Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
0
00:00:03,732 --> 00:00:06,617
"Let's get this party started."
2
00:00:07,953 --> 00:00:09,286
Hey, can you
push the button?
3
00:00:09,288 --> 00:00:11,055
Do not touch
that button.
4
00:00:11,057 --> 00:00:13,123
Just give it a little push.
Don't push it.
5
00:00:13,125 --> 00:00:14,408
Just push it a little.
Don't listen to him.
6
00:00:14,410 --> 00:00:15,659
Half of it, halfway, halfway...
Don't even touch it.
7
00:00:15,661 --> 00:00:17,161
Why can't I
push the button?
8
00:00:17,163 --> 00:00:19,196
Because whenever Barney
sees a button-- any button--
9
00:00:19,198 --> 00:00:20,831
as to push it.
10
00:00:23,002 --> 00:00:25,035
Sorry.
11
00:00:25,037 --> 00:00:26,654
Why are you so mad?
12
00:00:26,656 --> 00:00:28,872
Because my rehearsal dinner
13
00:00:28,874 --> 00:00:31,008
was supposed to start
ten minutes ago.
14
00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:33,377
But instead of stuffing my face
15
00:00:33,379 --> 00:00:34,812
with hors d'oeuvres
16
00:00:34,814 --> 00:00:36,930
that I have been dreaming
about for months,
17
00:00:36,932 --> 00:00:39,350
I am in a laser tag
18
00:00:39,352 --> 00:00:41,101
security office,
19
00:00:41,103 --> 00:00:44,521
waiting for the police
to arrest my fiancé
20
00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:46,156
for causing a disturbance.
21
00:00:46,158 --> 00:00:47,358
Hey, you said "fiancé."
22
00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,026
That's a good sign.
23
00:00:49,028 --> 00:00:50,494
Now what do you say
we give that old button a push?
24
00:00:50,496 --> 00:00:53,030
Take a good look at
this face, Barney, okay?
25
00:00:53,032 --> 00:00:55,833
'Cause it'll be useful
for the future.
26
00:00:56,584 --> 00:00:58,535
This is my "pretty mad" face.
27
00:00:58,537 --> 00:01:00,337
Well, then, we've got a problem.
28
00:01:00,339 --> 00:01:03,290
'Cause it looks a lot like
your "pretty hungry" face.
29
00:01:03,292 --> 00:01:04,875
I'm missing
the bacon-wrapped figs!
30
00:01:04,877 --> 00:01:06,743
Please push the button!
31
00:01:06,768 --> 00:01:10,768
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x11 ♪
The Rehearsal Dinner
Original Air Date on December 2, 2013
32
00:01:10,793 --> 00:01:15,793
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
33
00:01:19,524 --> 00:01:21,392
Why is it
so cold in here?
34
00:01:21,394 --> 00:01:23,110
You trying to get me to talk
or something?
35
00:01:23,112 --> 00:01:24,278
Not really.
36
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,813
In fact, if you could just
sit there quietly...
37
00:01:25,815 --> 00:01:27,314
Fine, I'll talk.
38
00:01:27,316 --> 00:01:29,283
It all started a few months ago,
39
00:01:29,285 --> 00:01:32,536
when I had the most
awesome idea ever.
40
00:01:32,538 --> 00:01:35,322
Laser tag
rehearsal dinner!
41
00:01:35,324 --> 00:01:37,324
That might be the worst idea
you've ever had,
42
00:01:37,326 --> 00:01:38,459
which is saying a lot.
43
00:01:38,461 --> 00:01:40,878
Name one bad idea
I've ever had.
44
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,713
Gluten-free edible panties.
45
00:01:42,715 --> 00:01:43,964
Hot dog on a stick
on a bun.
46
00:01:43,966 --> 00:01:45,566
Inflatable sex toy life raft.
47
00:01:45,568 --> 00:01:46,967
The breast
augmentation channel.
48
00:01:46,969 --> 00:01:48,635
Single malt
Scotch tape.
49
00:01:48,637 --> 00:01:49,670
The time you ran for mayor.
50
00:01:49,672 --> 00:01:51,288
I still have 12,000 buttons
that say,
51
00:01:51,290 --> 00:01:53,390
"The only poll I care about
is in my pants."
52
00:01:54,476 --> 00:01:55,926
Barney, planning
a wedding
53
00:01:55,928 --> 00:01:57,428
is all about compromise.
54
00:01:57,430 --> 00:01:58,729
Do you remember that one night,
55
00:01:58,731 --> 00:02:00,314
right after we got engaged?
56
00:02:00,316 --> 00:02:02,116
Where is this wedding
gonna be, anyway?
57
00:02:02,118 --> 00:02:05,269
You know, I thought
it might be nice
58
00:02:05,271 --> 00:02:06,987
I mean, it's where
I'm from, and...
