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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:06,759 --> 00:00:08,784 - Hi. - Hi. 2 00:00:09,895 --> 00:00:11,522 Okay. 3 00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:17,892 So I thought we'd try this new restaurant around the corner. 4 00:00:18,137 --> 00:00:19,604 It's Scottish-Mexican fusion. 5 00:00:19,839 --> 00:00:22,706 - Scottish-Mexican fusion? - Scottish-Mexican fusion. 6 00:00:22,942 --> 00:00:25,240 Those seem like two things that do not fuse. 7 00:00:25,478 --> 00:00:28,413 Perhaps you'll change your mind when you try their signature haggis enchiladas. 8 00:00:28,614 --> 00:00:32,744 - Ha, ha. Okay. Lead the way. - All right. Yeah. Come on. 9 00:00:33,686 --> 00:00:35,415 I was surprised when you called. 10 00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:38,920 Isn't there some universal guy rule to wait four days to call a girl? 11 00:00:39,158 --> 00:00:42,559 That does not ring a bell. And it's three days. 12 00:00:44,030 --> 00:00:45,327 Here we are. 13 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,064 Uh, I did not realize there would be live music. 14 00:00:50,303 --> 00:00:52,396 So, uh, should we? 15 00:00:52,638 --> 00:00:54,299 - Eat anywhere but here? Yeah. - Yeah. 16 00:00:54,573 --> 00:00:56,632 - Yeah. I'm sure we can find a place... - Yeah. 17 00:00:56,876 --> 00:00:59,640 ...where we don't need reservations. - You think it's easy? 18 00:00:59,879 --> 00:01:01,847 Stroll in off the street and get a meal? 19 00:01:02,114 --> 00:01:06,050 Well, let me tell you the tale of Gary Blauman. 20 00:01:06,252 --> 00:01:07,276 There's the blushing bride. 21 00:01:07,486 --> 00:01:08,817 - Oh. - Mwah. 22 00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:10,079 Gary Blauman. 23 00:01:10,323 --> 00:01:12,450 How are you? Oh, duh. 24 00:01:12,692 --> 00:01:15,786 Like I need to ask. You're getting married. 25 00:01:16,028 --> 00:01:19,930 Don't let me keep you. You have things to do. I'll see you walking down the aisle. 26 00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:23,363 I'll be the guy in the eighth row going like this: 27 00:01:24,236 --> 00:01:26,136 - Ha, ha. Right? - Right. 28 00:01:26,372 --> 00:01:28,670 - Ah, good luck today. Okay. - Thank you. Ha, ha. 29 00:01:30,710 --> 00:01:32,575 - Hey, there's the blushing... - Code red! 30 00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:43,250 Ripped By mstoll 31 00:01:45,758 --> 00:01:49,194 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Why the code red? 32 00:01:49,628 --> 00:01:53,462 If it's about your hair, I didn't even notice. Especially not from the back. 33 00:01:53,699 --> 00:01:55,633 - What? - Nothing. 34 00:01:55,868 --> 00:01:59,360 Gary Blauman's here. I had no idea he was coming. His reply card got lost. 35 00:01:59,638 --> 00:02:02,869 Where's he gonna sit? It took us weeks to plan the seating chart. 36 00:02:03,142 --> 00:02:04,541 Robin. 37 00:02:05,277 --> 00:02:06,904 Shh. 38 00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:09,041 - I got you. - Huh? 39 00:02:09,248 --> 00:02:12,513 You're talking to the seating-chart master. At my wedding, I managed to sit... 40 00:02:12,752 --> 00:02:17,621 ...small-town Minnesotans next to liberal New Yorkers with grace and aplomb. 41 00:02:17,857 --> 00:02:20,621 Table 27 still gets together once a year for a reunion. 42 00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:22,987 Perhaps you've seen their photos on Facebook? 43 00:02:25,531 --> 00:02:28,989 - Like I said, I got you. - Thanks, Marshall. 