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1
00:00:00,992 --> 00:00:03,228
Kids,
Barney's mom had this blouse
2
00:00:03,229 --> 00:00:05,363
that she absolutely loved,
3
00:00:05,365 --> 00:00:07,031
but then Robin won itin a poker game,
4
00:00:07,033 --> 00:00:09,200
which ledto some slight awkwardness.
5
00:00:09,202 --> 00:00:13,070
You won the battle...
but I'll win the war.
6
00:00:13,072 --> 00:00:14,906
Game on, bitch.
7
00:00:14,908 --> 00:00:18,459
Please, Mom,I need you to just be cool.
8
00:00:18,461 --> 00:00:20,011
Okay, can you do that for me?
9
00:00:20,013 --> 00:00:21,078
For you, yes.
10
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:22,579
And for Robin?
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00:00:22,581 --> 00:00:23,965
She's gonna be
12
00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:25,916
your daughter in 33 hours.
13
00:00:25,918 --> 00:00:26,884
Daughter in law.
14
00:00:26,886 --> 00:00:28,135
Making it illegal
15
00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:30,137
for you not
to treat her like a daughter.
16
00:00:30,139 --> 00:00:31,856
In-lawyered.
17
00:00:32,474 --> 00:00:33,757
Please, Mom.
18
00:00:33,759 --> 00:00:36,527
All Robin wants to do is
put this whole thing behind her
19
00:00:36,529 --> 00:00:39,397
so she can get married and
put this whole thing behind her.
20
00:00:39,399 --> 00:00:41,282
Ah! Get-this-over-with-quickly
so-we-can
21
00:00:41,284 --> 00:00:44,201
move-past-how-awkward-it-was
that-I-just-said-that five!
22
00:00:44,203 --> 00:00:46,370
Fine. If Robin's ready
to bury the hatchet,
23
00:00:46,372 --> 00:00:49,040
then I guess
I'm ready to bury the hatchet.
24
00:00:49,042 --> 00:00:51,742
Morning, bitches.
Like my new blouse?
25
00:00:51,744 --> 00:00:53,744
Oh, hell, no!
No, Mom. Mom!
26
00:00:53,746 --> 00:00:54,996
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
27
00:00:58,417 --> 00:01:02,417
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x08 ♪
The Lighthouse
Original Air Date on November 4, 2013
28
00:01:02,442 --> 00:01:07,442
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
29
00:01:07,643 --> 00:01:09,960
Kids, not farfrom the Farhampton Inn,
30
00:01:09,962 --> 00:01:10,978
there's a lighthouse.
31
00:01:10,980 --> 00:01:12,796
It's a really special place,
32
00:01:12,798 --> 00:01:15,433
and that morningI wanted to see it for myself.
33
00:01:15,435 --> 00:01:16,684
There was just one problem.
34
00:01:16,686 --> 00:01:18,969
Look, I'm sorry, Ted, but-but
35
00:01:18,971 --> 00:01:21,638
I can't in good faith send
a lonely guy like yourself
36
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,824
to the top
of a very romantic,
37
00:01:23,826 --> 00:01:26,744
and more to the point,
a very tall lighthouse.
38
00:01:28,647 --> 00:01:31,115
I don't want your blood
on my hands,
39
00:01:31,117 --> 00:01:34,118
and I mean that literally,
because it would be my job to...
40
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,170
to hose down the rocks.
41
00:01:36,172 --> 00:01:38,506
Now, late the night before,
42
00:01:38,508 --> 00:01:41,258
thanks to Marshall'stravel companion, Daphne,
43
00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:44,011
Lily had receivedsome unsettling news.
44
00:01:44,013 --> 00:01:45,579
I'm gonna be a judge.
45
00:01:45,581 --> 00:01:47,882
Screwing up theirwhole plan to move to Italy.
46
00:01:47,884 --> 00:01:49,166
She wasn't happy.
47
00:01:49,168 --> 00:01:50,801
Yes, I'm in a rotten mood.
48
00:01:50,803 --> 00:01:52,219
No, I don't want
to talk about it.
49
00:01:52,221 --> 00:01:53,788
Yes, this has
booze in it.
50
00:01:53,790 --> 00:01:55,272
No, it's not
my first.
51
00:01:55,274 --> 00:01:57,641
You want to make this brunch
a drunch?
52
00:01:57,643 --> 00:01:59,810
You do you, I'm not gonna judge.
53
00:02:01,279 --> 00:02:02,346
I'm gonna be a judge.
54
00:02:02,348 --> 00:02:04,065
Judge.
55
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:08,536
Thank you, Linus.
56
00:02:08,538 --> 00:02:09,954
As for Marshall and Daphne,
57
00:02:09,956 --> 00:02:11,522
they got caughtin that big storm.
58
00:02:11,524 --> 00:02:13,874
Luckily, they had a placeto crash for the night.
