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So, 1600 a month?

Yep, that's what it is.

Well, I want to rent the apartment, not the

whole block.

It has got everything you could possibly need.

I mean it's close to the shops,

the tube station is right down the road,

it has got some great pubs on the corner

and it's furnished.

Yeah, I know.

So you'll take it right?

Uh, well.

You're an actress, aren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I saw you in the silent

Day.

The Silent Day.

Yeah, you were really good.

Okay, well I don't want to push you,

but this place is going to be rented

by the end of the day.

Really?

Yeah, I mean, these types

of apartments are almost impossible to find.

I've got like 10 people coming by

to visit this place just today.

10?

Yeah.

Yeah right.

Jonathan, hi, please tell me I got the job.

Oh fuck.

Did they get my script?

Did they like it?

What?

Not enough drama?

My script is so much better than all

this Hollywood crap.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry too.

Okay, speak to you tomorrow.

Bye.

Fuck.

I'll take it.

Morning Sandra.

Good morning Dick,

I hope you don't mind

but we've all started working already.

No, I don't mind.

Oh, it's really good to see you anyway.

Yeah, you too.

And you know I'm wishing you double

what you're wishing me.

I can't go to hell twice, Dick.

Yeah, but two Sandra's wouldn't fit anyway, would they?

Morning mate.

I just sold them an Audi Q5.

That's number 87 so far.

What?

You're not happy for your best friend?

Are you feeling depressed?

No, I'm reading this book,

it's fascinating.

Selling cars for dummies?

Don't be a Dick Sandra.

It's about ancient wisdom.

Ah.

Oh, nice.

Did you know that when you buy a car,

you feel happy right?

But it isn't according to this,

the car that causes the happiness.

The happiness is created by the fact that

in that moment you are free from desire.

And so for a moment life is as good as it gets.

Listen, happiness is the absence

of striving for happiness.

Chuang Tzu.

Yeah.

Mate, do you never think about this stuff?

Like what it's all about?

Because you know what.

I was reading this last night

and do you know what I realized?

You're having a midlife crisis?

I realized who I was.

Come on Dick, our meeting's starting.

Right guys, listen up.

First of all the results so far.

Leo, 86.

I just sold an Audi Q5.

My correction, 87.

Philip, 79, above expectation.

Arno, 71.

And Dick, 29.

You sold just 1 car over the last two weeks Dick.

Success is a choice.

It all depends on one question.

Are you an eagle or a Duck?

I'm sorry?

Are you an eagle or a Duck Dick?

I want only eagles on my team.

Ducks they just swim and waddle.

Now an eagle flies,

has a great overview

and knows precisely when to swoop

and get its prey.

Yeah, but I'm a vegetarian.

You have one more month to prove yourself,

otherwise you're out.

Moving on gentlemen.

Next item.

Hi sweet.

Hi.

How was the audition?

Yeah, they seemed to like it.

I think it went well.

Great!

Where's Anna?

What?

I thought you were picking her up.

You knew I had an audition.

You said

No, no, you relax, stay here,

don't worry about it,

I'll go and get her.

Take my car!

Oh, thank you very much.

Anna!

Mum!

You cannot just walk home on your own.

You didn't pick me up.

I'm sorry.

Come on, come with me.

Are you alright?

Can I have a sweetie?

Yep.

So how was your day at school?

We had sports day.

What?

You forgot to bring my sports clothes.

I didn't know Anna.

They should have told me.

It was in the letter I gave you.

Who's Lucile?

What?

It's one of your father's colleagues darling.

She must really like working with him.

Hi dad.

I'm sorry sweet.

I thought your mum was coming to pick you up.

It's okay.

Anna, why don't you go

and watch the television?

Alright.

Good girl.

Give me your phone.

What?

Give me your phone.

My phone's none of your business.

Why, is it only Lucille's business?

We're work colleagues.

Mum, may I have a drink?

Yeah, in a minute Anna.

We're work colleagues, it's nothing.

Nothing.

How long has this been going on?

Nothing is going on.

Do you think I'm an idiot?

No.

Did you have sex with her?

No.

Mum.

Yeah, in a second Anna.

You can sleep on the couch mate.

Anna?

You're still awake?

Yes.

Yeah okay.

I've got to talk to you.

Okay?

Why are you angry with dad?

Let's put it this way,

Mummy had baked daddy a really tasty cake

and she was waiting for him to get home

to give him the cake.

And when he finally arrived he was full up

because he had already eaten another woman's cake.

That's why mummy has to go on holiday for a while.

To Spain?

London.

But you can come and visit me whenever you like okay?

If you want.

Are you looking for UFO's or something?

Oh hello.

Good morning Sandra.

You look beautiful today.

What?

Morning Leo.

And he is late again.

That's a record even for you.

Oh, it's happening.

What?

All this.

Isn't it wonderful?

Are you feeling alright Dick?

Hey Leo,

has anyone ever told you,

that you are perfect?

What?

You are perfect.

Are you on drugs Dick?

You know I love you.

Get off, get off.

Are you crazy?

Mr. Hanson.

I have come to tell you I am taking

the day off.

Dick, you know that there's

a procedure for these things.

It is far too nice out there for work.

Mr. Hanson,

he's feeling a bit confused.

He's reading this book on spirituality and so

Dick, I don't care if in your private time

you listen to vegetarian music.

But here we work.

I suggest you focus on your targets.

And then what?

We focus on our targets

and we make our goals and then next year

we make new goals and then we all panic again.

Does no one else see that that

is just completely pointless?

You are so fired.

Oh, thank you sir.

