Original subtitles

[ Music playing ]

This next property is very well suited

to your particular needs, Mr. Krakowski.

And as you can see it's very conveniently located

for a young businessperson like yourself, Mr. Krakowski.

[ Door closing ]

This house speaks to me.

Hear it?

Just a whisper.

Over and over

it says

potential!

Yes!

Potential!

Phew.

AGENT: A little soap and water,

maybe a little paint,

and this place will look like a brand-new home in no time.

[ Blowing nose ]

AGENT: A home like this, Mr. Krakowski,

can be the foundation for the rest of your life.

-This area has a... -[ Door squeaking ]

...your buildings can only go up in value.

I'm telling you, this thing is a real deal.

[ Water dripping ]

Oh, did I mention the master bedroom has its own closet?

[ Water running ]

[ Toilet flushing ]

[ Music playing ]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, I wasn't... It's okay.

Well, what do you think?

GRAHAM: Well, I-- I don't know.

It isn't speaking to me.

I mean, it's not saying exactly what--

You know, Mr. Krakowski, Graham,

maybe I better just say it.

I'm attracted to you.

It's a physical thing, I'll admit it.

I feel like, like I wanna grab you by the--

Oh, oh. [ Laughing ]

Wait a minute.

Look, I’m not this open with every guy that comes along,

you know, I let my urges build.

Do you know what that means?

I'm ready for some good, healthy sex with you,

right now, if possible right here on this toilet!

I understand but I have a girlfriend.

She's in Buffalo, Graham, I'm right here!

Oh, okay, okay.

I'll take it.

-Where first? -No, no, no, no.

-The house, I’ll buy it. -Huh?

It's talking, I suddenly heard it.

It's screaming "potential".

Well, you're certainly a very decisive man, Mr. Krakowski.

Thank you.

Can we go now?

Open that escrow?

Escrow? Oh, yes.

Why, certainly.

This way.

[ Chain jangling ]

[ Radio playing ]

[ Car door closes ]

[ Water faucet running ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Wheezing ]

-[ Wheezing ] -[ Music box tune playing ]

[ Objects clattering ]

[ Music box tune playing ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Bicycle bell ringing ]

I don't know, Graham.

Owning a house is okay but you're gonna get

an ulcer making the payments.

No, Chuck, I figured all this out months ago.

My salary and savings will cover the monthlies to the penny,

right up until I get my interim raise in January.

And if I get my promotion to full analyst,

well, I could even think about putting in a hot tub or

maybe even a lanai.

A lanai? Wow!

What if you get fired?

That's not an option, Chuck. That's not even funny.

What happened?

I heard something.

Like a big something? Or like a squirrel?

Like...

[ Sighing ]

Like maybe a big squirrel.

Graham, that bum isn't coming back, alright?

And even if he does,

he's not getting passed this new deadbolt.

Check it out.

[ Door rattling ]

Solid as Fort Knox.

Geez, you know,

it's amazing what a little financial stress

can do to a guy.

-Grahamski. -What?

Want me to spend the night?

[ Scoffing ] No, don't be ridiculous.

[ Snoring ]

[ Water dripping ]

Stay away.

[ Dripping echoing ]

-[ Music playing ] -[ Wheezing ]

[ Door rattling ]

[ Hissing ]

[ Music playing ]

-[ Objects clattering ] -[ Music box tune playing ]

[ Music playing ]

-[ Wheezing ] -[ Music box tune playing ]

Hey! Hey!

We gotta get out of here.

He's got...

Hey, hey, come on.

-What? -You alright?

-It's okay. -You alright?

I'm awake.

Jesus Christ, Krakowski.

It's alright, it's alright. It's okay.

What the hell was that all about?

I don't know, I-- I just...

-...felt like... -Huh? What are you...

You walking in your sleep? Huh?

Christ Almighty, man, you scared the shit out of me.

This switch plate, he left with this one?

Lt was a dream, I know, but it was...

-Graham. Graham. Graham! -Lt was so real.

Look, why don't you crawl back to your nice little bed there?

Chain yourself to it and go back to sleep?

Jesus.

-I'm sorry I scared you. -CHUCK: Shut up.

[ Dog barking in distance ]

[ Burp ]

[ Music playing ]

-[ Growling ] -GRAHAM: Oh, God.

[ Growling ]

[ Groceries clattering ]

Oh, God.

-[ Wheezing ] -Oh, God.

Hey. Oh, God!

[ Growling ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Sighing ]

911 OPERATOR: 911 emergency.

Hello. Emergency?

I’d like to report a dangerous vagrant who is--

911 OPERATOR: What is he doing, sir?

Doing?

You mean right now?

911 OPERATOR: Yes, right now.

Well, he’s just sitting there eating something,

but two days ago he was--

911 OPERATOR: Excuse me, can you hold, please?

Yes, I'll hold.