44 00:02:34,039 --> 00:02:36,030 - Hey. - Code red! 45 00:02:36,275 --> 00:02:40,211 Grandma sitting next to the band, divorced couples one table away from each other? 46 00:02:40,446 --> 00:02:44,280 No coherent singles table? This is the Robin's hair of seating charts. 47 00:02:44,550 --> 00:02:48,509 Singles tables are cruel. What if you went to a wedding with a table of fat guys? 48 00:02:48,754 --> 00:02:50,244 - That'd be awesome. - It would. 49 00:02:50,489 --> 00:02:53,583 Let's crack this Blauman nut, then work on the fat-guy table. 50 00:02:53,826 --> 00:02:56,693 - Wait. Did you say "Gary Blauman"? - Yeah, why? 51 00:02:56,929 --> 00:03:02,231 - I hate that guy. - Why? 52 00:03:02,468 --> 00:03:05,801 Remember a few years ago I read that biography of Teddy Roosevelt? 53 00:03:06,038 --> 00:03:10,372 For weeks after I read it, I only wanted to talk about one thing. 54 00:03:10,609 --> 00:03:13,578 Teddy Roosevelt was the coolest guy ever. 55 00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:16,971 That's it. No more books, Ted. 56 00:03:17,249 --> 00:03:19,547 I don't like the person you become when you read. 57 00:03:19,785 --> 00:03:23,983 You get to tell us one more interesting fact about Teddy Roosevelt. 58 00:03:24,256 --> 00:03:27,919 One more, and then you're done forever. So make it a good one. 59 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,491 Okay. 60 00:03:30,296 --> 00:03:31,763 He went blind in one eye... 61 00:03:33,132 --> 00:03:35,430 ...from getting hit too hard in a boxing match... 62 00:03:36,469 --> 00:03:38,232 ...while he was president. 63 00:03:38,771 --> 00:03:39,931 - Wow. - That's a pretty good one. 64 00:03:40,139 --> 00:03:42,937 - Right? Oh, and when he was at Harvard... - Shut up! 65 00:03:43,175 --> 00:03:44,199 - No! - Please! 66 00:03:44,443 --> 00:03:48,641 Well, one night, we were throwing a party to celebrate something... 67 00:03:48,848 --> 00:03:53,751 ...I can't remember what, when a pretty girl noticed the book on the table. 68 00:03:53,986 --> 00:03:55,783 I can't believe you have this book. 69 00:03:56,021 --> 00:04:00,458 I just finished reading it. Teddy Roosevelt was the coolest guy ever. 70 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,359 A unicorn. 71 00:04:02,628 --> 00:04:03,652 I couldn't believe it. 72 00:04:03,896 --> 00:04:07,832 It was a stroke of luck on par with the 50-page manuscript in Roosevelt's pocket... 73 00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:10,035 ...that slowed that would-be assassin's bullet. 74 00:04:10,302 --> 00:04:15,330 - Dude, come on. - Sorry. Anyway, enter Gary Blauman. 75 00:04:15,574 --> 00:04:19,374 Is that the Teddy Roosevelt biography? Coolest guy ever. 76 00:04:19,645 --> 00:04:23,172 - Right? Right? - Right? Right? 77 00:04:23,415 --> 00:04:26,111 - Right? Right? - Right? 78 00:04:26,352 --> 00:04:28,616 The three of us started talking Teddy Roosevelt. 79 00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:31,516 When he took that flight on the Wright brothers' plane? 80 00:04:31,790 --> 00:04:32,779 So cool. 81 00:04:33,025 --> 00:04:36,358 The time he climbed the tallest mountain in Europe on his honeymoon? 82 00:04:36,595 --> 00:04:37,653 - So cool. - Uh... 83 00:04:37,897 --> 00:04:41,333 Blauman and I were locked in a battle of wills... 84 00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:45,003 ...that made T.R.'s charge up San Juan Hill look like a walk in the park. 85 00:04:45,237 --> 00:04:49,697 Or should I say, in the national park, since Roosevelt spearheaded the establishment... 