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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:03,500 Back when we were dating Robin and I have this running joke. 2 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,000 We were the only two people in the world who found it funny. 3 00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:08,900 No way. March does not have 31 days. 4 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,600 Yes, it does. Everyone knows that. 5 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,400 It's like general knowledge. 6 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,700 - General Knowledge. - General Knowledge. 7 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,100 And we did it all the time. 8 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,000 Isn't it sad? I mean in 2007, 9 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,100 some countries actually still condone corporal punishment. 10 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:24,500 - Corporal Punishment. - Corporal Punishment. 11 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,300 Because once you start, it's surprisingly hard to stop. 12 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,000 Oh, man, I got a kernel stuck in my teeth. 13 00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,700 - Colonel Stuck-In-My-Teeth. - Colonel Stuck-In-My-Teeth. 14 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,100 - Please stop! - I hate you! 15 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,900 But now, we were broken up, so when Marshall said... 16 00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:40,700 But after the first year, I get a major pay raise. 17 00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:43,100 We just let it slide. 18 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,200 You see, on the surface, Robin and I looked like we were doing great. 19 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,400 But the truth is, 20 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:50,300 trying to be friends with your ex is a lot harder than it looks. 21 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,100 You can't be as candid as you used to be. 22 00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:54,300 So then this hot intern leans over my desk, 23 00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,600 I can totally see she has a pierced... 24 00:00:57,700 --> 00:01:01,100 Brosnan. Pierce Brosnan is my favorite of all the Bonds. 25 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:05,600 But most importantly, you can never, ever be alone together. 26 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,500 - I gotta go. - I'm gonna go pay. 27 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:08,700 Peeing. 28 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,800 - I'm gonna help Marshall pay. - I'm gonna help Lily pee. 29 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,700 How I Met Your Mother 3x09 - Slapsgiving - 30 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,400 All right, we have a turkey. 31 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,000 Yeah, we do. 32 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,300 Isn't this exciting? Our first Thanksgiving together as a group. 33 00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:38,600 Yeah, this is gonna be the best Slapsgiving ever. 34 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:39,600 What? 35 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,700 I said this is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever. 36 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,800 Yeah, this is going to be great. Just the five of us, right? 37 00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:48,000 Oh, uh, that reminds me, I invited Bob. 38 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:48,900 Bob? 39 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,200 You've been on, like, three dates with that guy. 40 00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:52,700 We haven't even met him. 41 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,200 Well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, 42 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,800 and I didn't know what to say. 43 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,900 - Is it really that big a deal? - Yes. 44 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,800 This is our first Thanksgiving. 45 00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,800 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos and say, 46 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:07,300 "Oh, there's the four people I love most in the world. 47 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,400 And Bob." 48 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,300 I'm sorry, sometimes I forget how seriously 49 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,200 you guys take American Thanksgiving. 50 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,400 Real Thanksgiving happened over a month ago. 51 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,000 I'm sorry. 52 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,800 Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting, 53 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,900 "the real Thanksgiving"? 54 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,700 What do Canadians even have to celebrate about? 55 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:32,300 Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant yet 56 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,900 ultimately unsuccessful attempt to find the Northwest Passage. 57 00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:38,300 Why are you guys even a country? 58 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:41,600 Oh, hey, by the way, if anyone wants to come over early Thursday, 59 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,100 we can watch the Slapsgiving Day Parade. 60 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,800 Well, there, you said it again. 61 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,700 - Said what? - Slapsgiving. 62 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,700 Oh, I guess I did. 63 00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:52,500 You know why? I've invented a new holiday: Slapsgiving. 64 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,500 It's the one day we set aside each year to gather together 65 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,000 and give slaps. 66 00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,300 I should explain. 67 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,200 Kids, you remember the slap bet. 68 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,600 A year earlier, Marshall made a bet with Barney 69 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,600 and won the right to slap him five times. 70 00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:06,700 He had already used the first. 71 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,000 And the second. 72 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,700 But Marshall had something special in store for the third. 73 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,000 Slapcountdown.com. 74 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,400 No, no. 75 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,100 The countdown ends at 3:00 p.m., the day after Thanksgiving. 