Original subtitles

yes just two failures in you'll remember

I was telling you about the bar who we

all are and who we got started

[Applause]

go away

[Music]

I gave you some personal and family

history alone me a few cultural pointers

and scenes of life on the street

who we got what first manager her a

chance encounter at the DEA SS

demonstrated my sexual magnetism and

give me the big idea that would

revolutionize our Sonya and send us

skyrocket straight to the top

it's funny really the rock business is

just like loads of other things in life

you struggle along for years not making

any here'd we think in there's no hope

for you then suddenly out of the blue

you bang you've hit the jackpot

and you only even try in

Jason you ready for your break it

don't come in morning didn't hear you

can bite last night son

you couldn't wait who is going on in

here Tom Shaye's how couch it's not how

it looks smoking in bed her many times

and look at a starless room oh right

yeah rice krispies Cheers

are you going to introduce me to your

friend son hey hey it's a way it'll come

to me I save a few now you can have JC's

rice krispies no I can get some from

downstairs we've got a shreddies Sugar

Smacks or I'm sure Jeremy I'll let you

bleak in T's variety pack just a coffee

please

phew no more more Fiona pleased to meet

ya very nice

I'm happy for you G enemy at long last

and such a brony lacynoel

your father I'll be reassured so I was a

few mercifully brief right not screw

this up what did she mean by at long

last

well Korea even was now it's clear keg I

mean you weren't doing great creates

owns I mean I just thought you played

clear I'm sorry about her

no really he weirdly in fact I've been

thinking you know I've always felt a wee

bit guilty about the way out of treated

Fiona for the band when a woman's

overcome with desire you shouldn't take

advantage but you have to be pragmatic

in this business

piss off you're joking surely why not

you've no singer just you know laying

machines are synonymous

you need the human touch something for

folk to reality you need guitars

emotions you need a singer blood sweat

and sakes that's you I ask me it's okay

yeah what

show me the blood sweat and sex all

right I'll just need to get my

underpants what you may know we can for

God's sake okay

bring you back to me

[Music]

like you hide from friends where the Sun

always shines on the right yes I know I

got something that priceless shine it on

me shine it down so I can see shine it

on me shine it tell so I can see we love

lie to you kill your pride fear

the Sun always shines on the righteous

give me let it shine on you

[Music]

hi Boni singer does worried for a while

its testicles didn't it essentially was

16 you know is that fact any problems no

a course hung like a donkey good bye

there's no denying that all sensual

power of today's popular music don't

fight it

escorts gift to the young all right

don't look yet bran flakes enjoy it

saleable yet put a Johnny on it but for

God's sakes don't we step for it won't

be long before you're better twisted

past it and old great

[Music]

I'm calling up police

[Music]

nice lyrics by not to eerie any root

never

[Music]

[Applause]

thank you like me I well what do you

think the bad when I join the band then

I'll give you four weeks four weeks

defined as a manager or we've got our

manager sort of someone that can get us

a record deal otherwise I'm not

interested okay I'll find someone deal

four weeks

hey I said didn't know okay okay

you want one array of this Fiona lab

maybe we've just got enough time to

you're like clean the will cement will

relationship where we say lovely early

shagging that so is she late that it's

very nice yeah something we just came

back section anchors crews under my roof

you please lucky bastard wish I could

commit sexual intercourse under my own

roof well try a bit more romance J's

with singing T's girlfriend

I could tell she was impressed yeah

really was just that you used to be with

I'm sorry jazz and never mix business

with sexual frustration

it's absolutely fatal to a professional

relationship you understand that don't

you

hi know up while we're working together

we'll operate a safe sex policy cu6 I

want have sex with you and you won't

have sex with me nor empty dumpty none

none none can't even remember war hot

and while snakes nor fear wow that's a

music business for you Jews Alice

[Music]

[Applause]

heading on the highway

looking for adventure and whatever comes

your way

hey Betty don't make it happen the world

[Music]

let's blow

[Music]

so you have to see that sorry we can't

help us please no sad really

hi morning sir

we've got a report of indecent dancing

going on at this address I through there

that's disgusting and that was that a

best looking keyboard and computer over

here in Glasgow recruited by sheer

sleight of hand and a goner lumber not

bad for a nice work

meanwhile across town the rest of the

band won't appear and to sit on the last

of our links with the past

[Music]

