Original subtitles

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC ENDS)

(COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey.

(INAUDIBLE)

(CAR HONKING)

This is the place I was telling you about.

Twelve pounds of sugar.

Three cans of malt.

Twelve kegs of yeast.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

What did you say?

Twelve kegs of yeast.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

When are you gonna get that tooth fixed?

Every time you speak you make a funny noise.

It sounds like a pipe organ.

One dozen packages of hops.

And three crux.

Now, let's see.

(CALCULATING INDISTINCTLY)

Now for $8.06 we can make 15 gallons.

But we can't drink 15 gallons.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

What we can't drink, we can sell.

Come on.

(BELL RINGING)

- Hello, Warren. - Hello, John.

How's everything?

Pretty busy.

Got a couple of fish for you.

Oh. Well, so long.

- So long. - See you later.

Bye, guard.

Well, it's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

What do you mean, I got you into?

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Well, you sold that policeman that bottle of beer, didn't you?

I didn't know he was a policeman.

I thought he was a streetcar conductor.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(SIGHS)

Hey, come over here.

What's your name?

Stanley Laurel.

Say, "sir," when you're addressing me.

Now what's your name?

Sir, Stanley Laurel. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

He can't help that, sir. It's a loose tooth, sir.

Yeah?

Oh, we'll be seeing to that.

What's your name?

Oliver Norvell Hardy.

Sir.

(SCOFFS)

A couple of beer barons, eh?

All right, Shields. Frisk 'em.

(ALARM RINGING)

(ALARM STOPS)

(RATTLING)

(BOTTLE CAPS CLATTER)

Okay.

GUARD: All right. Get in the wards.

Come on.

(ALARM RINGING)

(ALARM STOPS)

Come on, let's go.

Smile.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

PHOTOGRAPHER: Next.

HARDY: Psst.

Smile.

(COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

PHOTOGRAPHER: Fine.

Come on.

If they turn out good, can I have one?

Come on, get out of here.

(APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS)

Come on.

Hey, you.

Fall in.

(SCREAMING)

(SCOFFS)

Clowning, eh?

(SCREAMING)

(BELL RINGING)

Let's go.

The new men are here, sir.

My, my.

And still they come.

Let us begin with a perfect understanding.

I am just as sorry to see you here as you are to be here.

Keep one thing in mind.

It all depends on you yourselves

just how you're going to fare during your stay here.

Never forget that this is a prison.

And in a prison all rules must be obeyed.

Discipline is the one thing that must be observed.

If you are good prisoners, everything will be okay.

If you are not,

if you break the rules,

then it will be just plain hell on Earth.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

- Please, sir, it was his... - Shut up, you...

Put 'em in cell 14.

But, not in with The Tiger, sir!

- Put them in cell 14! - Yes, sir.

Get them out of here before I lose my temper.

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Talking to the warden like that!

A fine piece of business.

Convicts talking to the warden.

Why, I'll take those men, I'll break 'em.

I'll put 'em in cell 14! I don't care who's in there!

What I'll do with them.

(PRISONERS MURMURING)

Upstairs.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

This way.

PRISONER: Hello there, buddy.

Shut up!

Okay.

What?

Amos 'n Andy.

Hello, squirt.

Hello. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

All right, inside.

Come on, inside!

(CLANGING)

I said, "Hello, squirt."

Hello.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

- I'm sorry, sir, but that was his... - Sit down!

(MAN SCREAMING)

What are you doing there?

Keep off of my head!

Pardon me, I'm a stranger here.

Put 'er there!

(LAUGHS)

You're the first guy that ever had the nerve to raspberry The Tiger.

(LAUGHS)

I like a guy that does that.

What are you in for?

We're a couple of beer barons.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Hey, shut up!

(CHUCKLES)

Hey, you and me is gonna be good pals.

Thank you. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Hey, I heard you the first time.

Now, don't take advantage of my good humour. If you do...

- (SCREAMING) - GUARD: Hey!

What's going on in there?

Hey. Oh. (CHUCKLES)

It's the fish.

Just a little nervous, I guess.

One more peep and I'll through you in the hole.

Steady in there.

Go to bed.

Okay.

- (CLANGING) - Hey, pipe down there. Pipe down.

(PRISONERS SNORING)

(PRISONERS CLAMOURING)

Good morning, pupils.

ALL: Good morning, teacher.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

♪ Ah

♪ Good morning to you Good morning to you

♪ Good morning, dear teacher Good morning to you ♪

Very, very good.