76 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,300 I counted it out. 77 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,100 How many days are in October? 78 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,900 Uh, thirty. 79 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:29,300 Dude, I thought we cleared this up last year. 80 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:33,500 I like Halloween very much. Is nice. 81 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,200 - Is also tomorrow. - Damn it! 82 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,300 Wait, you're gonna slap me on Thanksgiving? 83 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:42,200 Slapsgiving. 84 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,100 That's not allowed. 85 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,900 Lily, you're the Slap Bet Commissioner, is that allowed? 86 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,200 The hostess in me who's using her wedding china for the first time 87 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,000 wants to say hell, no, 88 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,800 but yeah, I'm going to allow it. 89 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,200 Well, you know what? 90 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,600 If you're trying to freak me out about spending Thanksgiving... 91 00:03:58,700 --> 00:03:59,500 Slapsgiving. 92 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:02,200 At your place, then you failed. 93 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,300 - Truth is, I'm not scared. - Really? 94 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,300 Right. 'Cause you blew it. 95 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,400 The worst part about getting slapped is not knowing when it's going to happen. 96 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,000 But now I know exactly when I'm gonna get slapped. 97 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,000 So, you took all the suspense out. 98 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,300 You showed your hand. 99 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,400 And Thursday at 3:01 p.m., 100 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,500 your face is going to show my hand. 101 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:26,600 Oh, there's Bob! By the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us. 102 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,700 - How old is he? - He's forty-one. 103 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,200 Hey, Bob! Over here! 104 00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:33,900 Okay, kids, the truth is, Bob probably looked like this. 105 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,900 - Hey, sweetie. - Hi. 106 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,800 But when your ex is dating someone new, 107 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,200 your mind tends to accentuate their flaws. 108 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,000 This is how I saw Bob. 109 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,000 Hey, dudes, what's crackin'? 110 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,100 - Hey, man, how are you? - Good to meet you. 111 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,900 Sorry I'm late. I just got off the phone with my parents. 112 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,300 - Parents? - They were totally on my case: 113 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,100 "What are you gonna do with your life? You're forty-one." 114 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,400 And I'm like, "Chillax, snowboarding is a legit career. 115 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,400 You ought to be stoked I found my bliss." 116 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:06,100 And speaking of bliss, sugar me, baby. 117 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,100 Let's go get a drink. 118 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,300 Wow! Unbelievable. 119 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,500 Robin is dating Orville Redenbacher. 120 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,600 What are you talking about? He's forty-one. He looks great. 121 00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:24,900 Yeah, dude he's in pretty good shape. He could kick your ass. 122 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:28,800 How are you guys not seeing this? He's 150; Robin's 27. 123 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,400 Barney, come on, what do you got? 124 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,500 Nothing but respect for that man. 125 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,800 Oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at Robin's tomorrow. 126 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,100 Marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight. 127 00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:43,700 For the millionth time, sleep-eating is a very serious 128 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,200 and delicious medical condition. 129 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,200 Hey, uh, what time are you guys going to Robin's? 130 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,400 - 7:30. - Perfect. Just to be safe, 131 00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,300 I'll get there like 8:00, 8:30. 132 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:54,300 9:30 pm 133 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,600 - Hey. - Hey. Sorry I'm late. 134 00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:59,200 - Where are Marshall and Lily? - Uh, they just called. 135 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,400 They're both super swamped preparing for tomorrow. 136 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,800 - Is Bob coming? - No, he went to see Green Day. 137 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,000 So it's... 138 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,700 - Just the two of us. - ...just the two of us. 139 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:17,500 Making pies. 140 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,800 Pies. They're things that friends make together. 141 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:20,700 - Yeah, they do. - Yeah. 142 00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:21,800 Yeah. 143 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:22,800 - Great. - Yeah. 144 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,000 Great. Well, this is great. It'll give us a chance to catch up. 145 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,100 Yeah. 146 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,000 - I'm going to make a phone call. - I'll put it in the oven. 147 00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:38,400 Hey, it's me. Listen, you have to come over here and make pies. 148 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,200 Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely. 149 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,000 Oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver. 150 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:45,000 It's still kind of weird being alone with Robin, but if you were here... 151 00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,600 Hey, say no more. 152 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,900 I mean, when I pulled you out of that burning wreckage, 153 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,500 I wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me. 154 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,900 But if you insist, yes, I'll be there for the christening. 