Original subtitles

THE RUSSIAN CINEMA FUND

With the support of the Russian Cinema Fund

and with the support of Russia 1 TV Channel

BAZELEVS presents

4G THEORY Give Good Get Good

Not so long ago, the world was huge

But with time, our planet - enveloped in social, cellular and other networks

has become so small

that someone far-far away may turn out to be closer, even, than family

It's easier to make a New Year's wish come true with help from friends online

than by writing a letter to Santa Claus

www.fmsubs.com

Guys! Please help save this true love!

Two months ago, daddy and I found a stray dog in a park

We saw right away how sweet and smart he is

So we called him Pirate

We took him home, and he met our beautiful girl Yoko

They turned out to be a perfect match

So, I couldn't find scientific proof of this online

but it's obvious that they fell in love

"But today their happiness may come to an end...

...because Mom decided to separate them

and take poor Yoko to some pedigree stud in London"

- She just doesn't understand - Yes, she does

Johan is an ideal match for Yoko

That's exactly what she's talking about:

"If you agree that love has nothing to do with one's pedigree, please like this post

If I get a million likes, my mom will believe me and Yoko will stay!"

Look, Mom, 216 likes already! You can't do this!

Nastya, delete that post immediately. This is a private family matter...

We have freedom of speech in this country!

And if you don't change your mind, I'll post the whole truth

that you're taking Yoko to London to butter up your new business partner

who is obsessed with dog breeding

I just don't understand why we have to go on New Year's Eve

The Brits don't give a damn about New Year. They've got Christmas

Nastya realized that not even 2 million likes were going to make a difference

Her mom couldn't careless about Internet 'likes'

But the 'likers' had no idea, and 'likes' kept flooding in

Hello

- Hey, babe, have you boarded? - Yeah, well, I'm about to check in

Great, so you made it on time

I'll be there in 4 hours

Well, after 3 months of waiting, I think I can wait 4 hours

- I sure hope so. I've got big plans for us - Big plans, huh?

- Hold on a second - What's that?

Honey, I'll call you back. I have another call coming in

- Hello. Your passport, please - Hi. Here you go

Hello, Angela?

Vika, sweetie... Something's wrong. When was the last time you saw Nikolai?

About 2 weeks ago... why?

He's not picking up the phone

I'm getting really worried. What if something happened?

He is an old person. Probably can't hear the phone over his TV

I saw him last week, and he said, "Angela, I'm tired of living"

And then yesterday, I heard a thud and a clang

I went up and rang his doorbell- no answer

He's probably reunited with his late wife...

Oh come on! I'm sure he's fine

And just like that - Vika missed her flight to London

because of her stricken neighbor

"Strange thing to do," you might say. Plain stupid, if you ask me

Same as working on New Year's Eve

which is what young Dr Prokhorov, from Novosibirsk, was doing

Atta boy!

Here's a souvenir! Happy New Year!

Thank you

May I come in?

Gramps, wait up, I just have a quick question!

Cheers, old timer, mother Russia and I are indebted to you

So, Doc, I was trying to impress this young lady...

- And that's how my thumb got... - ls that you, Slava?

Kostya?

No, Denis

- Class 11B, right? - No, 11A

Oh, right...

So, you're a doctor these days, eh?

After studying for 6 years to be a doctor, I actually became one. Go figure!

I work in Moscow. Here on business, opening a local office

Had a bit of a party yesterday. So are you thinking of moving to Moscow?

- Me? - Yeah

Nah, all I'm thinking of is how to set your finger

- Set it how? - Put ice on it tonight

- Can I come in, Doctor? - Yes, come in

- Be more careful with the ladies - Speaking of...

- I ran into Masha Nazarova... - Hey, Doc, should I undress?

- Yeah, sure - You remember Masha, right?

- Yes. How is she? - Not too shabby

Take a look: she's hot and single. Go get her in a white Mercedes

- Have you saved enough for one yet? - Just enough for a bus fare

Well, here's the first installment. Thanks for the medical advice

This resort's all inclusive

Hey, Doc, I'm ready!

A real beach resort, I see. All the best, Doc

Ah, those old school pals - ones you hoped to never see again

Meanwhile our friends in St. Petersburg have made great progress

in addressing the country's demographic issues

- Hi! - Hi!

Still not ready? The appointment is in half an hour

- Here, grab these! - Hello, Auntie Olya!

We can make a new noise: the donkey. Hee haw!

Hey look, donkeys! Good day, Boris!

- Greetings to you, Boris! - And here's our little seagull

Come on, say it

Your donkey can't hear our seagull's "Aah aah"

Our donkey will chew up your seagull just like that

Our seagull will peck your donkey from inside

Should we maybe call a babysitter?

Who needs a babysitter? It's papa penguin's turn to tend to the egg

Right, Boris?

- No work today, right? No calling the Chinese - Are you kidding? It's New Year's!

- You want my phone as a guarantee? - Yes please

- Here - And the other one

Mommy knows about the other phone, too? OK then

Come on, the taxi's waiting

Bye dears! Let's wave at mommies and say that we'll be A-okay

Mommies will be back soon. They're off to a sauna

Evgeny... I'm about to seal the deal with the Chinese for $2.5 million

Been working towards it for 2 years. Today is the day

- What Chinese? It's New Year's Eve - Their New Year is in February

I need your help: watch the kids. Hello? Yeah...

If it were up to Evgeny, he'd be somewhere quiet

far away from here, just like our old pals from Perm

I still can't figure out how on earth we wound up here

Has your mind gone numb?