Get out, you imbecile.

Do you know what your gravestone is going

to say when you die?

It's gonna say,

here lies John, he sold a lot of cars?

Who's the imbecile now?

Oh, that one over there.

Thanks.

It's so nice having you living next to me.

A close neighbor is better than a far-away friend.

Sure.

So, that's so exciting that your mum's

going to be living here.

It's just a holiday.

Oh, I thought.

My mum and dad are on holiday

as well at the moment.

They are on a cruise around Scandinavia.

So I have the whole apartment to myself.

You still live with your mum and dad?

Yep, do you know how expensive it is

to rent in London at the moment?

No.

Don't you have a job?

Yes, I'm a computer programmer in PHP, C++, javascript,

HANA technology and mobile cloud solutions.

This is Lisa.

Any more to bring in?

No, that's great.

If you need any more help,

feel free to ask me.

Great.

Bye.

Bye, Anna.

Bye.

Martin.

Bye, Martin.

Bye.

Mum, it's Martin again.

I was thinking.

Could I take you for a drink

somewhere this week?

I've just moved in so.

Just to get to know each other as neighbors?

Just one drink?

Yes.

Great, tomorrow?

Perhaps a little later in the week?

Thursday?

Perfect.

We can go to the Red Lion

at the end of the street.

Sure.

Say at seven PM?

Eight.

Perfect, great, nice.

Okay.

Well bye.

Yeah okay, yeah, bye then.

Bye.

Wow, thank you.

That is such a great farewell party.

Well you know,

we're really gonna miss you Dick.

It's like who's going to insult me in the morning?

Don't worry, I'll text you.

Oh joy.

Can I have a cola, please?

A glass of white wine.

Sparkling water.

You know what?

It's absolutely wonderful to be free.

And you know what I've realized what I am?

A dick?

No, listen.

Who are you?

Leo.

Yeah okay so you're Leo.

But let's say you change your name to Roger.

Are you still Leo?

Why would Leo change his name to Roger?

Well okay, you know what?

That's beside the point.

What I'm trying to explain

is that you are not your name.

This is probably the most important

question you're ever going to ask yourself.

Who are you?

Cheers.

Because I think you think you're your body.

But you are not your body.

My scales will beg to differ.

Okay, but what if I cut off both your arms

and both your legs, are you still you?

I really don't think that's

the best way to lose weight, Dick.

If you haven't got any arms and legs,

are you still you.

Yes, of course you are.

So where then is the hidden I am,

this little I.

In your body?

I know what you're want to say now.

You want to say,

actually it's in my mind.

You think there is a little Sandra

up in your mind steering the wheel.

But that, that little I, that's an illusion.

Whatever.

No Sandra.

Listen, if you look for that I you're

never going to find it.

Oh, so The I is like a girlfriend for Leo.

What?

You'll never find one.

Oh come on.

Just because I haven't had a date in

a while doesn't mean I can't get laid anymore.

Of course it doesn't.

It just means you have to pay for it.

I have sex from time to time.

I just don't always tell you guys about it.

What a minute.

This is possibly the most existential question ever here,

and you've just turned it to sex.

Everything is about sex.

Life is about sex.

We're only here because somebody has been fucking.

Well apart from Leo obviously.

And how many have you had Sandra?

What, today?

No, you guys, you don't understand it.

Our brains, they are creating

this self-awareness all the time

and then you think that.

My goal in life is connect with the source,

to be one with infinite love.

Thank you, Alice.

I could do it a bit more aggressively if you like.

No, no, no, it was good.

Yes, thank you Alice.

It was great to see you and solid audition.

What's your availability at the moment?

You know what it's like,

I've got a lot of jobs on the go.

Oh, we're filming in the next few days

and if you're busy then.

No, no, no, I'm sure I can fit it in.

I can be pretty flexible.

Good, we'll give you a call.

Thanks, Tom.

It's good to see you.

We should catch up.

I'll walk with you Alice.

Bridget.

Hi, Ismael.

Nice seeing you.

How are you?

Good, come in.

Oh, Alice.

Hi.

Sorry I'm late,

I had to go to an audition.

Oh, you're an actress?

Yeah.

Oh shit.

Have I seen you in anything?

You remember Elements of Spring?

No, no, sorry.

Well, next week I might be winning

the award for best actress

in the The Silent Day.

Nothing To Be Lost?

The one with the bear.

Vampires.

Vampires, bear.

Do you ever go to the cinema?

I am terrible with names.

No One Left?

The Western?

No it's the crime drama with Rick Alan.

You've been living in a hole.

These aren't B movies.

Would you like a drink?

Yeah, please.

A white wine.

A white wine.

Do I know you from somewhere?

Well

I totally remember.

You used to work in a shoe shop

in Oxford Street?

Yeah, that was a long time ago

when I was a student.

You sold me a great pair of loafers.

I have loafers.

So my neighbor's a famous actress.

Do you have time to date with your career?

Well, it's hard.

Most people just want to date me

because I'm in TV and filming.

Oh, sorry.

It's my agent.

Hi Jonathan.

Yeah, I thought I'd be hearing from you.

Yeah.

What?

With Walter Blackmore?

Yeah.

What?

Tomorrow?

Why so soon?

No, no, no, it's not a problem.

Not a problem.

Alright.

Brilliant.

Get them to bike the script over for me.

Super.

Good to hear from you.

Thanks Jonathan, bye!

This is amazing.

I could be working with Walter Blackmore.

You know who he is right?

Yep.

Do you get recognized much?

Well, literally yesterday this guy

stopped me on the street.

