're not listening to me son

I've told that cheeky yeah we can do

about it all

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but see this skin you keep this out

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sometimes you need a little bit extra to

me tomorrow

in the shape of jack bears and live

television just see the state code

the following week we went straight in

at number three

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watch it

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young person's guide to becoming a rock

star here's a handy summary

put your band together rely on your

parents for support you can't use as a

manager emulate your heroes get could

leave the past behind close that deal

make friends and influence people have

respect for your musical heritage stand

up for yourselves

and finally the young person's guide to

become a rock star

forget about that's a crazy world out

there we just wrote some songs then got

famous honesty

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employee CD shaped total shaped

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so there you have it you know what to do

so who's to stop me

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and it's all been worth it because

Jacque ways debut album is available in

the shops

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beautiful

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you trust that somebody hangs up

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we call