59
00:02:07,939 --> 00:02:09,089
Okay.
60
00:02:09,091 --> 00:02:11,024
Let's have it.
Get it over with,
61
00:02:11,026 --> 00:02:12,109
get it all out
of your system.
62
00:02:12,111 --> 00:02:13,077
I'm the groom,
63
00:02:13,079 --> 00:02:14,445
I'm the groom,
I might as well start.
64
00:02:14,447 --> 00:02:16,163
Canada?
What, are we gonna
65
00:02:16,165 --> 00:02:18,282
walk down the aisle to
Crash Test Dummies?
66
00:02:18,284 --> 00:02:19,483
Play's to Marshall.
67
00:02:19,485 --> 00:02:20,951
Canada?
What are you gonna do,
68
00:02:20,953 --> 00:02:23,120
hire a regular dog sled
or a stretch?
69
00:02:23,671 --> 00:02:24,621
Canada?
70
00:02:24,623 --> 00:02:26,457
Are you registered
at Tim Hortons?
71
00:02:26,459 --> 00:02:27,374
Canada.
72
00:02:27,376 --> 00:02:28,992
Oh, does
the organist play
73
00:02:28,994 --> 00:02:30,127
wearing mittens?
74
00:02:30,129 --> 00:02:31,628
Canada? How are you gonna
75
00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:32,846
slip the ring on
the bride's finger
76
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,164
if she's wearing
mittens?
77
00:02:35,351 --> 00:02:36,600
Two mitten jokes
in a row?
78
00:02:36,602 --> 00:02:38,886
So... you're pretty
much done, then?
79
00:02:38,888 --> 00:02:41,138
Kids... we weren't even close.
80
00:02:41,140 --> 00:02:42,356
Canada.
81
00:02:42,358 --> 00:02:43,974
What do we ask on
the wedding invitation?
82
00:02:43,976 --> 00:02:46,727
"Will you be having
the elk or the moose?"
83
00:02:46,729 --> 00:02:47,811
Canada.
84
00:02:47,813 --> 00:02:49,696
What, are you gonna
walk down the aisle
85
00:02:49,698 --> 00:02:50,981
wearing snowshoes?!
86
00:02:51,984 --> 00:02:53,367
Canada.
87
00:02:53,369 --> 00:02:55,486
What, is everyone gonna have
access to universal healthcare
88
00:02:55,488 --> 00:02:57,621
so no one has to choose
between going bankrupt
89
00:02:57,623 --> 00:03:00,207
and treating
a life-threatening illness?
90
00:03:00,209 --> 00:03:01,525
Canada?
91
00:03:01,527 --> 00:03:03,393
W-What's the band gonna play
for your first dance?
92
00:03:03,395 --> 00:03:04,845
Crash Test Dummies?
93
00:03:04,847 --> 00:03:06,363
See, it's funny
94
00:03:06,365 --> 00:03:07,764
'cause who gets a band?
95
00:03:07,766 --> 00:03:09,666
Enough.
It was just an idea.
96
00:03:09,668 --> 00:03:10,801
Okay, okay.
97
00:03:10,803 --> 00:03:12,536
Seriously, Robin,
doing it here in New York
98
00:03:12,538 --> 00:03:14,588
would be easier, since
all of our friends
99
00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:16,223
and a lot of
our family are here.
100
00:03:16,225 --> 00:03:19,676
But... I want you to have the wedding
that you want.
101
00:03:19,678 --> 00:03:21,395
So if it's Canada...
102
00:03:21,397 --> 00:03:22,930
just say the word.
103
00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:25,899
And then say it again
in French.
104
00:03:27,069 --> 00:03:29,520
See? I compromised.
105
00:03:29,522 --> 00:03:30,771
Fine.
106
00:03:30,773 --> 00:03:33,390
We'll just have a nice,
tasteful rehearsal dinner.
107
00:03:33,392 --> 00:03:36,193
Maybe at a French restaurant.
108
00:03:36,195 --> 00:03:37,528
I know just the place.
109
00:03:37,530 --> 00:03:39,363
What's the name
of the restaurant?
110
00:03:39,365 --> 00:03:42,533
La... ser tag.
111
00:03:43,501 --> 00:03:44,952
You know, I was thinking about
112
00:03:44,954 --> 00:03:46,736
what to get you guys
for a wedding gift.
113
00:03:46,738 --> 00:03:47,871
As you know,
114
00:03:47,873 --> 00:03:50,007
I'm kind of
the wedding gift master.
115
00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:52,042
And, well,
all this talk
116
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:53,010
of the rehearsal dinner
117
00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:54,795
gives me a fantastic idea.
118
00:03:54,797 --> 00:03:55,963
I've been
meaning
119
00:03:55,965 --> 00:03:58,265
to start taking
piano lessons again.
