Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

You ready?

I'm gonna plug it in.

- Ready? - Yup.

- Good night. - Good night.

I appreciate it very much.

Oh, you're very, very welcome.

Blackie. Want some food? Come on.

Good boy.

Sit. Sit.

God bless this little guy, amen. Okay.

Hello?

Yeah, next Friday,

- I gotta go in towards town. - Yeah.

I'm having a hard time rounding up a ride

with somebody that has a clean vehicle.

I was wondering if you wasn't doin' anything next Friday,

if you had time, if you'd be able

- to give me a ride in there. - Okay.

And have you already sort of cased the parking lot

and things like that?

Do you know that you can get in the building?

No, I don't know.

Hi, my name's Susan Malloy, and I'm taking a friend

to the doctor's to see Dr. Peterson on Friday the 12th.

For what? Peterson?

Yes, do you remember off-hand

when your pest-control company comes?

Uh, our pest control? No, I have no idea.

How can I find out?

About the maintenance schedule and pest control schedule?

Uh, hold on.

He comes the first of every month.

Okay, that's good for our purposes.

Yup.

Okay, and that's the pest-control guy?

- Yes. - All right.

Do you know if he's treating for ants

or anything in particular?

He's just treating for everything.

Like some kind of broad spectrum?

Okay. How about carpet shampoo?

I'm not sure, hold on.

I don't know how long it normally takes

for people to get significantly better.

You know, what do people normally do?

Get out of the line of fire.

Figure out what is triggering her symptoms

and get it out of the house.

There are a surprising number of people here

who found out once they get rid of some

of the chemical exposures.

What seems to really hurt is electronic equipment.

You know, computers and routers and cellphones

and things like that.

Okay, I'll tell her that.

We're trying as much as we can.

Out of where?

I know, sweetie.

I don't, um...

I don't have any miracles. I wish I did.

First saved voice message.

Hi, Susan, this is Jamal from the STC.

You can do a Google search on STC radio frequency safety

and from reading that, there does seem to be

a rule making that might be currently underway

so there might be an opportunity to submit

feedback in that rule making.

Their dad's a musician, and they grew up...

like, he wasn't around after the first few years

but they grew up around music with me

and him and just sort of...

uh, it's just kind of part of us.

I really just usually am feeling melancholy,

and I pick up the guitar, and I'm usually...

I'm mining that vein, you know?

That's Nathan playing his guitar.

They were more functional, you know, a while back.

Ah, let's see, these were made when we were living

in San Mateo and probably about the time

they moved over, maybe.

Well, that was Karen.

Must've been something funny going on.

I don't know what.

This is when they were leaving, how optimistic they were.

So are we forgetting anything?

It's a short one today so, uh... there's water,

and then there's lettuce, banana.

12 quarts of juice.

You hang on to the fact that God has promised to take care of us.

You know, I've talked to the pastors

at different times about this, you know, and one'll say,

"Well, some things you can't fix," you know.

He said, "Well, you just gotta draw a line in the sand

and do nothing."

And I said, "That's not an option."

I think it's a birthday greetings of some sort.

Uh-huh. 39, getting up there.

Did she do a drawing?

Uh, somebody did.

Thank you.

Karen was only 17 when she really became ill.

She would react rather severely to certain things,

but she couldn't really pinpoint it, what it was, you know.

She was ill when she was carrying Sam and Nathan.

I guess they just absorbed the problem from her.

The doctors said they should get someplace

where it would be healthier to be.

She should go where it's cleaner and drier air,

and they knew about Arizona, so that's why they came over.

I sold my place over in California, you know.

When I did that, we had the resource to do the house.

And now they've had trouble with neighbors

and spraying and stuff like that.

I guess it's been 20 years ago

that they actually got really...

had to be in bed a lot, you know.

And that's half their life, you know?

She hasn't allowed people to go in.

You wonder when it's gonna turn around

and do a little better, you know?

Yes, I need to refill prescriptions.

I do.

Okay, there are three of them,

and they're all for Joe Fasciulo.

F as in Frank,

A, S as in Sam.

I don't know how to tell you to prepare

for this show you're gonna see.

I am so entertainment deprived.

It'll be like "The Ed Sullivan show" right there.

I don't get to see my granddaughters very often

so just to get to see them is...

I'm gonna go down there without my mask

I just want them to remember me...

without the mask.

Yup.

They're not bothered by the mask.

I'm bothered that they'd point at me.