A year ago, on December 31, granny Manya got a hankering to go skiing

- She did not! - She did, too!

ONE YEAR AGO

Oh, dear Lord! Somebody help me!

Snow, pine trees - never mind all that

Just keep shifting your weight ski to ski. There you go. Distribute your weight!

- Oh, somebody help me! I'm gonna die! - Take it easy... OK, Granny Manya, sit down

You little sadists! I almost died there!

I told you she wouldn't like skiing

It's always scary the first time. She'll get the hang of it

Yeah, but it's important to start right. We'll have you snowboarding instead

No! No more!

I'm through with all your mountains!

Oh... I don't feel so good... Lesya, bring me some motherwort tea!

How about I'll get you a couple of vitamins and we'll continue training?

- Leave me be, you hell spawn! - Here, Granny

Thanks

Dmitry...

Who the heck is that now?

I'll go see

It's Santa! Granny Manya, it's for you

From social services?

Let me check

- Hello there, Santa - Hello, Dmitry

- You're Dmitry, aren't you? - I sure am

- Dmitry Fomenko? - That's me

- Here you are, Dmitry Fomenko! - And what might this be?

A draft notice!

- Wait, I'm confused. Who's that? - Some dude from the draft office!

Fomenko, open up and sign the notice

Our friends would need a miracle to steer out of this mess

But we all know that miracles don't happen

Nastya from Samara realized that and decided to take action

"These 'likes' are useless. Mom doesn't care. I'll make it so she won't go anywhere"

"Nastya, remember: 'do no evil, or it'll come back'. Re-read the rules on our site"

"The boomerang theory, or 4G: give good get good

An act of kindness, if it stems from the heart

is bound to come back to the one who does it

But it may return via an unexpected route"

Nastya!

"This is stupid"

Nastya, did you hide our passports? I'm asking you

No, Mom, why would I do that?

Lena dear, don't panic. Just sit down and say:

"Little devil, give it back." And they'll turn up right away

- Spare me, Mom... - So, did you find them?

- No - The flight leaves in 2 hours

- So what are we going to do? - What do you mean "what"?

Find the passports, everyone!

Good dog, Pirate!

- Kolya, give me a hand! - Coming

Down, Pirate! Down! Get off me!

Mom! Wait!

Mom! Wait!

- Wait... - What is it now, Nastya?

Here, I found a website about the 4G theory

It says that if you do good, it comes back to you like a boomerang

Pirate did a good deed, he found the passports, so you have to return the favor

Nastya, you're a grown girl. You can't believe everything you read online

We've been over this a thousand times, have we not?

Come here, Yoko!

- Nastya, go back to grandma - Come here, Nastya

We mutts have a hard time dealing with princesses

- Down, Pirate! - Sweetie pie... baby girl

Things don't always happen the way we want them to

- Go already! - Yeah, we should be going

Let's go

Pirate!

Come on, get down from there! Enough of these shenanigans

Listen up. I'm going to explain this to all of you for the last time

Johan holds the cup of the British Kennel Club

He's the absolute champion of Crufts

And if Pirate really loved Yoko as much as you say, Nastya

he wouldn't be trying to ruin her life

Do it

Step back, please... It's better if you don't look

Oh God...

What do you want from me?

Why are you breaking a perfectly good door?

Nikolai, you're lucky that I'm running late!

If this ever happens again, I'm going to be very angry

We were worried sick

I see you've been decorating a tree

You could have opened the door right away

Look at all the broken glass... You didn't cut yourself, did you?

Thank God you're OK. I need to go now

I brought Marina this jester trinket from Leningrad in 1965

That was our first New Year's Eve together

I remember she burned a hole in her dress with an iron... right on her butt

She was in tears and shyly asked me to wait in the hallway. Sol did

After a full hour I went back in and found her still crying

So I forgot to hang it on the tree and carried it in my pocket till January 1st

It was a green dress

- Nikolai... - Off you go, don't worry about me

Sometimes, you make all these plans for New Year's, and they all go to the dogs

"Sasha, Nikolai is depressed. I postponed my flight till 7:20 pm. Sorry..."

I'm so cold...

You're going to get out of this

- You're going to make babies and watch them grow... - Pirate, why are you torturing yourself?

Here, you have to eat something

Maybe you want to go for a walk?

Grandma says that giving up hope is the greatest sin

Don't believe what Mom said

Never give up...

It's not about who you are. It's about what's in your heart

And as for mutts, they are the best kind of breed

You can do whatever you want and love whomever you choose

Yoko doesn't have that freedom, but she still loves you

and she's probably feeling very sad right now at the airport...

But you did everything you could. I'll be right back. Wait here

I promise...

- Don't give up - I'll never give up,Jack. Never ever

Pirate didn't know that the plane was leaving in an hour and a half

but he decided to try and change the course of events

Meanwhile, Denis was indulging in strolls down memory lane

Congratulations!

Should the green light be on?

Hooray! I love all of you!

- Misha, get lost! - Lemme take over for a bit!

Misha, keep your paws off of it. You'll break it

You messed up my settings...

I just have a few questions for the lovebirds here

Slava, cut it out...

Tomorrow Masha leaves for Moscow to take her entry exams

ls this the end of your 3 year romance?

Or will he be coming for you in a white Mercedes

with a bouquet of roses, like a real man?

Masha!

Masha, where are you going?

Why do you always have to harass people?

Who cares if I come for her in a Mercedes or on a bus?

- What matters is that she loves me! - Dude, you've got no prospects, get it?