59
00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:15,826
My childhood home.
60
00:02:15,828 --> 00:02:19,246
Okay, that signmight not have been there.
61
00:02:19,248 --> 00:02:21,832
Thank you so much for letting
us stay the night, Mrs. Mosby.
62
00:02:21,834 --> 00:02:22,967
Oh, it's our pleasure.
63
00:02:22,969 --> 00:02:25,002
I'm just glad that storm has passed.
Oh.
64
00:02:25,004 --> 00:02:27,355
But there's one storm
that hasn't passed,
65
00:02:27,357 --> 00:02:29,373
isn't there, Marshall?
66
00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:31,058
Hey, Clint.
67
00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:33,043
You know what I'm talking
about, don't you, Marshall?
68
00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:34,395
I'm talking about the one
that's been raining
69
00:02:34,397 --> 00:02:37,982
cats and dogs all over
this-this, this friendship.
70
00:02:37,984 --> 00:02:39,266
This isn't a friendship.
71
00:02:39,268 --> 00:02:40,768
Oh.
72
00:02:40,770 --> 00:02:42,719
Nice.
73
00:02:42,721 --> 00:02:45,489
We're reluctant
travel companions.
74
00:02:45,491 --> 00:02:46,857
Well, little known fact
about me.
75
00:02:46,859 --> 00:02:48,109
I'm an almost-graduate
76
00:02:48,111 --> 00:02:51,195
of the Conflict Resolution
program over at... at Tri-C.
77
00:02:51,197 --> 00:02:54,281
I even had my own practice
at Van Aken Plaza
78
00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:55,566
before the manager
of the Wendy's
79
00:02:55,568 --> 00:02:57,468
made me stop hogging the booth.
80
00:02:57,470 --> 00:03:00,121
The point is,
I can fix this.
81
00:03:00,123 --> 00:03:01,705
Oh, I don't know, Clint.
82
00:03:03,042 --> 00:03:05,126
♪ Gonna resolve some conflicts
83
00:03:05,128 --> 00:03:06,627
♪ Gonna resolve
some conflicts ♪
84
00:03:06,629 --> 00:03:09,246
♪ Gonna make
a deeper understanding ♪
85
00:03:09,248 --> 00:03:10,798
♪ Through mediation.
86
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,767
Okay, you know what?
We have to hit the road.
87
00:03:12,769 --> 00:03:16,253
But, um, Mrs. Mosby, do you
mind if I take this mug?
88
00:03:16,255 --> 00:03:17,938
I would very much like
89
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,057
to make fun of Ted
next time I see him.
90
00:03:20,059 --> 00:03:21,258
Of course.
91
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,810
You know, when Ted was seven,
92
00:03:22,812 --> 00:03:25,563
he and his best friend
took this Wild West photo
93
00:03:25,565 --> 00:03:26,864
together at Geauga Lake.
94
00:03:26,866 --> 00:03:28,382
I could go look for it.
95
00:03:28,384 --> 00:03:29,733
We really should get going.
96
00:03:29,735 --> 00:03:30,935
His best friend was a balloon.
97
00:03:30,936 --> 00:03:32,069
What's a few more minutes?
98
00:03:32,071 --> 00:03:34,104
Yeah, you're gonna want that.
99
00:03:34,106 --> 00:03:36,574
So... what's everyone
doing this morning?
100
00:03:36,576 --> 00:03:39,109
Oh, well, I kind of feel
like playing some tennis.
101
00:03:39,111 --> 00:03:40,578
Maybe we should reserve a court.
102
00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:42,046
Court.
103
00:03:44,416 --> 00:03:46,734
Thank you, Linus.
104
00:03:46,736 --> 00:03:48,752
Pancakes and eggs, Robin?
105
00:03:48,754 --> 00:03:51,955
I guess that blouse won't be
loose and flowy for long.
106
00:03:51,957 --> 00:03:52,789
Mom...
107
00:03:52,791 --> 00:03:53,891
Keep talking, Loretta.
108
00:03:53,893 --> 00:03:56,177
I've been waiting
all morning to...
109
00:03:56,179 --> 00:03:57,961
ketchup.
110
00:03:57,963 --> 00:03:59,396
Oops.
111
00:03:59,398 --> 00:04:03,150
You're not supposed to put
ketchup on scrambled eggs.
112
00:04:03,152 --> 00:04:04,935
Right, Loretta, because
113
00:04:04,937 --> 00:04:07,471
you're the queen
of scrambled eggs.
114
00:04:07,473 --> 00:04:08,305
Actually, that's
115
00:04:08,307 --> 00:04:09,773
exactly what she is.
116
00:04:09,775 --> 00:04:10,941
When Mom was
117
00:04:10,943 --> 00:04:12,309
a groupie in the '70s,
118
00:04:12,311 --> 00:04:15,746
her scrambled eggs made her the
darling of the MSG loading dock.