He said, hey you're Alice Richardson,

can I have your number?

And I said, Darling, to me you

are just a number.

Do you get it?

Yeah.

And then he said, can I give you my number?

I said, what for, just in case I need a plumber?

Oh, he was a plumber.

No, silly.

I'm gonna watch all your movies, Alice.

All of them?

Yep.

You're so sweet.

I'm gonna be your biggest fan.

You're wonderful Alice.

You're beautiful,

so funny and talented.

I really enjoy this.

I'm just going to powder my nose.

Cut.

We're gonna go again.

Tom, I just wanted to say

I am so excited to be here.

And I think you have done

a really great job putting me with Walter.

It's good to have you here.

Michelle Jones was going

to play the part,

but we found out she was pregnant

at the last minute.

Oh.

Yeah, so we are really happy you were free.

Can you jump in first again?

First positions.

Sound, camera, and action.

May I sit here?

Yes.

Hi, I'm Dick.

Nina.

Do you come here often?

No.

Me neither so we've got a lot in common then.

Welcome everyone.

Today I am going to talk about identification.

All suffering comes from identification.

I was just reading in the newspaper that

the Chelsea hooligans rioted

after Chelsea lost the cup final.

So you can see that if you identify with

your team and they lose,

you will feel the pain.

Yeah, but Chelsea fans are cowards.

But I was just talking about

identification in general.

Then why'd you bring up Chelsea?

Because I just read it in the paper,

and it seemed like a good example.

Okay, which club do you support?

West Ham.

You're used to losing a lot then.

What?

Okay, you don't need to take it personally.

This is personal.

Hey, just relax.

Hey, we're talking about enlightenment here.

We're all just one, aren't we?

It's just all about finding out who you really are.

You see, it's so simple.

If I just cut of both your arms

and both your legs.

It's like, when you were hit,

I could feel it.

Although, no one was hit.

Because there is no I.

Yeah, not anymore.

Would you like a coffee?

Cut.

Tom.

I need a bit more sexual attraction,

none of this wet fish stuff.

He is a wet fish, read the script.

Who writes this stuff anyway?

Okay, watch and learn,

this is a pick up line.

Are you from heaven?

Because every time I look in those

eyes all I see is an angel.

Yeah that's because you are a sleazebag.

Tommy, I am taking a break.

Can I make you a coffee?

Yes please.

Americano, latte, cappuccino, espresso?

Espresso please.

Espresso okay.

Look, I have been a fan of yours for many years.

Single or double espresso?

Single.

I watched all the episodes of Don't be a Dick.

It really is an honor to be part of it.

Well, we had to make some changes, didn't we?

We got ourselves a very nice new hot lady

and then they added the spiritual stuff as well.

Yeah, I love it.

And now it's all we have lost God and hope,

what's the meaning of life?

It's all a crock of bullshit

as far as I'm concerned.

But you know, you go with what works in

the moment until the next fad.

Yeah, right.

Nina.

Alice.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

So, you've got any more projects coming up?

I just wrapped on Red Rocks,

so for a nice change I get to concentrate

on Don't be a Dick.

Red Rocks, that was with,

oh God what was her name?

Lucy Anderson.

I read in the tabloids that she

is putting her acting career on hold.

Yeah, little Lucy.

She says it's because she wants

to become a mother.

But basically unfortunately it's that lame excuse.

She is basically just too old.

Let me give you some advice.

You need to look at your career

like a soccer player does.

You've got till maybe somewhere in your thirties,

the odd one or two will make it until they're forty.

And then they go into teaching

or production or something.

Listen, that is a hard truth I know.

But I'm the good guy here,

I tell it how it is instead

of pretending it doesn't happen right.

It is more graceful to go out

on your own terms then

it is to get kicked off.

How old are you anyway?

29.

Well baby we better get moving.

Excuse me, can we get a couple

more drinks here mate.

Listen if you've got the chops.

Maybe we could do a feature together.

Oh, now that I really like the sound of.

I thought you might.

So, hello.

Martin.

Martin I am right in the middle

of a conversation.

I'm Alice's boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Martin, you are not my boyfriend.

Oh, so our kiss meant nothing?

This is Walter Blackmore.

Why are you doing this to me Alice?

Okay, you know what sweetheart,

you need to sort your shit out

with your boyfriend first.

No, no, no.

Just wait.

Walter, honestly I can explain it to you.

Oh for fucks sake.

I thought we had something special.

Have you been following me?

So, I'm not allowed to have a drink in this pub?

Oh my God.

Leave me alone.

Do you like cake daddy?

Yes I do.

Mum says you ate another woman's cake.

What?

She said you ate another woman's cake

Another woman's cake?

Yeah, she said that's why she left.

Well that's not exactly true.

I didn't eat another woman's cake.

I eat cake at Jennie's house

and mum doesn't mind that.

It's just that when you're married

you are not allowed to eat other people's cake.

You can only eat mum's cake?

Yeah.

And she can only eat your cake?

Yeah.

I think you two are very bad at marriage then

because I've seen you both eat other people's cake.

Really?

We have it at grandma's,

when we're in Spain, and at birthdays.

Yes.

But that's allowed.

Basically, mum can't have cake from another man

and I can't eat cake from another woman.

So we can eat it as long

as it's not directly from

the opposite sex

or family or friends.

Family, friends, restaurants and parties are okay.

And you ate another woman's cake?

I didn't eat it,

I just looked at it.

You just looked at it?

I looked at it when I was meant

to be eating your mum's.

Mummy.

Hello sweetie,

come on in.

How are you?

