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1
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♪ I swear ♪
2
00:00:09,791 --> 00:00:14,625
♪ By the moon and the stars in the sky ♪
3
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:18,375
- ♪ And I swear ♪
- ♪ I swear ♪
4
00:00:18,458 --> 00:00:23,916
♪ Like the shadow that's by your side ♪
5
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,791
- ♪ I'll be there ♪
- ♪ I'll be there ♪
6
00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:30,875
♪ For better or worse ♪
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00:00:30,876 --> 00:00:32,040
♪ I'll love you with... ♪
8
00:00:32,041 --> 00:00:33,666
So, what do you think?
9
00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:38,208
Maury, I think it's a perfect way
to catch people up from last season,
10
00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:42,541
and the perfect montage
to show at Montel's Jizz Mitzvah.
11
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:45,291
Well, I am quite taken
with my own handiwork.
12
00:00:45,375 --> 00:00:47,291
Oh! Speaking of handiwork...
13
00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:49,875
...we should offer handies
at the Jizz Mitzvah.
14
00:00:49,958 --> 00:00:52,625
"Hire handyman to give hand jobs."
15
00:00:52,708 --> 00:00:54,666
I can't believe our sweet Montel
16
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:58,250
is officially joining
the Hormone Monster community.
17
00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:01,291
It feels like just yesterday
they shot out of my asshole
18
00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:02,583
and into our lives.
19
00:01:02,666 --> 00:01:03,716
Ugh, so true.
20
00:01:03,791 --> 00:01:08,250
Oh, not to be dramatic, but if everything
in this ceremony doesn't go perfectly,
21
00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:11,103
I'll light my apartment on fire
while we're all inside.
22
00:01:11,166 --> 00:01:13,083
Maury, will you try to relax?
23
00:01:13,166 --> 00:01:14,416
"Relax"?
24
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,030
I still have to lock down
the dick-pic photo booth.
25
00:01:17,041 --> 00:01:20,916
I haven't even confirmed the ice sculpture
depicting Montel's conception.
26
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,041
Okay, but let's not forget
the true meaning of this Jizz Mitzvah.
27
00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:28,333
Montel jacking off on stage
behind a sheer curtain
28
00:01:28,416 --> 00:01:30,875
while we all wait for ejaculation.
29
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:34,125
Ooh! Which of these gimp suits
should I wear on the big day?
30
00:01:34,208 --> 00:01:36,125
Should I showcase my arms or my balls?
31
00:01:36,208 --> 00:01:39,375
Oh God, not more of this garbage.
32
00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:42,166
But it's all for you, my sweet baby!
33
00:01:42,250 --> 00:01:43,916
For me? Oh, please!
34
00:01:43,917 --> 00:01:46,249
I'm just there to put on
a little jack-off show
35
00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,540
for your friends
and a couple elected officials.
36
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:52,250
Montel, have you been using the sheet
I put up for stroke practice?
37
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:57,166
I don't need to practice.
I already know how to whack off. Gawd-ah!
38
00:01:57,167 --> 00:01:59,790
But you've never done it
in front of everyone who loves you.
39
00:01:59,791 --> 00:02:01,082
You might get stage fright.
40
00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:03,875
Yeah, like your father
at his Jizz Mitzvah.
41
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,416
- Connie!
- What? That's what happened, right?
42
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,750
Yeah, but they don't need to know that!
43
00:02:08,751 --> 00:02:11,415
- Jeez Louise!
- ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
44
00:02:11,416 --> 00:02:13,290
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
45
00:02:13,291 --> 00:02:16,665
- ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
- ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
46
00:02:16,666 --> 00:02:19,375
♪ A-ha
So real, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
47
00:02:19,376 --> 00:02:21,582
- ♪ So real, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
- ♪ A-ha ♪
48
00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,415
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
49
00:02:23,416 --> 00:02:25,625
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
50
00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:30,666
♪ It's like I'm powerful
With a little bit of tender ♪
51
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:34,833
♪ An emotional, sexual bender ♪
52
00:02:34,916 --> 00:02:39,250
♪ Mess me up, yeah
But no one does it better ♪
53
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,416
♪ There's nothing better ♪
54
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,600
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
55
00:02:44,541 --> 00:02:46,875
I know, Lucinda, and I am so sorry.
56
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,958
I've got two clients named Lucinda,
57
00:02:49,041 --> 00:02:52,541
and I thought you were Lucinda P,
but you're Lucinda B,
58
00:02:52,625 --> 00:02:55,833
and that's why you acted
so inappropriately with your boss.
59
00:02:55,916 --> 00:02:59,291
Because Lucinda P is fucking her boss,
60
00:02:59,375 --> 00:03:03,041
and I know it's toxic,
but love is love, right?
61
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:04,633
Hello?
62
00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:06,216
Hello?
63
00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:08,583
Well, I've lost another one.
64
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,833
Mmm, see, Emmy, this is why I keep
65
00:03:10,916 --> 00:03:13,666
both paper and digital folders
for each of my clients.
66
00:03:13,667 --> 00:03:16,165
Color-coded, of course,
so that I never mix them up.
67
00:03:16,166 --> 00:03:19,250
Pete, I'm not you.
I'm not meant to be good at my job.
68
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,625
Labor does not agree with me.
69
00:03:21,708 --> 00:03:24,500
When will my life get fun again?
70
00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:28,041
- Well, I think work can be fun.
- Oh, Pete, honey.
71
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,041
You have no idea how to be fun.
72
00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:32,250
Yes, I do. Look at my mug.
73
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,041
"Don't Vark Too Aard"?
74
00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:37,416
It's an aardvark in a...
...in a suit, like a businessman.
75
00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:42,083
Oh, God, another client?
76
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:45,000
"Sarah K. Twenty-eight. Clinton Hill"?