119
00:04:15,748 --> 00:04:18,199
Lot of songs written
about those scrambled eggs.
120
00:04:18,201 --> 00:04:19,983
ZZ Top's "She's Got Legs"?
121
00:04:19,985 --> 00:04:21,702
Originally "She's Got Eggs."
122
00:04:21,704 --> 00:04:22,586
Led Zeppelin?
123
00:04:22,588 --> 00:04:23,921
"Scramble On."
124
00:04:23,923 --> 00:04:25,206
Steve Miller?
125
00:04:25,208 --> 00:04:26,624
"The Yolker."
126
00:04:26,626 --> 00:04:28,843
If you listen to Pink Floyd's
Dark Side of the Moon
127
00:04:28,845 --> 00:04:31,962
while eating her eggs,
it lines up perfectly.
128
00:04:31,964 --> 00:04:35,432
While I'm sure it was
your mother's cooking skills
129
00:04:35,434 --> 00:04:39,103
that made her so popular with
Zed Zed Top and their ilk,
130
00:04:39,105 --> 00:04:40,688
I know for a fact
131
00:04:40,690 --> 00:04:43,357
that she does not make
the best scrambled eggs.
132
00:04:43,359 --> 00:04:46,694
Because my mom makes
the best scrambled eggs.
133
00:04:48,364 --> 00:04:50,347
Kids, we've knownyour Aunt Robin
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00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:52,116
for eight years at that point,
135
00:04:52,118 --> 00:04:54,285
and here's what we knewabout her mom.
136
00:04:54,287 --> 00:04:55,452
My mom is terrified
of flying.
137
00:04:57,073 --> 00:04:59,073
My mom got stung
by a jellyfish.
138
00:05:00,409 --> 00:05:01,909
My mom makes
the best scrambled eggs.
139
00:05:03,045 --> 00:05:05,229
And... that's everything.
140
00:05:05,231 --> 00:05:07,464
In fact, she should be here
any minute.
141
00:05:07,466 --> 00:05:08,632
Barney,
142
00:05:08,634 --> 00:05:10,534
maybe she can cook you
some real scrambled eggs
143
00:05:10,536 --> 00:05:12,369
so you can see what
you've been missing.
144
00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:14,555
Don't do this, Robin.
You can't win the egg war.
145
00:05:14,557 --> 00:05:16,390
Canadian scrambled eggs,
how quaint.
146
00:05:16,392 --> 00:05:18,542
Does your mom put maple syrup
on them?
147
00:05:18,544 --> 00:05:20,544
Ha, ha, ha,
this is all very friendly.
148
00:05:20,546 --> 00:05:21,878
Get out of this now.
149
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,648
Why not? We put maple syrup
on everything else.
150
00:05:26,318 --> 00:05:27,401
Aw.
151
00:05:27,403 --> 00:05:29,770
That's it!
152
00:05:29,772 --> 00:05:32,022
We need your omelet station.
153
00:05:32,024 --> 00:05:35,526
My son's fiancée is
about to get served...
154
00:05:35,528 --> 00:05:37,745
some delicious
scrambled eggs.
155
00:05:37,747 --> 00:05:41,031
Or I could go out to the
driveway and eat some gravel.
156
00:05:42,168 --> 00:05:44,535
Wait. Sorry.
Did you say gravel or gavel?
157
00:05:44,537 --> 00:05:45,869
Gravel. Why would
I say gavel?
158
00:05:45,871 --> 00:05:47,204
Gavel.
159
00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:52,259
Thank you, Linus.
160
00:05:52,261 --> 00:05:54,128
Curtis, can I please
161
00:05:54,130 --> 00:05:56,297
have a map to the lighthouse?
162
00:05:56,299 --> 00:05:58,215
It's a very romantic lighthouse.
163
00:05:58,217 --> 00:05:59,416
I can't even have a map?
164
00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:01,552
It's a very romantic map.
165
00:06:01,554 --> 00:06:03,387
I can't let you go
without a date.
166
00:06:03,389 --> 00:06:04,805
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
167
00:06:04,807 --> 00:06:07,308
What happened to that girl Cassie?
Cassie?
168
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:09,059
Cassie was the girl I'd spent
169
00:06:09,061 --> 00:06:10,927
the entire previous nightconsoling.
170
00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:14,148
Just consoling.
171
00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:15,065
Yeah, that's not happening.
172
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:17,117
And then, in her anger,
173
00:06:17,119 --> 00:06:18,935
Lily gave me a piece of advice
174
00:06:18,937 --> 00:06:20,454
about whichshe would later say...
175
00:06:20,456 --> 00:06:23,657
Oh, mama, that was
some bad advice.
176
00:06:23,659 --> 00:06:25,459
Okay, here's why
you're an idiot.
