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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,997 --> 00:00:06,599 ASH: Do you believe in the existence of evil? 2 00:00:06,699 --> 00:00:08,167 [Panting] Help me! 3 00:00:08,267 --> 00:00:09,869 Oh. No! 4 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,938 [Screeching] [screaming] 5 00:00:12,038 --> 00:00:14,907 30 years ago, I found the Book of the Dead. 6 00:00:15,007 --> 00:00:17,276 Now, because I read from the book... 7 00:00:17,376 --> 00:00:18,845 Missar-drah... 8 00:00:18,945 --> 00:00:20,613 evil has found me. 9 00:00:20,713 --> 00:00:22,749 [Snarling] [screaming] 10 00:00:22,849 --> 00:00:24,684 You have no idea what you're doing! 11 00:00:24,784 --> 00:00:26,653 Of course I know what I'm doing. 12 00:00:26,753 --> 00:00:28,988 [Speaking softly] I wrote this book. 13 00:00:29,088 --> 00:00:31,791 [Grunting] [woman screaming] 14 00:00:31,891 --> 00:00:33,626 Ruby is in Elk Grove, Michigan. 15 00:00:33,726 --> 00:00:35,061 That's my hometown. 16 00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:37,029 [Smashing] Ash? 17 00:00:37,129 --> 00:00:38,631 Hiya Pop. 18 00:00:38,731 --> 00:00:40,667 [Panting] I got a problem. 19 00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:42,635 The book... it did something to me. 20 00:00:42,735 --> 00:00:44,036 It changed me. [grunts] 21 00:00:44,136 --> 00:00:45,204 Night night. 22 00:00:46,305 --> 00:00:47,173 [Growling] [yelling] 23 00:00:47,273 --> 00:00:48,374 That's our cue! 24 00:00:49,976 --> 00:00:53,145 [Wailing] [both yelling] 25 00:00:53,245 --> 00:00:56,816 Evil, if you show your ugly mug in this town ever again, 26 00:00:56,916 --> 00:00:59,285 I will take you down and I will wipe you out! 27 00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:04,523 [Eerie music playing] 28 00:01:04,623 --> 00:01:06,826 You know me as Ash Williams, 29 00:01:06,926 --> 00:01:10,162 the hero who saved Elk Grove from evil. 30 00:01:10,262 --> 00:01:13,866 For 30 long years, I've used this saw on monsters and demons. 31 00:01:13,966 --> 00:01:17,269 But those battles are won, so now I use it to... 32 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,470 [buzzing] 33 00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:20,807 Slash prices! 34 00:01:20,907 --> 00:01:22,241 [Upbeat music playing] [glass shattering] 35 00:01:22,341 --> 00:01:25,111 At Ashy Slashy's Hardware Store Emporium, 36 00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:26,278 we got you covered! 37 00:01:28,414 --> 00:01:30,316 You want paint? [giggling] 38 00:01:30,416 --> 00:01:32,451 We shake it till we break it! 39 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:33,820 [Wobbling sound] 40 00:01:37,523 --> 00:01:39,992 Ladies, you'll love his nuts! 41 00:01:40,092 --> 00:01:41,728 [Audience gasping] [clinking] 42 00:01:41,828 --> 00:01:43,462 What's better than a handful of my nuts? 43 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,364 VOICES OFF-SCREEN: Ahh! [laughing] 44 00:01:45,464 --> 00:01:46,532 A long screw. 45 00:01:46,632 --> 00:01:48,434 [Woman moaning] Whoa! 46 00:01:48,534 --> 00:01:49,736 We got wood. 47 00:01:49,836 --> 00:01:50,970 [Cash register bell dings] We got rope. 48 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:51,771 We got rubber! 49 00:01:51,871 --> 00:01:53,172 We got it all! 50 00:01:53,873 --> 00:01:55,441 Die high prices [buzzing] 51 00:01:56,843 --> 00:01:58,110 Goodbye high prices! 52 00:01:59,278 --> 00:02:01,748 For that special someone, we've got everything from 53 00:02:01,848 --> 00:02:03,783 "D" to "ildo." WOMAN'S VOICE: Mmm. 54 00:02:03,883 --> 00:02:06,886 Because at Ashy Slashy's, service is literally... 55 00:02:06,986 --> 00:02:09,121 MAN'S VOICE: Not. ...our middle name! 56 00:02:09,221 --> 00:02:10,356 Whoo! 57 00:02:11,657 --> 00:02:13,659 [laughing] 58 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,763 Perfection! And only 22 takes! 59 00:02:16,863 --> 00:02:18,564 MAN ON TV: Welcome back... PABLO: Yeah. 60 00:02:18,664 --> 00:02:19,899 It's looking good, Jefe. 61 00:02:19,999 --> 00:02:22,101 Marketing 101, Pablo. 62 00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:24,670 Know your audience. [Indistinct chatter outside] 63 00:02:24,771 --> 00:02:26,605 Look at them lining up out there. 64 00:02:26,705 --> 00:02:28,440 You're a badass! [Ash chuckling] 65 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,777 PABLO: You know I've never seen a town lose its shit 66 00:02:30,877 --> 00:02:32,879 over a hardware store before. 67 00:02:32,979 --> 00:02:33,980 Well, it's time to wake up and smell 68 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,548 the lightly scented wax flowers, Pablo. 69 00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:39,919 This isn't just a well-stocked hardware store/sex-toy emporium. 