155 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,200 You're hitting on someone right now, aren't you? 156 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,100 No, I'm not going to wear the medal of honor. That would just be tacky. 157 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,900 So you're not coming to make pies. 158 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,700 No, no. Thank you, Mr. President. 159 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,200 Sorry. 160 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:11,600 After a very long night, it was finally the big holiday. 161 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,400 Sorry, the two big holidays. 162 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,600 Oh, Marshall, are you working on the cranberry sauce? 163 00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:16,600 In a minute, baby. 164 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,500 I've only got so many hands. 165 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,600 You see what I got going on here? They're turkeys, but they're also hands, 166 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,200 because later, we're going to eat turkey... 167 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,400 and then I'm going to slap you in your face. 168 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,200 Please, you took out all the suspense. 169 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,800 In a horror movie, the killer does not grab a bullhorn and announce, 170 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,000 "Attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house: 171 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,300 "At precisely 3:00 a.m., I'm gonna jump out of that closet right there 172 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,900 "and hack you all up with a machete. 173 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,800 P.S. Fire is my one weakness." 174 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,300 - Hey, Ted. - Hey, Happy Thanksgiving. 175 00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:53,200 You, too. 176 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,500 - Is Lily in the kitchen? Great. - Yep. 177 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,400 - Marshall? - Lily? 178 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:00,300 - Yeah? - Uh-huh? 179 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:03,200 - Something really weird happened last night. - Something really weird happened last night. 180 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,000 What do you mean something weird happened last night? 181 00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,900 You may not realize this, but since we broke up, 182 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:10,800 Robin and I have never really been alone together. 183 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:14,800 So we're in the kitchen, starting on the pies, and we realize, 184 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,200 we don't have a damn thing to say to each other. 185 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,200 I mean, you can't talk about how close you used to be. 186 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,800 You can't talk about how close you're not now. 187 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,400 You just feel like everything you say is gonna make things worse. 188 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,400 Exactly. And you know why? 189 00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,800 Because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about, 190 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,600 especially around the holidays. 191 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,400 I mean, what decent human being would want to cause 192 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,700 any kind of emotional or physical pain... 193 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,200 You're still getting slapped. 194 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:40,900 I wanted to leave, 195 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,000 but I couldn't stick her with making all the pies by herself. 196 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,000 She was exhausted. 197 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,200 I yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave. 198 00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,200 Yeah, some people just can't take a hint. 199 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,200 By the way, I'm really swamped in here. 200 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:54,200 I kept looking at the clock and sighing... totally clueless. 201 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,900 I'm not sure I have time to mash those potatoes, you're standing right next to. 202 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,100 Then Ted does the thing that he always does when there's an awkward silence. 203 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,900 Yep. Masher's right there, next to the pot. 204 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,800 He panics and says the first thing that pops into his head. 205 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,600 Hey, did you know that the first pies 206 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,300 in recorded history came from ancient Egypt? 207 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,800 Remember last year's Thanksgiving, when we had sex seven times? 208 00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:21,100 - Ooh. - Terrible. 209 00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,300 What?! I thought it would break the ice. 210 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,200 I'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact. 211 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,600 Then he makes it ten times more awkward. 212 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,600 How do you respond to something like that? 213 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:34,300 Did you know that the Egyptian pyramids can be seen from space? 214 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:35,600 Probably? 215 00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:40,800 - Ooh, the oven's pre-heated! - Okay, um... 216 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:43,400 the pecan pie is gonna take the longest. 217 00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,900 Why don't we put that one in first? 218 00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,700 Pecan pie? Why are we making that? 219 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,000 Um, it's my favorite. 