120
00:03:58,267 --> 00:03:59,349
No.
121
00:03:59,351 --> 00:04:00,417
No piano time.
Guys!
122
00:04:00,419 --> 00:04:01,602
Just let me perform something.
123
00:04:01,604 --> 00:04:03,053
I'll-I'll tickle the keys.
124
00:04:03,055 --> 00:04:04,021
It'll be great.
125
00:04:04,023 --> 00:04:06,306
Not even if you
dressed up as Liberace.
126
00:04:06,308 --> 00:04:07,774
What if I dressed up
as Liberace?
127
00:04:07,776 --> 00:04:08,758
Sold!
Sold.
128
00:04:10,361 --> 00:04:12,145
And that was the end of it.
129
00:04:12,147 --> 00:04:13,763
Until my bachelor party.
130
00:04:13,765 --> 00:04:14,948
Uh-oh.
131
00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:16,166
Let me guess:
132
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,534
there was a stripper.
133
00:04:18,236 --> 00:04:19,769
You had a little fun.
134
00:04:19,771 --> 00:04:22,406
Maybe took some
ill-advised pictures.
135
00:04:22,408 --> 00:04:23,490
Next thing
you know,
136
00:04:23,492 --> 00:04:25,542
she's blackmailing you
into bankruptcy,
137
00:04:25,544 --> 00:04:26,960
and your medical degree's
hanging on the wall
138
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:29,413
of a laser tag security office!
139
00:04:30,281 --> 00:04:32,549
No.
140
00:04:32,551 --> 00:04:34,418
The night of my bachelor party,
my friends took me
141
00:04:34,420 --> 00:04:35,752
to a crappy hotel,
142
00:04:35,754 --> 00:04:37,588
hired my ex-fiancéeto be the stripper,
143
00:04:37,590 --> 00:04:39,456
I lost thousands of dollars,and my best friend
144
00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:40,457
even had his hand cut off.
145
00:04:40,459 --> 00:04:41,458
It would've been
146
00:04:41,460 --> 00:04:42,676
the worst night of all time
147
00:04:42,678 --> 00:04:43,960
if the whole thing hadn't been
148
00:04:43,962 --> 00:04:45,062
a prank planned by
149
00:04:45,064 --> 00:04:47,014
my beautiful, amazing fiancée.
150
00:04:47,016 --> 00:04:49,433
She put me through helljust to give me the best
151
00:04:49,435 --> 00:04:51,818
surprise of my life...which,p.s.,included an appearance
152
00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:53,020
by my favorite actor--
153
00:04:53,022 --> 00:04:55,105
non-porn category.
154
00:04:55,107 --> 00:04:57,307
Wow, that sounds pretty cool.
155
00:04:57,309 --> 00:04:59,176
Yeah. Except
pretty not cool,
156
00:04:59,178 --> 00:05:01,361
because he kept talking about
how he was gonna get me back,
157
00:05:01,363 --> 00:05:03,697
and sure enough,
a few days later...
158
00:05:03,699 --> 00:05:06,333
Robin, there's no
good way to say this.
159
00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:08,619
I've made a huge mistake.
160
00:05:08,621 --> 00:05:10,420
I can't go through
with the wedding.
161
00:05:10,422 --> 00:05:12,089
What?
162
00:05:12,091 --> 00:05:13,290
I'm so sorry.
163
00:05:13,292 --> 00:05:15,092
I-I just...
I had to tell you
164
00:05:15,094 --> 00:05:16,793
before it was too late.
165
00:05:17,612 --> 00:05:19,096
Oh, my God, you're serious.
166
00:05:19,098 --> 00:05:19,996
Yeah.
167
00:05:21,466 --> 00:05:22,832
And since this is my apartment,
168
00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:24,768
I think that
you should move out.
169
00:05:28,189 --> 00:05:29,356
Fine.
170
00:05:30,858 --> 00:05:34,010
Puppies!
171
00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:38,065
I know.
Great prank, right?
172
00:05:38,067 --> 00:05:39,683
That is awful.
173
00:05:39,685 --> 00:05:41,351
You're a frickin' weirdo.
174
00:05:41,353 --> 00:05:44,371
Such a weirdo.
175
00:05:44,373 --> 00:05:45,739
Careful, watch the robe.
176
00:05:45,741 --> 00:05:47,374
Anyway,
177
00:05:47,376 --> 00:05:49,376
for reasons only
you guys and Robin
178
00:05:49,378 --> 00:05:51,461
but nobody normal
like me would understand,
179
00:05:51,463 --> 00:05:52,862
she got cranky.
180
00:05:52,864 --> 00:05:54,748
And she laid
down the law.
181
00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:56,166
No more surprises.
182
00:05:56,168 --> 00:05:57,918
But you love surprises.
183
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,837
Almost as much as
I love lickin' myself!
