Original subtitles

Remember l'm leaving everything in your care.

Be sure the person who rents my house is reliable.

-A person you could trust. -Yes, sir.

-Very good. Goodbye. -Goodbye, Colonel.

And don't forget to tell me...

Thank heaven he's gone.

South Africa has my sympathies.

What's the matter?

Have you seen two bozos running this way?

Sure. They just went in there. What's wrong?

Trying to make a hotel out of the city park.

They put two benches together to make twin beds.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

When l told them to go, the little one

tipped his hat and said: ''Yes, ma'am''.

That's what l'm sore about.

He's gone. Let's get out of here.

Another nice mess you've gotten me into.

Yes, ma'am.

Let's reconnoiter.

-Sure you have everything? -Certain.

-Come on or we'll miss the boat. -Alright.

Come on, hurry up.

-Get a move on. -Alright.

ls it really safe for us to go away and leave the place

until Monday.

Sure. The colonel won't be back for at least six months.

What's the difference if we rent the house today or next week?

-lt's the same. -Alright. Go on.

-Always starting an argument. -And you're always blaming me.

Get over there. Come on.

Let's go out the side window.

Close the drapes.

-This must be the place. -lt's perfectly splendid.

-lt reminds me of old England. -lt's just the thing.

ls it the cops?

Who is Colonel Buckshot? What's he like?

No idea. l've never met him.

l hope he rents us the place.

lt's somebody to rent the place.

-What'll we do? -Do?

Use your brains.

Put on the butler's clothes and say the colonel's not home.

lt's simple.

-Yes, but if they don't... -Why you...

Wait. l hear someone coming.

ls this the home of Colonel Wilburforce Buckshot?

Yes, sir.

l understand it's for rent.

ls it? l mean, it is.

Of course it is.

l am Lord Leopold Plumtree. My card.

The colonel isn't home.

-You wish to see the colonel? -l'd love to.

Colonel Buckshot!

Ollie, Colonel Buckshot!

Wait there.

Colonel Buckshot!

What it is, Hives?

Lord Appletree. He wants to rent a room.

No, no. Plumtree.

Lord Leopold Plumtree.

And l want to rent the entire house.

Show then to the solarium.

l'll be right down.

This way.

Good morning. Many good mornings.

Have l the pleasure of addressing Colonel Wilburforce Buckshot?

None other. Colonel Buckshot at your service.

l'm Lord Leopold Plumtree.

-Delighted. -My wife.

Charmed.

We've just returned from our honeymoon.

The hotel is full and my dear wife suggested

we rent a furnished home.

-You understand. -Yes, yes.

We'd like to take possession immediately.

Nothing would give me greater pleasure.

-ls there also maid service? -Yes, yes, yes.

l'd like to see the maid, please.

Just a moment.

Hives, you call Agnes.

-Who? -Call Agnes.

Agnes!

Pardon me a moment.

Why'd you tell them the colonel was home?

l couldn't help it. The...

You got me into this mess. You've got to get me out of it.

-What do you mean l got... -Get the maid's clothes on!

l'm not going to put the maid's...

What a lovely piano.

-lt is beautiful. -Do you play?

Well, yes and no.

Do wangle out a selection.

l'll try.

-l say! -Beg your pardon, Lord Figtree.

Plumtree. Lord Leopold Plumtree.

My card.

A thousand pardons. My mistake.

Pardon me. lt must be the postman.

What do l do with these?

Put them on. You wear them.

Do you play anything else?

Yes. l'm very efficient at croquet,

Parcheesi and billiards.

-You have a billiard room? -Sure.

l'd love to see it.

Certainly.

Follow me.

-Pardon me, my dear. -Yes, darling.

-Agnes will be right down. -Thanks, Colonel.

Come on.

The billiard room

is right upstairs.

Right this way.

There's a beautiful, old masterpiece.

What is the title of that piece?

-''Physic at the well''. -l see.

-The billiard room. -Yes, the billiard room.

That chair is an old heirloom.

There's a picture l must show you.

That's a gondola going through the Panama canal.

ln Venice.

And now the billiard room.

-Yes. -Yes, now we'll have that...

Agnes, this is your new master, Lord Flagpole Crabtree.

Plumtree. Lord Leopold Plumtree.

-My card. -That's right.

Pardon me. Are you related to the butler?

Yes, they're twins.

One was born in Detroit and the other in Miami.

-l don't understand. -That's alright. Neither do they.

-Agnes, you may go. -Yes, sir.

Agnes, when you see my wife, give her my regards.

Yes, sir.

The billiard room's this way.

Agnes.

You're Agnes?

Yes, ma'am.

What a striking resemblance between you and the butler.

Yes, ma'am. l'm twins.