Now, once more.

♪ Good morning to you Good morning to you

♪ Good morning, dear play-mates Good morning to you ♪

In as much as you are new pupils, I'll excused that.

But I'll have no playing in my class.

Now, the first lesson this morning will be a...

(COMICAL SOUND)

A-ha!

BOTH: A-ha!

(SHOUTING) Sit down!

(PRISONERS EXCLAIMING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

♪ Ah

♪ Good morning to you Good mo... ♪

Uh, we will now have the roll call.

Uh, those that are here will answer, "present."

Those that are not here will say, "absent."

We shall now have an intelligence test.

- Who was Columbus? - The mayor of Ohio.

- What did he do? - He died.

Why, of course he died.

- Who killed him? - Cock Robin.

Who said that?

I did.

Correct.

What is a blizzard?

A blizzard?

A blizzard is the inside of a buzzard.

Hmm, fresh, huh?

How many times does three go into nine?

Three times.

Correct.

And two left over.

(CHUCKLING)

- What are you laughing at? - There's only one left over.

D'oh!

Listen, you spell, "Needle."

N-E-I-D-L-E.

There is no "I" in needle.

Then it's a rotten needle.

Who did that?

If I find out who did it, they'll stand in the corner.

- (BOOING) - (EXCLAIMS)

Now. (CLEARS THROAT)

What is a comet?

You.

Comet.

A comet is a star with a tail on it.

Right.

Hmm. Name one.

Rin Tin Tin.

D'oh!

Just for that, you'll stay after school.

Now, let me hear what I taught you yesterday.

(GROANS)

(PRISONERS RECITING ADDITION TABLE)

Fourteen, 14, nine, nine.

Fourteen, fourteen, seven, seven.

TEACHER: Very good, very good.

All right, inside.

Not you.

This is your suite.

Have you got the time?

LAUREL: Ollie.

HARDY: What?

LAUREL: I wonder how long we're going to be in here.

HARDY: Oh, about two months, I guess.

LAUREL: Gee, that's a month a piece.

HARDY: A month a piece.

Well, you can take it from me,

when I get out of here, I'm going back on the farm.

Boy, there's a life.

I can see it now.

Rows and rows of sweetcorn swaying in the breezes.

Honeybees buzzing in the clover.

And the smell of new mown hay in the air.

- Ollie. - What?

LAUREL: Did you say you can see all that?

HARDY: Why, certainly.

LAUREL: That's funny. I can't see a thing, it's dark in here.

HARDY: Haven't you got any imagination?

Can't you imagine us growing strawberries and raspberries?

LAUREL: Well, I don't like raspberries.

HARDY: Well, we'll grow watermelons.

Sun-kissed watermelons.

Why, we'll plant acres and acres of watermelon.

Well, we'll have more than what we can eat.

LAUREL: Yeah, and what we can't eat, we can sell.

HARDY: Well, just for that, I won't take you with me.

LAUREL: (WEEPY VOICE) Oh, don't leave me alone...

GUARD: (SHOUTING) That's it! Go to sleep, you guys!

(LAUREL SOBBING)

Hey, listen. This looks like our big day.

Ah, what's the use? They've doubled the guards on the gates.

We'll never get through.

Well, it's now or never.

If we don't take a chance now, how we gonna find out?

(BELL RINGING)

Look, they're opening the gate.

See, now's our chance.

(SIGHS)

Oh, wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Mitch, I've got an idea.

I'll find out what's outside of them gates.

Hey!

Hello, pal.

- Hey, pal. - Hello, pal D.

- Hi. - Hello, buddy.

Hello, pal, come over here.

- Hello, buddy. - Well, well, well.

Where you guys been?

We been down in the hole.

- Solitary confinement. - Yeah?

- (SIREN WAILING) - All right.

Well, what's wrong, man?

It's The Tiger. They've made a clean break.

They've got those two new fish with him.

They are the one in star hammer.

Call out every available man.

Patrol every inch of ground. North, south, east and west.

Call up every police station within a radius of 50 miles.

Get in touch with the Sheriff's office.

And better hop to it.

Well, we captured The Tiger's gang. We got them right away.

We caught 'em down the old stone quarry

and took them without a shot.

- But... - What?

Well, it's those two new fish, they got away and not a sign of them.

Why, they disappeared as if the earth had completely swallowed them.

Well, don't worry about those two babes in the woods.

