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Kids, as you know,Lily and Marshall had decided
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to move to Rome afterBarney and Robin's wedding.
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We're going to Italy.
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00:00:07,546 --> 00:00:09,028
Si.
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00:00:09,030 --> 00:00:10,380
But without telling Lily,
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00:00:10,382 --> 00:00:12,865
Marshall had then accepteda judgeship in New York.
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Good luck with that...
Your Honor.
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Until his always-helpfulroad trip companion
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00:00:17,722 --> 00:00:20,590
Daphne had selflesslycome to his aid.
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00:00:20,592 --> 00:00:22,675
You texted Lily
that I took the job?
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You're welcome.
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00:00:23,878 --> 00:00:24,928
You were torturing yourself
13
00:00:24,930 --> 00:00:26,229
figuring out how to tell her,
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00:00:26,231 --> 00:00:27,647
I just broke the ice for you.
15
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I was standing on that ice.
16
00:00:29,317 --> 00:00:31,067
Now I'm gonna be bobbing,
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00:00:31,069 --> 00:00:33,403
facedown on a frigid creek.
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00:00:33,405 --> 00:00:36,156
I do not need to know the nasty
way you apologize to your wife.
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00:00:36,158 --> 00:00:39,943
And frigid? Maybe you're
just doing it wrong.
20
00:00:42,246 --> 00:00:43,663
Hi, baby.
21
00:00:43,665 --> 00:00:45,582
I can't believe you did this
behind my back.
22
00:00:45,584 --> 00:00:47,500
I know, I should
have talked to you.
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00:00:47,502 --> 00:00:48,952
Thanks to you, we are stuck
24
00:00:48,954 --> 00:00:52,172
all weekend in the room
with a ghost in it.
25
00:00:52,174 --> 00:00:54,257
Room with a...?
26
00:00:54,259 --> 00:00:56,509
We got 13?
27
00:00:56,511 --> 00:00:59,078
The room that's haunted by
the ghost of Captain Dearduff?
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00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,200
Who got the who
with the what now?
29
00:01:01,201 --> 00:01:05,201
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x07 ♪
No Questions Asked
Original Air Date on October 28, 2013
30
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Marshall hadrecently discovered
32
00:01:15,997 --> 00:01:17,930
that the Farhampton Innwas featured
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00:01:17,932 --> 00:01:20,700
in an episode of The GhostNetwork's original series,
34
00:01:20,702 --> 00:01:23,486
True & Real Ghost Stories
of the Supernatural.
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00:01:23,488 --> 00:01:25,038
Ooh, there, see?
36
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,406
The Farhampton Inn.
37
00:01:26,408 --> 00:01:27,773
I told you it sounded familiar.
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00:01:27,775 --> 00:01:29,609
In 1843,
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the streets of Farhampton,Long Island
40
00:01:32,547 --> 00:01:34,280
were stalkedby a vicious killer
41
00:01:34,282 --> 00:01:37,083
named Captain Blazeby Dearduff.
42
00:01:37,085 --> 00:01:40,637
Dubbed "Dearduff the Hooker,"he murdered dozens
43
00:01:40,639 --> 00:01:43,806
of unwary travelerswith his sharpened hook.
44
00:01:43,808 --> 00:01:46,142
Ironically that hook
45
00:01:46,144 --> 00:01:48,061
would prove Dearduff'sown undoing
46
00:01:48,063 --> 00:01:50,963
one wintry night in room 13
47
00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:53,433
of the Farhampton Inn.
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00:01:59,274 --> 00:02:01,407
Uh-oh.
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00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:04,110
He was found the next morning,frozen to death.
50
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Boom!
51
00:02:06,498 --> 00:02:10,366
Some say you can still hearCaptain Dearduff's cries coming
52
00:02:10,368 --> 00:02:11,817
from room 13.
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00:02:11,819 --> 00:02:13,002
Cold.
54
00:02:13,004 --> 00:02:15,755
So cold.
55
00:02:15,757 --> 00:02:19,459
Help me... help me...
56
00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:23,246
We can see you, Ron.
57
00:02:23,248 --> 00:02:25,998
Some say you can still hearthe thump of his peg
58
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,834
and the scrape of his hook.