[ Hold music playing ]

You're the complainant?

GRAHAM: Yes, I called.

He's over there in the bushes under that billboard.

Who?

The vagrant.

I found him in my house on Thursday.

This is my house right here.

Did he remove any articles?

Well...

Then what seems to be the problem?

GRAHAM: Well, the problem is

there's something really wrong with this guy.

I mean, you can see it in his eyes, something vile,

and he was eating this--

I don't know what it was, this disgusting piece of rotten--

Sir, we cannot apprehend a citizen

on the basis of what he eats.

Read the Constitution.

I understand, but there must be trespassing laws.

I mean, the guy's living over there.

He cooks on an open fire in an undesignated area

and he's using the bushes to urinate and...

You've seen him urinating?

Well...

-OFFICER: Be honest. -Well...

No, I haven't actually seen him, but, my God,

if you smelled those bushes.

Circumstantial, you got no case.

No, wait, Buzz.

If we can find a corroborating witness

we could make the urination stick.

Yes?

I’m officer Schatz, this is my partner Officer Lincoln.

You'll have to talk into my aid.

[ High-pitched whine ]

Ma'am, what is your name, please?

Mrs. Harry B. Howler, except Harry's been dead.

Ma'am, have you witnessed a man

urinating in those bushes over there?

Urinating?

Well, he better hadn't urinate back there.

He's over there right now.

Quick, I think he's getting ready to urinate.

-Should I call a backup? -No time, no time!

Well, you're the new neighbor fellow, aren't you?

Won't you come in and have a nice glass of lemonade?

Maybe some other time.

OFFICER: Alright, buddy, come with us.

No trouble now.

MRS. HOWLER: He's the one that's been urinating back there?

Ah! Ah!

[ Growl ]

OFFICER 2: Get him in the back and read him his rights!

[ Music playing ]

[ Keyboard clacking ]

Krakowski.

Where's that stress-failure analysis I asked for?

Right here, sir.

How'd you like to see yourself promoted

to full analyst, Krakowski?

Well, Mr. Feemster, I certainly wouldn't mind that.

And how'd you like to see yourself fired

right this very minute?

I...

I wouldn't like that at all, sir.

Good.

Because I have no intention of doing it.

[ Laughing ]

You're a good man, Krakowski.

You do your job and dress neatly.

Why, thank you, sir.

Don't you suck up to me.

Nobody likes an ass kisser.

Yes, sir.

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Chopping ]

"I'm really looking forward

"to spending my vacation days with you, Graham.

"How's the new house coming along?

"I can't wait to see it.

"I got my ticket today.

"It's flight number 12 on Monday the 10th,

"arriving 8:30 p.m., but I'll be talking to you before then.

"Yours truly, sincerely, best wishes

"and possibly the 'L' word, Edie."

[ Music playing ]

Oh, no.

I don't believe it.

[ Music playing ]

Dammit, he's cooking.

Oh.

Oh, that's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it.

[ Phone ringing through ]

911 OPERATOR: 911 emergency. Can I help you?

I wanna report a vagrant who's gotten out of jail.

You arrested him yesterday and now he's right there--

911 OPERATOR: Excuse me, sir, can you hold?

But this is a--

-[ Hold music playing ] -Oh, for Pete's sake.

-Ah! -Ah!

911 OPERATOR: Hello, is anybody there?

Ah! Ah! Ah!

911 OPERATOR:Sir, are you there?

Yes, he is out there. Send someone immediately!

911 OPERATOR: Sir, are you there? Is anybody there?

Yes, I'm here, I’m here.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Whoa!

[ Music playing ]

-[ Music playing ] -[ Phone ringing through ]

911 OPERATOR: 911 emergency. Can I help you?

Yeah.

He...

[ Siren wailing ]

And the infrared detectors will turn these floodlights on

if anybody comes within 20 feet,

sounding an alarm next to my bed.

In case the garage door's locked,

there's another set of controls, so nobody can break in...

Graham, how are you paying for all of this?

What?

How are you paying for all of this?

I'm taking out a second mortgage.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, you know, you are digging yourself into a hole so deep

that you're never gonna get out.

You know, and this is all because of some festering

pocket of paranoia in that bony skull of yours.

Paranoia?

Oh, no, Chuck, crime statistics are real,

I've done the research.

Crime statistics? What are you talking about?

Come over here, I wanna show you something.

What are you talking about, Graham?

Hey, hey. Chill out a little here, will you?

He ordered the deluxe system.

Didn't you sell me a leaky roof five years ago?

-No. No. -Yes, you did.

-I tried to sue you. -No, it wasn't me.

I just have one of those common faces, you know?

[ Metal clanking ]

GRAHAM: This way, Chuck. Over here.

Chuck!

I swear he runs his life well for a vagrant.

