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I'm Amy Mitchell And this
year, I ruined Christmas.
2
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Christmas is by far
3
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,900
the most stressful time
of the year for moms.
4
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:38,034
There are
a million things to do.
5
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:42,205
And you have to do them all perfectly or
else you will never forgive yourself.
6
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,476
And more importantly,
neither will your kids.
7
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,712
I literally feel like the worst
mom in the world right now.
8
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,822
Maybe I should
start at the beginning.
9
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:06,063
I've always loved Christmas.
10
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,470
It's my favorite time
of the year.
11
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:12,307
Most of all, I love
the time with my family.
12
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:19,513
Because all I want,
all any mom wants,
13
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:22,143
is for their kids to have
an amazing Christmas.
14
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:30,424
That said, Christmas
is an insane amount of work.
15
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,328
First, you have to buy gifts
for every human being
16
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:34,524
you've ever met.
17
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:37,693
I gave my coffee guy
a scented candle this year.
18
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,468
Why did I do that?
19
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:44,799
Then you have to decorate your house.
Which, clearly, I suck at.
20
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:48,039
I'm doing the best I can,
Charmaine!
21
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:51,114
Then you have to go to all
your kids' Christmas shows,
22
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,206
which are...
23
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,710
Yeah.
24
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,316
Then there's all the
over-the-top Christmas parties.
25
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,323
Oh, my God.
Are these lobster Santa hats?
26
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,721
Are these a thing now?
What the fuck?
27
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:10,129
Then there's all the cooking,
all the cleaning,
28
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,137
all the wrapping, It's insane.
29
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,204
There's just never enough time.
30
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,074
- Hi, Mom.
- Hey, Mom.
31
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:28,812
- Hey. How was the game?
- Hey.
32
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,718
- It was great. The Bulls won.
- Yes.
33
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,313
Congratulations.
Yes!
34
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,153
Hi, honey.
How are you, baby?
35
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,854
Wow. Your house
looks really great.
36
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,157
Oh, thank you.
37
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,061
I still got
lots left to do, but...
38
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,928
Can I do anything to help?
39
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,263
No. Not unless you know how to
magically fix Christmas lights.
40
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,160
Yeah, yeah, I can do that.
41
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,763
Yeah, you just swap out
the fuse. It's pretty easy.
42
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,338
That's pretty hot.
I won't lie.
43
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:54,370
Oh, you're definitely getting the
gold-star treatment tonight.
44
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,937
- I like that, but hold that thought.
- Okay.
45
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,043
Oh.
46
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:02,617
Your dad is awesome.
47
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,188
I thought you hated him.
48
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:07,415
What? No, honey,
why would you say that?
49
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,425
When you came over
to the house last week,
50
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,431
I heard you and Daddy in the bedroom
and you kept screaming at him.
51
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,626
Oh...
52
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:20,769
Yeah, no, honey, those were...
Those were happy screams.
53
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,135
They didn't sound happy.
54
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:26,203
And then you punched the
wall and yelled the f-word.
55
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:31,245
Okay, I, um, yeah, I don't
really recall doing that so...
56
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:32,806
Yeah, I don't know
if that happened.
57
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,408
You did. You were like,
58
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:36,078
"Oh, my fucking God!"
59
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:37,784
Just like that
60
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:41,052
"Oh, my fucking God!"
Okay, all right.
61
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,287
Urn...
Here's the thing,
62
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:46,455
your clad and I were just playing
a fun little grown-up game.
63
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,396
You played the game seven times.
64
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:50,763
Six and a half.
But who's counting?
65
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,427
Here's the thing,
let's just not...
66
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:54,301
Just not talk
about this. Cool?
67
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:55,839
Cool. Got it.
High-five.
68
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,465
Awesome.
69
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:03,405
Oh, no.
70
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,614
What is it?
71
00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:09,117
My mother's coming
for Christmas.
72
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,688
Oh, my fucking God!
73
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,624
Thanks for helping me
decorate the tree, guys.
74
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,926
Bernard, let's hang 'em
on the tree, okay, buddy?
75
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:27,100
Oh. Who put the big brown ornament
right on the front of the tree?
76
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,332
It looks like doodie.
77
00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:31,432
Yes, it does, baby, and that's why
Mommy's gonna move it around back.
78
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,104
Oh, no, sweetie, we don't
drink the tree water.
79
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,510
We don't drink the tree water
80
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:36,774
'cause we're people, right?
81
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,010
Mommy, is there a Santa Claus?
82
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:40,277
You bet there is, buddy.
83
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,783
I know.
84
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,287
Are you lying to me, Mommy?
85
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,050
Oh, God. Make it stop.
86
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,954
What else have you lied about?
87
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,622
Hey, babe.
Hey, Dad.
88
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,286
Hi, guys.
Hi.
89
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,625
You all right?
Yeah.
90
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,692
Tree looks great.
Thank you.
91
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,166
Want me to feed the twins?
Yes, please.
92
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,337
- Hey, buddy. Good to see you.
- Thank you.
93
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:00,803
Let's get some food.
It's okay, buddy.
94
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:01,999
Oh, it's all right.
95
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,747
Merry Christmas, Kiki!
96
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:15,081
Mom! Hi...
Oh, my gosh.
97
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,155
I thought you weren't coming
until Friday.
98
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,212
Well, I just hopped
on an earlier flight.
99
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:21,590
Three days earlier?
100
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:25,185
Oh. I haven't made up the
guest bedroom or anything. So...
101
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:29,166
That's okay. I'll just sleep with you.
Big spoon, little spoon.
102
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,202
I usually sleep
with my husband now.
103
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,101
Hey' you wanna see
the sweatshirt I made?
104
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,436
I love this picture.
105
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:39,840
And look, you were just getting
your little tiny breasts.
106
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,371
Well, one of 'em anyway.
107
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,607
You just got here, let's
not talk about my breasts.
108
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,546
- Then the other one popped out.
- Yeah.
109
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:49,052
Thank goodness!
Oh, Keeks!
110
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:50,855
If you play your cards right,
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00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,050
you could get a sweatshirt
just like this for Christmas.
112
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,423
Oh, no.
113
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:58,860
Oh, Kiki Dee.
I cannot wait
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00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:03,732
to spend every waking minute of
the next three weeks with you.
115
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,235
Mmm.
Oh!
116
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:09,968
Mmm...
117
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,098
Are you smelling my hair?
118
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,369
Yes.
119
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:22,444
Oh, my God.
120
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:25,887
If I have to wax one more pussy
today, I'm gonna black out.
121
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:30,986
Since when did every woman in America need
a completely hairless vagina on Christmas?
122
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,288
Anyone else here for a wax?
123
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,937
Oh, my God,
that's like 50 more vaginas.
124
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,305
Okay, who's next?
125
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:47,577
Oh. No, not you, Sasquatch,
I can't handle you right now.
126
00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:50,341
Hmm. Let's see.
127
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:54,813
Oh. You. Betty White.
128
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,649
I'm intrigued.
Come with me.
129
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,600
Hey, what's up, lady?
130
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:21,139
Mom? Wait, what the actual fuck?
131
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,951
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
132
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,647
My God!
Oh» my God!
133
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,992
You didn't tell me you
were coming for Christmas.
134
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,455
It's Christmas?
135
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,961
Yeah, isn't that why you're here?
'Cause it's...
136
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,965
Totally! Totally why I'm here.
Merry Christmas, lady.
137
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,002
Merry Christmas.
Jesus, look at you!
138
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:47,004
You bitch, you don't age at all.
Look how fucking hot you look!
139
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,130
Look at those boobs!
140
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,841
Oh, thanks.
You're lookin' little bit older.
141
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,040
But good, you look good.
142
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,079
What's it been,
like three years?
143
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:58,149
Three? Whoa, really?
144
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,480
Oh, gosh. I don't know, babe. I
don't really know what year it is.
145
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,250
Why are you wearing
black pajamas?
146
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,390
Oh. No, yeah, I, uh,
147
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,518
work at a spa.
148
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,923
You have a fucking job?
149
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,861
Yeah. Yeah.
150
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,433
I'm tryin' be
more responsible and shit.
151
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:21,199
Oh, you always were so weird.
152
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,538
So why are you really here, Mom?
153
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:26,941
What do you mean?
154
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,502
Well, you only come
when you need money.
155
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,745
Oh. No, no, no.
I don't gamble anymore.
156
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,719
No, I'm just here to
see my daughter on Easter.
157
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,449
Christmas.
Christmas.
158
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,419
So I think we should celebrate.
159
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:45,860
I know. Thunder Down Under
is playing by the airport.
160
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,195
I think we should hit that hard.
161
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,964
Male strippers?
Yeah.
162
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,294
With my mother?
Mmm-hmm.
163
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,902
On Christmas?
Yeah.
164
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,043
How could I say no!
165
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,101
Let's go slap
some wieners, bitch.
166
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,477
All right! That's my girl!
167
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:06,983
Oh, my God. Jaxon is gonna
shit himself when he sees you.
168
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,280
Still got that kid, huh?
Yup, yup.
169
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,112
How old is he now?
170
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,213
Uh, 15 to 17.
171
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,657
Oh, cute, cute.
Yeah.
172
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,723
So your mom and dad have never
been here on Christmas before?
173
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,393
Uh. No, no.
174
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,937
Okay, wait. Do you think
that I made enough food?
175
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,638
Seriously?
I can make quiche.
176
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:31,241
I'm gonna go make quiche.
Babe, everything's gonna be fine.
177
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:33,604
No, honey,
it's not gonna be fine.
178
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:37,113
My mom is the most critical
human being on the planet.
179
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:40,511
When I was six years old,
I made her a birthday card
180
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,450
and she returned it with notes.
181
00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:43,676
Okay, that's fucked up.
182
00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:48,191
The point is, she's perfect at everything
and she is impossible to please.
183
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,522
If she's impossible to please,
why're you trying so hard to please her?
184
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:51,789
Listen, I'll tell you the truth.
185
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,762
Daughters spend their whole lives
trying to please their mothers
186
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,801
and mothers spend their whole lives
shitting all over their daughters.
187
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,164
It's just how the world works.
Okay?
188
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:01,796
I can't fix that.
I'm not fucking Beyoncé.
189
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,669
Well, you are to me.
190
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,003
Ugh.
I love you.
191
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,873
I love you.
Mmm.
192
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,334
Okay.
193
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,539
You think your mom's
gonna like me'?
194
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:15,217
I'm sorry we're late,
Hank drives like a girl.
195
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,151
Merry Christmas, Grandma and Grandpa!
Merry Christmas, Grandpa!
196
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,655
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
197
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:19,815
Merry Christmas, Dad!
198
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:21,517
Here, have some Xboxes.
199
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,389
Are you serious?
Thank you so much!
200
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,054
Mom would never let us have these.
Thank you.
201
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:30,700
Hi, Ms. Redmond, I'm Jessie.
So nice to meet you.
202
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:33,862
Please take the bags upstairs.
Gracias.
203
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,830
Okay. Hi, Mom.
204
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:39,569
Amy. You look pale.
Hi.
205
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,543
Oh. I'm just trying out
a new skin thing.
206
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,875
Oh, good, it's just bad makeup.
You're not dying.
207
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:45,176
Where's your tree?
208
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,683
I haven't had time
to get one yet.
209
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,882
Amy, it's December 19th.
210
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:51,148
Even the Jews have
Christmas trees by now.
211
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,315
Never mind, we'll get one tomorrow.
Okay.
212
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,757
Huh... Yeah.
213
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:58,590
Do you have any food? I
haven't eaten in three days.
214
00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:01,254
Yeah. Oh, gosh, yes.
I have all your favorites.
215
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:05,029
It's adorable.
You let your kids cook.
216
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:08,331
Okay.
217
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:12,536
Oh, I didn't know Rite Aid
made Christmas decorations.
218
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:16,009
So I have the whole week planned out.
On Thursday, we'll see The Nutcracker.
219
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,242
And then, of course, on Friday,
we'll all go caroling.
220
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:21,879
Unfortunately, Mike was our
baritone and you're divorcing him
221
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:25,753
so we're gonna have to fill that hole if
we're gonna win the Caroling Cup this year.
222
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:27,448
Oh, God, the Caroling Cup?
223
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:31,962
Darling, when I lived here, we
won the Caroling Cup nine times.
224
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,930
And it's too bad you've given up on
our family's tradition of winning.
225
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:38,400
Yeah, I guess I've just
been a little busy, so...
226
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,632
Well, clearly not at the gym.
Whoop.
227
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:44,868
I want to celebrate my
triumphant return to Chicago.
228
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,468
I wanna throw an enormous
Christmas party at your house.
229
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,070
I was thinking Christmas Eve,
if that's convenient?
230
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,572
What? No.
That's not convenient.
231
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,810
I mean, we can invite
all of my old friends
232
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:56,318
and we can have a sushi station,
233
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:59,390
and we can hire Kenny G
to play Christmas music.
234
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,447
I hear he's not even
that expensive anymore.
235
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,652
Yeah, okay.
That sounds like a lot of work.
236
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:06,128
Yeah. It's too bad
I've already invited everyone.
237
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,893
Where, to my house?
Yes, 184 people are coming.
238
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,500
What?
239
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,502
Why haven't I gotten a
Christmas card from you yet?
240
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,504
I don't know, Mom.
I guess it just fell through the cracks.
241
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,098
What is happening with you'?
242
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:19,404
Nothing.
Nothing's happening to me.
243
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,912
Amy, this is Christmas.
It's the big show.
244
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,174
I know.
You can't dick around.
245
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,473
- I'm not dicking around.
- I really feel like you're clicking around.
246
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,280
- Mom, I'm honestly not dicking around.
- Yes.
247
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,788
Yes, you are dicking around.
I can tell when you're dicking around.
248
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,085
- I'm not dicking around.
- Dick, dick, dick around.
249
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,490
Okay. Okay.
250
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:37,794
I'm not dicking around.
251
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,921
All right, enough with the bad language.
Okay.
252
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:43,091
I like your hair.
253
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,470
Really?
Yeah, it looks like you're not trying so hard.
254
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,202
Yeah. Love you.
255
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,209
I can't do Christmas
with my mother.
256
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,881
It's like living
with Saddam Hussein.
257
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:05,487
My mom is only staying with me because
I think she wants to steal my TV.
258
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:08,315
Oh, I have to go Christmas tree
shopping with my mother tonight.
259
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,452
Oh. Mmm-mmm.
Yeah, it's like going on
260
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,723
a seven-hour death march
around the city.
261
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,860
My daughter really wants
a Happy Happy Princess Doll,
262
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:18,526
and I have looked
everywhere for it
263
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:20,865
and I don't know where it is.
264
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,465
Where is she, guys?
265
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,838
Where is Happy Happy Princess?
266
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,639
Oh, my God.
267
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,646
I know it's just
a doll but, God,
268
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,682
- Christmas is killing me this year.
- Oh!
269
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,017
Holy fuck.
270
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:48,328
Hi, princess! Oh!
271
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,238
I can't do this shit sober.
272
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:55,834
Me neither.
273
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:57,597
You guys wanna get drunk
at the food court?
274
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,070
Fuck yeah!
Yeah.
275
00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:00,867
Come on, come on.
Oh, fun!
276
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,077
My bodysnoot unsnapped.
277
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,414
You guys, you know
what drives me crazy?
278
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,955
Genital warts?
What?
279
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:14,046
Genital warts?
No.
280
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,558
Carla, no. No, what drives
me crazy is the pressure
281
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,858
that we put on ourselves to
make Christmas perfect, Guys.
282
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,229
Oh.
Christmas is supposed to be fun.
283
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:25,861
Yes! Why am I responsible
for getting every gift
284
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,768
for everyone
in my entire family?
285
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:29,567
Ugh!
I mean, just 'cause I'm a girl?
286
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,404
Yeah.
It's 2017.
287
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:34,570
I thought so. Why can't my husband
buy presents for his own mom?
288
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,738
I don't even like his mom.
289
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,280
She blames her farts on my kids.
290
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,282
You know what I do
with my big dumb son?
291
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,717
Every November,
I just go into his room
292
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,221
grab a bunch of random crap,
wrap it up,
293
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,882
- give it to him on Christmas. He doesn't even notice.
- Seriously?
294
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,393
Oh, my God, I've given him the same
baseball glove like nine times.
295
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,621
And how lame are the gifts
that your family gives you?
