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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,792
(Chiming)
3
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,230
Evening news! The Standard!
4
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,276
Evening news - Standard!
5
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:10,070
Early edition! Evening news - Standard!
All the runners and riders. Paper!
6
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,118
- Evening news is here!
- (Squealing tyres)
7
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:16,669
Ha!
8
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,032
OK, Fred.
9
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,553
- Hello, Mum.
- So you've done it again.
10
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,389
Look! I've had a reply
from your grandfather's lawyer.
11
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,630
Oh, Mum!
12
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,599
You haven't been writing to Grandad
again to get me another job!
13
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:06,151
Why not? It's time he took responsibility
for his own grandson.
14
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,676
But, Mum...
15
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,354
he's the Prime Minister of Great Britain.
16
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,796
- (Tuts)
- He can't do anything for me.
17
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,440
- Don't be silly!
- Oh!
18
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,110
He gets me all the wrong jobs!
19
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,795
Banker, accountant...
(Haughtily) Stockbroker...
20
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,950
I haven't been educated for that stuff!
21
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:32,271
You have an appointment with him
at 10.30.
22
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,954
Now come home
and put on your best suit.
23
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,474
You mustn't be late, whatever happens!
24
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,838
(Groaning) Oh!
25
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,876
(Squealing tyres)
26
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,480
They've been waiting
an hour and ten minutes!
27
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,870
- I couldn't help it.
- (Both) "The traffic was terrible."
28
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,712
Ah-ay-ay!
29
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,914
Hello? Norman Shields here.
30
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,070
Are you receiving me? Over.
31
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,876
Wait. Over.
32
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,549
As Attorney General, Prime Minister,
I have for years beseeched you
33
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,313
to accept responsibility
for your grandson.
34
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,958
(Mutters) Mm. Erm...
35
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,237
Mm-mm... Damnation, Mr Ballard.
36
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,993
You know full well... mm...
37
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,231
that I cut my daughter off
without a penny
38
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,791
when... when she married
that, mm, that... that lout.
39
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,555
I know, I know. But he is still
your grandson, Sir Wilfred.
40
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,393
Times have changed.
These are modern days.
41
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:49,508
Er, er... Modern days. Bah!
Er... give me the good old days.
42
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:53,195
Now, when I was
on the threshold of life...
43
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,669
(Tuts) Oh, dear. Not again.
44
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,191
I-I-lt seems... but yesterday...
45
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:18,354
mm-mm... that... that I was
an undergraduate...
46
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:22,149
at... at, mm, erm, Oxford.
47
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:30,436
And... And a fine upstanding
young fellow I was too.
48
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,398
That year... I met Isobel.
49
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:40,070
'I dreamt of the day
when I could hold her in my arms.
50
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,469
'But the fulfilment of those dreams...
51
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:45,552
'came as rather a surprise.'
52
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,552
Oh, Wilfred, you're magnificent!
53
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,756
Such control. Such grace.
54
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,354
Oh, I say! Do you really think so?
55
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:57,911
Oh, absolutely! Such determination.
Such... power.
56
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,230
- (Crack)
- Such strength.
57
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,279
Oh!
58
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:11,391
(Squeals) Oh, Wilfred! Help!
Save me!
59
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,118
Water!
60
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,472
Oh!
61
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,470
Oh, it's all right, darling.
It's only shallow here.
62
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,516
I'll save you.
63
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,277
Isobel!
64
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,513
Wilfred!
65
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,193
Oh!
66
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,111
Aah!
67
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,110
Oh, my darling Isobel!
68
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,509
I adore you!
69
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,033
Daddy!
70
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,157
And so... a marriage was arranged.
71
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:22,836
Events took their natural course
and a daughter was born.
72
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:29,268
Little Emily grew up and blossomed
into a true English rose.
73
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:34,480
But alas, the beautiful rose
became a thorn in my side.
74
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:40,148
'Women... staged, mm, demonstrations
75
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,708
'demanding... equality.
76
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:47,992
'Emily became... a suffragette
77
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:54,918
'and, chaining herself to the railings
of this historic old building,
78
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,915
'she actually shouted:'
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00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,468
Votes for women! Votes for women!
80
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:04,155
We demand sex equality!
We want our rights!
81
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,596
(All, chanting) We want votes!
We want to be
82
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,513
Recognised by all
as the head of the family!
83
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,876
We want equality, we demand our rights!
84
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,679
We love Emily because
of the way she fights!
85
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,469
Chain me to the railings,
starve me, let me die
86
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,358
- Why can't women vote like men?
- (All) Why, why, why?
87
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,193
We want votes! We want to be
88
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,158
Recognised by all
as the head of the family!
89
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,518
Why don't you leave off?
A woman's place is in the kitchen.
90
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,750
Let's have a bit of peace and quiet.
91
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,592
We want votes!
92
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:42,195
'Fate chose this precise moment
to intervene.'
93
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,840
- (Thunder)
- 'The rains came.'
94
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:56,313
- Wanna come down here?
- Votes for women! Votes for women!
95
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,789
- Votes for...
- (Thunder)
96
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,916
Help! Help!
97
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,036
(Thunder)
98
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,798
(Sighs)
99
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:49,996
'Thus the blue-blooded dignity
of our family
100
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,548
'was shattered.'
101
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:57,316
And so the wedding took place
between my daughter, Emily,
102
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,118
and... and
103
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,156
(Mumbles crossly)
104
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,674
Bert... Shields.
105
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,116
A... A... sewer man.
106
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,399
A union blessed by the birth of a son.
107
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,835
My grandson.
108
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,148
Norman.
109
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,952
(Clears throat)
110
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,716
Morning, Mr Ballard.
You were expecting me.
111
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,558
Yes.
112
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,710
One hour and ten minutes ago.
113
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,515
This way.
114
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,636
Say hello.
115
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,278
Hello...
116
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,635
er, Grandad.
117
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,235
Do-Don't you call me G-Grandad!
118
00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:00,108
Really, Prime Minister.
After all, he is your grandson.
119
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,475
And you can't blame me.
120
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:04,710
Hold your tongue and sit down.
121
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,958
So... what kind of job are we going
to get him this time, Ballard?
122
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,349
But I've already got a job, ain't I?
123
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,913
Yesterday, I stumbled on
what may be a solution.
124
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,515
Major Bartlett, one of your
Conservatives, owns a newspaper.
125
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,472
Hmph. Er... Miss Thompson?
126
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:33,838
See if you can find Major Bartlett
in the House.
127
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,911
'He's already here, Sir.'
128
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,552
(Clears throat) I took the liberty.
129
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,073
Hmph.
130
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,791
Mm, yes, mm. Journalism... eh?
131
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,474
Well, that's what I'm doing already.
132
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:52,075
- You know, in a way.
- In a way?
133
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,675
I sell newspapers outside
Westminster tube station, don't I?
134
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,912
A... A newsboy?
135
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,072
(Mumbles) In Westminster?
136
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,872
Oh... oh...
137
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,636
You... You... You knew about this,
Ballard?
138
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:14,872
Yes, Prime Minister. That's why I thought
a change would be a good idea.
139
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,349
Show Major... Major...
140
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,796
Show Major, er... erm, in.
141
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,955
(Clock chimes)
142
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,715
Er, er... Major, er...
143
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,030
erm, erm... Burrows.
144
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:36,156
- Bartlett, sir. Major Rupert Erwin Bartlett.
- Yes, quite so.
145
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,949
- You've considered my application?
- The junior ministerial vacancy.
146
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,110
Ah, yes. Ah, ah...
147
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,236
Junior Minister.
148
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,073
Oh! I don't think I've had the pleasure.
149
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,118
- You remind me of someone.
- Er, mm...
150
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,191
My grandson. Shields.
151
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,999
Delighted to meet you.
152
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,557
- You're not up for the junior minister?
- No, I'm only a...
153
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,517
Newspaper man!
154
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,559
- What a coincidence! So am I.
- The major owns the Tinmouth Times
155
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,712
in his constituency -
little town in the West Country.
156
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,156
- Over 200 miles away.
- 200 miles?
157
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,276
That's a nice long way.
158
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,830
Well, I... My grandson was just telling me
159
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,152
how much he would like to work
on a provincial newspaper.
160
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,074
Prime Minister, I have a splendid idea!
161
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,709
Good, that's settled, then.
He can start tomorrow morning.
162
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,236
Thank you, Major. I won't take up
any more of your time.
163
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,790
But the ministerial vacancy,
could you give me a decision?