He leaves in the morning just before I go to work.

He comes home about a quarter after six.

Maybe 10 after.

I tried to follow him one day just to see where he goes

but I lost him.

God, he's disgusting, Chuck.

I mean filthy.

He's got this mangled eye and the sick smile,

like he's deranged

or had some kind of a head injury or something.

Grahamski.

This arm, it hangs kind of limp and puffy.

This weird walk.

The guy is some hard luck case

who's sleeping here for a few days.

Just leave him alone, he'll move on.

GRAHAM: Oh, no, I don't believe that for a minute.

He's clever and he's dangerous.

I can see it in his eyes.

It's always those quiet types

that end up being the most violent, you know?

ALARM MAN: I need to get that check now!

Be right there!

Say what you will, Chuck.

I'm protecting myself.

Paranoia. Yeah.

Wow.

EDIE: Graham, this is so exciting.

GRAHAM: Well, we're almost there.

-EDIE: Yeah? -GRAHAM: Yeah.

EDIE: Okay, let me guess which house it is, okay?

Don't tell me which one it is, let me guess.

-GRAHAM: Okay. -EDIE: Okay.

[ Beeping ]

Wow!

Graham, this is...

This is... really... bright.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Music becomes louder ]

The guy who used to live here must have been really paranoid.

It's automatic.

The music.

Makes them think somebody's at home.

Them?

Well, you know.

Undesirables.

Oh. ls-- is this a bad area?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Well, you can't be too careful these days.

Ooh. Oh, Graham.

They, uh, they left the furniture too, huh?

Yeah.

Well, it's... you see, I was...

Graham, you were waiting for me to help you

pick out the furniture, weren't you?

Yes.

I mean, no. I mean, uh...

you don't wanna spend your vacation furniture-shopping.

-No, I don't mind. -You don't?

No.

I mean, it will be fun, we'll do it together.

We'll get new furniture and-- and, uh, drapes

and carpet, and, uh, lamps.

Hmm, lamps.

Wallpaper. Everything.

Well, that sounds great.

But, you know, I’m on a bit of a budget right now, so.

But you have credit cards, don't you?

[ Chuckling ]

It'll be fun.

We'll coordinate the whole house.

Sure.

Whatever.

Whatever you wanna do.

[ Music playing ]

[ Dripping echoing ]

[ Wheezing ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Music playing ]

No.

Ah!

GRAHAM: Where is it?

I know it's in here.

It's gotta be in here.

Where is it?

EDIE: Graham, what are you doing?

There's a trap door in here somewhere.

EDIE: What?

I've gotta find it.

There's gotta be another way in here.

-Graham. -I’ve seen it.

There is no trap door in here.

Were you sleepwalking?

Yes.

[ Chuckling ] Yes.

Look, Edie, I should have warned you.

Sometimes I talk in my sleep.

Talk?

And walk, a little.

Oh.

Graham, you're a crazy guy.

But I'm glad you woke us up.

[ Moaning ]

WOMAN: Look out, here comes Mr. Feemster.

MR. FEEMSTER: Well, well, well, well.

Hello there, young Krakowski.

Are you keeping busy these days, Krakowski?

Yes, sir, Mr. Feemster. Very busy indeed, sir.

MR. FEEMSTER: Oh, good.

Graham, Krakowski, I want you to meet

a very important new friend of the company, Mr. Polkowisz.

It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.

-Krakowski, is it? -Oh, yes.

Krakowski here is one of our finest young employees, Karl.

A hard worker of Czechoslovakian extraction.

Hey, just like yourself.

Fine, fine, good to see it.

Well, it's only my grandfather on my mother's side.

I'm not technically--

Mr. Polkowisz and I are coming very close

to a very big deal, Krakowski.

Very big.

Closer all the time, BF.

Karl, you just reminded me.

I was planning on promoting young Krakowski here

to full analyst right this very afternoon.

Sir!

Krakowski, take the rest of the day off.

Mr. Feemster!

[ Speaking Czechoslovakian ]

Come on, talk some of that Czech shit.

Talk the Czech shit.

[ Speaking Czechoslovakian ]

Well, "adios"! [ Laughing ]

Come on, Karl...

So, what did he say?

He said, "Wash your hands after you go to the bathroom".

She's gonna love 'em.

[ Music playing ]

[ Burp ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

WOMAN: Come on, back it up, back it up.

MAN: Have you talked to her?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

WOMAN: They said it was a woman, transexual prostitute, I heard.

MAN: Let's move back. Get away.

Oh, God.

[ High-pitched whine ]

GRAHAM: Mrs. Howler.

Mrs. Howler!

Edie! Oh, Christ.

[ Music playing ]

[ Phone dialing ]

[ Busy signal ]

Goddamn it!

Ah! Ah!

[ Music playing ]

[ Tires screeching ]

Edie?