184
00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:02,706
That was me talking,
not the puppy.
185
00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:04,057
Barney, the surprises
are out of hand
186
00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:05,008
and they have to stop.
187
00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:06,560
Deal?
But...
188
00:06:06,562 --> 00:06:07,511
Deal?
But...
189
00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:09,646
Deal.
Butt...
190
00:06:09,648 --> 00:06:10,380
Barney...
191
00:06:10,382 --> 00:06:12,733
Fine.
192
00:06:12,735 --> 00:06:14,217
Deal.
193
00:06:15,052 --> 00:06:16,069
Man.
194
00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:18,021
This whole "no more
surprises" thing
195
00:06:18,023 --> 00:06:19,723
is so unfair.
196
00:06:19,725 --> 00:06:20,741
Who does that?
197
00:06:20,743 --> 00:06:23,076
Barney,
the "no more surprises" thing
198
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:24,861
is the best part
of being married.
199
00:06:24,863 --> 00:06:26,396
It's true. When I wake up
in the morning,
200
00:06:26,398 --> 00:06:28,898
I know what Lily's breath
is gonna smell like.
201
00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:30,584
It's like...
roses.
202
00:06:31,319 --> 00:06:32,619
Do you really
want a marriage
203
00:06:32,621 --> 00:06:33,787
where you have
this paranoia
204
00:06:33,789 --> 00:06:35,756
that Robin's hiding
around every corner,
205
00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:38,208
planning to get you back
with some crazy new prank?
206
00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:40,127
You're
absolutely right.
207
00:06:40,129 --> 00:06:41,128
Thank you, Lily.
208
00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:43,213
No, th...
that was me, over here.
209
00:06:43,215 --> 00:06:44,097
He wasn't listening.
210
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,382
If you guys
are saying
211
00:06:45,384 --> 00:06:46,516
what I think
you're saying...
212
00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:47,718
Probably not.
Go on.
213
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:48,752
...then that
must mean...
214
00:06:48,754 --> 00:06:49,753
No, it doesn't.
215
00:06:49,755 --> 00:06:52,055
...that Robin is
planning a surprise
216
00:06:52,057 --> 00:06:54,441
laser tag
rehearsal dinner!
217
00:06:57,390 --> 00:06:59,985
Dude, Robin is not planning
218
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,986
a surprise laser tag
rehearsal dinner.
219
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:02,937
Yes, she is.
220
00:07:02,939 --> 00:07:04,738
No, she isn't.
Yes, she is.
221
00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:06,373
No, I'm not!
222
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:07,575
Yes, she is.
223
00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:09,343
No, she isn't.
224
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,011
Then why did
she pretend
225
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,113
to ridicule it
as an idiotic idea?
226
00:07:13,115 --> 00:07:16,283
Because it is
an idiotic idea.
227
00:07:16,285 --> 00:07:18,085
If Robin
actually was
228
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:19,587
planning a surprise,
229
00:07:19,589 --> 00:07:21,655
don't you think she would
tell her maid of honor?
230
00:07:21,657 --> 00:07:23,541
She didn't tell you
'cause you can keep a secret
231
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,426
the way my dentist
keeps his car keys.
232
00:07:26,862 --> 00:07:30,163
You don't know him,
but he's lost them...
233
00:07:30,165 --> 00:07:31,265
like, twice.
234
00:07:31,267 --> 00:07:32,499
Actually,
just once, and...
235
00:07:32,501 --> 00:07:34,602
that time they were
in his other pocket.
236
00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,804
I can't keep a secret?
237
00:07:36,806 --> 00:07:38,138
He does have a point, Lily.
238
00:07:38,140 --> 00:07:39,840
You're kind of famous for
the old blabbity-blabbity.
239
00:07:39,842 --> 00:07:40,975
Hey.
240
00:07:40,977 --> 00:07:42,193
How was lunch
with Debbie?
241
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,811
Great.
She's pregnant!
242
00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:44,862
Oops.
243
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,697
I'm not supposed to tell anybody.
Why not?
244
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:48,365
Because she's getting
a divorce.
245
00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:49,516
Damn it!
246
00:07:49,518 --> 00:07:50,684
Debbie's getting
a divorce?
247
00:07:50,686 --> 00:07:53,404
Yeah, she walked in
on her husband having sex.
248
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,622
Oh! Come on, Lily.
249
00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:56,373
Well, maybe we don't
need to know every gory...
250
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,491
With a man.
251
00:07:57,493 --> 00:08:00,327
Will you get it
together, Aldrin?!
252
00:08:00,329 --> 00:08:01,495
You okay, Lily?
253
00:08:01,497 --> 00:08:04,197
And that guy's
the father of the baby.
254
00:08:04,199 --> 00:08:06,467
I gotta go lie down.