177
00:06:25,461 --> 00:06:27,661
Did you find
Cassie attractive?
178
00:06:27,663 --> 00:06:30,947
I guess.
Is she a relatively normal height?
179
00:06:30,949 --> 00:06:33,950
Yeah.
So end up with her already.
180
00:06:33,952 --> 00:06:35,919
God, do you really think
181
00:06:35,921 --> 00:06:37,954
that you're gonna find
some perfect girl
182
00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:41,225
who checks off every
item on your list?
183
00:06:41,227 --> 00:06:42,643
Well, not every item.
184
00:06:42,645 --> 00:06:45,012
I mean, she doesn't have
to share my love for coins.
185
00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:47,398
Although it would
be nice, just once,
186
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,801
not to have to go stag
to Coin-Con.
187
00:06:50,803 --> 00:06:53,237
Pull your head out
of your ass, Mosby.
188
00:06:53,239 --> 00:06:56,139
Do you think Marshall
always makes me happy?
189
00:06:56,141 --> 00:06:59,410
I mean, sometimes being
with him is a real trial.
190
00:06:59,412 --> 00:07:01,445
Real trial.
191
00:07:01,447 --> 00:07:02,463
Huh.
192
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:04,248
Did it to myself that time.
193
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:07,818
Look, Ted, it's
time to settle.
194
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:09,953
Take this normal-sized chick
up to the lighthouse
195
00:07:09,955 --> 00:07:11,338
and fall in love with her
196
00:07:11,340 --> 00:07:15,042
and quit bothering us with
your dumb love life stuff.
197
00:07:15,044 --> 00:07:18,328
God, I am so sick of being
smarter than everyone else.
198
00:07:19,798 --> 00:07:20,798
You're slipping, Linus.
199
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,300
We're running
out of glasses.
200
00:07:29,307 --> 00:07:32,059
Do you want to just go
to the stupid lighthouse?
201
00:07:32,061 --> 00:07:34,111
Ooh, zitch dog.
202
00:07:34,113 --> 00:07:35,729
Cocker spaniel in the Jetta.
203
00:07:35,731 --> 00:07:37,948
That's Marshall
Eriksen-- 28,
204
00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:39,015
Daphne-- zero.
205
00:07:39,017 --> 00:07:40,818
For the 28th time,
206
00:07:40,820 --> 00:07:43,037
I'm not playing
your stupid game!
207
00:07:43,039 --> 00:07:44,455
Oh, stupid, huh?
208
00:07:44,457 --> 00:07:45,522
That's great.
209
00:07:45,524 --> 00:07:47,541
I guess Daphne gets
to pick the music
210
00:07:47,543 --> 00:07:50,026
and crap all over
my fun road-trip games.
211
00:07:50,028 --> 00:07:52,296
You know, maybe
Clint was right.
212
00:07:52,298 --> 00:07:54,465
Maybe we do need
conflict resolution.
213
00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:55,666
I knew you guys
would come around.
214
00:07:59,274 --> 00:08:01,942
And so I made up my mindto settle for Cassie.
215
00:08:02,164 --> 00:08:04,998
So, um, what kind
of music do you like?
216
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,867
Hmm... nothing.
217
00:08:09,971 --> 00:08:11,722
Still, I felt optimistic.
218
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:13,807
After all,Cassie was cute and single
219
00:08:13,809 --> 00:08:16,310
and heck, it's not likethe universe was telling us
220
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:17,711
we shouldn't be together.
221
00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:25,319
Here we are. Enjoy.
222
00:08:25,321 --> 00:08:26,720
happy wife,
happy life.
223
00:08:26,722 --> 00:08:28,021
Pretend
they're just okay.
224
00:08:28,023 --> 00:08:31,274
Please, Lily,
I think I can manage to...
225
00:08:32,193 --> 00:08:34,161
Oh, my God.
226
00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:35,362
I'm eight years
old again,
227
00:08:35,364 --> 00:08:36,713
and life is perfect,
228
00:08:36,715 --> 00:08:39,149
and I haven't peed my shorts
in front of 350 Webelos
229
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:41,885
at the Pinewood Derby Regionals
in Wheeling, West Virginia.
230
00:08:41,887 --> 00:08:43,053
I'm sorry, Robin.
231
00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:44,388
What do you think, Lily?
232
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:47,040
Oh, my God,
they are so delicious.
233
00:08:47,042 --> 00:08:49,409
Even more delicious than
finding out Barney peed himself
234
00:08:49,411 --> 00:08:52,295
at the Pinewood Derby Regionals
in Wheeling, West Virginia.
235
00:08:52,297 --> 00:08:53,847
I'm sorry, Robin.
236
00:08:53,849 --> 00:08:54,765
Mmm.
Come on,
237
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:55,849
they can't be
that good.
238
00:08:55,851 --> 00:08:57,634
Oh!
