Original subtitles

[Music]

get into the top those are done I mean

when you're a kid everybody wants to be

famous to be in a band make millions

shag themselves senseless and grab a

place and estelí so I've often wondered

what was that that made me special and

set me apart from all the others trained

to claw a piece out of the poor pale

maybe I just knew her dream a bear bear

maybe I worked a bit harder maybe it was

for a boy from a Brooks my surprisingly

Catholic means a musical Tia stand

assume my voice ma humility my readiness

to learn from those who come before I

maybe I was just too sexy to feel

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

my back line was totally earthly not

special my folks there they were all

right

probably just like yous can expect them

to understand

[Music]

hi good fish

you made the most I watch the Antiques

Roadshow yeah just expressed is it

[Music]

you're right Sheena beats going

ice-skating anyways BHS I lace arsenal i

okay Jays

[Music]

that you mind if I borrow your

microphone UV Valley and you hear me

you touch that your deed that's just for

me or doing a demo forget it

that make a fool of you music real music

and what type of music that hard rock

that Rea hard rock you feel like see you

and your points eagle puns beat combo

get it I'll look after her honest son

you could you look after your bollocks

in a blizzard dad need a microphone

watch my lips

you watching lassen all then got it and

one Jeremy cheers dad I like to be

called Jase oh is that a oh well you'll

always be a Jeremy me son oh hey Eddie

is it good have you gone my nose is

sweep embarrassing hey sure I could do

for you well it's just there Shiina it

real I see I'll tell it to keep the

cutting shop okay well she's only 12 and

what powers of coming out how about you

know that's me wait then she's can young

people die some homeless guy dies

[Music]

[Music]

you've either got it or you help me

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

honey

well no no it's just don't look home so

make just keep my throne

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

so how do you survive on your set load

on the road to trans global adulation

as I see it sop attitude develop in a

generally hatin sense of opportunity see

you sir sausage or else sweetie you want

do not what

but beyond your natural scavenging

instincts there are three main avenues

of fundin for the novice Rockstar number

one screw engine off your parents number

two Social Security fraud and thirdly

further education as practiced by my

best pal psycho MacPhail furthering

education offers the time and space for

the individual artists to hone his

talented perfection as long as you avoid

courses that include the words medical

or nuclear in the title you can't go far

wrong

oh hi come on Louie

whoa well I hear some maned get in a

band

I'm the lead singer you're the best

player pass off you want some breakfast

oh no only had maintain years ago there

was a boy named se crisis dominated the

Uni hang on

sure you don't want any porridge No

who can you know skipper Lorraine has

paid for half an hour sense look Jess

anyone it doesn't have a proper

breakfast is just asking for trouble

it's no healthy okay NUMA are how much

of a decade is your best pal is the

first essential ingredient in the

formation of your bar select him

carefully he should love you trust you a

blind faith in your talent

anubias good-looking psycho easily

satisfy these criteria as well as having

the gorilla physique that made him a

natural for the bass guitar

next on your list to keep here Sonia is

someone we about an hour kiss June

ardougne lead guitarist do no more as a

boot guitarist icky some intangible shag

fact that her crib is just single while

not only was an oversexed arrogant sod

but we hope to have a van even though

like most lassies she couldn t play [ __ ]