86 00:04:49,942 --> 00:04:51,705 Dude, come on. I gave you one. 87 00:04:53,012 --> 00:04:54,843 The battle raged on. 88 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,308 In a way he was... 89 00:04:56,549 --> 00:05:00,679 The archetype of the modern politician. Ha-ha-ha. 90 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,286 - Oh, my God. - Dude, knock it off. 91 00:05:03,522 --> 00:05:04,921 Knock what off, bro? 92 00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:08,557 This is my apartment, my Teddy Roosevelt conversation. I get the girl. 93 00:05:08,827 --> 00:05:12,092 Oh. So the fact that you're the incumbent means she should just pick you? 94 00:05:12,364 --> 00:05:14,161 Tell that to William Howard Taft. 95 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:18,530 You're calling me Taft? If anyone's Taft, you're Taft. 96 00:05:18,771 --> 00:05:20,432 I'm not Taft. I'm Teddy. 97 00:05:20,706 --> 00:05:22,503 The hell you are. My name is Ted. 98 00:05:22,741 --> 00:05:25,733 Yeah, right. Go sign the Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act, Taft. 99 00:05:25,945 --> 00:05:27,936 Ah! How dare you? 100 00:05:28,213 --> 00:05:30,477 Skinny-dipping in the Potomac River. 101 00:05:32,585 --> 00:05:37,215 And so the standoff continued. Hours passed. Then days. 102 00:05:37,456 --> 00:05:39,754 - Days passed? - Days passed. 103 00:05:40,259 --> 00:05:45,458 Finally, like T.R. Stricken by tropical fever on his Amazon trek, we could go no further. 104 00:05:45,731 --> 00:05:49,098 When he was assistant secretary of the Navy... 105 00:05:49,368 --> 00:05:53,532 Will you just pick one of us already so I can either have sex or go to sleep? 106 00:05:54,807 --> 00:05:56,365 Smooth, bro. 107 00:05:57,142 --> 00:05:59,337 After that day, I have never liked that guy. 108 00:05:59,578 --> 00:06:03,207 So let's just tell Robin this can't be done and send Gary Blauman packing. 109 00:06:03,449 --> 00:06:07,215 - Did you just say "Gary Blauman"? - Yeah. 110 00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:11,347 I love that guy. 111 00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:12,784 What? He's the devil. 112 00:06:13,025 --> 00:06:14,754 He's an angel. 113 00:06:14,994 --> 00:06:19,727 It was 2006. Marshall and I had broken up. I was back in New York, feeling vulnerable... 114 00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:22,490 ...and listening to my breakup song over and over. 115 00:06:22,768 --> 00:06:24,736 - Sugar Ray's "Fly." - You know it. 116 00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:27,905 - Man, you know nothing about breakups. - I really don't. 117 00:06:28,941 --> 00:06:31,671 - Anyway, then I hit bottom. - There's a bottom below Sugar Ray? 118 00:06:31,877 --> 00:06:33,037 Mm. 119 00:06:34,913 --> 00:06:38,246 - What? Why have I never seen that before? - I've been using cover-up... 120 00:06:38,484 --> 00:06:42,784 ...and strategically placed straps for a long time to keep this puppy quiet. 121 00:06:43,022 --> 00:06:46,514 After all the times you guys made fun of me for my breakup butterfly tattoo? 122 00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:53,287 Oh, fact-that-Ted-got-a-butterfly-tattoo, will you ever stop being hilarious? 123 00:06:53,532 --> 00:06:55,124 Why is it only half a butterfly? 124 00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:59,326 Because Gary Blauman saw me in the tattoo parlor, dragged me out... 125 00:06:59,571 --> 00:07:01,266 ...and talked some sense into me. 126 00:07:01,507 --> 00:07:04,772 Lily, trust me, you and Marshall are going to get back together. 