Remarkable.

l'd like some details regarding the house.

-Yes, ma'am. -Tell me, Agnes,

-how long have you been here? -About half an hour.

How silly of me.

l'm so nervous. l mean, half a year.

To be exact, three months.

How many bedrooms are there?

-l haven't looked yet. -You haven't looked yet?

l'm still nervous. That's silly of me.

Bedrooms. Let me see. There must be bedrooms.

lmagine a house without bedrooms.

That's silly. Let me see.

There's mine and the master's, the master's and mine.

That's four.

Not forgetting the couch in the hall.

-Then there's... -No, no.

There's the master's and yours. That's two.

Yes, how silly.

-Then there's the nursery. -Nursery?

-Yes, ma'am. -l didn't know the Colonel was married.

No, of course. He has it in case of accidents.

Accidents?

No, you misunderstood me.

That's silly.

He has it in case of accidents for any of the help.

Kind of a hospital.

-How noble of him. -lsn't it?

Right.

Tell me. How many maids does the colonel keep?

-He never tells me his private affairs. -Private affairs?

Servants aren't private affairs.

Some of them are.

l'm the only one left. The others left last week.

They had housemaid's knees.

Agnes, would you like to stay on with us?

Don't disappoint me. Say you will.

You'll be a comfort to me.

My husband will be away most of the time.

Say that you will.

Go on.

At last l found it, Lord Appletree.

No, dear fellow. Plumtree.

My card.

Plumtree, Plumtree, Plumtree.

l'm sorry.

Leopold.

-Are you satisfied, darling? -Certainly, dear.

And what good news l have.

With the colonel's permission, Agnes has agreed to stay on.

Nothing would please me better.

She's been in my service since boyhood.

l mean girlhood.

You return to the depot and attend to our trunks

while l go over details with dear old Buckie?

Quite right, Plumie.

-Come, Agnes, see me off. -Yes, ma'am.

You're such a dear.

Agnes, call me a cab.

-Huh? -Call me a cab.

You're a cab.

On the telephone!

Are you sure we can take immediate possession?

Absolutely.

l'm leaving in a few minutes.

-lt won't be long now. -Wonderful.

What's the rental fee?

-ls $20 a month too much. -$20 a month?

Yes.

That's practically giving it away.

l picked it up for practically nothing.

What a beautiful car. ls it for sale?

lt could be purchased.

By the way, have you any horses?

Sorry. l've just shipped them to my plantation in Kentucky.

Kentucky? What part of Kentucky are you from?

Omaha. Dear old Omaha.

l thought Omaha was in Wisconsin.

About Agnes' salary.

Don't worry. That's not due until next month.

Agnes, call Hives.

-What? -Call Hives.

Hives!

Pardon me a moment.

Hives will be right down.

-Cigarette? -Thank you.

Won't you have one?

Now, dear Plumtree. l think that's everything.

l think so. l'll add it up and give you a check.

-Very good. -Two, three, four,

dot, carry the one, two...

There you are Hives.

-Hives, what is your salary? -Pardon me a moment.

By the way, what is your day off?.

-Tuesday. -Tuesday?

Why today is Tuesday.

l won't alter conditions. You may have your day off.

On your way out, tell Agnes l want to see her.

Tell Agnes he wants to see her.

Colonel, you're an easy man to do business with.

So they've told me.

The last the deal we had...

Just a minute. l forgot my bow and arrow.

Agnes.

That's my cab.

Get my hat and coat and go to the door.

Who do you think l am?

Goodbye, Plumie.

-Pleasant journey, Colonel. -Thank you.

Thank you.

What's this?

-You wish to see Colonel Buckshot? -What?

Nothing would suit me better.

Colonel Buckshot!

-Pardon me. -Just a moment.

-Your check. -That's alright.

Mail it to me in South Africa.

Did you wish to see me?

-Are you Colonel Buckshot? -At your service.

The last of the Kentucky Buckshots.

Then who do you think l am?

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

Just a moment. l'll get it.

Where have l seen that face? Let's see.

No, no, that's not it.

lt's... No, that's not it, either.

Just wait a minute. l'll get it.

Just wait a second.

Don't tell me, Agnes. l'll get it.

l'll get it out of here. Just a moment.

l know who you are. You're Colonel Buckshot.

Right you are.

Police! Help! Officers!

Police! Burglars!

Pardon me. Come, Agnes.

Yes, sir.

-Who are you? -Do you wish to see the colonel?

He's in there.

And who do you think l am?

l haven't the slightest idea. Get out of my house.

God save the King!

-Help! Help! -Come on, boys.

-What's wrong? -There are burglars in there!

-Burglars? -That's right.

Give him room!

Halt!

Stop them!

Stop!