70 00:02:40,019 --> 00:02:42,721 No, this is a shrine to a local hero. 71 00:02:42,822 --> 00:02:44,791 Those adoring fans are my peeps! 72 00:02:45,892 --> 00:02:47,259 [Dramatic music playing] [indistinct chatter] 73 00:02:52,765 --> 00:02:55,001 [Chainsaw buzzing] All right! 74 00:02:55,101 --> 00:02:57,369 Hey, hey! [cheering] 75 00:02:57,469 --> 00:03:00,873 Hello, Elk Grove! Hey, hey! 76 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:04,844 Are you ready for some hardware?! 77 00:03:04,944 --> 00:03:06,145 [Loud cheering] Come on in! 78 00:03:08,147 --> 00:03:10,783 Fishing supplies, aisle two. 79 00:03:10,883 --> 00:03:14,486 We got guns, we got flags, we got pornography. 80 00:03:14,921 --> 00:03:16,488 That's a little further in the back. 81 00:03:17,556 --> 00:03:19,058 Men, can't please your wives? 82 00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:20,759 Better check out aisle seven. 83 00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:21,828 WOMAN: Yeah! 84 00:03:21,928 --> 00:03:24,363 ASH: Same problem? No need to push, jeez. 85 00:03:24,463 --> 00:03:25,264 WOMAN 2: Aisle 3 I think. 86 00:03:25,364 --> 00:03:27,800 Hey, no need to push. Leave me alone. 87 00:03:28,868 --> 00:03:31,904 And last up we have Amy, 88 00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:35,707 who I'm told has made a startling discovery. 89 00:03:35,808 --> 00:03:38,410 I see here, Amy, that you discovered this item... 90 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:39,812 In the mud. 91 00:03:39,912 --> 00:03:41,613 In the mud. [eerie growling] 92 00:03:41,713 --> 00:03:42,982 [Chuckling] 93 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,785 [Dance music playing] [indistinct chatter, laughter] 94 00:03:48,287 --> 00:03:49,922 Well, I know. I'm sorry... [indistinct chatter] 95 00:03:51,891 --> 00:03:53,559 [Clattering] [yells] 96 00:03:53,659 --> 00:03:54,793 What I fucking tell you, huh? 97 00:03:54,894 --> 00:03:56,395 How many times I got to tell you? 98 00:03:56,495 --> 00:03:59,331 Pretzels are for paying customers only! 99 00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:00,466 Okay? [grunting] 100 00:04:00,566 --> 00:04:04,003 Next time I'll use your head as a fucking cue ball. 101 00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:06,772 Who touched the T... who touched the TV? 102 00:04:06,873 --> 00:04:08,807 How many fuckin'... 103 00:04:08,908 --> 00:04:10,342 [suspenseful music playing] [eerie growling] 104 00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:21,753 [Glass shattering] [people cheering, laughter] 105 00:04:21,854 --> 00:04:23,956 Hey, hey, it's me. 106 00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:29,428 You were right, evil's coming back. 107 00:04:29,528 --> 00:04:32,831 And here you've found a book written in ancient Sumerian. 108 00:04:32,932 --> 00:04:35,234 [Howling in distance] 109 00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:36,135 Curious. 110 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,737 Does "curious" mean valuable? 111 00:04:38,837 --> 00:04:40,439 This appears to be some sort of... 112 00:04:40,539 --> 00:04:43,175 descriptive passage. 113 00:04:43,275 --> 00:04:46,245 Conda anu astratta alaktu... 114 00:04:46,345 --> 00:04:47,713 [Stanley continues] You know with most of these clowns, 115 00:04:47,813 --> 00:04:49,748 I got to play hardball, but for you? 116 00:04:49,848 --> 00:04:51,750 Hose clamps are half-off. 117 00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,152 These are the best in the world. 118 00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,587 You put them on, they grip tight. 119 00:04:55,687 --> 00:04:59,058 They don't slip, slide, stretch, or tear like other things. 120 00:04:59,158 --> 00:05:00,859 Estaro ces reche. [Ash chuckling] 121 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,662 Sarr des kanda... 122 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,397 [eerie music playing] [growling] 123 00:05:05,497 --> 00:05:06,865 Kanda... 124 00:05:06,966 --> 00:05:09,401 [growling grows louder] 125 00:05:09,501 --> 00:05:10,602 Kanda? 126 00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:12,638 [Snarling] 127 00:05:12,738 --> 00:05:14,306 [Banging] [all gasping] 128 00:05:14,406 --> 00:05:15,707 What? 129 00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:18,344 Apparently you've found an ancient text, 130 00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:22,681 known as the Necronomicon-Ex Mortis. 