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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:23,182 ANNOUNCER: Starring Lucille Ball. 2 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,920 Costarring Gale Gordon. 3 00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:55,355 Battle stations! 4 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,513 (screams) 5 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:03,389 Well, a fine sailor you'd make. 6 00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,863 Mr. Mooney! 7 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:09,060 Lieutenant Commander Mooney, USNR. 8 00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:10,932 You joined the Navy? 9 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,972 No, no. 10 00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:15,473 But I've been in the Reserve for years. 11 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:15,802 Oh! 12 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:18,340 Yes, I'm in this uniform because I report for duty today. 13 00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:21,312 You mean you're leaving the bank? 14 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,145 Oh, don't get your hopes up. 15 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,845 No, I'm just going on a two-week's training cruise. 16 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:28,853 Oh. 17 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,481 But I shall return. 18 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:32,854 Oh, good. 19 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,791 Mm-hmm. Meanwhile, when I'm gone, 20 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,658 I want this office kept shipshape. 21 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,595 - You understand that, sailor?! - Yes, sir. 22 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,098 All right, then. Let's start 23 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,134 with a clean sweep-down fore and aft! 24 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,269 How's that? 25 00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:44,828 Pick up the letters! 26 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:46,270 Oh! 27 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:13,626 May I remind you that you are using 28 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,668 my dress sword?! 29 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,065 Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir. 30 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,298 I'm sorry. 31 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:26,176 You know, Mr. Mooney, you look very handsome 32 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,009 and very distinguished in that uniform. 33 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,777 - So manly. -Thank you. 34 00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:32,351 What a change. 35 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,886 Hmm? 36 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,819 (mouthing): I mean... 37 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:39,688 I know what you mean. 38 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,795 My wife said the same thing. 39 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:44,591 Well, you do look very military. 40 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,200 What did you get that ribbon for? 41 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,202 Uh, that's the, uh, victory medal. 42 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:53,330 Oh, you know, you're so modest. 43 00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,499 You never even told me you were in the war. 44 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,873 Mrs. Carmichael, there are some things 45 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,378 a man doesn't like to talk about. 46 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,415 Oh, I understand. 47 00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:04,643 Don't you say another word. 48 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:08,085 But... 49 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:12,454 there were times when things got pretty rough out there. 50 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,686 They sent us to do a job, and we did it. 51 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,319 Fighting men and fighting ships! 52 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:17,487 Mm-hmm. 53 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,691 Ah, yes, I remember once on the sub... 54 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,462 - On the sub? - The submarine. 55 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,332 You were on a submarine? 56 00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,837 Oh, yes, yes... 57 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:29,067 The, uh, SS... uh, uh, Porpoise. 58 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,939 Yes. 59 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,843 Once in the South Pacific, I had the con on the dog watch. 60 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,506 Suddenly, my sharp eyes caught a glimpse of the enemy fleet... 61 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,846 Did I panic?! No. 62 00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:40,954 I sounded the alarm for a crash dive. 63 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:44,024 I gave the order for periscope depth and we closed for battle. 64 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:46,353 I zeroed in on an enemy ship. 65 00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:49,327 "Fire one!" 66 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:52,228 I ordered calmly. 67 00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:54,197 "Torpedo away!" came the answer. 68 00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:56,462 A moment later, we heard her hit home! 69 00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,003 We surfaced! 70 00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:01,233 I rushed to the bridge, manned the machine gun 71 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:02,518 and began firing at the enemy aircraft. 72 00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:03,737 (typewriter clattering) 73 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,815 Got him! 74 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,180 You got it? 75 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,584 Well! Boy! 76 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:18,385 Oh, are you going to command the same ship this time? 77 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,153 Command? 78 00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,660 Oh, uh, well, you know how the Navy is. 79 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,857 Experience doesn't really count for anything. 80 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,935 No, I'm just going to be another fighting man 81 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:33,131 assigned to a dreary desk. 82 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,970 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Mr. Mooney. 83 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,109 That doesn't seem fair. 84 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,805 Well, that's the way it goes. 85 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,107 Well, I'd better get things squared away 86 00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,614 around here before I shove off. 87 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,911 Yes, Mr. Cheever called and said to be sure and sign 88 00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:46,531 the Wilson trust papers before you go. 89 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:47,586 They're very important. 