77
00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:49,457
I'm gonna go sit on the toilet
and pretend to poop to avoid working.
78
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:52,791
Also, one time I hit a beach ball
at a sporting event.
79
00:03:52,875 --> 00:03:54,208
I'm very fun!
80
00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:57,541
I think you're fun, Pete.
I saw you eat a frozen banana yesterday.
81
00:03:57,625 --> 00:04:00,666
- I know. It's almost like ice cream.
- Oh, Pete.
82
00:04:00,667 --> 00:04:01,707
Ahh!
83
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:06,125
Rochelle, you lovable, fuckable,
buggable girlfriend of mine.
84
00:04:06,208 --> 00:04:08,791
Dante, is this charcuterie basket for me?
85
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,083
I may have lost my meat,
86
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:13,125
but I've still got cheddar
to spend on my girl.
87
00:04:13,208 --> 00:04:16,625
- Hold this for me, chief.
- Oh, uh... Oh, okay.
88
00:04:18,583 --> 00:04:21,125
Um, uh, yeah, I actually just remembered
89
00:04:21,208 --> 00:04:25,458
I have to conduct business here
at my work desk.
90
00:04:26,041 --> 00:04:29,541
Wow, a full meat basket?
That is love, Gil.
91
00:04:29,625 --> 00:04:32,291
Hey, Joe, why don't you ever buy me
a meat basket?
92
00:04:32,375 --> 00:04:35,458
Come on, Gilly, you know I love you.
93
00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:37,708
Well, say it with mortadella, please.
94
00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:41,000
I miss you even when I'm with you, babe.
95
00:04:41,083 --> 00:04:42,750
- God, I know.
- Mm!
96
00:04:42,751 --> 00:04:44,749
Let's sneak
to the bathroom together, yeah?
97
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:46,916
Ugh, I wish I could, but I have work.
98
00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:48,665
I'll just get under the desk then, yeah?
99
00:04:48,666 --> 00:04:50,582
I have to taste you, babe,
or I'll go mental.
100
00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:53,208
Dante! In the office?
101
00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:56,791
- Uh, you guys aren't actually gonna...?
- Oh, yes. We are.
102
00:04:56,875 --> 00:04:58,208
Okay, um...
103
00:04:58,291 --> 00:05:01,841
I'm just gonna go sit on the toilet
and pretend to have a bowel movement.
104
00:05:01,916 --> 00:05:03,892
- This is so inappropriate.
- Mm!
105
00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:05,958
Aww, look at those two.
106
00:05:05,959 --> 00:05:08,165
They can't keep their hands
off each other.
107
00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:10,791
- I know. It's disgusting.
- It's sweet.
108
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,666
You know I love love.
109
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:15,875
He's giving her oral pleasures
under her desk, Walter.
110
00:05:15,958 --> 00:05:18,416
Ew! Can't you just call it
something normal?
111
00:05:18,417 --> 00:05:19,415
Yeah, whatever.
112
00:05:19,416 --> 00:05:23,041
- Cunnilingus isn't what I'm interested in.
- I am.
113
00:05:23,042 --> 00:05:25,374
There's something weird going on
with those two dudes.
114
00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:28,625
- Is there?
- You noticed Dante seems to hate Pete?
115
00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:31,791
Well, he did cut off Dante's dick.
116
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:34,041
Nah, the guy had three dicks,
117
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,295
and Pete saved his life.
It's more than that.
118
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:39,103
You don't think
you should just mind your own business
119
00:05:39,166 --> 00:05:41,125
and respect their privacy?
120
00:05:43,791 --> 00:05:44,875
I'm just kidding.
121
00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:46,008
We're coworkers.
122
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:49,500
- Their business is our business.
- You right.
123
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:53,958
- Maury, baby, you need to calm down.
- "Calm down"?
124
00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:55,583
If I don't get Wolfbang Fuck
125
00:05:55,584 --> 00:05:57,874
to do the passed apps
for this Jizz Mitzvah,
126
00:05:57,875 --> 00:05:59,833
I'm going to freak out.
127
00:05:59,916 --> 00:06:03,500
Oh! The preparations are underway, I see.
128
00:06:03,501 --> 00:06:06,040
- I look forward to the big day.
- What'd you just say?
129
00:06:06,041 --> 00:06:10,916
I even bought a sexy new fashion belt
from a mean teenager at Hot Topic.
130
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,250
Why you buying belts?
131
00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:15,457
- Why, for the Jizz Mitzvah, of course.
- Hey! How do you know about that?
132
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,750
And Maury, look at you.
133
00:06:17,833 --> 00:06:20,375
Making your baby body a forever body.
134
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:21,916
Very brave.
135
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,583
- Maury, did you invite him?
- Of course not.
136
00:06:24,666 --> 00:06:28,041
We went to great lengths
to invite everyone in the office but him.
137
00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:29,684
Well, he cannot come.
138
00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:32,625
This is an event
that should be totally free of shame.
139
00:06:32,708 --> 00:06:34,791
Yeah, he'll just make people feel bad
140
00:06:34,792 --> 00:06:36,957
for watching our offspring
squirt their nut.
141
00:06:36,958 --> 00:06:41,000
Exactly. Let's go tell him
to shove his new belt up his ancient anus.
142
00:06:41,083 --> 00:06:43,000
Yeah, buckle first.
143
00:06:43,708 --> 00:06:47,833
Okay, Sarah K. Please be an easy one.
Mama needs a win.
144
00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:52,250
Thanks, Raoul. Put it on my tab
and give yourself a nice fat tip.
145
00:06:52,333 --> 00:06:54,708
- You are a prince among men.
- Mmm.
146
00:06:54,791 --> 00:06:57,916
Okay. Nice to bartenders. She seems cool.