220 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,000 - You're allergic. - I know. 221 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,300 I just like smelling it. It's like eating with your nose. 222 00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:59,100 So we're making a pie for Bob. 223 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,100 Well... 224 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,000 yeah. 225 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,200 She's got you making pies for this guy? 226 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,700 That is a real slap in the face. 227 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:13,300 You know, you could have just told me it was for Bob. 228 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,500 Yeah, I-I just thought it might upset you. 229 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,600 Upset me? Wait a second. 230 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,600 Do you think that... 231 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,800 ...do you think that I'm jealous of Bob? 232 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:27,400 I don't know. Is it so ridiculous to think that you might be? 233 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,000 - Yes. - Why? 234 00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,300 Because he's a thousand years old. 235 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,000 No, Ted, what are you doing? 236 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:34,800 Right? 237 00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,600 The only reason I'm jealous of Bob 238 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,700 is that we can only talk about the first Thanksgiving, but he was actually there. 239 00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:40,500 Come on. 240 00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:42,400 The only reason I'm jealous of Bob 241 00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,600 is because I heard Noah gave him shotgun in the ark. 242 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,100 The only reason I'm jealous of Bob 243 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,100 is that I'm just an architect, but he discovered fire. 244 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,400 How do you top that? 245 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:54,300 He's 41! Why are you bashing on him so hard? 246 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,500 I'm not. I'm just joking around. 247 00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,300 - That's what friends do. - It's mean. 248 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:03,300 Well, how come we're all allowed to bust on Barney when he dates some skanktron, 249 00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,200 but when you sleep with the Crypt Keeper's dad, 250 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,600 I'm not allowed to say a word? 251 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,500 First of all, Bob and I are not sleeping together. 252 00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:10,600 We're just dating. 253 00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:12,800 Secondly, have I said one word about 254 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,700 the parade of dubious conquests you've been marching past me 255 00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:16,700 the last few months? 256 00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,800 One of whom got you a butterfly tattoo? 257 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,900 And if you and I are such good friends... 258 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,300 why is baking a pie for Bob so weird? 259 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,800 Yeah, if you and I are such good friends, 260 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:27,300 why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing? 261 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:32,200 Okay, maybe we should talk about this later. I-I should get going. 262 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,700 Well, what are we doing? It's Thanksgiving. 263 00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,000 I don't know. I'm sorry. This is stupid. 264 00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:39,200 I'm sorry, too. 265 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,200 Of course we're friends. I'm glad we're friends. 266 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,300 Me, too. 267 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,700 You guys slept together last night? 268 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,900 That is a terrible idea! 269 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,700 Horrible idea. 270 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,800 Relapse five! 271 00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,300 That's where we high-five, then it's awkward for a little bit... 272 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,000 and then we high-five again! 273 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,500 What the hell were you doing? Let's review: 274 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,500 You and Ted broke up six months ago, 275 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,300 - you're dating another man... - You are correct, sir. 276 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,400 ...who's coming to my Thanksgiving today... 277 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,300 That is a truth-fact. 278 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,000 - ...an event Ted is also attending. - Ka-blammo. 279 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:23,100 Why are you trying to destroy American Thanksgiving?! 280 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,900 Lily, it's not as bad as it sounds. 281 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,500 Bob and I aren't that serious, 282 00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,400 and what happened last night with Ted was a fluke. 283 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,400 Well, did you guys at least talk about it? 284 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,400 - There's office material I'd... - I hear something burning... 285 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,300 Clearly, we need to ignore this. 286 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,100 Clearly, we need to talk about this. 287 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,300 - You know? To save the friendship. - You know? To save the friendship. 288 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,300 - Hi. - Hi. 289 00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,200 - We need to talk. - Stuffed mushroom? 290 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,100 We need to talk about last night. 291 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,000 Did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous? 292 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,200 Probably... Not? 293 00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,900 Ted, can we please just deal with this? 294 00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,600 - Look, I'm not mad. I just think... - Wait, wait, wait, wait. 295 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,200 Why would you be mad, you started it? 296 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,000 What?! 297 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,400 - You're crazy! - We called a truce, 298 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,200 we hugged, and when I tried to pull away, you kept your hand on my neck. 299 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,500 Only because your hand was still around my waist. 