90 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,781 Oh, yes. Well, you get them for me, please. 91 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,346 Yes, sir. They're right here in this safe. 92 00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:51,567 Good. 93 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:54,493 Mr. Mooney, couldn't you apply for a transfer 94 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,221 to a fighting ship? 95 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,094 Well, uh, uh, that would take too much time. 96 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:00,232 LUCY: Oh. 97 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,325 But, if they need me, I'm ready. 98 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,633 I'm gonna run that desk like a taut ship. 99 00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:07,570 There'll be no goldbricking in my office! 100 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:10,370 When I give an order, those sailors are going to hop to it! 101 00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:12,069 And stand at attention 102 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,238 when you're being addressed by a superior officer! 103 00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:15,381 Yes, sir! 104 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:16,747 All right, now get those papers! 105 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:18,476 - Yes, sir. -Fast! 106 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,378 There they are, sir. 107 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:22,750 - Mrs. Carmichael? - Yes, sir. 108 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,256 Where you raised in a barn? 109 00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,361 No, sir, I was raised in Jamestown... 110 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,087 Then close that safe! 111 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,229 Oh, yes, sir. 112 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,239 You bent my sword. 113 00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:47,475 I'm terribly sorry. 114 00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:48,946 I'll fix it. Here. 115 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,082 Never mind! 116 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,327 You've done enough damage already! 117 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,115 I can straighten it out for you, Mr. Mooney. 118 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,449 - Morning, Ted. - Oh, hello, Bill. 119 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:56,921 BILL: You ready to go? 120 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,218 Well, just about. Yes, sir. 121 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,136 Just ab... Oh, this is my secretary, Mrs. Carmichael. 122 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,404 Mrs. Carmichael, Commander Moore. 123 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,588 - How do you do, sir? - How do you do, Mrs. Carmichael? 124 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,929 I just stopped by to take Ted down to the base. 125 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,159 Oh, how nice. 126 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,860 Did you get assigned to a dreary desk job, too? 127 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,232 No, not exactly. 128 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:15,399 Mrs. Carmichael, he is the commander of a submarine. 129 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,011 Oh, wonderful, wonderful. 130 00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,555 Don't you think it's terrible what they did 131 00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,139 to Mr. Mooney after all of his years of experience? 132 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,341 What's this? 133 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:26,214 Ne-ne-never mind, Mrs. Carmichael. 134 00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:29,084 Now don't be modest. 135 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,590 Didn't he tell you what he did on his ship during the war? 136 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:33,887 Ship? 137 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:37,794 I thought you were the housing officer in Wichita. 138 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:44,102 Well, uh, yes, uh... for a while. 139 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,229 Just outside of Wichita. (stammers) 140 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:52,437 But he was also a real fighting man on a fighting ship! 141 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,639 - On a submarine. - (groans) 142 00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:57,751 You never told me any of this, Ted. 143 00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,250 I know! I know I didn't. 144 00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:02,185 Commander, there are certain things 145 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,223 that a man doesn't like to talk about. 146 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:08,557 Well, a man with your experience 147 00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,129 shouldn't be tied down to a desk. 148 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,356 That's what I say. 149 00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,990 You keep out of this. 150 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,161 I-I may be able to pull some strings 151 00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:18,795 and get you down in my submarine. 152 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,238 Down in a...? Oh! 153 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,742 Well, now, I wouldn't want to put you to any trouble. 154 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,312 I... Well, I mean to say, uh, 155 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,446 they may be shorthanded down at the housing office. 156 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:29,505 They may need me. 157 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:30,649 Oh, nonsense. 158 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,650 Any oddball can handle that job. 159 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,183 That's right, Mr. Mooney. 160 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,963 Let them get another oddball for that job. 161 00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,154 You deserve to be on active service. 162 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,820 Now you go with the commander 163 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,764 and do what's best for the United States Navy. 164 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,165 I'll take care of everything here. 165 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,235 You already have. 166 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,634 Thank you. Thank you. 167 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:53,239 Well, Ted, let's shove off 168 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,205 and get some water over our heads. 169 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:56,742 Bye, Mrs. Carmichael. 