But Moscow is full of guys with prospects and resources

And you've got none! You're a dead end, pal!

- I'll break his face for you! - No, Misha, cool it

- What the heck is he saying? - Enough! I'll do it myself!

"Hey, Masha! How have you been? How's Moscow?"

"Hey, Red. Happy New Year! Long time no see... How are you?"

"Not bad. Just treated myself to a Mercedes for New Year!"

"Wow! Good for you"

Of course!

"What's new with you?"

Wow, quick response!

"Guess what - I'm in town!"

"No way!"

"Wanna grab a coffee and take me for a spin?"

"I'm busy("

While Denis was telling lies on the personal front

businessman Boris Vorobyev of St. Petersburg was doing so professionally

Or maybe not? If only we knew what he was saying...

...Yes, of course, I can hear you. Hello!

This time, the main thing on the agenda is the development of our new joint venture

Fo!

Coming right up, little Borises!

Yes, of course, we'll have the contract ready today

There you go! Eat up your space food, little astronauts!

Bleh... tastes awful. Just a second...

Anan!

Just as soon as we go over the terms of our partnership one last time

Now, this is good stuff!

Just look at how your namesake is putting it away

Anan!

Fo!

"Fo"? What's "fo"?

Boris, what does he mean by "fo"?

Do you mean "photo"? Eh? Photo: click-click-click?

I don't know... You want a "fork"?

Maybe "photon"?

To increase the company's capitalization, we propose

routing investments towards replenishing the capital assets

Yes, yes. Sorry, you're breaking up...

Boris, two questions: what's "fo" and do you have an "anan"?

- What's "anan"? - I don't know

- Boris - Boris

- Boris, open up - I don't get it

Just a moment

Do you have an "anan"?

- Where do you keep bananas? - I don't know. Look in the fridge

- Are you listening to me? - Yeah, I can hear you

- What is it? - It felt like something just happened

I've never left Boris in charge of Boris for this long

- And he's so preoccupied with those Chinese - Don't be silly, he does everything for you

Unlike my hubby! You know what he told me?

He said his dream is to open a petting zoo!

He'd do better to find a second job

Thanks. The shareholders will now vote on it. We will call you back in 20 minutes

Here, you deal with your kid

- Evgeny, I asked you to help - What am I supposed to do with them?

Boris dearie, here's your "fo"

So that's what that was! Chip off the old block, I see

- Listen to me! - I'm listening

I come to see you and get stuck looking after both kids

Do you want to help out by any chance?

Nooo!

What did you do that for?

- They're about to call me! - Don't yell at the little dude

This contract is 2.5 years in the making. And I'm doing it all for him

You think he cares if his diapers are basic or deluxe?

- What kind of phone do you have? - All he needs is his dad...

- Where are you off to? - To the store, to get a new phone

New phone?!

Weirdo!

I said open up! Time to do your duty for your country!

How did he find me?

Don't check in on Facebook when dodging the army!

Look up "draft dodging"

Been looking all over for you! Turns out, you're my neighbor

As I said, I can't serve because I've got chronic peremangaritis

in conjunction with perfocardiac pilaxosis on the right over visceral leishmaniasis

ls that contagious?

- And I have flat feet - You may want to get tested, Lesya

Besides, I may soon become a father!

You vermin! You ruined my little girl!

You tapeworm in a spacesuit!

Gran, you misunderstood. Dmitry, what are you doing?

Granny Manya, I've never laid a finger on her!

A finger wouldn't be all that bad

- Granny Manya, what are you saying? - Fomenko, open up or I'll break the door in!

Hey, you! Stop breaking my door

Dmitry, just open the door. I promise I'll wait for you

I'll call the cops on you!

I'll call them myself! Hello. Police?

- A stranger is breaking down my door - "Our" door

Some dude in a Santa suit is trying to break in and wants to kill us!

Not "us" -just you!

Here's the address...

The baby's 4600 grams, 52 centimeters...

No, haven't seen him yet. How have you been?

Masha Nazarova is here in Novosibirsk and wants to meet me

No kidding!

She's gotten all fancy, living in Moscow and all that

So what do you think I did?

I was desperate to impress her and told her I had a Mercedes

And I've got nothing to show her

You should go see my dad at the dealership

Ask him to lend you a car for a test drive. He won't refuse you

- I hate to impose, knowing your situation... - No worries, that's our problem

Just don't mention me if you go to see him, OK?

I gotta go. Later

What's the public disturbance for? Let me see your registration papers!

Hey... is that any way to speak to your elders!

- Ha, hello there, family! - Congrats on the baby!

- Look up there! - Where? Let me see

Show him to me

Misha, my boy, congratulations! Congratulations, my darling son!

- Hello! - Hello

You should name your son Pakhvalan! Means "strong man"!

He'll be a strong man!

Pakhvalan Mikhailovich Kolesnikov?

Or maybe name him after your father?

Sure. So how would you say

"I had a fight with my son 2 years ago and haven't talked to him since"?

Misha, stop it!

That's no way to talk. Life is complicated

But he's your father after all. Call him. This is a big day, and he has no idea

I love you, Aygule!

And now, for our favorite bedtime reading for little tykes

Veterinarian's Encyclopedia

We've covered guinea pig plague

and mad cow disease

lnflammations in pythons. Neurosis in grasshoppers

Ah! Here's a good one: African warthog!

Or this one: how to rear a bobcat at home

Nah, I should pick something boring or you'll never fall asleep

Jaundice in eagles. No good? OK, then how about...