[ Crashing ]

[ Music playing ]

-[ Music playing ] -[ Wheezing ]

[ Chip crunching ]

Boo!

[ Screaming ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Music playing ]

-Ah! -Ah!

Jesus, Graham, you scared me to death!

Thank God you're safe.

He got in the house somehow, he's in the kitchen right now.

What are you talking about?

Mrs. Howler's been murdered.

There's this vagrant who lives across the street,

he did it, I know it, and now he's in the kitchen.

EDIE: Graham, calm down.

The man in the kitchen is just a poor homeless person.

He was digging in the garbage cans for food.

What?

EDIE: I invited him in for a sandwich.

You invited him in here?

And you're taking a shower without any clothes on?

Are you nuts?

EDIE: No, Graham, I'm not.

Christ, how could you?

I spent a fortune on lawns and boards,

and you just let him walk in here?

You know, I don't know what your problem is

but that man in the kitchen is not a murderer.

GRAHAM: He is, Edie! He is!

How could you be so stupid?

You know, you're acting like a maniac.

Now, get out of the bathroom.

But I...

Wait, lock the door.

[ Phone dialing ]

-[ Phone ringing through ] -[ Music box tune playing ]

911 OPERATOR: 911 emergency.

What is it now, Mr. Krakowski?

-[ Music box tune playing ] -[ Bicycle bell ringing ]

Barfuss.

GRAHAM: Sorry?

Lieutenant Ralf Barfuss.

-Homicide. -GRAHAM: Thank God. Come in.

He was right in here.

Sitting right in that chair, eating a sandwich.

I'm sure there are fingerprints, I haven't touched anything.

You say he was eating a sandwich?

Look, my girlfriend was naive enough to let this guy in,

but the point is he's the killer, he murdered Mrs. Howler.

The lady they found dead across the street.

Now, what was your name again, sir?

Graham Krakowski.

"K-R-A-K-O-W-S-K-I".

Okay, now, Mr. Karlofski,

what kind of sandwich was this alleged man eating?

Lieutenant, we're talking about a murder here!

Hey, I got your debt, twinkletoes.

You think I don't know what's going on here?

I know exactly what's going on everywhere.

Edie, please.

What?

I’d like to keep her out of this.

Who?

My friend Edie.

What about her?

She's standing right behind you.

[ Laughing ]

Ma'am.

Now, ma'am.

What's your side of this?

EDIE: My side of this is that Graham

is making paranoid accusations.

Edie!

That man was just a poor soul

that I invited in for a sandwich.

He was down on his luck.

Maybe he was a little mentally retarded

but he wouldn't hurt a fly.

Do you really think that I would let somebody in this house

if I thought they were the least bit dangerous?

She's got a point, Krakowski.

Look,

all I know is I've had this feeling in my bones

about this guy since the first day I saw him,

that he was evil and violent.

I'm sorry, I can't put it any better than that.

What are those flowers doing on the floor?

Hmm?

They were for you, Edie.

To celebrate my promotion to full analyst.

I wish none of this had ever happened.

ANCHOR: A bizarre, senseless

and likely to be sensationalized murder

took place last night.

The body of its victim, Mrs. Harry Pa. Howler, a widow,

was found in this sour-smelling garbage container

behind Sweeney's Buffet in Slack more Flats

just after 3:00 p.m.

Authorities describe the murder as "bizarre,

one of the sickest things ever seen".

A late breaking development in this bizarre case.

The county coroner's autopsy report

contains a startling detail.

It said quite simply, and I quote,

"The victim's eight fingers and two thumbs

have been severed from the body".

Oh, my God.

ANCHOR: Police sources indicate that those fingers and thumbs

have not been located at this time.

The coroner's report added that the victim had not,

repeat, had not been sexually molested.

Dixie?

We'll have sports and weather after this.

I'm sorry I yelled at you, Edie.

I don't know what came over me.

[ Music playing ]

[ Dripping echoing ]

[ Metal coils squeaking ]

-[ Music playing ] -[ Moaning ]

[ Laughing ]

EDIE: Graham?

[ Groaning ]

EDIE: Graham?

Graham?

I'm with you, Graham.

I'm behind you 100% on this.

I think you're a terrific person

and I know that with the right kind

of support and understanding that you're really gonna

be able to pull yourself through this.

[ Sighing ]

So...

Good luck.

[ Car engine starting ]

[ Thunder rumbling ]

Paranoia, Chuck. Pure paranoia.

Remember that night you stayed at my house?

Yeah.

I walked in my sleep, right?

Yeah, you just about strangled me.

GRAHAM: Chuck, every morning

I find a pair of pants in the oven,

books in the shower, food eaten, urine in the blender.

I can't sleep at night for fear of what I might do next.

What about that guy, you know, the vagrant?