131 00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,550 [Creaking, splintering] 132 00:05:24,650 --> 00:05:25,884 The Book of the Dead. 133 00:05:25,985 --> 00:05:26,986 Is that... good? 134 00:05:27,086 --> 00:05:30,957 The book, is said to hold spells 135 00:05:31,057 --> 00:05:33,892 and incantations that, [clinking] 136 00:05:33,993 --> 00:05:35,427 If read out loud... 137 00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:40,266 could connect the demons of the netherworld, 138 00:05:40,366 --> 00:05:41,667 with our own... 139 00:05:41,767 --> 00:05:44,336 [shattering] [all gasping] 140 00:05:44,436 --> 00:05:46,038 [Wind howling] 141 00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:50,242 [Smashing] [all screaming] 142 00:05:50,342 --> 00:05:51,443 [Screeching] 143 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,115 Most important thing about a hose, 144 00:05:56,215 --> 00:05:57,849 is its width, and its length. 145 00:05:57,950 --> 00:05:59,685 Mostly the length. 146 00:05:59,785 --> 00:06:00,987 [Static, test signal sounding] 147 00:06:01,087 --> 00:06:01,853 MAN ON TV: Our scheduled broadcast 148 00:06:01,954 --> 00:06:03,522 will resume in a moment. 149 00:06:03,622 --> 00:06:05,524 Hey! 150 00:06:05,624 --> 00:06:07,559 I paid for two more spots! 151 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:09,661 Okay, we got two fish tacos. 152 00:06:09,761 --> 00:06:10,662 Bam! [man chuckling] 153 00:06:10,762 --> 00:06:11,697 We got your hard drive. 154 00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:12,831 That's me. Thank you. Enjoy. 155 00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,600 MAN: Oh yeah. Oh! [grunting] 156 00:06:17,236 --> 00:06:18,904 MAN 2: I don't know... [people murmuring] 157 00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:20,272 Excuse me. 158 00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:24,143 Oh! Shit... 159 00:06:24,243 --> 00:06:25,978 [eerie growling] [groaning, panting] 160 00:06:31,117 --> 00:06:32,651 [Whimpering] [growling continues] 161 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,625 [Eerie music playing] [all gasping, groaning] 162 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,295 [Person coughing] 163 00:06:46,498 --> 00:06:48,300 [Guts squishing] 164 00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:51,370 Who are you? 165 00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:55,107 Well in Rome, they called me mulier daemonium de igne. 166 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,608 Demon woman of fire. 167 00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,877 And in Greece, they called me 168 00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:02,514 ágria ti mitéra apó tin kólasi. 169 00:07:02,614 --> 00:07:04,616 Fierce mother from hell. 170 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:08,587 But in these benighted times, they just call me Ruby. 171 00:07:08,687 --> 00:07:10,889 [Panting] I'll take that. 172 00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:12,191 No! No! Wait! It's too important... 173 00:07:12,291 --> 00:07:14,593 [yells] [suspenseful music playing] 174 00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,766 This is bullshit. 175 00:07:20,866 --> 00:07:22,401 Whatever happened to free speech? 176 00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:24,736 Ah, this was my best giant penis yet. 177 00:07:24,836 --> 00:07:26,405 [Snickers] Yeah. 178 00:07:26,505 --> 00:07:28,107 Thanks for talking me into this. [Rachel chuckles] 179 00:07:28,207 --> 00:07:29,441 You missed a spot. 180 00:07:29,541 --> 00:07:31,677 Dick. Less. 181 00:07:31,777 --> 00:07:34,313 [Girls giggling, chattering] 182 00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:35,647 Can we just finish and get out? 183 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,549 I'm in enough trouble already. 184 00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:40,486 Wait till they see what I drew on Perkins' car. 185 00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,888 Is "man-gina" a word? 186 00:07:42,988 --> 00:07:45,224 [laughing] 187 00:07:45,324 --> 00:07:47,526 Oh, Rachel, please. 188 00:07:47,626 --> 00:07:49,395 I just want to get through the next four months. 189 00:07:49,495 --> 00:07:51,997 Since when did you become Miss Bourgeoisie? 190 00:07:52,098 --> 00:07:53,732 Oh, it's simple. 191 00:07:53,832 --> 00:07:55,534 I graduate, I can leave here. 192 00:07:55,634 --> 00:08:00,072 I leave here, I'm not here, and that's a good thing. 193 00:08:00,172 --> 00:08:01,607 All right, you still haven't fallen for Elk Grove's 194 00:08:01,707 --> 00:08:03,475 "small town charms?" 195 00:08:03,575 --> 00:08:05,377 Excuse me? 196 00:08:05,477 --> 00:08:07,679 The whole town's excited because their ex-psycho killer 197 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,015 is opening a hardware store. 198 00:08:10,116 --> 00:08:12,851 Kill me now. [growling] 199 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,453 Could be worse. [growling continues] 200 00:08:14,553 --> 00:08:15,521 How? 201 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,523 [Girls laughing] We could be like them. 202 00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:18,524 [Wind shrieking] 203 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:21,127 Oh, yeah. That'll never happen. 