Use the bloodhounds.

Those hounds never fail.

Why they'll trail them so straight, it'll be a cinch.

Those hounds are ferocious. They're killers.

(LAUGHS)

I'd like to see their faces when they hear those hounds.

- Now, hop to it. - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

(BARKING AND GROWLING)

(PLANTATION WORKERS SINGING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Call it a day!

(PLANTATION WORKERS SINGING)

They'll never recognise us in 100 years.

For once in your life you hit up on a good idea.

A practical idea.

Say, what about the tooth? The buzzer.

Oh, I fixed that too. I vulcanised it.

- You what? - I vulcanised it.

I put some chewing gum in there and it don't buzz any more.

You're actually using your brain.

That's what comes from associating with me.

- What do you mean associa... - Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut.

- Tut-tut-tut-tut. - (WHISTLING)

Come on, here, you always dragging behind.

(DOG WHIMPERS)

Come here.

Now, come on, let's go.

Come on, here now, let's go.

Come on. That's the way.

Go on.

(PLANTATION WORKERS SINGING)

I'm going to name this one Oliver.

Sing it, boy.

- ♪ I'm gonna ride - ♪ Gonna ride that train

♪ I mean, that Southbound passenger train

♪ I'm gonna buy me a ticket Just as long as my arm

♪ I'm gonna ride that train, babe all night long

- ♪ I'm gonna ride - ♪ Gonna ride that train

♪ I mean, that Southbound passenger train

♪ You go choo, choo ride the train

- ♪ All aboard - ♪ Bye, Birmingham

- ♪ Got a letter from a jazz band - ♪ I love it, babe

- ♪ In Birmingham - ♪ Gotta love it

- ♪ Got a letter from jazz band - ♪ I love it, babe

♪ In Birmingham

♪ Well, she dressed so neat And she looked so sweet

♪ And when she walked she'll take you off your beach

♪ She is a finer

- ♪ Red hot - ♪ From Birmingham

- ♪ That's her - ♪ That's her

♪ That's jazz by me That big, big Southern Jack

♪ Well, the first thing you do is take a shovel and the coal

♪ Put your head out the window watch the drivers go

- ♪ That's her - ♪ That's her

♪ That's jazz by me That big, big Southern Jack

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ All aboard, bye, Birmingham ♪

(ALL HUMMING)

(VOCALIZING)

♪ Lazy moon

♪ Come out soon

♪ Make my poor heart be warmer

♪ Light the way Bright as day

♪ For my sweet little charmer

♪ Now she's to meet me in the lane tonight

♪ If the sky is bright and clear

♪ Oh moon, don't keep me waiting here tonight

♪ Watchin' and a-waiting

♪ Heart a-palpitating

♪ Longing for my little lady love

♪ Lazy moon, lazy moon

♪ Why don't you show your face upon the hill?

♪ Lazy moon

♪ Come out soon

♪ You can make me happy if you will

♪ Now when my lady sees your face a-peeping

♪ A-peeping

♪ Then I know a promise you'll be keeping

♪ A keeping

♪ Tell me what's the matter are you sleepin'

♪ Lazy moon

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

♪ Lazy moon

♪ Lazy moon

♪ Why don't you show your face upon the hill?

♪ Lazy moon Come out soon

♪ You can make me happy if you will

♪ Now when my lady sees your face a-peeping

♪ Then I know a promise you'll be keeping

♪ Tell me what's the matter Are you sleepin'

♪ Lazy moon? ♪

(ALL LAUGHING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(PEOPLE CONTINUE LAUGHING)

(PLANTATION WORKERS SINGING)

(ENGINE STALLING)

(ENGINE STALLING)

I don't know what's the matter.

Why, Father, I wouldn't know.

'Course this would have to happen

when I'm due back at the prison at noon.

Well, I'll see if I can locate the trouble.

Do you know anything about an automobile?

Yes, ma'am.

I wonder if you'd give us a hand.

We'd be very glad to.

Something went wrong with the car.

Have you got any tools, lady?

Yes, they're under the back seat.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Just a minute.

Ow!

What's... What's goin' on here?

Oh, Daddy. I'm so sorry.

These two men are going to help us with the car.

All right.

I'll keep my head out of the way this time.

No!

He doesn't know us.

Uh, now, let's see, uh...

The carburettor now.

No, must be the generator.

No, it can't.

Ah, the spark plug. Now, let's see.

Let's see...

(SCREAMS)

Get your hands off of it.