147
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,958
Hey, Sarah, I'm Emmy, your new Lovebug,
148
00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:03,333
and possibly your new best friend.
149
00:07:03,416 --> 00:07:04,466
Oh. Okay.
150
00:07:04,541 --> 00:07:07,041
So, uh, what are you loving these days?
151
00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:09,833
Boys? Girls? Cold, hard cash?
152
00:07:09,916 --> 00:07:13,125
Well, I dunno.
I guess I'm just lovin' life.
153
00:07:13,208 --> 00:07:17,166
All right. No red flags here.
Mind if I, uh, pull up a stool?
154
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,333
- Well, well, well.
- Wow.
155
00:07:19,416 --> 00:07:21,708
Who's this cute little bumblebee?
156
00:07:21,791 --> 00:07:22,958
Who are you?
157
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:26,083
- I'm Van, Sarah's Logic Rock.
- Cool.
158
00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:29,041
And now it's your turn, girly.
Who are you?
159
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:31,958
Oh, I'm, uh, Emmy, her new Lovebug.
160
00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:34,208
I see. Fuck right off, Emmy.
161
00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:36,250
Cool. Wait, wait, what?
162
00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:40,083
Nothing personal.
We're just not big on love. Right, Sarah?
163
00:07:40,166 --> 00:07:43,083
- Yeah, love's so complicated and messy.
- Oh...
164
00:07:43,166 --> 00:07:46,125
And these humans,
they're only alive for, like, what?
165
00:07:46,208 --> 00:07:48,875
- Eighty, ninety years?
- Sometimes less.
166
00:07:48,958 --> 00:07:54,125
So, honey, my philosophy is
maximize pleasure, minimize pain.
167
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,916
No, no! Hold... Hold on.
168
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:59,541
Pleasure's actually my whole thing.
It's kinda all I care about.
169
00:07:59,625 --> 00:08:03,291
Come on, Van. Let her stick around.
It's Tipsy Tuesday.
170
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:07,583
I'm fun, I promise.
So fun, I didn't even know it was Tuesday.
171
00:08:07,666 --> 00:08:10,750
All right, but you gotta catch up
and keep up.
172
00:08:13,833 --> 00:08:15,250
Told you I was fun.
173
00:08:16,666 --> 00:08:18,041
I'm actua... I'm good.
174
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,208
All right, lightning round.
Greatest shame. Kitty.
175
00:08:22,291 --> 00:08:24,833
Ooh! She secretly loves Ted Lasso.
176
00:08:24,916 --> 00:08:26,041
Correct.
177
00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:29,291
Montel, what the hell are you doin'
with the Shame Wizard?
178
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:32,291
Please tell me you two
are planning a terrorist attack.
179
00:08:32,292 --> 00:08:34,457
- Lionel's been mentoring me.
- Exsquirt me?
180
00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:38,750
Montel is quite gifted
at pinpointing one's greatest shame.
181
00:08:38,833 --> 00:08:40,041
Observe. Gil.
182
00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:43,083
Ooh! Thinks about Joe
when he's making love to his wife.
183
00:08:43,166 --> 00:08:44,541
Indeed. Joe.
184
00:08:44,542 --> 00:08:46,999
Thinks about his wife
when he's making love to Gil.
185
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,750
Brilliant! Maury.
186
00:08:48,751 --> 00:08:50,207
Everyone loves Connie more.
187
00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:52,707
He'll always live in the shadow
of her fabulousness.
188
00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:54,038
- Hey! How dare you!
- Ahh!
189
00:08:54,041 --> 00:08:55,791
I mean, that is very insightful.
190
00:08:55,875 --> 00:08:57,291
No, it's not. Not insightful.
191
00:08:57,375 --> 00:09:00,666
Montel, why are you doing
all of this bullshit
192
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,957
instead of preparing
for your Jizz Mitzvah?
193
00:09:02,958 --> 00:09:07,416
Because, Mama Maury, I've been thinking,
and... I don't want a Jizz Mitzvah.
194
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,416
But my big binder.
195
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:13,125
Baby, your father's been going overboard
with the whole event...
196
00:09:13,126 --> 00:09:14,790
Shut the door. I'm burning us alive.
197
00:09:14,791 --> 00:09:17,541
We can make it smaller, more intimate...
198
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:21,416
You don't get it.
I don't want any kind of Jizz Mitzvah.
199
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:24,125
But, sweetie,
how will you be ritually welcomed
200
00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:26,833
into the community of Hormone Monsters?
201
00:09:26,916 --> 00:09:29,041
Well, that's just the thing.
202
00:09:29,125 --> 00:09:31,500
I don't want to be a Hormone Monster.
203
00:09:31,583 --> 00:09:33,541
- What?!
- Oh, God!
204
00:09:33,625 --> 00:09:37,833
Maury, you were right the whole time.
I wanna do the burning family thing.
205
00:09:37,916 --> 00:09:41,416
Oh, I wanna roast from the inside out.
206
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,833
Oh, me too.
207
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,957
That actually went better
than I thought it would.
208
00:09:46,958 --> 00:09:49,208
Yes, but my office is burning.
209
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:55,083
Guys, if I don't pee right now,
I'll fucking die.
210
00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:58,416
It's gonna absorb into my bloodstream
and give me tinkle brain.
211
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:02,110
- One of my mom's friends died from that.
- We'll just go in the dudes' room.
212
00:10:02,875 --> 00:10:04,416
Uh, oh, my God.
213
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,330
How the hell do this many guys
have to take a dump at once?
214
00:10:07,375 --> 00:10:10,541
- Ooh, what if we tried a urinal?
- Good call. Grab the middle one.
215
00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:13,250
So, do I, like, mount it straight on?
216
00:10:13,251 --> 00:10:15,624
- Nope, nope, nope, nope.
- Backwards. Definitely backwards.