255
00:08:07,302 --> 00:08:09,587
Which brings us
to earlier today,
256
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,556
when Robin was setting up
the decoy rehearsal dinner,
257
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,475
complete with fake booze.
258
00:08:15,927 --> 00:08:17,978
Trying to pass
this off as Scotch,
259
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:20,231
and we all know
it's apple juice.
260
00:08:26,071 --> 00:08:28,722
Typical apple juice burn.
261
00:08:29,658 --> 00:08:31,859
Yes, Barney,
the booze is real.
262
00:08:31,861 --> 00:08:33,160
The food is real.
263
00:08:33,162 --> 00:08:35,496
Ooh, speaking of which,
where are the bacon-wrapped figs?
264
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:37,281
Probably at...
265
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:38,565
...the laser tag place,
266
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,868
where the real rehearsal
dinner's going down.
267
00:08:40,870 --> 00:08:44,038
Isn't that right,
Theodore?
268
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,457
Barney, there is
no laser tag.
269
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,708
We're gonna have
a nice dinner,
270
00:08:47,710 --> 00:08:49,126
some drinks,
and then,
271
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,127
according to Robin,
272
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:51,679
if her Aunt Edith
gets drunk enough,
273
00:08:51,681 --> 00:08:53,413
she'll take off her wig and
they'll play hockey with it.
274
00:08:53,415 --> 00:08:54,515
Poppycock!
275
00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:56,600
You know how
she's gonna do it,
276
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:57,685
and you're gonna
tell me!
277
00:08:57,687 --> 00:09:00,888
Or do I have
to get my face
278
00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:04,257
even closer
to yours?
279
00:09:04,259 --> 00:09:05,258
Hey.
280
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:06,527
How come you're
not getting
281
00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:08,095
uncomfortably
close to my face?
282
00:09:08,097 --> 00:09:10,597
I could be in on it, too.
283
00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:13,433
'Course you could,
Lil.
284
00:09:13,435 --> 00:09:15,069
I can keep a secret.
285
00:09:15,071 --> 00:09:16,487
Lily, don't
make me laugh.
286
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:17,871
I'd trust you
with a secret
287
00:09:17,873 --> 00:09:19,790
as much as I'd trust
Marshall with Pop Secret.
288
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,942
I can keep a secret!
289
00:09:21,944 --> 00:09:23,994
I can keep a secret
real good.
290
00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:26,330
I can keep a secret
like nobody's business,
291
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:29,282
'cause it is
nobody's business.
292
00:09:29,284 --> 00:09:30,551
'Cause it's a secret,
293
00:09:30,553 --> 00:09:32,285
and I'm keeping it!
294
00:09:32,287 --> 00:09:33,253
Does Marshall
shave his back?
295
00:09:33,255 --> 00:09:35,288
No, I shave it
for him. Damn it!
296
00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:36,289
Ooh!
297
00:09:36,291 --> 00:09:37,641
I should call
Marshall.
298
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,176
I bet he's
in on this.
299
00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:41,294
If he really exists.
300
00:09:42,463 --> 00:09:43,964
Okay.
301
00:09:43,966 --> 00:09:45,232
Setting aside the fact
302
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:46,433
that I've kept your whole
303
00:09:46,435 --> 00:09:48,736
"moving to Chicago" thing
a secret,
304
00:09:48,738 --> 00:09:51,638
aren't you supposed to be
dressed like Liberace right now?
305
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,190
Okay, first of all,
306
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:54,825
if I showed up in costume,
307
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:56,610
it would steal from
the surprise and spectacle
308
00:09:56,612 --> 00:09:57,995
of my grand entrance.
309
00:09:57,997 --> 00:09:59,780
And second of all,
I'm not doing that.
310
00:09:59,782 --> 00:10:00,948
Why not?
311
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:04,317
Because dressing like Liberace
is easy, but...
312
00:10:04,319 --> 00:10:07,988
Uh, yes, 4/4, E-sharp...
313
00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:11,324
major...
314
00:10:11,326 --> 00:10:13,043
Okay.
315
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:16,547
Let's make something
beautiful, shall we?
316
00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:21,001
I think that's
enough for today.
317
00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:25,105
Okay, I figured out how
this is gonna go down.
318
00:10:25,107 --> 00:10:27,524
We're gonna "run out" of ice,
319
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:29,509
and Robin's gonna ask me
to go get some,
320
00:10:29,511 --> 00:10:32,112
and lo and behold,
the only place that sells ice
321
00:10:32,114 --> 00:10:36,150
in this whole town is right next
to the local laser taggery.
322
00:10:36,152 --> 00:10:37,818
I go inside and...
323
00:10:37,820 --> 00:10:38,952
Surprise!
324
00:10:38,954 --> 00:10:41,321
Beautiful dinner,
family and friends,
325
00:10:41,323 --> 00:10:43,824
free game tokens
and an off-road arcade game
326
00:10:43,826 --> 00:10:45,826
that's rigged
for unlimited turbos!