296
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:57,326
I spend months picking out the perfect
gift for everyone in my family
297
00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,996
and all lever get is coupons
for free back rubs.
298
00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:02,766
Oh, that's so wrong.
299
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,570
You know what my son gave me
last year for Christmas?
300
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,268
A box of Ziploc baggies.
301
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:07,770
Think I'll probably just
302
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:10,007
wrap it up and give it back
to him again this Christmas.
303
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:16,514
You guys, I'm just like a giant stress
ball from November to New Year's.
304
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,747
I just wanna
enjoy Christmas again.
305
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,956
Yeah.
306
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,963
Well, then let's doll.
307
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,293
What?
308
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:29,492
Guys, what is wrong with us?
309
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,762
Have we learned nothing?
This is bullshit.
310
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,997
I am disappointed
in this threesome.
311
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,872
We are mothers.
312
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:39,042
And if things are not going
our way, then what do we do?
313
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:41,270
We hide in the bathroom.
314
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,369
No.
No.
315
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:43,879
No, we don't do that
Mmm-mmm.
316
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,314
We... No. We stand up and we fight back.
Fight back.
317
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:51,378
Yes. So if we wanna do
Christmas our way this year
318
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:54,356
then we're gonna
do Christmas our way.
319
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,519
No more perfect gifts,
no more perfect decorations,
320
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,029
no more perfect anything.
Fuck it.
321
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:01,731
Let's take Christmas back.
322
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,529
Let's put the “ass"
back in "Christmass."
323
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:06,526
What?
324
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,731
That didn't come out exactly as I
planned, but you guys get what...
325
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,363
- Yeah, we know what you meant.
- Yeah. We getcha.
326
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,306
Okay, okay.
To taking Christmas back.
327
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,366
Yes!
328
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,046
Merry Christmas!
329
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,489
Ooh, samples! Samples.
330
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,483
What?
Yeah.
331
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,549
Now it's gonna be better.
332
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,528
Now it's gonna
be better. Whoa!
333
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,048
Okay. Who's next?
334
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:16,206
Hey. Do you know which one
is better for the vagina?
335
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:28,477
Attention, shoppers!
Excuse me.
336
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,645
I am drunk and horny.
337
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,421
I repeat, I am drunk and horny.
338
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,081
I'm so sorry.
339
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:36,717
Ma'am you need to...
Go! Go, go, go!
340
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,813
Oh, shit. Wait, you guys.
Wait, wait, wait...
341
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,672
I still have to go Christmas
tree shopping with my mom.
342
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,415
I just had a really dumb idea.
343
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,535
All right, guys. Here.
344
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,371
Ooh, you got some popcorn.
I got extra.
345
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:27,535
Yes! You guys ready?
346
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,613
Yeah. Okay.
Look at that.
347
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,208
This is really nice, Mom.
348
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,776
Yeah. We should do
all of Christmas like this.
349
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:38,219
Yeah, can we just hang out together
and skip all the annoying stuff?
350
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:42,190
Yeah, you guys, I would
actually really like that.
351
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:45,057
Hey, Jessie. You should
come over on Christmas.
352
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,329
Um...
I don't know. It's kind of a big deal.
353
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,061
I wouldn't want to impose.
354
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:53,194
Don't be weird, Dad.
355
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:55,294
We'll be here.
356
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:57,569
Is that okay?
357
00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:00,906
Yeah. Yeah, I would
actually love that.
358
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,206
Me, too.
Okay.
359
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,243
Good evening, everyone...
360
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:09,417
What in God's name is that?
361
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,078
That is our new Christmas tree.
362
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,487
I got it at Lady Foot Locker.
Do you like it?
363
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,322
No, I don't, Amy.
I find it revolting.
364
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,826
What is this thing doing in your house?
365
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,161
I didn't wanna waste time
tree shopping this year.
366
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,894
I actually wanted
to enjoy Christmas.
367
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:25,662
Amy, you are a mom.
368
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,727
Moms don't enjoy, they give joy.
369
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,204
That's how being a mom works.
370
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:32,504
And this hideous tree
does not give joy to anybody.
371
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,409
I don't know, I kind of like it.
372
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:36,536
Thank you.
Yeah.
373
00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:38,946
Who are you,
and why are you talking?
374
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,211
Mom. Please be nice.
This is Jessie. You met him.
375
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:43,082
I'm tired of this conversation.
376
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:46,588
But if you think for one second I'm
gonna let your lazy shenanigans
377
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,785
ruin Christmas for this entire family,
you are very much mistaken.
378
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,357
Good night, dear children.
Here, have some iTunes gift cards.
379
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:57,196
Mom, seriously, you have to stop
giving them gifts. Oh, my God!
380
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,257
Thanks, Grandma.
381
00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:01,395
Honey, did you see these ornaments?
They are all little shoes.
382
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:04,202
I swear to God, Hank.
I will drive you to a fire station,
383
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,640
and I will leave you there.
384
00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:12,138
Hi.
Hi.
385
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:15,784
How was your night?
386
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:16,942
So good.
Yeah?
387
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,043
Yeah.
388
00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:20,546
Mmm.
389
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,053
Mmm.
390
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,758
You taste like grape soda.
391
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:29,731
I know. I had a Welch's
right before bed.
392
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,167
Bless you.
393
00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:46,674
Mom!
394
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:48,112
Hi, guys.
395
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,283
What are you doing in here?
396
00:21:50,342 --> 00:21:52,754
Well, I just came in here to watch
you fall asleep like I always do,
397
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:55,816
and then you started going
at it like monkeys in a zoo.
398
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:57,417
You watch me
fall asleep every night?
399
00:21:57,483 --> 00:22:00,862
Well, except after Blue Bloods.
I know that's your special intercourse night.
400
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:02,826
Oh, honey.
401
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:06,265
I'm so glad to see you
have such a vibrant sex life.
402
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:10,205
It's so important for you and
Kent to just bang each other.
403
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:15,478
And, Kent, I am so happy
404
00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:19,846
that you're able to get an erection again.
Yay!
405
00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:24,519
And, Kiki, he's so much
bigger than your clad was.
406
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:27,784
Okay, Mom. Thanks. You can go before my
husband never has sex with me again.
407
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:28,882
Yup.
408
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,027
Oh, and, honey, your dad liked
it when I tickled his balls.
409
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:35,860
God. Okay.
You need to stop talking.
410
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:37,625
I'm gonna come check
on you guys in a little while.
411
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:39,169
Oh, please don't.
412
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:45,736
Oh, wow.
413
00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:49,871
You need to talk to your mom.
I know.
414
00:22:50,803 --> 00:22:54,546
She needs some boundaries.
Or, at least, a boundary.
415
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,086
I know. I just...
416
00:22:58,244 --> 00:23:00,053
I don't wanna hurt her feelings.
417
00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:03,186
And, you know,
ever since my dad died,
418
00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:06,389
I'm, like, pretty much
her only family, so,
419
00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:08,829
I'm worried that if I push
her away even a little,
420
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,333
that it's gonna break her heart.
421
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,233
She saw my boner, Kiki.
422
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:15,261
Yeah.
423
00:23:22,501 --> 00:23:25,539
Oh, my God. What the...
424
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:33,755
What the fuck.
425
00:23:50,195 --> 00:23:53,301
Okay, bring the French hens
three inches to the left.
426
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:56,642
Yeah. Yeah.
427
00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:57,907
Mom?
428
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:03,053
What are you doing? Lam
decorating your house properly
429
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:05,987
because apparently you are
unwilling to do so yourself.
430
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,455
Why does my house
have to be properly decorated?
431
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:12,427
Making Christmas special is how you show
your family that you love them, Amy.
432
00:24:12,484 --> 00:24:15,624
You don't want your kids to think
they're worthless and unloved, do you?
433
00:24:15,754 --> 00:24:19,292
Well, no, of course not. This is the time
of the year when mom's kill themselves
434
00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:22,065
to create a magical world
of joy for their children.
435
00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:25,572
It is not a time of year when moms sit
around in their pajamas eating fudge.
436
00:24:25,664 --> 00:24:27,007
I don't even like fudge.
437
00:24:27,099 --> 00:24:29,579
Great, so stop being a shitty mom.
Ugh!
438
00:24:29,635 --> 00:24:32,514
Hey, kids. How do you like
the Christmas Cavalcade, huh?
439
00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:34,083
Oh, my gosh. It's awesome.
440
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,140
Show Mom how it works!
441
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,277
Really, Amy, you are
gonna love this. Okay.
442
00:24:37,343 --> 00:24:39,949
We are go for the Cavalcade,
443
00:24:40,012 --> 00:24:41,082
over.
444
00:24:41,347 --> 00:24:44,021
Don't worry. I'll show you how this works.
It's on an app.
445
00:24:47,619 --> 00:24:49,428
Oh, you installed
outdoor speakers.
446
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:51,331
Yeah.
Wait for it, wait for it.
447
00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:53,699
Twelve drummers drumming
448
00:24:55,127 --> 00:24:56,834
Eleven pipers piping
449
00:24:57,096 --> 00:24:59,372
Ten lords are leaping
Nine ladies dancing
450
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:02,104
Eight maids are milking
Seven swans are swimming
451
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:06,172
Six geese are laying
Five gold rings
452
00:25:06,472 --> 00:25:07,678
How much did this cost?
453
00:25:07,773 --> 00:25:10,720
How can you put a price tag
on a child's happiness, Amy?
454
00:25:11,777 --> 00:25:13,154
It was very expensive.
455
00:25:13,312 --> 00:25:14,552
God! Mom.
456
00:25:14,646 --> 00:25:16,057
Wait for it,
this is the big ending!
457
00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:24,897
Are those actual partridges?
458
00:25:25,057 --> 00:25:28,163
Of course. They don't have
any survival skills.
459
00:25:28,227 --> 00:25:29,535
They'll be dead within an hour.
460
00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:33,400
Okay. Here, kids.
Have some breakfast candy.
461
00:25:34,633 --> 00:25:35,839
I'm sorry, what?
462
00:25:35,901 --> 00:25:37,380
Thank you, Grandma.
I love you.
463
00:25:37,469 --> 00:25:39,813
How I love you. I love you, too, guys.
You're the best, Grandma.
464
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,852
Thanks.
Okay, let's reload the birds.
465
00:25:41,907 --> 00:25:44,581
And I hate that they're gray.
Let's paint them all white.
466
00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:47,847
And can't they look a little
happier when they fly away?
467
00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:49,756
I mean, it is Christmas.
468
00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:53,323
Your mom decorated your house?
469
00:25:53,652 --> 00:25:55,996
Oh, no, no.
That is not okay.
470
00:25:56,055 --> 00:25:58,262
Who cares. Let her
decorate your house.
471
00:25:58,357 --> 00:25:59,734
She wanna do mine next?
472
00:25:59,825 --> 00:26:01,236
It's not about the house.
473
00:26:01,326 --> 00:26:03,397
It's about the fact
that I'm a 34-year-old woman
474
00:26:03,495 --> 00:26:06,101
and my mother is still telling
me how to live my life.
475
00:26:06,365 --> 00:26:07,935
Well, then you
need to fight her.
476
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:11,504
Like, physically?
477
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,072
That is correct, Amy.
478
00:26:13,172 --> 00:26:14,776
I can teach you some
basic karate moves
479
00:26:14,873 --> 00:26:16,910
but we all know that she's gonna
keep treating you like this
480
00:26:17,009 --> 00:26:18,886
until you beat
the shit out of her.
481
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,557
I don't want you to meet my mom.
482
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,856
She's a 62-year-old woman, so...
483
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,261
Fine. But you need to have at least
a serious conversation with her.
484
00:26:27,352 --> 00:26:28,922
That sounds more legal.
I know.
485
00:26:29,054 --> 00:26:31,364
Know.
And where's your dad in all this?
486
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:34,597
Aw, my dad. He's so sweet, but
he's completely under her control.
487
00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:37,464
I mean, there's no way he's gonna
choose my side over hers. No.
488
00:26:37,563 --> 00:26:39,873
Sweetie. That's hard.
489
00:26:40,365 --> 00:26:41,935
Moms are so weird.
490
00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:44,774
How's Christmas with your mom?
491
00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:46,975
Oh, you know.
It's...
492
00:26:47,106 --> 00:26:50,053
It's okay, I guess.
Yeah. I mean...
493
00:26:50,909 --> 00:26:54,584
My mom got her hair out and
colored exactly like mine, but...
494
00:26:54,646 --> 00:26:58,093
I think that's pretty normal,
right? Did your moms...
495
00:26:58,150 --> 00:27:00,994
Do your moms
have your hairstyle?
496
00:27:01,954 --> 00:27:06,926
You know, every time I think I'm
the fucked up one in this group,
497
00:27:07,226 --> 00:27:09,763
Kiki, you open your mouth,
498
00:27:10,329 --> 00:27:14,141
and then I'm like,
"No, I'm doing great."
499
00:27:16,502 --> 00:27:20,416
Anyway, my mom and I were gonna take
the kids over to Sky Zone later.
500
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:21,473
Do you guys wanna come?
501
00:27:21,573 --> 00:27:25,578
Legally, I can't get within
50 yards of a Sky Zone, but,
502
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,282
Oh, you know what?
Fuck it. I'm totally in.
503
00:27:27,412 --> 00:27:29,949
- Amy?
- Oh, I can't go. I wish I could,
504
00:27:30,015 --> 00:27:32,825
but my mother's making us
go see The Nutcracker. So.
505
00:27:32,918 --> 00:27:33,988
I love The Nutcracker.
506
00:27:34,086 --> 00:27:37,761
Oh, no, not like the Sugar
Plum Fairy Nutcracker.
507
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:40,861
No, the original,
the five-hour long version
508
00:27:40,959 --> 00:27:44,873
that's all in Russian where a
bunch of people die. It's awful.
509
00:27:44,997 --> 00:27:45,998
Why don't you just not go?
510
00:27:46,098 --> 00:27:48,635
Oh, God, no. No.
She would never let me live it down.
511
00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:50,441
It's much easier to do it this way.
Yeah.
512
00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,676
Guys, are we not taking
Christmas back this year?
513
00:27:53,939 --> 00:27:55,282
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
514
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:57,718
I'm asking you that seriously
'cause I got so wasted at the mall
515
00:27:57,809 --> 00:28:01,154
I can't remember if I said that or that's
something I'm dreaming about right now.
516
00:28:03,282 --> 00:28:04,727
Oh, shit.
I'm so late for work.
517
00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:07,228
You guys, do you wanna know
what I've been working on?
518
00:28:07,953 --> 00:28:09,455
Happy Holidays.
519
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,194
Oh, my...
520
00:28:13,892 --> 00:28:16,168
Carla!
Broke my cock!
521
00:28:16,828 --> 00:28:19,399
- Just go to work. Just go to work.
- I'm out, I'm out, I'm out!
522
00:28:29,741 --> 00:28:31,652
What up, lady?
523
00:28:31,710 --> 00:28:34,657
Mom! What are you
doing here?
524
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:35,885
Well, what does it
look like I'm doing?
525
00:28:35,981 --> 00:28:38,359
I'm waiting for my daughter
to give me a free manicure.
526
00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:41,531
Free manicure, huh?
527
00:28:41,587 --> 00:28:42,861
Yeah.
528
00:28:42,988 --> 00:28:45,662
All right. Well, at least
I'm not waxing your pussy.
529
00:28:46,024 --> 00:28:47,332
Maybe next time.
530
00:28:47,426 --> 00:28:49,167
Okay.
So,
531
00:28:49,528 --> 00:28:52,270
what's up?
You seein' anybody?
532
00:28:52,364 --> 00:28:55,868
Well, you know, there was a couple of
things going with some dads from school.
533
00:28:55,934 --> 00:28:58,608
But it gets complicated.
534
00:28:58,704 --> 00:29:02,709
Plus, like, there is not a better time
of the year to be single than Christmas.
535
00:29:03,208 --> 00:29:05,882
I mean, it's like I go to
the mall and I see these,
536
00:29:05,944 --> 00:29:09,255
you know, these couples
walking around and they're,
537
00:29:09,348 --> 00:29:12,454
you know, like,
holding hands and,
538
00:29:12,551 --> 00:29:17,933
you know, wearing scarves and feeding
each other sandwiches and...
539
00:29:18,523 --> 00:29:21,402
Lookin' at jewelry, you know.
540
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,304
Every kiss begins with Kay
541
00:29:24,396 --> 00:29:26,899
All right, stop. Stop.