59
00:02:28,836 --> 00:02:30,637
Others sayDearduff the Hooker was just
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00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:33,506
a popular male prostitutewho murdered no one
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00:02:33,508 --> 00:02:37,010
and died of syphilis in 1848.
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00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:38,478
Let's hearfrom some people who have
63
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,947
actually surviveda night in room 13.
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00:02:42,117 --> 00:02:43,683
Did I see a ghost?
65
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,401
- Of course...
- Yes.
66
00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:46,519
There's...
Are.
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00:02:46,521 --> 00:02:48,288
...such thing as ghosts.
68
00:02:52,359 --> 00:02:54,744
So, have you seen the ghost?
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00:02:54,746 --> 00:02:56,996
Not yet, but that might just be
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00:02:56,998 --> 00:02:59,916
because ghosts
don't exist, Marshall!
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00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,751
So explain the night shirt
72
00:03:01,753 --> 00:03:04,671
we saw flying around our cabin
in the Poconos.
73
00:03:04,673 --> 00:03:06,973
An owl got stuck in it.
74
00:03:06,975 --> 00:03:09,709
We saw it fly out the neck hole.
75
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:12,211
Yeah, the ghost of an owl
that died in that cabin.
76
00:03:12,213 --> 00:03:15,881
Plus it's a crappy room,
but when I tried to complain...
77
00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,651
The thermostat in
my room is broken.
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00:03:18,653 --> 00:03:20,253
The AC won't turn off.
79
00:03:20,255 --> 00:03:22,522
Ooh!
80
00:03:22,524 --> 00:03:24,607
Sounds like the work
of Captain Dearduff.
81
00:03:24,609 --> 00:03:27,410
He brings with him
the icy chill of death.
82
00:03:27,412 --> 00:03:31,164
So... bad luck there.
83
00:03:31,732 --> 00:03:33,232
Night-night.
84
00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:35,918
It sounds like you're
using Captain Dearduff
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00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,671
as an excuse for a crappy room.
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00:03:38,673 --> 00:03:39,756
I beg your pardon.
87
00:03:39,758 --> 00:03:41,958
I did not get to be
a 40-year-old night clerk
88
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,710
by making excuses.
89
00:03:43,712 --> 00:03:45,345
Now, if there is anything
wrong with your room
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00:03:45,347 --> 00:03:46,462
that isn't ghost-related,
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00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:48,047
I'm more than happy
to address it.
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00:03:48,049 --> 00:03:51,300
Okay, the Wi-Fi doesn't work.
93
00:03:51,302 --> 00:03:52,885
Ghosts interfere
with electronic devices.
94
00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:54,053
The shower's leaking.
95
00:03:54,055 --> 00:03:55,638
Dearduff likes
the sound of dripping.
96
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,474
Reminds him
of his bleeding victims.
97
00:03:58,476 --> 00:03:59,976
And the door won't lock.
98
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,611
Captain Dearduff
doesn't want to...
99
00:04:01,613 --> 00:04:03,279
you know,
be locked out of his room.
100
00:04:03,281 --> 00:04:05,148
Why would a locked door
keep a ghost out?
101
00:04:05,150 --> 00:04:07,600
Can't he just walk
through walls?
102
00:04:07,602 --> 00:04:08,951
Maybe he's afraid of rats.
103
00:04:08,953 --> 00:04:11,070
There are rats in the walls?
104
00:04:13,073 --> 00:04:15,491
No.
105
00:04:15,493 --> 00:04:17,660
And the inn's booked up
because of the wedding,
106
00:04:17,662 --> 00:04:19,379
so we can't change rooms.
107
00:04:19,381 --> 00:04:22,615
Oh, that sucks.
108
00:04:22,617 --> 00:04:24,250
I'm sorry, baby.
109
00:04:24,252 --> 00:04:25,418
Hey...
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00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:26,636
but if Dearduff does manifest,
111
00:04:26,638 --> 00:04:28,054
you know the proper way
to harvest ectoplasm, right?
112
00:04:30,258 --> 00:04:32,141
Hey, good news-- we're all set
for the dove release.
113
00:04:32,143 --> 00:04:33,959
The what?
When we leave the church,
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00:04:33,961 --> 00:04:35,628
they're gonna release
a hundred doves.
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00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:38,064
It's gonna be
avi-wait-for-it-ary.
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00:04:38,066 --> 00:04:39,348
Aviary!