217
00:10:15,625 --> 00:10:17,416
- Oof, if you pee on me...
- Ohhh.
218
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,790
Sweet mother
of all that is bright and shiny,
219
00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:22,375
that feels so good.
220
00:10:22,458 --> 00:10:24,666
Oh, uh...
221
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,458
- Hi?
- Uh, ahoy.
222
00:10:26,541 --> 00:10:28,333
I'm sorry. A... Am I in the wrong, uh...
223
00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:31,208
Nope. Welcome to the men's room.
224
00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:34,750
Well, thank you
for being such a nice host.
225
00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:36,458
- Aww, this guy's cute.
- Ooh!
226
00:10:36,541 --> 00:10:40,250
I-I'd love to let you finish,
but I've really gotta pee.
227
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,750
Nah, don't be silly, big dawg.
228
00:10:42,833 --> 00:10:44,791
Unzip. Unfurl.
229
00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:48,875
Okay, "big dawg" is, uh, unfurling...
230
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:50,250
Woo!
231
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:52,041
Don't look, if you don't mind.
232
00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,916
Don't wanna look
if you don't want me to look.
233
00:10:54,917 --> 00:10:56,749
That means
there's nothing worth looking at.
234
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:58,374
That's not what I'm... You know what?
235
00:10:58,375 --> 00:11:01,625
As a rule, we typically don't talk
to each other in the men's room.
236
00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:05,750
What? I'm not talking.
237
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:09,791
- Okay, but now you are, actually.
- Yeah, because you looked at me.
238
00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:12,832
Hey, can you guys flirt
somewhere else? I'm trying to focus.
239
00:11:12,833 --> 00:11:15,666
- No, we're not flirting.
- Yes, we are.
240
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:17,958
Oh! Okay. Very cool.
241
00:11:18,041 --> 00:11:21,750
Sarah, I peeked at his penis,
and it's a good one.
242
00:11:23,958 --> 00:11:27,458
Wow, an impromptu invite
to drinks with co-workers.
243
00:11:27,459 --> 00:11:30,415
Sounds like something
that would happen to a fun individual.
244
00:11:30,416 --> 00:11:33,250
- Pete, that jacket.
- Fun, right?
245
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:36,875
- I was gonna say deeply upsetting.
- All right. Enough chitchat.
246
00:11:36,958 --> 00:11:39,791
Pete, what the fuck's goin' on
with you and Dante?
247
00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:41,000
Me and Dante?
248
00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:44,375
Boo-boo, it's obvious
he hates your rock-hard guts.
249
00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:48,958
We just wanna know why,
you sweet, beautiful baby boulder.
250
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,500
The hell are you doing?
251
00:11:50,583 --> 00:11:53,916
I thought we'd play
a little bad cop, fab cop.
252
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,083
I fuckin' love it.
253
00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,291
Now, tell us what else you did to Dante
254
00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,791
or I'll pull your heart
outta your asshole!
255
00:11:59,875 --> 00:12:01,291
Wha... Nothing, I swear.
256
00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:05,125
Petra, be nice to my pretty little pebble.
257
00:12:05,208 --> 00:12:09,666
- Pebble, spill the tea. Mwah.
- What is happening?
258
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:11,625
What'd you do, huh? Fuck his sister?
259
00:12:11,708 --> 00:12:13,250
- No, his mother?
- What?
260
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,803
Why'd you fuck his mother
in front of his father?
261
00:12:15,875 --> 00:12:19,166
- What the hell's wrong with you?
- Nothing. He's perfect.
262
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:21,500
We're gonna open a restaurant together.
263
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:25,583
Stop yelling at me
and kissing my forehead.
264
00:12:25,666 --> 00:12:29,041
Dante is only mad at me
because I had to slowly cut off his penis.
265
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:30,958
Hey, guys.
266
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,958
- Nice jacket, mate.
- Oh, thank you...?
267
00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:35,290
What'd you skin Barney the dino
for that thing?
268
00:12:35,291 --> 00:12:37,041
- Shut up.
- Fuckin' hideous.
269
00:12:37,125 --> 00:12:39,291
- I got him that jacket.
- You did?
270
00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:40,708
Pete, you look great.
271
00:12:40,791 --> 00:12:42,541
Oh, I do?
272
00:12:42,625 --> 00:12:45,958
Uh, I-I mean, who cares what you think.
Not me.
273
00:12:45,959 --> 00:12:47,082
Bullshit.
274
00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:49,332
I bet you prance
around your apartment in it,
275
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,291
calling yourself "Mr. Rochelle."
276
00:12:51,375 --> 00:12:53,250
Come on, Dante, leave him alone.
277
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:56,208
Holy shit, that's why Dante hates you.
278
00:12:56,291 --> 00:12:58,125
You got a thing for Rochelle!
279
00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,375
No, I don't.
280
00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:02,375
That's why he wears
the deeply upsetting jacket.
281
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:05,291
- Just shut, shut, shut it.
- Oh, we're good.
282
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:06,958
Wow, wow, wow, wow. Okay.
283
00:13:07,041 --> 00:13:10,833
So you got the hots for Dante's girl,
and then you cut off his dick?
284
00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,791
You're an evil genius.
285
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,416
No, I had to cut it off.
286
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:18,416
Of course you did, Pebble.
Only two more to go.
287
00:13:21,958 --> 00:13:25,666
Can I ask, are you washing your hands
because you got pee on them
288
00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:27,583
or because you have a filthy penis?
289
00:13:27,666 --> 00:13:31,166
Oh, this is actually the first time
I've ever washed my hands.
290
00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:33,420
I just wanted
to keep this weird hang going.
291
00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,125
Ew. But aww.
292
00:13:35,208 --> 00:13:39,041
I know, right? Meet-cute in the potty?
Who'd have thought?