- Hello! - Evgeny

I left my wallet there. Can you bring it here ASAP?

- And leave the kids unattended? - Shanghai will be calling in 5 minutes

Stop it! Kolya, stop condemning me

No, I'm just looking at this Boomerang site

It says that every recipient of a good deed gets an overwhelming desire to pass it on

"Every recipient" is, of course, a gross exaggeration...

Hello, Anya, what are the pending requests for charity funding?

Missing dog: PIRATE

Your boomerang is not working

You need to delete your website and stop wasting people's time

Now, Pirate ran away, and now the good will never find him

Nastya, first of all... just a second...

The boomerang principle is not like "I rub your back, you rub mine"

How does it work then?

Sometimes the boomerang has to travel a long way before it returns

It may need to pass through dozens of people all over the world

But in the end, it'll come back at the most opportune moment

- How do you know? - I don't know. I just believe

Listen, I'll post an announcement about your missing dog

Don't worry, we'll definitely find him. Samara's got plenty of good Samaritans!

You want more? Pregnancy in hedgehogs is a bit too racy

Same with sexual maturation in chinchillas. But this one's fun

Rickets in caterpillars

I told you I'm not going anywhere

- Hello, is this Evgeny? - Oh, hi, Elena

Hi. I wanted to thank you

We couldn't have gathered all of Yoko’s medical papers without you

By the way, our bank has reviewed your proposal

regarding the opening of a children's zoo at your veterinary clinic

- A children's petting zoo - Right... It's been approved

Oh, thank you!

I'm passing you the boomerang of good

- Goose? - No, I said "good"

I was planning to have a goose named Olya, Boris the donkey, and a bunch of guinea pigs

- Anyway... Happy New Year! - Same to you

Evgeny! C'mon man, stop being difficult and do me a favor

What store are you at?

"Dear friends! In Samara, the owners separated two dogs in love"

Yoko's in London, and Pirate so wanted to spend New Year's with Sasha... I mean, Yoko

Right, Sasha, airport...

Nikolai, get up! I need your help

A catastrophe in Samara: two dogs were separated, and one of them ran away

Please com pose a post for the site

He's been gone for 2 hours, and it's freezing out. He could die

Nikolai?

Let's have dinner

I made your favorite potato salad, just the way you like it

- That salad is all wrong - You haven't even tried it

I don't need to try it. I can tell from here that it's all wrong

Hey, didn't you want to decorate the tree?

Those are lovebirds

When one dies, the other one dies too, from grief

I bought them last year

In Paris. For New Year

I didn't manage to give them to her

Yeah, I mean, almost... Listen, Nikolai is so depressed

I can't leave him like this. I have to help him

I can still make it on the next one... I'm 10 minutes away from the metro

Sasha, I promise it'll be OK. I can still make it. I'll call you. Bye

I was taking some presents to an orphanage that day

She was home alone, with no one there

Had I been home, I would've called an ambulance and she may still be alive

And look at you, Mother Theresa!

Your sweetheart is waiting, and you ditched him

to spend the New Year's Eve with a wet blanket like myself?

Who needs these sacrifices? If you don't know any better, learn from others' mistakes

Lovers must be at each other's side. Go to him, go!

- My laptop is there, with the dogs... - We'll sort out your dogs!

Why such devotion in a dog, such limitless affection

And yet, his eyes betray the doubt of our reciprocation

Because of beatings and the cage

and harsh lessons of betrayal

I keep my guard up as I go and peer in people's faces

And I hold back and hesitate, lest I should make a dog's mistake

Look

"Pirate ran away. It's all your fault((((("

- Maybe we should reconsider and not go? - Kolya, don't even start

Nastya will never forgive us

Attention: boarding will soon close for the flight to London

Welcome aboard! We're ready for takeoff

- So why are you taking her to London? - To unite her with her groom

- Easy, Yoko - Yep, unite her...

Evgeny, thanks a million

No worries. Let's hurry back: the kids will soon wake up

The little fir tree in the forest growing big and tall...

What the heck is that?

- Where are the other two? - They're here, you just can't see them

Can you just answer me like normal people?

- No can do - Why is that?

Because we're not normal people

You've got to be kidding me. They'll have my head for this!

Going to Marata Street?

- To Marata? - To Marata

- To Marata? - To Marata

- To Marata? - To Marata

Are you pulling my chain? Let's go!

Please stop by the store

Hello again! Sorry about that. I'll send you the documents in 10 minutes

- Excuse me, can I make a call? - I'm on the phone

Hi Boris! I'll put you through to the CEO in 5 minutes

Looks like I forgot my phone at home

This is a matter of life and death

- It'll only take a minute - Here. Make it quick

- Hello - Anatoly, it's me!

Fedor! Good God... where are you?

They are transferring me to a different hospital

- What city are you in? - I'm in St. Petersburg

- Sorry, I have to take this - Hello. I'm connecting you with Mr. Ling

Hello, Boris

We just passed the store

Are you deaf or what?

I'm talking to you. Can you hear me?

This must be your first time

- First time what? - First time is always a little scary

But I assure you, it's a very nice hospital

- What hospital? - Psychiatric hospital

- Sir, where are you going? - I have to get off this plane

- Sir, we're about to take off - I just found my brother!

I'll report to the captain. If he gives a go-ahead...

- I don't need to go to London - We will need to park the plane...

What do you mean "park the plane"? Are we not flying anywhere?

Please, everyone, stay in your seats

485 - what's the holdup?