164
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:44,032
Now, don't worry, Barclay,
I've got your name well in mind.
165
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:51,830
You sort out the travel
arrangements, Ballard. Hm? Erm...
166
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,512
A one-way ticket to Tinmouth.
167
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,717
- It's already done, Prime Minister.
- Oh, oh.
168
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,837
Oh, Ballard. 200 miles!
169
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,353
(Both laugh)
170
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,192
200 miles!
171
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,635
- Ballard! Ballard!
- Oh, sir!
172
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,391
Oh, oh, oh... Thank you, Ballard.
173
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,550
Now, sir. We're wanted in the House.
174
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,192
Miss Thompson will take care of you,
Mr Shields.
175
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,713
Goodbye.
176
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,679
200 miles! Ha!
177
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,352
- Ballard!
- Sir David!
178
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,509
(Crash)
179
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,919
Tinmouth! Tinmouth.
180
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,476
Tinmouth!
181
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:55,795
(Whistle)
182
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,750
Young man! Young man!
183
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,717
You've got my bag!
184
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,075
This is yours!
185
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:15,271
Please give me my bag!
186
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,316
Give me my bag!
187
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:22,599
You've got yours!
Give... me... my... bag!
188
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,036
- (Fading) Give it to me!
- Look after that.
189
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,109
- (Laughs) You got back, then?
- She got her bag though, that lady.
190
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,749
- Oh, yeah? Where?
- Penzance.
191
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,114
- Can I have mine, please?
- Yeah.
192
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,276
Thank you.
193
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,197
- Not bad.
- Not at all bad.
194
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,674
- Ah, Shields!
- Bartlett.
195
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,039
Actually, you were due here at nine.
196
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,076
Still, I suppose, first morning.
197
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,196
- Bit of a rush I expect.
- Mm-hm.
198
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,477
I dare say you'd like to meet
your colleagues.
199
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,479
Here's Mr Norman Shields,
our new reporter.
200
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,516
Mr Ross, the editor.
201
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,916
Miss Lampton.
202
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,275
I hope you'll be very happy with us.
203
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,676
All right, come with me.
204
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,229
(Typing)
205
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,394
Shields, I expect a capacity
for work and punctuality.
206
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:22,439
I regret to note that you appear
to lack the latter quality. Understand?
207
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,317
Right, Chief.
208
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,675
You do shorthand, of course?
209
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,716
I'm afraid not.
210
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,756
You type?
211
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,598
Mr Shields, do you think
you could cover this?
212
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,750
Right, Chief. What is it?
213
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,316
- A jumble sale.
- (Shouts) Jumble sale?!
214
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,989
"To be opened by the Mayor,
New Congregational...
215
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,196
Mr Shields, I've read it!
216
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,430
(Subdued) Right, Chief.
217
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,636
Now, here is a map.
218
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,795
You will find the Congregational Hall
marked on this map.
219
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,475
- Right, Chief.
- Don't call me Chief all the time.
220
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,838
Notebook?
221
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,472
Pencil?
222
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:24,952
Yellow.
223
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,836
Got a bicycle?
224
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,950
You'll have to buy one.
225
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,669
In the meantime, you can borrow one
from Pearson.
226
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,716
Right, Chief.
227
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,790
(Siren bells ringing)
228
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,589
Where's the New Congregational Hall?
229
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,716
That was it over there.
230
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,153
Fred.
231
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,957
"Fire... Hydrant."
232
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,474
And I had this all...
233
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,393
Press! Press!
Press, Press, Press, Press, Press!
234
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,550
Tinmouth Times!
235
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,596
Make way for the Press!
236
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,351
Excuse me.
237
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,670
Er, are you the Mayor?
238
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,390
Oh!
239
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,552
I've, erm... I've been sent to cover
the jumble sale.
240
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,794
- Press, you know.
- It's been postponed.
241
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,668
Ah! Post... poned.
242
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,230
- Cos of the fire?
- This gentleman's responsible.
243
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,516
What, for the fire? Oh-hoo-hoo!
244
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,479
- No, for the jumble sale.
- Oh, I beg your pardon!
245
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:37,030
- I seem to have come too late.
- You can't be too late. I told you.
246
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,190
(Spitting) It's been postponed!
247
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,076
Yeah, well, thanks very much.
248
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,956
You see a bike?
249
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,273
Oi! My bike!
250
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,510
That's mine! You thieving...
251
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:19,953
Here! Hey! This isn't a stop, you know.
252
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,919
- Not right. Unfair to the others.
- That man's pinched my bike!
253
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,436
Has he now?
That's not right. No, no.
254
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,795
- Faster, faster!
- Faster.
255
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,359
Faster!
256
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,071
Follow that bike!
257
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,549
- Tell him to go faster!
- Go faster.
258
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,757
Put your foot down.
Watch where you're going!
259
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,912
You gotta catch him, that's my bike!
260
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,434
We'll call for that queue on the way back.
Shall I tell 'em or you?
261
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,715
- You.
- All right.
262
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:54,873
(Rings bell)
263
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,314
Won't be long! We won't be long!
264
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,515
I told 'em we won't be long.
265
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,470
Very kind of you, Tubby.
266
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,432
Don't let him gain on us, Tubby.
Tell him!
267
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,636
Don't let him gain on us!
268
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,314
Get a move on! He's only got a bike.
You've got a blooming great bus!
269
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,630
(Tyres squealing)
270
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,517
Hurry up and catch him
or go round the other way.
271
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,715
You're closing on him. That's it! Go on!
272
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,238
Go on! You're dropping behind.
273
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,239
Good boy!
274
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,039
He's got my bike
and I'm determined to have him.
275
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,116
(Frantic hooting)
276
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,349
(Crashing)
277
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,756
Oh, you've let him get away!
278
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,070
Keep going and we'll head him off.
279
00:26:46,120 --> 00:26:49,032
He's behind! I told ya, we got him!
280
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:52,112
It's no use-we got ya!
You can't beat a bus!
281
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,794
- Slow down! I'll get him!
- Slow down!
282
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:09,396
- He's gone right! Take the next turning!
- Turn right!
283
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,516
(lnaudible)
284
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,919
Erm, excuse me.
285
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,992
I say, I'm really most awfully sorry,
286
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,390
but that wasn't my bike after all!
287
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,837
- Can I help you?
- Oh, thank you very much.
288
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,835
- You are going in here, ain't you?
- Yes. Thank you very much.
289
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,190
Thank you very much.
290
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:05,475
Young man, this isn't my...
291
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,991
You again!
292
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,676
Well! If it isn't our new ace reporter.
293
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,598
A funny thing happened to me
on the way to the jumble sale.
294
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,194
Oh, come on, cheer up. Have a drink.
295
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,236
I don't really, erm...
296
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,349
Oh, come on! Be a devil.
297
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:02,670
You're a reporter now.
298
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,478
Eddie?
299
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,836
- Same again, Miss Lampton?
- Yes, but make it two.
300
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,679
Well... Good reporting.
301
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,716
And you. Er...
302
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:38,517
Er, it's quite nice.
303
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,190
(Bubbling)
304
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,351
(Retches)
305
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:06,389
It's not bad. I think I'll have some of this.
306
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,116
Same again...
307
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:11,873
Eddie.
308
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,595
- (Bubbling)
- (Groans)
309
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,869
Erm, I'm so glad I met you tonight.
310
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,838
Can't tell you how glad.
311
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,559
Well, I've got quite an evening ahead.
312
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,790
I've to cover the council meeting.
313
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,952
(Slurred) Eleanor, do you think
I could come with you?
314
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:56,272
I've never been to... I've never been
to a council meeting.
315
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,909
You must be mad, but if you want to,
you're very welcome.
316
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,752
Marvellous!
317
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,831
Are you ready, then?
318
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,951
Er, see you.
319
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,519
Aha!
320
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:25,634
That's where the Lady Mayor,
Alderman Mrs Corcoran, sits.
321
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,676
Labour, of course.
322
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,351
What, up there?
323
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,556
Doesn't she get dizzy?
324
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,676
The Lady Mayor is always dizzy.
325
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:37,517
So are her council.
326
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,114
I heard what you said about the council.
327
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:45,149
Let me inform you, the lady's remarks
refer only to the Labour members.
328
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:49,119
- Not to us Conservatives.
- Well, bully for you, Councillor Edge.
329
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,073
Ah! There's the Mayor's husband.
330
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,314
- Conservative?