What?
542
00:29:26,965 --> 00:29:28,706
You sound super lonely.
543
00:29:28,867 --> 00:29:30,608
No!
Babe, listen.
544
00:29:30,702 --> 00:29:33,205
The rock-and-roll lifestyle
isn't for everybody.
545
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:37,414
I'm still super rock-and-roll.
I woke up in a park this moming.
546
00:29:37,476 --> 00:29:40,548
Carla. I found kale chips
in your kitchen.
547
00:29:41,747 --> 00:29:43,624
Okay, those are for my kid.
548
00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:46,387
Right.
They're healthy as fuck.
549
00:29:47,152 --> 00:29:49,223
They say
they're heart-smart.
550
00:29:49,588 --> 00:29:51,966
You really care about
your kid, don't you?
551
00:29:52,057 --> 00:29:55,300
Yeah. It's my...
I mean, most...
552
00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:57,804
People care about
their children, Mom.
553
00:29:57,896 --> 00:29:58,931
Whatever.
554
00:29:58,997 --> 00:30:02,001
I just can't keep up with the
latest parenting trends.
555
00:30:06,104 --> 00:30:08,914
So how you doin'?
556
00:30:09,608 --> 00:30:12,088
I've been better actually,
to tell you the truth. I...
557
00:30:12,177 --> 00:30:15,021
There is something
that I'm very excited about,
558
00:30:15,113 --> 00:30:16,649
which I just need
a little money for...
559
00:30:16,748 --> 00:30:18,421
Here we go.
560
00:30:18,517 --> 00:30:19,621
What?
561
00:30:19,685 --> 00:30:21,460
You always do this.
What?
562
00:30:22,621 --> 00:30:24,032
You show back up in my life,
563
00:30:24,122 --> 00:30:25,931
you ask me for money,
I give it to you,
564
00:30:25,991 --> 00:30:27,698
you gamble it all away.
What?
565
00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:29,931
- And you leave me and then you just come runnin' back...
- What?
566
00:30:30,028 --> 00:30:32,338
...asking for more.
I give it to you again, What?
567
00:30:32,464 --> 00:30:37,311
'Cause I'm an idiot. What are you...
This is a legitimate business opportunity.
568
00:30:37,869 --> 00:30:39,143
How much do you need?
569
00:30:39,204 --> 00:30:41,206
Not much.
Like five grand.
570
00:30:41,473 --> 00:30:44,215
Really. Between five and
10 grand, maybe 15, tops.
571
00:30:44,309 --> 00:30:47,290
Okay, I'll think about ii.
572
00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:48,786
Good!
573
00:30:51,650 --> 00:30:54,824
Wow, you have some
really cool shit here, huh?
574
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,493
Nice, classy place.
575
00:30:58,457 --> 00:31:00,368
I wish I'd brought my purse.
576
00:31:10,135 --> 00:31:12,479
Why do we have to go to the
Russian Nutcracker again?
577
00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:13,709
I mean, we're not even Russian.
578
00:31:13,805 --> 00:31:17,014
The Russian Nutcracker
is the real Nutcracker.
579
00:31:17,075 --> 00:31:18,816
Not the sellout Disney version
580
00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:20,823
with all the dancing and joy.
581
00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:24,353
Is it actually five hours long?
582
00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:26,862
Yes, and you will love
every minute of it.
583
00:31:26,918 --> 00:31:28,829
Now, just listen
to this beautiful music.
584
00:31:32,991 --> 00:31:36,200
This song is called
When Boris Gets Murdered.
585
00:31:36,261 --> 00:31:38,366
It sounds like someone's
yelling at us.
586
00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:40,437
Why can't we just
do something fun?
587
00:31:47,038 --> 00:31:49,177
Where are you going? It's not left.
The theater's to the right.
588
00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:51,084
Oh. I know.
We're not goin' to the theater.
589
00:31:51,176 --> 00:31:53,122
Where are you taking us?
You'll see.
590
00:32:14,733 --> 00:32:17,111
Merry Christmas, guys! Welcome to Sky Zone!
Merry Christmas.
591
00:32:17,202 --> 00:32:18,476
All right, three kid passes?
592
00:32:18,570 --> 00:32:21,380
- Yes.
- No, no. Sorry, we're actually all gonna go.
593
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,647
We're all gonna do it.
No, we're not all doing it.
594
00:32:23,742 --> 00:32:25,722
It smells like diapers in here.
595
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:28,087
Amy! You guys made it!
596
00:32:28,146 --> 00:32:30,558
Hey! Oh, my God,
I'm so glad you guys came!
597
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:32,754
Me, too. I think my mother's gonna
kill me in the middle of the night,
598
00:32:32,818 --> 00:32:34,229
but it's totally worth it.
Hey.
599
00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:35,765
Hi, I'm Carla's mom.
600
00:32:35,821 --> 00:32:38,768
Hi. Isis! Nice to meet you.
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
601
00:32:38,990 --> 00:32:41,800
Hi. You must be Amy's mom.
Amy, nice to meet you.
602
00:32:41,893 --> 00:32:44,840
I'm Carla. Jaxon, honey,
Mama needs more hooch.
603
00:32:44,930 --> 00:32:46,603
Ooh, good idea.
Yeah.
604
00:32:46,665 --> 00:32:48,167
Top me off, babe.
That's my son, Jaxon.
605
00:32:48,934 --> 00:32:51,107
This is my mom, Isis.
606
00:32:51,169 --> 00:32:53,775
Hello. Ruth.
Like Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
607
00:32:53,839 --> 00:32:55,648
Oh. Isis.
608
00:32:55,740 --> 00:32:57,617
Like the terrorist organization.
609
00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:00,088
This is my mom, Sandy.
610
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:02,318
- Oh, Amy.
- Hi, Sandy.
611
00:33:02,414 --> 00:33:04,951
I've heard so much about you.
612
00:33:05,016 --> 00:33:07,826
Oh, boy, you really
have the same haircuts.
613
00:33:09,187 --> 00:33:12,293
Hello, I'm Ruth.
I'm Amy's mom.
614
00:33:12,357 --> 00:33:15,361
Uh. I'm Jessie.
I was literally just in the car with you.
615
00:33:17,496 --> 00:33:19,840
Come on, who's ready
to have some Christmas fun?
616
00:34:33,338 --> 00:34:36,217
Hi, Ruth. We bought you
a churro. You want that?
617
00:34:36,274 --> 00:34:37,275
No, thank you.
618
00:34:37,375 --> 00:34:40,913
This place is fun.
I never went to place like this when I was a kid.
619
00:34:41,112 --> 00:34:42,182
My God, no.
620
00:34:42,380 --> 00:34:46,021
When I was a kid, we would go down
to the quarry and blow shit up.
621
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:48,428
That's nice.
Where are you ladies from?
622
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,898
I am from Ottawa,
which is in Canada.
623
00:34:50,956 --> 00:34:53,095
And then my husband Dirk
wanted a faster life,
624
00:34:53,191 --> 00:34:55,296
so we moved to Bismarck,
North Dakota.
625
00:34:55,794 --> 00:34:59,139
And then I had Kiki when
I was only 18 years old.
626
00:34:59,230 --> 00:35:02,575
And then Dirk died. A long,
slow, painful death. Oh!
627
00:35:02,634 --> 00:35:05,444
But we're all gonna die
sometime, alone and afraid.
628
00:35:06,037 --> 00:35:07,038
Where are you from, Ruth?
629
00:35:07,305 --> 00:35:08,648
Chicago.
630
00:35:08,740 --> 00:35:10,549
The City of Lights!
The Windy City.
631
00:35:10,609 --> 00:35:13,488
You know, they call Bismarck
"The City of Old White People."
632
00:35:13,578 --> 00:35:15,387
You are so weird.
633
00:35:15,447 --> 00:35:18,656
- Ruth, did you enjoy growing up in Chicago?
- No.
634
00:35:18,817 --> 00:35:20,160
My mother is a terrible woman.
635
00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:22,231
Oh!
She once slapped me
636
00:35:22,287 --> 00:35:24,597
for wearing open-teed shoes
on a sailboat.
637
00:35:24,723 --> 00:35:26,168
Well. It was
a different time then.
638
00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:27,429
This was two months ago.
639
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:31,129
My daughter thinks
that I'm so hard on her
640
00:35:31,229 --> 00:35:33,800
but she has no idea what I went
through with my own mother.
641
00:35:34,299 --> 00:35:37,803
When I was 15, I got my ears
pierced and she called me a whore.
642
00:35:37,936 --> 00:35:40,610
And sent me away
to boarding school.
643
00:35:40,805 --> 00:35:42,682
In Croatia.
Croatia?
644
00:35:42,774 --> 00:35:44,151
- Now, that is a hard woman.
- Ah!
645
00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:45,448
Where are you from, Isis?
646
00:35:45,510 --> 00:35:47,751
I don't know, everywhere.
I never met my parents.
647
00:35:47,812 --> 00:35:51,316
I basically just raised myself
using my wits and my tits.
648
00:35:51,416 --> 00:35:53,794
Oh, wow.
That sounds disgusting.
649
00:35:53,852 --> 00:35:58,096
No, dude, I was a roadie for
REO Speedwagon for 15 years.
650
00:35:58,957 --> 00:36:01,801
Oh, Isis, you're not allowed
to smoke cigarettes in here.
651
00:36:01,860 --> 00:36:04,136
It's okay.
It's not a cigarette. You want some?
652
00:36:04,195 --> 00:36:05,435
No!
You want some?
653
00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:07,601
Ah... No, thank you.
654
00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:09,612
Suit yourself.
So,
655
00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:12,148
which church does everyone
go to on Christmas Eve?
656
00:36:12,203 --> 00:36:15,946
Well, I always go to midnight mass at
Our Mother of Perpetual Suffering.
657
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:18,009
It's the premiere service
in the city.
658
00:36:18,109 --> 00:36:19,452
Great, I'll meet you there.
659
00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:21,650
What?
This is so nice.
660
00:36:21,713 --> 00:36:23,386
- Making new friends.
- Yeah.
661
00:36:23,481 --> 00:36:24,824
- I don't get a lot of...
- You guys wanna play dodgeball?
662
00:36:24,883 --> 00:36:26,988
No, honey. Grandmas don't play dodgeball.
We should probably...
663
00:36:27,052 --> 00:36:28,463
What the fuck did she say?
664
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,659
She said, "Grandmas
don't play dodgeball."
665
00:36:30,722 --> 00:36:32,724
I got it' but we play.
We play.
666
00:36:32,824 --> 00:36:33,996
I'm in.
667
00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,811
Tonight was a complete travesty.
668
00:38:32,110 --> 00:38:33,851
Do you think
that was funny, Hank?
669
00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:36,856
What if I changed out your heart pills.
Would that be funny, too'?
670
00:38:37,115 --> 00:38:38,355
Oh, Jesus, babe.
671
00:38:38,449 --> 00:38:42,659
I can't believe Amy is actually intent
on ruining Christmas this year.
672
00:38:42,754 --> 00:38:44,290
I'm gonna have
to redouble my efforts.
673
00:38:44,355 --> 00:38:47,302
Or you could stop fighting with her, and
we could just have a nice Christmas.
674
00:38:47,358 --> 00:38:49,861
Do you think I enjoy fighting
with my daughter, Hank?
675
00:38:49,961 --> 00:38:50,962
Yeah!
676
00:38:51,029 --> 00:38:53,009
Because I don't.
Oh.
677
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:57,677
I'm just trying to give my grandchildren
the amazing Christmas that they deserve.
678
00:38:58,536 --> 00:39:02,507
This is their first Christmas without
their father, and if it is perfect
679
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,813
they will know that things
are gonna be okay.
680
00:39:05,610 --> 00:39:08,386
But if our daughter throws
a half-assed Christmas,
681
00:39:08,479 --> 00:39:09,890
it will rattle the kids
682
00:39:09,981 --> 00:39:13,861
and they could descend into a spiral
of fear, depression and drugs.
683
00:39:13,952 --> 00:39:18,332
Okay. But the kids
looked really happy tonight.
684
00:39:18,389 --> 00:39:21,461
They would have been happier at
the Russian Nutcracker, Hank.
685
00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:25,064
My way of doing Christmas
is enchanting and magical
686
00:39:25,163 --> 00:39:28,804
and Amy's way of doing Christmas
is lazy and embarrassing
687
00:39:28,867 --> 00:39:32,246
and my way is better and my way will
win because my way will always win.
688
00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:34,715
Well, I'm just glad
this is all about the kids.
689
00:39:34,806 --> 00:39:38,549
Hank, lam Amy's mother
and it is my job
690
00:39:38,643 --> 00:39:42,090
to push her to be the best
mother she possibly can be.
691
00:39:42,180 --> 00:39:45,525
Trust me, someday she will thank
me in an inspirational speech
692
00:39:45,583 --> 00:39:48,393
at some large public venue.
693
00:39:48,753 --> 00:39:51,927
- Now, are you done ironing my pajamas, Hank?
- Yes, Ruth.
694
00:39:52,657 --> 00:39:54,694
They're still warm.
695
00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:58,040
I'm sorry you're upset.
696
00:39:59,364 --> 00:40:00,934
Thank you.
697
00:40:01,699 --> 00:40:02,905
It's okay.
698
00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:10,409
You're wrinkling my pajamas.
699
00:40:11,676 --> 00:40:14,054
- I'll get your toothbrush ready.
- Thank you.
700
00:40:19,851 --> 00:40:22,422
Oh, my God. No more pussies-
Please, God, no more pussies.
701
00:40:23,621 --> 00:40:25,066
Uh... Yeah?
702
00:40:25,123 --> 00:40:27,626
Oh, hi. Uh.
Are you Carla?
703
00:40:31,529 --> 00:40:34,567
Yeah, I am.
Who are you?
704
00:40:34,632 --> 00:40:37,476
I'm Ty Swindel.
I'm here to get my balls waxed.
705
00:40:37,568 --> 00:40:41,539
That's great news.
Why don't you hop on my table, Ty Swindel.
706
00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:43,210
All right, thank you.
707
00:40:44,409 --> 00:40:48,983
Okay. So have you ever had
your balls waxed before, Ty?
708
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,151
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I'm an exotic dancer,
709
00:40:51,249 --> 00:40:54,128
so I have to keep my dick, balls
and taint smooth at all times.
710
00:40:54,218 --> 00:40:55,561
Great, okay, got it.
Yeah.
711
00:40:55,620 --> 00:40:58,396
Um. So I am just gonna
remove the towel
712
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:00,959
and then we'll
apply the wax if you...
713
00:41:01,059 --> 00:41:03,232
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
714
00:41:03,294 --> 00:41:04,932
Look at the size of that thing.
715
00:41:04,996 --> 00:41:06,669
It looks like a parking cone.
716
00:41:06,764 --> 00:41:10,678
Oh, yeah. I am so sorry. I forgot to...
You know, it scares most people.
717
00:41:10,768 --> 00:41:14,739
No, I'm not scared, though. I'm gonna
need a lot more... Just a lot more wax.
718
00:41:14,839 --> 00:41:16,910
Okay.
So just gimme one second.
719
00:41:16,975 --> 00:41:18,181
Sure.
720
00:41:19,744 --> 00:41:21,246
Wow. Okay.
721
00:41:22,914 --> 00:41:25,087
So who usually waxes your balls?
722
00:41:25,149 --> 00:41:28,130
Oh, I go to a woman in Cleveland,
which is where I'm from.
723
00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:30,094
No way.
What?
724
00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:31,258
I'm from Edgewater.
725
00:41:31,522 --> 00:41:32,626
- You're from Edgewater?
- Yeah.
726
00:41:32,690 --> 00:41:34,294
- Okay. I'm from Tremont!
- Oh, my God.
727
00:41:34,425 --> 00:41:36,837
Small world. That is so weird!
Unbelievable.
728
00:41:36,928 --> 00:41:38,930
Like...
Right?
729
00:41:39,130 --> 00:41:40,973
Wow. Okay.
730
00:41:41,032 --> 00:41:43,876
Urn. If you could just
lift that penis up for me.
731
00:41:43,968 --> 00:41:45,003
Okay.
732
00:41:45,103 --> 00:41:46,946
Yeah, that's great.
733
00:41:47,005 --> 00:41:49,007
So, what brings you
to Chicago, Ty?
734
00:41:49,107 --> 00:41:51,781
I'm in town to do
a few Sexy Santa competitions.