There's a dog on the runway

There are 3 planes behind you. You must take off

Taking off

Thank you for your understanding

As soon as we land in London, we'll put you on the first flight back

- Thanks - Please turn off your phone

Andrey, they located Fedor in St Petersburg!

- Good. Now we can focus on saving Korovin - It's a miracle!

"Thanks to everyone who helped look for Fedor. He's in St. Petersburg!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

What's with Korovin?

He's so upset that his wife left him!

He's not eating. Lost 10 kilos already

He's totally depressed. And he does own a gun, mind you

- I had no idea he owned a gun - We should save the guy

Yes, in the spirit of the boomerang theory. Ever heard of it?

- You give good and get good. 4G for short - The good comes back to you, yeah...

One second. Hello, Vasily! Happy New Year to you too!

- All the best to you, too - Are you still at home? Hurry up!

Yes, let's hope for some successful experiments in the new year

- Of course, I'll tell her - Your wife's there?

YEP

- So? - He's covering

As usual

That was Vasily from work. You remember him

And speaking of good deeds, please call Galya and talk to her

Can't treat a living breathing guy like that over some text message

Well, I'll see you later, fisherman's wife

Await my speedy return

Andrey, wait! You forgot the peas!

- What peas? - For bait

Oh, right! I'm such a pea-brain

Hey, stop the bus!

I said, pull over!

- Give me the phone - What are you doing?

- We're headed God knows where! - Just hold on. Let me close this deal

- Forget the deal! The kids are home alone - Give me 40 seconds, that's all

Give it here!

We're prepared to settle the final terms today

Hello? I don't understand a word. Can't you talk normal?

- Give me the phone - Don't you touch it!

I'll call you at 6 pm

Snap out of it already!

Who the hell are you?

Poor guy's getting beat up

- Who? - Santa

My papers are in my pocket! See for yourself!

Open up! This is the police

- Who called the police? - He did

IR!

We did

- Guess there'll be no more skiing today? - Granny!

Time to give back to your country, punks

Dmitry...

That was a year ago, and the army kept its word

And now, the guys were serving on the easternmost Russian border

You know what I dreamed of last night?

I dreamed granny Manya came to visit and brought us a tubful of potato salad

And we set about polishing it off, spoonful by spoonful...

All you can think of is stuffing your face. Me, I was making out with Lesya

- Wait, how did you manage that? - I mean in my dream! Keep digging!

"In my dream"

- You're a loser, you know - How am I a loser?

Had you not called the cops, we'd now be skiing with granny Manya

And you'd be with your girl

No, you're the loser! I was the one who got the draft notice

You could be at home now, enjoying that potato salad

Do you mean I didn't have to come here with you?

- Can't wait to relax in that bathhouse - Listen, Andrey, can we just go fishing?

And drag the girls there? It's too cold

That's not what I mean

Galya and I have been together since the 7th grade, you know

I've never been with anyone else

- What about that text you got? - That was from Svetlana in HR!

She's 57, you know

No need for excuses, I'm not your wife!

Edite, bibite, post mortem nulla voluptas

- Meaning? - Eat, drink; after death there's no pleasure!

Ancient Greeks came up with this, long before the crisis

My husband told me your Korovin has lost 10 kilos

- Why? - Because he misses you

Mom...

I'm on the phone. He's miserable

- Right, as if I'm happy as can be... - I think you're taking this too far

You're both alone on New Year's Eve. And all of this over some silly SMS...

Easy for you to say, your hubby has never cheated on you

Well... I...

No, I'm still here. I haven't told this to anyone...

...but he had someone two years ago

He even climbed after her up a fir tree in a dragon costume

I thought I'd never forgive him

But I did because he loves me very much

And that's all that matters

Mom, some Vasily keeps calling Dad. Can you answer?

Oh, dear... My scatterbrained hubby forgot his phone again!

I'll call you right back

He's a persistent one

Andrey, where are you? We're about to freeze to death

Can you call my phone?

Sweetie, I think I forgot my phone there...

Yeah, your 'Vasily just called... She's freezing

No, sweetie, you got it all wrong. That was the head of HR. She's 57...

This is it... I'm finished

I told you I had a bad feeling. We should've just gone fishing

It's Galya

Yes, Galya?

I was just thinking you should come back. I miss you

- Just come on over - Alright

Galya just called

She forgives me...

What you need is an alibi!

Where did you tell your wife you were going? Fishing, right?

You need to go get that fish

What fish? There's been no fish there for the past 10 years!

First to usher in the new year at 4 pm Moscow time were our border patrolmen

serving on Big Diomede Island in the Bering Strait

just 4 km from the U.S. border...

Poor boys have gotten as slight as sparrows

Thanks for dropping by, Konstantin. Don't be mad at our boys anymore

Of course not! As they say, he who brings up past squabbles will lose an eye

Indeed

Looks like it

I wanted to ask... Can't you transfer them someplace closer?

She misses him so much... She hasn't seen him in 10 months

Besides, my 70th is coming up, and I still haven't skied

It's out of my jurisdiction

My daughter Galya got back together with her husband

They're coming tomorrow from Yekaterinburg

I haven't seen her in two years

So be it! I'll arrange for you two to go visit them

They're coming! They're coming to visit!

- Who is? - Granny Manya and Lesya!

Wait... But you said that no one but you had to come here

No, the drafting guy arranged for this

That monster spares no one - not even women and elders

Are you stupid? This is a New Year's present!

And I wanted thermal underwear...

Come on fishie, let me catch you already

I would only need you for an hour

I'd just bring you home to show my wife and say

"Look, honey, I caught you a carp"

"It's the New Year's..."