- No, Labour.
331
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,591
Alderman Corcoran, about this agenda,
I have something to say.
332
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:07,992
You keep your ears open, mate,
and you'll hear what I have to say.
333
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,640
Conservatives are on the right.
334
00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:14,030
Labour are on the left.
The Labour have the majority.
335
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,116
(Hiccups)
336
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,039
(Hiccups)
337
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:00,795
(Hiccups)
338
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,628
- Water.
- No! Sh!
339
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:25,837
(Hiccups)
340
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,671
A glass of water.
341
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,157
(Norman hiccups)
342
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:34,470
(Whispers) A glass of water.
343
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,437
(Hiccuping continues)
344
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:09,993
(Loud hiccup)
345
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:24,513
Psst!
346
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,198
(Hiccups)
347
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,276
Hello, gorgeous.
348
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:59,195
It's a bit crowded in here tonight.
349
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,669
Harry Marshall, the County Chronicle.
350
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,194
Norman Shields,
the Times' latest addition.
351
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:09,794
Herewith conveil this trial,
1953 by grace of our royal.
352
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,110
The agenda which,
on the minutes of this,
353
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,795
is duly had in the housing committee
of suburban development.
354
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:20,431
The housing committee, which had
forgotten the civil low-down,
355
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,513
as duly made, with an asterisk
which marks each one separately...
356
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,670
That's the town clerk, Mr Nottage.
357
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,830
Bit of a bore, but he's all right.
358
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:34,153
And the assistants which grade for this
in this county council order, liaison...
359
00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,879
Hold the fort for me.
I'll be back for the speeches.
360
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,838
(Nottage) Other councils take heed,
and a deep heed,
361
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:43,037
for this stands in their own chamber
over their worship too
362
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,270
as a mutual agreed fine.
363
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:48,875
And this as far as the river's concerned,
but this doesn't matter.
364
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,794
Now this, underlined
and underhand this dale
365
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,634
and Hansard in the Houses of Parliament
follows this,
366
00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:59,154
supported by the industrial
on either side.
367
00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:02,835
Now I call upon Hawdrobe Cawl.
368
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,314
As chairman of the housing committee,
369
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,834
I can say without fear of contradiction,
370
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:13,390
- our housing record is second to none.
- Hear, hear.
371
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,597
I speak for us all on this side
of the chamber
372
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,274
when I say how proud we are of...
373
00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:27,919
(Chairman) The building of phase one
of our new...
374
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,160
The speeches are on!
375
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:40,472
We have met with opposition,
particularly from certain members...
376
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,312
She's on...
377
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,949
- Hear, hear.
...petty restrictions and impediments,
378
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:50,989
with the single-minded determination
that we have always displayed
379
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:54,038
in our undertakings
for the people of this town.
380
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,554
She's on the phone.
381
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,596
Her boyfriend, I suppose.
382
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,831
- (Chairman) It is with great pride...
- Boyfriend?
383
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:05,993
- Major Bartlett.
- (Chairman)... members of this council...
384
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,071
- The Major?
- Why not?
385
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:12,790
He owns a newspaper, he's an MP -
she knows what she's doing.
386
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,916
During our term of office,
387
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,468
we have built 1,000 houses.
388
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,994
- I don't believe it!
- Sh!
389
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:26,032
So, Councillor Edge doesn't believe it.
390
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:30,989
Councillor flaming Edge has the flaming
nerve to call me a liar to my face!
391
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,675
I shall ask Councillor flaming Edge
to apologise at once!
392
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,990
Point of order! Point of order!
393
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,789
Councillor Edge will feel the back
of my hand if he's not careful!
394
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,633
- Mr Mayor, I protest...
- Hooliganism!
395
00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:46,393
Vulgar exhibitionism!
396
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,153
- (All shout at once)
- Appeal to clause seven!
397
00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:52,755
Someone should quell this, sir!
398
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:56,596
If I could appeal the House...
399
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,638
You're the cause of this! You're the...
400
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,034
He's right! I've got to explain.
401
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,758
- Mrs Mayor!
- Shut up!
402
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,195
Alderman Whatshisname...
403
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,511
- (Nottage) They're pleading the rules...
- Order, please!
404
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,558
- Your Worship, please...
- Oh, dear.
405
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,950
Some must indicate the close
of this thunderbowl!
406
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:19,996
Hey, gabblemouth! Shut up!
407
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,640
(Mumbles incoherently)
408
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,470
I have been insulted by a man
unfit to clean my shoes!
409
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,872
- It wasn't me, it was that idiot reporter!
- It was nothing of the kind!
410
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,714
Trying to wriggle out of it? Yellow-belly!
411
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,236
Point of order! Mr Nottage,
do something, please!
412
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,517
I've got none of the civil of this chamber!
413
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,275
The whole crowd! I would not
suppress this in my own house!
414
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,557
- There is a problem in this chamber.
- Mrs Thingummy!
415
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,393
- Ladies and gentlemen!
- Mr Macebearer.
416
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,675
Kindly remove this person.
417
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,997
Order! Order, please!
418
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:07,752
(Smashing crockery)
419
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,833
To start a fight like this
is absolutely disgraceful!
420
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,272
- I've been stabbed!
- You murderer!
421
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,112
- Traitor!
- Rabble!
422
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,111
- Housewife!
- (Gasps)
423
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:36,670
- You Tory butcher!
- I'm dying. Meeting adjourned.
424
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,071
- Meeting adjourned.
- (Crash)
425
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,596
- Meeting adjourned.
- Oh, boy. What a story!
426
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,189
There. That is the last of the coffee.
427
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,750
Oh, no. I don't want any more coffee.
428
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,638
- I've had about a gallon already.
- Come on!
429
00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,711
(Gurgles)
430
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,110
- Now, what happened?
- Oh.
431
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:21,112
Alderman Corcoran said...
432
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:27,469
He said he was gonna clump
Councillor Edge round the earhole.
433
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:29,710
- (Cackles)
- Well, go on!
434
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,075
(Sings drunkenly)
435
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:35,596
# Susannah's a wonderful soul
(Spits and whistles)
436
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,468
# Fiddle-di-di
Susannah's a wonderful soul #
437
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,074
- (Whistles)
- Have some more coffee, please!
438
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,116
No!
439
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,555
(Chuckles)
440
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:51,638
(# Jaunty big-band tune)
441
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,709
- (Music stops)
- Now.
442
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,473
Please. Go on with the story.
443
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:19,918
Ha-ha-ha! A lady hits a man
on top of the head.
444
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:24,198
Who hit who on top of the head,
you silly little man?
445
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:28,353
A lady hit a man on top of the head.
Oh-ho-ho!
446
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,271
Erm...
447
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,989
- I dunno.
- Try and think!
448
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,389
The meeting was adjourned. That's all.
449
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,710
Oh, take it off. I'll sponge it.
450
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:43,438
(Phone)
451
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:47,996
- Hello?
- Hello, poppet.
452
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,435
I'm on my way over to you.
453
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:54,274
Darling, while I was talking to you,
there was a riot at the meeting.
454
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:57,238
- 'Little Norman was...'
- Oh, I see.
455
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:01,916
He had a couple of drinks and I had
to get the story out of him somehow.
456
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:06,232
Eleanor? Could we twist the angle a bit?
457
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,595
Arrange it to suit ourselves?
458
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,750
Give it an anti-Labour slant.
459
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,674
It'll appear as Shields' article.
And get rid of him.
460
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,955
'See you later. Bye, darling.'
461
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,393
Bye.
462
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:43,237
(Laughter)
463
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,392
Do you know where I could get a bed,
please?
464
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,760
Not at this time of night.
465
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:12,595
Yes, well, I was just wondering
if you could fix me up at your place?
466
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,750
- Police station?
- Mm.
467
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:17,790
Haven't done anything wrong, have you?
468
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,110
Who me? No, no. No!
469
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,191
Then keep moving!
470
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,475
What, all night?
471
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,309
He did what?
472
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,516
No, Lady Mayor.
473
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,830
Er, yes, Lady Mayor.
474
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:21,876
I see, Lady Mayor.
475
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,072
Goodbye.
476
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,958
Apparently, we've distorted all the facts.
477
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,474
She says Shields started the whole thing.
478
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,312
Oh, no!
479
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,630
- What are we gonna do?
- Sack him.
480
00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:38,633
- Wait a minute. After all, he has got...
- (Both) What?
481
00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:40,836
(Sighs) Potentialities.
