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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,434 --> 00:00:03,527 Kids, in April of 2013... 2 00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:07,095 your mother and I were very close and yet very far apart. 3 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:09,664 I was living on West 82nd Street. 4 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,836 She was up on West 115th. 5 00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:14,402 She was getting a degree in economics. 6 00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:16,415 I was teaching architecture. 7 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:19,111 I was always at MacLaren's. She was always... 8 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,278 not spending all her time in a bar. 9 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:24,653 She was dating some finance guy named Louis. 10 00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:27,557 And I... I was alone. 11 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:34,265 Ted, get ready to be surrounded by half-naked, grease-covered bodies. 12 00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,564 And by "grease," I mean motor grease. 13 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:40,231 We're going to Robots Versus Wrestlers! 14 00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:42,706 Kids, you remember Robots Versus Wrestlers. 15 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,472 Forget everything you remember about Robots Versus Wrestlers. 16 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,981 "Legends." 17 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,109 Elderly wrestlers fighting old-timey robots... 18 00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,517 in a wheelchair-accessible wrestling ring. 19 00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,748 Why are we still sitting here? 20 00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:59,485 I got a big lecture tomorrow. Think I'm gonna take it easy tonight. 21 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,254 Ted, trust me. 22 00:01:01,327 --> 00:01:05,263 Twenty years from now, you'll be glad you saw Robots Versus Wrestlers: Legends. 23 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,822 I can't imagine a world where that's possible. 24 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,062 I'm serious. Twenty years from now... 25 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,502 when my 26-year-old third wife asks me about this... 26 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:13,937 You make a lot of those jokes. 27 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,975 I'm gonna say, "Yeah, it was awesome. 28 00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:18,567 But you know the funny thing? Ted almost didn't go. 29 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:21,773 But thank God he did, because it was a great night." 30 00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,248 And then she and I will adjourn to the Jacuzzi... 31 00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:26,148 where my fourth wife will be waiting for us... 32 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:27,780 already warming herself up on the jets. 33 00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,583 Oh, Robin's here. I'll tell you the rest later. 34 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,419 Please do. That story could go anywhere. 35 00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:32,458 Mwah. 36 00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:33,822 Hey. Hello. 37 00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:35,986 Here we are at the bar once more. 38 00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:39,088 What will I have to drink you ask. Hmm. 39 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,759 Minnesota Tidal Wave. "What's that?" you ask. 40 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:45,293 Only the best cocktail ever. "Who invented it?" you ask. 41 00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:48,204 - Me. - And it's not a girlie drink. 42 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:51,368 Lily, why would you even say that? Girlie drink. 43 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:55,278 Hey, I am the least girlie girl on earth, and I love the Minnesota Tidal Wave. 44 00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,646 Thank you, Robin. Matter of fact... 45 00:01:57,717 --> 00:02:01,653 I'm going to go order one right now with my head held high. 46 00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,211 - Lily? - You want me to order it for you? 47 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,984 Yes, please. Thank you, babe. 48 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:11,023 - Ted, let me tell you the secret to life. - Hmm. 49 00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:13,657 Every time I make a decision about what to do on a given night... 50 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:18,535 I ask myself, "What would make the best memory 20 years from now?" 51 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:23,167 So I let 20-Years-From-Now Barney call the shots. And it always works out. 52 00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:27,680 And 20-Years-From-Now Barney thinks we should go to Robots Versus Wrestlers? 53 00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:30,841 I don't know. Let's ask him. Close your eyes, Ted. 54 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,417 Okay. Now open them. 55 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,216 Barney, I swear to God, if I open my eyes... 56 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,450 and your bare ass is an inch away from my face again... 57 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,891 Just open your eyes. 58 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,864 Ted, I'd like you to meet 20-Years-From-Now Barney. 59 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,423 20-Years-From-Now Barney, you remember Ted. 60 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,435 What's up? 61 00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:05,676 Hey, Ted. What's this I hear/remember... 62 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,879 about you not wanting to see Robots Versus Wrestlers? 