127 00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:09,709 And when you do, you'll be so glad you did not get the other half of that butterfly. 128 00:07:09,982 --> 00:07:13,918 Actually, I was gonna get a little more than the butterfly. 129 00:07:17,089 --> 00:07:19,114 It's good that I ran into you. 130 00:07:19,358 --> 00:07:22,623 Marshall, Blauman saved you from a lifetime of looking at Sugar Ray... 131 00:07:22,861 --> 00:07:25,853 ...every time we do it on your birthday. Find him a nice seat. 132 00:07:26,098 --> 00:07:28,328 No. No. Do not find him a seat. 133 00:07:28,567 --> 00:07:29,556 You find him a nice... 134 00:07:29,835 --> 00:07:31,462 Neither of us was gonna back down. 135 00:07:31,704 --> 00:07:33,763 So finally we decided to take it to the groom. 136 00:07:35,908 --> 00:07:37,739 - What's going on? - Shh. 137 00:07:40,979 --> 00:07:42,071 Who's that guy? 138 00:07:42,347 --> 00:07:44,474 It's my ex-boyfriend. 139 00:07:50,122 --> 00:07:53,580 So we're crouching behind a van, hiding from your ex-boyfriend. 140 00:07:53,859 --> 00:07:57,852 Forgive me... I'm a little bit of a detective. - But it was a bad breakup? 141 00:07:58,097 --> 00:07:59,496 Pretty bad. 142 00:07:59,732 --> 00:08:03,065 - Bad like there was a big fight? - Bad like there was a big ring. 143 00:08:03,302 --> 00:08:05,463 Bad like this happened in the past year? 144 00:08:05,704 --> 00:08:08,172 Bad like it happened Saturday. 145 00:08:08,941 --> 00:08:11,409 - So bad. - Yeah. 146 00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,512 Okay, he's gone. 147 00:08:17,716 --> 00:08:20,617 I'm so sorry, Ted. I really like you. 148 00:08:20,886 --> 00:08:24,879 But I'm in the weirdest place on Earth right now. 149 00:08:25,124 --> 00:08:27,490 - You're in a Scottish-Mexican restaurant? - Ha, ha. 150 00:08:27,726 --> 00:08:31,093 Yeah. Yeah, I am. 151 00:08:32,531 --> 00:08:36,797 It's just too soon for me to be dating. I think I should head home. 152 00:08:38,437 --> 00:08:43,704 Well, want me to walk with you? Lots of scary ex-boyfriends in this neighborhood. 153 00:08:43,942 --> 00:08:45,432 Sure. 154 00:08:46,111 --> 00:08:48,944 - I do want to hear the rest of that story. - Right, the story. 155 00:08:49,181 --> 00:08:53,550 - Yeah. - So we decided to take it to the groom. 156 00:08:53,786 --> 00:08:56,311 - Did you say "Gary Blauman"? - Yeah. 157 00:08:56,588 --> 00:08:58,419 - Gary Blauman? - Yes. 158 00:08:58,657 --> 00:09:01,524 Blauman, comma, Gary? 159 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,785 Point, comma, get to the damn. 160 00:09:04,797 --> 00:09:06,560 I... 161 00:09:13,305 --> 00:09:16,797 ...love that we have the opportunity... 162 00:09:17,075 --> 00:09:20,602 ...to destroy Gary Blauman's weekend by kicking him out of the wedding! 163 00:09:20,846 --> 00:09:23,838 Yes! Gary Blauman haters club, right here. 164 00:09:24,116 --> 00:09:26,243 What that guy did to me... 165 00:09:26,485 --> 00:09:31,320 ...oh, God, it makes me furious to this day. 166 00:09:31,590 --> 00:09:35,321 Okay, okay, I am going to try and tell this story without completely losing it. 167 00:09:35,594 --> 00:09:38,028 Ready? Okay, here goes. I was at the... 168 00:09:42,701 --> 00:09:45,636 - Nope, not gonna happen. Give me a second. - Oh! 169 00:09:45,838 --> 00:09:47,328 I was at the bar. 170 00:09:47,639 --> 00:09:50,199 - Hey, Barney. - What's up, Blauman? Have a seat. 171 00:09:50,475 --> 00:09:51,772 Oh, thanks. 172 00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:55,878 - Your fries. You need anything? - I'm good. Thanks. 173 00:09:56,148 --> 00:09:58,343 Oh, but he was not "good, thanks." 