300 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,500 Oh, come on! You leaned into it. 301 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,700 - I... leaned into it? - Yeah. 302 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,400 You're like the crappy kid in Little League 303 00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,400 who knows he's not going to make contact, so he just... 304 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,500 "Oops, I got hit by the pitch. Better take my base." 305 00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,100 Oh, that was you in Little League, wasn't it? 306 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,100 My on-base percentage was off the charts! 307 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,200 - I will have to... - What have you always to... 308 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,200 Oh, no! 309 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:32,600 The slap-petizers. 310 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:34,700 You know what? That's it! 311 00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:37,800 This is Thanksgiving. Solve this right now. 312 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:41,400 And if you have sex again, neither of you gets dessert! 313 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,100 Oh, what the hell kind of Thanksgiving is this anyway? 314 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,300 Um, most Thanksgivings. 315 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,100 Don't stress, baby. I'll try to find us something relaxing. 316 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,800 Thanks, baby. Ooh, some classical music, maybe. 317 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,600 Oh, my! Look at that. 318 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,600 That means we're in the final hour of the countdown. 319 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:03,600 I'm not scared. 320 00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,100 Then why is your right cheek twitching? 321 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,900 Maybe it's because Future Me slaps Future You so hard, 322 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,900 it reverberates back to the present, shattering the time-slap continuum. 323 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,700 Please don't slap me. 324 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:17,800 I'm sorry, what? 325 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,400 Oh, God! Don't slap me again! 326 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,800 I don't want to get slapped again, 327 00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:23,300 and the first two times hurt so bad, I don't like it! 328 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,300 I don't like it one bit! 329 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,400 I thought I ruined it by putting a clock on it, Barney? 330 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,100 Well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse! 331 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,200 I can't eat. I can't sleep. 332 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,900 I've lost ten pounds; my suits are wearing me. 333 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,600 You know what? I'm outta here. 334 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,100 - Well, no, no, no. You can't leave. - Why can't I?! 335 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,200 Nowhere in the rules does it say that I have to sit 336 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,000 through sort of mental torture! 337 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,500 You are allowed to slap my face, sir, 338 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,200 but you are not allowed to slap my mind! Good day! 339 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,600 - But it's Slapsgiving. - It's not! 340 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,700 It's Thanksgiving! 341 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:57,600 Our first one as a married couple, as grownups... 342 00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:02,000 and you're not even trying to be a part of it! None of you are! 343 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,500 So... 344 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,400 as Slap Bet Commissioner, I'm issuing a ruling. 345 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:10,000 Thanksgiving is a day of peace. There will be no slaps today! 346 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,500 - What?! - Yes! 347 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:15,400 In your face! Not my face... your face! 348 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,400 - What's up, dudes? - Hey, Bob. 349 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,600 - Baby, please... - No! 350 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,100 The Slap Bet Commissioner's word is final, 351 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:24,300 so get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now. 352 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,900 And for the rest of the day, 353 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:31,400 we are going to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday. 354 00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:34,400 Not too grownup. I made Jell-O shots. 355 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,800 We's gonna get silly, bitches. 356 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,700 Look at us! 357 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,400 We can't be alone together, can we? 358 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,600 Apparently not. 359 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,800 What does that mean? 360 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,900 We're supposed to be friends. 361 00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,900 We aren't friends, are we? 362 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,400 Not really. We avoid each other. 363 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,400 We smile politely. 364 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,200 We're two people who pretend to be friends 365 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,100 because it would be inconvenient not to. 366 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,300 Well, maybe we should stop pretending. 367 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,500 Maybe we should. 368 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:20,700 So... 369 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,900 Oh, what do we do now? 370 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,900 I suppose... we eat dinner. 371 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:33,800 And then that's it. 372 00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:37,700 Okay. 373 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,200 Happy Thanksgiving. 