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00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:40,466
Oh.
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00:04:40,468 --> 00:04:42,485
That might be a problem.
Why?
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00:04:42,487 --> 00:04:43,936
Because when
we leave the church,
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00:04:43,938 --> 00:04:46,138
a few of the gun enthusiasts
in my family
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00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:48,441
are gonna fire a 21-gun salute.
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00:04:48,443 --> 00:04:50,777
Hey, man.
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00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:59,085
Oh, look-- one got away.
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00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:02,655
Can't you guys just fire blanks?
125
00:05:02,657 --> 00:05:04,874
At a wedding?
126
00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:07,126
Yeah, that's romantic.
127
00:05:30,517 --> 00:05:32,017
Ted!
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00:05:32,019 --> 00:05:34,320
What the hell are
you doing in my room?!
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00:05:34,322 --> 00:05:35,371
Uh...
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00:05:35,373 --> 00:05:36,956
There was an explanation.
131
00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:39,876
You see, after Marshallgot off the phone with Lily,
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00:05:39,878 --> 00:05:41,410
he'd called me.
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00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,497
Hey, buddy. What's up?
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00:05:44,499 --> 00:05:46,749
Ted, listen, I need you
to sneak into Lily's room,
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00:05:46,751 --> 00:05:49,168
find her phone, and delete
the last text she got.
136
00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:49,886
Why? What's...
137
00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:51,637
Ted, I need you to do this
138
00:05:51,639 --> 00:05:52,889
no questions asked.
139
00:05:52,891 --> 00:05:56,726
And as we both know, you owe me
a "No Questions Asked."
140
00:05:57,611 --> 00:05:59,178
Hey.
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00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,514
Hey. Listen, I need you
to do something for me
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00:06:01,516 --> 00:06:03,683
no questions asked, okay?
What is it?
143
00:06:03,685 --> 00:06:06,051
Meet me at the corner
of 53rd and 8th.
144
00:06:06,053 --> 00:06:08,855
Bring your drill.
145
00:06:12,559 --> 00:06:14,443
Marshall.
146
00:06:15,445 --> 00:06:17,613
What the hell?
147
00:06:17,615 --> 00:06:19,165
How did you...
148
00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:20,600
No...
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00:06:20,602 --> 00:06:23,136
questions... asked.
150
00:06:23,138 --> 00:06:25,671
I broke federal law drilling you
out of that mailbox.
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00:06:25,673 --> 00:06:27,507
Hey, I was a man in need.
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00:06:27,509 --> 00:06:30,343
I know.
You were a "Priority Male."
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00:06:30,345 --> 00:06:31,344
You said you'd
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00:06:31,346 --> 00:06:33,379
stop doing that joke
after the editor
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00:06:33,381 --> 00:06:35,515
of Bazooka Joe comics
rejected it.
156
00:06:35,517 --> 00:06:37,133
That man is a comedy snob.
157
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:38,467
The point is,
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00:06:38,469 --> 00:06:39,969
you owe me
a "No Questions Asked."
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00:06:39,971 --> 00:06:41,888
Okay, okay!
I'll delete the text.
160
00:06:41,890 --> 00:06:43,105
Thank you.
161
00:06:43,107 --> 00:06:44,607
I just have to figure out
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00:06:44,609 --> 00:06:46,142
how to get into Lily's room.
163
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,644
Easy. The lock on her door
is busted, so...
164
00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:50,095
The drainpipe!
What?
165
00:06:50,097 --> 00:06:51,981
There's a drainpipe that
runs up near her window,
166
00:06:51,983 --> 00:06:54,033
and, no big deal,
I can totally climb it.
167
00:06:54,035 --> 00:06:55,201
I'll call you when it's done.
168
00:06:55,203 --> 00:06:56,319
Her door is unlock...
169
00:06:58,072 --> 00:06:59,405
Uh...
170
00:06:59,407 --> 00:07:01,624
Marshall wanted me
to check on you.
171
00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:03,626
He was worried
that you might be scared
172
00:07:03,628 --> 00:07:05,378
all alone in the ghost room.
173
00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:07,129
Remind me to call
you next time
174
00:07:07,131 --> 00:07:09,415
Marvin has a nightmare--
you can calm him
175
00:07:09,417 --> 00:07:13,302
by bursting into his room with
a chain saw and a hockey mask!
176
00:07:13,304 --> 00:07:15,588
Sorry, I didn't want to knock
in case you were already asleep,
177
00:07:15,590 --> 00:07:17,790
so I just climbed the drainpipe
up to your window.
178
00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:19,559
No big deal.
Mm, opened the latch
179
00:07:19,561 --> 00:07:21,594
with this here coat hanger.
180
00:07:21,596 --> 00:07:23,846
I would have called,
but, uh...
181
00:07:23,848 --> 00:07:26,849
well, I didn't know if
you'd have your phone handy.
182
00:07:26,851 --> 00:07:28,985
Say, where is
that old phone of yours?
183
00:07:28,987 --> 00:07:30,603
Ted, I am
not scared,
184
00:07:30,605 --> 00:07:32,805
so why don't you head back
to your room...
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00:07:32,807 --> 00:07:33,940
Oh...
186
00:07:33,942 --> 00:07:35,691
kay...
187
00:07:35,693 --> 00:07:38,861
Why, I guess you can stay
until I fall asleep,
188
00:07:38,863 --> 00:07:40,913
if it'll make you feel better?
189
00:07:40,915 --> 00:07:43,249
A-And...
190
00:07:43,251 --> 00:07:45,284
maybe if it'll
make you feel even better,
191
00:07:45,286 --> 00:07:48,588
you can sing me a version
of Marvin's lullaby?
192
00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:50,039
Okay.
193
00:07:50,041 --> 00:07:52,041
Okay.
194
00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:55,011
♪ Night-night, little Lily
195
00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:58,214
♪ No ifs, ands or buts
196
00:07:59,466 --> 00:08:02,518
♪ No peg-legged ghost
is waiting ♪
197
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,354
♪ To hook out your guts.
198
00:08:05,356 --> 00:08:06,889
Ted!
199
00:08:06,891 --> 00:08:08,107
Sorry. Sorry.
200
00:08:08,109 --> 00:08:09,976
Nighty-night.
201
00:08:20,488 --> 00:08:23,572
Cold...
202
00:08:23,574 --> 00:08:26,075
So cold.
203
00:08:27,461 --> 00:08:29,629
Help me.
204
00:08:31,214 --> 00:08:33,382
Help me...
205
00:08:34,217 --> 00:08:36,419
Oh, God, the Hooker's here!
Ted,
206
00:08:36,421 --> 00:08:39,038
I am not gonna cheat on Robin.
207
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,124
But you're a hell of a best man
for getting me one, buddy.
208
00:08:42,126 --> 00:08:43,542
Where is she?
209
00:08:43,544 --> 00:08:44,894
All right,
I'll take a lap dance.
210
00:08:44,896 --> 00:08:47,096
Can I borrow some sweatpants?
211
00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:53,148
Barney, what
are you doing in there?
212
00:08:53,149 --> 00:08:54,249
Marshall asked me
213
00:08:54,251 --> 00:08:56,701
to do something for him,
no questions asked.
214
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,653
Sidebar-- I forgot
to get my cousin David
215
00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:00,355
something for his bar mitzvah
last week.
216
00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:02,373
Could you send the hooker
to his room?
217
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,509
Wait, Marshall called you, too?
218
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:07,262
Turns out I wasn'tMarshall's first call.
219
00:09:07,264 --> 00:09:08,896
Can't you guys just fire blanks?
220
00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:11,032
At a wedding?
221
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:12,684
Yeah, that's romantic.
222
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,818
I just wish I would've
223
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,153
known about the guns.
Well,
224
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,554
I wish I'd known
about the doves.
225
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,189
That's the problem with
us-- we don't think
226
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,025
about checking in with the other
person before doing something.
227
00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:22,277
Honestly, I think
228
00:09:22,279 --> 00:09:24,228
that's what broke us up
the first time.
229
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,197
We're both... lone wolves--
230
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,533
always off in our own worlds.
231
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:31,202
That's not gonna work.
232
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,187
Not in a marriage, no.
233
00:09:33,189 --> 00:09:35,323
What? Sorry, I was thinking
about getting the doves
234
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,292
little Kevlar tuxedos,
but that's not gonna work--
235
00:09:37,294 --> 00:09:39,210
there's no time for a fitting.
236
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,628
Hey.
237
00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:42,497
Listen, I need you
to get to Lily's phone
238
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,666
without her seeing, and delete
the last text she got.
239
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,750
Why? What did you...
240
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,034
And I need you to do it
241
00:09:47,036 --> 00:09:48,419
no questions asked.
242
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,557
As you'll recall, you owe me
a "No Questions Asked."
243
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,227
Hello?
244
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:58,713
Marshall, I need you to rush
to the Macy's in Herald Square,
245
00:09:58,715 --> 00:10:00,548
find the utility closet
on the third floor,
246
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:01,983
and bring me
the following things:
247
00:10:01,985 --> 00:10:04,435
a clean pair of underwear,
a clean pair of pants,
248
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,938
a box of moist towelettes,
hand sanitizer,
249
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,525
and a garbage bag,
no questions asked.
250
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,859
You deuced your pants.
251
00:10:13,929 --> 00:10:16,364
Never mind.
252
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,751
Ha. You didn't wind up
helping me, so it doesn't count.
253
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,068
Yes, I'm the one
Face!
254
00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:22,787
who should be embarrassed
by that story.
255
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,539
But that wasn't
the time I meant.
256
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,073
This was last fall.
257
00:10:26,075 --> 00:10:28,292
Hey, I got here as
fast as I could.
258
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,677
Are you okay?
Yeah, fine.
259
00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:31,512
Th-These quacks said I was...
260
00:10:31,514 --> 00:10:34,382
unfit to leave on my own.
Blah, blah, blah.
261
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,417
"Danger to myself."
Blah, blah, blah.
262
00:10:36,419 --> 00:10:38,753
"Whoever signs me out is legally
responsible for my actions."
263
00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:40,254
I just need you to sign me out.
264
00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:41,272
What the hell happened?
265
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,557
Uh-uh!
266
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,475
I said no questions asked.
267
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,277
W...
268
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:50,031
Star, clover, horseshoe.
269
00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:52,066
Barney, did you swallow
real versions
270
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,785
of all the Lucky Charms items?
271
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,705
No... questions... asked.
272
00:10:57,707 --> 00:10:59,290
Now come on. Let's hit
the bar. I'm buying.
273
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,709
I just won 50 bucks from
a little Irish guy on a dare.
274
00:11:03,495 --> 00:11:04,879
Fine, I'll delete the text.
275
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:06,497
But how am I supposed to get
into Lily's room?
276
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,800
Easy. The lock on her door
is busted...
277
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,551
Air ducts!
What?
278
00:11:10,553 --> 00:11:12,720
I'll use the system of air ducts
to get in her room,
279
00:11:12,722 --> 00:11:14,955
just like the bad guy
in Die Hard.
280
00:11:14,957 --> 00:11:17,308
Barney, Bruce Willis is not
the bad guy in Die H...
281
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,395
Not important. The point is,
the door is not lock...
282
00:11:20,397 --> 00:11:22,129
I'll call you when it's done.
283
00:11:22,131 --> 00:11:23,931
Anyway, I was saying,
284
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,017
I think we need to be better
about talking to each other
285
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,235
before doing stuff.
286
00:11:27,237 --> 00:11:28,403
Can't talk. Doing stuff.
287
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,991
What is going on?
288
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,329
Barney, what are you doing
in there?
289
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:42,533
Uh, well, there is
a story there.
290
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,820
It involves a trained
Guatemalan kinkajou,
291
00:11:45,822 --> 00:11:47,839
a Bolshoi Ballet
prima ballerina
292
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,458
and Olympic gold medalist
Duke Kahanamoku's surfboard.
293
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,627
Tell her, Ted.
294
00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:55,129
Uh...
295
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,014
uh...
296
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,516
uh...
The kinkajou...
297
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:01,135
the kinkajou...
298
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:04,639
Oh, God, what is it now?
299
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,507
Good evening,
Ms. Aldrin.
300
00:12:06,509 --> 00:12:08,810
I didn't order room service.
301
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,678
It says right here, room 13.
302
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,814
Lobster, caviar, champagne.
303
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,649
$400?!
304
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,701
I didn't order any of this.
305
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:19,019
Maybe Dearduff the Hooker
ordered it.
306
00:12:19,021 --> 00:12:22,039
Well, I'm not paying for room
service the Hooker ordered!
307
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:24,959
- I've been there.
- Okay,
308
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:28,162
you know what? I need to
talk to the manager.
309
00:12:29,131 --> 00:12:32,300
All right,
where's that damn phone?
310
00:12:32,302 --> 00:12:34,469
You, too?!
311
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:39,841
- Hey.
- Robin,
312
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,509
I need you to delete
the last text
313
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,010
that Lily got
before she sees it.
314
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,096
Bro, it's my wedding weekend.
315
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,430
Just because
you didn't know better
316
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,882
than to take a naked selfie
317
00:12:47,884 --> 00:12:49,734
while you were in the coldest
part of the country...
318
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,269
First, I'm an Eriksen.
319
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,554
Cold has a plumping effect.
320
00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:56,774
Second, you owe me
a "No Questions Asked."
321
00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,027
All right, I'm-I'm at the alley
near 22nd and 2nd. Now what?
322
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,946
No questions asked. Tell me
about that giant trout
323
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,499
you and your dad caught
ice-fishing that one time.
324
00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:07,118
Well, it was more beast
than trout.
325
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,704
Fought us for three hours
and nearly dragged us both
326
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,405
into Lake Winnibigoshish.
327
00:13:11,407 --> 00:13:13,090
It was this big, and...
328
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:14,792
Hey.
329
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,711
Run!
330
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,635
I never asked you
who those weirdos were,
331
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,420
why they kept calling you
Night Falcon
332
00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:28,940
or even what was in those darts
that they were blowing at us.
333
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,591
Your vision came back,
didn't it?
334
00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:32,593
Wuss.
335
00:13:32,595 --> 00:13:34,195
Fine, I'll take care of it.
336
00:13:34,197 --> 00:13:36,697
Just have to figure out
how to get into Lily's room.
337
00:13:36,699 --> 00:13:38,199
Her door doesn't lock.
You can just...
338
00:13:38,201 --> 00:13:39,901
Room service!
339
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,118
Night Falcon, you're a genius.
340
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,321
I'll call you when it's done.
341
00:13:44,773 --> 00:13:46,157
Why would he call
342
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,242
you guys before me?
Well, dude,
343
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,544
you're not great in a crisis.
344
00:13:49,546 --> 00:13:51,662
What was that story
you were prattling on about?
345
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,047
What the hell
is a kinkajou?
346
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:54,465
Okay, let's just find it
before she gets back.
347
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,583
I'm sorry, ma'am.
348
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,585
You ordered it,
so you have to pay for it.
349
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,954
Not to mention the room damage
you're responsible for.
350
00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:01,405
I've got
a report here:
351
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,307
broken lock, faulty Wi-Fi,
352
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,726
you've taken several items
from the minibar...
353
00:14:05,728 --> 00:14:07,378
There is no minibar.
354
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,813
Stolen minibar.
355
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:10,648
It's not here.
356
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,516
Well, where else would it be?
357
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,651
Okay.
358
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,821
I think it's time
I call my lawyer.
359
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,272
Uh-oh.
360
00:14:20,849 --> 00:14:23,661
Okay, we need to get to Lily's
phone before she sees that text.
361
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:25,111
I'm on it.
Night Falcon is on it.
362
00:14:25,113 --> 00:14:26,913
Good thing I packed my unitard.
363
00:14:32,787 --> 00:14:34,763
This is exactly
what we always do, isn't it?
364
00:14:34,788 --> 00:14:35,356
Yeah.
365
00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:37,623
We were both gonna bolt off
and lone wolf it
366
00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:40,126
without telling
the other person a thing.
367
00:14:40,128 --> 00:14:43,179
Why do we do that?
I don't know.
368
00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:46,566
Maybe we're just incapable
of working as a unit.
369
00:14:49,436 --> 00:14:51,905
You know...
370
00:14:51,907 --> 00:14:55,441
I bet even lone wolves
can learn to work together.
371
00:14:56,327 --> 00:14:58,027
I'd like to think so.
372
00:14:58,029 --> 00:15:02,148
They could build their little
woodland den together.
373
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,334
Roam together.
374
00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:05,752
Hunt together.
375
00:15:05,754 --> 00:15:08,154
Lure prey into
a tight corner and...
376
00:15:08,156 --> 00:15:10,506
Snap its limbs
with our powerful jaws
377
00:15:10,508 --> 00:15:13,042
and watch the life drain
from its eyes.
378
00:15:13,044 --> 00:15:15,128
Aw...
379
00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:18,497
Point is, we're gonna
make a great team.
380
00:15:18,499 --> 00:15:20,683
We'll just need
some practice.
381
00:15:20,685 --> 00:15:24,304
Yeah. Yeah, let's prove
that we believe in marriage
382
00:15:24,306 --> 00:15:25,671
by working together
383
00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:28,441
to help Marshall
hide something from his wife.
384
00:15:31,912 --> 00:15:35,281
First, we take positionin the lobby.
385
00:15:37,818 --> 00:15:40,236
Then you cause a distraction.
386
00:15:42,023 --> 00:15:45,825
Then you send in a trained doveto grab Lily's phone.
387
00:15:45,827 --> 00:15:47,827
The dove drops the phoneinto your hand.
388
00:15:47,829 --> 00:15:49,362
You delete the text
389
00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:51,497
and toss it backon the counter.
390
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:56,702
Wait.
391
00:15:56,704 --> 00:15:58,671
It's absolutely insane...
392
00:15:59,706 --> 00:16:01,841
...how foolproof this plan is!
393
00:16:01,843 --> 00:16:03,893
Sometimes it's best
to just go simple.
394
00:16:03,895 --> 00:16:05,812
Yep.
395
00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:09,816
Wh-Why do you have a gun?
396
00:16:09,818 --> 00:16:11,434
Why do you always have a gun?
397
00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:12,518
Where's Lily?
398
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,903
She went up 20 minutes ago.
399
00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:15,355
You're kidding.
400
00:16:15,357 --> 00:16:17,490
Courtney Dove, no!
401
00:16:17,492 --> 00:16:19,108
I already lost Kurt Coo-bain!
402
00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:21,227
I can't lose you as well.
403
00:16:21,229 --> 00:16:23,413
Great. How are we gonna
get Lily's phone back now?
404
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:24,947
Oh, I already took care of that.
405
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:26,399
And now I'm rewarding myself
406
00:16:26,401 --> 00:16:28,368
with some of the inn's
finest brandy.
407
00:16:28,370 --> 00:16:29,285
Bottoms up.
408
00:16:29,287 --> 00:16:30,286
Well, thank you.
409
00:16:30,288 --> 00:16:31,337
No, no, that's a warning.
410
00:16:31,339 --> 00:16:32,372
The dove's about to...
411
00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:35,708
What happened?
412
00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:37,377
Well...
413
00:16:37,379 --> 00:16:40,630
I think it's time
I call my lawyer.
414
00:16:46,053 --> 00:16:47,920
Hi, baby.
415
00:16:47,922 --> 00:16:50,440
You are never gonna
believe this, but...
416
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:53,142
Uh, someone sent me a text.
417
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,945
Lily, stop!
418
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,447
Why?
419
00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:59,115
Because...
420
00:16:59,117 --> 00:17:01,434
because...
421
00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:02,819
And that's when I realized
422
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:05,604
that the answerhad been there all along.
423
00:17:05,606 --> 00:17:07,990
Throw your phone on the ground
and smash it with your foot.
424
00:17:07,992 --> 00:17:09,158
What? No.
I need you
425
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,127
to do this no questions asked.
426
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:14,247
You owe me
a "No Questions Asked."
427
00:17:15,132 --> 00:17:16,632
Hey, Lil. What's...
Ted, I need you
428
00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:18,384
to come
to my classroom right now
429
00:17:18,386 --> 00:17:20,002
with two dozen cupcakes
and a box cutter.
430
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:21,771
No questions asked.
431
00:17:21,773 --> 00:17:23,789
Lily, I brought the...
432
00:17:23,791 --> 00:17:25,341
Oh-oh, my God.
433
00:17:25,343 --> 00:17:26,592
Ted,
434
00:17:26,594 --> 00:17:28,794
put the cupcakes at the feet
of their leader,
435
00:17:28,796 --> 00:17:30,129
then cut me loose.
436
00:17:30,131 --> 00:17:31,814
Don't make eye contact!
437
00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:35,318
Ted...
438
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:39,772
No... questions... asked.
439
00:17:45,447 --> 00:17:48,781
Well, interesting that I was
the one who fixed everything
440
00:17:48,783 --> 00:17:51,250
even though Marshall
called me...
441
00:17:51,252 --> 00:17:53,119
- third.
- Ninth,
442
00:17:53,121 --> 00:17:55,705
as I found out later,but I won't go into it.
443
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,290
The important thingis what happened
444
00:17:57,292 --> 00:18:00,376
right after the untimely deathof Lily's phone.
445
00:18:00,378 --> 00:18:02,462
So you're saying
you didn't order room service
446
00:18:02,464 --> 00:18:05,131
and you didn't order
Prison Sluts Nine?
447
00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:09,519
I am saying I did not order
room service.
448
00:18:10,137 --> 00:18:11,938
It is done. By me.
449
00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:14,690
Your third call.
450
00:18:14,692 --> 00:18:16,342
Actually, you were...
451
00:18:16,344 --> 00:18:18,561
Thank you. H-How did you do it?
452
00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:20,563
I called in a "No Questions
Asked" with Lily.
453
00:18:20,565 --> 00:18:21,847
But, wait,
why didn't you do that?
454
00:18:21,849 --> 00:18:23,282
You must have, like,
a million of those.
455
00:18:23,284 --> 00:18:25,201
And Marshall thought back.
456
00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:26,519
Hello?
457
00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:27,570
Hey, baby, it's me.
458
00:18:27,572 --> 00:18:29,455
Um, can you come bail me
out of jail?
459
00:18:29,457 --> 00:18:31,857
I thought I saw Bigfoot
in Central Park
460
00:18:31,859 --> 00:18:33,192
and so I tackled him,
461
00:18:33,194 --> 00:18:36,546
but it turned out
to be Russell Brand.
462
00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:38,548
Hey...
463
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:41,918
Oh, do you mind looking up
our vaccination records?
464
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,555
I tried to hug a raccoon.
465
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,723
Hey, babe, um,
466
00:18:47,725 --> 00:18:49,041
could you dig up our warranty?
467
00:18:49,043 --> 00:18:51,710
I took the TV apart, and I made
468
00:18:51,712 --> 00:18:53,980
a robot out of it.
469
00:18:53,982 --> 00:18:55,181
Hello?
470
00:18:55,183 --> 00:18:56,432
Hey.
471
00:18:56,434 --> 00:18:58,734
I tackled
Russell Brand again.
472
00:18:58,736 --> 00:19:01,654
I've never asked Lily to do
anything no questions asked
473
00:19:01,656 --> 00:19:03,489
because...
474
00:19:03,491 --> 00:19:05,992
I've never wanted to.
475
00:19:05,994 --> 00:19:07,726
She's the love of my life.
476
00:19:07,728 --> 00:19:11,531
I never keep anything from her.
477
00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:14,584
Ted, put Lily on the phone.
478
00:19:15,402 --> 00:19:18,070
Hey. It's Marshall.
479
00:19:19,706 --> 00:19:22,592
Want to tell me what's going on?
480
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,410
Yes.
481
00:19:24,412 --> 00:19:27,263
I was offered a judgeship
in New York.
482
00:19:27,265 --> 00:19:28,965
And I took it.
483
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:32,885
Even though we already agreed
to move to Rome.
484
00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:35,054
I'm gonna be a judge.
485
00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:39,108
Lily?
486
00:19:40,194 --> 00:19:43,446
You know, Marshall,
I don't believe in ghosts,
487
00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:47,149
and I'm not sure anyone died
in our room,
488
00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:49,535
but someone's going to.
489
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,859
"And I see in your eyes
the emerald reefs
490
00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:05,227
"of the primordial seas afroth
491
00:20:05,229 --> 00:20:06,946
"with the first stirrings
of life,
492
00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:09,649
"infinite in mystery
and miracle.
493
00:20:09,651 --> 00:20:11,033
"Forever yours,
494
00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:13,519
"the guy you met
at the drugstore an hour ago.
495
00:20:13,521 --> 00:20:15,538
"I heard you give your address
to the pharmacist
496
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:18,190
while I was buying foot powder."
497
00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:20,376
Yeah.
498
00:20:25,198 --> 00:20:27,049
Mailed it.
499
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,422
No! No! No, no!
500
00:20:51,158 --> 00:20:56,158
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man35689
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