170 00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,504 Bye, Commander. Nice knowing you. 171 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,204 - Thank you. - Good luck, sir. 172 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,216 Good-bye, Mr. Mooney. 173 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:07,947 I'll see you when I get back. 174 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,216 If I get back. 175 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,018 (phone rings) 176 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,924 Mr. Mooney's office. 177 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,120 Oh, yes, Mr. Cheever. 178 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:49,922 No, sir. 179 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,258 He's just left, sir. 180 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:54,527 The Wilson pa... The Wilson papers? 181 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,795 Uh, oh, yes. 182 00:08:56,936 --> 00:08:58,370 Uh, yes, yes, sir, 183 00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,440 I know how important they are, sir. 184 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,218 Yes, sir. You'll have them right away, sir. 185 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,710 Yes, sir. 186 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:06,278 He forgot to sign the papers! 187 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,779 I put 'em in here. 188 00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,746 What's that combination? 189 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,318 32... 32 to the right... 190 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,921 SENTRY: Okay... Okay... 191 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,084 Halt! 192 00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:24,976 Sorry, ma'am, nobody's allowed on the base without a pass. 193 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,862 But my boss is in there 194 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,469 and I have some very important papers that he has to sign. 195 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:30,661 Sorry, ma'am. 196 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,171 But if I don't get these papers to my boss, 197 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,433 I'll be in a lot of trouble. 198 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,769 I may even get fired. 199 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,810 Look, lady, if I let you in, 200 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,778 I may be fired... by a firing squad. 201 00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:46,119 - Jones, William. -Okay. 202 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,089 Mister, please. 203 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,693 Look, I'm not a spy. 204 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:56,456 Cross my heart. 205 00:09:56,596 --> 00:10:00,260 If I was a spy, I'd have on some sort of a disguise. 206 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,494 Maybe even dye my hair. 207 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,438 I mean a real crazy color. 208 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,237 Now, look, I've just gotta get these papers signed. 209 00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:12,811 I'll only be in there for a few minutes, Captain. 210 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,437 Seaman, ma'am. 211 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,345 And not without a pass. 212 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,544 - Anthony, Larry. - Okay. 213 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,314 - Rush, Jerry. -Okay. 214 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,980 - James, Chuck. - Okay. 215 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,214 - Hokinut, Gerald. - Okay. 216 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,189 - Lamby, Alex. -Okay. 217 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,326 (deep voice): Club, Auto. 218 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,362 Okay. 219 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,226 Club, Auto. 220 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,161 Auto Club?! 221 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:54,238 Atten-hut! 222 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,372 As you were. 223 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:59,748 Well, Bill, that was mighty fine chow. 224 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,184 Thank you. 225 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:05,486 However, I hope your boat is in better shape than your coffee. 226 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,321 (laughs) Thank you. I hope so, sir. 227 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,020 Oh, may I present my executive officer, Commander Mooney. 228 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,529 Oh, how do you do, Commander? 229 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,896 Mooney hasn't been aboard the sub in some time. 230 00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:18,664 Really? Part of the mothball Navy, huh? 231 00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:21,104 Well, Commander, you should have been at luncheon with us. 232 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,336 We had some fried oysters... 233 00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,239 We had some, uh, pork chops... 234 00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,746 some banana cream pie. 235 00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:36,288 But I imagine you're very anxious to get underway. 236 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,721 Aren't we underway yet? 237 00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:42,324 Well, I hope not. 238 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,794 I have to get off first. 239 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,660 BILL: Yes. (chuckles) 240 00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,391 Well, let's get on with the inspection. 241 00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:48,967 Yes, sir. Mooney... 242 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,646 - Yes, sir. - Prepare to get underway. 243 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:51,670 Ye... Me?! 244 00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:53,864 Uh, do you want me... Uh, ye-ye-yes, sir. 245 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,873 Aye, aye, uh, sir. 246 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,773 Well, you heard what the man said. 247 00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:58,775 Prepare to get underway. 248 00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,277 Uh, uh, do the... 249 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:06,347 Oh, Mrs. Carmichael, I owe this all to you. 250 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,684 I hope I never see you again. 251 00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:13,782 Well, I-I didn't mean it quite like that; I mean... 252 00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:23,568 Mr. Mooney. 253 00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,201 What are you doing here? 254 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,537 You forgot to sign the Wilson trust papers. 255 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:31,787 I did... that's right. Yeah! 256 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,336 Yes. Mr. Cheever was very upset. 