63 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:11,082 Yeah, it's just that I don't want to see it. 64 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:12,920 - You don't... - I know. 65 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:14,550 - He doesn't want... - I know. 66 00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:21,259 Ted, trust us, it's gonna be legen... Wait 20 years for it. 67 00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:22,232 ...dary. 68 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,702 Legendary! 69 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,864 - Okay, I'm gonna go home. - No, Ted, look. 70 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,204 If you don't believe that Robots Versus Wrestlers... 71 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:30,742 is gonna be a life-changing event... 72 00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:35,713 maybe you'll believe 20-Years-From-Now Ted. 73 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,114 - Whoa. - What's up? 74 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:41,210 Wow. Wow, so many things all at once. 75 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,313 But most importantly, I don't go bald? 76 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:47,120 - Nope. - And neither do I. 77 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:48,251 Eeh! 78 00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:50,762 Ted, listen to me. 79 00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:53,321 You. Listen to you. 80 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,162 Me. 81 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,226 You've got to go to Robots Versus Wrestlers: Legends. 82 00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:59,567 Trust me. You will regret it if you don't. 83 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:02,073 Do I go bald or something? Is that a toupee? 84 00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:05,008 - Ted, scalp check! - Can't Robin do this? 85 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,103 You've been doing it for years. You know the frame of reference. 86 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,080 Scalp check! 87 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:11,649 Hmm, that's odd. 88 00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:14,016 Little early in the week for scalp check. 89 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,385 Five tablespoons of sugar... 90 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:19,084 a whisper of vanilla vodka, and you're done. 91 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:20,750 Maraschino cherries. 92 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,455 Oh, and a handful of maraschino cherries on top. 93 00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:24,860 You're ordering a Robin Scherbatsky. 94 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,262 Why didn't you just say that? 95 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:29,460 One second there, barkeep. 96 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:32,368 Unless I'm mistaken, the drink this lady just ordered... 97 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,929 is called the Minnesota Tidal Wave. 98 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,942 Origin unknown. 99 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,944 Robin's been ordering them so much lately... 100 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,502 that we named it after her. 101 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,548 You named a drink after me? 102 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,175 Right there in the menu. Congrats. 103 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,354 I can't drink this. 104 00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:58,790 That's better. I'm still seething, but that's better. 105 00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:03,068 Okay, 20-Years-From-Now me, level with me. 106 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,865 You. Us. 107 00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:07,462 Is Robots Versus Wrestlers worth it? 108 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,974 It was the single greatest night of my life. 109 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,670 Even greater than your wedding? 110 00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:15,373 Well, I mean, when I get married, that'll be the greatest night of my life. 111 00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:17,128 But who knows when that's going to happen? 112 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,243 Oh, my God, you still haven't... 113 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,718 Man, I hope I meet her soon. 114 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,584 Oh, God! What is wrong with me? 115 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,681 I'm sorry! I'm just messing with you. 116 00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,726 Now come on, are we going or what? 117 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,490 - Fine. Let's go. - Yeah! 118 00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:33,225 Not so fast. 119 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:37,030 Barney, Ted, 20-Years-From-Now Barney, 20 Years-From-Now Ted. 120 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:40,539 - Who are you? - I'm 20 Hours-From-Now Ted. 121 00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:43,040 And you bastards aren't going anywhere. 122 00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:50,945 So, you're the Ted from 20 hours from now? 123 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:54,509 Shh. Just... Shh. 124 00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:57,283 - You okay? - No, I'm not okay. 125 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,825 This dummy's about to go to Robots Versus Wrestlers... 126 00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:01,450 and, yes, it'll be awesome. 127 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,325 - See? - At first. 128 00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:07,389 But then you're gonna drink way too much. Hence the headache. 129 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,868 Then you're gonna jump into the ring and sprain your wrist. Hence the splint. 