293
00:13:39,125 --> 00:13:41,750
Okay, keep your little glow
in your pants, Emmy.
294
00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:42,790
Here it comes.
295
00:13:42,791 --> 00:13:46,958
"Logically, you shouldn't
be picking up guys in bar bathrooms."
296
00:13:47,041 --> 00:13:48,500
I don't sound like that.
297
00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:51,166
And logically,
now that you've seen his penis,
298
00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:53,540
you should find out
what that sucker tastes like.
299
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,291
Huh! What does a human penis taste like?
300
00:13:56,375 --> 00:14:00,125
Mmm, it's nothing to write home about.
At best, it tastes like soap.
301
00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:04,666
Actually, at best,
it tastes like you, darling.
302
00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:07,708
Hey, babe. All right, all right,
let's fuck the urinal guy.
303
00:14:07,791 --> 00:14:10,458
Ready? On three. One, two, three...
304
00:14:10,541 --> 00:14:13,291
Let's fuck the urinal guy!
305
00:14:14,291 --> 00:14:15,875
What a delightful group.
306
00:14:15,958 --> 00:14:18,958
Montel, sweetie, talk to me.
307
00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:22,171
What on earth are you gonna do
if you're not a Hormone Monster?
308
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:26,500
Well... I... I plan to become a Shame Wizard.
309
00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:27,750
- What?!
- No!
310
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,708
I... I've thought about this a lot.
311
00:14:29,709 --> 00:14:32,665
I like the clothes,
I like seeing humans in a tortured state,
312
00:14:32,666 --> 00:14:34,500
and I think I'd be really good at it.
313
00:14:34,501 --> 00:14:37,957
Well, do you think you'd be good
at being shunned by your entire community?
314
00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:39,290
That's what's gonna happen
315
00:14:39,291 --> 00:14:42,249
if you don't masturbate to completion
on that stage tomorrow.
316
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:46,375
What your father means to say
is we just want what's best for you.
317
00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:49,875
No, what I mean to say is
how the fuck did this happen?
318
00:14:49,958 --> 00:14:52,250
Connie, do you think
this is maybe our fault?
319
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:55,333
I mean, is it possible we were too horny?
320
00:14:55,416 --> 00:14:58,000
Or not horny enough?
No, no, no, too horny.
321
00:14:58,083 --> 00:15:00,133
- Yeah, too horny.
- Definitely too horny.
322
00:15:00,134 --> 00:15:02,374
Guys, it's not like I'd be
the first creature
323
00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:03,915
to switch to another line of work.
324
00:15:03,916 --> 00:15:07,249
Montel, baby, if you're scared
about jacking off in front of people...
325
00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:08,791
It's not that.
326
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:13,791
This is about me pursuing my destiny,
and my destiny is in shame.
327
00:15:13,792 --> 00:15:15,957
But you're gonna make it
so hard for yourself.
328
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:17,958
You'll face prejudice, Montel.
329
00:15:18,041 --> 00:15:20,791
I am so cruel
to people that are different than me.
330
00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:22,500
Uh, Maury, walk it back.
331
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:26,291
What I'm trying to say is
everyone will hate you, my sweet baby,
332
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:27,708
just like they hate Lionel.
333
00:15:27,791 --> 00:15:30,141
Well, I don't hate Lionel.
I find him inspiring.
334
00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:33,833
Now you're just trying to hurt Daddy.
335
00:15:33,916 --> 00:15:38,083
Sweetie, you gotta realize,
this is very important to your father.
336
00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:42,375
Oh, come on, Connie. Not you too.
You're supposed to be the better one.
337
00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:43,583
I am the better one.
338
00:15:43,666 --> 00:15:47,291
Montel, you are getting Jizz Mitzvah'ed
whether you like it or not.
339
00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:50,125
The heck I am.
340
00:15:50,126 --> 00:15:54,790
Looks like we're gonna have to sedate them
and Weekend at Bernie's this Jizz Mitzvah.
341
00:15:54,791 --> 00:15:55,841
Way ahead of you.
342
00:15:55,842 --> 00:15:56,874
Ow!
343
00:15:56,875 --> 00:15:59,458
- Aw, shit, I darted you.
- Oh, I love you.
344
00:16:02,958 --> 00:16:04,583
What? What's happening?
345
00:16:04,666 --> 00:16:07,333
Why the hell did you set an alarm
for 1:00 a.m.?
346
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:08,466
Ohh, oh.
347
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,875
It's my one-night-stand insurance policy.
I never spend the night.
348
00:16:11,876 --> 00:16:13,957
Well then how are we gonna parlay
this meet-cute
349
00:16:13,958 --> 00:16:15,332
into a full-blown relationship?
350
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:19,958
Honey, we're not here for a relationship.
We're here for fun. Then we skedaddle.
351
00:16:20,041 --> 00:16:22,666
- AKA the smash and dash.
- The nail and bail.
352
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:24,166
The fuck and duck.
353
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,458
But hold on, I-I'm all for fun,
354
00:16:26,541 --> 00:16:30,625
but wouldn't it also be fun
to, like, sleep over,
355
00:16:30,708 --> 00:16:34,750
have breakfast together,
spend the whole day doing sex and TV?
356
00:16:34,833 --> 00:16:38,708
I mean, I kind of wouldn't mind
spending the day with this guy.
357
00:16:38,791 --> 00:16:40,750
- And then what? Start dating?
- Yes.
358
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:42,457
- Become exclusive?
- Of course.
359
00:16:42,458 --> 00:16:43,908
- Move in?
- That sounds good.
360
00:16:43,916 --> 00:16:46,541
Break up? Be miserable? Cry on the subway?
361
00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:47,790
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
362
00:16:47,791 --> 00:16:50,958
Van, don't you think
you're being a little pessimistic?
363
00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:54,916
Uh, no. We had fun. It was great.