204 00:08:21,227 --> 00:08:23,762 Good, because if you did, 205 00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:25,097 I would have to slit my wrists. 206 00:08:25,197 --> 00:08:26,632 [Electricity buzzing] [coughs, laughs] 207 00:08:30,902 --> 00:08:32,604 [Exhales] 208 00:08:32,704 --> 00:08:35,974 Oh, look. Cougie's back. 209 00:08:36,074 --> 00:08:38,844 [Eerie music playing] 210 00:08:38,944 --> 00:08:40,512 Yeah, well, fuck off, Cougie! 211 00:08:46,152 --> 00:08:48,654 Okay, we get it. 212 00:08:48,754 --> 00:08:51,290 Costume, mascot, very funny. 213 00:08:55,294 --> 00:08:56,628 You can leave now! 214 00:08:59,898 --> 00:09:01,533 Hey, asshole! 215 00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:03,369 Go away... [electricity buzzing] 216 00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:05,604 Shit. 217 00:09:07,706 --> 00:09:08,807 Shit. 218 00:09:11,277 --> 00:09:13,779 Okay, guy, now I'm mad. 219 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,255 [Growling, snarling] 220 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:26,458 Jesus, what is that? 221 00:09:26,558 --> 00:09:28,560 [Growling] 222 00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:30,362 Probably just some varsity assholes 223 00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,331 playing some bullshit prank! 224 00:09:32,431 --> 00:09:34,566 Ah! [both gasping] 225 00:09:34,666 --> 00:09:37,102 [Growling] 226 00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:39,305 Brandy, don't! 227 00:09:39,405 --> 00:09:41,139 What is your problem, fuckboy? 228 00:09:43,675 --> 00:09:46,445 [Snarling] 229 00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,214 [Blood dripping] [gasping] 230 00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:54,920 [Snarling continues] 231 00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,593 [Eerie voices chanting] 232 00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:06,031 [Lockers banging] 233 00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:07,933 [Gasping] 234 00:10:15,106 --> 00:10:16,908 [Both panting] 235 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,618 [Growling] [screaming] 236 00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:32,858 [Both gasping] 237 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,663 [Suspenseful music playing] 238 00:10:39,365 --> 00:10:41,333 [Both screaming] 239 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,436 Help! 240 00:10:45,904 --> 00:10:48,974 Help! Help please! 241 00:10:49,074 --> 00:10:50,709 [Snarling] [screaming] 242 00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:53,044 [laughing maniacally] [laughter, chattering] 243 00:10:53,144 --> 00:10:54,980 And that's the whole story. 244 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,048 Hey, feller. Hey. How are you? 245 00:10:57,148 --> 00:10:58,984 Ladies. Come on. 246 00:10:59,084 --> 00:11:00,051 [Eerie music playing] ASH: A litlle somethin', somethin'. 247 00:11:00,151 --> 00:11:01,453 There we go. 248 00:11:03,088 --> 00:11:04,590 [Lively accordion music] Nickel for a tickle, huh? 249 00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:06,658 [Girl laughs] What do you say? 250 00:11:06,758 --> 00:11:08,394 [Indistinct chatter, laughter] 251 00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:13,299 I don't believe this, it's really him. 252 00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:15,301 [Phone ringing] 253 00:11:15,401 --> 00:11:16,568 Oh, hey. Hey, honey. BRANDY: Mom! Mom! 254 00:11:16,668 --> 00:11:18,270 There's this guy at the school, you've got to come 255 00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:19,405 help us, please! What? 256 00:11:19,505 --> 00:11:21,206 Hey, Pablo. Yeah. 257 00:11:21,307 --> 00:11:23,275 Ah, I got to talk to you about something else. 258 00:11:23,375 --> 00:11:25,344 If this is about a raise... 259 00:11:25,444 --> 00:11:27,313 Actually, you don't pay me at all right now, but... 260 00:11:27,413 --> 00:11:29,281 Son of a bitch! 261 00:11:29,381 --> 00:11:30,816 Hey, whoa! 262 00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:32,651 Lady! There's a line! 263 00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:35,654 Wha...? You don't even remember me? 264 00:11:35,754 --> 00:11:37,689 Well, the old steel trap never forgets a rack, 265 00:11:37,789 --> 00:11:40,826 but faces are a little fuzzy. 266 00:11:40,926 --> 00:11:42,694 Give me a hint. 267 00:11:42,794 --> 00:11:45,096 [Grunts] [women screaming] 268 00:11:45,196 --> 00:11:46,798 I said a hint. 269 00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:48,233 I'm your fucking wife! 270 00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:49,801 [Inaudible] 271 00:11:49,901 --> 00:11:51,236 My what? 272 00:11:51,337 --> 00:11:52,738 We need to talk. 273 00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:56,342 [Ash grunts] 274 00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,778 Lady, I don't know what kind of coo-coo juice 275 00:11:59,878 --> 00:12:00,546 you've been drinkin', 276 00:12:00,646 --> 00:12:01,813 but if you're fishing for alimony... 