482
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,434
Potentialities? He hasn't come in yet!
483
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:45,476
(Snores)
484
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,919
Blimey, I've done it again!
485
00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:11,037
Ah!
486
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:21,479
Ah. Mr Shields?
487
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:26,635
Could you spare a moment
of your valuable time?
488
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:36,476
Major Bartlett would like
to see you in his office.
489
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:38,869
- What for?
- What for?!
490
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,315
We've got a right one here, haven't we?
491
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:43,436
You've only been on the staff a few days
492
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,876
and you've got the entire town council
at each other's throats.
493
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,997
Do you know, Mr Shields,
that because of you,
494
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:54,790
Councillor Quilter is in hospital with
concussion, and needed five stitches,
495
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,474
that Councillor Edge,
Major Bartlett's agent,
496
00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:59,596
is in bed with nervous prostration,
497
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:02,956
and that Councillor Mrs Doe Connor
has resigned from the council
498
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,190
and from public life?
499
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:09,239
And why do you think the Major
wants to see you in his office?
500
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,592
- The sack?
- Good boy!
501
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,755
Morning, Major.
502
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:32,276
Morning, Eleanor... er, Miss Lampton.
503
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:37,236
- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Simply to congratulate you.
504
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:43,477
- Congratulate me?
- On your splendid article.
505
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:45,869
Look, it wasn't really me...
506
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:47,951
it was Miss Lampton.
507
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:51,157
It was your story, Mr Shields.
508
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:53,708
Look, fair's fair.
509
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,998
- She... She wrote it.
- From the facts you gave me, my dear.
510
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:01,277
- The credit is all yours.
- (Sniggers) Well...
511
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,999
- If you say so.
- Good.
512
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,595
So we're all agreed
that it was entirely your article.
513
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,477
All agreed?
514
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,437
- Yeah.
- Good.
515
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:14,159
Cos it's thoroughly upset the Council.
516
00:50:14,240 --> 00:50:17,710
I suggest you go to the Mayor's house
forthwith and apologise.
517
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:20,951
- On your way, Shields.
- Do I have to?
518
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,271
Borrow Pearson's bicycle
and this time don't lose it.
519
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:27,909
- Right, Chief.
- And don't keep calling me Chief!
520
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,116
Well, roger and out, then.
521
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:36,589
You know something?
Little Norman's got a thing about you.
522
00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:02,872
- Who threw this?
- I did.
523
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:06,316
- What you got in here, Mister?
- (Rings bell)
524
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:16,273
- Give us a ride on your bike, Mister!
- Oi, shorty!
525
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:18,316
(Laughter)
526
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:48,469
(Laughter)
527
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:29,550
Er, good morning. May I be permitted to
speak to Her Worship, my Lady Mayor?
528
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,631
Won't you sit down?
529
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,191
(Child) Come on!
530
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,589
(Dog barking)
531
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:56,796
Good gracious!
532
00:52:56,880 --> 00:53:00,589
Er, morning, Your Worship.
I'm Shields of the Times.
533
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,636
Yes, I remember you.
534
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:06,752
Er, perhaps you'd like to put
your bicycle in the kitchen?
535
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,076
Oh, careful!
536
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:25,879
(Clatter)
537
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:34,036
Oh, careful!
538
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:47,916
Oh, oh, oh!
539
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,675
Oh, oh, oh! Just a moment!
540
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,476
(Ripping)
541
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:12,832
(Ripping)
542
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:14,672
Take it! Take it.
543
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:29,638
Oh, my dear! This is Mr Shields
of the Times.
544
00:54:29,720 --> 00:54:32,314
Mr Shields, my daughter Liz.
545
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:34,630
- How do you do?
- How do you do.
546
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:38,840
Shouldn't we let him down?
547
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,876
Oh, yes.
548
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:55,711
Put your glasses on, you silly girl!
549
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:57,756
(Squeals)
550
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,078
Thank you.
551
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:26,716
The kitchen.
552
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,513
Oh, dear, we'd better tidy up.
Come along.
553
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:39,278
- What does he want?
- That, my dear, I've yet to find out. Oh!
554
00:55:42,720 --> 00:55:45,029
I-I'm sorry about that.
555
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:48,999
Still, never mind. It's nice to have
a bit of peace and quiet, innit?
556
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,355
- (Clattering)
- Damn and blast!
557
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,396
It's my husband.
558
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:55,789
Ernest, is that you, dear?
559
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:57,950
Who the hell did you think it was?
560
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:04,909
- What maniac left that bike in there?
- Mr Shields of the Times.
561
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:08,117
- Daddy, do keep calm.
- I will when I'm good and ready
562
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,111
and not before.
563
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:14,159
Put your glasses on, girl. You're blinking
like a pedestrian crossing.
564
00:56:14,720 --> 00:56:16,472
What do you want?
565
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:20,189
I came about last night's
council meeting. You made a mistake.
566
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:23,511
Last night? Oh, I'll deal with this, dear.
567
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:27,229
- You two go and make a cup of coffee.
- But I wanted to apologise...
568
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:31,598
- Come and have a drink, Shields.
- Oh, no. I've packed it up.
569
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,636
Last night's council meeting, eh?
570
00:56:33,720 --> 00:56:38,589
Yes. See, I was responsible
cos it was me who said it, not Mr Edge.
571
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:43,117
Of course it was! I knew it all the time.
(Guffaws)
572
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,555
Do you think I'm deaf, then?
573
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,471
(Both laugh)
574
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,233
It couldn't have been Edge, anyway.
575
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:54,313
- Why not?
- Cos he hasn't got the guts!
576
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:59,596
Would you like an item of real interest
for your paper?
577
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:03,673
Oh, yeah!
Hold these, hold these. Hang on.
578
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:06,957
- Oh, dear.
- Now then. Here we go.
579
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:09,998
There is only one man that matters
in Tinmouth.
580
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:14,312
- Only one.
- Only one. Alderman Ernie Corcoran.
581
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,391
You're...
582
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:20,109
And Major blasted Bartlett
knows that too!
583
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:24,798
He won't even have the nerve
to turn up on Saturday.
584
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,519
- Where?
- The Keir Hardie Estate, fool!
585
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:30,797
- What's that?
- The opening of the thousandth house!
586
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:34,111
Here. With an election
just around the corner,
587
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,953
that will be worth 500 votes to me!
588
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:44,078
And when that time comes there'll be
a new man on the train for Westminster!
589
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,955
- No Major blasted Bartlett. Oh, no!
- Not him!
590
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:50,756
Yeah. Guess who?
591
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:54,469
I don't know. Guess who?
Well, I mean...
592
00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,709
It's right on the tip of my tongue.
593
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,152
Ernie Corcoran?
594
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,196
(Corcoran) That's right!
595
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:08,236
Here, off you go.
596
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:10,276
Don't forget, eh?
597
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:14,069
Oh, I couldn't forget. I got it all down.
598
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,515
Publish and be damned.
599
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:20,954
Publish... and be...
600
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,190
damned-oh!
601
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:34,478
Publish and be...
I'll just put me shoes on!
602
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:42,551
- Won't you stay for some coffee?
- I'd better not, thanks.
603
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:44,790
- Your bike!
- Oh, yeah.
604
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,316
It must be awfully exciting.
605
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:52,949
It's all right going downhill,
but uphill gets the back of your legs.
606
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,031
No, working on a newspaper.
607
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,759
- Oh.
- The presses and everything.
608
00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:01,753
Oh, that's exciting too. Pop in sometime,
I'll show you round.
609
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:04,798
- Oh, I'd love to. Thank you very much.
- All right.
610
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:06,313
Bye.
611
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:09,836
Don't you think it would be easier
out the back way?
612
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:11,876
Well, safer.
613
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:13,598
(Giggles)
614
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:32,875
- Little Norman strikes again.
- But it's the truth!
615
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:36,873
- Mr Corcoran word for word.
- You have a lot to learn, sweetie.
616
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:42,199
Ah, Mr Shields. Would you be so kind
as to pop along to the Major's office?
617
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:44,475
He would like a few words with you.
618
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:13,588
So, Alderman Corcoran is to be
on the train to Westminster? Not me?
619
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,478
- So he said.
- You expect me to publish that?
620
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:20,030
- "Publish and be damned", he told me.
- Get out!
621
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,315
- Out?
- Out of the office!
622
01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:25,756
- (Phone)
- Out of this town! Out of the country!
623
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:32,836
What? Who?
624
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:36,356
Can't you speak up?
