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1
00:00:00,198 --> 00:00:01,360
- Whoa, sorry. Sorry.
- Oh, my God.
2
00:00:01,637 --> 00:00:04,003
You know there is gonna be
champagne at this party?
3
00:00:04,273 --> 00:00:06,537
I know, but we're gonna get there
and it'll be...
4
00:00:06,809 --> 00:00:09,334
...everyone congratulating you
on your book, saying:
5
00:00:09,578 --> 00:00:12,945
"This is a revelation.
You're gonna end poverty in our time.
6
00:00:13,182 --> 00:00:15,673
This is the greatest book
anyone's ever written."
7
00:00:15,918 --> 00:00:18,478
- You're the only one that says that.
- Well, it's true.
8
00:00:18,988 --> 00:00:21,752
So before I lose you
to your adoring public...
9
00:00:21,991 --> 00:00:25,154
...I just want to take a moment,
you and I, to celebrate...
10
00:00:25,394 --> 00:00:26,986
...the best year of our lives.
11
00:00:28,163 --> 00:00:30,631
- Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
12
00:00:35,304 --> 00:00:36,669
Mm.
13
00:00:36,872 --> 00:00:39,670
- We go big tonight.
- Easy there, buddy.
14
00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:41,536
We're old people, remember?
15
00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:43,641
We haven't gone
medium-sized in forever.
16
00:00:43,879 --> 00:00:46,905
And I cannot
carry you home in this dress.
17
00:00:47,182 --> 00:00:49,173
Sweetie, relax. I got this.
18
00:00:49,418 --> 00:00:52,819
Yeah, right. I can see your whole future.
19
00:00:53,055 --> 00:00:55,717
You are gonna be
so hungover tomorrow.
20
00:00:55,958 --> 00:00:59,291
I'm gonna be fine.
I made a vow, remember?
21
00:00:59,528 --> 00:01:01,359
Kids, the story behind that vow...
22
00:01:01,597 --> 00:01:04,122
...took place the morning of
Barney and Robin's wedding.
23
00:01:04,567 --> 00:01:07,229
You see, after drinking
way too much the night before...
24
00:01:07,469 --> 00:01:11,405
...this is all Uncle Barney remembers from
the first two hours of his wedding day:
25
00:01:18,147 --> 00:01:21,947
And that's it. Now, here's how the
rest of us remember those two hours:
26
00:01:23,552 --> 00:01:25,076
Found him.
27
00:01:26,722 --> 00:01:29,885
You know, he looks better
than I thought he would.
28
00:01:30,125 --> 00:01:32,252
Rise and shine.
29
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,396
Up and at them, let's do this.
30
00:01:35,931 --> 00:01:37,865
There's a gas leak.
31
00:01:38,233 --> 00:01:40,201
The building's on fire.
32
00:01:41,270 --> 00:01:43,397
Your shoes don't match your belt.
33
00:01:52,581 --> 00:01:53,673
Uh-oh.
34
00:01:57,500 --> 00:02:05,500
Ripped By mstoll
35
00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:13,927
Okay, I think my fianc�
peed himself a little. Aw...
36
00:02:14,136 --> 00:02:17,799
Tomorrow I'm gonna be able to say
my husband peed himself a little.
37
00:02:18,374 --> 00:02:21,707
- Don't worry, I spilled some iced tea on him.
- Oh, thank God.
38
00:02:21,910 --> 00:02:23,935
I didn't really spill some iced tea on him.
39
00:02:24,179 --> 00:02:25,908
Oh, God, this is bad.
40
00:02:26,148 --> 00:02:29,606
We're doing family wedding pictures
at the lighthouse in two hours.
41
00:02:29,852 --> 00:02:32,980
My father is paying for it.
He'll kill him if he doesn't show up.
42
00:02:33,222 --> 00:02:37,158
Come on, your dad's tough, but won't
he understand an old-fashioned hangover?