130 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,065 And then afterwards, you're gonna smoke half a pack of cigarettes. Hence the... 131 00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:17,367 Well, that's the sound of a good time. 132 00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,775 And 20 hours from now, when you're me... 133 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,644 you're gonna want to come back here, right to this very spot... 134 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,081 right now and smack yourself upside the head. 135 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:29,451 Yeah, but obviously I wouldn't do that 'cause I'd only be smacking myself... Ow! 136 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:32,650 Don't do this to me, Ted. Don't do this to us. 137 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,522 Don't listen to yourself, Present-Day Ted. 138 00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:37,757 It's a day of pain for a lifetime of memories. 139 00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:42,494 20-hours-from-now me, just tell me one thing. Do I hurl? 140 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:47,437 - Yeah, kid. You hurl. - A lot? 141 00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:51,500 Remember when Mom bought the beef from the Price Club? 142 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,636 Okay, how about this? 143 00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:55,840 We go to Robots Versus Wrestlers... 144 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,679 but I don't drink too much? 145 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,015 - Interesting. - I'm good with that. 146 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,612 No, forget it. If Ted doesn't get wasted... 147 00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:05,329 there's no way he'll end up making out... 148 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,986 with that surprisingly realistic-looking female robot. 149 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:11,120 - Wait. I kiss a female robot? - You do a lot more than that. 150 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:16,294 Now look. Nobody is saying you need alcohol to have an exciting and memorable night. 151 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,860 - Absolutely not. Absolutely not. - That's not what anybody is saying. 152 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,133 But in this case, yeah, you kind of have to be wasted. 153 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,606 - You drink beers in cans still. - It makes the robots scarier. 154 00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:30,644 They named my drink after her. The Minnesota Tidal Wave. 155 00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,946 - It's my usual. - Immaterial! 156 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:36,614 If it's gonna be named after anybody, it should be called the Marshall Eriksen. 157 00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,852 Sorry. It's the Robin Scherbatsky. Read it and weep. 158 00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,360 Oh, so you're gonna Zuckerberg me? That it? 159 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,487 You're Zuckerberging me? That's fine. 160 00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,361 I'll see you in court. 161 00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:49,128 Little court known as the dance floor. Dance-off. Now. 162 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:52,399 No. No dancing. Marshall, we've been through this. 163 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,906 The doctor said your dancer's hip is worse than ever. 164 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:56,635 You have to lay off dancing for a while. 165 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,506 You're killing me, Lily! 166 00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,546 You're killing me! 167 00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:03,241 I'm an adult. You have to let me dance my own battles. 168 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,342 Marshall, there's not gonna be a dance-off because the name is staying. 169 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,683 Period. End of story. 170 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:11,723 I just like having my name on something. 171 00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:14,726 Oh, you do? Oh, that's great, Robin. 172 00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,285 Then that's what you will get. 173 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:19,524 That's... 174 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,260 what you... 175 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,961 will get. 176 00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:27,671 Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 177 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,230 Oh, hey, Robin. 178 00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:31,401 You here for a good time? 179 00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:33,274 Classic. 180 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,904 Did you write my number in the men's room? 181 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,972 It... Well, I don't know. 182 00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,609 I guess you'll never know unless you go in there, which I highly doubt that... 183 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,175 There she goes. 184 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:45,816 Okay, boys. Close your eyes and zip your flies. 185 00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:53,555 Hi. Don't mind me. 186 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,430 Oh. 187 00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:58,129 I don't think you should have done that. 188 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:01,002 Lily, I know what I'm doing, all right? I'm a lawyer. 189 00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:04,474 I've thought about every possible scenario. I'm 10 steps ahead of... 190 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,538 Where's she going? 191 00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:11,742 Probably into the ladies' room to write something on the wall about you. 192 00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:14,479 Nobody writes things on the walls of the ladies' room. 193 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,112 Have you been in the ladies' room? 194 00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:17,746 Of course not. 195 00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:20,383 Lily, I know that I have the sexual charisma of a bad boy... 196 00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,393 but I certainly don't have the manners of one. 197 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:28,133 - What'd you write in there? - Why don't you go in and look? 198 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,636 You know I can't do that, Robin. Lily, can you go look? 199 00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:34,832 Oh. I thought you wanted to dance your own battles. 