Get under the car and see if this works.

(EXCLAIMING)

(CHUCKLES)

I'll do it.

Why don't you look up, girl?

Why, Dad.

We're out of gas.

Well, no wonder it wouldn't run.

Hey, Oliver. Uh, Sambo.

They're out of gas.

Well, there we are.

Now.

Well, thank you, boys.

Here's my card.

Anytime you're up my way, drop in.

You can work for me anytime.

(CAR STARTING)

- Goodbye, boys. - Goodbye.

Goodbye.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

(BLOWS WHISTLE AGAIN)

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

(PRISONERS MURMURING)

Let's walk around and see if we know anybody.

♪ I was born in Michigan

♪ And I wish and wish again

♪ That I was back in the town where I was born

♪ The town where I was born

♪ There's a farm in Michigan

♪ And I'd like to fish again

♪ In the river that flows

♪ Beside the fields of waving corn

♪ A lonesome soul am I

♪ And here's the reason why

♪ I want to go back, I want to go back

♪ I want to go back to the farm

♪ Far away from harm

♪ With a milk pail on my arm

♪ There's a farm in Michigan

♪ And I'd like to fish again

♪ In the river that flows

♪ Beside the fields of waving corn

♪ A lonesome soul am I

♪ And here's the reason why

♪ I want to go back, I want to go back

♪ I want to go back to the farm

♪ Far away from harm

♪ With a milk pail on my arm

♪ I miss the rooster the one that use-ter

♪ Wake me up at 4:00 am

♪ 4:00 am

♪ I think your great big city's very pretty

♪ Nevertheless, I want to be there

♪ I want to see there a certain someone full of charm

♪ See charming

♪ That's why I wish again that I was in Michigan

♪ Down on the farm

♪ Down on the farm ♪

MAN: Hey, fellas, how about another one?

Down on the farm. That's the life.

That was fine, boys.

It sure was.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

What did you say?

That's a loose tooth, sir, that does that.

Oh, this.

That should be attended to.

Yes, sir. As soon as I get out, I'm gonna have it fixed.

Do you know that song about the Yanks are coming?

Come on. We're gonna yank that tooth.

Come on.

Come on.

All right, I'll take you now.

Come on.

There's another customer for you. Fix him up.

Okay.

Hey, Rosebud.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Sit down.

(HONKING SOUND)

(SCREAMING)

I sneaked in.

- Ollie. - What?

I'm scared.

Why, there's nothing to be afraid of. I'll stay right with you.

(SHOUTING AND CLAMOURING INSIDE)

Come on, you're next.

- No, no, no, Doctor. - Come on. Come on.

You won't hurt me, will you, Doctor?

But you won't hurt me, will you, Doctor?

You won't hurt me!

(SHOUTING AND CLAMOURING)

Don't think about it.

(MORE SHOUTING AND CLAMOURING)

(PATIENT GROANING)

All right, Rosebud.

Not him. You.

(WHIMPERING)

Come on, sit down.

Do you mind if I have my friend in here with me?

Okay.

Ow! (GROANING)

Ah, stop your playing.

Which one is it?

This one.

- Does it hurt? - Uh-uh.

Then what are you having it pulled for?

It's only loose. It buzzes.

- It buzzes? - Yes, sir. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Okay, sit down.

Upper left molar, Doctor. He says it buzzes.

Okay.

Sit down.

(WHIMPERS)

I'm scared.

Why, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Sit down.

Whoever heard of a dentist hurting you these days.

Why, you won't even feel it.

You won't feel it, but how about me?

How about those other fellas?

(LAUGHING)

They were only laughing.

(SIGHS)

You know, there are times when you try my patience.

There's nothing to it.

It's all in your mind.

Now just sit back and (EXHALES) relax.

(SIGHS)

Why they could pull every tooth in my head,

and I wouldn't even feel it.

(MUMBLING)

(SCREAMING)

Why didn't you tell him?

I thought you were laughing.

Say, what are you all weepin' about? Didn't I get the right tooth?

You got the right tooth but the wrong man.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

(WHIMPERING)

Steady. I'll get the right one.

(POPPING)

You see, it didn't hurt a bit, did it?

Not a bit. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

We gotta get out of here. (MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Listen.

Everything is okay.

Now, don't get nervous when the time comes.

Hey, I ain't nervous.

- I'll go right now... - Hey, wait a minute.

Back up dumbbell. You wanna kill everything?