43
00:02:37,426 --> 00:02:41,328
My father's recipe for a Bloody Mary
trades out tomato juice for wolf's blood.
44
00:02:41,563 --> 00:02:42,825
Ooh.
45
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:46,832
Bloody Mary?
Sounds more like a Bloody Scary.
46
00:02:48,237 --> 00:02:49,465
I say again. Bloody Mary? Sounds...
47
00:02:49,672 --> 00:02:51,697
Uh, hold on, you guys are forgetting...
48
00:02:51,974 --> 00:02:53,908
...Barney Stinson has a super power.
49
00:02:54,877 --> 00:02:56,811
He can't take a bad photo.
50
00:02:59,682 --> 00:03:01,479
Okay, here. Watch.
51
00:03:05,454 --> 00:03:06,785
Guys, Barney may be dead.
52
00:03:07,022 --> 00:03:11,015
That's it. We are all now seriously
too old to keep doing this to ourselves.
53
00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:16,493
I vow here and now that I shall
never again get that drunk in my life.
54
00:03:16,732 --> 00:03:19,064
Yeah, he'd wind up breaking that vow.
55
00:03:19,334 --> 00:03:23,498
And I will not break that vow, as sure as
I will always have a full head of hair.
56
00:03:24,473 --> 00:03:27,408
In other elections
today, in the race for New York State...
57
00:03:27,609 --> 00:03:29,577
...Supreme Court, Judge Brad Morris...
58
00:03:30,145 --> 00:03:34,548
Oh, oh! Just look at him. Oh, I would
love to rub that down. Ahem. Sorry.
59
00:03:34,783 --> 00:03:38,310
- Has increased his sizable lead
over Judge Marshall Eriksen.
60
00:03:38,554 --> 00:03:40,351
It was supposed to be a victory party.
61
00:03:40,589 --> 00:03:42,318
You ran a great campaign, baby.
62
00:03:42,558 --> 00:03:45,584
Yeah, but it was the most stressful
three weeks of my life.
63
00:03:47,663 --> 00:03:50,131
And in other results,
a surprise comeback.
64
00:03:50,332 --> 00:03:53,495
We're ready to call the
New York State Supreme Court race...
65
00:03:53,702 --> 00:03:54,930
...for Judge Marshall Eriksen.
66
00:03:56,705 --> 00:04:00,334
We'll go to Judge Eriksen for
a live statement in just a few minutes.
67
00:04:00,576 --> 00:04:02,100
Come again for Judge Fudge?
68
00:04:03,545 --> 00:04:07,003
- As your next commissioner...
- State Supreme Court Judge.
69
00:04:07,416 --> 00:04:10,681
...of Gotham City...
- The State of New York.
70
00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:13,683
...I vow to make Batman work harder.
71
00:04:14,556 --> 00:04:18,185
I say shine that Bat-Signal
even for small stuff...
72
00:04:18,427 --> 00:04:20,554
...like, uh, shoveling snow...
73
00:04:20,796 --> 00:04:24,254
...or like, uh, if a police horse
dumps out in the park.
74
00:04:24,533 --> 00:04:26,694
Okay, that will be all
at this time, thank you.
75
00:04:26,935 --> 00:04:29,301
- That's all.
- Okay. Good night.
76
00:04:29,805 --> 00:04:32,774
Never again. I vow it.
77
00:04:33,041 --> 00:04:36,943
I'm more worried about taking vows
with this pile of garbage in a few hours.
78
00:04:37,179 --> 00:04:39,272
- What do we do?
- You guys see the irony here?
79
00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:43,211
The only person who could possibly
get Barney back on his feet is Barney.
80
00:04:43,452 --> 00:04:47,650
- See, over the years, we'd all come-
81
00:04:47,856 --> 00:04:50,120
Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir.
82
00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:54,022
The most effective post-bender-head's-
too-tender-ender from here to Denver.
83
00:04:54,263 --> 00:04:55,628
- What's in it?
- Glad you asked.
84
00:04:55,864 --> 00:04:58,059
- Columbia University, 1941.