Is he still around?

No, Chuck, forget about him.

I haven't seen him since that day

Edie gave him the sandwich. It's me.

That bum was just the screen onto which I projected

my own unacceptable desires and actions.

Poor Mrs. Howler is dead and buried now.

And the police are right,

anyone could have killed her. Anyone, Chuck.

Even me.

What?

I’m saying I could have done it in my sleep.

Graham, look, I--

-Your plate, sir? -Yeah, please. Thanks.

Look, Graham, you know, I think it's time that you start to,

you know, seek some professional counseling.

Okay, look, I'm gonna get you Brianna's cousin's number.

He just opened up an office and--

No!

My God, if it's true,

and some shrink figured it out and called the police?

Graham, let go.

I mean, what if the authorities

actually found out I killed her?

[ Plates shattering ]

Oh, I'm sorry.

Let's get out of here right now.

For God sakes, Graham.

And how is everything, gentlemen?

Can I see the dessert menu?

[ Music playing ]

"In the darkness of every spirit

"lies the beast, fully capable of uncontrolled action.

"Fear is the key that unlocks the gate and frees the beast.

"Paranoia the nemesis of the healthy mind,

the breeder of fear, the liberator of the beast."

[ Music playing ]

Oh, my God.

[ Phone ringing ]

WOMAN: Hello? Hello? Graham?

Graham, do you know what time it is?

GRAHAM: Yes.

What?

WOMAN: This is 10:00!

-Ten o' clock? -WOMAN: Yes!

Mr. Feemster is furious, do you know...

Oh, no.

Yes, Mrs. Stevens, tell him I’ll be there in 20 minutes.

What? Mr. Feemster is very angry?

-MRS. STEVENS: Yeah! -Yes, I’m sure he is.

Yes, yes, thank you. Good bye.

Shit!

[ Panting ]

[ Sniffing ]

-[ Music playing ] -[ Sniffing ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Sniffing continues ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Flies buzzing ]

[ Sniffing ]

[ Flies buzzing ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Vagrant laughing ]

[ Objects clattering ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Blowing raspberry ]

Ah!

MAN: Yeah, see, look, right there.

There he is, right there.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Hey, fellows. Hey, come on, guys,

isn't there something you should be doing here?

Let's get busy.

Coming through.

I knew it all along.

I knew it, I knew I wasn't crazy.

The guy's been in my basement, Chuck, the whole time

doing all these things to me.

You just relax, don't do...

The police are taking care of everything.

Bad odor, Krowski.

You smell it?

Of course, it's awful.

It's rotten flesh. The old lady's fingers.

You trying to tell me you didn't smell that

until this morning?

Well, maybe a little but I thought it was a dead rat.

You see, I put poison downstairs last week and I...

Rats?

Yes.

How long are you gonna let dead rats stink up your house

before you do something about it?

Wait a minute.

What the hell have dead rats got to do with a homicidal

vagrant breaking into my friend's basement?

BARFUSS: Hey! You, come here.

Over here.

You've got something to say, wise guy?

CHUCK: No, sir.

BARFUSS: You ever seen this alleged vagrant?

CHUCK: No.

But I believe Graham when he says he has.

BARFUSS: Well, you're probably the only one that does.

[ Rock n' roll music ]

[ Clock ticking ]

[ Electricity sparking ]

[ Dripping echoing ]

[ Music distorts ]

[ Click ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Loud rock n' roll music playing ]

[ Doorbell ringing ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Doorbell ringing ]

[ Locks unlocking ]

You! What are you doing here?

I got your message about the house.

I guess I should have called first.

How did you get in?

The gate. It was open.

Do you hunt?

What?

No, no, I...

I've had financial problems.

That's why I wanna sell the house.

Well, if you don't mind the late hour, Graham, I’d...

I'd like to come in and tell you how much I'd like

to handle your property.

[ Moaning ]

[ Fabric ripping ]

Yes! Yes!

-[ Dripping echoing ] -Yes! Yes! Yes!

[ Moaning ]

[Alarm buzzing oddly ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Panting ]

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

BARFUSS: We can't be too careful with the type like Krowski.

I say the front door of the suspect's house

appears to be open.

Slow and easy, Lackson.

[ Music playing ]

[ Drilling ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Clattering ]

Sir, he appears to be armed.

[ Cocking pistol ]

Slow and easy, Lackson.

[ Music playing ]

-[Alarm buzzing ] -[ Shotgun firing ]

-[ Gunshots ] -[ Graham screaming ]

[ Glass shattering ]

[ Gunshots continue ]

[ Gasping ]

What could you possibly say, Krowski?

[ Babbling ]

Oh, yeah?

What about Judy Dansig, the real estate lady?

We got a call to check the same dumpster across the street,

only this time, we found Judy Dansig.

Almost all of her.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

GRAHAM: He's real.