735
00:41:51,843 --> 00:41:53,322
Nice!
Yeah.
736
00:41:53,378 --> 00:41:55,824
Okay, slight sting
on your nut sack.
737
00:42:03,988 --> 00:42:06,400
So uh, how did you
get into dancing?
738
00:42:06,491 --> 00:42:09,233
Oh, I'm a fireman by trade.
That's what I do.
739
00:42:09,527 --> 00:42:10,801
Of course you are.
740
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:13,502
And a few years ago,
I responded to this fire
741
00:42:13,564 --> 00:42:15,874
at a strip club and the owner
comes up to me
742
00:42:15,967 --> 00:42:19,210
and he's like, "Hey, dude.
You got a massive cock?"
743
00:42:19,303 --> 00:42:22,841
And I'm like, "Uh...
Well, I do."
744
00:42:22,974 --> 00:42:25,648
And the rest is... The rest is history.
Wow.
745
00:42:26,511 --> 00:42:28,252
That's a beautiful story, Ty.
746
00:42:28,513 --> 00:42:30,390
Thank you.
747
00:42:30,915 --> 00:42:32,519
Okay. Hot burn.
748
00:42:34,585 --> 00:42:36,861
So holidays, huh?
749
00:42:36,988 --> 00:42:39,696
Know.
You got big plans with your girlfriend?
750
00:42:39,757 --> 00:42:42,101
I wish. I wish
I had a girlfriend.
751
00:42:42,193 --> 00:42:44,696
Yeah, most women, they
just see me as this object
752
00:42:44,762 --> 00:42:47,743
to have sex with and then they leave.
You know?
753
00:42:47,832 --> 00:42:50,369
And I'm like, yeah, I dance
around in basketball sneakers
754
00:42:50,435 --> 00:42:53,348
and a G-string.
It doesn't mean I don't have feelings, right?
755
00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:57,849
Yeah. I, uh,
I can relate.
756
00:42:58,176 --> 00:42:59,416
I don't know
what it is about you.
757
00:42:59,510 --> 00:43:02,286
I feel like you're easy to talk to, you know?
I can just open up.
758
00:43:02,380 --> 00:43:04,360
Be myself. It's nice.
759
00:43:04,882 --> 00:43:06,623
I feel the same way, Ty.
760
00:43:09,921 --> 00:43:14,097
Okay. I'm gonna need you to
put your heels over your head
761
00:43:14,192 --> 00:43:17,298
so I can start to go to town on
your taint and your butthole.
762
00:43:17,395 --> 00:43:18,931
Yup.
All right. Thanks.
763
00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:20,600
All right.
Okay.
764
00:43:20,698 --> 00:43:22,200
Let's get these out of the way.
Right. There we go.
765
00:43:22,266 --> 00:43:23,540
Great, great, great, great.
766
00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:28,880
Carla. Uh. At the risk
of sounding forward, um,
767
00:43:29,540 --> 00:43:33,579
would you be willing to come with me
to my Sexy Santa competition tonight?
768
00:43:33,878 --> 00:43:37,587
Uh. Well, I don't date my clients, Ty.
I have a really strict code.
769
00:43:38,816 --> 00:43:41,592
Yeah. Oh, of course you do.
Are you kidding me? I know. And I know.
770
00:43:41,652 --> 00:43:43,063
And you should...
You should have a...
771
00:43:43,121 --> 00:43:46,068
I'm just fuckin' with you, Ty.
I don't have a code!
772
00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:48,737
I'm waxing your butthole.
773
00:43:48,793 --> 00:43:50,932
- I would love to go to your show.
- You would?
774
00:43:51,095 --> 00:43:52,665
Yes! Yes!
775
00:43:52,763 --> 00:43:54,936
Oh, my God. She's funny
and she's beautiful.
776
00:43:54,999 --> 00:43:57,479
This is a combination you don't
run into every day, you know.
777
00:43:57,602 --> 00:44:00,310
You don't see this combo
that often, either.
778
00:44:00,404 --> 00:44:02,782
So it's a date, then.
I'll see you tonight.
779
00:44:03,941 --> 00:44:05,284
It's a date.
780
00:44:05,610 --> 00:44:07,954
Oh. Um... Do you want me
to reach down there,
781
00:44:08,012 --> 00:44:10,083
and I can pull my butt crack
open for you if you want.
782
00:44:10,748 --> 00:44:17,290
Thank you. No one's ever asked if they could
hold their butt crack open for me before.
783
00:44:19,023 --> 00:44:21,697
I'll hold my butt crack open for
you anytime you want, Carla.
784
00:44:24,095 --> 00:44:26,200
Where did you come from,
Ty Swindel'?
785
00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:38,017
So what brings you here
today, Kiki?
786
00:44:38,276 --> 00:44:41,723
Well, um, my mom and I,
we're very close.
787
00:44:41,812 --> 00:44:44,019
And we would like to be...
788
00:44:44,115 --> 00:44:46,994
To be closer.
No. No.
789
00:44:47,051 --> 00:44:50,965
I think we would like
to be a little more
790
00:44:51,022 --> 00:44:52,399
independent.
Closer.
791
00:44:53,057 --> 00:44:57,199
Sandy, tell me about your
relationship with your daughter.
792
00:44:57,295 --> 00:45:00,401
Oh, my gosh.
That's my favorite topic.
793
00:45:00,498 --> 00:45:04,344
Well, I had Kiki
when I was 18 years old
794
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:08,411
and when the nurse placed her on my
breast, I looked down at her and I said,
795
00:45:08,506 --> 00:45:10,417
"You are gonna be
my best friend forever."
796
00:45:12,143 --> 00:45:14,555
Is that normal?
The best friend forever thing?
797
00:45:14,645 --> 00:45:18,525
Well, you know, we don't like to
use the word "normal" around here.
798
00:45:20,484 --> 00:45:23,931
Anyways, Kiki and I
have always been super close
799
00:45:24,021 --> 00:45:26,194
because we're basically
the same age.
800
00:45:26,257 --> 00:45:30,831
And then my husband died,
and we became crazy close.
801
00:45:31,729 --> 00:45:33,106
We went to prom together.
802
00:45:33,364 --> 00:45:36,675
WOW!
Okay,
803
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:41,513
And, Kiki, how does all this
closeness make you feel?
804
00:45:41,672 --> 00:45:43,083
Well...
She feels great.
805
00:45:43,174 --> 00:45:45,586
Who wouldn't want to be
best friends with their mom?
806
00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:47,586
I love my mom.
Thank you, honey.
807
00:45:47,678 --> 00:45:49,055
I really do.
Thank you.
808
00:45:49,113 --> 00:45:52,253
- But sometimes, she can be a bit much.
- What?
809
00:45:53,050 --> 00:45:54,222
Like when?
810
00:45:54,285 --> 00:45:58,358
Like when you watched
Kent and I have sex the other night.
811
00:45:58,623 --> 00:45:59,897
Oh, Lord.
812
00:46:00,024 --> 00:46:02,766
I just wanna know what's going on
in your life. Is that so wrong?
813
00:46:02,860 --> 00:46:06,967
No. But sometimes I'm in
need of a little space.
814
00:46:07,398 --> 00:46:09,469
Oh, boy.
815
00:46:09,567 --> 00:46:12,207
I don't know what's happening right now.
816
00:46:12,270 --> 00:46:14,216
Why are you turning on me?
817
00:46:14,272 --> 00:46:16,218
I'm not turning on you.
I'm just saying
818
00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:19,812
I think that we could benefit
from some boundaries, right?
819
00:46:19,910 --> 00:46:21,150
I have cancer.
820
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,949
Cancer?
Mmm-hmm.
821
00:46:25,049 --> 00:46:26,824
Oh, God.
What kind of cancer?
822
00:46:29,654 --> 00:46:30,758
Heart
823
00:46:31,956 --> 00:46:32,957
cancer.
824
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:37,766
Heart cancer.
Yeah.
825
00:46:37,995 --> 00:46:39,406
Stage 12.
826
00:46:40,164 --> 00:46:44,806
Maybe you can find it in your non-cancerous
heart to be nice to me before I die.
827
00:46:46,337 --> 00:46:48,613
I'm so sorry, Mom.
I had...
828
00:46:48,939 --> 00:46:51,010
I had no idea.
I know.
829
00:46:51,275 --> 00:46:52,845
I know.
830
00:46:53,577 --> 00:46:56,319
- On, God.
- Shoot.
831
00:46:57,748 --> 00:47:00,786
- Mom.
- Oh, Keeks.
832
00:47:00,851 --> 00:47:03,991
Oh, Kiki. No, no. Keeks.
833
00:47:04,088 --> 00:47:06,466
Okay, I don't have cancer.
What?
834
00:47:06,524 --> 00:47:07,525
I knew it.
835
00:47:07,625 --> 00:47:09,536
But imagine
if I did have cancer,
836
00:47:09,627 --> 00:47:12,130
how would you feel
being so mean to your mother?
837
00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:14,005
I'm not trying to be
mean to you, Mom.
838
00:47:14,098 --> 00:47:16,874
I'm trying to have an honest
conversation about our relationship.
839
00:47:16,967 --> 00:47:17,968
I have cancer again.
840
00:47:18,035 --> 00:47:20,641
No. It doesn't work like that a second time.
I have polio.
841
00:47:20,705 --> 00:47:22,150
I think they cured polio.
842
00:47:22,206 --> 00:47:24,049
I have bubonic plague.
No.
843
00:47:24,141 --> 00:47:25,620
I have shingles.
Mom!
844
00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:27,622
I have bird flu.
Are you done?
845
00:47:28,012 --> 00:47:30,219
I have a lazy eye.
Mom!
846
00:47:30,314 --> 00:47:32,954
Please, can we just talk
about our relationship
847
00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:34,963
because I wanna
work this out with you.
848
00:47:35,019 --> 00:47:39,331
Yes. Let's do that. Yes.
849
00:47:39,523 --> 00:47:40,968
Really?
Yes.
850
00:47:41,025 --> 00:47:42,129
I wanna work this out with you.
851
00:47:42,226 --> 00:47:44,365
Honestly?
I'm gonna run to the ladies' room
852
00:47:44,462 --> 00:47:46,066
and I will be right back.
853
00:47:46,197 --> 00:47:47,369
Okay.
854
00:48:01,579 --> 00:48:03,058
She's not coming back, is she?
855
00:48:03,314 --> 00:48:04,349
No.
856
00:48:05,249 --> 00:48:06,819
What is the matter with her?
857
00:48:07,318 --> 00:48:08,820
You really wanna know?
858
00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:10,255
Yeah.
859
00:48:10,421 --> 00:48:13,561
Your mom was probably pretty
normal before she had you.
860
00:48:13,657 --> 00:48:16,661
But then you were born.
And you didn't sleep for six months,
861
00:48:16,727 --> 00:48:18,673
so she didn't sleep
for six months.
862
00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:21,266
And you refused to eat,
and when you did eat,
863
00:48:21,365 --> 00:48:23,038
you would barf
all over her clothes.
864
00:48:23,367 --> 00:48:25,108
And that made
your mom a little crazy.
865
00:48:25,269 --> 00:48:27,749
And then you fell off your
bike and you broke your arm.
866
00:48:27,838 --> 00:48:29,374
And then you
got bullied in school.
867
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:31,351
And then you started dating
that weird dude
868
00:48:31,409 --> 00:48:33,889
with the stake through his nose.
And all those things
869
00:48:34,178 --> 00:48:36,180
made your mom
a little more crazy.
870
00:48:36,380 --> 00:48:39,554
And then you got married and you
bought a house you can't afford
871
00:48:39,617 --> 00:48:42,962
and you're raising kids who never
say "please" or "thank you."
872
00:48:43,053 --> 00:48:46,034
Shit, they can't even read.
And all those things
873
00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:48,195
made your mom
super-duper crazy.
874
00:48:48,259 --> 00:48:49,932
And now you come into my office
875
00:48:50,027 --> 00:48:53,736
and you go, "Dr. Karl,
why is my mom so crazy?"
876
00:48:53,798 --> 00:48:55,106
And the answer is.“
877
00:48:56,567 --> 00:48:59,571
You, motherfucker.
You made your mom crazy.
878
00:48:59,637 --> 00:49:03,585
So be nice to your mom 'cause you're
the one who fucked her shit up.
879
00:49:08,045 --> 00:49:10,616
We are gonna
dominate caroling this year.
880
00:49:10,714 --> 00:49:13,490
What are you wearing?
881
00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:17,122
Sweetie, if you wanna win the Caroling
Cup, you have to have a theme.
882
00:49:17,221 --> 00:49:21,294
Which is why we're all going as
characters from A Christmas Carol.
883
00:49:21,392 --> 00:49:23,668
Oh, my God.
Dylan, you're Marley's Ghost.
884
00:49:24,094 --> 00:49:26,904
Jane, you are the
Ghost of Christmas Present.
885
00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:29,843
Oh, great.
And, Amy, you're Scrooge.
886
00:49:30,468 --> 00:49:32,505
Oh. Wow, thanks, Mom.
887
00:49:32,603 --> 00:49:36,415
I just think it's appropriate, given how
much you seem to hate Christmas this year.
888
00:49:36,474 --> 00:49:38,249
Mother, I don't hate Christmas.
889
00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:42,155
And here is everyone's sheet music.
I'd hope we'd all be off-book by now.
890
00:49:42,246 --> 00:49:43,748
This is a lot of songs.
891
00:49:43,814 --> 00:49:46,420
Well, every home in Westbury gets
to vote on who wins the Cup.
892
00:49:46,484 --> 00:49:49,693
So we have to hit
at least 300 houses tonight.
893
00:49:49,987 --> 00:49:52,661
Three hundred!
Don't worry. We have backup.
894
00:49:52,756 --> 00:49:54,030
Come on in, everybody.
895
00:49:54,658 --> 00:49:58,265
Please, welcome
the Chicago All Saints Choir!
896
00:49:58,429 --> 00:49:59,999
You hired ringers?
897
00:50:00,097 --> 00:50:03,135
I did what I needed
to do to succeed, Amy.
898
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:04,804
You should try it sometime.
899
00:50:04,869 --> 00:50:07,509
Okay, fine.
We'll go caroling.
900
00:50:07,605 --> 00:50:09,983
But I'm not wearing
this ridiculous costume.
901
00:50:13,677 --> 00:50:15,122
Fuck me.
902
00:50:22,720 --> 00:50:24,631
Hey, guys, we got more carolers.
903
00:50:24,889 --> 00:50:26,869
Read your line, Scrooge!
904
00:50:28,492 --> 00:50:30,165
Do it!
905
00:50:31,795 --> 00:50:34,503
"Bah-humbug. I'm Ebenezer
Scrooge and I hate Christmas
906
00:50:34,565 --> 00:50:36,909
"because it's so much work
and lam lazy."
907
00:50:37,001 --> 00:50:40,881
Please, Mr. Scrooge!
Won't you listen to our song?
908
00:50:40,971 --> 00:50:45,078
And let ye heart be warmed!
Two, three, four.
909
00:50:45,175 --> 00:50:49,646
We wish you a Merry Christmas
910
00:50:49,713 --> 00:50:52,694
We wish you a Merry Christmas
911
00:50:52,750 --> 00:50:58,428
We wish you a Merry Christmas
and a happy New Year
912
00:50:58,889 --> 00:51:04,237
Good tidings we bring
to you and your kids
913
00:51:04,328 --> 00:51:07,571
Yeah!
Good tidings for Christmas
914
00:51:07,665 --> 00:51:08,905
What the fuck is happening?
915
00:51:08,999 --> 00:51:10,069
And a happy New Year
916
00:51:10,167 --> 00:51:11,168
Everybody!
917
00:51:13,871 --> 00:51:15,873
A happy New Year
918
00:51:27,618 --> 00:51:30,758
"Bah-humbug. I'm Ebenezer
Scrooge and I hate Christmas
919
00:51:30,854 --> 00:51:32,527
"because it's so much work..."
Amy?
920
00:51:34,124 --> 00:51:35,899
On, shit.
921
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,066
What in the fuck
are you wearing?
922
00:51:39,363 --> 00:51:41,138
My mom made me wear this.
923
00:51:41,231 --> 00:51:43,871
Oh, my God. You look amazing.
Serious...
924
00:51:43,934 --> 00:51:46,312
Honestly. This is better than
what you usually wear to school.
925
00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:48,917
Wait, guys, come here. No, no, guys.