- I take it back.
85
00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:59,892
President Franklin D. Roosevelt...
86
00:05:00,135 --> 00:05:02,626
...who is most famous
for being a world-class drunk...
87
00:05:02,871 --> 00:05:04,896
...commissioned a top-secret project:
88
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:07,836
Develop an elixir to cure
the common hangover.
89
00:05:08,110 --> 00:05:10,635
And what brilliant scientific mind
did boozy old FDR...
90
00:05:10,879 --> 00:05:14,975
...pick to head up this historic task?
- My head hurts. Let's just speed this along.
91
00:05:15,217 --> 00:05:18,243
You're clearly ripping off the story
of the Manhattan Project...
92
00:05:18,487 --> 00:05:21,251
...which was run by
Dr. Robert Oppenheimer...
93
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:25,290
...so I'm gonna guess
it was your distant relative...
94
00:05:25,694 --> 00:05:27,628
...Barnert Stinsonheimer?
95
00:05:27,863 --> 00:05:30,627
Somebody's read their history books.
96
00:05:30,999 --> 00:05:35,163
The Too Many Manhattans Project
hit a few snags at first.
97
00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:38,498
The first batch exploded,
which sounded kind of like this:
98
00:05:38,707 --> 00:05:41,073
- Boom!
- Oh, you suck.
99
00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:44,177
Just let me finish.
But the second batch...
100
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,272
...sadly also exploded.
101
00:05:46,481 --> 00:05:49,382
- Boom!
- Oh! Why are you here right now?
102
00:05:49,651 --> 00:05:52,017
- Do you want to hear the story?
- No. Please leave.
103
00:05:52,254 --> 00:05:54,984
After some trial and error,
Dr. Stinsonheimer...
104
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,351
...finally found the magic formula.
105
00:06:00,629 --> 00:06:03,894
Hang on. Funyuns? Tantrum soda?
106
00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:06,100
- Sure.
- In 1941?
107
00:06:06,335 --> 00:06:09,463
Sure. They haven't made new Tantrum
since then, it lasts a while.
108
00:06:09,705 --> 00:06:12,640
Anyway, the elixir was such a success...
109
00:06:12,908 --> 00:06:17,174
...he was awarded the Bro-Bel Prize.
True story.
110
00:06:17,379 --> 00:06:19,643
- Boom!
- Why?
111
00:06:19,882 --> 00:06:23,682
- That time I was just messing with you.
- Just give me the stupid drink.
112
00:06:25,287 --> 00:06:27,812
And the craziest part was...
113
00:06:32,194 --> 00:06:33,559
I feel better.
114
00:06:33,795 --> 00:06:38,129
Over the years, each of us would discover
that Barney's elixir actually worked.
115
00:06:38,367 --> 00:06:40,892
- Like way better.
- What's in this thing again?
116
00:06:41,169 --> 00:06:42,659
Stinson family secret.
117
00:06:42,905 --> 00:06:45,203
You told me most of
the ingredients in your story.
118
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,931
- Just tell me the secret one.
- Ha! I'll never tell you.
119
00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:50,269
I'll take it with me to my grave.
120
00:06:50,545 --> 00:06:54,242
Damn it, Barney, why are you always
so selfish? We are trying to help you.
121
00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:58,852
Okay, we have to get this leaky barf bag
back on his feet before the wedding pictures.
122
00:06:59,087 --> 00:07:00,782
We know what Barney would want to do.
123
00:07:02,891 --> 00:07:05,451
- Say cheese.
- Cheese.
124
00:07:05,727 --> 00:07:08,093
No, we are not doing
Weekend at Barney's.
125
00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:11,197
But that's the dream.
I can't believe I just said that.
126
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:13,867
- Someone suggest something useful.
- Here's the plan.
127
00:07:14,102 --> 00:07:16,969
Marshall, you and Ted go gather
the ingredients we do know.