Now let's just take the win.
364
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,666
Huh. I'm not sure I've ever taken the win.
365
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,083
Em, listen.
366
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:03,833
I've crunched the numbers on love,
and the stats are pure ass.
367
00:17:03,916 --> 00:17:07,286
These relationship things,
they almost always end in heartbreak.
368
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:09,041
- Or death.
- Exactly.
369
00:17:09,125 --> 00:17:13,083
So let's just remember this
beautiful experience and move forward.
370
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:15,916
And it was a beautiful experience, right?
371
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,875
So beautiful.
372
00:17:17,958 --> 00:17:19,458
- Great. Can we bounce?
- Wait.
373
00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:22,458
Uh, can we just steal something
to remember him by?
374
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,250
Yes. Love it. How about some cash?
375
00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:27,041
Mmm, I was thinking
something more intimate.
376
00:17:28,041 --> 00:17:29,833
- Okay.
- Deodorant?
377
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,791
I panicked.
378
00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:34,250
Oh, yeah. We can work with this.
379
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,708
Good morning. Hi.
380
00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:41,166
Hi, nice to see you.
Oh, your breasts look lovely today.
381
00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:43,110
I told you Montel wasn't gonna show up.
382
00:17:43,111 --> 00:17:46,290
And now the ice sculpture is melting,
the dick daisies are wilting,
383
00:17:46,291 --> 00:17:48,250
and nothing is going according to plan.
384
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:51,500
Hi, lovely to see you.
Your ass is exquisite.
385
00:17:51,583 --> 00:17:53,333
Oh, is that an iTunes gift card?
386
00:17:53,416 --> 00:17:55,125
Thanks for coming.
387
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,875
Oh, there's Pete and Mona.
Let's go say hi.
388
00:17:57,958 --> 00:18:00,166
- I bet he'd love that.
- Excuse me?
389
00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:02,833
Listen, babe,
I didn't wanna have to do this,
390
00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:05,249
but, like, you can't talk
to Pete anymore, okay?
391
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,300
What? Why not?
392
00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:08,666
- He's fuckin' in love with you.
- No, he isn't.
393
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:13,041
Yeah, he is. He's dying for you
to give him a Melbourne handshake.
394
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:14,745
He practically admitted it to me
395
00:18:14,746 --> 00:18:17,624
right after he separated me
from my favorite fucking donger.
396
00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:21,000
- He said that?
- Look, it's gonna be him or me, all right?
397
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:24,082
You're being insane.
I'm not gonna stop talking to my friend.
398
00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:26,207
So, what? You're...
You're picking him over me?
399
00:18:26,208 --> 00:18:29,124
- That's not what I said.
- Good. You'll never talk to him again.
400
00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:30,290
- It's agreed.
- No, it's not!
401
00:18:30,291 --> 00:18:33,916
You're seriously gaslighting me right now,
and I need a drink.
402
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,208
Van is such a fucking blast.
403
00:18:36,291 --> 00:18:40,791
She uses logic as an argument
to, like, party and have casual sex.
404
00:18:40,875 --> 00:18:42,250
- She's awesome.
- Ooh!
405
00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:45,958
Sounds like you wanna go
spelunking in her Van cave.
406
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:48,000
No, I don't.
407
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,666
Well, unless that means
having sex with Van,
408
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:53,833
in which case, yes, I do.
409
00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:56,666
What's going on?
Where's the pervert of honor?
410
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:58,416
Oh, they'll be here any minute.
411
00:18:58,417 --> 00:19:01,790
They're just in the back chubbing up,
getting ready for the big event.
412
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:05,833
Maury, we both know where Montel is.
You gotta go make this right.
413
00:19:05,916 --> 00:19:08,958
Oh, I know. And I'm gonna miss
the passed apps.
414
00:19:09,041 --> 00:19:12,416
Save me some jalapeñis poppers
and some dicks in a blanket
415
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:13,875
and also some egg rolls.
416
00:19:13,958 --> 00:19:17,791
And when we skedaddled
I convinced Sarah to steal his deodorant.
417
00:19:17,875 --> 00:19:22,000
So, yeah, I'm killing it
both personally and professionally.
418
00:19:22,083 --> 00:19:25,041
Hold up. You guys did
a post-meet-cute skedaddle?
419
00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:29,458
A skedaddle is the enemy of love.
It undercuts the meet-cute.
420
00:19:29,541 --> 00:19:34,750
No way. Van says it just leaves you open
for more meet-cutes.
421
00:19:34,833 --> 00:19:40,333
Emmy, if you want love to blossom
with this guy, you can't be skedaddling.
422
00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:43,875
Well, maybe we don't want love.
I mean, then what?
423
00:19:43,958 --> 00:19:46,791
They move in together
and inevitably break up?
424
00:19:46,875 --> 00:19:48,916
Listen to you! Ugh!
425
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,541
This rock brainwashed you
into being a Lovebug
426
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,583
who doesn't believe in love anymore.
427
00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:55,176
- Yeah, I'm with Walter.
- God!
428
00:19:55,177 --> 00:19:58,165
Do you always have to show up
right when I'm about to win an argument?
429
00:19:58,166 --> 00:20:00,000
You were not gonna win.
430
00:20:00,083 --> 00:20:02,416
Van played you. She's a Logic Rock.
431
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,583
We are, as a species,
much smarter than Lovebugs.
432
00:20:05,666 --> 00:20:09,666
- Well, Petes, as a species, smell like...
- Feces?
433
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,250
Uh, no.
434
00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:13,833
Shit. Bitch.
435
00:20:15,541 --> 00:20:19,333
Ugh, of course that shame-soaked weirdo
lives in an abandoned church.
436
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:21,175
Montel?
437
00:20:21,208 --> 00:20:22,666
Montel!