174 00:09:58,617 --> 00:10:01,085 He was not "good, thanks" at all. 175 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,084 Oh, what, did he take one of your fries? 176 00:10:04,857 --> 00:10:06,848 "Take one"? 177 00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:08,683 Take one? 178 00:10:09,628 --> 00:10:12,688 It would've been one thing if he took one of my fries. One thing. 179 00:10:12,931 --> 00:10:14,626 No, Lily... 180 00:10:14,867 --> 00:10:18,894 ...that day Blauman took... 181 00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:23,872 ...four of my fries. 182 00:10:24,142 --> 00:10:26,042 But that's not even the capper. 183 00:10:26,278 --> 00:10:28,803 Here's the part that still keeps me up at night. 184 00:10:29,047 --> 00:10:30,708 The fourth fry he took... 185 00:10:30,949 --> 00:10:33,474 The fourth fry he took... 186 00:10:36,355 --> 00:10:37,822 Buddy. Buddy, you okay? 187 00:10:38,056 --> 00:10:40,889 Mm, mm. Mm. 188 00:10:41,093 --> 00:10:43,823 The fourth fry he took... 189 00:10:45,964 --> 00:10:48,797 - ...was an accidental curly. - Ah! 190 00:11:00,212 --> 00:11:02,840 You don't take a man's accidental curly. 191 00:11:03,081 --> 00:11:06,448 You take a man's wife before you take his accidental curly. 192 00:11:06,718 --> 00:11:11,519 If you wanted curly fries so bad, why not just order them in the first place? 193 00:11:11,757 --> 00:11:15,591 Yeah, because that's what you want, all curly fries. 194 00:11:15,827 --> 00:11:19,524 Regular-cut with a few accidental curlies. That's what you want. 195 00:11:19,765 --> 00:11:22,063 - That's the dream. - He's right. That is the dream. 196 00:11:22,301 --> 00:11:25,464 No! I refuse to look down from the altar... 197 00:11:25,737 --> 00:11:28,103 ...as I say my vows to the woman of my dreams... 198 00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:35,109 ...and see that damned stupid accidental-curly-fry-stealing Gary Blauman. 199 00:11:35,347 --> 00:11:39,215 Did you say "Gary Blauman"? I... 200 00:11:41,019 --> 00:11:45,547 ...hate to disagree with Barney, but I love that guy. 201 00:11:45,791 --> 00:11:48,316 I just met him earlier today. 202 00:11:48,593 --> 00:11:52,051 - Oh, my gosh. It's you. - Yeah. 203 00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:54,094 You're the poet William Zabka. 204 00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:58,336 Nobody ever recognizes me for my poetry. 205 00:11:58,603 --> 00:12:00,901 He has all six of my collections. 206 00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:04,108 When Terry Gross interviewed me on Fresh Air, he listened live. 207 00:12:05,043 --> 00:12:06,977 Gary Blauman rules. 208 00:12:07,245 --> 00:12:08,303 Gary Blauman? 209 00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:10,771 I... 210 00:12:12,784 --> 00:12:14,945 ...hate... 211 00:12:15,187 --> 00:12:19,214 ...that I once thought I loved Gary Blauman. - Ooh, this sounds good. 212 00:12:19,458 --> 00:12:21,949 Gary's the guy that I had an affair with. 213 00:12:22,461 --> 00:12:25,726 Tom found out, threw me out of the house... 214 00:12:25,964 --> 00:12:28,626 ...and now the kids are from a broken home. 215 00:12:28,867 --> 00:12:34,169 Because of Gary Blauman, everything that matters to me is gone. 216 00:12:38,343 --> 00:12:40,311 I got that beat. So I was ordering fries... 217 00:12:40,545 --> 00:12:42,775 Wait, wait, wait. Blauman's gay? 218 00:12:44,082 --> 00:12:46,880 Then that means that night, the real battle... 