Yeah, I'm alright.

I've got a job on Don't be a Dick.

Don't be a Dick?

Wow, great.

Can I come in, talk about your custody papers

and your divorce?

Just tell me.

What do you want to say?

I can't believe this divorce.

Divorce because I flirt with a colleague.

And the rest Mark.

There is no rest.

I kissed her once and that's it.

We hadn't had sex in months.

You could walk into a room

and I'd be naked and you wouldn't even notice.

A woman knows.

You are here in London while

I'm with her every night.

Yeah blame me.

You want it like this?

Do you like this?

Is this the way you want it?

You want me to file for full divorce,

full custody and the house?

Is that what you want?

Because I've spoken to a lawyer

and they've assured me I will win.

And your true colors shine through.

I still love you Alice.

I'm not doing this.

I love Don't be a Dick.

I've seen all of the episodes.

Really?

Yeah, you write for it don't you?

Yeah.

Did you write for all seven seasons?

Yeah.

Cool.

I write.

Oh, really?

Anything I might know?

I'm focusing more on the writing at the moment.

I haven't really sent anything out.

Oh, okay.

The writing on this is incredible.

I mean those jokes that Dick tells

about your weight are always hilarious.

Not that you are overweight really, I mean.

Maybe a little above average.

But it's not like you need lifting

out of the house by a crane or anything is it?

Oh Walter, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday.

It's my creepy neighbor Martin.

You make out with all your creepy neighbors?

It was just a kiss on the cheek good bye.

He is a total freak.

Okay next scene guys.

Wow, it looks amazing.

You wait till you see the inside.

Hello?

Alice?

Hi Anna.

Hello there, sign here please.

Sign?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Good luck in court mate.

You know what?

I want to do a feature with you.

My dad's got one that's come up.

The production company wants me

to star in it, of course.

But he actually thinks you'd be

a perfect leading lady.

And you should join the Blackmore Agency.

I'm with Jonathan.

My dad gets approached double, triple

what Jonathan does by casting directors, producers.

I've been with him since the beginning.

He knows everybody who is anybody.

All right, I'll think about it.

Oh my god, look at your body.

Look at it, it's amazing.

That is enough Walter.

Oh my God that's beautiful.

Stop it.

Do you want a drink?

Yes, a coffee please.

A coffee, sure.

Actually, make that a shot.

A shot?

Tequila, vodka, whatever you got.

It's not even 11 AM.

Where am I?

An AA meeting?

I have an impossible decision to make.

Between vodka and tequila?

I have a meeting in half

an hour about changing agents.

Why don't you just flip a coin?

Flip a coin?

Flip a coin.

Is that how you ended up running

a pub instead of a pizzeria?

Absolutely.

That's how I ended up serving alcohol

to desperate people like you at 11 AM.

Heads or tails?

I'm not flipping a coin to make this decision.

Heads is your current agency.

Tail is the new agency.

Tell me their names?

I'm with Jonathan Howard associates.

The other is Blackmore agency.

Okay, head is Howard, tail is Blackmore.

Which side of the coin do you hope it's gonna be?

I know you have a preference.

It's not the coin,

it's your heart that gave you the answer.

Alice, Walter's told me that you want

to invest in our agency.

Invest?

I heard that you were looking to represent me

and that there might be a movie that I'd be right for.

Of course, that's a given.

But let's talk about the investment.

How much can you invest?

Invest?

No I was just interested in changing agents.

You don't have any savings?

Well, of course I do.

We can offer six percent of the stock.

Our expected interest on investment

is over 17% on a yearly basis.

17% that's really good.

But what about my role in the new movie.

Think bigger Alice.

As an investor in our agency we will ensure

that you get first choice

of auditions leading you to all the main roles.

So six percent is L54,000.

Is that a problem?

Well, that's nearly all my savings.

You don't believe in your own talent?

Of course I do.

I'm nominated.

I'm going to have to speak to Jonathan first.

Oh come on Alice.

Jonathan has never allowed you the confidence

that your talent deserves.

This should be an absolute yes.

I believe in myself,

I believe in my success.

But most importantly,

I believe in you Alice.

Blackmore agencies will get you there.

I will get you there.

Sorry.

No, now is not the right time Martin.

I'm going to the movie awards

and I need to leave in 20 minutes.

Can you please accept these flowers?

Just to be clear.

There is nothing between us okay?

Let's just say hi as neighbors, that's it.

Hi.

Not now.

Are you joking?

Hi mummy!

Hi sweetie!

Wow Alice, you look gorgeous, gorgeous.

Killer dress for the awards.

Nervous?

Yeah, yeah, a little bit.

Come on in sweetie,

go to your room.

Please tell the babysitter she

has been a little bit ill this week.

A bit of a tummy problem.

Yes I will tell her.

The doctor is saying divorce causes stress.

Okay.

Monday at seven.

Yeah.

By the way, good luck tonight.

Thanks, Mark.

Shit.

Martin.

Alice.

Thank you for the flowers.

I really love them.

And I am sorry for all the horrible things

I've said to you.

I really like you.

But just as a friend, okay.

Yeah, just as a friend.

We're neighbors and it's always nice

to be friends with neighbors.

Yeah.

And as neighbors we help each other out, right?

Yeah.

Oh, you're so sweet.

As you know, I'm going to an awards ceremony tonight.

I'm up for best actress.

It's massive.

And I really need to be there.

You want me to come?

No.

I've actually got a little black jacket.

I bought it for my nan's funeral.

Martin, Martin,

could you look after Anna for me tonight?

Yeah, of course, it would be an honor.