438
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:25,416
Welcome to my humble home, Maurice.
439
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,208
Can I offer you some tabernacle wine?
440
00:20:28,291 --> 00:20:30,625
Or perhaps a disgusting cracker?
441
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:32,916
Where is my child, you floating freak?
442
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,291
Hello, Mama Maury.
443
00:20:38,375 --> 00:20:40,791
- Wow, great entrance.
- Thank you.
444
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:43,041
Montel, I am done with your little games.
445
00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:46,015
There is an entire ballroom
of my friends and colleagues
446
00:20:46,041 --> 00:20:48,021
waiting for you to publicly masturbate.
447
00:20:48,083 --> 00:20:49,375
You are coming with me now.
448
00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:51,041
Oh, no, I shan't.
449
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,833
- Oh, yes, you shan.
- Shan't!
450
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,457
Wha... Why are you doing this to me?
451
00:20:54,458 --> 00:20:59,000
I'm not doing it to you.
Don't you get it? It's not about you.
452
00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:00,791
- Work, bitch.
- You shut it.
453
00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:05,833
Montel, how could it not be about me?
You're rejecting everything I stand for.
454
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:08,416
But what about what I stand for?
455
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,583
Honey, I support anything you want to do,
456
00:21:11,666 --> 00:21:13,916
but, yuck, a Shame Wizard?
457
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:19,208
Oh, listen to you. You're so prejudiced.
You sound like a miserable old bigot.
458
00:21:19,291 --> 00:21:23,375
Hey! I am not old. I am young and cool
and everyone knows that.
459
00:21:23,458 --> 00:21:25,916
Right, because all the young,
cool monsters
460
00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:29,165
make their children feel
like a disappointment for being different.
461
00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:31,958
Well, that's not what I'm doing... is it?
462
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:37,875
Well, yeah. You made me feel
like you don't love me for who I am.
463
00:21:37,958 --> 00:21:41,125
Oh my God. I've been a bad Mama Maury.
464
00:21:41,208 --> 00:21:45,375
And how does that make you feel,
Mr. Young Cool Monster?
465
00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:48,166
I'm... I'm so ashamed of myself.
466
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:50,500
And that's a Yahtzee.
467
00:21:50,583 --> 00:21:53,208
You see, Maurice? Your child's a savant.
468
00:21:53,291 --> 00:21:56,625
- Wow, you really do have a gift, Montel.
- Thank you.
469
00:21:56,708 --> 00:21:59,083
And I gotta tell ya,
I did not plan to back down.
470
00:21:59,166 --> 00:22:02,791
In fact, I was fully prepared
to ruin our relationship,
471
00:22:02,875 --> 00:22:04,375
and then murder Lionel.
472
00:22:04,458 --> 00:22:05,583
Eh... What's that now?
473
00:22:06,416 --> 00:22:10,458
All right, now that I've sung
Sondheim's entire body of work,
474
00:22:10,541 --> 00:22:14,000
I will list my sexual partners
from the 1990s,
475
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,416
starting with Mr. Paul Reiser.
476
00:22:17,833 --> 00:22:19,708
Hurry up, Maurice.
477
00:22:19,791 --> 00:22:22,375
Hey, Van, uh, just so you know.
478
00:22:22,458 --> 00:22:25,083
- I, like, believe in love, okay?
- Okay.
479
00:22:25,166 --> 00:22:28,416
And I know you're all cool and fun
and good at your job,
480
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:31,291
but I'm getting actually good
at my job too.
481
00:22:31,375 --> 00:22:34,500
And love, it's important.
I believe in it, and I...
482
00:22:37,291 --> 00:22:38,875
What the fuck?
483
00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:42,916
Eh, it's just the way you were talking,
all passionately.
484
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,750
- I just felt like I had to kiss you.
- Oh, my God.
485
00:22:45,833 --> 00:22:48,708
You're so random. Stop!
486
00:22:48,791 --> 00:22:50,791
So, uh, what were you saying before?
487
00:22:50,875 --> 00:22:53,375
I, um... I have no idea.
488
00:22:53,376 --> 00:22:55,874
I guess it wasn't that important then,
right, Em?
489
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:59,291
Yeah, you're probably hot.
I mean, you're probably right.
490
00:22:59,375 --> 00:23:03,333
Bye, Daddy. I mean Mommy.
Uh, I mean, officer?
491
00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:05,333
Fuck! Get outta here, Emmy.
492
00:23:05,416 --> 00:23:08,166
Ooh, you're my favorite server,
you know that?
493
00:23:08,250 --> 00:23:09,810
It's because of your tits.
494
00:23:09,875 --> 00:23:11,041
Hey, Rochelle.
495
00:23:11,125 --> 00:23:15,375
I'm sorry if me wearing the jacket
made Dante upset or drunk or something.
496
00:23:15,458 --> 00:23:17,333
Pete, stop. It's not your fault.
497
00:23:17,416 --> 00:23:20,916
- Hey! Get away from her, rock.
- Dante, what the fuck?
498
00:23:20,917 --> 00:23:22,957
- Oh, shit.
- Fuckin' knew this was comin'.
499
00:23:22,958 --> 00:23:25,582
- First you cut my favorite dick off.
- You were gonna die.
500
00:23:25,583 --> 00:23:28,113
And then you accept presents
from my girlfriend?
501
00:23:28,114 --> 00:23:31,040
Okay, well, the present was technically
before the dick-cutting...
502
00:23:31,041 --> 00:23:31,999
Oh, Pete, Pete, Pete.
503
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,665
So what's next? You... You gonna
go down on her in front of me, mate?
504
00:23:34,666 --> 00:23:35,624
- Huh?
- What the fuck?
505
00:23:35,625 --> 00:23:38,999
Throw her on that table? Theragun
her doorbell until her head falls off?