257 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,757 - Have you got a pen? - Yes, I have. 258 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:35,976 Come on. I'm fine. 259 00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,674 All right. That's good. 260 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,217 - Mooney... - My, he was so upset... 261 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,230 - There, there... it's all there. - I gotta get them right back. 262 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,894 What?! What are you doing in that uniform? 263 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,548 I borrowed it to get through the gate. 264 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,131 If they catch you, they'll shoot you! 265 00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:47,936 Oh, all right, I'll just tell them I'm your secretary 266 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,553 and you invited me aboard. 267 00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:51,006 Oh, in that uniform... That's fine, 268 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,230 then they'll shoot both of us. 269 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,392 Get out of here! Now! 270 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,734 Hurry up! Come on! Go, go, go! 271 00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:06,840 - Mr. Mooney... - Oh... what? 272 00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:09,778 - Bon voyage. - Get out of here! 273 00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,908 BILL: Atten-hut! 274 00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,648 ADMIRAL: As you were. 275 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,051 Now, Bill... 276 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,921 I'm expecting a bigger showing from you this time. 277 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,186 Yes, sir. 278 00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:22,638 Now, this is a very important training maneuver. 279 00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:23,662 Yes, sir. 280 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,407 Anybody on this pig boat expects a promotion 281 00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,957 in the next ten years, they'd better snap to. 282 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,865 - Yes, sir. Mooney! - MOONEY: Yes? 283 00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:31,129 Heard that? Snap to! 284 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,863 - Yes, sir. - All right, men! 285 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,029 Snap to! 286 00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:36,039 You, sailor... that means you! 287 00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:37,295 - Snap to! - MR. MOONEY: Sir! 288 00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:39,778 Snap to, sailor! Get busy, get busy, get busy! 289 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:45,009 (alarms ringing, clanging, whooping) 290 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,004 Secure from General Quarters. 291 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,140 This is the admiral! 292 00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:11,142 Secure from General Quarters! 293 00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:12,973 (alarms stop) 294 00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:13,977 This is the admiral! 295 00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:16,139 Secure from General Quarters! 296 00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:20,309 Up scope. 297 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,652 Oh... 298 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,698 I'm going to keep my eye on this fish. 299 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,767 But Ad-Admiral, I can explain everything! 300 00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:37,200 See, there was a malfunction and (stammering)... oh. 301 00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,271 All right, Mooney. 302 00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:40,885 Well, you heard what the admiral said. 303 00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,318 He's going to be up there on his barge watching this whole show. 304 00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:44,640 And he's got eyes like a hawk. 305 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:45,801 Yeah, but Commander... 306 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,278 I don't want any excuses! I want results! 307 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:50,883 Aye, aye, sir. Yes, sir. 308 00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,508 Oh, this is all your fault. 309 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:53,652 Well, I didn't mean... 310 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:54,897 I don't want excuses, I want results! 311 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:55,786 Yes, sir. 312 00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:56,787 Now, get out of here! 313 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,653 Get out! Get out! Hurry up! 314 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,760 (groaning, muttering) 315 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,555 Whew! Whew! 316 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:04,186 (Mr. Mooney groans) 317 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,129 I can't get it open. 318 00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:18,176 (mocking Lucy): I can't get it open. 319 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,745 Well, I'll open it!! 320 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,557 I've got to get you off here before we shove off! 321 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:22,446 Yes, sir. 322 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,551 Heaven's sake! 323 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:44,365 I think we already shoved off. 324 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,370 Now I've got to hide you somewhere. 325 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,237 If they find you, I will be shot... 326 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,240 Shot?! 327 00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:51,553 For smuggling a woman aboard! 328 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,977 Oh, for heaven's sakes. 329 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,272 Yes, I'll be... not only shot but I'll lose my pension. 330 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,044 Oh, where will I hide? 331 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,343 I don't... Oh, here! In here! 332 00:16:58,417 --> 00:16:59,828 Come through here, come on. Now hurry up. 333 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,946 Ouch! Watch your feet. 334 00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:02,885 What?! Oh! 335 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,081 And your head. 336 00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:06,158 (groans) 337 00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,659 - Where'll I hide in here? - Well, I don't know. 338 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,038 MAN (on intercom): Commander Mooney, 339 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:11,086 report to the chart room. 340 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:12,350 - Chart room? - Where's that? 341 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,330 I don't know where it is. 342 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:14,466 Here! Over here, look! 343 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,060 Wonderful place to hide. Right in there. 