They don't point at you.

You know they do.

They point at you?

They point at the mask.

Well, okay, they do.

If something's gonna hurt me a little bit

I'm gonna have to make a sacrifice.

I'm gonna choose to do it when they're here.

You get pretty good when you're around them.

I know, 'cause I don't want them to see this.

Jojo!

Hi, Mimi Rue.

How are you?

I bet you like my sister's piggy tails?

Your sister has piggy tails?

You gonna go see Jojo?

Oh...

They're just like "Pick 'em up Joe."

Look at those pigtails. I haven't seen that before.

Say, "They're gettin' long."

Here, Joe, sit here.

- No, I'll stay over here. - Okay.

♪ One little monkey swingin' from a tree ♪

♪ Teasin' Mr. Alligator, can't catch me

♪ Oh, came Mr. Alligator, quiet as can be

♪ He snapped that monkey right out of that tree ♪

Gonna come play castle with us?

Oh, right here.

Oh, here's the fence.

With this?

Watching them play is what I would normally do, you know?

Okay. Hm, how does it go?

I forgot.

What do you want? Do you want this?

Yeah, I do, I'm sorry.

Oh, this is a new experience, isn't it?

I'm sorry, people.

The girls don't seem to mind, do you?

Chloe, is that good?

♪ The wheels on the bus for round and round ♪

♪ All through the town ♪

♪ The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish ♪

♪ Swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish ♪

♪ The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish ♪

♪ In our house ♪

♪ Babies on the bus go wah, wah, wah ♪

♪ Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah ♪

♪ The babies on the bus go wah, wah, wah ♪

♪ All through the town ♪

♪ The mamas on the bus go shh, shh, shh ♪

♪ Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh ♪

♪ The mamas on the bus go shh, shh, shh ♪

♪ All through the town ♪

- Did Jojo go upstairs? - Shh.

Shh, he's sleeping.

Did he go night night?

He's not sitting on the stairs, we can show you.

Here Remy, look, he's not right here.

- He went to bed. - He went to bed. See?

Say "night night."

Good night.

This radio is an at-home way to figure out

if any electrical appliance is spewing out

electromagnetic fields.

You want one that's real staticky

and gets between stations.

There's nothing magic about it.

It's usually enough if I can find out,

"Hm, that's a really serious emitter."

And then unplug it.

Get it?

Hi.

I... I hope you're Delaney.

- I am, yeah. - Hi.

Hi, good to meet you. Hey, buddy.

Yeah, this is Blackie.

I love your shoes!

Oh, thank you.

Where would you like to sit?

Um, well... let me see.

You can sit with Blackie on the bed.

- Uh-huh. - You can have a chair...

I'll just sit here, and when we talk,

maybe we can rearrange a little bit,

but for now, this is good.

Your coat smells like cigarettes.

- Does it? - Yeah.

- Okay, I'll take it off. - That'd be nice, thanks.

Okay, um, where should I leave it?

- Outside on that chair. - Okay.

Delaney do you like ginger better

or coffee better or both?

- Um, coffee sounds great. - Okay.

- I still smell cigarettes. - Okay.

Um... what would you like me to do?

- I'm not quite sure. - Okay.

Do you know if it might be on your clothes or hair?

Well, I don't smoke, so it would be coming

from the environment, I guess.

If you wanna smell me, that's fine.

Maybe you have a social life and you get to go out

around people who smoke.

I'm gonna get close to you for just a sec, okay?

Sure.

Shirt.

- It's the blouse, maybe. - Okay.

Do you mind if I give you something else to wear?

- No, not at all. - Okay.

Here, this might be a good start.

Great, thank you.

Okay.

I really like your shoes.

Could you just introduce yourself

and talk a little bit about who you are?

My name's Susan Malloy and 1992, '94,

was when I first... moved here,

lock, stock, and barrel as they'd say.

And I'd been living in the San Francisco Bay area

for a long time before that for graduate school

and to work on projects.

Could you sort of describe the day

or the night when it all hit you?

Oh, I was with friends, and I'd had plenty of exposures

to all kinds of things,

but I didn't really think much of it.

And that night, I felt this just bizarre feeling in my head.

And my sinuses and the palate of my mouth and my throat,

all swelled closed.

That was the beginning, that was the first of many

emergency room visits.

It can be your food, it can be mold in the bathtub,

it can be anything that you're sensitive to.

In my case it was chemical.

