Original subtitles

[♪]

[SCREECHING]

There, you see, Professor Hicks,

the school is in desperate need of athletic equipment.

The girls need sports, they want sports,

and besides, it's good for 'em.

I know what's good for the girls.

Oh, Mother. Yes,

in my day we kept our noses in books

and didn't run around dressed like fan dancers.

It's useless to argue, Benson.

Mrs. Cattsby's generous donation will be used for the salaries

of the three European professors

who arrive today to join our faculty.

Oh, that reminds me!

We'd better start preparing for their arrival.

That's Mother for you.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

I'm going across the street, men, for a sandwich.

Now listen, when customers come in, give 'em service.

Now, this is your first day on the job,

so show me that you got what it takes.

Don't be afraid to push those sponges around.

Use a little elbow grease.

Suppose it's knee action.

[ANGRILY]: What's the idea?

Mistaken identity.

Hi, pal.

Okay, boss, you can trust us.

Carry on.

You heard what the boss said. He's a pretty nice guy.

We'll grease their elbows and I'll grease their palms.

Carry on. Carry on.

[HORN HONKING]

What'll it be, stranger?

Put in 10 gallons of gas.

I'm going across the street for a sandwich.

Okay, boys, super service. Carry on!

ALL: Right, right, right, right.

Well, I guess we might as well have lunch here, gentlemen.

BOTH: Ja.

ALL: Right, right, right.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Swing it! Give them super service.

Elbow grease, eh?

Thank you. Super ser--

Hold it.

Super service, help yourself.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[SNEEZES]

Gesundheit. Super service.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[CHATTER]

Clean windshield, gents.

[ALL COUGHING]

[HUMMING]

Why, I never saw such service in my life.

Hey, throw me that polish!

Right.

That's what you call--

What are you doing?

Quiet. Over in a minute. What are you doing?

Hold it. [CHATTER]

[GRUNTING]

What's all the rumpus here?

Take it easy, field marshal. Sit down.

You don't know what you're doing. Go help him,

I'll finish this. Right.

Hey, we gotta clean the spark plugs, get the tools.

Okay, finish this.

Right. Right. Right. Right.

[SINGING]

Come on, hurry up.

Super service.

[CHATTER]

Wait.

Don't you men know you're not supposed to open a body

unless you sterilize your hands?

ALL: Super service.

Hey, can you guys give me a little help?

I need some repairs.

We're pretty busy, pal,

but we'll be glad to let you use the tools.

Save us working the job.

All right, men, a little super service.

You check the battery, you check tires.

What are you gonna check? I'll check you guys.

Right. Right.

[SHOUTING]

Don't worry about nothing.

I'll get that done in a minute here, bud.

I never thought-- What is this?

Just as I thought. What?

Huh. What-- What you doing?

Take it easy, now.

Hey, what kind of a place is this?

Let go my leg.

Hey, what are you trying to do?

I'm gonna press his pants.

Well, leave him alone and check the tires like I told you.

Right.

Don't do any--

Only one ahead of you, you're next.

Right.

[HISSING]

Stop it. Quiet.

Larry? Give.

Okay, okay.

[HISSING STOPS]

[HISSING RESUMES]

[CURLY GRUNTING]

What's the matter with you?

Oh, I just got this fellow cleaned up.

Shut it off!

Larry, shut it off.

Stop it. Stop it. Please.

Are you hurt? Are you all right?

Get up out of there.

You see what you did, huh?

Now I gotta clean those guys up again.

BOTH: Oh! Don't stand around idle.

You put in the water, you put in the gas.

Get moving. Right. BOTH: Right.

Sorry, gents, but this can happen in the best of places.

I'll have you all cleaned up in a jiffy.

[GRUMBLING]

Take it easy, now, boys. Everything's all right.

That's all right now.

MOE: Now, hold still, now.

Just a minute, I'll have a towel right away.

Stop that. Just take it easy, fellas.

[BELL CHIMING]

Hey, did you put the water in?

Ah, you never do anything right.

[EXPLOSION]

What happened? It's murder, it's arson.

Let's get outta here!

MOE: Hey, Curly, come on!

Hey, Moe, Larry!

[ENGINE SPUTTERS]

What's the matter? We're outta gas.

Outta gas?

What do you think this thing is, a camel?

We've been going for over three hours.

Let's get outta here.

Hey, wait a minute. Didn't we forget something?