Thank you.

You are really helping me out.

You can watch TV,

fall asleep on my couch until I get back okay?

Okay, yeah, I'll do that.

Thank you Martin.

I almost lost you.

I'm so glad we have found each other again.

I need you in my life.

You know I'm nominated for best actress right?

Yes.

Well, tonight they are announcing who is winning

the award and they really want me to be there.

So I want you to be a big girl.

You can stay up and watch cartoons until eight o clock,

but then you have to put yourself to bed okay?

8:30?

No answering the door okay?

Promise?

Alice, Walter, what an exciting evening for us all.

One nomination for you and two for Walter.

I'm so proud of my Dick.

But his name is Walter.

Cally.

How are you feeling?

A little bit nervous.

You'll be fine.

I don't understand why you're

not nominated you know.

You are such a good actress.

Well thank you.

So there is a guy with a dog in a pub right,

watching footie on the TV.

Aston Villa getting beating three nil

and when the final whistle goes,

the dog lies on his back

with his feet up in the air playing dead.

The bartender goes,

what does he do when they win?

The guy goes, I have no idea,

I've only had the dog for eight months.

Walter says I need to treat my career

more like a football player.

Oh, what like earn money

without using your brains?

Cheers.

Well he says you have your career

until somewhere in your thirties

and then go into coaching or training.

So I'm not interrupting any conversation

of any value whatsoever I assume?

Well actually I was just telling Cally about

the comparison you made between footballers and actresses.

Yes, that's true.

Men are rather more like fine wine,

they get better with age.

Whereas women are rather more

like milk aren't they?

You're right about men being like wine.

Too much of their crap will give you a headache.

Do not let Walter put you down.

Oh no, I know Walter pretty well.

Last year they asked me to announce best actress

and this year they've asked me again.

I guess they know I'm good with women.

Sarah Lin won last year

and ever since we have seen her everywhere.

Literally.

You know the nude pictures that were leaked online?

And the award for best actress,

is it Katherine Height?

No, no, sit down.

The award for best actress

goes to Alice Richardson.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

You are magnificent.

I want to thank my fabulous directors

Ismael Lotz and Tom Deville

for seeing all of my talent.

Oh and my boyfriend Walter Blackmore,

thank you darling.

Thank you so much, thank you.

Thank you, thank you so much.

Oh, it's good to see you.

If they would give an award

for the hottest actress,

I wouldn't just give you one,

I'd give you two.

It's a curse being beautiful.

Yes I understand.

Look, if there is any way I can help

you through these tough times,

why don't you let me know?

Thank you.

Please make me your next charity project.

Bridget.

You might be able to help me actually.

Cause you're too good to be true.

I can't take my eyes off you.

Walter, darling, the limousine is waiting.

What an incredible night.

I'm sorry you didn't win too.

I already have eleven of those ugly statues.

Yeah, I know.

Walter, you know those photos

of me you have by the pool.

Can you delete those please?

It's not that I don't trust you or anything,

I just don't want them to end up

on the internet you know.

I don't want to be the next

naked award winning actress.

They're off my phone.

Thank you.

Safe on my laptop.

Don't be funny Walter,

delete them please.

Don't be such a prude.

It kind of turns me on

to think that people could see you naked.

Hey I trusted you with those pictures.

You invite me in?

No, my daughter is upstairs,

I don't think it's a good idea tonight.

You have a daughter?

Yes.

When were you going to tell me about that?

Well I'm not exactly hiding it from you.

You know what, fucking get out!

What?

Get the fuck out of the car!

Hang on, you're not getting laid

so I have to get out?

Yes, you know what.

This ride has become complete waste of fuel.

Fuck you Walter.

Anna? Anna? Anna?

So, did you win?

Martin, Anna is gone.

I was watching a movie till late

and someone randomly knocked on the door.

Where is she?

I opened the door and there

was this little girl crying.

Tell me where she is.

What have you done with her you freak.

She's with her dad.

What?

She's with her dad.

She had a headache, she felt nauseous, and fever

and so I took her to see her father.

Oh fuck.

I really think you need

a bit more responsibility Alice.

You can't leave your child home alone.

Shut up.

No you shut up.

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Where's Anna?

Hi mum.

Sweetheart.

I was feeling sick mummy.

I know baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Anna, mum and dad will be right back okay.

Have you gone insane?

You're leaving a seven year old

girl home alone all night?

You know what I think.

I think you wanted out.

You're using all this

because you can't admit to yourself

that you don't want Anna

and you don't want me.

I'd better go.

By the way,

leaving Anna home alone will damage you

in a custody hearing.

Even for an awards evening.

I won.

No, tonight you lost.

So what do you think?

I don't know Dick,

I think it's a bit weird.

For the first time in my life

I'm doing something meaningful.

I am helping people.

Well, actually I am helping raise

the levels of consciousness in humanity.

In an orange dress?

I'm a spiritual teacher now Leo.

This is what we wear.

Why?

What do you mean why?

There is no why.

We are showing people the light.

Here, we help them connect

with their true selves.

Exploring your true nature.

Okay whatever.

Now, I do need some help though

tomorrow night with the talk.

Would you sit on door and collect the money?

Yeah.

See?

Sri Dickji.

It works I think.

It doesn't even rhyme.

Dick, it's time!

How many people are there?

Just six.

It's not about quantity Leo.

I don't mind, I don't have to pay

the rent for the room.

Namaste.

Welcome to this meeting in truth.

My name is Sri Dickji.

Today we're going to talk about self-realization.

Many people suffer because they believe themselves

to be a separate person.