It's okay. You could just stay there.
926
00:51:48,973 --> 00:51:51,476
It's fine... This is Amy Mitchell.
She's dressed up as an old fat man.
927
00:51:51,609 --> 00:51:54,488
Uh. I'm actually supposed to be
Scrooge, but that's...
928
00:51:54,578 --> 00:51:56,387
Don't laugh. She's my friend.
That's rude.
929
00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:59,060
Honey, I'm gonna lnstagram the
shit out of this right now.
930
00:51:59,116 --> 00:52:01,722
Okay, wait, side angle. And this one.
Okay. Um...
931
00:52:01,785 --> 00:52:03,924
Can you purse
your lips for me a little bit?
932
00:52:03,988 --> 00:52:05,626
I'ma go kill myself, so...
933
00:52:05,756 --> 00:52:08,327
- I'll put a filter on it so you don't look so tired.
- Okay.
934
00:52:08,425 --> 00:52:10,803
Thank you for visiting, Amy.
Bye.
935
00:52:10,894 --> 00:52:12,737
I will never
let you forget this.
936
00:52:12,830 --> 00:52:13,968
You know that
937
00:52:14,064 --> 00:52:15,099
I do.
938
00:52:15,299 --> 00:52:17,677
Was that a broken dick on her face?
939
00:52:20,504 --> 00:52:23,280
Well, I thought that
was an enormous success.
940
00:52:23,574 --> 00:52:26,646
Mom, this isn't working.
What isn't working?
941
00:52:26,744 --> 00:52:29,156
This. This... I wanted
a mellow Christmas
942
00:52:29,246 --> 00:52:31,123
and you keep fighting me
every step of the way.
943
00:52:31,281 --> 00:52:33,852
Amy, this is a very important
Christmas for your kids.
944
00:52:33,951 --> 00:52:35,487
You cannot just phone it in.
945
00:52:35,686 --> 00:52:37,688
Mother, I'm not phoning it in.
946
00:52:38,022 --> 00:52:40,969
My kids told me that they
wanted a mellow Christmas
947
00:52:41,025 --> 00:52:43,027
and I promised them that
I would give it to them.
948
00:52:43,260 --> 00:52:44,864
Well, of course
they told you that, Amy,
949
00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:47,441
because they're telling you what
they think you want to hear.
950
00:52:47,531 --> 00:52:49,033
But, secretly, they know
that I'm right
951
00:52:49,166 --> 00:52:50,804
because you know what,
I just am.
952
00:52:51,335 --> 00:52:52,609
Okay.
953
00:52:52,936 --> 00:52:55,280
You know what,
I'm clone fighting this.
954
00:52:56,440 --> 00:53:00,013
I'm gonna tell you exactly how
we're doing Christmas this year.
955
00:53:00,511 --> 00:53:03,788
The kids and I are gonna spend the
entire Christmas Eve day sledding.
956
00:53:04,048 --> 00:53:06,153
And then we're gonna
come home, bake cookies,
957
00:53:06,283 --> 00:53:07,660
and watch Love Actually.
958
00:53:07,818 --> 00:53:08,819
Dumb movie.
959
00:53:08,986 --> 00:53:12,559
Then, Christmas moming, only Jessie
and his daughter are gonna come over
960
00:53:12,656 --> 00:53:14,863
and we're gonna exchange
three gifts.
961
00:53:15,192 --> 00:53:16,193
Who's Jessie?
962
00:53:16,293 --> 00:53:18,364
Then we're gonna spend
all day in our pajamas
963
00:53:18,462 --> 00:53:20,408
until my friends come over
for dinner
964
00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:23,808
when we are gonna order Chinese
takeout from Mr. Wang's.
965
00:53:23,867 --> 00:53:24,868
The horror!
966
00:53:25,002 --> 00:53:29,678
Ugh! There'll be no show-off-y
party, no sushi, no camels
967
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:33,049
and definitely, definitely
968
00:53:33,577 --> 00:53:34,578
no Kenny G.
969
00:53:34,678 --> 00:53:36,919
Amy, he is the godfather
of smooth jazz.
970
00:53:37,047 --> 00:53:39,755
Mom, lam done with your
over-the-top Christmases.
971
00:53:39,917 --> 00:53:41,897
This is my house
and this is my life.
972
00:53:42,019 --> 00:53:44,898
And if you wanna come down here
and be a part of my family
973
00:53:45,889 --> 00:53:47,766
then you have to live
by my rules.
974
00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:52,563
Okay.
975
00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:54,675
Really?
We will do it your way.
976
00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:59,176
We will have a mellow Christmas.
977
00:54:00,771 --> 00:54:02,614
I hope you're happy.
978
00:54:03,173 --> 00:54:05,449
I don't think you mean that
but thank you, I am.
979
00:54:26,597 --> 00:54:27,598
And it worked.
980
00:54:28,031 --> 00:54:29,738
I stood up to her,
and she totally backed down.
981
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:31,871
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
982
00:54:32,035 --> 00:54:33,275
I actually feel,
for the first time,
983
00:54:33,370 --> 00:54:35,043
my mom looked at me as an equal
984
00:54:35,105 --> 00:54:39,247
like maybe some day,
somehow, we could be closer.
985
00:54:39,376 --> 00:54:42,585
Relax, Obama. Your mom is
still a colossal bitch.
986
00:54:42,946 --> 00:54:45,449
Don't let your guard down or
she's gonna blow up your car.
987
00:54:45,749 --> 00:54:47,319
- All right.
- I'm just sayin'.
988
00:54:47,417 --> 00:54:49,590
Either way, it was a big step,
989
00:54:49,753 --> 00:54:53,132
so I just wanna say thank you
for encouraging me, ladies.
990
00:54:53,490 --> 00:54:55,902
Ah, so proud.
Thank you.
991
00:54:56,560 --> 00:54:58,665
- You know what we should do to celebrate?
- What?
992
00:54:58,829 --> 00:55:02,800
Watch a bunch of Santa Clauses
take off their clothes!
993
00:55:16,346 --> 00:55:19,088
Yay! I love Santa Claus.
994
00:55:19,449 --> 00:55:21,087
And there're so many of them.
995
00:55:22,319 --> 00:55:24,265
Guys, I don't wanna make
a big deal of this,
996
00:55:25,022 --> 00:55:28,299
but I'm kind of on a first
date with one of the Santas.
997
00:55:28,592 --> 00:55:29,593
Shut up.
Yeah.
998
00:55:30,260 --> 00:55:31,933
Which one?
999
00:55:32,629 --> 00:55:33,767
Santa Number Two.
1000
00:55:39,803 --> 00:55:41,111
How'd you guys meet?
1001
00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:42,445
Oh, waxing his balls.
1002
00:55:42,606 --> 00:55:44,108
That is so romantic.
1003
00:55:44,474 --> 00:55:46,511
You learn a lot about a man
when you wax his sack.
1004
00:55:47,444 --> 00:55:50,482
You know, some guys cry.
Some guys act real tough.
1005
00:55:50,547 --> 00:55:54,359
But with Ty, he was so calm.
1006
00:55:55,219 --> 00:55:58,632
It was almost like waxing
the balls of the Dalai Lama.
1007
00:56:01,124 --> 00:56:02,660
How you doin' tonight, Chicago?
1008
00:56:04,795 --> 00:56:05,899
All right.
1009
00:56:06,230 --> 00:56:08,369
Okay, listen, ladies,
I need you guys to tell me
1010
00:56:08,866 --> 00:56:12,404
which one of these sexy Santas
is the sexiest of them all.
1011
00:56:13,070 --> 00:56:14,071
Any of them?
1012
00:56:14,304 --> 00:56:16,910
Yeah! Okay, well,
let's start this thing off.
1013
00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:19,209
Santa Number One,
the bar is yours, sir.
1014
00:56:32,089 --> 00:56:34,535
Oh. That is
a lot of white skin.
1015
00:56:41,331 --> 00:56:43,937
Okay, you know, all right. Santa
Number One, the audience has spoken.
1016
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:45,402
Thank you.
1017
00:56:45,502 --> 00:56:46,606
Such a good sport.
Such a good sport.
1018
00:56:47,871 --> 00:56:49,009
All right.
1019
00:56:49,439 --> 00:56:50,440
Now.
1020
00:56:50,707 --> 00:56:54,678
Bring it to the stage, my man,
Santa Number Two!
1021
00:57:18,135 --> 00:57:20,411
Yeah! Take it off!
1022
00:57:37,487 --> 00:57:39,489
He's really good at stripping.
1023
00:57:40,090 --> 00:57:42,593
He has such kind eyes.
Yeah.
1024
00:57:43,060 --> 00:57:44,630
I'm gonna fuck his dick
off tonight.
1025
00:57:48,632 --> 00:57:51,442
Put a baby in me,
Santa Number Two!
1026
00:57:52,903 --> 00:57:53,904
Whoo!
1027
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:58,613
I love his panties.
They're so seasonal.
1028
00:58:06,817 --> 00:58:08,455
Oh, my God.
1029
00:58:12,689 --> 00:58:14,464
I think I am in love.
What?
1030
00:58:15,826 --> 00:58:17,806
I honestly think that he's
1031
00:58:18,929 --> 00:58:19,930
the one.
1032
00:58:21,365 --> 00:58:22,366
Is that your mom?
1033
00:58:27,037 --> 00:58:29,847
Wait, holy shit. It is.
Why is... Mom!
1034
00:58:30,207 --> 00:58:31,550
What are you doing?
1035
00:58:32,442 --> 00:58:35,787
Oh, look at that. Yeah. My mom
dances this way with everybody.
1036
00:58:38,515 --> 00:58:40,893
So this doesn't
bother me at all.
1037
00:58:43,687 --> 00:58:45,030
Oh, my God-
His face is in her tits.
1038
00:58:45,288 --> 00:58:48,497
Wait. Mom, no motorboating!
We talked about this.
1039
00:58:48,625 --> 00:58:50,298
- All right. It's about to get weird.
- It's game time.
1040
00:58:50,961 --> 00:58:52,668
Oh, you look great!
That's my mom.
1041
00:58:52,729 --> 00:58:54,072
That's your mom?
Yeah. That's my mom.
1042
00:58:54,164 --> 00:58:55,336
You're Mom?
Yeah.
1043
00:58:55,699 --> 00:58:57,645
Oh, my God, it's a pleasure.
You have such a lovely daughter.
1044
00:58:57,701 --> 00:58:58,702
I know!
1045
00:59:03,673 --> 00:59:06,882
You should never have to watch your
mom lick your boyfriend's nipples.
1046
00:59:07,077 --> 00:59:08,078
No.
1047
00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:10,382
Mom! What are you doing?
1048
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:12,557
Ha! Whoa!
1049
00:59:12,716 --> 00:59:13,888
Oh» my God!
1050
00:59:15,352 --> 00:59:16,353
Mom!
1051
00:59:21,091 --> 00:59:23,697
Not one person caught me.
That was amazing.
1052
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:26,502
Every time they jump into
the crowd, someone usually...
1053
00:59:26,730 --> 00:59:27,731
Hi.
1054
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:30,375
Hi. Hey.
Here you are.
1055
00:59:30,500 --> 00:59:33,003
I... Bag of ice for you.
1056
00:59:33,770 --> 00:59:35,249
Thank you, Ty.
1057
00:59:36,106 --> 00:59:37,210
Um...
1058
00:59:38,442 --> 00:59:39,546
So about tonight.
1059
00:59:39,876 --> 00:59:41,583
You know, we were gonna
hang out after the show
1060
00:59:42,179 --> 00:59:43,783
and I was looking forward to it.
1061
00:59:43,914 --> 00:59:46,758
I was wondering if you're
still up for it? You know.
1062
00:59:47,084 --> 00:59:48,085
Oh, TY-
1063
00:59:48,385 --> 00:59:49,386
Yeah.
1064
00:59:49,519 --> 00:59:50,623
Um...
1065
00:59:52,022 --> 00:59:53,467
I would love to.
Good.
1066
00:59:54,057 --> 00:59:58,130
But, you know, I think this is my
mom's third concussion this month.
1067
00:59:58,295 --> 01:00:00,536
Wow.
That's a lot of concussions.
1068
01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:03,707
Better stay with her
for observation.
1069
01:00:03,867 --> 01:00:04,868
Yeah.
1070
01:00:06,770 --> 01:00:07,771
Well, um...
1071
01:00:09,639 --> 01:00:11,744
I gotta get back
to Cleveland tomorrow.
1072
01:00:11,942 --> 01:00:12,943
Right.
1073
01:00:13,043 --> 01:00:16,718
But, uh... Think I could give you a
call next time I come into town?
1074
01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:19,624
Would that interest you at all?
Could I do that?
1075
01:00:19,816 --> 01:00:20,954
Please.
Yeah?
1076
01:00:21,084 --> 01:00:22,290
Yes.
Great.
1077
01:00:22,652 --> 01:00:24,996
I'd wax your balls for free.
1078
01:00:25,388 --> 01:00:27,163
That is so sweet
1079
01:00:28,225 --> 01:00:29,932
Well, I would really
love that, Carla.
1080
01:00:31,995 --> 01:00:33,133
And so would my balls.
1081
01:00:33,897 --> 01:00:35,843
Well. Consider it done.
1082
01:00:39,469 --> 01:00:40,914
Oh...
1083
01:00:41,004 --> 01:00:42,312
Sorry, I thought
you wanted to...
1084
01:00:45,108 --> 01:00:46,246
Merry Christmas, Carla.
1085
01:00:47,244 --> 01:00:48,450
Merry Christmas, Ty.
1086
01:01:27,484 --> 01:01:29,395
Okay, time for bed, my darlings.
1087
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:34,195
Tonight, I am going to sing
you My Heart Will Go On
1088
01:01:34,891 --> 01:01:37,337
by seven-time Grammy winner,
Celine Dion.
1089
01:01:37,661 --> 01:01:38,799
Hmm?
1090
01:01:42,199 --> 01:01:43,200
What's the matter?
1091
01:01:45,402 --> 01:01:47,177
Is everything okay with
you and Mom?
1092
01:01:47,404 --> 01:01:49,145
Yeah. You guys have been
fighting a lot.
1093
01:01:49,673 --> 01:01:50,743
Come here and sit by me.
1094
01:01:50,874 --> 01:01:52,353
Both of you, come here.
1095
01:01:54,477 --> 01:01:58,084
Now, your mother and I just
have a few tiny disagreements
1096
01:01:58,548 --> 01:02:00,050
about the importance
of Christmas
1097
01:02:00,150 --> 01:02:01,595
and what it means to be a mother
1098
01:02:01,685 --> 01:02:04,097
and the sanctity of marriage
and how best to raise children.
1099
01:02:04,254 --> 01:02:06,495
But, otherwise,
everything is fine.
1100
01:02:06,656 --> 01:02:08,897
There's no reason
to worry, okay?
1101
01:02:10,594 --> 01:02:15,270
Look, I know this is your first Christmas
since your parents got divorced
1102
01:02:15,365 --> 01:02:17,743
and it's probably a little
strange for you. Am I right?
1103
01:02:17,867 --> 01:02:19,278
Yeah.
Yeah, it really is.
1104
01:02:19,402 --> 01:02:20,710
Well, first of all,
1105
01:02:21,371 --> 01:02:24,215
both of your parents still
love you so very much.
1106
01:02:24,674 --> 01:02:26,915
And no matter what happens
1107
01:02:27,344 --> 01:02:29,790
I will always be there for you.
1108
01:02:30,614 --> 01:02:31,615
Always.
1109
01:02:32,449 --> 01:02:33,757
Because you're my grandkids.
1110
01:02:34,417 --> 01:02:36,954
And I love you more than
anything in the whole world.
1111
01:02:37,854 --> 01:02:39,128
And so does Grandpa Hank.
1112
01:02:39,756 --> 01:02:41,531
I know his brain is
the size of a walnut,
1113
01:02:41,625 --> 01:02:43,195
but, you know,
his heart is enormous.
1114
01:02:46,963 --> 01:02:48,636
Okay? Feel better?
1115
01:02:48,765 --> 01:02:51,439
Yeah. It's really nice
having you here, Grandma.
1116
01:02:51,635 --> 01:02:53,478
Yeah. We really miss you.
1117
01:02:53,570 --> 01:02:54,981
Yeah.
Aw!
1118
01:02:55,071 --> 01:02:56,812
I miss you, too.