I can't think of anything.

How about Curly? Curly?

He's in the car! Curly!

Hey, Curly!

Open the door.

Hey, Curly.

He's frozen.

Get him outta there.

Oh, a frozen dainty, eh?

He's as stiff as a plank. What are we gonna do with him?

We'll build a fire and thaw him out.

Come on, get him into the woods.

Get your arm under here.

[CRACKING] Up we go.

He's done on this side, turn him over.

Twenty minutes to a pound.

Ha, ha. We'll be here a month.

[YELLS]

What happened? Get me off here.

Untie me! LARRY: He's burning, Moe!

MOE: All right, he's done.

[SCREECHING]

Easy now, kid. Easy. Whoa!

Easy, kid, I'm getting you.

Whoo.

[YELLING] [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[SHOUTING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[PANTING]

Are you all right? Take it easy, kid. Come here.

Give me your hand, give me your hand.

[CHATTER]

Whoa!

Now look at the mess you got us into.

Wait a minute.

What about those suitcases I put in that ice-cream truck?

There might be some dry clothes in them.

That's a good idea, let's go and look.

I ought to beat your brains in, and I think I will.

[SCREECHES]

Hey, wait for me.

I ain't going any place.

They've stopped.

Look, they must be our three professors.

Yes, yes, indeed.

Welcome to Mildew.

I guess she means us, let's go.

Oh, Professor Von Stupor?

Stupid? I guess you mean him.

We have a grand day planned.

First a visit to the classrooms,

then a reception and a buffet luncheon.

I never ate a buffet, but I bet you got something.

Look out, let me get in there, will you?

Oh, you'll just love it.

Mildew has a lovely student body.

Yours wouldn't be so bad either, if you took off about 20 pounds.

What? Come on, sister, let's go.

[CLAPPING]

Thank you, girls.

Henceforth, Mildew College will take its place among

the world's greatest institutions of learning.

No other school can boast of having such distinguished

educators as Professors Feinstein, Frankfurter,

and Von Stupor.

[CLAPPING]

Say, I'll meet you in the gym, next to the dumbbells,

You'll know me, I got a hat.

[CHUCKLES]

And now, I'm going to call on Professor Feinstein to tell you

something of his famous theory.

[CLAPPING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Oh, me, uh--

Any questions?

Is it true that time and space are calculated by the direct

ratio of interplanetary magnetism to solar radiation?

What do you think?

I think we're gonna have trouble with this dame.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna-- Sit down.

I'm gonna test your-- Sit down.

I'm gonna test your mental coordination with a little--

Sit down!

With a little number called "Swinging the Alphabet."

LARRY AND CURLY: Swinging, right.

Right.

I'll explain it so even you can understand.

My colleagues will assist. Ready, sister?

Get that junk out of here. Come on boys, scram.

I'll give you the idea in a nutshell.

B-A, bay. B-E, be.

B-I, bickey-bi, B-O, bo--

I'll give you the correct demonstration.

Cutie pie, pound those horse teeth.

[PIANO STARTS PLAYING]

♪ B-A, bay, B-E, be, ♪

♪ B-I, bickey-bi, B-O Bo, Bickey-bi-bo, ♪

♪ B-U Bu, Bickey-bi-bo-bu. ♪

ALL: ♪ C-A, say, C-E, see ♪

♪ C-I, sickey-si, C-O, so ♪

♪ Sickey-si-so, C-U, soo, sickey-si-so-soo. ♪

Get the idea girls?

Now, we'll all join together on the letter D.

[PIANO PLAYING]

GIRLS: ♪ D-A, day, D-E, dee ♪

♪ D-I, dickey-di, D-O, doe ♪

♪ Dickey-di-doe, D-U, do, Dickey-di-doe-do ♪

♪ F-A, fay, F-E, fee ♪

♪ F-I, fickey-fi, F-O, foe ♪

♪ Fickey-fi-foe, F-U, foo, Fickey-fi-foe-foo ♪

♪ G-A, jay, G-E, gee ♪

♪ G-I, jickey-ji, G-O, joe ♪

♪ Gickey-ji-joe, G-U, joo Gickey-ji-joe-joo ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ F, J, A ♪