But this is an illusion.

Why?

Because you are simply happening,

but our brains, your brain,

creates this self-awareness so you view

yourself, we all do, as an I.

And so?

There is no I.

But I chose to come to this meeting.

Ah, that's just a story you're telling yourself.

And that's the story you're telling yourself.

And Sandra, you may not ask any more questions.

Why not?

Because you do not understand.

Well maybe you are not telling it very well.

If you are identified

with your body and your thoughts,

then you don't see the whole overview, do you?

So it just begs that question,

are you a duck or are you a bird?

Eagle.

Are you an eagle or are you a bird?

Duck.

Eagle or a Duck, Dick.

Are you an eagle or are you a duck?

Because an eagle flies high

and has a great overview,

whereas a duck just waddles

and flies to and then swims.

So are there any more questions?

Yes, Sandra?

Did you just ask me if I am an eagle or a Duck?

And cut.

Have lunch everybody, take a break.

Thank you.

Well done Sri Dickji.

Thank you.

Do you know that some gurus they

use their status to get sex.

Really?

Think you'd fall for that?

I'd see straight through it.

But you are more than welcome

to come back to my apartment

for some philosophical discussion and herbal tea.

I'm sure Sri Dickji would be honored,

but he might prefer a whiskey.

Thank you my sweet servant.

I can't stay too late.

Oh.

I've got one of those boring investor

parties to go to with my dad.

But I thought you had something to make up to me?

Well it's not that I like going to those parties.

I'm trying so hard to have a nice evening.

All I want is for you

to spend the night with me.

You know how much I love making love to you.

Please?

Send your dad a message.

Alice?

You're a computer programmer right?

Yeah, in PHP, C++, Javascript.

I just need you to get into this laptop.

I need the password.

That would take me at least an hour.

Do it.

I'm not going to hack someone's

laptop without knowing why.

I don't have time to explain.

You know Walter Blackmore, the actor.

Well this is his laptop.

I need the password.

Please Martin, you're the only man I can trust.

Okay, I'll bring it back in the morning.

No, do it now.

I'll come back and pick it up in an hour.

It's the middle of the night.

Please Martin, I'd be really grateful.

Please?

Okay, consider it done.

Alice, Alice.

Martin.

What the fuck?

No, no, it's all right,

it's my neighbor.

I'll sort this out,

it's fine.

You're sleeping with him.

Go outside.

Next time you have an epileptic seizure Martin,

call a doctor.

Epileptic seizure?

You can't keep running to me.

Martin has epilepsy and he fits

You know, that's enough.

That's twice with this flipping dork here.

You, you've got issues.

I'm going home.

Oh fuck.

Go home Martin.

It's the password.

Thank you Martin.

You're welcome Alice.

Martin get out of here.

So, you finally won an award?

Finally?

Yeah, I mean.

For how long have you been in the industry?

Quite a long time.

Hey, never too late to win an award.

Alice.

Ismael, hi.

How are you?

Good, good.

How are you?

Very well.

Good to see you.

Good seeing you.

I think life is total craziness.

It's like everything we perceive,

none of it's real.

How can we know what's true.

We can't.

You think you've woken up.

I think you're in a deep sleep.

Great, thanks Alice.

Yes thank you.

I did mention to your agent

that we're looking for someone mid-twenties.

Five years ago you would have

been perfect for this role.

But now you're just a little bit more mature.

Don't take offense Alice,

I'm just trying to give you some advice.

I'm not taking offense.

This audition is for a supporting role

and I only audition for leads.

So, I was giving you a chance.

Giving me a chance?

Yes Tom, goodbye.

Hi, you've reached Walter,

leave a message.

Hi Walter, it's me.

We need to talk.

I'm sorry about what happened yesterday.

My neighbor Martin's parents are away on a cruise

and they asked me to keep an eye on him.

I must be too giving.

Also, your father sent me on an audition

and I got rejected.

So, I'm not sure what happened there,

but I really wanted that role.

Give me a call when you get

the message Walter.

I've been trying to get you all afternoon.

Okay, bye.

Hi Alice.

Could I speak to Walter please?

Sure.

Walter?

Hey Alice.

Who's that?

This is Bridget,

newest member of the Blackmore Agency.

What?

You have a problem with that?

Yes, I don't want my competitors at my own agency.

You know what,

it's not really your agency is it.

Since you only own six percent.

Could I speak to Walter alone?

Sure.

So that's it?

It's over between us?

What exactly did we have?

Is this because of what happened

last night with Martin?

You need to get over yourself,

because as if I care.

You just move right on to the next one.

Yeah.

You realize she is half your age,

she's just using you to get into the business.

And?

Disgusting.

Women they use sex to get power

and men they use power to get sex.

That's how the game works.

Well maybe I don't like that game.

Hey Alice,

good luck with your tiny little career.

I want to say I'm sorry.

I was wrong and what I did was ignorant.

I think what tends to happen is that we

just see things from our own perspective.

But you know what,

now that I can see clearly

I just really hope that you can accept my apology.

That is so beautiful.

Thank you.

Cut.

Well done.

You know what, just do the work.

Alice, can I have a quick word

with you please?

Yeah so, there's no easy way to put this.

But, it's not working out with your role

and we have to let you go.

Anything else?

I'm so sorry Alice.

You save me the faked empathy.

But Alice.

So that's it, you just kick me out?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You made big promises to me

and none of them came true.

Alice, take a seat.

You found a younger model

and you just push me aside?

Alice sit down.

Walter's laptop has been missing since yesterday.

I was wondering whether maybe you knew where it is?