Connie those dogs are now just forget

the bloody dog slowly don't just keep

any the money real man anyways our gear

back my bloody friends at guitar arms in

there and you're going to help me get it

up okay Jesus ah you've seen enough a

lot faster Willy hey cheers - great I'll

keep the we now happy you and Molly get

together into divine Oh cycle anything

happens to my guitar amp and your feet

I'm just don't you taste parsley and

celery and it's got quite a sort of firm

fibrous interior I think a I think is

absolutely delicious

it's an unbreakable rule of the music

business that your first manager will be

clap your career can e commence until

you get heads don't you fingers opieop I

don't beat about the bush much better

comes three out we ran a simple direct

and upfront way he'll respect you for it

hi there

chuffing yo just passing gayness I tell

you Joe you're gonna have to let your

gear as soon as you speed me what your

oh hi

that's know why I came thought I'd drop

in for a whiie you know what Clara I'm

not really sure I'll quit the hill

can I come in

[Music]

[Music]

nice ducks sorry I was seen have a

couple nice ducks afghani oh I see you

mean come on who can control an animal

can once in 10 hi

oh you need to reliable cow dog we all

the expensive gear line event absolutely

it ain't about myself like here plug us

all right what do the demon hold your

Hanks yeah

what's us thanks Rhonda

look Walter Smith daddy

amazing candy teaching your dogs to be

religious bigots that's some achievement

well the past is a team I can thank you

very least here pass the time all right

oh yeah minute you're just buttering me

up Sookie you bite your gear Oh your

pals owe me money

hi you me we can't I got first to fly it

well we're off okay so aspirations and

I'm thinking it you make me the man can

do them well I may just be able to

accommodate you

Oh glad you hate it because I'm a woman

who knows how to reciprocate is this

like what this really

who dares wins beg 9

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

Randy Joe tell I'll have a Christ every

boys

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

wait you're not therefore ye I've asked

her to join the bad hi get chat with

[ __ ] that's none of your business

she's a good keyboard just a we need a

programmer I wish she come Jane

interface your brain with your deck you

actually live when you get to know oh no

she's no you decide you seen T I don't

you think everybody athlete wait to join

my bones just as well

we be playing in a sudden Symphony

Orchestra I can you'll be num 10 on you

would just give an addition sounds like

you're on any how are we good hey Jonah

nice to meet you boys good luck with the

bands Fiona around Jen can we stay for

an addition I'm sorry I don't addition

Oh Danny Boy the Jays these computer

geeks can't actually play

what is your problem sister are you

scared of a bit of Technology anybody

can sound good we 5 gland what's the

secret sauce you're full of [ __ ] Joe do

you know that Hey ladies let's keep it

friendly yeah sure fine so you gonna

show us your credentials then lebra Qi

said to get up one two

[Music]

now auditioning for a barn can be a mate

perplexing you're expected to pulley

along with songs you have never hear in

your life before as you can imagine it's

completely impossible you should turn up

mentally prepared for a savage and

demeanor humiliation

[Music]

I sometimes there's no substitute for

that bit of inspired leadership

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

at 2:00 the mere three weeks for me to

completely revamp our soil molding and

shaping the band into my unique artistic

vision

[Applause]

oh yeah that was clear case so you're

ready for my serum glucose now you've

got one week left jazz what to get as a

manager

otherwise I'm up the deal's off but see

your own case well I'm working on it

yeah after what card did if you want to

keep huh hang on another no you don't

even like her who said anything about

like you know she's a stuck-up Cove she

can play keyboards and she's not gonna

waste a team on a bunch you know

hopeless it's a matter of fact he's Rama

hey guys Jess new point getting good if

anybody's gonna kill you you know

katzie's after what are you gonna do

shut up

let me think

[Applause]

my next guest has been described as the

most successful man in the Scottish

media fresh from his triumphant New

Labour's sing Britpop charity concert

please welcome the man with his finger

in the pulse art Stilton have a seat

art you've been described as the best

informed best-dressed sexiest richest

best-connected most desirable man in

Scotland how does that make you feel

humble crusty humble so Donald you're

live on stage singing Wonderwall how did

you do it

well would you turn down the chance to

do it with more more than was it oh

that's a great laugh what was it

released fusion monies are we those no

problems ain't no J's yes but what about

Peter man doesn't he seem to be most

extraordinary technique when he was

singing the drugs don't work obviously

the falsetto was a bit of a problem but

and I used to shoehorn him into an old

tartan song that belongs to Jimmy

Somerville and that seems to do the

trick

you get art stuff too Joe Scotland's mr.