239
00:08:57,636 --> 00:08:59,553
Excuse me, Mrs. Stinson,
some of our guests
240
00:08:59,555 --> 00:09:01,254
smelled your scrambled eggs
and were wondering
241
00:09:01,256 --> 00:09:03,523
if you could make some
for them as well.
242
00:09:03,525 --> 00:09:05,091
Oh, I don't think I should...
243
00:09:05,093 --> 00:09:08,362
Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!
Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!
244
00:09:08,364 --> 00:09:09,813
Eggs! Eggs!
245
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:11,281
Clint, what are
you doing here?
246
00:09:11,283 --> 00:09:14,067
What the Ohio State Board of
Holistic Medicine has repeatedly
247
00:09:14,069 --> 00:09:17,287
told me I'm in no way qualified
to do: my job.
248
00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:20,440
When I see a conflict
needs resolving, I must act.
249
00:09:20,442 --> 00:09:22,376
Plus, Ted's mom wanted me out
of the house.
250
00:09:22,378 --> 00:09:24,711
So, today, we're gonna build
a new paradigm
251
00:09:24,713 --> 00:09:26,246
of understanding,
252
00:09:26,248 --> 00:09:29,049
and then you're gonna swoop me
on back to Shaker Heights.
253
00:09:29,051 --> 00:09:30,083
Oh, I need to stop
254
00:09:30,085 --> 00:09:31,551
at Record Rev on Coventry.
255
00:09:31,553 --> 00:09:32,836
My vaporizer's ready.
256
00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:34,504
Marshall, pull over
and dump this hippie
257
00:09:34,506 --> 00:09:35,922
on the side of the road.
258
00:09:35,924 --> 00:09:37,123
I can't do that.
259
00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:38,892
♪ Gonna resolve
some conflicts ♪
260
00:09:38,894 --> 00:09:40,560
♪ Gonna resolve some conflicts
261
00:09:40,562 --> 00:09:41,961
Daphne picks the music.
262
00:09:41,963 --> 00:09:43,296
♪ Gonna end this argument
263
00:09:43,298 --> 00:09:45,015
♪ Between Marshall
and his mistress. ♪
264
00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:46,900
Oh, come on.
Daphne picks the music!
265
00:09:46,902 --> 00:09:49,736
Ow! Stupid racecar!
266
00:09:49,738 --> 00:09:51,905
This is why children
should not have toys!
267
00:09:51,907 --> 00:09:53,907
Look, maybe this lighthouse
thing isn't such a good idea.
268
00:09:53,909 --> 00:09:55,075
No, you don't.
269
00:09:55,576 --> 00:09:56,810
You committed,
270
00:09:56,812 --> 00:09:58,945
and so did I, so let's go.
271
00:09:59,864 --> 00:10:01,915
Oh. Ow! Oh!
272
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:03,784
Actually, it's feeling better.
273
00:10:03,786 --> 00:10:05,285
Ow! Oh! No, it's not.
274
00:10:05,287 --> 00:10:07,287
Oh.
275
00:10:07,289 --> 00:10:09,089
Mom, I don't know
why your phone is off.
276
00:10:09,091 --> 00:10:11,291
Maybe you left your charger
in the pickup truck.
277
00:10:12,544 --> 00:10:14,344
But I need you to get here
as fast possible.
278
00:10:14,346 --> 00:10:15,429
I know
you're probably gonna want
279
00:10:15,431 --> 00:10:16,830
to take a hot bath
when you get in.
280
00:10:17,549 --> 00:10:18,765
She fits in a bathtub.
281
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:20,684
That's good news. Unless...
282
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,702
Oh, God, how big are
Canadian bathtubs?
283
00:10:22,704 --> 00:10:24,855
People ever line up
284
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,106
like this for your mom's eggs?
285
00:10:26,108 --> 00:10:30,193
Loretta, even I could make
better eggs than this.
286
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:31,945
Oh, I'd love it
if you'd come teach me
287
00:10:31,947 --> 00:10:33,146
how to make scrambled eggs.
288
00:10:33,148 --> 00:10:34,948
It's a scramble-off,
everybody!
289
00:10:34,950 --> 00:10:37,033
A scramble-off
to the death!
290
00:10:37,035 --> 00:10:39,319
Someone go watch
for the cops!
291
00:10:39,321 --> 00:10:41,404
Maybe we should have read up
on this town
292
00:10:41,406 --> 00:10:43,540
before booking our wedding.
293
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:46,460
Let's do some,
"When you... I feel."
294
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:47,861
All right, for example,
295
00:10:47,863 --> 00:10:51,164
when you don't
do trust falls,
296
00:10:51,166 --> 00:10:55,218
I feel like you
should do trust falls.
297
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:57,838
So just do the
damn trust falls.
298
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:58,872
I'm driving a car, Clint.