How the hell would I know?

Perhaps this will refresh your memory.

Can you tell me where it is?

I threw it in a lake.

I see.

As I'm sure you can understand,

we will have to report this to the police.

No, John.

Please, you can't do that.

If I have a criminal record,

I could lose the custody of my child.

Please Walter?

I will buy you a new laptop.

I will do whatever it takes.

Please let me make it up to you.

All right.

I'll make you a deal.

If you don't want us to report this,

you give us back the six percent stock

and we pay you zip.

Otherwise you can take the consequences.

If you agree, you can sign here.

Oh and by the way,

you're fired from Blackmore Agencies.

Hi Mark.

Alice, it would have been a sign

of respect to show up in court.

What?

What do you mean?

You don't care about the custody

of our own daughter?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You're a liar.

Bullshit.

You got a registered letter.

Mark, please I didn't receive anything.

Well, you can see our child one weekend a month.

You just think she's bothering you anyway.

So well done Alice.

Good mothering.

You failed.

So, you had a good weekend?

Good.

Why do you never visit me?

Oh sweetheart, it's complicated.

It's not.

You have a car so you can just drive to me.

When I have an argument with a friend,

you always tell me to talk and make up.

Why don't you?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I promise I'm gonna come

and see you more often.

Daddy.

Bye Alice.

Somehow I have the feeling that you

are not doing so well.

You're a bartender Paolo,

not a psychologist.

Here, this one is on the house okay.

Maybe it will help you to get away

from your misery

and feel a little better.

Thank you Paolo.

Could you lend me some money?

Listen, I can give you free drinks.

I can even put a mall on the tap.

But lending you money, come on.

I'm a bartender, not a charity foundation.

I'm a month late on my rent.

The landlord wants to kick me out.

I have an idea.

You got to be joking.

That's what we're going to do.

I'll lend you the money now

and you start tomorrow at 10.

Oh Paolo.

Okay, let's make it 12 okay?

Are you going to make the decision

or shall we flip a coin?

Good morning.

Oh, Paolo no, I can't.

Listen, go take a shower,

put on this outfit

and then we walk together.

I'm not gonna be a waitress.

You're going to act like one then.

Please Paolo!

Please?

Shower.

Chop Chop.

You writing a screenplay?

I am just writing down my dramas.

I think it's good to write down things,

takes them out of your head.

Now it's officially down on paper

how much I screwed up my life.

Oh come on Alice, don't be so negative.

There are a lot of positive things going on.

You are young, you are beautiful, you are healthy.

And besides there is this amazing bartender

who just gave you a job so you can get

your life back on track.

It's a drama Paulo, not a science fiction.

Tell me something.

Why are you helping me?

Because a long time ago you

sold me some great loafers.

Seriously.

Well you know.

You've been in the movies,

you've been on television

and I thought maybe I can enter the industry.

Hey Alice.

Hi.

Oh oh, somebody is in a foul mood today.

I haven't had enough coffee yet for you Paolo.

You didn't sleep well?

I was working on my script.

Did you find out Who is Alice?

Alice is very tired and moody,

so don't be too witty.

Listen, I just wanted to tell you something.

It's been nice to have you around

in these couple of months.

Really.

After 12 O'clock you almost become

a decent human being.

Seriously.

I want to ask you if you want

to work for me full time.

It would be an honor to have

you around all the time.

Okay, do you Paolo Benazzo,

take your lawful employee Alice Richardson,

do you covenant to love her, to cherish her,

and to give her a raise of 10 percent.

10 percent?

I give you five.

Oh, you want to toss a coin?

Okay that's good, you mess with my accent.

That's actually good for business.

Seven, I'll give you seven.

I would have settled for five sucker.

What can I get you?

Alice?

Cally?

Oh my goodness, what a surprise.

How are you?

Good, you?

I am good, thanks!

Oh sorry, this is Alice Richardson.

Linda, hi.

So, how's life?

I ruined my finances, I ruined my career,

I ruined my marriage,

and now I only see my child one weekend a month

and I help out desperate bartenders at 11 AM.

Do you want a coffee?

I hadn't realized the security camera recorded

the whole thing.

So that's why they dropped me

from Blackmore Agency.

Wow.

So, what happened to your psycho neighbor.

Martin.

Oh, his parents came back from their cruise

and moved to Scotland.

So he had to find his own place to live.

At least I haven't' got somebody watching me 24/7.

What a shame.

I am writing a script.

I haven't finished it yet.

But would you read it for me?

Yes sure, I'd love too.

Great.

I will get you another coffee on the house.

Hi Alice.

Martin.

I am just collecting the mail for my parents.

The new owners keep it for us,

and I pick it up.

So how are you?

Yeah, good.

Me too.

I'm not having as many epileptic fits anymore.

So how is Anna?

She's good.

She's coming to stay at the weekend.

Oh, well say hello from me.

I will.

Bye Martin.

I miss you Alice.

You really hurt me.

Martin, I was never looking

for a relationship with you.

You're a really nice guy,

I just wasn't looking for romance.

You are so special to me.

To Walter you are just a number.

Martin just let it be.

In fact, you were number 52.

What do you mean 52?

He recorded all his girlfriends.

Recorded?

Like what?

Like when you press record

and you record something.

For example, in the bedroom.

Sex tapes Alice.

He recorded all of his girlfriends?

Yep, 52 women!

Well, 51, one turned out to be a guy.

He didn't realize, but he found out.

And how do you know this?

I made a copy of his harddrive.

And where is that copy?

At my place.

Oh Martin, you are my savior.

Did you see any pictures of me?