128
00:07:17,272 --> 00:07:21,208
Robin, you wake up Barney long enough
to find out the secret ingredient.
129
00:07:21,443 --> 00:07:25,072
And I'll race down to the spa
to keep my 8:15 mani and pedi.
130
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:27,179
- Okay, let's do this.
- Bitch...
131
00:07:27,416 --> 00:07:30,044
...walk out that door
and Zabka is my maid of honor.
132
00:07:30,285 --> 00:07:33,584
Okay, let's start simple:
Fresh ocean air.
133
00:07:33,822 --> 00:07:35,756
- Come on, baby.
- Come on, honey.
134
00:07:35,991 --> 00:07:37,549
- Come on, love. Yeah.
- Baby.
135
00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:40,987
All right, I'll get the elevator.
136
00:07:41,263 --> 00:07:43,493
Oh, I should get some water.
137
00:07:54,476 --> 00:08:00,608
Okay. So accidentally throwing Barney
down the stairs did not wake him up.
138
00:08:00,849 --> 00:08:04,285
Nor did banging his head on each step
as we dragged him back up here.
139
00:08:04,753 --> 00:08:08,746
So how do we wake him up long enough
to tell us the final ingredient?
140
00:08:09,324 --> 00:08:12,293
When my sister and I
had trouble getting up for school...
141
00:08:12,527 --> 00:08:14,119
...my dad had a few cute tricks.
142
00:08:20,469 --> 00:08:23,438
I'll do it! I swear to God I'll do it!
143
00:08:23,672 --> 00:08:25,503
Your dad used to do this to you?
144
00:08:25,774 --> 00:08:27,969
With a Cabbage Patch doll
and ax, but same idea.
145
00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:30,610
Trust me, I was never late
for kindergarten again.
146
00:08:31,713 --> 00:08:33,044
What? Come on.
147
00:08:36,318 --> 00:08:41,688
Ugh. I second Marshall's vow.
I will never ever get that drunk again.
148
00:08:41,923 --> 00:08:43,322
Yeah, she would.
149
00:08:44,359 --> 00:08:48,056
My baby boy's in college.
Did you pack enough undies?
150
00:08:48,330 --> 00:08:49,854
Yes, Mom. Shh.
151
00:08:50,098 --> 00:08:54,034
Your father did a lot of puking
in these hallowed halls...
152
00:08:54,302 --> 00:08:57,203
...from binge studying. Saved it.
153
00:08:57,439 --> 00:09:00,465
That reminds me, mister,
no underage drinking.
154
00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:04,304
No good comes from
hanging out in bars and getting drunk.
155
00:09:04,546 --> 00:09:06,980
But every story
from your 20's starts in a bar.
156
00:09:07,215 --> 00:09:09,843
- Listen to your mother.
- Aw... What are we gonna do...
157
00:09:10,085 --> 00:09:12,178
...without you in the house?
158
00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:15,356
We got him out of the house. Drink up.
159
00:09:16,158 --> 00:09:18,683
Mm. Whoo!
160
00:09:18,894 --> 00:09:20,589
Oh, boy.
161
00:09:23,331 --> 00:09:26,164
- You son of a bitch.
- You son of a me.
162
00:09:26,601 --> 00:09:30,401
All right, we got most of the ingredients
Ginger, bananas, Funyuns.
163
00:09:30,639 --> 00:09:34,370
I can't believe that mini-mart sold Tantrum.
It's been discontinued for years.
164
00:09:34,609 --> 00:09:39,342
- Uh, hey, ahem, will you toss me that bottle?
- Yeah, we haven't done this forever.
165
00:09:41,483 --> 00:09:44,213
Dude, you're a grown man,
why are you throwing a Tantrum?
166
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,546
- Nice.
- So awesome.
167
00:09:46,788 --> 00:09:50,315
- So awesome.
- Okay, there's one more item on the list...
168
00:09:50,859 --> 00:09:52,520
...and it's an odd one.
169
00:09:52,761 --> 00:09:54,456
- Grease?