219 00:12:47,152 --> 00:12:51,179 ...was between Blauman and the girl. 220 00:12:51,423 --> 00:12:54,654 And the prize was this guy. 221 00:12:54,893 --> 00:12:57,453 - Figured something out. - Keep telling yourself that. 222 00:12:57,696 --> 00:13:02,099 - I don't want Gary at my brother's wedding. - Neither do I. I'm the brother in question. 223 00:13:03,802 --> 00:13:06,498 - It's your wedding. - Order! Order! 224 00:13:07,205 --> 00:13:11,904 Robin put this on my plate, so I'll make the decision. Now, let's take a short recess. 225 00:13:12,177 --> 00:13:14,372 Everybody out. 226 00:13:14,946 --> 00:13:19,849 Lily. Out-of-court settlement. Drop this whole thing and I'll give you 10 bucks. 227 00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:21,882 No. 228 00:13:24,256 --> 00:13:26,690 I can't go higher than 10. 229 00:13:29,194 --> 00:13:32,061 I'm ready to give my decision. 230 00:13:32,831 --> 00:13:35,425 This was a tough one. Good points on both sides... 231 00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:38,396 ...but ultimately, Blauman stays. 232 00:13:38,637 --> 00:13:40,798 - What in the? - For one simple reason. 233 00:13:41,039 --> 00:13:46,568 There is a higher law at every wedding, a law that trumps all other arguments. 234 00:13:46,845 --> 00:13:49,746 When the bride asks for something, she gets it. 235 00:13:49,981 --> 00:13:51,312 Yes. 236 00:13:51,516 --> 00:13:53,381 - Good point. - Wow. He's right. 237 00:13:53,618 --> 00:13:57,884 This fake court thingy is adjourned. Judged. 238 00:13:58,957 --> 00:14:01,824 I guess let's go find Blauman and tell him the good news. 239 00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:05,826 Yeah, about that, bit of a wrinkle. I was just in the hallway, ran into Blauman. 240 00:14:06,064 --> 00:14:09,932 Told him if he didn't leave immediately, Zabka was gonna crane-kick him in the face. 241 00:14:10,168 --> 00:14:12,693 What? But that's not even my move. 242 00:14:13,772 --> 00:14:14,864 - We have to stop him. - Barney. 243 00:14:15,073 --> 00:14:16,631 - Ahh. - Come on, come on. 244 00:14:16,908 --> 00:14:21,470 So we all run out to the parking lot to stop Gary Blauman from leaving the wedding... 245 00:14:22,881 --> 00:14:24,371 What are you doing? 246 00:14:24,616 --> 00:14:25,776 This is my place. 247 00:14:27,052 --> 00:14:28,212 Oh. 248 00:14:28,987 --> 00:14:33,651 So, uh, well, I guess this is where I leave you. 249 00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:40,996 This is your place. 250 00:14:41,666 --> 00:14:42,860 Yep. 251 00:14:43,902 --> 00:14:48,464 - You sure it's not a few blocks that way? - Nope, it's right here. 252 00:14:48,707 --> 00:14:50,368 It's right where you picked me up. 253 00:14:50,609 --> 00:14:52,236 So it is. 254 00:14:54,112 --> 00:14:58,014 - Well, good night. - Good night. 255 00:15:00,051 --> 00:15:04,249 Eight years earlier, I would've given some speech, confessed my love, scared her off. 256 00:15:04,489 --> 00:15:08,823 But I didn't. Because somehow I just knew this was all gonna work out. 257 00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:10,322 - Ted? - Oh, thank God. 258 00:15:15,133 --> 00:15:18,034 Do you at least wanna finish your story? 259 00:15:19,337 --> 00:15:20,804 Right. 260 00:15:21,740 --> 00:15:24,504 So we all ran out to the parking lot and... 261 00:15:24,743 --> 00:15:28,941 Blauman. Blauman. I'm sorry. You can stay. Billy won't kick you in the face. 262 00:15:29,181 --> 00:15:31,615 It's not even my move. If I was gonna do anything... 263 00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:34,318 ...I'd sweep the leg and put you in a body bag. 264 00:15:34,553 --> 00:15:36,919 What, is that from one of your poems? 