And soon I found out about electrical problems, too.

Cleaning products were impossible.

I learned to use baking soda for almost everything.

And when I got here, I didn't have any choice

but to notice I could walk pretty well.

My gait changed.

My speech cleared up a lot.

I had to admit I felt a lot better down here

and I had to take it real seriously.

I got this book. You know Rush Limbaugh?

He's written this children's book.

Very interesting.

It's a history of our country,

and it's... written to children to show them

how this country's began and all the pilgrims,

so it's really interesting.

- Hey, Sam! - Yeah?

- Can you see this? - Um, yeah.

Isn't that funny?

Wow.

I'm just reading the part where he's time traveled

back to the Mayflower.

- Huh? - I'm just reading the part

where they time travel back to the Mayflower.

Oh, who... who's traveling?

Well, he's substituting as a history teacher at school.

Uh-huh.

And so they go on the horse back in time

to visit all these different things.

So he's going back in time?

Yeah.

The horse talks,

and the horse can disappear if it wants to.

Okay.

It's a good book.

- Did he write it himself? - Yeah.

That's pretty heavy.

It is heavy, what happened?

I'm still doing this at 96.

And there's Sam and Nathan that their mom is there

to depend on but she won't always be there, either.

I sometimes feel like I've helped them to their doom

is how I feel sometimes, you know.

Which I can't tell them that, of course.

Cows versus trains, cows.

Oh.

Bartle Hall versus Nelson.

Nelson.

Yeah.

- Do you want company? - Huh?

Do you want company?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm picking up some fragrance from you.

Let me see what it is.

I think it's that. Let me see this.

Just zip it.

I think you're fine like that.

I'm actually gonna put my hoodie on.

It might not be a bad idea with the filters kicked down.

Okay.

The easiest way to relate is that he has

really bizarre food allergies or, you know,

he's allergic to everything.

But that doesn't really sum up...

what's going on.

But that's what people understand.

We weren't ever having someone's, you know...

the medical community say it's in his head.

We never had anybody say that.

However, nobody could really validate other...

not that it wasn't in his head or was in his head,

but they couldn't validate physically

what was going on with him because the unknown

is just so hard.

You know, it'd be a lot easier if you knew

that it was gonna end and, you know,

just not knowing "Is this ever gonna end?"

And I think that's where we all kind of are

right now 'cause it certainly has changed

the family dynamics a lot.

He had had a lot of blood in his stool

and went to our family doctor here

who had a colonoscopy ordered, and they couldn't find anything.

Then he started having trouble at work

with his colleagues.

Their personal hygiene, their shampoos,

things like that.

He would notice more blood in his stools.

His feet and his hands tingling,

having a really bad headache, being nauseated all the time.

And I'm starting to see the correlation.

Whether it's changing the oil in the car

or painting a room, you flare up.

And we've really protected him

against these chemical sensitives.

But you can't protect him against, you know,

all the electronics.

He can feel it.

He's pretty isolated, pretty solitary in what he does.

He's out there walking just to get

out of the house so that we can turn on the furnace,

have the washer and dryer running,

get caught up on finances so that I have to pay

bills on the internet.

And does he tell you about when he walks his loops?

He'll say loop one is for Lanie 'cause she's my one true love.

Then when I'm halfway around, I go, "What number am I on?"

And then I go two, two is for Joe and Lanie.

Three.

My son has three kids.

Iso, Lucia, Remy.

10 was Lanie's number in high school,

whenever she played sports, she was number 10.

Then I can start with Lanie and end with Lanie,

so I get the whole family.

We're hoping we get him down to Texas

in these new little cottages that are made

specially for people with chemical sensitivities and EMF.

But I think here we keep him...

more engaged in life outside of the illness.

I'm worried that we're gonna lose

that influence with him once he's down there.

And that sounds kind of harsh,

but I guess you have to know what he was like before.

Who is it? Who do you see?

Jojo. Jojo.

- Yeah. - Yeah?

You just see Jojo?

For some people, they just wanna turn back the clock

and see if they can get their life back

to what it was before they got sick, and...

that's not possible.

I thought I was gonna be...

maybe an art-history librarian,

maybe work at a museum, maybe get to travel more.

I'm glad I got to travel when I did.

This is what I slept in when I was in Indonesia.

This is my blanket.

I just love it because it reminds of sleeping there.

This is a beauty.

It smells really neat.