506
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:39,915
God!
507
00:23:39,916 --> 00:23:41,457
- No!
- "Theragun her doorbell"?
508
00:23:41,458 --> 00:23:42,666
Should I get a Theragun?
509
00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:46,166
You think I'm not a man anymore
'cause I only have two dicks, huh?
510
00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:47,833
Dante, chill the fuck out.
511
00:23:47,916 --> 00:23:49,791
Stay out of this. You've done enough.
512
00:23:49,875 --> 00:23:50,925
Hey!
513
00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:53,583
- Oh, my God!
- Holy shit!
514
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:57,500
Holy shit! Do I wanna fuck Pete?
515
00:23:57,583 --> 00:23:58,791
Get in line.
516
00:23:58,875 --> 00:24:02,458
Look, uh, Dante,
I am so sorry to have to do that.
517
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:04,666
- It's just that, uh...
- You're dead, Pete.
518
00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:06,333
Excuse me?
519
00:24:06,416 --> 00:24:10,666
I'm gonna find a way to get you
and ruin your goddamn life.
520
00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:13,000
That is, like, a very direct threat.
521
00:24:13,083 --> 00:24:16,208
Dante, you're being an asshole.
Leave him alone.
522
00:24:16,291 --> 00:24:19,625
- How about I leave you alone, forever?
- What?
523
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:22,583
And just so you know, I never loved you.
524
00:24:22,666 --> 00:24:25,875
- I was only addicted to you.
- Dante?
525
00:24:25,958 --> 00:24:30,666
Every fucking moment I spent with you
was a complete waste of time.
526
00:24:30,750 --> 00:24:32,125
My God.
527
00:24:32,208 --> 00:24:34,958
You can all rot in hell.
528
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:36,375
Dante out! Ha!
529
00:24:40,583 --> 00:24:42,041
I, um...
530
00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:46,458
All right.
You can all stop being bored now.
531
00:24:46,541 --> 00:24:51,250
- We have finally arrived.
- And yes, my belt buckle is a seatbelt.
532
00:24:51,333 --> 00:24:53,125
Everyone, everyone, quiet down.
533
00:24:53,208 --> 00:24:56,000
My beautiful child
has an announcement to make.
534
00:24:56,083 --> 00:24:58,000
And they have my full support.
535
00:24:58,875 --> 00:25:01,000
Hormone Monsters, Monstresses,
536
00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:05,333
and other creatures from my parents' work
who I neither know nor care about,
537
00:25:05,416 --> 00:25:07,125
while I'll always be horny...
538
00:25:07,126 --> 00:25:08,124
- Whoo!
- Oh, yeah!
539
00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:11,625
...my true passion
is making humans feel like shit.
540
00:25:11,708 --> 00:25:13,000
Yes, there it is.
541
00:25:13,083 --> 00:25:15,833
So I will not be Jizz Mitzvah'ed today.
542
00:25:15,916 --> 00:25:19,458
- What?
- Because I am becoming a Shame Wizard.
543
00:25:20,958 --> 00:25:24,250
No, not "boo." Not "boo."
Opposite of "boo." "Yay!"
544
00:25:24,333 --> 00:25:27,708
Hey, hey, as much as
it pains me to say it, I...
545
00:25:27,791 --> 00:25:29,166
Ugh.
546
00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:30,666
...agree with Lionel.
547
00:25:30,750 --> 00:25:34,750
Not "boo," "yay" to my child
for being their true self.
548
00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:37,166
But who's gonna cum behind the curtain?
549
00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:39,083
Yeah, it's a million years bad luck
550
00:25:39,166 --> 00:25:41,916
to have a Jizz Mitzvah
without a curtain squirtin'.
551
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,833
- We demand an ejaculation!
- Let's get juicy, baby.
552
00:25:44,916 --> 00:25:47,333
Then we'll do it. Maurice?
553
00:25:47,416 --> 00:25:48,750
After you, Constance.
554
00:25:52,541 --> 00:25:54,708
- And done.
- Oh my God, already?
555
00:25:54,791 --> 00:25:56,166
Shit. Now it's getting soft.
556
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:58,083
Connie! Connie!
557
00:25:58,166 --> 00:26:02,166
Oh, no. It's my Jizz Mitzvah
all over again.
558
00:26:02,167 --> 00:26:04,832
- Connie! Connie!
- Oh, Connie, they really do like you more.
559
00:26:04,833 --> 00:26:06,708
Aw, Maury.
560
00:26:06,791 --> 00:26:09,000
They really do.
561
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:12,207
♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme ♪
562
00:26:12,208 --> 00:26:13,458
♪ What I want, yeah ♪
563
00:26:14,250 --> 00:26:16,083
♪ What I want, yeah ♪
564
00:26:16,166 --> 00:26:20,166
♪ Why don't you tell me, tell me
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me ♪
565
00:26:20,250 --> 00:26:22,125
♪ It's freaky ♪
566
00:26:22,208 --> 00:26:23,708
♪ Wanna please me ♪
567
00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:26,916
♪ From side to side, New York, bye-bye ♪
568
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,666
♪ To Tokyo, konnichi wa ♪
569
00:26:28,750 --> 00:26:31,666
♪ From East LA
Let me hear you say ♪
570
00:26:31,750 --> 00:26:32,916
♪ Konnichi wa ♪
571
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,500
♪ Good, good
I ain't afraid to stay ♪
572
00:26:38,708 --> 00:26:39,758
♪ Yeah ♪
573
00:26:40,750 --> 00:26:46,125
♪ I can't hit all
'Cause, baby, I'm a king ♪
574
00:26:46,208 --> 00:26:47,666
♪ See my crown ♪
575
00:26:47,750 --> 00:26:49,000
♪ Good! ♪
576
00:26:49,050 --> 00:26:53,600
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