- Grease.
170
00:09:54,729 --> 00:09:57,596
At the Farhampton Inn,
we don't cook with grease.
171
00:09:57,866 --> 00:10:03,133
Our menu is organic, farm-to-table,
locally grown. No "grease."
172
00:10:03,405 --> 00:10:05,771
Sir, I am from Minnesota...
173
00:10:06,007 --> 00:10:09,272
...where every meal is cooked with grease
and my father dubbed it:
174
00:10:09,511 --> 00:10:12,605
"The tastiest eats in the whole
gosh darn world," so...
175
00:10:12,881 --> 00:10:14,473
And how is your father's health?
176
00:10:17,452 --> 00:10:20,717
Point is, it tastes really good.
Also, we need it to help a friend...
177
00:10:20,956 --> 00:10:23,618
...recover from a hangover.
- Wait a second...
178
00:10:23,892 --> 00:10:26,588
...there's bacon right here.
And where there's bacon...
179
00:10:26,828 --> 00:10:29,296
...there's bacon grease.
- Which we throw out.
180
00:10:29,531 --> 00:10:31,590
We aren't making any more bacon today.
181
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:36,236
Not unless it all somehow gets eaten
in the 10 minutes before breakfast is over.
182
00:10:38,106 --> 00:10:40,574
No, no, no. Ted, do not give me that look.
183
00:10:40,809 --> 00:10:44,301
A mountain of food, a ticking clock?
Come on, you live for this stuff.
184
00:10:44,546 --> 00:10:46,605
No, I'm not a wild animal.
185
00:10:46,848 --> 00:10:51,148
I'm a Columbia-educated lawyer,
poised to become a judge before age 35.
186
00:10:51,419 --> 00:10:55,480
And remind me, how did you
celebrate getting accepted into Columbia?
187
00:10:55,724 --> 00:10:59,524
You eat one 8-pound block of fudge
in 12 minutes and you're marked for life.
188
00:10:59,794 --> 00:11:02,524
You're not marked for life, Big Fudge.
189
00:11:02,797 --> 00:11:04,890
I'm out, okay? You eat the bacon.
190
00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:07,101
You know I can't, I'm allergic.
191
00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:10,998
Ted, I've been trying to tell you for years,
your bacon allergy is a lie...
192
00:11:11,239 --> 00:11:13,332
...your mother made up
so you'd eat healthy.
193
00:11:13,575 --> 00:11:15,475
No, I'm just allergic to a lot of stuff.
194
00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:19,407
Bacon, donuts, Halloween candy...
195
00:11:19,648 --> 00:11:22,139
...not saying "thank you."
196
00:11:22,384 --> 00:11:24,978
Oh, my God, that bitch lied to me.
197
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:27,188
Okay, I'll do it.
198
00:11:27,455 --> 00:11:29,650
But, look, I don't even know
if I'll like bacon.
199
00:11:37,966 --> 00:11:39,661
What do you think?
200
00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:43,160
I have seen the face of God.
201
00:11:45,907 --> 00:11:49,138
Okay, there is one thing
we haven't tried yet:
202
00:11:49,377 --> 00:11:51,072
Making out with each other.
203
00:11:51,346 --> 00:11:54,941
- You really think that will wake him up?
- Wake up who now?
204
00:11:56,818 --> 00:12:01,152
Ugh. Look at this soggy bag of snot.
That's it, I am joining Marshall's vow.
205
00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:04,722
I am never, ever
getting that drunk again.
206
00:12:04,993 --> 00:12:07,154
Kids, you see where this is going.
207
00:12:10,565 --> 00:12:12,658
Did last night really happen?
208
00:12:12,901 --> 00:12:14,766
I think so.
209
00:12:15,270 --> 00:12:19,331
Look, let's just agree:
Absolute silence for the rest of the day.
210
00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:25,368
- Oh...
- Ha-ha-ha. Every time. You want me to get her?
211
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:27,514
No, I got her.