Sometimes I put water on it, you know,

and I swear, you can still smell camel.

And these are from a different part of my life... you know?

Maybe what I miss is I had the ability

to take risks in other places and learn things.

If I would've got my wish and been able

to be a librarian, you know what would've happened?

I do.

The museum would've fumigated,

or used preservation chemicals,

or gotten a new carpet,

or done construction and built on.

Something like that would've happened,

I would've got sick anyway.

You asked me if I felt bad about Sam and Nathan...

but I was thinking about that last night,

and one of the hardest things for me has been my mom.

Just the effect on her of all this.

That's been harder for me.

I'm just gonna say goodbye!

You're welcome.

Alright, love you, too!

So I'll see you later!

Bye.

Give you an imaginary hug.

Maybe you could just elongate "lose?"

It didn't matter to me, which...

It don't sound like you totally have it ironed out.

No, I'm gonna give it a shot here.

Well, it's kind of a process.

♪ Backdoor old man ♪

♪ Is fate just only circumstance? ♪

♪ Can we find a way to save our souls? ♪

♪ And save our souls ♪

♪ Now we're third in line ♪

♪ We got a little time ♪

♪ Cars ahead are movin' slow ♪

♪ And we both know ♪

For some reason, I had the idea that it was,

"Is it fate or only circumstance?"

Yeah, we had... we didn't... we had a couple ideas.

Yeah I think you were saying,

"Is fate just only circumstance,"

or can we, like, do something about it?

Can we make it a choice?

I don't find illness that interesting to write about

because usually when I'm writing, I'm writing

from emotion and it's kind of just the human experience.

And so, I... I guess I don't find

the illness is as interesting as I find... the...

just the human... the... the...

the way it affects my soul, I guess, or spirit or...

and what's more interesting, the cage or the prisoner?

I don't see it.

Okay, I'm gonna have to ask him where it is

'cause I don't see it.

That's it.

Yes?

The closet?

Yes, was it on?

Yes.

All he can think about now is somebody's got a cellphone,

how it's gonna hurt him.

I think part of it is he just doesn't know

what's gonna happen.

A lot of is that he's really scared.

And so it's tough when this has never

been our relationship before.

It's kinda like, you know... I said to him last weekend,

"You have me, but who do I have?"

You know, 'cause he's not an emotional support to me anymore.

He was my rock and, I mean, even to say

"How was work today?" or "What fun things went on?"

I mean, we... those aren't even conversations we have anymore.

I just feel like I'm less some mornings...

when I talk like this.

I just always thought if I'm gonna say these things,

I'm need to say 'em to him and I can't say

them to him anymore.

Will anybody give me a kiss goodbye?

Bye-bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

I love you girls.

We love you, Jojo!

- Love you, Jojo. - I love you too, Joycey,

Thank you so much.

Do you wanna put those supplements in here?

That's what I was gonna do.

You going to D.C.?

You going to D.C. right?

You gonna take the long train? Just one-way?

All right, she needs to...

This is our daughter, Meg.

- You haven't met Meg. - Hi.

All of the Internet and TV comes into the mechanical room

and I can shut it off there for people who don't want it.

I have TV and Internet in there right now.

So if you want that one, I need to shut it off

in the mechanical room so it doesn't come into the building.

And this one doesn't have it right now because

- a person didn't want it, so... - Okay.

- Do you want the lights off? - Yeah.

You shut this off, there's no power

going to that over there in the bedroom.

Same thing with this, you shut this off,

there's no power going to that.

And there are no other plugs in here

so you're plugless and outlet-less in here.

All the walls have double foil and copper wiring,

and the windows are all grounded.

EMF people get those EMF mats that they put on their beds.

You're supposed to ground 'em, so we just put

a grounding rod in before we pour the foundation.

EMF mats that you just sleep on?

Mm-hmm. It's supposed to ground you.

Well, with the double magnesium,

you can't get a cellphone signal in here,

and you're not gonna get anything from the outside.

And all of the wirings underground's in-conduit.

There's no wires in the walls.

I'm picking a little bit of fragrance up in here.

I don't know what... what it is.

I think it's the potassium silicate paint.

It's basically clay.

You know, I suppose something...

it could have an odor or not.

"Dear Mike and Bonnie,

"For months, I've been wanting to write or call

but days keep being too short and too tiring

and going by in a fog.

That is the hardest part of this illness.

It affects the brain so much

and imprisons us inside ourselves.