374 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,600 So we sat down to our first Thanksgiving together as a group... 375 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,500 and, apparently, our last. 376 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,500 Marshall, you're not eating. Did something spoil your slap-petite? 377 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,000 No, I just thought... 378 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,600 before we eat, maybe the chef would like to say a few words. 379 00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:14,400 Nope. This sucks. Eat up and leave. 380 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,600 Well, then, I'd like to say something. 381 00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:22,900 If that's cool? 382 00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:27,600 Today, Lily did something great. 383 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:31,700 Not only did she gather us all here together and cook a delicious meal, 384 00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,500 but she also started a new tradition. 385 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,700 We're gonna do this again next year, and the year after that 386 00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:39,800 maybe for the rest of our lives. 387 00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:42,700 I think that's pretty amazing if you think about it. 388 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,900 And it's all thanks to you, Lily. 389 00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:46,500 I love you. 390 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,700 So, to the first of many Thanksgivings together. 391 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,400 This is rad! 392 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,900 A nice, small, simple Thanksgiving. 393 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,900 I'm the youngest of ten in my family, 394 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,200 so our Thanksgiving is a mess. 395 00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:10,100 All the yelling and the screaming... 396 00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,900 And then a funny thing happened... 397 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,200 It's really a major buzz-kill. 398 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,600 - Major Buzz-kill. - Major Buzz-kill. 399 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:24,400 - Oh, no... - I thought we were done with that? 400 00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,900 I guess we're not. 401 00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,500 Guess we're not. 402 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,600 You see kids, friendship is an involuntary reflex... 403 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,800 it just happens, you can't help it. 404 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,300 That first Thanksgiving turned out to be a wonderful dinner 405 00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,900 with the four people I love most in the world... 406 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,400 and Bob. 407 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,500 And it did become a tradition. 408 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:49,200 That's why every year, we go to Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall's for Thanksgiving. 409 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,600 Hey, check it out! 410 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,500 We're in the last 20 seconds of Marshall's countdown to nothing. 411 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,000 Barney, put it away. 412 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,700 How does it feel, Marshall, to sit there, impotently... 413 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:02,300 your large, flaccid hand, just dangling in the wind? 414 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,900 The slap will occur in ten... 415 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,900 Ooh, classy touch, dude. 416 00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,000 Too bad! 417 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:11,000 - Barney, put it away. - I will in... five... 418 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,800 - ... four... - You can slap him. 419 00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,800 - What?! Wait, you... - ...two... one. 420 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:17,400 That's three! 421 00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,600 Thanks, baby, you're the best. 422 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,100 And as a special, added bonus, I've composed a song just for this occasion. 423 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,600 Ted, lights! 424 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,900 # What is this feelin' # 425 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:44,400 # That's put you in your place? # 426 00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:50,000 # A hot, red burnin' on the side # 427 00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:51,900 # of your face # 428 00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:55,600 # You feel the blood rush to your cheek # 429 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:58,200 # Tears start to fill your eyes # 430 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:02,400 # And your lips are tremblin' but you can't speak, # 431 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:03,600 # you're tryin' # 432 00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:08,000 # Oh, you're tryin' not to cry! # 433 00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:11,800 # - Ya just got sla-apped - Oh, oh! # 434 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:14,900 # - Across the face, my friend - Oh, oh, oh # 435 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,600 # You just got slapped # 436 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:20,000 # - Whoa-oh-oh-oh! - Yes, that really just happened # 437 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,700 # Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! # 438 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,100 # Everybody saw it # 439 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:28,500 # And everybody laughed and clapped # 440 00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:30,500 # It was awesome # 441 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:33,100 # Wait, you just got... # 442 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,600 # Slapped. # 443 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,000 Happy Slapsgiving, everybody. 444 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,400 Well, guys, have fun. 445 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,100 Wow, this gonna be a major clean up. 446 00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:59,600 - Major clean-up. - Major clean-up. 447 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,800 Oh men, we're gonna to be doing this all the time now, are we? 448 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,300 That's the general idea. 449 00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:06,800 - General idea. - General idea. 35505

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