212
00:12:29,517 --> 00:12:33,044
Come here. Yeah, I know, I know.
213
00:12:33,255 --> 00:12:37,624
Shh, shh, shh. Shh.
214
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,060
- Hey, Barney?
- Yeah?
215
00:12:40,528 --> 00:12:41,790
Whose baby is this?
216
00:12:53,975 --> 00:12:55,408
How could you, Mom?
217
00:12:56,077 --> 00:12:59,012
You had the map to heaven
and you never showed me the way.
218
00:12:59,247 --> 00:13:03,411
May you rot in the bacon-less hell
that I've lived in my entire life.
219
00:13:04,252 --> 00:13:06,743
- They crisp it up real nice here, don't they?
- Mm-hm.
220
00:13:06,955 --> 00:13:07,944
What is that? Applewood smoked?
221
00:13:08,189 --> 00:13:10,282
Ted, you've been going at it real hard...
222
00:13:10,558 --> 00:13:13,083
...why don't you take a breather
and I'll drive us home?
223
00:13:15,497 --> 00:13:19,160
- Well, congratulations. Here's your grease.
- Mm.
224
00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:21,800
- No. I don't want to lose a finger.
- Mm. Mm.
225
00:13:22,504 --> 00:13:24,438
- Here.
- All right, Ted, let's go.
226
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:26,300
No. No.
227
00:13:27,275 --> 00:13:31,143
I finally found the one, Marshall.
Her name is Bacon.
228
00:13:31,379 --> 00:13:34,405
You know, this would go great
on one of my mom's LT sandwiches.
229
00:13:34,649 --> 00:13:36,981
- Okay, buddy, you gotta take it easy.
- Never!
230
00:13:37,218 --> 00:13:39,482
I've got a lifetime
without bacon to make up for.
231
00:13:39,721 --> 00:13:43,851
I will keep eating and eating and eating...
Oh, God, help me, I'm going down.
232
00:13:45,193 --> 00:13:48,458
And that's the first
and last time I ever ate bacon.
233
00:13:49,097 --> 00:13:52,931
He's not waking up. I'm out of ideas.
We've tried everything.
234
00:13:53,168 --> 00:13:55,136
Not everything.
235
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:58,134
Lily Aldrin, let's make out.
236
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:02,575
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, baby. I'm sure.
237
00:14:02,777 --> 00:14:04,472
Um...
238
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:07,113
Okay, well, you know what? I mean...
239
00:14:07,349 --> 00:14:11,683
...it probably won't even work.
It's stupid, I'm stupid.
240
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,512
Shh, shh, shh.
241
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:15,690
You're beautiful.
242
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,124
Come here.
243
00:14:21,029 --> 00:14:22,792
More, more, more.
244
00:14:23,031 --> 00:14:25,158
Whoa, he's awake. How'd you do it?
245
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,197
- Nothing special.
- Hydration, patience.
246
00:14:27,435 --> 00:14:29,733
Quick, before he passes out again.
Barney...
247
00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:34,407
...what's the secret ingredient
in Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir?
248
00:14:34,676 --> 00:14:35,870
Come on, stay with us.
249
00:14:36,144 --> 00:14:40,171
The secret ingredient is...
250
00:14:40,415 --> 00:14:41,882
- ...nothing.
- Huh?
251
00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:44,175
I ate too much bacon.
252
00:14:44,419 --> 00:14:47,855
Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir...
253
00:14:48,089 --> 00:14:52,617
...is a lie. That's the secret.
254
00:14:54,696 --> 00:14:57,563
You know, I could use
a little lie-down myself.
255
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:05,228
So Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir
is a lie?
256
00:15:05,473 --> 00:15:08,237
- Why would you lie about that?
- Just to mess with us?
257
00:15:08,476 --> 00:15:11,206
Like that jerk in high school
who brings fake mushrooms...
258
00:15:11,446 --> 00:15:15,576
...to see who's gullible enough to trip?
- Damn you, Ollie Gunderson.