1119
01:02:57,374 --> 01:03:00,253
Grandkids, they really are
the greatest gift.
1120
01:03:01,077 --> 01:03:02,488
Speaking of gifts,
1121
01:03:03,213 --> 01:03:04,658
have some iPhones.
1122
01:03:04,914 --> 01:03:06,552
Nice.
No way.
1123
01:03:06,716 --> 01:03:07,922
Now, get ready for bed.
1124
01:03:08,585 --> 01:03:11,759
And I will come back
and sing to you for hours.
1125
01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:18,970
I can't believe people
fall for this shit.
1126
01:03:19,062 --> 01:03:20,063
It's so stupid.
1127
01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:21,900
I know.
Wait, here comes somebody.
1128
01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:23,672
Merry Christmas!
1129
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,245
Ho, ho, hold on.
1130
01:03:25,335 --> 01:03:27,611
Hey, would you like to donate
your canned goods
1131
01:03:27,737 --> 01:03:29,774
to our Christmas
canned food drive?
1132
01:03:30,140 --> 01:03:32,586
Oh, um, I sort of just
bought all this...
1133
01:03:32,676 --> 01:03:34,917
Bingo. She's got cans.
1134
01:03:36,079 --> 01:03:38,150
Oh, Mom, look.
She's got wine.
1135
01:03:38,782 --> 01:03:40,921
Thank you very much for
a very generous donation
1136
01:03:40,984 --> 01:03:42,361
to the canned
Christmas food drive.
1137
01:03:42,485 --> 01:03:44,123
The children are gonna
be so happy.
1138
01:03:46,122 --> 01:03:47,123
Yes!
1139
01:03:47,590 --> 01:03:49,126
That was a good haul' Mom.
1140
01:03:49,192 --> 01:03:50,364
Yeah, she had some good shit.
1141
01:03:50,460 --> 01:03:51,461
You know...
1142
01:03:52,262 --> 01:03:54,367
Ripping off rich people in front
of the supermarket with you
1143
01:03:54,497 --> 01:03:58,035
is bringing back a lot of happy
Christmas memories for me.
1144
01:03:58,668 --> 01:03:59,976
Yeah. Me, too, babe.
1145
01:04:01,338 --> 01:04:03,113
I miss you, you know?
1146
01:04:03,506 --> 01:04:04,814
I miss you, too.
1147
01:04:05,375 --> 01:04:07,355
It's so weird.
1148
01:04:07,877 --> 01:04:09,447
Yeah. Maybe we should
1149
01:04:10,980 --> 01:04:12,357
spend more time together?
1150
01:04:13,550 --> 01:04:14,551
Do you mean that?
1151
01:04:16,052 --> 01:04:18,396
Yeah. You know when we
were at the bouncy place
1152
01:04:18,521 --> 01:04:21,024
with what's his name?
1153
01:04:21,458 --> 01:04:23,369
Oh, my son, Jaxon?
Yeah, him.
1154
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:25,301
Um, I was watching you two
1155
01:04:25,362 --> 01:04:27,239
and you were beating the shit out
of each other with those sticks,
1156
01:04:27,330 --> 01:04:28,331
and I thought,
1157
01:04:28,398 --> 01:04:30,674
"Maybe I should have a
relationship with my grandson."
1158
01:04:30,867 --> 01:04:34,076
Well, we'd love to see you more.
1159
01:04:35,338 --> 01:04:36,817
Yeah. Okay.
1160
01:04:38,007 --> 01:04:39,008
You know,
1161
01:04:40,210 --> 01:04:43,020
I've been doing a lot of thinking about
the money you asked me for, Mom, and...
1162
01:04:44,347 --> 01:04:45,826
I'm such an idiot.
1163
01:04:46,516 --> 01:04:49,087
But it's Christmas
and you're my mom and...
1164
01:04:50,820 --> 01:04:52,197
Fuck it. Here.
1165
01:04:52,322 --> 01:04:53,699
It's a loan. It's a loan.
1166
01:04:53,757 --> 01:04:55,100
I mean, it's not everything
you asked for.
1167
01:04:55,225 --> 01:04:58,434
But it's basically all I have.
No, that's great. Thank you so much.
1168
01:04:58,561 --> 01:05:00,905
This is a loan.
I will pay you back, I swear.
1169
01:05:00,997 --> 01:05:02,601
I really have my shit
together now. Thanks.
1170
01:05:03,032 --> 01:05:04,170
Whoa!
1171
01:05:04,267 --> 01:05:06,770
Hey! Sir, Merry Christmas!
1172
01:05:06,903 --> 01:05:09,349
Merry Christmas!
1173
01:05:09,406 --> 01:05:11,852
Would you like to donate your
cans to our canned food drive?
1174
01:05:11,908 --> 01:05:14,548
We're collecting for
a drive for the homeless.
1175
01:05:14,677 --> 01:05:16,679
Yikes. I just bought all this.
And canned goods.
1176
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:19,523
You know, this is important.
The fuck is this?
1177
01:05:19,783 --> 01:05:21,524
Uh, that's fennel.
1178
01:05:21,584 --> 01:05:22,756
Fuck it.
So happy.
1179
01:05:23,386 --> 01:05:24,694
Thank you so much.
1180
01:05:24,754 --> 01:05:28,031
Oh, shit. Manager. Manager's coming.
Code red, code red.
1181
01:05:28,792 --> 01:05:30,635
Go, go, go. Mom!
Where did we park? Where did we park?
1182
01:05:31,094 --> 01:05:32,698
Happy Hanukkah.
Where did we park?
1183
01:05:32,962 --> 01:05:34,805
Go, go, go.
They just totally stole all my shit.
1184
01:05:35,799 --> 01:05:38,040
- Taking this, though. This is cute, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
1185
01:05:38,701 --> 01:05:40,578
Okay, guys.
So since it's Christmas Eve
1186
01:05:40,703 --> 01:05:43,309
everybody gets to open
one present, okay'?
1187
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,613
Oh! Hey, Kiki, Kiki.
Open mine.
1188
01:05:46,443 --> 01:05:47,979
Please open
mine first. Please.
1189
01:05:48,311 --> 01:05:49,915
I'll go first. I guess.
Okay.
1190
01:05:53,249 --> 01:05:54,250
What's this?
1191
01:05:54,451 --> 01:05:56,931
It is a key
1192
01:05:57,387 --> 01:05:59,333
to my new house!
1193
01:06:00,256 --> 01:06:01,599
What are you talking about?
1194
01:06:01,791 --> 01:06:03,634
Well, after our therapy session,
1195
01:06:03,726 --> 01:06:05,069
I felt like we were
drifting apart
1196
01:06:05,128 --> 01:06:07,438
so I decided to move
closer to you guys.
1197
01:06:08,731 --> 01:06:11,109
Oh, okay.
Where are you moving to?
1198
01:06:11,801 --> 01:06:13,007
Right next door!
1199
01:06:13,403 --> 01:06:14,905
Oh, Jesus.
What?
1200
01:06:16,005 --> 01:06:18,110
You're moving, um,
next door to me?
1201
01:06:18,274 --> 01:06:19,582
Yeah, the house
wasn't on the market.
1202
01:06:19,642 --> 01:06:21,849
So I checked it out on Zillow
and made an all-cash offer
1203
01:06:21,978 --> 01:06:23,457
and then, boom.
Howdy, neighbor.
1204
01:06:24,113 --> 01:06:25,114
Howdy, neighbor.
1205
01:06:25,482 --> 01:06:26,483
Oh, my God.
1206
01:06:26,649 --> 01:06:28,492
We can dig a tunnel
between the houses.
1207
01:06:29,152 --> 01:06:30,153
Keeks!
1208
01:06:30,620 --> 01:06:31,826
Keeks.
1209
01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:34,798
Kent, get the kids out of here.
1210
01:06:35,024 --> 01:06:36,697
Mmm-hmm.
Yep, yep. Let's go, guys.
1211
01:06:36,826 --> 01:06:38,499
Let's get outta here.
Mommy and Grandma gotta talk.
1212
01:06:38,595 --> 01:06:40,597
Come on, buddy.
This is gonna get ugly.
1213
01:06:41,130 --> 01:06:42,131
Mom.
What?
1214
01:06:42,432 --> 01:06:43,638
You can't live next door to me.
1215
01:06:43,867 --> 01:06:44,868
Why not?
1216
01:06:45,034 --> 01:06:48,948
Because I need space
and that is too close.
1217
01:06:50,940 --> 01:06:52,817
I have diabetes.
Mom, stop.
1218
01:06:54,344 --> 01:06:55,880
- Sit down.
- Kiki.
1219
01:06:55,979 --> 01:06:56,980
- Sit.
- Kiki.
1220
01:06:57,046 --> 01:06:58,320
I've got strep throat.
Mom.
1221
01:06:58,448 --> 01:07:01,452
- I might have a gallstones. Really... Kiki...
- No. Enough.
1222
01:07:01,951 --> 01:07:03,692
We need to have
this conversation.
1223
01:07:04,287 --> 01:07:08,736
I am a grown woman who needs a
life that is separate from you rs
1224
01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:13,398
and I need you to have a life that's
separate from mine. I'm sorry.
1225
01:07:14,631 --> 01:07:16,702
Kiki, I don't want a life
separate from yours.
1226
01:07:17,300 --> 01:07:18,836
You're my favorite person
in the whole world.
1227
01:07:18,968 --> 01:07:21,471
I know. But, Mom, this is
starting to affect my marriage.
1228
01:07:21,538 --> 01:07:24,417
- And my family. And my sanity.
- What?
1229
01:07:24,908 --> 01:07:29,914
And I just need you to just
let me go a little bit!
1230
01:07:32,248 --> 01:07:34,694
Well, what am I supposed
to do with myself?
1231
01:07:35,018 --> 01:07:37,760
I don't know, Mom!
Anything! Make some friends!
1232
01:07:37,854 --> 01:07:41,700
You're always saying you wanna go to Vegas
to see Wayne Newton before he dies.
1233
01:07:41,824 --> 01:07:46,034
Do that! Anything!
As long as it's without me!
1234
01:07:48,831 --> 01:07:49,832
Without you'?
1235
01:07:52,669 --> 01:07:54,239
Why are you doing this
to me, Kiki?
1236
01:07:56,172 --> 01:07:57,742
I didn't... Mom...
1237
01:07:58,207 --> 01:08:01,745
And I really don't think
I can return that house!
1238
01:08:10,386 --> 01:08:11,626
Ooh. 'Kay.
1239
01:08:11,788 --> 01:08:13,790
How fun was that sledding?
1240
01:08:14,057 --> 01:08:17,402
There is still an alarming amount
of snow in my pants, I gotta say.
1241
01:08:18,194 --> 01:08:21,732
Oh, I can't wait to go home, throw
on some jammies, get comfy.
1242
01:08:21,931 --> 01:08:24,309
- I know. It's gonna be...
- Oh, look, someones having a party.
1243
01:08:25,234 --> 01:08:26,872
Yeah, they are.
1244
01:08:27,870 --> 01:08:29,747
- Wow, that's a lot of people.
- A lot of people.
1245
01:08:29,973 --> 01:08:30,974
Wait.
1246
01:08:31,574 --> 01:08:32,712
You're having a party.
1247
01:08:34,744 --> 01:08:36,485
Um, is that a camel?
1248
01:08:38,548 --> 01:08:40,118
Yup, that's a camel.
1249
01:08:42,485 --> 01:08:43,793
I'm gonna kill her.
1250
01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:55,439
What the fuck.
1251
01:09:00,903 --> 01:09:02,814
What did she do to my house?
1252
01:09:04,641 --> 01:09:05,642
No!
1253
01:09:20,189 --> 01:09:21,668
Kenny G's in my den.
1254
01:09:28,698 --> 01:09:29,699
Mom.
1255
01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:32,001
You lied to me.
1256
01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:36,180
I did what was best
for the family.
1257
01:09:36,339 --> 01:09:38,182
Mom, everything that
is wrong with Christmas
1258
01:09:38,274 --> 01:09:40,185
is in this room,
and I want it all gone.
1259
01:09:40,343 --> 01:09:41,720
Amy, don't be ridiculous.
1260
01:09:42,145 --> 01:09:45,388
You can't kick Kenny G out of the house.
He's a national treasure.
1261
01:09:45,548 --> 01:09:47,289
If you won't do it, then I will.
1262
01:09:47,517 --> 01:09:48,518
You wouldn't dare.
1263
01:09:49,118 --> 01:09:50,119
Oh.
1264
01:09:50,186 --> 01:09:51,187
Watch me.
1265
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:55,358
Yo!
1266
01:09:55,992 --> 01:09:57,164
I need you to leave my house.
1267
01:09:57,393 --> 01:09:58,394
What are you talking about?
1268
01:09:58,528 --> 01:10:00,030
Get the fuck out, Kenny G.
1269
01:10:00,630 --> 01:10:01,700
I'm still getting paid, right?
1270
01:10:01,798 --> 01:10:04,142
I don't know! Take your little
flute and shoo! Shoo, fly.
1271
01:10:04,233 --> 01:10:05,371
Okay. Okay.
Go make another album.
1272
01:10:05,468 --> 01:10:06,572
It's not a flute, bitch.
1273
01:10:06,703 --> 01:10:09,240
Don't care. Thank you so much.
You can go now.
1274
01:10:09,372 --> 01:10:11,215
Please. You can leave.
Thank you so much for coming.
1275
01:10:11,340 --> 01:10:12,683
- Thank you very much.
- You too, my friend. I'm so sorry.
1276
01:10:12,909 --> 01:10:14,388
Please, no, no, please exit.
1277
01:10:14,644 --> 01:10:15,850
I don't know any of you.
1278
01:10:16,345 --> 01:10:17,824
Please leave my house.
1279
01:10:18,014 --> 01:10:19,084
Farewell, see you later.
1280
01:10:19,215 --> 01:10:21,195
Sushi Chef, you gotta go.
We're done.
1281
01:10:21,250 --> 01:10:22,422
You can take that plate.
1282
01:10:22,518 --> 01:10:25,089
Amy, stop!
You're embarrassing the family.
1283
01:10:27,223 --> 01:10:29,066
Oh, my God. That's what this
is about, isn't it?
1284
01:10:29,592 --> 01:10:30,832
This finally makes sense.
1285
01:10:30,893 --> 01:10:32,930
The perfect decorations,
the perfect tree,
1286
01:10:33,029 --> 01:10:35,009
whatever the hell that
thing is in my front yard.
1287
01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:36,505
You didn't do this for the kids!
1288
01:10:36,599 --> 01:10:37,839
You did this for you!
1289
01:10:38,167 --> 01:10:41,273
All you care about is for people to
go, "Oh, Ruth. You're so amazing.“
1290
01:10:41,404 --> 01:10:43,111
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
1291
01:10:43,272 --> 01:10:46,515
Please don't leave without taking
your Louis Vuitton swag bag.
1292
01:10:47,043 --> 01:10:48,386
Oh, God. Oh, God. Please.
1293
01:10:48,511 --> 01:10:50,684
This has got to all go.
All of this has got to go.
1294
01:10:50,747 --> 01:10:52,852
The swag bags,
the weird curtains,
1295
01:10:52,949 --> 01:10:54,394
the floor, the tree.
1296
01:10:54,517 --> 01:10:57,020
Oh, God, the tree has got to go.
1297
01:10:57,253 --> 01:10:59,290
No, not my tree!
It's from Paris!
1298
01:10:59,522 --> 01:11:01,229
Watch me.
No!
1299
01:11:01,924 --> 01:11:02,959
No!
1300
01:11:03,059 --> 01:11:05,061
Say goodbye to your tree,
Mother!
1301
01:11:05,194 --> 01:11:06,366
That's an antique!
1302
01:11:06,429 --> 01:11:08,272
It's a hideous tree, Mother!
1303
01:11:08,364 --> 01:11:10,435
You have no idea!
It's not even real snow!
1304
01:11:10,533 --> 01:11:11,773
How dare you!
1305
01:11:11,868 --> 01:11:13,108
Do you know how much
that thing cost?
1306
01:11:13,202 --> 01:11:14,442
I don't care! Let go!
1307
01:11:14,604 --> 01:11:16,743
Let go! Let go!
1308
01:11:17,306 --> 01:11:19,547
Those were from the Titanic!
1309
01:11:19,609 --> 01:11:20,644
I don't care!
1310
01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:27,890
That ice was from the moon!