344 00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:17,312 - In there? - Yes, come on. Get in there. 345 00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:18,201 - Grab something. - You sure? 346 00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:19,202 Yes, that'll be fine. 347 00:17:19,338 --> 00:17:21,500 That's good. Get in there. 348 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,837 That's fine. Good. 349 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,501 You won't forget me, will you? 350 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,307 Well, of course not. 351 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,974 LUCY: Mr. Mooney! 352 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,852 Now what? 353 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:38,355 What is this I'm hiding in, a garbage chute? 354 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,858 No, it's just a torpedo tube. 355 00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,017 - Torpedo tube! - What? 356 00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:44,528 Get me out of here! Get me out of here! 357 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:45,664 Well, now what...? 358 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:46,961 Please! Hah! Please! 359 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,677 For heaven's... be quiet... Now, look, get over here! 360 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,499 Get in the bunk, and pretend you're a sailor! 361 00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:51,865 Is that a torpedo? 362 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,482 Yes, but don't pay any attention to it... come on. 363 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:54,203 What do you mean don't pay any attention... 364 00:17:54,227 --> 00:17:54,371 Don't... 365 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,032 Get in there, please. Be quiet. 366 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,199 That's it. Get in there! 367 00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:58,654 - Now, you stay. - I don't like it in here. 368 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,044 Shh! 369 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,374 We having trouble, sir? 370 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,813 Oh, uh, no, no. 371 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:07,580 Just one of our new men's a little shy of the torpedoes. 372 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,814 Oh... don't worry about a thing, mate. 373 00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,515 Them are practice torpedoes. 374 00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:12,955 They ain't even loaded. 375 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,092 (loud smack) 376 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:15,237 MAN (on intercom): Commander Mooney, 377 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,991 report to the chart room on the double. 378 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,392 Er, uh... Aye, aye, uh, sir. 379 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,591 Yes, uh... you, uh, 380 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:24,226 you be quiet and remain right there, sailor. 381 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,500 Well, I'm going to get me some sack time 382 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,509 while the getting is good. 383 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:36,810 Yes, sir, don't get a chance to get much sack time around here. 384 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:40,852 I'll tell you one thing, pally, 385 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,615 I sure can't wait till we get a leave. 386 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:47,056 That's the one thing I need, is a nice long leave. 387 00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:51,494 I met a blondie the other night that is really gorgeous. 388 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,362 What do you think? 389 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,500 (wolf whistles) 390 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,867 That's right. 391 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:02,134 Stay in touch with me, pal, because the next time I see her, 392 00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,470 I'll ask her if she's got a good-looking chick for you. 393 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,306 Would you like a date like that? 394 00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:07,845 (wolf whistles) 395 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,642 Oh, boy. 396 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,149 Talking about good-looking chicks, 397 00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:13,980 you should have seen the redhead I spotted 398 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,263 down at the gate this morning. 399 00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:17,813 A real sharp chick, big blue eyes, 400 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:21,826 nice little nose, nice long legs... 401 00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,953 Boy, a swinging chick. 402 00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:28,176 Hey, how would you like a date with something like that? 403 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,192 (wolf whistles) 404 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,500 That's exactly the way I feel. 405 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:35,505 Hey, you know something? 406 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:36,665 (whistles quietly) 407 00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,505 I like you. 408 00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,772 You and I are gonna get along just great. 409 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,142 You're my kind of guy. 410 00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:43,715 You know what you're talking about. 411 00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:49,682 I found a way... oh! 412 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:52,451 Oh, sailor! Report to the radar officer. 413 00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:53,591 - Me, sir? - Yeah. 414 00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:54,659 I'm the cook! 415 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,456 Well, he's hungry! 416 00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:58,086 Come on! On the double! On the double! 417 00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,528 On you go. Go on. That's right. 418 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,143 Now take your gear and get out of here. 419 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,411 - Yes sir. - That's it. Hurry up... 420 00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:03,845 - Hurry up, he's very hungry... - Aye, aye, sir. 421 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,735 Go, go... that's it. Go, go, go... that's fine. 422 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,363 I found a great place for you to hide. Come on. 423 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:09,702 - Where? - Never mind. 424 00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,586 We'll just hurry before they take her down. Come on. 425 00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:12,954 - Take her down? - Yes, we're going to dive. 426 00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,469 Dive! Dive? 427 00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:16,047 Yes, well, now, don't get panicked. 