toffee

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

then you'll need a drummer someone who

lives for the being someone connected

deep going Mia primeval travel for so

living no kiss

Willie forget Mikoyan short on cultural

integration but we about me today for

add to that the inimitable vocal

stylings of a super six table lead

singer and that was her bad name jocks

way destination the top hey tell you you

could use my camcorder as a mine private

use

by the stitch as usually time to find

somewhere else to a half my day it was

the rock you'll recall and recycling

center a mecca for the discern and

purchase our pre-owned kitchen equipment

by night it became Rock Hill recordin

and rehearsal Enterprises Limited

pralaya candy dick evening gentlemen

even in Kenny just come for a rehearsal

yes

psycho you will be tired of sneaking

again without pay me they would you know

course not what we ain't no no I think

I'm I say just lost a contact lens

because use have been running up quickly

bill haven't your lights will you've

been most generous canny steady Rex I

wouldn't like to thank you by trying to

do one out in me oh well no I can see

that

Kenny how much as a we are you exactly

well let's see now the hassle space

twice a week for 18 months electricity

heating heat storage of equipment PA hi

administration costs sundries and

miscellaneous and v80 now makes a grand

total of one thousand three hundred and

fifty seven pounds and twenty seven p s

sir I fear back then so you'll

understand I can't let you take your

gear to the build until I get peed now

you can see that Kenny I'll tell you

what do a slice that then they want to

cheat their friends buggies a couple of

options

cheaters option one you can walk off the

day but where's his pulse

oh yes witty OJ's voice option too well

oh jeez another month to pee and as a

special favor become your manager I'll

see and that wouldn't heal get muskegs

they could deal publishing rights

oh that wouldn't ill-used give me 30%

never than New Zealand get money through

money grant money pocket money forever

so all the options then my wife she came

the electrics even told you well whose

fantasy well know that you're our

manager Kenny boy

well bit my Sadie Norn fee saying

nothing

what do you think are you leaving we

bottles I reach the park under the

judges commission oh god Bobby going you

Oh Tina that's good you lies before

three weeks deaf you'd only spend during

the long cycle enjoy you they have so

much well what did you tell him you had

the tariff ah duck

[Music]

where the hell have you been

go held up saving green again no I can't

say Kenny took a down payment but it

means me beautiful and sweet and

behavior so how did you know him well

well we were gonna like look anyway he

wants pay enough in fact I've been

thinking Joe

uh-huh the way no you're the only one of

us be a job listen pal you get me you

get my guitar and you get my vine try

and take my money and you'll feel the

way to my doctor Martin's up your date

Harry dangle bag you understand each

other

bye all right she'll Joe you're the

manager that's the thing Kenny's the

manager now

swing swing said C wheeled I'm a grant

and a half June or something jeez you

really are a deeply deeply pathetic

specimen Chiefs we make me stand more no

I was just waiting for Wally springing a

Porter studio I where's that shine boy

keeper the cute one in difficulties

getting a porter studio from some guy in

a bar said he could get one knock off

for 50 quid

what fifty quid I was meaning to talk to

you I was the money for last week's gig

wasn't it

all right would sexy to quit for petrol

we've got a song songs down wait

so you keyed Willy fifty quid of my

money and you sent into your bar what

connects us

the only things connected about that boy

sees us and his pain we are the Bowery

Boys hello hello yeah Lee was to get the

porter studio Hey well I got this

well we had a few problems

Wally Airport studio as a fully

integrated fourth ranked dead jail

recording machine this is a Franken

Matsui I know that there was only one

taught us to do in the shop Wendy Big

Dave he was driving a wee bit fast when

they hit the glass the brakes are

clapping those Marco Polo's anyway he

ran over and this is or I could get are

you telling me you are related us i

where's the money

well cut to get back Davey something for

this team in Fla so as I understand this

you give this DV effective for the year

and then you went and helped him steal

[Music]

I

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

you have to change

to make it

we're making your demo team always make

sure that your record and equipment is

good enough to do justice to your

musicianship

[Music]

the damn only chef calling card your

passport to a multitude of career

opportunities but a motorist agents DJ's

producers record companies get out there

play em your tip clear a bus get some

gigs lately amaze you your business

[Music]

[Music]

to change

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

it's tops in the music business don't be

afraid to negotiate

strike a hard bargain will be impressed

by your businesslike approach

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

so you've caught your gig but don't

relax there's still a lot of work on

your image your publicity your

interviewing technique

Jeremy McAllister three standards of you

hi

I saw you seen nothing this way please

don't end on the left room 101

room 101 let's show you video to meet

for a bit blue honest I have tried to

get a job I'm sure you have just make

sure you tell it to miss Johnson

otherwise she'll hang you by the ball

looks

no no Wesley please you're aligned we

shaped honest who's just carefully early

because there's a Chief Constable for

the Grampian region you've seen my lord

taught ya basta talk if you're gonna get

ahead in the music business

you've got the veil of a thick skin

don't wet new and unfamiliar situations

fears you be positive try and turn every

say it back into an opportunity is our

Radio one is fake this how we boldly

hello it's David Bowie calling by sorry

it's Dave I've got this fab demo tape

yeah it's the Scottish Jesus called

chocks where hey here from Glasgow check

this out

[Music]

so yeah and juice at the door mr.