327
00:10:45,828 --> 00:10:47,745
That is the
single stupidest...
328
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,163
Guys, you aren't
gonna believe this.
329
00:10:49,165 --> 00:10:51,382
The ice machine
is broken.
330
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,333
Is it now?
331
00:10:53,335 --> 00:10:57,137
Well, dog my cats,
what a the chances?
332
00:10:57,139 --> 00:10:59,640
Huh? What do we do?
333
00:10:59,642 --> 00:11:02,342
Well, I guess I could go get
some ice.
334
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:03,477
Uh, no,
they'll send someone.
335
00:11:03,479 --> 00:11:05,179
All right, fine.
Twist my arm. I'll do it.
336
00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:06,313
But seriously,
Hmm?
337
00:11:06,315 --> 00:11:08,098
did you get everything set up
over there?
338
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,767
Do you have enough food,
have enough guns?
339
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:12,352
Did you get a vest extender
for Grandma Stinson? She's...
340
00:11:12,354 --> 00:11:14,822
What are you
talking about?
341
00:11:14,824 --> 00:11:18,909
Oh, babe, you're so good
at this. I love it.
342
00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,861
All right, I'll see you guys
over there.
343
00:11:20,863 --> 00:11:22,362
I mean, be right back.
344
00:11:22,364 --> 00:11:26,166
Barney, Barney, this is
our rehearsal dinner, okay?
345
00:11:26,168 --> 00:11:27,868
Do not leave the premises.
346
00:11:27,870 --> 00:11:29,670
Promise me you're not going
anywhere.
347
00:11:29,672 --> 00:11:30,754
Fine.
348
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:31,588
Say it.
349
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:34,091
Say you promise
you won't leave.
350
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:37,461
I promise I won't leave.
351
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:39,596
So I left.
And what do you know,
352
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:43,684
the ice store is right next
to a laser tag place!
353
00:11:43,686 --> 00:11:46,086
No, it isn't!
It's six miles away
354
00:11:46,088 --> 00:11:47,271
he opposite direction.
355
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,106
And I told you not to go!
356
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:50,307
Yeah, well, you also told me
357
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,259
didn't want a ring bear
at the wedding.
358
00:11:52,261 --> 00:11:53,227
Ring bear-er!
359
00:11:53,229 --> 00:11:54,278
We all know how great
360
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,428
that's gonna be. The point is,
361
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,814
I played along with her plan,
362
00:11:56,816 --> 00:12:00,433
and I acted "natural" so I
wouldn't spoil the surprise.
363
00:12:00,435 --> 00:12:03,187
Oh, my goodness!
364
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,988
Laser tag?!
365
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:07,107
Maybe I should go in here
for a minute,
366
00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:08,826
just check it out
for no apparent reason.
367
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:10,443
And what's this?
368
00:12:10,445 --> 00:12:12,946
My hands-free token satchel?
369
00:12:12,948 --> 00:12:15,549
And my free lifetime refill
root beer mug?
370
00:12:17,669 --> 00:12:19,670
So for the past
two months
371
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,722
when we were letting you use
our apartment
372
00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:23,623
to practice the piano
every Sunday night,
373
00:12:23,625 --> 00:12:25,008
what were you doing?
374
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:29,179
Oh, so that's not traveling
'cause he's the MVP?
375
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:31,965
Come on!
376
00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:34,601
Where's Barney?
Has anyone seen him?
377
00:12:34,603 --> 00:12:35,969
Robin, Ted's totally bailing
378
00:12:35,971 --> 00:12:37,938
on playing the piano
for you and Barney.
379
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:41,575
Oh, really? Ted, you didn't
have to not do that.
380
00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:42,609
But thank you.
381
00:12:42,611 --> 00:12:45,329
But he promised!
A promise is a promise.
382
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,114
You can't say you're
gonna do something
383
00:12:47,116 --> 00:12:49,816
and then suddenly do something
completely different!
384
00:12:49,818 --> 00:12:51,618
Why are you getting
so worked up about this?
385
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:55,422
Because, obviously, I'm worked
up for a different
386
00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:56,456
but somewhat similar reason.
387
00:12:56,458 --> 00:12:58,125
And someone should ask me
about it!
388
00:12:58,127 --> 00:13:00,878
I'm sorry. I don't have time
for your drama right now, Lily.
389
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,045
My fiancé is missing.
390
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,931
Marshall got picked
to be a judge.
391
00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:06,133
He took the job
without even asking me.
392
00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:08,668
Italy's off!
393
00:13:10,519 --> 00:13:14,188
I have time for your drama.
394
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:21,116
So, Marshall can't go to Italy?
Not if he wants to be a judge.