259
00:15:15,817 --> 00:15:17,944
I knew those shrooms
tasted like Sea-Monkeys.
260
00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:21,416
- How do you know what they taste like?
- My older brothers are not...
261
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:24,419
...the best people.
- Why did you lie?
262
00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:30,220
I love you guys.
263
00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:33,066
He loves us?
264
00:15:33,768 --> 00:15:35,895
- Let's throw him down the stairs again.
- Yeah.
265
00:15:36,137 --> 00:15:38,731
Wait, think. The first time
Barney gave us that drink...
266
00:15:38,973 --> 00:15:42,204
...those hangovers all happened
at the worst possible moments.
267
00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:45,140
Remember? Marshall thought
he botched the bar exam...
268
00:15:45,346 --> 00:15:47,211
...so he freaked out and got wasted?
269
00:15:47,449 --> 00:15:50,714
Now I'm gonna miss the last day
of the bar. I'll never be a lawyer.
270
00:15:50,952 --> 00:15:53,477
I should just go back to
being a manager at Structure.
271
00:15:53,755 --> 00:15:56,280
That "10 percent off all vests" sale?
That was my idea.
272
00:15:56,524 --> 00:16:00,483
As was cutting the arms off the shirts
that weren't selling. That's where I belong.
273
00:16:00,762 --> 00:16:04,198
No, Marshall, you're gonna be a lawyer.
274
00:16:04,399 --> 00:16:07,197
- Ugh. No, I can't do it.
- Yes, you can.
275
00:16:07,435 --> 00:16:11,201
Your first day back, live on the air,
is gonna be legen... Wait for it.
276
00:16:11,406 --> 00:16:16,901
- Dary. Your kindergarten field trip to the
Jackhammer and Siren Museum today...
277
00:16:17,145 --> 00:16:19,136
...is gonna be legendary.
278
00:16:19,347 --> 00:16:20,678
No, it's not.
279
00:16:20,882 --> 00:16:24,943
Nothing's ever gonna be legendary again,
I'm never gonna recover from this.
280
00:16:25,153 --> 00:16:27,951
- It's just a hangover, Ted.
- Not that.
281
00:16:28,189 --> 00:16:30,282
I got left at the altar, Barney.
282
00:16:30,525 --> 00:16:34,017
I'm now a guy who got left at the altar.
283
00:16:34,295 --> 00:16:36,126
There's no coming back from that.
284
00:16:37,198 --> 00:16:40,429
Drink this. You're gonna be okay.
285
00:16:41,903 --> 00:16:45,600
Barney made up the Stinson's
Hangover Fixer Elixir so we would all...
286
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:50,106
...believe that we could rally.
Even though it's fake, it worked.
287
00:16:50,345 --> 00:16:53,508
- Like Dumbo's feather.
- Dum-bro's feather.
288
00:16:53,781 --> 00:16:56,147
- A placebo.
- Place-bro.
289
00:16:56,384 --> 00:16:58,011
A sugar pill.
290
00:17:00,355 --> 00:17:02,323
He lied so we'd be okay.
291
00:17:03,992 --> 00:17:06,119
Barney does love us.
292
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:09,489
I wish we could help him out
the way he helped us.
293
00:17:09,731 --> 00:17:13,394
- But the wedding photos are in 20 minutes.
- My dad's gonna be so pissed.
294
00:17:13,668 --> 00:17:17,001
Yep, Barney's a dead man.
295
00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:32,679
Barney, you were always a bit...
296
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:37,415
...chatty and blond for my taste.
You're like a woman.
297
00:17:37,692 --> 00:17:39,182
But this new side of you...
298
00:17:39,627 --> 00:17:42,653
...quiet, steady, I like it.
299
00:17:43,197 --> 00:17:46,030
You've earned my respect today, son.
300
00:17:47,335 --> 00:17:49,235
- I request the highest of fives.
- Oh, no.
301
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:52,337
Stay cool, we got this.