Oh, Mr Prime Minister!
625
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:39,238
Yes, sir. Yes, he's right here, sir.
626
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,515
He wants to speak to you.
627
01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:44,356
Hello, Grandad.
628
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:46,431
No, it's no good. I don't...
629
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:49,717
I can't help it. I should be back
at Westminster tomorrow.
630
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:52,155
(Enraged shouting)
631
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:55,114
- He's gone potty.
- Mr Prime Minister?
632
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,395
He must have misunderstood.
633
01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:01,189
No, he's a great asset
to the newspaper. Yes.
634
01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:04,317
Oh, no, sir. I've promoted him. Yes!
635
01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:08,712
Er... to political and municipal
correspondent.
636
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:11,439
Yes, he's a splendid fellow.
637
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:13,715
Chip off the old block.
638
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,360
Yes, sir. Right, Mr Prime Minister.
639
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,553
Political... and municipal! Golly!
640
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:24,474
What do you reckon will be
my first assignment? Sir?
641
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:27,309
Keir Hardie Estate. Tomorrow.
642
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:31,075
- The thousandth house.
- Oh, Corcoran mentioned that.
643
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:33,435
Said it'd be worth 500 votes to him.
644
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:37,991
Another thing he said...
I shouldn't tell you really!
645
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:40,548
He reckons you'd be scared to go!
646
01:01:41,400 --> 01:01:43,550
- He did, did he?
- Yeah.
647
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:46,950
- Send Mr Ross in, please.
- I'll tell him.
648
01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:58,432
Ah, Mr Ross! Would you be so kind
as to pop along to the Major's office?
649
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,670
He'd like a few words with you.
650
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:09,876
For heaven's sake!
651
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:14,511
I been promoted! The Major said
"My dear lad, you are an asset to us."
652
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:20,235
So. We have a new political
correspondent.
653
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:25,269
- Political... and municipal.
- (Grimly) And municipal.
654
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,193
Rather a long-felt want, don't you think?
655
01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:31,989
- Shouldn't you be at a baby show?
- I'm on my way!
656
01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:34,514
Eleanor! Eleanor!
657
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:37,398
Soon those babies will be adolescent!
658
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,869
Come out tonight. I must celebrate.
659
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:42,110
Let me take you out to dinner, eh?
660
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:45,988
- Come on.
- Oh, all right. Just this once.
661
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:51,036
Victoria Hotel?
662
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:53,350
- Half-past seven?
- Right.
663
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:05,710
(# Soft music)
664
01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:31,874
I've always wanted to do that!
665
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:38,714
I'm supposed to be meeting a girlfriend.
666
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:41,360
But I'm early.
667
01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:45,433
Oh. I'm supposed to be
meeting someone too. (Laughs)
668
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:50,389
If we waited together, you could teach
me to wiggle my fingers.
669
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:52,550
Will you order now, sir?
670
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:00,511
- What will you have, Miss Corcoran?
- Oh, please call me Liz.
671
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:02,556
Erm, orange squash.
672
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:06,155
- I don't drink alcohol.
- One orange. And?
673
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:08,390
Two orange... squashes.
674
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:20,359
Erm... Your dad's quite a character.
675
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:23,000
I'm glad you liked him. He liked you.
676
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:24,991
- Eh...
- No, honestly!
677
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:27,514
He said "I think he'll be very useful."
678
01:04:30,160 --> 01:04:33,869
Oh, did he? Well, all that stuff
about the Keir Hardie Estate
679
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:38,238
and Ernest Corcoran being the only man
who matters, Bartlett wouldn't publish.
680
01:04:38,320 --> 01:04:41,596
I'm not surprised. It's a Tory newspaper.
681
01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:44,638
Well, I am covering
the house opening tomorrow
682
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:47,359
and they're gonna print what I say.
683
01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:03,270
Oh, darling! I'm so glad
you found a little friend
684
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:07,956
because I just can't make it tonight - I'm
stuck with some dreadful office thing.
685
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:10,076
A press girl's life isn't her own.
686
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:12,116
Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Believe me.
687
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:14,953
- (Stutters)
- I'll explain it all in the morning.
688
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:17,508
Now... have fun, you two.
689
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:53,074
She's got some lovely clothes.
690
01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:57,636
I'm sorry, Norman.
691
01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:00,876
- Liz?
- Yes, Norman?
692
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,520
Put your hands together.
693
01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:06,670
Now, press your fingers down.
694
01:06:06,760 --> 01:06:09,069
No, only the two middle ones.
695
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:14,672
No. Now, put your glasses on again, eh?
696
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:20,597
Right. Now, finger exercises begin.
Turn around.
697
01:06:57,920 --> 01:06:58,955
No!
698
01:07:01,120 --> 01:07:04,351
Hey! Bricks are for building,
not throwing.
699
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:05,839
Ow!
700
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:08,070
(Car draws up)
701
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:15,719
Thank you.
702
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:17,836
- (Boing)
- Ooh!
703
01:07:17,920 --> 01:07:19,956
(Faint applause)
704
01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:25,593
Sorry, sir. I didn't notice
you was in there.
705
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,432
(Laughter)
706
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:37,916
Oh, I nearly did it again!
707
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:39,911
- (Thud)
- Aah! Ooh!
708
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:19,749
Aah! Aah!
709
01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:45,635
- Oh, no!
- Shut your eyes and don't look down.
710
01:08:52,480 --> 01:08:54,152
Help!
711
01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:04,435
Are you all right, dear? Come along.
712
01:09:04,520 --> 01:09:07,910
- We'll get a chair.
- Oh, thank you.
713
01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:24,556
(Whispering)
714
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:44,633
This great moment
through this afternoon
715
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:47,359
for the launch of this 1,000th of houses
716
01:09:47,440 --> 01:09:50,000
which culminate
in the progress of this council.
717
01:09:50,080 --> 01:09:53,789
We're graced with the august presence
of Lady Mayor for the gathering
718
01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:56,189
and Major Bartlett the self-made man
719
01:09:56,280 --> 01:10:00,512
which made the newspaper beneficent
for the whole humanity.
720
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:04,798
All the family, great for this house
which gave them the slummery
721
01:10:04,880 --> 01:10:07,155
and a pleasant prospect in the heart of it.
722
01:10:07,240 --> 01:10:11,631
And now the mauve scroll
for the duke, Major Mayor Bartlett.
723
01:10:23,520 --> 01:10:25,033
Go on!
724
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:28,157
Your Worship, Mr Town Clerk,
ladies and gentlemen.
725
01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:31,789
Never mind the speeches,
when do we get into our house?
726
01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:34,235
Now, wait a minute, please.
727
01:10:34,320 --> 01:10:36,276
As your Conservative MP,
728
01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:38,430
I congratulate your Labour corporation
729
01:10:38,520 --> 01:10:42,274
on reaching our target
of 1,000 houses... at last.
730
01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:45,796
Your target? Twaddle!
You lot just talk. We build.
731
01:10:45,880 --> 01:10:47,836
- Who planned the estate?
- Who built it?
732
01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:52,311
Never mind who did what! Cut
the politics. When are we gonna get in?
733
01:10:52,400 --> 01:10:55,517
No, no. Please, please.
Ladies and gentlemen,
734
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:57,636
I'm delighted to be here this afternoon.
735
01:10:57,720 --> 01:11:02,077
And now without more ado,
I will formally open the 1,000th house
736
01:11:02,160 --> 01:11:04,116
with this golden key.
737
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:07,157
Key. Key.
738
01:11:09,120 --> 01:11:10,951
- Key?
- Key?
739
01:11:11,040 --> 01:11:13,235
The key!
740
01:11:13,320 --> 01:11:14,719
Key?
741
01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:32,869
(Crowd gasps)
742
01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:39,359
Now, sit down, everyone,
and don't panic.
743
01:11:39,440 --> 01:11:42,637
I know where to find it.
Keep talking, Mr Mayor.
744
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:46,872
Don't sit down, I'm taking the chair away.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
745
01:11:47,880 --> 01:11:51,634
Er... ladies and gentlemen, I would be
doing less than my duty,
746
01:11:51,720 --> 01:11:56,714
were I not to thank all the people behind
the scenes who have worked so hard
747
01:11:56,800 --> 01:11:58,756
on the, er, plumbing.
748
01:11:58,840 --> 01:12:01,752
And then of course we must thank...
749
01:12:01,840 --> 01:12:04,877
- Oh!