music the latest in a long line of

Caledonian bruschetta straight from back

to Bonnie Prince Charlie startin we a

string of record shops fashion outlets

nightclubs and his own Radio Scotland

music shop

arts entrepreneurial Flair carried him

remorselessly onwards and upwards into

band management with Scotland's very own

million sale and rock supergroup bonk

bonk bonk featuring six chord lead

singer Marty Claymore and it's nonstop

humorous luck and a boat and a cappella

singing hey boys

just can't stop us singing he just can't

stop singing

[Music]

can you remember her got the idea but

all I know is that was sweet a main our

masterpiece of flawed and deception

[Applause]

we love your monkey

I choose me otherwise what I have hi and

welcome to arts Tilton's sound of the

street we'll be playing some of the

hottest demo tapes and tone you'll be

ringing in with your reactions live on

here meanwhile I've got the boys in the

house that's right girls it's

bong-bong-bong and they're gonna be you

some lacking a bed and singing it's not

right guys crazy no Marty we're gonna

hear some acoustic numbers from your

latest album Scotland is greed this is a

new back to your rich direction isn't it

you know we just wanna give something

back you know totally admirable man this

is a new single yeah yeah that's right

it's called wheel of koden beef take it

away

[Music]

kill of my baby I can love my car care

of my lady cause of will

[Music]

so Ciao Italia happily soul of Manhattan

[Music]

hey we're on the air here sorry pal

hey aunty enemy outs new personal

assistant did he know tell you about me

no no thanks so how well anyway he

wanted to put this tape onto the phone

for ya you didn't see anything

bands called jokes were here of

something he wants it to be played first

pearl he said hey art a below that hit

man we have got a - take and Sally open

up from the airport

see ya babe a stop key egg cups Blazers

need four gears on heat

[Applause]

the shopping mall you can park

underneath that's the Wonder

[Applause]

you can park underneath

I love I love

[Music]

[Music]

Wow

bum-bum-bum yeah rockin social

conscience there now it's your chance to

ring in your reactions to tonight's

red-hot demo tapes and kicking us off

tonight are promising Glasgow newcomers

jocks oh hey I don't seem to remember

this one did I think this one the

producer is nodding his head ok let us

know what you think

here's jock sewer hey with the joke's on

you Hollywood Radio Scotland the sound

of the street yeah

[Music]

jokes were he are totally button here

six on a stick man where can we buy

their records

[Music]

jokes we hear of the best and the

optimal as a pure shake oh hello sound

of the street we want jokes for he is it

clear in the bus we managed to keep the

switchboard at Radio Scotland jammed for

three hours solid

Stilton played words here four times at

me due to popular demand we give away

enough tickets to sale one XK go and our

quarry was food

don't you

see

[Music]

Joseph

[Music]

[Applause]

is it right on fire yeah you should

comment who's coming

yeah okay we will you feel man okay well

the off you go right i useful tip never

be a flee to turn a rock cliches the

advantage in this case the rock and roll

pawnshop it never feels to impress you

guys are mental you're looking for a

manager EMC and much Speedy's to spear

that's making me feel kinda horny

do you like that me to fee

I was having a lovely dream what are you

doing here okay the house for noise

pollution remember you said I could move

in with you

I said that I the gig last night just

after few and I went home with David

killed uh yeah it was either Barrett

chocolate team I told you to fly me so I

passed off for me mainly with the drums

I think I told them I didn't play the

drums but they really listen no no for a

moment there I thought you said if

you'll know and homework dear it cool

tie beginner a trove seemed over there

looks at things a no no remember then

you bought that clear Malibu and then we

drank it yes

I'm just getting your breaky son what do

you fancy

no hungry hey Jeremy

your mother's talking to you no John

please it glass stuck up whoa help my

frigging bull she saw we re talking

Freddie Mac yeah yeah well in master

McCallister

there you go psycho bacon two eggs

sausage black pudding white pudding and

butter vibrate and a media we side order

of hash browns

oh that's great my season books

important meal of the day she's the

thing after I hate that name we never

finished hump into three humping what

gear I wish I could get jst some he

seems that upset I well last night was

kind of painful for him it's just

something he's gonna have to get used to

cycle so manager great he said he was

bringing a contract

sico well pleasant surprise I don't

believe you've met my brothers

[Music]

[Applause]

next week we may be brave someone to get

our name into the music press you did I

just lend you the money

here fee fancy going back to your place

for some exhilarating sex playing man

what is the very worst that can happen

you make a total to yourself in front of

your friends and your family

half the record in the street and about

300 total strangers yes

[Music]

[Applause]

and the new management of jocks were

here pleased to announce that the band's

debut album will be released on November

the 30th well extra for Monica's new

boyfriend has to pass the dreaded

friends test

[Music]

[Music]

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