McAllister

hi I'm sorry about that

I believe we've met before right the bus

stop but three days back I have a little

sister with me I had a microphone doing

my brakes that wasn't wasn't me

very glad to hear it so let's bring

ourselves up to date shall we honest to

have trade to get a job I'm sure yes now

you have your trade listed here as

international rock star that was a wee

bit of a joke I was filling out a form

in the pub man

well I see amusing so you're not a

musician then well you've been signing

on for three years continuously since

you left school it would appear from

this that you've never had a job or

earned any money of any kind at all well

that's correct so it would appear that

your career as an international rock

star isn't going too well so far well as

correct and you'll understand that a

desired job to introduce you to an

integrated schedule of training that

will give you a change of direction a

restart

in fact what would that and forth

basically it would involve you working

your arse off for about the same amount

of money you get known for doing nothing

unless of course you start making a bit

of progress on the International rock

star front well we've got a gag next

week

supports lot of student unique much

you're getting paid nothing nothing

that's correct okay

right let's hear it

whoa the demo right

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

you get

oh crap

pardon it's badly recorded your bass

player can't keep time you're gonna have

to dump that singer just hard or let's

face it Jeremy it's about ten years out

of date it's the same old indie sound I

mean where are your keyboards your

samples do dance beats your computer

sequencing so he said you're trying to

make some money I tell you what I'm

gonna do I'm prepared to meet you again

Jeremy perhaps in a more informal

setting a more informal Satan I'm sure

you'll find it useful perhaps next

Thursday evening we could go into things

a bit more deeply have a look at your

equipment how do you are you asking us

out for a deer it's all right a date

well hang on that's the neighbour

playing at the Uni I'll meet you there

then Jeremy Jess Jess then we can take

the issue of your benefits from there

that'll be all mr. McAllister oh wait

nice arse I

[Music]

how'd it go chassé me eight what I'm

telling you and she was gorgeous

once that check out my equipment no yeah

I'm getting a lumbar on the social yes

I'd like to volunteer for the welfare to

what program please mr. MacMurray ste a

client for you

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

thank you very much Glasgow University

white us

[Music]

should you put me imagine images no I'm

telling you said to meet me here

hopefully change domains when she hunt

you're singing oh shut up I'm Tina

English will be hunted psychology myself

what grades do chicken I got to beat

some to see what chicken and I got three

years

Jesus heat students don't take it

personally Joy's freshers week other

things in the maned in music okay it's

take the party let's make some noise for

tonight say when that the outstanding

DGP

[Applause]

remember there's always going to be bad

moments keep your head up stay positive

you never know what's around the corner

I think I want to kill myself what guys

may be upset it's a bit old fashioned

for our crew there seemed a key I'll

leave it choice right sorry don't mean

tough in enemy show lucky night oh eye

ya head Lane access you'd split the

money so here's a hundred

what

[Music]

sometimes gray ideas just come to you in

a moment

you know what's been missing from your

band and you know you just go half up

she was beautiful she was talented she

was a social security officer

[Applause]

cheers Tom didn't know by then ax I

lease we get paid he won't let him say

cool no I saw the L way from Jase hey

Chitti Oh Celia

is that my 30% psycho

thanks Brandi repossess so you got an

audience

nice lyrics why not - really any route

you got a manager get out that actually

gear as soon as you pay me what your and

he got the girdle I was a few brief

there's still nowhere to go but up

snake smooth sphere music business

preachers

you guys are meet the young person's

guide to becoming a rock star continues

next Tuesday at 10:00 on four

[Music]

and despite creative differences the

debut album from Jaques wahey will be

released on November 30th coming up next

friends takes up its new tuesday night

slot with the one with the sonogram at

the end join us for our three parent

pregnancy here on four

[Music]