♪ H, G, E ♪

♪ H-I, hickey-hi, H-O, hoe ♪

♪ Hickey-hi-ho, H-U, hoo ♪

♪ Hickey-hi-ho-hoo ♪

♪ J-A, jay J-E, gee ♪

♪ J-I, jickey-ji, J-O, joe ♪

♪ Jickey-ji-joe, J-U, joo ♪

♪ Jickey-ji-joe-joo ♪

♪ K-A, kay, K-E, kee ♪

♪ K-I, kickey-ki, K-O, ko ♪

♪ Kickey-ki-ko, K-U, koo ♪

♪ Kickey-ki-ko-koo ♪

♪ L-A, lay, L-E, lee ♪

♪ L-I, lickey-li, L-O, lo ♪

♪ Lickey-li-lo, L-U, loo ♪

♪ Curly's a dope ♪

♪ M-A, may, M-E, me ♪

♪ M-I, mickey-mi, M-O, mo ♪

♪ Mickey-mi-mo, M-U, moo ♪

♪ Mickey-mi-mo-moo ♪

[MUSIC SPEEDS UP]

[APPLAUSE]

Oh, Duncan, Mother said to announce luncheon

as soon as it's ready.

I shall do so at once, miss.

[BELLS CHIME]

Luncheon is served.

Oh, super service.

All right, Easy, fellas.

Take your time, there's enough for every--

It's bad etiquette to reach in front of a person

when said person is trying to snag a morsel of food.

Oh!

Head him off around there! I'll get him down here!

[PEOPLE GASPING]

Oh, somebody, do something, help him!

Hold still kid, I'll get you.

Oh.

I can't do a thing with him. You try something.

Oh!

Oh, a wise guy, eh?

[SHOUTS]

From now on, you're on your own.

That's gratitude for you.

Do you think we'd better call a doctor?

No, if he had an ounce of initiative,

he'd swallow the thing.

Oh, Mrs. Cattsby?

Yes? May I see you?

Certainly.

[GROANS]

Some terrible mistake. A mistake?

I am Professor Von Stupor. I beg your pardon?

Ready, go.

A bull's-eye.

This is the last straw.

Tonight we return to Hamburg on The Clipper.

I never heard of such a thing.

You never heard of what?

He's gonna get a hamburger with a zipper.

Wait.

We will mix them a formula

they will never forget. Good.

Gentlemen, I demand an explanation.

Oh, don't worry, lady, let 'em go.

What this college needs anyway is athletics. Football.

And basketball.

I can do very nicely with a highball.

What do you mean? [SCREECHES]

Come on outside, lady. We'll demonstrate.

Come on, toots. Come on, girls!

[CHATTER]

Now just try and visualize, lady,

a beautiful spring afternoon, the flowers are in bloom.

The bees are making honey.

And Seabiscuit is making six furlongs in one 10 flat.

[CLICKING]

Oh! Quiet.

[BARKS]

The grandstands are filled to capacity, and look:

I see a diamond.

BOTH: Where?

Just old-time prospectors.

All right, break it up.

Now, Mrs. Cats. Cattsby.

All right, Cattsby. Sufferen-Cattsby.

Aw, suffering-- Hey, will you quit heckling me?

Come on men, break it up.

Any luck? Aw, he gets all the breaks.

Yeah, I found a corona.

A corona? It was a corona corona,

but I only found half of it. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[GIRLS GIGGLING]

Shall I put in a little of this?

MAN: Just a little, about one quart.

Good.

You see, basketball is very difficult to explain

without a basketball. Has anyone a basketball handy?

Any kind will do.

Crow-flight, Baby Dimple.

[GIRLS LAUGHING] Oh, thank you.

That's what I call super service.

Come on, men, we'll demonstrate.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

What's the meaning of this?

Don't worry, Mother.

Come on, swing it!

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hey, what's the idea?

She intercepted it. Come on, let's get it.

Run, lady, your team's getting all the breaks.

ALL [SHOUTING]: Run, run!

CATTSBY: Let me out of here.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Get up off of me.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Mrs. Cattsby's ball on her own 5 yard line.

I've had just about enough of this, gentlemen.

ALL: A fumble, a fumble!

I've never been so humiliated in my life,

but I'll forgive everything

and give the school an athletic fund

if you'll just get those three poor professors back.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, fellas? Get rid of that ball,

the lady's got a proposition.

[EXPLOSION]

There you are, lady. That's what I call super service.

But look at them.

We'll have them cleaned up in a minute.

Carry on men. ALL: Right! Right, right.

[♪]