He got in here last night somehow.

He, he, he, he, he...

He-- he wrote this.

[ Guns cocking ]

It's okay, boys.

It's written in blood.

He wrote it and-- and then he killed her.

Don't you see? He's crazy. That-- that vagrant did it.

What, do I look stupid to you, Krowski?

-What about-- -LACKSON: Lieutenant!

Lieutenant!

In there.

I think it's everything.

[ Music playing ]

[ Groaning ]

I always knew you were good for a promotion, Krowski.

Get back! Move aside! Move aside!

REPORTERS: Graham! Graham!

Get back! Move aside!

Get back, please!

Graham! Graham. I talked to Mr. Feemster.

He said everything's gonna be okay.

The company hired the best lawyers

and you're gonna be out by tonight.

You're looking good, buddy.

[ Music playing ]

OFFICER: Turn and look at the clock.

Huh?

OFFICER: Turn and look at the clock.

The other way!

Geez.

I like you, Krakowski.

I always have.

Mr. Feemster.

There will be no attorney coming, Krakowski.

But I'm innocent.

I'm sorry, Krakowski.

I really am.

Everything.

Gone.

[ Gavel pounding ]

PROSECUTOR: Prosecution calls Mrs. Miriam Francis Krakowski.

In cases such as these,

with men such as Mr. Krakowski,

it is vital that we understand

the defendant's psychological underpinnings,

his basic urges, if you will.

Boy, this guy is really good.

Is it not true that on July 27th of 1963

your son, Graham, did violently assault

one Sarah Louise Bartlett

causing her to suffer a bruised arm, related injuries

and require hospitalization?

MRS. KRAKOWSKI: Well, yes, but that was--

PROSECUTOR: Thank you, Mrs. Krakowski.

There will be no further questions.

MRS. KRAKOWSKI: They were children playing.

They were four years old.

PROSECUTOR: No further questions, your honor.

No further questions?

My son may be put to death...

Mrs. Krakowski, your out of order.

MRS. KRAKOWSKI: And you're not gonna ask me anything else?

He's innocent, I tell you! Innocent!

Oh!

[Audience gasping ]

Mom! No!

No! Let me go!

I gotta go! It's my mother!

That's my mother!

I gotta help my mother!

That poor, poor boy!

REPORTER: Are we on?

Okay, let's go.

The press is having a field day.

Just moments ago, after the tragic death

of his mother on the witness stand,

the jury handed "Dumper Dumpster" murder suspect,

Graham T. Krakowski, a verdict of not guilty on all charges.

I repeat, not guilty.

Controversy abounds.

Stay with us, we'll be right here

with live reenactment on the hour.

Wait a min-- Greg, they're coming out now.

Yes, here comes the late Mrs. Krakowski now.

Alongside her son Graham.

Oh, my God!

Oh, I don't believe that.

Oh, this poor man, ladies and gentlemen,

one thing after another.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have seen it first

on this television station. Again, I don't believe this.

Not guilty my ass.

That pinko pussy jury went soft

when the son-of-a-bitch's old lady bought it.

Now he's back out on the street,

and where do you think the axe is gonna fall?

On your head, sir.

[ Music playing ]

[ Vagrant laughing ]

[ Spits ]

[ Music playing on radio ]

[ Radio static ]

[ Music playing on radio ]

[ Dog barking ]

[ Knocking ]

GRAHAM: Excuse me,

the sign out here says you need a manager?

What you say?

GRAHAM: The sign on your door,

it says that you're looking for a manager.

And, well, if you're still looking for one, uh,

I'd like to apply for the job.

Alright, come on in.

[ Groaning ]

Well, it ain't hard to see I’m blind.

Well, no, sir. But you seem to get around okay.

[ Laughing ]

You're goddamn right, son.

I do just fine by myself.

Now, you try some shit, I'll show you.

See, this here is a little old bitty trailer

and I'm bound to hit something, specially your ass.

[ Laughing ]

I don't want no trouble, mister.

BLIND MAN: What you running from?

Goddamn it, nobody stop by a place like this

unless they running from somethin'.

Now, what you're running from?

A woman?

Yes, a woman.

[ Laughing ]

I knew it. I knew it.

Ain't no crime in that.

So, uh, what's your name?

Kramer.

Jerry Kramer.

[ Laughing ]

Jerry Kramer, huh?

Well, Jerry Kramer, my name is Ray.

They call me X-Ray 'cause I’m blind.

[ Laughing ]

And this here is my baby, my seeing eye dog.

Crystal, eh.

Do you still need a manager, Ray?

I've got...

Well, I had management experience and,

well, I'm kind of looking for a place to settle down.

[ Kids playing in distance ]

[ Music playing ]

WOMAN: Yoohoo!

Oh!

WOMAN: Oh, careful.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

No problem.