- (Laughter)
750
01:12:07,760 --> 01:12:09,796
Aah!
751
01:12:23,080 --> 01:12:24,832
I got it! The golden key.
752
01:12:24,920 --> 01:12:27,309
I've got it. I've got the key. I've found it.
753
01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:29,595
Everybody on your feet! Come on.
754
01:12:29,680 --> 01:12:32,433
On your feet.
It was under the platform.
755
01:12:32,520 --> 01:12:34,715
The golden key.
756
01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:38,156
Everybody into the house.
All inside! Come on!
757
01:12:50,400 --> 01:12:53,392
(Croaks) Erm... This is the hall,
758
01:12:53,480 --> 01:12:55,516
and that is the lounge.
759
01:12:56,560 --> 01:12:59,028
- Hall and...
- Lounge.
760
01:13:02,280 --> 01:13:04,111
Excuse me.
761
01:13:04,200 --> 01:13:06,668
- Stop pushing at the back!
- Stop pushing.
762
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:22,432
- Hold it!
- The bedrooms are upstairs.
763
01:13:22,520 --> 01:13:23,873
Ooh, my back!
764
01:13:28,520 --> 01:13:33,548
This is the larger bedroom, or
what I like to call the master bedroom.
765
01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:55,471
Enough in there! Hold it!
766
01:13:56,200 --> 01:14:00,113
This is the small bedroom but there isn't
enough room for all of us.
767
01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:01,758
Oh!
768
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:11,276
- The house is collapsing!
- Everybody out!
769
01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:15,512
Hurry! Hurry!
770
01:14:16,360 --> 01:14:18,396
- Everybody out!
- Hurry up!
771
01:14:46,200 --> 01:14:49,272
Now look what you've done -
you and your politics!
772
01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:52,949
I've got to get back to the paper. Ta-ta.
773
01:14:54,120 --> 01:14:56,190
Well done, Corcoran.
774
01:14:59,880 --> 01:15:01,472
(Laughter)
775
01:15:28,080 --> 01:15:31,959
Oh, darling. The Keir Hardie Estate
article's on your desk.
776
01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:34,793
- Just sign it, will you?
- Sign it?
777
01:15:34,880 --> 01:15:37,314
I haven't even written it yet!
778
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:40,836
I did it for you.
On the Major's instructions.
779
01:15:42,600 --> 01:15:44,670
Erm... I see.
780
01:15:45,680 --> 01:15:48,240
Well... thank you.
781
01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:52,593
- What's the hurry?
- Darling, I have a date.
782
01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:55,240
I have to bath, change
and be out by eight.
783
01:15:55,320 --> 01:15:58,232
- Where are you going?
- Is that your business?
784
01:15:58,320 --> 01:16:00,276
Yes, it is.
785
01:16:00,360 --> 01:16:03,796
Who's this special man
that you have got to have a bath for?
786
01:16:03,880 --> 01:16:06,348
You've no right to question me!
787
01:16:06,440 --> 01:16:09,591
Oh, yes, I have-because I love you!
788
01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:15,276
I do love you, Eleanor.
789
01:16:16,720 --> 01:16:20,713
Norman, you must get this nonsense
out of your head.
790
01:16:21,280 --> 01:16:25,114
We'll have a nice, long chat
later this week, I promise you.
791
01:16:27,240 --> 01:16:31,677
- It's Major Bartlett you're seeing, isn't it?
- If you must know, yes, it is.
792
01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:35,673
I thought so.
Well... he is the boss, isn't he?
793
01:16:36,760 --> 01:16:39,320
And my future husband.
794
01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:13,958
Oh.
795
01:17:14,040 --> 01:17:16,952
Oh, I thought it was...
796
01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:20,637
I was just passing.
You said to drop in if...
797
01:17:22,080 --> 01:17:24,036
Did I?
798
01:17:24,120 --> 01:17:28,398
Oh, yes. Erm... Yes.
799
01:17:28,480 --> 01:17:32,314
If you're busy writing your article
about this afternoon, I'll...
800
01:17:32,400 --> 01:17:34,516
No, not really busy.
801
01:17:35,120 --> 01:17:37,156
It's been written for me.
802
01:17:37,240 --> 01:17:39,356
Major Bartlett's approval slip.
803
01:17:43,360 --> 01:17:46,989
"The opening of the 1,000th house
on the Keir Hardie Estate
804
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:49,594
"was a happy occasion
for all concerned.
805
01:17:49,680 --> 01:17:54,196
"Major Bartlett's witty speech...
Golden key to happiness?!
806
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:57,190
"Delighted family take up residence?!"
807
01:17:57,280 --> 01:17:59,430
It's a load of lies.
808
01:17:59,520 --> 01:18:03,274
- Well, you know.
- What are you going to do about it?
809
01:18:03,360 --> 01:18:06,113
- What can I do?
- Don't let them get away with it.
810
01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:09,237
- Make them print the truth!
- I can't!
811
01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:13,313
- What about Major Bartlett?
- Blast Major Bartlett and party politics!
812
01:18:13,400 --> 01:18:16,790
- What about your father?
- With all due respect, blast him too!
813
01:18:16,880 --> 01:18:19,155
(Laughs) Oh, Liz!
814
01:18:19,240 --> 01:18:21,470
Anyway, they'd never print it.
815
01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:27,309
They would if you put on
Major Bartlett's approval slip.
816
01:18:40,320 --> 01:18:41,878
Erm...
817
01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:46,556
Just a minute, erm...
Disaster hits the Keir Hardie Estate.
818
01:18:47,360 --> 01:18:49,316
House falls down.
819
01:18:54,360 --> 01:18:56,874
- Morning, Rigby.
- Morning, Major.
820
01:18:57,560 --> 01:18:59,039
(Hums)
821
01:18:59,120 --> 01:19:02,908
- What are you doing in my office?
- Have you gone stark, staring mad?
822
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:06,197
- Cutting both our throats?
- What are you talking about?
823
01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:07,793
Look.
824
01:19:11,000 --> 01:19:13,639
"Both political parties claim credit..."
825
01:19:13,720 --> 01:19:17,235
- This isn't the article I authorised!
- So who the hell wrote it?
826
01:19:17,320 --> 01:19:22,075
- It could only be one person.
- Shields.
827
01:19:22,160 --> 01:19:25,550
Bartlett, you get rid of
that little idiot reporter of yours
828
01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:28,598
or some of your unsavoury behaviour
829
01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:31,319
will be exposed
at the forthcoming election.
830
01:19:31,400 --> 01:19:35,075
So there's going to be mudslinging
at the election, is there?
831
01:19:35,160 --> 01:19:36,912
Anyway, what election?
832
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:40,470
Let's not kid ourselves.
You know very well what election.
833
01:19:40,560 --> 01:19:43,870
Take my advice-get rid of Shields!
834
01:19:47,760 --> 01:19:50,035
This article-how did it get in?
835
01:19:50,120 --> 01:19:53,430
- It had your approval slip on it.
- Absolute disaster.
836
01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:57,513
Take Shields off politics and put him
out of harm's way-entertainments.
837
01:19:57,600 --> 01:19:59,556
Yes.
838
01:20:00,800 --> 01:20:03,268
- Good morning, Major.
- Get out!
839
01:20:03,360 --> 01:20:06,875
- (Stammers) About housing...
- Get out, Miss Popkiss! Get out!
840
01:20:06,960 --> 01:20:08,916
I must get rid of that woman.
841
01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:13,631
Get out!
842
01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:17,236
Not you, dear lad.
843
01:20:23,280 --> 01:20:26,829
Once again, I must congratulate you.
An excellent article.
844
01:20:27,520 --> 01:20:29,909
Really?
845
01:20:30,000 --> 01:20:33,959
Well, it isn't exactly good for you, is it?
846
01:20:36,120 --> 01:20:39,715
- Or Mr Corcoran.
- That's what I like about the article.
847
01:20:39,800 --> 01:20:42,314
It's so entirely unprejudiced.
848
01:20:42,400 --> 01:20:46,598
So in future you'll be covering
entertainments.
849
01:20:46,680 --> 01:20:50,195
- What, as well as politics?
- Instead of.
850
01:20:51,720 --> 01:20:54,075
But I like writing about politics.
851
01:20:54,160 --> 01:20:57,311
It could give me a chance
to help someone.
852
01:20:57,400 --> 01:21:00,676
What better way to help the townspeople
than making them happy?
853
01:21:00,760 --> 01:21:02,751
Entertainments.