It was moon ice, you nasty bitch!
1311
01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:29,623
Let go of the stupid tree!
1312
01:11:30,253 --> 01:11:32,324
Let go!
1313
01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:33,456
Listen, Mom!
1314
01:11:33,656 --> 01:11:36,637
I promised my kids I wouldn't
do Christmas like this!
1315
01:11:36,759 --> 01:11:39,069
Everybody loves
a Christmas like this!
1316
01:11:39,128 --> 01:11:41,130
It's fucking spectacular!
1317
01:11:41,230 --> 01:11:42,300
No, they don't!
1318
01:11:53,943 --> 01:11:55,149
Holy shit.
1319
01:11:56,646 --> 01:11:57,989
I need you to get out.
1320
01:11:58,181 --> 01:11:59,182
Amy...
1321
01:11:59,315 --> 01:12:01,625
I've been putting up with
your shit my entire life.
1322
01:12:02,785 --> 01:12:05,493
I can't do it anymore.
I can't.
1323
01:12:06,522 --> 01:12:09,628
I need you out of my house, and I
need you out of my life for good.
1324
01:12:09,826 --> 01:12:11,032
You don't mean that.
1325
01:12:11,194 --> 01:12:13,538
I really, really do.
1326
01:12:17,099 --> 01:12:18,635
Amy, it's Christmas.
Mother, get out!
1327
01:12:43,626 --> 01:12:45,799
Did you just kick out
Grandma forever?
1328
01:12:47,296 --> 01:12:49,003
How long have you been
standing here?
1329
01:12:49,165 --> 01:12:50,542
How could you do this to us?
1330
01:12:50,633 --> 01:12:53,170
Guys, would you please just trust
me that it's for the best.
1331
01:12:53,236 --> 01:12:55,739
No, it's not!
It's the best for you.
1332
01:12:55,972 --> 01:12:57,349
We actually love Grandma.
1333
01:12:57,473 --> 01:13:00,352
Yeah, she's a part of
our family, and we love her.
1334
01:13:00,409 --> 01:13:01,717
You don't just kick someone out.
1335
01:13:02,245 --> 01:13:03,747
First, you kick Dad out.
1336
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:05,484
Now, you kick Grandma out.
1337
01:13:05,548 --> 01:13:07,653
Who's next? Are you gonna
kick us out?
1338
01:13:08,017 --> 01:13:09,690
What? Honey,
no, of course not.
1339
01:13:09,752 --> 01:13:10,856
I would never do that.
1340
01:13:11,153 --> 01:13:13,565
Why do you always have to
screw everything up?
1341
01:13:15,191 --> 01:13:16,192
Honey...
1342
01:13:16,826 --> 01:13:17,827
Nice goin'.
1343
01:13:19,762 --> 01:13:20,763
Guys.
1344
01:13:21,931 --> 01:13:22,932
Guys?
1345
01:13:32,008 --> 01:13:33,009
So that's how I! Happened.
1346
01:13:34,277 --> 01:13:36,188
That's how I ruined Christmas.
1347
01:13:37,747 --> 01:13:39,784
I got so wrapped up
in fighting with my mom
1348
01:13:39,882 --> 01:13:42,886
that I lost sight of the only
thing that actually matters.
1349
01:13:44,020 --> 01:13:45,795
I lost sight of my kids.
1350
01:13:47,056 --> 01:13:48,057
What's worse is
1351
01:13:49,525 --> 01:13:51,061
I didn't just ruin Christmas.
1352
01:13:51,861 --> 01:13:53,135
I ruined my family.
1353
01:14:07,276 --> 01:14:08,277
Mom?
1354
01:14:09,378 --> 01:14:10,755
It's Christmas Eve.
1355
01:14:11,280 --> 01:14:12,953
Where do you wanna get takeout?
1356
01:14:15,584 --> 01:14:16,585
Mom?
1357
01:14:17,219 --> 01:14:18,220
Mom?
1358
01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:39,368
Hey.
1359
01:15:40,803 --> 01:15:41,804
Oh, hello.
1360
01:15:43,172 --> 01:15:45,982
Thank you again for
inviting me to your church.
1361
01:15:47,009 --> 01:15:48,352
I really didn't.
1362
01:15:55,384 --> 01:15:56,385
What's up, bitches?
1363
01:15:56,685 --> 01:15:58,323
Oh, my gosh. It's Isis.
1364
01:15:58,921 --> 01:16:00,229
Isis is here.
1365
01:16:00,556 --> 01:16:02,058
Hi, Isis.
Hey.
1366
01:16:02,858 --> 01:16:06,101
1111'.“
1367
01:16:06,362 --> 01:16:08,933
Well, I'm workin' out some shit.
1368
01:16:09,932 --> 01:16:11,434
Plus, all the bars are closed.
1369
01:16:14,737 --> 01:16:16,375
Oh, you guys
1370
01:16:17,406 --> 01:16:20,410
I could really use
some churchin' tonight.
1371
01:16:22,344 --> 01:16:23,345
You know what I mean?
1372
01:16:24,513 --> 01:16:25,514
No.
Nope.
1373
01:16:26,248 --> 01:16:29,855
Well, today my daughter told
me she needed "more space."
1374
01:16:30,419 --> 01:16:32,126
I don't even know what
that's supposed to mean.
1375
01:16:32,254 --> 01:16:34,894
Yeah. Well, my daughter just
kicked me out of her life forever.
1376
01:16:35,191 --> 01:16:36,898
Why?
1377
01:16:38,027 --> 01:16:41,133
Because I push her to be the
best, and she can't handle it.
1378
01:16:42,064 --> 01:16:45,068
Of course, my mother pushed me twice
as hard and I turned out amazing.
1379
01:16:45,701 --> 01:16:48,477
But I guess not everyone is as
incredibly strong as I am.
1380
01:16:50,239 --> 01:16:53,413
Well, my daughter didn't kick me
out of the house or anything.
1381
01:16:53,476 --> 01:16:57,151
But you would not believe how mad she got when
I told her I bought the house next to hers.
1382
01:16:57,279 --> 01:16:59,816
What? You bought the house
next to your daughter?
1383
01:16:59,915 --> 01:17:00,916
Yeah, I did.
1384
01:17:00,983 --> 01:17:02,553
Did you ask her first?
1385
01:17:02,885 --> 01:17:04,831
No, I wanted it
to be a surprise.
1386
01:17:05,721 --> 01:17:07,325
Yeah, that might be a bit much.
1387
01:17:07,823 --> 01:17:09,769
Dude, that is fucking psycho.
1388
01:17:10,392 --> 01:17:11,996
Well, at least I love
my daughter.
1389
01:17:12,228 --> 01:17:14,230
You only visit Carla
when you need money.
1390
01:17:14,330 --> 01:17:15,331
No, that is not true.
1391
01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:19,742
I visit her on other occasions,
like when I'm hiding from someone.
1392
01:17:19,802 --> 01:17:21,475
Oh, just admit it, Isis.
1393
01:17:21,937 --> 01:17:25,680
You're a degenerate gambler with a
third-grade education and a cheap weave.
1394
01:17:25,808 --> 01:17:29,415
This is my own hair, okay?
And you're a terrible mother.
1395
01:17:29,478 --> 01:17:31,958
Ladies, it is Jesus' birthday.
1396
01:17:32,014 --> 01:17:33,015
No, I'm serious.
1397
01:17:33,115 --> 01:17:37,154
You think that you are so perfect, but
you are the worst mom of all of us.
1398
01:17:37,586 --> 01:17:38,587
Well, I don't know.
1399
01:17:38,754 --> 01:17:40,631
Okay, okay.
The second worst, whatever.
1400
01:17:40,756 --> 01:17:45,330
But the point is that you're one of
those moms that you dress so perfectly
1401
01:17:45,461 --> 01:17:49,375
and you give fancy parties,
and you know how to cook food
1402
01:17:49,465 --> 01:17:51,502
and you have all your own teeth.
1403
01:17:51,634 --> 01:17:52,977
But you know what? You suck.
1404
01:17:53,035 --> 01:17:55,515
You suck at all the shit
that really matters.
1405
01:17:55,604 --> 01:17:58,050
And I even can see it.
And I'm stoned all the time.
1406
01:17:58,174 --> 01:17:59,812
Please. You don't know
the first thing about me.
1407
01:17:59,942 --> 01:18:03,321
If you're such an awesome mom, why did your
daughter kick you out of her life forever?
1408
01:18:03,779 --> 01:18:04,780
In your face.
1409
01:18:04,880 --> 01:18:08,123
And you know what? I have done horrible
stuff to my daughter, really horrible shit
1410
01:18:08,551 --> 01:18:11,191
and she has never
kicked me out. Never.
1411
01:18:11,687 --> 01:18:16,158
So you just take that and you roll it up
real tight and you shove it up your ass.
1412
01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:18,360
Okay.
1413
01:18:19,728 --> 01:18:23,870
We have all shared some very
powerful feelings tonight.
1414
01:18:23,966 --> 01:18:25,240
Oh, shut the fuck up, Sandy.
1415
01:18:25,334 --> 01:18:26,335
You bet.
1416
01:18:43,419 --> 01:18:44,420
Hey.
1417
01:18:45,054 --> 01:18:46,055
Hey.
Wow.
1418
01:18:47,056 --> 01:18:48,729
I heard what happened.
1419
01:18:51,227 --> 01:18:52,433
Are you doin' okay?
1420
01:18:54,997 --> 01:18:55,998
I don't know.
1421
01:18:59,535 --> 01:19:01,242
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
1422
01:19:02,238 --> 01:19:03,376
How do you take it?
1423
01:19:04,273 --> 01:19:06,685
Take what?
Living with Mom.
1424
01:19:07,009 --> 01:19:09,717
I mean, she's so bossy
and controlling and...
1425
01:19:10,279 --> 01:19:14,386
Oh, my God, she's so vain.
I mean, she spends all her time
1426
01:19:14,617 --> 01:19:18,759
creating this perfect image of herself
just so she can lord it over people.
1427
01:19:18,887 --> 01:19:21,026
Sweetie, your mom isn't vain.
1428
01:19:21,390 --> 01:19:25,805
Oh, come on. She wears a princess
outfit at least once a month.
1429
01:19:26,295 --> 01:19:28,400
You're probably
never gonna believe this
1430
01:19:28,464 --> 01:19:30,705
but your mom is the most
insecure woman I've ever met.
1431
01:19:32,067 --> 01:19:33,068
My mother?
1432
01:19:33,702 --> 01:19:34,703
Ruth?
Yes.
1433
01:19:36,071 --> 01:19:37,209
Redmond?
Yes.
1434
01:19:37,873 --> 01:19:38,874
Huh.
1435
01:19:39,208 --> 01:19:40,812
She never shows anyone
except for me
1436
01:19:41,610 --> 01:19:46,559
but beneath that tough exterior is a scared
little girl whose mom never really loved her.
1437
01:19:46,882 --> 01:19:49,829
Oh, come on, Dad.
You know her mother.
1438
01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:53,225
Nothing your mom does is ever
good enough for that woman.
1439
01:19:53,289 --> 01:19:57,101
She makes your mom feel worthless
every single day of her life.
1440
01:19:57,926 --> 01:20:00,998
So that's why it's so important to
your mom to make everything perfect.
1441
01:20:01,797 --> 01:20:04,903
It's not because she's vain.
You know, it's because
1442
01:20:05,000 --> 01:20:08,311
when someone tells her she's got the
most amazing Christmas tree on the block
1443
01:20:08,437 --> 01:20:11,680
it makes her feel, just for a
second, like she's not worthless.
1444
01:20:12,341 --> 01:20:14,582
Like she's actually
good at something.
1445
01:20:15,444 --> 01:20:17,481
Like she's loved.
1446
01:20:17,846 --> 01:20:19,519
Why does she
take it out on me, then?
1447
01:20:19,682 --> 01:20:22,026
Because you know what
she's most insecure about?
1448
01:20:22,117 --> 01:20:23,152
Mmm'?
1449
01:20:23,752 --> 01:20:24,924
Being a mom.
1450
01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:30,303
I can't tell you the number
of times she said to me,
1451
01:20:31,794 --> 01:20:33,671
"Did I do a good job
raising Amy?
1452
01:20:34,530 --> 01:20:36,806
"Am I good mother?
Did I screw everything up?"
1453
01:20:38,000 --> 01:20:39,343
She really asked that?
1454
01:20:39,468 --> 01:20:42,142
Sweetheart, she loves you more
than anything in the world.
1455
01:20:42,771 --> 01:20:44,273
She's just got a...
1456
01:20:45,507 --> 01:20:47,453
A deeply fucked up
way of showing it.
1457
01:20:47,543 --> 01:20:48,544
Yeah.
1458
01:20:48,877 --> 01:20:52,324
Look, I've been married to
your mother for 36 years.
1459
01:20:52,381 --> 01:20:53,553
Mmm.
1460
01:20:53,882 --> 01:20:56,692
And she is a pain in the ass,
even on a good day.
1461
01:20:57,152 --> 01:20:58,153
But you know what?
1462
01:20:58,554 --> 01:21:00,966
I love her more now than
I did the day we got married.
1463
01:21:01,123 --> 01:21:03,000
Because I know the real her.
1464
01:21:04,026 --> 01:21:06,700
And if you can find it in
your heart to forgive her
1465
01:21:07,996 --> 01:21:09,805
and get to know her
like I know her
1466
01:21:10,666 --> 01:21:13,306
you might just find
that there is
1467
01:21:14,303 --> 01:21:18,877
a funny, sweet, beautiful
person hiding inside there.
1468
01:21:20,709 --> 01:21:21,847
Did you say "sweet"?
1469
01:21:22,077 --> 01:21:25,752
Okay, a funny, beautiful
person hiding in there.
1470
01:21:30,052 --> 01:21:31,053
Yeah.
1471
01:21:32,855 --> 01:21:33,856
Yeah.
1472
01:21:35,691 --> 01:21:36,897
You know where she is?
1473
01:21:37,326 --> 01:21:38,327
It's Christmas Eve.
1474
01:22:14,129 --> 01:22:15,301
Excuse me, excuse me.
1475
01:22:21,637 --> 01:22:22,638
Hey, Mom.
1476
01:22:23,739 --> 01:22:24,740
Hi.
1477
01:22:26,275 --> 01:22:27,276
Hi.
1478
01:22:27,376 --> 01:22:29,151
Hi, I'm Sandy.
I'm Kiki's mom.
1479
01:22:29,278 --> 01:22:30,985
Yes, I know.
Nice to see you again.
1480
01:22:31,113 --> 01:22:32,114
How you doin'?
1481
01:22:32,214 --> 01:22:34,421
Hey, wow, look at that,
all of you are here.
1482
01:22:35,284 --> 01:22:36,285
Okay.
1483
01:22:36,418 --> 01:22:38,056
And what are you
doing here, Amy?
1484
01:22:38,253 --> 01:22:39,391
I, um...
1485
01:22:40,589 --> 01:22:43,729
I actually came to apologize for
kicking you out of the house.
1486
01:22:46,628 --> 01:22:49,074
You're my mom, and that
was a little harsh.
1487
01:22:49,498 --> 01:22:50,499
It certainly was.
1488
01:22:52,401 --> 01:22:53,402
Yeah.
1489
01:22:54,736 --> 01:22:55,737
Okay.
1490
01:22:55,838 --> 01:22:58,751
Hey, psycho bitch, your daughter
just apologized to you.
1491
01:22:58,807 --> 01:23:00,912
You're now supposed to say,
"I'm sorry“ to her.
1492
01:23:01,443 --> 01:23:03,252
That's the way human beings
talk to each other.
1493
01:23:03,579 --> 01:23:04,580
Yeah.
1494
01:23:09,485 --> 01:23:12,125
I'm also basically sorry.
1495
01:23:15,023 --> 01:23:17,094
Okay, good.
That was good.
1496
01:23:17,426 --> 01:23:19,133
Now tell her what
you're sorry for.
1497
01:23:21,363 --> 01:23:22,364
You got this.
1498
01:23:26,335 --> 01:23:30,647
It is possible that I should not have thrown
a secret Christmas party at your house.
1499
01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:36,389
Obviously, you made an incredible number
of bad decisions this Christmas as well
1500
01:23:36,545 --> 01:23:42,621
but for the tiny fraction
of blame that falls on me,
1501
01:23:43,952 --> 01:23:44,953
lam
1502
01:23:45,120 --> 01:23:47,532
generally apologetic.