395
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:23,507
And my Italian was getting
so good.
396
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,720
It was so.
397
00:13:30,124 --> 00:13:32,392
But wait, you guys already
sublet the apartment.
398
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,261
You're already packed.
399
00:13:34,263 --> 00:13:36,980
Marshall already borrowed
and lost my Rosetta Stone.
400
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:38,682
That selfish bastard!
401
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:41,001
Sorry, Lil. Hello.
402
00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:42,736
Okay, I'm mad, too.
403
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,238
I should hope so.
404
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,723
All of a sudden, his dream
is more important than yours?
405
00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:48,392
And he did it behind your back.
406
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,593
Bastardo!
407
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:51,361
He would never hurt me
intentionally.
408
00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:53,113
I'll hurt him intentionally.
409
00:13:53,115 --> 00:13:54,414
Molto bastardo!
410
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:55,666
That's sweet of you to say.
411
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,818
You could never take
Marshall in a million years,
412
00:13:57,820 --> 00:13:59,670
but that's sweet of you to say.
413
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:03,674
Well, apparently, Barney went
to the laser tag place
414
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,343
looking for a surprise
rehearsal dinner.
415
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,662
When he didn't find one,
he threatened
416
00:14:08,664 --> 00:14:10,330
to dunk
the snack bar guy's head
417
00:14:10,332 --> 00:14:13,967
into a vat
of scalding nacho Whiz.
418
00:14:13,969 --> 00:14:15,636
He's being held
until the police arrive
419
00:14:15,638 --> 00:14:18,522
I need your apple juice.
420
00:14:19,507 --> 00:14:22,276
Ha!
421
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,610
And here we are.
422
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:27,531
Now, I believe this charade
has gone on long enough.
423
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:31,184
Can we please get to the
surprise laser tag rehearsal?
424
00:14:31,186 --> 00:14:33,737
Hey, there is no surprise
laser tag rehearsal dinner!
425
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:37,691
Okay, but if I may offer
an opposing view.
426
00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:39,326
Of course there is!
427
00:14:39,328 --> 00:14:41,528
This place is lousy
with clues.
428
00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:44,998
Is he even really
a security guard?
429
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,634
Because he looks an awful lot
like a non-Pakistani version
430
00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:50,637
of the guy who delivers
sandwiches at my office.
431
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,306
Also...
432
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:59,212
"laser tag" has the same number
of letters as "rehearsal."
433
00:14:59,214 --> 00:15:02,432
Laser tag has eight,
rehearsal has nine.
434
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:06,987
And if you rearrange the letters
and add some other ones,
435
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:11,241
it says, "Get ready, Barney,
for the biggest surprise ever,
436
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,594
you handsome son of a..."
437
00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:16,062
and then not quite enough
letters for "bitch,"
438
00:15:16,064 --> 00:15:17,114
but good try, Robin.
439
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,449
This is crazy, Barney.
440
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,618
We-We can't have a marriage
like this.
441
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:25,622
A marriage has to be built on
honesty and trust
442
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,008
and all of that Lily-
and-Marshall crap.
443
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:31,378
I though our marriage was built
on honesty and trust
444
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:34,798
and all that Lily-
and-Marshal crap.
445
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,517
I just feel so alone right now.
446
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:40,137
ll, you're not. I'm here.
447
00:15:41,255 --> 00:15:43,690
And I know you can keep
a secret.
448
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,692
Yeah, right.
449
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:46,944
Tell you what.
450
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,596
How about I let you in
on another secret?
451
00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:51,565
Something bigger.
452
00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:53,567
Bigger than Chicago?
453
00:15:55,186 --> 00:15:58,071
Are you kidding?
454
00:15:58,073 --> 00:16:01,041
Nope. Want to do the honors?
455
00:16:04,629 --> 00:16:06,446
Ladies and gentlemen,
456
00:16:06,448 --> 00:16:09,783
there's been a slight change
of plan.
457
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:11,718
Fine! Fine.
458
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,170
You're right, Robin.
459
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:16,006
Marriage isn't about playing
crazy pranks.
460
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:19,125
It isn't about telling
long expertly crafted lies
461
00:16:19,127 --> 00:16:20,227
to cover those pranks...
462
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,012
How'd you get out
of those handcuffs?
463
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:24,181
...and hiring actors
to play security guards
464
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,767
and spending exorbitant
amounts of money on things
465
00:16:26,769 --> 00:16:28,819
like giant,
fake laser tag signs.
466
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,654
No, it's about honesty.
467
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,773
Size six skate, right?
468
00:16:32,775 --> 00:16:33,824
Yeah.
469
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,194
And in that spirit,
I got to be honest.
470
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:39,780
Every now and then,
471
00:16:39,782 --> 00:16:43,984
I am gonna lie to you.
I just am.