265 00:15:37,489 --> 00:15:38,513 Thank you for that. 266 00:15:39,224 --> 00:15:42,318 Please stick around. For the bride. 267 00:15:42,561 --> 00:15:45,724 You're not a Taft. Roosevelt shouldn't have divided the party. 268 00:15:45,997 --> 00:15:49,728 - He handed the election to Wilson. Right? - Completely, right? 269 00:15:50,535 --> 00:15:52,867 No. Wait, no. All right? Forget it. 270 00:15:54,172 --> 00:15:56,936 And, James, I'm sorry about you and Tom... 271 00:15:57,175 --> 00:16:00,576 ...but you have to stop blaming me for your own decisions. 272 00:16:00,845 --> 00:16:03,211 Well, guys, take a good look. 273 00:16:03,481 --> 00:16:06,473 This face? You won't be seeing again. 274 00:16:11,556 --> 00:16:14,525 - The br... The br... - Yeah, Gary. 275 00:16:17,062 --> 00:16:18,256 He's really leaving. 276 00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:20,395 Hey, Barney. 277 00:16:20,632 --> 00:16:22,327 Do you still have my wedding ring? 278 00:16:24,769 --> 00:16:25,997 Yeah. 279 00:16:27,205 --> 00:16:30,265 I've got some work to do. Excuse me. 280 00:16:33,511 --> 00:16:35,672 Blauman will cool off. We'll see him again. 281 00:16:35,914 --> 00:16:37,882 - Of course we will. - I don't know. 282 00:16:38,783 --> 00:16:40,580 We might really never see him again. 283 00:16:40,819 --> 00:16:43,845 Because I remember at our wedding, looking out and thinking: 284 00:16:44,089 --> 00:16:46,080 "Man, everyone here means so much to me." 285 00:16:47,259 --> 00:16:50,854 A bunch of those people, you know, I haven't seen them since. 286 00:16:51,096 --> 00:16:52,859 And that's how it goes, kids. 287 00:16:53,098 --> 00:16:56,556 The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies, and partners in crime... 288 00:16:56,801 --> 00:16:58,735 ...you love so much when you're young... 289 00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:02,098 ...as the years go by, you just lose touch. 290 00:17:05,243 --> 00:17:09,407 That being said, I did manage to keep track of a few people. 291 00:17:09,981 --> 00:17:12,040 Carl's still behind the bar at MacLaren's. 292 00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:13,876 Hey, watch it over there. 293 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:15,416 Yeah, watch it over there. 294 00:17:15,654 --> 00:17:17,212 It's become a family business. 295 00:17:17,455 --> 00:17:20,390 Jeanette was arrested for mailing jars of urine to Val Kilmer. 296 00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:23,594 No, not that Val Kilmer. She narrowly avoided prison time... 297 00:17:23,828 --> 00:17:26,558 ...but did receive mandatory psychological counseling. 298 00:17:26,798 --> 00:17:29,631 Hello, handsome. 299 00:17:30,135 --> 00:17:34,469 I should say up front, I'm not allowed to date my... Oh, what the hell. 300 00:17:34,706 --> 00:17:37,174 She and Kevin live in Poughkeepsie now. 301 00:17:37,442 --> 00:17:41,640 Ranjit made a couple really good stock picks, and, well, he owns the limo service now. 302 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,973 Bitterman, get the car. 303 00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,546 Getting the car, sir. 304 00:17:45,784 --> 00:17:50,244 Patrice has her own drive time radio show. People call in, she gives advice. 305 00:17:50,455 --> 00:17:53,447 Sometimes I just feel like he never listens to me. 306 00:17:53,692 --> 00:17:57,492 Gosh, caller, that's a real pickle. You know, my grandma always says... 307 00:17:57,729 --> 00:17:59,754 Damn it, Patrice, I'm not finished! 