854
01:21:03,880 --> 01:21:05,996
I like politics.
855
01:21:06,880 --> 01:21:09,599
- I'll ask Grandad.
- Oh, no, no!
856
01:21:09,680 --> 01:21:13,070
If you can find a way of
promoting entertainments,
857
01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:15,469
this newspaper will back you all the way.
858
01:21:16,480 --> 01:21:19,153
What, you mean I can arrange
859
01:21:19,240 --> 01:21:21,470
and, erm, organise things?
860
01:21:22,840 --> 01:21:24,796
Anything you like.
861
01:23:03,480 --> 01:23:05,710
I didn't hear you ring.
862
01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:10,077
- You're Willoughby.
- I know who I am. Who are you?
863
01:23:10,160 --> 01:23:14,551
- I'm Shields of the Times.
- A reporter? How delicious!
864
01:23:14,640 --> 01:23:17,791
- I'm in charge of entertainment.
- There isn't any.
865
01:23:17,880 --> 01:23:20,678
Except what we make ourselves.
866
01:23:20,760 --> 01:23:23,354
What are your plans for holiday crowds
this year?
867
01:23:23,440 --> 01:23:26,477
Same as last year and, funnily enough,
the year before that.
868
01:23:26,560 --> 01:23:28,516
- None.
- None?
869
01:23:28,600 --> 01:23:30,750
But this is a holiday resort.
870
01:23:30,840 --> 01:23:32,796
This is a last resort!
871
01:23:32,880 --> 01:23:36,350
We've got a chocolate machine
with no chocolate in it,
872
01:23:36,440 --> 01:23:39,671
two speak-your-weight machines
with the voices gone,
873
01:23:39,760 --> 01:23:43,514
and we've got a distorting mirror
that's cracked.
874
01:23:43,600 --> 01:23:47,115
On Major Bartlett's authority,
our paper will back you all the way.
875
01:23:47,200 --> 01:23:50,715
Major Bartlett?
That's interesting. All the way?
876
01:23:51,600 --> 01:23:53,556
Er, Memo to Ross.
877
01:23:54,560 --> 01:23:57,836
As my election campaign
has now started,
878
01:23:57,920 --> 01:24:00,036
you will virtually be in charge.
879
01:24:01,560 --> 01:24:03,710
- (Knocking)
- What do you want, Shields?
880
01:24:03,800 --> 01:24:08,749
I have had the most marvellous idea!
And Willoughby's going to help.
881
01:24:08,840 --> 01:24:12,310
- Who's Willoughby?
- The town's entertainments officer.
882
01:24:12,400 --> 01:24:15,631
Oh. Well, type it in triplicate
and submit it in the usual way.
883
01:24:15,720 --> 01:24:19,679
I can't wait for all that.
This is a beauty contest. With girls.
884
01:24:19,760 --> 01:24:22,718
Not in keeping
with the dignity of the newspaper.
885
01:24:22,800 --> 01:24:25,234
Dignity of the... What do you reckon?
886
01:24:25,320 --> 01:24:30,474
A beauty contest could be very dignified,
Major. I could enter for it myself.
887
01:24:32,520 --> 01:24:34,715
- All right, then.
- Yes.
888
01:24:34,800 --> 01:24:36,711
A dignified beauty contest.
889
01:24:37,600 --> 01:24:41,036
- Busy, Major?
- Oh, just organising a beauty contest.
890
01:24:41,120 --> 01:24:43,759
Oh?
891
01:24:43,840 --> 01:24:46,673
- How interesting.
- It was Shields' idea.
892
01:24:46,760 --> 01:24:48,955
Thank you, Miss Fairchild.
893
01:24:52,360 --> 01:24:55,636
If you want me, Major,
you've only to buzz.
894
01:24:55,720 --> 01:24:59,349
So you're using the new girl now,
instead of Miss Popkiss?
895
01:24:59,440 --> 01:25:02,193
Yes, she's much faster.
896
01:25:02,280 --> 01:25:04,236
That I can well believe.
897
01:25:04,320 --> 01:25:06,788
- Now, darling...
- Erm...
898
01:25:06,880 --> 01:25:10,509
Er, shall I carry on
with my beauty contest column?
899
01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:14,479
- Yes, do, Shields.
- I'll do about 500 words...
900
01:25:16,440 --> 01:25:18,590
Beauty contest? Twaddle!
901
01:25:18,680 --> 01:25:22,593
Then he has the gall to criticise
the council for no summer shows.
902
01:25:22,680 --> 01:25:26,229
Cracked distorting mirrors,
chocolate machines with no chocolate!
903
01:25:26,320 --> 01:25:28,276
It's a dirty, filthy libel!
904
01:25:28,360 --> 01:25:30,999
- Dirty, filthy truth, Daddy.
- Liz, dear!
905
01:25:31,080 --> 01:25:33,036
It seems like that to me.
906
01:25:33,120 --> 01:25:37,079
Holiday-makers don't come here.
What's the use of a beauty contest?
907
01:25:37,160 --> 01:25:40,038
- I think Norman's right.
- Norman?
908
01:25:40,120 --> 01:25:43,999
- Perishing little halfwit!
- He might not sound clever to you,
909
01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:46,833
and perhaps he doesn't put things well,
910
01:25:46,920 --> 01:25:50,117
but he says something
because he believes in it,
911
01:25:50,200 --> 01:25:52,156
not to get something from it.
912
01:25:52,240 --> 01:25:57,109
If I thought for one instant that you were
getting interested in that midget reporter,
913
01:25:57,200 --> 01:25:59,270
I'd have him out of this town so fast...
914
01:25:59,360 --> 01:26:01,510
Careful. You'll have one of your attacks.
915
01:26:26,000 --> 01:26:28,275
Hurry up. There's not much time.
916
01:26:28,360 --> 01:26:30,635
That's all right. We're all ready now.
917
01:26:30,720 --> 01:26:35,350
- Girls all here?
- I'll count 'em. There should be seven.
918
01:26:36,560 --> 01:26:38,357
(Screaming)
919
01:26:38,440 --> 01:26:40,396
What happened?
920
01:26:40,480 --> 01:26:42,550
Erm... only six.
921
01:26:44,080 --> 01:26:47,516
- Liz!
- I just came to wish you luck, Norman.
922
01:26:47,600 --> 01:26:50,478
If there's anything I could do to help...
923
01:26:55,000 --> 01:26:58,117
Hey, Liz, you can help.
924
01:26:59,320 --> 01:27:01,436
Will you be a contestant?
925
01:27:02,440 --> 01:27:04,590
One of the girls hasn't turned up.
926
01:27:06,800 --> 01:27:09,439
- Do you think I dare?
- Why not?
927
01:27:09,520 --> 01:27:12,034
Come along now. don't let's talk rubbish.
928
01:27:13,360 --> 01:27:16,397
You're a bit late!
We were about to put a substitute in.
929
01:27:17,480 --> 01:27:19,550
What, her?
930
01:27:19,640 --> 01:27:21,676
Right, Liz. Get changed.
931
01:27:21,760 --> 01:27:24,911
- But I haven't got any...
- Well, borrow some!
932
01:27:26,160 --> 01:27:28,116
Right, it's time.
933
01:27:28,200 --> 01:27:32,478
Don't forget-you're in charge backstage
because I'll be compering.
934
01:27:32,560 --> 01:27:34,551
So good luck.
935
01:27:46,960 --> 01:27:50,157
Chocolates? Cigarettes?
936
01:27:52,200 --> 01:27:54,236
(Usherette) Cold drinks?
937
01:27:55,120 --> 01:27:57,588
All those posters
and nobody's interested.
938
01:27:57,680 --> 01:28:01,832
Men not interested in girls -
I can't believe it! It's unhealthy.
939
01:28:13,960 --> 01:28:16,110
The... The judges.
940
01:28:16,200 --> 01:28:18,236
Look after 'em.
941
01:28:31,160 --> 01:28:33,151
Police! Police!
942
01:28:33,240 --> 01:28:36,835
Over the road! There's girls walking
about with hardly any clothes on!
943
01:28:36,920 --> 01:28:40,356
Don't go over there!
It's just like a harem.
944
01:28:40,440 --> 01:28:43,273
They've all gone raving mad over there.
945
01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:07,756
Right, stand by!
946
01:29:08,480 --> 01:29:10,516
Everybody on stage!
947
01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:17,869
- Well done, Norman!
- Ready?