Hi.

I live next door in number 14.

My name's Doattie.

Well, it's good to meet you.

It's good to meet you too, Jerry.

X-Ray says you're the new manager.

I guess I am.

Well, it sure is nice to have you.

[ Chuckling ]

Nice young man like you.

I brought you a housewarmin'.

I call it Caribbean Delight.

Ooh! Would you look at that!

It's coconut.

Mmm!

It's all for you.

Well, okay.

Well, if you need anything you just give me a holler.

I will.

I'm right next door.

Oh, I know you are.

Bye-bye now.

Bye, Dotty.

Oh, it's Doattie.

Doattie, Doattie.

Bye, Jerry.

And you're quite welcome about the cake.

-Bye-bye, honey. -Bye.

Oh, God. [ Chuckling ]

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Echoing ] No.

[ Echoing ] Stay away.

[ Music playing ]

[ Echoing ] No.

[ Echoing ] Not my house.

[ Echoing ] No. Not my house.

[ Music playing ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Screaming ]

ANNOUNCER: On the most beautiful place in the world

comes the most...

[ Knocking ]

GRAHAM: Doattie!

Hi!

Doattie, I need your help. Will you help me?

Jerry, you're bleeding.

I know. Will you do something for me?

Of course I will, honey. What happened?

Just come over and I'll explain.

There's this man, Doattie.

He follows me or at least I think he does.

And it makes me crazy.

I don't wanna do anything bad at night.

Look.

I'll do this every night, okay?

And I want you to take the key

so you can unlock me every morning.

Just lie back, Jerry.

Will you do that for me?

[ Sighing ]

Don't you worry, Jerry.

Don't you worry about any little thing.

Oh, good.

It's not often I get a nice young man like you to talk to.

-You don't? -Mm-mmm.

And it gets lonely nights, Jerry.

And them broken kids, they make fun of me 'cause I’m heavy.

-They do? -Uh-huh.

So I stay inside and I watch TV and I cook.

[ Giggling ]

Oh, yeah?

And sometimes I drink.

[ Laughing ]

But now I got someone to talk to and to take care of.

You, Jerry.

-Me? -Mm-hmm.

And you want me too, don't you, Jerry?

[ Chuckling ]

-I can tell you do. -Whoa!

Go--

I just remembered.

X-Ray!

Don't be bashful, Jerry.

[ Chuckling ]

Mmm, I'll make you so happy.

[ Chuckling ]

Oh, Jerry, I sure wanna thank you.

I mean, people have been telling me

about the mighty fine job you're doing 'round here.

Mighty fine, son.

Say, man,

how has Doattie been treating you? Good?

Yeah.

[ Laughing ]

No complaints.

[ Laughing ]

None from her either!

[ Laughing ]

Well, there's one little one.

Son, she don't wanna hurt your feelings none,

but she told me that she was getting

mighty tired of buying new underwear.

What?

Wait a second...

She wants me to buy her new underwear?

[ Laughing ]

X-RAY: No, no.

She wants you to keep your hands off the old ones.

In what way?

Well, she said she was getting mighty tired

of waking up every morning

and finding a pair of her draws in the kitchen

with a big ol' hole cut down the middle.

Now, look...

I know that each man got his own special thing.

Hell, I'm a man myself.

So, so why don't you send off for a pair of them

real frilly drawers

that already got the split down the middle?

But I--

Enough said. Lt ain't my goddamn business anyway, okay?

And, uh...

She said she don't want these no more.

I’ll be right back.

[ Wolf howling ]

[ Groaning disgustedly ]

[ Music box tune playing ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Whirling noise ]

Ah, there you go.

Mmmm.

[ Music playing ]

X-RAY: No... [ Whimpering ]

Crystal!

Ah! Oh, my-- My...

Ah!

Jerry!

[ Music playing ]

Ray? Ray!

Oh, my God!

Ray. X-Ray.

Oh, goddamn.

Oh, goddamn!

Call an ambulance!

Oh, Jerry. Sweet Jesus, what have you done?

It wasn't me, it was him!

WOMAN: He's right there!

Oh, Jerry. Why? Why?

Not again!

Not this time!

This time I'm gonna kill him!

No! No, Jerry! No more killing!

[ Clattering ]

[ Screaming ]

There you are, everybody, get the knife!

Drop the knife, Jerry!

I'm gonna kill him!

You'll thank me! You'll thank--

[ Screaming ]

Toss it right now!

[ Gunshot ]

[ Screaming ]

Somebody call the cops!

You ain't going nowhere, pal!

[ Crashing ]

MAN: Jerry, stop! Come back here!

I'll shoot!

[ Gunshot ]

[ Tires squealing ]

[ Music playing ]

Jesus Christ.

[ Tumbleweed bouncing ]

Ah!