299
00:10:58,874 --> 00:11:00,307
Okay,
300
00:11:00,309 --> 00:11:03,176
uh, Daphne, when you say
"Drill, baby, drill"
301
00:11:03,178 --> 00:11:06,062
every time
that we pass a gas station,
302
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:08,014
I feel invalidated.
303
00:11:08,016 --> 00:11:10,517
Marshall, when you talk,
I feel shut up!
304
00:11:10,519 --> 00:11:12,385
That's very good, both of you.
305
00:11:12,387 --> 00:11:14,237
Really? Both of us?
306
00:11:14,239 --> 00:11:16,439
Name one energy
that's better than oil.
307
00:11:16,441 --> 00:11:17,991
Wind, solar, hydroelectric.
308
00:11:17,993 --> 00:11:19,576
You see what I've been dealing
with, Clint?
309
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:21,862
♪ The sticky petroleum
clings... ♪
310
00:11:21,864 --> 00:11:23,029
Please not now, Clint.
311
00:11:23,031 --> 00:11:25,732
♪ To the pelican's
broken wings ♪
312
00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:29,669
♪ Hey, Mr. Oilman,
what have you done... ♪
313
00:11:29,671 --> 00:11:31,571
Stop, stop, stop, please.
Enough! Clint,
314
00:11:31,573 --> 00:11:33,373
I'm tired of your beard
and I'm tired
315
00:11:33,375 --> 00:11:35,542
of this stupid therapy session.
And I'm tired
316
00:11:35,544 --> 00:11:39,078
of the way that your songs have
a-a laxative effect on Marvin!
317
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,080
And on me. Every time
Clint starts singing,
318
00:11:41,082 --> 00:11:42,849
I just got to go.
Yeah.
319
00:11:42,851 --> 00:11:46,753
It's like, uh, the only
trust fall when you sing
320
00:11:46,755 --> 00:11:50,724
is that I "trust"
that a piece of poop
321
00:11:50,726 --> 00:11:54,277
is gonna "fall" out
of my son's butt.
322
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:58,064
Hey, Clint, how about that?
323
00:11:58,066 --> 00:11:59,733
You got us to agree on something.
Yeah.
324
00:11:59,735 --> 00:12:02,652
We both think you're a loser.
325
00:12:02,654 --> 00:12:04,771
This therapy works.
326
00:12:04,773 --> 00:12:06,156
No!
327
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:08,124
That is not the way
therapy works at all!
328
00:12:08,126 --> 00:12:10,109
Do you think this is
some kind of a joke?!
329
00:12:10,111 --> 00:12:11,745
This is my career!
330
00:12:11,747 --> 00:12:14,664
I will not go back to
coaching the Browns!
331
00:12:14,666 --> 00:12:15,665
Why can't people take
332
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,083
what I do seriously?!
333
00:12:17,085 --> 00:12:20,086
God!
334
00:12:22,457 --> 00:12:24,724
Oh, my God. One more.
335
00:12:24,726 --> 00:12:27,894
Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God.
336
00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:33,650
God, that was a lot of stairs.
I'm exhausted.
337
00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,635
My chest is on fire.
338
00:12:35,637 --> 00:12:36,987
Oh.
339
00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:41,074
Ooh! So, Mr. Arch-itect,
340
00:12:41,076 --> 00:12:42,826
what do we do now?
341
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:45,412
Fall in love or something?
342
00:12:45,414 --> 00:12:47,497
And, kids, as I stoodon that lighthouse
343
00:12:47,499 --> 00:12:50,817
and looked at that girl, I feltsomething happen inside me,
344
00:12:50,819 --> 00:12:53,336
something that had onlyhappened one other time
345
00:12:53,338 --> 00:12:55,255
in my entire adult life.
346
00:12:57,342 --> 00:12:59,042
Okay, scrambled eggs.
347
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:00,844
Here we go.
348
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:03,146
Where is the egg opener?
349
00:13:04,515 --> 00:13:07,333
Never mind. I'll pre-scramble
them. It's fine.
350
00:13:08,386 --> 00:13:11,004
Okay, fine, Loretta.
You know what? You win.
351
00:13:11,006 --> 00:13:11,838
I don't
know how
352
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,007
to cook egg.
353
00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:15,942
If you don't even know how
to make scrambled eggs,
354
00:13:15,944 --> 00:13:17,343
I just worry what
kind of breakfast
355
00:13:17,345 --> 00:13:19,980
you're gonna be serving
my grandchildren.
356
00:13:19,982 --> 00:13:21,781
Well, lucky you
357
00:13:21,783 --> 00:13:25,235
because that is one thing you
won't ever have to worry about.
358
00:13:33,244 --> 00:13:36,463
Mom, Robin
can't have kids.
359
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:42,889
Every single job I take on,
it's always the same!
360
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,474
"The coffee maker has to stay
in the office, Clint!"