1503
01:23:50,125 --> 01:23:51,126
Okay.
1504
01:23:51,793 --> 01:23:52,794
Thank you.
1505
01:23:53,795 --> 01:23:57,140
Mom, I know that that was really,
really hard for you to say.
1506
01:23:57,399 --> 01:23:59,379
It actually really was.
1507
01:24:02,804 --> 01:24:05,216
And you know what?
1508
01:24:05,340 --> 01:24:08,878
I want you to know that I finally
understand why you're like this.
1509
01:24:11,847 --> 01:24:13,554
And I need you to know
1510
01:24:15,484 --> 01:24:16,758
that I love you.
1511
01:24:19,354 --> 01:24:20,833
What's that supposed to mean?
1512
01:24:24,726 --> 01:24:26,501
I don't think that
you're worthless.
1513
01:24:29,231 --> 01:24:31,108
I think you're fucking amazing.
1514
01:24:31,900 --> 01:24:33,072
Why are you saying this?
1515
01:24:33,168 --> 01:24:35,239
And no matter what anyone says
1516
01:24:37,573 --> 01:24:39,109
I think you're a great mom.
1517
01:24:43,045 --> 01:24:44,046
Really?
1518
01:24:44,947 --> 01:24:45,948
Yeah.
1519
01:24:47,349 --> 01:24:48,885
Yeah, I loved my childhood.
1520
01:24:50,619 --> 01:24:52,963
I did. You gave me everything
that I needed.
1521
01:24:54,890 --> 01:24:56,961
And you always pushed me
to do better.
1522
01:24:59,127 --> 01:25:00,470
And' were you perfect?
1523
01:25:00,896 --> 01:25:01,897
Yes.
1524
01:25:02,598 --> 01:25:04,100
No.
1525
01:25:04,733 --> 01:25:06,804
But none of us are.
1526
01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:11,710
Sol really want you to know
1527
01:25:14,276 --> 01:25:15,653
that you did great.
1528
01:25:18,246 --> 01:25:21,318
That's the nicest thing that anyone
has ever said to me.
1529
01:25:24,286 --> 01:25:27,460
I actually think that you're
a really wonderful mom.
1530
01:25:27,623 --> 01:25:29,500
I mean, your kids are so happy.
1531
01:25:29,625 --> 01:25:32,105
They're so sweet, and they
love you so much.
1532
01:25:35,330 --> 01:25:36,331
Thank you.
1533
01:25:36,431 --> 01:25:37,432
I mean, I wish.-.
1534
01:25:40,135 --> 01:25:43,309
I wish I was as close to you
as you are to your kids.
1535
01:25:46,742 --> 01:25:48,244
We still can, Mom.
1536
01:25:52,114 --> 01:25:54,788
Wow, I'm just not very good
at this, Amy.
1537
01:25:54,850 --> 01:25:57,831
But I just love you so much.
1538
01:25:58,954 --> 01:26:01,992
I love you so much. I do.
1539
01:26:07,462 --> 01:26:10,375
Oh, my God.
You're a train wreck.
1540
01:26:10,632 --> 01:26:15,843
Well, it's a very complicated relationship
between a mother and a daughter.
1541
01:26:16,104 --> 01:26:19,278
But these two,
they've got it together.
1542
01:26:19,374 --> 01:26:20,546
I know. I know, babe.
Finally.
1543
01:26:20,642 --> 01:26:21,950
Yeah. Okay.
1544
01:26:22,044 --> 01:26:23,955
Here, do you want some of this?
Yes.
1545
01:26:25,180 --> 01:26:28,218
It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
1546
01:26:28,316 --> 01:26:29,818
Okay, Mom?
1547
01:26:31,853 --> 01:26:33,855
Mom, is it midnight already?
Well, yeah.
1548
01:26:35,991 --> 01:26:37,299
We gotta save Christmas.
1549
01:26:37,492 --> 01:26:39,563
Oh, my God. I've been waiting
my whole life for this.
1550
01:27:21,536 --> 01:27:23,914
Oh, it's going, it's going,
it's going. Mom! Mom!
1551
01:27:43,125 --> 01:27:44,126
Oh, my God.
1552
01:27:44,893 --> 01:27:46,236
This is amazing.
1553
01:27:47,429 --> 01:27:49,033
Merry Christmas, guys.
1554
01:27:49,464 --> 01:27:51,637
Mom, you really did
a lot of work.
1555
01:27:52,634 --> 01:27:54,045
I had a little help.
1556
01:27:55,737 --> 01:27:57,774
Merry Christmas, children.
Grandma.
1557
01:27:57,906 --> 01:27:59,886
Oh!
1558
01:28:00,242 --> 01:28:01,243
Go open your presents.
1559
01:28:02,477 --> 01:28:05,253
I got you seasons one through
six of The Walking Dead.
1560
01:28:05,313 --> 01:28:06,917
Oh, good Lord. Really, Mom?
1561
01:28:07,149 --> 01:28:08,822
Thanks, Grandma.
1562
01:28:08,917 --> 01:28:09,918
I'll get N.
1563
01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:13,561
Merry Christmas.
1564
01:28:13,989 --> 01:28:16,128
Lori, Merry Christmas, honey.
1565
01:28:17,159 --> 01:28:19,332
Merry Christmas, Ruth.
Merry Christmas, Jesus.
1566
01:28:20,395 --> 01:28:22,500
Uh... It's Jessie.
1567
01:28:22,664 --> 01:28:25,941
Wow, you have really broad shoulders.
Amy, feel his shoulders.
1568
01:28:26,067 --> 01:28:28,843
Oh, here we go. Okay, Mother.
Thank you. Get in.
1569
01:28:29,504 --> 01:28:31,984
Oh, thanks for almost
learning his name.
1570
01:28:32,240 --> 01:28:33,241
I love you, girl.
1571
01:28:38,113 --> 01:28:39,922
Merry Christmas, Kiki.
1572
01:28:40,615 --> 01:28:41,923
Merry Christmas, Mom.
1573
01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:44,460
Do you like my
Kiki-head pajamas?
1574
01:28:47,689 --> 01:28:48,929
Sort of.
Thank you.
1575
01:28:49,925 --> 01:28:54,169
I just wanted to let you know that I have
put the house next door on the market.
1576
01:28:55,163 --> 01:28:56,540
Thank you.
You're welcome.
1577
01:28:56,631 --> 01:28:58,042
I really appreciate that
1578
01:28:58,133 --> 01:29:01,876
I know I can be a little psycho sometimes,
and I know you need your space.
1579
01:29:02,671 --> 01:29:05,777
Which is why I bought
the house across the street.
1580
01:29:06,508 --> 01:29:09,489
- No, I'm kidding. I didn't buy the house across the street.
- Oh, okay.
1581
01:29:09,544 --> 01:29:11,046
- I bought the house down the street.
- What?
1582
01:29:11,146 --> 01:29:13,126
No, I'm gonna move
into your attic.
1583
01:29:13,181 --> 01:29:14,956
- Mom! Seriously.
- Kiki. What?
1584
01:29:15,817 --> 01:29:17,194
Where are you living?
1585
01:29:17,619 --> 01:29:20,361
I'm gonna go back to Bismarck,
where I belong.
1586
01:29:21,356 --> 01:29:22,960
Thank you.
You're welcome.
1587
01:29:23,391 --> 01:29:24,392
I just...
1588
01:29:26,728 --> 01:29:28,969
I really miss your dad
on Christmas.
1589
01:29:30,832 --> 01:29:32,641
I do, too.
Yeah.
1590
01:29:34,970 --> 01:29:36,244
I do, too.
1591
01:29:37,472 --> 01:29:38,849
Merry Christmas.
1592
01:29:39,908 --> 01:29:41,410
Merry Christmas, Mom.
1593
01:29:52,320 --> 01:29:54,197
Hey, Mom, look what
Santa got me.
1594
01:29:54,522 --> 01:29:56,001
A used baseball glove.
1595
01:29:56,424 --> 01:29:57,425
It's great, buddy.
1596
01:29:57,659 --> 01:29:59,195
I used to have one just like it.
1597
01:30:02,764 --> 01:30:04,243
Is that Santa?
1598
01:30:05,100 --> 01:30:06,704
Why would it be Santa, honey?
1599
01:30:06,768 --> 01:30:08,406
Remember, Santa came last night.
1600
01:30:13,775 --> 01:30:14,776
Can I come in?
1601
01:30:26,922 --> 01:30:28,196
Um...
1602
01:30:29,090 --> 01:30:32,560
All right, I know I haven't been
the best mother in the world.
1603
01:30:35,463 --> 01:30:36,464
But you
1604
01:30:38,199 --> 01:30:40,941
somehow just turned out
really good.
1605
01:30:42,037 --> 01:30:43,072
Um...
1606
01:30:43,872 --> 01:30:45,146
And, Carla, I just...
1607
01:30:47,409 --> 01:30:48,945
I wanna be more like you.
1608
01:30:51,313 --> 01:30:54,157
So I've given up gambling
1609
01:30:55,717 --> 01:30:57,060
on horses.
1610
01:30:57,986 --> 01:30:59,988
And I'm gonna pay you back
1611
01:31:00,822 --> 01:31:04,770
every cent that I
borrowed from you.
1612
01:31:09,664 --> 01:31:10,665
Really?
1613
01:31:10,999 --> 01:31:13,479
Yeah. You know,
I got a fucking job.
1614
01:31:15,470 --> 01:31:16,915
Are you fucking kidding me?
1615
01:31:17,005 --> 01:31:21,613
No! They hired me to be in
charge of childrens' safety.
1616
01:31:21,943 --> 01:31:23,980
Why would they let you do that?
1617
01:31:25,680 --> 01:31:27,751
I don't even know how
I passed the drug test.
1618
01:31:27,816 --> 01:31:28,817
Seriously.
1619
01:31:28,917 --> 01:31:30,362
They're crazy.
1620
01:31:30,485 --> 01:31:35,264
And with what they're paying me, I think
I can pay you back in about 245 years.
1621
01:31:36,091 --> 01:31:37,866
Wait, does this mean
you're gonna...
1622
01:31:39,794 --> 01:31:41,432
Stick around for a while?
1623
01:31:44,132 --> 01:31:46,305
If it's cool with you, yeah.
1624
01:31:48,136 --> 01:31:49,137
Mom.
1625
01:31:50,672 --> 01:31:52,276
It's all I've ever wanted.
1626
01:31:52,607 --> 01:31:55,315
Well, I'll stay as long
as you want me to.
1627
01:31:57,445 --> 01:31:58,446
Mom.
1628
01:32:01,316 --> 01:32:04,456
Mom, also I got a box
o' Ziploc bags.
1629
01:32:05,120 --> 01:32:06,622
Oh, sweet Jesus.
1630
01:32:23,805 --> 01:32:25,341
Shaobing for everybody.
1631
01:32:25,407 --> 01:32:26,408
Everybody but me.
1632
01:32:30,512 --> 01:32:32,992
God, Chinese food on Christmas.
1633
01:32:33,348 --> 01:32:34,884
I feel like such a Jew.
1634
01:32:35,083 --> 01:32:36,653
Would you like some shaobing?
1635
01:32:36,885 --> 01:32:38,592
Oh, you know I would.
1636
01:32:38,887 --> 01:32:40,662
No, honey, that is
Ruth's husband.
1637
01:32:40,755 --> 01:32:42,564
Oh, honestly, have at it.
1638
01:32:42,690 --> 01:32:44,431
Hank deserves a little fun
at Christmas.
1639
01:32:49,330 --> 01:32:52,106
Guys, I can't believe that we're eating
Chinese food for Christmas dinner
1640
01:32:52,500 --> 01:32:54,673
and my mother is loving it.
1641
01:32:55,336 --> 01:32:57,907
I can't believe my mom's not wearing
a sweatshirt with my face on it.
1642
01:32:59,174 --> 01:33:00,175
Guys, we did it.
1643
01:33:00,241 --> 01:33:02,619
We actually took Christmas
back this year.
1644
01:33:03,178 --> 01:33:04,851
I couldn't have done it
without you girls.
1645
01:33:05,246 --> 01:33:06,850
Ladies, I love you.
1646
01:33:07,015 --> 01:33:08,585
We love you back.
Same here.
1647
01:33:10,385 --> 01:33:13,855
Hi, is, um, Carla here?
1648
01:33:13,922 --> 01:33:14,923
Yes!
1649
01:33:18,059 --> 01:33:19,060
Ty Swindel.
1650
01:33:20,095 --> 01:33:21,574
How did you find me?
1651
01:33:22,964 --> 01:33:24,102
I just looked for you.
1652
01:33:24,699 --> 01:33:25,700
Hi.
1653
01:33:27,635 --> 01:33:29,637
I have so many things
I wanna say to you right now.
1654
01:33:29,737 --> 01:33:30,738
Just say it.
1655
01:33:31,973 --> 01:33:35,147
I feel like it's better if I do it
through the universal language of dance.
1656
01:33:35,643 --> 01:33:37,486
Shut up.
Yes!
1657
01:33:37,612 --> 01:33:39,819
- What dancing?
- Christmas dancing.
1658
01:33:49,457 --> 01:33:50,458
Oh, TY-
1659
01:33:57,599 --> 01:33:58,600
Oh, boy.
1660
01:33:59,234 --> 01:34:00,235
Oh, my God.
1661
01:34:08,009 --> 01:34:09,113
That's beautiful, Ty.
1662
01:34:17,452 --> 01:34:19,261
Oh, my fucking God.
1663
01:34:19,787 --> 01:34:21,698
Turn her around.
Turn her around.
1664
01:34:21,856 --> 01:34:23,426
It's okay, just turn her around.
1665
01:34:36,638 --> 01:34:37,639
Okay.
1666
01:34:38,473 --> 01:34:41,044
All right, that's great.
Okay, we're done.
1667
01:34:41,176 --> 01:34:44,123
That was amazing.
Thank you so much.
1668
01:34:44,179 --> 01:34:45,385
Just go for it, dude.
1669
01:34:45,513 --> 01:34:46,787
Don't cry, baby. Don't cry.
1670
01:34:48,016 --> 01:34:50,155
He's so hot.
1671
01:34:51,452 --> 01:34:53,454
That's my son.
Yeah?
1672
01:34:53,555 --> 01:34:54,863
Hey, man.
Right there.
1673
01:34:54,956 --> 01:34:55,957
That's Jaxon.
1674
01:34:56,057 --> 01:34:57,661
How are you?
Nice to meet you.
1675
01:34:59,160 --> 01:35:00,867
I'll take you right in there.
I love you.
1676
01:35:00,962 --> 01:35:01,963
I love you.
1677
01:35:03,031 --> 01:35:04,510
Whew' Oh!
1678
01:35:04,699 --> 01:35:06,406
Oh! We better get going
or we're gonna miss our flight.
1679
01:35:07,502 --> 01:35:09,675
What flight?
Oh, I didn't tell you?
1680
01:35:10,071 --> 01:35:13,245
Isis, Ruth and I are going
to Las Vegas for New Year's.
1681
01:35:13,474 --> 01:35:16,387
And we're gonna see Wayne
Newton before he dies.
1682
01:35:17,979 --> 01:35:20,323
The three of you are
going to Vegas together?
1683
01:35:20,415 --> 01:35:23,396
Yeah. Well, we're
best friends now.
1684
01:35:23,518 --> 01:35:25,020
Well, we're new friends.
1685
01:35:25,386 --> 01:35:26,387
We're best friends.
1686
01:35:26,854 --> 01:35:28,026
Yeah, we're new friends.
1687
01:35:28,089 --> 01:35:29,659
Mmm.
1688
01:35:30,191 --> 01:35:32,865
Anyways, Merry Christmas,
everyone.
1689
01:35:32,994 --> 01:35:35,668
Yes, Merry Christmas, everyone.
1690
01:35:35,830 --> 01:35:37,537
Hank, get all our bags.
1691
01:36:11,799 --> 01:36:14,040
Merry Christmas, everyone!
1692
01:36:18,873 --> 01:36:20,546
Ho, ho, ho, girl.
1693
01:36:21,442 --> 01:36:23,046
You're on my naughty list.
1694
01:36:23,911 --> 01:36:25,049
Tonight.
1695
01:37:50,365 --> 01:37:52,709
Your Santa, baby
1696
01:38:34,842 --> 01:38:36,378
Merry Christmas, baby.
127693
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