277 00:12:01,913 --> 00:12:05,150 One of your goddamn monsters just attacked our daughter 278 00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,117 at Kenward County High. 279 00:12:06,217 --> 00:12:07,453 Daughter?! Ha! 280 00:12:07,553 --> 00:12:09,621 You definitely got the wrong guy! 281 00:12:09,721 --> 00:12:11,357 Demons made you chop off your hand. 282 00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:13,258 "I'll swallow your soul." [scoffs] 283 00:12:13,359 --> 00:12:15,761 Good sex is 30 seconds followed by a cheeseburger? 284 00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:19,264 Okay, maybe we have met. 285 00:12:19,365 --> 00:12:20,666 [Sighs] 286 00:12:20,766 --> 00:12:21,800 But in case you didn't get the memo, 287 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,670 me and my compadres, we buried evil big time. 288 00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:27,272 Elk Grove is officially a demon-free zone. 289 00:12:27,373 --> 00:12:29,074 Jefe. Yeah. 290 00:12:29,174 --> 00:12:30,609 I think she's telling the truth. 291 00:12:33,345 --> 00:12:34,946 [Eerie music playing] [growling] 292 00:12:37,783 --> 00:12:40,452 Dude, I told you to get that shit lasered off. 293 00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,454 Nah, I didn't do this! 294 00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:43,822 It just happened outside. 295 00:12:43,922 --> 00:12:45,323 I'm scared! 296 00:12:45,424 --> 00:12:47,526 This thing is after my little girl and... 297 00:12:47,626 --> 00:12:49,728 All right all ready! I'll check it out! 298 00:12:49,828 --> 00:12:50,996 [Suspenseful music playing] [tires screeching] 299 00:12:53,298 --> 00:12:54,500 [Lightning crashing] 300 00:13:03,409 --> 00:13:04,643 [Chuckles] 301 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,612 Just like old times, eh, Pablo? 302 00:13:06,712 --> 00:13:08,914 Except for the wife part, and no Kelly. 303 00:13:09,014 --> 00:13:10,682 Actually, it's not like old times at all. 304 00:13:10,782 --> 00:13:13,552 Just drive! Hey, easy for you sister. 305 00:13:13,652 --> 00:13:15,286 You come waltzing into my life, 306 00:13:15,387 --> 00:13:17,188 yapping about demons and daughters, 307 00:13:17,288 --> 00:13:19,190 and I don't know boo about you. 308 00:13:19,290 --> 00:13:21,860 Candace Barr. Yeah, and? 309 00:13:23,829 --> 00:13:25,296 Branson? 310 00:13:25,397 --> 00:13:26,765 Branson. 311 00:13:27,332 --> 00:13:30,235 [Woman and man yelling] Oh... 312 00:13:30,335 --> 00:13:32,671 ♪ I want candy ♪ 313 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:35,040 [Ash grunting] [laughter] 314 00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:37,208 ♪ I want candy ♪ 315 00:13:37,308 --> 00:13:38,176 Oh. 316 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:40,011 Give me some! ♪ Yeah...! ♪ 317 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,980 Ah! My God! 318 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,350 Oh God! She's so good! Oh. 319 00:13:45,451 --> 00:13:46,518 [Yelling indistinctly] [both whooping] 320 00:13:49,154 --> 00:13:50,956 [Both moaning loudly] 321 00:13:54,392 --> 00:13:58,630 Wait a minute, Candace Barr. 322 00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:00,031 [Sighs] 323 00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,734 [laughing] Oh no, Candy Barr? 324 00:14:02,834 --> 00:14:04,169 [laughter] 325 00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:06,905 Well, this daughter of ours, 326 00:14:07,005 --> 00:14:09,074 I'll bet she thinks I'm pretty special, huh? 327 00:14:09,174 --> 00:14:10,341 Dream on. 328 00:14:10,442 --> 00:14:12,010 I told her her old man was some crack dealer 329 00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:13,078 who got shanked in prison. 330 00:14:13,178 --> 00:14:14,179 What?! 331 00:14:14,279 --> 00:14:15,581 Well, it was easier than admitting 332 00:14:15,681 --> 00:14:18,617 I'd hooked up with some psycho saw-boy! 333 00:14:18,717 --> 00:14:22,053 Oh, okay, but I call B.S. on the daughter. 334 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,189 I was using my lucky rubber all through the odds, 335 00:14:24,289 --> 00:14:26,725 and that sucker went 50 and 0. 336 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,594 Oh, oh, oh. 337 00:14:28,694 --> 00:14:30,996 ♪ I want candy, hey! ♪ 338 00:14:31,096 --> 00:14:32,163 Just drive! 