361
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:49,478
"You still have to wear pants
on Casual Friday, Clint!"
362
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,312
"We didn't
363
00:13:50,314 --> 00:13:51,563
hire you, Clint!"
364
00:13:51,565 --> 00:13:52,964
Well, God,
I'm-I'm...
365
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,466
I'm just sick of it. I'm si...
366
00:13:54,468 --> 00:13:57,802
Ow. Ow. Oh, I can hear
my blood right now.
367
00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,938
I'm having an attack.
I'm having a blood attack.
368
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,106
A blood attack?
369
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:02,441
Yeah. Pull over. I need...
I-I need to meditate.
370
00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:05,244
I got to get my heart rate down.
I'll... Ow! Pull over.
371
00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:07,412
We're in the middle of nowhere.
Pull over!
372
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:10,282
Zitch dog, Labradoodle
in a Ford Fusion! Ow!
373
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:11,783
God...
374
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,919
Robin can't have kids?
375
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:15,621
But you always wanted children.
376
00:14:15,623 --> 00:14:17,556
No, I always liked children.
377
00:14:17,558 --> 00:14:21,226
I've always wanted a Lamborghini
where there's a hot tub inside.
378
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,378
God, I wish that existed.
379
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:25,264
So no grandkids.
380
00:14:26,049 --> 00:14:27,432
How long have you known
about this?
381
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,468
I found out last fall.
382
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:31,637
Robin and I had beenhanging out downtown
383
00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:34,323
at this very cool secret bar.
384
00:14:34,325 --> 00:14:37,609
What a lovely place!
385
00:14:37,611 --> 00:14:39,728
Have you ever had
sushi that fresh?
386
00:14:39,730 --> 00:14:42,447
Okay, I am never getting
on a mechanical bull again.
387
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:46,535
I can't believe Marshall
and Lily missed out.
388
00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:49,071
Promise me,
if you ever have kids,
389
00:14:49,073 --> 00:14:51,039
you'll sometimes get
a babysitter
390
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:52,857
and come have an epic night.
391
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:56,495
Oh, and, P.S., bring the
babysitter, she sounds dirty.
392
00:14:56,497 --> 00:14:58,530
Actually, I, uh,
I can't have kids,
393
00:14:58,532 --> 00:15:00,082
so that's not an issue.
394
00:15:01,251 --> 00:15:02,534
Really?
395
00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:03,868
Yeah.
396
00:15:12,595 --> 00:15:15,147
Is it weird
that I'm hugging you like this?
397
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:19,401
No, it's not weird.
398
00:15:22,972 --> 00:15:26,224
Now it's weird. Mm-hmm.
Yep, the rain makes it weird.
399
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:29,611
Mom, I'm not marrying
some future possibility
400
00:15:29,613 --> 00:15:31,229
of starting a family.
401
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,498
I'm marrying a girl.
402
00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:37,169
Who means more to me than kids.
403
00:15:37,787 --> 00:15:39,421
Or my career.
404
00:15:39,423 --> 00:15:42,291
Or even the Lambor-cuzzi,
patent pending.
405
00:15:43,259 --> 00:15:45,510
So please...
406
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:47,629
...be nice to her?
407
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:52,668
This is ridiculous.
408
00:15:52,670 --> 00:15:54,202
Get out there
and drag Clint's
409
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:57,306
downward-facing ass back in here
so we can get going.
410
00:15:57,308 --> 00:15:59,891
Just let him do his thing.
411
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,928
Do you know why
the Daphnes of the world
412
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,530
always get to pick the music
413
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,816
and the Marshalls pay
all the tolls?
414
00:16:07,818 --> 00:16:08,817
Because
the Marshalls
415
00:16:08,819 --> 00:16:10,619
are so concerned
416
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,704
with letting everybody
do their thing,
417
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,940
and the Daphnes
are taking care of Daphne.
418
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:19,711
You can talk to me about solar
or wind or hydro-whatever,
419
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:22,447
but the world is always gonna
push you around, Marshall.
420
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,050
Until you learn
to go nuclear.
421
00:16:30,307 --> 00:16:31,947
What are you doing?
422
00:16:34,177 --> 00:16:35,844
Is this real?
423
00:16:35,846 --> 00:16:37,229
Are you doing this?
424
00:16:38,514 --> 00:16:39,848
We need some driving music.
425
00:16:39,850 --> 00:16:40,350
No!
426
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,073
You threw a live grenade
into my marriage.
427
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,660
You screwed up my whole world.
428
00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:54,746
So from now on...
429
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:57,649
we listen to my music.
430
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:02,153
♪ But I would walk 500 miles
431
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,489
♪ And I would walk 500 more...
432
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,258
I hate this song.
433
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:07,709
Give it time.
434
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:13,348
Zitch dog, beagle
in a Beetle.