200 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:40,201 Ladies, put your blouses back on! I'm coming in! 201 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:50,114 Dear Marshall, I know this is a strange way to apologize... 202 00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:53,124 but I'm sorry I let Carl name your drink after me. 203 00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:55,160 Why didn't I say something? 204 00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:58,822 Gosh, I guess that goes back to my childhood. 205 00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:00,195 Okay, guys. 206 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,133 Let's go to Robots Versus Wrestlers. 207 00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,931 - Huzzah! - Now you're talking! 208 00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:08,872 - Nope, sit down. Everybody sit down. - Okay, who are you? 209 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,739 Hello, Ted, Barney, 20-Hours-From-Now Ted... 210 00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:13,745 20-Years-From-Now Ted, 20 Years-From-Now Barney. 211 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,508 - Hey. - How's it going? 212 00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:19,574 Allow me to introduce myself. I'm 20-Minutes-From-Now Barney. 213 00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:22,485 And I have got something very important to... 214 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,648 - What's the stain on your shirt, bro? - Please. 215 00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:27,989 Please, I really do have something very important to... 216 00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,891 You look stupid. 217 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:33,125 Here's your spaghetti, and be careful... 218 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,230 with the meatball. 219 00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:42,697 And that's the only time my father ever said he was proud of me. 220 00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:45,744 Maybe that's why I stole credit for your drink. 221 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:49,247 Maybe that's why I needed to pour my heart out like this. 222 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:53,547 Or, maybe I wrote this so you'd be in here long enough for a lady to walk in... 223 00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:55,553 causing you to freak out and hide in the stall. 224 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:05,122 Whoa. Try to get some in your mouth next time. 225 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:08,156 Okay, everybody listen up. 226 00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:10,759 When I walked in here, I was 20-Minutes-From-Now Barney. 227 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,862 But that was 19 minutes and some serious acid reflux... 228 00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:16,533 "who orders spaghetti in an Irish bar?" ago. 229 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:21,410 Now I'm 20-Seconds-From-Now Barney, and I'm telling you, watch that door. 230 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,415 - Why? - That's why. 231 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,616 Um, oh. In-In, like, 12 seconds. 232 00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:35,289 Your skin looks great. 233 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,692 Thanks. 234 00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:39,060 And thank you for taking such good care of it. 235 00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:41,895 Shh. That's why. 236 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,200 Who is that? 237 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,837 She's the coat check girl... 238 00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,794 from that dance club we went to seven years ago. 239 00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:59,784 You remember that night... when Barney grinded with his cousin. 240 00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:02,377 Oh, man, you remember that 20 years from now? 241 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,423 He won't let anyone forget. 242 00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,788 Coat check girl. 243 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:10,693 I always meant to go back to that club and get her number, but I didn't. 244 00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:15,427 And now she's here? She's in this bar seven years later? 245 00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,435 L-I can't believe this. 246 00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,630 So, wait. Do you guys think I should go talk to her? 247 00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:22,435 - Yes. - Are you kidding me? - Go! 248 00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:26,171 Hello? 249 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:28,805 Is anybody out there? 250 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,472 Okay. 251 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,677 Sounds like the coast is clear. 252 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:41,654 No! No, wait! Please, it's not my fault! I was tricked! 253 00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:44,457 Not cool, Marshall. This is a nice bar. 254 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,862 Girls come here, they just want to relax with their friends... 255 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,957 maybe have a few Robin Scherbatskys... 256 00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:53,471 and not have to worry about some guy pulling a Marshall Eriksen in the bathroom. 257 00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:56,702 No, no, no. I know. I just... 258 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,437 Wait a minute. 259 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:02,447 Did you just use my name as shorthand for a guy being creepy? 