339 00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:36,868 [Eerie music playing] 340 00:14:41,139 --> 00:14:42,941 [Ethereal growling] 341 00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:53,485 [Gasping] [indistinct whispering] 342 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,695 [Wind whistling] 343 00:15:18,243 --> 00:15:20,011 [Gasping, shuddering] 344 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:23,081 [Squishing] 345 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,953 [Chanting in ancient language] [growling grows louder] 346 00:15:31,189 --> 00:15:34,492 Candalier boncelo... 347 00:15:34,593 --> 00:15:37,062 [chanting continues] 348 00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:38,797 [Eerie vocalizing] [chanting continues] 349 00:15:45,503 --> 00:15:46,938 [Grunting] 350 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,410 Kanda. 351 00:15:52,510 --> 00:15:53,679 Abomino. 352 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,285 [Gulping, gagging] 353 00:16:10,195 --> 00:16:11,997 [Gasping] 354 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,269 [Wailing] 355 00:16:21,239 --> 00:16:23,942 [Vocalizing grows louder] [rumbling] 356 00:16:29,414 --> 00:16:30,682 [Doors open] 357 00:16:34,352 --> 00:16:36,021 God, that smell. [phone dialing] 358 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:39,024 This monkey farm hasn't changed in 30 years. 359 00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,425 WOMAN'S VOICE: The caller you are trying to reach is unavailable. 360 00:16:40,525 --> 00:16:41,860 She's not answering. 361 00:16:42,594 --> 00:16:44,029 You actually went to school? 362 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,732 Yeah, these halls have some sweet memories. 363 00:16:46,832 --> 00:16:48,033 Met my first Linda here. 364 00:16:51,436 --> 00:16:54,472 Hey, give me a second. 365 00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,241 What are you doing? [sighing] 366 00:16:57,709 --> 00:16:59,611 I'm sorry, I don't even know you, 367 00:16:59,711 --> 00:17:01,647 but did I make a mistake coming to Ash for help? 368 00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:07,185 Ever since I hooked up with El Jefe, 369 00:17:07,285 --> 00:17:10,221 I've seen a lot of weird shit go down. 370 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,190 He's always had my back. 371 00:17:12,290 --> 00:17:14,525 Well, almost always. 372 00:17:14,626 --> 00:17:16,294 There was this one time I got cut in half. 373 00:17:16,394 --> 00:17:17,528 [Whispers] What? 374 00:17:17,629 --> 00:17:19,998 Yeah, but Ash went back in time to save me. 375 00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,834 It was so cool, but also really weird, 376 00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,603 because when we got back, nothing seemed to have changed. 377 00:17:25,704 --> 00:17:28,506 [laughing] Maui Wowie. 378 00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:30,876 It's my emergency stash. 379 00:17:30,976 --> 00:17:33,278 I'll just put this bad boy away for the appropriate time. 380 00:17:33,378 --> 00:17:34,713 Brandy? 381 00:17:35,781 --> 00:17:37,282 [Eerie groaning] [gasping] 382 00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,352 [Lightning crashing] 383 00:17:45,791 --> 00:17:47,793 [Thunder rumbling] 384 00:17:52,463 --> 00:17:54,199 [Indistinct whispering] 385 00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:57,803 [Suspenseful music playing] 386 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,342 [Floorboards creaking] 387 00:18:10,949 --> 00:18:12,417 [Both panting] [footsteps thudding] 388 00:18:17,122 --> 00:18:18,256 [Rachel whimpers] Shh, shh! 389 00:18:20,425 --> 00:18:22,193 [Footsteps thudding] 390 00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,733 [Creaking] 391 00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:29,434 Whoever's out there, fuck off! 392 00:18:33,138 --> 00:18:34,139 Brandy? 393 00:18:36,174 --> 00:18:36,942 Wow. 394 00:18:37,042 --> 00:18:39,277 She's not yours, dumb-ass! 395 00:18:39,377 --> 00:18:40,846 [Gasping] Mom! 396 00:18:40,946 --> 00:18:42,981 Honey! Thank God! 397 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,182 Back off, Mama Bear! Hey! 398 00:18:44,282 --> 00:18:45,516 What are you doing? 399 00:18:45,616 --> 00:18:47,252 The ink on my buddy went nuclear, 400 00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:50,088 that means evil is just around the corner. 401 00:18:50,188 --> 00:18:53,825 So your little peach could be a bowel-sucking hell beast. 402 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,061 Mom, what's the chainsaw geek doing here? 403 00:18:56,161 --> 00:18:58,563 Oh, honey, uh, I don't know how to tell you this, 404 00:18:58,663 --> 00:19:01,066 but Ash, he's-he's ah- he's your... 405 00:19:01,166 --> 00:19:04,202 What she's trying to say is, I'm your pop. 406 00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:06,704 Father dearest. 