308 00:17:59,998 --> 00:18:01,795 Sorry, sorry, go on. 309 00:18:02,033 --> 00:18:04,297 William Zabka became the youngest poet ever... 310 00:18:04,536 --> 00:18:07,664 ...to win the American Humanities Medal for Literature. 311 00:18:07,906 --> 00:18:10,534 He's currently working on a collection of travel essays. 312 00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:16,010 Zoey pops up on the news every now and then, supporting some cause or another. 313 00:18:16,247 --> 00:18:17,839 It doesn't always go well for her. 314 00:18:18,049 --> 00:18:20,415 The hawk is a majestic creature. She means you no... 315 00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:23,913 Aah! No, I'm your friend. I'm helping you. 316 00:18:24,122 --> 00:18:27,182 Still, it's nice knowing she's out there fighting the good fight. 317 00:18:27,425 --> 00:18:28,824 Scooter's been married for a while. 318 00:18:29,027 --> 00:18:32,019 He met a girl at work, and it was love at first sight. 319 00:18:32,263 --> 00:18:34,697 I guess something about her helped him get over Lily. 320 00:18:34,933 --> 00:18:38,460 You look beautiful today, Jasmine. Like every day. 321 00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:41,467 - Move. I serve sloppy joe now. - Okay. 322 00:18:41,673 --> 00:18:44,233 Blitz struggled with a gambling addiction for a while... 323 00:18:44,509 --> 00:18:48,240 ...but after a three-day bender on the same slot machine, he finally kicked it. 324 00:18:48,513 --> 00:18:50,105 I gotta get help. 325 00:18:50,315 --> 00:18:53,773 - Learned to live a life of style 326 00:18:55,754 --> 00:18:56,743 Yes! 327 00:18:58,156 --> 00:19:00,147 - Whoo! - Oh, man. 328 00:19:00,392 --> 00:19:02,257 I'm not sure what happened to Blah-Blah. 329 00:19:02,527 --> 00:19:04,995 But I'd like to think that wherever she is, she... 330 00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:07,198 Carol. Her name was Carol. 331 00:19:07,432 --> 00:19:08,660 Thank you. 332 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:12,063 Sandy Rivers' inappropriate behavior finally caught up with him... 333 00:19:12,303 --> 00:19:15,033 ...ending his news career in America. 334 00:19:26,985 --> 00:19:28,782 He hasn't changed. 335 00:19:29,053 --> 00:19:33,547 It took some doing, but James finally convinced Tom to take him back. 336 00:19:33,792 --> 00:19:37,284 And nobody's happier about it than their kids. 337 00:19:37,562 --> 00:19:41,794 Hey, kids, have I ever told you how I met your father? 338 00:19:42,066 --> 00:19:43,397 It was at a party. 339 00:19:43,635 --> 00:19:47,036 And as for Blauman... 340 00:19:49,474 --> 00:19:51,465 Guys, wait. 341 00:19:51,743 --> 00:19:54,610 Sorry for storming off. I don't wanna miss this wedding. 342 00:19:55,113 --> 00:19:58,571 You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life... 343 00:19:58,817 --> 00:20:01,115 ...to part ways with people forever. 344 00:20:01,352 --> 00:20:05,789 That's why when you find someone you wanna keep around... 345 00:20:06,024 --> 00:20:08,049 ...you do something about it. 346 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,954 So I guess good night. 347 00:20:13,465 --> 00:20:15,057 Good night. 348 00:20:33,685 --> 00:20:35,482 Unless... 349 00:20:35,753 --> 00:20:38,483 Do you wanna walk around some more? It's still early. 350 00:20:41,159 --> 00:20:42,456 Sure. 351 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:49,824 What are you doing? 352 00:20:53,004 --> 00:20:54,665 Remembering this. 353 00:20:56,708 --> 00:20:57,766 Come on. 354 00:21:00,750 --> 00:21:08,750 Ripped By mstoll 27960

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