Tiger's plotting again, is he?

How did you find it out?

We overheard those two new fish talking it over in the yard.

We've got 'em outside now. Do you wanna see them?

No, I have no time to bother with 'em.

So, The Tiger and his gang are at it again, eh?

I've no time to question those two fish now.

I'll tell you what to do.

Double the guard on the front gate.

Put more men on the wall.

Pull a guard around the yard.

Telephone the governor. We may need the militia.

Turn your biggest guns on the front gate.

That's where we're gonna need the most.

So they wanted a showdown, did they?

They wanted a fight to a finish, did they?

But by the living Lucifer, they're going to get it.

Go on now. Now, hop to it.

Hey, what's the big idea?

We're just in conference.

Well, do your conferring down at the mess hall. Fall in.

We're not going to the mess hall. We're not going to eat.

You're not going to eat.

No, we're on a hunger strike.

Emphatically.

GUARD: What?

You're going to pass up that nice big roast turkey?

With chestnut dressing,

and sweet potato Southern style.

Great big pans of hot biscuits,

strawberry shortcake smothered in whipped cream,

sprinkled with powdered sugar,

with a nice, big maraschino cherry on the top of it.

'Course, followed by a nice, big slice of ice-cold watermelon

and a big, black cigar.

Any nuts?

GUARD: All you can eat of them.

How about postponing the strike until tomorrow?

Well... But not one minute after tomorrow.

GUARD: Come on, fall in.

- (BLOWS WHISTLE) - (PLATES CLANKING)

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Find yourself a seat down there.

Hey!

What about that turkey dinner?

- (GUN FIRING) - GUARD: Sit down, you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Haven't we had bad luck enough without you spilling the salt?

Make a wish and throw some over your left shoulder.

(INAUDIBLE)

Psst. Psst.

Hey, what happened upstairs?

You're going to get it.

The warden's gonna fix you.

- (TAPPING ON PLATE) - Huh?

And he said...

They squealed on us, the dirty rats.

Yeah.

But I'll get 'em.

I'll see we'll get 'em.

- After dinner. - I got you.

(SCREAMS)

(SIREN WAILING)

(GUNS FIRING)

(SIREN CONTINUES WAILING)

(CLANGING)

We're free.

And nobody knows where we are.

Let's go. (SHUSHES)

(SIREN WAILING)

(GUN FIRING CONTINUOUSLY)

(SQUEALING)

Let's get in here.

(GUNS CONTINUE FIRING)

You dirty double crosser.

(WHIMPERING)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Wait.

(GUNS CONTINUE FIRING)

(SIREN CONTINUES WAILING)

Oh!

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

Please come back.

Hey, hey, hey.

(SCREAMING)

(SIREN CONTINUES WAILING)

(GROANS)

(GUNS FIRING)

Hey!

(INAUDIBLE)

(SQUEALS)

(GUN FIRING)

WARDEN'S DAUGHTER: Help! Save me!

House is on fire.

Help.

Fire.

Come on, we don't have time for rescue.

Save me. Save me.

Wait there.

(GUNS CONTINUE FIRING)

Help! Save me.

Help us!

Fire.

Save me.

Help.

(HARDY SCREAMING)

(WARDEN'S DAUGHTER SCREAMING)

Help. Fire.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(GUNS FIRING)

Help! Fire!

- Ah. - (SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS)

- (SIREN WAILING) - (GUNS FIRING)

Why do you want to fire that gun in mess hall for?

They get the message already.

- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) - PRISONER: Tiger!

- Tiger! - What do you want?

- Look, what I got. - Oh, sweet.

Oh, great.

Now we can make our getaway through the left wing.

(ALL CHEERING)

Come on. Let's get them.

Why don't you behave?

The dirty double crosser.

He tried to warn them.

(LOUD BANGING)

My boys.

And you are my boys.

I hold in my hands the pardons for both of you.

This is the state's gesture in showing its appreciation of your bravery.

It was the firing of the signal shots in the mess hall

that saved us from a disaster of cataclysmic dimensions.

Thank you, sir.

Now, go.

Begin life anew.

Forget this.

Let this episode here be just a hiatus...

To be obliterated from your memory.

And don't forget that I'm your friend.

Anything that I can do to help you start where you left off,

call on me at any time.

Thank you.

We'll start all over again.

We certainly will.

Can we take your order for a couple of cases?

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Why you...

Subtitles (English SDH): Deluxe

English - SDH