Then I'd bring you right back here. Word of a scholar

Come, let me catch thee, alibi, big or small

This is not even my fault. This is all Korovin's fault

I was just trying to help a friend!

His masculine yen was acting up

Now look where he is... and where I am

Oh, cold wintry night! Don't chill me to the bone!

PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL

I'm telling you, this is a mistake

Sure it is

Our wives are at the sauna, and our kids are alone at home

There's a washing machine there, and a vacuum, and needles, you understand?

- ...Can I ask you...? - They'll be waking up...

- ...why you're detaining us... - There's a huge knife in the kitchen...

- ...and keeping us in custody? - You're a mother too!

You're sabotaging a major international transaction

between two superpowers. Do you understand that?

- There's an axe there, too... - I'm going to sue you!

- "Megalomania" - What are you writing there? Are you crazy?

- Really, I'm not paranoid... - Stop this

Please untie us. It won't happen again

We're regular people, with an address and a phone...

Make a call and see for yourself. Call work Call my wife Olya. Write that down

It's better to call my Olya. She's smarter...

- No, please call my Olya - Call my Olya

So you two have...

Total coincidence.They're both Olyas, but they're two different women

- I wasn't implying anything - Same name...

Mine is tall and beautiful. His is more of an acquired taste...

- It's weird that they still haven't called - You're such a worrier

- Stop winding both of us up - That's it, I'll go check!

Stay there

So you said you had kids. What are their names?

Yes! Our kids are named Boris!

Boris and Boris. They are Borises

I named mine after this moron, because he's smart, successful and handsome

OK, and why did you call yours Boris?

For the same reason

And one last question: how long have you been drinking together?

Could I take this one?

Expensive taste! This is the priciest car on the floor

But, according to our regulations I'm coming with you!

Uncle Alexei, you've known me since I was 7

Denis... Hi

Hi

Prokhorov, am I going crazy or is that really you?

Since when do Russian doctors make this kind of money?

I robbed a bank

ls this for me?

Well, Masha, shall we take a ride?

Let's go

- How are y... - How...

- Well... - OK, you go first

Well... you look fantastic, haven't changed a bit

Thanks

- You too - Really?

I take it, you're not actually a doctor

Me? No, of course not. I drove in an ambulance a couple of nights

and that was all I needed...

If I stayed there I could never afford a Mercedes

Oh, hey, I have a present for you

What? You shouldn't have!

- Here, it's New Year's Eve, after all - Thank you

Only, can you wait until the clock strikes midnight to open it?

It's chilly. Can we maybe turn on the seat heating?

- Seat heating? - Yeah

Sure,just a second

- Hello - What are you doing?

Hello. Yes,just start without me

What? You promised not to speed and be careful when turning

You get that car back to the dealership this minute!

- I'm responsible for this car! - Yeah, start without me

What?

Oh, I'm so sorry, one second...

I'm not used to this layout yet - very different from my old one

Yes, I'm on my way

Sir, I haven't got any money, but I only need to go three stops

No free rides! Get out

...My mom is working the night shift. I'm bringing her a surprise

- I said get out! - I'll pay for him

Thank you

- No standing passengers! - Meaning?

Meaning, out you get!

Check-in is now open for passengers flying to London

Here are the papers and all the stamps

Look here, and here

There's nothing missing, it's all there

Well? All good?

All good

Hey, Red, I mean, Denis...

Remember how in 11th grade we saw New Year in on the bridge?

You gave blood earlier so you could buy wine for all of us?

Yes. It's a relief that those days are long in the past

Actually, I'd give a lot to be back on that bridge again...

if only for a little

Yeah, me too

Hey, how about we go there right now?

You little shit

Are you out of your mind?

- Denis - What? No, I'm OK

Thank God

Easy, easy...

Scarf... give me your scarf

Easy, bear with me, uncle Alexei

It'll be a good half hour before this jam clears

- How is the car? Did you dent it? - No, your car is OK!

Just refrain from talking

Check this out - the key's in the ignition

- Don't tell Misha about this - Sure. Over here

- Get behind the wheel - Dude, you're wasted

Chill out.This is my New Year's bonus

Denis... that was... amazing

Stop, you scum! The keys!

As they say, don't do good - and no evil will befall you

Denis, don't worry! The car's insured, right?

We'll file a report, and they'll find it

Yeah...

It's not...These insurance companies are all useless!

I gotta go to the dealership... my partner runs it

They've got some satellite tracking system

After what I paid for it, they'd better find it

- It's 9 pm. Time to take your medicine - Let me out of here

- Do you plan to keep us here? - Yours is a complicated case

- But the kids are all alone! - Here's a pill to make it all better

Open wide... Keep it open!

Good boy. Here's some water. Open wide. And wash it down

And now swallow

Did you swallow it? Stick out your tongue

Show me your tongue or you'll get a hypodermal

You're so sexy when you ask me to show you my tongue

Looks like it's working already

- Marta... - Yes, Boris?

Please... I need a phone and a charger

- I just need to call the Chinese - Boris, please try to understand:

there are no Chinese

- But, Marta, what do you mean? - The Chinese don't exist

There you go. Now sleep

So sexy...

The next available taxi is in two hours. Please wait

To Domodedovo airport. How much?

That's insane! Wait here!

I got a pineapple, I got leeks...

I forgot the peas... damn it

Look, she left her card behind

- Happy New Year, Vadik! - How much do we want? 5 or 10?

Where are you going?

- Ma'am, you left your card - ls this mine?