407 00:19:06,805 --> 00:19:08,774 The old sperm shooter. 408 00:19:08,874 --> 00:19:10,508 What? But you can call me Dad, 409 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,911 unless you're a Deadite, then you can go fuck yourself. 410 00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:14,312 So come on now, demon-spawn! [both gasping] 411 00:19:14,412 --> 00:19:15,781 Show Daddy what you got! 412 00:19:15,881 --> 00:19:18,283 [Electricity buzzing] [gasping] 413 00:19:18,383 --> 00:19:20,852 Okay, nobody move. 414 00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,453 [Heavy breathing] 415 00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:31,262 Alleged Daughter, who else is in the room? 416 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,599 Um, you... 417 00:19:34,699 --> 00:19:35,867 the guy with the hair... 418 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,202 my mom, and... [piano playing] 419 00:19:41,406 --> 00:19:43,274 [Light switches clicking] 420 00:19:45,811 --> 00:19:47,478 Rachel? 421 00:19:47,578 --> 00:19:49,080 [Piano playing continues] 422 00:19:55,186 --> 00:19:57,755 [In distorted voice] ♪ Ashy Slashy ♪ 423 00:19:57,856 --> 00:20:00,091 ♪ Was a real stinker ♪ 424 00:20:00,191 --> 00:20:03,962 ♪ Took an axe to his sister's thinker ♪ 425 00:20:04,863 --> 00:20:06,164 Hey, Brandy's friend. 426 00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:09,901 You want to keep it down? 427 00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,769 [Panting] [blood splattering] 428 00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:15,740 Oh! Oh my God! Rachel? What have you done? 429 00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,308 [Growling loudly] [piano playing continues] 430 00:20:22,047 --> 00:20:24,015 [Gasping] [drums playing] 431 00:20:28,653 --> 00:20:30,155 [Roaring] [screaming] 432 00:20:31,756 --> 00:20:32,757 [Drums continue beating] 433 00:20:32,858 --> 00:20:34,159 What are you doing?! 434 00:20:35,827 --> 00:20:37,262 [Playing out of tune] [snarling] 435 00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:41,199 [Yells] [gunshot] 436 00:20:44,735 --> 00:20:46,204 [Clattering] [both gasping] 437 00:20:48,907 --> 00:20:50,441 [Shotgun reloading] 438 00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:53,378 [Ethereal growling] 439 00:20:53,478 --> 00:20:54,812 Rachel! 440 00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:57,115 [Horn sounding loudly] 441 00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:01,319 [Smashing] [all yelling] 442 00:21:04,990 --> 00:21:06,457 [Instruments playing chaotically] 443 00:21:08,493 --> 00:21:11,396 [Trumpeting] 444 00:21:11,496 --> 00:21:13,531 [Chords sounding] Ah! 445 00:21:13,631 --> 00:21:15,433 [Panting] 446 00:21:17,903 --> 00:21:19,570 [Panting] 447 00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:22,173 [Clanging] [grunting] 448 00:21:22,273 --> 00:21:23,909 [laughing, grunting] [clattering] 449 00:21:26,377 --> 00:21:27,512 Ah! 450 00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:31,016 [Chords sounding] [grunts] 451 00:21:31,116 --> 00:21:33,018 [Both panting] [grunting] 452 00:21:36,154 --> 00:21:38,623 [Chords sounding out of tune] [grunts] 453 00:21:38,723 --> 00:21:40,725 [Grunting] [clattering] 454 00:21:40,825 --> 00:21:43,528 [Trumpeting] 455 00:21:43,628 --> 00:21:45,630 Blow. [clattering] 456 00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,599 [Both panting] 457 00:21:48,699 --> 00:21:50,201 [Crashing] [grunts] 458 00:21:51,802 --> 00:21:53,138 No! 459 00:21:54,906 --> 00:21:57,308 I love you, Brandy. 460 00:21:57,408 --> 00:21:59,044 Oh! Ugh! 461 00:21:59,144 --> 00:22:01,012 [Blood splattering] [grunting] 462 00:22:02,413 --> 00:22:03,982 [Both gasping] 463 00:22:04,082 --> 00:22:06,017 [Clattering] [gasping] 464 00:22:14,592 --> 00:22:16,161 [Brandy sobs] 465 00:22:19,330 --> 00:22:20,298 Candy. 466 00:22:23,268 --> 00:22:25,170 [Clattering] [Pablo groaning] 467 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,476 [Gasping] 468 00:22:31,576 --> 00:22:34,379 Mom! 469 00:22:37,015 --> 00:22:38,483 [Brandy sobbing] [harp playing] 470 00:22:54,465 --> 00:22:55,866 Why you... 471 00:22:55,967 --> 00:22:57,768 [Ash grunts] [Brandy screaming] 472 00:22:57,868 --> 00:22:59,470 No! 473 00:22:59,570 --> 00:23:01,639 [Both grunting] 474 00:23:01,739 --> 00:23:05,743 Ashy Slashy, soon there'll be nothing left of you... 475 00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:10,215 we'll destroy your seed and your whore daughter too. 476 00:23:10,315 --> 00:23:13,651 Sorry jailbait, my dance card is a little full. 477 00:23:13,751 --> 00:23:14,986 I'll have to squeeze you in. 478 00:23:15,086 --> 00:23:16,521 [In normal voice] Brandy! 