260 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,504 Yep. 261 00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:05,516 Well, you know what, Carl? 262 00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,849 I think that you are making a broad and prejudicial assumption. 263 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:11,890 So next time I meet a guy who just goes around rushing to judgment... 264 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:15,757 I'm gonna say, "Hey, that guy's being a real Carl"... 265 00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:20,121 You don't know my last name. 266 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:23,464 You've been drinking here for years and you don't know my last name. 267 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:28,838 I will name every drink in this bar after you if you can tell me my last name. 268 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:32,844 That just seems confusing. How will you know what people are ordering? 269 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,278 What's my last name, Marshall? 270 00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:37,110 It's Carl... 271 00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,149 ...'s Junior. 272 00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:46,254 Okay, wish me luck, everyone. 273 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,316 Break a leg. 274 00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,834 What the hell? 275 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,996 Do not talk to her. 276 00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:03,336 What-What... Who are you? 277 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:05,900 We are 20-Months-From-Now-Coat Check Girl. 278 00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:07,912 - But there's two of you. - Right. 279 00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:11,416 Because if you go over and talk to her, 20 months from now, it's gonna end in one of two ways. 280 00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,474 Either you are gonna get sick of me... 281 00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:17,283 I made you muffins because of your nickname... Muffin. 282 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:21,156 Or I am gonna get sick of you and your stupid habits. 283 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,457 Stop DVR-ing the news. You're never gonna catch up. 284 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:26,430 Oh, stop it. You're scaring him off. 285 00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:28,728 - By the way. I'm pregnant. - No, she's not. 286 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,770 Okay, no, I'm not. But that made you happy for a second, right? 287 00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:34,067 - Please shut up. - Okay. Wait. 288 00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:37,233 So you're saying it's doomed completely? 289 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:41,405 One of us is just guaranteed to get sick of the other and call it quits? 290 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,710 You've been dating for a long time, Ted. 291 00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:45,875 Has it ever gone any other way? 292 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:11,400 - Look at that one. - Thank you so much. 293 00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:16,414 Hey, you look kind of down. Have a Robin Scherbatsky, on me. 294 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,940 None of this would have happened if Lily had let me dance. 295 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,681 Baby, wait. I... 296 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,655 God, you're still clinging to that? 297 00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:28,523 Marshall, it doesn't matter, 'cause you'd lose anyway, and you know why? 298 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,619 'Cause I'm Sparkles, bitch. 299 00:15:30,696 --> 00:15:32,755 Oh, and you think you can step to me? 300 00:15:32,831 --> 00:15:35,732 You think you can step up to the streets? To me? 301 00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:39,259 You think you can step up over me to the streets? 302 00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:42,171 - I guess we'll never know because you are not allowed... - Wait, wait. 303 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,175 That's my jam. 304 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,371 Who's playing my jam? 305 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,005 ♪ Shake, shake, shake, shake Like you carry dairy ♪ 306 00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:51,481 ♪ Carry dairy there ♪ 307 00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:53,313 ♪ Heinie, heinie, heinie, ho Heinie, heinie, heinie, ho ♪ 308 00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:55,683 - ♪ Work your derriere, work your derriere ♪ - Dance-off. 309 00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,847 You're on. 310 00:15:57,923 --> 00:16:00,323 ♪ Work that booty Work that booty ♪ 311 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:03,054 ♪ Work that booty Work that booty ♪ 312 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,489 ♪ You got that pretty brown round ♪ 313 00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:06,361 ♪ Want both hands over your chocolate mounds ♪ 314 00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:07,831 ♪ You're my Almond Joy ♪ 315 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,835 Oh. I think I'm gonna head home. 316 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,165 I understand. 317 00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:13,898 What, you're not gonna try and stop me? 318 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,032 And how would I try and stop you? 319 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:19,373 I don't know. By telling me life is short... 320 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:23,006 and if you ever come across a beautiful, exciting, crazy moment in it... 321 00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:26,415 you got to seize it while you can before that moment's gone? 322 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:30,922 Ted, this moment already is gone. 323 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:35,324 The whole Minnesota Tidal Wave thing happened five years ago. It's just a memory. 324 00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:38,227 And the rest of this never happened. 