- Yes - Thanks!

Not so fast! You're coming with me now! My friend just got robbed like that!

- But I gave your card back to you! - Sure you did! Let's go!

- Let's see now - Let's see

See? There's money missing!

- How much? - 7 thousand

- That's impossible - Where's my money?

- Listen, leave me alone! - Where are you hiding it?

- I helped you - Where's my money?

- I'm running late! - Not anymore

- There, look who that is! - Where?

Freeze!

- Hey, lady, you leave that girl alone - Buzz off!

Police!

Boris!

Now look here, if you refuse to come out

I'll come back with a stun rod tomorrow and tranq the whole lot of you

Why are you lying there like a log? Did you swallow the pill?

- Let's go, you moron - Look at the sea...

We gotta go. Get up

I've never been to the sea, you know

- Can you hear the seagulls? - I named my son after a halfwit

Slippers...

Hello there

Hey everyone! Vodka's here! Come and get it!

Viva la revolution! Let's go party! Hurray!

- Boris... - Break the door!

Boris, snap out of it!

Boris, come on!

Give me your hand!

Boris, are you alright? I'm so sorry, little man, I'll never leave you again...

There's nothing to be scared of...

- Keep your head straight - I can't, you're peeing in my face!

- Stop peeing in my eyes - Just keep your head straight!

Watch how you talk. I'm 35, and you're just 1

Keep your head straight!

Boris... Let's go, the kids are alone

Give me your hand!

You're scaring my invisible friend!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed at Heathrow Airport

The temperature outside is 5 degrees Celsius

And so Pirate finally landed in London

Now what? How could he find Yoko in this huge unfamiliar city?

Surely he was already too late?

- Hello, is this AvtoRadio? - Obviously not

Yoko!

Happiness was within arm's reach!

But the boomerang bounced back

- Miss, it's time to board - Yes,just a second

Your grandma's waiting

- Hello, is this AvtoRadio? - Yes, you're on the air. What's your name?

My name's Lesya

Welcome, Lesya! It's hard to hear you past the blender. Can you turn it off?

Sorry, I wish I could. I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year

and urge all lovers to be together on New Year's Eve

This morning, I was alone. And now, I'm flying to be with my Dmitry

You have to believe in miracles!

I second that enthusiastically

May all of my countrymen reach out to each other with equal warmth

unlike tonight in Novosibirsk: a doctor was helping at the scene of an accident

and someone stole his car - just two hours before New Year

- ls this that doctor's car? - And he had it out for a test drive!

Well, what shall we do?

I'm sorry...

- Sergeant, please, can I have my phone? - I'll tell her you said that

- 4.6 kilos, no name yet - I have a goose in the oven!

- Please... - Thanks

- Have you been a good girl? - She stole from me

4.6 kilos, that's right

- How much longer will you keep me here? - No, we haven't decided yet

A little fir tee in the forest...

- Hand me my phone! That one! - Call my husband!

- Hello? - "Yes, 4.6 kilos, still deciding on the name"

Wait for me here, Masha. I'll be just a minute

- Hello - Hello, sir. How may I help you?

My car got stolen

So you need a new one! Which model did you have?

CLS Shooting something...

CLS Shooting Brake? Stolen? What for?

What do you mean, what for?

There are only three of those in the whole country

I don't think you understand. It's one of yours that got stolen

I took it out for a test drive today. Look it up. My name is Prokhorov

Uncle Alexei, I mean Mr. Kolesnikov, vouched for me

Listen... Trust me, I'm good for it. I'll pay for it. I'll sell my apartment

Just please don't fire him. It's all my fault...

Denis...

You fool...

Why did you make up all those lies?

Why?

Indeed, why? That's a good question

Would you enjoy hearing the truth?

I'm just a regular doctor at a state hospital

I'm a loser

- Doctor is a good profession - Good? I think it's outstanding!

The scary thing is, I actually love it!

But with my salary, I could only ever afford windshield wipers for that damn car

Would you go out with me on a bus? Never!

I've seen the kind of high life you're used to in Moscow!

Excuse me, Denis

But the car that you took out earlier is right there

How come?

Your friends brought it back. They said you were too drunk to drive

They brought your license and this envelope

You had also left flowers and this purse behind

"Sorry, we took it by mistake. Happy New Year!"

We'll go over the details, sign the contract, and then there'll be a dinner

Kolya, please hurry. We can't be late!

"There's no boomerang and no justice in this world"

"It's been 8 hours since Pirate ran away"

"In 20 minutes, Mom's meeting Morrison and his prized stud"

"It's 2 hours till the new year"

"Vika, you promised to find Pirate"

"I hate New Year's! I hate everyone. There's only one last hope"

Nastya's last hope lay with the world's most unreliable person

"Uncle Dima, Daddy said the army would make a man out of you

So can you explain to them that they're in the wrong

They flew off to their damn London, and now Pirate ran away

Today is the most miserable New Year's Eve of my life. I hope you're well"

I know you hate wearing a tie, but this is just for 2 hours

- Yo, Kamchatka, what's up? - What the hell are you thinking?

My Lesya is coming to me across the entire country

and you left Nastya alone on New Year's?

All for the sake of Lena's business? I'm going to forward you the text I just got

Look, Lena, that's it

We're flying back to spend New Year with our daughter

Set the dog down, please

Lena, to hell with your contracts, with this Morrison and his stupid dog

Nastya is back home alone

What are we doing?

Will he be coming for you in a white Mercedes with a bouquet of roses, like a real man?