I didn't look at them.

I'm not keen on swimming pools anyway.

Martin, what I want you to do is to go home,

get the tape and very carefully bring it to me.

Okay?

Okay, so, it's a date.

Just go and get it.

Go on then.

John, Walter.

I know we haven't seen each other for a while,

but I thought it would be nice

to have a little chat.

The last time I was here you asked me

to return my six percent stocks.

And you gave me absolutely nothing in return.

Now I'm here to kindly ask you to give them back.

And what makes you think we would do that?

52 sex tapes recorded in secret

by Walter of 52 different women.

Oh, no sorry, 51.

One of them turned out to be a he.

So what?

Now seeing as I have absolutely no interest

in owning a share in your company

I will settle for the return of my L54,000.

Do we have a deal?

Do it dad.

You get your money.

You utter moron.

Hey, someone once said,

men use power to get sex

and women use sex to get power.

Funny, isn't it?

It really works.

So John, still proud of your Dick?

Just get out of here.

Hi Bridget.

Hi.

How are things?

Good, a lot of work.

Mostly features.

Wow, nice.

And I've been nominated twice.

For Distant places?

Have you seen it?

No, sorry.

It's with Gerard Mans.

We're dating.

I didn't see you on

the list of nominees this year.

No, I've had a little change of career.

So what do you do?

I'm a waitress in the Red Lion.

Wow, I see you're really planning your career.

Oh yeah, I'm planning it.

I'm just planning it downhill.

Have you heard of John Lennon?

Is he an actor?

No, he was in a band.

And he once said life is what

happens when you're busy making other plans.

Okay, and I suppose he thought

that philosophy would make him a career?

I think he was pointing at

the idea that whatever happens

in life really is all out of our hands.

Especially if you end up as a waitress.

Let's just leave it.

It's good to see you too.

Cally?

Hi Alice, have a seat.

What exactly am I auditioning for?

I'm sorry I didn't get a script.

We want to talk about your script.

My script?

Yes, Who is Alice.

We love it.

It's powerful, dynamic,

and the narrative is fantastic.

It's really written well.

Thank you.

But I still haven't finished the ending.

No, I love the ending.

How exactly does it end?

After you thank the director

for offering you the role

to play Alice,

you go home singing out loud.

Mark?

Hi Alice.

What brings you here?

After the verdict,

they congratulated me on winning.

But to be honest, I feel I lost.

What?

You got the house, you've got Anna.

You want more?

Yeah, I want you.

That is so cheesy.

What?

That is such a cheesy ending.

I would never write that.

I think it's good that you

and Mark get back together in the end.

You think I'd go back to him just

because he says I want you?

No, he should at least go down on one knee.

Alice, you mean the world to me.

I've never met a more beautiful, talented, spontaneous,

humorous, intelligent, sexy lady than you.

You know you're really amazing,

and besides the fact that you're an

award winning actress,

you know you could be

and should be a supermodel.

Sorry, don't you think that is

a bit over the top?

Just kidding.

Kidding about what?

Oh, I was just explaining to Tom

and Cally that an ending like this would never happen.

It's so cheesy.

I mean, think about it.

Throughout the film we have argued,

we filed lawsuits,

for the last part of the movie

we hardly saw each other

and now you've come back

to make up to me so we can have a happy ending.

It makes no sense!

People love happy endings.

I know that everybody loves the clich� Hollywood stuff,

but real life doesn't work like that.

And in a movie a character has

to go through a change.

You did go through a change.

You had your ego crushed,

you became more humble, more open.

Bust most importantly,

it all happened in your imagination.

This feels so good Nina.

I love you, I don't want to move to London.

I want to be here with you and Anna.

I love you.

I love you.

I need to go see Anna.

This is pure love.

It's so beautiful that they connected again.

Because that is our true nature.

Love.

Do you think Martin put those naked picture online?

It's a movie Leo, there are no naked pictures.

Hey, you sleeping?

Oh, is it over?

Did I miss it?

Did she win the award?

She won the award and they got back together.

Who did?

Oh hello mate,

Alice and Mark.

What?

She left him and then in

the end they get back together again.

What is the whole point of this film?

It's about waking up

from this dream that we live in.

What we create in our thoughts,

that's not reality.

No, that's not the message.

What they showed is that you have

to look out for women,

because they use sex to get power.

Well, then they never try that on you,

do they Leo?

Don't you get that message?

You should never eat another woman's cake?

No.

Oh, you should always flip a coin

when you've got a difficult decision to make?

No, the coin is just there

for you to be able to understand your heart.

You don't get that?

No I don't, but isn't that exactly

how it's supposed to be?

So you do understand it!

I don't do anything,

I'm just happening.

Oh wow,

you have just finally figured out who you really are.

We are love.

Oh, bollocks.

d I am you, you are me

d Why is that such a mystery?

d There is no separateness

d There's no need,

d No need to pretend.

d Life goes on and on

d In a universe where all is one.

d For a moment I could see

d I am you and you are me.

d It's such a mystery.

d Let it go, let it be.

d Let it flow, nothing is real

d In this world.

d There's no end.

d It's a play

d An eternal dance.

d What comes up goes down.

d For a moment we just roam around.

d For a moment I could see

d I am you and you are me.

d It's such a mystery.

d Breathe in breathe out

d That's the rhythm of our lives.

d Move on

d Fill the emptiness inside.

d Wake up wake up wake up.

d I am you and you are me

d It's such a joy to see

d That all comes down.

d When you wake up from this dream

d And inner peace is found

d And you will see

d That I am you and you are me.

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