302
00:17:58,846 --> 00:18:00,313
I don't believe this.
303
00:18:00,515 --> 00:18:03,279
You did Weekend at Barney's and it worked.
304
00:18:03,484 --> 00:18:05,714
God, today's gonna be
all downhill from here.
305
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:09,355
- That's what the bride wants to hear.
- Ha, ha. No, that's not what I meant.
306
00:18:09,591 --> 00:18:12,219
I just mean Weekend at Barney's
is way more amazing...
307
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:15,122
...than our wedding could be.
I'm gonna get more coffee.
308
00:18:15,396 --> 00:18:17,455
I can't wait to see the photos.
309
00:18:19,434 --> 00:18:21,026
Well, he bought it.
310
00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,737
We lied out of love.
Look how happy he is.
311
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:26,065
He has no idea we had to
cancel the photos...
312
00:18:26,307 --> 00:18:29,242
...and my dad came up
and kicked Barney in the crotch.
313
00:18:29,477 --> 00:18:32,139
And the best part is,
your dad has no idea.
314
00:18:32,413 --> 00:18:34,074
He still loves me.
315
00:18:34,315 --> 00:18:37,079
Hey, do anyone else's balls hurt?
316
00:18:37,919 --> 00:18:40,479
And some good came out of this,
seeing you like that...
317
00:18:40,755 --> 00:18:43,121
...we all vowed never
to get that drunk again.
318
00:18:43,391 --> 00:18:46,258
Well, actually, I didn't, but I will now.
319
00:18:46,494 --> 00:18:48,553
- Never again.
- Never again.
320
00:18:48,796 --> 00:18:50,661
Kids, no matter how hard we try...
321
00:18:50,932 --> 00:18:54,197
...even the best of us
go a little too wild sometimes.
322
00:18:54,402 --> 00:18:58,429
And in those moments, we all need
someone who loves us to help us rally.
323
00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:06,075
- Happy New Year.
- Okay, that was way too loud.
324
00:19:06,314 --> 00:19:08,009
You're practically screaming.
325
00:19:08,616 --> 00:19:12,643
What you need
is Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir.
326
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,252
Even if that means lying once in a while.
327
00:19:15,490 --> 00:19:16,923
- Does it work?
- Totally works.
328
00:19:20,995 --> 00:19:23,429
It's normal. It's totally normal.
329
00:19:26,934 --> 00:19:28,993
- I love you so much.
- I love you too.
330
00:19:30,805 --> 00:19:32,602
Oop, oop. Better drink it fast.
331
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,536
- Mommy!
- Hey, look who it is! Get her!
332
00:19:42,784 --> 00:19:47,380
Heh. I can't believe
we kissed today. Weird. Heh.
333
00:19:47,588 --> 00:19:51,456
I feel kind of bad
that Ted and Marshall missed it.
334
00:19:51,693 --> 00:19:55,026
Hey, we should kiss one more time
in front of them...
335
00:19:55,263 --> 00:19:58,562
...just to, like, blow their minds, right?
336
00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:01,996
- No, I don't think so.
- Exactly. Totally. Ha, ha.
337
00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:05,138
"Ha, ha, guys, you don't get to
see this kiss either." Ha-ha-ha.
338
00:20:05,373 --> 00:20:06,704
So where should we go?
339
00:20:06,974 --> 00:20:09,670
Closet? Patio? Ooh, I think the sauna's open.
340
00:20:09,911 --> 00:20:11,071
Well, actually...
341
00:20:12,046 --> 00:20:14,810
...to be honest,
it felt kind of weird to me.
342
00:20:15,049 --> 00:20:17,176
- Once was enough.
- Totally.
343
00:20:17,418 --> 00:20:19,511
We could kiss, we could not kiss.
344
00:20:19,754 --> 00:20:22,086
We could kiss, doesn't matter to me.
345
00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:24,381
It's stupid. I'm stupid.
346
00:20:27,762 --> 00:20:29,696
So stupid.
347
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:41,000
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