948
01:29:17,960 --> 01:29:20,599
Give me a few seconds
before curtain up.
949
01:29:20,680 --> 01:29:23,035
Where's the pianist? No pianist!
950
01:29:23,120 --> 01:29:25,998
- You'll have to play.
- I'm the compere down there!
951
01:29:26,080 --> 01:29:28,071
And the pianist, down there.
952
01:29:41,760 --> 01:29:43,716
(Norman grunts)
953
01:29:48,320 --> 01:29:50,311
(Groans)
954
01:29:50,400 --> 01:29:52,755
(Audience laugh)
955
01:29:56,000 --> 01:29:57,956
(Clanging piano strings)
956
01:29:58,880 --> 01:30:00,438
(Laughter)
957
01:30:12,680 --> 01:30:14,238
(Applause)
958
01:30:24,440 --> 01:30:26,396
(Compere) Miss Elizabeth Rivers.
959
01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:30,358
(Applause)
960
01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:41,151
- Miss Penelope Squires.
- (Applause)
961
01:30:52,080 --> 01:30:55,436
And now... Miss Ruby Fairchild.
962
01:30:55,520 --> 01:30:57,351
(Applause)
963
01:31:27,120 --> 01:31:28,951
(Applause)
964
01:31:33,320 --> 01:31:38,189
And now a young lady
who, when you see her,
965
01:31:38,280 --> 01:31:40,157
will take your breath away.
966
01:31:41,400 --> 01:31:43,595
(Gasps) Like that.
967
01:31:44,840 --> 01:31:48,913
Luscious, scrumptiously attractive
and... beautiful.
968
01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:51,956
Miss Liz Corcoran.
969
01:31:56,640 --> 01:31:58,596
I can't!
970
01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:00,830
You can.
971
01:32:03,800 --> 01:32:06,234
(Applause)
972
01:32:18,600 --> 01:32:20,556
Bring down the curtain.
973
01:32:26,360 --> 01:32:30,399
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your voting cards?
974
01:32:31,640 --> 01:32:33,790
I think you'll find we're all agreed.
975
01:32:39,600 --> 01:32:41,033
Norman!
976
01:32:44,280 --> 01:32:45,633
(Laughter)
977
01:32:52,400 --> 01:32:54,231
The winner.
978
01:32:55,560 --> 01:32:58,632
- Ruby Fairchild.
- It's rigged. The Major.
979
01:33:00,040 --> 01:33:02,270
Don't worry, it's none of our business.
980
01:33:03,240 --> 01:33:05,196
Ruby Fairchild.
981
01:33:07,640 --> 01:33:10,598
Ladies and gentlemen,
on this piece of paper
982
01:33:10,680 --> 01:33:13,035
is the name of the Tinmouth
beauty queen.
983
01:33:14,040 --> 01:33:17,589
When the curtains part,
you will see her on the throne.
984
01:33:24,720 --> 01:33:26,472
(Booing)
985
01:33:28,600 --> 01:33:30,955
(Jeering)
986
01:33:41,160 --> 01:33:43,116
(Shrieks and sobs)
987
01:33:47,960 --> 01:33:50,110
Please leave me alone.
988
01:33:55,320 --> 01:33:57,276
(Angry shouting)
989
01:33:59,000 --> 01:34:02,879
Now, er, gentlemen, if you'll just...
Please! Gentlemen, if you...
990
01:34:02,960 --> 01:34:06,270
- Er, gentlemen, please!
- Ruby!
991
01:34:06,360 --> 01:34:08,954
Ooh! Eleanor.
992
01:34:09,040 --> 01:34:10,473
Ooh!
993
01:34:11,960 --> 01:34:15,077
- What have you to say about this?
- Keep out of this!
994
01:34:15,160 --> 01:34:17,958
Gentlemen, I would like to say
a few words.
995
01:34:18,040 --> 01:34:19,996
Gentlemen, conduct yourselves
996
01:34:20,080 --> 01:34:23,755
in the dignified manner
to which this town is accustomed.
997
01:34:23,840 --> 01:34:26,877
This demonstration is an example
of Labour hooliganism
998
01:34:26,960 --> 01:34:29,030
and it will not be tolerated.
999
01:34:29,120 --> 01:34:32,237
That, Bartlett, is a remark
that you will live to regret.
1000
01:34:32,320 --> 01:34:34,550
Our Labour stock
has never stood higher.
1001
01:34:34,640 --> 01:34:39,555
This trumped-up beauty contest is
nothing more than a Tory conspiracy.
1002
01:34:39,640 --> 01:34:43,519
You're sabotaging the years
of sacrifice I've given this constituency.
1003
01:34:43,600 --> 01:34:47,036
Sacrifice? You've only ever spoken once
in the House of Commons
1004
01:34:47,120 --> 01:34:50,078
and that was to ask
for a window to be opened.
1005
01:34:50,160 --> 01:34:53,470
- Look, I'm going now.
- Yes. You're fired.
1006
01:34:54,840 --> 01:34:58,276
That doesn't surprise me.
But before I do go,
1007
01:34:58,360 --> 01:35:01,716
don't you two ever think of anybody
but yourselves?
1008
01:35:01,800 --> 01:35:05,076
I mean, you're both intelligent men.
1009
01:35:05,160 --> 01:35:08,232
- I wish I had your brains.
- Turn on the mike.
1010
01:35:09,480 --> 01:35:12,074
- (Click)
- (Echoing) You're an MP.
1011
01:35:12,160 --> 01:35:14,151
- And I soon will be.
- Who knows?
1012
01:35:14,240 --> 01:35:17,596
- Over my dead body!
- Whoa! What's the matter with you?
1013
01:35:17,680 --> 01:35:20,672
'Why don't you leave off?
All you do is bicker.'
1014
01:35:20,760 --> 01:35:23,035
Now let me have my say.
1015
01:35:24,440 --> 01:35:27,079
As I see it, you two are like...
1016
01:35:28,640 --> 01:35:31,632
captains of a sort of people's ship of life.
1017
01:35:31,720 --> 01:35:37,033
'And they rely on you two
to steer them on a safe course.'
1018
01:35:37,920 --> 01:35:42,630
But because of your own selfishness,
you keep on taking them into storms
1019
01:35:42,720 --> 01:35:45,917
with big waves.
1020
01:35:46,000 --> 01:35:50,312
And if you and all the other politicians
and the leaders of the world
1021
01:35:50,400 --> 01:35:54,791
don't work together, you know,
one of these days...
1022
01:35:54,880 --> 01:35:57,030
Open the curtains!
1023
01:35:57,120 --> 01:35:59,236
...you're gonna drown all the people.
1024
01:35:59,960 --> 01:36:04,795
Here. I been talking a lot, ain't I?
1025
01:36:04,880 --> 01:36:07,269
I have to get off me soapbox.
1026
01:36:07,360 --> 01:36:09,669
'(Laughs)'
1027
01:36:09,760 --> 01:36:13,548
Oh, well, I'm going back
to me pater's town in Westminster.
1028
01:36:14,320 --> 01:36:16,470
Goodbye, sir.
1029
01:36:17,920 --> 01:36:19,990
(Cheering)
1030
01:36:34,480 --> 01:36:37,040
Well done, Norman. Go on, take a bow.
1031
01:36:40,160 --> 01:36:42,276
- Bye, Robin.
- Bye-bye.
1032
01:36:47,920 --> 01:36:50,036
Give those to Liz for me.
1033
01:37:06,600 --> 01:37:08,192
Norman.
1034
01:37:11,880 --> 01:37:13,552
- I'm going, Liz.
- Why?
1035
01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:16,313
- I don't think I've been successful here.
- I do.
1036
01:37:16,400 --> 01:37:19,836
Daddy and Major Bartlett
are having a drink at the hotel.
1037
01:37:19,920 --> 01:37:23,117
- That's a good start.
- Yeah, a good start.
1038
01:37:23,200 --> 01:37:25,395
- Bye.
- Norman!
1039
01:37:26,960 --> 01:37:30,350
- Couldn't I come with you?
- What about your dad?
1040
01:37:30,440 --> 01:37:33,193
He'd lose a daughter but he'd gain a son.
1041
01:37:33,280 --> 01:37:35,555
- Yeah.
- (Whistle)
1042
01:37:35,640 --> 01:37:37,915
Come on, we'll miss the train.
1043
01:37:40,600 --> 01:37:43,876
- We've missed it!
- No, we haven't!
1044
01:37:44,305 --> 01:37:50,787
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