435
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:15,884
Don't let Loretta
get to you.
436
00:17:15,886 --> 00:17:19,187
Hey, when your mom gets here,
do you want to all go--
437
00:17:19,189 --> 00:17:22,858
I don't know--
avoid jellyfish?
438
00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:23,725
She's not coming.
439
00:17:23,727 --> 00:17:25,277
What?
440
00:17:25,279 --> 00:17:26,978
I finally got a hold of her.
441
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:29,013
She, um, never got on the plane.
442
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,565
She was too scared.
443
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,151
She won't be
at her daughter's wedding.
444
00:17:40,294 --> 00:17:42,461
If that is the case...
445
00:17:42,463 --> 00:17:45,914
can we tell Barney
she's super fat?
446
00:17:45,916 --> 00:17:48,083
It would mean the world to me.
447
00:17:49,253 --> 00:17:50,802
Of course.
448
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,221
Oh, here we go.
449
00:17:53,223 --> 00:17:54,589
Listen, Robin...
Loretta,
450
00:17:54,591 --> 00:17:57,041
not now. Robin just found out
451
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,710
her mom's not coming
to the wedding.
452
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:03,882
Oh.
453
00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:05,784
Well, uh, okay.
454
00:18:05,786 --> 00:18:07,002
Loretta...
455
00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:08,270
My name's Mom.
456
00:18:08,272 --> 00:18:10,388
Don't you ever call me
anything else.
457
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,606
I'm Mom.
458
00:18:11,608 --> 00:18:13,892
Okay.
459
00:18:13,894 --> 00:18:15,093
Mom.
460
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,329
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I get...
461
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,499
...carried away.
462
00:18:23,252 --> 00:18:27,122
Your eggs are great, by the way.
463
00:18:27,124 --> 00:18:28,740
Oh, mama,
464
00:18:28,742 --> 00:18:30,509
that was some bad advice.
465
00:18:30,511 --> 00:18:31,760
Thanks, Lil.
466
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:33,244
But you know what sucks?
467
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,463
When I was
at the top
468
00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:35,630
of that lighthouse,
469
00:18:35,632 --> 00:18:37,432
despite everything else...
470
00:18:37,434 --> 00:18:40,385
Wow. It's like traveling
back in time.
471
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,521
Just stop talking.
472
00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:45,307
...it was breathtaking.
473
00:18:45,309 --> 00:18:47,592
And I wasted it.
474
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,611
I mean, how many places
have I ruined forever
475
00:18:49,613 --> 00:18:51,530
by being there
with the wrong girl?
476
00:18:51,532 --> 00:18:53,899
So come back
with the right girl.
477
00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:55,784
I don't know.
478
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,069
I'm starting to think a person
gets a certain allotment
479
00:18:58,071 --> 00:19:00,772
of lighthouses per lifetime.
480
00:19:00,774 --> 00:19:03,041
And I've used all mine up.
481
00:19:03,043 --> 00:19:05,877
And that, kids, is the kindof stupid thing you say
482
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:08,112
before you've met the personwho hits the reset button
483
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,665
on the world,who makes everything new again,
484
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,083
who makes it seem ridiculous
485
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,219
that you ever consideredsettling,
486
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,671
because not two years later...
487
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,291
Look at that.
488
00:19:23,846 --> 00:19:27,015
It's like traveling
back in time.
489
00:19:27,017 --> 00:19:30,018
That is exactly what I said.
490
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:32,637
Why couldn't it have been you
here with me two years ago?
491
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:34,906
That's probably
for the best.
492
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:36,858
When you vomit, I vomit.
493
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:38,309
You know that.
494
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:42,697
Well, thanks for being
here with me now.
495
00:19:42,699 --> 00:19:44,482
Thanks for bringing me.
496
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,821
Wow.
497
00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:53,658
It is just
bonkers beautiful here.
498
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,495
I don't know how you could
improve on a day like this.
499
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:04,436
Well, I'm gonna try.
500
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,561
Whoa.
501
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,564
Will you...
502
00:20:15,566 --> 00:20:16,481
Yes.
503
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,450
You didn't even let me...
504
00:20:18,452 --> 00:20:19,401
Yes.
505
00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:20,685
Marry me?
506
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:21,820
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
507
00:20:21,822 --> 00:20:24,739
Yes, yes... yes.
508
00:20:27,044 --> 00:20:31,413
♪ Just try,
try a little tenderness ♪
509
00:20:31,415 --> 00:20:33,798
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to
510
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,301
♪ Know how to love her, man
511
00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:38,303
♪ Take this advice, man
512
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,555
♪ You got to squeeze her
513
00:20:40,557 --> 00:20:42,057
♪ Don't tease her. ♪
514
00:20:50,985 --> 00:20:55,985
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
515
00:20:57,693 --> 00:20:59,060
Son of a bitch!37153
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