When you're that impaired, it can really

make you feel like dirt.

For instance, going to the store each day,

"people usually notice that you're not acting

like everyone else,

but they don't really know what's going on.

Things like wandering around the store

and not being able to make a decision.

Not being able to talk straight and generally

looking and feeling like something

that the cat dragged in.

People can be very impatient and unkind at these times,

and when you're already not feeling well

you begin to feel like the scum of the earth."

♪ Woman in an old t-shirt ♪

♪ Woman in a dress ♪

♪ Woman in some old jeans ♪

♪ Woman in a vest ♪

♪ That's the kind that I like the best ♪

♪ Woman in a... ♪

"We don't have good days or good times of the day.

"We have moments.

We have good times in moments."

♪ A woman in distress ♪

"We laugh and pray

and sing and talk in moments.

The rest is grueling and hard and marathon.

But thank God for the moments."

You'll find the Policy Priority Movement.

There's a lot of issues in there.

Find the ones you're passionate about.

That's what you want to talk about

as an individual advocate if you get an opportunity

to talk to your legislator.

If you all have questions on the things

that the subcommittees have been talking about,

catch up with 'em.

You see their faces. They're gonna be around today.

We're gonna have caucus sessions this afternoon.

It's a perfect time to grab one of 'em

if you have a question and delve into things deeper.

I definitely will be using you as a consultant.

See, a lot of these Mexican kids that grew up

- in migrant farm camps? - Yeah.

- I'm one of them. - They're sprayed.

I used to work in California, in Del Nuevas,

Sultana, in the grapes and the orchards

and they used to spray those.

See, I was eight to 12 years old when I work on that

As a result I only have 40% of my lung capacity.

- See? - Oh, no.

But we... we were all in there earning a living.

Farmers in the state, they never bothered

to put out these signs saying "Environmental hazard"

or never held the ranchers to any... any standards.

- Yeah. - So I definitely will support

what you're doing and get involved with it.

Are you familiar with the Willamette Valley in Oregon?

- Yes, absolutely. - I used to work there

in the summers when I was a kid

picking string beans and strawberries.

- Strawberries, I did, too. - All the stuff.

- We'll talk some more. - Good to meet you, yeah.

- Good to meet you. - Okay, see ya.

See ya.

Yeah, you may be the first person

in the last two years that has said that...

I'm chem... that I am fragrant.

It's unbelievable that you're telling us we're fragrant.

It's bullshit.

She's basically saying "stay away from my unit."

And I'm saying, if I don't have the right

to move around anywhere on these premises, fuck you.

Especially if the reason is I'm fragrant.

I'm already pissed that I don't have...

that I know she doesn't want me near that unit.

I just cann... you c... you just know it.

Well, yeah, she was waitin' for us when we came out.

She was lookin' out the... out the...

From this side... yeah, outside of...

from the sidewalk,

it's basically community property.

But you... you know, when you violate their space,

then you run the risk of them doing something

that you can't deal with.

She had her cellphone in a plastic bag.

Yeah, she probably doesn't like the smell.

So she probably doesn't have the electric problem.

She probably doesn't like the smell.

So she probably is more sensitive.

And maybe we have...

you guys have all been in Whole Foods.

We probably are fragrant, truth be told.

I should understand that better than I do,

but it's a what of crazies.

- Concentration. - Concentration of crazies.

That... that's not fair, though, I think...

I mean, that's not fair.

- It's not all fair. - No.

But there's truth to it.

No, it... I think it's just everybody's issues

- are so... so... - Concentration of very ill people

who all have to protect themselves in different ways.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know, I think about being here

and tolerating it by yourself,

or being at home and tolerating it

and knowing that you have family and granddaughters

and all of this swarming around...

I don't know... why you would make that choice.

I agree but I think that if he would stay here

for a little bit, he would regain

some of his independence, and it would be easier on you.

Like, if he were here by himself even for a month,

he would be forced to cook for himself

and realize that he can do it.

But... I don't know.

Well... everything, for the last two years

has been about him,

and I just do whatever I can to...

for him, that I... that...

what I need or want or... doesn't really

play into the picture right now.

I guess that waits until after he's healed if he's gonna heal.

I don't... I don't know.

I don't think that's healthy, though, mom.

Because... I don't know that he's ever gonna be

exactly how he was before.

And I don't think it's fair for you...

to just...

like, you guys have to find a new normal together,

and it shouldn't be just you doing everything

at his beck and call.