428 00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:17,859 - I'm sca... I'm scared. - There's nothing to panic about. 429 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,061 - Don't be afraid! - I don't want to dive! 430 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,395 - (Klaxon sounding) - MAN (on intercom): Dive! 431 00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:22,979 - Dive?! - MAN: Dive! 432 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,250 (Klaxon sounding) 433 00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:52,742 Come right to zero seven three. 434 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,581 Right... zero seven three. 435 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,364 Remember, Mooney, the admiral's going to be 436 00:20:56,388 --> 00:20:58,200 up there on his barge watching this whole show. 437 00:20:58,224 --> 00:20:59,658 Yes, sir. Yes, sir. 438 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,192 All right, snap to it, you men! 439 00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:02,192 Snap, uh, to it. 440 00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:04,320 Look alive! Uh... there... 441 00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:19,205 What are you doing here? 442 00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,712 - I'm hungry. - Hungry! 443 00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,941 - It's my lunch time. - I... 444 00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,994 COMMANDER: Mooney! Have you checked the forward compartment? 445 00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:26,883 Aye, aye, sir. 446 00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:28,259 - Everything secure? - Aye, sir. 447 00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:30,165 - All right. Keep your men busy. - Aye, aye, sir. 448 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,249 And that means you, sailor. 449 00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:33,702 You keep busy, sailor. Do something! 450 00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:34,887 Do something! Do something! 451 00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:37,895 Not that! Not that. 452 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,329 - What'll I do? - What'll... Here. 453 00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:41,466 Take this. 454 00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,900 Pretend you know how to use it. 455 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,732 MAN (over intercom): Sonar contact, 456 00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:49,069 bearing two three eight relative! 457 00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:50,471 You know, Mooney. 458 00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:52,454 This is the most important torpedo exercise of the year. 459 00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,572 - We've got to make a good showing. - Yes sir. 460 00:21:54,713 --> 00:21:55,578 MAN (on intercom): Sonar contact, 461 00:21:55,714 --> 00:21:58,741 bearing zero nine seven relative. 462 00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:00,910 Going pretty fast. Must be a destroyer. 463 00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:02,521 Oh, yes. 464 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:08,419 Right... Two destroyers on the port beam. 465 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:20,529 Range: 2,500 yards. 466 00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,869 SAILOR: Range 2,500 yards. 467 00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:25,705 Bearing two two four. 468 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:28,542 SAILOR: Bearing two two four. 469 00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:31,708 Destroyers closing. 470 00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,046 There it is, Mooney! 471 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,329 - Our target ship! - (Mr. Mooney gasps) 472 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,015 BILL: This is what we've been waiting for. 473 00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,390 - What are you doing there? - Mopping, sir. 474 00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:41,391 Well, get mopping. 475 00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:42,893 This is a torpedo exercise. 476 00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:44,028 We're about to fire one. 477 00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,189 Fire one? 478 00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:46,390 SAILOR: Fire one! 479 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,398 (torpedo fires) 480 00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:50,469 MAN (on intercom): Number one away! 481 00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:52,799 (over intercom, torpedo burbles through water) 482 00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:56,532 (burbling fades) 483 00:23:02,481 --> 00:23:04,074 We fired one. 484 00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:09,250 (explosion) 485 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,380 We hit something. 486 00:23:13,993 --> 00:23:15,586 The admiral's barge! 487 00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,600 Prepare to surface. 488 00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:23,032 All ballast tanks. 489 00:23:23,168 --> 00:23:25,330 Stop all engines. 490 00:23:36,548 --> 00:23:39,211 Atten-hut! 491 00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:50,390 Commander Moore. 492 00:23:50,529 --> 00:23:51,553 Yes, sir. 493 00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:54,895 Who gave the order to fire that torpedo? 494 00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:56,900 Well, sir... 495 00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:58,036 I did, sir. 496 00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:01,901 Good show. 497 00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:03,703 BILL: What's that?! 498 00:24:03,842 --> 00:24:07,176 Your crew is more on the ball than I thought, sir. 499 00:24:07,313 --> 00:24:09,441 - It is? - It certainly is. 500 00:24:09,581 --> 00:24:13,677 Of all the members of the fleet, your boat was the only one 501 00:24:13,819 --> 00:24:17,085 who saw that I was not flying the proper recognition signals, 502 00:24:17,222 --> 00:24:19,350 and you took action. 503 00:24:19,491 --> 00:24:22,655 Kind of drastic action, but action nevertheless. 504 00:24:24,496 --> 00:24:26,124 I'm going to see that you get a citation, 505 00:24:26,265 --> 00:24:28,860 and extra liberty for all hands. 506 00:24:29,001 --> 00:24:30,799 Well, let's hear it for the admiral! 507 00:24:30,936 --> 00:24:31,995 Hip, hip... 508 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:33,137 MEN: Hooray! 509 00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:34,400 Hooray! 510 00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:36,133 Hip, hip... 511 00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:37,470 - MEN: Hooray! - Hooray! 512 00:24:37,609 --> 00:24:38,838 MR. MOONEY: Hip, hip... 513 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:41,004 ALL: Hooray! 514 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:43,115 LUCY: Hooray! 515 00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:44,876 Hip... 516 00:24:45,017 --> 00:24:46,713 hip... hooray. 517 00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:50,119 Hip, hip, hooray. 35670

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