325 00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:42,666 Right now, Marshall and Lily are upstairs trying to get Marvin to go back to sleep. 326 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,726 Robin and I are trying to decide on a caterer. 327 00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:46,896 And you've been sitting here all night... 328 00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:49,463 staring at a single ticket to Robots Versus Wrestlers... 329 00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:51,270 because the rest of us couldn't come out. 330 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:54,676 ♪♪ Look around, Ted. 331 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,772 You're all alone. 332 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:08,850 Kids, it's been almost 20 years since that cold April night in 2013... 333 00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:14,923 and I can safely tell you, if I could go back in time and relive that night... 334 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,868 there's no way in hell I'd go to Robots Versus Wrestlers. 335 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:24,570 No, I'd go home. 336 00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:29,137 I'd go to my old apartment, see all my old furniture, my old stuff. 337 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:34,277 I'd see my old drafting table where I sketched out my first building. 338 00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:39,313 I'd sit on that old couch and smell the Indian food cooking three stories below. 339 00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,723 I'd go to Lily and Marshall's place... 340 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:45,059 be back in that old living room where so many things happened. 341 00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:47,064 I'd see the baby. 342 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:51,068 I don't know if you can picture me holding your 6'7" Cousin Marvin over my head... 343 00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:52,967 but back then I could. 344 00:17:53,038 --> 00:17:55,336 I'd go have a drink with Barney and Robin... 345 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:56,968 watch them fight about their caterer... 346 00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,476 or whatever it was they were fighting about that night. 347 00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:03,641 But none of those things is the thing I'd do first. 348 00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,910 You know the thing I'd do first? 349 00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:34,278 Hi. 350 00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,141 I'm Ted Mosby. 351 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,451 And exactly 45 days from now... 352 00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:45,547 you and I are gonna meet... 353 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,854 and we're gonna fall in love. 354 00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:52,260 And we're gonna get married, and... 355 00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:55,129 we're gonna have two kids. 356 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,794 And we're gonna love them and each other so much. 357 00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:03,036 All that is 45 days away. 358 00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:08,938 But I'm here now... 359 00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:13,379 I guess, because... 360 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,785 I want those extra 45 days... with you. 361 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:20,017 I want each one of them. 362 00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:25,821 And if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up... 363 00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:27,456 and punches me in the face... 364 00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,724 because... 365 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,430 I love you. 366 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:37,566 I'm always gonna love you... 367 00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:40,237 till the end of my days... 368 00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:43,076 and beyond. 369 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,013 You'll see. 370 00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:48,275 Can I help you? 371 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:51,049 Oh, hey. It's, uh, Louis, right? 372 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,784 It's okay. It's fine. 373 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:56,851 Um, I'm in love with your girlfriend, and, uh, we're gonna get married. 374 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,692 - What? - Yeah. 375 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,524 Okay, guys, I've been waiting 20 years for this. 376 00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:29,186 Just like we practiced. No mistakes. Ready? 377 00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:32,162 One, two, a-one, two, three, four. 378 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,564 ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪ 379 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,101 ♪ For the longest ♪ 380 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,433 ♪ For the longest time ♪ 381 00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:42,405 - ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪ - ♪ For the longest ♪ 382 00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:43,736 ♪ For the longest time ♪ 383 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:48,542 ♪ If you said good-bye to me tonight ♪ 384 00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:49,774 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 385 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:54,444 ♪ There would still be music left to write ♪ 386 00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,146 ♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪ 387 00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:58,189 ♪ What else could I do? ♪ 388 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,987 ♪ I'm so inspired by you ♪ 389 00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:06,861 ♪ That hasn't happened for the longest time ♪ ♪ 31136

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