You know, from the inside of my head,

it feels very hard and not working very well.

We have a few places that are the possibility areas.

We need to be somewhat rural,

but there are places like in the Verde Valley

where you're kind of rural even though you're near, like...

even though you're maybe less than five miles away from...

Yeah, and there's a lot of forest lands around

so that it... there's open spaces a lot.

Yeah, there's more spread out.

It's not the suburbs, you know.

We know a couple people that live there already.

One lady in particular.

We're trying to find somewhere that would work for us.

♪ There's a big marquee ♪

♪ With some glowin' lights ♪

♪ Sayin' hey to everyone ♪

♪ Who needs to sleep tonight ♪

♪ You can bring your credit card ♪

♪ And we'll get it done ♪

♪ You may have already won ♪

♪ Down at the Slots of Fun

♪ You can raise your kids ♪

♪ And kiss your wife ♪

♪ Or you can bring it all right down ♪

♪ And bet your life ♪

♪ Everyone gets a winning hand ♪

♪ Buddy, you've had none ♪

♪ You may have already won ♪

♪ Down at the Slots of Fun ♪

♪ Now you may turn out to be someone ♪

♪ Down at the Slots of Fun ♪

ADAbasics.org and go there and check it out.

Beginner's course on the law, on the ADA.

Now, just a second, Susan.

This is beyond beginning ADA.

This is surveying for accessibility

and how to do assessments

and protect all of our credibility in the community.

Susan?

Okay, I think one thing that would help us

would be when you make a sta...

when someone makes a statement like...

that the... you know, the lighting in the walls

and the type of carpet and so forth

doesn't impact accessibility.

I think it's helpful to say,

"except for certain people, for whom those are barriers,"

and then go ahead and explain it to a degree.

And I appreciate your comment.

Susan and I go back a few years

in working on multiple chemical sensitivity,

electromagnetic sensitivity, MCS, CS issues,

and she has taught me so much.

I appreciate your input, and what I may do

is reach out to you later on this year

as I'm finalizing the agendas

and run it by you as far as your input.

Thanks for your question.

Let's keep moving, so I can cover everything

on this, and then if I've got a couple minutes at the end,

we're gonna for Q and A...

I want them to come to you.

I don't want them to come to me

'cause I'm not the end-all expert on this,

but you guys are, and by referring them to you,

it gives you an opportunity to not only share the message,

but to grow the network

and add credibility to the network.

If I can turn 'em on to somebody who's a real expert

on the issue, I wanna be able to do that

'cause then I can go work on something else

where I don't have somebody to refer them to.

But you know what, it helps when it comes out of your mouth.

- But the referral will help. - Really a lot.

If I'm... if I'm able to... if they're coming to me

because they think I'm the... the all-wise Mark

and I say, "Here's a resource for you

that you've been looking for, and she's a buddy of mine."

Start right away sending me the stuff you're talking about

that you think is appropriate for me to look at.

Molding into the curriculum,

and then once I start to mold it,

I'm gonna send an outline to you to say,

"Susan, what do you think of this?"

- Love ya. - Wanna give you a high one?

- What's this? - High one.

High one? Excellent.

I've learned a new one today. Thank you.

That's when you have low expectations.

Oh, really?

I feel like I'm in this all by myself.

I feel like I'm doing this all by myself.

So I... and... and I know... I'm not.

I mean, everyone tells me how lucky I am

to have the support system I have.

And I know... I know I have a support system.

And I can tell people that I have

a fantastic support system, but when I go to bed at night,

I still feel like it's me that is in this room.

It's me who is stuck like this.

You're not the only one that's lonely.

So don't... you can't play that card.

You're not gonna be happy until...

or unless we're all sick, too.

- No. - Yes.

No.

This is kind of how I feel.

And I can't say it.

No, go ahead.

It's all right.

T-tell me.

You might as well tell me, this is gonna...

It's just gonna open up a whole...

I don't know.

Tell me.

No, I... I'm just... it... it doesn't matter.

It's like it doesn't matter how much we suffer,

you're just never gonna give us credit

for anything that we've done to help you along the way.

You've turned this into something that's all about you,

and you don't even think about

how it's impacted everybody else.

You don't care how it's impacted anybody else

because all you care about is how it's impacted you.

If you ever get better,

it's all gonna be something you did all by yourself.

You don't hear me when I say...

my wife has stood by me so unbelievably,

- my wife takes showers... - You say that, but you don't...