...Who cares if I come for her in a Mercedes or on a bus?

- What matters is that she loves me! - Dude, you've got no prospects...

- Sergeant... - Hey! Did you have a nice spin?

Yes. Anyway... please call your dad. He's in the hospital

What happened?

It's all my fault. But that's a different conversation

Just please call your dad. It's New Year's Eve, and he's there all alone

Have a heart. It's New Year's Eve, and he's there all alone

- Who? - My Sasha is all alone!

Please give me my phone. I really need to call him

Hello Sasha

- Hey, where are you? - I'm still in Moscow

I was trying to help a woman, and she thought I was a thief

- Sasha, I'm in a holding cell - Oh really? Vika, stop playing this game

If you didn't want to see me you could've at least called and told me so

I couldn't. They took my phone

They did? Yet, you're posting poems on your page

- What poems? I don't follow - Here, posted 5 minutes ago:

"I build my bridges plain and strong without a nail..."

That's Nikolai!

Enough of this Nikolai, dogs and boomerangs nonsense!

I build my bridges plain and strong

without a nail, without a clue

I build them out of air and hope

to find a path from me to you

I roamed all over high and low

but couldn't find you anywhere

When I came to - I saw the light

That's when I knew - I'm there

"Delete page"

It's all my fault

Dad, Pirate is nowhere to be found. There is no boomerang

Don't cry. You hear me?

"Pirate is in London. He followed his sweetheart Yoko"

Let me out! Pirate's already in London, and I'm still here!

Listen, can you buy my iPad?

Hey, Moscow, let's have your passport

Pirate, a dog in love from Samara, became an instant internet sensation

In the last 5 minutes, thousands of people all over the country have shared a photo

taken by some Sasha Petrov in London

Step on it, Boris!

The kids are all alone. I hope they're OK!

Oh, God, please let them be OK!

See how fun that was?

You'll start the new year with a clean slate and a new do

Why is it so quiet?

Oh, hey, girls!

Hey. Where is...

The penguin is on the eggs

- What happened to your face? - Oh,just kids

Boris, this is not your child

Meaning?

It's Evgeny's

And you had to wait till New Year's Eve to tell me?

When did you guys find the time?

Oh, that explains why he fell asleep so fast

- I'll switch them - OK

I'm sorry, Natasha...

...my little goldfish

The first one is the best one. 20 years we've been doting

Everything's for the best

I'm even glad that it happened on New Year's Eve

What better time to start anew?

I think you're taking this too far. All this over some silly call

Nothing happened. Korovin told me they went fishing

When will this ever end?

Think about it for a second. She's calling - so he's not with her

Look, honey, I caught you a carp

Granny!

I can't go any further!

- Come on, young blood - Tell Dmitry I love him...

But I just can't walk any further

Just keep it down or you'll ruin the surprise

- Hey, look, it's granny Manya! - Where?

- Dumbass - Why, looks just like her

Here, let's put it on skis, till the real one turns up

- Happy trails, old timer! - Go for it!

And soft landing, granny Manya!

- Doing great! - Go!

- Granny! Granny! - What?

You killed granny Manya again

I didn't do it... She did it

Granny!

You wish! I'm still alive

We'll sort this out. Yes, Sergeant, this is her picture

She stole 7 grand from me, and they stuck me in here with her

I've got a goose in the oven, with apples that are coals by now

- And I forgot to get green peas! - And I got you a surprise

- ls this for me? - Yes

Oh, this is lovely! How much was it?

- What do you think? - Seven thousand?

Yep

Sergeant, please release the girl

And the gramps

Miss, wait! London, please

- The plane took off 10 minutes ago - When is the next flight?

In the new year. Happy New Year!

You too

All operations have come to a halt at Heathrow Airport

while security is trying to capture this canine celebrity

All attempts to catch the dog peaceably have so far failed

Over 120 flights have been delayed

The airport staff has no choice but to use force

Pirate, come here!

Yoko

Yoko, leave me alone. I really like what I'm hearing

Kolya, please forgive me

Vika!

Excuse me, could you help me?

I have nothing to open this bottle of wine with

Masha, forgive me

I just wanted to say...

You're no father

- I'm... - You're a grandfather now

- You have a grandson - I'm... very happy

Happy New Year, Dad

We're naming our son Alexei!

We'll see you soon, sweetie. We're taking the next flight back

- Nastya, what was that? - That was nothing. See you soon

No need to upset her just yet

- Nikolai, Happy New Year! - Happy New Year to you, my dears!

- Thanks to you they found Pirate! - Looks like there was another happy reunion

By the way, Nikolai, you're now the new blogging sensation

- A what? - Never mind!

I have a gift for you two. The lovebirds

Granny Manya, look...

Reminds me of myself at her age. I had a beau who was a skier

- Tasty? - Oh honey, it's delicious!

- Too bad there's no aspic... - Oh, but there is

You have some? Why didn't you tell me? Pass it here!

Give it here

Well, dear family, Happy New Year!

Hooray!

Turn away, sonny

I want to say a couple of words

Answer it

Just a second...

Just the three of us will celebrate

Boris, the boss won't be able to speak to you today

Olya, it's Mom calling

- It's just his mom! - Hey, Mom, Happy New Year!

All together now: Happy New Year!

Hey, Mom, I learned how to say in Chinese "I'll call you tomorrow at 9 am"

Want to hear it?

Amazing, isn't he? Blabbers like a native. Alright, Boris, time for that toast

Now, that will have to wait till the next New Year's Eve

Happy New Year!

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