479 00:23:16,621 --> 00:23:19,090 [Grunts] [slicing] 480 00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:20,658 [Sobbing] [ethereal growling] 481 00:23:24,395 --> 00:23:26,097 [Heavy breathing] [squishing] 482 00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:32,770 [Gasping] Oh! 483 00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:35,640 Suck on that, Harpo. 484 00:23:35,740 --> 00:23:37,275 [Blood dripping] 485 00:23:41,246 --> 00:23:42,347 [Gasping] Whew. 486 00:23:45,716 --> 00:23:49,620 What... what? 487 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,389 [Speaking softly] I know. 488 00:23:51,489 --> 00:23:54,025 It sucks. 489 00:23:54,125 --> 00:23:55,860 I remember my first taste of evil. 490 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,428 [Glass shattering, growling] [gasps] 491 00:23:58,863 --> 00:24:00,598 [Grunts] 492 00:24:00,698 --> 00:24:02,200 [Suspenseful music playing] [growling] 493 00:24:03,134 --> 00:24:04,569 Oh, Cougie! 494 00:24:04,669 --> 00:24:06,304 They got you too! 495 00:24:06,404 --> 00:24:08,139 [Buzzing] [gasping] 496 00:24:10,175 --> 00:24:11,676 [Cougie growling] [Ash grunting] 497 00:24:14,312 --> 00:24:16,214 [Chainsaw sputtering] [screeching] 498 00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:18,449 Ash! [Ash yelling] 499 00:24:21,186 --> 00:24:23,020 [Groaning, wailing] [bones cracking] 500 00:24:24,155 --> 00:24:26,124 [Grunting] [growling] 501 00:24:28,059 --> 00:24:30,027 [Screaming, groaning] 502 00:24:33,098 --> 00:24:34,932 [Growling] Ah! Whoa! 503 00:24:35,032 --> 00:24:37,635 [Ash yelling] [groaning] 504 00:24:39,404 --> 00:24:41,139 [Roaring] [grunting] 505 00:24:47,612 --> 00:24:49,314 [Canister hissing] [grunting] 506 00:24:53,218 --> 00:24:54,719 GIRL'S VOICE: Howdy fuckin' ho, boys. 507 00:24:54,819 --> 00:24:56,121 Miss me? 508 00:24:58,055 --> 00:24:59,590 [Chuckling] [gunfire] 509 00:25:02,227 --> 00:25:03,228 [Splattering] [screaming] 510 00:25:03,328 --> 00:25:04,462 Uh! 511 00:25:06,631 --> 00:25:08,166 [Heavy breathing] 512 00:25:10,168 --> 00:25:12,703 Well, looky who's back, 513 00:25:14,239 --> 00:25:16,107 and seriously rocking the leather. 514 00:25:19,277 --> 00:25:20,511 Who's the boy toy? 515 00:25:20,611 --> 00:25:22,180 Kelly was right. 516 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,382 You are the prophesied one. 517 00:25:24,482 --> 00:25:25,983 KELLY: This is Dalton. 518 00:25:26,083 --> 00:25:27,818 He's with the Knights of Sumeria. 519 00:25:27,918 --> 00:25:28,986 The who with the huh? 520 00:25:29,086 --> 00:25:30,755 It's an honor to meet you. 521 00:25:30,855 --> 00:25:32,657 I've been waiting for the chance to battle this ancient evil 522 00:25:32,757 --> 00:25:33,958 my entire life. 523 00:25:34,058 --> 00:25:37,562 Yeah, he's kind of a fan. 524 00:25:37,662 --> 00:25:38,763 Who's the kid? 525 00:25:40,165 --> 00:25:43,634 Oh, believe it or not, that's my daughter. 526 00:25:43,734 --> 00:25:45,670 [Chuckling] Sandy. 527 00:25:45,770 --> 00:25:47,338 Ah, Mandy. 528 00:25:47,438 --> 00:25:48,539 Brandy. 529 00:25:49,407 --> 00:25:51,075 [Sobbing] And fuck you. 530 00:25:51,176 --> 00:25:53,010 We're still getting to know each other. 531 00:25:53,110 --> 00:25:56,013 Okay, team, it looks like evil's back, 532 00:25:56,113 --> 00:25:58,449 and Elk Grove is ground zero. 533 00:25:58,549 --> 00:25:59,950 Kelly, Pablo. 534 00:26:00,050 --> 00:26:01,819 Other guy, you up for this? 535 00:26:01,919 --> 00:26:03,221 One for all, and all for one. 536 00:26:03,321 --> 00:26:05,022 Uh, cute, but no. 537 00:26:05,122 --> 00:26:06,157 Pablo? 538 00:26:06,257 --> 00:26:08,659 Say it like you mean it. 539 00:26:08,759 --> 00:26:10,127 Ghost Beaters are back! 540 00:26:10,228 --> 00:26:12,630 Fucking A, right we are! 541 00:26:12,730 --> 00:26:13,998 And evil... 542 00:26:14,098 --> 00:26:16,367 oh, we're coming for you. 543 00:26:18,803 --> 00:26:20,638 I think now is the appropriate time Pablo. 544 00:26:27,345 --> 00:26:28,913 [Deep inhale] 545 00:26:31,249 --> 00:26:32,149 [In strained voice] Sandy? 546 00:26:32,250 --> 00:26:35,786 ♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪ 547 00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:39,790 ♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪ 548 00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,928 ♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪ 549 00:26:44,028 --> 00:26:46,331 ♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪ 550 00:26:50,268 --> 00:26:51,636 [disco music playing] 551 00:27:03,381 --> 00:27:07,117 ♪ She's crazy like a fool ♪ 552 00:27:07,218 --> 00:27:10,888 ♪ What about it Daddy Cool ♪ 553 00:27:10,988 --> 00:27:15,125 ♪ I'm crazy like a fool ♪ 554 00:27:15,226 --> 00:27:18,329 ♪ What about it Daddy Cool ♪ 555 00:27:18,429 --> 00:27:22,300 ♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪ 556 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,669 ♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool ♪37162

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