I mean, you say that to people in passing but it's...

you never, ever...

I mean. it's just like one of those things you say

because we're all standing here and they have no one.

So it's kind of like a feather in your cap,

but you don't make us feel like that day to day to day.

I'm a self-centered bastard.

Something else that you're gonna have to tell Earl

is that the reception is so bad out here

and people have to go outside to use their cellphones.

Well, it's true, that's what it is.

Not people trying to be mean.

I'm sorry, Lanie. I do appreciate...

I know how hard you work for me, and I appreciate it.

I'm sorry.

Are you crying?

Hey, Nick, this is your dad.

We're gonna get up early in the morning and head back.

Okay, bye-bye.

I'm 63 years old,

and I've finally learned to take a hint.

I just wanna work with people

who are listening or who ask for help,

not... not try to...

push my values on society.

That hasn't worked.

I just had illusions about it working.

We might as well get out of town

and sort of make lives for ourselves that don't hurt.

Look after our own.

All I know is people who are EMF...

use this and swear by it.

That's about all I can tell you.

Yeah, I mean this is pretty typical.

So turning all the breakers off

and then pulling one neutral at a time

and testing, that's... that does... that sounds...

Oh, yeah, that's real easy to do.

- Okay. - We absolutely can do that.

My wife has to do all the cooking for me.

And if I could start doing some of my own cooking,

she would be so happy.

Well, I do realize in your situations,

little things do affect you.

I mean, I can't understand... how.

But, I mean, I'm aware, little things do affect you.

"Effects of electromagnetic fields

on the immune system."

"Department of Neuroscience, Karolinska Institute,

Stockholm, Sweden."

"In summary, it is evident from our preliminary

experimental data that various biological alternations

are present in EHS persons

claiming to suffer from exposure to EMF.

The alternations are themselves enough to fully explain

the electrical hyper-sensitivity symptoms,

and the involvement of the immune system is evident."

I want a paper from someone talking about

what to do about it.

It doesn't exist.

What the... what you can do to help yourself.

It doesn't exist.

The fact that there's a paper that doesn't say

it's all in your head...

you should be happy with.

Please enter your PIN

followed by the pound key.

You have no messages. Main menu.

To send a message...

Nothing. This could be good.

Maybe everybody's okay!

The people I know who have impeccable houses

with no chemicals in them and the electricity's perfect

and so forth, I don't see them getting well.

Goblin! Goblin!

Goblin!

The people I know who've gotten better

or at least stabilize have a lot of love

and sharing and... and maybe prayer

or whatever you wanna call it in their lives,

seem to come out quite well.

In at least the last two or three months,

he's held pretty steady,

and his chemical sensitives have gotten better.

He has maybe not healed, but he's been able

to participate in life a little bit more than in the past.

We're able to take a breath and say,

"Okay, now we're ready for the next part of this journey."

I remember telling him, you know,

you're gonna get well from all this,

and I'm gonna have all this emotional baggage

that I'm not gonna know what to do with.

What do I do with how I'm feeling?

I don't know what to do with it.

It seems like you're supposed to care

for your own people regardless of what people think.

That's... you know, that's all.

♪ There ain't no alibi for leavin' ♪

♪ Still you try to think of some ♪

♪ Mm, come up with none ♪

♪ There ain't no alibi for leavin' ♪

♪ Still you to try to think of some ♪

♪ Mm, come up with none ♪

♪ Just spent the last day or two at his sister's house ♪

♪ Time for you to clear it out ♪

♪ Now there ain't no room for doubt ♪

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ And there ain't no alibi for leavin' ♪

♪ Still you try to think of some ♪

♪ Mm, but there's none ♪

♪ The note that you left said ♪

♪ It's just the way it's gotta be ♪

♪ Don't try to follow me ♪

♪ I guess we will eventually ♪

♪ But there ain't no alibi for leavin' ♪

♪ Still you try to think of some ♪

♪ Mm, come up with none ♪

♪ There ain't no alibi for leavin' ♪

♪ Still you try to think of some ♪

♪ Mm, come up with none ♪

♪ It's just that the one that you wake with ♪

♪ In the morning light ♪

♪ Ain't the one you're holdin' tight ♪

♪ Mm, dreamin' of ♪

♪ Yeah, there ain't no alibi for leavin' ♪

♪ Still you try to think of some ♪

♪ Mm, come up with none ♪