472
00:16:43,986 --> 00:16:47,320
If it's in the interest
of an amazing surprise, that is.
473
00:16:47,322 --> 00:16:51,591
You're gonna get bamboozled,
hoodwinked.
474
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:54,044
Heck, I'll just say it.
475
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,763
You're gonna get snowed.
476
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,350
Why is it snowing in here?
477
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,518
Put on the skates.
478
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,936
We gotta go.
479
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:04,721
Where?
480
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:07,007
Where are we going?
481
00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:09,226
To the rehearsal dinner, silly.
482
00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:12,646
Let's get this party started.
483
00:17:15,483 --> 00:17:17,617
What?!
484
00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:19,569
Surprise!
485
00:17:20,354 --> 00:17:22,873
What-What is going on?
486
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:27,294
I know how much you wanted
to be in Canada this weekend.
487
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,212
So I brought Canada to you.
488
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:32,699
Oh, and here's an autographed
picture of Wayne Gretzky.
489
00:17:32,701 --> 00:17:34,034
Thanks.
490
00:17:34,036 --> 00:17:37,170
And this guy's not really
a security guard.
491
00:17:40,641 --> 00:17:45,228
♪ Once there was this boy who
492
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:51,384
♪ Wore a lot of suits and said
that stuff was "legendary" ♪
493
00:17:51,386 --> 00:17:55,439
♪ He gave lots of high fives
494
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:58,575
♪ And swore...
495
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:03,663
♪ That he would
never get married ♪
496
00:18:04,832 --> 00:18:07,034
♪ He really thought
he meant it ♪
497
00:18:07,036 --> 00:18:09,169
Thanks for letting me
in on this.
498
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,121
Even if it was
at the very end.
499
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,255
My pleasure.
500
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,790
Oh, and by the way,
501
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:15,759
there's one more secret
I've been keeping.
502
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,294
All those nights
I was supposed
503
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,678
to be taking piano lessons?
504
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:23,433
I was actually taking
figure skating lessons!
505
00:18:25,136 --> 00:18:27,888
♪ Once, there was
this girl who... ♪
506
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:29,806
Kids, it takes morethan two months
507
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:32,359
to learn how to figure skate.
508
00:18:34,245 --> 00:18:35,729
I love you.
509
00:18:35,731 --> 00:18:37,781
I love you, too.
510
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,317
I'm gonna get you back, you know?
Bring it.
511
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:47,774
♪ And swore she'd also
never get married ♪
512
00:18:47,776 --> 00:18:51,378
♪ She really thought
she meant it. ♪
513
00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:58,396
I can't believe
you did all of this.
514
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,231
Hey, I thought you
didn't like Canada.
515
00:19:00,233 --> 00:19:02,150
Are you kidding?
I love Canada.
516
00:19:02,152 --> 00:19:06,387
Holy musk ox,
517
00:19:06,389 --> 00:19:07,522
Whoa!
518
00:19:07,524 --> 00:19:09,824
In 1924,
I discovered insulin.
519
00:19:09,826 --> 00:19:11,693
Take that, diabetes.
520
00:19:11,695 --> 00:19:14,812
Hey, look, it's Manitoba's
native son, Norman Breakey.
521
00:19:14,814 --> 00:19:15,914
You're welcome, world.
522
00:19:15,916 --> 00:19:19,083
Enjoy my invention,
the paint roller.
523
00:19:19,085 --> 00:19:21,920
And of course,
you know Alan Thicke.
524
00:19:21,922 --> 00:19:23,588
Hey, hey, you...
Oh, hey.
525
00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:25,490
...are the prettiest girl
in the place.
526
00:19:25,492 --> 00:19:26,624
Oh, thank you,
Alan.
527
00:19:26,626 --> 00:19:28,159
All right, all right,
all right.
528
00:19:28,161 --> 00:19:29,294
Good to see you.
529
00:19:29,296 --> 00:19:30,595
Hey, look,
it's Louise Poirier,
530
00:19:30,597 --> 00:19:32,297
who I think worked
for the company
531
00:19:32,299 --> 00:19:33,715
that probably created
Wonderbra.
532
00:19:36,019 --> 00:19:37,435
Okay, okay.
533
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:40,377
Canadians also helped
win two world wars...
534
00:19:40,402 --> 00:19:41,056
Mm-hmm.
535
00:19:41,057 --> 00:19:42,857
...and gave the world
Neil Young, William Shatner,
536
00:19:42,859 --> 00:19:44,509
Leonard Cohen,
Pamela Anderson,
537
00:19:44,511 --> 00:19:46,027
one quarter
of Barney Stinson,
538
00:19:46,029 --> 00:19:49,864
instant mashed potatoes,
and best of all, you.
539
00:19:49,866 --> 00:19:51,783
Thank you.
540
00:19:51,785 --> 00:19:56,785
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
35487
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof