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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,508 - Thanks for meeting, all right? 2 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,343 I know everyone's busy, and we've been trying 3 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,178 to make this happen for a while. 4 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,972 The reason you're all here 5 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,517 is because I am a big fan of your content. 6 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:23,189 One of you has the chance to be our next new breakthrough star 7 00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:26,484 of our "Based on a True Story" spinoff. 8 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,279 Now, I'm looking for someone that America can relate to. 9 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,156 We need a sad story... 10 00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:34,200 Maybe cancer, maybe a dead sister. 11 00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:36,494 Just think, like, "American Idol." 12 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:37,662 Go. 13 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,122 - My parents died in a car accident. 14 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,307 - Ooh, ooh, ooh. - I have diabetes. 15 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:42,000 - My mom abused me. 16 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,418 [together] Me too. Me too. 17 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,879 - Yeah, well, I mean, guys, no surprise there, right? 18 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,923 [phone rings] If, uh... hey, I am so sorry. 19 00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:50,633 One second. 20 00:00:50,675 --> 00:00:51,676 [clears throat] 21 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:52,886 Oh, hey, how are you? 22 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:54,196 - You fuck! - You fucking psychopath! 23 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,614 - We've been calling you for an hour. 24 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:56,699 - What is wrong with you? - Why aren't you picking up? 25 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,308 We called you ten times in an hour. 26 00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,810 - Guys, guys, guys, one at a time, please, people. 27 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:03,480 - Okay. You said you weren't gonna kill anyone. 28 00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:04,939 - Uh, no. 29 00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:08,151 What I think I said was, I wasn't gonna kill Michelle. 30 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,694 - Oh, my God! 31 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,488 - I don't want to use the word "hero," 32 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:14,407 but she was gonna turn you in. 33 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,992 - What? - How do you know that? 34 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,243 You don't know that. 35 00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,304 - How do you think I know, Nathan? 36 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,371 She told me. 37 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,747 She called the cops. 38 00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,433 - Oh, that's bullshit. You... you know what? 39 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,851 We can't believe a word that you fucking say, Matt. 40 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:24,918 That's the thing. 41 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,103 - Why did you frame me with the dart? 42 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:27,170 - Yeah! 43 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,481 - We're supposed to be partners. 44 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:29,690 - Nathan, if I wanted to frame you, 45 00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:31,275 I'd have dumped her body on Sunset Boulevard, 46 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:32,258 all right? 47 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,468 I just want you to know 48 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,679 that I could frame you if I ever wanted. 49 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,114 - Okay, here's what you're gonna do. 50 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:38,366 You're gonna get your ass over here, 51 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,141 and you're gonna clean this up. 52 00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,268 - Uh... oh, you mean the body? 53 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,770 [clicks tongue] Yeah, no. 54 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:44,979 That's on you guys. 55 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,356 - What... uh, I'm sorry. 56 00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,608 We're not gonna dispose of Ruby's fucking body. 57 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:49,960 Are you out of your mind? - All right, 58 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:52,445 but, uh, she's gonna start to stink up the place, 59 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:55,115 and your new fancy Malibu neighbors 60 00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:58,034 are gonna be up your ass. 61 00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,577 All right, I'm back. 62 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:00,537 So sorry. 63 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,455 Any more trauma? Keep it coming. 64 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:03,557 - Fucker! - Okay. He can't hear us. 65 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:04,541 Just call him back. Call him back. 66 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,127 - Okay, okay. - Oh, my God. 67 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,545 Oh, my God. 68 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:09,814 [phone rings] - Guys, keep 'em coming. 69 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:10,797 Write 'em down. 70 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:11,923 I'll be one sec. 71 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:13,883 Hello. 72 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,486 - Um, we can't... - No, we can't do this. 73 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,053 Please, you have to come help us. 74 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:18,447 We can't do this. - Please, Matt, please. Please. 75 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,473 - Ah, Jesus Christ. 76 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,225 It's like dealing with children. 77 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:23,727 All right, fine. 78 00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,937 Meet me at your place in an hour. 79 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:26,938 - Our place? No, we're not... 80 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:27,897 We're not meeting at our place. 81 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,149 Absolutely not, no. 82 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,483 - It's totally cool. 83 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:33,361 I'll just... I'll hang with Tory. 84 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,529 - What? - Uh, no. 85 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,823 - No. - You will not hang with Tory. 86 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:37,866 - Don't be late. 87 00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:40,243 Bring the body. 88 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,121 - Oh, my God. 89 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,415 - We're fucked. 90 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:48,209 [suspenseful music] 91 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,794 - Okay. 92 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:56,760 ♪ ♪ 93 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,313 [sighs] She's gonna be okay. 94 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,415 He's not gonna do anything. 95 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:16,571 ♪ ♪ 96 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,040 Try her again. - I'm calling. 97 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,458 [line trilling] 98 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,669 - Hi, it's Tory. Leave a message. 99 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,212 - Voice mail again. Oh, my God. 100 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,797 He's gonna kill her. - He's not. 101 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,048 Don't say that. 102 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,068 He's not gonna... he's not going to kill her, okay? 103 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,093 - He's gonna kill her. 104 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,427 [horn honks] - Move! 105 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:46,601 ♪ ♪ 106 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:51,832 - Got the keys? - Yeah. Let's go. 107 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,358 - Okay. Okay. 108 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,610 Okay, okay. All right. 109 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,444 Come on. 110 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:59,531 ♪ ♪ 111 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:00,573 - Tory. - Tory? 112 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,950 - Tory? Hey. - Tory. 113 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,076 - Tory. 114 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:05,370 All: Surprise! 115 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:08,289 Happy anniversary! 116 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,166 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. Hi. 117 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,168 - Oh, my God, hi! - Hey. 118 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,211 - Are you surprised? 119 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,879 - Yes! - Ah, what a surprise. 120 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,339 [indistinct chatter] 121 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,716 - How you doing, buddy? - Hey. 122 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,719 - Oh, my God, yes, I almost gave birth. 123 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:24,180 - We got you so good. - We got you good. 124 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,282 - Okay, wait, get together. 125 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:26,558 Smile. 126 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,268 Cute. Say "ten years." 127 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:29,269 - Yeah, you can frame that. - Cute. 128 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,770 - Oh, my God. 129 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,039 - I don't know what he said to get you guys here, 130 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,524 but he guaranteed it would be on the dot. 131 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:35,734 - I kept my promise, right? 132 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,068 - What did he say to you guys? 133 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,611 - Oh, you don't want to know. - Yeah. 134 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,405 - It was crazy. - It was crazy. 135 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,115 Yeah. Yeah. - We had to race here. 136 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,283 - You know what? 137 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:44,492 You're gonna get me back. 138 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,286 - We sure are, yeah. 139 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:47,954 - I have to pee. 140 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,164 - Guys... - Yes. 141 00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,123 - Thank you. - And then this is gonna be... 142 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,332 We're gonna party. 143 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,476 - What a night we're gonna have here. 144 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,877 Thank you, everybody, for coming. 145 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,128 I'm gonna be right back. 146 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:57,464 - Oh, hi. Look at you. - Hey, great to see you. 147 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,090 - What are we gonna do? 148 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,342 - We act normal. 149 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,468 - Oh, act normal. - Yeah. 150 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:02,635 - Okay, cool. 151 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,304 Act normal with Ruby's fucking body 152 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,890 in the trunk of our car? 153 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,016 - Fucking nuts. 154 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,142 - How did he know? 155 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,560 How did he know that she knew? 156 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,811 - I have no idea. 157 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,563 - Like, I... - Hey, guys. 158 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,333 - Get out there right now and take care of the body. 159 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:16,983 - Hey, it's a party. 160 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:20,320 - Get your ass out there right now and fucking fix this. 161 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,654 - Guys, I really think 162 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:22,882 you need to fix this yourselves. 163 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:23,740 - Yeah? 164 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,993 - And when you do... bonus... 165 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,954 I figured out how we can protect the spinoff 166 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,123 from the woke police. Both: What? 167 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,501 - We're gonna make the spinoff inclusive. 168 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:35,978 - Okay, I can't talk about this right now. 169 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,838 - Hey, would you just hear me out? 170 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:39,839 Thank you. 171 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,341 Right, so what we're gonna do is, 172 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:42,509 we're gonna give a voice 173 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,594 to the marginalized serial killers... 174 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,388 The BIPOC killers, the disabled killers. 175 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,391 We are gonna take their voice, and we're gonna raise it up. 176 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:50,743 - Marginalized serial killers? - Mm-hmm. 177 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,060 - Are you fucking insane? 178 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,621 Where would you even find those people? 179 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:54,729 - We have a chat room. 180 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,082 It's kind of like an affinity group. 181 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,375 - Huh, 'cause it kind of sounds like 182 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,733 a forum for terrible people. 183 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,360 - It's a safe space where 184 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,529 people can trade stories, talk craft. 185 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,614 - Dead body right in the fucking driveway. 186 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,075 - You have lost your mind. 187 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,118 - Really? 188 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,553 Because I've already had some Zooms, 189 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,496 and the response is amazing. 190 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,373 - Oh, my God, you've... You've had some Zooms? 191 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,708 That's so great. 192 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,060 Did you guys also make some TikTok videos, 193 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,395 you and your little killer friends? 194 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:18,378 Do a little couple dances together? 195 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,504 Let me tell you something. 196 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,648 There's not gonna be a spinoff. 197 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:21,899 There's not gonna be a universe. 198 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,192 Nothing. - All right, fine, fine. 199 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,301 All right, fine. Fine. 200 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,362 You don't have to do it. - Great. 201 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,303 - All right. - Fantastic. 202 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,304 - Yeah, I don't need you. 203 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,514 I'll do it on my own. 204 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:30,515 - What? - What? 205 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,017 - The hell you will. 206 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,059 This was my idea. 207 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,061 I created this podcast. 208 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,980 ♪ ♪ 209 00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:39,274 - I am the podcast. 210 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,109 - Hey, guys? - Hey, Tory. 211 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,110 - Hey, Tor. 212 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,236 - Hi. 213 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,113 Um, someone crashed the party. 214 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,281 - What? 215 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,575 [indistinct chatter] 216 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,327 [clears throat] 217 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:55,248 - Hey, here's the happy couple. 218 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,167 [laughs] 219 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,544 Can I talk to you outside? 220 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:00,587 - Yeah. 221 00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:02,505 [tense music] 222 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,090 Sure. 223 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:09,637 ♪ ♪ 224 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,537 - I don't know what you're doing here. 225 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,437 - Yeah. - You weren't invited. 226 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:18,521 - I know. 227 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,440 I know, and look, I totally get it. 228 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,402 I just thought that we've been friends so long... 229 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,360 - Give me a fucking break. 230 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,527 You shot my dog, Simon. 231 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:25,653 - No, I know. 232 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,614 And I am really, really sorry. 233 00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,091 - Are you sorry you put a gun to my head? 234 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,533 Sorry about that? 235 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,369 - I can't even believe that I did that. 236 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,412 It's like... - The fuck is wrong with you? 237 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,747 - I think I just fucking lost it. 238 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,833 And this whole open marriage bullshit, 239 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,795 it's just... it's just been eating away at me, Nathan. 240 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:44,798 And I... I just... like, I... 241 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,716 I think I was just doing it to be cool. 242 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,093 And I'm not. 243 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,135 It's just not me. 244 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,220 - I don't care. 245 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,097 - Thank God Ruby and I worked it out. 246 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,640 [tense music] 247 00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,058 - You worked it out? 248 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,102 - Yeah. Oh, yeah, we're doing great. 249 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,771 Just had to hit reset, and she's gonna come here. 250 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,106 She'll tell you. 251 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,947 But we're not gonna fuck around on each other. 252 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,485 We got a new dog, Duke Jr. 253 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:06,945 - Are you kidding me? Duke Jr.? 254 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,030 You can't just pretend this didn't happen. 255 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:10,257 - Oh... - You shouldn't be here. 256 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,676 You weren't invited. - Okay, I get it. 257 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,118 - You should leave, okay? - No... 258 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,637 - 'Cause I'm starting to get really fucking pissed off, 259 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,578 Simon. - Okay, no, no, no, no, no. 260 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,122 Let me make this up to you. 261 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,666 Uh, I'll get a house in Belize, 262 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,085 and we'll get the whole gang together, you know? We'll... 263 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,963 - Yeah, that's the thing about you, Simon. 264 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,633 You think you're better than me, but you're not. 265 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,846 [cell phone ringing] 266 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,267 - You hear that? 267 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,769 - No. 268 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:40,729 - Is that a phone? 269 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:41,771 - What? 270 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,440 I don't hear anything. 271 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:46,359 [ringing continues] 272 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,487 - That... there's a phone. 273 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,031 It's, uh... - I don't think so. 274 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,034 Maybe it's coming from across the street? 275 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,452 - No, it's definitely not. 276 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,870 It's definitely, uh... 277 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,205 [ringing continues] 278 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,332 it's definitely coming from in here. 279 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:03,960 Yeah. Let's open it. 280 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,545 You got the keys? - They're inside. 281 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,921 Hey, don't worry about it. 282 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,524 - Whoa, what if somebody's trapped inside? 283 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,342 Get the keys. - Hey, hey, look. 284 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,802 You know what? 285 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,804 Let's put that stuff in the past, okay? 286 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,348 You and I are cool. 287 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,141 Come back inside. - Really? 288 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:20,935 - Yeah, we are... We're totally cool. 289 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,103 Let's put it behind us. 290 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,146 - Oh. 291 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,357 - I've done some crazy shit too. 292 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,816 - Yeah. 293 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,610 - [groans] 294 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,320 [sighs] 295 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,821 - What about the prenatal classes? 296 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,198 How are they? - You know what? 297 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,449 I never went. 298 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,450 - Girl... - Yeah, no. 299 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,826 - But it's, like, showtime. 300 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,995 - Well, um, kind of. Not really. 301 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,122 - Well, look, has anyone told you about the guy? 302 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,707 - The who? - The shit guy. 303 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,542 - The shit guy. - The what? 304 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,853 - No, I mean, you're gonna shit on the table, 305 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,170 and that's okay. - Okay, quiet. 306 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,023 - He's gonna wipe it... - Okay, guys, you know... 307 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,925 - And the diapers, the big, giant vagina diapers. 308 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,301 - Oh, huge. - All right, 309 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,362 you know what, guys? Maybe we can stop talking... 310 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:55,512 - With the ice inside. 311 00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,222 - It's like a snowman is going down you. 312 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,641 - Your pussy is gonna be on ice for weeks, months. 313 00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,184 - Well, this is a great party. 314 00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,870 - You got a guy in the kitchen putting edibles up his ass. 315 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,437 - Right up his ass. - Oh, my God. 316 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,523 - I would do that. 317 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,149 Uh, give me one second, okay? 318 00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:09,859 Bye. 319 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,277 We're not ready for this, baby. 320 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,713 - Ruby's phone is ringing in the trunk. 321 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,780 - What? 322 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,532 - Yes, come on. 323 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,033 - Seriously? 324 00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,994 You left her phone in her pocket in the car? 325 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,329 Are you nuts? - I'm sorry. 326 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,890 It's my first time dealing with a dead body. 327 00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:25,041 - Oh, my God. 328 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,376 Oh, God, I can't look at her. 329 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,919 ♪ ♪ 330 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,463 - Okay, how do you turn this fucking thing off? 331 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:31,756 - Don't turn it off. 332 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,800 - The cops can fucking track us. 333 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,069 - I'm sure this thing has been pinging 334 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,720 every cell tower since we left Malibu. 335 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:37,971 We'll deal with that later. 336 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,448 We have to see if Matt's telling us the truth. 337 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,640 - Okay. 338 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:41,701 Well, do you have the code? 339 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,059 - Uh, no. 340 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,286 - All right, well, what do you want to do? 341 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,396 - Oh, my God. 342 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:47,480 Uh... 343 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,024 okay, okay. 344 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:52,110 Just, uh... oh, my God, move her face towards me. 345 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,862 - Okay. 346 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,282 - Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. 347 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,700 Oh, it worked. - It worked. 348 00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:01,036 - Okay. All right, I'm gonna check if anyone's called. 349 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,456 Uh, unknown caller. 350 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,249 There's a voice mail seven minutes ago. 351 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,668 - Play it. - Okay. Okay. 352 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,254 - Now, this is a message for Ruby Gale. 353 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,214 Detective Quincy Burrell of the LAPD 354 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,425 Westside Ripper Task Force returning your call. 355 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,260 - Oh, my God. - It sounds like you have 356 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,362 very relevant information. - Shit. 357 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,387 - She did call! 358 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,221 She was gonna turn us in! 359 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,598 - Here's my personal cell. 360 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:22,849 310-700... 361 00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,059 - What did she tell them? 362 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,894 - Fuck. - 5647. 363 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,771 - Fucking mother... Relevant information? 364 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,231 What kind of fucking relevant information do they have? 365 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,776 - She was gonna make baby an orphan. 366 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,819 - What are you guys doing? 367 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,821 - Hey. 368 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,448 Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off. 369 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:41,326 Yeah, we're coming! 370 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,789 [glass dinging] 371 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,207 - Okay, speech time. 372 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,126 Everybody come in from the kitchen, please. 373 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,712 - God, I love a speech. 374 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,047 - [clears throat] 375 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,007 - You know, you're a fucking asshole. 376 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,343 You left the fucking phone on her on purpose. 377 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,427 - Yeah. 378 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,613 I wanted to throw you in the deep end, 379 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:01,888 see if you could swim. 380 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,098 - Guys, shut the fuck up. 381 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,557 - Simon was out there. 382 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,642 What if he saw something? 383 00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:07,185 What if he knows her fucking ringtone? 384 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,104 - Well, then we take care of Simon. 385 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:11,898 - When does this end? 386 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,567 - Well, that's the beauty of it. 387 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,403 Never ends. 388 00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:21,074 - All right, okay. 389 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:24,703 So I don't really know if anybody knows this, 390 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:30,083 but Ava and Nathan kind of saved my life. 391 00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:35,005 Um, our mom died when I was 10, 392 00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:39,300 and Ava was living out here with Nathan. 393 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:45,056 And I got stuck with my dad and step-monster in Chicago, 394 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:49,686 and I kind of wanted to blow my brains out. 395 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,647 So I called Ava, 396 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:57,027 and she drove cross-country, 397 00:12:57,068 --> 00:13:01,281 picked me up, and brought me here. 398 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:05,910 She and Nathan gave me a life and a home 399 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:09,622 and a family. 400 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:14,252 You guys always looked out for me, 401 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:20,133 and that baby is so lucky to have you guys as parents. 402 00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:22,135 Seriously. 403 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,386 Am I right? 404 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,972 All: Yes. 405 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,432 - I love you. 406 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,808 - Love you. 407 00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:31,227 Thank you. [laughs] 408 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:34,814 - Happy 10-year anniversary 409 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:37,442 to Ava and Nathan. 410 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,694 [together] To Ava and Nathan. 411 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,029 - Ow, ow! 412 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,989 - All right, let's party. [bottle pops] 413 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,491 - Bye. Thank you. - Yeah, take care. 414 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,385 Thank you. Hey, buddy. Thanks... thanks for coming. 415 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:47,887 - Bye. Thank you so much. - Oh, buddy. 416 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,871 - Bye. Too many ass gummies. 417 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,098 - They are really kicking in now. 418 00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:52,165 - Wow. - Nathan. 419 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,500 - You okay to drive? - Yep. 420 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,794 - We'll see. 421 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,045 - All right. 422 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,838 - Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 423 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,882 - Guys? 424 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,176 I got you an anniversary present. 425 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:06,262 [foreboding music] 426 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:13,436 ♪ ♪ 427 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,572 Have fun. 428 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:29,869 ♪ ♪ 429 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,996 [elevator dings] 430 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:35,625 - Okay. 431 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,252 - Okay. Come on, let's go. 432 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:44,426 ♪ ♪ 433 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:08,450 ♪ ♪ 434 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,330 - Thank God for the pickleballers. 435 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:19,711 ♪ ♪ 436 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:27,344 - [grunting] 437 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,351 - Are you sure this is okay? 438 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:38,480 - Yeah, they're gonna cement it tomorrow. 439 00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,316 Cameras haven't worked here in years, so it's perfect. 440 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,280 [sighs] 441 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,866 [grunts] 442 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:52,494 - How come we never talk about the baby? 443 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,996 - We talk about the baby. 444 00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,540 - Uh, no, we don't. 445 00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,669 We haven't even bought anything for this little human. 446 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,046 I mean, we don't have a stroller 447 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,382 or car seats, diapers... nothing. 448 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,051 Don't you think that's a little bit weird? 449 00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:11,012 - I guess. 450 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,098 Uh... 451 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,432 I mean, I'm super excited. 452 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,395 [gentle music] 453 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:21,189 But I'm fucking terrified. 454 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,982 [sighs] 455 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,818 - Yeah, me too. 456 00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:27,529 - [laughs] 457 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:31,700 I just want to be a good dad. 458 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,536 I don't wanna let you down. 459 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:37,038 - You could never let me down. 460 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,708 - Ava, come on, you've been... 461 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,584 You've been so excited these last few months. 462 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:45,547 You're so... you're so alive. 463 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:48,091 It's because we're finally getting somewhere, right? 464 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,342 - Yeah, but for me, 465 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,052 it was never about getting somewhere. 466 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:54,431 It was about being together, 467 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:57,142 connecting again like we used to, you know? 468 00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,020 That's literally all I ever wanted. 469 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,355 ♪ ♪ 470 00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:03,857 - That's all I wanted. 471 00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:08,361 ♪ ♪ 472 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,446 Let's do this. 473 00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:12,449 [tense music] 474 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:15,201 ♪ ♪ 475 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,911 - Wow. - [grunts] 476 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:19,497 ♪ ♪ 477 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,416 - Oh, God, good job. 478 00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:24,794 ♪ ♪ 479 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:25,837 [groans] 480 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,636 [sighs] 481 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,476 You know, we... we met 482 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:42,145 at a party for Taylor Lautner. 483 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,813 We were so young. 484 00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,982 She was just, like, the coolest girl in the room. 485 00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:47,484 Everyone wanted to be around her, 486 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,569 but we just... I don't know. 487 00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:52,197 We just, like, bonded and sat in a corner 488 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,782 and drank all night. 489 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:57,035 And she was the most adorable, the most fun. 490 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,079 - And the one that was gonna turn us in. 491 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:05,293 ♪ ♪ 492 00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,878 - Hey, where's the dart? 493 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:11,675 - [gasping] Ahh! 494 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,176 - Ahh! - [screaming] 495 00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,344 - Fuck! 496 00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:16,221 - Oh, God! 497 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,305 No, don't! 498 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:18,932 [thudding] 499 00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:19,974 - Ahh! 500 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,019 - [screaming] 501 00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:25,105 - Nathan? 502 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,815 [groaning] 503 00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,858 Ruby, no, no. Ruby, no, please! 504 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,527 Ruby, Ruby, please. I'm so sorry. 505 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,195 Please, please. - Oh, please don't. 506 00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:34,197 - Ruby, I'm so sorry. Ruby, no, no, no, no, no. 507 00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:35,365 Ruby, no, no, no, please. 508 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,200 Please, please, my baby. 509 00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:38,952 - Fuck the baby. 510 00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,578 Ah! 511 00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,540 Yes! Yes! 512 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:48,128 The hot bitch wins for fucking once! 513 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,421 And you know what? 514 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,589 I'm gonna create my own podcast, 515 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,341 and it's gonna be called 516 00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:55,719 "How My Shitty-Ass Friends Protected 517 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,347 "a Fucking Serial Killer and Ended Up in a Ditch 518 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,433 Instead of Me," okay? 519 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,769 Fuck you! 520 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,775 - She looks so peaceful. 521 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,446 - [sighs] 522 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,072 - Oh, God, oh, God. 523 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:17,240 [thudding] 524 00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,992 - Okay. 525 00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:21,953 [gentle music] 526 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:28,585 ♪ ♪ 527 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,004 Anything else you want to say? 528 00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,757 - Yeah, hurry up. 529 00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,092 We got a lot of cleanup to do. 530 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:39,095 [dark music] 531 00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:46,061 ♪ ♪ 532 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:12,420 [ominous music] 533 00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:19,594 ♪ ♪ 534 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,477 - [gasps] 535 00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:34,651 ♪ ♪ 536 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,292 [objects clattering] 537 00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:52,335 - How long have we got? 538 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:53,670 - I don't know. 539 00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,463 They're having a sexy hotel night. 540 00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,340 - That's perfect. 541 00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,844 ♪ ♪ 542 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,555 - Hey, we've gotta tell them sometime. 543 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,390 - We will. 544 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:10,270 ♪ ♪ 545 00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:12,981 Oh, God, this dress. 546 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,153 - What about the name Jack for a boy? 547 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,989 - I like that. - I know. I do too. 548 00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:23,700 It's, like, very old-school, rock and roll, classic. 549 00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:25,035 What up, Jack? - Yeah. 550 00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,387 Hey, what's up, Jack? - What's up, Jack? 551 00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,579 - Jack Nicholson. 552 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,705 - That's a cool kid. 553 00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:30,415 - Jack Kerouac, Jack London. 554 00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:31,624 - Like it. - Yeah. 555 00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,543 - Mm-hmm. 556 00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:35,337 - And what if it's a girl? 557 00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:37,589 - I like the name Ellie. 558 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:38,673 - Oh, Ellie. 559 00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:39,674 - Do you like that one? 560 00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,719 - Ellie or Jack. 561 00:21:42,761 --> 00:21:43,803 I love it. 562 00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:46,973 - Yeah, me too. It's sweet. 563 00:21:47,015 --> 00:21:48,641 - [gasps] 564 00:21:48,683 --> 00:21:51,061 ♪ ♪ 565 00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:53,563 - Oh... 566 00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:55,315 whose blood is that? 567 00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:56,733 [Betty Hutton's "Murder, He Says"] 568 00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:58,401 - [laughs] 569 00:21:58,443 --> 00:22:01,112 - ♪ He says murder, he says, every time we kiss ♪ 570 00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:04,491 ♪ He says murder, he says, at a time like this ♪ 571 00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:06,493 ♪ He says murder, he says ♪ 572 00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:10,830 ♪ Is that the language of love? ♪ 573 00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:14,292 ♪ He says, solid, he says, takes me in his arms ♪ 574 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:17,671 ♪ And says, solid, he says, meaning all my charms ♪ 575 00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:20,256 ♪ He says, solid, he says ♪ 576 00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:24,344 ♪ Is that the language of love? ♪ 577 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,763 ♪ He says hep hep with helium ♪ 578 00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:28,473 ♪ Now babe we're cookin' ♪ 579 00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:31,434 ♪ He sounds like his uppers don't fit ♪ 580 00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:35,271 ♪ He says murder ♪ 581 00:22:35,313 --> 00:22:37,941 ♪ And the ways he says murder ♪ 582 00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:41,736 ♪ In that impossible tone ♪ 583 00:22:41,778 --> 00:22:46,157 ♪ I've told him over and over and over again ♪ 584 00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:49,744 ♪ That it'll be nobody else's murder, boy ♪ 585 00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:55,041 ♪ But his own ♪ 586 00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:57,168 both: Nice shot, Dad. 39054

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