[ Tumbleweed bouncing ]

MRS. HOWLER: My husband would lie to you...

Huh?

Mrs. Howler!

Did I ever show you our wedding rings, me and Harry's?

It's a diamond.

Ah! Ah!

You're such a nice young man.

I can't imagine how any old police would think

you had anything to do with this.

Ah!

JUDY: Are you okay, Mr. Krakowski?

There's a cute little two-bedroom

house up on Howard Street,

about a block and a half up on the right.

[ Music playing ]

Oh, God.

[ Yelling ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Truck horn blaring ]

-[ Screaming ] -[ Truck horn blaring ]

[ Crashing ]

I'm hallucinating!

[ Groaning ]

[ Wolf howling ]

GRAHAM: Now where the hell am I?

[ Groaning ]

[ Car engine in distance ]

[ Coughing ]

Oh, what a dump.

What?

Sir, 500 miles out of our jurisdiction.

Results, Lackson.

Nothing cuts through red tape like results.

That section is for truckers.

We're truckers.

Sure.

It means licensed truckers.

Look, shut your flaps, get your ass in gear,

and roll us out a couple of big bowls of chili.

Sure.

[ Gasping ]

[ Wolf howling ]

[ Panting ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Music box tune playing ]

I knew it.

He's real.

[ Music playing ]

Oh! Oh, God!

It's him!

[ Yelling ]

Fun's over, Grahammy!

Time to die!

[ Shouting ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Music box tune playing ]

I'm not gonna run anymore.

[ Music box tune playing ]

Ah!

Oops-a-daisy.

Sorry.

Ma'am, have you seen this man?

Driving a blue '78 Ford station wagon?

You mean like the one on fire out there?

LACKSON: Lieutenant!

[ Explosion ]

Krowski.

[ Music playing ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Wood creaking ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Shouting ]

-[ Music playing ] -[ Music box tune playing ]

[ Yelling, laughing ]

Good reflexes, Grahammy.

[ Music playing ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Music playing ]

Son of a bitch.

I'm gonna nail his ass this time.

Hey!

Doctor!

Can you hear me?

I'm not your guinea pig anymore.

Are you listening?

VAGRANT: Oh, yes, you are, Graham.

You're mine, I created you.

GRAHAM: You didn't create shit!

Your theories aren't worth a damn!

VAGRANT: My theories are right!

Look at you!

You are perfect!

[ Music box tune playing ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Hissing ]

[ Vagrant laughing ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Wood creaking ]

[ Vagrant laughing ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Crashing ]

[ Music playing ]

I'm gonna kill you!

Let's split up.

You go that way.

[ Music playing ]

[ Music box tune playing ]

[ Metal clanking ]

[ Camera clicks ]

Bingo.

Now, calm down, Grahammy.

You should be grateful to me.

Before I met you, you were a little boring neurotic.

You had boring friends, a boring job, boring clothes,

a boring little bitch girlfriend.

You did what they all told you.

And now you can think for yourself.

You have your own mind.

You have your own life.

Look at you, you got style, you're interesting,

and you're a celebrity.

I kind of like you.

You're a real piece of work.

I can't thank you enough, but I’ll try.

[ Yelling ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Crashing ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Gagging ]

[ Music slows, stops ]

BARFUSS: Well, what have we got here?

That's the last person you get to kill, Krowski.

No juries, no dead mothers.

You're gonna get yours escaping.

Come on, get up.

Get up.

[ Pistol cocks ]

Run.

I said run.

[ Music playing ]

I'm gonna enjoy this.

Go to hell.

[ Groaning ]

You are in hell!

[ Screaming ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Screaming ]

-[ Gunshot ] -[ Glass shattering ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Camera clicks ]

-[ Screaming ] -[ Gunshot ]

[ Crashing ]

Now, that was very stupid, Graham!

I didn't like that!

I didn't like that at all.

[ Gunshot ]

Who did that?

-He did. -He did.

I think you're gonna love this picture.

[ Growling ]

Don't move!

Shit!

[ Yelling ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Squishing ]

[ Panting ]

[ Sighing ]

[ Wind blowing ]

-[ Crickets chirping ] -[ Music playing ]

Here you go, you wanna sign here.

You're a lucky man, Mr. Krakowski.

The suspect's all over the computer.

Wanted for murder in eight states.

There's a reward in five of them.

Right down here.

Wrapped up in a nice little bundle.

Ah, don't worry about him.

Doc says he's not even gonna make it to the hospital.

[ Wheezing ]

Well, that about wraps it up.

Isn't it gorgeous?

It's perfect.

Here are your two sets of keys.

And you have my number if there’s anything,

anything at all that I can do for you.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

[ Music playing ]

[ Faucet running ]

[ Dripping echoing ]

[ Music box tune playing ]

[ Vagrant laughing ]

[ Music playing ]